Transcript
Speaker: You're listening to Outnumber the Podcast, episode 134, Finding the Perfect Babysitter. We are moms of so many children and we totally get the babysitter struggle. Sometimes it is just torture to feel like you can't leave the house because you don't have appropriate childcare. Today we're breaking it down into all the tricks you need to know to find, train, and keep the perfect babysitter.
Speaker: Hello and welcome to Outnumbered the Podcast. I'm Audrey. And I'm Bonnie. We are experienced moms to a combined total of 19 children. In our weekly episodes, we explore relatable topics using our perspectives of humor and chaos. Tune in for advice and encouragement to gain more joy in your parenting journey.
Speaker: Hey there, everybody. We are back with an awesome episode on finding a babysitter. And if this is not a problem that you have run into, then I envy you because there's nothing more panic inducing than needing to be somewhere and not having childcare. Totally, totally get this one. Audrey, when's the last time you needed a babysitter? You've been around a long time. I do have kind of a horror story about not being able to find a babysitter. I don't know if that's appropriate here or not.
Speaker: So one time when I had just three kids, my friend, really, really good friend who taught me a lot about parenting before I was a parent, she was expecting her second and she wanted me to come and be a doula.
Speaker: and hang out with her kids, be a support person for her oldest child. Her kids were about seven, eight years apart while she had her second child. So I was like, yeah, definitely. I want to be there. I want to help your kid. And I'd spent time with him. And we're good buddies.
Speaker: We had been neighbors before both of us moved. So it was just a great fit. Well, so she goes into labor and she calls me. I'm like, okay, I'm on my way. And I had my husband set up and I had a sitter, a definite sitter set up for my three kids. And I had two backup sitters, or maybe it was even three. And every single one of those fell through. My husband was out of town on a trip.
Speaker: And my babysitter was sick, and my two or three backup ones, they were all at something. And I was like, I missed her birth because I literally could not get anybody. And I didn't want to bring my three little kids to her birth when I'm supposed to be supporting her son. Hey, here I am. Sorry I had to bring the kids. No big deal, right? You're just pushing out a baby. It's fine. So that's my horror story about not being able to find a sitter.
Speaker: Oh my goodness. That is awful. It is really, really, really hard when you need a sitter. So I have a funny little story too, also a little bit of a horror inducing story. We had left town and left our kids in the very capable hands of an amazing sitter that we had for years and years. I've talked about her a lot on the podcast. But I get a call from her one day and she goes, do you guys have car insurance? I'm like, oh.
Speaker: Please never start a conversation with, do you have car insurance? I said, yes, of course we do. What happened? Is everybody okay? Yeah. She was driving down the freeway with my oldest son and a big chunk of tire or concrete or something came flying at their windshield
Speaker: going 65, 70 miles an hour and completely shattered the windshield. And thankfully no one was hurt. It didn't actually penetrate the windshield. It just kind of lodged in it. But the whole, I mean, when I saw the windshield, it freaked me out because it could have been very, very bad. Thank goodness I had a very level -headed, wonderful sitter who was very capable. But scary things happen when we leave our kids in the hands of other people. And so we want to make sure that they're in the best hands possible, right?
Speaker: Yeah, we do want to share a caveat that Bonnie and I mostly use our own teens now for babysitting. And we have a whole segment about this a little bit farther down about sibling sitters. But it's been a while like Bonnie asked me, you asked me how long it had been since I needed a sitter. I'm going to say at least
Speaker: 12 years. So it's been a while since I've been on the market for a sitter. Yeah. Yeah. And you too can get to that point, depending on the timing of your kids, obviously in the spacing, but it's pretty, it's pretty miraculous. In the meantime, we're going to talk about all our best tips for finding and keeping amazing sitters. And before we start, I want to say that we're doing this episode because we both feel very strongly about the importance of away time, getting away from our children, especially if you were a homeschooler or someone
Speaker: who's a mother of just small children, and you do not often get time away from your children at all. That is very, very...
Speaker: It's a very heavy thing to deal with being with kids all the time. Kids are wonderful and we love our children, but their little voices and all their questions and the incessant noise can be very hard on your sanity and your mind. So it's very important to get away. In our family, we do weekly date nights almost every single week. And I personally take regular time away from my kids. I have working time every day.
Speaker: And then I also take little trips here and there over COVID. I hadn't realized just how important those little trips were. And after a year of not going anywhere, I'm like, get me out of here. This is really hard. I really need a break. So that's, that's our plug for the importance of getting away. It does not make you a bad mom. It makes you a better mom.
Speaker: Yes, agreed. Totally agreed. So first of all, we're going to talk about finding free sitters, how to find people to watch your kids for free. Because you know, Bonnie and I, we love budget friendly stuff with our big families. So family members, they love your kids. They want to be with your kids. They're like almost built in babysitters. And we're not talking about siblings. We're going to get to that later. But like aunts, uncles, cousins.
Speaker: grandparents, all those kind of people would love to spend more time with your kids. And you don't have to pay them to do it because they want to do it. Another one is church members sometimes are looking for, it's a good place like when you start out with the same set of values with somebody else, it's a great, great place to look and swap with a sitter like you can swap.
Speaker: with somebody else who has families or just maybe somebody who loves your kids because they know your kids have the same values as them and you. Then also one I had thought of that is an older friend with no kids or even someone who is caring for an older person.
Speaker: They experience many of the same things that we as moms experience, except it's with an older person, like older people caring for their spouses. It's a totally different set of burnout problems, but it's the same thing. So they would, like, it would be totally refreshing for them to be around somebody who can walk and run and leap and do a lot of, you know, feed themselves and do a lot of things for themselves.
Speaker: And maybe you could just even swap, like it would be refreshing for us as moms to go spend time with an adult that can carry on a conversation and they don't climb all over us and need to be touching us all the time and all the different set of problems that we deal with. So maybe just a swap with somebody. It's not getting your own time to do whatever, but it is.
Speaker: filling that important part of you that, that, you know, needs adult conversation and, um, and then they are getting some of their needs filled too. And you're both getting away time and you just come back more refreshed. And that's, that's one that like, maybe we don't think about because we're moms and we're in this young stage of life, but looking to some of these older caregivers and they're needing a break for their mental health too, just in completely almost different ways than we are, but the same, the same problem.
Speaker: Yeah, what a beautiful idea and, um, and, uh, a great way to, to share some service and also get something in return. That'd be an awesome spot. I love that idea. Um, yeah. Ask friends if they'd like to trade. So several years back, oh, okay. When I say several, like maybe 11 years ago, um, we created a babysitting co -op. I know I've mentioned this on the podcast before, but it bears repeating. We, I think there was four families and we all had, uh, between two and four children, I believe, um, under the age of 10.
Speaker: And how it worked was every family had one weekend a month to watch all the kids. So we'd ship 10 to 12 kids over to one person's house. It was mass chaos for two or three hours. There was TV and snacks everywhere and just a wild party. The kids loved it. And those other three couples went off and enjoy their evening. And then the next week, a different couple did it and three couples went off and enjoyed themselves.
Speaker: phenomenal. I loved it. We got free babysitting three weekend nights a month and our kids created great friendships with these other kids and sure it was a little bit chaotic that one evening and our houses were total wrecks but it was so worth it to me. So that is a really fun tip for getting out and sometimes those couples would all go out together because we really enjoyed each other's company too and sometimes we just go out on our own but that was really fun.
Speaker: Asking local teens if they would like free babysitting practice or training, right? You have one over, you teach them a little bit about your kids and say, hey, we're going to just run out for ice cream for 30 minutes. Would you like some practice? And maybe you bring them ice cream back or something, a little something, but see if you can come up with a deal with someone who's not fully qualified. And maybe they want to do some service in return or help you out for some training skills.
Speaker: Okay, that babysitting co -op is genius. It was so fun. I loved it. Yeah, because if your kids are so much easier to babysit when they're with other kids because they're distracted and entertained too.
Speaker: Yeah, I totally take that. My house totally trashed one night of the month for getting three nights of the month off. That would be pretty awesome. You know, the chances are if you are feeling burnt out and needing a break, there's other moms feeling like you do. They also need time away. So that's how come trades can be super effective. Yeah, I love that idea. That's so awesome. I almost wish I didn't have built -in babysitters.
Speaker: Just kidding. Right? So you could try it out? Yeah. Okay. So number two, we're going to talk a little bit about finding a mother's helper or a daytime sitter. So this can be a little bit trickier, especially during the school year, since most teens and young adults are in school or have jobs and adults who are free want more expensive nanny wages and you're looking for something a little bit more affordable. So here are a few tips for that.
Speaker: Okay, so consider contacting a local homeschooling family or group. Homeschoolers are home during the day and usually can manipulate their schedules in such a way that they would be available to help you once or twice a week or maybe whatever you're needing during the day. Maybe another stay -at -home mom, again, doing this swap during the day. So it wouldn't be like going out on a date with your husband, but maybe you go get groceries without 15 kids hanging off of you, begging for Froot Loops again.
Speaker: And then, you know, the next day they go to their grocery shopping without their kids begging for whatever their kids beg for, you know, so a similar swap, like you mentioned, your babysitting co -op, but just like during the day. Right. And it could even be a paid gig if you don't feel like watching their kids or you just need a little extra help. Maybe there's someone who's looking for a few extra dollars and they can come over maybe with just their one baby that they have or a couple of kids to play with yours.
Speaker: and give you a break. That's a great idea too. So right after the local public school ends is a perfect time for a mother's helper. So find out when your local school ends, if you don't already know, maybe 3, 3 .30.
Speaker: and ask around to see if there's maybe a 10, anywhere from like nine to 11 or 12 is I think the ideal age for a mother's helper. So this means what a mother's helper generally means is that you would be home and somewhat available to help, but he or she would be helping with other things that you don't have time for. Housework, laundry, those are easy, easy things that age could help with. But the best thing they're good at is entertaining little ones while you nap.
Speaker: get working or just lock yourself in your room and listen to some music so that you don't go crazy that day. But I love Mother's Helpers. I think it's a great way to train a kid to be a great babysitter if you don't have one that age yourself and helps you get a break as well.
Speaker: Yeah, I definitely can see how I would have used one of those while I was exercising, so I didn't have to stop my yoga video 12 times to go wipe butts or make them a sandwich or have them hanging off of me. Right. If you think push -ups are hard, put two toddlers on your back and then do your push -ups. If that's possible, get away from me. I'm trying to exercise. You do like two and you're done. Yeah.
Speaker: Moving on to evening and nighttime babysitters. So this is like what you guys are mostly looking for babysitters for. What you want to think about is somebody who your kids are comfortable enough with so that they'll go to bed if necessary and your kids staying up late because they're not comfortable with somebody and then you've got to deal with that the next day and it almost makes you wish you hadn't gone out because they're twice as hard the next day.
Speaker: So that's definitely one thing to take into consideration is how comfortable are your kids with somebody else and like comfortable enough that they could go to sleep? Yes. I'm so glad you mentioned that because there were going to handful of times that I've come home from a date.
Speaker: to awake kids at like 10 30 at night. And I'm like, that was not worth it. Cause now they're psychotic and they're crying the whole nest next day. And so yeah, excellent point. And very often your kids will not be comfortable the first time someone shows up to just, you know, go to sleep with them. Cause putting a kid to sleep is kind of a tender, really intimate time. And if they're not comfortable with someone often they won't relax enough to go to sleep. So you might want to try having that person over maybe on a Saturday when you're home doing yard work and they can be,
Speaker: helping out with the kids inside. So they kind of get familiar with this setter while you're still close by and then maybe they'll get comfortable enough to go to bed. So that's just a side note there. Date nights have always been super important to my spouse and I. So about nine or 10 years ago,
Speaker: We had a teen from church. I like that you mentioned that if you can, if you have a church congregation, you can pull from that's great. Cause you know, they usually share similar values. Um, but this teen, well, she was actually probably 12 at the time she came to babysit for us a couple of times. And there was a lot of training that went on. She didn't have any younger siblings and very, very little experience with babies. And so, um, we had her over a lot and we talked about our expectations and Hey, we'd love for the house to be a little bit clean.
Speaker: When we come home, we'd love for you to make sure the kids get to bed at this time. And little by little gave her more and more responsibilities. And then she became our regular sitter for every Friday night for years. And it was phenomenal because she was always there. And most of the time made herself available that night. We got her before she started dating, before she started driving. Um, and that was just some regular income for her for many years and we loved it.
Speaker: Yeah, that, that is so awesome. My husband and I didn't establish a date night routine until we had kids old enough to babysit. But I definitely wish that we would have, um, I mean, we would have loved it even before we had kids old enough to babysit because yeah, super important. In fact, we have a whole episode in our marriage series, uh, one episode all about date night. So go listen to that one too.
Speaker: Okay, so now let's talk about training your babysitters. Okay, so the key here is lots of communication. They don't know, they don't live with you. You don't expect anything to be a given, and your kids sure aren't gonna tell them what's required, that mopping under the floor, under the table after a meal, if that's a given, your kids aren't gonna tell them that if they think they can get away with not doing it. Yes, so definitely communication.
Speaker: In this scenario, more is better. So consider paying more based on their performance. So for example, you could say a flat rate of $8 an hour, but a few extra dollars if the house is clean and the kids are asleep when we get home and make it worth their while to have it the way that you want it like so you can continue to relax and enjoy.
Speaker: life after you get back from your outing, whatever that was. So definitely talk to them. Make it easy for them. Have available your emergency numbers, your contact people, how to turn off the water if something should break, where the fire extinguishers are, all that sort of stuff they need to know. Don't just assume they know it or that your kids will keep a level head if there's emergency, that kind of stuff.
Speaker: Right. Right. Totally. I'm glad you mentioned the thing about the line about don't expect anything to be a given. So when my husband and I did foster care years and years ago, I remember them asking us, make sure that, you know, do you know what your house rules are to communicate to these foster kids? And I remember thinking, we don't have a lot of house rules. Just, you know, like don't punch each other. And then they gave some ideas, you know, some suggestions for what might be house rules that you've never thought of. Like,
Speaker: Are people allowed to eat chips on the couch? I'm like, well, no, obviously we're not animals. They're like, that's a house rule. You need to communicate to a child. Are they allowed to stay up all night long? Are they allowed to, you know, things that you would never, ever consider because you've never had to train your children to do these things. It's just always been how you've done things. Sitters are similar. You're going to have to tell them that, look, our rule is they don't eat in here. They don't watch this stuff. They don't, you know,
Speaker: some basic rules because kids are gonna try to get away with anything when the sitter comes over. I'm sure you've all had experience with that, right?
Speaker: And then one last thought on the training. I'd say don't give up on a babysitter until you've had lots of time to get used to each other. So sometimes you'll come home and things will be not as expected and you'll immediately want to be like, she's never coming back. But maybe you just weren't clearing your expectations and training takes time, right? What if the first time you messed up at a job, they immediately fired you? That would not be really fair, right? Instead, don't be afraid to communicate. Just say, Hey, thanks so much. It sounds like the kids had a great time.
Speaker: Next time I'm going to ask that this happened. Can you make sure that the leftover dinner gets put in Tupperware in the fridge? That would be phenomenal. Thank you so much. And you might have to remind her a couple of times and that's okay. A wonderful babysitter sadly doesn't just fall out of the sky. They have to be created, right? But the most important thing is that you find someone who starts out with similar values to you and is trustworthy and willing to learn. And you should get along similarly.
Speaker: Yeah, this next part probably doesn't even need to be said, but once you get a sitter that's trained to your family, knows your rules, hang on to them. They are like gold to your family. Consider asking them to be a regular. Block out a specific time each week to be a regular sitter. Or maybe one can't do that, maybe there's two that you rotate between.
Speaker: Then they get a free week or a free Friday night, every other Friday night and you get a sitter or two that your kids are trained with. Then you don't even have to think twice about date night. It's guaranteed. You get it. You get that time with your spouse and all those other benefits that we talked about in our date night episode. But seriously, it's worth it to get them trained so that you can have your time too.
Speaker: Right. I don't know how many times my husband has come home on a Friday night and I've thought, I don't really have to go on a date, but we'd already had a sitter planned. And I go out and I go, oh my gosh, I didn't realize how much I needed that. I really needed that. So planning ahead of time is really, really helpful. So number four, let's talk quickly about overnight sitters. So this is especially scary. I get it. Leaving your kids with a stranger overnight.
Speaker: digs up some real fears and you think about all the movies you've ever seen where somebody was kidnapped or who knows what, but it doesn't have to be scary. We have actually lots of ideas regarding this in our episode about traveling without kids, number 124. So go take a look at that. We'll link it in the show notes, but we will share a couple here.
Speaker: Okay, so trust and communication is like the number one thing here. You've got to trust them, your kids have to trust them, and communication is where that all starts, getting, making sure they have everything they need. And you need to make sure that this person has a lot of opportunities for the kids in the sitter to get to know each other before this event happens. You know, I've not ever had a need for an overnight sitter until this latest,
Speaker: My husband and I took a trip for our 25th anniversary, and then we had siblings sitters built in. But I think of situations where maybe there would have been some sort of emergency situation where we had to go to help a family member or something and not bring a bunch of kids along too, and I wouldn't have been prepared. So I think in this scenario, it might be better to have somebody prepared and ready, but not need to use them. Just a thought there.
Speaker: Yeah, and I would also add that having a sitter come stay with your kids overnight is obviously usually not the first step in a babysitter relationship, right? This is usually someone that you've had kind of on the payroll for a while. They've come, they really know your kids well. You've had a lot of experience understanding their quirks and their strengths and weaknesses. I actually had one experience where I had a girl who I had used as a sitter a couple of times and the kids always enjoyed her. And she was a friend of mine.
Speaker: But we hadn't quite probably developed the relationship as much as we should before we went on a trip and left her with the kids. And it didn't end up being as positive of an experience as I would have liked. It was fine, but the kids had some complaints when we came home. And I realized that I just didn't know her skills as a babysitter quite as well as I would have liked before leaving for the evening. But it is absolutely possible to find someone
Speaker: within your comfort level and train them to be the kind of babysitter that you're expecting. So don't give up on that if you have a desire to leave town.
Speaker: Finally, number five, we are getting to sibling sitters, the realm that we're very comfortable with. This is our area of expertise, as Audrey said. As kids get to be around babysitting age, so for our family, it's around age 11 or 12, be sure to effectively communicate your expectations. It's not like they turn 12 and you're just like, sweet, I'm going to leave now, you're in charge. Obviously, if they're a part of your family, they know some of your expectations.
Speaker: the training and patience we talked about before still applies when it comes to your own children. In fact, maybe even more so because they are your own children. And just because they live in your own house doesn't mean they know how to babysit. So help them remember that the parenting roles for mom and dad and their job as babysitters are just to keep the peace and keep everyone safe while mom and dad are gone. Yeah, there's two parts of this. You need to train the older sibling who's going to be the one in charge and you need to train the younger ones
Speaker: to respect and obey the older one that is in charge. So for this, for us, it starts with small segments of time. So maybe their little first experience with responsibility watching their siblings is when you leave them in the car with their siblings while you run into the grocery store and pick up two things and come back out. And how did that go? And then can we talk about what worked and what didn't work and maybe make a little few adjustments and then try it on maybe a bigger,
Speaker: Things so next time you leave them home with one sibling while you run into town and run to the post office and then you come back and okay, how did that go and then make a few adjustments and
Speaker: because you've got the whole sibling dynamic going on. And we have a very good episode on sibling rivalry. Go listen to that. But you've got the sibling dynamic that you're going to be working with as well. So that's the part of training the older sibling to be responsible and be in charge. And like you said, not do the parenting, but be the responsible one. And then, so the younger ones need to be trained to respect and listen to their older sibling that's in charge too.
Speaker: For us, it sounds like, okay, your older sibling is in charge. You are required to do what they say until we get back. If there's something that you don't like or don't agree with, definitely we need to talk about that when we get back. But while they're here, they're in charge and they're the boss. So you have to do what they say and then we'll deal with it when we get back.
Speaker: And one thing I also say is if they're not happy when I get back, I'm not going to be happy when I get back. So you're going to do your best to help that they enjoy this time too, not just you enjoy this time. Right. One thing I have loved seeing with my older kids, babysitting my younger kids is that they become kind of a team, right? And they know my expectations. They know that I'm expecting littles to be in bed. I'm expecting everyone to be happy and fed when I get back. And so they kind of team up together and go, okay,
Speaker: I'll give you an extra 20 minutes to stay up if you help clean up with dinner. And they kind of work together to make sure that mom's happy when she gets back. I think that's great. And it's super healthy that siblings develop this bond of working together to make the house presentable for when mom gets back and teaming up to make sure that nothing goes wrong. I think it's so great.
Speaker: Yeah, I definitely make it a situation where they can, I set them up to succeed. So like the older sibling, I'll say, okay, now what you're gonna do is you're gonna say, okay, after mom's gone, we're gonna get you this really fun stuff and we're gonna have, we're gonna order pizza. We never order pizza when mom's here, so let's order pizza. That's gonna be really special. And then we're gonna have ice cream afterwards. And then when I get back, I reward them for good behavior. Definitely set them up so that they can,
Speaker: be looking forward to that reward when I get back. And then if there isn't good behavior, then consequences for that kind of behavior too, so that they are trained to make it enjoyable for everybody. When you're gone, you're not worried or thinking about them, their sibling is not stressed out that's in charge, and they're enjoying themselves too with these little special things going on.
Speaker: Right, exactly. I will also say that it's important to remember that just because your teen is at the house doesn't necessarily mean that they are babysitting. Just like you wouldn't love it if your neighbor just came and dumped their kid on you without telling you and expected them to stay safe and happy. You need to communicate with your teens. Hey, I'm going to have an appointment on Thursday from one to three. Can you be available to babysit? And that means they're not distracted with schoolwork or screen time or something else. They're there.
Speaker: available like a babysitter is available. That's really important so that everyone's watched carefully, right? I've had to start doing that in the summer as I do my work time. I've rotated through the big kids of this is your day to help and this is your day to help. And I think it's so healthy for them to pitch in and help out with watching your siblings. Our three oldest are 12, almost 14 and almost 16. And they generally babysit pretty well together, but I do like to keep one person
Speaker: as kind of the head honcho each time so that there's not, you know, like a power play going on.
Speaker: And then we rotate that responsibility so nobody feels dumped on like they're always required to watch kids. We personally, this may be controversial, but we personally in our family do not pay our children to watch their siblings because we feel like it's a part of how they give back to the family. That's part of how they contribute. Occasionally, like you said, I will allow for extra privileges or a fun treat or something for the teens who are extra helpful. This last week, I had a bad case of mastitis. I mentioned on Instagram, it's horrible.
Speaker: And so I had one full day of being in bed all day long. And thankfully my 14 year old had just gotten in trouble the night before. And so he spent that day just being number one helper. He did everything I asked and was keeping kids out of my room so I could rest because he didn't want to get in trouble for his little goof up the night before. And it was so, so, so appreciated. I just really, really loved that he saw and eat and pitched in, even if there was a little bit of an alternative motive, but it was wonderful.
Speaker: Yeah, we don't pay our kids for babysitting their siblings either, but we definitely reward them. So for example, this trip that we went on for Florida, this was an overnight trip, so this is a little bit different than them just watching for date night. Okay, so two things that we did.
Speaker: So we got some gifts for the older siblings that were in charge to pass out to the kids through the days that we were gone. So the kids really looked forward to getting their gift that that day. And then when we got back, like, for example, our 18 year old daughter, she did most of the care because her other siblings were working. So when we got back, I got her a gift certificate for massage. I was like, you know, this was really, really taxing on you. I know it was like she slept with my baby instead of sleeping
Speaker: or my toddler. She slept with the toddler instead of sleeping in her own bed. She slept with the toddler in my bed because that was more comforting for him. And it was like 24 seven, she was just there and on charge. So when we got back, I got her this gift certificate for a massage because I was like, I know there's really hard on you, but it meant so much to me to be able to go and have this 25th anniversary trip with your dad. And so definitely a thank you gift for those who are in charge, just kind of like
Speaker: You know, a massage is an adult thing. It's not something I would give to a kid. So just thanking her in that way. So yeah, definitely some cool ways to get your kids responsible in watching their siblings and being responsible for their behavior when they're being watched by their siblings.
Speaker: So the last section we want to touch on is what to pay babysitters. We did just touch on what to pay siblings or what not to pay, what we don't pay siblings, but what to pay babysitters. And guys, really, as I mentioned, I've been out of the loop on paying sitters for about 12 years, and I really just don't have any idea. Not helpful, sorry. Well, and it is so...
Speaker: subjective because every area of the country is so different and every sitter has different experience and different training that they bring to the table. So the first thing I will say is if you are wondering what to pay your sitter, do not get on Facebook and ask people because I've seen some really bitter discussions go down in Facebook groups about how dare you only pay
Speaker: $8 an hour. You must not care about your children. I mean, people get pretty nasty. And like I said, it's so subjective. It's so relative to where you live and how old the sitter is, et cetera, et cetera. But we're going to give you just a couple of guidelines. I personally dislike when parents try to shame others for how they pay their babysitter, how much you pay your sitter has no bearing on how much you love your children. Okay. Let's just put it that way. Just because I don't want to pay my sitter like
Speaker: CEO wages doesn't mean that I don't love them. If you work outside of the home, it obviously needs to be affordable, right? So don't let anyone guilt trip you into paying something ridiculous because you feel like it makes your children mean more to you. That's just silly. The first thing you'll want to find out is what is the minimum wage where you live?
Speaker: That can give you kind of a baseline to work around, right? So we know that a minimum wage is what a 16 -year -old can make at an entry -level job. So here in Arizona, it's just over $12 an hour. So I know that if I'm going to get a 12 -year -old that has no experience, I'm not going to pay her $12 an hour. I'm probably going to start at maybe $7 or $8 and see how things go from there. But again, this is something that you need to train your sitter on and to communicate with. Granted, nine times out of 10, you're going to ask your sitter what they charge and they're going to go,
Speaker: So it might be something you want to communicate with their parents with like hey, I was considering paying eight bucks an hour. Is that too little? What about ten whatever? It also vastly depends on how many children you have how crazy they are, right? You probably know whether your children are a
Speaker: $8 babysitting job or a $15 an hour babysitting job. You know, right? Make sure it's fair and gauge your sitter's interest. If your sitter is always available, it's probably a great price. If she kind of keeps putting you off, try to communicate, say, Hey, would you like to be paid more? Like what's going on? Do not like babysitting for me? That's totally cool. I'll stop asking, but you know, give them the opportunity to request a little bit more if that's what they want. I personally try to be considerate of one, the sitter's age, right?
Speaker: their free time, like if they're a really busy high schooler with a job and everything else, obviously I'm going to pay a little bit more. Do they drive? Are they 16? So are they capable of going out and getting a job for $12 or $15 an hour? How much have I trained them? How much will I have to train them?
Speaker: How available are they, like I mentioned? And then their performance. Are they engaging and playing with the kids? Or are they just sitting on the couch on their phone? Do my kids enjoy when they come? I'm also a big fan of having cameras in my house, although I never check in on sitters without them knowing. I just feel like that's common courtesy. I say, hey, by the way, there are cameras occasionally. I'll check in to see how things are going. If the kids look crazy, maybe I'll call.
Speaker: and try to calm them down. So make it sound like it's not because you don't trust them. It's just to kind of help gauge whether the kids are behaving or not. And then people tend to be on their best behavior when they know that they can get checked on. Okay. Those are great tips. I think if I had to find somebody to be a student and pay, I would probably start by asking my friends and neighbors who had kids of babysitting age, what they paid their babysitters and just kind of gauge that as a starting point.
Speaker: Yes, that is a great tip. And I know this is a lot of talking this episode, but hopefully we gave you some good ideas for how to get out there and find a great sitter and how to keep a great sitter. They are sometimes hard to come by, but if you put in the time and effort, you can have someone wonderful that you really trust and love to watch your kids. And it can create a wonderful, long lasting lifetime relationship with this person. Our sitter that I mentioned before that we had for years and years and years, she got married at the beginning of 2020. And I was able to,
Speaker: It was one of the first weddings that happened with COVID and she was only allowed to have 10 people at her wedding. And I got to go and be a photographer for her. And it was just such a wonderful kind of full circle moment where we got to see her grow up and become this beautiful young woman who got married. And she still helps us out occasionally, even though she's busy with working school now. But get out there, find an amazing babysitter and then have some time alone because you deserve it.
Speaker: Thanks for listening friends. Click the link in the show notes to subscribe to our email and never miss another episode. Show us some love by leaving a review on iTunes or sharing the podcast with a friend. Thanks for all your support. We'll talk to you next week.
