Transcript
Speaker: That's too much. Sorry. All right. I'm going to try to summarize the entire episode that we just did in five words or less. Okay. But also good morning, good afternoon, good evening to everybody out there who listens to the show, whatever planet you're on or whatever universe you're in or whatever part of the country or the world that you're in.
Speaker: Welcome to Role Players. Welcome back to Illuminal Code episode three. We have our friends, ah David and Cass and Adrian here with us playing a scythe man and a blue man and a goth woman.
Speaker: And it's just a really, it's ah it's a great time. Okay, so five word recap of last episode. Um, crash. Uh, uh, uh, uh, side quest. That's a hyphenated word. That's one word. Um, suck. Uh, suck. Um, AI. No, that's words on the fuck AI.
Speaker: And ah ga yeah, yeah. Farfag Nugent. Yeah, that's it. So you guys all get it now. You understand everything that's happened.
Speaker: Let's just move on to what happens that's next. So, Rock, you heard some little skitterings up into the woods as you transformed back into your ah humanoid form.
Speaker: And. The news media is still around talking to Gravy, being like, oh my God, you're so pretty. And ah the last thing Gravy said was like, yeah, take that, Brian. And they were like, who's Brian?
Speaker: um And then ah Bill was chilling after saying that you know after saving the truck. So ah I think you came over at the end and said, oh, hey, I heard some skittering up in the woods.
Speaker: Yeah. and And I go up to like Bill and Gravy I'm like, hey, I think that's like something in the woods. We should check it out. Huh? I need a minute. I'm very... I get a little worn out after doing that magic stuff. you know Do you want me to like carry you or think we should like hurry? No, you don't have to carry me. Let's go. ah Where's Gravy?
Speaker: and She's standing there with the reporters. Tell us and we should who's Brian. Who's Brian? Miss miss miss ah Reaper, was it? Who's this Brian you speak of? Oh, don't worry about it. It's just an ex-boyfriend of mine.
Speaker: Oh, oh, yeah are we trying to make him jealous? Tell us more. Of course we're trying to make him jealous. Okay. Is he a Reaper as well? Does he cast magic like you?
Speaker: Well, I can't really divulge that because like, he's kind of like something that you probably won't understand. So we'll just leave it at he's an ex boyfriend and he might be magical.
Speaker: Neat. Hey, Grady. There you go. What? We think we heard something in the woods. It might be Brian. Who knows? It could be the thing we're looking for.
Speaker: it could be bri I don't think it was Brian, but we'll look in the book. You should make sure it's not Brian. Yeah, we should be Only two more autographs, okay? And then I have to go. Sorry. No, we're time. Come on.
Speaker: you see You see a guy who stands about five seven with beautiful spiked ah brown hair and he's wearing some cool jeans and a slick graphic tee. And he says, hey, Gravy, I'm Adam. I have a podcast with my buddy Danny. It's called That's RQ. I think you would be great on the show. Can I get your info so I can set up maybe like you do in a guest spot? We'd love to learn more about you and answer some cues.
Speaker: I use my magic to entomb him in a block of ice for his turn. And he goes, ah, dang, not again. um And ah he's OK. You've been the vlog device Gravy like puts ah ah her ah like he she magics her business card into his pocket, even though he's been a block of ice.
Speaker: He goes, well, think. thank Okay, so you guys, are you're going up towards the woods where you heard the noise and all that stuff? Yeah. that ecaping Okay, who's going first? who What would you say the the the order is, Bill? I think I'll run ahead.
Speaker: Rock first. Rock first, Bill second, Gravy trailing. Yeah, there's not really a. Oh, yeah. I would say i've tried to keep up with rock, at least I'm sprinting in there. I trust rock.
Speaker: So you're sprinting up into the woods past where you froze the the the gas canister in place from the truck. um Everybody, everybody cheers as you guys run away because you look so heroic.
Speaker: um And ah so you trail up into the woods and rock, you kind of see ah kind of like a a little trail. You can tell that based on just like, you know, some of the the foliage and stuff around, just something kind of cramped, trampled some of the brush here. But.
Speaker: There's not much of a trail beyond where you initially saw them climb, whatever it was, climbing through the woods. So how how do you investigate from here? What do you guys do i want to I want to roll Investigate a Mystery. Whoa, that sounds like a logical thing to do. As a player, I but want to roll.
Speaker: Yeah, all right. So investigate a mystery as ah as ah as as your guy. i want to look around at all the all the broken branches and see if I can follow their trail.
Speaker: Fair. Other ah pieces of evidence to find out where they went. That sounds like plus sharp to me. But I get it, baby. Let's go.
Speaker: Did you level up yet? Yeah, i love a little blast. I'm not. All right. So, yeah, you're looking around and like. Rock seems to kind of have his eyes on a bit more. So it's tough for you to kind of see anything like that. But maybe just because you're worn out, you know, you did say you were tired. You needed to rest.
Speaker: That makes sense that maybe your eyes ain't working so good. That's right. Or you're not really sure what to look at, but you're still perusing around Rock as ah Bill's perusing around trying to figure out if there's anything any extra trail. How do you proceed?
Speaker: I think I'll try to maybe get it on a, like, big rock or, like, on a small tree and see if I can see something from, like, more, like, of and a height advantage.
Speaker: oh you're going to do a little climby-climb to see if you can find something, I see. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. okay All right. um You know what? How about first we just make it a straight up just tough roll?
Speaker: um Just to kind of see how Gidgy are just climbing around using your strength to- That's a six. That's also a six. Take an experience as you try to climb up on big rocks and trees and you just slide down real awkwardly because you can't really get a good grip.
Speaker: um And ah I'll say that as you slide down, you hear just way off in the distance, and just just like snickering, like just kind of echoing like through the woods a little bit. You just hear like a little.
Speaker: Like lay in the crowd. I think they went this way. yeah but it's hard to tell what direction it came from because you were sliding down and you could hear the noise of your body scraping against the bark. I thought it was like going any direction.
Speaker: Yeah, your arms go you everywhere. Gravy, you your boys are not doing so hot right now. What do you want to do? She wants to cast the site. I can see ah the invisible or communicate with my spirits to give me any clues to investigate a mystery.
Speaker: Hmm. Interesting. OK, so you can see spirits and you can see the unseen. um You know what? How about you roll and investigate a mystery first? And depending on what you roll, I'll tell you, I'll kind of interpret that as what your sight sees to kind of help you with what you're looking to do.
Speaker: Let me find sharp as well. There it is. had to find the thingy. Yeah, it's all good. Makes success. right, that's an eight. um ah You can get one question to ask, I believe, from the from the list of the Investigative Mystery book.
Speaker: um So what would you like to know? What sort of creature is it? Okay, so... I'd say like as you kind of turn on the site a little bit more, because as you you you guys have climbed a a gradual slope up onto some sort of like kind of more vast forested area, um it's not like a thick forest, like there's like brushes and fields and stuff like between like certain outcroppings of trees.
Speaker: And. um You can see. I'd say like there's some taller grass off beyond like the edge of the trees. That's probably for you guys. Like you guys are all like a probably average height.
Speaker: The grass is probably up to your like maybe like a little bit above your knees ish. um And you can see all that grass is moving around like off in the distance.
Speaker: And it's like so you can tell whatever it is is not very big or it's on all fours. because it doesn't rise to meet above where the grass is moving, where you guys are. You'd be able to see it plain as day if it were.
Speaker: And I'd say that you can kind of start to follow a trail because I'd say that you can see faint auras of like spectral ah birds that in life, when disturbed, would have like flown away from wherever they were.
Speaker: These like spectral birds are doing the same thing out of habit from when they were alive. So you can kind of see intermittently these spectral birds flying up into the sky away from where they've been disturbed.
Speaker: I don't know if that helps or not, but that's that's what your sight does for you. She points in the direction of the birds and says, I think they went that way. I'm not entirely sure what it is, but it's definitely went that way.
Speaker: I'm still laying on the ground. What makes you think that?
Speaker: um Just trust me. i have ah the ability to see things. That's pretty cool. Why didn't you do that earlier? Well, I was distracted by how much people loved me.
Speaker: I mean, I guess I guess. not What were you saying, Bill? up again Can I help rock ah rock up? like Yes, of course. Yeah, you guys get a littleway in there your a little assistance.
Speaker: right, so she points off to the field a little bit ah that there's some something might be off to the, we'll call it the the eastern area of the the forest into the open field of grass.
Speaker: What do you do? Pathfinder is a good name. Someone should make a game called that. That's a really good name. So Gravy is your Pathfinder? Yes.
Speaker: Okay. Also, Bill, ah since you haven't taken an action yet since, is there anything you want to do now that like Gravy has pointed a direction for you? Can I roll to follow that direction and then and accurately and then also run?
Speaker: Oh, yeah, for for sure. How do I um run? ah How about we make that a. I could probably still also be a investigative mystery, but I also see logic if you'd like to read a bad situation or like act under pressure.
Speaker: You want to act under pressure just to run? i would say you're just you could just run. There's nothing impeding you right now. they There's no pressure for you to act under. need to run fast, quickly! Now you're under pressure, quickly! um act under pressure to see if you succumb to Rock's pressure. I'll choose to read a bad situation. Okay.
Speaker: It's also a plus sharp, so I don't. Yeah, that's a good way to break the rule. You're just like quickly. You have to go. You're under pressure. Yeah. all right All right. Come on. All right. That's a one.
Speaker: That's that's or that's eight. So you get one question from the list you can ask. a Yes, but I'm going to take ah i'mnna I'm going to going to hold that hold.
Speaker: okay you don't have to use it now. That's a good idea. and then a hold you're just gonna you And then you're just to run towards where Gravy directed y'all? Yeah, yeah, yeah. yeah right Gravy, you're they are asking you to lead. What do you do she She looks at her nails. She's like, why do I have to lead? I'm just like...
Speaker: Can't you just like follow my directions? No, you have to side. You need to lead. When I was when I was when I worked at blue Kroger, my manager told me you have to either have to lead, follow or get out of the way. All right.
Speaker: shit. But what if I want to follow? Then you don't you shouldn't see. and you shouldn't see. You should be blind. Right.
Speaker: I mean, they went that way. let's Just go that way. Alright, fine. Then you shouldn't see. ah That's a very, it's a very cold thing to say, but from another universe, I think that it's ah I feel like your universe is one of logic and you're like, well, then you shouldn't see that.
Speaker: that right They should unforge your eyes. You don't deserve them. You don't deserve them. Oh, God. She's just going to backseat drive them. Like, just be like, no, no, you have to go that way. Nope, nope, nope. You've got to go. No, that way. More that way. It's hot dog.
Speaker: Yeah. Is hot or cold? what What are we doing here? ah All right. So, Bill, are you heading first or Rock? I can go first.
Speaker: Rock is going first. Okay. Rock, what would you like to do as you proceed forward as Gravy is trying to direct you? What directions you should walk? um I would cautiously proceed forward because i'm not I do not know what we are really going after.
Speaker: Okay. ah Is there anything you would be doing in preparation? are you walking like prepared to fight or is it more so just to protect someone else?
Speaker: Like what? Are you trying to investigate in some way? Like just focusing on my senses of perception of like hearing and seeing. Sure. Okay. How about you try one more time for an investigate a mystery?
Speaker: Mm hmm. you have to get some more clues. You guys haven't gotten too many. Oh, you got a few. Wow. I level up. You leveled up. Good job. Congratulations. Barfick Nugent.
Speaker: um So you guys, so you level up. ah You got nothing. I'd say... um Now that the the laughter for you, Rock, is like, I feel like you you've heard it a few times.
Speaker: It just is like you're in almost like an open field at this point. You know, there's not a whole lot of coverage and you still see nothing as you walk through this grass. That's probably about, you know, like I'm trying to think in ah German terms and and the metric system. I'd probably be like, I don't know, like a half a meter or so. the laughter is pretty close now.
Speaker: the the laugh The laughter sounds like it's close, but also far away. It's kind of echoing off of the horizon because like you're you're so tuned to it that, I don't know, I feel like in your confusion and like trying to figure out where it is and like you can't see them, it's hard for you to dictate or to determine, rather, where where it's coming from. So you just hear laughter everywhere.
Speaker: Just these little snickering laughs. I can't see them.
Speaker: Use your special eyes. Fine. I can't see them. She starts running ahead of everybody and follows the trail. right. You follow the trail. Um, all shared card the Oregon trail. That's exactly right.
Speaker: Um, ah Gravy, you trip. You fall over something ah and you hit the ground with a pretty big thud. Nothing that'll give you any sort of harm or anything. Just maybe some minor scuffs.
Speaker: But.
Speaker: No, no, no, no.
Speaker: ah Bill gets dysentery in response to that. Oh, shit. ah ah Yeah, you you die from dysentery. Blue dysentery. Yeah, dysentery. Terry shows up he goes, you
Speaker: Yeah, so you you find that there is like what looks kind of like Uh, what would it be? um Kind of like.
Speaker: hey Like, I'd say like a foot and a half piece of like rebar.
Speaker: Like really solid, sturdy rebar that was just kind of like in this grassy field that like what I'd say, whether you trip over and maybe you stepped on it the wrong way and it rolled and you just kind of tumbled.
Speaker: But there's just a piece of rebar, or a random piece of rebar in the wood in the in the field right now. Is it like sticking out of the ground or is it just laying there? It's just laying on the ground. Oh, she picks it up, like spins it in her hand and takes off running after trail. Oh, she's going to keep running. All right. Gotcha. Yep.
Speaker: All right, Bill, what do you do? You all right, Grevy? Yeah, I'm good. Just a just a flesh wound. Just a flesh wound. How bad is it? Like if I look at it, she'll just a scrape. It'll it'll be healed in like a few seconds anyway. It's fine.
Speaker: Yeah, you can see one of her tattoos just starts brushing her off. You know, she's like, what? All right. Yeah. All right. Yeah. No. intent So what do you do?
Speaker: um Is there anything that I noticed with the rebar like that would make me want to roll a roll some dice to analyze that or ah maybe you also still have a hold for read a bad situation um if you wish to use it. But on the rebar itself, it's just it looks like It looks like it was split, like which is unusual because you don't see a lot of rebar that just breaks.
Speaker: um But the rebar looks like it's been kind of split in half or pretty precisely split in half. um Like it was like sawed in half.
Speaker: Sure. I'd say upon a closer examination, you can see that it was probably less of like a like a samurai sword slice and just like somebody very meticulously like worked to cut it.
Speaker: yeah Very slowly, methodically. With saw. With a saw or some sort of like, yeah, serrated blade of sorts. Yeah, OK. Yeah. yeah Well, that's weird. so Yeah. So with that information, what do you do?
Speaker: Well. I guess we keep going in the same direction because it's just somebody sawed a piece of rebar. Yeah. I don't really think anything of it other than wow, gravy could have really wiped out and gotten hurt there.
Speaker: Oh, yeah. I got hit. Fun story. Not part of the game. One time I got clobbered in the back of the head with a piece of rebar when I was working with someone on a roof to clear out like these giant like ventilation traps on this giant like medical building.
Speaker: It took forever. It's an all day affair. They're fucking huge. And one guy was like carrying this. re I forget what the rebar was for. It was a separate job. And somebody wasn't paying attention when they were holding these long pieces of rebar over their shoulder. And they turned around when someone called them. And when they turned around, they clipped me in the back of the fucking head. Instant blood.
Speaker: Instant blood. Yeah. They're not fun. They're sharp. Rebar is so heavy. It's sharp. It's heavy. And it's durable as fuck. And God, that hurt. I got it.
Speaker: Yeah, I was like 19 or 20 years old and it just, wolf out and I heard it was suck it off. We didn't hit you that hard. and'm like, I'm literally bleeding all over this. Right. What are you talking about? Oh my I couldn't take my hand off my head the rest of the work day. i just had to work with one hand until we were done.
Speaker: That's crazy. the nots Not shocking to me at all, though, because of how they treat us. It was rough, brother. But anyway, guys, don't fuck with rebar. It's heavy and it hurts. Be careful.
Speaker: um So ah anyway, so you proceed forward and then all of a sudden you guys hear kind of like the sound of a motor starting up.
Speaker: It's not it's it's it's loud, but not loud in like a It sounds like it's huge, you know, like when like a like ah somebody who's driving an F two 50 is like revenue is like, you know, it's not like a deep rumble.
Speaker: But you kind of it's you hear like a re re kind of a little bit off in the distance from where you guys are. And you see several billows of like kind of like white and gray smoke kind of billowing up from.
Speaker: um Like several spots in the the tall grass.
Speaker: How far is it away? ah For the American audience, I'd say about maybe 30 feet. For the ah German audience, I'd say like man yeah yeah meters. 10 meters? That's very far away. That's that's like really close.
Speaker: Yeah, I'd say that's like what? Like about 10 meters away if I divide it by three? Yeah. um So yeah, so about 10 meters away for our European audiences, 30 feet for the ah imperialists.
Speaker: um Check out what that smoke is over there. Yeah. What the hell is that? Wee! Wee! Or maybe it comes to us and we should like brace ourselves. Ross, you hear the laughter get real loud.
Speaker: I'm spending a hold. Okay. This is indeed a bad situation. Spending that hold right now. Okay. What do you what do you want to ask?
Speaker: i ah are Are there any dangers we haven't noticed? Actually, yes. So this is one that you're kind of noticing is probably a danger for you.
Speaker: But I'd say, Bill, I don't know, maybe you're just feeling movements in the moisture in the air or something, whatever it is, your magical abilities would alert you.
Speaker: But you can sense that all of a sudden there are whatever these noises, like kind of machine like things are making off in the distance, 10 meters away.
Speaker: But you sense that there are at least half a dozen other entities that are closing in on you. um And they are they are below the grass and you can't quite see them. You can see them kind of starting to form these little like waves in the grass, making their way towards you and your party.
Speaker: um like around the perimeter. like I'd say if you're looking out into the field at the billows of smoke to your right, left, and behind you, you're noticing that there's little serpentine-like movements in the grass.
Speaker: Oh, shit. Guys. We're surrounded. What do you mean? we get some high ground or something? They're in the grass. They're too small. There's high ground. You're in a big open field. we had If only we had some kind of, but i don't know, some kind of tool to help you know, cut large swaths of plants away. That's a good idea. If only we had something like that to cut away all this grass. It's too tall. it's No one cuts it.
Speaker: don't know what to Touched Bill on his shoulder. Like, I didn't think it would come this early, but I need you to use me. bee?
Speaker: like b ah Yes. i what do you i What do I look like? some some kind of sad looking death magic reaper type thing we don't have any of those around i don't say anything i just transform into a siphon
Speaker: rock i you you jump into bill's hands i didn't jump in his hands i just like fall he just like really falls in it to the crown in front of him I catch him. you're an a eleven fall And you're a full on scythe, right? Like the big, long kind of like that. Kind of kind of an wine me site like the one on the like, just say, like a farm scythe where there's a handle on the side and you hold it by the shaft. He has a handle. He can be used as legit scythe. Come on.
Speaker: This is rock we're talking about. Yeah, I'm just curious, like, is it just like you don't have the handle or you like you said, the anime style. So sometimes they don't have the little side handle. So that's like ah a staff, like like a shaft. And then like on the top, it's like a big blade.
Speaker: OK, so you don't have the side handle like the traditional farming tool. does Right. OK, gotcha. I was going to say, have you seen guys clear the fields with those things? It's fucking nuts how good they are at it. It's crazy. Rock, I need it.
Speaker: Why don't you have a handle on top? This is You can in your phone can't holdlk and make a handle if you want I need you to get it. i need you to... Yes.
Speaker: I need you to I need you to get erect is what I'm saying. I'm getting you literally going to say that. Don't worry, I got you. ah All right. So you see us as a little i sizable, like an OK sized handle. Yeah, gross.
Speaker: What are you talking? Are you implying something here? I don't like. It's a good sized little. Don't a bit about rock. He's he's average. OK, it's it's a rock solid nub for you to hold on to to help you swing the blade. This is a very, it' you know, it's a it's a good size. It's a good. It's a great. It's a great size. I'm sorry. It's like it's like a handlebar on a motorcycle.
Speaker: Exactly. You can even rev it and it it'll do it'll make noises. I'm not going to twist it or or could should do any. I'm not going bop it. I'm not going to spin it. and not gonna pull it. All right. All right. yeah Hey, listen, you play whatever version you want to play, brother. I'm I'm going to start I'm going start swinging the scythe and trying to cut the grass.
Speaker: OK, then how about you roll kick some grass? kick you But I have a minus toughness. Oh, no. We're just kicking grass right now. It's OK. How do I roll kick some grass then? If I i have kick some ass. We roll kick some ass and you just put a garor in front of it
Speaker: I can't this will be so man. This will be your best role. this This will be your best role. here go Yeah, I was hoping for a fail. That's an eight. ah Yeah, you start kind of just like masterfully scooping it away for, you know, like it's not like, ah you know, maybe masterfully is not the right word because masters can like swoop it and barely swing it.
Speaker: But the way you swing it, you're taking large swaths of this high grass um out. And I'll say you reveal um just for a brief second, you see ah like a a red cone shaped looking, you know,
Speaker: hat that's probably about like seven inches tall and you see it scurry back into the high grass that you didn't cut just like a brief moment you see it I saw it yeah and then you can hear a bunch of laughter now that you've kind of caught wind of them you can just hear like gravy do you hear this yes duped look alright can you help out can you do the scything pfft What can your tiny it? I'm wearing my myself out, man. I'm tired. But you have tiny arms. that's you We need to we need to like make you stronger, apparently.
Speaker: oh shit.
Speaker: I'm so offended. Can't use your magic to wield him? You think what? You're saying I got tiny arms because I'm blue? yeah Look how tiny your arms are. Because I'm blue. Well, that's not my fault. What?
Speaker: you Oh, my you need to do more pushups. Just then, ah Bill, you feel a very tiny, like just like slash across, like right behind your knee for one harm.
Speaker: I make a noise like Tom. wait Which one's Tom? Which one's Jerry? uh oh tom is the cat so that really loud yeah yes i go yeah and so or some other sound effect i'll link in the chat later i love it i know i know exactly the scream you're talking about yeah i fucking jam i don't want to do that one i want to do that one where he's like yeah like that like Or like he gets the tip of his tail cut off or something. Yeah. Or just pick a ah pick a pick a pick a Tom noise where he's in horrible, horrible pain. Yeah. Poor cat.
Speaker: um So, yeah, you get a slash across the back of the leg. um And then you can see as like your knee buckles a little bit, you can see just another serpentine kind of movement in the tall grass away from where you've cleared a large portion of it.
Speaker: um Rock, what do you do? ah Bill just let out a really loud Wilhelm scream. because Yeah, Bill, come on, s swing me, do it.
Speaker: Can I re-roll kick some grass then? All right, you can kick some grass. Now, Adrian, please remind me what it is when they swing kick some ass with you. Like, there is a buff from you, right? Right. I read that through again because I didn't remember it.
Speaker: It says, you may freely transform between human and weapon shapes. You can't kick some ass when in weapon form, but when wielded as a weapon, your bearer adds harm equal to your wield.
Speaker: Okay, so they get they don't get a buff to the swing, but they get a buff to the damage. Yes. okay Gotcha. Okay. So, yeah. So, your weird modifier? or like Oh, yeah, wait. Sorry.
Speaker: So, what's your weird at right now? My weird is at two right now, and you get plus one harm because that's just on my weapon. So, if you hit this thing with me right now, then ah you do three harm and you heal for three life.
Speaker: Yeah, I want to roll some kick. I want to i want to kick some grass again. So you're going to swing towards where the the one that just cut you was. Yeah, for For sure. for sure OK, go for it. Roll kick some ass.
Speaker: Yeah, you do. Makes me sense. So that's still an eight. So you swing into the grass where you saw that guy go because you got cut. So, you know, and you've seen what they're doing.
Speaker: So this little thing like scurries through the woods, through the grass, you swing in. Not only do you clear a huge chunk of the grass, but you cleave probably like four inches off the top of like another one of these like kind of like red looking hats that you saw kind of scurrying through the grass.
Speaker: um You see it and you hear it break kind of like it's made of porcelain. You just hear it just shatter as it hits the ground into like little kind of shards. um And the thing that you hit also makes a Tom and Jerry scream as it scurries further into the grass and you are healed. You feel the energy of this like blades slicing through part of whatever this is you're fighting absorb what hurt it did back into you.
Speaker: This is pretty neat. pulsating with new energy. Yeah. This is neat. I feel like I just absorbed their life force. Yeah, it's pretty pretty cool, man. That feels pretty cool. I like that.
Speaker: Do more of that. Do more of that. like it. My extra handle is getting longer.
Speaker: Gravy, what do you do as ah as rocks being swung around ah by Bill and you see part of whatever this thing was um gets cleaved? I will also say that as you start to swing and the moment like once you hear like kind of some of this whatever this thing was, break near your feet.
Speaker: You hear these engines like just get louder and you see the grass just starts to like kick up. Birds start to fly everywhere. The grass is getting mowed down and you can see ahead of you.
Speaker: There looks like these kind of like miniature looking go-kart looking things made of just assorted metals and pieces of, of, vehicles just looks like somebody just duct tape and Frankenstein a bunch of just random fucking materials together to make these kind of just jerry rigged looking go karts essentially that is like kind of just mowing down the grass and there's three of you or there's three of them careening towards you what do you do she's gonna place her hand down on the ground and cast the big whammy oh shit
Speaker: Tell about the big Wendy. So ah you can use your powers to kick some ass. Roll plus weird instead of plus tough. um Attack has two harm. Close, obvious. Ignore armor.
Speaker: um But if I miss, I get magical black backlash. ah Okay. Wow. So to show essentially you have to get pretty close to them. to It's not intimate, but you have to be within like a few feet to do it.
Speaker: Yeah, so she wants to wait until they get just close enough, and she's going to cast the big whammy, which is going to look like a black fire and try to essentially singe them to ash.
Speaker: Now, is it is it real fire? Like, will it could can it ignite something, or is it yes like flavored to look like fire, but it's not fire? No, it's fire, but it just looks black.
Speaker: Okay, gotcha. OK, cool. ah Yeah. Roll kick some ass with weird. And let's see what happens. That sounds awesome. It does. That's a big fat 11. Holy shit.
Speaker: So, yeah. ah So you roll ah to erupt this big flame. um And these three cars are coming towards your party. And you just have this big eruption of black flame into the field. And instantly you hear, like, I'd say each of the...
Speaker: ah two on each of the vehicles, two of their tires just fucking explode. Um, and they just start just like whipping in circles, doing tail spins and shit. Some of them are, whatever's driving is laughing really loud about it. And other ones sound like they're really upset about what's going on.
Speaker: Uh, you can see a black flyer coming from, ah the front seat of one of them. And it just melts like some of the rebar. It's so hot. And you see like the face of these little kind of two and a half foot tall, like,
Speaker: little fucking like silly looking face. They almost look like they're garden gnome. Like, it's like, ah creatures of some sorts. Their faces are really distorted. Their faces are also very shiny. Their body is very shiny. they have very tiny hands.
Speaker: um And they have like these, this like little baby gears made of just like assorted like thin pieces of metal and such that they're using to control these, these ah jerry-rigged go-karts.
Speaker: And you've pretty much smoked most of the wheels on them and you've hurt all three of the creatures that are driving them right now. um And also, you started a forest fire, or at least a grass fire. All the fire around that hasn't been sliced by rock and bill has also caught on fire, and it's quickly spreading around the rest of you.
Speaker: So you guys are now ah like just in the midst of a field that is on fire, and... ah In the midst of that, too, Bill, as you're swinging around, more of the fire has spread.
Speaker: You see that there's four other of these little things running around in the woods around you. They have like little like tiny daggers in their hands and a wrench in the other hand. um And ah they are getting scorched by this black flame as well. So they also look like they're getting hurt.
Speaker: You guys have to do something because the black flames are spreading towards you as well. Bill, what do you do? ah You can throw me, then you can like extinguish it with your fire.
Speaker: What? You mean water? Water? You mean water, Rock? oh Yeah, with your eyes, I mean. Yeah. Yeah, water. Okay, yeah. um I guess I'll use my water magic. You do have that.
Speaker: You do have water magic. It says frost on the character sheet, but I guess, you know, that is water, really, right? Yeah, yeahs should it's just extra cold water, I think. All right. Um...
Speaker: Well, he he gently sets the scythe down or asks if he wants to ah transform back to a human. Something like that. wanted to be thrown, but that's also fine.
Speaker: All right, I'll chuck him. Throw him where? I don't know. wants to be thrown at the enemies. All right, so you just... yeah okay you Can we roll rock stats for that? Because I don't really think that... Can he do something? Can he roll something?
Speaker: I mean, you want it for sure. You know How about we we do your stats, but we have him help. so Okay. So because you're still swinging up and his whole thing is if you hit, you absorb damage with him.
Speaker: So how about rock? You can help direct the throw. So maybe maybe make it a ah plus cool role for a help out. I'll kick some grass, though.
Speaker: All right you roll kick some grass and then we'll see. Wow. That's a four from ah Rock, so he is not helping at all. I'm not used to this.
Speaker: That's what I'm talking about. hell yeah. So. So you throw you throw rock and he just does not go far um because it was a bad idea.
Speaker: Rock is trying to help you and you just throw him right into the flames um as opposed to like throwing him at the enemy. Rock, you you overcorrected and you just landed where like just hot black fire is spreading around.
Speaker: um I'm going to say you also take two harm from the black flame that ah gravy cast. um and because you've landed in it. ah And um i and Bill... Wouldn't it have some fire protection as like a thing out of metal?
Speaker: Not with this particular thing, because it's it's black fire and it ignores armor, apparently. Oh, me? Yeah, you just take gravy damage. um I guess I'll try to quickly get out of the fire then. So you turn back into yourself and and get out of there?
Speaker: Yeah. That's fair. And then while you're doing that... one of the One of the kind of sidewinding, whipping around vehicles that's trying to get its traction just swings its ass end around in the midst of all this chaos and just clocks um clocks gravy in the knees, taking her taking her legs out from underneath her for two harm.
Speaker: And then, Bill, you feel slice, slice as two of those little pricks just come by and cut you in the back of the legs two more times ah for two harm as well. Oh, shit. Yeah, and Bill, it's still your turn. You were going to cast something, so go ahead. Can I quickly interject again?
Speaker: I do have an ability that lets me like not fall into fire. Oh yeah? What is it? Yeah. To my side, I can teleport to my wielder again.
Speaker: So when I like notice that it's like going too far, I could try to like teleport back to him again. I'd say you can do that now because you used your roll to help him throw you initially. Right. Okay.
Speaker: So I'd say you were already focused on doing that once you hit the ground and realize, oh, no, I'm being burnt. OK, I'd say you could absolutely do that now. You could just say, fuck it. If you want to stay as a scythe and not turn back into a person, you could just teleport right back into his hands if you want.
Speaker: Mm hmm. So, Bill, while you're trying to cast your spell, just a scythe appears back in your hands. I can't. I drop him again. right ah All right. So Bill is I'm going to cast a spell.
Speaker: I want to take all the water out of all the plants around me. OK, and then then do what? Use a blast. To put the fire out. okay You're just going to kind of like do kind of like maybe hit the maybe hit the fucking gnomes if I can. Multiple blasts at a time just to kind of try to like take as much of it as you can. um Yeah. like It gets it. Is it is the fire surrounding us or is it like it's spreading very quickly? Yeah. You guys it's catching all of the tall grass. It's it's a dry day. It's it's going up pretty quick.
Speaker: Okay. Yeah. if you want to start blasting some fires out so they don't spread, I think that's a great idea. Can I just make it rain? You could do that, too, but I would say that's probably big magic. If you want to like, don't think I've maybe work with gravy to do some big magic together. You could do that. I don't think so.
Speaker: I just want to take the water. i'm just going to start. um Basically, what he does is he throws those he throws the scythe down and he starts moving his fucking hands around and then just like he's squeezing a sponge.
Speaker: okay Okay. All right. ah That would be plus weird, right? For yeah. Use your magic, kick some ass. Magic on the sheet. I'm so I'm going to roll weird. Yeah, roll weird.
Speaker: That's a big fat 10, sir. um Yeah. What is your blast ability? Because it does damage and shit. Yeah. Yeah. heard that was like the best. you know, approximation, I guess a missile, but it's not really, you know, this is really what I want to do. Yeah, it does two harm, three harm. ah If you do blast or there are two different bases. So once missile, one's blast. So blast would cover more area if you're trying to take out the mat, ah take out the fire.
Speaker: Yeah, I mean, I would try to take out the fire that is encroaching on us if I can hit the gnomes at the same time. OK, then yes, that's your two harm spell. Hell yeah, I think it's awesome.
Speaker: ah Yeah, so you just start blasting these ah like frosty bits of water and and ice into the field. Uh, and absolutely, because there's a couple of little dickheads that just ran past you and cut you as they were trying to get past you. You absolutely send them flying more like pieces of like this porcelain skin material flies off. One of them is missing chunks out of his face. There's like it looks like they're hollow. There's nothing inside.
Speaker: um as you just blast this frost into them, they go flying into the grass. I'd say also you absolutely, like, I'd say you save the forest fire because you start blasting at least where you guys are, so the flames no longer are spreading towards your direction of the of the forest, just because they're encountering just this wet, frozen grass now.
Speaker: Um, uh, so yeah, I would say you put a good portion of the fire out and I'd say you probably hit at least three of these other little dudes and they look just absolutely the ones that aren't in the vehicles are absolutely torn apart.
Speaker: Like they're just barely functioning little like porcelain little bastards right now. um All right. Yeah. So good shit. Yeah, that's great. Gravy. Gravy. You're up. You cast the black flame. Fires are around.
Speaker: Bill is putting out fire and hurting these little dudes. um You just got your legs taken off from underneath you real quick from a little go cart on the ground. What do you do?
Speaker: Hmm. She's.
Speaker: She's going to use magic again. and How many are left? There's two. ah Well, there's still there's still three cars, but they're all in shitty shape. But one of them was just because of what wheels were taken out. He's just doing like a bunch of donuts trying to like keep hitting you with it.
Speaker: ah But total, I'd say there's probably about seven of them. But you've seen like the ones that are getting blasted and cut that they're all in terrible shape, except for the ones that are in the car.
Speaker: She is just gonna use magic and snap her fingers and try to explode the one dude's brain. One of the ones in the car? Yep.
Speaker: Okay. So you're just driving, so he crashes. Explode brain spell. Okay, cool. Yep. So do you have a magic attack?
Speaker: I didn't look at your spells enough to know what your magic attacks are. ah The moves that I have are the big whammy, hunches, and the sight. Okay, so you're going to do the big whammy again?
Speaker: Essentially. Essentially. Okay, sure. probably with al maya roll Yeah, roll roll roll some whammy action, and we'll see. 10.
Speaker: Wow, damn. Man, you guys spell casting is doing well today. ah Yeah, you know what? I'm going to say... I'm going to say that ah you do that and you like the whole top half of his hat flies off.
Speaker: There's just like a bowl like hole where his hat should be. And I think that he crashes into another one of the ones that are just still trying to get their bearings and drive around.
Speaker: And you just pretty much cause a three car pile up and they all just kind of weirdly start Lego stacking on top of each other, but not in like a cool way, but in like, ah oh no, we're getting hurt way. um And ah all of a sudden you just see they all explode.
Speaker: ah Those three cars just sending a bunch of random parts and shrapnel everywhere. And you guys are peppered with just like a bunch of porcelain. um I'm going to say just for funsies, you caused a three car pile up and you took out three of them. They all just exploded in their cars.
Speaker: um Cool. With a well time. Yeah, I think I think ah a 10 magic attack is pretty nice. um OK, so, yeah, all of a sudden three of them are down. There's four left ah between the scythe and the magic. You have a hurt. The rest of them pretty good. ah Rock, do you still stay as a scythe? Because right now you're on the ground as Bill is casting spells.
Speaker: I think I'll turn back into a human and try to do what I did earlier, that I run towards one of them and then transform and into cipher game like mid-flight.
Speaker: You're going to try to swing yourself? Yes. Can you do that? Can you swing yourself? as ah as a I mean, it doesn't say anything that I can't. That's fair. this You know what?
Speaker: I think that's fun. Let's do... um I guess it would just be kick some ass. I guess you're just trying to throw yourself and kick some ass. Okay, go for it. both teams like preoccupied also from itself.
Speaker: Okay, that sounds great. Do it. I think it's great. It's an 11. Wow, an 11. Shit. um Okay, isn't there, am I misremembering because been a while since we played this, isn't there an extra effect if you roll 10 plus?
Speaker: um there There is, yeah. So you can choose to take one forward, give one to someone else, inflict terrible harm, or suffer less harm. Or force them where you want them. I'll...
Speaker: think I'll force them... No, that's that's a flight plane. um No, I'll flight him, and when ill I hit him, I'll like nail him to the ground. Oh, good shit.
Speaker: Okay. I will say, though, if you're going to wield yourself, I think the healing element only works if someone's wielding you, right? So you send that energy through to whoever's holding you to heal them. I don't think it heals you. You may heal your wield instead. It doesn't say that I need to.
Speaker: you You may heal your wield? Yeah. can you wiel Can you heal yourself? I don't know enough about this. I think I can, because I think healing partner is just an option, not a necessary thing.
Speaker: You may heal your wielder instead of yourself. It does say that. So I guess you can heal yourself. All right. So, yeah, if you run and swing yourself, I guess you so you you can't wield yourself traditionally and that you swing yourself. But if you run and jump real quick, I'd say, sure Okay, yeah, all right. I'd say that that tracks. Okay. um I think that's a more fun way to to do things.
Speaker: um Okay, yeah, so you pin him to the ground, and he looks like shit. Like, you shatter, like, through... I guess you don't know what he looks like because you can't see. You can just feel, but for anybody watching at home, this scythe, he throws himself, nails this, like, little porcelain dude into the ground, and just a big hole is in his little chest, and he can't move, and he's kicking his little feet around.
Speaker: um But you do see ah as he's laying there and he has his little hand still free, he's trying to take you apart, Rock. So like as you're pinning him to the ground, he's like trying to like find any sort of part of you to start trying to take apart. and He takes his little knife and he takes his little wrench and he's trying to just like scrape at you to root to take you apart.
Speaker: I'll turn back into human. You turn back into a human and he goes, and then he tries to take your fingers off instead and he just starts swinging his knife a bunch. And he cuts your hand for one harm. That's all he does. so Yeah, he just gives you a little scratch.
Speaker: if Did you say my a little wiener? What a little wiener. ah like said Oh, my little wiener. Oh, my God. I thought you were calling your fingers little wieners. That's hilarious.
Speaker: Yeah, like, yeah let me get my little wieners in there. Could you imagine like a doctor who's like doing a or like a dentist who's like working on your mouth? And he's like, let me just get my little wieners in there and see what I can see.
Speaker: I would truck the dentist. Yeah, sir, please. ah Bill, it's your turn. As you see, um Rock is currently tussling with ah one of the little wieners and gravy has blown up three cars. Bill, what do you do?
Speaker: ah Well, I mean, they got a handle. I'll just I'll just sit back, right? Sure. You do whatever you want. That's your life. You know you do. ah I'm going to try continue putting out this fire that seems to be getting worse. I imagined or.
Speaker: OK, do you want to roll for that again or do you want to keep the role you had? I'm wondering, like, how did I get like most of it out? Like, is it still spreading a lot like ah on your side? No, but it's spreading throughout the rest of the the field to where you're not standing. So like towards where you where it was coming towards you guys, you've protected you and your party from getting hurt. But it's still spreading.
Speaker: Absolutely. Still OK. Well, I need to take a turn to deal with that, I think. OK. Now you can use your ten if you like to see if you just keep up the same momentum. I'd say you definitely can just keep if you say you've just been doing that the whole time, you can keep the ten you rolled.
Speaker: But if you want to cast something else, you can roll again just for maybe getting an experience point. That's up to you. um Well, I feel like I should just roll again.
Speaker: OK, go for it. So that'd be another roll plus weird. Yeah, I need like. I feel like I at this point, though, I'm like I'm like running out of grass that I can use to, you know, I'm like sucking water out of the grass to put a fire out, which is drying up the area further, you know, and it's like.
Speaker: Very fair. So yeah, that's why i keep I want to keep rolling, see if it gets worse or not. That's a very that's a good story beat. I dig it. OK. Because it's yeah, because it's kind of like we're creating another problem for ourselves. All right.
Speaker: Sure. c Plus weird. Stevie, this plus weird roll. It's an eight, so you are getting a little bit more tired. So you have to you have to pick something with your magic that is is essentially the glitch.
Speaker: Yeah. um Well, I would say has a problematic side effect. Oh, a problematic side effect. So you says you first off, you have to decide, Mr. Keeper.
Speaker: Oh, I decide the glitch. Yes. Oh, I always just I always just let everybody else decide the glitch. ah Sorry. Yeah, sorry. You have to decide what the glitch does. Oh, I'm stupid. I always. OK. But I can choose. I can say, OK, there's a problematic side effect and then you have to decide what that is.
Speaker: Sure. I'm fine with that, too. I think that's great. um All right. The problematic side effect is that um and As you ah cast a spell to like blast out more of this fire.
Speaker: um I would say that you probably inadvertently are now sir freezing the forest instead of burning it. That's fine.
Speaker: So like as you're blasting out this fire and you're you're trying to save the forest, I'd say you've probably already frosted like some trees. And ah I'm going to say you probably froze like a rabbit somewhere that was like trying to flee.
Speaker: And now he's frozen in place like I am, ah like Adam is back by the media. um That's so beautiful for Adam. That's right. It's a different guy in a different universe, um but is also just a good looking, funny guy.
Speaker: um So, yeah, I'd say you probably just froze some some some wildlife in your blast, not knowing that they were there fleeing. But I'd say that's probably it. Nothing super crazy. And ah but yeah, I'd say you put out the rest of it.
Speaker: um And I'll say the other part of the problematic side effect is like. I'd say you'll have a negative one ongoing for casting your spells. as long as this battle is continuing.
Speaker: Because I think since you've played so much into being tired and losing juice with water, I think that's probably the but yeah the next best story beat is yeah you have a negative one to every magic roll after this. Yeah, that makes sense.
Speaker: OK, I like that. Thanks for playing. You know what, David, take a free experience point for being so good at adding a narrative to this whole thing. I think that's great. Not everybody makes that choice, and I think that's a fun choice.
Speaker: um So, all right. Do it. Take it. You know what? Everybody take one. Everybody take one. Just hand it out. Okay. You're just handing it out. it's meaningless now. Yeah. It's yeah. Everything is meaningless. You know what David? Take two. Take two for you. one but i a love with love I'm not taking it two. I'm not taking two. All right.
Speaker: um You can do whatever you want. You can you can have two if you want to. OK, so um who didn't go? ah Bill would just pinned that guy down. Gravy, I think you're up.
Speaker: What do you do? So the three vehicles are exploded. There's little guys in the woods. ah Rock is currently tussling with one and Bill is putting fires out in the background. It's up to you to end this battle.
Speaker: Gravy, what do you do?
Speaker: There's just the two guys left. Yeah, there's like two and then one that's kind of getting pinned down. That's by Rock at the moment. OK. Hmm.
Speaker: You also have a gun. She does have a gun. She's just gonna like, she's gonna just be like, you know what? Fuck it. And she's gonna pull out her nine millimeter gun and just shoot the the one that's tussling with rock right now.
Speaker: And then I started blasting. You started blasting right between the eyes. Yeah. um I'm going to say since Rock is currently still fighting with it and holding it down, that it's going to be a lot easier of a shot. So that'll be a I'm going to give you a plus one to the kick some ass roll.
Speaker: So this will be just a straight kick some ass with your gun.
Speaker: Copy that. But make sure you don't miss. Eleven. know no Wow. Uh, I'd say you could choose an extra effect, but your gun does too, and that's how much health it has, so the extra effect is you've killed it, so if you want to apply that extra effect to one of the ones that are left, you can. Um, because you definitely don't need to add anything extra to this guy, you've killed him already.
Speaker: Double tap, bitches. Yeah, Rock, as you're tossing with this thing and it cuts you in one of your little wieners, ah just like ah just a bullet comes like right underneath you between your armpit and just like hits this thing and just explodes its head the rest of the way and it just stops moving.
Speaker: And it's just hollow inside. That thing is dangerous. You should be careful. Yeah. um So, Gravy, I'd say that you can apply um one of the extra effects to the one that's left if you like.
Speaker: Yeah, she was just going to shoot again and and shoot the other one. All right. you Then you know what the extra effect is? Ah, shit, you killed him too. Pew! Pew, pew! So, yeah. So you've you've slain them all. The the fires are put out.
Speaker: The go-karts are in terrible, fiery condition. And you are now no longer in a fight. What do you do?
Speaker: Good job, team. Yeah, great great job. Good fightin'.
Speaker: so Maybe next time try to start a forest fire, but that's alright. Yeah, yeah. I agree with that. i I figure that's less ah dangerous than what was after us, so I feel like it'll be fine.
Speaker: I mean, the forest pretty hot.
Speaker: Are the cars still burning? Are they I mean, they're they've exploded, but they're not like necessarily like ah erupting in flames, but just a bunch of pieces are everywhere and like kind of like the the chassis of them are kind of stacked on top of each other or like crunched into one another. All right, I want to go investigate the cars.
Speaker: Sure. What do you want to what do you what in particular are you trying to learn about them? I want to see if they're. You know, from the cars that were disassembled on the highway. Uh, sure. I would say you don't really have to roll for that because as you get close to it, even though they're kind of fucked up, it's pretty apparent that it just, this has been, these pieces have been taken from so much stuff.
Speaker: Like some of it's from car parts. Some of it looks like it's probably from those large air conditioners on rooftops. Um, like just an assortment of just like power line items like they took rebar off of something um so like they this is just from all sorts of stuff that it's probably just been torn apart that might not have even gone reported yet oh okay well i think we found our found our perps i think so too yeah it's probably them
Speaker: i want to go up to them and see if I can find like some pieces that are still in some good shape and maybe take some so that somebody could like work on my Cyform.
Speaker: Sure. You know what? How about you... um How about we make this a straight sharp roll? And then like depending on what you roll, I'll kind of come up with a ah number based on. That's a 12.
Speaker: Hot damn. em All right. How about you? You tell me instead of me giving you an arbitrary number, you tell me what you think Rock would take with them. Like what kind of pieces do you think you would try to find or wedge away from the wreckage to take?
Speaker: um he would You would either take some pieces that are look the most like protective, like the material, like what looks the most sturdy or if you like find some really sharp parts and then you would also take that.
Speaker: Sure. I mean, there's a lot of jagged metal. Again, there's a lot of rebar here. Rebar is heavy, but it is also very sturdy. Right. um So, like, if you want to take some heavy-ass rebar with you, there's still enough left that that you could absolutely take, like, the pieces that they've sawed in half or in pieces.
Speaker: um And, ah yeah. You know what? We'll just kind of call it... I tell you what, pick what you would most use it for. You want to use it to try to make yourself sharper or to make yourself more durable.
Speaker: I think I like myself. I picked a like rebar. To make yourself more durable? Yes. Okay. So I'd say just give yourself like some sort of something in your notes that says like, ah we'll call it one use to improve durability. So like you can just write it as just like assortment of- thinking that I will use that for a level up that I like.
Speaker: Can pick another effect from weapon as a level up. and And now I just like use it for like defense effect, one armor to your wielder. Sure. like to me. Sure. Absolutely. Whatever makes sense for you, brother. I think that's great.
Speaker: um OK, so that can just be the story of like, oh, how did you do that? You took it from this battle. um So, yeah, you can just add that you have all that stuff. All right. So, ah Gravy, is there anything that you would like to do ah with what's left as Rock and Bill are kind of investigating the wreckage?
Speaker: Um, no, she's probably just checking her nails and like, you'll you'll see her, she'll pick up the phone out of her pocket. She'll be like, yeah, Ronald. um no no ah I already told you, i got a gig later on. I can't take that job.
Speaker: i've not done with the title one Well, tough shit. ah I'll talk to you later, Ronald. alive love you. to yeah She slams the phone and looks at the other two agents and rolls her eyes. Am I right? Am I right? but Yeah, such a pain. I have i've so much familiarity with that. I can definitely relate.
Speaker: I thought so. um And then you guys hear in your brains, you hear, did you get them? Guys, hello. It's your best friend. Did you get the guys?
Speaker: The monster? Buster. Who's my brain? Usually I'm just in people's brains. Yeah, you got it. Bill got it. It's Buster. It's your buddy. Remember me? Right. Okay. Well, I sound familiar.
Speaker: Your timing is too convenient. Obviously, you've been watching us. Yeah, I have. You guys are fucking awesome. Right. um Sure.
Speaker: If beating up some garden gnomes is awesome. Right. Right. Hey, bring them back here. I want to study them. We'll bring some samples, but like I'm not carrying all these.
Speaker: Are they super samples or they just rare? um They're neither. They're just samples. They're not common or uncommon. jaber Hey, I'll take it. It's fine. Yeah, I'll take them.
Speaker: Yeah, just pick up what you can. And yeah, I got some ideas for what want to do with those little guys. Nothing weird. yeah Yeah, we don't need to hear about that. Probably.
Speaker: It's nothing weird. Stop judging me. OK. If I see a video title, the one guy, ten gnomes later, I'm going to write. to You just hear like rigorous, like scratching against a ah a notepad where he's like, no, not do ah I'm not doing that. What are you talking?
Speaker: God, you guys judge me. We've known each other for so long. Quit it um Don't forget, whenever you guys want to come back, you got to use your little stony things that I gave you so you can come back on the teleporter. So whenever you're ready, which i figure will be soon.
Speaker: mean, what else do you have to do there? Right. Like, just bring me those delicious little morsels. Bill checks his watch. What time is it? We have a side quest It's 4.44 German o'clock. Okay, we got Don't we have, like, a thing? At 5?
Speaker: Oh, my God, yes, I have that gig at 5. yeah It's okay. We'll be back soon, I promise. Like, I i forgot that I had um a modeling gig, and I have to model weapons. So we'll be back soon, okay?
Speaker: I mean, that's fine. i i guess I just, you know, it's a little lonely here after I had friends. But um oh, before I forget, I wanted you to know, Bill, that I took your advice and I called up Sierra Corp and I said, listen here, you fuckers.
Speaker: We are the new kids in town. And I'll be honest with you. They hung up on me and sounded really mad about it. But Oculus called. Oculus called and they said they would love to have you guys contract through me for them.
Speaker: So guess what? They paid us so they didn't have to come out here and do it. Isn't that amazing? How much did they They paid us 10,000 blue bucks. I told them that's the currency that you guys like. 10,000? 10,000 blue bucks. Now I get to keep some of it because I'm your agent. No, are splitting 10,000 blue bucks.
Speaker: we are splitting ten thousand bobooks Right. You guys each 2000 each and I keep. Are you a fuck your buster? You are so fucking stupid. What do you why Do you know, give an idea what inflation is like on the Blue Planet right now.
Speaker: I have no, I have 10,000 blue bucks, 10,000 blue bucks. That is that that's about $10 American. All right. Do you want me to not have blue dollars? I told him that's what we wanted.
Speaker: yeah But you need to get like, you know, you need like a million three dollars. OK, so I'm only paying you guys like ten dollars. Well, no, we're splitting ten dollars.
Speaker: Ah, dude, I thought they were worth more. No. Don't to call him back and tell him we want regular dollars. I mean, like American dollars or I mean, you know what? You know what? Yeah, yeah, I do. I do want you to do that. And I want you to get more than ten dollars.
Speaker: All right, shit. Hang on. I think they also thought that it was worth more money. Hang on a second. And here's. Hang on. going to patch you guys through.
Speaker: And you're you're there's a lady goes, who is this? Hello. This is Oculus.
Speaker: Who's talking? Hey, Bill wants to ask you guys for different kinds of money. No. Yes. Yes. Who's Bill? What were the guys you took care of? The the if the thing in Germany?
Speaker: Oh, thank you so much. I was going to cost us an arm and a leg to send somebody over there. Right. um We have some extra arms and legs here, I guess. Oh, neat. Like, are they like new or mutated or did you do it? They're ceramic.
Speaker: What? Porcelain. you are Yeah, they're little gnomes, little garden gnomes. Neat. Send them over. I'll take them. OK, well, you offer to pay us ten thousand blue dollars.
Speaker: Yes, we need to like. We need to add like a few zeros out of that. Blue, dot ah you know, I was not sure why you asked for the blue dollars anyway.
Speaker: There was shite. Yeah, that's but that's where I'm from, so I need blue dollars. Do you want Oculus dollars? You know what? I just want.
Speaker: What is that? I want about.
Speaker: I need $40 USD at least. OK. At minimum for red that's that's like well below the wage that we pay here at Oculus. How about I pay you?
Speaker: um Three thousand American dollars. Bill just goes silent. He's never been offered this much money before in his life. Hello. Yeah, yeah, I'll take it. You should take it. ah Yeah, that's too much. You guys are too much. Shut up, Buster. Shut up.
Speaker: ah So wait, so you do want or you don't want? Yeah, we do. We do. We take it. You want 3000 United American dollars? Yes, yes. Whatever. I think yes.
Speaker: i think we want that money. Yes. All the dollars. I'll transfer it to your account. Oh, thank you. that You're too kind. And do you have my do you have my but do you have my number?
Speaker: Yes, I have your number. All right, great. Contact me in the future if you need anything. All right. I'm in i'm in your contacts as Gladys. Oh, yeah, you are. Wow, that's creepy. No, it's Oculus. That's pretty normal.
Speaker: Oh, OK. Yeah, it's normal for here. Where are you from? You from Alabama or something?
Speaker: No. We don't have Oculus in Alabama.
Speaker: We're hu ah I'm not I'm not I'm from the I'm from the the blue planet, bro. Oh, are you from blue, Alabama? Told you.
Speaker: Nobody. I'm just guessing I just, you know, Gladys is a curious. because What is it kiss but it? Is it because of the size of my arms? it Yes, it's because the size your arms. i can see it They're like little sticks.
Speaker: All right. What? All right. You better stop saying that offensive shit, right? Ask for more money. Oh, no, I'm really into tiny arms. Come see Gladys anytime. That doesn't matter. That's like saying, oh, Asians are, they're the smartest. All right. I don't want to hear that.
Speaker: ah Sorry. I just thought the blue people are into, you know, fetishes. No. Right. i'll I'll write it into the into the employee manual. No more fetishizing the blue people. Oh, my God.
Speaker: I still think you're hot, though. At least you sound hot. I haven't seen you yet. I'm hanging out. hanging out. I just hang out. Okay, Gladys says bye. Bye.
Speaker: And then I realize we're not even on the phone. We're like in a telepathic communication right now. so Yeah. yeah You just had to do a mental hang up. Yeah. Buster's like, that's so cool. I didn't you guys knew how to do like a hang up already. You guys are smart.
Speaker: Yeah. You wouldn't do that to me, though, would you? I'll talk to you later, Buster. All right. I love you. Don't say it back. I just I just I am doing like i Or you take your your your thumb and your pinky and you hold it up to your.
Speaker: Sure. To your head. And I just put it down. Yeah. That's the real way to make a phone in your with your hand. That's how you do it. Yes. and Anything else is bullshit. um So. OK.
Speaker: So you guys now have a thousand um ah United American dollars um in your accounts. um And you have kind of like it's kind of like when you do pay with your phone, but with your hand.
Speaker: So you can check your account by turning your hand towards yourself and looking to see how much money you have from Oculus. That's excellent. When did they install this? They've always had it. The moment you make contact with Oculus, they can do it.
Speaker: Neat. Okay, cool. Yeah, Oculus is a pretty fucking baller company. How is Blue Alabama? I've heard it's nice.
Speaker: Well, better than ah normal, I guess, whatever you want to call it, Alabama. Non-blue Alabama, white Alabama. Yeah. ah OK, so are you guys heading? It's currently four fifty ah German o'clock and you have a job at five. Oh, yeah. Gravy's running.
Speaker: Ravery's running off to the job. Easy peasy. You guys follow in suit to go to your new work? Mm-hmm. Can we make it there? and I mean, they'll but they we can be a little late. You know, it won't be a big deal.
Speaker: Yeah, you know what? Let's do one last roll. Everybody act under pressure to see if you can get there in time. All right. So you want me to roll cool. I want you to roll cool, my guy.
Speaker: Yeah, but pretty well nine, a nine for gravy. And what does Bill get? And an eight. So, yeah, you guys just like leave rock in the dust. and and on a We left him behind on accident. yeah he He trips. He trips trying to run down the hill and like accidentally transforms into a scythe and just sticks into the dirt.
Speaker: Right. Hey, somebody pick me up, please. He can teleport. Yeah. I forgot about that. So he teleports back to you as you guys run towards your gig. And that's where we're in the episode today. Good job, everybody.
Speaker: um hope that you learn something about yourselves today. um And hey, you know what, listeners? We learned the word about the word. Adrian, say it. Farfaknugan.
Speaker: Farfaknugan. Farfaknugan. It sounds like Farfaknugan, which is what we usually say, but it means what? ah To drive pleasurably or to drive and be happy about it? To have pleasure in driving.
Speaker: have pleasure in driving. So you can have the feeling of Farfaknugan whenever you're driving down the road with the windows down on a beautiful day, you're experiencing Farfaknugan. Isn't that beautiful? and And do not pleasure yourself while driving.
Speaker: No, that's very dangerous, and I've only done it once, and it is very distracting. I would just thought of something funny, like Farfaknugin. It sounds like you're saying far, like something is like far.
Speaker: like That's how I pronounced it. Right, and I was just thinking, so it's kind of like if you're watching like something on YouTube or something like that, having Farfaknugin.
Speaker: Because it's far away. Far away. So I'm having Nugin about the of newtons are far away. My brain just broke. Yeah, my fi new my fig newtons are happy because you're far away.
Speaker: Right, exactly. Yeah, there go. We'll look at that. in white newton's I love fig newtons. I'll fuck up a whole pack of them myself. I can't keep them in there. Dude, They're so good. I'm having so much... Is is it Vignugan is the pleasure part and Pha is the car part? is Vignugan is also just like a word by itself.
Speaker: I have so much Vignugan for Vignutans. Yeah. does that Does that make sense grammatically? What? The Fig Newton, I have a lot of Fig Nugan for Fig Newtons.
Speaker: Yeah. Hey guys, we learned something today. That's probably the best thing I've learned in my life.
Speaker: yes I'm glad you're happy. I have so much Fig Nugan for you guys. So the same. Aww. Guys, let's never stop having Fig Nugan. Let's never stop this episode.
Speaker: Does it look good already?
