Transcript
Speaker: Hello, my babes. Welcome back to the It's Happening For Me podcast. I am so freaking excited to do this solo episode. I have been waiting to do this episode. And actually, today I'm going to be talking about my um giving up coffee. Okay. And I am on day 20 or day 21 now. I originally wanted to record this a couple weeks ago, but I actually think this is so much better because I have even more like insight for you than ever. So this is actually like imperfect timing. And I just want to do a quick disclaimer that obviously I'm not a medical professional. I'm not a nervous system expert. And i definitely am not here to convince you to stop drinking coffee. Okay, that is not what this is about. i
Speaker: never saw myself embarking on this journey. i absolutely love coffee. And um I actually kind of had to, which I'll get into all all parts of this. um So yeah, like if you love coffee, then good. i love that for you. And who knows, this this is just an experiment. This might not always be forever, but i have seen massive changes over the past like 20, 21 days that that I feel so good. And it's it's literally fucking life changing. And I never thought that I would be here right now.
Speaker: Because there's been many, many times where it's been recommended to me, um just by like George, or like even my brother or my mom of like, maybe you shouldn't drink so much coffee, like maybe you should stop drinking coffee. And I'm like, yeah, fucking right. Like, absolutely not, because I love it. So Just to give you guys a little backstory, i am someone who has experienced headaches and migraines like pretty much my entire life. when I remember going to the doctor when I was a little girl, and I would just get like really bad headaches. And all they did all they told me was like, oh, make sure you have like little snacks at school or something.
Speaker: um i don't know if they thought it was like a low blood sugar thing or what it was, but I've always had experiences with headaches. And then as I like went through puberty, became like a young adult, I get really bad headaches hormonally. So like around my period, the week, like leading up to it usually is like when it's, it's really bad. Um, and recently I would say within the past, like year and a half, I have been getting headaches and migraines consistently, like often multiple times a month, like multiple times a month. And, um,
Speaker: yeah, it's just like, it's so painful and it's it's debilitating. And I've been to the doctor for it and pretty much the only thing I've gotten was like, oh, we can give you this like migraine medication. Like, you know, when you feel like the onset of it, just take this medication, whatever. So anyways, I just like haven't really been doing anything with with my headaches. And I recently found out through this journey that one of the biggest contributors to my headaches is caffeine.
Speaker: And the funniest thing is that to combat the headaches, the only thing that would ever work for me is Excedrin, which also has caffeine in it.
Speaker: Like ibuprofen wouldn't work. um Tylenol wouldn't work. Like Excedrin migraine relief is the only thing that worked. And it's because it also has caffeine in it. So there's this other part of me that is known like, girl, I think I'm pretty sure I'm addicted to caffeine. And like,
Speaker: i don't I'm like almost scared to stop drinking it because the headaches and migraines are so bad. um I'm going to explain to you this like loop I got into where um like I would get a headache, right? And I'm like, oh, like it must be because haven't drank coffee since yesterday or something or whatever. Or like even not even thinking what the reason is. And I would just take Excedrin and that would like temporarily make me feel better for a little bit. But then like it would just come back. like you know so Um...
Speaker: when I'm not joking when I say that like I really have this... like I have an addictive personality, right? like That's what kind of led me to like have substance abuse. And um I'm also going to be... This is like another side note, but I'm also going to be um seeing um a therapist and a... I don't go to therapy, but I'm excited to start therapy. But I'm going to be seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist because I do want to get tested for ADHD, but just because I feel like my dopamine levels my entire life have just like been off, like not there, which has led me to have these more like impulsive tendencies and like addictive tendencies. Like literally everything is like pretty much a textbook. I've just like never been diagnosed or never sought out like a diagnosis, but it's getting to the point where like, I really want to work on like time management and different things. um I promise this all ties into coffee.
Speaker: And so Yeah, I just I feel like coffee was this thing that just gave me so much dopamine, but it became like a crutch where I was like, oh, I can't do anything unless like I get the coffee. So just to give you guys an idea of like how much coffee I would drink, um like I would I don't even know if this is like a large amount, but like like I needed this. So I would like go to work, right?
Speaker: Like a 730 And then I would like drink, I would make like a a coffee, like a Starbucks K-Pod or whatever of like Pikes Peak coffee. I think that's the one that that I love. So I would drink that. And then maybe around like 10 a.m., I would go on my morning walk to go get coffee. And I would do like three shots of espresso with half and half and like some stevias. And like it was this whole like ritual where it's like, oh, my God, I'm going on my morning walk. I'm getting my steps and I'm getting my coffee, you know, like getting super excited because it's so good. And then I would come back work. And then probably around like three o'clock, like two to three o'clock after lunch, I would crash majorly. And so I would go make another cup of coffee, like the Pikes Peak one. And then sometimes if I was being really crazy,
Speaker: I would be like, oh, I have a ah like hour and a half commute home. Let me just go get another coffee for my ride home. Let's make this fun. Let's make this exciting. I'm not someone that that complains about my commute. Like I honestly like really love my nine to five and I love my commutes, which might sound crazy to some people, but it's like I love being in like in the car and just like listening to podcasts that I love. Or if I'm like taking a course or something, like I'll listen to it or i even record my own podcast in there sometimes. Voice notes with friends, right?
Speaker: all things that I shouldn't do the voice note with friends thing. I have gotten a ticket for that before, so wouldn't recommend that. But I like listening to things and it's really fun for me or like my music and I get really good ideas while I'm driving because a flow state. So anyway, sometimes I would be like, oh, fuck, I have such a long like commute. Let me just get another coffee for the ride home and make this fun.
Speaker: um So then that's like that's a lot of caffeine. And then on top of that, your girl loves like diet Cokes, right? So then it's like, oh, if I'm going to go get something to eat, like say we eat out or something, I want a diet Coke.
Speaker: Oh, like blah, blah, blah, diet Coke. And then, oh, I want a tea, like a black tea. Black tea has hella caffeine, right? So the caffeine had just been stacking and stacking and stacking. I never give myself a break. There's not one day, you guys, in the past few years that I can say that I haven't drank coffee unless it was just some random weekend. I just decided to like not go get coffee. But then guess what would happen? I would absolutely get a migraine. So then I thought,
Speaker: I'm lacking caffeine. I'm in this like spirre i'm in this like cycle where it's like, if I don't have it, I need to get it. Okay, let me take some Excedrin. This is now giving me the caffeine. It's taking away the headache. And then I thought this was like a normal way of living.
Speaker: And I didn't see anything wrong with it. it like It's fun. The vibes of caffeine, like being off caffeine now, and I'm not even fully off of caffeine, right? Like I'm i'm drinking decaf coffees and I'm also um sometimes, and I'm also drinking like Diet Coke still. So it's like there is caffeine in that. But not to the levels of which I was. And I have not taken Excedrin since then. I'm going to get into that too.
Speaker: So another way to just show you of how like how, you know, everyone might be like, well, Alyssa, like, I love caffeine or like, you know, I love coffee too. Like, I love the ritual of it. um But it doesn't mean I'm addicted. and like, yeah, you're probably not. The way that I know I was addicted is the intense emotional reactions and like unreasonable outbursts and just like reaction that I would have if I did not get my own way with something. And i have this like core memory drilled into my brain that I will never forget because I genuinely was so pissed off at George that I was like, okay, let me just tell you the story. So a couple years ago, we went to visit George's family in LA, Los Angeles for Christmas. And we were like heading out and like going back to take the drive from Los Angeles to San Diego, which was like a couple hours. And I was like, oh, like let's stop at Starbucks. Like I want to get a coffee, right? i want to get my coffee. And he's like, oh, like, I don't want to like, let's just get on the road. I'm like, bitch, why?
Speaker: There's no timeline. There's no deadline. What do you mean? There's nowhere to get to. We're fucking going home on a Sunday. i want to get a coffee. Who cares if we stop and get the coffee? So he's like, oh whatever. So then that was already like, here he didn't want to, but I already pulled it up in maps. I was like, it's literally one mile off of the freeway of, then we're going to get on the freeway and then go. So we pull up to Starbucks and the line is like out the goddamn universe. Like it is such a long line and he doesn't even pull in. He sees the line and he just turns like around it and he's like, I'm not waiting. And he gets on the freeway.
Speaker: When I tell you, I have never been more pissed off in my life. Like I literally was in my brain fantasizing and thinking of jumping out of the car and taking an Uber home, paying an Uber to go two and a half hours just for the principal.
Speaker: of like, what the fuck are you talking about? Like, and and I made it be this huge thing of like, you don't love me. um You don't care about my desires or my needs. um Like, you know, i made up this whole shit of like, you're just pretending to like me. And we've been together for years at this point. Like we were probably together for like eight years at this point.
Speaker: And i was just like, I'm making up this huge thing of like, you don't like me. Like you hate me. um I hated him. And it was just a severe emotional reaction. No adult that's in their thirties should be having a fucking reaction like that to not getting what they want. Right? Like that's insane. That's literally insane.
Speaker: Still didn't clock it that I'm like addicted to this thing. um But everyone else in my life has been telling me this. Right? So anyways, yeah. um that's just like one thing where I'm like, yeah, I remember this like emotional reaction of just like, oh my God, it felt like the world was ending, right? It's like the world was ending.
Speaker: Nobody cares about me. Like I can't just have this one thing. I think another thing too, because I'm on the sobriety journey, there's almost this thing of like, okay, well, I don't drink. Like I don't smoke. Like I don't do drugs. Like, let me just have this one thing. Like, let me just have my coffee. um So anyways, so yeah that that now you kind of understand like how much caffeine i drink and like how often right and again getting into this visual cycle vicious cycle of like you know drinking hella coffees and have hella caffeine getting a migraine being like fuck like now these are becoming so pro like so real prevalence um they're happening way more often than just around my period and um the doctors are just like well here's some migraine medication i'm afraid to take the migraine medication So I just take Excedrin after I'm already like debilitated from this. It makes me feel better a couple of hours later. And it's just like this cycle over and over again. i'm I'm also not joking when I tell you that for Christmas this year, my mom bought me like Christmas. This is crazy. Why would someone buy you this youth for this for Christmas? This is how much I was taking it. She bought me like four like magnum sizes of bottles of Excedrin of like the different migraine relief and the extra strength And I was like, mom, what the hell? Like, this is the like silliest gift. But she's like, well, you use it a lot. So like, I feel like it would help you. And yeah, it has Because then I put one in my car. I put one in my cabinet at home. I put one in my office desk. Like, that's crazy. Like, that's not normal. But again, living in this like world of like, that's just normal. That's just what I think is normal.
Speaker: So finally, um i forget what happened, but it was on like Labor Day weekend. It was like on the 31st of this last month. What month is it right now? September. So it was like August 31st.
Speaker: Going into the Labor Day weekend, I was going to have Monday off, feeling so excited to like work on my business and stuff. Oh, this is the other thing. like Whenever I was about to this is the other thing whenever i was about to like do a reading, anytime that i was going to do a reading or create something or some client work, i would be like, oh,
Speaker: I need a coffee. Like I need to go get a coffee. Like that was me getting into work mode. Oh, I need to go get a coffee. It's like, there's no part of me that thought, Alyssa, you can just sit your ass down and just do whatever you need to do. Like you don't need the coffee. Like that did not exist in my world. I did not understand. I didn't know what that meant. So think about me.
Speaker: I have my nine to five, right? So a lot of times I'm doing um recordings and stuff like at night, or that just is like fun to me. Like I feel like alive at and nighttime. So imagine getting a coffee late at night. And I used to always say like, oh, it doesn't affect me. Like I can fall asleep like at the drop of a hat. We're going to get into that in a second too, because oh my God, my energy levels were so fucked up and I didn't even know. I did not even know. So Yeah, like, okay, I'm going to get a coffee, like whatever, um before I do a reading or whatever. So, and that was just ingrained me. And now like George already got to the point where he's like oh, like he understands. So it's like, or it's like, oh, we go for lunch. We go for brunch, right?
Speaker: Eat a brunch. We're full as hell. Go on a walk. I want a coffee. Like everything I can make a point to get a coffee. Like, oh, you want to meet up for like lunch? Let's go get a coffee. Oh, do you want to go get a coffee? Oh, do you want to go thrifting and get a coffee? I don't really love thrifting, but oh, do you want to go blah, blah, blah? Okay, let's get coffee first, right? So it was just like a huge part of my life. Anyways, so something happened on August where going into this Memorial Day weekend, I started getting a really bad migraine. And I was just like, are you fucking kidding me? Like, I can't do this anymore. Like, it's like, i it's been so debilitating and like...
Speaker: It's like, it's almost like a so ah silent thing that no one would really know about me because it doesn't really affect, like, my performance. it just per It just affects me when, like, no one knows that it's affecting me, right? And so, and it's not something that talk about a lot. But I genuinely was was going into this weekend and I was like, oh my God, I have the worst migraine coming on. And I was like,
Speaker: You know what? And George had been telling me a couple of weeks leading up to this. Alyssa, you should try to stop drinking coffee. Like, I think you're drinking too much caffeine. And what if caffeine is the cause of the migraines? And I was like, no, that's dumb. Like, if anything, I'm getting a migraine because I don't have enough caffeine. So then I was terrified to stop drinking caffeine. It didn't it wasn't even a point to where I was like, oh, I'm just like not going to drink this coffee anymore. No, I was actually scared to like not drink coffee because I knew I would get a migraine.
Speaker: So started getting a headache on like the 31st. And I was like, you know what? Fuck this. Like, i can't live like this anymore. i don't want to live like this anymore. I'm just going to see. Maybe it is the like coffee. Maybe it is the caffeine. Like, let me not drink caffeine. And I was like, you know what? Let me go into the pain of this migraine.
Speaker: And I'm not going to run from it. I'm not going to take Excedrin. I'm just going to sit there, feel it. suffer through it, however many days it takes. And then I think I can reset myself to where like now I don't need caffeine anymore or coffee. So I did that. And so i got to day two and then I had to go back to work and I'm sorry, this was the week before Memorial weekend, sorry, or Labor Day. This was the week before Labor Day weekend. So i go back to work on Monday. i think Monday is like day two of no caffeine.
Speaker: And it is hard. You guys like it is hard. I have brain fog. I can't remember certain words. Like I remember I was trying to think of like, you know, the habit, if you guys have that wherever you live, um I was like, oh, i want eat I want the habit for lunch. Like, let me get a salad or like a grilled chicken sandwich. Sounds so good. I sat there for like five, not five minutes, but I sat there for a long time and i was like, what is that place called? I couldn't even think of anything. I couldn't think of the habit and I couldn't because I want to look at the menu online to order ahead, but I couldn't think of the restaurant and I couldn't think of anything that could like make me think of it. And I was like, dude, am I getting like early onset Alzheimer's? But no, I just have brain fog. Yeah.
Speaker: from resetting my like nervous system and stuff. So anyways, day two sucked, okay? I felt the feeling of what it feels like to sit at your computer and like leave be like this, like like dozing off. i The only time, I've only had that happen to me in this job that I've been in.
Speaker: since COVID, okay, since 2021, that I've been in this role with my company at an office job. One time, did I ever feel like I was falling asleep on the computer, like actually dozing off to like, we're like, fuck, I can't keep my eyes open. That is the most dreadful feeling that you can ever feel in your entire life. The only time I've ever felt like that is when I got COVID once and it was like, I was at lunch and this was like the day before it like really hit me. And you know, when your body just got like so tired and like the body aches and stuff, I started like dozing off on my computer. The only other time was when I was in college and I was working at Valvoline, but like as an auto technician. So I was like working in the service center, you know, changing oil. And I was also going to school full time. Um, I was getting like the rest of my prereqs for a master's in psychology because I wanted to do the marriage and family counselor, like, um, master's program.
Speaker: So I had stayed an extra year to like take all the prereqs for that. And then, um, I never ended going into that, doing that program, but anyways, um, and I was also interning for Kern County in Bakersfield. So I, I, I interned for Kern County's, um, administrative office And so I worked with, you know, like the different like legislation. It was like law and like legislation and like the county officials and stuff. And I remember being in this little room that they would put me in and just give me these like random ass projects. I honestly had no idea what I was fucking doing. Like no idea what I was doing there. It was just so random. There was no like.
Speaker: It was just random. I was also, i will say though, and this is before AI, so this was really cool. I was also helping writing, like researching and writing bills to be passed, which was really cool.
Speaker: But anyways, I was so tired from like interning, working full time and going to school full time. So I remember being like in this little like office, just like falling asleep on my computer and just like dreading someone walking in and being like, what the fuck are you doing? Like, cause didn't even know what i was working on. I was just so tired. But other than that, I've never had that feeling until that COVID. And then again, quitting caffeine or like stopping coffee. So day two and three were like that. Like I was at my desk fighting for my life. I was like, I'm so fucking tired. So I would just get up, go on a walk outside.
Speaker: yeah, the brain fog again continued to be bad for like day one, two, three. and then I would say I started feeling normal around like day five. This is where the craziest shit like came in. So I thought that it was part of my design, my personality trait that I love napping. Okay. I love naps. I'm a napping bitch. I'm a Taurus moon. A bitch can nap. I love napping anytime it's on the weekends. I'm I would take a nap for like, we would like go on a walk and then go eat and go on another walk. And then I'll go and fall asleep for like two to three hours and then like wake up, do something fun or whatever.
Speaker: Anytime I'm at my mom's house or something, I'm sitting on the couch, I would fall asleep, take a nap. It's just like what Alyssa does. She takes a nap. Every every night at like 10 PM, George will come out and like see me. and like, let's say i'm like reading a book or like I'm trying to do something followed or like watching a show passed out. Like I fall asleep all the time.
Speaker: On day five, I think it was, George came out of the shower at like 11 p.m. And he was like looking at me because he expected me to be asleep um and and in the bed. And instead I was just there like reading my book. And he's like, what the fuck? Like you're awake right now? And i was like, yeah, what do you mean? And he's like, dude, it's 11. And i was like, oh my God.
Speaker: When I, before I stopped drinking caffeine, if I would read like three to four pages of a book, I would fall asleep. I'm not joking. It doesn't matter what time of day it was. If it was in the morning, if it was at night, if it was the middle of the day, I get to page three or four, i'm passed out. I just thought I'm a tired girly. Like I just thought that's life.
Speaker: Because of not drinking caffeine for 21 days, I've already finished a whole book. I'm on my second one. I can actually sit there and have the energy to like read the book. Like there is no more crashing. So that was kind of like the first craziest thing. Like it's like I've noticed it like things like that where like I like wouldn't I don't need naps. I don't take naps anymore. It's fucking crazy. And it doesn't make sense. Like you would think.
Speaker: oh i need coffee to like not be able to take a nap but it was actually the thing that was putting me into like really weird cycles and i would just pass out all the time and be tired um the other cool thing is like my i finally understand my baseline energy okay i thought i knew what my energy was i thought i knew my energy levels i've always been a morning person even before i drink the coffee like i've always been in a morning person I did not know my energy levels or like what my true energy signature is. My true energy signature is like this.
Speaker: It's very chill. It's very just like chill, easy going. I have so many placements. I have so many earth placements in my chart. um I'm obviously a generator, right but I have so many earth placements in my chart.
Speaker: My big three are earth. I'm a Capricorn sun, Virgo rising, Taurus moon. And like, I'm so chill. I thought that I was this like, go, go, go, like blah, blah, blah, blah blah like just achieving aspirational person. Bitch, that was the fucking spirit of coffee. That wasn't even really me. And it's not to say that I'll never tap into that again. i actually love coffee for that specific reason. And um if you're listening or if you guys know Jair, he is an astromancer that I had on the podcast a couple of weeks ago.
Speaker: And um something he that he taught me about the gene keys is that like we can personify our gene keys and attach like a food or a substance to the gene keys that kind of like represent that energy for us so when we eat that thing or ingest that thing it kind of like is the embodiment of that gene key and helps us tap into it and for him he uses jinky 51 um initiative as coffee And that is mine too. And now I've just come to that conclusion. And G&K51 is my purpose. This is part of my big four. This is Aries energy. This is like who I be. And so I really, this is like the only, so like i only have two fire placements in my entire chart. Two, two fire placements. That's it. And my purpose is one of them. And I really took on this identity of this Aries energy of like, oh, this is just who I am. I'm a fucking go-getter, like blah, blah, blah. And like, I am, but it's in a different frequency than this.
Speaker: altered state that coffee the spirit of coffee was giving me and I'm just making this up the spirit of coffee I'm just saying that because it's cut like I really do think it has like a a spirit to it and it's beautiful I'm not talking shit about it I love it I loved it for so long but I was addicted to it and I wasn't using it responsibly or for a way that actually worked for me so it actually was causing like me to have more harm but anyways my point is with this like I'm even without coffee.
Speaker: i am G and I am initiative. I am that Aries energy. That is me. I am a go getter. I do fucking start shit. I do like get shit going, but it can be at my baseline energy levels of this like earth frequency, this earth fairy, like, know. I'm saying godmother, but like this earth girl,
Speaker: where it's not this like, like, like, you know what i mean? Like that energy that's like, with little like frenetic and like, like coffee made me, and I didn't realize this until I didn't drink it, even if haven't drunk, drink it. But coffee makes me very impatient. It makes me agitated. It makes me, um, like, it's like, I'm going so fast and like, all you bitches are slow as fuck. Like, it makes me think that people are slow and I'm like, get the fuck out of my way. Like, why are you so slow? And I'm just like on this, like one, I'm on this good one. I'm cracked out. And I'm just like,
Speaker: like I am invincible like you cannot stop me but it also makes me very impatient and it makes me a little bit irritated and very irritable with my friends and family that's something that I've noticed is like recently it is hard to trigger me if I'm at my baseline line energy levels I'm a chill girl I'm just like like and also not to paint this picture that like chill is better than not chill or fiery is not good it's like just whatever your own shit is right but i was tapping into something that actually wasn't my own energy levels and so anyways it's just been so cool to see my new like baseline energy of like i'm honestly triggered way less like i'm triggered way less and the happiest part of this you guys which is why i know that this is
Speaker: A really good move for me is I have only had one headache in 20 days, 21 days. I'm telling you, I was getting them like every four days. And again, it's and I researched this afterwards. It's because it wasn't even the lack of caffeine. It was the too much caffeine because too much caffeine can also cause headaches. And so I was overdriving my system with too much, getting a headache, afraid that I was going to go into some sort of withdrawal. So take that Excedrin, boom, like more, I think it's like 250 milligrams of of caffeine for like every time I took Excedrin. So that's like two cups of coffee, just like boom, adding that in there. And my nervous system was just like dysregulated. And I just thought it was normal. Like there wasn't like...
Speaker: i mean that There was nothing inherently wrong or like bad, like nothing bad was happening in my life, right? Like I was getting shit done. I thought that my energy levels, like now I understand that the the concept of like spiking and crashing. I did not understand that. I thought that I was just a bitch that like taking naps, but I was crashing. My energy levels were crashing. I have full sustained energy throughout the entire day now.
Speaker: literally, sometimes I have to make myself go to sleep at like 10, 1030 because I wake up at six and I need to sleep is very important to me. my God. Like, very important.
Speaker: um I felt so bad. I actually saw someone. falling asleep on like a really important call I was on this week and it was an intimate call and I felt so bad for her. I was just like, girl, please. Like, I just wanted to like, I wish I could like tell her like, girl, wake up. You know, like it was just, I felt so bad for her and like fighting for her life to stay awake and this very important call. and um,
Speaker: I was like, wow, like I feel so grateful that I don't have to experience that. But so many people experience that like these, these crashes or these highs or these lows. And it could be so many other things, right It could be medical stuff. It could be like, maybe people like have insomnia or like they are getting sleep, but it's just something right. Whatever it is. Sleep is so important to me. My energy levels are so important to me. And so it's just, I feel so happy that I've been able to get this on lock and realize like, oh, I'm like, my energy was just fucked up from the coffee. Like that's literally what it was. And Again, this isn't to convince you of anything. Like i don't think coffee is bad. i would never condemn coffee. I would never tell someone to stop drinking it. Everything is such a personal like leap like, you know, decision and journey and just experiment. But I just I want to tell you that I never thought I would take this leap of trying it. I never, never, never, never.
Speaker: wanted to try it. but Coffee was a huge part of my personality. and um I liked being in that like fiery Aries, like let's fucking go, like initiative energy. And now, and like, you know, now that I'm on the other side of this, and I have more of like a sustainable energy, realized that I can still be that person, but it doesn't have to be this like heightened, like energy. That's just like, almost like like it's overstepping everyone that I'm around. That's like, they're not matching that. And I might've been annoying to be around, to be honest. Like my energy might've been annoying, like straight up.
Speaker: Um,
Speaker: But yeah, and I'm not like denying myself of like, oh, I can't drink any caffeine. Like i still drink Diet Coke. I still drink um decaf coffee, which has like a very like small amount of caffeine, but it's just such a different, it's such a different energy. And it's like for the ritual fact, I love the taste of it. So it's like, oh, like this is still dopamine. This is still rewarding, but it's not like, oh, I need this in order to do this, right? Like I don't need to go get a decaf coffee to like record a podcast or something where in the past, like I was so tied to that. Like I need to get the coffee. I need to get this. And now I'm just like, oh, this is fun. Like,
Speaker: If we get it, we get it. If we don't, we don't. But this thing doesn't have a hold on me anymore. It had such a strong hold on me to where I built my entire identity around it and didn't even realize it. It was unconscious.
Speaker: Everyone in my life could kind of start seeing But... but I didn't. And i I just never knew that I could feel so good. I feel like crying because it's so crazy. Like, what do you mean I'm not having these migraines? And when I got a headache, I got one this weekend that was really bad.
Speaker: um it made me like throw up twice. But I was like, you know what? I'm not taking Excedrin. I can get through this. I just took normal ibuprofen. Yes, it took a little bit longer to work, but it worked. And then it went away and I didn't have to drink the caffeine or start this new cycle, you know, and so and and this was tied like to my hormonal cycle. So like it made sense of why I was getting it. um So yeah, it's just it's really special. And um again, yeah, like I'm not convincing anyone to do it. But it is something fun to experiment with and try with and My biggest fear was like, fuck, I'm not going to have energy or like, I'm not going to, this isn't going to be fun. Like life isn't going to be fun. And that's exactly what I used to think with alcohol. But then once you do it and you kind of like get over this hump and you actually start feeling so much better, like same with me with alcohol. It's like, oh my God, I can't even imagine at this point, like ever being hung over again. um And sometimes when I get these migraines and I even like throw up, I'm like, dude,
Speaker: it sucks that I didn't get to go out and party last night. And like, because I'm feeling like that's how I would feel when I was hungover, but they were like debilitating hangovers where I would be like throwing up all day. I wouldn't be able to get out of bed, crushing migraine, dehydrated, all of these things. And so when I do get like migraines and especially this weekend, I was like, are you kidding me? Like i didn't even get a drink and like go have fun for this to happen. But it's also a good reminder of my sobriety because like, i don't want to feel like that every day. yeah. um but yes that's pretty much all I wanted to share on it I'm I'm just gonna keep taking notes and like keep going on this journey who knows if I ever drink it again mine's like I also realized like I don't have anxiety when I was younger in my young 20s I had very bad anxiety panic attacks um
Speaker: to where like I would have to pull my car over on the side of the road to like get out and like walk myself through getting over this panic attack. It was very situational. um Anxiety towards like certain things would trigger it. um But other than that, like I don't experience anxiety. I'm not someone that experiences anxiety. Of course, some things worry me. Sure. Sometimes, but not really. i have a pretty like baseline energy level. And I feel like I've just like ah transmuted so many things in my life to where I'm like, my my shit is pretty like good. um
Speaker: But when I would drink coffee, there were times where I would get anxious and I would feel shaky and I would feel like heart palpitations. And it's because it was just too much caffeine. And so not having that for this past 20 days, I'm like, bitch, I feel like a peaceful ass bitch. Like I feel so peaceful. i just feel so mellow, just f freaking good. And I don't have these like mood swings. I used to have mood swings as well. Okay. I'm going to be honest. um Again, I thought that was just like some of my shadows kind of playing out, but it's crazy that caffeine was impacting that and just making me way more irritable. Then now I'm just like, hmm.
Speaker: And I'm talking about like little things irritating me, not things of like, oh, in like, you know, a misaligned toxic relationships. No, like i I don't have that. But it's just like little everyday triggers, you know, that are just like piss you off or something. I just used to be way more pissed off-able when I would be drinking a lot of caffeine. yeah.
Speaker: so Yes. Okay. I hope this resonated with you. If you do, if you are caffeine free or if you don't drink coffee, let me know. um send me a message on Instagram. And if you do go on a journey to also just like try to cut back, if you do want to go if you go on a journey to try to cut back, I'm just going to say, just go on a journey of like...
Speaker: totally detoxing from it just rip the band-aid off do this is what i recommend rip the band-aid off just do like a cold turkey stop drinking it completely for at least give yourself like 10 days they say like five to seven days you get back to your regular baseline energy to see how that feels once you that's that's all i was going for i was like let me get to five to seven days and then i was like this feels good and then 10 days this feels better And now I'm at 20 days. I'm like, bitch, you don't give me that shit. Like I probably, i don't know. In this time and space, I'm going to say, i probably wouldn't drink it again because why would I, when I have decaf, I have the best thing there is, right? It's like, i don't need the caffeine from that. Um, but I would just try it. If you're curious, see what your baseline energy levels are. And then see like, girl, you might be tired because the caffeine is fucking with your energy levels. Like when you go to grab that coffee at two to three,
Speaker: It might be because your energy levels are so depleted and fucked up from caffeine that if you actually stopped it, you might have way more energy. Like it's crazy. Like and I never thought I would be the person saying this. So, okay. I love you. i hope you have the best day and I'll talk to you later.
