Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
How to Support Your Daughter Through Teen Girl Drama Without Taking Over
49 Plays13 days ago
Is your daughter struggling with friendship drama, and are you finding it hard not to jump in and "fix" it for her?
In this episode of The Positively Healthy Mom, we sit down with Sheri Gazitt, a global friendship expert and founder of Teen Wise. Sheri brings over 30 years of experience in counseling psychology to help us deconstruct the "mean girl" narrative and understand the developmental roots of social conflict.
This episode is a must-listen for moms of teens and young adults who want to move from being a "White Knight" to a supportive consultant, fostering true independence and resilience in their daughters.
Key Conversations in This Episode:
- The "White Knight" Trap: Understanding how stepping in to solve social problems can inadvertently rob your daughter of her independence and confidence.
- Deconstructing the "Mean Girl" Myth: Why most hurtful actions are rooted in a lack of social skills or curiosity rather than malice, and how to reframe this for your teen.
- Managing your "Emotional Backpack": How our own past social traumas can trigger overreactions to our teen’s struggles, and how to stay grounded.
- Scaffolding vs. Fixing: Practical strategies for supporting your daughter through conflict by setting boundaries and teaching communication skills rather than taking the wheel.
Common Question About Moms Of Teen Girls and Social Conflict:
Question: How can I tell if I'm helping or "over-parenting" during a friendship dispute?
Answer: If you are contacting other parents or school officials before your daughter has tried to handle it herself, you might be in "fixer" mode. Helping means listening, validating her feelings, and brainstorming ways she can address the situation, rather than doing it for her.
Meet Our Expert:
Sheri Gazitt is a global friendship expert, speaker, and founder of Teen Wise. With a background in counseling psychology, she has supported thousands of girls and their families in navigating friendship struggles, social anxiety, and the emotional world of growing up. She is the author of Girl Drama Decoded, and her work helps parents understand what’s really happening beneath the surface of teen social dynamics. On a personal note, Sheri has been married for over 30 years and has three children in their 20s.
Connect with Sheri:
- Website: Teen Wise
- Instagram: @beteenwise
- Facebook: Be Teen Wise
- YouTube: Teen Wise
- LinkedIn: Sheri Gazitt
Resources From Laura Ollinger
- Book A Coaching Call: Let’s Work It Out!
- Instagram: @positivelyhealthycoaching
- Rate this podcast!
Recommended
Transcript
Empowering Daughters Beyond the 'White Knight' Role
00:00:00
Speaker
You know, she has to feel like she has the skills and the strength and the confidence and the emotional resilience to deal with it. And we have to see, as you've you've used the words, robbed our daughters of the opportunity if we are always in that role of white knight.
00:00:14
Speaker
We need to give them the opportunities. Because you mentioned college, there are moms who are still dealing with their friendships within the college setting. I see it in a lot of groups I'm in They're having issues with their roommates, so the mom's going to call the other mom. And, you know, as you said, at what point do you release that role?
Podcast Introduction: Positively Healthy Mom
00:00:39
Speaker
Hello, and welcome to the Positively Healthy Mom podcast. I'm your host, Laura Olinger, teen and young adult wellbeing coach and founder of Positively Healthy Coaching. So today, I'm super excited to introduce you to Sherry Gazit. She is a global friendship expert speaker and founder of TeenWise with over 30 years of experience and a background in counseling psychology. She has supported thousands of girls and their families navigating friendships, struggles, social anxiety, and the emotional world of growing up. So we're going to have so many great things to talk about today. um Sherry is also the author of Girl Drama Decoded.
Guest Background: Sherry Gazit
00:01:17
Speaker
So um Sherry, welcome to the show.
00:01:19
Speaker
I'm glad to be here. Yes. So um let's kind of just start at the basics. um I know you have three children in their 20s now. I assume that their childhood had something to do with guiding the work that you're doing now. Yes, for sure. It started with me, though. I grew up with two sisters. So there's three girls in the household. and Which one are you? I'm the youngest. Yeah. So that kind of shape, like I saw all of this going on. Right. And then I have three daughters. So I saw them going through all these things.
00:01:51
Speaker
And it gave me the the personal experience looking at it from the mom perspective. But then i was able to put the professional experience together. So I'm bringing both sides of that to the work that I'm doing. I just really saw that there was a blank space that you're filling in as well, where there was a lot of things for the girls in the clinical mode, like in the serious, really serious situation. right And the friendships and connections and parenting connection.
00:02:18
Speaker
they needed help, but it wasn't to the clinical level. So was like, so who's there to support and this blank space, which is where you and I come in. Exactly. I love that. and And that's how I think of it as well as just like this wellness spectrum. And, you know, there's so much opportunity for kids who are, you know, struggling a little bit, but like you're saying, not to the clinical
Rethinking 'Mean' Behavior in Girls
00:02:39
Speaker
level. So I would love to first talk about something that you have found important, which is there is the societal message that people say when they're trying to make an excuse, and I and i love to hear your perspective, um for bad behavior amongst girls. Girls not treating each other nicely. And people typically say, girls are mean. Girls are so mean. or girl I've also heard it like, girls are so hard, right? Girls are hard with drama. You could kind of iterate from there. But tell me why that message is harmful to our children.
00:03:09
Speaker
First of all, it's a blank statement, right, that all girls are just mean. And it simplifies everything they're going through into this really negative statement. And girls aren't just mean. It's that they're just learning. And they don't know how to have these deep, impactful friendships yet. So without the right skills, they kind of lean into these skills that are not so great. And that's where the mean girl behavior, girl drama comes from that we we all talk about. And so when we say that and our girls internalize it, then that's the filter in which they go out into the world. And they're looking for the negative behaviors instead of looking for the nice things that the girls are doing and how girls are showing up for each other and nurturing each other. They just have this idea, oh, girls are just mean.
00:03:55
Speaker
It also reduces their ability to trust new connections and potential new friendships. and Yeah, which can be hard because as we know, new connections are hard for girls. It takes years to develop the trust and the bond where a guy, guys could just go throw a ball. We're good. We're friends. Or, oh, we watch the same, you know, whatever. But girls take a lot longer to really form those deep
Curiosity Over Criticism: Understanding Behavior
00:04:20
Speaker
trusting bonds. And so I can see how um using that broad language, just very blanket language, can create a bias, even within the girls' minds when ah they're kind of exposed to these new relationships and they're like, oh, girls are mean, so they're looking for it. It could be
00:04:35
Speaker
In a given day, let's say a school day, I'm literally making this number up, but say a girl does two kind of quote unquote mean things and eight nice things, but yet we're going to notice the two mean things, right? Because that's what our filter, we have, it's that cognitive bias, right? Yeah. It's the filter that we're looking for. So I can see why. So what would be a better way when you are talking to your daughter or another girl in your life, someone that you might be coaching, but you know if since we're speaking with the moms, most likely they're talking to their daughters,
00:05:04
Speaker
to reframe that so they could acknowledge maybe the hurtful behavior, ah but also not be making that blanket statement at the same time. Yeah, what I tend to to say is, I wonder why she did that.
00:05:18
Speaker
There's something behind that. And then I will follow up with, it's not excusing the behavior. you know um Girls, especially if we're coming at this as a parent, get really annoyed if it sounds like in any way, shape, or form, you're taking the other girl's side. so that But it's just that curiosity. I wonder what she's going through. I wonder why she did that, but not saying, and it was okay, right? um And it just gets them thinking, And a lot of times if you say that and just leave that silence, they actually will say, oh, well, I know that somebody else was being mean to her or she just broke up with their boyfriend or I know she's depressed, things of that sort where it gets them thinking about the other person.
00:05:56
Speaker
Yeah, that's a great response. And then it it kind of puts the ball in their court to, yeah, kind of take those ne steps, like activate the prefrontal cortex and really kind of um online to think kind of rationally and calmly. So how do you um advise the moms to hold those emotions with their daughters when they are feeling sad or excluded or left out?
00:06:18
Speaker
Yeah, one thing we have to be careful of as we validate their emotions is that we are not validating limiting beliefs that they have about girls. ah So if they're saying things as they're emotional, right? Girls are just mean if they're repeating that. um All girls are always hurting me. My friends always leave me behind. That we don't say, I know, I know, I agree. That we're just there. it sounds like you're going through a lot.
00:06:41
Speaker
This sounds really tough for you right now versus um solidifying those limiting beliefs that they're carrying. Yes, I love those. we I call those ants, the automatic negative thoughts or the cognitive distortions. It's kind of that extreme language. And those are words to look out for, you know, for the moms listening, like always, never, you know.
00:07:00
Speaker
I'm trying to think of the others like, um you know, there's the kind of glass half empty, glass half full, you know, ah kind of mindset or framework. If your daughter's always looking at the glass empty, you know, half empty, then of course, right, that's what we're going to start noticing more of. So, right you know, kind of just looking out for those language patterns and finding a way to just maybe be in the moment of what's happening right now and not allow it to kind of catastrophize and go into the extremes because then, it kind of feeds upon itself.
Supportive Parenting: Staying Out of the Drama
00:07:28
Speaker
ah What other advice or feedback do you have for the moms whose daughter is, well, I know here the kind of the next thing we want to touch on is this idea of drama, right? Like girls are drama. Mm-hmm. I mean, that's something I hear a lot of. And I hear all different viewpoints where there's the moms whose daughters are all caught up in the drama and it's uncomfortable or they're all caught up in the drama. But the mom's like kind of cool with it because it's like, oh, well, my daughter's a cool girl. So I'm fine there. And then the daughters who are like, oh, I don't want to be in the drama. Right. Like there's all these different angles to it. So what's your kind of advice for our moms who are listening who are in any of those buckets? Yeah. First, I want to talk about using the term girl drama because I do use that term because that's what people relate to. And some people will push back and say, well, aren't you minimizing it by calling a drama? And it's not because drama to me is if you think of a theatrical stage, everything's bigger. All the emotions are bigger. The hand gestures are bigger so that it can be noticed. Costumes are bigger. That's how our teens experience their social, um,
00:08:38
Speaker
struggles or even their social interactions of any sort, it's dramatic, it's big and emotional. So that's why I use that term. I want to preface that. um In any of those buckets, though, if they're going through this, what do we do is we make sure we don't jump into the fray with them.
00:08:55
Speaker
We don't start like with the mama drama. Right. We keep it cool and calm. We can talk about it logically. we don't want to become their friend, especially in this situation, because they don't need another friend, you know, bad-mouthing the other girls and and being part of that drama. They need someone who's above the drama to lift them up out of it.
00:09:15
Speaker
Yeah, I think that's so important. You know, a lot of times um it becomes so, it's like a turf war, right? Like we are as moms, tiger moms, and we're so protective of our children. And if somebody does something mean to our kid, you know, where our claws, mom's claws can just kind of come at it, right? Yes. And so, um which can be a challenge because you could be the one that's kind of taking the high road above the fray, modeling that behavior for your daughter. And if the other participants kind of like aren't operating that way, it can be especially challenging to like keep it up there. Yes, very much so. Yeah,
Emotional Regulation for Moms
00:09:52
Speaker
yeah. So i I talk about emotional regulation a lot. Like how...
00:09:57
Speaker
Do you advise that moms can, A, emotionally regulate themselves, but then, B, and help their daughters do the same? I think the first thing we have to recognize is that for us who are women, we've gone through something in our teen world. And many of these things, when we say our daughter's going through it, it triggers us. And it's almost like we're back in those middle school and high school years. yeah I see that like the moms that we're talking about, my kids popular or not, or being bullied, that we have these filters, like this emotional backpack filled with stories that we are interpreting what our daughter's going through. And that can really get our emotions going really deeply and really strongly. So we have to watch that first, get our emotions going.
00:10:42
Speaker
under control, tame them, process them before we're stepping in to help our daughters. Because otherwise, we're just adding to their emotions. And if they see us losing it, they're like, oh, if mom can't handle this, there's no way I can handle it. I think that's really important for us to to be aware of our own emotions.
00:11:00
Speaker
Yeah, I'm glad you're saying that because it can be then about the mom, right? Like playing out her own childhood wounds. And then it's like no longer even about the daughter and kind of like losing sight. Things can get blurry, especially if a mom did have, you know, a kind of difficult, you know, if they were bullied or if anything really significant did happen, then that can really be activated if that hadn't been healed or if they hadn't worked with a coach or a counselor or a therapist or somebody to get that support to heal that because that can be raw. And it's very, um, you know, the way we store emotions as humans when it's like our store significant events is kind of the bigger the emotional event, the more we're going to store it in a certain way. And it can become really like trapped and really tight and locked in in our body. So absolutely. Yeah. And women tend to store their emotions with the experiences more than men do. So we really tap into that emotion when we are experiencing what our daughters are experiencing. Yeah.
00:11:55
Speaker
Yes. Okay. So tell us more about your book. I would love to hear more about like, how did that come to be? What is the, what is the message there?
Understanding Girl Drama: Sherry's Book
00:12:03
Speaker
Yeah. So the book is Girl Drama Decoded. And what I wanted to do was have moms in particular step back from the drama and understand where it's coming from. So they can tap into their compassion for their daughter, but also for the other girls that are in the mix.
00:12:18
Speaker
Because when they can come at it with compassion, their emotions are more calm And they're more logical when they go in to help their daughter. And one big piece of this book, which I know that you talk about a lot, is um it's not about fixing it for your daughter.
00:12:33
Speaker
It's about how do you support her through it? Because girl drama, as much as we would love for it to go away, It is an opportunity for girls to learn how to have healthy friendships, how to set boundaries, how to have conflict and how like that stays with them for the rest of their life.
00:12:50
Speaker
So when they get those opportunities and we don't step in to try to fix it, they really learn a lot about themselves, about the world, about relationships. And it's so, so key. So this book is kind of, it's written as a guidebook for moms that they can easily pick up. It's not super dense where they need to read 300, 400 pages. It's really simple.
00:13:12
Speaker
Just a quick word before we get back to the episode. If you have a teen daughter heading off to college and you've quietly wondered what happens when she's there and I'm not, when something goes wrong at 11 p.m. and she can't call me, that worry is exactly why I built Positively Healthy University.
00:13:29
Speaker
It's a three hour live workshop just with me and a group of 10 girls where she'll get to build the emotional toolkit no college prep class covers. How to sit with hard things, how to regulate without reaching for her phone first, how to build a real community when she gets there.
00:13:47
Speaker
I have got two sessions this summer, so head to positivelyhealthycoaching.com slash PHU for dates and to grab her spot. I have tapped at 10 girls on purpose.
00:13:58
Speaker
Okay, back to the show. I love that. I love that, ah you know, kind of resource that can be helpful if you're in the moment and kind of needing some guidance. And so that'd be great for the moms who' are listening to have that on hand. In fact, I'm going to get my copy as well to have that on hand. I love that.
00:14:15
Speaker
So the other thing that kind of popped into my head is this idea of When we are feeling kind of protective of our daughters, it can also kind of stir up this idea of competitiveness, right? like And so when I'm thinking of that, it's like there's the scarcity mentality where there's not enough to go around, like not enough kindness to go around, not enough love to go around, not enough um you know things. And it's like if we're able in as moms to...
00:14:45
Speaker
do some work with ourselves where we're feeling good, we're feeling confident, we're feeling um like we're enough. What I'm getting that is that then that allows our daughters to have those learning opportunities, like you're saying, without us having to jump in to fix them, because then- we're above and we're kind of, um you know, not stepping into it with them, then we can better, I think, be supportive of knowing that this is a learning
Fostering Independence in Daughters
00:15:11
Speaker
opportunity for them. And if we try to fix it and solve it, when we go into that scarcity and get competitive, it's really kind of robbing your child of the opportunity to be able to work through that on their own and and kind of can affect their self-esteem because they think, oh, I need mom to help me. I need mom to fix things for me. or Yeah. um I can't do it on my own. And it's not that they're ever consciously thinking this, but it can become a subconscious message that we're inadvertently not thinking that our child can handle things on their own. So what are your thoughts? It's like the drama triangle. So when we do that, we feel really good as a mom. Oh, I'm coming in and I'm fixing it. We become like the white knight in the formula. Our daughters become the princess who is locked up in the the high castle, right? And just waiting to be rescued. And the bully is the ogre, right? The bully has, the bully or the the girl is doing the mean stuff. She's,
00:16:02
Speaker
this like big bad creature. And so we need to think about is as awful as this sounds, because I know moms are loving and well-intentioned. We're becoming like the savior figure. We need to come in and fix it. We've got the answers. My daughter needs me. And it really gives us a boost. But as you point out, it really makes our daughter feel that they are unable to deal with situations. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And it's surprising because i I know you deal with young adults as well. It can be surprising how long that happens. Like, I've had clients who are in college and their moms are still helping, not with their current college friends, but, like,
00:16:43
Speaker
drama from back home from high school. Like it'll be over Christmas break and something's happened and an old friend is doing something and the mom is still involved. And I'm like, wow, like sometimes it's, I don't know why, but I get surprised, right? Like I'm like, oh, I'm surprised that that's still happening, right? Like how is this still happening? And so I think what happens is like moms, you like you're saying, take on this role or this identity of the savior. And so that becomes, it makes them feel good about who yeah they are.
00:17:10
Speaker
And so what could you say to give advice to a mom or support to a mom who is so attached to that role of savior that she's having a hard time letting it go?
00:17:21
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, there's two pieces of it, too. It's their role as a savior or the white knight, and it's their daughter's role as the princess. And you have to let your daughter out of the tower.
00:17:31
Speaker
You know, she has to feel like she has the skills and the strength and the confidence and the emotional resilience to deal with it. And we have to see, as you've you've used the words, robbed our daughters of the opportunity if we are always in that role of white knight. We need to give them the opportunities. Because you mentioned college.
00:17:50
Speaker
There are moms who are still still dealing with their friendships within the college setting. I see it in a lot of groups I'm in. They're having issues with their roommates. So the mom's going to call the other mom. And, you know, as you said, at what point do you release that role?
00:18:07
Speaker
yeah And is for someone who's so entrenched in my role is to be the white knight for my daughter, um you have to let that go because it's not healthy for the mom and it's not healthy for the daughter.
00:18:18
Speaker
Yeah. and And what I find is that, you know, it's kind of just like any other habit in our life where if you're taking something away, needs to be replaced with something because otherwise there's a vacuum. And so it's like, how do you fill that void? And so I think for moms, kind of my thought on this is like, okay, if you're going to step away from being the white knight and that's my identity, what's my new identity? And so maybe that's like a time when a mom can reflect on herself for maybe...
00:18:46
Speaker
it's not even about being a mom. Maybe her identity is, oh, I'm now this other person where I do these other things and it's not even related to being a mom, right? Like kind of yeah filling that void in that way. But if she really is, um you know, in when she's putting on her mom hat in her mom role,
00:19:01
Speaker
Maybe kind of some things she could say would be, you know, honey, I trust you to figure this out. Or honey, you've had this problem before. what it What worked last time for you? And kind of just putting it back. So that way, in case the daughter is the one trying to stay as the princess, if the daughter's like part of that cycle, right? And she's trying to stay there. You know, we're really giving her, like you said, giving her that opportunity, but putting it back on her and also just like not telling, but asking, right? Yeah. Now, like, honey, you need to take care of your own problems. But honey, how could you handle this on your own?
00:19:33
Speaker
Absolutely. Yeah. Same message, but totally a different, different. Yes. Yes. And having my kids are in their 20s, as you said, and having them call me from college, you know, i will say, ah what do you think you can do? Or where can you turn for help? Or, know, are you going to get support?
00:19:47
Speaker
Especially, you know, the one that went way across them the country. i couldn't go and do anything. Yeah. And so just having them think through it, problem solve, it's so powerful for them instead of us taking it over.
00:20:01
Speaker
Yes. And another thing, actually, um if this is making me think of another podcast guest I had one time who um she actually teaches teens public speaking and quite confident skills for speaking. So ah it's making me think of a time when she her kind of advice to help these kids that she coaches build confidence is when they ask, like, well, what should I say or how do I say this?
00:20:24
Speaker
She just puts it right back on them and and says, well, what do you think you should say? Or what is your thought about that? Because the more we give the answer, the less it's forcing their brain to work and figure out the answer on their own. And so it was great timing because when that happened, my son was... needing to text his coach about something because he was going to be missing ah a practice or a game.
00:20:46
Speaker
And he said, Mom, what should I say? and I just turned, I said, Well, what do you think you should say? or Or I also said, Well, what do you have so far? Right? Just like keep putting it back on them, like asking the questions and then like forcing their brain because sometimes they want the answer. They want the solution. They want the easy way out. They want moms like just tell me what to do to help me what to say. Right. But like, yeah, So again, giving them that gift of figuring out because sometimes these social um interactions can be awkward, right? It's not always about mean or drama or right. Sometimes it's just awkward. Like, how do I say this in a way that is respectful to this other person, but also holding my own boundary? um And so like getting them to figure that out. So any thoughts or and feedback about that?
00:21:29
Speaker
Yeah, I think it is. Like you said, you just got to put it back to them and not just um like that blanket. Well, what do you think? What do you think? Right. But um change it up. Be authentic and asking that and get curious.
00:21:41
Speaker
One of the things that holds us back from doing that is we're like, I know, i know i have the answer to this one. Right. But if we um if we allow them the space to think it through, it's just so much better. But we have to control ourselves because sometimes it's like, oh, it's just easier to tell them what to say or what to do. or Let me move over. Let me type it for you. Right. Yes. We have to be patient with our kids because they don't have all the answers.
00:22:06
Speaker
They might kind of mess it up here and there, but we got to give them the chance to try. Yes. Yeah, I love that. It makes me think of the classic coaching question. Whenever I'm coaching a client and, you know, there's a lot of I don't knows, you know, as responses.
00:22:19
Speaker
One thing I say is, well, if you did know, what might you say? Yeah. And i love that question because it opens up the door to it I don't have to give a perfect answer. It doesn't have to look or feel a certain way. I can kind of mess this up because this is almost just like a rough draft. Yep. And so I feel like that's a great kind of mindset also for this is just like, OK, so, you know, what might you say or what could you say or just kind of allowing them to to play around with that almost like Play-Doh.
00:22:48
Speaker
OK, with just a few minutes we have left, I would love um just like a few more tips for if your daughter is entrenched in, you know, things that...
00:22:59
Speaker
just aren't getting better, right? Like maybe it's that' in because we're in April now, this episode will air in a few weeks. And, um you know, a lot of moms, I'm sure, are looking forward to the end of the school year because that means the end of the challenges that they've been struggling. right How can you support a mom at this time of
Friendship Building Over Summer
00:23:15
Speaker
year? And then also, um you know, when the school year starts back up again, what are the things that you say that would empower the moms to empower their daughters? Mm-hmm.
00:23:24
Speaker
I think that one of the things is to realize that when the summer comes, there's a lot of power and potential in the summer to create the one-to-one friendships. So there's also a lot of shifts. If you're going from elementary to middle school or middle school to high school, there's a lot of friendship group shifts. So there's a lot of opportunity there. But the summers are an amazing time where you can try to connect with someone one-to-one because you're out of the social hierarchy that's in the school system. or whatever, the sports team or whatever these girls are on. So it gives you kind of a blank slate almost to work on friendships, work on the skills, work on the emotional resilience. And then when you go back to the next school year, instead of just thinking and hoping, It's going to be better next year.
00:24:07
Speaker
Have a plan. And I do this webinar called Ready Set Go for Teens. And it's about how, even if you're shy, how do you connect with people in the first day, the first week of school when those groups are being formed?
00:24:21
Speaker
And so having that plan, the skills, um that's really powerful. I love that. Yeah. And just the idea that also that, yeah, summer can be a time for creating a blank slate and restarting because things change. And and that's what I've always told my kids is like, things change. Every year, things change and yet things get um kind of shifted around. And especially when they are transitioning from one school to another, things shake up even more. yeah so a lot of times that's when different schools are coming and together and there's new people and you never know what's going to happen, but it can be like an exciting event. exciting time, exciting mix up.
00:24:57
Speaker
So Sherry, how can people find you
Resources and Support from Sherry Gazit
00:24:59
Speaker
going forward? Like that, that webinar sounds really cool. How can people get to you? and The easiest is to go to teen-wise.com because all my resources are there. I've got a webinar about girl drama, how to support your daughter about beyond loneliness. If your daughter doesn't have friends and downloads and all sorts of things that you can find there, that's the best place.
00:25:18
Speaker
Very cool. Well, thank you so much for spending your time with us today. And this has been an awesome conversation. i appreciate it. Me too. Thanks for having me.
Journaling and Processing for Moms
00:25:30
Speaker
I just want to spend a minute reflecting on what Sherry and I talked about today. I feel like that's such a valuable conversation that we had because teen, well, as we know, middle school and high school, social relationships for girls can be such a big challenge, so powerful.
00:25:48
Speaker
impactful on a child's identity, who they are, who they're becoming, how they see themselves in the world. So I really think that Sherry had some great resources. And also, I think it's so important so for me to support the moms because the moms are the ones that, you know, we love our kids more than anything. We want to do anything for them. And sometimes... you know, like I said in the conversation, inadvertently we can be doing more harm than good. So I think it's a great idea to just kind of step back and figure out, you know, what are our triggers?
00:26:18
Speaker
so I'm a big proponent of journaling. So if you have had any, you know, major challenges during your formative years, I think it's a great idea to just reflect on those, write them down, you know, write what was painful about those, just to help process and, you know, maybe even, you know, get a therapist, get a coach if you really need one, but um if you just need to process a little bit. So that way you can really get some space and get some separation so that you're not so activated if your daughter is experiencing these types of challenges. And also kind of, you know, getting your own tools, like learning how, you know, getting Sherry's book, um you know, getting some parent coaching, learning how to support her better so that you're really giving her the gift. Because your daughter really will find her own place, find her own worth and identity and confidence if she is given the space. But yet within the structure kind of supportive system, we call it kind of
00:27:16
Speaker
teacher language. I'm not a teacher, but I have a master's in education in health and wellness where why there's a concept called scaffolding. And so when you think of a building that's being built, you know, there's always the scaffolding. And so it's the idea that, you know, the building, it can't go up higher unless it has the scaffolding. And so we're there as this kind of supportive mechanism. So that way our daughters can grow. And yet if anything major happens, we are there to help ah pick up any pieces that might be falling So those are my thoughts. I thought it was a great conversation with Sherry and have a great day.
00:27:51
Speaker
When you get a chance, please go to the show notes and click on the link ratethispodcast.com slash tphmom to give my podcast a rating and review.
00:28:02
Speaker
And if this episode resonates with you, be sure to share it with your mom friends who are going through the same things. Be sure to tune in for next week's conversation. Until then, keep up the good work.