Transcript
Speaker: uh welcome to chamber of reason the podcast our guest is uh former disgraced co-host of truth point drill hello how you doing welcome drill i do have plenty of grace left and in the tank so i don't say disgrace just yet yeah please disgrace yourself what's what's your disgraceful opinion that you came on to broadcast um I think restaurants should not a treat customers nicely.
Speaker: At least some of them should treat them nicely, don't you think? Like a Chick-fil-A, that's kind of like what I like about that. that and the I think they should ah be more open to punishing the customers. Chick-fil-A should, because they have a whole Christian ethos. They should definitely be invoking Satan's wrath and not just Christ's mercy at Chick-fil-A. Yeah.
Speaker: I mean, they should just like, like you know, an act of God. Occasionally, they should just like randomly punish the ah the patrons there, but just like throwing the food at them. And then there's i think I think every other fast food restaurant is able to be as nasty as Chick-fil-A is nice. Chick-fil-A is nice. I mean, do you guys typically get good service at fast food restaurants?
Speaker: What are you saying? Fast food restaurants should suck sometimes. We should live in a world where they're not perfect. I get normal service because I'm a normal person who just talks to people normally.
Speaker: But you think that you should be basically rewarded for how normal you are at fast food restaurants by having normal people who are, i guess, less normal than you you should be punished. we We live in this world. If you go to a fast food restaurant and you supplicate yourself before them and you worship them as a god, I do think they will make your like sort of beefy cheese roll-ups more perfect than the guy who shows up and says, fuck you, I don't believe in you.
Speaker: Yeah, like it's an atheist at a fast food restaurant who says, all this food is bad for you anyway. I don't even want it. Yeah, I'm just drunk. Chick-fil-A kind of does do that already. So it's interesting you chose that as an example because don't they persecute gay people if you try to go in and get the sandwich? They will like not. They do that regardless of if you get the sandwich or not. If try to get the sandwich, yeah.
Speaker: What were you saying? You should be punished for going to Chick-fil-A? Is that the thing? I think people who believe that the most are usually the employees at Chick-fil-A. um the The reason that the people at Chick-fil-A are so nice is because they want to punish you, but they don't.
Speaker: And that's good because yeah the ah the average customer deserves to be punished. Yeah, just from rolling up in your car. I mean, people shit on DoorDash customers. They're like, oh, you really need someone to rock up to you. But I feel like even drive-thrus are more scummy, or at least just as scummy as having ah a slave come to your house, a food slave. Why? Because like the people live there? Yeah, they are stranded at the at the little... They're surrounded by a moat of road and they can't get out. Literally, they're stranded by a moat of road.
Speaker: and you know It's hard to even interface with. It's like talking to someone through like prison bars when you go up to that kiosk. You just want you're brainwashed. Why are you wearing that little outfit? What's wrong with you?
Speaker: but You guys think that fast food workers can't cross roads? They're like chickens. Yeah, the circle around them is very difficult to cross because it's always so busy.
Speaker: You know, the ah chick the Chick-fil-A thing is that they have like the cows as characters and they hold up signs that say, please eat more chicken. But it's all like misspelled and the letters are backwards because cows don't know how to don't know how to write.
Speaker: I mean, they know how to write. They just don't. They write like three-year-old level. Yeah, so some magic cows exist that magically understand English so perfectly that they can write sentences, and they're even using the English language to plead with the human race to stop institutionally enslaving and rearing them for meat and milk. However, they don't know how to like spell the words that good. No, they're not there yet.
Speaker: But they're bright enough to be phonetic, at least. Right. I think they're like killed for food before they get the opportunity to learn how to write like ah like an adult. One time I tried to mercy kill a mouse and went like this. I mean, I guess I shouldn't act it out for you, but it swung its head back and opened its mouse mouth and closed its eyes like as if a human being was performing agony.
Speaker: And man it was really rough. I think it's just because their expressions of pain are so human. They even like kind of stretch out their arms like, ah yeah, I don't know. Like, i mean, I want to say like Christ when he was stabbed.
Speaker: Well, you said you mercy killed it, but it seems like you pain killed it. No, I tried to mercy kill a ah ah rat in the street, ah but I dropped a bike helmet on it and that wasn't sufficient. Oh, I was dropped by helmet accidentally before you hammered it. No, that was my attempt. That was my attempt. And it wasn't like your average sort of plasticky with hollow holes helmet. It was kind of thick. It had some heft to it. So I thought it would work. I dropped it from a great height.
Speaker: You mercy killed it because was just a rat and you think it's probably bad to be a rat? No, it was already... I mean, you can't just throw something at a rat. It will always get away. It's like a fly. Why did it mean He was on his back. He had already been run over by a bike and he was miserable.
Speaker: Oh. Yeah. I mean, he really needed mercy. He probably just wanted ah medical care. Yeah, I should have called it ambulance. Single payer. He probably wanted like mercy in general, you know?
Speaker: Yeah, like even just like ah charity is something like... Just coins would have been better than what I tried. I mean, I did end up using a rock and and got the job done. But you know how cops have to get tased as part of their training?
Speaker: Yeah. No? Not me. Well, I didn't know they had to do that. Yeah, they have to get shot with the taser as part of their training. They have to? Well, it's just, i don't know if they have to, but it's a nice psychosexual little hazing ritual that they But I feel like scientists need to get, ah well, they need to go through, and probably should go through a maze. Get transformed into a mouse.
Speaker: They should be mercy killed by Pierce. They have to get massive quantities of cheese. After you graduate from science school, pierce a giant Pierce comes with a bike helmet and repeatedly fails to kill you.
Speaker: yeah The cops are taught how to give mercy spankings to all the citizens who are ah crossing their paths. yeah When a child is being really bad, but they're still kind of grinning about their naughty behavior, it's good to put them out of their misery by spanking them.
Speaker: It's putting a child out of his joy. That's what a spank is. You're kind of like introducing a lot. It's like the opposite of mercy killing. You're introducing life with every hit.
Speaker: Right. Yeah. That's why the doctor spanked the babies. Right. to tell Oh, yeah. There you go. To introduce. This will help you live. You're be living now. It's interesting. The doctor is a lot like a cop and the pussy that the baby comes out of is a lot like jail. And the cop is basically giving a spanking to the inmate and saying, welcome to the real world, baby. You're out of jail now.
Speaker: Right. The pussy was jail. And here's the thing, though. Here's the interesting thing. recidivism after you yes yes after you've been in you're trying to get back in the rest of your life yep yes well said i can't handle it on the outside preemies are kind of like getting out for good behavior and stillbirths are kind of like yeah people who die in prison no they die as soon as they get out right epstein was sort of a stillbirth right Stillborns are like they hung themselves with the noose. Right. What am I i was breached.
Speaker: That's says break a prison break. That's a prison break. Or no, I guess if you're C-section, that's a prison break. Yeah, it wasn't C-section. There you go Yeah. What's breach? You come in upside down?
Speaker: Yeah. Wait, so you were you came out not C-section? Or you were breached, but you just came out? They pulled you leg first? It eventually worked. Yeah. Yeah. that's just when you That's just when you walk out of prison backwards. That's when you walk out of prison feet first.
Speaker: um So that's a nice metaphor. And I kind of like this idea of spanking also and introducing someone to life by spanking them. And a handshake is, ah you know, for business, it's sort of like a double-sided spank.
Speaker: You're spanking kind of like an infinitesimally small space between your hands. Yeah, you're dapping someone up. All touch, all forms of touch are variations of the spank.
Speaker: True. Do you think so? There's definitely just two kinds of doctors, right? There's one who gives the smack to the baby and he kind of does it like with a a wry wink where he's just like, I know I shouldn't be spanking this child, but it's what I'm supposed to. It's what I'm meant to do. And people seem to like It's one of the privileges doctors have. You can prescribe drugs and they can spank. You're just kind of like testing the baby's pain receptors to make sure they work. I got to make sure this baby can suffer.
Speaker: Yeah. If it can't suffer, we're getting rid of it right now. You know, they say you have to cough to get off when you're smoking weed. It's like it opens up your ah whatever they're called, your brachials when you cough, your lung capillaries, and it gets you higher. i guess that's what crying is when you're a baby because you're breathing oxygen for the first time.
Speaker: And so you kind of have to cry to get off, get high on life. Getting spanked is like taking a massive hit of reality. The first time I was born, I didn't even really feel it.
Speaker: Yeah, I was crying, but I'm not I wasn't really inhaling. Okay, so ah I've been looking at the rants subreddit and i found rans is good I found some pretty good stuff.
Speaker: Drill, how would you like to to read this one? um Yeah, let's see it. This is a rant from ah Reddit and ah I'd really like if you give it your full performance.
Speaker: ah Sure. Why do so many people only shower in the mornings? It's dumb. I think not always showering before bed is insane.
Speaker: Like shower in the morning, that's fine, but it doesn't make nearly as much sense as showering before bed. If you only shower in the morning, you're incredibly stupid. You pick up dirt, grime, germs, get sweaty, ah sit on toilet seats, and do all kinds of dirty stuff throughout the day.
Speaker: To just jump into a bed and sleep after that is dumb. You should always, always shower before getting in bed. Unless you wash your sheets literally every day, you're bad your bad is a damn cesspool if you are only a morning shower person. And it's incredible how many people only shower in the mornings.
Speaker: My God, people are so dumb. TLDR, shower in the morning if you want, but always shower before getting into bed. It's a pretty good rant. There's a lot of capitalized words in here.
Speaker: My God, people are so dumb. Yeah, i don't get that dirty throughout the day. I mean, does this guy like live in a town where people like commonly work in coal mines? or They just see everyone is covered in sort of like green squiggling little amorphous blobs.
Speaker: and Yeah, like Pigpen from a the the Peanuts show. Pigpen actually showered in the mornings, and that's why he was so fucking dirty. I think Pigpen just had a really dirty bed because his name was Pigpen and that's where he slept.
Speaker: Pigpen just had weird preferences in general. um He liked to do a lot of things the wrong way. Who's that? Pigpen was my friend that I went to school with.
Speaker: him and Him and some other kids, we like to dance at the gym, at the at the school gym. hate him. He's filthy. If I saw Pigpen in real life, I would just think he was getting abused.
Speaker: i wouldn't I wouldn't make fun of him for being dirty. I mean, Pigpen, he would have to be sprayed by men in hazmat suits in real life. These days, they would probably call Pigpen poverty pen.
Speaker: and The focus of him would not be his grime, but his lack of wealth. Unhoused pen. Exactly. Now, this problem is easily remedied by some some like me who put on just the cleanest, most antibacterial pajamas before bed. Antibacterial pajamas? What's that mean?
Speaker: Well, i'm just saying if you just have the freshest, cleanest pajamas, then it doesn't matter how many. By the way, this only example of grime that this person says you encounter on a daily basis is sitting on toilet seats and getting sweaty, which, I mean, no one is sitting on shit covered toilet seats, really. um but and Hopefully not.
Speaker: Even if you were sitting, even if for a living you had to sit on the dirtiest, filthiest toilet seats all day for cash. I mean, I think there's just like an undetectable layer of shit on every toilet seat.
Speaker: Probably an undetectable layer of shit on everything. Yeah. I mean, like in the air, you' just like every breath you take is just like probably like a nugget of shit. Just like a tiny, tiny nugget of shit in every breath. yeah Every breath you take, a small turd solidifies in your lungs. It's like the microplastics, but with poop. Infinitesimal pieces of gold on everything. and like one yeah gold I mean, it's like everything is everywhere.
Speaker: Yeah, everything is everywhere. so yeah the element yeah Sure, but there's also... ah wonderful things. What's good? It's like breathing in uranium, like fucking Einsteinium, low the weird ones that have like a hundred ah three digits in them. Basically, but the people who shower in the morning are the people who think, well, today i'm going to catch a lot of gold on my body. a lot of I'm going to walk through so much misty gold And then what do you do with the gold? You don't want it to just leave your body and leave into the sewer system down the shower drain. You want to bring it where we want to bring all things that we cherish and love and into bed with you, where it harmlessly rubs off and joins the microbiome of your bed. And that's your gold. The only way to get something good from outside is to walk around in it and then sleep in a bed unwashed.
Speaker: Yeah, I mean, it's it's kind of so sad, somebody that showers before bed, because they're just like in this sort of barren, clean wasteland, whereas the the superior morning shower person is building like a terrarium full of full of life, mineral wealth, and probably all kinds of good luck charms and other things they've picked up.
Speaker: But this is really my point is I think that like morning showers and night showers, it's a difference between do you go out thinking that you're going to be completely harassed and harangued by ship particles? Or do you think that you're a butterfly net for amazing gold flakes and beautiful opportunities?
Speaker: My bed has a compartment underneath that collects all the keef.
Speaker: Delete. What is Keef? Keef is the thing that comes at the bottom of your grinder. So it's like, you know, you have these really nice dreams, but um i see at the end of the day, you can finally smoke the really strong or sleep the really strong stuff.
Speaker: but That's pretty funny. Did you say delete after you said that? Yeah. Delete. Keef. thought it was funny. i just happened to be sipping my water. I would have supported you more, but we've got two anti-potheads in the ah in the chat right now.
Speaker: I do actually subscribe to this logic and I shower before bed. You subscribe to the logic of you don't want to bring crap into bed. Yeah. I just don't know. I mean, I bathe not before bed, but usually at around 8 p.m. and I take a shower the first thing every morning.
Speaker: I just like wash the sheets every once in a while and it's kind of like taking a shower before bed. Yeah, that works because then the bed functions as a sort of nightly hanky that you use for a few hours to sort of rub off all the dirt and the bed absorbs it. that's ah You're just like in your sleep, you're just like sneezing and crapping and pissing all ah all throughout the night.
Speaker: And then when and you by this by the time you wake up, it's all like dry. So you don't even realize it. The body's emissions should not dry, i don't think. Did I ever tell you guys ah about the time i thought I was like coming all over the bed, but I wasn't.
Speaker: No. Is that the whole story? i'll I'll tell the story. Okay. It's a, I guess I was like 10 years old. I had like a very tenuous idea of what cum was and what like ejaculating was, but knew it was like white.
Speaker: So like when I went to bed and I woke up and in the morning, sometimes I noticed like this, like white, like streak on the bed. and I was like, well, what, what did this come from? Why, what is it? Is this cum? Did I cum?
Speaker: And I had not like actually cum yet. I didn't know what was. Being visited by the cum fairy. it it was yeah it was like It was kind of like I was being visited by the cum fairy. Just like a mysterious like white stain on my bed. ah Kind of like a a stripe. Kind of like a... ah i if anyone's a mystery, please like let me know because ah it's amusing.
Speaker: I think it was probably your toothpaste leaking out of your mouth when you were breathing it. It was like dripping down my arm because when I brushed my teeth as a child, I was very sloppy.
Speaker: and It would drip down my arm and get on the bed. You were so sloppy with brushing your teeth, you would brush your entire head.
Speaker: no Well, no, you just like use a little bit of toothpaste and just make so much foam. It just like leaks out of your mouth and goes down your... ah and I didn't wipe it off. So you didn't think you were like... You didn't think you were like ejaculating in your underwear. You thought someone was coming coming on your face and body. You were waking up in a bukkake.
Speaker: i didn't know how cum works. There's white stuff coming out of your mouth. I had my first ejaculation. it was like white I just knew it was a white thing that comes out sometimes when you sleep.
Speaker: Wait, some mint flavored cum is all over my bed. didn't smell it. I didn't like sniff test it. You knew a little bit more than it's a white stuff that comes out of you because, or i guess I guess while you sleep, but I was just going to say that you must know more because otherwise every time you brush your teeth, you'd be like, I guess this is what cumming is. I'm frothing. No, no, I didn't.
Speaker: ah No, that wasn't while i was brushing my teeth. afterwards when it was dried up and in my bed. it was a stain on my bed. That does make sense. 10. I had not like actually come yet.
Speaker: Were you disappointed that coming doesn't really feel like anything much at all? I mean, i get I was disappointed because I didn't like come on my bed. You wish you would come on your bed? No, I didn't like it. I thought it was a shameful thing to have on my bed. I'd be scrubbing I'd be like, oh my God, I can't let anyone find out about this.
Speaker: That is the hardest part about puberty if you're a guy. It's just not knowing whether or not you should be ashamed. So you just have shame plus like plus confusion. I just remember my sex ed class, the VHS they played or whatever it was they played for us was only about like ah laundry.
Speaker: it was It was only about the shame of ruining laundry. It was about like a suburban kid whose mom does his laundry and then he comes in his sheets and he has to negotiate like a ah subtle way of asking or telling his mom that he wants to start doing his own laundry.
Speaker: and now It's cool to introduce that. like That's what puberty is. Pretty soon, you're going to start ruining clothes and it's going to be embarrassing. You're going to start like having insight into the magical process that is laundry.
Speaker: So that's why people do laundry. That's why their parents do laundry is because they're embarrassed of all the cum that is in their clothes. yeah Now that you're old enough, you're enjoying the adult world of accidental protein discharge.
Speaker: Would you like to read this rant, Matthew? yes And by the way, ah within this rant, there is a there's an R word because this was posted some years ago.
Speaker: ah But go ahead and feel free to self-censor that. ah Do you think I will or will I won't? or will i won't ah I'm on the edge of my seat. Yeah, you never know, right?
Speaker: ah To all the stupid jocks I know that won't shut up. Don't read this if you love football. I think this a oh this is kind of the same. It's written in a similar way.
Speaker: But guess rants always have all caps kind of littered throughout. They're just following the standard rant writing style. But this was written 13 years ago. to all the stupid jocks I know that won't shut up.
Speaker: Don't read this if you love football. You know, the American one, not soccer. Please don't downvote this just because you like football. That's fine. Go ahead and like it.
Speaker: and don't care. So i fucking hate football. It just drives me crazy whenever someone starts arguing over which team's best and betting on who will win the Super Bowl this year or bragging about how they're a great quarterback.
Speaker: I just don't see the point of the game at all. A bunch of sweaty men, usually men, yes, tackle each other to get the ball to the other end of the field. The ball is retarded too. It's like brown overgrown lemon.
Speaker: Why not a regular fucking round ball? It's stupid. Plus, why couldn't the Americans have thought of their own original practical name for the sport?
Speaker: No, they just had to steal the name of a different sport and call the sport that almost every other country calls football soccer. Why? why not just leave it alone and name their new sport soccer?
Speaker: so Yeah, soccer. The rules are all fucked up and so are all the ridiculous plays the coaches make up. Another thing, how important is it? It's a game.
Speaker: People take it so seriously and have actually seen relationships ripped apart because the couple roots for rival teams. They act like it's the end of the world whenever their fave team loses.
Speaker: Finally, people get badly injured so easily. Why do it? It's stupid. You're risking all your limbs and brain cells just to get a stupid ball to the other side. So shut up and stop talking to me about football.
Speaker: TLDR. Football is really dumb. If you actually took your time to read this, thanks. Why do people drop the ball for TLDRs instead of and just like TLDR?
Speaker: I overreacted. but The TLDR always sucks. It's always weak. i don't I don't get... the There's a disclaimer at the beginning.
Speaker: Like, ah don't read if you love football. Why would you read it if you love football? Why would he want someone who would like doesn't want football to love football to read this? I mean... It's just... a a Some people want to have the safe space to do a flash of impotence because the only way to...
Speaker: I guess just because of the way the phallus works, the only way to have a flash of potence is to jizz everywhere. the The only way to have a flash of impotence is to say, please don't listen to what I'm about to say. i can't believe how stupid everyone is. Um, what did I just say? That's like reverse jizzing. That's what a rant is.
Speaker: He begs them to shut up and stop talking to him about football, but he makes a disclaimer beforehand, like begging the the football lovers not to read it. So I don't know who this is for.
Speaker: They're just surrounded by jocks. They just grew up in a jock town. Yeah. I think this guy loves football. I mean, like this could be any one of us if we had the same upbringing and ah surroundings as this fella. Were you about to Shakespeare this guy, Matthew? Yeah, but I won't. But I do think it's it's like ah we all know how ah homophobic people are actually gay, right? And I think it's a similar here. think I've read that, yeah. Yeah.
Speaker: It's the best way to tell. If you see someone sucking cock, you think that guy is homophobic. Yeah. It's guy. Yeah. You know, I kind of agree with you, Matthew, but I almost feel like it's secondary. I feel like guys who love football secretly hate it. They all downplay it.
Speaker: People who say they hate football and hate jocks who love it, they want to like it, but what they're confused by is why all these guys are going apeshit over a game that they probably secretly find to have all of the flaws that people say it does. like Talking to a real hardcore football fan about the sport,
Speaker: It's really weird how... like I mean, this is kind of every sport. But with football, it's just like... You watch it and you're just like, yeah, turnover. i mean, I don't know. I would say it's fourth and three. You got to do a screen pass. ah They're bored by themselves. Yeah, yeah exactly. They're horrified by themselves. It's very similar to people on Twitter or social media where they're like, they're so addicted. They spend all their day involved. They're like, hell sight. This sucks. Yeah. they don't like it. They don't like what it does to them. And football fans, I think are that way too. They're so disappointed. Yeah. I mean, ah if football was so good, they wouldn't need to pay these guys $30 million dollars to play it. Right.
Speaker: That's true. must with Which is like a good point that I think this guy should have mentioned in his ah rant. If they actually liked football, they would play it for free. Yeah, kind of.
Speaker: This kind besides the point, but I really love the way this post was written. And you can tell was like pre-chat GPT. It's an old post. People don't even talk like this anymore. And I just think it should be like sort of cherished.
Speaker: I love the description of the ball. I won't repeat the word retarded, but I love the comparison. to like It's like a brown overgrown brown lemon. is it so I love that being sufficient to to know that it's like a horrid thing. I mean, the obvious like comparison is like a piece of poop, like brown and round. He doesn't go there. He doesn't go. He doesn't stoop to that level. They repeat the phrase. It's stupid. Multiple times through the post.
Speaker: It's really endearing. It is the kind of thing that ChatGPT was probably, and like Grok was probably trained on, was like stuff like this, saying like, then can we talk about how the football actually looks like a round brown overgrown lemon, except it was going to say like, it's like a round overgrown lemon from hell.
Speaker: You know, like that's kind of how our AI models are constantly improving on this really excellent, delicate writing. Yeah, it's better. You brown overgrown lemon From hell.
Speaker: Yeah. Did you guys ever talk like this at all? A little bit? I had a little bit of rant psychology back when I was in middle school. I think, yeah, this used to be like very popular way to talk.
Speaker: Like, ah it's kind of like Dennis Miller, ah sort of ah Dennis Leary. Yeah. you know like I'm going to sing the asshole song. I'm going to sing a song about being an asshole and then talk about how people are ordering coffee too much. That's one of like the best Dennis ah dennis Miller quotes.
Speaker: That's who he is, right? Dennis Miller? Dennis Leary. Who the fuck is Dennis Miller? The best Dennis Leary quote is don't talk to me before I've had my coffee. I think the best quote from him is I'm going to sing the asshole song.
Speaker: Not singing it, but just I'm going to. i'm about to do this. Hello. Hello. Hey, hold on, I'm about to start. Hold on.
Speaker: One second. The rant also has its own little rhythm. It's kind of just like um you get you get to the edge of any given thought like, I hate football. Here's what I hate most. How people pretend that it's great.
Speaker: I just hate how much they say they love it when they really don't. And it's so... And then like, as if the next thought has anything to do with the previous thought... And it's so boring.
Speaker: But it's just like, well, you, you, yeah, you said that it's fake to like it, but now you're like, not only is it stupid, but it's boring. And not only is it boring and stupid, but it sucks. Right.
Speaker: It's insane. The people that like it are stupid. Right. it's ah It's a delusion. right These guys like this, they watch a George Carlin sketch and then they get all worked up and then they're like, I need something to attack. And what do I not like? The first thing to see is a football.
Speaker: Yeah. And here's another thing. Cars are so stupid. Fire hydrants are so stupid. Why are the why would they get water out of the ground? so insane. You know what really pisses me off? Forks and spoons and shit like that. i mean, are you telling me I can't just eat with my hands? And while I'm at it, fuck getting hungry.
Speaker: What is this bullshit? but You know what? What is digestion? Why am I turning food into shit? why Why do I want shit? Oh, great. I just made food disappear and now my gut is turning it into feekies. Well, great. i guess this food was really yummy, but now it's turned into fecal pieces.
Speaker: I'm going to give someone a disease with my filthy shit. Why? Did I just create a disease-ridden puddle of diarrhea? How is that better than having it be food? Great. I guess I'm going to take a big shit and not wipe my ass and get directly into bed. I'm supposed to like that? Yeah, that's what I want. Yeah, that's really good.
Speaker: That's really nice. Thank God my toilet likes this because I can't imagine a single sane person who would want me to be turning food into this. Making brown overgrown lemons into the toilet.
Speaker: I just ate a lemon and turned it into a brown lemon because that's better. It got overgrown. Great. Overgrown is not good.
Speaker: and My life sucks. Fuck my parents for potty training me, first of all. Fuck you very much. Remember when people used to say that? Yeah. Fuck you very much. Thanks for the drama, Mom and Dad. Yeah, I'm i'm i'm like Bad Santa.
Speaker: I know all the bad shit. Bad Santa said all this stuff? i I'm sure Bad Santa has some good rants in him. Fuck Christmas and Mrs. Claus. you Fuck the elves.
Speaker: I hate the elves. This stuff's for babies. I'm old. I like adults holidays. Yeah, maybe a beer would be better than this bullshit. It should be beer day. Yeah, there's never a rant against beer.
Speaker: It's almost like those two things don't mesh, like like oil and water or water and lightning. You need a beer to rant. Yeah, can we try to do a rant against beer real quick? Well, hold on. yeah i'm I'm going to were search for beer in the rant subreddit.
Speaker: Beer is so bubbly. It makes me burp. ah You know what? It took so long to get drunk with this stuff. You know what? Zero results. Actually, i knew it. Really? wow That's amazing, actually.
Speaker: i guess they just really like beer. bet there's a rant about wine. like the perfect thing. Yep. The rant about wine says, why isn't this shit beer? ah what This is basically just red beer that sucks and has gone flat.
Speaker: Is there really a difference between kinds of wine? Red, white, blue, whatever. Who cares? It's just the color of the skin. What's next? Green? green Yeah, green wine. Who the fuck? What the fuck? And then when the waiter pours a little bit of it in the glass and I'm supposed to know what to do.
Speaker: so was the was supposed to be there? Whenever wine is poured and I'm supposed to be there, i just pretend like I am. great. I think I have to smell it and taste it and give him nod. Here comes the sommelier.
Speaker: oh great. I just got my dick stuck in the decanter. Great. I went to a winery in this ferry. Tried to give me some wine. Kill yourself.
Speaker: Sir, please, do you want to borrow my gun? you should shoot yourself and just get a rolling rock
Speaker: you know what never you know who's never or you know what beverage a guy with a napkin has ever never asked me to taste a rolling rock and that's a mic drop moment let me read this rant from this is a more recent rant this is from three days ago a recent rant well that's nice ring to it huh Here's the title of this one. It is a Can't Handle the Wicked Elderly.
Speaker: is that all elderly or just the this particular type of elderly? Oh, we're getting to it. Guess we'll see. These are the most miserable, nastiest people to exist. This doesn't go for all of them, but many.
Speaker: i sell Medicare Advantage plans and wow, they are so rude. Once they encounter a genuine nice person, they attack and berate that person. Once the nasty ones hear my positive voice or anyone's, they start getting demeaning, mean, and rude.
Speaker: They continue being so rude for no reason. They're energy vampires, psychos, and really bad people. Something is wrong with people out there, especially these rude old boomers for sure.
Speaker: All the mean negative people in my life are the elderly. All they do is denigrate, abuse, or are hardcore, mentally ill narcissists. If they encounter abusive or mean people, they're generally nice to them.
Speaker: I had a mean, nasty customer recently just get so negative and awful towards me and act so rude and narcissistic. The elderly are some of the worst people to exist and people in general out there. Well, there are a lot of psychos and nuts out there.
Speaker: They will harass and abuse nice, kind people and treat smart people like they're idiots and even call them idiots on the phone. They are twisted losers.
Speaker: These are the most obnoxious, sick people you can encounter. I also posted this previously and got hordes of evil people defending the old people's abusive behavior and attacking the victim.
Speaker: This place can be full of the most twisted people to exist. It's scary. they They actually call themselves the victim. That's my role in all this. I'm the victim.
Speaker: Sincerely, the victim. No.
Speaker: Elderly people have it switched to around. like have like Confuse smart people with dumb people. That's the idea. If you're smart, they call you an idiot. But if they meet a mean idiot, they're actually nice to them.
Speaker: e Just due to getting old as fuck, I guess. It's pure evil. Yeah. Can someone wipe my ass? Not you, sweetheart. The bad boy.
Speaker: Sure, I'll wipe your ass. um I get paid to do it any anyway, and it's my passion to help the elderly. Bring in the torturer. i want him to wipe my ass. It's somewhat narcissistic, the one your ass wiped.
Speaker: I can't do it myself, but I would like the evil guy to do it. Wait a minute. This guy sells Medicare Advantage plans. So he like talks to them on the phone yeah and like bothers them. He's bothering them mostly.
Speaker: Yeah. So yeah ah could this be like the reason why he has a bad idea about old people is because he typically has negative interactions with them because He is a ah telemarketer. job is basically... Yeah, they're they're signed up to be tortured by the elderly, it sounds like. He seems very unaware of his bias. It's interesting. To the old people, they're the victims.
Speaker: Oh, yeah. I think the big problem is that all old people think of themselves as sweet old people. You know? And they're just like, why would anything happen to me that's wrong or bad? i'm I've finally become sweet.
Speaker: Right. So a sweet old girl when they finally meet and if they finally meet a victim... well this post how old is this post is the person who posted this and they must be elderly by now they must be from yeah from three days ago okay which I said already well they're more elderly than they were time spares no one even three days at a certain point i think you like a switch is gonna flip with this guy and he's just gonna be like oh now it's my turn to be the nasty man thank god I'm no longer a victim is what they'll say I think the problem also is that sweet old people get ignored so effortlessly. Sweet old people are just like vapor that you walk through and they slip through the the cracks and grates of the of the floor.
Speaker: A sweet old person, you can literally just like... look right through them like a magic eye portrait. But a mean old person demands to be seen because of their ugly attitude and their ugly appearance. And it's a real... Take space. It's a way to remain real is to be a mean old person.
Speaker: The nicer you are as an old person, the more dead you are. You become the walking dead. here Right. Oh, just a nice mist I just walked through. Yeah, let me just facilitate the youthful vigor that's going on around me. all just No resistance here.
Speaker: We already are get wet and hard really easily. We don't want facilitators. You're actually getting in the way, Grandma. You're gumming up the gears. I saw a woman, a young woman talking to an old woman, and it was clear that the young woman was trying to get away and it was kind of cold out. And it was also clear they didn't know each other that well.
Speaker: But she was like, it's so good to talk to you. I guess maybe I'll see you tomorrow. and the old woman's like, wait a minute. What did you say you did for work again? And she was like, I work in film. And she goes, oh, film. OK. And then the lady's about to go. Yep. film Anyway, see you. But then the old lady goes, what film?
Speaker: and It was game over. That's what a that's not there nice old person is like. You get fucking quizzed. The nice ones are kind of the worst is what you're saying actually. It is what I'm saying. at least for The nice ones of anything are the worst I guess. This guy's saying it too. The old people don't like the nice young people. We don't like nice old people.
Speaker: It's not good to be nice. No, you're right. It's just like, I'll just help move everything along. It's like, okay, well, I'm going step on you like the way I step on the sidewalk. Spineless bastard. You're a bastard to me, if you're nice.
Speaker: Yeah. i miss You know what I love to do is mistake people's kindness for weakness. Yeah, you like do that. That's good. You ever meet someone who says... kindness for weakness Let's do it for that guy.
Speaker: I'm doing it deliberately. That's right. I'm not even stupid. I'm just badly motivated. But you ever meet like a really insecure person who's like, i hate when people mistake my kindness for weakness. I want to like grab those people and be like, that is not something that that happens.
Speaker: It's not a mistake. If people are taking advantage of you because you're kind... You're just being too kind. Yeah, you can only be taken advantage of because of your weakness.
Speaker: It's not a mistake. I think everyone just thinks you're weak because you're a weak person. yeah If you're getting a massage from a big strong man and you think, this fucking weakling... If anyone says, I hate having my kindness mistaken for weakness, just tell them, actually, you're mistaking your own weakness for kindness.
Speaker: okay Damn. um Pierce, why don't you read this one? This is a good one for you.
Speaker: Oh, no. This rant is called, Humans are the source of all evil. All humans should die. And before you come for me, I'm not saying we should purposefully kill off the species, but if a natural disaster were to happen that kills off the entire human race, it would be a good thing.
Speaker: I also personally think people who deliberately kill slash hurt or attempt to kill slash hurt animals for no valid reason should get life in jail. I also think animal testing for any reason besides animal...
Speaker: Medicine should be banned. I don't fucking care about science. When can we literally test on grapists and people on death row? oh I don't care about science when we can literally test on grapists and people on death row.
Speaker: And we'd get more accurate results. Why we as humans put ourselves above all other life forms like we aren't just animals? There are apes going in the Stone Age. Give it a million years with no intervention and they will be the next humans. We are not special. We are just first.
Speaker: I highly doubt that the apes will be able to even continue on with the revolution, though, because humans are probably going to do everything to stop it so they can continue being the only species in power.
Speaker: Notice how humans are the only species that if completely killed off would not bring any consequences to the order of nature. in In fact, things would get better. In the case there are consequences, they will be remnants from what we created.
Speaker: oh my god. I love that's that's me the idea that if we did scientific testing on rapists, we'd get more accurate results. laughter ah That's such an interesting, oh fascinating.
Speaker: I like the idea that the entire human project is just to stop apes from evolving. That's what we're doing. op them from evolving Yeah, the the apes like we're supposed to evolve into something even better than us, but we fucked it up for them.
Speaker: No, let won't let you evolve in a million years. We want all the power. keep the power. We'll plenty. We'll leave all of you in the dust. An ape like holding up a stick proudly that he uses to catch termites. um I'll be taking that. but And I'm going to use this to hit a child.
Speaker: Because I'm evil. I'm evil too. And notice how humans are the only species that if completely killed off, there'd be no consequences to the order of nature. Nothing would happen. True. Nothing.
Speaker: If every human simply burst. Nothing. Sorry. No effect. Because that's not we're not part of nature. Nature would just keep going.
Speaker: Yeah, let's go. Nature would be fine. Yeah. It is fun to think about. Like, who do you think would be the obviously dogs and cats would be the first person people to realize first. Well, I guess they're the new people. They have all of our stuff.
Speaker: They get all the power? Well, they're they're at least the first folks to notice that we've burst. And they're slowly spreading it to the rest of the animal kingdom. they probably would take over because they would notice. yeah They'd notice. And then you know what they'd probably do is like you know the king is dead. Long live the king. The dogs and the cats would try to trick the rest of the animals into thinking, like no, the humans are still... they Where are they? They're just over there. and hiding They're just hiding. We'll convey the orders.
Speaker: He'll tell you what the humans want. Yeah, exactly. Keep being in zoos. Keep being in zoos, everyone else. And your zoos. The humans are still around. They want you to be in there. yeah Why are no humans coming to see us in the zoos anymore? i'm an ape An ape in a zoo thinking, oh my life has no purpose. No humans want to see me anymore. Should I be more entertaining? Yeah.
Speaker: because The guys and dogs are like, you're doing great. They just are busy right now. Keep being an ape in a cage. what would be the What would be the second best animal to completely wipe out?
Speaker: Elephants. I think like ah whatever the like dolphins maybe. Because they're just as ah conniving rapists as humans. Right. Good point. Yeah. I mean, all they do is eat fish. And like, ah you know, if the dolphins were all gone, the fish would be able to evolve into the final form. I like the part where he said, I think animal testing for any reason besides animal medicine should be banned.
Speaker: So you can still test on animals. But as long as it goes to like sort of helping a a rabbit's arthritis, it's fine. I wonder if they think the same thing about testing on rapists and people on death row is like your only medicine should only help rapists.
Speaker: if If you like accidentally discover the cure for cancer while curing a ah rat's cancer, you shouldn't use it because it's not valid. Yeah. Sorry. You didn't deserve, you didn't sacrifice any of your own species. So you're not going to get the benefits.
Speaker: Well, they do start by saying, i mean, the very first sentence is all humans should die. And before you come for me I'm not saying we should purposely kill them off.
Speaker: Yeah, they should simply perish. They should simply waste away. This is such a pick-me behavior. Guys, i'm I'm on team animal. Look, they don't accept you. they don't You're not part of the woodland creatures. Stop acting like you're representing them.
Speaker: They think you're gross. Yeah. I think the animal would kill you. What, we kill you? Animals love killing. they they love they're They're like humans without the morality code.
Speaker: Yeah, the only reason why we like animals is because we have cool humans around to protect us from them. Park rangers. Yeah, park rangers make animals palatable. Dog catchers. Dog catchers.
Speaker: These are the frontline heroes. Guys with mitts. Yeah, if we just had dogs around unmediated by dog catchers, it'd be pathetic. um is d shit It'd be completely pathetic.
Speaker: if dogs were able to be who they are we'd be embarrassed for them pity them oh great they're running around and and chewing and biting and barking someone's gotta you know what a person says i wish my dog could talk i wish i could hear all my dogs rest on me test on me me into medicine It's crazy that people think we don't hear animals talking. It's just what they say is so inane and incomprehensible.
Speaker: We tend to ignore it. etic We do ignore it. They're just doing yips and howls and shit. They talk. They're just not interesting. yeah It's not interesting. No, they're not very interesting. wish should be if only animals were interesting. If only they actually had cool passions and got involved in interesting activities and had something substantial to say. If a dog did this to me, yip, yip, yip. he doesn't have to have language but if he just sort of scattered if he rumped yeah and then yeah like blinked on beat i would be like he's communicating in a way that i actually feel like i understand i wish my dog had a full understanding of all ah philosophical concepts could so he could have an existential crisis at the age of seven yeah i wish but but no he just hates peanut butter
Speaker: My dad thinks the same way where he's like, when humans die, we're obviously going to be replaced by something even better than what we are. We're bad and we deserve to die. But if we do die, the bright side is that there will be a good human to replace us, whatever that is. And I'm like,
Speaker: Whatever that is will still be a human, man. It's like, no no, no. I'm talking about like if a like if a dog gets super smart and walks on two legs and invents society. I'm like, yeah, that's a human. That's it's just but that's just a different... now oh they will They will have giant building-sized fire hydrants. And instead of sitting down to eat a breakfast burrito, they will sit down to eat a bone-shaped breakfast burrito. they'll be like the dogs on Paw Patrol where they just they're nice you know they'll s the world they help people and Paw Patrol is about police officers who happen to be anthropomorphic dogs I think they're like police officers who hang out with the firemen and they're all public servants like it's a cop dog and a fire dog and then there's a plane a pilot dog there's like an electrician dog a plumber dog a nurse dog sexy nurse dog sexy huh
Speaker: Well, there's a sexy nurse dog. There's a sexy maid dog. um There's like a stepsister dog. um There's a babysitter dog. Co-ed.
Speaker: Yeah, co-ed, Catholic school girl. um of time a time freeze dog. That's pretty good.
Speaker: Yeah. um A wrestling dog. What are their fetishes? There should be dogs who can see through clothes. LAUGHTER
Speaker: Wouldn't it be awesome if there was a dog who could accurately guess any woman's ah bra size? Wouldn't that be amazing? and would be Amazing for a dog. Or there should be a dog like that.
Speaker: This one is the kind of the most useless rant I've i've seen on the subreddit. ah Matthew maybe... Maybe you should read that. I almost feel like this is something you would relate to or I don't know. It feels like so maybe a different version of you could have written this rant.
Speaker: ah Yeah, you might be right. Okay. um It is what it is, is the most useless phrase in existence. I'm so tired of people saying it is what it is. Like they just dropped some profound wisdom.
Speaker: That's not acceptance. That's not being philosophical. That's verbal shrugging. It's the conversational equivalent of doing absolutely nothing. Someone vents about a real problem and the response is, well, it is what it is.
Speaker: Okay? What does that contribute? What problem does that solve? Literally saying nothing would be more helpful because at least then I wouldn't have to hear this empty-ass phrase pretending to be meaningful.
Speaker: I was playing Jackpot City on my laptop last night and got so frustrated I had to take a break. And when I complain to my roommate, he just goes, it is what it is, bro.
Speaker: No, it's not helping. You're just avoiding actually engaging with anything. It's because this catch-all excuse to not engage with anything difficult. Don't want to talk about a problem? It is what it is.
Speaker: Don't want to take responsibility? It is what it is. Don't want to actually think about something? It is what it is. Sounds philosophical while being completely fucking empty. It's intellectual laziness disguised as Zen acceptance.
Speaker: And people say it with a smug little nod like they just imparted ancient wisdom when really they just said thing equals thing and called it a day. Just say you don't know what to say or that you don't care or literally anything else.
Speaker: But stop pretending this circular nothing statement is deep when I'm trying to play Jackpot City.
Speaker: Hey, man, I didn't win the jackpot. I spun the lever. It must have been a hundred times and I never won it. It is what it is. No, it isn't. It's something that it isn't.
Speaker: No respect for language. My roommate did not console me properly when I lost mode too many jackpots. it's it's It is an online gambling thing, just to be clear. It's very funny to disagree and get triggered by it. is what It is what it is. It's just like ah it's bait.
Speaker: Like, don't get triggered by this. We as normal people who live in reality, we all agree that we won't get triggered by the statement, it is what it is. Because it is surface level and nothing and and not deep.
Speaker: But we just say it to sort of ground ourselves like, you know, it's it's like twiddling our thumbs or whatever. It's just a we're stimming when we say that. But to get frustrated by that is just be like, what well, what's the counter argument to it is or what it is? you know I don't accept reality.
Speaker: Because that's all the statement is just like, this is reality. No, you fucking asshole. Yes, fight. Fight. fight Do you guys know Jackpot City has officially closed?
Speaker: Really? Yeah. yeah this It's gone. So it really isn't well really isn't what it is. Caesar's Palace online casino. Yeah, you can download the Caesars, and we should just say this for the podcasters in general. You can download the Caesars Palace Online Casino for iOS or Android.
Speaker: So if you if you want to play... You get what you get. And then you get what you get. And it is what it is. what it is It is what it is. When I was in seventh grade... It ain't what it ain't. I went school dance, and I remember trying to have really deep, meaningful conversation with ah my crush at the time. I tried to...
Speaker: get her interested in talking about something I found really deep. And she said, okay, to me i went home that night and I wrote like a 10 page essay about ah people saying, okay,
Speaker: how pathetic and meaningless that is and how that's not very similar rant I think and similar motivation feeling slightly rejected i wish you could find that rant I'd love to hear it yeah do you remember what the deep thing was you came at her with ah I don't know it was pathetic probably I'm pathetic. If only Reddit had existed back then, we could have just went to your user history. No. Instead, was in my zanga.
Speaker: My zanga. My zanga. zanga. My zanga. ah We here at Chamber of Reason support ah all forms of circular reasoning, ah empty statements, and that sort of crap. So we disagree with this ranter. We support it is what it is. We'll we'll say whatever is necessary to like calm down an insane person who is deranged from losing too much at casino games.
Speaker: Yes, language is only therapeutic. ah it's We're not trying to discover the truth. We're just trying to calm down some irate people. Some ah freaking out roommates.
Speaker: Why don't these roommates start taking their meds, honestly? I just want my roommate to get better at casino games.
Speaker: Every day you have to die, son. Every day you have to cry, son. For the rumour of all these good times are past and gone.
Speaker: Wipe the tears from your eyes, son. For the landing. They found you for a friend.
