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100: Learning How To TWIRL Through Stress and Anxious Thoughts (Part 2)
73 Plays3 months ago
When we are stressed and anxious, our tendency is to retreat within ourselves and isolate. This is the exact opposite of what we need to do! Developed by Dr. Laura Fleetwood as a doctoral research project, TWIRL is a 4-hour, in-person workshop that tween girls attend with their mom or primary female caregiver. Using the TWIRL imagery and acronym, Laura shares Messy Miracle stories from her own tween & teen years and provides tangible steps for young girls to come out of hiding and TWIRL their way through life.
On this week’s episode, Jill Devine sat down with Missy Wohldmann and her two daughters, Alix and Morgan. Alix will be entering 6th grade this coming school year and Morgan will be entering 5th grade. Missy and her daughters attended the TWIRL workshop and shared their experience with Jill and Laura.
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Normal Goes A Long Way is brought to you by Messiah St. Charles: https://messiahstcharles.org/
Seeking The Still: https://seekingthestill.com/
Two Kids and A Career: https://www.jilldevine.com/podcast
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Transcript
Introduction to Podcast and Host
00:00:00
Speaker
The following podcast is a Jill Devine Media production. Christianity has become known for judgy people, strange words, ancient stories, confusing rules, and a members-only mindset. This is why I stayed away from the church for so long, but it's not supposed to be that way. I'm Jill Devine, a former radio personality with three tattoos, a love for a good tequila, and who's never read the entire Bible. Yet here I am hosting a podcast about faith. The normal goes a long way podcast is your home for real conversations with real people using real language about how faith and real life intersect. Welcome to the conversation.
The Twirl Experience with Guests
00:00:39
Speaker
We are getting ready to start part two of our conversation with Missy, Alex, Morgan, and Laura Fleetwood. In episode 99, you got to get the first part, the first introduction of the girls and their mom and the twirl experience that they had with Laura Fleetwood. We're going to continue that conversation right now in episode 100 of Normal Goes a Long Way.
Improving Listening Skills
00:01:06
Speaker
We talked a lot about what it means to be a good listener right and to practice um listening skills. So they did a little activity with that where they had to learn about
00:01:16
Speaker
um an event that one of them was at, but the other one wasn't and they had to ask open-ended questions and to learn as many details as they could about the event. So that was huge. Just learning to verbalize what is stressful is is is ah is a big deal and to feel safe and know who's on your team that you can, you know, who's trustworthy that you can share with. So not only are you providing tips and experiences for the girls, but you're also providing them for the mom? Oh, for sure. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Okay. So tell me a few things that were takeaways for you, that maybe you're like, Oh, I did not know that. Or this is how I should approach things. Yeah. um So and I will say, ah also, to your point, when we talk about just allowing so a safe place for them to
00:02:08
Speaker
verbalize it. I learned probably a couple of years ago, but it just always stuck with me that as parents, we're so used to telling our kids like, you're okay. You're okay. Like if they get hurt or if they whatever. You're okay. You're okay. Brush it off. It's going to be okay. And so then when they get a little older, then we're like, why aren't you talking to me about this? Because I just told you for four years that you're okay. The smallest inconveniences came up. You know, at the workshop. I think it was really it was just how you present itself, you know that that you want to you want to have a relaxed body language and we talked about, ah you know, just the different environments that you can
00:02:48
Speaker
put yourself in so it's you don't to have to sit down at table you know and that's the time that you're gonna share about you know all your stresses.
Night Talks Method
00:02:55
Speaker
yeah um A really good suggestion that I i loved hearing was that you um have like what you call night talk dark talks. Night talks. Night talks. So yeah, so you were you just like turn off the light and there's no expectations but it's just you know you're kind of like you're not just like staring eye to eye. There's no like you know pressure but you can um just kind of freely talk with complete darkness and for some reason that really struck me that that would be a a nice, safe environment. What did you find surprising, Laura, that your first time putting this workshop together that you witnessed? I was so surprised in a pleasant way at like the cop the depth of the conversation that was happening at the tables. Um, one of my friends was there and she said, gosh, Laura, I just looked over at you at one point and when all the tables were talking,
00:03:43
Speaker
and you were just like beaming at everybody because, and I was because I thought, I didn't know if it would feel contrived, like forced conversation, um but like everybody seemed relaxed and like opening up and that was a pleasant surprise that that they really got it and that they wanted to use this time um to have conversations that maybe they haven't had before. there They just hadn't had the opportunity or didn't think of of having What about ah for each of you, Alex and Morgan, a takeaway that you had that maybe you weren't, you didn't know, oh, this is something that I can do to help, or just something from that night that you really just keep thinking about, or you now know how to use in your everyday life. I like how cheap how you explained how many like different ways to deal with stress. Like if I'm ever feeling stressed now, I know like five other ways I can deal with it, rather than just breathing in and out.
00:04:40
Speaker
Oh yes. Give me another one besides breathing in and out. You told us like you can rub yourself, like gently rub yourself. On your arms. Yeah. Humming. Humming. I mean and know. I think we're going to keep that one. So they were still walking around and we see us humming. Then you know. working we're working through some i do it all the time and Okay yeah and walking like walking Okay, so what about you Alex what was something that you took away What's interesting
00:05:15
Speaker
And I thought, well, how cool
Emotional Understanding Through 'Inside Out 2'
00:05:18
Speaker
is this? A movie comes out called Inside Out 2. And Laura and I were talking about it. So my girls loved the first one. And then they, of course, wanted to see the second one. And so um we took them. And luckily there was somebody that we knew who had went before and said, Hey, here's something that you might want to talk to your girls about. Anxiety plays a big role in this movie and they may not understand what anxiety is. And so they gave us some, some tips and some questions. So as we were driving, we started talking to the girls like, Oh, I can't wait to see all the new emotions and which one are you most excited for? And they, based on the looks, they were like, Oh, we, we're excited about envy, but what is envy? And so then we talked about that and then they always hear anxiety and they, they hear it also from me personally. And, um, I said, do you know what anxiety means? And they both kind of said, well kind of, but we don't really know how to word it.
00:06:25
Speaker
And then I think the oldest one said something like, oh, when you're just thinking about something over and over and over and over again. And I said, yeah, or like a good example was you lost your toy and you don't know where your toy is and you just keep thinking about it and you keep thinking about it. So that was a really good conversation. Well, then. In the movie, I won't spoil in it, but there's the end part. Have you all seen it? Yes. Okay. Yes. My youngest later said, I didn't like that. I didn't, I didn't like the way that that was happening. And I, he was like spinning control. yes and Yeah.
00:07:03
Speaker
And so that even gave us an opportunity. So then Laura and I started talking about it and tell your inside out to story from your daughter. So my two girls who are almost 20 and almost 18, two adult girls, I can't believe it. They went to see it and um Audrey came home and she's like, mom, before you do your first twirl workshop, you have got to see inside out too, because there's so many similarities between what you're going to talk about. I was like, oh, okay. You know, so she went with me and there, there were so many crazy things, but, um, one of the tip steps of twirl is to indulge in things that bring you joy. And so we have everybody make a joy list and talk about how important joy is in counteracting stress.
00:07:56
Speaker
It's one of the things, it's one of the ways God made us to release stress is to use joy. And so it was so interesting that in the movie, it literally was joy, like fighting the whole time, trying to get back and help anxiety not be in control, right? So there's this moment, and this doesn't ruin anything, but there's this moment at the end where anxiety is spinning. It's probably the one that your daughter was talking about being kind of scary because anxiety has taken over. And so Riley, the girl, is like, You know, she's really upset and all these thoughts are in her head and she's playing ice hockey. And Joy is trying to take over control of her mind, but she can't get, you know, the, the lever. And then Riley does something amazing on the ice. She twirls. She spins around and I'm sure nobody, you guys probably didn't even remember that she did that, but next time you watch it, you'll see at that very moment, she has to make a decision. Is she going to keep letting anxiety take over?
00:08:55
Speaker
Or is she
Embracing Messy Miracles
00:08:57
Speaker
going to let Joy take over? And so she twirls and that's when Joy takes the reign and then she starts like letting go of all this anxiety and just having fun and like remembering why she loved to play ice hockey in the first place. And so i my jaw just dropped open in the cedar and I just started, you know, like getting teary eyed. And then at the end, um She says, Joy is is talking about Riley, and she says, we love Riley, every messy, beautiful part of her. And messy miracle is what I call the girls and the moms. I call them messy miracles, because we all have like this this messy part of life right that happens, but we're all God's miracles, so like we're both at the same time, and we have to accept.
00:09:44
Speaker
both sides of that and accept both sides of that in others. And so and she goes, every messy, beautiful part of her, I'm like, that's messy miracle. And then my mom went and watched it and she's like, Laura, you know, my mom, like, did you have any involvement in that movie? I'm like, no. I forgot to mention. Didn't he called me and asked me to, you know, help them with the script? No. But that's like how similar the twirl technique is to the movie. So it was just really cool. It was a really cool guide moment. Cause that was only two days before this workshop. And so it was this affirmation that yes, like we're on the right track. And the whole point of twirl is that we can be prepared.
Preparing Emotional Tools for Challenges
00:10:29
Speaker
Like we can have these tools ready so that when life does get hard and it will,
00:10:35
Speaker
It's hard for all of us. There's just a confidence knowing that I've got these tools in my in my tool belt. i I know now that I can talk to my team, that I can walk and calm my body. I can indulge in things that bring me joy. I can rest and I can let go of the outcome. And so we just it takes away some of the fear, I think. And what you were saying about um fearing the middle school and teenage years as a girl's mom or mom of girls, I will say those were the best years. I have loved being a mom of middle school and teenage girls more than little's because little's was stressful for me. um But just watching my girls grow up and
00:11:15
Speaker
thrive and seeing them take off like butterflies, which is another thing we talk about, how butterflies have to fight their way out of the cocoon to become strong. it's You don't have to be afraid. you guys You guys, you have a good relationship and you'll be able to twirl through whatever comes your way. These two are hugging each other right now. One is hugging the other one a little bit more. And what I also think is very important in what you said is emotions exist together. yeah like You can have joy and anxiety. You can have grief
00:11:52
Speaker
and whatever, hopeful. you right it can be You're not trying to get rid of anything. We're trying to cope so that it it doesn't present itself so quickly. And when it does present itself, we know how to take care of it. Right. I mean, think about Joy in in Inside Out 2. She tries to get rid of all the bad memories, right? She sends all the bad memories off to the back of the mind. And then at the end, they all come crashing in and she realizes, oh no, these things that were hard are just as much a part of Riley being who she is as these parts that were happy. And so we need all, and that goes back to God. God works the good in everything, even the hard times. And so it's it's not anything to be afraid of, it's just that we do it together. We do it as a team, we work through the hard things together and it can be beautiful.
00:12:48
Speaker
So if you two are going through it now and you're having these hard times and I would like to know what you would tell me and my girls as they start to grow up, what do you tell them as ah as an older buddy, as a friend, think about you as a mentor to these littles? Like, what do you tell them? I would tell them that um other people are probably going to have more than you, but that's not a reason for you to have for you to want to have it too. e Can you tell me why you're crying? Would you like to or just?
00:13:29
Speaker
It's okay. You don't know. You're just crying. Are you nervous about going into fifth grade? Yeah. Yeah. And are you nervous because is it stuff that you've seen with your sister? Okay. Yeah. And guess what? Look at your team. Look at your sister and your mom who are here to help you and look at what you can do for yourself. Laura, what would you what would you say to her if she was just, well, right now, look at her. she's she's
00:14:02
Speaker
Big emotions. Yeah, big emotions. And that's OK. It is the best thing in the world to express your emotions. And if you feel like you want to cry, don't hold it back. Because crying is actually another way that the body, remember how we talked about the revving system and the calming system? Crying engages your calming system. So it'll actually help you. And I know that thinking about things you haven't experienced yet can feel scary, right? But when you remember that God is gonna be with you by your side every minute and that you've got amazing teachers in your school and an amazing mom and an amazing sister, all you have to do is remember to to twirl, to tell them when you're worried about something, to um get rid of those, you know, that anxious feeling by doing the shaking and the breathing and the walking. and
00:14:59
Speaker
move in your body. I think you girls probably do a lot of that anyway in sports, so you have plenty of opportunity to work that out. And then do things that make you happy and um give the outcome to God. He's going to be walking with you every step of the way. And I promise that even even though there might be some hard days, there's more good days. Yeah. And you're it's exciting. God's got a plan for you, for both of you girls. I can't wait to see what he's going to do in your life. Do you want to shake it out? You want to shake it out? Shake it off. Shake it off. Shake, shake. That was another one of them we talked to. Yeah, no kidding. You play Taylor Swift and shake it off. Well, you know, I'm in the stage right now. I don't know if you know who Rosie is. I think she's on PBS, but she flops. This is something that my youngest will watch with my grandparents. And whenever she gets so frustrated or sad or upset, she flops. And that's how she gets it all out. So that's what I was thinking. Flops.
00:15:58
Speaker
um ah whatever whatever works My heart hurts for your tears, but I know as a mom, like we can't take away any of the hard days. we're gonna have we We continue to have hard days all the time. um I wish we could take them away, but it's about being there. And like Laura said, if your coping mechanism is to, to cry and get it out. Just don't forget to talk to someone, whether it's your sister, whether it's your mom or you find someone else who is able to talk you through things and don't ever let someone one make you feel bad or make you feel less than because that's not your person. This is the last thing any of us moms ever want to see with our kiddos. Just know that and know that we're all here.
00:16:50
Speaker
Yeah, you've got a big old teen. And I bet if you talk to some of your friends, they're feeling the same way, too. Like, any time, actually, any time you go into a new grade, I remember that those butterflies in my stomach, any time fall would come around, because you know it's a new teacher. And you don't know necessarily who's going to be in your class. Like, people who were in your class last year aren't in your class this year. And so it's a different dynamic. But even that is an opportunity to get to know new kids. So just one day at a time. We'll just do it one day at a time. Well Missy, we I just am so thankful that you were willing to come on and both of you girls, of course. I love seeing you and your family. I love the positivity. You guys are such an inspiration and you're like little role models. And listen, it's really helpful that you all went to this before school starts because now you're equipped and you're ready. Final thoughts anyone?
00:17:45
Speaker
I did want to mention and in Inside Out 2, you guys mentioned how like it's easy to like mix emotions. Inside Out 2 if you looked at the emotions, there was like ones that were yellow and blue that are like mixed together. So like Joy and Sun are mixed together on the little memory walls. I did not even pick that up. I didn't either. What a great thing for me to remember. her Oh yeah. So then they work together and they create that color. Like, you know, like you'd see a little bit of like green mixed in, uh, splattered in some places and then be red, red for the rest. It was like disgust and anger. We're mixed together in that memory. Our memories. Yeah. with anxiety Enjoy. Enjoy. a new emotion There was an anxiety and joy memory. I think it was when she was in the box.
00:18:31
Speaker
Oh, you are so wise. I didn't even pick that up. Nope. See, next time I see it, it's going to be a whole new perspective. Well, best of luck to you girls. I'll be seeing you around. Remember what took place when you were at Twirl. Remember that you have anybody that you can talk to. I'm really hopeful for this next generation. I really am too. Because I think um us growing up, like we didn't have permission necessarily to talk about all these emotions. I don't know about you guys, but it was just very much just get through it. yeah Like put on your face and power through. And then we started getting all these statistics about anxiety and stuff. And um I think now that we understand the impact, we can be more proactive.
Hope for Future Generations
00:19:20
Speaker
and I see you girls and just your ability to verbalize what you're afraid, like I never could have done that. no I never could have talked about what I was really feeling because I buried it so much. So i I'm really hopeful for what the world's gonna be like for you guys. You're gonna have so many tools and just the freedom to really be honest about the things that that life brings you and that's that's good. stress, anxiety, anything you know that we can talk about. We can talk about what's going on on the inside, the things that people can't see. um so any you know Mental health's always been a big.
00:19:54
Speaker
you know, we're just, we're we're free talking household just because um we'd like to be able to talk about, you know, mental health and what's going on on, you know, inside of our brains or inside of our bodies and you know, how that's feeling and um you know, that, that what people see on the outside. and And we remember that with, when it comes to all of our friends too, that what we see on the outside isn't, isn't the whole story that they all have. now They all have what's going on on the inside. Absolutely.
Conclusion and Resources
00:20:18
Speaker
We'll have more information about how you can get ahold of Laura and the Twirl Workshop at normalgoesalongway.com. this is This is changing lives. It's making a difference and you see it right here. So thank you, Laura. Thank you, Dr. Fleetwood. You're welcome. It's a dream come true. And I'm always going to remember you guys.
00:20:37
Speaker
You're not the first one. Yeah, it's so cool. So special special place. Well, thank you Alex Morgan and Missy Again, I wish you the best school year. Yeah. Yeah, take that summer. Enjoy it And if you have any questions about twirl or mental health You please reach out to us because we want to be here for you. Thank you thank you you you