Transcript
Speaker: Come on, it'll be just like in the movies. We'll pretend to be someone else. You don't just lie for no reason at all, folks. You know, just all of a sudden. A big lie will spill out of your evil head there. You know a guy will come up and go, hey, you ever see that movie with Meryl Streep and the horse? And then you go.
Speaker: Yes! man va gra What the hell am I lying about over here? I stand to gain nothing by this lie. i Roll the dice and take your chances. You know something, Marge? It's not that tough being a film cricket.
Speaker: Stay a while and listen.
Speaker: Let's begin now. Welcome to your double feature part silver screen critique. Part dungeon crawl survival. Adjust your speaker boxes, kill the headlights. Let's roll for initiative.
Speaker: I'm Andy Wilson and welcome. to this first episode of Dungeons & Drive -Ins. So, What is this thing? Let's... talk about it for a moment. Those of you who know me, know that for the last 10 -15 years I have worked on and off as a film critic.
Speaker: ah writing for. various websites and doing numerous other podcasts. I've Always. had a giant list of films that I've never been able to get around to.
Speaker: I think all of us do. And, I think that is a pretty universal feeling, even among even professional film critics. there's just blind spots we have. There are simply too many films out there for all of us to have been like, oh yeah, I've seen All of those.
Speaker: And at this time where we are asking ourselves, well, what is a film critic? group. We're... You know, influencers on on TikTok are saying, well, I'm a film critic. And we're saying, well, are you? are you know, did the... Did the film critic fairy come along and and and tap you on the head and say, yes, you are a film critic? What makes you a critic? Well,
Speaker: I think we have you know what I like to refer to as the Batman rule. wet. what Batman tells Rachel at the end of... Batman Begins. It's not who I am, it's what I do.
Speaker: and I think anyone, who engages in thoughtful criticism. of media. is in a way a critic. Now a critic can be... Well informed? with a vast knowledge of a lot of different things they might have.
Speaker: ah Like I have taken. taking university level classes in film history and various other things that inform those opinions someone who has worked professionally and written under deadline gotten paid to produce things and say, This is good. This is bad. I think all of those can be qualifiers, but you know, We all have opinions.
Speaker: And I think that's fine. And yet... I still have. destiny. giant backlog of films. that I've never gotten to. and I always kind of feel guilty about it.
Speaker: Those of you who know me, It shouldn't surprise you. that I scribble in a lot of ways, with ADHD. I think a lot of us do. the way that my ADHD manifests itself often.
Speaker: is through. crippling, choice paralysis. So many of us. face this very same problem. especially in the era of streaming. where you sit. And you are looking at Netflix.
Speaker: or HBO Max. Or peacock. or Amazon. and You just scroll and scroll and scroll and scroll and scroll. and can't decide what to watch. So what should we do?
Speaker: Well, Let's - take both of these problems and figure out a way to solve both of them One of the other things that I really loved and that I've become incredibly interested in in the last many years.
Speaker: is Dungeons & Dragons. It is... one of the fastest growing and most popular hobbies, in America today. There are. So many. D and &D podcasts and actual plays out there. and so i thought well why don't I try to combine both of these.
Speaker: two loves. Why don't I take? My... backlog of films that I want to get to. and come up with a system. where I roll dice,
Speaker: and figure out what to watch next. and bring in my my friends and colleagues, and other interesting people and have conversations about the movies that we watch.
Speaker: And then let's play a little D &D game afterwards. based on the plot. the the contrivances. Uh, the whatever. And i I think that that could be a really good time.
Speaker: on one of our past podcasts. that we did kiss your franchise goodbye. When? We were going through the Disney princesses. one of our favorite things that we did was I would always fill out a character sheet.
Speaker: for each of the Disney princesses, and I would say what each of them. work. And ah so i I think that that is... fun. and uh, Bye. Bye. best friend since high school jb flinders always said oh well you know it would be really funny if you Took all of those character sheets and like.
Speaker: bundled them. into a book and Like... printed that and made that available to people. And I'm like, that's, that's an interesting idea. You know, there's, i'm I'm sure all of those things exist and, and I'm sure that the Disney corporation would have no problem with me. doing something like that.
Speaker: So obviously, no, I'm not going to do that. ah But... What if we... Adieu. ah Similar things ah to that as we make our way through everything that we...
Speaker: everything that we want to watch. ah in This Movie Podcast. So. ah That is sort of the goal. of what I want to do. I, want this to be Fun.
Speaker: First and foremost, Sometimes it's like, especially watching older films or something, it can feel like Oh, Dwight. Am I going to end up eating my vegetables? I don't want this to be that sort of podcast. I want this to, I want us to enjoy ourselves.
Speaker: There is a joke in... 30 Rock. where Liz Lemon talked about how She and her roommate kept trying to watch the AFI Top 100. but they'd only ever just watched Tootsie in Star Wars?
Speaker: And I think that that, again, is like a common occurrence. So let's develop. a support system where we can make our way through all of those different things so to wit. I have created a system. where We go through a lot of different types of films.
Speaker: that hopefully not only get through the backlog of like the the greatest films of all time that i still haven't seen Like, I'm sorry All About Eve, I have never seen you. You are high on my list. I...
Speaker: I have been meaning to watch you for over a decade. and never gotten around to it. Hopefully. That changes now. So. Here's the system. every game.
Speaker: at the end. We are going to roll a d20. depending on how the D20 rolls up. that's going to be a different. sub -genre, or list of films.
Speaker: And then... We're going to roll a... ah We're going to roll three d10s. in most of these because most of these lists are at least 100, in many cases, many hundreds.
Speaker: And we'll come up with what number. Down that list, we... We will go. And... Then I'll look at that list. We'll say, this is the movie. And I'll say, have I seen it or not?
Speaker: Yes or no. And if I have, then we'll just go up the list. until I get to the next one. That's... that I haven't seen, and we'll do that.
Speaker: We're also going to uh, allow ah guests to bring on their' their films that they want to watch. so we might end up you know watching things that i have seen which is fine and uh one thing that we did on kiss your franchise goodbye that i always loved was we said on your birthday.
Speaker: guests get to pick their movie. So our main cast? ah you know five or six times a year, they're going to get to shoes. a random film. And they're going to they're going to get to bring it. And hopefully it's something I haven't seen. because that That will be fun.
Speaker: ah but ah But if not, it is it is, you know, it's your birthday. The birthday the birthday girl or birthday boy gets to pick. whatever they want. And... That should be fun. Okay, so here... are the subgenres we're going to look at.
Speaker: Of course. rolling in that one. it It seemed only appropriate. that we should watch. Razzy winners. or ah movies with 0%. on Rotten Tomatoes So, I took all of the Razzie winners. I took Rotten Tomatoes' worst movies.
Speaker: I put them in. the spreadsheet. Number two is the opposite, Oscar Best Picture winners. three. ah Can Palme d 'Or winners? Four AFI 100 Years 100 movies.
Speaker: 5. The Sight and Sound Greatest Films List 6. The Letterboxd Top 250 7. IMDb Top 250 ate the top 250 most fans on Letterboxd.
Speaker: and nine ah top players. box office by year. So we'll go. uh back you know, the last hundred years and choose the the number one movie of the year. Uh... Why? do 2 through 9 as sort of the Beep.
Speaker: the big lists, the most obvious things? Well, because I think that that's the... Those are the easiest choices. Of course we're gonna do... those things. And, uh... not to dog on those lists, they're all very fine lists, but...
Speaker: I wanted... Uh... I wanted those to be that bottom of the spectrum with with number one being the writing of. and Rotten Tomatoes 0 % So,
Speaker: Uh, that's 1 through 10. And the rest are... a specific Subgenres and. ah country of origin here's here's what we've got number 10 East Asian Cinema,
Speaker: which is China, Japan, Korea. ah at Southeast Asian. ah And that is either... ah directors. from those countries, films made and produced in those countries.
Speaker: ah but also Asian American and Pacific Islander American. produced films. 11. Similar, but India, Central Asian, and Middle Eastern films.
Speaker: 12. Going. even further west. ah European and Australasian film. Number 13. what What is 13? have to be.
Speaker: Letterboxd. 2. Top 250 Horror Films Gotta do horror films. And... um You know, we may take October and do more spooky season.
Speaker: ah movies in October as well. So ah we were're gonna we're going to do that. We're gonna we're going to take... special times ah to do that. We'll probably do some holiday movies in December. we'll probably do black history month. Um, movies in in February. We'll probably do Pride Month movies in June. Not every week, but but some weeks um to make sure that we're.
Speaker: we're picking up on those things. ah Number 14, musicals and westerns. I know that's weird to put those two things together. But there were two subgenres I wanted to make sure that I got on the list.
Speaker: ah Because there's lots of... movies in there that I haven't seen. and uh I want to dip. i I put them together. I don't know why, but I think it's funny that I put musicals and Westerns together.
Speaker: 15. Letterboxd Top 100. animated films. Amen. a... A list I have. seen most of already and we will probably Uh, If we roll that enough times, we will probably get through it.
Speaker: more. quickly than any other. ah And then we can replace it with another subgenre. So, Look forward to doing that. Uh, 16. uh queer cinema, either by LGBTQ filmmakers or about queer themes.
Speaker: 17. Latin American filmmakers and American Latino and Latina directors. One. big thing I want to make clear. Number 12. European films is going to include all of thee.
Speaker: Spanish. directors. So all of the Almodovar. movies. That's European. even though it's in Spanish. Latin American filmmakers, that's all Western hemisphere. That's North and South America.
Speaker: And I just want to make that. Distinction clear. Uh, Just so. If... There aren't any questions. like Well, why isn't Almodovar in? Latin American because he's Spanish. That's not. He's not Latino. he is.
Speaker: He is Spanish. So anyway. Up. little bit of a separation there. 18. Letterboxd's Top 250 Black Directed Films. and 19 top 250 women -directed films.
Speaker: And then Nat 20, here we are. I... 20 will be wild card or a co -host choice or fan choice. Haven't decided yet. When we roll our first nat 20, I guess we'll see what we want.
Speaker: Now that brings us to the... the fan choice. option. I have created a form. that will include in the show notes here. ah It is up.
Speaker: in our Facebook group right now. and you can nominate. as many films as you want. and we will put them into the list in their proper. subgenres and categories. Peace.
Speaker: And I am going to do some... spreadsheet magic. Two. weight them a little more heavily Then, your average film. So a good friend of the podcast and and good friend for a long time, Roy Fillmore.
Speaker: of the yours, mine, and theirs podcast. was the first person to put in a film. the man who shot Liberty Valance. That is not a Western I have seen before. So as of right now, I'd have to look at the numbers, but like...
Speaker: I think Westerns and musicals has like 260. 260 different films on the list. ah The man who shot Liberty Valance is then going to occupy a Number...
Speaker: 261 through 300. So, if if any of those turn up, then. Uh... That's going to be Man Who Shot Liberty Valance. get your movies in here and, um, we'll we'll probably get around to them.
Speaker: more quickly. ah The important thing for me is that I'm watching things that are new. But yeah, that's it. That's the... um That's the plan. I want to talk about a what I have been watching recently.
Speaker: ah as as part of this. Um. One of the things that has motivated me is I wanted to Go through my...
Speaker: Letterboxd. statistics. And... Be able to check off. some of these some of these lists ah One of them is ah it it used to be a top 100.
Speaker: box office. of all time. ah They recently replaced that with the Billion Dollars Club. increasingly ah the The top 100 is becoming a billion and above list.
Speaker: And I had gotten down to only... ah Two or three. Films on that list... And then suddenly... in the last year, there have been A half a dozen.
Speaker: films. that have shown up. that have made over a billion dollars. Those films are the following. Moana 2. Neja too.
Speaker: The live action, quote -unquote, Lilo and Stitch. Zootopia 2. Avatar Fire and Ash. the Super Mario Galaxy movie. Michael.
Speaker: the new Michael Jackson biopic. Toy Story 5 Spider -Man Brand New Day, which is the... quickest a film has ever made it into the billion dollar club.
Speaker: and Christopher Nolan's The Odyssey. ah Which, by the way, ah Go and have a listen to. up. the other podcast, Andy and Ammon's Excellent Odyssey, for all of our thoughts on the Odyssey.
Speaker: I will give very short shrift to the Odyssey here, Um... because We'll get into that at another time. ah But the point was, I hadn't seen any of... those 10 films.
Speaker: ah as of about a month ago. I had Just that. stopped. watching movies for a lot of different reasons. I wasn't making it out to the theater.
Speaker: as much for a lot of reasons. And especially for those I... ah you know, Just none of them were like... really compelling to me that like, oh, you definitely have to see this.
Speaker: in the theater and I'm like, I'll i'll catch it. uh when it shows up on streaming. Well, they did show up on streaming. so I finally watched them. uh, very quickly. Moana 2.
Speaker: i I can't tell you what happened in that movie. I do not remember it. I watched it. i It did not stick to me. I love the first Moana. I think the first Moana... is one of the greatest.
Speaker: Disney musicals of all time. ah One of the best princess movies that they've done. i don't Was Moana 2 just like a retread of it? I don't... i I literally like... put a gun to my head, and Ask me what the plot of Moana 2 is. I don't know.
Speaker: I do not remember it. I watched it. Like in the last few months, I... Bye. I don't remember. it I don't know. Naysha 2 This movie was like my white whale.
Speaker: I, had heard about it. I was curious about it because... Damien Haas, a comedian and voice actor who I like very much. who does a lot of work on Smosh, was was in the American... voice cast. I had heard about this movie Yet.
Speaker: had done virtually nothing in the U .S. but was so incredibly popular in China. and I just... felt like as both. an animation lover,
Speaker: And as someone who is extremely curious about. ae the Chinese film industry. And, uh... that that element of popular culture.
Speaker: I had to see this. And every time I sat down to try and watch it, I could not. Get through more than 20 minutes. Um, It was... I fell asleep.
Speaker: The first several times I tried to watch it, It is good. colorful, It is action -filled. There's no reason I should have been falling asleep. But for some reason, I just...
Speaker: i could not. Understand. this film. And I eat. I understand the plot. I understand who the characters are. it is incomprehensible to me. in. a way that Like, I...
Speaker: I don't. have words. to describe. I sat and I watched this. And while I can tell you what happened... I still don't exactly know what this movie was about.
Speaker: There's so much cultural background in this that I obviously am just not aware of. I think I really, really need someone 2. decode this and help me understand some of what's going on.
Speaker: I was like, oh, well... Chinese folklore and mythology and and yada yada yada, and That's why this. That's why. Neja. peas in the water and everybody drinks it. And it's funny.
Speaker: I don't know. What? I don't. little Little bratty demon kid. warrior, fighting with dragons and other spirits and cool martial arts fights. It is so incredibly well made.
Speaker: It is so cool. Cool to watch. much. The animation is... Absolutely gorgeous. The voice cast is excellent. I do not understand the script whatsoever.
Speaker: i I just, I don't. I don't get this movie up. But... But there's something to it, obviously. Um... Like... Is it number five? of all time on Out.
Speaker: box office, it's it's huge. It made so much money. and I need to go back and I need to understand this, even though I found it. very hard to get through. I also found it hard to get through Lilo and Stitch.
Speaker: This is... baffling. in The same way, But... for incredibly different reasons. I also understand exactly what was going on in this movie.
Speaker: and also do not understand why. other than This was just a giant. Cash grab. I think that's an easy thing to say about... the Disney live -action remakes, but it is especially true here.
Speaker: And spoiler alert for a movie that came out last summer, so I don't... Feel bad. talking about this. But... the entire point of Ohana means family and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten. And at the end of...
Speaker: Live action Lilo and Stitch. Lilo goes and lives with. a foster. family. who is their neighbor and that's nice and it's like okay maybe like a found ohana and whatever And I guess maybe that's, like, responsible in a certain way and, like...
Speaker: gives. gives the older sister like some agency and like Yeah, she gets to... She gets to go to college and... that That probably is what what happens, but it... it certainly still feels weird.
Speaker: But again, that may be me being way too precious about the original. Lilo and Stitch, which I just... Absolutely love to death. And if... If Kiss Your Franchise still, uh...
Speaker: because your franchise, Goodbye, still existed up there on the internet. could go listen to us. Talk about it. Maybe we will dig it up and... throw it on Patreon or something. in the future. um But i I love that movie.
Speaker: Speaking more of Disney, Zootopia 2. Fun? I mean, good, I didn't love it as much as I loved the original Zootopia. I thought that it had some Great parts. Again, great animation. Great voice acting.
Speaker: Great script. I get what they were trying to do. but it just didn't feel quite as fresh as... What the... first Zootopia was and Again, a little bit of cash gravity.
Speaker: Man, these... Disney folks sure know what they're doing with their cash grabs. ah which leads us to Avatar fire and trash. Um, Wow, in...
Speaker: just connecting all of these I I feel... baffled by so much of this. this movie? is like four movies.
Speaker: Frankenstein together? all of which have very different things going on. And. I don't understand. why they put them together this way.
Speaker: That being said, It's really freaking cool. Just see. the the whales, take revenge on you know the evil colonizers and I really enjoyed that.
Speaker: And ain't nothing wrong with that. but it it takes us until two -thirds of the way through the movie. to get to anything that is that interesting. there There's some really cool stuff going on in here.
Speaker: I think all of the stuff that is happening with Sigourney Weaver's character, is so profoundly interesting. And that's not what the movie is about. And indeed, the film seems. very uninterested in that and much more interested in kind of the male protagonist centric.
Speaker: Storylines. Bouts. Jake Sully. and Spider. and the the marine captain. dad and and everything that they've got going on. It's so interesting because it's it's like...
Speaker: All of the cool stuff that's happening in this movie is all happening. with the women characters. but the film just seems like uninterested in. doing that But i think I think that's also been true of Avatar in general. I think that's always...
Speaker: been the case. like Jake Sully is... uh Bad character. Neytiri. Zoe Salbanha. is Fucking awesome.
Speaker: ah And... But... The movie is Jake Sully's movie for some reason. End. Yeah, I don't know. Avatar, I... Again, i I find this baffling because, like... I watch these movies and I'm just like,
Speaker: I don't... get why people love these. I watch Fast and Furious movies. End. even though like they don't really vibe with me. I get why people like those. I understand it. It's like, oh, okay, cool.
Speaker: Up. I watch Avatar and I'm like, Who is this for? Why do people like this? and Again, and Maybe I need someone to decode it the same way I need someone to decode.
Speaker: Neja 2. Speaking of things, I... Also need decoded. No, just kidding. I don't. This movie is totally basic. The Super Mario Brothers Galaxy movie. Cash grab, cash grab, cash grab.
Speaker: ah There is some cool stuff in here. ah Love Donald Glover's Yoshi. Love Rosalina. Love the little... um Lumos. But I just, I don't know. i Again, I'm... kind of baffled that this movie made that much money.
Speaker: But there it is. people People love it. And I... continue to be super bash baffled. Bye. Chris Pratt as...
Speaker: Mario. Like, I just... don't understand what is it is. It is ah like a black hole of charisma. at the center of the Mario Galaxy. Meanwhile...
Speaker: Benny Safdie is showing up. and making an entire meal. out of playing Bowser Jr. A character that is so incredibly underwritten.
Speaker: but He's just... having so much fun. ah So... Good on you, Benny Safdie. You and Tom Holland, I guess, are going to compete. for whose movies made the most money. in 2026.
Speaker: Next up. I feel like I've been saying the word baffled. A lot. And that's true. But here is the movie I find the most baffling of all of these, and that is Michael. This.
Speaker: Biopic. is. It's It's the opposite of Neja, too. It is incredibly understandable. incredibly cogent. and Yet it is.
Speaker: Just so completely hollow and false. because It is trying to paint a picture. of a thing that just is such 8.
Speaker: Contextless. version of this story. that it I just I don't get it. They don't. I don't forgive it. and it isn't lost on me that At the same time, we are going through a nationwide discussion on Why is it?
Speaker: That. The Epstein files haven't been released. Why is it? that all of these powerful people are being protected. because of their money, even though we know.
Speaker: the bad things that they did. and Michael. made a billion dollars. That being said... the cast, is Amazing. ah Michael Jackson's Nephew Who is playing him in this film?
Speaker: It is. eerie. how good he is. And... It's... amazing and this film is just as insistent on Perfection.
Speaker: as Michael Jackson himself was. at the time that this this film is. ah portraying. ah the amount of work that they put into recreating elements of the thriller. and beat it.
Speaker: music videos. And the dancing is... chest. It is impeccable. And I... Don't want to downplay any of that. But ultimately,
Speaker: This is a movie for people who want to have their cake and eat it too. and want to... memory hole. All of the later stuff.
Speaker: that Michael Jackson did. Just... you know, completely forget about it. And... um be like oh but his his music was so great Can't we just have...
Speaker: Can't we just have thriller and off the wall? I mean, I guess, yes you can, and I don't - I don't want to shame people From. you know, not liking what they what they like.
Speaker: and I'm not here to cancel anyone or police anyone. Um. as As Alexandria Ocasio -Cortez said earlier this week,
Speaker: Woke One was a real trip. you know maybe a lot of that has gone too far and i think we ah We can often get caught up in... policing, and scolding,
Speaker: and not allowing people to like what they like. Hey, you know what? If you want to like Michael... If you want to keep listening to Thriller. That's great. And you know what? I do too. I don't - I don't - Dislike.
Speaker: ah listening to that music and and so on. but in. just feels disingenuous and like a lie. to pretend like Oh, this is the Michael Jackson story.
Speaker: It's like, no, we left all of this stuff out. Literally. Literally, Janet is not in the film. Because... She asked.
Speaker: not to be. in the film. and the Jackson family. Out. are the producers. Who? who made this, And this is meant to... rehabilitate Michael's image.
Speaker: And... um And that's the purpose of this film. And we can't. separate that. From. the art. ah So the fact that we got a lot of Latoya.
Speaker: And no Janet. says something. That being said, I would not be surprised If. Colman Domingo got. a best supporting actor. nomination here for his portrayal of Joe Jackson.
Speaker: the the Jackson family abusive patriarch. That was an amazing performance. And and again, ah the recreation of Michael himself is. Impeccable. in so many ways.
Speaker: but Again, I find, I find this movie baffling. Um. that just I... Like. couldn't. sit there watching it because I knew that I was watching a lie.
Speaker: and because I knew that so much of the context was missing. I ended up sitting there pulling out my phone and being like, Did this really happen?
Speaker: Like, I had to sit there and fact -check the movie because I knew... that the film in and of itself was ultimately not factual. And... That's...
Speaker: you know that's fine if it is A. fictional story. This is supposed to be a biopic. There's supposed to be some fidelity to the truth, right?
Speaker: but Yeah. No. out. We can do that. I am going to skip over Toy Story and Spider -Man because I have not seen those yet. ah And...
Speaker: Here's what happened is I... I wanted to get this podcast launched. And I'm like, if I wait around until I'm able to see. Toy Story and Spider -Man. I'm just never going to launch this. Word. We're just going to have to leave it.
Speaker: at a little bit incomplete and I will get around to finishing off The Billion Dollar Movie Club, as soon as I humanly can. ah But I saw the Odyssey. And if you want to hear what I thought about the Odyssey, go listen to Andy and Emmons.
Speaker: Excellent Odyssey featuring JB. Um. And that will give you a preview because, uh, JB is definitely joining us here on the podcast. ah hopefully in episode two.
Speaker: if not soon after, and hope to get Ammon on here. as soon as possible. Um... hope to get as many of you If you are listening to this and this sounds interesting to you, on on here as possible. if If you would like to ah to join us.
Speaker: Please. reach out and and let us know. and ah We will make that happen. that's my That's my overview review of the most recent 10. entrance into the billion -dollar movie club.
Speaker: So now to explain the transition into the D and &D part. So. What I want to do is... Then... Uh, Let's make a D and &D encounter.
Speaker: ah that is sort of based on the film or films. that. that I've watched. ah In this case will be uh, paying a little bit less attention to are those those films as uh and a little bit more to the setup.
Speaker: up. because I want to introduce you. to this world. And so that's where we will go now. And we'll see you on the other side. in the dungeon.
Speaker: Alone. Bye. Why do I feel so alone? What?
Speaker: Unto me. This... ah My back. hurts the I'm sitting on Stone?
Speaker: Mossy. Cobble -covered stone? I love it. Heirs. Dankin'.
Speaker: moist, It's... What is this place? and How did I get here? I eat. I remember...
Speaker: I was... in my Rome? And I was... Trying to watch Neja 2? Hi. Peace. looking through the internet.
Speaker: and trying to find a version Online. And I went to... Peace. website. more tubing. downloaded a copy and I started watching it and...
Speaker: And I've... fell asleep and Now I'm here? i Where is here? I don't. recognize any of this. ah Mr. Vance, we'll see you now. Go on in.
Speaker: What?
Speaker: i'm standing outside of... an office and I I walk in and... Hey, yeah there he is. how How's it going there, champ? Welcome, welcome Maima.
Speaker: I'm Mr. Vance. You can call me Stevie. Or you can call me what everybody else does. Master Blaster, that's me. Master Blaster, Stevie Vance.
Speaker: Welcome. To the Mortube family, Andy. We're so glad to have you here or. Should I call you by your character name? Jeff. Jeff?
Speaker: Jeff, that's my... That's my D and &D character. What are you talking about? Oh yeah, you know. Well, that's that's what we do here. We make... D and &D themed entertainment.
Speaker: And. Uh, you? are now part of the family. Welcome. Welcome to the Mortube family. MoreTube? That website I was just using? What are you... What are you talking about?
Speaker: Yeah, you were... Uh... You signed our, uh... Terms and conditions, didn't you? You should have, uh... uh, Taking some time to... read that a little more.
Speaker: Um. but You know, that's that's how things work. But hey. ah On the plus side now. Now you're here and now you get to... Do the things you love most, you get to.
Speaker: Watch movies. You get to play some D and &D. It's going to be a great time. You're going to love it, champ. It's going to be awesome. Looking across the table, I'm... Suddenly see a...
Speaker: Strange group of other figures. A beholder. With a... a long gray and black beard. His... one singular eye peering into A film camera.
Speaker: And... his other eye stalks looking in so many other directions. aid. Gelatinous Cube wearing a fedora, and a scarf.
Speaker: End. Carrying what? Looks. Like... Old? DVDs and blockbuster receipts. And then, across from me... A fearful visage.
Speaker: A. Skeletal Lich wearing an old Kentucky Colonel's uniform. Ill. gleaming eyes stare across from me.
Speaker: My name is Joseph. gun cotton. I've been a part of the film industry from... Very beginning. I was there. An original producer.
Speaker: on Birth of a Nation. Undone with the wind. on so many other Hollywood shows. Classics. End. So consumed was I by the business of film.
Speaker: I extended my life unnaturally. So I could watch. everything that came out. Unfortunately, this has left me in quite a predicament.
Speaker: We're now the only way to sustain my life. is to take. the enjoyment. of the first time watch. from other people. And so...
Speaker: My good friend, Jeff. We are going to have you. Watch movies that you have never seen before. And then... We are going to. Run you through the dungeon for our entertainment.
Speaker: and our sustenance. And, uh... our money. Yep. That's right, that's uh... that's That's the business of MortTube. That's what we're all about.
Speaker: the money. Such an incredible part. by what business? i we come Um... I don't know what you're talking about. I didn't sign up. four.
Speaker: any of them. this. Uh, And I... I don't know, do can I... Can I talk to a lawyer? Oh, yeah, champ. You can talk to a lawyer. You can talk to our lawyer.
Speaker: Here she is. right now. Uh... This is our... Chief Legal Counsel and then standing there. Next is Stevie Master Blaster Vance, CEO of Mortube.
Speaker: Vision. in black. Tall. Dark hair. gleaming black eyes. an angelic figure. who could not be more demonic.
Speaker: The name placard below her. said. Lexio. Chief Legal Officer, Mortube. She looked like a cross between Portia de Rossi on Ally McBeal and Angelina Jolie as Maleficent. Part demon, part sorceress, arcane energy swirling around her in an aura of darkness as if it were an angelic halo in reverse.
Speaker: and the tightest, sharpest. Badass girl boss suit. that you've ever seen. The kind with the big sharp shoulder pads that look like they could put an eye out. and her horns and her wings looked like they could do the same. Yeah, man, that's ah that's Lexial. She's our... ah She's our... badass lawyer and She's gonna be...
Speaker: your new patron. but I - Isn't... that that doest None of this seems right. Like, if... I signed terms and conditions. Don't I have to understand what... They were, I don't think I... signed up for any of this.
Speaker: Oh, no, pal, you definitely did. And. Um. Heh. Your ass is ours now. ah but You know, in a good way. But, uh... Yes.
Speaker: Ain't nothing wrong with a little bit of a... Heh heh. indentured servitude. Ha ha. Ugh. That's the way of the world. I take a moment and...
Speaker: silently pray to... Whatever deity will listen to me. looking at my character sheet. And my... Former God, Jeff the God of Biscuits. And I say, whatever you can do to intervene here.
Speaker: Please help me. They say we can't. get out of this contract, but... Surely there's some way to. intervene in all of this.
Speaker: Lexiel speaks. Her voice as... deep. and dark. and foreboding. as the mid -Atlantic Ocean at midnight. There is no discussion here. You've signed this contract.
Speaker: And it specifically... prohibits any arbitration by trial. by jury, by combat, divine intervention. How did an intercession or rep appeal to secular municipal court. sports. This is...
Speaker: specifically designed for you to not be able to arbitrate. outside of our own judicial authority. Well then, Let's do it within... your judicial authority. Certainly we can I submit. I submit to...
Speaker: what whoever you want to choose. who go Go ahead. um Master Blaster. Who? what What judge do you want to put me in front of? ah Hey, buddy, ah that's a great idea. You know you know who I always loved?
Speaker: I love that judge from my cousin Vinny. That's who we're going to get. We're going to get Herman Munster. From my cousin Vinny. He's gonna be your judge. Let's do it!
Speaker: And like that, I'm transported into a courtroom. And. Oh. There he is. it It is the judge for my cousin Vinny, but... He's... He is dressed up.
Speaker: as Herman Munster with bolts on his neck and a green face paint. A bailiff stands up. and says, Hear ye, hear ye, hear ye. Court is now in session.
Speaker: In the case of Andy Wilson, aka Jeff Virtues. Versus Mortu. Is council ready to proceed? Yes, Your Honour. Um... I'm...
Speaker: I... I don't. have a council, I think. Uh, I... I guess I'm representing myself. And with that. There's a flash of light. And next to me...
Speaker: is another divine being. As. Spectral and Demonic as The lawyer for Mortube is... Here stands her equal. But, Angelic.
Speaker: and projecting a divine aura around her. Darling, my name is, my name is Cariel, and you're God. Jeff the God of Biscuits has sent me down. Two. Be your counsel here in this courtroom.
Speaker: Hey sis, how's it going? it's Fine. I was not expecting to see you. of all. Well, nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition, honey. Oh, will we be getting the comfy chair? If you want it, you can sit on it as much as you want to. Your Honor, I object to counsel being sent by Jeff the God of... Biscuit's the only deity listed in the giant book.
Speaker: of deities. Listed as Jeff is Jeff the God of hairdos. Since when has there been Jeff the God of biscuits? Jeff is the God of many things. He's, uh, many gods in one, Your Honor, wouldn't you? You understand.
Speaker: Uh... Mr. Gambini. Uh... I don't think there's anyone named Mr. Gambini here, Your Honor. Uh... I refer to everyone in this c court. That's Mr Gambini.
Speaker: That is just the way it is. So, Mr. Gambini. Uh... I will allow Your. metaphysical substitution of this God.
Speaker: ah and and your divine authority, as I believe it is only fair to let Mr. Wilson, a .k .a. Mr. Virtues, Have some sort of. representation in these matters.
Speaker: So let's proceed. The Mortube side, you you seem to have some sort of a... a contract, you say, that that is binding. and that Mr. Virtue cannot break out. Yes, Your Honor. We. of more too. Signed a specific warlock agreement with Mr Wilson slash Virtues. where Mr. Wilson specifically signed.
Speaker: that he does hereby grant convey a sign and transfer unto the party of the second part Be more tube. that and or their undisclosed assignee the party of the third part all rights claims titles interest prerogatives immunities and metaphysical privileges Nutatus Nutendis ad infinitum. her stirpes throughout the observable universe and any adjacent dimensions of dark or celluloid projection.
Speaker: Your honor, this was an undesignated authority for the third part. more tube reserves the right. to assign the deity who would not have signed this agreement with Mr. Wilson Virtues.
Speaker: or just The God of Biscuit. Will Your Honor. That may be true. He may have signed this. But of course, you understand. contract law means that Well...
Speaker: He's got to know what he signed. and I don't believe that Mr. Wilson understood. The contract he was signing. Oh, Mr. Gambini, that is not my business. I am not in the business of...
Speaker: deciding what the state of mind of people who appear in my courtroom. I am interested in the law. and I am interested. Improper paperwork? and this paperwork seems to be in order.
Speaker: Now, unless you can tell me... Some reason. that Mr. Gambini here should not be held to this contract. I believe this arbitration session is over and I will find.
Speaker: in favor of Maltube. My favorite streaming platform. ah you and And by the way, please ah give... Give my best to Stevie. he is He is just a wonderful human being, and I love those campaign contributions that he sends my way.
Speaker: uh So think. Thank him very much for that. So now. Ms. Gariel. On behalf of Jeff, the God of Biscuits. Tell me. Why should this court? do anything. other than enforce this contract.
Speaker: Well, darling, here's the deal. My sister have correctly pointed out the terms of this contract. However, She omits. to talk about Article 8, Section 1. specifically alludes to anonymity of the supreme beneficiary. the specific name, true form, plane, or title. divine slash demonic alignment and metaphysical identity of the ultimate beneficiary and master here and after the patron are expressly omitted unsated and undisclosed herein
Speaker: The subscriber's bond of servitude is created in blank and attached to the holder of the primary metaphysical deed. Now, Your Honor, Because this was undisclosed to my client. And because...
Speaker: I believe that in fact the holder of the primary metaphysical deed Is his character sheet? and that it clearly states, that he owes his allegiance to Jeff the God of Biscuits.
Speaker: Now... He was a level 20 paladin. serving that master. And now you're going to take all that away from him and make him into a pawn for Mortube and have my sister over there be...
Speaker: His patron? We cannot do that. because his soul already has prior claim. by my client. Jeff the God of Biscuits. That supersedes this contract.
Speaker: Now, because of the anonymity, of the supreme beneficiary and this goes back to my earlier argument about disclosure and him understanding what he has signed, I believe that that can be interpreted, that in fact...
Speaker: That assignment can be to any patron. Now he still has to... Do what more to... says he has to do. he will watch the movies, he will run through the dungeon for their entertainment.
Speaker: But. I believe that this contract means... that I should be assigned. as his patron, on behalf of Jeff the God of Biscuits, who has prior claim on his soul. Well, that is an interesting argument, Mr. Cambini.
Speaker: Uh. I am swayed by that. And... As much as I love. Mr. Master Blaster and more tube. I am not in the business of getting in the way of deities who... Outranked.
Speaker: tech CEOs, by just a couple of points on the planar power scale. I am going to rule very narrowly. for Jeff the God of Biscuits objection and you, Cariel, to be named as the unnamed patron in this contract.
Speaker: but that the rest of the contract shall be enforced. ah per more tubes terms of service. ah Case dismissed. Objection, Your Honor. Thank you, Your Honor. ah i will hear the I will hear your objection. they I just would like... um I would just like the record to reflect that Jeff the but God of Biscuits and my sister are both basic bitches.
Speaker: Uh... It is so noted. and will be included in the court record. Uh... a Court is adjourned for the day. oh you are such a sore loser honey why can't You - You won here. except for just a little bit.
Speaker: Indeed. Does his soul really matter so much to you? that You've got to control it. It's all down to the numbers and the rules. He signed the contract. It's like... traffic law.
Speaker: Not understanding or knowing the traffic law doesn't mean you can't. You shouldn't obey it or aren't responsible for it. It's Just... down to sheer irresponsibility. And and it's not. Yeah, dammit. No it isn't. But sometimes life isn't fair. You can keep talking about the contract.
Speaker: and the minutiae of the law. but we got justice on our side and we got good on our side. And anyway, Mom always liked me better. You are such a cut. Thanks, sweetie. See you at Christmas.
Speaker: And with that we... Adjourned from the courtroom. And... I'm left alone with with my new patron. carry out. I'm sorry I couldn't get you a better deal than that, I'm afraid.
Speaker: That's the best we can do. But, you know. At least you're safe. Safe. What do you mean? I have to... defeat monsters in a dungeon for other people's entertainment. I could die. then don't die.
Speaker: I will give you as much power and as much support as I can, but... Remember, Jeff. Going to call you Jeff now. Because in this realm, you are Jeff Virtues.
Speaker: servant of Jeff the God of Biscuits. Jeff. Whatever I can do to help you. I will. But remember, You're not a level 20 paladin anymore. I'm able to keep.
Speaker: 1. level. of Paladin with you. so that you can have some advantages and you're not left completely alone. But you're down to level 3. And you have two levels of warlock.
Speaker: But those warlock levels come from me. And I'll do whatever I can. The first piece of... In a session I'll give you. So I am going to give you. A heroic inspiration.
Speaker: you can use that to reroll. any role. in the next 24 hours that you want. And I leave you with that, and I wish you with the best of luck. Don't die, please. would be a terrible disappointment. Quite frankly, a stain on him. my otherwise wonderful legal career.
Speaker: Um... What happened to your accent? Why do you keep shifting between this kind of like... Mid -Atlantic and Southern. Oh, well, I just put that on for the courtroom, because I know how that judge is, and he just wants to hear the southern nastities. He'll notice we do lots of trickery.
Speaker: and lots of things. Even though you're good, you don't always have to do good or be good. Just don't die.
Speaker: And with that, I find myself back in the dungeon. Okay. Well... If I'm going to have to do this, then... let's go ahead and do this I equip myself.
Speaker: In. Aetherius. armor, and gear. from my character sheet. I head to the entrance of the dungeon. led by Mortube employees. Xanacron, the Beholder director, Follows me camera in hand.
Speaker: capturing all of these moments. and beaming them out to the various Mortube watchers. across the multiverse. A light comes on. up over the door. that says, that the scene is on.
Speaker: We open it. and head in. And suddenly I find myself. in a room. Faced with So many of the characters. Of. the film that I just watched. There's.
Speaker: There's the folks from Zootopia 2 There's... There's Lilo and Stitch. There's the folks from Avatar Fire and Ash. Hey, that's the the little demon kid from Neja 2. and Neytiri draws her bow. Rum. across the room.
Speaker: And... is about to send a shot. as I Roll for initiative. The first thing I try to do is cast Divine Sense, and then I hear in my head, the voice of Cariel.
Speaker: My new warlock patron. No, remember you're not a paladin anymore. You're a warlock. Well... You're - partially paladin and warlock. but you don't have divine sense anymore.
Speaker: Regardless, just this one time. I'm going to give you some divine insight and I feel an aura. Surround me. And I see... through true sight, and all of these characters that were in all of these films that I just watched. They all melt away.
Speaker: And in the corner instead, it's just... It's just one kind of nebbishy looking accountant. ah with a big old pile of spreadsheet. and an even bigger pile of money. Pull out my halberd.
Speaker: and uh I'm gonna go ahead and imbue that with my new Pact of the Blade. And I'm going to take... I'm gonna try to take a... I'll swing it now. I roll an 11.
Speaker: And I have a plus 5 to hit. So that is 16. his armor class, he's an accountant. is 11. And so I'm going to... Dammit. I rolled 11 damage.
Speaker: And yeah, with that, he is an accountant. He disappears into a puff of smoke. Glad I didn't have to fight all of those folks. But then, out of nowhere, I hear in the background some copyrighted music that I most certainly can't play.
Speaker: out of the ground, uh, a Michael Jackson Zombie. straight out of the film Michael. I'm going to go ahead and... I'm going to try to get him to know.
Speaker: It's 10. I miss. Um... and So he's going to come and go ahead and... Attack me! He rolls... and 18, uh, as he is,
Speaker: dancing, And... ah End. and trying to scratch at me ah with his with his undead claws. That does not hit my armor class, which is 21. ah despite having been powered down.
Speaker: I still have or my full plate armor. and uh and and still Very armored, very tanky. so that does not hit. Let's let's try another.
Speaker: I'm gonna halberd attack Woo, Nat 20! All right, ah that definitely hits him. Okay. zombie, that's not. so uh doubling the damage I get 8. 20.
Speaker: on that. And that, unfortunately... takes down the Michael Jackson, Zombie. Sorry, Michael. The only person left now uh, is a little...
Speaker: Nasia, who is in the corner. peeing for some reason. ah in a children's film. And uh... I'm like... Hey. Hey buddy, um... Do you really want to fight? I don't. Seems like maybe you don't want to. Seems like maybe you've got ah better things to do with your time than... going to battle with me, you saw what I just did too. all of those Disney folks. Why don't you just let me go about my business? I'm going to roll a persuasion. Check.
Speaker: I have a plus 7. on my persuasion. Uh, that is a 12. Um... That's not gonna work. He is going to... ah Come at me.
Speaker: uh with some martial arts strikes. First one he does. A six plus five. That does not hit. easem. Monk. so you go a flurry of blows and try to do another one. Rolls another 5.
Speaker: Uh, he does not hit me. So, uh, okay. I am going to... I'm gonna take... a halbert attack against him 15, that does hit. That's going to do 8 damage. That does not take him down.
Speaker: ah but I'm going to. then uh take Take this opportunity. ah to try and do another persuasion check, intimidation check. and Just say. Hey man, you really don't wanna...
Speaker: Fight. Just walk away and we can be cool with one another. Okay. I'm going to roll to four. That's going to be terrible. Okay. Um... Sun. Hey. No, absolutely not. Uh...
Speaker: Naysha is going to come back after me. I rolled a 9. That is still not going to hit me. I am a armored... Leafy boy. Okay, I'm going to do my persuasion check first before before I attack him.
Speaker: That is a 13. That is not. going to work. I now have these newfound warlock powers. I'm going to take advantage of some of that, and I am going to...
Speaker: I'm going to try to cast on him Tasha's hideous laughter. He will need to make a wisdom saving throw. a 15, Oh, maybe that wasn't very smart. because he's a monk, he probably has a pretty high Wisdom score...
Speaker: And... Uh, he rolls a 19. Plus this modifier he saves, he is not. Affected by Tosh's. hideous laughter. So...
Speaker: That is... unfortunate. Okay. uh he's gonna get Another. Set of attacks on the... See if he hits. Oh, that one does hit.
Speaker: So... Let's do... damage Hi. Hmm. Takes 7. of my HP. between his various blows.
Speaker: It's my turn again. Okay, one more time. We are going to try... a different route. Instead of doing Tasha's hideous laughter, let's cast Charm Person ah See if...
Speaker: See if we can... ah We can charm him. Here we go. Once again. Peace. System scored. He rolled a two. Neja is now charmed.
Speaker: and he is friendly to me. ah and since neither I nor any of my allies will damage him, then um he's charmed for the next hour. And I'm just going to say, hey.
Speaker: Hey kid, um... We don't need to fight. And you go... Do your weird movie, I'm gonna - Keep making my way through this dungeon. the door on The far side of this dungeon room opens.
Speaker: and I walked through. and Close it behind you. As I stepped through the door, into the next room. Inside there is... a large, chest. Chapter checking for traps.
Speaker: I open it. And I find... a set of dice. I understand what I'm supposed to do here here is where I rolled. To find out. what film we're watching next.
Speaker: So. Let's start. with a D20 roll. And... Okay, I rolled a 17. ah That is Latino cinema, Latin American filmmakers.
Speaker: and American Latino and Latina directors and creatives. Okay now rolling. a couple of okay that list has 150 films on it So first I'm going to roll a D4. The first number is going to be... One or two is... 0,
Speaker: and three or four is in the 100s. Okay, that is... a one And then I'm going to roll. A. D10. or in fact do. two D10s,
Speaker: ah To. Figure out the other number on That is... 100 And... twenty eight That is... Oh, that's interesting. ah That is...
Speaker: Across the Spider -Verse. A bitch. That's interesting that that is on this list. I think... probably because Miles Morales is a He's an Afro Latino character.
Speaker: ah And I believe there are. There are other Latino um characters and creatives that worked on that i'm not going to do that not ah I don't. First of all, that might be category fraud. I don't know if that actually qualifies as Latino cinema. um But I've also seen it before, so it's disqualified.
Speaker: Okay, so the next film up. Uh... is one. What, what is this? Um. The man and the heron? Directed by Diego Luna in 2025. I've never heard of this, is that?
Speaker: Okay, okay folks. Ahem. I'm going to cop to something. I had. Claude. and Google Gemini. help me put together some of these lists.
Speaker: It looks like that is not a real movie. I think it is putting in there. There's The Boy and the Heron, the Hayao Miyazaki movie. and Diego Luna. is a well -known. Uh...
Speaker: Latino actor, I love him. But, um... That is a movie that does not exist. Okay. Those are two things that are out of order. Okay, the next one up. Number 125 on the list. Yano. Best way.
Speaker: Aki. I'm no longer here. It's a 2019 film. from Mexico. Um... Interesting shortlisted...
Speaker: for the best. foreign language film. but not ultimately included. You know, I'm... Okay. I'm going to use my heroic inspiration that I received from my warlock patron.
Speaker: um Because as much as That sounds interesting. I'd like to do something. a little more iconic for our first episode. altogether. So I'm gonna re -roll. that role.
Speaker: and see if we come up. with anything a little bit more relatable So I'm going to repeat that. Okay. So I'm rolling. A d4?
Speaker: And that is a one. So we're going to be. ah In the zero range and then and now I'm rolling D100.
Speaker: ah That is a Live. So we're... at the top of the list. That's great. This is probably something. that we've heard of. 5. Oh, interesting. Um... Amores perros.
Speaker: in your eating mood. I have not seen that. I've seen Most of it. Iñárritu's other films of course. Birdman, and The Revenant.
Speaker: really, really, really excited for ah his movie Digger coming out later this year with Tom Cruise. and and John Goodman and that. That movie looks insane.
Speaker: Um, so I've never seen that and I've heard good things. I think that is a really interesting. Please. to start. ah So, um... Yeah, i guess I guess that is what we'll be doing next. Join us join us for that.
Speaker: To do that, let's look at Just watch. And. find out Where we can. Just Watch has it rentable on Prime Video or Apple TV.
Speaker: Oh, interesting. Um. it is it It's not streaming for free on... on Amazon. by any chance. It's only rentable there. That's what I'm seeing on Just Watch. Okay.
Speaker: Well, um, thank you for... for that kit and for sticking around and well and thank you for stepping in. um you know, doing doing some character acting early in this thing.
Speaker: I think that's really great and I really I really appreciate that. and It's always great to have you around. Yeah, it it unfortunately looks like we have to... We have to do that. Okay. Um...
Speaker: I think it would be something you might be able to find on Overdrive because it is a 2000 film. Mhm. probably get it from the library if we're looking for ah is something you want to try to do for free.
Speaker: Yeah, you know what your local library So... with Rhyme Amoris Faire, so you can do a seven -day free movie subscription. and get it for free. Oh that's interesting.
Speaker: Yeah, because I mean... As much as... as much as I want people to be able to watch along. ah I don't necessarily think we need to give Jeff Bezos more money. if We don't have to. Bye. Um.
Speaker: But let's... Let's see. That's all.
Speaker: Okay, great. It also looks like... Amores Perros is available on MUBI. Not a sponsor, although Mubi, we'd love to have you. As a sponsor, ah you can get a seven -day free trial of MUBI.
Speaker: I... They're a really great streaming service that... has Just... Excellent. Agreed. choice. in films. ah They're wonderful. so if if you want to If you want an alternative to... Jeff Bezos and Amazon. Check them out.
Speaker: But yeah, they're it's available to rent. ah Several other places, Apple TV, Fandango. and um cat check your local library. So.
Speaker: I want to thank everyone for being here for this inaugural episode. This is ah going to be a very different episode than... most of what we do. I think most of our episodes are going to be a little bit cleaner.
Speaker: we're going to do our film criticism part up front. Then we're going to do our dungeon crawl at the end. There was, quite frankly, a lot of a kind of lore dropping and world building that we did here. Special thanks to Kit.
Speaker: who showed up to voice the the evil. lawyer. Lexio. Um. That was a lot of fun. had a great time so thanks for doing that kit.
Speaker: And. Kit will be back. beep playing a regular character. here on the show in fact uh we're going to bring in a bunch of other people Here's the thing.
Speaker: D and &D. is not as great alone obviously i think since all of you could hear there are limits to one person rolling dice by themselves and having fun with that.
Speaker: I think it was okay. I had a good time doing it. I hope you did too. But in future episodes, out. we all have. Kit coming back. ah We will also have ah from From folks who listened to Kiss Your Franchise Goodbye before.
Speaker: ah Sorry. ah That has been. bleeped out of existence by Spotify. ah But all the rest of the crew from Kiss Your Franchise goodbye. JB, who also is on Amnon Andes. excellent Odyssey featuring JB.
Speaker: And... returning champion Melissa Martinez, hug. one of my best friends since high school, Brook Heim. and my brother from the Mexican mother.
Speaker: Marc De Leon. So, that's going to be the regular crew and I hope that we have a lot of other guests too. I hope that we will have all sorts of people on and people will be bringing films that that they want to watch.
Speaker: And ah we'll get to hear from all of you and. ah talk through your D and &D characters. Now, one clarification I want to make about all of this. As I think you could tell from this,
Speaker: This is not going to be the strictest game of D and &D. out there. If you are a rules lawyer, you can... Very kindly, GTFO. Out. we are going to not only be playing rule of cool, but rule of cool to the tenth degree.
Speaker: We have people of various amounts of experience with D and &D, and I want to accommodate new players. and folks that aren't going to know their character sheet. as well and going to be asking questions that's great i think one of the best parts of dnd is teaching new players So hopefully if...
Speaker: If you're just a person who likes movies and don't really know D and &D that well, hopefully This. can help you learn a little bit and maybe you're like oh now i understand how to play D and &D.
Speaker: and in fact you can go back and listen to the episode zero that I did with Brooke and Melissa, where I helped them fill out their D and &D character sheets. We have lots of other really fun characters.
Speaker: Everyone is. playing someone who is. Very interesting. In fact, ah Jeff Virtues is probably the least interesting character in here. And again, I know I can hear you already.
Speaker: Uh, people on Reddit. complaining about the DM, also having a player character. I'm sorry that is just going to be the contrivance of this podcast.
Speaker: um That's the way it's going to be. Because again, sometimes it's just going to be me watching a movie. and then I'll have to come up with something. So. I'm sorry. But...
Speaker: I will try to make. Jeff Virtues. As little of a main... character syndrome player as possible. and ah Let all of my friends have a lot of fun because that's... That's what I hope that...
Speaker: this becomes. ah Because ultimately, I think that's what this is all about. I think. We get together. And... Play a game. and watch movies.
Speaker: Because unlike when... Jeff woke up. in that dungeon. You shouldn't feel alone. and so much in our society right now is making us feel More alone.
Speaker: no matter how connected. We actually are. So, Let's all go out there. and watch some movies? Roll some dice. And I hope you'll join us next time.
Speaker: As we watch Amores Perros. and through all of our coming episodes. oh We'll see you further. Down the dungeon, May. all of your popcorn be fresh.
Speaker: and all of your dice rolls be nat 20s. We'll see you soon.
