Transcript
Speaker: Come on, it'll be just like in the movies. We'll pretend to be someone else. You ever just lie for no reason at all, folks? You know, just all of a sudden? A big lie will spill out of your evil head there. Your guy will come up and go, hey, you ever see that movie with Meryl Streep and the horse?
Speaker: There you go. Yes! made that grade What the hell am I lying about over here? I can stand to gain nothing by this lie. That's just fine.
Speaker: You know something, Marge? It's not that tough being a film cricket.
Speaker: Thank you.
Speaker: Stay a while and listen.
Speaker: Let's begin now. welcome everyone to your late night double feature part silver screen critique part tabletop survival Adjust those speaker boxes, grab your popcorn and snacks, kill the headlights.
Speaker: And let's roll for initiative. I'm your host and DM, Andy Wilson, and this is Dungeons & Drive -Ins. except no substitutes. For the uninitiated, this all started a couple months ago when I was cruising around the internet trying to watch my movies on the sketchy web website and didn't read the terms and conditions and accidentally signed a warlock pact that has doomed me to... Watch movies I've never seen before.
Speaker: And. Crawl through a dungeon. uh in D and &D Adventures for the entertainment. of the evil corporation. that now owns a portion of my soul.
Speaker: We are playing Dungeons & Dragons 5th Edition .5. on D and &D Beyond. However, they we are not sponsored, although please...
Speaker: ah Feel free to call us and if anyone else wants us to. move over we will gladly play dagger heart or pathfinder or on foundry or ah Just give us a call.
Speaker: But hey. The great thing about all of this is I do not have to crawl through all of this alone. I have my own crew. with me, so thank you to everyone who is here. ah Let's...
Speaker: Let's start at ah the beginning. ah Welcome back to the podcast, ah my... Younger Sibling Kit nice to see you guys I'm so glad to be back Yeah, ah glad you are here through ah your many... ah health problems. ah Thank you to the nice people at the Vicks Corporation.
Speaker: not a sponsor but yes for Soon to be sponsored. I wish we could be sponsored by DayQuil slash Mucinex. Nothing like a warm chest to make this podcast go faster.
Speaker: I got the black lung pop. Get the black lung pops. It puts the lotion on its chest. It does this whenever it's told. Brookheim, who has the black lung.
Speaker: Welcome. Thank you, thank you. How you doing? Always a pleasure to be a nun in Kit's eyes. Wow.
Speaker: That creepy singing nun looks like Brooke. Kind of. like the But like, you know, the cheerful high school Brooke that I remember. no I don't know. I don't know how to take that, but I'm going to take it as a... I think...
Speaker: I think we just finished the review of this movie right there. i think that's Yep. I think I... that's way better than I had ever hoped ah Someone who definitely wasn't singing Master and Servant by Depeche Mode while watching this movie. ah J .B. Flinders, welcome.
Speaker: yeah i It is a great joy for a stepfather JB of the Angels to be here. um I can't wait to talk about my favorite scene. involving wood and laundry.
Speaker: which are also two of my favorite things. so Would you? Yeah. So this. This week. We are reviewing the 1961. Polish film Mother Joan of the Angels.
Speaker: ah which is loosely based on... ah The Loudon Possessions of... um 15th century France. ah but set in... 17th century Poland for for various reasons.
Speaker: ah This was a first -time watch for all of us. we're We're watching spooky movies for spooky season. And this just came up on the Letterboxd. Top. 250.
Speaker: horror movies of all time. Isn't that great that this is on that list? Oh my gosh. Who can I blame for rolling this movie? ah Roy.
Speaker: Roy. God damn it, Roy. Roy rolled for this movie. Because he was level six. 60 is... Yeah, level where he's he's level 28. 969? Level 69.
Speaker: Leroy. You missed that one? Well, I was going to leave it open for interpretation. Ciao. But. Thank you for hitting that one out of the park for me. um Andy, i i I admit, not only had I not seen this movie, I had never.
Speaker: heard of this movie. I had never heard of this movie either. In fact, when we were trying to find it last week, we kept getting What was it? Mother Jones of the... of the poster.
Speaker: Remember, like, that's how it hold up. And we were like, why are we getting posters? Because that's how it is. And Letterboxd was down for like the. 15 minutes when we needed it and we're like What's going on? Why can't we find this? what What is happening?
Speaker: it was It was just... Very, very funny. um My friend... Piotr, who is from Poland. who is also Hold them at 4767. He had heard of this movie and was and highly recommended it. He's like, oh yes, that's a great movie. I remember watching it when I was a kid.
Speaker: Scorsese's one of his 20 Polish films. You should watch, I believe, Andy, if I remember correctly. That makes a lot of sense. Oh, my gosh. Have you seen Scorsese's Silence?
Speaker: No. movie with, uh, uh, Liam Neeson and, uh, Spider -Man, Andrew Garfield. No, they're they're Catholic nuns in Japan. Oh, my gosh.
Speaker: Underrated Scorsese. Like nobody knows this movie and it's. So good. Anyway, it's cool i good that's that's for another day. Um, Anyway, great. Great movie.
Speaker: Lodger -esque. Roger F. Hudson. Yeah, yeah ah in in a lot of ways, because very understated, very. you know they're obviously doing this on a pretty low budget.
Speaker: ah psychological rather than Anything overt? Um, I mean, there was something. Some overt parts. Well, some overt parts. I mean... I just gotta say... If anyone's listening, and you haven't already after last week's episode, if you haven't seen The Lodger... Go fucking watch it, man. What is wrong with you guys? It's so good. Yes. Good. Come on.
Speaker: at least At least save up for the 100 -year anniversary and what. four, five years. it's because it wasn't a 31 is it next next year wait i thought the lodger was 27 Okay, I'm going to look this up. well It was 1927. Next year is a hundred years.
Speaker: For Andy's top. 10 favorite film we'll need to we need to have a ah birthday party for the lodger. um I'm looking... i'm June 10th.
Speaker: June 10th. yeah Oh, maybe they can do it for the live. Oh, good. let's all get together for yours mine and theirs I guarantee they haven't seen that one on their podcast I can imagine them just lambasting that film because of their lack of taste No. I think they would love the lodger. Yeah.
Speaker: I think they would like them. Anyone with taste would love the lodger. They would probably very much. JB. I give them a lot of grief. but they Anyway, go wonderful go watch The Lodger. Now, Kit, it seemed to me, though, that you...
Speaker: did not like this as much. I want this to be an open safe space. Everyone is allowed to you don't have their feelings about this movie. Yeah, we don't.
Speaker: There's no rules. yes So, I have... I have mixed feelings about horror movies to begin with. I go into them with a lot of anxiety. Totally. Get up. And.
Speaker: This being from the 60s, I'm... I'm not knowing if I'm walking into like a Rosemary's baby situation where it's. Like, all of a sudden, just gonna be like...
Speaker: Really fucked up? Excuse my language. You can bleep me if you want to. um We swear on this podcast. Fucking swear, please. yeah Ah, sweet. um And so I think because there was this. expectation of like What the hell am I getting myself into? There was more anxiety going into this movie than maybe. ah you guys went into it with.
Speaker: Fair. And ah because, you know. Aye. possessions ghosts actually like kind of believe in those and so i'm like oh this is gonna be scary It was. Like...
Speaker: not i was expecting more i i wanted to see more from the nuns that kind of showed Um, what was going on in the nunnery more. I felt like this was very centered on the priest.
Speaker: And... I think seeing his journey was. i To me, not. that interesting. for a lot of it.
Speaker: Um, And... You know. I think you guys maybe have a higher tolerance for unlikable characters. than i do definitely i'm i'm like i'm down for an unreliable narrator um But I have a hard time, I think, when it's just like, is is there anybody?
Speaker: Is there anybody on this in this movie? Is there anyone on this menu not swimming in gravy? um that just ah there was...
Speaker: Night. Not really anyone for me to be like, oh, I really like this person, except for the rabbi. I like the rabbi. because he was very severe. Um, End.
Speaker: He was willing to be like, own your shit. um so I will say for a movie about nuns. It wasn't about the nuns. It really wasn't about the nuns.
Speaker: Yeah, and I tried to find the devils. Um, but I couldn't find it to stream. But it sounded like. from the description, that wasn't really about the nuns either. That was more about the priest that infected them all with the...
Speaker: With the possession slash mass hysteria that got burnt. And so I was like, where's my movie about the the nuns? Except that the nuns are flying around you know dancing, which...
Speaker: I'm sure is not very nun -like behavior in the 17th century, but... I guess. I'm cool with the singing and dancing nuns. That's what that i I'm like. Let the nuns sing and dance. That sounds great. What else are they going to do? I mean, they live in the middle of nowhere in like the freaking desert. And it's like there are some very pretty parts of Poland. I've been there. But there's also some really desolate parts of Poland where you're just like driving through it. And it's like, oh, this is like.
Speaker: you know, middle Utah, high desert. Not pretty. This is very stark. They obviously chose this. Yeah. this area to be you know, as as stark as possible to create that contrast. They knew they were.
Speaker: dealing with black and white. Everyone is dressed in either black or white. ah Some. Very, very artistic choices. i think Kit, I sort of tend to agree with you. and My take on this movie, and here's where I think...
Speaker: ah I actually probably like this movie a little bit less than JB. just because I know too much about. The.
Speaker: the actual story. And I'm like... did Did you read the Aldous Huxley book? What? Did you read the book by Aldous Huxley? He wrote a book about him.
Speaker: Oh, okay. Uh, Yeah. The first place I heard about it was puppet history on YouTube. Go watch The Puppet History. It's very funny. um Um, But, uh... Yeah.
Speaker: And it's just like the truth is so much stranger than the fiction. And I kept waiting. I'm like, yeah, but like. There's all this other stuff you're not doing. And I had to take a second and do that thing.
Speaker: that I always have to tell myself to do. Take the movie for what it's trying to do. On its own terms, not. like what you think it should be.
Speaker: And. Yeah, I had. I had some problems. But... But that's okay, Walt. We'll get into that in a minute. And before we go too much further.
Speaker: It is time for our patented world's most okay -est Film summary. Spoilers. Beware. Spoiler alert!
Speaker: Spoiler alert! Spoilers incoming. Skip if you do not want this plot spoiled. Father Surin arrives at a remote convent in the desolate 17th century Polish town of Ludan.
Speaker: He has been dispatched by the Church. the Catholic Church, to perform exorcisms on a group of nuns led by the enigmatic Mother Joan. who are believed to be possessed by demons. The convent is already shrouded in dark scandal as the previous local priest was recently burned at the stake for his alleged role in the demonic outbreak. Upon beginning his work,
Speaker: Surin. subjects the nuns to rigorous rituals prayers and physical penance. but his traditional efforts prove entirely ineffective against the supernatural hold on the women.
Speaker: As the exorcisms stretch on, Father Surin begins spending more time alone with Mother Joan in a desperate attempt to drive out the entities possessing her. Instead of curing the nun, however, the priest finds himself increasingly captivated by her. The boundaries between spiritual devotion and romantic obsession begin to blur. plunging Surin into a profound crisis of faith.
Speaker: Desperate for guidance as his own sanity begins to slip, He leaves the convent. to consult a wise elderly local rabbi. However, the rabbi offers no comforting solutions to his spiritual torment.
Speaker: leaving the priest feeling even more isolated and overwhelmed by the darkness taking root inside him. Convinced that Orthodox religious practices have failed and cannot save Mother Joan.
Speaker: Surin concludes that the only way to free her is to take her demons upon himself. to ensure his own absolute spiritual ruin and complete this dark sacrifice.
Speaker: He decides he must commit an unforgivable sin. He takes an axe and brutally murders two innocent farmhands who work at the local inn. following the horrific act surin makes no attempt to hide and confesses to the killings fully accepting his own eternal damnation. and the tragic belief that his willing descent into evil. will finally grant Mother Joan her salvation.
Speaker: Dun dun dun
Speaker: I I've. i've I guess it's probably, to Kit's point, I go the other way. I don't expect anything... redeeming from a horror film I don't expect to like any character I don't expect to like any situation because in general horror films are about unredeeming people or situations, right? Like,
Speaker: Uh huh. I don't know that you'd go back through a horror film and go, wow, I'm sure glad. Bruce Campbell was in Evil Dead or Evil Dead 2 because... You know what I mean? So I think. I see where it's coming from and I go at it from a completely different.
Speaker: perspective of the very nature of a horror film is likely because it's the lowest. portions of humanity. Right. Something bad is going to happen because humanity allows badness to happen or whatever. Right.
Speaker: He deserved to get raped by that tree. Yeah, so I think I really like this movie because this movie is all about... The apathy of... God. Right?
Speaker: for Their creation. And allowing humanity to... Right. Find horror through the very nature of humanity. And I think this movie does that really well because of the.
Speaker: interspersed relationship between like there's no Big. horror scene. There's no... saw there's no right there's no jumping out of bushes or anything it's just Two people slowly degrading.
Speaker: over time until one or both of them Does something horrific. to expose the very nature of what a horror film is about, which is. making poor decisions.
Speaker: I don't ever think the nun was possessed. Um, Right. Like. I think there was definitely something. more human about the whole perspective And I know, Andy, I...
Speaker: a Kid, I'm glad you brought it up because I did not read the Aldous Huxley book, but I love Aldous Huxley. and i the fact that I have not read it. So I'm excited to do that. but I really like your perspective, kid, because I came from the exact opposite. And and I was like, oh, great. This is going to be a psychological.
Speaker: study about how People are going to claim something and then. be abandoned at the end. and you know. I'm glad they didn't. Hurt the horses.
Speaker: Um, That's where I was like, no, don't let's kill the people, not the horses. Right. Like that my standard movie response. Don't kill me. Did you watch the first movie?
Speaker: Which one? Of the of the podcast. the What was it called? kit. El Perro. Oh, maes perros I have seen it. I saw it when it first came out and I did not like it.
Speaker: Yeah. That's why I didn't watch it again, because I knew what... went on in it so it's like i tell andy if there's any dog killing Yeah. I don't rewatch. movies Cats are fun. yeah Hey.
Speaker: No, I might. I don't like animal cruelty in films. um I don't either. No. It was pretty terrible. But yeah, so anyway, I really like kit your perspective because I came from...
Speaker: the opposite pathway of and And I'll have to go back, Andy, in the years we've done movies together and go, did I ever find a spot where I went? I'm so glad. Like one of my favorite horror films is Seven. And I think I like it because.
Speaker: There isn't really a... Like the only good character in it, I guess, is Gwyneth Paltrow. And she ends up. Hitting. hitting killed spoiler alert spoiler alert for a 30 year old movie Hmm. Andy, were you with me when we went to tro were you with me when we went to Trolley Corners?
Speaker: so There used to be this theater called Trolley Corners, and it was this big, wide auditorium. And I went to like the 1 .30 showing of 7 in the afternoon. And it was me and two of my buddies and then one dude sitting on the other end of the auditorium. And he just sat there and stared at us the whole movie.
Speaker: and i like I think that's probably creepier than the movie. Because Kevin Spacey's over there writing in his journal. Right now. So anyway, we left early, um but. Good call. it Kid, that's probably...
Speaker: I really like your perspective because my perspective of horror is if I'm going to. If I'm going to bother to watch a horror film, I probably have. No expectation of. value Andy, for lack of a better term, is that.
Speaker: Yeah, like you don't expect these people to be good necessarily. That's a great term, kid. I don't want to have fun in a horror movie. I'm going to be like... ah Oh yeah. Right.
Speaker: But that's generally the case. People in horror movies are usually pieces of shit. And so we're like, ah, yes, they deserve to die, and I hope they burn in hell. So that's a really interesting perspective on your end.
Speaker: kit of yeah there wasn't really any likable maybe the house made Um, my man i like I like that. I like that singing barmaid. Cheers.
Speaker: It's one of my favorites. but I have a type. You really do. If you played the bass, it would be all over. Yeah. No, seriously. But anyway, yeah. I mean, Andy, I like the.
Speaker: I like to. polarity kind of of how Kit and I came to the the movie there. So that's. i didn't I didn't know what you and Brooke's take was. Um, you know,
Speaker: community play. with good acting. what did What did we talk about? community props with good acting. Is that kind of how you... it was really funny like when when we rolled this and you were looking at it you're like this looks like someone tried to do bergman with like community theater props and and i'm like that's a really funny take and just knowing the like the limitations of Like. the communist system.
Speaker: ah and you know what they were putting into film. and Like. They're putting... tons of money into the Russian film industry, but... Like. The Soviet Empire was not putting money into...
Speaker: Polish art. necessarily. So. i I love to see what they're able to do with. these limitations and Um. i just I think is very effective for what it's trying to do. and Um, ah but also I'm like,
Speaker: There's this whole other part of the story that I wish you'd talk about. um That is so much more interesting to me. And I guess. But I guess that's sort of... out of bounds here.
Speaker: Is that because that part's about the Cold War? No, it's it's because it's because it's about... goddamn patriarchy is what it's about. Uh, Like... Okay, so the the very, very short version of it is... The guy who they burned at the stake in the beginning.
Speaker: is is actually kind of a central figure of the whole thing And he was this. Corrupt. local official. bre ah who...
Speaker: Um, you know had had knocked someone up, and... um was was messing with the nuns and Um,
Speaker: you know, and was was like a really bad guy. But... and And so the the nuns like started doing this whole thing about. Like how, oh, we're being possessed and...
Speaker: Oh. we We saw him sign a contract with the devil. and The... The contract. You can't see it because it's written on the inside of his. ah scrotum and his anus.
Speaker: And, but we have a paper copy. sure leave that part out it's so funny I want to see this with puppets now. That is the story I wish we had gotten. This story is wild. And it's like, and they essentially made it all up as the sort of like original, we're going to pretend that we're possessed.
Speaker: in order to get a bunch of attention. to like shine a spotlight on. bad stuff going on. And then we're going to use that to our own advantage. and like the actual Mother Joan. like went and toured all of France and became a celebrity.
Speaker: thousands of people. came to their little town. to like see them put on these shows where they'd like talk about how they were being possessed and they'd name off all the devils that they were. possessed by. And. the,
Speaker: The. The name of the devils, like, along with the ones that they named in the films, they had crazy names. Like... dog's dick and ash pussy and fornication and Like.
Speaker: Dude. Hmm. wild. That is the I kept hoping we were going to get when this movie started. And they first started talking about that guy being burnt at the stake. And I was like.
Speaker: How fucking cool. Would it be if she just was like punishing him and all the women like. I wish we'd gotten that story. Yeah. i' And like, and and see, that's the, and that's the only thing really dragging me down is like, again,
Speaker: This movie is great. on its own terms. For what? it is trying to do and what the the interplay that it is trying to create. End. and the The scene with the the Jewish rabbi doppelganger, I think, is...
Speaker: like just so amazing and so effective. And I think. was specifically speaking to like Polish culture here. where it's like, yeah, there's a lot of Catholics But like, here's the ghost of.
Speaker: the millions and millions of countrymen. Who? We lost. in the last two decades. and um you know. telling us get your shit together.
Speaker: And it's like. That's, uh... I like. I like that a lot. like i think I think really, really difficult to get.
Speaker: The inside of a scrotum. on to the film so i guess i could do it Yeah. I could do it. On. No one's volunteer.
Speaker: Hmm. I already see what you're doing in the background there. Oh my gosh. Brooke's got the shears out. Oh no. I fucking got this, man. You know, it's it's interesting, Andy, and I...
Speaker: I agree. Like. Listen, I love the movie. in the way that it's sparse. and both erotic and religious, right? There's all these fighting themes of what good and evil and sin and chastity and all this stuff are which All of us on this podcast growing up the way we did understand that.
Speaker: seem far too well which is probably another reason why it resonates with me is how I grew up and I see that interplay between these characters. but it It would be interesting.
Speaker: And, Kit, I'm excited to read the book to see if there's more about the sociopolitical. aspect rather than just the you know. erotico -religio Right.
Speaker: version that they told here because the patriarchy is Very evident. In this one, although not. called out specifically, but it's It's pretty It's pretty straightforward. But I think the political piece of.
Speaker: everything afterwards would be really interesting. Yeah. Kit, please. I was gonna like one of the things that kept bothering me. Is that like. Are they or aren't they? because, like, I hadn't read as much, because I... i Didn't want spoilers. Um. About like.
Speaker: ah whether the nuns because it seemed like the nuns said like we're we're possessed We're all possessed. And then, you know, they I guess hit them all with the hose and that. In the the middle of that scene, I'm like, what are they doing? Water -broomed.
Speaker: Yeah, that's what you do, you know. And I was like, I didn't realize that they were exercising them. I'm just like, what? the hell and it's like if the corrupt Guy. Who is gone. you know is gone the The reason you're pretending to be possessed. Is gone. Why would you still say you're possessed?
Speaker: And that's what I think bothered me more than anything. And then I realized I was like, you know what? I think their lives just must be really boring. They like like. yeah that the fact Or maybe... we I can't remember I can't remember the name of her, the singing nun.
Speaker: That looks like Brooke. But. It's just like they just didn't want to do whatever their job was supposed to be. It's like, I can't sweep this corridor. This clean corridor.
Speaker: For the - four thousandth freaking time um so i'm gonna fly around and say i'm possessed still Instead, wasn't that the Mother Joan piece at the end when she says, I.
Speaker: I'm not Like I. prefer being possessed by Satan. Because I don't have to. I don't have to. do do all this stuff I mean that was kind of the gist at the end which is why he's the idiot of Trying to take her sins away when she's like. yeah Kind of like it. Right. You. you Right?
Speaker: You misinterpreted through the patriarchy. I misinterpreted that it was the patriarchy. I was like expecting actual demons. I'm like, I watch Supernatural. Like I waiting for like black guys and smoke and, you know, Dean Winchester to come in there with a fancy knife and stab some nuns. um It was not that sexy. No, there was no. That's interesting.
Speaker: No. There was no nun stabbing. none no no nice yes yeah Maybe it's because of everything that's been going on. this last couple of weeks, but I just kind of assumed. It was about the patriarchy the whole time and that they were just like.
Speaker: Fuck it. I'm not gonna be a nun. I'm gonna go. I assumed that they were actually possessed by demons and I was like, this is gonna be some weird shit. And it was just like.
Speaker: we're We're dancing and singing. Yeah. I mean, pretty weird. We're not walking, damn it. Pretty weird for 1960 Poland, though, I'd imagine, though, Andy, right? Like the rolling. the breaking ropes being tied up and then rolling around on a.
Speaker: Kamehameha. you You speak to 1960s Poland better than any of us. and he'd given your That he was there. I mean, yeah kind of. Yeah. I mean, minor in Eastern European studies.
Speaker: Yeah, really, really coming in clutch here. But I mean, you you raise a good point, too, kid, because like. you You mentioned Rosemary's Baby, and it's it's interesting to watch that now and go.
Speaker: what What was I? Like, what was this all about to me in 19? 86 or whatever right that ah that it was Like Poltergeist. Poltergeist freaked the hell out of me back in the day. It scared me so badly I wasn't allowed to watch horror movies all through junior high.
Speaker: and now I love that movie. And now I watch it and I go, wow, they had really small TVs. Like how is it like the ring lady is never going to get out of that TV. There is no point. That thing is so small. Well, like.
Speaker: People were shorter than JB. Yeah, the diet. It's the milk. Right, Brooke? so But, kid, that's ah that's a really good point. Like, I i partially wonder if I'm watching in 1961.
Speaker: It's that part I'm like. what is happening and now we watch it and we're like that's just a kid having a tantrum right at the grocery store You know, like it's just a different.
Speaker: paradigm So that's a really good call out. On your part. Because it was, it wasn't very. of a scary It was probably the worst NSYNC dance routine. I'd ever seen.
Speaker: ah Bye, by bye, bye. I mean... but that's But that's what's so funny is, again, like me coming in knowing the real story And that, like...
Speaker: Tens of thousands of people came from miles around. to see these nuns perform. I love that. That's awesome. is like That's so...
Speaker: I mean, hilarious, tragic. I don't know. Knowing that this was. there was some sort of social contagion.
Speaker: we're We're all going to do this to... Try to break up the monotony of this. We're all going to go after this corrupt local priest who is bad and we're going to get him killed.
Speaker: you know i it it it almost doesn't matter what any of that context was but it's also why i was not I was not expecting like you know Dean Winchester to come in. But I was like, man, when when are they going to do the torture scene where they're like. oh Well, they said the contract's in your balls, so we're going to poke your balls with sewing needles to...
Speaker: see and oh well you you yelled so that means that you you definitely got a contract with the devil in your balls so We're going to burn you at the I think that's what The Devils is supposed to be about. And I think I couldn't find it because ah they're doing a re -release this year.
Speaker: Oh, they've got they destroyed the film. did Yeah, they they like wouldn't they wouldn't show it in its whole in its whole form. And so I don't know if this is restored with the scenes that the government wouldn't let them show.
Speaker: Um, you know because of the ball poking. I love that Andy's just waiting for like ball mutilation the whole time. Let me search when it's ball poking comes back.
Speaker: I mean, that that's thought that's what it's... Goddammit, Magic Mike was better. Yeah, when does Channing Tatum do this in Magic Mike 4? The ball poker. Because he had a contract written on the inside of hisroum with his with his dance pimp. but how That's how we learned to dance so good. magic magic butler Magic Mother Mike of the Angels is Andy's new favorite film. Yeah.
Speaker: yeah I'll take it. He uses AI to put Channing Tatum on the priest and it just makes him dance the whole. Really? Can I just say, though? The scene. Where, okay, so we talked about the wood and the laundry scene, but the scene where they like...
Speaker: flagellate each other and then look up and see oh my gosh That scene was hot. Y 'all. Like, that's a hot scene. like That's when I imagined JB singing Master and Servant.
Speaker: It's a lot. It's a lot. and was' just There were some of those scenes that I just thought was super clever where it's like, lot like life did they or did they? And then they do these like.
Speaker: Oh. hi, I didn't see you there. And then they walk like... She's at a 45 degree angle and he's walking straight. and He's trying not to look at her and all this stuff. I was like, they did some really clever.
Speaker: like nonverbal. Stuff that kind of made this relationship look extra. Stas? So... Well, and it's like, oh, well, we're going to look at each other, flagellating each other, knowing. Yeah.
Speaker: I'm whipping myself because I have. unclean desires yeah towards you. And you're whipping yourself because you have unclean desires towards me.
Speaker: Or this was not the movie I watched. Or you have clean. Oh, really? oh i'm I'm thinking they're actually like fighting demons. No, no. And. And it's like Paul Bettany in the Da Vinci code where it's like, you know, but you're yeah, you're saying it's.
Speaker: you know, well, I guess it's more like paulvin Paul, but the Da Vinci goes, I mean, one it is kind of, I mean, But all that stuff's fucked up. but All we're saying is I thought they closed this place down. Excuse me, Edna. I don't think we're talking about love here.
Speaker: We're talking about S -E -X in front of the C -H -I -L -D -R -E -N. Zax Cauldron! I thought they closed that place down. They didn't. Sex cauldron. Sex cauldron is still alive and well. In 1900, 1600 Poland. Looks like I'm moving to Poland. Yeah.
Speaker: as just grandpa Just in time for Halloween. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This is our fourth straight podcast with Sex Cauldron. Hell yeah.
Speaker: Ron, there's a sex cauldron joke. so there's there The sex cauldron joke is forever. Maybe the best. joke that was ever written on The Simpsons.
Speaker: in my opinion. I thought they closed that place down. What a dream. love but Anyway. Yeah, kate you'll have to watch it again now. At least the last hour with all the...
Speaker: Little seedy. No. I'm not watching it again. It was boring. ah We tried. We tried, Mother Jones. We tried to get her in there one more time. the movie Yeah, the only redeeming thing about the last hour was the crazy eyes.
Speaker: crazy everybody got because i guess that's because of their sexual frustration crazy eyes yeah That's why you got to flagellate. or Or you could just... Like...
Speaker: Or you could just have sex. Or like... You know, like the guy says in the 40 -year -old version. now He's like, he's like. ah Or you could just have sex.
Speaker: and He's like, oh, yeah, um that's not really an option. I will not sing master and servant for that though. Only for us, yeah. Oh. He's good. Aww.
Speaker: ah Yeah. ah Anyway. What a great film. uh okay do we do we want to pause here and move into our improvised D and &D game. i'm I'm really excited to see this thing built here. I'd love to play it.
Speaker: Let's do this. Here we go.
Speaker: do i have to Do I have to move off the nun, though? I i think I've been... You've been inappropriate. Yeah, you're right in her crotch, JB. You don't have to. I mean, no, you can start wherever you want to.
Speaker: ah Please feel free to move yourself around this map. I suggest foreplay. Is she in the air, though? Am I, like, floating? Hold on, I gotta... Yes, she is in the air. Okay, so...
Speaker: uh, Well. Hang on, we will... JB's just like this. Yeah, i will I will narrate what this map looks like for the uninitiated. ah We are in the main church of... ah their convent.
Speaker: And, uh, The... A horrible spectral version. of ah Mother Joan is floating above the central altar.
Speaker: Right. in the middle of the room. There is a gray, hazy aura. around her. i in the space of about um What is that? About 50 feet by 50 feet. around her.
Speaker: ah We're not sure what that aura does, but you can see it. It is visible. ah So just be aware of it. There are... many other various devils and demons around this room. at the head of the church.
Speaker: Our big boy. ah Your guy. Asmodeus. Uh, leading up the Leading up the charge at the at the top, he is a big, giant devil.
Speaker: Very scary looking. Also on ah the stand. ah where the priests normally are. two hellhounds, appropriately named Dog's Dick and Fornication.
Speaker: Uh, To the north. of Mother Joan. We have a... A little Skellington? ah We have... the We have the ghost.
Speaker: of Urbane Grandier, who we heard was an evil sorcerer. ah His spirit is here to vex us. and a big goo pile ah who I have named social contagion.
Speaker: And then we have a cultist. And then one of the other demons ah they named in this. Zapaliska. The Spark.
Speaker: Who's got a. glowing red aura. around her. Um, No chooch? No cheats. She's got ah sent away in the movie, right?
Speaker: Yeah. Sorry. No chooch. No chooch in this case. Anyway, we can we can start out um wherever we want here ah and then we will do an initial round and then we'll roll for initiative.
Speaker: I think we need to cross the streams. but based on ohs ah Before we do that. Cool. Let me narrate something else. Okay.
Speaker: As we come into. This. This new scene. ah We are visited. Bye. uh, and boom. beautiful celestial being who comes down.
Speaker: from the rafters. of this church. It is. It is. My Celestial Patron Uh, Patron. uh, Cariel.
Speaker: ah who... gathers us all together. and hands out a blessing and says, By the way y 'all are leveling up. Boom.
Speaker: Oh. Great job. You've all been doing an amazing job here. Uh, And I just want to warn you in this encounter. Um,
Speaker: These guys hit harder than they look. It may not be that you want to. Uh... that you want to fight them directly?
Speaker: um And remember... that. Sister Joan there in the center. is still. A living. breathing human being and if you kill her you will kill her So?
Speaker: ah You may not want to attack her directly. You may want to do. something else. 2. um to disrupt whatever she's got going on. Uh, And then she floats away.
Speaker: So there we go. knowledge imparted. Um... That is... That is our quest here. OK, who wants to who wants to go first or any questions? so Just to check. I'm still level three.
Speaker: Oh. Um, to be Up. Yeah, you should you should bump up to level 5 real quick. Hmm. But we can pretend you're level five. It's all right. Let's just do that for now. And then you and I can do that offline.
Speaker: Okay. I'll just pretend you've got some extra hit points in case. Yeah. So. Okay. um We already talked about what I have. I just haven't. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker: Okay. how Should we roll initiative? we We will do a round outside of initiative, a prep round. And then we'll roll initiative. Yes. Do I have a... I don't have a seduce, do I?
Speaker: No, there's not a seduce, but that would be just sort of a persuasion. uh, skill. Can I do a persuasion on Mother Joan?
Speaker: You absolutely can. And remember, you can use your you can add your wisdom score to that. Uh, due to your um due to your brass knuckles of the liar.
Speaker: I don't... My dice isn't showing up. Oh there it is. So what do you need me to do? roll... Roll a persuasion and ah tell me what. You. want to how you want to try to.
Speaker: Seducer. Well, I think we want to... she's obviously a Naughty. Naughty Mother Joan. According to the... The I Just Watched.
Speaker: So... um I don't want her to do my laundry. Ugh. How gallant of you. Um, Like, yes. Opportunity. I know. what i have i I got to do mine tonight.
Speaker: Um... I would think in this instance, if Mother Joan is the centerpiece of this, we want to. Sway her to our cause. Mm -hmm Or say...
Speaker: We are obviously have just been visited by an angelic presence. Don't you want to be on the side of level enhancing? angels instead of ah urban goo.
Speaker: Nobody wants to hang out with Urban Goo. No. Urban goo sucks. ah Go ahead and and roll a persuasion. 13, but I have a what?
Speaker: Plus five to wisdom. Plus seven. Oh, plus seven. So I got a 20. So you got a 20. uh that ah She is persuaded by that. Um, I'll just let you know she has a ticker.
Speaker: And I am ticking off. Marx. for successful. Um, you know. successful things that gets her Oh, you well you want to always have a good ticker based on...
Speaker: cardiology. Yes. Yeah, indeed. Amen. So on my... My turn is done. Okay. Where do you want to be standing as you as you do?
Speaker: that. Listen, I can... I can. persuade from yawn or or near where ah Okay. Maybe I'll... be Where's the hymn books?
Speaker: ah Yeah, right there in the pews. Yeah, yeah I'll hang out right here and be like, hey. great Come sit. Um, Come sit over here.
Speaker: Okay. Um, What that is going to do with one successful. Um, thing. ah Asmodeus ah is going to fuck off.
Speaker: And so he's gone. Um... So yeah congratulations on that. Thanks. I'm glad I... ah Got rid of the... But this, uh...
Speaker: the The demons have been exorcised. Yep. ah Who wants to try next? Kid, you should do something. You should get them. Um...
Speaker: I... Are any of these... I. bad guys considered animals? Um... I mean, the two the two dogs are. Do I need to test?
Speaker: Okay. um So I guess. I'm going to move closer into the church because originally I put myself further in. But since you said we were entering, I moved back to the entry of the church.
Speaker: So I'm going to use... my movement. um I think I have 30. This is the prep round, so you can just place yourself wherever you want to be.
Speaker: Alright. All right, I'm going to move. Karloff over between dog stick and fornication. Thank you.
Speaker: just because of I are you really like fornication and it's true. Uh -huh. lovely lovely fornication where you know the arches come together at a point yeah that's That's also fornication, which makes me happy. because there's always lovely fornication in a church. um And... Do I need to cast Speak with Animals to talk to these guys? Yes, you should.
Speaker: but But you can do that and then you can go ahead and speak to them as a free action.
Speaker: All right. So I'm going to cast speak with animals. at second level. Get a kit. Mm. Hmm. Hmm. um And Karloff is going to ask.
Speaker: Orc. uh, What are we doing here? what What can we do to convince you? That now is not a good time.
Speaker: And maybe you could go away and die. bother someone else. fully angry. Uh, Wow. been.
Speaker: Poked by by all sorts of fire and needles. we We ate all these people. work Aha. That sounds... Very unfortunate, my friends. Um,
Speaker: And... Hey, do you wanna fuck?
Speaker: Uh...
Speaker: No, but I would be down to fuck you up. This is your life. Well said. That's a good one. Kiss. Cause Boris. Karloff loves This Is Who Life. He used to hang out all the time.
Speaker: Um... And so I'm going to. try to take an attack at Uh, Dogstick? with Larry's silver -headed wolf king.
Speaker: Done. So let me roll to hit. Oh, I get 15 to hit. I believe that beats his armor class. It does.
Speaker: Bludgeoning damage. Nine points of... Okay. Bludgeoning damage. um And because... He is ah undead and a fiend.
Speaker: And that is a silver headed weapon that is going to double. ah You hit him. pretty hard. Um, So. He is.
Speaker: Yeah. I think that's all of my stuff. Um, Dogstick is looking. pretty. Pretty beat up. you really... kick the crap out of that hellhound.
Speaker: So. Good job. Um, Brooke, does what does Calliope want to do? Life is very confused right now. We're not trying to hurt her because she's human?
Speaker: Is that correct? Yeah, she is a possessed human. So we want to get the demons out. but not kill her. Although. And is she um fully on our side now or just?
Speaker: At least neutral. Nope. She's still against us. Gotta get all these demons out. How does one expel a demon?
Speaker: um I don't know. Would you like to? use one of your skills to try to You can try a religion or an arcana. or a persuasion, or a...
Speaker: I would like to... do Or if you have a spell that you think would... would help her. Could I do a persuasion? Go for it. Try to get it out of her. Do I just put the plus six next to it? Yep.
Speaker: And tell us how you want to try to persuade her. Ice roll. Hmm. that's going to work. so Tell us how you do it. I did the come over to our side. We're angelic and cute.
Speaker: This is a hard one because I want her to keep fucking up men, but I also need her to get the dental out of her. Well, you can you can tell her exactly that. Say, hey, sister, sir keep fucking up men. but I'm just going to tell her that she can continue to go on tour as soon as she gets that demon out of her. And then she'll have all of her wits about her to be able to.
Speaker: do with the men whatever she wants. Okay. ah that That is successful. and So she could be on art she could be on our team and on tour. That's a double win. Rod. that's pretty cool J .B., double hitter I'm rolling a D8 on your sheet.
Speaker: to decide something. Thanks. And with that... ah fornication. Fucks off. Rum. And that. dog is no more.
Speaker: Congratulations. Woo! woo Oh, but fornication was my favorite. Sorry. it's Um, ah It is now my turn. um I'm gonna go and try to...
Speaker: do the do the same thing. uh, and say like, Hey, Mother Joan. um ah You seem... You seem pretty groovy.
Speaker: stop playing with these devils and let's and let's actually like... do some good in the world. And I will roll... My persuasion. Um. Well, I beat it. I rolled a five.
Speaker: But luckily I have a plus eight. Oh, nice. Persuasion. and That does beat. her DC here. Uh... true But that is going to.
Speaker: Take out. this Skellington. Oh, okay. Hey, Skellington. So. Get out. um brook where where do you want angle or where do you want Wilbur.
Speaker: A familiar dog. Want to back here? Okay, great. We are now rolling for initiative. Here is the initiative order. ah Dog's dick is going first.
Speaker: Then calliope. then golly. then me, then Karloff. then the cultist, then Social Contagion, then Urban Grandier. Then Zappaliska.
Speaker: and then our familiars. Mother Joan is going to take... her turn. Let's see, one random character. So I am going to roll.
Speaker: For who this is. Using a D4. One, it's me. Two, it's Kit. Three, it's Brooke. For it's JB. Four, it's JB. JB, you need to make a wisdom.
Speaker: Saving throw. my friend. you begin to feel the weight of sin. The Abbey. begins to shake. and all of your...
Speaker: Past. transgressions and mistakes. start to weigh upon your mind and you feel a wave of oppressive guilt. It's too late. I grew up.
Speaker: Mormon. ha Exactly. So i I think I get another saving role. For that, don't I? Sure, you could roll with advantage for like yeah in a line age growing up ah resist resistance to guilt. um Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker: That was built in. Yeah. Yeah. And that's the role I would have gotten. There you go. i Yeah. So I rolled a 19. A 19 -0 then, you're fine. Okay, great. Yeah. um Yeah, do so don't wait don't bring the oppression guilt to this kid.
Speaker: ah ah ah Okay. ah Great. Mother, you have chosen poorly with oppressive guilt. Yeah. So she she luckily does not.
Speaker: affect you with her oppressive guilt. ah And. It is dog dick's turn. That was the best 35 seconds of my D and &D life right there, by the way, that but I could roll for initiative against oppressive guilt. this is I'm very proud. Thank you all. for being part of that.
Speaker: uh, Dogstick is going to take a snap at Karloff. After that, it is a melee attack. Bad news. He rolls a two, so that is not going to hit.
Speaker: Um. So... just He ran into the Vex and just slid right off. When he did. Now. Can I do a reactive spell?
Speaker: I don't think so. See you. Oh, no, that's a provoking and opportunity attack. um But what he is going to do now. is he is... going to disappear.
Speaker: Ummm...
Speaker: and he has become invisible. Oh. so you don't know where he goes. ah Calliope, it is your turn. Okay, I want to try to cast a Dissonant Whisper spell on...
Speaker: Mother Joan and see if I can. caused some psychic damage to make that Demon leave her body. Okay. think causes her some temporary Discomfort. Okay. So... 3d6, so I roll that. Is that correct? Yes.
Speaker: And I'm going to make a wisdom saving throw on her behalf. All right. that I'm going to roll. She fails. ah So she takes all.
Speaker: ah nine of that damage. Yay! So she takes nine psychic damage. ah and she jolts and the the church. shakes.
Speaker: Ooh. Um. It's on. There you go uh, Do you have anything you want to do with a bonus action?
Speaker: You have a bardic inspiration you can give? Yeah, that's what I was thinking. I'd get bardic inspiration. Okay. Do I select to whom? Uh, yes. or just to whom you would like.
Speaker: Would you like to give bark inspiration? Who's next? J .B. I'll give it to JB. Okay. Be inspired. You have an extra D6 you can add to any roll.
Speaker: for the next 10 minutes. Um... I have many. flurries of blows. What is... the spark The spark has obviously spark around.
Speaker: Them. I assume they are weak to melee attacks because that's probably a... magical barrier of some kind. I'm not going to say one way or and the another, but...
Speaker: wow what if like What did we just add to me for level 5? because I know I'm going to Punch the shit out of it. It's just how I'm going to punch it. is Is the spark...
Speaker: corporeal. Or is it a... it is a little bit but it is kind of ghostly So it's not like a sticky bomb. kunai kind of I mean you can go for it.
Speaker: Yeah. but it is technically a spectre. Are the other demons... More corporeal like Sludgy and all of them. Yeah, I mean the... The cultist fanatic is just a dude.
Speaker: Social contagion is a big old slime. guy. N. Urban Grandier is wild. While a spirit, he is more corporeal. I would like to, in my flurry of blows... Punch the crap out of cultist fanatic.
Speaker: Wow. and then toss. Because I think I have enough action points to then toss a few sticky bombs. over to Urban Grandeur.
Speaker: Okay. and stun slash weaken it so... Kit can go in and... punch the crap out of it or whatever she wants to do. Okay. You should be able to do that, yes?
Speaker: That okay, Kit? Is that good? Okay. you can make our Now that you've upgraded, you have two attacks. So you can go ahead and...
Speaker: Kit, I'll do that. ah You are under no obligation to do anything. Yeah, do a second attack. 18 for one. ah that That hits. Okay. Uh huh.
Speaker: Do you want me to do another 20? All right. Or whatever... um, Your unarmed strike is... Oh. I might have missed. kit will have to do it on their own I have failed you, Kit.
Speaker: ah You know where definitely hit him once. Roll 1d6. Oh sorry. ah Plus five. um for damage with your Okay.
Speaker: So that hits for 10 damage. Okay, great. Um, Occultist. Takes a big old sock to the jaw. Oh, great job. Thank you. And then go ahead and throw your sticky bomb.
Speaker: That's absolutely again a D20 and we'll see. Okay. whether you hit him so dirty dirty. Yup, you hit him. dead center. Um. that old. That'll hit him.
Speaker: Another six. Uh, yeah. So he'll take... Okay, he'll take two damage immediately, and he is now webbed. So Urban Grandier is...
Speaker: I'm gonna put this This yellow. around him. he's He's stuck there. for the time being until he. Uh, due to your sticky bomb.
Speaker: Thank you. Now that's... Okay. i think because i was It was only because I was inspired. Well, ah you... um You didn't need to use your your inspiration on either of those, so you were.
Speaker: You were pretty good. And just like that, with a... blinding light. mother joan reaches out at Calliope.
Speaker: And... Dolly Rollins. And suddenly... ah beams of of energy. reach out from her hands and it's as if she's conjuring their souls to elsewhere.
Speaker: and um They are left. Empty Vessels ah Luckily, kit. ah Jeff and Karloff can run to their sides.
Speaker: And we can. we're able to sort of rouse them and make a connection with them. And we can. sort of Jaeger them throughout the rest of this battle.
Speaker: ah I am doing this to cover for the fact that. Brooke and JB had to. ah leave very quickly for other engagements. Bye. um Yes, but we'll finish this battle encounter. with us.
Speaker: Kitten eye. uh, filling in for the two of them. Initiative order. ah we We are to me. And I am going to...
Speaker: Um. try to bring some some ah you know, sort of I don't know out.
Speaker: paladin healing um Uh, aura ah well I don't have auras anymore because I'm not a paladin anymore I'm a warlock but Uh...
Speaker: bringing some some good vibes, some... some good things. And I'm just going to again. do a persuasion role. and say, Mother Joan.
Speaker: your Your sisters need you. They look up to you so much. And whatever you say and do, they will follow you. You are leading them.
Speaker: Down. A Dark Path. and you can get what you want. through. other means. Just. let go of These demons.
Speaker: Ah. I'm going to roll a persuasion roll. And that is a dirty 20. So that is going to. Succeed. and with that.
Speaker: I need to roll. another dying? To determine who that. That is. Three. So going around the...
Speaker: on Two. The cultist fanatic that... ah that dolly rollins was i beating up.
Speaker: boops out of existence. We're left with that. I am... That is going to be my turn. I'm going to stay out of. Her.
Speaker: Aura. And it is. Karloff, it is now your turn. So it seems that... Attacking. doesn't help the situation as much as...
Speaker: Helping Sister Joan so Karloff. will approach but not go in the center of her aura.
Speaker: I think. So. this that heal wounds. has A figure. Let me see how far Sorry. I think you can even do it from where you're standing if you're if you're just trying to do...
Speaker: Oh, Cure Wounds is touch. Oh, okay. So... Do you not have... um I do not.
Speaker: I thought... I thought you had the... um Oh, you haven't you haven't picked all of your fun ah third -level spells that you just got when you... I probably, yeah, right now I just have conjure animals, cure wounds, find familiar moonbeam and speak with animals. Okay. so um um You know what? I'm going to.
Speaker: I'm gonna say... I'm just gonna throw this in here. and let you... Do you want to... cast healing spirit you can do that from afar as your bonus action.
Speaker: Oh, I can? Yeah. Let me go in here. Ah, healing spirit. Mm -hmm. Okay, so yes, I will.
Speaker: Cast Healing Spirit. As a bonus action. Roll a four. Great. Will she? She's healed for...
Speaker: Calliope hit her with some psychic damage earlier. ah that That takes her back. pretty much to full from where she was. Um, You conjure a a healing spirit from beyond.
Speaker: What would you like this healing spirit to look like? This is... you know out of the fey realm out of Um,
Speaker: out of another plane of existence. it is a a soothing. healing spirit. This spirit would look like a raven. Ooh.
Speaker: That's nice. A raven can fly in through the church window. Drop a feather, hon. Mother Joan. Great. That's... That's wonderful.
Speaker: ah both Both dark and... Wonderful. Um, Now, that's just your bonus action. Would you like to use your regular action to do?
Speaker: some sort of ah um I'm going to be brave. End. Walk up and lay hands on Mother Joan. Okay. And cast Cure Wounds at second level.
Speaker: Okay, you can't do two spells in one. In one go. Nope, you're right. Let me see if I got. But you can do a medicine check if you want to.
Speaker: to see if you can Do. Sure. Anything like that. sounds fun So, yeah, let's do a medicine check to see if. Um...
Speaker: you know, healing her or. If there are other... you know, magical. ways that we can as a team you know rid her of these demons without actually defeating them.
Speaker: Um... I rolled... a 21. Okay. Now you get to roll medicine with advantage. So go ahead and roll a second time. And let's see if you crit. by any chance 22 Got it so close. Two amazing things. um She is definitely being afflicted by.
Speaker: real -ass demons. Call Dean Winchester. Get him in here to help. ah You understand that as someone with a background. in ah In. in the spooky and the arcane.
Speaker: Um, But there is. there is something medically wrong with her. and These demons are hurting her from inside out.
Speaker: So you are able to. provide some comfort. and some help. With. Uh, your knowledge of various druidic energies calling on the primal forces of nature.
Speaker: Um, I don't know if you have any. uh special herbs or medicine that you would want to give her or if this is just A straight up transfer of energy.
Speaker: ah How do you want to do this to provide some? healing for her soul. Karloff. is. Very old. Very dusty.
Speaker: So... Carloth. claps his hands. and rubs them like Mr. Miyagi. And shakes. dust out of his suit.
Speaker: And the dust. Sprinkles on to Mother Joan. you know. Through the air. and can land on her. Great.
Speaker: Um. term. The healing energy of that. does something to calm her troubled mind. And with that... ah One more of these demons.
Speaker: is going to once again blink out of existence. Um. Let me roll four. Which one it is? We're getting down to...
Speaker: not as many of them anymore. four to
Speaker: Um. You sense. in your in your vicinity You hear a... Nope! uh and uh Dogstick, the invisible hellhound.
Speaker: um who was sneaking up on you. ah has been. banished. from this plane of existence and will no longer. Trouble Sister Joan. ah We are down to now only three of the final demons.
Speaker: ah We have... Zappaliska Uh, the spirit of Urbain Grandier. Uh, and social contagion. the Giant goo.
Speaker: Um, But that is your... That is your turn. And an amazing. Turn it was. a Great. great work on on that.
Speaker: It is now. ah social contagion's turn. And he is going to come. And because Dolly Rollins is right there.
Speaker: ah he is going to attack. Social Earth. he's going to attack. Dolly Rollins. And let's see if he's able to do that.
Speaker: Uh, He's going to... Try to bite him. And he rolls a three, so that does not hit. ah And then he is going to use its.
Speaker: ah It's gibbering mouth. Uh, to... to try to distract Dolly Robb. Rollins. He needs to make a...
Speaker: A wisdom -saving throw. of over ten ah which he easily makes 21. Dolly Rollins is very wise.
Speaker: And it's proficient. in wisdom. saving throws. So he's good. He is not affected by the social contagion. ah He does not want to pretend to be possessed.
Speaker: So that's wonderful. Um... And it is now. Urbane Grandiers. Turn. ah He is stuck here.
Speaker: But because he is. A sorcerer? ah which is why he was. Put to death. ah He does. have. ranged. thing so he is going to ah shoot a chromatic bolt.
Speaker: At me? ah And that is going to hit. And so I take... I take nine. Uh...
Speaker: Lightning damage. And that is his turn. because he is stuck there. And now. Zapaliska. The spark.
Speaker: It is going to move again towards me. And get. between me and And Brooke said that. It's...
Speaker: emanation. is. getting both of us in there. And it is going to try to do a life drain. on me. That does not hit, luckily. It only rolled a 16.
Speaker: which might... otherwise have hit someone else, but I am very armored. So ah that. That attempt at life drain just bounces off.
Speaker: Um. We are, however, in its emanation. at the beginning of our next turn, something may happen. It is now back to the top of the order.
Speaker: ah And... That means it is. Mother Joan's turn. Mother Joan is going to choose one of us at random. Again, ah one one is me, two is you, Kit.
Speaker: ah Three is Brooke. Four is JB. I rolled four again. ah So she is. She is just on JB's case.
Speaker: he needs to do another Wisdom saving throw. as guilt. Brought the pole. Yeah, no, seriously.
Speaker: Ooh. This, uh... This time his wisdom did not save him. He only rolled an eight. And he takes eight. psychic damage.
Speaker: ah feeling the the guilt and the weight on him oh wait no no no we said he has advantage on those because of Mormon background. Let's roll again. Oh, we roll the three again. It's the exact same thing.
Speaker: It's not not helping you, bro. Okay. um Got laundry soap in your eye. Yeah, no, that... That did not work out. Okay. ah it is ah It is Calliope's turn.
Speaker: And because she is starting in... Zapaliska's ah emanation. Zappaliska is a fire demon.
Speaker: Um, Brooke needs to take A. Dexterity saving throw to see if. She is hit.
Speaker: By this fire damage. Hmm. She rules in that one, even with a plus six. So she is going to take. Seven.
Speaker: fire damage It is her turn. Um, She's gonna move out. of the emanation, so she's no longer being hurt. and she's going to call her familiar.
Speaker: Wilbur. Over. by her. ah And. Wilbur, as as her familiar, is going to... Help her on this.
Speaker: social interaction. And she's going to say. Um, Joan, come on. We all know how great it is to play with the girls.
Speaker: And. ah But you should really be playing. on the same team as me. Not. Not with these. Stupid devils.
Speaker: Um. So she's going to roll. a persuasion. Check on that. Oh. And that is a 10 and that is not going to work.
Speaker: Oh wait wait wait wait wait. I just said Wilbur was giving her. The help action. That means she gets to roll twice. Well, that's a little bit better. 15. And that does.
Speaker: That does work. 15 is enough. So. Okay. Good. Rolling. A d4. Zappaliska. poofs out of existence.
Speaker: poem as does. Her. Ring of Fire. around her. We're down to just a couple more devils. Uh... Initially, she had eight devils.
Speaker: messing with her. Now she's down to two. So. We're almost there. Thank goodness. Brookhead. Wilbur. there with her. Good companion is always good to have.
Speaker: ah That means it's Dolly Rollins' turn. Um, Kit, how would you like to... ah Jaeger. Dolly Rollins to Um.
Speaker: to deal with Joan here. JB said that, uh... When in doubt, punch something. Okay. But... Um... I also think that...
Speaker: Dolly Rawlins. is Based on Henry Rollins, who is incredibly intelligent and can see what's up. ah So I think that...
Speaker: Uh... He would put his fists down, still have them in the air. But, see. Joan. We're here to help you. I'm here to protect you.
Speaker: I will take down social contagion. I will take down these demons. But you're a badass. Motherfucker. And you can do this yourself.
Speaker: You are the most powerful of all of us. and try to convince her. Two. boot her own demons.
Speaker: Uh... If she can. You know what? I'm going to let you roll with advantage on that because that's that's very convincing. So we're going to roll twice.
Speaker: on Dolly Rollins' persuasion role. ah which is good because that first one only came up a nine. So hopefully this one. Yes, much better, 17.
Speaker: Uh... So. And with that... ah social contagion poofs out of existence. this gross gibbering mass of goo.
Speaker: And then does Dolly Rollins have any ah healing or... uh, other protective things as a bonus action.
Speaker: Ah. don't believe so. Then he's going to use his movement to put himself between Joan.
Speaker: and The Ghost of Urbain Grandier. Because he... practice what he preaches. And he's got his... his fists up and so he can take a reaction to protect Joan if he needs to.
Speaker: Great. So he's right there. That's excellent. ah So Dolly Rollins has squared off against... Urbain Grandier if.
Speaker: if needs be. Um. That's wonderful. Bye. He is the last. demon. left. and ah the cause Of all of this?
Speaker: Because as we know. Urbane Grandier. Made a deal with the devil. And that deal is written on the inside of his balls. Like you do. And his anus.
Speaker: you know. So. Um... ah Jeff Verges is going to call out and be like, Joan. We all know what's really going on. This started off...
Speaker: With. You protesting? How terrible. Urbane. grandier was how corrupt he was how he was taking advantage of you and the other nuns.
Speaker: Uh, how He was. ah Fathering children. and causing scandals in the village. He was a bad bad guy.
Speaker: ah But that's no reason to. Let. him infect you. ah Come back to us and... Let's, um... Let's end this and you can go on with your life.
Speaker: ah So I'm going to do a persuasion roll. And yes, that is a dirty 20. Um, Urban been Grandier. Pops.
Speaker: Out of existence. And. um And Joan is freed. She collapses to the ground. no longer floating in midair. um no longer looking demonically possessed.
Speaker: Uh, Just a... a normal Kinda sexy. but somewhat scared woman. after after some I didn't...
Speaker: Hmm. How do I say this without... Sounding. I want to say after some aftercare, but that's maybe not what. One of his. um Because that has a specific meaning.
Speaker: Alright. After some specific ministrations from... a calliope and some healing, making sure that she's she's all better. and additional medicine checks from From Karloff.
Speaker: ah She is completely stable. and feeling much better. ah That is the win condition. ah We have... We have won for this game.
Speaker: Ah. We. move into The next round where we're going to... magically through the power of editing. Rejoin. JB and Brooke. to...
Speaker: ah talk our rankings and uh Find out what we're watching next week. So congratulations. we've We've calmed the spirit of Mother Joan. Um. We're moving into the next room.
Speaker: ah let's Let's give our awards. Where does everybody come down on? The. uh, on the are patented 1 to 20, D20.
Speaker: Rating for this movie. I'm at a 16. This is solid. I really like this. i I wish it had had some of the things that I wish it had. But.
Speaker: for what it's doing. I'm I'm I'm all in. Yeah, it's a B. Oh, go ahead. oh Sorry, Brooke, I was going to say. I'm with you, Andy. I think it's a solid B.
Speaker: 16, 16 and a half depending on what edge the roles on. But go ahead, Brooke. I was. that's all i had oh you're good i was gonna say 17 so i'm right there yeah i like it I wish I'd gotten... the other story but i still i'm a sucker for everything horror story not just the ball sack but you know you want ball poking the women yeah i'm not necessarily but okay so if they didn't have ball poking what would your score have been and If this had had ball poking, I mean, we're at a solid 17 and a half. Might have been 19.
Speaker: Might have been 19. Balls aren't worth that much more. Oh. Alright. How about you, Kit? Okay.
Speaker: I'm at a 12. I... I found it boring. And... A little tedious. fish um I see what it was doing. It's beautifully done.
Speaker: I just, you know. It's a gourmet. Piece of boring. Which if you're gonna... boring. Be gourmet. right like i like yeah Be gourmet boring.
Speaker: That's solid. Alright. ah Who is the... ah Who is the midge of this movie? uh, the the small character.
Speaker: named Named for... um the secretary in Hitchcock's Vertigo. Ah, whom we love. that that makes the movie even better.
Speaker: Who's the midge of this movie? I definitely know who mine is. Probably the... not be a hard guess. Well, Andy's is the barmaid.
Speaker: The singing ball made. Singing barmaid. And her mustache. It was a gourmet mustache. Beautiful mustache. Nothing wrong with that. No, it was gourmet.
Speaker: Yeah. I know. Not even boring gourmet, just gourmet. Having had a gourmet mustache for many years, I can tell you that is the highest quality. I'm sorry, kid.
Speaker: Oh. I would agree with the barmaid. I i think... There's a couple of nuns that really stick out. Um, But I like the barmaid. Mustache and all.
Speaker: Do we all agree it's the barmaid? No no one else? I mean... honorable mention for rabbi. I go with the rabbi. Too cool. Totally rabbi. He kicked ass. He makes the movie.
Speaker: Like this movie, did this movie. I agree Kit is definitely a 12, if not for that rabbi scene. Cause that like, I'm like, Ooh, that's just got interesting. I love how they did meta in 1960.
Speaker: You are me and I am you. And I'm like, well, yeah, because. It's... just a beard, but... Yep. Yeah. But we're all. We're all connected.
Speaker: Okay. ah I'm going to forego deciding who had to play of the game. And just. I don't know. Who wants to who wants to roll?
Speaker: for Um... Have kids do it. For this next movie. Gourmet roll. You had the best you had the best review of the movie with the gourmet. So I think I think you're.
Speaker: I think you deserve the awesome role. Okay. ah so What am I rolling? Am I rolling a 20? First roll just a d6. ah to decide whether we're doing 0, 1, or 2.
Speaker: Like a D6, like a D6. Okay, so we are in... ah So... ah out. Ironically, a two is...
Speaker: Uh, since we're dividing by two. is old. one. Wait. No. is a zero. Sorry, I have to remind myself of the rules.
Speaker: I miss kids' faces so much sometimes. One and two is zero. Three and four is one. And. Five and six is. Cheers. So, okay.
Speaker: So we are in 0 to 100. on the letterboxd. Horror 250. Kit, roll a D100. Ooooooh!
Speaker: You get the gourmet dice. Peace. Oh, yeah. 81. Come on, Eastern European films.
Speaker: Okay, what is 81 on Letterboxd? Your mom. 81 is... Was last night. 81 is Inland Empire directed by David Lynch, which is a David Lynch film I have never seen. Wow. Good. That's a role right there. That's a good roll. Good roll.
Speaker: That's a good. Roy's going to blame me for that one. Uh, that's, that's pretty amazing. Okay, cool. I, I'd been thinking, I'm like, I really want to rewatch lost highway or Mulholland drive.
Speaker: And maybe this will um scratch that itch. So. That's great. It's not easy to get a wooden laundry pole. Good night. I mean I should get a wooden laundry pole anyway. And a When she brought the hands together.
Speaker: Put the hands together and then put her chin on it like that. That was just. Chef's kiss. Chef's kiss of Racine. Yeah. Okay, well, we ah next time we'll we' do Inland Empire, which...
Speaker: I had no idea was a horror film, but I guess we'll... We'll see. ah But David Lynch, y 'all. So... That's great. Thank you all for being here.
Speaker: Um... may All of your... Tricks actually be treats. ah and may all Your. Dice rolls. Christmases be white. We'll see you next time.
Speaker: Be. Together!
