Transcript
Speaker: What is up everybody?
Speaker: Welcome back to another episode of sex, drugs, and whatever.
Speaker: I'm Vera James and with me today I have the one and only cutie Frankie.
Speaker: Hey baby!
Speaker: Hi I'm Mama.
Speaker: I'm fucking glad you're here.
Speaker: I'm so glad to be here.
Speaker: Thank you so much for having me on.
Speaker: You're welcome.
Speaker: It's gonna be fucking fun.
Speaker: First I have a little email.
Speaker: and it's titled Should I Tell Her?
Speaker: Y'all so damn dark and mysterious with y'all so fucking titles too.
Speaker: Love it.
Speaker: It's like writing into the newspaper lady who would like to answer, you know what I mean?
Speaker: Like ask Jane or something.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Like Dear Judy or something.
Speaker: That's what I feel like.
Speaker: And a lot of them will say, some of them will even say Dear Vera.
Speaker: This one says, Hey Vera, how are you?
Speaker: Bitch, I'm so good.
Speaker: How are you?
Speaker: Doing so good.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: What?
Speaker: What?
Speaker: My girlfriend and I, both low to mid-20s, made our relationship official exactly two weeks ago.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: We've been getting to know each other a few months before that.
Speaker: Everything's great.
Speaker: We both have high sex jobs and love to watch porn together.
Speaker: I can't get myself to tell her about one type of porn I love.
Speaker: C.E.I.
Speaker: Fucking knew what it was going to be.
Speaker: Which, if you're new here, is come eating instructions.
Speaker: I've been a cum eater for years.
Speaker: Oh my god!
Speaker: It's like the, uh, you know in the Odyssey, the locust eaters or something like that?
Speaker: Or is that the Bible?
Speaker: I don't know, where they eat the plants that make them hallucinate.
Speaker: Anyways, I never even fucking knew about cum eaters.
Speaker: Like when I got into porn.
Speaker: Like, do your thing.
Speaker: It's when I got into porn, yeah.
Speaker: People would be like, they need my cum, and I'm like, okay.
Speaker: I don't know if it's the embarrassment or I just actually enjoy having this little dirty secret all to myself.
Speaker: I'm not sure what she'd think about it, honestly.
Speaker: What if she is disgusted?
Speaker: What if I regret not keeping something to myself?
Speaker: What should I do?
Speaker: Sign, keep me anonymous.
Speaker: Isn't that fucking cute?
Speaker: Uh, so, let's see.
Speaker: It's like a Reddit post.
Speaker: It's like me and my, like, female 22F, like, you know.
Speaker: Like, you definitely fucking read Reddit.
Speaker: I do, too.
Speaker: No, like, it's fine.
Speaker: and but i like first i think my first instinct like the mature thing i'm going to tell you to do is fucking tell her yeah especially if y'all watch porn together i think that's cool as fuck i don't know how many people to do that but um yeah awesome and i also kind of understand wanting to fucking have like every little secret of your own i feel like be honest what is she gonna do break up with you on your two-week anniversary no
Speaker: I feel like if it comes up, like if it's weighing on him this heavy that he needs to, or this person this heavy that they need to write in and ask about it.
Speaker: I mean, I know that kink sharing is a kink in and of itself, but if they feel like they need to talk about it, then yeah, just like tell her.
Speaker: She'll probably be into it.
Speaker: She'll probably be like, okay, fuck yeah, I'll make you eat your cum.
Speaker: That's what I think.
Speaker: I think I've never told my husband a damn thing that like I was nervous about telling him at first or apprehensive that didn't bring us closer together.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: And if that's your person, it's closer together.
Speaker: Yeah, exactly.
Speaker: I think, like, I had, like, a kink I was, like, definitely nervous to share with my husband, and I had been with everybody.
Speaker: But I finally shared it with my husband and made our socks better.
Speaker: Not that it was bad.
Speaker: It was great.
Speaker: But, like, now we can explore that kink together, and it's nice.
Speaker: Nice.
Speaker: You want to tell it what the slur it is or not?
Speaker: I don't think I can.
Speaker: It's definitely something that is not on mini-bids.
Speaker: Oh, okay.
Speaker: I like it.
Speaker: We won't press any further, but ooh.
Speaker: What other kind of kinks are you into?
Speaker: Okay, well, I'm very, I'm very, very submissive.
Speaker: I can be dominant.
Speaker: Even when I'm like, you know, people commission that from me, I am really bad at being mean, taking charge like that.
Speaker: It's never been natural for me because I'm so f***ed.
Speaker: subby so i don't know i like all things that come with that i like really rough sex i like to be choked for sure stuff like that yeah i like it what is what kind of kinks do you like doing in your work well i like doing taboo because it smells the best yeah that's exactly what we just talked about with sadie on friday like
Speaker: You can't make a fucking, especially a mommy.
Speaker: I make a mommy movie and it's fucking flying off the shelf.
Speaker: And that's what I'm saying is like sometimes I neglect the mommy thing.
Speaker: And then I'm like, and then someone once was real with me and they were like, honey, you are covered and smothered and chunked in tattoos.
Speaker: You can't play like a teenager, like a, like a daughter, like it's not believable.
Speaker: I'm like, okay, I can play like a goth, tat, and mommy then I guess.
Speaker: But you're so right because like I'll put a passion project out that's like, oh, I don't know, me as a robot or like a porn, like a movie porn parody.
Speaker: No, not a soul.
Speaker: I have one that where I play a plumber.
Speaker: It's like reverse.
Speaker: And I did it with my husband and we had so much fucking fun making it.
Speaker: No one, not a soul.
Speaker: And I get so excited when people buy my like passion project videos.
Speaker: Sometimes I'll message them like, oh my God, what do you think?
Speaker: But taboo stuff is just, sometimes it's like, oh my God, this makes no sense.
Speaker: And I hate doing this.
Speaker: I like it.
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: I like it, but I hate it.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: No, I fucking, I get it.
Speaker: It was, I started out doing like Fendom stuff.
Speaker: And it's funny, you mentioned, yeah, like you mentioned how uncomfortable you were with like humiliating people.
Speaker: And like, you know, I mean, I think I had like, I'm not like this at home, but with strangers being fucking psycho on the internet.
Speaker: Ooh, let me tell you.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: And I had to figure out the bad way.
Speaker: Like I started out camming.
Speaker: And I had to figure out that they were coming in to purposely piss me off to cuss them out and block them.
Speaker: Sometimes that was like their fucking kink.
Speaker: I was like, oh, I'm like really fucking good at this shit.
Speaker: See, I'm good at it and I do that, but not Fendom.
Speaker: I just am psycho on the internet for free.
Speaker: And I should really, yeah, weaponize that.
Speaker: That's good.
Speaker: Yeah, you should.
Speaker: That's what I had to realize.
Speaker: I was like, whoa, giving away this shit.
Speaker: let them catch me when i'm like having like a little cuckoo episode and yes i will be meaner than anyone like has ever been to i can say some pretty devastating shit my boys that i also started out on reddit which is like oh my fucking god you know how insane that book is i've never tried on there i've never tried i do i started out on twitter yeah i don't even i might have opened i think i did open my twitter at the same time okay oh it's so fucking cringe back then though but
Speaker: They have this subreddit called- I'm cringe now.
Speaker: Oh god, I am too.
Speaker: Oh god.
Speaker: They have a subreddit called sexsales.
Speaker: And honestly, I'm still, you have to be like verified in it.
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: It's got like over half a million people.
Speaker: Girl, like if you like to vid, do video calls or sexting.
Speaker: Oh my God.
Speaker: It can be so much fucking.
Speaker: I'm, I was making more money there.
Speaker: I usually do it many vids, but it's like.
Speaker: Damn.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Those people are fucking insane.
Speaker: You have to have like, I have to take huge breaks from it.
Speaker: It's really cool.
Speaker: Do you get custom vid sales through that?
Speaker: okay well then send me the link because i mainly like doing custom bids when i get on a call there's no telling like how they're gonna react to the fact that i'm weird as hell so like i can give a different normal vibe via text and then they get on and i'm like yeah it calls for me on the spot i used to do pretty much exclusively calls and i would do like 20 in a day at least like and i mean i was making buku money but like
Speaker: money is that if you can fucking handle it it's draining and my pussy was taking too much plastic yeah yeah they want the dildos yeah but the ones that found me there that like um like female domination shit they'll they'll the first message they'll send me is hey are you feeling sadistic today i'm like sure
Speaker: I mean, I tried doing the phenomenon with this one person, but he sucks at it.
Speaker: Like, he's bad at that side of things.
Speaker: But I was good with, I told him to, what did I say?
Speaker: Yeah, I told him to tell his mom that he, like, got in with, like, some bad dudes and, like, owed them a lot of money.
Speaker: Otherwise, they were going to kill him.
Speaker: And, like, helped him create evidence of this.
Speaker: like and send him pictures okay this is insane i'm not gonna tell this story it didn't work though it didn't work because i don't think he actually did it i think it was just the kink of like okay we're doing this you know i don't know yeah but there's some very interesting kinks out there what would you say is the most interesting bizarre thing i've ever asked you oh i mean people and i'm sure you know like people have asked me to do some straight up like illegal shit oh god like
Speaker: And I get really offended and feel really disrespected when they're like, when they think that I would be like so cool with doing something so harmful.
Speaker: And I'm just like, no.
Speaker: But let me think of something that was like a request I actually fulfilled.
Speaker: Okay, so one time a ho- like this is a good- like this person supports sex workers as hell.
Speaker: You probably may know them, but they sent me a custom request that was kind of like, do whatever you want, but here's the loose idea.
Speaker: You are given like a clown sex curse, where every sex sound is replaced with a clown sound, whatever that means.
Speaker: And I did it.
Speaker: Um, and it was pretty- it was like one of the first videos I got commissioned to do on minivis.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: That's fucking awesome.
Speaker: They know I get a little goofy with it.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I think the weirdest one I've gotten on the mini vids was the one where they want their dick chopped off.
Speaker: And... I've never got that.
Speaker: Yep.
Speaker: And you eat it?
Speaker: One or two of them have wanted me to eat it, too.
Speaker: Oh, my God.
Speaker: One person asked me to do something where it was like I asked to be set on fire.
Speaker: Yeah, and that's not allowed on like mini-vids, but they asked for it on mini-vids like through another and like I was like, hmm.
Speaker: i don't know and then i ended up getting in trouble for it and yeah yeah but i didn't even do it i didn't even fulfill the request i was just like maybe then i wonder if they were just the type of person that like they got mad they got mad yeah they reported you they just sometimes i wonder if they just asked that shit i don't know if that's their case oh well dude they just don't like the fucking world to burn
Speaker: I think that it's a little bit of both because some people like just like talking about it and like taking advantage of you by being like I want this custom here's my kink in detail and read this 10 page thing that outlines my trial and it's like no pay for it and then I will do that you know that's insane give me the loose concept I'm a very creative um auteur I will create that shit but like I don't need your life it makes me uncomfortable
Speaker: you know?
Speaker: Yeah, me too.
Speaker: I had to put a thing on my custom page that if you want me to read more than like a short paragraph, it's going to be like $5 or more.
Speaker: If I need to make your story make sense, $100.
Speaker: And I like to think of it
Speaker: is an actual collaborative.
Speaker: Yeah, if I can add in my, you know, if we can work on this together, I love when people are like, do what you want here, or like, I want to see what you want.
Speaker: And I just got it, I haven't gotten an inquiry for a custom request in ages, man, but
Speaker: I just got an inquiry for one and they're probably gonna get it but holy shit it seems so cool I've not been excited like about a custom commission and so long it's like it's like a Jessica Jones roleplay cosplay roleplay that's funny that's the thing with it
Speaker: No, it was a Marvel character.
Speaker: It was a Netflix show like a decade ago.
Speaker: I watched it, but again, it was like a decade ago, so I don't remember anything about it.
Speaker: But they asked me to cosplay her and I'm like, hell yeah, that sounds very cinematic.
Speaker: And it's like rough sex too, so I'm into that.
Speaker: Nice.
Speaker: Nice.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: My last commission.
Speaker: It was just a mommy.
Speaker: He actually wanted CEI in it though.
Speaker: That might have been my first mommy CEI.
Speaker: And it was 45 minutes.
Speaker: I don't get many 45 minute customs either.
Speaker: Andy kind of gave me.
Speaker: That's fun.
Speaker: You can play with it then and kind of just like do it, put whatever you want in there and flesh it out.
Speaker: If it's that long, it's fun.
Speaker: He started...
Speaker: I think with like 20 minutes and he was like, actually, we add in some more.
Speaker: I was like, yeah.
Speaker: And like gave me.
Speaker: Build the basket.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: It was really cool.
Speaker: I liked it.
Speaker: So what are your best selling?
Speaker: Actually, I don't know why I'm asking that as a question.
Speaker: I know what they are.
Speaker: I'm looking at your page.
Speaker: Oh, what are they?
Speaker: What are they?
Speaker: Greed wife's sister at your wedding.
Speaker: At your wedding, yeah.
Speaker: And the world's best dad fucks sister.
Speaker: Fuck sisters, yep.
Speaker: Come in teens, sassy mouth.
Speaker: Sassy mouth, yep.
Speaker: I like that.
Speaker: Oh, that one is like, that's like a sneak one.
Speaker: that it's like actually never mind no which one if the come in teen sassy mouth like some of my videos it's like you won't know the content really unless you buy it and then people will review it and they'll be like buy this fucking video just trust me and i'm like okay cool i got the homies out there who are looking out and not like explicitly saying what kink i'm passing through there oh
Speaker: I see.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: It's interesting what sells the best.
Speaker: I'll tell you what on my page.
Speaker: All my older videos.
Speaker: How long have you been doing this?
Speaker: Like a year and a half.
Speaker: Wow.
Speaker: But then I did, I started on Twitter two years ago and then many vids came like a couple months or like a couple months after that.
Speaker: But yeah, many vids kind of popped off quickly, but then it died down severely like last summer.
Speaker: You know when they made all those changes?
Speaker: Yeah, the first- And took away like the Twitter feed and stuff?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I went to like, I was up in like, I was almost in the thousands again.
Speaker: And I was like, what is happening?
Speaker: Because I was like, I had gotten to my lowest, which was like 125 or something.
Speaker: And I was like, oh my god, this is so cool.
Speaker: And then immediately it was like, never mind.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: But it's okay.
Speaker: It sucks thinking about the rank so much.
Speaker: I know.
Speaker: I-
Speaker: I saw that some people were like upset that they don't have the top 100.
Speaker: You know, they only have the top 100 now.
Speaker: I fucking personally like it.
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: I just like, I know, you know, I stay in a little range when I'm taking care of it.
Speaker: It's never affected me.
Speaker: I have never been in the top 100, so it don't matter, you know?
Speaker: Like, I have learned, if I've learned anything, well...
Speaker: Being on many, I've probably been on many, I have two years, almost three years total sex work.
Speaker: People don't care about that ranking.
Speaker: Right, no, they don't.
Speaker: They care about the quality.
Speaker: I think they care if you as a person, too, are genuine.
Speaker: Like, they don't like a personality.
Speaker: They like it if you have some like integrity to you and truly I can't be anything but myself I've tried to not be and it's hard so like I think people like if you're yourself and don't just try to be like I'm poor you know what I mean?
Speaker: Yeah, I I think too like I have to give myself like credit sometimes because I'm like
Speaker: oh my god like the top these top models and stuff like they're so talented and like but they've got like you know like 400 videos up and i'm like why can't i get there and i'm like okay bitch you have like 100 videos up that's why like you have to keep at it and do it for as many years as they have and then you'll get there one day but then again it's like none of this fucking matters we're all gonna die and be dead yes it's
Speaker: But it makes me money.
Speaker: So it's like I have to care, but it sucks that I have to care.
Speaker: What made you start doing this?
Speaker: Do you do it full time too?
Speaker: I do.
Speaker: I do it full time.
Speaker: I was unemployed as fuck.
Speaker: And at one point I had an OnlyFans like a little bit ago, a long time ago, but it was for like, I never promoted it anywhere else.
Speaker: It was just for people who like knew me in real life.
Speaker: And that was successful.
Speaker: But then I stopped and then I brought it back because I was unemployed as fuck.
Speaker: And I stayed with it because I got like my second brain injury.
Speaker: And that made it so that like, I really cannot have a typical, I cannot have a W2, we'll say.
Speaker: Like, I just cannot.
Speaker: be in that type of environment and so I love that sex work gives me the freedom to stay home and be my own boss but at the same time I sometimes get like stir crazy and I want to be doing other things but I don't know I feel grateful that this is kind of like what I get to do because it's a creative outlet but then sometimes I compare myself to others too much or I'm chronically online and it makes me want to talk just being on the internet so much it's fucking it's insane
Speaker: I never knew.
Speaker: I never did social media.
Speaker: I was that girl you probably fucking hate that truly never fucking, I had never taken a selfie before I started sex work.
Speaker: and like, right.
Speaker: Hashtag probably trauma.
Speaker: But anyway, it was just a whole new fucking world and people, wow, was my mind blown on me.
Speaker: I liked being like, what's the word?
Speaker: When you're stupid, like before you know something,
Speaker: Ignorant.
Speaker: Naive.
Speaker: Yeah, naive.
Speaker: Both of those.
Speaker: Yep.
Speaker: Naive and ignorant.
Speaker: I just liked being fucking naive and ignorant about the internet.
Speaker: It's scary.
Speaker: See, the thing about it, like, to me was I used social media kind of before.
Speaker: And, like, my favorite was my Twitter, like, my personal one.
Speaker: Because it was just for funny shit.
Speaker: It was just for jokes.
Speaker: But that's also a thing like even if I did use social media, it was like I thought it was all a joke, you know, and I treated it as such.
Speaker: This is a joke.
Speaker: I'm going to post weird Instagram pics and like treat it like a joke.
Speaker: But now I have to take social media seriously because it's my job when social media ain't serious.
Speaker: And that's where like the cognitive dissonance of that I think really makes me unhappy because I'm like, I want to just be stupid on the timeline, but I have to get on there and be like 50% off my
Speaker: You know, like, it feels weird.
Speaker: It feels performative.
Speaker: I feel cringe.
Speaker: And then sometimes I think I see like what happens to like social media people if they like fuck up and do something bad and get canceled.
Speaker: And I'm like, oh my god, it sucks to be a public figure.
Speaker: And then I'm like, oh my god, I am a public figure.
Speaker: Always.
Speaker: I have been scared of getting canceled way before.
Speaker: Like, I don't know what the fuck I was, I still should not really be scared of getting canceled because I'm not that big, but like being canceled is
Speaker: But you can be made big through negative things.
Speaker: That's the thing.
Speaker: Like people won't know your name until like something bad happens.
Speaker: And then they're like, oh yeah, that girl who did this, you know?
Speaker: Also, I have seen people, especially on TikTok, do that shit on purpose.
Speaker: I don't like TikTok.
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: I should.
Speaker: I made one and I want to start using it because I know you can like follow your specific interests and like find out interesting things.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Like I want to do it to follow like photography and like movie TikTok, you know?
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: That's my fucking favorite, honestly.
Speaker: Like horror.
Speaker: They call it horror talk.
Speaker: Like fright.
Speaker: short stories horror stories so fucking good and like see i feel like there is cool shit on there so i'm trying to do it but it's overwhelming it's overstimulating so i still haven't like i still haven't done anything with my account i think i yeah i don't know like i don't what was another thing i didn't have that i'm trying to make that feels overwhelming and overstimulating oh i don't know some social media instagram or i have instagram youtube i have a tiktok i mean fuck
Speaker: Like, yeah, I guess that's all, but doing better about YouTube and Instagram.
Speaker: But yeah, like I need to post more on Instagram, like reels from the podcast.
Speaker: I just started it up.
Speaker: I have three episodes and I haven't really, I'm just trying it out.
Speaker: But like, I, I need to start utilizing Instagram more for like promoting me.
Speaker: I need to, I need to be better about marketing in general.
Speaker: I have the time.
Speaker: I just, I can't, you know, it's hard to self-motivate and stay on task and, uh,
Speaker: And, but also you have to give yourself some credit.
Speaker: You said too, like, if you're like healing from some shit, you know, I have this type of like cognitive issues and you know, there's only so much we can do.
Speaker: It's not like all that fucking time is like, yeah.
Speaker: sometimes i really need to rest and be sad i get really fucking i get really fucking frustrated and angry because i'm like i was not this way before and i remember the way i was and i know i will never go back to that ever and it's like it gets frustrating because it's like damn this is forever okay let me get used to it i guess yeah yeah i was just selling my bestie the
Speaker: male that does, I don't know if you've seen this, sometimes co-host this with me.
Speaker: Oh, okay.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: The reason we called it sex drugs and whatever is because he has struggled with alcohol.
Speaker: Mm-hmm.
Speaker: I have my experience with drugs anyway and- Oh girl, oh girl, if we're gonna get into that, then this is gonna be a long episode.
Speaker: Yeah, but yeah, like, so we kid about it a lot, but we really fucking have brain damage.
Speaker: We have literally damaged our brains, but yeah, like- If we're talking like, even if I didn't get two traumatic brain injuries and like 10 concussions aside from that, I wonder how damaged my brain would be just from the drug use alone.
Speaker: You know, that is, that is exactly where I'm at right now because I was like, well, like, okay, before COVID, I wasn't really like all there.
Speaker: I didn't have like, what's that?
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: A neurotoxin.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Let's put this up on those.
Speaker: We were in.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah, that was not the only place I shunned drugs.
Speaker: Oh my god, I boofed.
Speaker: I boofed, man.
Speaker: I boofed acid.
Speaker: Oh, interesting.
Speaker: I only did poly.
Speaker: I did Adderall too.
Speaker: I don't know why.
Speaker: I think I actually one time might have, when I was like 18,
Speaker: I might have done a fucking effectser.
Speaker: I boofed a fucking effectser.
Speaker: Wow.
Speaker: That's like, that gives the same vibes as like the time I made a Pats Blue Ribbon float.
Speaker: Like, why did I say Pats Blue Ribbon?
Speaker: A PBR float?
Speaker: No.
Speaker: I didn't even drink it.
Speaker: I was just like, yeah, like, this would be good.
Speaker: We, oh God, the shit we put in our bodies.
Speaker: Have you ever, have you ever been to like a music festival?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I used to go
Speaker: I was, I went to, I'm a metal head and hip hop.
Speaker: So I've been to.
Speaker: I like hip hop.
Speaker: Warped tour.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: I've been to Dreamville and then back in the day, like a hippie, my friend was like hippie person.
Speaker: can't remember what the fuck should i can't remember what we one of the big hippie experiences fucking something completely different no they are i mean there's a place here that's like a little music festival and that they host it many times a year on this farm terrapin and yeah i will never i used to go there when i was really young and the experiences there alone like that's not a positive environment in terms of the drugs and the the hippie vibe that
Speaker: But I went to Bonnaroo six times and that was very positive.
Speaker: What I went to was similar, smaller than Bonnaroo.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: It had like Primus.
Speaker: Oh, cool.
Speaker: I saw Tum.
Speaker: I just saw just a couple.
Speaker: Oh my fucking god.
Speaker: Did you?
Speaker: See, I loved them in like middle school.
Speaker: I don't really listen to like loud, loud music anymore because I don't know, it just hurts.
Speaker: But I still, I mean, I do though.
Speaker: Like I'll listen to like Death Grips.
Speaker: Do you ever listen to Death Grips?
Speaker: An actual band?
Speaker: Yeah, you would probably like it because it's like a mix of like thrash metal almost and rap.
Speaker: Oh my god, that would be good.
Speaker: Let me send you a song.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah, yeah.
Speaker: Actually, yeah, I'll send it to you because I'll just forget.
Speaker: Awesome.
Speaker: Well, I wanted to ask you, you don't have to say exactly where, but what region, I guess, where are you from?
Speaker: I'm just going to tell you and delete this part out.
Speaker: It's pretty.
Speaker: I did this hiking trail there and I only found out afterwards that it's where they train search and rescue like people, which I used to do search and rescue, but I have not done that in so long.
Speaker: I'm out of shape now.
Speaker: This trail, I hike a lot and this trail was the hardest, one of the hardest things I've ever done.
Speaker: It was a mental challenge as fuck.
Speaker: I cried near the end because I was like, we're gonna, we're not gonna get out before dark and we didn't, but we still got out.
Speaker: But it was 13 miles uphill and then back down.
Speaker: So 26.
Speaker: And, but it was on like loose rocks, like the size of your feet.
Speaker: So you're slipping the whole time, just straight uphill to the most beautiful overlook.
Speaker: But this was in Silva, but I'm coming to North Carolina this year for vacation.
Speaker: I think we're, we're going to like the Linville Gorge.
Speaker: Oh, I love that.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So you have like experience with camping and shit then, because that's the real thing.
Speaker: Yeah, I, yeah, because I grew up in the mountains, like, but then, I mean, like, I did 4-H.
Speaker: I was even a fucking Boy Scout, because my dad was a troop leader, and I was like, I got to go to their camps and stuff like that, but then I did wilderness search and rescue, like, volunteer when I was like 18.
Speaker: When I was going to college when I was younger, it was for environmental science, and I wanted to be a Forest Service member.
Speaker: Can't be anymore.
Speaker: But I'm still very into all that.
Speaker: I love hiking.
Speaker: And yeah, we're going to North Carolina purely for hiking for like a week.
Speaker: Yeah, North Carolina is pretty.
Speaker: I love Georgia.
Speaker: Georgia's pretty.
Speaker: South Carolina?
Speaker: No.
Speaker: Yeah, no.
Speaker: It's different there.
Speaker: I fucking, I got caught up in a KKK rally in South Carolina.
Speaker: Oh my God.
Speaker: I fucking, I don't know if it was KKK, but I have never been so scared around a group of fucking white people in my room.
Speaker: Oh my God.
Speaker: I don't even know if I'll go that far because people are scary.
Speaker: Scary.
Speaker: I know.
Speaker: It makes me so happy that I can claim some non-whiteness because my mom's full Shawnee and her family's all Shawnee.
Speaker: But my dad had to come in and make me pale as shit.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: My maternal grandma passed away when I was like two or three or something.
Speaker: I'm sorry to hear that.
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: I don't remember, but thank you.
Speaker: But there was always rumors that she was like half Cherokee.
Speaker: And that's, I mean, that's a thing in this region where it's like kind of hush hush.
Speaker: Like you kind of like, you can pass yourself off as like, you know, being white because it's better for you and you can marry into like, not that I'm saying that you understand what I'm saying.
Speaker: That's common.
Speaker: And especially because the Native American population is more up in Appalachia and stuff like that too.
Speaker: And I
Speaker: My grandparents were alcoholics.
Speaker: I'm just trying not to like trauma.
Speaker: Don't.
Speaker: But uh, so it just- Please do.
Speaker: For family.
Speaker: I know, I fucking love trauma.
Speaker: Me too.
Speaker: I try to be nice about it and not do it.
Speaker: Yeah, no, I try to make sure it's okay for- Sometimes I get midway through a story and then I'm like, hold up, wait.
Speaker: And people are looking at you like this.
Speaker: Yeah, I'm like telling a funny story.
Speaker: Oh, sorry.
Speaker: Yeah, and then I realize it's a trauma and then I'm like, oh, fuck.
Speaker: Sorry.
Speaker: Yeah, yeah.
Speaker: But anyway, my grandparents were just really fucking poor and just kind of dysfunctional.
Speaker: So we don't know shit about them.
Speaker: And honestly, I've never cared about
Speaker: I should look that shit up.
Speaker: Okay, get on Ancestry.
Speaker: I'm telling you, because I did once and I went through like a fucking, I was in a rabbit hole, but I found out so much about my, because like, yeah, one time this person, and this really sums it up.
Speaker: One time one of my family members said to me that she thought that there was some like dark things going on in like this side of the family.
Speaker: She was like, there's like a curse almost on the name.
Speaker: And I thought that was always really weird.
Speaker: And then I started researching more and was like, yeah, there's something weird going on in this family.
Speaker: And like, like one of my relatives starved himself to death in the name of the Lord in Tennessee, of course.
Speaker: But he, uh, and there was like murders and I think, yeah, just all this craziness, but it's same with me, my dad's dad, my paternal grandfather.
Speaker: I know, but five things about him.
Speaker: and all of them are pretty bad like i do know he was a spy in the vietnam war and that he was diagnosed with um psychosis as a man in the 70s so that must have been pretty bad he was i mean my dad just doesn't talk about him yeah i don't ever so i don't ask that is so typical of like that generally
Speaker: Exactly.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And then do the same thing to your kids almost like in a, in a different sort of way, you know, like it comes, it just unconsciously, you're repeating your past trauma.
Speaker: And one thing that really like, once I realized like, okay, I always knew, but once I fully realized like, okay, my parents were both abused growing up, they both had abusive childhoods.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: That made me help like forgive them for the things that they had done.
Speaker: Cause I'm like, it's what they knew.
Speaker: And I mean, shit, they went through fucked up stuff and I feel bad for that.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And they started, they started the process for me to be able to be so far in my healing journey.
Speaker: Like if they wouldn't have knew something was wrong, but didn't, you know, back then they didn't,
Speaker: That's very, very rare that somebody in the 70s was even diagnosed with.
Speaker: Oh, and a man?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And a man?
Speaker: Because they would say women were hysterical all the time.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: But, like, I think he was also diagnosed with bipolar.
Speaker: I mean, he was, I mean, but I don't know, because I don't know much about him, but I know that he bought a gun to kill his family with and then ended his life instead.
Speaker: That's all I know.
Speaker: I'm scared if I look in that I'll find shit like that.
Speaker: I mean, it's weird.
Speaker: It's just generational trauma.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And now, you know, we have...
Speaker: The words for it.
Speaker: And they didn't have the fucking internet.
Speaker: Think about life before the internet.
Speaker: That's what I can.
Speaker: I can.
Speaker: I remember life before the internet.
Speaker: Yeah, I remember it with like dial up and like my parents didn't let me get on that shit anyway.
Speaker: But I wasn't old enough really to like internalize like, damn, I can't do anything.
Speaker: You know, like I was just like, oh, Minesweeper.
Speaker: I can't play Minesweeper.
Speaker: But I mean, yeah, no, literally when you had to like do your book report by going to the library.
Speaker: And like, damn, that's ass.
Speaker: But I think too, like the internet has made so many opportunities for people just to communicate and learn from each other.
Speaker: Not even just from like articles or sources.
Speaker: It's just like, oh, you went through that too?
Speaker: I went through that.
Speaker: It's crazy.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So yeah, like we wouldn't even be having this conversation or people would be talking about generational problems.
Speaker: Yeah, so meta.
Speaker: I think it's cool because it breaks the stigma and it makes it easier to talk about those things and you don't have to keep it a secret because secrets can make you ill.
Speaker: To loop back to that email, tell your girlfriend that you like to eat gum.
Speaker: Secrets will make you ill.
Speaker: Yeah, it really fucking went out.
Speaker: I think there's probably, like, there's studies about a bunch of shit.
Speaker: No, I mean, it literally can... Oh, it can be... Yeah.
Speaker: I'm doing, like, a lot of, like, somatic yoga right now.
Speaker: What's that?
Speaker: It's yoga that is trauma-focused, and the idea behind it is just that...
Speaker: trauma is stored in the body it is literally like shaking it out some of the moves are just like you oh my god that's crazy because sometimes i'll get intrusive thoughts and i'll literally shake it out yeah like and i've always done that but i've been meaning to get back into yoga because it used to really help me that would be fucking helpful somatic yoga you'll fucking love it do you know do you know yoga with adrienne
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Does she do it?
Speaker: Does she do it?
Speaker: Because I love her.
Speaker: I only do it with her.
Speaker: But things like, I know a lot of trauma can be stored in the hips.
Speaker: So a lot of those deep hip things of hers would probably work.
Speaker: I feel like mine is like, because like I have one of my, well, I mean, both brain injuries, traumatic events, one in that they were traumatic brain injuries, but like the first one, we won't even get into that evil situation.
Speaker: It was not an accident, but I didn't do it.
Speaker: The second time, it was just standing up with gusto into my loft ceiling.
Speaker: Like, I just have no spatial awareness.
Speaker: So I was just like, what?
Speaker: Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker: I feel like my trauma, not just in the injury, because I do have cervical spine injuries from it too, not just the injury, but the memory of it happening there, like maybe working on my shoulders and my neck and stuff like that would help.
Speaker: It would.
Speaker: I've done some somatic yoga before, and I've just started again about three weeks ago.
Speaker: So...
Speaker: I'm just finding shit.
Speaker: I've not really thought.
Speaker: When I search somatic yoga on YouTube, though, she is not the first to come up, which is pretty fucking unusual.
Speaker: But if you start learning, if you start learning about how to do it yourself, yeah, you can or you can find hers that will go along with it.
Speaker: That's really cool.
Speaker: Thank you for telling me about that because I've been meaning to get back into it in a bad way.
Speaker: Yeah, me too.
Speaker: It's good.
Speaker: It is.
Speaker: good because i don't do like physical therapy or anything like that anymore and i need to be you know phil i was doing this shit i'm like really fucking in the middle i'm doing like emdr oh my god i was so like i love emdr but like wow it's right i want to do it again though
Speaker: yeah it's crazy how it works isn't it i know it's like fucking magic it's insane it's literally some people some people are like oh it doesn't work for me i didn't get and i'm like dude i was literally put back in the like you could feel things yeah like actually sensation yeah and the thing i fucking tell my therapist because you know every time you do it just for anybody
Speaker: listening EMDR is eye movement, rim, eye movement, resensitation, and reprocessing.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: It puts you like in your first rim cycle.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Suggestible.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: And it, I don't fucking, I don't know.
Speaker: It's not hypnosis though.
Speaker: It's very like, it's very like grounded in like science, like not that hypnosis isn't, but like it's recommended like, like as you know, by doctors and stuff who doctors don't recommend hypnosis.
Speaker: Specifically for trauma.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I got approved for ketamine infusion for trauma.
Speaker: Somehow legal here when marijuana is not.
Speaker: But the Cherokee...
Speaker: is opening a, I think they've got one though.
Speaker: Oh yeah, yeah.
Speaker: Yeah, North Carolina, yeah.
Speaker: I went to Cherokee as well and did some hiking there and then just kind of walked around town and was like, wow, I don't think this place is real.
Speaker: None of these stores seem real.
Speaker: It was just like a lot of like, you know, souvenir shops.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: But they had, I just, yeah, it was weird.
Speaker: I randomly want to ask you, you did a collab with Pink Drip
Speaker: How fucking cool is that?
Speaker: She's my best friend.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: She's fucking cool.
Speaker: I love, I fucking, she was, she's texting me right now.
Speaker: I haven't responded yet, but apparently she met Chris Angel Mindfree and he loved her tits.
Speaker: So I'm going to have to send this episode to her.
Speaker: They are the best, like funniest person I have ever met.
Speaker: I love them.
Speaker: I'm so glad that they are my friend.
Speaker: I think they're coming to see me soon.
Speaker: Oh my gosh.
Speaker: That would be so much fucking fun.
Speaker: I'm jealous.
Speaker: We definitely have some more like collabs planned and stuff.
Speaker: We've talked about you.
Speaker: They think you're cool.
Speaker: Awesome.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: It was fun.
Speaker: We did family fitness for y'all who are listening.
Speaker: It was very silly, like 80s workout, like sort of vibes.
Speaker: But yeah, we've got some more stuff planned.
Speaker: I'm still working on the Bear Bitch project and Pink Drip.
Speaker: Pink Drip will be featured in that.
Speaker: Pink Drip is... They're so talented.
Speaker: Fucking...
Speaker: work is out of this fucking world.
Speaker: It's the same.
Speaker: It was intimidating doing like a collab and I hate it because my camera like got out of focus.
Speaker: I didn't film as much as I wanted to but like like putting our stuff together I was like damn I'm gonna look so bad in comparison.
Speaker: But it's okay because Pink I mean just
Speaker: they need to get into filmmaking because they would be really good at that.
Speaker: I mean, they're making like very cinematic shit now, but you do too.
Speaker: I noticed that you spend, like you put a lot of effort into making it very like cinematic, like getting lots of shots angles, which I know from experience is a lot.
Speaker: That takes a lot.
Speaker: Repositioning the camera, refocusing, like doing all this, moving the light, getting back on character.
Speaker: It takes all day long.
Speaker: It does.
Speaker: It's really insane.
Speaker: The type of.
Speaker: So yeah.
Speaker: Like I love it.
Speaker: And us girlies.
Speaker: Us people that recognize like the town.
Speaker: It's hard work.
Speaker: It's hard work.
Speaker: I'll let you in on a little secret.
Speaker: Because this episode actually won't drop until next Friday.
Speaker: Sorry for the little teaser.
Speaker: But I'll tell you Frankie.
Speaker: After we shut this off.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: You can text me.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Cool.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: It's a fucking.
Speaker: It's cool though.
Speaker: But yeah.
Speaker: I'm happy you guys should do that.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Fucking amazing person.
Speaker: One more question.
Speaker: I know you're going to go in a little bit.
Speaker: I'm always so intrigued with people that feel comfortable enough that are out as sex workers.
Speaker: And that seems like something that you...
Speaker: Is that the way it is with you?
Speaker: Or did you tell people it was an accident?
Speaker: No, people don't.
Speaker: I mean, for the most part, people don't know.
Speaker: Like my friends know.
Speaker: But back in the day, yes, I had like an OnlyFans.
Speaker: But then after that, I was the director of a school.
Speaker: So as far as people know, I'm still in that like educator group.
Speaker: I tell people that I do photography, which I do.
Speaker: I do do photography.
Speaker: But yeah, I'm not open about it just because my parents are Southern Baptists and I'd like to keep a relationship with them.
Speaker: I understand that completely.
Speaker: I think- It would get back.
Speaker: It would get back.
Speaker: It fucking would.
Speaker: I think I misunderstood when you said that about your only family.
Speaker: No, no, no, you didn't because I did.
Speaker: I was public about it then.
Speaker: But I think it was just because I was like fucking desperate.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I needed money.
Speaker: Family, the good thing about like our parents' generation, I'm probably a little bit older than you, but thanks for
Speaker: you don't know exactly exactly and that's what i kept in mind is like they're gonna be like only fans huh it's cool that she has fans what do you like they wouldn't know and either way plausible deniability i could be like oh if someone's pretending to be me you know i don't know i think about it often like if they found out and i'm like damn well i guess that's just a well damn moment damn the musical shit really saying you
Speaker: yeah they're the solo feminist as well but i don't know i think my mom would throw herself off a bridge and make me watch like keep it a secret yeah let's keep it a secret for sure but it's stupid because like i didn't really try that hard with my porn name like at all so i feel like it'd be pretty easy to find out who i was i don't know maybe
Speaker: I don't know either.
Speaker: I've not met a lot of people that are out to their parents.
Speaker: I know.
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: I see people tweet about it.
Speaker: And like, I'm like, damn, that must be cool being able to like, talk to your parents about it.
Speaker: But can't relate.
Speaker: You know, my fucking hometown, if I let this shit out, they are so damn nosy.
Speaker: They're awesome.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: baptist you know but swear to god i think i'd fucking pop off that's what i'm saying that's what i'm saying and that's the reason why i made that like you know it worked where i just promoted it there because boy were they interested you know it would be fucking hilarious sometimes just something
Speaker: I think it's the trauma something or trauma response.
Speaker: Sometimes I just fucking tell every and anybody I fucking see.
Speaker: No, I feel like it's like, you used to bully me and I'm hot now.
Speaker: I have adoring fans.
Speaker: Like, you know, like, I don't, not even that way, but yeah.
Speaker: I don't randomly like tell people I do sex work.
Speaker: They don't even know I'm a micro internet, like celebrity.
Speaker: I like it.
Speaker: All right, Miss Cutie Frankie, tell everybody where they can find you.
Speaker: I was about to make a stupid joke.
Speaker: Please don't come looking for me.
Speaker: I am on minivid.
Speaker: Name is Cutie Frankie.
Speaker: I'm the one with a clown profile picture.
Speaker: And then Twitter, I'm Cutie underscore Frankie underscore.
Speaker: And then Instagram, Cutie Frankie and the God.
Speaker: I think that's it.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: We appreciate you coming on so much.
Speaker: It was nice to
Speaker: you it was wonderful oh my gosh thank you it was so much fun you're welcome you come back anytime we will see y'all later see you later fuckers
