Transcript
Zach Sheets: Hello, and welcome to another Every Nation Commentary. It's our commentary for September 2026. I'm your host, Zach.
Chris Prime: And we co -host Chris.
Zach Sheets: And yeah, it's September, it's back to school time. Every once in a while, we try it. We do like a kind of back to school themed ah commentary. We've done. ah Class of 1989 before, we did The Principal last year, the Jim Belushi movie. And this year we are doing the 1997 movie Masterminds.
Zach Sheets: ah Which is kind of like... Die hard in a school. um with Patrick Stewart as the evil bad guy. Not to be confused with Toy Soldiers, which I think we were talking about doing too, where it's like...
Zach Sheets: We were talking about this plot and we were like, oh no, that's Masterminds. Okay.
Chris Prime: Yeah, they they share very similar. structure but how they handle everything. and How far they threaten the kids is like... There's a difference.
Zach Sheets: i think aren Aren't they both like like... private schools where all the kids are like rich or like their parents are rich and that's why the the main reason they get like Taking hostage.
Chris Prime: Yep. You figure for a academy with all these... like famous rich elites their security system would be better than Like an old guy with a stick.
Zach Sheets: one one One guy walking around, yeah.
Zach Sheets: But I think it's it's on the Roku channel. So if you want to go there or... um If you're not on... the post on everythingaction .com head over there because there's a we'll have a and a version embedded right there you can like link up and watch along with the commentary which was virtually we're watching on youtube um So we're pausing here right before the Columbia Pictures logo. So if you pause there and sync everything up.
Zach Sheets: And then I'll give a comfortable start here. So five. 4. Three. 2. One. Play.
Chris Prime: Now here's the bigger question. Does Columbia remember making this movie?
Zach Sheets: Yeah.
Chris Prime: Because this movie was promoted... Kind of like... Very like randomly. It was like right before they announced that Patrick. Stewart was going to be in an X -Men movie.
Chris Prime: And then because they did, they were like, oh man, like.
Zach Sheets: What's the...
Chris Prime: Check this out.
Zach Sheets: What's the funny thing we'll get to is well when we find out when we see what the school is? You'll see the X -Men connection.
Chris Prime: And I think this is also the time when... Star Trek was already ended?
Zach Sheets: Oh, yeah yeah definitely, I think. like We were in like the like next -gen movie era.
Zach Sheets: this or war Is this war games? like what's
Chris Prime: It's 90s. satellite bouncing.
Chris Prime: Where the... interface has to do this like Kind of. elaborate. Mapping.
Chris Prime: I think we don't have to do this anymore. If someone wants to go to like a server... We just change it. You don't need to do this.
Zach Sheets: Virtual Dimensions.
Chris Prime: you to hit yeah It did put in a command prompt to say yes and a password. Oh my god.
Zach Sheets: Codebreaker!
Zach Sheets: Hack the planet!
Chris Prime: Scream 2 sound system database?
Zach Sheets: It's dead.
Chris Prime: What?
Zach Sheets: Wait, what?
Zach Sheets: Is this it's like is' like you' consider a quake map? like What's going on?
Chris Prime: This is where they're housing a... Uh...
Chris Prime: Like... Their housing. the database is in this like
Zach Sheets: The -
Chris Prime: Very elaborate.
Zach Sheets: This is...
Chris Prime: Interface.
Zach Sheets: Yeah, this is this is such a, like... Whoever wrote this like has no idea how hacking or computers work at all. like This is like... um The show Life. Do you remember that show?
Zach Sheets: We're like. They had to play Prince of Persia to find, like, hidden data that was on it. It's like, you gotta beat a certain level.
Chris Prime: Okay, so they're tracing... you know, the signal. from the so probably the ip of the machine Yeah, why would you? Why would you give the announcement that you're doing this to the hacker?
Zach Sheets: why why Why would you make like this like... elaborate like Like... interface. It's like...
Chris Prime: oh this is more than an interface this is like a whole game engine
Zach Sheets: FBS hacker. Yeah. Yeah.
Chris Prime: navigate to find some sort of file.
Zach Sheets: Yeah.
Chris Prime: Like this is what the FBI built. Like this is their database system.
Zach Sheets: Or like... Yeah, whatever he's hacking into is like... Can we have id Software make like a ah anti -piracy? Like, scary castle.
Chris Prime: Yeah, yeah, it's like... Not even anti -piracy. This is how they do their file system. So if you need to go get like a. Like a. It's a spreadsheet. You have to go through this, like, dungeon.
Chris Prime: Hacking.
Chris Prime: See, it would be more like this. This would be...
Zach Sheets: Yeah.
Chris Prime: What? traditional like file transferring you're getting downloading encrypted data and then you have to recompile it
Zach Sheets: And those. This is... This is also so over like over a modem, too. he was like streaming that like
Chris Prime: All it takes is the parent to just like.
Zach Sheets: Pretty graphics, yeah.
Chris Prime: pick up the phone and you just, you disconnect it.
Zach Sheets: And i think I think he was literally stealing like a copy of Scream 2.
Chris Prime: Oh, he was stealing the copy of that interface?
Zach Sheets: No, i think I think he was stealing the movie Scream 2.
Zach Sheets: They came out the same year as this.
Zach Sheets: At least according to IDB Trivia. This is the whole thing of like, uh...
Zach Sheets: like like john abraham's is in this movie as k -dog and he was in then he ended up being scary movie
Chris Prime: get it because babe was a pig movie
Zach Sheets: its
Chris Prime: I'm a bad father I don't i just don't care
Zach Sheets: There's K -Dog
Chris Prime: Get it? They're hackers, so they're... Let's be lazy and... Like...
Zach Sheets: Mm hmm.
Chris Prime: No, no. Dirty.
Zach Sheets: There's that Pete Campbell weaseliness.
Chris Prime: Yeah.
Chris Prime: It's... For all intents and purposes, this is just like a weird... Like...
Zach Sheets: The resurrection is like he like came back as like a 90s hacker.
Chris Prime: you Yeah. It's like, this is actually the dad is Pete. And now his son is like Pete too.
Zach Sheets: yes
Zach Sheets: It's a terrible system. and like If someone breaks your laser, it destroys your download.
Zach Sheets: Yes, yes. They couldn't wait till Monday to watch Scream 2?
Chris Prime: I mean, you own screen, too.
Chris Prime: I'm going to call the FCC.
Zach Sheets: Stop all the downloading!
Chris Prime: Hey, is he? Like. Skating on the highway? What?
Zach Sheets: yeah
Zach Sheets: How is he getting this much speed when he's dragging his sister? He's not even sketching.
Chris Prime: why even have a security guard if whatever everyone comes in no pass just walk right in drive right in skate right in
Zach Sheets: Mm.
Chris Prime: There we go. There's some plot, finally.
Zach Sheets: Yeah, so this so the school is the X -Men. Is Xavier's school for gifted children from the X -Men movies?
Chris Prime: It's in California.
Zach Sheets: Yeah, it's Hatley Castle is the actual place.
Chris Prime: Wait, does that guy go to school at all?
Zach Sheets: yeah We can't win.
Zach Sheets: i He's got to be in high school, right?
Chris Prime: I guess. yes He's like a middle school dropout.
Zach Sheets: Do you like my evil mustache?
Chris Prime: How dare you, the public!
Zach Sheets: The unwashed masses of the public schools.
Chris Prime: Yeah, Brenda. Frecker. who is
Zach Sheets: shes She's the pigeon lady from Home Alone 2.
Chris Prime: Yeah, yeah
Zach Sheets: now she's super jokeking Now she has like a... ah Like a job now. now She's like super judgmental.
Chris Prime: I once was begging on the streets of New York. And then I said, screw it. I want to bully the elite.
Zach Sheets: I'll be back here in three years.
Chris Prime: I can't wait to take over this building with my school of gifted gifted youngsters.
Chris Prime: He's just like, ah you know, this is how Charles Xavier infiltrated the school. and Got the mansion for cheap.
Zach Sheets: Hmm.
Chris Prime: Because yeah, cause every he's got like a family mansion. In England. But then. He buys the, he didn't grow up in New York.
Chris Prime: So it depends on which. continuity. and And the... previous movie mcu it was just he's British. But then in some cases, he's not. He's just. Like ah an American guy.
Zach Sheets: Yeah.
Chris Prime: So why is he hacking his own school right now?
Zach Sheets: Well, it's old school, but
Chris Prime: Okay. I think he's doing it to say he could.
Zach Sheets: Just to be, like, revenge, yeah. arve yeah
Chris Prime: Okay.
Zach Sheets: storie It's like, yes.
Chris Prime: Like.
Chris Prime: I don't know. if She seems like she's into it.
Zach Sheets: Yeah. it's like if you just If you just leave the room, Claire, for about 5 -10 minutes, I'll take care of this.
Chris Prime: What future trink gun was that? You hit him with like a Ghostbuster gun.
Zach Sheets: Yeah.
Chris Prime: Wow, Patrick Stewart recorded like his own personal outgoing message.
Zach Sheets: Mm hmm.
Chris Prime: So that's Annabelle Gurwitch. She was actually...
Zach Sheets: Yeah.
Chris Prime: famous for being the first host for Dinner and a Movie.
Zach Sheets: hu
Chris Prime: We're just... like started around this time.
Zach Sheets: What's their fake company, Happy Boy?
Zach Sheets: Why did she flash a badge like she's a cop? like I'm a i'm a i'm parent.
Chris Prime: I've got parent badge.
Zach Sheets: Oh shit.
Chris Prime: yeah yeah like They hired a whole bunch of band of like ravers. And like metal heads.
Zach Sheets: Yep.
Chris Prime: they These guys are not good. Like. Subtle hostage takers.
Zach Sheets: Rock and roll!
Chris Prime: you're like why did they do that
Zach Sheets: Because they're badass.
Chris Prime: How good are those rate like radios that it's reaching?
Zach Sheets: this Across town? Yeah.
Chris Prime: Like miles away.
Chris Prime: Die hard.
Zach Sheets: His entire situation. Oh, man.
Chris Prime: Yeah, it's like... You get this, kids? This movie's for you. You probably can't see Die Hard yet, so... this is for your parents to kind of get like ah the gist of it
Chris Prime: <unk> We don't want to kill anybody. We just want to scare them.
Zach Sheets: Yes, we was rated PG -13.
Zach Sheets: Man, hopefully but but they brought a bunch of bullets because they're like wasted on their entire ammo. It's like shooting cars.
Chris Prime: That guy. whole like barehanded holding a barrel of a gun.
Zach Sheets: Mm hmm.
Chris Prime: That would be so hot.
Chris Prime: Yeah, they're just like shooting guns at like Like fireworks.
Chris Prime: Thank God this school also has, like... hidden rooms and
Zach Sheets: Yeah.
Chris Prime: Like a Haunted Mansion -esque secret.
Zach Sheets: Mhm.
Chris Prime: like this doesn't seem like a school that was like closing and it's like okay they like reduce the usage it it seems like this is a well -funded school but like what is this
Zach Sheets: like Like, it's like literally, ah it was literally a castle. And they just like. Closed off sections of it.
Zach Sheets: I don't know if K -Dog's going to be as good of an Al Powell as Richard L. Johnson.
Chris Prime: ah He tells him a story about how he he he shot someone.
Zach Sheets: I hacked a computer one time and a kid died because of it.
Zach Sheets: Do you think the janitor knows there's like a secret passageway to like a... A creepy old house? Like an on a mansion section?
Chris Prime: It wasn't like locked to get out. So. he Probably the janitor hangs out there.
Zach Sheets: He just goes in there. It's like, where's Jander?
Zach Sheets: You know, I woke up the credit date like that actually kind of looks like a registry. Like it's like each key and all that stuff.
Chris Prime: Hmm?
Chris Prime: So while this was going on, I was looking at. some of the film credits. ah Ozzy's stepsister? She was the original Kitty Pryde in X2. Like in that like cameo.
Zach Sheets: so there's like so many crazy like x -men connections
Chris Prime: Yep.
Chris Prime: Well, she wasn't. She was X2's Kitty Pryde. She wasn't. The first movie's cameo one.
Zach Sheets: It's the only computer.
Chris Prime: Okay, so that guy is going to be... Definitely like the... wild card of this. through.
Zach Sheets: And Ozzy's in the vents now, so just there's like hitting all the... I heard. The beats you want to hit.
Chris Prime: Atlee Castle is in, uh... In Canada?
Zach Sheets: Okay.
Chris Prime: It's in Vancouver.
Chris Prime: Alright kids, this is America now. Just get used to the guns and explosions.
Zach Sheets: Yeah.
Chris Prime: How are the teachers not more freaked out? I get the kids like don't know what's going on, but the adults in the room definitely know this isn't normal.
Zach Sheets: I don't know.
Zach Sheets: Yeah.
Zach Sheets: There are mercenaries just like hanging out in the school now.
Chris Prime: Thank you, terrorists. It's great. wo
Zach Sheets: o
Chris Prime: Mr. Bentley's awesome!
Chris Prime: Get your pool bar.
Zach Sheets: You're not a mutant.
Chris Prime: I want to get kidnapped too.
Zach Sheets: We all want to get kidnapped.
Chris Prime: Like, this movie alone has enough plot for just, they they're stealing kids for ransoms, right?
Zach Sheets: Yeah.
Chris Prime: Now they're stealing the plot from Die Hard. With vengeance.
Zach Sheets: Like, it's also it's also like there's ah another heist within the heist.
Chris Prime: Yeah, like, are they stealing? gold or art from this School?
Zach Sheets: Now it's like a... like Like a corporate cable subplot.
Chris Prime: You have to ruin my husband's deal.
Zach Sheets: Yep.
Chris Prime: I think how's he orchestrated a kidnapping? I think.
Zach Sheets: Yeah.
Chris Prime: Like I'm surprised they didn't go to that angle first
Zach Sheets: I'm here to arrest him. hes He stole Scream 2. They're here to arrest him.
Chris Prime: Miramax. Came out full force.
Zach Sheets: Yep. Wes Craven's here.
Chris Prime: well there was just like one security guard Like, this is the guard man.
Zach Sheets: Yes.
Chris Prime: Now he's going to do his own kidnapping.
Zach Sheets: hey
Chris Prime: it's like all right in order to make this deal i need to hire my own Yeah, he's got to hire his own mercs.
Zach Sheets: He's in on it.
Chris Prime: Two. Steel. They're kids.
Chris Prime: he thinks he's being quiet but like everyone hears him like bang bang bang
Zach Sheets: Yeah. He's running full force.
Zach Sheets: What is... What is like the... Like. ages of the school because those kids all that ran out just keep like a lot older than Because they're like, I have dirt.
Chris Prime: Yeah. I guess it's like. Because it's a day school, there's no... Uh, like... Egypt.
Zach Sheets: Like these are all like teenagers.
Chris Prime: It could be that these are just like... Yeah, like... High schoolers in this academy?
Zach Sheets: Well, I guess Oz went there and he got expelled. a like Exiled.
Chris Prime: So he was a teen, so... There's like... Elementary school kids. through high schoolers.
Zach Sheets: Don't worry, everybody. K -Dawg's here.
Chris Prime: They're our friends. They're they're friend guns.
Chris Prime: oh he's uh -huh Home alone technique over here.
Zach Sheets: Home alone.
Zach Sheets: Fricka Fricka Fricka Fricka Fricka Fricka
Chris Prime: Then you just put like acid on the ground.
Zach Sheets: Yeah, there was it was like nitric acid or something. Yeah.
Chris Prime: Yeah, that guy could have just fell on that in his face. and That guy would have been like... Totally screwed.
Zach Sheets: All these is like insane rooms of the school. It's like the neighborhood upstreet boil room.
Zach Sheets: I'm gonna blow up this entire school.
Zach Sheets: Well, he's dead.
Chris Prime: Yeah. Just dropped like a ton of coal.
Zach Sheets: Come touch the goal on him.
Zach Sheets: You fake -ass Billy Idol.
Chris Prime: Watch me find out this is like a real renovator club. Like it's a renovator. Committee.
Zach Sheets: Hmm.
Chris Prime: and they They're trying to build like a highway under here like what
Chris Prime: They're just harmful shock mines.
Zach Sheets: Yeah.
Zach Sheets: Zero casualties.
Chris Prime: I gotta admit, for like a kid's movie, this is pretty like... intense right like you don't really see SWAT team in mind in a kid's movie
Zach Sheets: Mm hmm.
Chris Prime: Now no one's dead.
Chris Prime: Does the SWAT van? like i think it's like an apd like an armored tank i don't think so right
Zach Sheets: Yeah. No.
Chris Prime: Because that van took so much damage.
Zach Sheets: if Yeah.
Chris Prime: And it's like it knew it was going to be blown up.
Zach Sheets: Like, he the I knew...
Zach Sheets: It's like I read out like... Five minutes before the missile got shot.
Chris Prime: and I know what it feels like to be a microwave dinner.
Zach Sheets: Yeah.
Chris Prime: Oh, I feel like Ollie's going to get out of this movie.
Zach Sheets: So does that actually die?
Zach Sheets: just Bash it.
Chris Prime: Wait, does it work?
Zach Sheets: Did you just like Fonzie it? Did you just like smash one thing and it started working again?
Zach Sheets: Wow.
Chris Prime: So he fixed it by... What?
Zach Sheets: smashing with a wrench, I guess.
Chris Prime: It would have been funny if this movie had like an evil... Kid. And then that's, that's who they sent in like to handle Holly. Like they have like an evil version.
Zach Sheets: They have an Ellis.
Zach Sheets: Rafe, baby, come on. i'm yeah I hope you get arsey.
Chris Prime: Yeah. I was like trying to negotiate it.
Chris Prime: There should have been a preppie kid an evil preppy kid trying to like...
Zach Sheets: Yeah, like hates Ozzy.
Chris Prime: messs with la Yeah.
Zach Sheets: He's like, I'm glad i'm glad you left.
Chris Prime: I'm the one that ratted. The cops or whatever.
Chris Prime: How does he know? the like the vent system.
Zach Sheets: guess the I guess they all studied the layout when they were... To insecurity?
Chris Prime: Okay. Makes sense.
Zach Sheets: Because they have like cause they have like a computer like... thing of like the entire like school.
Chris Prime: I do like how Ferret's got like... Such a like sinister outfit.
Zach Sheets: He's like a horror villain now.
Chris Prime: Mm hmm. He's basically the coal miner from My Bloody Valentine.
Zach Sheets: Yep.
Zach Sheets: yeah Late 90s computers, those are all toast.
Chris Prime: Yeah, they're not coming back.
Zach Sheets: Yep. Breathe in that smoke.
Chris Prime: Nice like silicone.
Zach Sheets: Eckrid, like, yeah.
Chris Prime: Yep.
Chris Prime: You ever smelt like a... Like a plasma bolt break It's a very like. intense chemical smell and it's like yeah you're just surrounded by it now in this computer room
Chris Prime: We still don't know what they're digging for.
Chris Prime: Why is the downstairs part of this movie just seems like a music video?
Zach Sheets: Is it?
Zach Sheets: Like this guy does like. I got a spear now. that's like That's my weapon.
Chris Prime: Oh, he's losing his mind. I guess.
Chris Prime: He just wants to be your kid.
Zach Sheets: m
Zach Sheets: um I wish he turned into a skeleton like I don't want to. WAAAAAAA
Zach Sheets: I do love that they also have to like show like them grunting at the afterwards to make sure you like they're not dead, just so you guys know.
Chris Prime: yeah he's like you didn't die We didn't just show your kid. He got electrocuted.
Zach Sheets: Ozzy's not killing people.
Chris Prime: Not yet, he isn't.
Chris Prime: See what I mean?
Zach Sheets: Yeah, like he like he just fell and like set his neck. like
Chris Prime: Fall on his back on his neck so
Zach Sheets: He fell headfirst on a shaft.
Chris Prime: Yeah, Ozzy didn't technically kill the guy. Gravity did.
Zach Sheets: Yeah.
Zach Sheets: I know the presses. I used to work for him.
Chris Prime: Do we even know the daughter? Oh wait, the daughter is the best friend, right?
Zach Sheets: Best friend of Ozzy's stepsister.
Chris Prime: I just want some Xavier things like, I can read your mind.
Zach Sheets: And do you think he's drinking Earl Grey tea?
Chris Prime: Heh heh.
Zach Sheets: Turns out to be a laundry. They tricked us! Kill the kids.
Zach Sheets: Man, she's just like military like interrogation skills.
Chris Prime: Yeah, she's just... invoked like a jiva convention
Chris Prime: It's like I am. like you're a prisoner and then that's it.
Chris Prime: I thought she gave up the girl. I was like whoa.
Zach Sheets: Oh, sure. Yeah, sure. I'll give you the name right here's the name right now.
Chris Prime: She broke.
Zach Sheets: That was, how ah how long has it been? like this This is like five minutes later. It's like. Alright.
Zach Sheets: What's up, K -Dawg?
Chris Prime: I forgot he was in the movie
Zach Sheets: Yeah.
Chris Prime: I got this Rambo moment of just like... Trying to find shelter and...
Zach Sheets: Mhm.
Chris Prime: I guess like. Retali.
Chris Prime: But... He's not injured.
Zach Sheets: So his his walkie, I think... He uses walkie to tap into their... communication or something? Is this how you heard, like... They're talking to like about like the money.
Zach Sheets: Because I was wondering, like, why is this walkie -talkie all smashed up? but
Chris Prime: Because you're so grounded.
Zach Sheets: Patrick Stewart's like, are we the meanies?
Chris Prime: Oh, she didn't even die. She just straight up... left.
Chris Prime: All right. How about that? Like. Just... spewing this on the radio. and I can imagine Patrick Stewart just like cutting in like, hello.
Zach Sheets: every but All of us guys are just like listening like... You guys hearing this?
Chris Prime: See?
Chris Prime: Anyway back to this other part where they never explained.
Zach Sheets: Yeah.
Chris Prime: Back in the Mad Max like part of the story.
Zach Sheets: It's kind of confusing that there's an Owly and an Ozzy.
Chris Prime: It is like very confusing.
Zach Sheets: Sure, fine, it's ro - Go ahead.
Chris Prime: Great plan.
Chris Prime: Wow, the principal even has like... like trigger discipline.
Zach Sheets: yeah But are they not gonna reveal that she's like secret like, I used to be ah in the military?
Chris Prime: Meanwhile, here comes the K -Dawg storyline.
Zach Sheets: The Calvary's here.
Zach Sheets: Just checking in to make sure. yeah We all know that everyone's not dead.
Chris Prime: That's a giant drop, so...
Zach Sheets: And he and we like he went head first.
Chris Prime: He's going to seduce him.
Zach Sheets: Yep.
Zach Sheets: I'm gonna give them the best pitch of my life.
Chris Prime: I'm gonna talk about family. and And a carousel.
Chris Prime: So... Is Foster the bad guy too?
Zach Sheets: I feel like they wouldn't be focusing too much on him if it wasn't.
Chris Prime: Yeah.
Chris Prime: Is Foster like the other... Dudes. Business partner?
Zach Sheets: I think so.
Chris Prime: It seems like he probably had like executive signing. So he's like, he gave the business to me. Now I run everything.
Zach Sheets: i like like Like start songs and it's like it's like, we can't afford this, stop it.
Chris Prime: We can wait.
Zach Sheets: We can play three seconds of it.
Chris Prime: It's like... Just for, like... I don't know if these are famous songs or not, because like I don't have no idea what... what song it is.
Zach Sheets: I mean they're all like Uh... Like vaguely like... Nine Inch Nails -y, or like...
Chris Prime: Industrial metal.
Zach Sheets: Yeah.
Chris Prime: Well, it's Columbia. So they have like... you know, licensing rights to... Music, bud.
Chris Prime: i'm pretty sure there's no like by the soundtrack of the movie
Zach Sheets: Well, one of the bands is Seven Dust. And then. vibrolush, and it's stabbing westward.
Chris Prime: I remember Stabbing Westward was in... A few teen movies. Did you know the... director who made this movie, his next movie would be Battlefield Earth.
Zach Sheets: but
Chris Prime: So explains why it's got very. interesting lighting and camera angles.
Chris Prime: Yeah, Roger Christian doesn't really...
Chris Prime: Doesn't really have, like... A stellar.
Chris Prime: A bunch of things.
Zach Sheets: it Judge.
Chris Prime: But he...
Zach Sheets: I say, Judge Rollins saw this and was like, this is my guy.
Chris Prime: Yeah. But... um He has worked on, like, other movies. like He worked as a set decorator for the original Star Wars. uh he worked on set decorations for alien so certain parts do make sense like everything kind of looks gritty and like worn, like, look at the shot.
Chris Prime: Not bad, right?
Zach Sheets: Yeah. Yeah.
Chris Prime: In context. This doesn't make sense of what the movie was about.
Chris Prime: So this guy has been, like, they've been coming to into school using that tunnel system a lot. lot.
Zach Sheets: Seems like it, yeah. Are these the mercenaries' cart like vehicles?
Chris Prime: Yeah, they planted like an escape route.
Zach Sheets: Yeah. Mm -hmm.
Zach Sheets: It's like the school has like a... Like. A fleet of... Armed ATVs.
Zach Sheets: Oh, was that the only reason for the tunnel?
Chris Prime: Yep. So they can get to the escape route.
Zach Sheets: That seems like... Uh... Like the most difficult way to do that.
Chris Prime: Well, it puts a lot of distance between The school and them.
Zach Sheets: Yeah.
Chris Prime: But it's like...
Chris Prime: I don't know how many. People could fit on the ATVs. Between the whole squad of them.
Zach Sheets: I was really like dumb and dumber. Like what? They shot me in the face. That's the risk we're willing to take.
Zach Sheets: and How many times has Oz gone up and down the elevator shaft?
Chris Prime: been a lot
Zach Sheets: he's yeah like He's got like surprisingly good like core strength for a hacker.
Chris Prime: But he's a kid. They're agile. It's climbing through the walls like a... Like a loose raccoon.
Zach Sheets: Mm hmm.
Zach Sheets: Good job, Mel.
Zach Sheets: Yeah, Ozzy!
Chris Prime: oh
Zach Sheets: Who would have thundered?
Chris Prime: This is the weirdest company takeover strategy I've ever seen.
Zach Sheets: Yum.
Zach Sheets: It's me, K -Dawg.
Chris Prime: The secret star of this movie.
Zach Sheets: The secret hero.
Chris Prime: Wait, did K -Doll do that one?
Zach Sheets: No, I think Ozzy set that up earlier. ah yeah we still hold Like, like, their bombs and stuff, yeah.
Chris Prime: Oh, so he got, he almost killed a dog too.
Zach Sheets: Yep.
Chris Prime: I gotta admit, this movie does make it seem like the effects make sense if you... Sort of did certain things. Right.
Zach Sheets: Yeah.
Chris Prime: Yeah, Die Hard didn't have this where the bad guys got toilet flushed.
Chris Prime: I don't know why the guy still has the sister. It's just... like just to mess with the guy more and mess with the kid.
Zach Sheets: To snap Ozzy, like, it's only... Only adversary.
Zach Sheets: I mean, they're copying Dyrus so much, it's obviously like, this is like, uh... Like him taking John's wife.
Chris Prime: Sarah McClain.
Zach Sheets: Yeah, yeah.
Chris Prime: Yeah.
Chris Prime: An outful auto. float out a whole bunch of those like digging crew they're just like Face down in water.
Chris Prime: She doesn't even know who that was.
Zach Sheets: yeah
Chris Prime: She never met that person before.
Zach Sheets: a
Zach Sheets: What? so
Chris Prime: He just became a soccer hooligan?
Zach Sheets: Gotta rep my team!
Chris Prime: Oh, geez.
Zach Sheets: And then like Ozzy hits her. one. Oops.
Chris Prime: what it's like
Zach Sheets: Get on that gun!
Chris Prime: That's why the... The escape plan for the whole thing was to was used used like... five of these ATVs to take the whole crew out.
Zach Sheets: It seemed like it, yeah.
Chris Prime: But I don't think this.
Zach Sheets: You can fit two people.
Chris Prime: It's like...
Zach Sheets: two It's like two people at a time plus all the all the money and like...
Zach Sheets: So yeah, I think people... Patrick Stewart's probably gonna, like, screw everyone over, except in this, like, it's just him and, like... Foster, maybe.
Chris Prime: Yeah, maybe
Zach Sheets: They have missiles.
Chris Prime: Is it a backwards missile?
Zach Sheets: Yeah, why would you have a backwards missile?
Chris Prime: Get it? It's irrelevant. Relevant comment.
Chris Prime: I mean, he's got GI i Joe type weaponry. It's just like... Let's put a rocket launch ATV.
Zach Sheets: Where the...
Chris Prime: Like backwards mounted. Launch ATV.
Zach Sheets: Yeah, and where they were... And where are the rockets coming from? Because it's like...
Chris Prime: The roof?
Zach Sheets: It... I guess yeah oh yeah there's two on the roof. I was like, because you can't reload the... the Launcher.
Chris Prime: Oh man, it's the Austin Powers joke.
Zach Sheets: Austin Powers.
Zach Sheets: Is this all still under the school or are they like... like in like the like I guess they're in the sewer systems now.
Chris Prime: Yeah, I think there's just a public sewer system.
Zach Sheets: it's like It's like one of those schools like The Rock.
Chris Prime: They're breaking into Alcatraz.
Zach Sheets: Yeah.
Zach Sheets: Let me use my super hearing.
Chris Prime: He should use his... ah scream. Like... VR search?
Zach Sheets: but Yeah, that should come into play of like... This is the same Lado as that Scream 2. Hacking. interface.
Chris Prime: I got the parents found the kids. The like the police this door.
Zach Sheets: a
Zach Sheets: Nothing there.
Chris Prime: I remember this scene was edit to be way more intense in the trailer. And when you actually see it... unfold it's very Draw now.
Zach Sheets: They had to come up with like ah ah a... A church. car chase, but like a car chase that kids could be involved in.
Chris Prime: So it's a tunnel chase?
Zach Sheets: Is that tunnel ATV chase?
Chris Prime: I don't know why Patrick Stewart had to put on his soccer...
Zach Sheets: History.
Chris Prime: Like, Jersey?
Zach Sheets: Yeah. It's not a disguise. No one's going to be like... Oh, it's not him. He's wearing a Manchester United shirt.
Chris Prime: Or Arsenal. I don't know which one it is. for What color?
Zach Sheets: but I think you just yelled Manchester, right? Pull it off.
Chris Prime: You could have. Oh my god, you're such an annoying character, Melissa.
Chris Prime: You're like almost in the the other vehicle
Zach Sheets: I know
Chris Prime: Meanwhile, in another movie...
Zach Sheets: Oh, here's here's a funny trivia thing, too. like so DeRoy is like... uh michael mccray He was married to Bonnie Bedelia Like, Holly McLean.
Chris Prime: Interesting. They really try to tie in so much to this movie.
Zach Sheets: That's suspicious. YOU KEPT MY PHONE! NO!
Zach Sheets: Hey, remember this guy?
Chris Prime: Did we meet this guy?
Zach Sheets: he was the that He was the other guy in the deal. like trying to Whatever the cable deal was.
Chris Prime: oh
Chris Prime: You're wanted for downloading Scream 2.
Chris Prime: Extreme!
Zach Sheets: It's Dookie!
Zach Sheets: It's such a like... yeah like kid die hard way like get rid of the villain like he ends up in a pile of shit
Zach Sheets: Oh wait, don't put your eyes under there!
Chris Prime: Ugh.
Zach Sheets: all
Chris Prime: How did the... like I guess like they just follow the trail. Wow, we don't even see them get arrested.
Chris Prime: wow
Zach Sheets: Relive all your favorite moments from Masterminds that you just watched.
Chris Prime: There's not even like a proper like end credit for this, they just, like...
Zach Sheets: Like the pair - The parents don't even like reunite with the kids or anything. It's just like... They get picked up by a helicopter. They're fine.
Chris Prime: Do they even? Get. Closure from the Evil Company? that organized the kidnapping.
Zach Sheets: Yeah, we don' we don't see that guy get arrested. like the The family's not reunited.
Zach Sheets: Patrick Stewart, I guess pat the only thing is that Patrick Stewart got... Ended up in a pile of shit. but
Zach Sheets: all your favorite Masterminds characters.
Chris Prime: Remember this from like literally three minutes ago?
Zach Sheets: Like, A minute ago.
Chris Prime: But that doesn't mean he got out like he just, you know, like.
Chris Prime: There's no closure. The movie just ends.
Zach Sheets: Yep.
Zach Sheets: It's like well we ran out of money.
Chris Prime: They could even put like a the N.
Chris Prime: Wait, who the hell? Oh, okay. The sexy girl is probably the one on the TV. it's like Who's sexy girl?
Zach Sheets: oh So apparently apparently Kelsey Grammer was the first choice to be the villain.
Chris Prime: I can see that.
Zach Sheets: It'd be like a tease for for his future iconic villain from a Money Plane.
Chris Prime: ah just It's money school.
Zach Sheets: right
Chris Prime: Far too many people worked in this movie.
Zach Sheets: This is like a credit song where it's just like, it's over. Leave.
Chris Prime: Yeah. but
Chris Prime: Just, just... they like didn't know how to end the movie
Zach Sheets: Considering how close it was like trying to like copy Die Hard, even Die Hard has like... Yo. know like holly and john get like reunite at the end like are walking out with the police like it's like a police helicopter is helping over the kids be like don't move
Chris Prime: Yep. And then even the villain isn't. Like...
Zach Sheets: Caught, yeah.
Chris Prime: Okay. He doesn't get, like, the... the like Definite karma. He just gets. Poop watered.
Zach Sheets: i we Yeah, we hear sirens, but it's like... He could, like... Give up the money and swim away.
Chris Prime: Maybe they're hoping that this would be a franchise. like Mastermind.
Zach Sheets: Best Mites 2.
Chris Prime: to
Zach Sheets: Yep. Like... Like Ozzy's in college and it happens again.
Zach Sheets: You thought yeah you got rid of me, Arcee? I'm back.
Zach Sheets: Porno -esque.
Chris Prime: Okay.
Zach Sheets: Frick.
Chris Prime: Interesting to have.
Zach Sheets: That's a little crazy for a kid's movie.
Chris Prime: I don't know any of those bands.
Zach Sheets: Nope.
Zach Sheets: I've heard of like two of the bands.
Chris Prime: I have to think about 90s music.
Zach Sheets: they must
Chris Prime: Is that like... They were probably one -hit wonders. and then They did sign like a record deal and then they just like completely disappeared. Like not even a one hit wonder. They just had like.
Chris Prime: someone just owned the rights you know like it it just this is this is good background music In a movie.
Zach Sheets: Well, I think what you said earlier, like it must've been like Columbia records was just been like, all right, who do we have? That's like kind of like alt rock, like. college like industrial rock college rock kind of like that we can like don't have to pay for
Chris Prime: Agreed. Yeah, that this definitely feels like, ah okay, this costs us nothing.
Zach Sheets: Mm -hmm.
Chris Prime: And then they might get a small royalty check. for uh like using their song but we won't feature them we won't We won't like...
Chris Prime: make a special Mastermind CD. but I bet you. There probably was like a VHS, a cassette, like a... just like we we put some music on a cassette tape
Zach Sheets: The Mastermind soundtrack, yeah.
Chris Prime: Yeah.
Zach Sheets: Get the hit soundtrack from Masterminds. Like, all all those awesome, like, commercials back in the day where it's just like, they just list the artists, like... It's seven to us, stabbing westward.
Zach Sheets: Fibroflush.
Zach Sheets: And the hit single. all All the more like although like Marvel, like the Punisher and Daredevil all had those commercials.
Chris Prime: Yep. yeahp i but I bought the Daredevil one just because it was cheap and - It's on target, but... At least that had like recognizable things. That's another thing. I think. um They definitely have to have like some label artist who...
Chris Prime: Was either featured in the movie. That's like a rule where like the song has to be prominently featured.
Zach Sheets: and
Chris Prime: Or the. Soundtrack. like Singer has to be in there somewhere. Bye. Yeah, this is that era where they didn't find out that rule yet.
Chris Prime: I don't know. It'd be weird if like, anyway. Who's the school's band? It's like, oh, it's Stabbing Westward. Like, what?
Zach Sheets: Or like K -Dawg was playing like a band, like someone from a band or something.
Chris Prime: Yeah.
Zach Sheets: Or one of the bad guys. Or that were like one of the, like, henchmen guys. like Like, Ali is, like... some from some band or something.
Zach Sheets: But yeah, but that was a Masterminds.
Zach Sheets: It's... ah it's It's a fun movie. It's fun.
Chris Prime: It's a lot moodier than I thought it would be. ah It's not as... 90s. Uh... like a more fun kids. friendly version of Toy Soldier.
Chris Prime: I think Toy Switcher has the better. Tension and and like. You know. ah More of a, like a unique. Standing point. This.
Chris Prime: This is definitely just like a diehard knockoff.
Zach Sheets: Well, yeah, Toy Soldiers is like definitely more of like an action movie. and like People are getting like shot and killed in Toy Soldiers. yeah this This is this is like the kind of like the halfway point because it's not as you know it's not as like...
Zach Sheets: like goofy as like a Home Alone or like a Three Ninjas or something, but it has like elements of those, but then it's not quite... it like you know, extreme as diehard. It's like that like middle ground of like. if if you If you're a kid, you watch like...
Zach Sheets: you know home alone and stuff like that not but now you're like you want a little a little more edge, but not like like... the R -rated edge of Die Hard. This is what you like move up to.
Chris Prime: Yep. That's a good assessment of it.
Chris Prime: But ah yeah, I think Patrick Stewart definitely is the best part because he's just scene chewing. Acting.
Zach Sheets: hu
Chris Prime: Uh... There are some... lulls and just the pacing between because you basically watch these like hench people get annoyed With.
Chris Prime: Like, the antics. Um, except for like one or two hench people that are just psychotic because they're just like are they're gonna kill a kid they get their hands on them.
Zach Sheets: Yeah.
Chris Prime: But then they just kind of stopped doing that by the end.
Zach Sheets: It is also crazy to realize that Vincent Kartheiser didn't just appear for Mad Men. He was like... Like a kid actor.
Chris Prime: Yeah, I didn't know that. I kind of forgot he was in this just because... uh
Zach Sheets: Because, yeah, Batman was like the only thing, like, oh, who's this guy from Batman?
Chris Prime: Yeah, yeah.
Zach Sheets: It's like...
Chris Prime: and it
Zach Sheets: It's like, oh no, he had a whole career before Batman.
Chris Prime: He was a kid actor. Whoa.
Zach Sheets: Mm hmm.
Chris Prime: He's not bad. I just feel like... He would have been mostly the villain in another movie. in in Like he definitely needed a foil. he needed someone to really make it seem like we would root for him besides instantly he just goes into die hard mode
Zach Sheets: He... Well, they they didn't have the... Um, Like, back and forth between, like, you know, and dire like... Hans and John i have like a but like over the walkie talkies they have like the back and forth If he if he had petui had a little bit more like kind of like back and forth of like...
Zach Sheets: you damn I'll get you. It's like, alright, yeah. like they like Them going back and forth a little more, that would have been... Because they i do i mean do they they have like one scene together.
Chris Prime: Yeah, that's true.
Zach Sheets: It's like, oh, you're causing other trouble? All right, bye.
Zach Sheets: I've got my money.
Zach Sheets: But yeah, so I think that'll do it for this month's commentary. We'll be back next month. and ah October it is definitely going to be some sort of horror thing, so get ready for that. And you can head over to the site, check out all of our new stuff up there. We got news, reviews, trailers, the the record podcast. So head over, check all that stuff out.
Zach Sheets: And yes, for Chris, I'm Zach and we will see you next time.
