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Living in the Legend of Zelda World?!
344 Plays2 years ago
It's finally here! Join us for the final episode of 2022 as Satsunami and Andrew discuss what it would be like to live in the world of the Legend of Zelda. Fantasy paradise or Triforce of pain? Only one way to find out!
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Transcript
Introduction and Humor
00:00:05
Speaker
Welcome to Chatsunami.
00:00:17
Speaker
Hello everybody and welcome to another episode of Chat Tsunami. I'm Sat Tsunami and joining me today is none other than the hero of time himself as the one and only Andrew. Andrew, welcome to Chat Tsunami. It's dangerous to go alone, record this. God I wish I hadn't said that.
00:00:36
Speaker
too late. I'm the editor. I get to keep up. Oh, and that is another club fix that I'm going to have to put through. I just see the audio waves come up and I see the spike and I'm like, oh sweet Jesus, what happened there?
Zelda Enthusiasm and Franchise History
00:00:52
Speaker
But yeah, how are you doing today, Andrew? I'm good, thank you. I finally get to talk about a topic that I've been banging on your door to talk about for the last how many years. I think prior to the podcast even existing, I was like, why are we going to get to the Zelda episode? Funny enough, you say banging on the door, but it's more like you standing outside my window and all you hear is just ominous ocarina music. I'm trying to open the secret passageway into your heart.
00:01:17
Speaker
Yeah it's just like fire and flames but just on an ocarina. I'm doing some sick ass licks on my ocarina. It's just the thought of you just looking at the ocarina. No that's all that means. What does it mean? How can you get a
00:01:32
Speaker
Okay sorry, let's just cancel what we're going to talk about for the rest of this episode. This is going to be the main focus and you lick an ocarina. And why should you? And why should you? Top 10 reasons why you should lick an ocarina. Number one, you don't.
00:01:47
Speaker
But anyway sorry, side tangents aside, yeah as you alluded to there Andrew, today we are going to be talking about EA. I was going to make the joke and be like oh an indie franchise but jokes aside, this is a very prolific franchise. That of course being the Legend of Zelda which has been going on maybe not as long as Mario but see to be honest not far off really and of course Adam and I being the plebeians that we are
00:02:14
Speaker
we are not really as into Zelda, but of course you are. So that is why we have recruited you to basically take us through the world of Zelda, talk about it. But before we go into that, before we get into the real Hyrulean meat of this episode, how did you get into this franchise to begin with?
Personal Zelda Experiences
00:02:35
Speaker
Well, I've been linked with this franchise for a long time through my brother, who was a big fan of the N64 games Ocarina of Time and Majora's Mask. And so my first experience with the game was both of those games, more so Ocarina of Time, which I did not know how to play properly, but was obsessed with. I thought it was such so interesting, so cool. And then later on, my brother got a GameCube and Wind Waker.
00:03:01
Speaker
And that was kind of the first real instance of a game that I could sort of get my hands on, could play, understood how to play, and went right the way through the game, absolutely loved that. And so from that point on, I went through and played each of the mainline Zelda games, not really, I didn't replay any of the handheld games, but
00:03:20
Speaker
each of the main Zelda games I went through and then went back and played the originals as well. So I'm a huge fan of the franchise and I'm always sort of looking forward to the next game coming up, which should be, if it all goes to plan, Spring of 2023. Fingers crossed for that. Fingers crossed they don't delete it or be like, haha, jokes on you. You thought you were going to get Breath of the Wild 2. No, no, you're going to get Zelda CDI 2. Or 3 is it? Or 4? I don't know, there's too many to get.
00:03:50
Speaker
But I mean that's interesting you saying that there was like your brother that got you into it and everything because I have to admit although I was into gaming and my own right I never really got into this franchise and it's not so much that you know I saw Zelda and I like reached at the name I was like oh I don't want to play as Link or anything
00:04:10
Speaker
wasn't really anything to do with that, it was more because when I was playing the N64 obviously I was playing things like Mario and Banjo-Kazooie and Pokémon Stadium of course, things like that. I was about to say Sonic but we're too far back in the timeline for that but I was playing games like that and
00:04:26
Speaker
it wasn't until I want to say I got a Gamecube that I actually played Wind Waker, and I think that was probably my first proper experience with Zelda, which is really weird to think about, because you and I, when we both went to university together, we actually played through the entirety of Wind Waker. Well sorry, let me backtrack. When I say we, I mean you played through the entirety of Wind Waker, and I like cheered you on from the background,
00:04:52
Speaker
Yeah, it was really our first incarnation of our Let's Play series, but there was no one watching, no one recording. I was going to say except for the old flatmate who would wander around and then just wander back out again when they saw what we were doing. It was like, yeah.
00:05:10
Speaker
like and subscribe, and then slowly backing out of the room. What do you mean? What am I supposed to subscribe to? That was the birth of our newsletter we just posted through the door. Yeah, other than that, the next game I think I got was Ocarina of Time, but not for the N64. This is how bad I was. I got the remake for the 3DS. I just
00:05:32
Speaker
tried playing it again I just I wasn't getting into it and it's the same with Breath of the Wild like I tried getting into that just really couldn't and it's not because these games are bad by any means because the
Immersion in Zelda's World
00:05:45
Speaker
games have like a really rich
00:05:47
Speaker
deep lore and everything, they've got a lot of world building, they've got a lot of really memorable characters. It's a very well fleshed out gaming world and I can see why people are fans of this particular series but I don't know, and again this is a whole discussion for another day, but I don't know whether it was because I didn't grow up
00:06:08
Speaker
Zelda so I didn't have like the same attachment and when I kind of put it down I thought okay this is one of those games that I tried, I played, I wasn't a huge fan of it so now that I've riled up 90% of the Legend of Zelda fans listening to this podcast because I know that'll probably boost it.
00:06:26
Speaker
Listen, because controversy sells, ladies and gentlemen. Controversy does sell. But jokes aside, as we were talking about earlier, today we are going to be talking about what it would actually be like to live in the world of Legend of Zelda. And I know you've got Hyrule, you've got all the other places.
00:06:44
Speaker
Nice one bud. I was going to say the boat. You've got the, oh what do you call it, the mountain with the rock people? Death Mountain. Well Death Mountain as well, yeah. But you know what, see without any further ado, we'll just jump into it because as I said before, this is why you're here. I am going to be the tourist of this episode. I am going to put on my handy-dandy backpack, maybe put a couple of masks on there and hopefully not meet with a terrible fate as it were. See, I
00:07:13
Speaker
I can reference Zelda Andrew. Very good. Very good. Do I get a star now? You get one red rupee. How much is that in nowadays currency? Because the economy's not doing too well in gaming land.
00:07:27
Speaker
Yeah, I don't know. I don't know of the equivalent to UK currency right now. I know it's a bit volatile. I think the rupee is probably a safer bet. And that would be the Zelda rupee, not the Indian rupee. Sorry, for legal reasons. She thought we were talking about that. You know, I'm a fool. I invested all my money into the Sonic Rings market. So fingers crossed that booms. There was a hole in that plan.
00:07:50
Speaker
And my wallet. So without any further ado, as I save up all my rupees and we get ready to go to the fair land of Hyrule, will we take a short break and listen to some messages? I think so. As I said before, we will be right back after these messages. I should have opened with, hey listen, edit that in.
00:08:18
Speaker
Previously on Chatsunami, we've analysed what makes a good horror game, conducted a retrospective on Pierce Brosnan's runs James Bond, and listened to us take deep dives into both the Sonic and Halo franchises.
00:08:29
Speaker
Also, if you're an anime fan, then don't forget to check us out on our sub-series, Chatsunani, where we dive into the world of anime. So far, we've reviewed things like Death Note, Princess Mononoke, and the hit Bayblade series. If that
Podcast Sub-series Chatsunani
00:08:41
Speaker
sounds like your cup of tea, then you can check us out on Spotify, iTunes, and all good podcast apps. As always, stay safe, stay awesome, and most importantly, stay hydrated. Hello, hello, and welcome to the What Is podcast. My name's Tom. I'm Abby.
00:09:04
Speaker
My name's Bax. You're welcome. We talk about old things from Dungeons and Dragons to ASMR. We release episodes every Thursday on all your favourite streaming platforms. So please, really check us out. Peace out, boys!
00:09:28
Speaker
This episode is sponsored by Zincaster. If you're a podcaster that records remotely like me, then you'll know how challenging it can be to create the podcast you've always wanted. That's where Zincaster comes in. Before I met Zincaster, I was put a naive podcaster, recording on low quality, one-track audio waves.
00:10:03
Speaker
I want you to have the same easy experience I do for all my podcasting and content needs. It's time to share your story.
00:10:15
Speaker
Okay, so here I am, Andrew. Here I am standing in the vast plains of Hyrule. Paint a picture for me. I am standing upon the luscious green grass right in front of me. I'm pretty sure a skeleton just ran by me. I could be wrong. Maybe it was a D.
00:10:31
Speaker
skeleton. What can I expect because long-time listeners of Chatsunami will probably know that we did a very similar episode to this where last time Adam and I discussed what it would be like to live in the Pokémon world. So as long as I don't have to milk an Odish or beat up any children or anything, I hopefully should be good in Hyrule. No guarantees about the latter. Oh no.
00:10:56
Speaker
Oh no. Okay, so let's say I get to Hyrule. Where do you think the best place to start off is? I mean, it's obviously different from game to game, but if we're talking Ocarina of Time, we get into Hyrule Field, you're trying to get across into Hyrule Castle before nightfall because you will get locked out.
00:11:14
Speaker
you'll go into the town centre and you'll just sort of interact with the village people who are just dancing around because there's literally nothing else to do other than just barter for goods and dents in the square. If you can handle the jovial town, then that's where you'll go first off. Is this going to be my personal wicker, man? I mean, it's not not that for sure.
00:11:37
Speaker
It's certainly not mid-summery at times, but there's a bit more of a supernatural element to the fact that there are goblins and other monsters around. So are goblins run of the mill in Hyrule or am I going to walk into the town centre?
00:11:52
Speaker
you know, see like a goblin doing this shopping, getting its milk and everything. And then I'm like, oh my God, a goblin. And then I just like punch it in the face and then I'm like sent to the town talk. Fear they not, your saviour has arrived. So the goblin equivalent, I'm saying goblin, they're called Bokoblins in the world of Zelda. They are like demon spawn of the demon king.
00:12:14
Speaker
And so no, they wouldn't be going about their business shopping. You'd only find them out in just random sort of encampments. If you're looking at sort of Breath of the Wild, they can establish a bit more of a culture to them. They seem very kind of simplistic in nature. They're very kind of like Neanderthal-y. They kind of just huddle around fire and in little kind of like skull caves. They'll have like one century around. They'll notify the others and they all kind of charge at you. By Breath of the Wild logic, there's like a hierarchy with different colors and like the different colors sort of mean how difficult it is to defeat them.
00:12:43
Speaker
So there's certainly some sort of hierarchy culture community to the Bokoblins, but they do not interact with the Hylians in Hyrule. So they're not going to mess me up if I'm just shopping in the middle of the town centre.
00:12:59
Speaker
Not in the middle of the town centre, no. Everyone seems to be travelling all the time and in Breath of the Wild you'll frequently come across some travellers who have been ambushed by Bokoblins and are being beaten up. Sometimes if you watch them, you can watch them just defeat the Bokoblins and other times you'll watch them just lying in a fetal position on the ground as the Bokoblins dance around them and you have to go beat them up. Sometimes you can just watch the carnage happen and the Bokoblins will be defeated themselves and sometimes you're just like,
00:13:28
Speaker
Do I help them today? Do I want that? I have a question. You know that meme from JoJo's Bizarre Adventure where it's the guy drinking the wine and he sees his two friends beating up the one guy and then he joins in? Can I do that with the book of words and just join in and be like, woof, guys, yeah. That was a tough battle, wasn't it?
00:13:49
Speaker
In Breath of the Wild, you can purchase these different kind of outfits. And one of them you can get from like a monster salesman is like different masks of the different monsters. So you can buy up a cobbling mask and then you can go like hang out with them and they won't, they won't fight you. So in some ways, yes.
00:14:06
Speaker
It's just the thought because I'm in real life to break the illusion I'm a over six foot tall red panda. The thought of me just with this tiny bokoblin mask just standing above him being like, oof, that was a hard day, wasn't it? And they're like, yeah, sure, that was not a link.
00:14:24
Speaker
I've always wondered that. Is identity fraud an issue in Hyrule? It's an issue in the, it happens. There are certainly characters pretending to be other characters and then causing mischief. So yes, yes, it is an issue in Hyrule. Can you imagine if you went around and you kind of panicked and it's like, oh, what's your name? And you ought to the chain that, you know, this is going to be very obscure, the chain that links the bridge up. And you're like, oh, my name is Link.
00:14:53
Speaker
very subtle and clearly not a stretch of a jumpier. But, you know, like, imagine you went around as Link, and then when Link is going away doing all his heroic acts, are there many Links? Is that a common name in Hyrule? Or…? Yes and no. Because, I mean, your hero is typically called Link. There is one game, I think it's a period of time, where you can change your character's name to whatever you want it to be. So you could change it to your own name or random name or Link.
00:15:19
Speaker
whatever your name is in the game, one of the characters will have a son. And if you meet that son in a time jump, you've sort of encountered him and he's got the same name as you. So that's quite a fun instance. And really, it's the only instance where you can come across another link that isn't yourself. So I mean, there seems to be some sort of lineage of links across time that has to be the saviour. So like, you're really putting a lot of pressure on your on your child if you if you do call it link.
00:15:43
Speaker
actually reminds me of, you know in Wind Waker where your, is it your gran that you live with? And she gives you the hero of time outfit for some reason. As far as I remember, she doesn't know you're the hero of time, does she? Or...
00:15:59
Speaker
No, they seem to have some sort of weird explanation each time for why that outfit is given. In Skyward Sword, every like night of the sky gets given the same kind of tunic, but a different color. And so like each year is a different color. And it just so happens the year you're getting it, it's the green one. And then the mayor of the town or wherever he is, so exclaims like, Oh, doesn't that just look great on you? I always thought green looked good on you. You're like, Oh, you sneaky bastard. I see what you're doing there.
00:16:29
Speaker
Yeah, so does that mean you can't wear the green tunic and everything? Imagine you rolled up to Hyrule Castle and then you saw the real one and you're both wearing the same thing and you're just like, well, one of us has to go home and change. What is he going to do? He doesn't talk in the game, so is he going to argue back? No. So from the outside, you've got the upper hand there.
00:16:52
Speaker
You are going to bully this mute child, but I mean, you do here. Hey, I've done worse than the Pokémon universe, okay? It's all downhill from here. So, you were talking earlier about getting in the
Zelda's Nighttime Enemies
00:17:04
Speaker
castle before darkness falls, essentially. Before we get to Ganon and those creepy machines that crawl about in Breath of the Wild,
00:17:13
Speaker
What are the kind of box standard things that we need to worry about, other than the bokoblins and me trying to infiltrate and beat up travellers with them? Other than me, I'm saying, what else should we be worried about in this universe? Well, I mean, depending on the game, Ocarina of Time, as soon as Nightfalls, you're going to encounter these zombie bokoblins, I think they're called Stelmox,
00:17:38
Speaker
They can appear as soon as nightfalls. At other points in Ocarina time, you'll encounter like werewolf type creatures. I don't remember what they're called, but for all sorts of purposes, they are werewolves. And so as soon as nightfalls, you can't see just berated by these creatures. And the same in
00:17:53
Speaker
in Breath of the Wild, you'll get some skeletal Bokoblins attacking you. But the fun thing about those ones is if you defeat the skeletal Bokoblins in Breath of the Wild, you can take their arms and then you can like hit them back with their own arms and pick up their heads and like kick their heads and stuff like that. So that at least gives you like the upper hand where you decide like, hey, I'm gonna fuck you up today.
00:18:14
Speaker
Can I just put for the record that you were giving me grief about bullying a mute child and your kicking heads and taking dead the cobblins' arms? I mean, they started it. They did start it. They're not gonna finish it. You gotta get ahead of the competition. Yeah, I bet you got a kick out of that. I did. Ah, pun.
00:18:34
Speaker
Yeah, these are the high quality eaters. Yeah, they're a bone to pick with us. So what you're saying is don't travel at night because you will die. Yeah, if you're not the hero of time, I would avoid nighttime travel for sure. Sorry, that just has like the energy of have 10 years experience.
00:18:51
Speaker
And that's job that's only been around for two years. It's like, unless you're the hero of time, you have the ocarina, you have the... I know, job experience qualifications just are getting harder and harder for young graduates. They require
Link's Job Qualifications
00:19:05
Speaker
you to have a master's degree, three years experience, and also be wielding the sword that defeats Evil's Bane. It's getting really tough for young people these days.
00:19:15
Speaker
I mean, you're not wrong. The only way they can get these qualifications is by going into caves with old men and getting swords. Yes, I said that. So what? Yeah, the 80s was a different time for video games. You wouldn't think twice about being asked to grab Deku Nuts then. Was he like, sorry, this is completely off topic here, but from what I played of Ocarina of Time, I know there's a bit where you have to climb into the Deku Tree and you have to kill those horrible spider things which are still terrifying.
00:19:45
Speaker
How far did you get in the game? Because that is the very first thing you do in the game. Erm, I go to Hyrule Castle and I think I'm at the Princess. Oh my god. I know, and I smash some ports, I know. Oh well, you've got the game down there then, that's what 90% of the game is. Yeah, I've got the essentials down.
00:20:02
Speaker
because that's another thing. So let's say I want to travel. So let's say I go to Hydro Castle completely unscathed, nothing shot me, kicked me, bullied me or anything and I'm there and I'm like right I need to get some gear but obviously to get
00:20:19
Speaker
equipment to travel, I need money. So how do I get money? Because I know there's the obvious ones, it's a bit like Mario and Sonic, you know, it's like, oh, they're just lying around, or you have to punch things. And for Zelda in particular, there's the infamous joke where you smash pots to get money, you cut grass to get money,
00:20:39
Speaker
Yeah, Link's profession really is a gardener. He does earn the majority of his cash just from cutting grass and finding coins in there. I don't know who's just leaving what appears to be like emeralds of some description, like just lying about in the grass. It's just like someone just wandering around just like throwing coins in the air like Mr. Burns in the higher balloon. I know obviously video game logic are not going to beat up the universe of that too much, but if you were living in this universe, can you imagine trying to take like a lawnmower?
00:21:07
Speaker
to your garden and it just broke every time because you kept running over these thick rubies. It would either be it broke immediately or you've destroyed like precious currency and you're like, Oh, cause imagine like going through like your lawn and just constantly shredding like 20 pound notes. And he was like, Oh,
00:21:24
Speaker
Damn it, I needed that for groceries this week. But that's the thing though, it's like you can't tell. It's in the grass because it doesn't pop up or anything until you cut it down. So it's like you would be mowing over it and then you would throw until it's too late. What kind of economy is this? How do people earn their money?
00:21:41
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, again, it's video game logic, but like in Breath of the Wild, they're like walking salespeople going around and you can just sell them just like almost anything in your pockets. And like you can be carrying like 1000 monster eyeballs. And these people have to like buy them off of you.
00:21:57
Speaker
And so you could just be like absolutely rinsing their bank account because they are obliged to buy these random objects from you. And so like by that logic, there's just an unlimited fund that the dealers of this world have, you could just be making this unlimited money just constantly in that game, at least.
00:22:14
Speaker
In later
Zelda's Unique Economy
00:22:15
Speaker
games, there seems to be a limit. At some point, you can't earn any more money, like it's just like your wallet's too full. And sometimes like you'll open a treasure chest and it'll be like 50 rupees. Oh, you can't take this right now because your wallet's full, which I mean, not to be anti-capitalist on maine, but I mean, maybe a wallet limit is a good thing. I mean, then again, that is very much a first world problem for a link in that case. I have too much money. Damn it.
00:22:40
Speaker
you'll just have to get up and carry all his money. Come on, don't make me kill the rest of your family because I will! What are the best weapons essentially? Can we just rock into a shop and then not being the hero of time and just be like, oh I want that sword and shield? Because I know when you go into the game as Link and you have to do the challenges
00:23:01
Speaker
don't you? In Ocarina of Time, you have to earn money to buy a shield from the store. And you have to like crawl into some random space in the forest to find this sword in a treasure chest. And that is how you get your initial weapons. You can't ever buy a sword, I don't think.
00:23:16
Speaker
not true. You can buy a sword from the Gorons, which is called the Biggeron Sword or the Goron Dagger or something. The Goron Dagger can then be traded after a series of tasks to become the Biggeron Sword, which is actually better than the Master Sword. But for the most part, the average person doesn't seem to be able to buy weapons, you just have to kind of like find them. In Breath of the Wild, they're kind of everywhere, or like you just take them from people that you kill. By people, I mean the Goblins and Moblins and all those other monsters.
00:23:46
Speaker
Yeah, their arms or their swords or their bats, there's just a whole variety of different weapons in different in the different games. But I mean, depends on the game, like some of the games, you just have your one sword, your shield, and then like you can like pick up your various random items that are very useful for like that one temple that you're going through. I mean, for your average Joe, who isn't just traversing temples, like they're not likely to find these items. So like where they get
00:24:12
Speaker
a bow and arrow from, who knows, because apparently the only place you can get it from is just trying to defeat some ancient monster. Yeah, but who decided that? The Sages?
00:24:26
Speaker
Nobody, I know obviously it's different in Breath of the Wild and certain other games, but it's like, for Ocarina of Time, you're pretty much screwed, aren't you? It's like, hey, you've got fists, don't you? Fine with them. Do you think the sages think that everybody has the same magical powers that they do? Yeah, there's some privilege there for sure. Yeah, it's like, oh, blast them with your magic and it's like, excuse you.
00:24:50
Speaker
by what? Yeah, your magic, you know, you go up is you and that's it, they're gone. It's like there's articles where it's like this young person bought a house with this one trick and the trick is like having parents who've funded it. Step on and how to buy a house. Buy the house. Don't be poor. Yeah, don't be rude exactly. What are you, an anti-magic person? Yes, I am.
00:25:09
Speaker
because I have about as much magical fortitude as one of those other starter packs you get where it's like the plastic rod with the two white bits at the end and it's like, oh yeah, look, after I get that rough. Yeah, I don't think that's going to get me through Hyrule, I have to say. Close-up magic isn't going to really do the trick.
00:25:28
Speaker
Imagine going to Ganondorf like, yeah, I know you're going to destroy the world, but is there your card? Pulls a rabbit out of his minish cap. So who's going to die first, me or the rabbit? Well, you say that. There's actually a trick you can do in a couple of the games. In Twilight Princess, when you're facing Ganondorf at the end, you can pull out a fishing rod to distract him. Why?
00:25:51
Speaker
He thinks of a better time when he was down by the lakeshore. Down by Lake, what's it called? Lake Hylia. Fishing for random Zelda salmon. It's like the official term. Yeah, Zelda salmon. Everything's named after the princess. This is how it is. And so, yeah, so he's just reminiscing of a better time. And then in Skyward Sword, I didn't get this to work. I got the fishing rod to work in Twilight Princess, but in Skyward Sword, there's supposedly if you get out your bug net, then you can distract the demon king.
00:26:20
Speaker
who is essentially what Ganondorf is. It kind of like embodies Ganondorf in later games, so it's supposed to be like the origin of him. But yeah, he gets distracted by a bug net. So I don't know what the deal with that is. Yeah, because I've seen the parodies where it's the, I cannot remember the name of them, but the chickens. Oh, cuckoos. Cuckoos, that's it. Yeah, where they just like throw a cuckoo into the same room as Ganondorf and they all just swarm him. It's like absolutely beat him to death. And it's like, yay, I got the Triforce.
00:26:48
Speaker
Yeah, they're so good. Is that actually a canon thing? Because I know obviously in the games if you attack them one too many times, they'll come and try to attack you. Is there a reason for that or is it just a gameplay thing? I think it's supposed to teach children not to hurt harmless animals. Well, that too. But then again, Pokémon also came out in the 90s, so Nintendo, choose a lane. Game Freak is in the name. Yeah, exactly.
00:27:13
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, I suppose. So they're not like gods in disguise or anything, like free range gods. I'm not that aware aware of. I mean, they might well be, but yeah, no, if you are able to do it in Breath of the Wild, you can throw them into a like monster scenario. And if the monster hurts them enough, then the monster will be attacked by the swarm of cuckoos. There are certain instances where you can do that. You wouldn't be able to do that against Ganondorf. So what you're saying is my best bet is just to get one of those cuckoos and just
00:27:42
Speaker
Just walk around hydro with it. Yeah. To be honest, I think it wouldn't be a bad idea to create some sort of armour. All of these live cuckoos, just strap them all together and just wrap it around you, and then if someone hit you, then an army would just descend down whoever attacks you. So basically what you're saying there's Pacific Rim, but the check-in's strapped to me. Yes. Sure.
00:28:04
Speaker
It's like, okay, I'll be right back. I need to make a few phone calls. Particularly to the red panda lawyer to see if this is ethical and or legal to strap chickens to me and be like, you can't hurt me. Local man arrested because he has chickens strapped him. Anyway, jokes aside, to recap, I'm wearing the chickens as like boxing gloves, okay, because
00:28:24
Speaker
I'm not allowed to have weapons, so I can't cut the grass, I can't earn money, and I'm assuming if I smash a pot, they're good. Is there a way to run and gun? So I run into the shop with the chickens strapped to my fist, and I just punch it. So I punch a pot, I grab the money.
00:28:44
Speaker
tactical cuckoo I'm down. Cool guys don't look at chickens. As yeah just the chickens descend on this poor pottery shop. Oh good that would just be chaos. That'd be so much everything. Just chaos. Feathers. Shit. You know. Anyway my hatred of pottery aside. Okay I've got like some money. I've bullied a child and I've got chickens with boxing gloves. So my day is going well so far.
00:29:12
Speaker
Where do I head to next? Because I feel as if I'm quite ready. Maybe not to take on Ganondorf, but I'm ready. I'm ready to do some adventuring. So where am I off to? Okay, well, if we're in Breath of the Wilds, then you can head in any given direction, really. I mean, Pyro Castle is just destroyed, so I don't know where you've started from in that instance. But if you're feeling ballsy, you could try and take on a little encampment of Bokoblins, all kind of chilling. Or you could try and take on a Hinax, which is essentially a Cyclops, just walking around.
00:29:41
Speaker
Oh, that can only end well. Yes, exactly. And then like, there's a bunch of other weird kind of creatures. There's one that is a giant rock monster whose name is escaping me. Essentially, you have to climb on the back of and whack like a diamond to destroy it. And you get a bunch of like precious gems from that. It's not another Rihanna song. What, shine bright like a diamond? Whack his back like a diamond, yeah.
00:30:04
Speaker
So they continue. And then there are these like centaur lion kind of creatures. There's these Lynels that roam the land, which are, I think can be argued the most difficult non-boss enemies in the game. They are so tricky to defeat. If
00:30:21
Speaker
anyone was to come across them, then they'd be screwed. Or there is the Guardians, which you have come across during your brief playthrough of Breath of the Wild. I don't know if you recall the Guardians walking around with those giant spider robot things. Oh, I do. They were absolutely terrifying. Especially with the theme music, which I like to think is built into them with really many speakers.
00:30:42
Speaker
It's not the best plan for their stealth purposes, but yeah, you do hear essentially death music when they're after you. Some sort of like laser guided, like a sniper kind of red dot on you. And so yeah, if you see that, then you're, you're probably dead. There's not really going to be much escaping that because one shot generally will kill you. If you have enough hearts,
00:31:02
Speaker
Which I don't know how the average person would increase their heart numbers because essentially it's just increasing your life force and like, in what capacity would anyone else be able to do that? In Breath of the Wild, you do that by going through shrines and getting these like heart container orb things. You can like exchange for hearts or stamina. In other games, you can get like pieces of hearts from random tasks or defeating a boss.
00:31:25
Speaker
neither of those really seem like something that your average joe will be able to obtain so you're probably gonna be stuck on three hearts in which case just literally anyone just like punching you in the face would just lay you dead so like real life then your average person's gonna get like a continue scream
00:31:43
Speaker
Imagine you do get punched though, and every time you do get knocked out or whatever, you end up transferring yourself from Zelda universe to Zelda universe, because as you already do at the very beginning of this episode, there are hundreds of places you could go. If you ended up waking up in the CDI universe, I think I would knock myself out. I don't think I'd press continue when after I got punched if that was the case. Are you sure you want to continue? No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:32:11
Speaker
But yeah, let's say you punch yourself after you realise you're in the CDI universe, and then could you imagine how jarring it would be going from something like Breath of the Wild to Majora's Mask. You're like, oh why is it so dark? And then you look up and there's a goddamn moon smiling at you.
00:32:27
Speaker
Yeah, that whole game I think is some sort of like metaphor for dealing with grief. I know that's that's a kind of overstated idea. And I think it's been denied. I think the creators have said that's not the case. But I mean, that's the first stage of grief. Yeah, my whole my whole.
00:32:42
Speaker
Hallhead canon is that's the case, that it's just a metaphor for the stages of grief and dealing with, I think it's supposed to be the passing of Navi, the fairy that Link is dealing with the grief of, or his own death. I think it kind of varies from theory to theory, but that's just a theory. A chat-suit theory. Thanks for listening, if you would like to listen to more of our content.
00:33:01
Speaker
Okay, so I punch myself in the face again, because this is clearly how I'm getting around. You drop a bomb directly in front of you. I'm just wondering if the chickens come with me, or like in another universe, there's just a day to be with chickens on my hands. Or just a suicide pact with the chickens.
00:33:19
Speaker
It's like, I'm sorry. I was going to say, let's say I wake up in the Wind Waker universe and I would just instantly drown. Let's say, hypothetically, I punched myself so many times that I managed to land on the boat and knock Link out of it.
00:33:39
Speaker
Just that mental image of falling from the sky and knocking a mute child into the water, which seems to be a running theme in this episode. But yeah, where would I go in Wind Waker then if I had to get back to dry land and to try and get my bearings as it were?
00:33:54
Speaker
I mean, there's several little islands kind of dotted around, like you might encounter your main, I can never remember. I've spent a while since I played Wind Wicker. I can never remember the name of the island you start on, which is quite idyllic, really. It's a lovely little kind of like paradise island. But yeah, so that that would be a nice little sort of stop off there. But
00:34:13
Speaker
You could also find yourself on some horrendous plant island, which just has these giant Venus flytraps, which are trying to eat you at every opportunity. That's delightful. Yeah. Or you could find yourself at this volcano island, which just has a giant angry dragon at the top of it that's got its tail stuck, which, I mean, whoever heard that one before. So what you're saying is tourism is not booming in a lot of these islands?
00:34:36
Speaker
No, there's no sandals resorts in the Wind Waker universe. There should be. I think there's a market for it. I mean, you can certainly rake in the rupees if you had like the right kind of island resort, but essentially the world has been flooded. I don't quite know if these islands were like all the top of mountains.
00:34:52
Speaker
at various points, and that's how they still exist. But yes, there are these different things. And there's also like a metal fort, which is like Ganondorf's secret compound, which isn't very secret. I guess it's not a secret compound. Yeah, it's Ganondorf's compound, which just has like floodlights just like everywhere. And if you get spotted, then you immediately get like thrown into a jail cell. It's like the easiest to escape jail cell in the world though. Oh yeah. Yeah, totally. I totally didn't get caught in that level. Terrible weather we're having.
00:35:20
Speaker
Yeah, it does stick out like a sore thumb. I can just imagine you sort of in jail with your ocarina, you know, like a harmonica, just like playing it. Yeah, licking my harmonica, licking my ocarina. The jailers have been like, what's wrong with him? So like, see if I can't believe I'm littered in this sentence. See if I lick my ocarina hard enough. Does that mean I travel back in time to a point where this wasn't a prison and then I could escape? If you have a magical ocarina,
00:35:47
Speaker
Yes. Stay with me. If you have a magical ocarina, then you could potentially travel back in time with different songs and different games have different variations of it. Like in Majora's Mask, you can travel back three days or you could accelerate time so that three days passes sooner. In Ocarina of Time,
00:36:07
Speaker
I can't remember. You can't travel in time with your Ocarina. It can take you to the temple of time where you can then place a sword or pull out a sword and that will trigger a time travel sequence from what I remember. So, I mean, it's kind of lying in the name of that game really, isn't it? Because the Ocarina itself doesn't travel you through time.
00:36:28
Speaker
Yes, if I'm wrong, I'll be very mad at myself, but I'm pretty sure the ocarina doesn't actually cause time to change. You can... No, no, why is it called the ocarina of time then? Well, I mean, you can change it from day to night, I guess. So I guess that is time travel in a way. I can do that by sleeping.
00:36:46
Speaker
just close my eyes and wake up and be like, oh, it's night time, my time travel. I'm going to look that up just as we are. Sorry, please continue. I'm going to look that up because what's the point of the Ocarina then? Well, I mean, it can like do some pretty nifty things. I mean, it can make it rain. It can make it stop raining. It can open secret.
00:37:07
Speaker
doors in Majora's Mask, you can ease the dead sorrows and transport yourself. No, you've put on the mask to do that. I was going to say you can turn into creatures, but you have to put on a mask to do that. Remove objects, which are very specifically put there by the Royal Family. This is the worst magical item I think I've ever heard. So I'm looking it up now, and yeah, you're right. Everyone's saying, oh, it's when you lift the Master Sword and place it back. It causes, like, consciousness to time travel.
00:37:37
Speaker
Yes. So the ocarina does bugger all except change the weather and buggers up someone's like feng shui in their room. Yeah I mean your average joe would not find much use in the ocarina unless you need access through to like Zora's domain through a waterfall. I mean we all do at some point.
00:37:56
Speaker
the song parts that for you to allow you to like jump through the waterfall and like opens up a door in like the Goron city. It allows you to teleport under certain circumstances but otherwise no, your average Joe probably would never have any use for the Ocarina of Time, like it just doesn't really make sense for them. I'm just imagining like the Zelda version of Christmas where like a young child gets the Ocarina from Ocarina time and he's just like
00:38:22
Speaker
Oh man, another rockerina. It just throws it, there's just a whole bunch of them. I actually didn't know that. Thank you for enlightening me on that. If you take nothing else from this episode, then that's it. The game is a lie. So is this like the cane from Citizen Kane? I wouldn't know.
00:38:45
Speaker
Wait a minute, that Ocarina doesn't go through time at all. To be honest, do you think Ocarina's, and this is going off topic slightly, but do you think Ocarina sales went up after Ocarina of Time? Oh, just because they were like, oh, the hero of Time used one, like, get one now. And like, Ocarina salesmen was just like raking it in. My God, I want to know the life of that guy.
00:39:07
Speaker
the guy with the trench coat being like, they can't go on to buy an ocarina. It turns off the weather. It's like, no, I'm good. You'll never need a watch again.
00:39:18
Speaker
I can just imagine how this transaction would go where the person goes up and wants to buy the ocarina. He's like, oh, what's so special? It's like, oh, it makes you travel through time. So when you play it, it turns from day to night. So of course it's daytime. The guy plays it and he's like, huh, it's still daytime. So the salesman just grabs it and just smacks it over his head, knocks him unconscious till he wakes up at nighttime. And he's like, wow, it really works. Just throws a blanket over his head and it's dark now. He's like, wow, the future is amazing.
00:39:49
Speaker
Okay, so don't buy an ocarina in this universe. Yeah, waste of money. So we've really avoided the, I was going to say the elephant, but it's more like a giant pig in the room. That of course being Ganondorf, the big bad, basically the big cheese of this universe, that is the final boss. Is there any
Impact of Ganondorf's Reign
00:40:08
Speaker
way of avoiding him? Or is his calamities and his shenanigans always going to catch up with you if you're the average Joe?
00:40:16
Speaker
Well, I mean, in Ocarina of Time, everyone kind of turned into a zombie. So for the people of Hyrule there, they're kind of screwed. Other people can kind of stay away from his issue. I mean, in Breath of the Wild, Hyrule Castle has been destroyed. Any residents who were once there are no longer there.
00:40:31
Speaker
there's a bunch of like surrounding towns where people just kind of seem to be going about their lives. They don't seem super concerned by the giant malice that has been encompassing the world for 100 years. So it's one of those things it's like living living through just like dystopia where you just can't you don't really know anything different. So I guess like people have kind of just used to like, oh, I guess the flying demon bats are back. Close your windows tonight, guys. Could they even have windows?
00:40:56
Speaker
I don't know. Yeah, because they live in like castle-y places, do they not? Well, not all of them. Oh, okay. Sorry. That was very stereotyping, high-rulians. It is. I was pretty upset there, to be honest. I think there will be a public apology coming, folks. Don't you worry. Yes. I'll have to do the big sigh and go,
00:41:16
Speaker
I didn't want to make this episode, but I'm going to have to apologise to all the Hylians out there that would have hated it. I don't want to have to make this episode. It sounds like the most insincere bullshit. But that's in the old start, isn't it? Fuckers. I don't want to have to do this, but I've had to. You fuckers. I had to get out of my bed, play my Ocarina so it was more... Turn off the rain. Oh, no, sorry. Put on the rain so it was more atmospheric.
00:41:42
Speaker
Oh, by the way, I'm also sorry to the Royal Family because when I played a wrong note in the ocarina, your furniture may have disappeared. So I apologise if you were sleeping on that bed because you're not sleeping on it anymore. Anyway, so that's in the next public apology video. The regal apology video. But it would seem like an utter nightmare. The only place I can think of off the top of my head is, is it Outset Island in Wind Waker? Yes, yes, that is what it's called.
00:42:10
Speaker
Yeah, that seems to be, other than, you know, the obvious ridge over the horizon, that seems a relatively comfy place. Even though the world's been drowned, don't get me wrong, that's a bit of a bummer. It's not a very creative name, is it? Because it's like the outset of your journey, I guess? I was going to say it's like Pallet Town, but no. Even Pallet Town's more creative than, yeah, Outside Island. That's like Starter Village, or Here We Go Land. Tutorial Town? Have a play game with that.
00:42:39
Speaker
What can I say? I'm a sucker for an alliteration. That's one of my corrupt-o-nights, I must say. Yeah, I can only assume in Japanese it sounds a lot better. Yeah, it does seem like that, doesn't it? We're like, haha, outside of the island. It's like, you know one of those memes where it's like, ah yes, in the Japanese version it's, you know, a very reverent name. Very poetic. Yeah, it's poetic, it encapsulates the culture, the society, the idea of growing from a boy to a man and all of this.
00:43:07
Speaker
in the English stuff. It's like, we're outside Ireland. I don't know that for a fact that is better than the Japanese one, but yeah, it's just a funny thing to think of. They're just like, yeah. Can you imagine if it was just an intern call without that? They were just like, hey Jim, we need a name for this. Just call it outside Ireland. It's like, are you sure? No one's going to care. It's all okay. We need to think of a name. Something like Outside Island, but not so corny. Happy Outside Island.
00:43:33
Speaker
I mean, that place seems comfy. From what I know of it, in Skyward Sword, there's quite a comfy island. Well, I say island. I mean, like a rock in the sky. Yeah, oh god, I'm so bad at remembering the names of the places. You call yourself a fan. You can't hear it right now, but I am tutting to the maximum. Skyloft. It's lofty in the sky. I thought it was like an attic, like a loft. Yeah, it's where Hyrule puts Christmas decorations.
00:44:03
Speaker
Well considering the reception Skyward Sword got, I can see why. Yeah, unlike Christmas decorations the reception was not glowing. It was not Holly Jolie or Verifest if I will say that. I started playing that again actually because I got given the game as a Christmas present, the remake of the Switch and yeah, it's not
00:44:22
Speaker
terrible. It doesn't meet the high standards that other Zelda games have set, especially the likes of like I adored Twilight Princess and obviously Breath of the Wild was fantastic, the game that followed Skyward Sword. So Skyward Sword is a bit like obviously of the stepchild of the franchise where it just is not as interesting and it's very repetitive as well. You're having to go to the same places over and over again and the hub world of Skyloft isn't very interesting.
00:44:48
Speaker
So it's certainly not as fun, Skyward Sword, but I'm sure if you were actually living in Skyloft and you got your sick bird pal that you could fly around on, that'd be pretty fun. And how does one acquire a sick bird pal? Do you just go up to them and be like, yo, what's up? In Avatar, the James Cameron movie, you have to bond with them and wrestle them. Look, for the last time, Andrew, I'm not growing a ponytail and whipping a bird with it. No, it's not going to happen.
00:45:14
Speaker
up. I can only assume it's something like that, but no, it seems to be one of those things where you think you like grow up with the bird and you kind of just have like some alignment with the bird. So what you're saying is like, I can't jump on it mid-year and then the bird panics because I'm too heavy for it, but it's like a fly or die scenario for the bird.
00:45:33
Speaker
Yeah, I don't know what the bird would do in that situation. I mean, if you're jumping on its back, it might as well be like, well, I guess this is me now, I'm just dead. Well, I should have seen this coming. This is the one thing we didn't want to have. Kind of as like a summary, because we've talked about the economy as it were. We've talked about the highlands not having windows. We've talked about basically having to live with the idea, even as a tourist,
00:45:56
Speaker
that Ganon is gonna wreck shit. That's just an inevitability at this point. So, where would you say the quote-unquote safest place would be in the Zelda universe? The safest place is probably Skyloft. I don't think there's anything bad that really happens up there. At one point it does fall from the sky, but stay with me.
00:46:19
Speaker
Oh, just falls from the sky. Well, not all of it does. Only the temple bit of it falls from the sky down to Earth. The rest of it I think stays up there. The whole idea is like there's like a cloud layer and like everyone up there believes there's nothing below the clouds. It's just evidence and you just die if you go down there. And so the clouds at the end of the game, spoilers, the clouds part and like the people fly down on their bird pals to experience this new world that they've kind of rediscovered.
00:46:45
Speaker
So I think generally that's the safest place to be. I mean, there's certainly areas of Breath of the Wild, which seem pretty relaxing, pretty fun. There's nothing really bad that happens in like Kakariko Village in Breath of the Wild, at least in Ocarina time, it gets pretty screwed up. And in Twilight Princess, it gets overrun and becomes like a Western Bandito town kind of
Relaxing Areas in Zelda
00:47:07
Speaker
thing. But in Breath of the Wild, I would say either Kakariko Village or maybe like
00:47:12
Speaker
There's like a beach area, whose name I can never remember, where it's essentially just very tropical. And I feel like that's probably a pretty sick place to be living in because they essentially are always eating fish and just chilling by the beach. So I think that's probably the best place. So what you're saying is, well, as an average jewel slash adventurer slash traveller slash boxer of chickens,
00:47:35
Speaker
will never be able to do anything exciting like meet the royal family or anything like that. They're either trapped in some sort of gemstone or put in some kind of sleep or like possessed by the demon kings. There's never really anything going well for the royal family in the game. Well I mean considering you keep playing your ocarina and removing the furniture.
00:47:57
Speaker
Yeah, they don't stay royal for long. It's very viva la revolution in the Zelda game. I mean, you've got the traveller who turns out to be the king. You've got Bubble Grandpa, which still kills me to this day. That, of course, was when you and I were playing through Wind Waker for the first time. And you find out that, is it the boat? Is the king?
00:48:17
Speaker
Yeah, the boat you've been riding on is the Royal Family, so I mean there's always the chance that you'll hop on board the next ferry and turns out you're actually riding royalty. Am I going to hop on like the Zelda bus or the Zelda spirit train and then all of a sudden I'm like, oh yeah, it was like a cousin of the Royal Family or something. I've not played that game but that would be very funny if it turned out that the train itself was just Uncle Daryl. It's like the Anastasia of that one. I escaped being killed but I got turned into a train and it's like, how?
00:48:45
Speaker
On a scale of one to how, please tell me how this happened. So I've basically got Pixar, TR, Royal Families. Is that what you're saying? What, in that the parents always die? Well, no, I was making a comparison to cars or planes. Oh, right. We need to bring down the mood, Andrew. Jeez.
00:49:04
Speaker
Yeah, you've got some Transformers-esque royal family. Oh my god, royals in disguise. Yeah, King Optimus Prime. I mean, I would play that game. I would play that. Lord Bumblebee. Well, can you imagine going to Hyrule and you're going through the castle, you sneak through the guards, and it is literally just a Transformer waiting for you, you know, instead of Princess Zelda. Still wearing the Zelda dress. No, 100%. They haven't had your tailor-maker.
00:49:30
Speaker
That's on. I didn't even know there was that much material in Hyrule. There isn't. We had to invade several other countries just to get the material. Roll out. Roll out, exactly. Got the Gorons all sort of rolling away. Either that or she's got a chicken dress. Don't pretend you wouldn't want to see that. Come on.
00:49:48
Speaker
Oh dear. Is he on a scale of one to absolutely batch it and saying how likely is it that the average Joe is going to quote a very famous character to meet with a terrible fate? Pretty likely that your average Joe in his other world will just meet with a terrible fate, but I mean
00:50:07
Speaker
I mean, it is video game logic, and it is a children's game, ultimately. So like, often even those you encounter in like Breath of the Wild out in the street, like if they got knocked out, they're just kind of like dizzy on the ground, like they don't actually die. So I mean, it doesn't seem like anyone quote unquote meets the terrible fate. I mean, because when Link gets hurt too much, and then like, quote unquote dies, it could be interpreted that he actually just passes out and then you're back up
00:50:29
Speaker
like, hey, I'm at it again. So maybe that's what happens to everyone else. Maybe everyone else just like passes out and gets back up and just like, ugh, this happens so often. This is so frustrating. But here I am dealing with this weird goblin demon world, trying to make my life as a door to door pottery salesman a reality. I just want to say that on a t-shirt. I can't stand this weird goblin world. Just with a triforce underneath it with a sad face.
00:50:55
Speaker
yeah but then again it's like you never with it and again this is a huge problem with all games but you never really think slash care about the NPCs if that makes sense. If you know like Dies obviously he has to come back, he's the hero of time and everything but if like Average Joe the Pottery Salesman gets hypothetically gets bludgeoned to death by a sea of chickens you know? It's like is it the chickens that are propertying in his dead body being like I'm okay
00:51:25
Speaker
Well, no chicken can seemingly die. So there would be a huge issue with chicken populations going rampant and no one would have chicken nuggets just ever. I mean, that's just a sad, sad world, really. So I mean, that's probably the darkest aspect that we've discussed today. So in summary, no chicken nuggets. No chicken nuggets. I don't want to live in this hell world goblin and face the tailscape. This chicken nugget-less goblin world. As opposed to a world like Pokémon where it's heavily implied you eat
00:51:54
Speaker
on these animals. Yeah, no, no, no. I'm sure it's fine. There's not
Cooking in Breath of the Wild
00:51:59
Speaker
a lot of vegetarians in the Pokémon world, which I get. Kind of one last point, but is there not like a cooking mechanic in Breath of the Wild? Yeah, I was actually just about to bring that up because, I mean, you can, there are other birds you can shoot down and eat. So there's variations of different poultry you can have, but just cuckoos. Cuckoos are off the menu. Looks like cuckoos are back on the menu, boys.
00:52:21
Speaker
Yeah, so no, they're not. They're very much not. You're not allowed to eat cuckoos, but almost everything else is game. Other than maybe horses and cows. No, that's not true. You can kill a bull and eat a bull, so I guess that counts. But yeah, you can hunt goats as you encountered when you got attacked by a goat that one time. Oh yeah, of course. I keep forgetting about that goat. Every time I bring up Zelda, I'm like, what a child friendly game with no inconveniences. You get headbutted by a goat and you're like, oh yeah. Can you actually kill the goat?
00:52:51
Speaker
Yeah, you can take its meat, cook it. Here's the very morbid question. What if you were hungry and you ended up upon one ranch, hypothetically? Well, you seemingly can't attack any of the horses or cows there. And God help you if you try to attack the chickens. But there is plenty of milk for you to enjoy. Lon Lon milk, which seems to have some sort of alcoholic property because in Majora's Mask,
00:53:18
Speaker
there is a scene where two sisters are like hugging each other and grieving and you find out that like one of the sisters little sister is going to be allowed to drink this like special Lon Lon milk today and it kind of is inferred that it'll have some sort of numbing property so that when the moon eventually like crashes into the earth and like kills them that she won't be scared and won't feel anything. And so
00:53:39
Speaker
There seems to be some sort of interesting property to the London Milk, at least in the Majora's Mask universe, which is Termina, not Hyrule. Imagine putting that in the advertising. Are you afraid of that? Drink the London Milk. You'll forget all about it. I mean, they used to call it Opium Milk of the Poppy, I think, didn't they? Yeah, but you don't get milk of the poppy from a couch, are we? You do if it's a cow called Poppy. I knew that was coming. Oh, yeah. OK, you got me there.
00:54:07
Speaker
Yeah, it seems like quite a brutal world. Is there any way to survive, or do I just have to keep playing Malachorina to at most get people wet? You know, like that live in La Vida loca song, which is just play it. Yeah, just constantly. Yeah, I think you're kind of just like sitting there just praying that some magical elf boy will stop his like 13th quest to find the missing acorn, and instead try and defeat the King of Evil.
00:54:33
Speaker
Because can you imagine the awkwardness of having to go to his village, the one in Ocarina of Time, you know, you march there and it's like Will Ferrell and Elph. It's like the tall guy and the rest are just the really short elves. It's like, okay, where's Link? Come on, enough of this nonsense. Get out of your bed. Instead of Navi waking you up gently, it's just like this face pressed against the window. Just like, Link, do you believe in fairies?
00:54:56
Speaker
Well, you might encounter Tingle in each incarnation of the Zelda world who's convinced that he is a fairy himself, and that's terrifying enough. So is Tingle part of that village? No. Tingle is a Hylian who desperately wants to be a fairy and is convinced that he is a fairy, and so acts in that way and dresses in that way in the belief that that is how fairies or children of the fairy village or whatever it is act.
00:55:25
Speaker
It's essentially a very confused gentleman. My question really is, A, where does he live, and B, how can I throw as many chickens in there as possible to get rid of him? I don't really have an answer for the latter, unfortunately. The former, it depends from game to game. In Wind Waker, I think you might recall, he has a watchtower that he and his siblings, I think, all work at, and he deciphers maps, and you get into debt with Tingle,
00:55:51
Speaker
to buy these various maps to map out this water world. It's a pretty frightening thought to be in debt to what is essentially a fairy loan shark. Is that not where the memes come from, though? The tingle's going to break your kneecaps. I don't think it's a meme. I think it's just something we came up with.
Tingle's Debt Collection
00:56:11
Speaker
Oh, that has to be the quote of the episode. It's not a meme. It's real life. He's crippling dead. Tom Nook has nothing on Tingle. You'd pray for Tom Nook. Gonna make Tom Nook look like Professor Oak.
00:56:24
Speaker
Oh my god, that's horrifying. So does he have any powers? Or like, has he just got a slight hammer? His powers is leveraging you against your debt. Basically what you're saying is, everything you've said before about worrying about the moon falling on you, getting drunk off of milk, the spiders, Ganon, everything, the world ending, I don't have to care about that. I just have to care about locking my doors before Tingle comes and kicks him down.
00:56:50
Speaker
Yeah, he's essentially the Krampus of the world. My own head kind of... Is he the Krampus of the Beto Juice? Like, see if he sees his name three times in the mirror. Oh, I'm not going to. No, no, please don't, because I don't want to read on the news Canadian man bit to death by man who calls himself a fave. But his own arm. Exactly. Oh Jesus, it would as well. I bet he was the first person to get like the skeleton bow called one arm and just be like, ha ha, he can use this as a weapon. And if it was like, Jesus Christ, what is wrong with you?
00:57:19
Speaker
There's different skeletal versions as well, because there's the skeleton version of the bokoblin, and there's the skeleton version of the moblin, which is essentially just like lanky bokoblins. And then there's also a skeletal version of the lizalfos, which is essentially like lizard monsters. And the fun thing with those is if you take the arm of a lizalfo, it's like bent in a weird angle, and so it's essentially a boomerang. So you can like throw it and it'll come back to you. Do you know what, I completely forgot all about those lizard people. I don't know, you would have even gotten far enough to play against them.
00:57:45
Speaker
I didn't, but I remember you were playing Ocarina of Time and you got to them. You did what I couldn't, so thank you. I just remember they were really hard to defeat because, you know, they kept jumping back and forward. Is that the right ones? I'm thinking though. Yeah, well, I mean, they do exist in Ocarina of Time. They're not very common, they found there. Same in Twilight Princess, they're not super common. But in Breath of the Wild, they are very common.
00:58:10
Speaker
They are very fast, which makes them quite tricky to fight against. And they're very good in the water. And so they can swim super fast. And they launch themselves out of the water. And they can fire water blasts at you, which will hurt you, essentially just spit water at you. So yeah, they're a pain in the ass, essentially.
00:58:26
Speaker
So what you're saying is they like to larp as Pokemon at times. Yes, they are essentially Pokemon. There's different versions of them because you can get ice ones and you can get fire ones which will breathe fire on you. So there's weird different variations. And some of them use camouflage. So you can be walking down the street and then jump out and be like, surprise, bitch. So what you're saying is it's like Pokemon meets a New York street gang, essentially, with elemental powers.
00:58:49
Speaker
They're always just clicking their fingers as they approach you. You walked into the wrong neighbourhood. It's like, oh no, please. Is Mr Tingle closely behind? Is it Mr Tingle or is it just Tingle? I think it's just Tingle. Is this like a, please, Mr Tingle was my father. Call me Tingle as he goes to break your kneecaps. Oh Jesus. Is there anything else before we wrap up? Is there anything else that I should know about this world before packing my bags as quickly as possible and getting the hell out of here?
00:59:17
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, there may be areas of games that I've not played that would make a suitable livable environment for your average folk, but I don't think that there's much cause to want to live in the world of Zelda.
00:59:32
Speaker
be very cool to visit. I think it would be very, very fun to sort of be in that world. And I want to be in that world, but like, I don't think there's much cause to live there. I think I'd much rather live in the Pokemon world than the Zelda world. Oh, we've got a whole episode on why you shouldn't do that. Oh, okay. Then I don't know where I'll start from then. I mean, you could do, but you're going to have to beat up a lot of children and fight a lot of gods, fight a lot of aliens. When is the negatives coming in? God damn it, Andrew.
01:00:03
Speaker
So yeah, let's pack our bags. Yeah, because the only thing I can think of that we haven't mentioned is, I can't remember if it is Book Cobblings or it's like a variation of them and if it's not Book Cobblings, so it's something else in the, I think it's the Famicom version of the very first Zelda game where you had to like shout into the mic on the controller. But obviously they don't have a microphone in the NES.
01:00:30
Speaker
controller, so they kept it in the manual saying that these types of monsters hated loud noises and that was the reason why. I'm just thinking, can you imagine waking up every morning and seeing them outside and just having to yell to get them to bugger off? That happens in the wild. There's certain animals that you just need to shout at because they otherwise will intrude on your property, especially over here in Canada. There's a few you'll have to do that to. Just looking at how you want to go, I'm on the night shift.
01:00:58
Speaker
off. And they're just like, oh, sorry, I don't mean to. It's like, oh, Octorok is like, wow, what an asshole. What was that did dongle before we finished? I had brief flashbacks to say all the CDI there. And I just remembered.
01:01:13
Speaker
isn't Dodongo, should I be concerned? A Dodongo's like a big lizard that like shoots out fire out of its mouth and has like a weak spot at like its tail or sometimes the weak spot is bomb related. In Ocarina time in the Goron temple you fight against King Dodongo who's just a giant version of that and you defeat him by throwing a bomb into his mouth when he's about to fire some like fire breath.
01:01:37
Speaker
So yeah, a Dodongo is a big lizard that shoots fire and has a tail weak spot or its weak spot is bombs, which like, I mean, I think that's most things weak spots. Well, I mean, not to put a dampen around it, but I feel as if a bomb is a pretty effective means of defeating any video game bots or just in general. Yeah, so I'll add that to the list then. So what you're saying is the real weakness was the friends we played along the way and the Dodongos we bombed along the way.
01:02:05
Speaker
Bombs, on the other hand, actually are not that hard to acquire. In Twilight Princess, there's a specific bomb store where a guy specialises in bombs. I don't know how many people are buying bombs that it's a thriving business that he has, but maybe that is what the majority of people use on a day-to-day basis to defend themselves. ALICE So what you're telling me is that you can't defend yourselves with a shield, with anything, a sword, an axe, nothing. They don't sell it, but they're like, oh yeah, bombs, here you go.
01:02:35
Speaker
you think this is an appropriate place just to end the episode? Because I feel as if this is a world we do not want to live in. Before
Living in Zelda's Universe
01:02:42
Speaker
we finish up, do you think that people should live in the Legend of Zelda world? No. Good talk, thank you. No, I totally agree. Obviously in the last episode that we did, I made the argument of not living in the Pokemon world, and obviously that's because of superpowered monsters, criminal organisations, that kind of thing. But it really doesn't seem as if Zelda's any better.
01:03:06
Speaker
One of the other issues, I mean, it's a fantasy world that has not really advanced plumbing or medicine in place yet. The continue screen comes up because Link drank the wrong from the wrong river.
01:03:23
Speaker
Yeah, it's like Oregon Trail, like Legend of Zelda co-op. So the co-op we've all been waiting for where Link gets this. It's really dark under. Can you imagine healthcare and this universe? Well, I mean, the healthcare I can only assume is potion-based or, you know, like a fairy in a bottle you can get. So like, that seems to heal you no matter what. So I guess universal healthcare involves trapping fairies.
01:03:47
Speaker
But that's the thing though, do you have to get a healthcare plan where it's like, oh, do you have enough hearts to extend your life? No? Oh well then, there's nothing we can do. Just go to this cave and go get them yourself. Well why don't you get them and it's like, sir, the only thing they say about this village is bombs. I don't know.
01:04:04
Speaker
I want to run across this dusty-ass field. It's filled with zombie skeletons. The insurance premium is just ridiculous. Exactly. And you know who runs it? Tingle. True. He's got his fingers in a lot of pies. They call him the Wall Street Baker. Yeah, because he just collects. That's all they'll say. He collects rupees, he collects kneecaps, you know. He's a very varied individual, is what I'm saying. So basically, the economy shambles. Healthcare. Shh.
01:04:32
Speaker
actually defending herself. Shambles, the whole Ganondorf in power shambles and yeah the royal family not doing anything because they're trapped in bubbles or they're decided to cosplay as boats. It would have been more funny if the boat opened up and the king was inside.
01:04:48
Speaker
boat the entire time. Can you imagine that reveal where it was like, Link, I've been under the floor for the entire time. Yeah, he isn't the boat himself, he's just like in a compartment of the boat and he's just been really stinky and staying in the cocks.
01:05:03
Speaker
Link left me out. Okay, boat, we're going on an adventure. No, you don't understand. I've been getting up. It's the thought of the boat listing, you know, to one side. He's a chunky kind. That's all I'm saying. He would definitely, you know, it would be like your speedboats, I'm aware, when you drive one of them and it's like the top kind of lifts up because the engine's on the back. It's a bit like that but with the boat.
01:05:28
Speaker
I can still hear the king to this day. I'm still under the boat. I can still hear. Never buy a boat in Zelda. That's basically the final moral of the story. I might transform and just walk out on you. Just like my last boat.
01:05:45
Speaker
And on that very depressing note, Andrew, thank you so much for joining me in this episode and giving yours the older expertise. That was very insightful. Thank you for having me. It was good fun. I enjoyed this discussion and kind of realisation of, yeah, I probably do not want to live in the Zelda world. That's how I felt with Pokémon. The more and more I talked about it, the more I thought, Jesus, this is horrific. I would still live there. Oh, yeah. No, no, definitely. You would live there until you saw the Beedrillz. And then again, going back to Wicker Man, you'd be like, oh, not the Beedrillz. They're in my eyes. But yeah.
01:06:15
Speaker
Thank you all so, so much for listening to this episode. If you would like to live in this Elder World or the universe as a whole, yeah, feel free to drop us a message and let us know what your thoughts are because, yeah, personally, as you heard, we are probably not the biggest fans of this world, but yeah.
01:06:32
Speaker
let us know. If you are interested in seeing Satsunami's reaction to more Legend of Zelda content, we do have a Let's Play channel that we've not added to in a long time, but there's content there from several episodes of our Breath of the Wild playthrough. That's true. If you go over to the Satsunami 42 YouTube channel, then yeah, you can check me basically getting hit by goats, getting bodied by the
01:06:56
Speaker
ancient sculptures and things falling off of roofs. Yeah, it's a great time. It's family friendly is what I'd say. Yeah, no swearing, no anger issues, just me getting my ass kicked a thousand and ten percent. And for legal reasons that was a joke. No, I'd agree with that. Definitely go check that out. Andrew, before we finish up, where can these lovely listeners at home find some of your content?
01:07:20
Speaker
Well, I have been streaming occasionally, more recently, on my Twitch channel, Green Shield 95. You can also find me on Twitter, that same Twitter handle. And where can the fine folks find your content, Satsanami? Well, I'm glad you asked, Green Shield 95. So you can find more of our episodes on portpage.com forward slash Satsanami. If you want to check out more of our content on gaming, films, anime, Andrew and I, of course, run a fan
01:07:47
Speaker
fantastic sub-series called Chatsunami. We will dive into the weird and wonderful world of anime. So if that sounds like your cup of tea, please feel free to check that. The weave and wonderful. I wish I had said that now, thank you. So yeah, if you're into that then definitely go check it out. You can also find us on Spotify, iTunes and really any good podcast app. Just look for the name Chatsunami.
01:08:10
Speaker
and we'll see you there. But until then, thank you all so, so much for listening. Stay safe, stay awesome, stay hydrated, and most importantly… It's dangerous to go alone and take this. Well, I was going to say that and please, for the love of God, stop playing your rocket reader. It is raining so heavily outside. That's just Scotland. I say stay hydrated, but I don't mean that hydrated. Jesus!