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Episode Twenty-One: Prioritizing Your Dream Life
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Transcript
Struggling with Recurring Segments
00:00:08
Speaker
I miss you. Um, so we talked about having some sort of like recurring segment for the podcast and we haven't quite, quite, quite figured that out yet. Cause we're both not up to speed on current topics and pop culture.
Cloning and Self-Love
00:00:23
Speaker
So instead what we talked about is I have this deck of cards that have questions on them, but actually I, there's something else that I wanted to ask you. I was, I had a voice note with my girlfriend, Kayla, shout out Kayla girl. I love you. Hey, Kayla. She she had an idea. She she she just said like...
00:00:42
Speaker
that she wished she could give herself a hug. And I was listening to her voice note. And so I was just like, Oh yeah, that, you know, that does sound nice. But then she took it a step further and said, like, if I could clone myself and have myself give me a hug and that really did something for me that really, I don't know, it made me like reflect a lot.
Perception and Self-Identity
00:01:03
Speaker
And I wanted to hear from you, like, what would that feel like for you to have a clone of you just walk up and give you a hug? I don't even know. What would that feel like? You know how some people are like, would you recognize yourself if you walked up to yourself? I have no idea. That would be so freaky. You know why that would be freaky? Because
00:01:31
Speaker
now as I continue to like be more honest with it myself, I'm like, I also know a lot of the things about myself that I don't love, that I'm kind of like, oh, you are a little spicy. So, which begs the question, which is like, if I met myself in real life, now I think I would really still love her and we would click, especially being that I'm a Taurus. but I don't know, I think that'd be really interesting because you know a thought that I feel is kind of connected, but it crossed my mind two days ago. I was just realizing, you know how we
00:02:05
Speaker
we will never see ourselves the way other, like I mean, in the literal sense. And so I was looking at people around me and I'm like, even the most objectively beautiful person in the room, like you could be looking at a girl and be like, you are so stunning and beautiful. And like sometimes that's tinged with feelings of envy because we're human and you're like, she's just so beautiful. But then I process it, I'm like, But she doesn't know anything about that because she's never seen herself
Self-Reflection and External Views
00:02:33
Speaker
that way. Yeah, she can look in a mirror, but that's not the same thing as seeing her the way I am being able to witness her. And so I think that would be so unique and special if I came across myself in this world and I would just give her a hug and be like, I love you and I'm proud of you. And do the thing. Do the thing. Face all the things that you don't love about yourself.
00:02:55
Speaker
embrace the things that you do love about yourself. Say it with your chest more often than not. But yeah, I thought about that. It really clicked in me where I'm like, oh my God, all these people that we put on a pedestal, especially in terms of beauty, they have no idea, like genuinely. I mean, maybe someone's a narcissist or pretty vain. But they'll never know how beautiful they are the way we think they're beautiful. like i think that's I can confidently say that, and that people won't truly understand what it's like to look at them from outside. you know i
00:03:27
Speaker
I've thought about this before where I'm like, what a shame that I don't think in this lifetime I will understand. I will feel like the level of love that yeah ER r has for me. Like I won't be able to just like yeah go inside, like feel what he feels for me. And I honestly more so I'm like, what a goal. Like I would love to love me the way that he does. First of all, I do think that I love myself very well. like And I think that speaks volumes of how I felt when I considered having a clone of me hug myself, which is yeah I was so excited. I was like, I would be so excited to see her. And I would be I think I would just start crying. And I just be like, this unknowing because like, I don't have to tell her anything. She already knows literally everything that I've been through. And I would want to just like hold her support her, but I would also want her to do the same thing for me.
00:04:21
Speaker
I would be so pumped to see me. like i would I would be very, very emotional. and i i then was talk and I sent my friend, I sent Kayla a voice note back where I said, that already exists within me. like i Let's see if I can try to put this into words. But basically, if I were to see myself, there'd be a part of me that's like, oh, finally, like finally, someone can hold me. Finally, finally, somebody can like understand me fully, love me unconditionally, because like, you know, everything that I know. And I was like, yeah that literally can happen
Book Discussions: 'Untamed' and More
00:04:55
Speaker
right now. That's what's happening right now, whether, whether there was a clone of me, or whether it's just like, she's within me.
00:05:01
Speaker
they're They're both me like whether it's a clone or whether it's within me I was like so that happened that can all happen right now And I don't know the way that that put things into perspective was really Kind of groundbreaking for me, and I also just loved that that was my reaction I was like I would be so excited to see her and I would really want to hang out with her like truly and I think that some people will be able to see themselves as in the beautiful ways that other people do. Because I think that that is like a level of love, of unconditional love that some people are able to obtain. And honestly, with like the books that I've been reading lately, that's something that I've been really interested in is like, how do you get to this oneness? Like, people don't see themselves separate from other people, they don't see themselves separate from
00:05:53
Speaker
earth. They don't see themselves separate from little things like plants and animals. like They feel this oneness with it all. and And from that comes this unconditional love. And I think people who've been able to experience that or get to like that level of love do see themselves in this really loving way. And so ah the that's been kind of like the journey and in the books that I'm wanting to start diving into is love and softness and unconditional. And I haven't found any yet. So the search continues, but I'm thinking because I feel, have you read, I mean, this is probably not exactly what you're looking for, but have you read, is it called Untamed flight by Glennon Doyle? It was like this really popular purple book.
00:06:39
Speaker
I'm gonna look into it before I make this recommendation. I mean, it's, it's a great book. It's, it's a very beautiful exploration of her like, basically the thing is she like leaves her marriage to a man after some time. This is a very, very broad, broad description of what's happening, but she leaves her marriage and then She falls in love with this woman she meets at some sort of like writer's panel or something. Cause she's already an author at that point, but it's like a very beautiful exploration of falling in love with like this new version of yourself. I think it's like, it was a very impactful book, especially during the pandemic. I think that's when it was at its peak. A lot of women have enjoyed this book. So I will send you a note later. Yeah, please do. Cause yeah, I like, usually it comes to me usually with the podcasts I listen to or the books that I read.
00:07:25
Speaker
something comes. And actually one book that I just read that I very, very much did not enjoy was one that a lot of people do tend to like, which was The Four Agreements. Have you heard of The Four Agreements? I have heard of it. by I really, I did not like it at all. and And here's the thing. I'm not trying to, I also don't like this saying like yuck other people's yums. I don't, I don't like, I don't like that thing, but that's, that's what I'm getting at is like, if people read this book and they find solace in it or understanding or find themselves in it a little bit or something like that.
00:08:00
Speaker
i I think that's great and that's beautiful. But for me reading the book, I just was like, I really don't like this. I found it to be very much from the perspective of someone speaking down to you. Like if you do this, you need to do this and you have to do this. And I was like, i this doesn't one of the things that it talked about was like, if It literally said it as as an example, if I tell you that your skin color is one that most ah most people of that skin color get cancer, I've now planted a seed in you and you will have cancer within the year.
00:08:32
Speaker
And like, and then it just went on to its next point and I was like, wait, like what? And I was like, first of all, couldn't we have done that in like a positive light, like a positive seed, but also just felt like a lot of just like fear mongering kind of, and a lot of the things that it spoke about, I found it to not give enough context. to, like it said, if you speak impeccably, um there's the four agreements, whatever I went through the four agreements. And then it said, if you do these things, or if you live by these four agreements, you won't be living in hell, you will absolutely have a beautiful life. And I was like, sorry, that I just don't, I think it takes more than that. And like, i it just, I did not enjoy it. So it's one that I don't recommend.
Seeking Fresh Perspectives in Self-Help
00:09:13
Speaker
But
00:09:14
Speaker
That's my thing. is like i i did see ah As I read it, I could see how it would be a book that some people would enjoy. And what I felt was I've just read so many books on either self-help or leadership or bringing awareness, living a more aligned life. like I've read a lot of books about that. And so this one just felt like it just couldn't even compare to half the books I've read. So anyway, you've learned some of that stuff already. That's what my friend and I were talking about too, is like with the self help world right now, like in terms of podcasts and books, I think inevitably too, it's just like the way it is. But a lot of things just get
00:09:49
Speaker
regurgitated, which is okay because you do need to hear things in different contexts and examples yeah several times in order for it to really absorb. But at the same time, there's sometimes you hit kind of a ceiling and you need to take a pause and find different content. So I hope you find that book that you're looking for. ah Yeah, same. That kind of opens a new door. Thank you. i Yeah, I do too, because I was like, okay, I think I'm good with like the psychology, the self-development, the leadership. I think I'm good there. And I think I'd like to lean more into like femininity. So I even looked at books that were like people who have chosen not to have children or people who are considering having children, like from a woman specifically. And I haven't been able to find books on that either. So I've just been, I'm waiting. i'm I'm realizing that like,
00:10:35
Speaker
I bought two books in this interim time because I'm like, no, I have to keep reading. I have to keep up with this habit. And I'm realizing that this one might just need some space and time. So I'm like, all right, I'll give it space and time.
Dream Life vs. Traditional Success
00:10:46
Speaker
It'll come to me. I truly believe that the next book that will serve me the best is going to pop right up. You will. So on our stories for Where's Our Intern, we did a poll and it was ah Choosing between these three topics which was prioritizing your dream life challenging ingrained beliefs and healing our inner child And that was the order in which so first people chose prioritizing your dream life. So that's what we'll be talking about today and I
00:11:15
Speaker
I find this to be really interesting because I don't I find the topic to be interesting because I don't think that it's something that society really sets us up for or really advocates for or or prioritizes like I think it's more about you know, like going to school and being a good student and then graduating, ah going to college, getting a degree, ah getting a good career, it's like it prioritizes a specific specific outcome or it prioritizes like a specific way of life kind of and
00:11:54
Speaker
It doesn't, it doesn't feel like it prioritizes me getting to know me, even, even these books that I've been reading. I'm like, how is this not required reading when we're younger? How is learning about ourselves not required? Because for me, a lot of my suffering that I've experienced in my life would be either diminished or a lot more like i'd be thinking I think I'd be able to have a lot more self-soothing if I knew more about myself. and i think it's To me, it feels a bit like a shame that it's taken ah me being 35. All this time, I've been like, why am I the way that I am when it comes to XYZ? Then I just have to find certain books.
00:12:38
Speaker
and you know, listen to certain podcasts or whatever it is to learn these things. I'm like, man, I really wish this was prioritized. So yeah, I think even if like asking people like, what's your dream life? Most people I think will talk about like, oh, their five year plan or, or their goals for business or gal jobs. Mm hmm. And so the first thing that I wanted to start off with was what does prioritizing your dream life mean and how is it different than goal setting? Because they're two different things. And I i think that sometimes they can kind of be intertwined and goal setting can be short term, simplified, strategically mapped out versus
Living the Dream Life
00:13:23
Speaker
utilizing things like visualization and manifestation.
00:13:26
Speaker
And it's more accomplished based than fulfillment based. And because of that, I like, I do just want to ask you Cass, like what, first of all, do you feel like you prioritize your dream life or do you feel like you know what your dream life is? That's a really good question. Well, it's really interesting because I just quickly wanted to go back. Like what the first thing I was processing was where you were talking about how like society kind of processes us to go to school, get a job, start a family. But I also think that's a very Western society practice. You know what I mean? Where it's like, really good point we're just kind of we're just kind of conditioned to be built as
00:14:09
Speaker
new cogs in the machine like how can we contribute continue to contribute to this capitalist society and whatnot. And so it's been really interesting for me because I do feel like I prioritize my dream life but in the way that I know it's like a state of being. I don't look at it as I think it's really good to have goals, but I've never been a girl with a five-year plan in terms of year one, I'm gonna do this, year two, I'm gonna do this. And sometimes I've felt a level of shame around that because I'm like, oh, am I just not, is it not okay to not be that organized? But at the same time, when I look back the past five years, I'm very proud of the things I've
Cultural Perspectives on Identity
00:14:53
Speaker
achieved. And I can say that I'm in a place in my life that I wanted to be five years ago. Like I wanted to be,
00:15:01
Speaker
this level of financially stable. I've wanted to have this level of time freedom and I wanted to have the ability to like travel, spend time with my family, spend time with my dogs. So like those are all core tenants of what my dream life looks like to me. And so again, I'm also very fortunate that I i just the nature of my job has allowed it to be this way, but I Yeah, I do think I prioritize living my dream life and I do so and I try to do it on the daily. Like I try not to be
00:15:36
Speaker
I try for me, not in the way that I'm not like looking at the future at all. I know I like to joke that I have commitment issues, but I mean more so in the sense that for me, I'm not just focused on, I'll be happy in five years when I'm like reaching this. I'm like, I know that's not true. Like happiness is also a choice in a way that it's like a discipline that you have to work at and you choose to be happy in different ways and you choose to find happiness in your daily life. And that's what that looks like for me. So. Yeah, I wouldn't say I'm a five-year plan girly, but I would say I feel connected to what I want my dream life to be and seeing it play out. Yeah, and I it yes you even if it didn't thank you for the share and i and i see that from you too. like i I do think that you prioritize your dream life, and I think that's such a good call-out about how it can be Western specifically because
00:16:33
Speaker
i There's a show on Apple TV that I friggin love. It's called The Reluctant Traveler with Eugene Levy. Love him. like I know, love him. hey my yeah He really is this reluctant traveler. like he doesn't He doesn't really like to travel. He doesn't like to be out of his comfort zone. And so it's just kind of funny, you know like of course, just imagining Eugene Levy doing these things, but he recently season two is about him being in Europe. And just within the second or third episode, because he goes to different countries for each one, I said that to we are I said, I'm noticing how much being a human is prioritized here. It is like the pace of living.
00:17:15
Speaker
it It feels like, or the pace of life feels so slow, like in a very beautiful way. Like it feels kind of like methodical and like harmonious and very much living in the moment. And also it feels like these. ah like these countries that he's been to really prioritize bringing play and life into their everyday versus, okay, how much did I accomplish? How much did I get done? What tasks did I complete? They're like, did I connect with the person next to me? they I don't even think they have to have these internal thoughts. they're It's just like a way their way of life.
00:17:54
Speaker
And I just, I was saying to ER like, man, I thought is that's, what would it have been like to have been raised in that? I think I would have just, I don't know, had less anxiety or less depression or less, less like overthinking and and all these internal thoughts. Like, I don't know there. And of course, like I can say that cause I, not the whole grass is greener on the other side, but I just, I do just think like, I won't know what that was like, but I can't, it to me, it seems like I would have gelled, I would have like really done well in Europe. Oh, I agree. Honestly, even my last like the last five weeks of traveling, and I mean, they hadn't been my first time in Europe, but it it is something that I noticed like last year I went to Spain with my parents and, and you just like a concrete example I can think of is in Europe, the people that I meet and, you know, people of all different whatever,
00:18:50
Speaker
nobody asks you what you do for work. Like that's not the first thing that people ask you where I realize in America, say for example, it's like the preliminary question to getting to know somebody or to trying to figure out their place in life. And I think it's the same thing. Like then it's a question we ask ourselves, right? So I think that's a source of a lot of anxiety for people where they're like, what am I doing with my life? Like if I don't have a concrete or safe answer to give someone like, where am I in my career? How long have I been working at this place? Like then you get anxiety and you feel like you don't know yourself. And so I have noticed that on my travels where it's just not so centered, like your career does not define your job or your happiness. Like it's just, your job is your job.
Defining and Pursuing Your Dream Life
00:19:36
Speaker
And I see that with a lot of my European friends. Yeah. That that was something when I was doing a lot of, like just when I was living in San Francisco and San Diego and I was meeting a lot of new people.
00:19:47
Speaker
I made it a point not to ask that question. And when people would ask me, I would i would share, i'd you know I'd answer, but then I'd say, but also that's the least interesting thing about me. um Here are some things that I'm doing for hobbies or here are some things that bring me a lot of joy. What are some things that bring you joy? And honestly, what I got a lot of the times is people were like, oh um Wow. That's a really good question. Um, I don't know. And then you could almost see this level of like shame or discomfort because we didn't have an answer for that. Like, Oh, wait, wait, wait. You didn't ask the the normal networking questions. Like, yeah and I, I never, that was never the point. You know, I never wanted to yeah like make someone feel uncomfortable by asking what brings them joy.
00:20:31
Speaker
like gotcha yeah yeah like and like way to i got yeah exactly like gotcha that was it was more of you know i i just want to know more about you as an individual i also don't want people to feel any type of sh like i i hope they don't it doesn't come across as me shaming them for not having because It's not your fault. You are part of a capitalist society. I am part of a capitalist society. I it's it's not your fault. So I hope it doesn't come across um shameful, but if anything we just wanted to give you permission that like that's not the only defining thing of your life Yeah, and also like hi i'm right there with you. I did not prioritize my my dream line Like when you talk about how you do I was like i'm actively having to work to to learn to do that and I would say that
00:21:23
Speaker
I didn't start prioritizing my dream life until maybe like two months ago. I've i've definitely manifested certain things or I have yeah made vision boards or whatever. But for me, prioritizing a dream life is it is unlearning a lot of things or it's it's more so not necessarily unlearning a lot of things. It's putting habits into place because it's not, I don't think of my dream life every single day. And so I have to now and when I go on my walks and
00:21:56
Speaker
I do really listen to that um like bonus episode that we created for you know just like a daily walk and an alignment. I do really listen to that because it helps me think of like, okay, it just helps me think greater than my to-do list. And when it comes to my dream life, I do want to have this level of specificity without boxing myself in. Like I want to be really clear about what it is that I want while also holding space for what needs to be. And I really did. I didn't think ah I didn't understand the difference between a dream life and what my goals are. So I would, I would have goals of like, all right, I want to own my own house or I want to.
00:22:44
Speaker
have a place that we can go for the summers or I want to be in a relationship with a person that's loving, or you know, whatever it might be. And then I was like, I need to get really specific about like, how do I feel when I wake up? What are the things that bring me joy? What are some of the things that I've accomplished? Like getting really specific and granular about What my dream life is and actually one thing that I unearthed that I was like wow I didn't know that about me is that there's a part of me that would really like to be either like a public speaker or be featured on podcasts or Like be invited to podcasts or be invited to speak on panels ah like for like women's summits or
00:23:26
Speaker
or leadership summits and have somewhat of an influential social media presence where it's bringing joy and inspiration and motivation to people that like come across my page. All these things, I was like, I did not know that those are things that I would like to do. and And some of them felt like a little, like I was like, I don't want to be an influencer, which I don't want to be an influencer. Regardless, people, I think a lot of people have influence, which therefore could technically, you could call people influencers. But yeah, I just was like, I was really surprised by that. and that
00:24:02
Speaker
happened because I took time to write out my, my dream life in the next, like thinking about myself in my forties. And what, what did that look like? And then, you know, like taking it even a step further, it's like, okay, then what does it look like in my fifties and my sixties? Like, you know, at what point does it differentiate from a five year plan, basically? Yeah. and And a lot of it for me was the feelings. I started to integrate like how I would, how I wanted to feel in my, in my dream life. And then also, like I said, taking the time to dedicate writing it out so that I could be like, Oh my gosh, I did not know that was important to me.
00:24:39
Speaker
So yeah, I just, if any, if anybody is like, Oh man, I don't prioritize my dream life. Like same. I'm. Yeah. it's really hard yeah yeah i know Also just ah hello have a little grace and love for us as human beings, where a lot of different things happen to us on a daily basis. And I think that's why I enjoy our conversation so much because sometimes saying something like prioritizing your dream life might come off as vague to somebody, or it might come off as like. That's like so easy. Like you just think about your dreams and you're like, no, have you ever had a day where you just don't even have that extra brain space? And you, but there's excuses for it, right? The thing that Danny is also pointing out is like, you make time for it. And then you explore that and you uncover these other things that you didn't know you actually wanted. Yeah. And having that like reminder, cause I can also get down on myself where I'm like, Oh my gosh, I haven't even thought about my dream life in like three years.
00:25:32
Speaker
like um you know like yeah I have a note here though of what prioritizing your dream life is not, and it is not limiting capacities or capabilities. So i like even when I was writing certain things out, I was like, you know, how much would I make? And I think I put something around 150.
00:25:54
Speaker
150k a year or something. And then I thought, is that really, is that, is that what you think you can achieve or is that the ultimate amount that you would like to make? And so then I was like, I don't know. I'd like to make more. That's what everyone says in the manifesting books. They're like, when you, when you ask that question, you're like, were you doing the one that you're like, Oh, I think I can do it. Exactly. Or is that what you actually want? So not limiting your capabilities. It's not a five-year plan and it's not vague, which I think we've kind of discussed of like the specificity, but also, you know, remaining open to what life has to offer because I definitely
00:26:31
Speaker
want life to intervene when it's like, that's so great. I love that you want that. Wonderful. That's not exactly going to serve you. So I'm going to add a little pizzazz, a little spice over here. And you know, so I'm like, yes, life totally helped me. Like you definitely know better than I do, but yeah, like not limiting capabilities or capacities is a big one about prioritizing your dream life. I'm curious, Danny, what what it felt like. I know you said the steps that you took towards like, you said you weren't prioritizing your dream life, but how did that feel? What did that look like? So anyone listening to me like, oh, have have I not been prioritizing my dream life? Have I not been doing quote unquote enough? What did that look like for you? Not prioritizing it.
00:27:18
Speaker
um I don't know if I fully understand your question. like like How was I living my life before I started prioritizing my dream life? Yeah. yeah Well, it was very much like I could get in i could get caught in the every day-to-day minutia of things. like I could very much get caught in my routine. and then all of a sudden i mean This happened to me a couple years ago and that's when I was in a very big state of depression and I didn't even realize it. I was like in a very active state of depression, which was very different than an immobilizing state of depression.
00:27:51
Speaker
And what was causing that is I just wasn't pausing each day to think what would bring me joy today? What? What makes me happy overall? What is something that helps me feel fulfilled? I those things just weren't happening. I was just like basically on autopilot and letting life happen to me. I wasn't really taking the reins and and be and like taking time to sit with myself and dig deep and reflect and journal and Then analyze the journalings and be like, oh that that seems to be a point that keeps coming up in my journalings Like I guess that's really important to me. I just was yeah very much like in a state of autopilot Hello, what happens was sometimes you just get caught up in life and then you make the shift and then you make the shift Yeah, and I mean
00:28:35
Speaker
Or like you you do or you don't because that's the other thing too is I think there's also been times in my life where maybe I heard really good advice but I wasn't in a place to hear it, or maybe I was given really good advice, but I wasn't in a place to hear it, you know, and then it I think it just clicks when it clicks, but i do think that Just like exposing myself to certain podcasts, masterclasses, books, whatever is really important because I do see what sticks out and what and what I'm like, oh, that that was, I really enjoyed hearing that. I want to learn more about this thing because those are things that just like help me get closer to who I am and knowing who I am helps me live a more aligned life as a whole, but then also helps me prioritize whatever my dream life might be.
Manifestation and Intention Setting
00:29:22
Speaker
moving into like, well, how can you prioritize your dream life then? And for me, manifestation journaling is a really big one. That's been something that has, like I've mentioned, I think a couple times on this podcast, it's helped me unearth things that, and challenge notions that I thought about myself where I was like, Oh my God, I didn't know that was important to you. And it's like, well, how would I have never really sat down to think about these things. And also when other people are saying things to you, like, you're really good at leadership or you're really good at setting boundaries or youre whatever it is, like yeah or or um things that people might say we're not good at. I think, at least for me, I can start to, whether I'm wanting to or not, start to believe those things and then start to adopt those things or prioritize those things. And so with the manifestation journaling, I was like, oh, this is so cool because this is me talking to me. there's no
00:30:15
Speaker
There's no BS. There's no trying to put on this persona or anything like this is just real honest conversation with myself so manifestation journaling and then making the dream life visible like as as visible as you possibly can whether that's like with a whiteboard or post-it notes or actually one of the recommendations I've seen before is once you Like you you write out your manifestation or you write out your dream life and then you can tweak it along the way and adjust a couple of things. And then once it gets to this point where you're like, okay, that really is what it is, then framing that, which I, that's one of the things that I really want to do. I haven't gotten there yet because I'm still tweaking a couple of things, yeah but framing that is something that I'd really like to do. Cause then I can see it on a daily basis and be like, oh yeah, that's important to you. Are you prioritizing that? The repetition is important.
00:31:02
Speaker
Mm-hmm. It really is. And then talking about your dream life with your partner and learn about their dream life, if that's applicable, but you know, like even ER and I, we did this manifestation journaling together because we're both reading the karma of success and he knows that it's really important to me, but what's been really beautiful is that it's been authentically important to him as well. Oh, yeah. Manifestation, visualization, getting closer to like our most aligned selves or living in an aligned way. So he and I both read r our dream lives to each other. And something that really surprised me is is that we both got emotional discussing it.
00:31:42
Speaker
And I think at least for me, I won't speak for him, but at least for me, it was the first time that I realized the possibility of it, yeah that that that it's achievable, that it's attainable. That felt really emotional for me. where Yeah. So talking about it with your your partner. Cause the other thing too is I want yeah ER to be a part of this dream life. And I, and I also want to make sure like, does this feel good to you? Like these are things that I really want to do, but is that, is that something you're interested in? And I think there was a part of me that was afraid to do the exercise with him because I was like, well, what if we have very different dream lives? And what was so cool is just how.
00:32:23
Speaker
aligned our dream lives really actually are. We're such different people. He and I were such different people. So to have an aligned dream life with him, I was like, oh, hell yeah. Okay. Very cool. That's so beautiful. yeah yeah I think to add to that quickly before I forget is even if if speaking about it to your partner is not applicable to you, just speaking about it in general is something I've also found to be important because I can be really in my head about my dreams and goals and manifestations. But I realize that's kind of a limiting behavior, because inside, firstly, me I'm like, sometimes you're afraid to say the things that you want, because to me, it feels really vulnerable. And then I know some people like me, I've, ah I've felt this in the past, I'm like, Oh, what if I say this, like huge, lofty dream of mine, and then I don't do it, and then there's like shame, and then so you don't share it with people. But I think it's so important to just put it out there externally. You know what I mean? Because that's a limiting behavior because then you're signaling to the universe or whoever you believe in that like you don't entirely trust in your goals. And so if it's not applicable to talk about with a partner, talk about with your friends, talk about with somebody near you, find someone to share your dreams with. I think that's very important.
00:33:36
Speaker
h oo and or when you were talking about sharing it with someone else, initially what I was thinking was, oh, well you could also do a voice note and listen to that voice note. And then I was like, that's different though. But that's also a good tip though. i think I think it is good. I think it's a good idea and I think it's a separate one from your point because I do think it really holds a lot of power to share it with another individual. But I think I, see again, we just love each other, but I do think there's power in just saying things out loud. It's so different from just writing things. Like it just takes, so those are the steps for you guys. You write it and then if it feels good, vocalize it. If you don't feel comfortable with sharing with people and then next level, share it with somebody else. Yeah. Yes. And that's actually, so in the book, the five pattern, five personality patterns, man,
00:34:29
Speaker
freaking love that. Um, but in it, it talked about how my pattern does this thing where I need to speak words out loud in order to feel if it's true or not. And what blew my mind about that is I was like, Oh, everybody doesn't do that. I need to say things, things that I might be afraid of, things that I might want to achieve, things that I might be thinking. And then I'll be able to feel if it was true or not, because also I can i can Sometimes I can believe the things I think. I work very hard on not doing that. But for better or for worse, I try yeah not to believe all the things that I think. So for me, if it starts to get overwhelming in my head,
00:35:07
Speaker
I'll speak things out loud just to myself and I'll be like, oh, I felt something. That was true. That what I just said there was true. And even when I like going through, if I'm feeling anxious or having a panic attack or whatever and I say like, okay, relationships, money, career, I'll go and say all these things out loud and the thing that makes me feel like just like a little bit tighter in the chest. I know we've talked about this on a previous episode, but just following up on that example, that's That's why I do that because I'm able to hear things that are true or not. And also I'm able to hear and identify when people are being true with their words, something I also thought everybody experienced. And I had this conversation with ER r because
00:35:54
Speaker
I told him about this when I was learning more about my pattern and I said this is exactly why when you say things sometimes it really pisses me off because I know that you're not being true and what I'm now realizing is you don't even know that you're not being true. And and here's an example because I feel like all of this is like really hard to kind of like kind of kind of but Like, what do you mean? I like, okay, so when we were in North Carolina, I forget exactly what the situation was. But I did something for him. And he didn't say thank you. And he like the next I think I brought it up.
00:36:29
Speaker
Like that, like he didn't say thank you. And what he would have done in the past usually is said, well, I was going to say thank you. And I waited. I waited a full day because I was like, I know that you're, if I were to just bring this up in an hour, you would be like, well, I was going to say thank you. You just didn't didn't give me a chance. And I was like, nope. So I waited a whole day. NER stopped and he was like, I absolutely want to tell you right now that I would have said thank you, but I wouldn't have said thank you. And I was like, I know.
00:37:01
Speaker
and like That's why I waited a whole day. That's what I got you. That's a gotcha moment. That was like my way of showing him, like I know when there's truth to your words and when there isn't, like I can just feel it in my body. And he just had this like, whoa, like this just this moment of, yeah, that is totally what I was gonna do. I was gonna say like, I was gonna say thank you, but that's not true. I wasn't going to and I'm like, I know. So it's not even like he's trying to lie to me or anything. It's just like, yeah, himself just think just that's like his response. Anyway, that's a whole tangent. I did that book is one that I would love, love to do. Honestly, like a whole, like,
00:37:42
Speaker
15 episodes on it. And, um, okay. So we talked about the ways that you can, uh, we did end with ah talking about your dream life with a friend, relative partner, whatever yourself.
Closing Thoughts and Gratitude
00:37:54
Speaker
And then the other thing is having weekly check-ins with yourself. And if your partner or if you're, if a friend, if you're doing this with somebody, do it with them as well. So those are ways that you can prioritize or like help put that into practice. And then this is the takeaway. Prioritizing your dream life can take time. We're not really brought up to prioritize this. So it can take some repetition, diligence, and practice. That's okay. It takes the time that it takes. Small progress is better than no progress. Your dream life isn't interested in perfection. It's interested in clarity and determination. That was my little written out takeaway. Beautiful.
00:38:32
Speaker
be you to fault. Like no, no, no notes. No notes. No notes. That wouldn't be just repeating the beauty that that is, except for the fact that Just take your time. I know I say this a lot on the podcast, but I think it's also because it's been a source of anxiety maybe for me in the past or something I've seen people I love, the anxiety of not knowing what your dream life is. like just We talk about how it's a process of prioritizing your dream life, but some people might be like, I don't even know what my dream life is. like I can't even think about it. i'm like
00:39:08
Speaker
Don't be too rough on yourself. Don't rush the things. like Just also remember that the life you're living right now is life. like it's It's happening to you right now. It's not something that's gonna that one day you're going to magically wake up and be like, no, I i can wait to be happy. I hope you find ways to prioritize that in the daily, and I hope you find ways to take time with figure out figuring out what that means to you. and Wow. Great. Great point of view there, Cass. Like way to be bring such inclusivity to that too, because yeah, the other thing is for me, when I started the journaling, I just thought, okay, how do I want to feel? Like what how do I want to, what do I want my day to look like? Like I wake up tomorrow, what's my perfect day? And that really helps me start to realize like, oh, that's important to me. Or that's something that brings me joy.
00:39:55
Speaker
So I think that's also a really good starting point of if you were just tomorrow or just describe your perfect day. Sometimes people do that for their birthdays or like what's your perfect birthday. And yeah, ah usually it's a very simple thing for me. like yeah I have a lot of time in the day. There's relaxation built into it. I'm around like people I love. So yeah, I think it can just like start out really simple and very kind of like broad and generalized, and then it can get into a much more specific and detailed yeah vision. Well, I love you. I love you. Thank you so much for listening. If you enjoyed this episode of Where's Our Intern, please leave us a review on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. You can join the conversation by following us on Instagram and TikTok at Where's Our Intern Pod. And last but not least, if you really, really enjoyed this episode, share it with a friend. It would absolutely make our day. Till next time.