Not What You Thought: Real Faith, Unexpected Journeys - Rev. Titiana's Story

Transcript

Krystal Thomas: Hi, everyone. Welcome to this week's episode of Not What You Thought, Real Faith and Unexpected Journeys. I'm here with the one, the only, the Reverend, Titiana!

Krystal Thomas: We're so glad you're here!

Rev. Titiana Stovall: I'm so happy to be here. it's such a blessing.

Krystal Thomas: my goodness. I just... Titiana is just an amazing woman of God. Her journey, her testimony just speaks for itself. I just like she's going to share a little fraction of it um But if anyone wanted to connect with you or hear about some of the things that you're doing, ah how can they reach you?

Rev. Titiana Stovall: ah My Instagram is at Forever Silhouette and the number four ever and then silhouette. And then I'm on LinkedIn. I'm on Facebook.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: I go to Modesto Christian Center. You can find me there. Yes, that's where you can find me.

Krystal Thomas: Hey, the pigeon is crazy.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And you you said you can try and send the pigeon. i don't know if it's going to come, but I'm all the way in California.

Krystal Thomas: Okay.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: i and We got them. We got them. i think they talk to each other.

Krystal Thomas: So, my gosh, y'all just get ready. Like we've, aren't like, it was so funny.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: and

Krystal Thomas: We we literally were talking right before starting this podcast recording. Almost that could have been its own podcast. How long we were talking, hanging out. So we're just inviting you into the chat. So

Rev. Titiana Stovall: come in

Krystal Thomas: Let's have some fun. um

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Come on.

Krystal Thomas: So with this series, we're really diving into, you know, having a real conversation about following Jesus, the real journey, like what faith looks like as it's developed over time. And so for those who don't know you, do you mind just sharing a little bit about yourself?

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Of course. So I am from California. I am grew up in a family full of church folk, ah generations of church folk. And, you know, it was one of those things where my first memory is church.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: It's not, you know, a party or something. It's church. um And I love how God has just shown himself in my life over these last almost 33 years.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Can you believe it? don't know.

Krystal Thomas: Wow. Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Anyways, so...

Krystal Thomas: No, I'm sorry. When I was doing the math in my head of like, wait, how old am I? sorry ah We're at that age now, but we're starting like, I don't know about for you, but I feel like I'll start to see kids.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Yeah.

Krystal Thomas: And I'm like, I remember when you were born and now you're five.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Yes, oh my gosh.

Krystal Thomas: I've gotten older.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: You're taller than me.

Krystal Thomas: but your heart

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And I'm looking at you like, are you so grown? Like, what happened? but out

Krystal Thomas: was there.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Anyways, so yes, someone asked me my age the other day and I almost said 20 something. I said, wait, what's your life?

Krystal Thomas: ah but your heart was there

Rev. Titiana Stovall: I'm 30. my My heart was in it. yeah My face was definitely.

Krystal Thomas: Oh, stop it. I'm not agreeing with that.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: It's just definitely in the twenties.

Krystal Thomas: That's good.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Okay.

Krystal Thomas: Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Anyways, but um yeah, I grew up to love God and to trust God. But at the same time, um i had to learn who God was for myself because God through the lens of my family was a different version of who he was. And I felt like I was boxing God in instead of letting him be free and ever flowing.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And so, um, That led me to like that meeting him for myself led me to going out on my own journey and finding myself ordained where that was a part of the original plan. Originally he was like, I just need you to go I need you do this thing. And I'm thinking all I'm doing is a conference, ma'am.

Krystal Thomas: ah

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Now myself.

Krystal Thomas: Oh, you thought.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Right. And then like it just, it popped up. if I'm just sitting here like, sir, how am I supposed to do this? i Where am i supposed to go? Because you know I grew up in a church where you know women don't sit in the pulpit.

Krystal Thomas: Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: you know Women are not, you know I grew Kojic.

Krystal Thomas: Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: So you know we're we're not we're not the forefront.

Krystal Thomas: Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: um And so for me, it was just, it was obtuse. And it was just like, this is not my this is not my birthright. This is not my anointing. And granted, there were prophecies. that was broken over me that said, this is your birthright, but I didn't see it coming this way.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And so finally, you know, in it to present time, you know, God's just like, I get to decide what your birthright is. And that's the part that I love most about God.

Krystal Thomas: Amen. Girl, look, oh we can just end the podcast there.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Well, I am seen.

Krystal Thomas: But

Krystal Thomas: e But it's like, it's so crazy when you think like, i literally was like, thinking like, if I could go back like five years, I would never in a million years, imagine that I would be here, right?

Krystal Thomas: And it's like, we have no like, but at the same time, those who ah have

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Oh

Krystal Thomas: known me like since growing up. like I remembered, um because ah so my mom is Baptist, my dad is Catholic, and we would like go to both both services. But there was someone in the Catholic Church that told my father when I was like a kid that I was called into ministry. Now, you know my dad, like within Catholicism, my dad was like, oh no, she's going to be a nun. i was like okay well okay

Rev. Titiana Stovall: No.

Krystal Thomas: vi Bit extreme, bit extreme, right? um and And for those who choose to be nuns, that's an amazing profession.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Amen.

Krystal Thomas: Sorry, I just, let's clarify.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Bless you. that is That is your calling.

Krystal Thomas: But when, like, my father's like, ah he's thinking about, like, having grandkids and everything. There was just like a... That was just so out of the blue. But to have someone speak that over me at such a young age and then to see where I am now, it's like, oh, wow.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Yeah.

Krystal Thomas: So you you knew I was going to be here. I didn't.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: I had no idea.

Krystal Thomas: had no

Rev. Titiana Stovall: just i just and disorder

Krystal Thomas: Yeah. Yeah. And we're here. Oh, man. So, Titiana, you shared so many like nuggets in um what you, you know, just telling us a little bit about yourself. Also, you know, the reverend.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: The Rev, come on.

Krystal Thomas: Yes, the Rev. I love it.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Yes, yes.

Krystal Thomas: I love it. um And I love like how you were talking about you had to discover who God was for yourself, like have your own relationship with the Lord.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Yeah. now Yeah, it's...

Krystal Thomas: And I was just wondering, could you tell us just a little bit more of what that process was like and how, you know, your journey of faith in that?

Rev. Titiana Stovall: It was shocking and it was scary because it meant for me that I had to walk alone and where I wanted, I always wanted to have like a connection, like a a community.

Krystal Thomas: Hmm. Hmm.

Krystal Thomas: Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And it meant that I had to be by myself because I was going on a different path than everybody else.

Krystal Thomas: Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And so that meant that the thing that I was looking for the most, I could not really enjoy because I knew I wasn't in the right spot. And so that's when I had to really decide like, what's my trust really in? Is it in me or is it in God?

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And that was probably one of the hardest questions.

Krystal Thomas: Girl, I don't know why you just kept talking. Like, you didn't just...

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Like I didn't just say that. Yeah, no.

Krystal Thomas: I'm like, wait.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: No.

Krystal Thomas: Okay, just let's run it back.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Who do I love more? Do I love me or do I love God?

Krystal Thomas: Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And that was the hardest question to answer because i had to look back at my life and think, is my life showing evidence of loving God?

Krystal Thomas: Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And if so, where? And then I had to like really consider like, there there's some there's some really great seasons and pieces, but then there's some really, I don't think I should close that book.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Let's not it repent of that real quick and get that erased out the one.

Krystal Thomas: It's like, we'll just skip this bit. Yes.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Because like, really, like I, it's true.

Krystal Thomas: But it's true.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And I was making decisions that conflicted with my, um with my decision to proclaim Christ as my savior.

Krystal Thomas: Hmm.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And I had to decide for myself, like, what am I going to do? Am I going to do it the way that everyone else has done it and seem to get by? Or am I going to do trust God to honor my obedience and actually do it the right way and see where it goes?

Krystal Thomas: Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And I'll be honest, I got tired. I got tired of sinning. I got tired of living similar to like the double life.

Krystal Thomas: Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: I got tired of You know, being the church girl who knew what to say, knew what to do um who could be the image and could look right. You know, I knew how to put it on.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: i knew how to stand up. I knew how to sit up straight and, you know, not cry during worship.

Krystal Thomas: yeah

Rev. Titiana Stovall: I knew. But my heart was just like, I'm tired, boss.

Krystal Thomas: Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And i could not i couldn't see myself doing that forever. And so when it was my turn and I was in my shower and I had already been praying about it, but I didn't get my answer yet. And so I figured, you know, I'm already in ministry, I'm serving, um I'm showing up, I'm doing the things.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: I mean, people are complaining, but you know people always complain and you, you know, you learn that when you're in ministry heavy, like the most randomest people feel like they got a tell on you because like you didn't look at them.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: So now I look at them. know

Krystal Thomas: Do you look at him like that?

Rev. Titiana Stovall: No.

Krystal Thomas: For those

Rev. Titiana Stovall: No. That's how my spirit is.

Krystal Thomas: who are watching, it looks like, so then now I look at them.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: my inside, behind my eyes eyes, like, but like on on the face, it's like, hi, how are you?

Krystal Thomas: Oh, my girl. Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: yeah We know how to add you know We was trained. but But I was in the middle of serving. And you know I was finally doing the thing that I thought I wanted to do.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: you know i was doing music ministry. i you know I love to sing. I love to worship. And I thought, like okay, this is it. Because this equaled a dream that I had. And it's like, I'm living out this dream.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: like This is it.

Krystal Thomas: Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And then God was like, I got more. and I don't know if you've ever heard God tell you, like, I have more for you.

Krystal Thomas: yeah

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And that is one of the hardest spaces because two things I recognize. One was that, you know, there was an excitement of like, oh, good, something better is coming. But then on the other side, I recognize like, oh, snaps, it's about to get hard.

Krystal Thomas: Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Because now, like, anytime that God gives you better, there's a preparation, there's a refinement, there's a purification, a sanctification. And all those are different processes, mind you, okay?

Krystal Thomas: Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And that are very necessary and very painful because it's ripping you from what you know and training you in a whole new thing.

Krystal Thomas: That are necessary. Yeah. Yeah.

Krystal Thomas: Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And even though I'm not change resistant, there's moments where it's like, i already know what to do. And God's like, but I want you to do it this way. And it's like,

Rev. Titiana Stovall: I can get there the same way if I just go my way. Right? And then we, I...

Krystal Thomas: yeah no but that's look that's so real the sound effect I'm making I hope you are hearing it is not from one of judgment but it's like that's kind of like I literally feel like we had a very similar conversation earlier today know

Rev. Titiana Stovall: in my window?

Rev. Titiana Stovall: You were watching me. um

Krystal Thomas: Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: and But that's what it feels like. It's like, it's this moment where you're really at like a precipice. Like, I feel like I was at like a dead end and it's like, you can go this way or that way. And, you know, each road had its own burden and its own trial. But I also had to take into consideration, like this one on this side has God in it.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: This one has me in it. And I know my strength fails me, you know, especially when i I feel like it's going well and then somehow I just drop really hard.

Krystal Thomas: yeah

Rev. Titiana Stovall: So, like, let me go and see what this is about. We won't walk slow, but we won't go.

Krystal Thomas: yeah we might look back a little bit but you know we're still moving in yes

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And I love, you know, why you know, to the front now, y'all, you know, we might, you know, juggle it, you know, crisscross, you know. Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: bless I'm telling you, it's gonna be real.

Krystal Thomas: Okay. ah But for real, like sometimes I'm like, I took like steps forward and then I turned around and then like, now we're going back.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Like...

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Right.

Krystal Thomas: Yeah. Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Like, I walked forward and I was like, to the back. hey

Krystal Thomas: Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: God's like, come forward. I'm not ready for that. No. And in granted, like what was really awesome about it, being out of it, um because this started way back in 2023.

Krystal Thomas: yeah

Rev. Titiana Stovall: So this transition is now you know finally on its end. But what I've learned about myself is that even in my space where I wasn't ready, God was like, you are though.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And he did things to show me how ready I truly was and to show me like, this is really what I created you to do.

Krystal Thomas: yeah

Rev. Titiana Stovall: This is really who I say you are. And I know what they told you, but let me go ahead and reveal who they are to you.

Krystal Thomas: yeah

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And it was just, it was overwhelming. um to be in that level of favor. And I call it favor because um you really have to be loved by God to be chosen for such a time as that, such a time as this, to be able to be catapulted into what he has for you.

Krystal Thomas: Mm-hmm.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And it's it sounds beautiful now, but it was ghetto. It was ghetto. I had to go to therapy, y'all. It was ghetto.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: yes

Krystal Thomas: Because like, so, okay.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: if

Krystal Thomas: Yeah. Cause I think that's just like, I laugh because I feel like a lot of people probably like, oh yeah, i remember in the past four, you're in it right now.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: It's

Krystal Thomas: Right. The last thing it feels like is like, oh, it's so beautiful. Like, but it's very, like, it's,

Krystal Thomas: it's like, it's real. Right. And

Rev. Titiana Stovall: it's from real

Krystal Thomas: It often, especially when God is like the refining the refinement, the purification, like all of that is taking that's taking place. It exposes what's actually going on within you.

Krystal Thomas: And some of those things like, man, I really had to come face to face with pride.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Oh my god. Yes.

Krystal Thomas: control, like all all these things that I hadn't like made idols or things that I wanted for myself.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Mmhmm.

Krystal Thomas: um And so like, yeah, i I thank you for like naming and being very honest about that. And I do think what you're sharing also ties very closely with what you were saying of like experiencing the love on top of it too.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Yes.

Krystal Thomas: And we were talking offline about this too, of like understanding what love actually is right in this entire process.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Oh.

Krystal Thomas: Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: the entirety because we're so used to seeing love and like Hollywood shows us love from just like the romantic side and I know it has a Greek name I'm not gonna say the Greek name right now because I'm not sure if I'm gonna say the right one but there it is okay that's one i was gonna go with but I was like it's not right you know sometimes I get Greek in myself

Krystal Thomas: now

Krystal Thomas: yeah arrows that's crazy that i was like whispering it like sorry

Rev. Titiana Stovall: But yes, like it shows us that Eros love where it's like, you know, you you have a conflict, you find each other, um you love each other, and it's very affectionate type of love. But the love that God gives you, there is a level of affection.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: But then there's also chastisement.

Krystal Thomas: Hmm.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: There's also exposure. There's also like discipline. And chastisement and discipline, like,

Rev. Titiana Stovall: He will chase you to get you back, but then you also got to sit in what you started and what you did. And for me, one of the things, one of the biggest things that he revealed to me was like, dude, do you got bitterness in your heart.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And I'm like, first of all, like you didn't have to say that out loud. Like, I, I, I,

Krystal Thomas: Is like the way that you even delivered that, I was like, ooh. Because you're like out here like worshiping and I'd be like, you got bitterness in your heart.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: I he like You got bitterness. like first like i Look at me. I'm up at three in the morning trying to worship you and I could be asleep right now. Since you want to be petty, let me just go.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: I'm

Krystal Thomas: I won't go to bed.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: done. Okay. We're done.

Krystal Thomas: Ooh. It's like we need those moments too, right?

Rev. Titiana Stovall: You

Krystal Thomas: Because it's such a gift, but it'd be... Like, the Lord knows his children.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: just hear me try it.

Krystal Thomas: That's all I'm going to say.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: He knows. And what's awesome about the way that he's groomed me all these years, and I say groom, you know, very lovingly because he's shown me that once he exposes it, then I will try and figure out, okay, where did it come from?

Krystal Thomas: Yeah.

Krystal Thomas: Mm-hmm.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And figure out like, how do I get rid of it? And then I'll go through the steps to deliver myself and sanctify myself because, and And this is where I feel like a lot of us get in trouble. We want God to take it away.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: But Bible says sanctify yourself wholly.

Krystal Thomas: Wow.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: and there are things that we have to make decisions to come out of before God can actually heal us. And i had to make a decision that I wasn't going to harbor whatever that was anymore, that I was going to live free of it.

Krystal Thomas: Oh, no.

Krystal Thomas: swap

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And what it did, it ended up setting me free because I was putting people in prisons. In my mind. And, you know, these these were dark prisons. and even though I wasn't treating them badly when I saw them, when they did something that went against me, i was livid.

Krystal Thomas: Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Livid.

Krystal Thomas: It's like festering in your heart. Wow.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Oh, yeah. And it's like, why am I so upset? And I'm upset because everything else.

Krystal Thomas: Yeah. Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And so what I had to do I had to, I really had to go to God and say, okay, God, look. I'm doing the best I can to get rid of this, but Lord, they keep trying me. like ah I'm only flushing blood.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: but i only. um might Look, you said if I lean on you, you would you would you would help. So I'm leaning in your direction.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Help.

Krystal Thomas: Maybe fallen.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: but I fell down. Help me up.

Krystal Thomas: Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: why it's It's real.

Krystal Thomas: Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And i once I asked...

Krystal Thomas: yeah

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And I said, and I was serious. I said, look, I want to get rid of this. I don't want to hold on to it anymore. i don't know what it looks like without it here. So when you take it away and when I finish casting it out of me, i need your love to come in immediately.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Like immediately so that nothing else can take its place.

Krystal Thomas: yeah

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And once that happened, my relationships are better. Everyone gets a better side of me. Somehow my skin got brighter and I don't think it was my skincare.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Like, I'll be real with you.

Krystal Thomas: hey no look when you see like i literally was talking to someone about this the other day like they were like praying spending new time with the lord like it's like there was like a glow like you were just like yeah

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Like, I was in the mirror.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: I look more feminine and it's like, i already look feminine, but like, I feel more feminine. Like, I just, I feel like There was a time where I looked at myself in the mirror and I was just like, dude, do you look dead.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Like your my eyes were dark. Like I just, I felt dark. Like i even though I look the same, it's just, there's some different, there's something different.

Krystal Thomas: Like spiritually something.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: It's an energy where it just, it feels different where even in like the secret place, I want to please God.

Krystal Thomas: Yeah. Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Where I'm making decisions that it's like, I'm not willing to risk what this decision will bring me. So I'm just going to go ahead and please you because I know what's what's on that side.

Krystal Thomas: Mm-hmm.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: I've already lived through that.

Krystal Thomas: Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And what's amazing is that God will honor your intention as much as your obedience as well.

Krystal Thomas: Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Because sometimes, you know, we make the intention to obey, but, you know, life, things, humanity gets in the way. But it's the purity of your heart that he's actually looking at And that was where i had to really focus myself, where it's like, what is my heart doing?

Rev. Titiana Stovall: I recognize what my body is doing.

Krystal Thomas: Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: I recognize what my mind's doing. I recognize what my mouth is doing. What is my heart doing?

Krystal Thomas: Yeah, that's good. And I know like, at least even for me, I keep thinking of that passage in Ezekiel where it's like, you're given a heart of flesh instead of stone.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Mm-hmm.

Krystal Thomas: And like, i know for me that moment where i realized i was so angry because because like I could see like all the injustice that was happening. i was so angry and hurting on the inside.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Right. Mm-hmm.

Krystal Thomas: But I wasn't, again, also someone who is in in counseling, um but I wasn't able to make the connection. Like it was like, I knew i was off, but I wasn't in tune with actually how I was feeling.

Krystal Thomas: Right.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: right

Krystal Thomas: And so i do think what you're saying, especially for someone who may be realizing that there's something that's festering in their heart or they may have more of a ah heart of stone. I think like even you, like like what you said of like, you know, the Lord is going, like you will have to sometimes like, repent or like in the prayer, like actually name, like, Lord, I confess this.

Krystal Thomas: And I, I don't want to have a heart of stone and like the way that then the spirit and the Lord will like intercede and like, it's not in our own strength, but it does require us to come to the end of ourselves.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: It's humility.

Krystal Thomas: Um, and it's so humbling, but also so freeing at the same time.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Very.

Krystal Thomas: Yeah. Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And I think. you know i I don't proclaim to know all the things of God, but you know even being a reverend and having to preach his word and his gospel. I don't proclaim to know all things, but I think I figured this one out.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: I feel like you know he says, um if my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and pray, seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, he said, then will I hear from heaven, then will ah I forgive them, and then will I hear of the land.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And what's crazy about it is like that humility part, that's where our confession comes from, to where we have to be able to say like, I messed up.

Krystal Thomas: yeah

Rev. Titiana Stovall: I messed up a bit. i as You know, you can you can put a grade on it, but really going to it and being like, I messed up. And I know I messed up and I'm so sorry I messed up.

Krystal Thomas: Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: It was not my intention to mess up, but you know, whether you get carried away or someone played a different game than you or whatever, however you got there, you got there.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Now you get to decide how to deal with it. And what I had to learn was that, um, just sitting in the, and or not necessarily unforgiveness, but just sitting in the moment not seeking repentance was just as bad as repeating the process.

Krystal Thomas: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And I had to get quicker about how I repented about things, but then also recognize if I'm repenting about this, and that means that I'm making a decision not to do this thing again.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Because continually apologizing for this same thing is not going to get me any closer to God. And so for me, I had to decide what life do I want to live?

Rev. Titiana Stovall: What life do I want to have? And what do I want to be my testimony when i'm you know, on my way to heaven? Like, what do I want heaven to rejoice about me?

Rev. Titiana Stovall: that I was faithful to God, that I was honorable to God, that I obeyed God, and that I wasn't doing it for other people. My obedience is not tied to who's watching me.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: My obedience is tied to the fact that I know God's watching me.

Krystal Thomas: Yeah. Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And that is scary enough on its own. Like, you think Santa Claus is a problem. First of all, God can hear your thoughts.

Krystal Thomas: He's also for us.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: He's not against us, but you know.

Krystal Thomas: He's not out here with a list. Like this is where he is. Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: ro Like, like... I hear those sermons like where they remind like you know where they're preaching that scripture that talks about like how God can see all things, hear all things. Nothing is hidden from him.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And I'm just sitting here like, i should not have thought that, Jesus. I'm so sorry. I'm probably to think that again. so I need your help. you know And then like being able to call it out and say, like okay, this is a problem for me.

Krystal Thomas: Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: like My thought life is problematic. I need your help. Help me to think better. And the way you think better is like you got to replace your thoughts with something else. And, you know, whether um you're listening to his word or you're reading it on your own or you're engaging in content that has his word interlaced through it, like you just have to get in the word. And that's really what renews you, what refreshes you and makes you whole to that point where you're able to really recognize what is love?

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Like, what is that? Love is, I'm going to give you a chance to understand it.

Krystal Thomas: Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: I'm going to give you a chance to see it to where you know it's real, where you can immediately see the fake and the counterfeit, where you don't have to question and limit over like, is this the right thing to do?

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Like you are automatically know, where it's not um is not prideful or conceited for you to walk in your goodness. And I feel like a lot of times people, especially Christians,

Rev. Titiana Stovall: um in different arenas can make people feel so horrible about having faith in God.

Krystal Thomas: Mm.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And just because my faith doesn't look like your faith does not mean that I'm doing it wrong.

Krystal Thomas: Mm.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And just and and at the same time, like sometimes a lot of people don't really have faith, but they speak faith.

Krystal Thomas: Mm. Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And there is a difference between knowing it, doing it, and speaking it.

Krystal Thomas: Yeah. Yeah. Oh, so many things to say. Oh, my goodness. My brain is just like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: I'm soaking it in.

Krystal Thomas: Soaking it in for real, because there was just a lot that you named and you mentioned.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Oh my

Krystal Thomas: And I think especially like how performative it can come, it can be with faith.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: God.

Krystal Thomas: But what I also love that you spoke about that I don't think we've really touched on any of the other interviews is that you also have agency.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Yes.

Krystal Thomas: It's like yes, you're submitting and surrendering to the Lord to be and like, like Jesus is going to be the savior, right?

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Yes.

Krystal Thomas: There's a relinquish of like this perception of control that we have, right? um But that, you know, again, in the Lord's gentleness and his mercy and his compassion, we, as being made in his image, we still have a decision, you still have a role to play in it.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Yes. yes

Krystal Thomas: um And so, yeah, it's like, I love what you were saying about humility. one of our pastors at the church that I go to they were talking about humility and pride and like how like pride, like oftentimes like, like pride can be like a miss it's a misconception, ah like an overvalue of self, but it can also be an undervalue of God.

Krystal Thomas: I know. Right. ouch

Rev. Titiana Stovall: remember

Krystal Thomas: Imagine how I felt when I was taking notes.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: when opened the stove and the face would scrunch up? like That was hot. That was hot.

Krystal Thomas: Right? Oh,

Rev. Titiana Stovall: That, that, yeah.

Krystal Thomas: But it's so true. It's like, there are ways in which I'm limiting, like we can unintentionally be limiting God. It's like, like, even for me, it's like, there are certain areas of my life where I've seen God move in very tangible and real ways.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: 100% Oh, 100% Girl.

Krystal Thomas: And there are other areas of my life that I know the Lord is going to move and is already moving. I just haven't seen it in the physical. And like having to be honest about, do I actually trust you about this?

Rev. Titiana Stovall: ah future isn

Rev. Titiana Stovall: girl

Krystal Thomas: Or am I mad, right? And not having to like pretend that I'm not. Because i i think like we're going all out of order with these questions, which is funny.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: You're fine. Let's do it.

Krystal Thomas: The temptation sometimes is that like we can convince ourselves.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Yes.

Krystal Thomas: We're just going to say, oh God is good. And like kind of explain away whatever we're facing. um But there is something powerful when we are able to come honestly and boldly before the Lord and to confess what we are feeling.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Yes.

Krystal Thomas: with him because we're trusting in who he is and his character.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Yes.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Mm-hmm.

Krystal Thomas: Um, and so that I can still be mad and angry and I still know that the Lord is good, but I can just be honest before God and that can be it. Right. Um, and I can like, i you know, there's just like, there is just something so

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Yes. Right.

Krystal Thomas: Like I'm just in awe of how kind and compassionate our God is and how like even as you were talking about like the development of faith and how it will look differently when even our journeys and how they will look differently because we are known.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: right

Krystal Thomas: You know what I mean? Like, it's just like, it's one of those where I think for those who maybe, um, who are listening to this, who might've grown up in a context where if your faith didn't look a certain way, like you were told you didn't have faith or, you may have experienced, um, rejection or things like that. And honestly, like as someone who grew up in the church, left the church, came back, like the path,

Krystal Thomas: I wouldn't have traded... let me be careful how i phrase this. Because I'm like, ooh, let me...

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Wait.

Krystal Thomas: Not also make sure I relive that. But... I was like, word matter.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Because you're not trying to start nothing over, okay? Yeah.

Krystal Thomas: I could feel the spirit. I was like, ooh, who's building? But ah there are things in my story that while they were painful... I knew they needed to happen because they brought me here.

Krystal Thomas: That doesn't mean that they weren't painful.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Oh, yes.

Krystal Thomas: That doesn't mean that they weren't hard. But like part of my heart of mercy, especially for those on the margins, is because I experienced what it was like to be on the outside.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Right.

Krystal Thomas: Right. And I'm sure, Tatiana, you have like a similar story. Like there's a there's cry. There's a ministry call that the Lord has given you.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Yep.

Krystal Thomas: based on what, like how he has wired you, how he has gifted you and what you guys have experienced together.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Exactly.

Krystal Thomas: But you're not able to get that clarity or to have that discernment if you are lying to yourself.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Girl, look, I was always trained on, like you don't you don't show emotion to God.

Krystal Thomas: Right? Right. right

Rev. Titiana Stovall: you know like Who are you to be upset with God? you know And so for me, I had all these expectations where you know the Bible says, and I'm very formulaic sometimes and very analytical.

Krystal Thomas: yeah

Rev. Titiana Stovall: So like if you give me a process, I'm gonna follow the directions and expect my winnings. like

Krystal Thomas: can't and I can't nod any harder. Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And, you know, i me, and and I'll admit, like, it took me about 31 years for me to recognize I was angry at God for not being married.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: I was angry. And I didn't recognize it as anger. i just thought, like, maybe it's me, maybe I'm the problem. But then it took, um it took a moment where I felt like the Holy Spirit was like prompting me. And I felt like he was like, kind of just like poking at me where he was just like, just tell me how you feel.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Tell me how you feel. And I was just like, I don't want to tell you how I feel. Like, I'm not supposed to tell you how I feel. Like, you know how I feel. Like, why do I need to say it? that vulnerability and that intimacy where like, you're talking about the stoned heart.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Like I put a padlock on my heart. I put like a whole like,

Krystal Thomas: Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: fence with gators and eels and locked it down.

Krystal Thomas: Oh, wow. Do you have remote too?

Krystal Thomas: Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Like we had sharks. There was like, there was no access point. And because God is such a ah loving God, he said, I'm not going to infiltrate your boundary, even though I could flick it away.

Krystal Thomas: Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: You put that there. So I'm going to let you have that. But at the same time, I need you to remove it so I can do for you what I need to do for you.

Krystal Thomas: That I have better for you, that there's Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Because I'd have more for you.

Krystal Thomas: Yeah. yeah

Rev. Titiana Stovall: and it's like, now I have to break down all of my defenses.

Krystal Thomas: la

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And the hardest part about your faith journey, especially when God is exposing what you are using to defend yourself. And you have to break down those things because he says, like I'm your defender.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: I'm your protector. I'm your provider. I'm your everything.

Krystal Thomas: Yeah. Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: You can't do it on your strength. So if you want your little army to handle it, by all means, go ahead But um I got legions of angels ready.

Krystal Thomas: That's a little in front of it is great. Yeah. Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And what's what's crazy about it is that it took me like physically yelling at God. like i And it was so funny because I was sitting on my couch and i was like, and he said, just go in your prayer room. And my prayer room was my closet.

Krystal Thomas: Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And so I went in my closet and I turned the light on because like i just've I needed the light to be on because I needed it to see him or like feel him or like you know just something. And girl, when I tell you, I was just like, why would you? hu And like just tears rushing down my face. I was hot. I was sweaty.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And I was just getting it all out.

Krystal Thomas: yeah

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And i heard someone say that when you finally break down the defenses and let God into your life for real, where you are being truthful, there is something about it where like, I felt joy brewing up inside of me, where it was just like, but I'm angry.

Krystal Thomas: Right. Oh, that's good.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: I want to be angry. i don't want to laugh. And like I would be mid-anger and just bust up laughing. Just like, this is stupid. What are we doing?

Rev. Titiana Stovall: like i love you. Why am I yelling at you? like and But what I recognized was that when you have all that pent-up emotion, all those disappointments, all those expectations, because you know when we're formulaic, we give ourselves like, okay, so it's going to happen on this day at this time. And I'm a planner, so also i win.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: ah God was like, m who's going to tell her?

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And really, like i had I messed around and found out. like God was like, it's on my timeline, not yours, sweetheart.

Krystal Thomas: Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And that was one of the hardest pieces of it, but the most rewarding, because then I had something to clap back when people were looking at me and asking me, like, well, why aren't you marrying? It's like, well, God hasn't sent him yet.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: You know, and they're like, well, maybe you're just being picky. God hasn't sent him yet.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And like, it's just.

Krystal Thomas: I'm going to do a whole other series on this. I'm sorry.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Yeah.

Krystal Thomas: Those who have been listening to the series, look, at like in almost every single, and think the majority of people that I'm interviewing for this series are single.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Yeah.

Krystal Thomas: And it's like, this has been like a common thread in all of them. So it's coming.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: It has to.

Krystal Thomas: There's a lot to unpack with singleness in the church.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: There's so much. So much.

Krystal Thomas: Continue. I'm sorry. i got very excited when I cut you off.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And, oh, no, you're good, babe. I just, I had to learn that the reason why I was struggling with depression, and thank God I'm healed of it but I was struggling so deeply with depression because I had expectations that were not met, and then that led to anger, and my anger that was repressed, And just living in me dormant was pulling me down.

Krystal Thomas: Mm-hmm.

Krystal Thomas: Mm-hmm.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And I had so much expectation of God based on what others told me he was going to do that did not align with what he told me himself.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And that's where you have to be careful, especially when you are out on your own with God.

Krystal Thomas: Mm-hmm.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: People will come into your life and literally try and prophesy to you based on what they see of you and based on what they know of you, not going to God fully asking him, what is it that you have her doing right now?

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And at the same time, depending on your connection with the folks that are in your life, they'll try and tell you you're off base by trusting God. And I'm thankful that my faith rewarded me because I was like, If I'm off base and I'm trusting God, I'd rather be off base and trusting God.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Because whose base am I supposed to be on? If I'm off your base, I'm going to trust God. that's where I was like, if I'm stupid enough to follow God, I'm stupid enough to stick with it and just figure out what's what's going to be the end of this.

Krystal Thomas: Hmm.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: If I'm wrong, he'll tell me. But I need him to tell me, not you.

Krystal Thomas: Hmm.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And when he finally let me know, like, it wasn't this like parade billboard type of moment where it was just like, and this is your reward. It was kind of one of those things where it was just like, and now you get ordained.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: I'm sorry, what?

Krystal Thomas: Hmm.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Like, that's weird, you know? And what was funny to me was that when I finally made that decision to go and get ordained, um, One of the reasons that I almost didn't was because when I left my, um when I left the church that I was at, I, um one of the things that was spoken over me was that I was trying to start my own church.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And I was like, bruh, I'm legit. Not my story. Not my song. No, that's not me. I never wanted to do that. I always saw it. i didn't want that for myself.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And then God was like, Actually, no, I want this for you. And it was like,

Rev. Titiana Stovall: I can't say no because I'm already being obedient. And see what happens is like when you are in a path of obedience, God will drop things in because you're just automatically obeying.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And he'll just drop things in and you'll just say yes because you're so used to saying yes.

Krystal Thomas: like

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And then like, you don't even have time to think about your yes before you say yes. And then you you just, I'm already in it. I got to stick with it I'm not a quitter.

Krystal Thomas: like you're getting tight yeah

Rev. Titiana Stovall: and

Rev. Titiana Stovall: ah What did I say yes to? And it's it's powerful and it's it's it's amazing.

Krystal Thomas: young

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And like, you know, there's, you know, a lot of grace and a lot of goodness that surrounds it. But at the same time, then you got to deal with everything else.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Because while heaven is cheering you on, the world is not.

Krystal Thomas: yeah i'm gonna that's so good because i do think again there's just so many things like she's on a flow lord but there's ah like i want to like there's so many good things um you you said like like you may have anger and you don't even know it's there but it's the built up expectations that were unmet um

Rev. Titiana Stovall: ahead, go ahead.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Mm-hmm.

Krystal Thomas: um and all of these things. And then also like, there are going to be people, especially when you were doing something. i was talking to one of my pastors and um he was like, especially those, cause like I'll, someone finally gave me language cause I was really struggling with like, okay, it feels like the Lord calls me into places where, you know, like I'm helping to build, I'm laying foundation.

Krystal Thomas: And then like we pivot it and like from the outside looking in, it's like,

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Oh.

Krystal Thomas: Oh, Crystal, what is like going on? Like, why, why can't you just stay in one place? Like, what is going on? And just realizing that God has really like been like, I'm a builder. Right.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Yeah.

Krystal Thomas: And so, um it's not saying that but that's all I will ever be, but in this particular season.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Right. In this season. in

Krystal Thomas: Right. And part of that is like, you're coming in and you are doing things that like youre you may be laying the foundation, you may be pioneering, right? um And so like just echoing what you were saying, especially when you were doing something that is different or challenges like the status quo, right?

Krystal Thomas: Not faith, not scripture, that's not we're saying.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: No.

Krystal Thomas: But like when you are ah like, especially when is say the the cry or the burden on your heart is definitely an area that may be overlooked, right? Right? It's like,

Krystal Thomas: a lot of people may not necessarily understand. You have people that are trying to discourage you and it's not because they're being malicious.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: No.

Krystal Thomas: It's not like like, and that's, I think one of the lessons I had to learn is that like a lot of people may have ah an opinion. a lot of people may be speaking out of their own fear. Right.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Mm-hmm.

Krystal Thomas: But again, what you're saying is like, that's why it's so important that we are not about pleasing man, but being obedient to God.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Yes.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Yes.

Krystal Thomas: And also being very like intentional with the community that we surround ourselves with.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Oh, my God.

Krystal Thomas: because I know even in our framework, there have been times where I have been feeling very low or there have been things that the Lord has revealed to me that I'm not ready to receive yet.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Mm-hmm.

Krystal Thomas: And yet I talk to you guys and you're like, oh, yeah, like you don't see that.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Bring, bring, bring.

Krystal Thomas: Now, you don't do it in like to be mean, but it's like, yeah, of course. Like, what do you mean? What do you mean?

Rev. Titiana Stovall: That's you.

Krystal Thomas: one Right? And so it's like, there is a um ah both and, because I do think in some unintentional ways, community within the church can become an idol if we're not careful.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Oh, you preaching right now. are preaching. Yes. you are preaching

Krystal Thomas: It can become idol, right?

Rev. Titiana Stovall: yes

Krystal Thomas: And so it's necessary that we are both like, again, right relationship with the Lord. Again, we have Jesus, the gift of the spirit.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Yes.

Krystal Thomas: Then we have intentional community in which they are able to hold us accountable. They're able to pray, to intercede. You know how many people I have praying for this future husband because I got tired of praying over him in the waiting.

Krystal Thomas: Like, come on, like, right? Like we need...

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And your network. Mm-hmm.

Krystal Thomas: It's a both and, but like what you were saying is so spot on, especially as you are maturing and growing in your faith, who you invite in to speak into your life matters.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Yes.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: It's powerful because you have especially in that space, i had to recognize I was very vulnerable.

Krystal Thomas: Yeah.

Krystal Thomas: Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: but So I was just looking for a way for the pain to stop.

Krystal Thomas: Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And where, and there were some friendships that I offended because of that. Cause it's like, look, I need to listen to God more than I need to hear your voice because I'll lean on your voice because you're here and I'm trying to retune my ears and being elevated.

Krystal Thomas: I know you're agreeing.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: In like a space of spiritual elevation, your ears get tuned differently where now you got to seek God different in order to hear him. And it's like, I can't rely on my community when I'm trying to strengthen his voice in my life.

Krystal Thomas: Yeah.

Krystal Thomas: Amen. Amen.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And it can be offensive and it can hurt people's feelings because people, like, especially when you have good friends, they're like, come to me.

Krystal Thomas: And they want to be helpful.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: You want to help.

Krystal Thomas: Right.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: But it's like, i can't I can't lean on you right now. i need to hear him.

Krystal Thomas: Right.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: at But at the same time, what I do love about God is that God will put people in your life that can hear for you.

Krystal Thomas: Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And um he will help you get closer to what you're trying to get to. But at that time, especially like in that space when I was going through my moment,

Rev. Titiana Stovall: You know, it's like, God, I'm trying to hear you more clearly. I'm trying to see you. I'm trying, I'm trying, I'm trying. And God was just like, just just be. You know, don't don't try.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Just be. Just do.

Krystal Thomas: Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And that's what allowed me to accept the people who were coming in. inn And then, like, he would give me the discernment to recognize, like, stop talking.

Krystal Thomas: That's

Rev. Titiana Stovall: That's a big one. And,

Krystal Thomas: ah you My favorite is when you open your mouth and it's

Rev. Titiana Stovall: you know you just have to start making like references to your mouth. Cause like, you're

Krystal Thomas: like, Sometimes trying write, I'm like, no, no, no, nevermind, it's for me.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: like, right. And like, there's moments where I've been talking to people where I thought they were my friends and I'm like, oh my gosh, i dup it because like, cause like, know, we're girlfriends and we love each other. And like, I hear the Holy Spirit so clearly, stop talking.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: So girl, how's your day? And she's like, you didn't finish your story. I'm finished.

Krystal Thomas: I'm finished. It's time. Yeah. Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: It's so abrupt. And what I didn't realize, and I don't know if anyone else hears this, but if you ever hear the Holy Spirit telling you stop talking, um that's generally because there's somebody that's listening that's not supposed to be listening.

Krystal Thomas: yeah

Krystal Thomas: yeah

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Or there's there's some stuff that's brewing up. that um and it's not that your friends are bad it's just you know we we are not fighting against flesh and blood but against principalities will is a darkness spiritual wickedness of high places and so we have to recognize that this is not just like friend friend this is friend friend and all the things that are in friend friends you know life generations this is this is spiritual right like these are it's spiritual

Krystal Thomas: Yeah. Or in yours, right? Right. Or in ours. Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And that's also a side of faith that ah is challenging, recognizing what's spiritual and what's flesh, what's physical, what's spiritual.

Krystal Thomas: Yeah.

Krystal Thomas: Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And knowing the difference and being able to feel the difference and smell the difference and be in tune to recognize that, okay, I got to stop talking. Like I can't talk to this person. And it feels so good. And like, you know, they'll, they'll entice you. I have friends at work, um,

Rev. Titiana Stovall: that I can't talk to, you know, like everything that they know about me is like, I'm comfortable with you knowing this about me, but I would never tell you my secrets. And the main reason why is because there's just, there's something about them that I just, every time I try, Holy Spirit's like, don't do it.

Krystal Thomas: That discernment on what to share and who to share. And yeah, cause even like I'll, there will be certain things that people have either said or prayed over me that when i share that with my friends or my community, they're like, that wasn't what you thought it was right now.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Yeah.

Krystal Thomas: We're not, sorry. I feel like we ain't answering my questions.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: No, more but it's on tack though. You're right there.

Krystal Thomas: Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: You're right there.

Krystal Thomas: Yeah, but um I do think that this is um important to say. um Because I do also sense that there might have been people who have been hurt because they have trusted information to the wrong people.

Krystal Thomas: um

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And got betrayed over it.

Krystal Thomas: And got betrayed over in it. um And I'm also thinking of, like, I know even if for me, there are especially... um wanting to shepherd and wanting to care for others if I am not mindful of what I am also bringing into that space.

Krystal Thomas: Right. Um, and also like, sometimes it's just not about us. Like there have been times where I'm talking I'm catching up with someone. i know we're interesting.

Krystal Thomas: Right. Like, yeah, like awesome.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Yeah. We live full alive.

Krystal Thomas: Right. But like, there is maybe something going on that if I'm quiet and I observe, I can see. Right.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Yes.

Krystal Thomas: Um, Yeah. So I think like, again, it's like that, that level of like both sensitivity and discernment that comes through all the processes that you have mentioned.

Krystal Thomas: um

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Yes.

Krystal Thomas: And I think even in how the Lord equips and prepares us for this, um he does so with such gentleness and compassion and love. So I don't want people to feel like, oh my gosh, like I need to be able to do all of this today. Right. We're talking about like years of like,

Rev. Titiana Stovall: yes Decades.

Krystal Thomas: In some ways it feels like a crash course, right? And and like again, we don't get it right every time.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: You know.

Krystal Thomas: We're we're just as human, right? um

Rev. Titiana Stovall: I am flesh and blood.

Krystal Thomas: Yeah, but I do think that there is something about, like and I think that came up in another interview as well, is that like a lot of people who say they're a Christian, not everybody is actually practicing or living it out. And we're not saying this from a lens of to cast judgment or to try to go out and find out who are the real Christians, not what we're saying.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: No.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: No,

Rev. Titiana Stovall: no you're not doing that.

Krystal Thomas: yeah saw the binoculars but

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Okay.

Krystal Thomas: But what we're getting at is that in a time where, I'm trying to choose my words carefully, in a time where it just feels like there's a lot of division, there's a lot of, to me, it feels like people are missing the very character and the nature of God and Jesus. And I think that that's what breaks my heart in the ways in which it is getting misconstrued and twisted.

Krystal Thomas: where those most oppressed are unseen or are targeted.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Yes.

Krystal Thomas: um And so it's like,

Krystal Thomas: it's so important now.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Yes.

Krystal Thomas: Love is so important now. Discernment is so important now.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Right now.

Krystal Thomas: Accountability is important now. um

Rev. Titiana Stovall: That one will hurt you.

Krystal Thomas: It hurts.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: That A word.

Krystal Thomas: It hurts. Because there are people who have a lot to say. and like, they may say like, oh, I want you to be a person that can be honest, but they're not ready to receive it. Right.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: No.

Krystal Thomas: And I've been reading a lot of, um, uh, I'm in, Ezekiel and Ezekiel is called to be a watchman. And the Lord just keeps saying, there are things that he has messages for his people.

Krystal Thomas: And if Ezekiel doesn't deliver it, is, will be held accountable. It's not about whether or not they do it. but he's called to be the best.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: It's the obedience.

Krystal Thomas: When I tell you, i was like, oh, right.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: after Yeah. And like, literally, like,

Krystal Thomas: Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Sometimes we over exaggerate our obedience where it's like, okay, my obedience is going to lead to this, this, this, and this. And what I had to start doing was taking my mind off what God was trying to do in my life. I had to take my logic out of God's instruction.

Krystal Thomas: Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And the biggest reason was because i would build expectation on what God was going to do based on just one instruction. And what that ended up doing was that it took my accountability because now I was putting more accountability in myself than accountability in the word of god

Krystal Thomas: Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And it really, it really showed me that what we identify as love is so much deeper.

Krystal Thomas: Mm.

Krystal Thomas: Mm.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And, you know, that scripture keeps coming up. um

Rev. Titiana Stovall: If you love me, you keep my commandments. And it's just like, oh, how many commandments am I really keeping?

Krystal Thomas: yeah

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And, you know, that goes all the way down to the stuff that, you know, most of us don't even consider as sinful. But like anything that goes against God or offends God is sinful.

Krystal Thomas: yeah

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And i had to really, like, I love talking, especially when I see things on people. And i had to I had to rebuke that.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And it changed the way some people that I could talk to because they like to talk about people too. And it was just like, i don't want to talk about people today. And it just, it made it uncomfortable to where it was just like, we don't talk.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And i think the biggest part about that is we have to put our reliance on God and just forget what man is doing.

Krystal Thomas: Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And that's the part that I think we have to settle within ourselves. That if I just make the decision to follow after God, nothing else.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Because, you know, the people will tell you, you're doing great. You're doing horrible. You're doing great. You're doing horrible. And you'll get so many mixed reviews that you're just like, what do I fix? And God's just like, I'm just asking you to be obedient.

Krystal Thomas: Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And my obedience is interlaced. with what he his plan is for my life, not what anybody else has going on.

Krystal Thomas: Mm-hmm.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And we can overthink ourselves out of obedience simply by, well, what's the result going to be? God didn't ask you for that. He just asked you to do it.

Krystal Thomas: And take the step. Oh, that's so good.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And just take a step.

Krystal Thomas: Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Just what are you going to do? And I love that part about free will.

Krystal Thomas: Mm.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: grantned He already knows what we're going to do, but he gives us the choice to not do the thing that honors him. And that's what love is. Love gives you a chance to make the wrong decision and I'll still love you no matter what.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: and it's like,

Rev. Titiana Stovall: I messed up. I'm so sorry. And like, it gets to a point where like, when you really think about it, like you feel bad to where like, I don't want to mess up I don't want to do things that offend you.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: i don't, I don't want this to be our relationship where I constantly fail you. And i just, I had to stop thinking about it.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: I just had to do it. And even though I don't understand why he has me doing certain things, it's like, let me just see what this is about.

Krystal Thomas: Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: and

Krystal Thomas: yeah

Rev. Titiana Stovall: eventually he's going to reveal it, but I got to do my part first. And thinking about how it's going to turn out before it's even finished, it's like, i don't i don't want that curse. If you don't do it, I'm judge you.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Nah, I'm straight. i already got my judgment. oh I'm going to tell them.

Krystal Thomas: I cannot, I cannot.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: I'm going to tell them. let Come here.

Krystal Thomas: But, in but like, just again, it's like, I just love how we just did our

Krystal Thomas: we got a special episode in the series, combining it all together.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Definitely. Yeah.

Krystal Thomas: But you know, that like, honestly, the spirit is, is is moving. And there are people that need to hear this.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: definitely

Krystal Thomas: um And I love what you're saying. like when the Lord is calling us into obedience and I wanted to kind of circle back, um, to like loving the God, loving God by following his commandments.

Krystal Thomas: Because i think sometimes like there's like a confusion around like, Oh, well then it seems like I like God loves with conditions. Right. And what we're saying, um is that it's actually, there is a, I'm trying to think of how to describe it.

Krystal Thomas: Like when I look over my own life, I may cry. It's coming. I can feel it.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: go. Let us know.

Krystal Thomas: Not me like doing conditions to prepare us for it. But it's like, when I think about what the Lord has done in my life, from how I used to be, how I used to view myself and what I was willing to accept as love,

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Mm-hmm.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Mm-hmm.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Oof.

Krystal Thomas: and settle for love.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Mm.

Krystal Thomas: You know what i mean?

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Yeah.

Krystal Thomas: And like the idea of following the Lord's commandments, the idea of loving the Lord with my my mind, my heart, my soul in the Hebrew, it's like the very essence that makes you yeah right?

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Yeah.

Krystal Thomas: It's not because I feel like that's conditional,

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Right.

Krystal Thomas: but it's just the love that comes out from where he's brought me from, right?

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Exactly.

Krystal Thomas: And so what I hope is that if someone is hearing this, that they don't miss out on the grace, the mercy, like scripture is full of people and how they fall short yeah and why we need Jesus, right? Like it puts Jesus and the sacrifice on the cross into right perspective.

Krystal Thomas: But when I tell you the way in which, especially with people who are not gentle with me,

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Definitely.

Krystal Thomas: And like the way in which God has shown me gentleness and has shown me love and that has given me new eyes to see these people as he sees them in a way that I know it's not from me, but can create a bridge for someone else.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: hundred percent

Krystal Thomas: You know what I mean? It's like, that's, that's what this is. Like, this is what it's all about. Right. Um,

Rev. Titiana Stovall: a

Krystal Thomas: But it's like the Lord is so kind that we, like a lot of the testimony, a lot of the sharing, a lot of the things, like ah even the people that I'm called to to minister to, he has brought me through it first.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Girl, say that again.

Krystal Thomas: Right? It's like I'm not having to make it up myself. I'm not having to

Rev. Titiana Stovall: take you through it the first time.

Krystal Thomas: you know what I mean? Like he is the one that has shown me I'm able to be gentle and kind to people because of the kindness and the gentleness I have experienced, right?

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Yes.

Krystal Thomas: um We're discovering what love truly is because of the ways that we are experiencing love and the fruit of the spirit, right?

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Yes.

Krystal Thomas: um And it just... Yeah, I just like, there is just such a, like we've talked about the cost.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Mm-hmm.

Krystal Thomas: We've talked about accountability.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Mm-hmm.

Krystal Thomas: We've talked about the mercy and the compassion and the grace. But what I don't want you guys to miss is that the freedom that comes from, especially a heart that has been wounded, becoming a heart of flesh.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Mm-hmm.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Yes.

Krystal Thomas: Like I just read, a wounded healer. Have you read this, Tatiana?

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Oh, I have not.

Krystal Thomas: Okay. Henry Nowen.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: okay

Krystal Thomas: This is how you know that this is a real bookshelf and not just a...

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Okay. It's not a virtual background, y'all. That's hard.

Krystal Thomas: I built it myself.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: as hars

Krystal Thomas: So if it falls, it's not Ikea's fault. It's mine. But this book, A Wounded Healer, is... And it talks, ah Henry Nouwen, in this book, he's talking a lot about often it's the places where we have experienced woundedness and hurt that the Lord is then redeeming and helps us minister to others in it.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Mm-hmm.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Mm-hmm.

Krystal Thomas: um And even how he's expanding the role of what a minister is, like what does it mean to like be in ministry and to care for people? When I tell you like this book has been not sponsored but this is good

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Well, I'm making no money off this.

Krystal Thomas: I have no money.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: get

Krystal Thomas: oh But it has been so encouraging in realizing there it is such a freedom in not only the relationship that we get to have with the Lord and the way in which other people get to speak into our lives, but that our lives, like how we live our lives themselves can become that testimony.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Yes.

Krystal Thomas: Because like what you were saying earlier is like we take ourselves, we put so much pressure on ourselves that it becomes about us that we completely forget.

Krystal Thomas: Right? We just completely forget. i just, okay.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And and it's it's funny because we can, and it's not, it's part of our nature, right? So like, if if you're in that situation, like it's part of your nature to do that.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And the scripture talks about that constantly.

Krystal Thomas: Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: The key is once you recognize that you're in that pattern, pull yourself back out and go back to God. Repent of it, and like, Lord, I'm sorry, i went ahead of you. And stick beside him.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And literally, like you know i know the the main joke is like, Jesus, take the wheel, but like literally sitting in the passenger seat and letting him drive. And it's funny to me because you know I generally don't get to sit in the passenger seat because I got to drive myself everywhere.

Krystal Thomas: Can I tell you, sorry, a quick tangent. The thing I'm looking for, of course, like we want a man after God. We want like all these other things to be a passenger princess.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Just give me my crown, my tiara, whatever.

Krystal Thomas: Please.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Guys,

Krystal Thomas: don't have to pump my own gas. Please. use ah

Rev. Titiana Stovall: so I don't have to touch a tire.

Krystal Thomas: find me.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Guys,

Krystal Thomas: Oh, Lord, please.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: look. This is ghetto. like I got nails. but I'm really not trying get dirty, okay? Okay.

Krystal Thomas: That's not why we choose a husband, ladies, but I'm just, or a partner, but real talk.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: there' There's certain things that y'all just have, okay?

Krystal Thomas: yeah Real talk.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Like, y'all just blessed in certain... i just I don't have that anointing. Anyways, um like, the way...

Krystal Thomas: That's pretty annoying.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And it's funny because, like, you know, sometimes I get in cars with family and i watch how the passenger will try and drive the car in the passenger seat.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And it's just like, isn't this just like what we do with God? We know, we don't know, like, and granted, sometimes we know where we're going, we know where we're headed, but we'll try and tell God how to get there.

Krystal Thomas: yeah

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And God has a plan of his own. You know, God has his own expertise. God has his own ability, but we want God to do it our way.

Krystal Thomas: yeah

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And that's where we have to take the control off of God. We have to take God out the box where we allow God. It's almost like, you remember like Hot Wheels? You remember like, yeah.

Krystal Thomas: Wow, you are back. Yeah. Are Hot Wheels even still thing?

Rev. Titiana Stovall: It is yeah. You know, I recently found some at the supermarket.

Krystal Thomas: OK. Oh, cool. We're not that

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Anyways, but you remember, you remember like when you were playing with Hot Wheels? I'm i'm using my mouse for this demonstration.

Krystal Thomas: old. I'm with you. I'm tracking. I'm tracking.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: But like, you know, you would just, you would grab the mouse or like, you know, the car and you would drive the car with your hand.

Krystal Thomas: oh I'll get mine, too.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And that's how we have to let God start doing our lives.

Krystal Thomas: Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Like we have to allow God to guide us with his hand. Because when we're trying to tell him where to go, what lane to switch to and all the other stuff, like, no, God, just put me where you want me because I don't want to have to do any thinking.

Krystal Thomas: yeah

Rev. Titiana Stovall: I want to feel so safe and secure with you that I just trust where you're guiding me, where you're pushing me, where you're telling me to go, that I show up there prepared for the moment that you have for me.

Krystal Thomas: Yeah. Cause knowing, yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And that's faith.

Krystal Thomas: Yeah. Cause like there are things that the Lord knows and he sees that we can't see. yeah

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And he's like, there's a danger over there.

Krystal Thomas: That's the accent.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: If you want to keep going over there, you're going to find yourself in some danger. You're just like, danger doesn't touch me. I've cleaned myself.

Krystal Thomas: Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: You know, i went we, right.

Krystal Thomas: that's the accent

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Cause you know, we can, sometimes we get to the ditty with God, you know, we, we become, you know, just a little snooty tooty and, and God's just like, all right, I'm gonna let you find out.

Krystal Thomas: Yeah.

Krystal Thomas: Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And, and I love that about God where he,

Krystal Thomas: And he'll be here. He's like, come back, baby. I know that burn. I'm still here.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Like, so... And in I love that he said, I told you so, God. Oh, I love it. Because...

Krystal Thomas: I do think i was talking to one of our friends about this though, too. God also knows like us, like there's a, but like there is a personal relationship as well.

Krystal Thomas: And sometimes like, honestly, he'd be like, that's why I told you that. Like, hot girl.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: like you know I told you so, just doesn't say it, you know?

Krystal Thomas: Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: like And it's really real. like Because we can, I feel like we put ourselves in this moment where like we overemphasize what faith is.

Krystal Thomas: yeah

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And we have to like kind of put it back to where he first showed us what faith was. When you're when you read Genesis and you're looking at the story of Abram as the conversion to Abraham, God literally told that man, get up.

Krystal Thomas: Yeah. Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: leave the place that you know and go to a place that I'm going to show you. And I'm going do all these things. and Abraham, he's seen none of it for years.

Krystal Thomas: Right? Or the sun. Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Or the time I'm going to be the father of many nations. I ain't got one. I'm near one child.

Krystal Thomas: Not near one. Not near one.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: and I'm going to father of many nations. I don't even have a seed.

Krystal Thomas: Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And then got smart. thought he had the seed and God said that wasn't mine. I'm gonna give you the much I actually wanted you to add

Krystal Thomas: That's a whole other episode. We did an episode Sarai and Hagar. We were talking about a sermon from another church and And when the preacher was like, when I realized I am both Sarai and Hagar, I was like, okay, all right.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: I have problems.

Krystal Thomas: Done. I'm done. I'm done.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: I'm done. I just, just wrap me up. Like, take me home.

Krystal Thomas: this like I'm sorry. And thank you. I'm sorry.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Like, thank you for not, I'm, I'm, look, I'll be honest with you.

Krystal Thomas: And thank you.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And I thank God for this often. Thank you for not being a Leviticus God to me. Cause God was great.

Krystal Thomas: What do you mean by Leviticus God?

Rev. Titiana Stovall: God was creative in Leviticus. God was open up the ground, swallowing people up and closing it He was, he was precise. Like,

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Thank you for not being in that kind of...

Krystal Thomas: I can't know. you yeah

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Look,

Krystal Thomas: i

Rev. Titiana Stovall: you gotta read the story, okay?

Krystal Thomas: I was like, I thought, because I know lot of people were talking about the political laws. I was like, oh, no, actually, he was trying to, like, again, it just makes a case for Jesus. He was opening up the ground. just wasn't ready.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Open, like just the ground, people standing.

Krystal Thomas: I just wasn't ready for that.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: He opened the ground, they fell in, he closed the ground back up and then said, ah you bet not cry. I, um you know, I'm glad.

Krystal Thomas: He offered, though. Like, he did. He was like, please don't lie. Like, they be lying.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Don't do it. Don't do it. He gave them warning and and we're we are thankful for the warnings.

Krystal Thomas: Yes.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: um But I'm thankful for the grace that God gives because we can see examples throughout scripture where he punished with no hesitation.

Krystal Thomas: Yeah.

Krystal Thomas: Yeah.

Krystal Thomas: Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And I know for me in my life, there are spaces where i was blatantly disobedient and not walking in faith and not believing and not understanding why I was in this position I was in. And God was just like, I'll be here when you get back.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And I love that he was there when I got back. But then at the same time, a lot of the experiences that I went through in that time that I kind of put them to the side, I had to really sit with myself.

Krystal Thomas: yeah

Rev. Titiana Stovall: and those moments are really what solidify your faith to let you know, like, okay, you've already seen how this ends. And i recently preached um about cycles and how We put ourselves in the same cycles and like we have to learn our patterns. We have to learn our cycles so that we can get out of them um and deliver ourselves from them.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And one of the funniest pieces of it was that I was entering the same cycle with the same spirit. It just had a different base.

Krystal Thomas: Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And once I recognized that, then it was just like, oh, that's what that is. OK. And now I know how to deal with it. And now it it doesn't bother me, but you have to be willing to sit with him long enough to reveal it to you so that you know how to handle it.

Krystal Thomas: yeah

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And faith requires, it's almost like school, faith requires you to sit and learn.

Krystal Thomas: Yeah, it's definitely a muscle.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: It's a muscle. i never thought of it like that, but it is a muscle.

Krystal Thomas: Yeah, it has to be strengthened.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: You gotta train it, you gotta to stretch it, you gotta nurse it, you gotta rest

Krystal Thomas: Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Sometimes you gotta to massage it you know? put something in there, you know?

Krystal Thomas: um I'm sitting there, I'm like, ooh I need to work out.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Like...

Krystal Thomas: Sorry. Real life sleeping in. Well,

Rev. Titiana Stovall: you know Wow, made it full circle. um no But the thing the biggest piece, that's it.

Krystal Thomas: Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: It's just, it's a muscle that needs to be exercised.

Krystal Thomas: Yeah. I know,

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And the more that you exercise it and the more that you learn about it, and that's through just reading your word. You can get a cute Bible. You can get an ugly Bible.

Krystal Thomas: you know that's a cute one.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Just get a Bible.

Krystal Thomas: NLT, NIV.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: and and mute the words You said what?

Krystal Thomas: Is that the...

Rev. Titiana Stovall: This one is NIV. Yeah, so this one.

Krystal Thomas: I about to say, I've seen that. That's so pretty.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Yeah, i you know I love pink. And so I got myself a pink Bible.

Krystal Thomas: remember. Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And the funniest piece of it, and I remember one time the Holy Spirit, because i was it was sitting on my desk, and the Holy Spirit said, why are you staring at it? Pick it up and read it.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And I was like, that's why we don't talk. Like, dang, just put it in my spirit.

Krystal Thomas: This

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And so I opened it, and like he literally revealed the moment that I was in. And that's where i love apps. Apps are very convenient. But there's something about just picking up the word and he's... I love it.

Krystal Thomas: is my NLT.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: I'm into it. See?

Krystal Thomas: So I got one that you can write in for those who cannot see

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Oh,

Rev. Titiana Stovall: that's perfect. You got a little mark. Oh. See, I know you do.

Krystal Thomas: Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: It's like

Krystal Thomas: I'm cracking up because like in Leviticus, I'm pretty sure I was like in there.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: a movie. Like, what didn't you do? Mm-hmm.

Krystal Thomas: But like, honestly, like, and I think what you're saying is so spot on because there are times where I'll go back and I'll be in a different season or I'll be feeling a certain way and I'll come to these passages. And like, I have like poetry that I've written here I have um song worship songs that like correspond right and so like again it's like it's one of those I realize depending on certain seasons sometimes like I'm like I can read my word sometimes I have to listen to it sometimes it's the worship song sometimes you know what i mean but like being like this is like this is how we go to war

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: anthony

Rev. Titiana Stovall: This is it.

Krystal Thomas: yeah

Rev. Titiana Stovall: This thing right here. And every time I lose who I am, i forget my identity. i come back to my word. And it's, you know, it's a manual.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Everyone says, like, you know, life doesn't come with a manual. It just sure do.

Krystal Thomas: it's like mine did yeah now don't get us wrong there are things that do challenge us yeah there are a lot of things yeah

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Sure do. it tells you what to do, what not to do, how to act, how not to act. what do if you decide to act yes oh there's so many like you know if you feel like being foolish this is what's gonna happen to you if you feel like being obedient this is what's gonna happen to you and i love the fact that there's there's no holes because he gives you a little bit of everything i mean even in the story of Job we see how a man who is faithful to God gets tested and doesn't fail

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And even though there is a moment where he's questioning, like, um maybe I did do something wrong. Like, maybe I did mess up.

Krystal Thomas: Right.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: God was there.

Krystal Thomas: And he gets corrected, but in love. Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Correct it with love.

Krystal Thomas: And it's justified, like it's shown to be like, yeah, that's like, it also ties to what you were saying earlier about, especially when people do not understand, but they have a lot to say.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: So much. A lot of times we have to take our lives out of people's mouths.

Krystal Thomas: Yes.

Krystal Thomas: Oh.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And just, yes, let me say again. got Take our lives out of people's mouths and by ourselves for a second okay and then resurface.

Krystal Thomas: Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: you know, there's times where there's certain things i only pray to God about.

Krystal Thomas: Mm hmm.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: I'll never share it with a friend. And then there's moments where God will give me an opportunity to share it. But then he's like, share it when I tell you to.

Krystal Thomas: Yeah, that's so good. Because I do think very similar. i got very wise advice that what was happening, especially when there would be like different life situations or especially like.

Krystal Thomas: like strong emotions, things that I was feeling. Right. But I was so quick. I was like, okay, I'm naming the emotion. i know how I feel. And then I would go to like my community straight into it. Right.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: ah here

Krystal Thomas: But there's something that happens when, okay, we're naming how we're feeling. We're in the, like we're sitting in it with God, we're releasing it to God. And then we invite others in if we are being called or led to do so.

Krystal Thomas: Right. Because

Rev. Titiana Stovall: There it is.

Krystal Thomas: There might be something that you are going through that someone else's, but you may be further along, right? Or vice versa, right?

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Mm-hmm.

Krystal Thomas: But the important thing is that because you've already spent the time with the Lord, even if someone is speaking into your life, if it's not aligning with what the Lord told you, or you'll have that sensitivity of like, okay, this is a aligning, this isn't.

Krystal Thomas: you're able to receive what is for you and and speak against what isn't, right? But you cannot miss that stuff. Girl, we are almost at an hour and 20 minutes. You answered of my questions.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: See, you know, it's so funny.

Krystal Thomas: You answered one, actually two, I'll give that.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: feel like we did like four.

Krystal Thomas: well Tell me about yourself,

Krystal Thomas: your journey of faith, um give you I'll give you challenged, like some challenge in your faith. Actually, no, I think you did it. I think you did it. What has been something that has surprised you in your journey of faith? Yeah.

Krystal Thomas: What about, what about um what is the biggest misconception about being a Christian?

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Yeah.

Krystal Thomas: I think you touched on that too, but there anything you want to add?

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Okay. And I'm so glad you said that.

Krystal Thomas: mar

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Biggest misconception is misconceptions that you cannot have fun as a Christian.

Krystal Thomas: Oh my gosh. You're the same person to say that.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Biggest misconception.

Krystal Thomas: I love it.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Because we having fun right now. Okay.

Krystal Thomas: Yeah. Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Let's talk about Jesus. And our experiences. And i will say some of the most, most fun times I've ever had in my life were with church folk.

Krystal Thomas: Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: just Just talking about God, just being in the presence and it's clean fun. And the world will try and deceive you and tell you like, oh no, you got to go over here. You got to this and you got to that. And it leaves you feeling gross at the end of the night, you know, or gross the next morning.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Being with God, like you don't get that feeling and you still feel good even after it's done. You still feel filled and and relieved and like all this stuff. And i dare say choose peace because it's when you are endeavoring to please God and be in the pleasure of God, the peace that comes with that.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: oh, it's it's like none other. You can see people fighting around you. You can see conflict around you. And you're just like, why am i so peaceful? It doesn't make sense. Usually I would be all up in the mix and I'm just sitting here trying to figure out what gonna eat.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: You know what I mean? Like just just, you know, not even dissociated, just out, like not involved. And i think the biggest piece is that You know, the common misconception is that it's not fun.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: But then on the other side of it is that I don't because I don't know what's on the other side of my obedience. I'm not going to do it. And i think with that one, especially obedience is better than sacrifice.

Krystal Thomas: Hmm. Mm-hmm.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And we can try and sacrifice our obedience all of the long day. I got time. No man knows the hour or the day at which he will come. And when that trumpet sounds, you can't repent because he's already come.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And my biggest thing is like, Lord, prepare me to be in your presence for eternity. Because that's really why we're here. You know, a lot of times, and third misconception, um people think we're on earth to, you know, live these wonderful, beautiful lives, leave a legacy and, you know, make people remember us.

Krystal Thomas: Hmm. Hmm.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: No, I'm here to obey God, be a good example, follow what he told me to do, win souls back to him, and then go live an eternity with him. I was created for that. and we have to put it in our hearts that I don't care what's going on in this world.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: This world is, we already see some of the destruction that's taking place and we know that it's been prophesied that more destruction is coming. But I endeavor to live the way that God told me to live and do the things that he told me to do, no matter how it looks, whether everyone's doing it or not.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Because at the end of my life here on earth, I get to go live with God.

Krystal Thomas: Hmm.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And I, my biggest thing right now is that I want to hear God say, well done, my good and faithful servant.

Krystal Thomas: he

Rev. Titiana Stovall: I don't want to hear him say, turn away from me, you worker of iniquity. I don't, like, what's the point of going through all this just for him to say, i don't know you?

Krystal Thomas: didn't know you, yeah.

Krystal Thomas: Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Like, bro, we, bro, we talk.

Krystal Thomas: okay

Rev. Titiana Stovall: It's me. Okay. hey

Krystal Thomas: What do you mean? Yeah, no.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Like, it's me. it' like Come on. Stop.

Krystal Thomas: Oh my

Rev. Titiana Stovall: You know, and so for me, it the biggest thing is like living my life to where not only does it honor him to be with him in heaven, but at the same time that it honors him in every decision that I make, where in my secret place, I'm still obeying God.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: In my public place, I'm obeying God.

Krystal Thomas: God.

Krystal Thomas: Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: In my dream space, I'm obeying God.

Krystal Thomas: Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: i remember there was a friend of mine who gave a testimony about how she honored God in her dream. And she was just like, that's how I know God is within me because I'm honoring him in my subconscious.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And it was just like, that's beautiful.

Krystal Thomas: Goals.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Goals where even in the space where I'm not aware, and I'm not in control, I'm still honoring God. that's That's it. That's where I feel like the the biggest misconception is, is that it doesn't matter what I do when no one's watching.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: It always matters. Always matters.

Krystal Thomas: that's so good and I like I echo that because I do think I know an area I'm trying to figure out how to phrase it i like i shared earlier I just really wrestle with like the fact that people because of other people um or how our faith has been taken

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Mm-hmm.

Krystal Thomas: out of context,

Krystal Thomas: do not want to know God because of people. And I think there are, there are some people and I'm, I'm chuckling because I feel like I had this conversation the other day where it's like, well, if you are relying people to shape your faith, then you never really had it. and I was like, okay, let's like walk it back a bit. Walk it back.

Krystal Thomas: You just, you coming in.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: There's a fallacy in that.

Krystal Thomas: Yeah, you're coming in hot. Like if you are young or like there's been hurt and all these other things, right?

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Yeah.

Krystal Thomas: Like we're not going to minimize that.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Right.

Krystal Thomas: But we're also going to be very clear what is God and what is not.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Exactly.

Krystal Thomas: um And I think I love what you said about having fun. Like we were playing kickball the other day. do you know how funny it is watching a bunch of 30-year-olds play kickball?

Rev. Titiana Stovall: First of all, I'd be broken to

Krystal Thomas: who think that they're showing their The whole time we were all like, please don't get hurt, please don't get hurt, please don't get hurt.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: it. Do not fall!

Krystal Thomas: Oh my gosh.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: But it's fun.

Krystal Thomas: Or i'm like, yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: it's just, it's wholesome.

Krystal Thomas: It's wholesome.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And I've had those nights where, you know, i went to the Devil's Playpen and

Krystal Thomas: There's a freedom. Yeah.

Krystal Thomas: Oh. Oh, that is serious.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: drink his juice too. And it was just like, yeah, it felt fun. but the next day it was not fun.

Krystal Thomas: Yeah. Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And i just, I got to a point where I had to tell myself, like, aren't you tired of this? Like you can stop and you can just have fun the way that you want to have fun.

Krystal Thomas: yeah

Rev. Titiana Stovall: You don't have to do what they do. And it put, it it it should strengthen your confidence to where you can make your own decision where you don't have to be the follower that just does it because everyone else is doing it.

Krystal Thomas: Hmm Hmm

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Where you can have autonomy of your choices and your decisions. And i mean, look, do what you want to do but at the same time also consider, is what I'm doing honoring God or honoring me?

Krystal Thomas: yeah and that's what

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Who do I love more?

Krystal Thomas: Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: God or me?

Krystal Thomas: Oh, full circle. Let's go.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: What

Krystal Thomas: She did it. She did it. Because that's exactly was going to say.

Krystal Thomas: am I loving God or am i pursuing likes? Like, it's like, like, what is, what is the focus?

Rev. Titiana Stovall: is the focus?

Krystal Thomas: Right. Um, and like, yeah, there are going to be things that

Rev. Titiana Stovall: what is the fault

Krystal Thomas: I'm trying to figure out how to phrase it.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Right.

Krystal Thomas: There are going to be things that are going to like make me have to go against like wanting to people please. Right. We're coming out of agreement with that. Right.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: here

Krystal Thomas: Um,

Krystal Thomas: But what I want people to see, even if they don't understand, man, I'm just like weeping in this episode, but like, it's just all the feels is the love of God. I just like that. I feel like it's just missing.

Krystal Thomas: um Where it's so much about, yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: and the reverence of his love.

Krystal Thomas: Yeah. It's just like, it's so much about like what I believe and what I do. And like, this is why you're wrong. And like, it's like, no, there is a truth, right?

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Mm-hmm.

Krystal Thomas: We're not, and there's not a truth. It's just that like, but where we stop short of is the love, right?

Rev. Titiana Stovall: The love.

Krystal Thomas: It's like,

Krystal Thomas: I do these things because I know what it's like, like using your example, I do these things because I know what it was like when I did these other things.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Mm-hmm.

Krystal Thomas: And I've experienced newness and fullness in life and joy, even though you know my 30 plus year old body should not be out there playing kickball, But like, you know, like they're, they're, they're just a new like, I was trying to describe it to someone else.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: right

Krystal Thomas: It's like, um, I'll get words for the year. And one word, or the word for one year was play. And when I knew the joy and the freedom and the adventure and the curiosity that I was like rediscovering that aspect of myself and learning not to take myself so seriously, know what I mean?

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Oh, all the grace that's in that, just by itself.

Krystal Thomas: Right? Right. And like, by me learning how to play led to so many other people giving themselves grace.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Yeah.

Krystal Thomas: Like God redeemed that for others. you know what I mean? And so it's like, even in something as small and as simple as that, like what I want to be known for is of course, pointing to Jesus

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Of course. First and foremost.

Krystal Thomas: But that she that I lived a life that was rooted in the love of Jesus.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Amen.

Krystal Thomas: You know what I mean?

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Yeah.

Krystal Thomas: Can we get there? That part, please.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: That part. One of the greatest compliments I ever received is from a good friend of mine. um We had just met, and I think we probably knew each other for about like a month or two.

Krystal Thomas: Don't you love those friendships?

Rev. Titiana Stovall: ah

Krystal Thomas: I feel like we became friends like that. Like with us and like our other friend, I was like, we're friends now.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: We did.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: We're we connected. it own

Krystal Thomas: I know. Oh,

Rev. Titiana Stovall: But he looked at me one night and he said, you are the evidence of God's divinity.

Krystal Thomas: wow.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And I was just sitting there like, no man has ever said that to me before.

Krystal Thomas: Whoa. Wow.

Krystal Thomas: Wow.

Krystal Thomas: wow

Rev. Titiana Stovall: but it was so powerful to where it changed everything that I felt about myself in that moment, where it was just like, I'm evidence that God exists.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And when you look at yourself from that perspective of I'm evidence of God's divinity, that right there helps you recognize what love truly is.

Krystal Thomas: Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Even in all my mess ups, even in all my accomplishments, even in all the moments that I haven't even lived yet, I am evidence that he exists.

Krystal Thomas: Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: I am evidence of God's divinity. And it just, I give that gift to y'all. You are evidence of God's divinity in every decision that you make, in every step that you take, every bite that you eat, every thought that you think.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: You are evidence that God exists and people are watching you see what God does in your life so that they can do it for themselves as well. And so we have to be accountable.

Krystal Thomas: Okay,

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And I love how you said that earlier, accountability.

Krystal Thomas: man. Mm-hmm.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: We have to walk in the accountability of the calling that he put on our lives. Our callings may be different. um You may have a calling to preach. You may have a calling to sing. You may have a calling to be hospitable. Whatever your calling is, do it in the service of God.

Krystal Thomas: Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: with him in mind at all times, knowing that he will have his faithful work. He who has begun a great work in me is faithful to finish it.

Krystal Thomas: Man.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And so we have to put ourselves in the position to recognize why we are here on this earth and recognize that everything we do is pushed back on God. Because people can watch us and say like, oh, well, she's a Christian and that's what she doing? Mm.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: But then people can also look at us and say, you're a Christian. How do I become one?

Krystal Thomas: Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And that's all he wants us to do, live life in a way that it brings people back to his heart.

Krystal Thomas: yeah

Rev. Titiana Stovall: And it's such a beautiful, such a beautiful moment. And it's so honorable, but it is, it's challenging. It does come with responsibility. You can't do everything that you think you want to do.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: and technically you really don't need to yeah

Krystal Thomas: Mic drop.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: do it. You

Krystal Thomas: um You're doing too much. Okay, bye.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: that me you know, just take a rest, you know. Let's just take that rest.

Krystal Thomas: Oh, let me tell you, rest.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Yeah, that yoke is easy and this burden is light. And see, everything that he's asking us to do,

Krystal Thomas: trying to pick it up myself.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: It's just so that he can get the glory out of it. And when we recognize that everything we're doing is to bring glory back to God, it makes it easier.

Krystal Thomas: Yeah.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Yeah.

Krystal Thomas: Amen.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Amen.

Krystal Thomas: Girl, I'm cracking up because I knew. i was like, we about to be like hour 40.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: That'd be all I'm

Krystal Thomas: I knew as soon as like when like you started like preaching, I was like, oh yeah, just questions out the window.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Let's just let the Holy Spirit have this one.

Krystal Thomas: um I know, but it was so so good.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: I read the questions. I'm so sorry.

Krystal Thomas: No, no, no. But honestly, i feel like it was one of those where it's like we really got to go deep. And I think a a lot of things that maybe people are both thinking about or wrestling in

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Yes.

Krystal Thomas: And I do think in all of that, like as we're going through the questions, we talked about the character of God. We talked about what surprises.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Yes.

Krystal Thomas: We talked about what challenges.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Yes.

Krystal Thomas: They all came out and we got just so many good nuggets. I i took notes. I was writing a little because I was like, look, she going too fast. She's going too fast. You're too much.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Lord. Get downloads.

Krystal Thomas: I know, but it's just sign you just have to have you come back.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: I love that idea. would love to come see y'all again.

Krystal Thomas: Yeah. Yeah. But thank you so much for hanging out with us, sharing your testimony, sharing your, a part of your amazing story. Yeah.

Krystal Thomas: ah yeah I just, I'm feeling grateful. I'm also feeling very convicted. Like I just want to go out and do all the things.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: If you need Jesus, just come.

Krystal Thomas: I know. where Where I live, I'm just going to just walk around. um

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Just being evidence of that divinity.

Krystal Thomas: Amen.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Yeah.

Krystal Thomas: um But yeah, I'd like that just to be reminded of that already. Like there's already, like we're already a miracle.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Yes.

Krystal Thomas: you know what I mean? It's just, girl, we're about to go on another team.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Already. I'm

Krystal Thomas: Okay, I'm reel it in.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: sorry. Okay. We got to go.

Krystal Thomas: We got to go.

Rev. Titiana Stovall: We got to go.

Krystal Thomas: We got to So everyone, please join me in thinking. thanking, thanking the Reverend Titiana here joining us. who

Rev. Titiana Stovall: Yay!

Krystal Thomas: um And just remember that there is more than enough space for you to be seen, known, and loved. We'll see you next time. Bye.