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Episode 22: Mother Wounds, Father Wounds & The Path Back to Love
38 Plays1 year ago
In this special episode of Sacred Self Love, I’m joined by my son and special guest, Logan Critz for a deeply personal conversation on family healing dynamics. Together, we explore the layers of mother wounds, father wounds, and the ways these unhealed parts of us show up in all of our relationships — from family to romantic partnerships, and even our relationship with ourselves.
We discuss how becoming aware of these wounds is the first step in breaking generational patterns, and share tools and insights that have supported us on our own healing journeys. Through honest reflection, we explore how we can hold compassion for where we’ve come from while creating space to return back to love — both individually and as a family.
Whether you’re navigating your own family dynamics or looking for ways to support your healing, this conversation offers gentle reminders that healing is possible, and love can always guide us home.
Please subscribe for more episodes like this!
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Transcript
Introduction & Mother-Son Dynamic
00:00:00
Valerie Vazquez
Aloha and welcome to Sacred Self-Love. I am your host and guide Valerie Vasquez and today is going to be a super exciting episode. I have my son here with me and we are going to have a conversation. I'm not sure exactly where it's going but we are going to be talking about our dynamics together as a mother and son on a healing journey, what he's experienced and thus far as a young man and the different aspects of being raised by multiple fathers.
00:00:38
Valerie Vazquez
And so it is going to be a heartfelt conversation. But before i bring Logan on, i am going to do a little farm update like I normally do. And I just want to thank you all for joining us today.
00:00:54
Valerie Vazquez
Last episode was a bit heavy and i can't promise that this one won't go as heavy but first of all on the farm we had some fun things happen. We had a few of our chickens hatch eggs so the first little little chicks to be born on the farm and so they're running around through the orchard with their mamas and it's so beautiful to see and Also, we are expecting our first lamb from OG Frappy, who is one of the first sheep that I ever, like bottle fed. And now three years later, she's going to have a lamb
Emotional Boundaries & Healing
00:01:39
Valerie Vazquez
of her own. So any day now she's walking around
00:01:43
Valerie Vazquez
ready to give birth and I'm so excited about that and with our lychee we are coming to almost a close for the lychee season and it's been definitely a different experience this year but we're grateful that we still have some fruit on the trees and so yeah without further ado I am going to bring ah Logan, ah who is my son, and just really grateful to have him here with me today and being so open to sharing his experiences of life and lessons. And yeah so Logan, welcome to Sacred Self-Love.
00:02:34
Valerie Vazquez
Hello, everybody. um I'm Logan. I'm 24 years old. i twenty four years old I'm just ah Very grateful ah to be on this podcast with my mom. We've been through a lot of ah beautiful things together, lot of hardships together, um a lot of lessons.
00:02:52
Valerie Vazquez
And me being on this podcast, um I hope I can share some of my wisdom with some young men out there and just kind of share my life with people and hope people gain some stuff from it too.
00:03:08
Valerie Vazquez
Yeah, of course they will because you have always been someone that I knew was an old soul. you've You've always had a lot of patience and kindness and an ability to just really be a loving person, um which I know has also caused some pain for you as well.
00:03:41
Valerie Vazquez
Yeah, I'm very much very much an empath. i can feel what people feel when I look at them. And um one of my favorite things is being able to hold space for people and listen to them without giving solutions, but being that person that can um listen to them and hold space and just give them the love that they need in certain points in their life.
00:04:10
Valerie Vazquez
Yeah, and you have been that space for me a lot. And I know that there have been times, many times where i didn't realize as a mother, especially in the last like couple of years of like us walking on our own healing journeys, I i misconstrued and what was the
00:04:42
Valerie Vazquez
you holding space for me for things that were not appropriate for you to hold space for. That as a mother and son dynamic, I didn't realize that I would put certain things on you that were just, yeah, not not not appropriate, like having any kind of ah emotional relationship Like me not being like um emotionally stable in the moment and just thinking that you could hold that space for me, especially when it had to do with dynamics with Chad, my husband, and just kind of like blurring the lines of what is a holding space and then how that could truly affect you emotionally and then your walk through, you know, what you're going through.
00:05:33
Valerie Vazquez
Yeah, and we've had conversations about this recently. um And I just want to say for all the young people listening, um you shouldn't have to hold space or you shouldn't have to take on emotions from your parents.
00:05:48
Valerie Vazquez
um You're the kid, you're the young adult, and they should be holding the space for you and they should be giving you um emotional support through everything you're going through.
00:06:01
Valerie Vazquez
have some friends I talk to and they've gone through the same things where the parents will...
00:06:09
Valerie Vazquez
kind of push everything onto the kid, but the kid is confused because you're a child, or you're the kid and you're supposed to be um not taking care of a parent really.
00:06:24
Valerie Vazquez
But you and I, mom, we've gone through a lot of stuff, a lot of good learning, and i am forever grateful that I was the one to kind of be there for you in your times of need.
00:06:38
Valerie Vazquez
Because now, and throughout my life, you've always been the person for me. So I'm very grateful for that. um But for the young men, young ladies, um you really don't need to take on any of your parents' pain.
00:06:55
Valerie Vazquez
And I've learned that
00:06:59
Valerie Vazquez
parents, especially in these last few generations, they've always been learned to keep everything to numb everything out and not to take care of themselves.
00:07:13
Valerie Vazquez
But that is not your pain to hold on to. And that's not your pain to feel. Yeah. Thank you for that. And it is part of the greater picture of what having emotional intelligence, why it's so important for parents to have and to understand that when we place our emotions onto our children,
00:07:48
Valerie Vazquez
it does cause emotional, it's like an enmeshment and it causes the child to believe that they have to be our rescuer, that they have to bring us back to safety when it truly is all of our
00:08:12
Valerie Vazquez
duties to ourself to find the safety within. and when we place that onto a child, when we expect them to be hour safe space and we don't think about it, it not only affects the relationship that you have with your child, but it will affect their relationship to future partners because they will feel the need to rescue future partners and and not feel safe until they are because they have felt the consequences of our actions when we weren't emotionally stable.
Breaking Generational Trauma
00:08:59
Valerie Vazquez
Yeah, I agree. um am my experience, um kind of being everyone's emotional support, and I've let myself get my energy drained by a lot of people and not taking care of myself, but worrying about you know everybody else. I feel like a lot of people have gone through that and still going through that.
00:09:27
Valerie Vazquez
Um, but again, as a teen young adult, when a parent goes to you about issues with their partner or their husband or their wife, then you just get very, very confused about everything. It's like, well, I have love for both of these people, but now one of the parents is talking bad about the other person and that is nothing or no kid should ever have to hear any fighting or any talking bad about the other ah parent really.
00:10:04
Valerie Vazquez
But I know that is a thing that happens to pretty much every kid like when a parent gets divorced, they're always talking bad about the other parent and they're always really just making that kid confused and hurt because you don't want to hear your parents talking bad about each other ever.
00:10:30
Valerie Vazquez
And it does a lot of, um, does a lot of trauma. Again, a lot of confusion with kids and adults, you know, um
00:10:43
Valerie Vazquez
So now in life, I've learned just have to keep doing your own healing because I'm the generation to break all these curses, break all these traumas and nobody can do it except for yourself, except for me.
00:11:04
Valerie Vazquez
um So that's the journey I'm on. Reteaching myself um certain aspects of life with all sorts of things.
00:11:19
Valerie Vazquez
Yeah, it's it's a vast journey when you, first of all, become aware of how these generational traumas and cycles have been passed down.
00:11:31
Valerie Vazquez
and once you choose to become a cycle breaker so that you no longer pass this on to your children. And it is really important that, like what you said, Logan, that true healing comes from relearning how to, it's basically reparenting yourself. It's relearning how to take care of yourself first so that you can show up in a different way. And like for you, for instance, like, and I am also empathic. It's like taking on other people's energy. If if you pour into yourself first, you know, you fill up your cup first,
00:12:13
Valerie Vazquez
then you could potentially have the ability to hold space for someone else. But if you don't do that first and foremost and you just try to hold space, you're already drained from not, you know, helping yourself out, then you're really...
00:12:31
Valerie Vazquez
you you know, in that place where you can't use your voice and say, hey, this really isn't a good time for me to hold space for you right now. I need, can you give me a couple hour, you know, it's just, there's so many different aspects that are intertwined into being able to take care of yourself first and
Benefits of Breath Work
00:12:51
Valerie Vazquez
knowing that that's okay. And really that comes to healing actually the aspects of a mother wound because a mother wound really has us living in the space of like chaos and moving and, and constantly like actually ignoring ourselves and our bodies and what it needs because we have learned that we need to keep our mothers safe so that we don't have to feel the wrath of her in some capacity, you know?
00:13:23
Valerie Vazquez
Yeah. Yeah. You got to,
00:13:27
Valerie Vazquez
kind of like protect yourself and you got to do the things that are needed. Otherwise you will feel that wrath from a person that's not regulated. Their nervous system isn't regulated. and um
00:13:49
Valerie Vazquez
and I believe this new generation really is waking up. I've been on my healing journey for I don't know, five, six years and it has the ups and downs.
00:14:02
Valerie Vazquez
And especially for young men, there is a lot of pressure on us to, um, get that good job, get the family, have a house and everything. And it is a lot of pressure on young men and women.
00:14:19
Valerie Vazquez
Um, But again, the healing process is such an up and down, up and down, but you just got to keep going. You got to keep going and you got to keep breathing.
00:14:31
Valerie Vazquez
You got to keep sitting with yourself and you have to stop numbing every time you feel bad. Those thoughts that you get, anxiety, every feeling that a human gets is a lesson.
00:14:45
Valerie Vazquez
And you have to go through those lessons so that you can become a better person for yourself, most of all, and those around you. You heal yourself and you heal people around you.
00:14:59
Valerie Vazquez
They see the process you're going through. They see the,
00:15:07
Valerie Vazquez
like, What's the word?
00:15:11
Valerie Vazquez
They see you progressing for yourself. And that's the most important thing for us ah young people. Healing the mother wound and the father wound, which is going to take a long time.
00:15:24
Valerie Vazquez
But every single small step you take into doing that, your life is going to get better and better and better. and again, healing yourself is the best thing you can do for your life.
00:15:39
Valerie Vazquez
and that abundance and all these great opportunities are just going to keep flowing when you're doing really good stuff for yourself.
00:15:52
Valerie Vazquez
Yeah, it's true. um And so I guess I wanted to ask you, since you are a guest on the podcast, what I heard you mention, and this is a really big thing that is, you know, out in the media right now and and part of the healing space is talking about like nervous system regulation.
00:16:13
Valerie Vazquez
and And you mentioned breathing. So that... is that something that you recommend to young men I can't recommend breathing enough to anybody in the world, especially young people.
00:16:29
Valerie Vazquez
If you can start breathing now, your whole life is going to change. but Your nervous system is directly correlated to how much carbon dioxide is in the bloodstream.
00:16:40
Valerie Vazquez
And carbon dioxide, an influx of carbon dioxide, actually makes you feel more or more in survival mode, more anxiety, more depression, more panic. panic So when you do breath work, you're flushing out the carbon dioxide in your bloodstream and you're getting a lot more oxygen in the bloodstream, which fully takes you into a grounded state and also...
00:17:07
Valerie Vazquez
just makes everything like less scary in a way. We would do breath work every day before we do farm work and the farm work was just so seamless. Everything was easier.
00:17:20
Valerie Vazquez
If you're not doing your breath work in the morning, you're starting the day off already kind of in a survival mode, got to get things done. thinking about what you have to do next.
00:17:32
Valerie Vazquez
But when you do breath work, you're going into the present moment. You're getting into your body and you are just, you just feel so grounded. Even if you're just doing a five minute breath work of a heart coherence or an anxiety or stress breath work, I guarantee you a hundred percent. You're going to feel 10 times better after.
00:17:55
Valerie Vazquez
So breathing, it is hard to do in the beginning. The ego wants you to stop. The ego is like, what are you doing? But once you're able to meditate, do the five-minute breath work every single day in the morning or whenever, your life is going to change.
00:18:13
Valerie Vazquez
Your nervous system will be regulated. Opportunities are going to start popping up. And life just is kind of easier. You're not in survival mode.
00:18:25
Valerie Vazquez
So please, young men, old men, young women, Older women, please just breathe. I promise you everything is going to change.
00:18:38
Valerie Vazquez
It's the easiest thing you can do for yourself. Just look up on YouTube, Sandy Breathwork. He's the best. Five minutes car heart coherence or stress and anxiety.
00:18:50
Valerie Vazquez
like promise everything will change. Yeah, it it is definitely something that has been an enormous part of my healing journey and my healing journey with Chad and Logan.
Balancing Energies & Grounding
00:19:05
Valerie Vazquez
And i just want to like expand on the spiritual aspects of healing. that's you want to have a regulated nervous system, because our bodies are also energy and we have a field that radiates out.
00:19:22
Valerie Vazquez
And when our nervous system is regulated, field is regulated. is becomes more coherent with our truth. And so we aren't going to be as triggered or pulled into the past.
00:19:37
Valerie Vazquez
We're going to have our, you know, our horror line, our chakra system is going to be more in balance with the breath, with the groundedness. And when others around us are also in that same coherence,
00:19:51
Valerie Vazquez
yeah, we just won't trigger back and forth off off of each other. and you it makes it so much more seamless. And the aspect of Breathing also, when Logan mentioned grounding, it is bringing you into your body, which is the feminine and into the heart and out of just the logic and reason, which is masculine in the brain.
00:20:18
Valerie Vazquez
And true healing comes when we can like balance both the feminine and masculine energies and not just be pulled in one direction or the other, but feel more of a coherence within ourselves and others.
00:20:34
Valerie Vazquez
Exactly. i mean, it's changed all three of our lives. I don't remember exactly, but we were living in Oahu and i was on YouTube and then I saw Wim Hof and I clicked on the video and i was a breathing Wim Hof and I did it. i was like, wow. Wow.
00:20:54
Valerie Vazquez
I feel 10 times better, like a reverse of how I feel. And then I shared it with mom and Chad. Then they started doing it. then from then, the whole dynamic has completely changed.
00:21:10
Valerie Vazquez
It's seriously getting back into your body, getting back into your heart, rather than being in your mind thinking, what is this person going to do next to trigger me? Are they going to do this? And they are they going to hurt me?
00:21:22
Valerie Vazquez
Are they going to trigger me doing that? I won't say it's impossible, but when you're grounded and you do breath work with your family or just yourself, that's not even a thought in your brain.
00:21:35
Valerie Vazquez
You're just in the present moment with these people. Especially when you're doing work, even if you're not working with your family, if you have stress and anxiety about work or even finding a parking spot somewhere. I know people, even me, like going to new places gives me a lot of anxiety. But if I breathe, there is none.
00:21:59
Valerie Vazquez
I know everything is going to be okay. Being grounded is the most important thing you can do every single day of your life.
00:22:08
Valerie Vazquez
um sure Yeah. And i i wanted to kind of go into as a man how important that is for a woman to have a man or a partner, a father, and any anybody like that when they are grounded, like how and important and that is to be able to hold a woman's emotional state, which we all know
00:22:42
Valerie Vazquez
We are cyclical as women and our emotions fluctuate. It's pretty much the same thing every month, depending on where you are in your you know life cycle.
00:22:52
Valerie Vazquez
But how important it is for a man to learn how to be grounded so that when a woman comes in with different emotions that he doesn't immediately go into a defensive state or discount her reality and how important that is during the healing process because that has been a ah major factor when you have people that are healing together ah men and women are different as we know
00:23:24
Valerie Vazquez
um But when all when all of these dynamics are happening during healing, we can be going through some moments of like facing those shadows within us and having a man who is emotionally stable and understand that that's going to come forward and not take it personally and then not also feel like they have to fix it, like how important that is Can you speak on that at all?
00:23:55
Valerie Vazquez
Oh yeah. I mean, men, we traditionally take care of the family traditionally, like with, um, financially bills, most things, um, traditionally.
00:24:12
Valerie Vazquez
And when you are working yourself and you are in survival mode, I have to go get this eight hours of work done. And then I got to, take care of a family and all these things, it's a lot of pressure until you start getting grounded in yourself and things just start to flow within the family.
00:24:37
Valerie Vazquez
I mean, i can remember when y'all were doing real estate. Sure. she I remember when y'all were doing real estate years ago and there was absolutely no grounding.
00:24:50
Valerie Vazquez
it was all survival. Get this done. I'm working 12, 14 hours. I'm giving all my energy to everybody except for the family. And the most important thing is your family.
00:25:05
Valerie Vazquez
And as a man, the most, like seriously, the most important thing, like you said, is being grounded for your wife and for your children because ah father is supposed to give a lot of love that fatherly love to their children and teach them things and be a safe place for questions even like hugs stuff like that it's super important for us guys to be grounded for our families most importantly ourselves but
00:25:42
Valerie Vazquez
being a safe place, a safe father figure, a safe man for women is one of the greatest things you can do in your life. It's a whole different world when you can sit with your wife or your girlfriend or whoever, and you are a safe place for them.
00:26:02
Valerie Vazquez
Because when women have a lot of beautiful hormones, divine feminine. Most of the time, it's none of, it's like none of your, it's none of like your fault for any of the emotions.
00:26:18
Valerie Vazquez
And when you get, when you react to her emotions, it just makes everything worse. I have a beautiful girlfriend, Kaylee. We're pretty young. But I've learned just be patient. I mean, being grounded and being patient with your loved one just changes. I've said this a lot, but it just changes everything.
00:26:42
Valerie Vazquez
um Being able to be that safe place, being able to listen without giving solutions. Because I know a lot of people, they talk about their stuff and the first thing a man will do is, well, did you drink water?
00:26:58
Valerie Vazquez
Well, did you eat? Well, you ate a whole thing of ice cream. No wonder your stomach hurts. It's like a woman doesn't want to hear that. A woman wants to see you to say like, oh, I i understand understand how you feel.
00:27:12
Valerie Vazquez
I'm really sorry. Your stomach hurts. Can I do anything for you? Trust me. Everything changes when you start not giving solutions to things.
00:27:23
Valerie Vazquez
Oh my gosh, that's that's so beautiful. I mean, i literally was having a conversation with a friend the other day and she said, i was so angry about this situation that happened and my partner, instead of just confirming Like, wow, I totally understand why you're angry.
00:27:45
Valerie Vazquez
He started just spouting out like all these solutions. And then it just makes it worse because you're right. All we really need is to be validated that that is our experience in that moment.
00:27:59
Valerie Vazquez
That's our experience. And we don't need to be told how to get out of the experience or anything else. We just have to feel it, you know, and and release it.
00:28:11
Valerie Vazquez
So that's really beautiful. And I also wanted to, you know, have you talk a little bit about understanding, like how important it is to understand when a woman is going through her cycle and how it's kind of like the same every month. And so it's not like really a surprise that at certain times you can show up differently too as a man to your girlfriend.
00:28:40
Valerie Vazquez
Yeah. Um, if you're with, if you've been with a woman for a long time, you know, her more than anybody and you know, when things start to happen during the month and it is a beautiful thing.
00:28:55
Valerie Vazquez
I've done a lot of healing and whenever the hormones would, you know, ramp up or whatever. Or they would stop actually. Or they stop. Yeah. You're not getting as much. You're not getting as much. as So you're feeling bad and tired. Yeah. So instead of so like kind of resenting that behavior, kind of take care of her in a way.
00:29:22
Valerie Vazquez
And it's the small things. It's like you see her water is low and you go and fill it up. or you make her food, you take out that trash.
00:29:34
Valerie Vazquez
I've learned just kind of again, breathing and being in the present moment with women is one of the most important things you can do because it makes everything a lot, a lot easier. Instead of, oh, she's crying and then she's mad at me and then she starts crying.
00:29:55
Valerie Vazquez
It's a beautiful thing because... A female goes through that and they create life through these emotions and through these hormones.
00:30:09
Valerie Vazquez
And it's just a natural thing that you can kind of change your mindset on. I know a lot of guys, have a lot of friends, lot of not friends that I talk to and they just get really mad at their girlfriends and they start getting
00:30:33
Valerie Vazquez
you know. Yeah, I mean, it's okay to say whatever you want to say on this podcast, like if you want to say, because we have been in that in a society that has
00:30:47
Valerie Vazquez
separated women from their womb spaces and if it is separated women from the womb spaces then of course the man is really going to look down on it because if a woman isn't even really in tune with how special and like you've been saying how beautiful it is that this process then of course i mean we're going to say things like you know oh she's on the rag and oh she's a bitch yeah like so she's probably on her period yeah and all that crap yeah and like and that is it's really something that we could become more aware of so that we know or you know as a man when your woman is in that part of her cycle that yes if you support her in the ways that she needs to be supported the
00:31:35
Valerie Vazquez
She's probably not going to have as much, you know, anger towards you or she's just going to be like, yeah, I mean, y'all flow through the cycle.
00:31:47
Valerie Vazquez
that literally happens every month together instead of just like either being unaware of it and then just, or the part that I really disliked as a woman was anytime that I showed anger, then that would be like, oh she must be on the rag. And it's like, no, I am just angry about something else. You know, like we're allowed to have, we're all allowed to have emotions.
00:32:15
Valerie Vazquez
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's the thing that has completely changed the dynamic between me and my girlfriend is ah just me being patient.
00:32:26
Valerie Vazquez
Patience, because nine out of ten times, it's nothing about me, you know, but a lot of guys... they're a victim to and or they're feel like a victim when things happen but most the time if you're doing your things right and you're taking care of your surroundings nothing is really about you so just being patient and not reacting to things um has changed a lot in our dynamic and we've
00:33:01
Valerie Vazquez
I mean, we've been together over four years now and it just keeps getting stronger and stronger, the relationship. The more that she is healing and the more that I'm healing, the more i understand her and she understands me, it changes a lot.
00:33:19
Valerie Vazquez
Yeah. Because one of the the things that I've really seen is that that like mother and son dynamic and like how much the son can be affected by the relationship with
Influences on Adult Relationships
00:33:37
Valerie Vazquez
the mother. I mean, i've this is something that I've been dealing with in my own relationship with Chad for so long.
00:33:44
Valerie Vazquez
that I've seen in him when he isn't grounded, those parts of me, like me, like if I have an, like if I'm angry or if I'm doing something, he does everything possible to try to make it okay.
00:34:01
Valerie Vazquez
And what you said, A lot of times it isn't even about him. i mean, we go through so many things individually. I mean, think about how much that we see every day on like social media or TV or you're like thinking about that. And then you have this other relationship with someone else and you're thinking about that. You got this text message. You got all these things are going on.
00:34:25
Valerie Vazquez
And you're just kind of in the middle of your own process of like being in that. Then your partner comes in the room and sees you're angry. And if they're not grounded, they make it about them. Yeah, exactly.
00:34:37
Valerie Vazquez
And then you're like, this isn't even about you, but now you've made it about you, which now makes it about us. And then this whole thing starts again. And yeah, if you're grounded, you won't do that.
00:34:50
Valerie Vazquez
You'll just realize not everything is always going to be about me when I come into the room with someone else. Yeah, exactly.
00:35:01
Valerie Vazquez
Everything, i mean, not really to change the subject, but the way that your partner acts is really how they were raised.
00:35:13
Valerie Vazquez
Yeah. Like, If I it was working all, I know a lot of men can relate, but if you're working all day and then you go home and the first thing is, why didn't you take the trash out or something like that?
00:35:31
Valerie Vazquez
It's not even, her blame her being mad about the trash it's a reaction or a trauma from the youth and when the man hears that like i'm not good enough everything i already do is not good enough that's a trauma from when you were a child and so when you can start
00:35:59
Valerie Vazquez
when you can start um kind of like seeing that of it's not these, not your spouse, not your relationship or your partner's fault, it's something deeper than that.
00:36:10
Valerie Vazquez
And you can be present in that and you can work through that. It heals a lot of relationship dynamic because When you're in a relationship, everything is brought up.
00:36:23
Valerie Vazquez
All the traumas, everything, because this is a person that is seeing you more than anybody else in the world. So when you can...
00:36:35
Valerie Vazquez
be present in these moments and you can realize what is going on. It's not about the trash. It's not about you not being good enough. It's something deeper than that. And you can go back and do whatever you need to do to heal that or just be okay with yourself and say that you are worthy of the love that you should receive because everyone really is worthy of all the love in the world.
00:37:07
Valerie Vazquez
And I know every, mostly everyone in this world hasn't got the love that they needed. But the most important thing is to love yourself. I know it's, I wouldn't say cliche, but it's like love yourself. But it's like, seriously, you have to love yourself so that everything around you changes, especially in relationships. If you are not okay with yourself, you're not going to be okay for the other person.
00:37:35
Valerie Vazquez
It's so true. Like that was so beautifully stated and relationships are a mirror yeah And they really do bring out, like we have all been raised so differently.
00:37:49
Valerie Vazquez
and We might have similar traumas, but we've all been raised differently and we match together with the person that is our mirror or at least somebody that can expose the parts of ourselves that we want to deny and not bring to light.
00:38:08
Valerie Vazquez
um But i what i what came through when you were saying that too is just that when you when you become aware in a partnership and you're both healing, and this takes work for you too, like the part of being grounded is also realizing that there are appropriate times to bring up things with someone else in inappropriate times if you're wanting healing.
Ancient Practices for Healing
00:38:38
Valerie Vazquez
So like you said, if you walk directly in the door from working all day and someone is just like immediately attacks you, that's, yeah, that that's just a recipe for disaster.
00:38:54
Valerie Vazquez
yeah Yeah. hundred percent 100%. And um I wanted to ask you. Okay. What have you done to be like, what have you done in your healing journey that has been the most profound in your healing journey? Like what is one thing that you've done that has kind of like catapulted you to this point in your life?
00:39:29
Valerie Vazquez
Oh, okay. Um,
00:39:35
Valerie Vazquez
slowed down. and taking care of myself. who And
00:39:47
Valerie Vazquez
I mean, i I guess I've never really like thought about this because there's been a lot of things that I've done. i mean, like I've done a whole lot of different things and, but um it's really um slowing down and giving myself the time in space to like just be in my body and connect into nature, whether that be through plant medicine, whether that be through um just just being out and observing our true connection. Yeah.
00:40:26
Valerie Vazquez
Yeah. Beautiful. Thank you. For me, breathing.
00:40:38
Valerie Vazquez
Because... In the beginning, the ego is going to stop you from doing anything that's going to help you, whether that be going on a walk, lifting weights, going on a bike, breathing.
00:40:53
Valerie Vazquez
ah know a lot of people have tried to share like a five-minute breath work, and nobody does it. The ego is going to stop you from doing anything that is different than what you're doing already. Yeah.
00:41:08
Valerie Vazquez
It's all kind of like habit. You go to work and you're always mad. You get home and then you're mad. But there's a way to change that, and that is, again, being grounded. And for me, I'm so and grateful for that. One day i saw Wim Hof on my screen and I clicked it.
00:41:29
Valerie Vazquez
like It was like intuition. and But breathing... We've already talked about this a lot, but I promise do it. Yeah. i Just do it.
00:41:39
Valerie Vazquez
ah What I wanted to like say about that is that um we as a society have been so programmed to just like
00:41:50
Valerie Vazquez
fall under doctor's orders of, oh, you have anxiety, take a pill. Oh, everything has been taught to heal us or cure us has been with an outside source.
00:42:04
Valerie Vazquez
It's all been like you have to take a medicine or you have to do all of these things, but the ancient wisdom and the ancient practices were always about coming back to the breath and connecting um yoga, for instance, which is something like that, I would say was, I think that was the most pivotal point for me is, um like you said, when you found the but breathing, yoga was what I found in the beginning.
00:42:40
Valerie Vazquez
But yoga was originally about the breath and sitting straight up and breathing. It wasn't all of the asanas or the poses. It was the breath. Mm hmm.
00:42:51
Valerie Vazquez
because that connects us, it's the ka, it's what, or ha, sorry. Ha. The breath of life. The breath of life. It's what connects us back and just to slowing down.
00:43:07
Valerie Vazquez
So, um, exactly. I mean, I worked at Kulo Ranch for a few years and I learned so much about the culture here and how much the breath was important.
00:43:20
Valerie Vazquez
For instance, everyone says aloha, but they don't know what they're saying. They think it's like hello or goodbye. But when you break down the word aloha, all oh is being in the present moment and ha is the breath of life so you're being in the present breath with your family or anybody or even with yourself when i learned that my mindset changed a lot because seriously being in the present moment bring in your present breath there's nothing better than being in that being in your body really
00:43:58
Valerie Vazquez
Yeah, um I do believe that it is so important on our healing journeys to refer to these ancient teachings and these ancient ways and even yeah living here in Hawaii. I mean, we've heard of the Ho'oponopono.
00:44:17
Valerie Vazquez
um that That was such a pivotal healing in the Hawaiian culture. of families coming together and talking and releasing everything that they had built up against one another, the resentments, um all of these different things that they were going through as a family and then getting to the point where they truly could say, I'm sorry, forgive me, I love you, and like not just say it, but like truly mean it because they went through these, you know,
00:44:54
Valerie Vazquez
they went through this healing together of getting everything out and not leaving anything that wasn't spoken, whether or not it's painful, like it has to be talked about. and And that's one of the hardest parts of healing, my opinion, in a family is not just pushing shit under the rug.
00:45:21
Valerie Vazquez
Yeah. but actually bringing it to the surface, no matter how uncomfortable it is, but also in a grounded state, not in a time where we're angry and we just wanna blame and we just wanna like, prove how the other person is wrong. Yeah.
00:45:43
Valerie Vazquez
Yeah, the hard, I mean, talking, having the hard conversations is the most important thing you can do in a relationship with anybody in your life.
00:45:55
Valerie Vazquez
And keeping it in is only going to make it worse. And I want to reiterate, when you have hard conversations,
00:46:07
Valerie Vazquez
if you breathe before, everything is a lot less scary, a lot less confronting. Cause you're both grounded with the person. And i know a lot of people kind of put off on the healing journey. Cause there's like, what do you, where do you start?
00:46:29
Valerie Vazquez
Like, what do you like? How do you start healing? Just breathe. True. Promise. Just breathe. And yoga is a beautiful art form. It's a beautiful healing thing you can do as well.
00:46:46
Valerie Vazquez
um Because like you said in the beginning of the podcast, we are energy. When you start feeling anxiety, and you feel it in your stomach or wherever you feel it.
00:46:58
Valerie Vazquez
You have depression or you feel sad or anything like that. You feel it. It's energy. When I've felt anxiety or sadness and I breathe, my breath is hot.
00:47:12
Valerie Vazquez
Like it feels like something is coming out. Energy is coming out. And when you get to the point of doing longer breath works, like the 30 minute or 45 minute breath works, your body is just like vibrating with energy and releasing energy.
00:47:30
Valerie Vazquez
You get memories from the past. You're like, wow, I've never thought of that in 20 years. But you have the tool and you use it every day and it's breathing.
00:47:44
Valerie Vazquez
So like you said, having the hard conversations, but if you can be grounded in those hard conversations, it's so much better because my past relationships, past people I've been with, if you have this hard conversation, it just, it's like a, it's like a war.
00:48:03
Valerie Vazquez
People blow up. But when you're present in yourself and in a love vibration and you have these conversations, there's so much good that comes out of it rather than like bad stuff.
00:48:19
Valerie Vazquez
Yeah. Cause if you're not grounded, you're basically just projecting your own wounds onto that person and you are either defaming their character or you're blaming every single aspect on what's going on onto them.
00:48:39
Valerie Vazquez
and so of course they're going to become, you know, They're going to most likely match your energy, but also they could fawn. They could like just close down completely, freeze freeze, fawn, all of the things just go into survival. So it's really truly about...
00:49:00
Valerie Vazquez
If you're wanting to heal in a family dynamic or in a relationship, i've I've witnessed it with Chad over the last years. I mean, my journey is so much different as if as a female, as, you know, someone who is...
00:49:15
Valerie Vazquez
really truly understanding what it means to be in a sacred feminine space. I've done a lot of different things. He has not wanted to do the majority of them. and But one thing that I can say he's been consistent on is the breath work.
00:49:32
Valerie Vazquez
And I've watched how he that has brought awarenesses to him that for me, I had to go through a course of breath doing these other things to get there.
00:49:44
Valerie Vazquez
So all of our journeys are sacred and different, but our consciousness will evolve when we are grounded, when we are regulated.
00:49:56
Valerie Vazquez
We will start seeing how our actions affect our relationships, not just to ourselves, to others, but to the world around us and how important it is. So Logan, I just wanted to thank you for today coming on.
00:50:15
Valerie Vazquez
i thought this was such a beautiful conversation that part of me was like, think this might not need to be like a a regular, a regular thing because you bring such a wonderful presence and energy and guidance. And now more than ever, the world really needs healing.
00:50:36
Valerie Vazquez
i mean, Social media, I'm not going to go into it far because we all know, but social media is completely ruining people's brains and their feelings towards things.
00:50:51
Valerie Vazquez
You go on Instagram and you see war. You go on Instagram, you're seeing... all this political drama you're going on instagram and you're seeing people that you wish you could be you're seeing people in italy and you're seeing all these people doing all these fun things and you're just so it's such detrimental to your mental health and your emotional health because i mean we are a species that I mean like this generation the past two is in the internet age but like in the nineteen hundred the early 1900s and everything you had your family and you had your friends and you did what you did you didn't see all these people doing all these fun crazy things that you wish you could be doing and it's I mean I've
00:51:46
Valerie Vazquez
gone through it too. It's like, Oh, someone's in Japan right now. I wish I was in Japan. He'd like feel that feeling of missing out, but our brains aren't wired to like have these experiences.
Mental Health & Social Media
00:52:01
Valerie Vazquez
And now with like Instagram reels and Tik TOK where you're just sitting down for four hours straight doing nothing except for depleting your dopamine.
00:52:13
Valerie Vazquez
it does a lot of bad stuff to you in your life. I mean, people have reactions to so many things on the internet, but if you can, and I know it's hard because it's a big addiction for a lot of people in this world, mostly everybody, I'd say.
00:52:35
Valerie Vazquez
If you can break that addiction, which I'm trying to, I'm trying to get off social media, but it's like, You're like, well, what do I do when I'm trying to go to sleep and I'm not tired? Just go on Instagram or I'm bored right now. I'm just going to go on Instagram. And then, like you said the other day, it's like you sit down on your phone and then it's three hours later and then you're tired because you've just been depleted of all your dopamine and your natural energy, even though you ain't doing anything, but your brain is so active.
00:53:06
Valerie Vazquez
And.
00:53:09
Valerie Vazquez
Again,
00:53:12
Valerie Vazquez
I'm just going to keep saying this. If you can be okay with yourself and you can do that breath work every day, i keep saying it, but I promise you, you do that breath work, your life is going to change.
00:53:28
Valerie Vazquez
Like with Chad, for example, I have seen him change into a whole different person, a whole different person once he started breath work.
00:53:40
Valerie Vazquez
he always has to do something, even if he, doesn't want to, or does things that he doesn't really have to do at the moment, like working at working all day.
00:53:57
Valerie Vazquez
and then I'm going to go mow the whole orchard. But it's like, you don't have to do that, brother. Like, but now with the breath work, he's taking care of himself and realizing taking care of yourself is the most important thing you can do.
00:54:13
Valerie Vazquez
You got to do the things you got to do. But again, taking care of yourself is the most important part. And I've seen that with him and you, mom and me.
00:54:26
Valerie Vazquez
but Yeah. Do breath work. Yeah. Promise. That is the theme. um
00:54:34
Valerie Vazquez
I podcast or about breath work. Yeah. I, um, The social media thing I actually talk about quite frequently on this, on this podcast.
00:54:45
Valerie Vazquez
Um, just because i I, know that I don't have a healthy relationship with it. So I'm, I actually, you know, deactivated my Instagram and my TikTok and I haven't been on. And, um, I just feel that like I'm so much lighter personally.
00:55:03
Valerie Vazquez
i know that one day I'm sure I'll go back, but it's confusing because Like it's, I'll, I'll tell you my part, I get confused on how to show up on it anymore, because I want to help people, you know, with their healing journeys.
00:55:19
Valerie Vazquez
But then I get stuck on it, you know, watching things and then I get confused on like looking and being like, ah, that the, the, like the spirituality and healing space is so crowded on there.
00:55:33
Valerie Vazquez
And I think that it takes so much discernment when you're listening to people and like it, it can just become too much. And um I've also seen where if you watch certain content creators that are teaching about healing and it can be so much about logic, like what,
00:55:53
Valerie Vazquez
For instance, we've been talking a bit about the mother wound, father wound, but it's also like people will just go into the like needing to figure out exactly why they're wounded and needing to figure out exactly what's wrong with their partners. And I think you can start building up like this like thing. I remember I've sent so many reels to Chad before. I'm like, see, this is what I'm trying to tell you is wrong with you.
00:56:19
Valerie Vazquez
Yeah. And then it's like, wait a second. I, you know what? That I don't those and really help. It doesn't help. I mean, here's the bottom line. If you want to really understand everything, we all have been wounded.
00:56:34
Valerie Vazquez
That, that is why we came here. We came here to this planet to learn lessons and you don't learn lessons unless something has been hard And yes, some people have gone through harder things than others, but we have all come to this planet to learn lessons. And we chose our parents.
00:56:56
Valerie Vazquez
We chose the people that are in our lives to help us move through and and learn these lessons. so Yeah, I had this great conversation with my a really good friend, Gabe. but
00:57:12
Valerie Vazquez
And we were just talking about how our situations are kind of the same where We're young adults. We don't know exactly what we want to do or where to go because I'm um in a process of kind of changing everything right now.
00:57:33
Valerie Vazquez
And we're just like, we were dealt these cards for a reason. Like we have these struggles for a reason. We're either going to get through them and we are going to...
00:57:47
Valerie Vazquez
take charge and change things for ourselves or we're not. And that's the thing as a man, you have to do things you don't want to do so that you can be a better person really for yourself and for everyone.
00:58:11
Valerie Vazquez
Um,
00:58:14
Valerie Vazquez
These things that happen in our life are meant to happen. And you can be a victim to it. And you should feel that at times because that's okay.
00:58:26
Valerie Vazquez
But at the same time, you have really full control of what you're going to do with your life. If I want to go move to Ireland, i could do it.
00:58:37
Valerie Vazquez
And if I want to go play in a country band, I could do it. It's all up to you. feel those feelings that you have towards everyone in your life, maybe what you've done to yourself, but just be strong and get through it with breath work and those hard conversations with people and those hard conversations with yourself.
00:59:03
Valerie Vazquez
It's the most important thing you can do because you have full control of your life. You can do anything you want. If
00:59:14
Valerie Vazquez
your spouse didn't take out the trash, he could be really mad or you don't have to be. It's just what you do or
00:59:27
Valerie Vazquez
taking chances on things. And again, it's very cliche, but it's so real. It's like getting out of your comfort zone and failing and succeeding and going through life with head on,
00:59:44
Valerie Vazquez
in way of like a healthy way going head on with things and not blaming yourself for your past because the future is so beautiful and it's so bright with the decisions that you can make for yourself.
01:00:05
Valerie Vazquez
I went to um awaken and the biggest thing I got out of it is the word decide. When you decide you're going to do something, you got to do it.
01:00:18
Valerie Vazquez
And you decide because you can always say you're going to do something. But if you don't decide you're going to do it, you ain't going to do it. True. So again, you have full control of your beautiful life.
01:00:35
Valerie Vazquez
And the relationships you have with friends and family and partners, all sorts of things work.
01:00:45
Valerie Vazquez
It's really just all up to you at the end of the day. Yeah, exactly. i get it what you're saying. Like you have control of the way you show up in your life. yeah Yeah.
01:00:56
Valerie Vazquez
Yeah. You have control of, am I going to get up today and breathe and take care of my body and eat good food and drink, you know, water and do all the things that I can do? Like I have control of my own self.
01:01:14
Valerie Vazquez
Yeah, you can't control anybody yeah but yourself. Yeah, worry about your own self. That's an inside joke that we have a lot. um But yeah, it's you are in control of your life, whether or not you think so. um And doing the breathing and doing the yoga and doing the other practices that bring you into your body will bring you out of a state of victim consciousness.
01:01:39
Valerie Vazquez
Yeah. Because in that, in those places of being a victim is where we go into depression. It's where we go into anxiety. It's where we go into anger and blame and, and thinking that, you know, we don't have any ability to have a better life.
01:01:57
Valerie Vazquez
um But we truly do. We really, really do. And it does take work and it takes effort and it takes you showing up for yourself every single day.
01:02:08
Valerie Vazquez
You must show up for yourself and it will help you remember that you're not just a human trapped in this earth, but you are a ah divine, you know, you're a divine source of energy connected to all.
01:02:26
Valerie Vazquez
Yeah, 100%. I mean,
01:02:31
Valerie Vazquez
don't get me wrong. Again, like I said earlier in this podcast, there's so many ups and downs in life. And there's times where everything is going to feel like too much.
01:02:44
Valerie Vazquez
It's just how you get out of it. Are you going to stay stuck? Or are you going what you need to do like breath work? Yeah, and, you know, i ah wanted to say, too, though, for this part of, like, there are times when we do go down into, like, the darkness that it's okay to ask for support from others.
01:03:15
Valerie Vazquez
But how much, as a man, that has been frowned upon, um Just because like you're not supposed to show emotions and you're not supposed to all all the things that have been passed through generations.
01:03:33
Valerie Vazquez
But it is okay to express emotions and it's okay to ask for support from others that know how to hold you in that support as a man.
01:03:46
Valerie Vazquez
Yeah. I mean, I've been in my life. I'm lucky I've had support and I was able to show emotion, but I know for the vast majority of men and they're told don't cry.
01:04:04
Valerie Vazquez
I mean, the trauma from the parents being passed down to the kids of like, I'll give you something to cry about. You're a bad, you're a bad kid.
01:04:16
Valerie Vazquez
All this stuff that I've, I hear when I'm traveling, it's like, oh my goodness, why are you doing this to this poor child? But I hope I never told you you were a bad kid.
01:04:27
Valerie Vazquez
You did. No, I'm just kidding. You did not. Okay, good. You've never been a bad kid. it's just like. no But you witnessed like. I mean, when we went to the Lai Chi Festival and that poor poor boy. i know. It's just like like a toddler. He's being told the grandma saying, we're going to call the cops on you. Like, you're a bad boy. like oh, my goodness. Come on.
01:04:52
Valerie Vazquez
Yeah. And I remember like they were like, they pointed us and we're like, see, they think you're a bad kid, a bad boy. And I was just like, oh, my gosh, don't put that on me because I don't feel that way.
01:05:03
Valerie Vazquez
yeah But exactly what you said. young men, men, know, and you need to have support and you need to talk because when you don't talk, everything is going to stay in your body and you're going to stay in survival mode and you're going to be going through the same cycle every single day.
01:05:29
Valerie Vazquez
Things start getting better when you can express how you feel and like my, one of my best friends went, his parents never, never cry, never talk about your feelings. And it shows to this day of like, you can never have a deep conversation with this person, but
01:06:01
Valerie Vazquez
So that's why it's just so important to be able to express your feelings. And like you've told me many times, scream in a pillow, get that anger out because that energy is going to stay in you for the rest of your life.
01:06:15
Valerie Vazquez
And who knows what is going to happen when you keep all that energy inside of you. Yeah.
01:06:23
Valerie Vazquez
And I think this generation kind of waking up to that. And I do say the people that surround you is how it's going to shape who you are today. Your parents shaped you, but the people that you are around to this day are going to shape you too.
01:06:42
Valerie Vazquez
If all your friends, all they do is drink for fun. You don't actually have conversations. You're not going to emotionally mature at all.
01:06:54
Valerie Vazquez
I'm not saying it's bad to have friends that drink, but if that's all you do to hang out, that's probably not the best people to be around.
01:07:08
Valerie Vazquez
I've gone through a lot of friends that I'm not friends with anymore because they're very negative people and all they do is numb. But that really, it's, i mean, it's always fun.
01:07:24
Valerie Vazquez
Yeah. But it's not, it's not healthy at all. Right. And you got to make that hard decision for yourself to surround yourself with positive people.
01:07:38
Valerie Vazquez
That's why I'm so grateful to be out here on the farm is because I'm surrounded by love and
Societal Influences on Consciousness
01:07:44
Valerie Vazquez
healing. And I know it's hard for people that go to college or they move away and you don't have really that positive feeling.
01:07:58
Valerie Vazquez
group to be around and people are born without a positive group to be around and it's negative and that's where it comes in where you can make the decision to take care of yourself and heal yourself and find people that are on the right path
01:08:22
Valerie Vazquez
Because you're um you're a magnet. yeah you're You're a magnet to opening to different relationships that are of healing and that aren't just of just partying and drinking and and numbing out, but also knowing that like that is such an extremely...
01:08:43
Valerie Vazquez
it's ah it's a big part of our society too, um and an accepted part of our society to drink all the time and be in that. But as we know, because we've experienced this in our family that um
01:09:00
Valerie Vazquez
I personally don't ever think drinking is like the best thing ah like for where I am now because i and know that it does like lower your consciousness and it does inebriate you to a a place of like not truly being like within your body.
01:09:16
Valerie Vazquez
But if you are drinking to take your pain away all the time, it will keep you in that victim state um because you're not you're not feeling your emotions.
01:09:29
Valerie Vazquez
You're just numbing them out. Yeah, you're running away. and i I watched this sober a couple on Instagram and they're like, we are going to go to a comedy show.
01:09:41
Valerie Vazquez
But there's nothing to do except for drink before. Because downtown there's 30 bars on one road. And then when you're in the comedy show, everyone's drinking.
01:09:55
Valerie Vazquez
And then after the comedy show, you're going out for drinks. And like you said, it literally lowers your vibe, your vibration.
01:10:06
Valerie Vazquez
You can't connect to yourself and you can't connect to those emotions. Because what I realized is when I...
01:10:21
Valerie Vazquez
when I'm like sober and I go to bed, my mind is racing about everything. But then people that drink and you drink, you're not thinking about anything.
01:10:34
Valerie Vazquez
And it's very detrimental to yourself. You don't get any good sleep and you feel like crap the next day. And it's a cycle. You are happy. You drink.
01:10:45
Valerie Vazquez
You're sad. You drink. You go to a show. You drink. You go to a concert. You drink. you graduate you drink it's just such a big part of a lot of cultures right now and it has been for hundreds of years
01:11:10
Valerie Vazquez
my friend and coach lee davy he calls it the liquid lie yeah yeah i was on his podcast and um Yeah, it is the liquid lie that it's so, yeah, it's just so heavily ingrained in our society. And if you, that could be a whole, that could be a whole podcast in itself to really like look at why a, on a bigger level, why we're fed that this needs to be a part of our everyday life from celebration to sadness. But something that you said, um
01:11:51
Valerie Vazquez
about like laying in bed and your mind racing. Do you, have you found anything that helps that mind racing from stopping so that you can sleep?
01:12:10
Valerie Vazquez
I'll give you one guess. Breath work. Yeah. um Okay. Yeah. I knew that. oh but Like a calming breath work before bed while you're laying there.
01:12:21
Valerie Vazquez
I think being able to talk to yourself because um what's the book? Four Agreements. No, it's. um
01:12:36
Valerie Vazquez
Darn. Untethered Soul. The Untethered Soul. By Michael Singer. Yeah. Yeah. If you haven't read or listen to that, do it. There was something profound in it where it's like the the voice in your head isn't you.
01:12:52
Valerie Vazquez
but he has an exercise where in your brain you say, hello, hello, hello. And that's you. And you can kind of talk to yourself,
01:13:05
Valerie Vazquez
or not have that other person other voice in your head talking. Cause that's what all the mind racing is, is like, I need to do this tomorrow. what What if they think of me a certain way? i can't believe I did that yesterday. It's not you.
01:13:20
Valerie Vazquez
That's your, that's somebody that's something else. It's your wounded ego. yeah But that exercise where you just say hello three times in your brain kind of grounds you because like that's actually you.
01:13:33
Valerie Vazquez
So when I do that at night or I just say hello to myself three times, it's like, okay, this is actually me. And it kind of brings me back to the present moment and grounds me.
01:13:46
Valerie Vazquez
And another great thing from that book is that wounded voice in your head, bringing it back to relationships. like is my partner gonna do this and this is how gonna react like oh i bet she's gonna get i i bet he's not ah the the tra he's not gonna take the trash out and then you just kind of dwell on that or like why is he acting like this why is she acting like this like i hate this but in the book there's an exercise where you imagine that wounded voice or the ego as a person sitting next to you and then they're telling you all these lies and it just changes everything it's like
01:14:35
Valerie Vazquez
you tell that thing to like, shut up. Like, how dare you talk about my wife like that? How how dare you talk to my husband like that? You wouldn't let anyone talk to your husband like that. And so that's another big thing that helped me a lot is imagining that wounded voice subconscious as actual person saying these things to you.
01:14:57
Valerie Vazquez
And they're like, dude, shut up. Like, it's not real.
01:15:04
Valerie Vazquez
So again, if you ever have that voice of like talking bad about your spouse or yourself, like, oh, I look really ugly today. I can't believe my hair is doing this. My eyebrows look terrible.
01:15:19
Valerie Vazquez
Imagine that's a person saying that to you. You wouldn't take it, but you take it because it's yourself. And when you can change your awareness and you are aware of it, it changes a lot of things.
01:15:35
Valerie Vazquez
Yeah, i I love that. And that's exactly what I do in bed. if If I'm going on some tangent in my head, I, well, what I do is I say, shut the fuck up.
01:15:49
Valerie Vazquez
Like literally, I'm just like, shut the fuck up. I'm not going to continue to do this anymore. Like, what? Why would I want to go down this? I'm not going to accomplish anything but ruin my sleep. So no more.
01:16:02
Valerie Vazquez
We're stopping right here. And if it's something I feel like I really need to, like, remember, then maybe I'll get my phone and put, like, a little note on my phone to remember blank tomorrow.
01:16:12
Valerie Vazquez
But mostly I just say, shut the fuck up. And we're not we're not going to do this anymore. And then I fall asleep because – you're not going to accomplish anything. You're like basically in a false story that you're perpetuating to keep alive and no one else, but you are, is doing it to yourself.
01:16:33
Valerie Vazquez
Yeah. um And it takes your energy. It, it really dwindles your energy when that voice is talking negative to yourself when they're,
01:16:47
Valerie Vazquez
when you're judging yourself for anything, I mean, it's, it's again, just do that exercise of pretend like imagining it's a person saying these things to you. You're not going to take that from anybody. These imaginary ego or voice is talking bad about your spouse. Yeah.
01:17:12
Valerie Vazquez
It's not you. It's that wounded voice. Exactly. The one that is like, tomorrow, I'm not going to talk to them at all because they've made me so mad and I want to punish them because they punished me. Yeah.
01:17:25
Valerie Vazquez
Like that, that is a, that's a wounding right there. Yeah. That's, that's not truth and that's not love.
Individual & Societal Healing
01:17:32
Valerie Vazquez
And that's actually not going to bring you closer to love with another person if you're planning how to punish them or what things to say or what you didn't say like all of that is just your ego just trying to it is trying to protect you but it really isn't protecting you what's that quote it's um you're gonna stay in the familiar hell than being the unfamiliar yeah
01:17:57
Valerie Vazquez
yeah of yourself. It's really hard to do things for yourself. I know most everybody can resonate with that.
01:18:10
Valerie Vazquez
But once you make that decision and you decide you're going to start doing things for yourself, like breath work and yoga, working out, going on a walk, anything, everything changes.
01:18:26
Valerie Vazquez
And just keeping your And just knowing that you're worthy of love and you're worthy of opportunities and getting out of that comfort zone. Yeah. And that we all have wounds from our mothers. We all have wounds from our fathers and that we, our siblings, like there's just,
01:18:53
Valerie Vazquez
These wounds that we have, we need to feel them to heal them. We don't have to compare to someone else that other people have it worse or any of those things to diminish what we've experienced.
01:19:08
Valerie Vazquez
But yeah, it all comes down to us making the choice to... to want to become emotionally intelligent and to want to lead the future generations into a better family dynamic um and to know that like that is...
01:19:30
Valerie Vazquez
possible we We think sometimes that the things that we do in our own healing journeys is only affecting our immediate families. But I promise you it trickles out and it trickles out and it trickles out to the collective experience.
01:19:46
Valerie Vazquez
And it does make a difference. And it's very important to find a community so that you know that you're not alone in this journey. and yeah it's so beautiful to be able to walk this path with your family. And it isn't always going to be easy. And sometimes there's going to be times where we forget what we're doing and we fall into those wounds and into that pain. Yeah.
01:20:15
Valerie Vazquez
But that's part of it. That's why it's a spiral path. That's why it's not linear. Yeah, exactly. um
01:20:25
Valerie Vazquez
And I think we'll kind of end this off with
01:20:33
Valerie Vazquez
Again, the most important thing that you can do for yourself, the easiest thing is being present in every moment of your life.
01:20:45
Valerie Vazquez
And it is hard. third i mean, I'm nowhere near ah healed person, but we're all trying our best to And the easiest thing you do every single day is just do that five minute breath work in the morning or before work or before a game or anything. And just realize that you can take care of yourself. You can take care of your inner child because when you're are triggered and you're everything, it's that little boy or little girl inside of you, but you can take care of them.
01:21:24
Valerie Vazquez
I tell myself, I have ah decent amount of anxiety just like everybody. Like what I said, it doesn't sound bad, but like going to a new place, like I don't know where to park and stuff.
01:21:39
Valerie Vazquez
I get a lot of anxiety from that. But I've been telling myself it's like Logan. In my brain, I'm like, Logan, I i got you. I can take care of you. Everything is going to be okay.
01:21:50
Valerie Vazquez
And then everything is every single time. So just being in that present moment have those hard conversations with people, try to be in a present moment with them.
01:22:02
Valerie Vazquez
If they can't, if they're not able to do that, don't get mad because you can't make anybody do anything. Is that not the truth?
01:22:16
Valerie Vazquez
And just support yourself, take care of yourself, take care of the inner child and be grounded. It's the best thing you can do for yourself. Yes.
01:22:28
Valerie Vazquez
Well, thank you so much for being on the podcast today, Logan. I love you so much. You are literally... an angel for me. i mean, you really are. Without you, i i mean, I'm just going to say it. I don't know if I would be here today.
01:22:48
Valerie Vazquez
um So thank you. And i will say this to you so many times. I'm sorry for all of the things I've done when I was unaware.
01:23:00
Valerie Vazquez
And I know that as I continue through the healing journey, there's ways that I still might not show up fully divine and fully
01:23:13
Valerie Vazquez
a, in a space of even understanding. so I love you so much. And thank you for being on today. if love you too. Thank you. And just want to say for any of the um listeners, ah if you're a young man or anybody, you can always reach out to me and i will listen and I will talk to you and I'll be accountability. If you need someone to do breath work with, or,
01:23:44
Valerie Vazquez
just me sending you a DM saying like, did you breathe today? Just please message me on Instagram, Logan Crits. Yeah, um leave a comment. And mothers, if you're listening to this and have sons, please send this podcast episode out to them or family members.
01:24:04
Valerie Vazquez
I'm not currently on social media right now. So just um you sending it to other people would be very helpful. Commenting and subscribing and letting me know if you would like Logan to be a regular person.
01:24:19
Valerie Vazquez
guest at least every once in a while or yeah just any great ideas we would appreciate that so like this episode subscribe comment maybe you don't like it I don't know what I'm saying okay I'm sending you all so much love thanks for joining in today and until next time aloha