Transcript
Speaker: Hello and welcome to episode 125 of Outnumbered the Podcast. This is another one in our series that we're doing on marriage, and we're going to talk about how to resolve differences. We're going to go through how to look at those differences, methods for resolution, our goal when we're trying to resolve the differences, and some conflict resolution tips, as well as benefits of having differences from your spouse. And we both share our big rocks.
Speaker: So we hope this episode helps you resolve differences when they come up in your marriage. Hello and welcome to Outnumbered the Podcast. I'm Audrey. And I'm Bonnie. We are experienced moms to a combined total of 19 children. In our weekly episodes, we explore relatable topics using our perspectives of humor and chaos. Tune in for advice and encouragement to gain more joy in your parenting journey.
Speaker: Okay, everybody, we are back with another episode in our series on marriage. And this time we're gonna be talking about how to overcome differences with your spouse. So we've got a lot of content prepared for you on this one. And we know you guys are loving this marriage series. So I guess we'll just keep them coming.
Speaker: Yeah. And we've loved recording them, although sometimes they get a little bit heavy. So today we specifically wanted to lighten it up a little bit. We're going to be talking about differences and all of the tips we have totally apply for any type of difference you find yourself encountering with your spouse. But today we're going to specifically talk about some fun, silly examples so that we can keep things lighthearted because that's our favorite way of doing podcasts, not getting too deep.
Speaker: Yeah, like we said in our episode on the four big things that lead to divorce, one thing not to do is drag out all your dirty laundry with your friends and discuss it with your friends. So we didn't want to head in that direction today, so we're going to keep it lighthearted.
Speaker: Yeah, totally. We're going to start with a little humor segment here. I have to share with you guys something that my friend told us a long time ago, years ago, and we tease her about it every time because it is the funniest story I've ever heard about couples not seeing eye to eye. They were driving in the car.
Speaker: And she was going on and on about something and apparently her husband was not fully listening because when she lost her train of thought she said, wait, where was I? What was I talking about? And he just kind of sighed and said, I don't know. But the next time you're talking, one of us should really be listening.
Speaker: And they had a great relationship, so it was okay to laugh about it, but oh my goodness, that made me laugh so hard. We bring that up quite often when one of us isn't fully engaged in the conversation. I don't know if that would dissipate the situation or make it worse. I suppose it would depend. I wish she was a little angry in the moment, but it was funny later. Oh my word. Yeah, that's pretty cool.
Speaker: All right. So yes, sometimes there are differences. We are different people from our spouse. So there's differences. And today we're going to talk about how to look at those differences, like your mental, your mental mind, how to get it wrapped around differences. What does it mean when you have a difference with your spouse? Um, your goal, our goal, what our goal should be when we're working on resolving differences, um, and some methods to overcome differences. We have some, some tools you guys can use.
Speaker: Yeah, and right up front, I think it's important that we recognize how important it is to have differences with our spouse. Sometimes I think we get caught in this trap of thinking, ugh, if only he'd see things the way I see them. If only he'd do things the way I do them. But that would be really annoying to have a spouse that was exactly like you. In fact, I have often thought about past relationships I had before getting married and thinking, if I ended up with that person, I was basically the same person as him. So that would have not gone well. You know, you think just how important it is to be the yin to each other's yang, you know, just like,
Speaker: two pieces of a puzzle instead of the exact same piece, right? Really important. So the first thing we're gonna talk about is some of our big rocks. So what we mean by that are those are the big things that we really feel like are super important to agree about. And then after that, we're gonna talk about the benefits of seeing some differences.
Speaker: Right. So big rocks in my relationship, my and my husband's relationship are religion. I think that's like my number one. It's very important to me that we are not only the same religion, but we have the same views about religion. And that's a big rock for me. If we're not on the same page in that, it's very difficult to overcome a difference there.
Speaker: Um, another one that super important for me is like our health and our, um, what we do, how we, what, what medical or health, um, routine we take with our kids. So like if one of them says, Hey, we need to go to the doctor and the other one says, Oh, we need to go see, like, you know, go to the health food store and get some vitamins. Like that's a pretty big difference to overcome. So I like to be on the same page about that one. And the final one, um, that I thought of was the method of
Speaker: school, the education that we use for our kids. So if one of us, that would be the difference between homeschooling versus public school versus private school versus all that. Those are some pretty big rocks that my husband and I had in common from the get -go and it's made the smaller differences easier to overcome because we have those big rocks in place.
Speaker: Oh, that's so interesting what your big rocks are. As I was thinking about this, you know, I have to say upfront too that none of these big rocks are the same for every couple, right? And they shouldn't be the same for every couple. We're all gonna have different ones. And they may even change throughout our life. Like when our kids are little, I'm sure that like the healthcare of our children or the educational model is going to be a big deal. But as they get older, obviously that's not gonna be as big a deal because they're gonna grow up and move out or not need our help as much with schooling, et cetera.
Speaker: And I also want to say that none of these big rocks are deal breakers for all couples across the board, right? You might listen to this and go, no, I actually don't care what my husband thinks about how I school our children. I just do it, right? But it's interesting to hear what other people's priorities are. So I think our number one would probably be faith as well. And I know a lot of couples that do a fantastic job.
Speaker: in a marriage with differing faith backgrounds. But for us, it is very important. We did grow up in the same religion, and so we have a lot of the same faith -based beliefs. But sometimes we hit bumps in this area as well, and we've had to iron them out. And along those lines are values. So how we act out our faith, right? So like,
Speaker: what's okay to do in our home and what is not, our family values, et cetera, morals. And then finally, I felt like a really big rock for us is our roles in the family. So my role as a mother, his role as a father, husband, et cetera. And this required a little bit of, like I said, ironing out in the first few years of marriage. And I think it's constantly evolving as the kids grow up and have different needs from us. But for example, I have always struggled with being a full -time mom and not having anything else on my plate.
Speaker: And it has taken several years for him to understand that need for me and be okay with me doing something outside of the house, if that makes sense. So yeah, those are our three big ones. All right, definitely some awesome big rocks to have in place and not be differing on.
Speaker: All right, let's talk about how to look at these differences. Like what's your mental model about your having something that you have a difference with your spouse on a differing opinion? So one thing for me is I like to keep in mind the big picture.
Speaker: The big picture for me is we chose to be married. Nobody made us get married. We chose this. This is something we chose because, and then, you know, kind of go back to the big picture of all those reasons why we chose to get married and just bring those to the front of our mind. And it makes the difference, whatever difference we're working through just kind of seem less important than that, that big, the big picture. We chose this marriage.
Speaker: And then another thing I like to keep in mind is us resolving any differences we have is the healthiest option for our kids to live in a home where mom and dad get along and know how to work through conflict resolution and overcome the differences that they have. That is the best atmosphere for our kids to be raised in. Yeah, I love both of those ideas. Both of those reasons to overcome them.
Speaker: So another way of looking at differences is to bear in mind this small or everyday picture, like how you're working through them each and every day. For us, the most important thing is that there's peace in the home, right? And sometimes I just have to bite my tongue to move through a little difference that we're having because I would prefer that to they're being fighting all the time. That's also not healthy for our marriage or for our children. So two different ways of looking at it.
Speaker: So that's a great segue because the first thing I have down here is avoid the issue. Like, is it a crunchy versus creamy peanut butter? Maybe that's a big difference you've got, but is it going to be your hill to die on? Or can you just kind of avoid this issue? Can you just ignore it and bite your tongue and let him eat the crunchy, even though that is the grossest thing in the whole world? And then you enjoy the creamy because everybody knows creamy is better except him, obviously, but whatever.
Speaker: This can work for small issues, crunchy versus creamy. Just avoid it, move on, doesn't matter. Okay, wait, do you really hate crunchy? I hate crunchy, it's horrible. How many friends? This is so weird. Crunchy is the way to go, Will. No, that's not true. There are different scenarios for each. I'm just gonna throw that out there. Name one situation where crunchy works. Have you ever had chocolate peanut butter bars?
Speaker: with a little crunch today? I could do, no, no, no. Listen, this is how weird I am about it. I could do peanut butter bars with chopped up peanuts in it, but not crunchy peanut butter. You got issues, girl. I know. I know. I know. My husband would agree. There is something super satisfying about opening a jar of smooth peanut butter. It's just so silky and delicious. That's true.
Speaker: Yes, there are a handful I can think right off the top of my head of things that I've just avoided because we've tried to hash it out before. It's usually something he's doing, quote unquote, wrong, obviously, and I'm trying to get him to change. And very often that avoiding it just means that I'm just getting to the point where I stop being so annoyed by it. So that's just kind of a personal thing to work out, right?
Speaker: And then moving on to slightly larger issues, you gotta confront it head on sometimes. Sometimes there is no resolution until it's talked through and you've come to an agreement. And I have noticed that with some of these, all we have to do is have a conversation on it. And all of a sudden we see each other's point of views, a little bit points of view, a little bit more clearly, and we don't have to get, there's really not as much conflict anymore. We just go, oh, do you see it like that? I see it like this. Okay, moving on. Sometimes it requires some more.
Speaker: kind of working on it. Yeah, yeah. So I was listening to, I think I maybe mentioned a little bit about this in our episode on helping whiny kids with their feelings. But like one way, the only way to process an emotion is to feel it. And so the kind of in a similar vein, the only way to resolve an issue is to focus on it and work through it, right?
Speaker: can't solve it if you never talk about it. So yeah, definitely sometimes you've got to confront the issue and get it out there on the table and work it through. Yeah, totally.
Speaker: All right, another method for resolution is focus on yourself. Are you being selfish? Do you need to change your thinking? Would that fix the situation? If you insist that the toilet paper needs to be put on the roll with the paper coming off over the top and he always puts it on with the roll and the paper coming out the bottom, what a jerk.
Speaker: Can you maybe just change your thinking and say, actually, either serves the purpose of toilet paper? And maybe a little deeper, focus on yourself. What is your reason for wanting to
Speaker: have the thing that you're wanting, the difference. You don't have it your way. Be honest with yourself. Is that the basis? Are you being selfish? Probably, yes, 90 % of the time in my situation. Totally. I'm right there with you.
Speaker: Another method for resolving these little conflicts or big conflicts is to focus on your spouse. And this is just the opposite of what you were saying. If you have chosen to see that, yes, you are being a little bit selfish, maybe it's time to turn the tables and just see things from that perspective, have a little bit of empathy, have the heart of a servant, try to think, what could my spouse be thinking, feeling in this scenario? And how can I make life easier on him or her? That makes a big difference.
Speaker: Yeah, a little example of this is I know I've shared in the past that when we first got married, one of my biggest pet peeves was that my husband left his socks all over the house. And that continued for probably to this day.
Speaker: And I remember being so frustrated sometimes. I know that sounds so silly, but I was just letting it, I was being very selfish. I was letting it really annoy me because I was the one that was picking them up until I decided to choose the thought, wow, he works so hard for us. Sometimes all he has energy for when he comes home at the end of the day is to sit down and take his socks off.
Speaker: you know and all of a sudden i was feeling so much empathy and gratitude for him getting up and going to work everyday even the days that i could just. Put her on the house in my pajamas and take things a little bit easier if i was tired he still got up to work to go to work everyday and that really helped me feel a lot more peace in my heart and be a lot more loving and empathetic towards him.
Speaker: Oh, yeah, that is such a good such a good way to think about it. And then like you're glad to pick up his socks and wash them because then it enables him to go back to work and support the family more. Right. I started looking at it and just kind of would get this little right smile on my face like there he goes again, that cute guy. You know, he worked so hard. He left his son and it wasn't it wasn't sarcasm and it wasn't bitterness. It really did change my heart. That's awesome.
Speaker: All right, let's move on to the goal. What is the goal for resolving the difference? Well, my goal is always that I win. I'm going to win. Just kidding. Just kidding. I still haven't gotten into like creamy peanut butter.
Speaker: Well, it can kind of seem like, sometimes it can kind of seem like, when we're talking about differences, it can kind of seem like I win or he wins and I lose, like a win or lose situation. But like the goal of resolving the difference, in my opinion, should be that we both win. Like maybe, you know, we both move toward the middle and away from our polar opposites on the thermostat, the difference in what that temperature ought to be on the thermostat.
Speaker: And then we move a little bit toward the middle, compromise both of us, and we both win.
Speaker: Totally, totally. And sometimes it seems like there's not an immediate answer for how you could both win in a scenario. Like a thermostat's a fairly simple one. You just know it can't be 80, know it can't be 60. You're gonna go with 70, right? But sometimes there is no middle ground and one of you has to give. And that's, it's actually a very healing and strengthening thing to happen to your marriage, as long as it's happening kind of equally on both sides, right? Both of you are seeing that wisdom in giving up your hill to die on, like you said.
Speaker: So, a goal for me in many instances of resolving these differences is just acceptance, right? Sometimes I have tried to change him. I have even tried to change me and it's just difficult one way or the other, although it's always a lot easier to change yourself even though it doesn't seem like it because it really is the only person we can change, right? Yeah. But sometimes I just have to learn to accept that what he wants or what he's doing is going to stay the same.
Speaker: And I can be so bitter and angry about it and ruin the vibe in our entire home, or I can just accept and move on. And sometimes that seems really painful, but it really is often the easiest way to go. My example for this one is
Speaker: the preference in how we make beds. So I was raised in a household that always made beds the correct way with a fitted sheet, a flat sheet, and then a bedspread or a quilt, a pillow, and then usually a decorative pillow. And he thinks about 60 % of that is unnecessary. He thinks you throw a fitted sheet on the bed and you throw a blanket on them.
Speaker: mainly for the kids beds, right? And it used to really, really bother me if you're making it wrong. They have to have a flat sheet. I don't want to wash all those blankets. But where's the pillow? Where's the pillow case? And finally, I was like, why am I making this difficult on everyone? Plus, it's more sheets to wash. Just let them do whatever he wants to do. If he wants to make the bed like that, fantastic. Here we go. We got beds that look weird at our house. That's okay. We're all going to survive.
Speaker: Wait a minute. Pause. Time out. Your husband actually bakes the bed. He does when someone pees and I don't want to change it. Your turn. And you don't want to sleep in it? Yeah, exactly. Oh, boy. All right. Moving on. We're going to give you some tools for conflict resolution, some tips.
Speaker: So watch yourself, listen for yourself, like going back to focus on yourself. Are you making I versus you statements? So I would appreciate if you buy mayonnaise at the grocery store or you buy Miracle Whip and I hate that. So watch yourself for I versus you statements. I statements
Speaker: can come from a place of honesty or, you know, your perspective. You statements can seem accusatory and put the, like attacking, but then also I statements can be pretty defensive and selfish other times. And you statements can be, well, I don't know what they are other than accusatory. So just, you know, just watch and listen to yourself. And like, I like to think,
Speaker: I'm the kind of person that before I say something, I run it over in my mind and try to hear how it would sound from the other person's perspective before I say it and like kind of filter it. But I try to listen for I versus you statements and put my words into the most honest and least accusing form that I can.
Speaker: Yes, I love that. This is like the first thing you learn in therapy 101 is if you're trying to fix a problem, stop attacking and start by dealing with your own self. And this goes right back to remembering that you're the only person that you can change. And then you express things in a very heartfelt way. I don't know if you realize, but I really get my feelings hurt when you say XYZ, or I guess that's a U, but I really get my feelings hurt when I hear this. Yeah, there you go.
Speaker: And then sometimes it's not even on their radar that you're getting their feelings hurt or that the words are coming across in a different way and it becomes a very non -confrontational way of expressing your own side of things and then the other person can choose to react in a neutral way as well. There's really only one way to react when someone says, you say hurtful things.
Speaker: Or, no, I don't. No, I don't. You're choosing it. Your feelings are, you know, you know how to go. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think the first place I ever found this method was in the book called How to Fight and Win Every Time written by a lawyer. I will link that one in the show notes. That's a pretty good book.
Speaker: Okay, so my conflict resolution tip is this, in your I statements, also try to avoid absolute words, like always or never, right? So already you're going to be, you know, light years ahead if you're just focusing on your own emotions and expressing them very neutrally. But if you continue to say things like,
Speaker: I never feel heard. Well, that's probably not true. I mean, there's very, very rarely are there circumstances that always or never is even true, right? And oftentimes when we're very emotional and worked up, we like to throw those out there because it really makes things sound bad. Yeah. Emphasizes our point. Yeah, it really emphasizes it. But you can make your point while being not quite so absolute. I very often feel like I'm not heard.
Speaker: or almost always, although I would just highly recommend just not saying always or never. It's just bad. It makes things a little bit more confrontational than they need to be. Yeah. Along the same line, if you use specifics instead of generalities, sometimes that can be more helpful too. Oh, yes, totally. Yeah.
Speaker: All right, another conflict resolution tip is respect the other person's boundaries. This is kind of what we've been talking about changing yourself, but you don't have the power to change the other person and you really shouldn't have the desire to change the other person.
Speaker: I know that, like respect their boundaries of who they are. And, you know, keep in mind all these other things that we said about the big picture and the small everyday picture and all this. It's like our mind can't get into a negative loop and just start focusing on like we found one thing and then our brain just likes to pick at that and then keep finding another thing and another thing and another thing. And I have to tell maybe kind of a little story on myself, what I used to do a couple of years ago.
Speaker: that kind of helped me let go of kind of this negative loop thing. So I would get angry and I would go on a walk and I would pick up a little pebble as I was walking and every time I would think of something negative, I would pick up a pebble and I would say, okay, here's a pebble and this pebble represents, you know, you throw your socks at the laundry basket and never in them.
Speaker: And a little pebble for everything that was bugging me in this negative loop. And I just let my mind, okay, fine. And then at the end of my walk, this place where we lived, the place I turned around had a stream. And this was my turnaround point, the bridge over the stream. And I would have to take this entire pebble, this entire handful of pebbles that my brain had conjured up and drop them over the bridge into the water. And then on the way back, I made myself think of things I was thankful for, things I was grateful for in all these
Speaker: positive things about my husband and was like, those pebbles are gone. They're in the bottom of the river. You're not going down in the water to get them. Just let it go. That was a little mental thing I did for a little while to work through. I mean, like, you know, my husband's so wonderful that there was probably like two pebbles in my hand ever. But anyway, moving on.
Speaker: I love that. And I also love the imagery of hauling this load of negativity, right? And how often do we do that? Do we allow ourselves to just get our minds to get bombarded with all the negativity that we've heaped on it? And I know we all know what that mindset is like, right?
Speaker: One thing is like the straw that breaks the camel's back and all of a sudden this swarm of thoughts of all the negative things your spouse has ever done come flooding into your mind, right? Even the things that you've totally forgotten and moved on with because it just seems like they're always this way, right? And so to just be able to release that feels really, really freeing. And in the end, what do they say about forgiveness? That it's really a gift to yourself more than the other person by letting them know what that bitterness is.
Speaker: Yeah, yeah. Yeah, totally. Oh, I love that. I'm gonna try that. I need to find a walk around here with some stones with a bridge at the end. Although I'm gonna do it for my kids because my husband, I don't need it for a very outfit. Yeah. Okay. Yeah.
Speaker: Okay, so last conflict resolution tip and this goes right along with that empathy tip for getting your mindset in the right place when you're getting ready to resolve a conflict and that is to just put yourself in their place. So many times I have gotten so worked up on something that is bothersome to me that I forget how bothersome the other side is for him. So for example, I love pretty pillows on my couches.
Speaker: Like, if we're up to me, we'd have like 10 on each couch. But I have children, so they always end up on the floor. And I have a husband who dislikes lots of pretty pillows, and he dislikes picking them up off the floor. And so for many years, we would fight over this, he'd say. Another pillow just magically appeared on the couch. Yeah, I don't know where that came from.
Speaker: And it wasn't until I realized, well, it's because he doesn't like picking them up over and over and over, just like I don't, but they're more important to me. So I kept picking them up. And interestingly enough, I actually stopped collecting them. We still have a handful here and there. But he has actually changed as well. And he is very, very protective of the pillows now. So we've both kind of come a little bit closer to each other's side of things. And he helps me keep the kids from walking on them. Throw them on the floor fine, but don't walk on them with their dirty feet.
Speaker: That is really cute. All right, we want to finish up by talking about the benefits of having differences from your spouse, being different people. So the first benefit, we've got four for you. The first benefit is enrichment. Just think about this. If you had never tasted how disgusting crunchy peanut butter is and that nasty texture in your mouth, would you be able to appreciate creamy peanut butter as much? No, I don't think so.
Speaker: And so if you had, like you were saying, somebody who is just the same as you, how could you appreciate and be enriched by the differences? So building up and appreciating the other because they're different from you. And yeah, that's just the first benefit is it enriches you to be around someone else who's different than you.
Speaker: Yes. And isn't that the whole point of marriage is to grow into this new, better person, right? Because you're kind of working something into each other as he is his way and you are your way. You both learn different perspectives and how to improve in the areas that your spouse has strengths in.
Speaker: So another benefit of these differences is unity. You would think that your differences would actually pull you apart, but I really think it's the opposite. I think it's like those two pieces of a puzzle. When you realize what his strengths are and you realize how they complement your own, then you just fit right together. And as your
Speaker: working through your differences, it actually brings you together, right? I don't know if you've ever had an argument or a disagreement and afterwards you just feel so much more love because you've come to an agreement and you've come to a place where you guys can see eye to eye and it just increases the love and acceptance you have for your spouse. And so it really can bring an additional feeling of unity.
Speaker: Yeah, definitely. And like you've been through the battle and the war together and just figuratively and you're like, you're on the same team and you did it, you made it through.
Speaker: Another benefit of being different from your spouse and working through differences is gratitude. You're so thankful for the peace and the enrichment, but you can be thankful for another person who's willing to put up with your less than perfect self and go
Speaker: go the extra mile and loves you and wants to be with you. And just like gratitude is such an empowering, powerful thing that builds you and your spouse up and makes your relationship just stronger every day. So just to be thankful for those differences because they make you stronger.
Speaker: Yes, totally. And along those lines another benefit is just the growth that your marriage can undergo as you work through these differences. So I really believe that in a lot of circumstances where marriages don't work out,
Speaker: It's because one or both parties refuse to address the problems that have happened and they're just kind of ignoring them and then they build up and there's more resentment, et cetera. Obviously everybody's situation is different, but as we work through our problems, I really can see our marriage kind of getting, our relationship becomes deeper and like this more complex thing. I look back, you know, we just had our anniversary this weekend and I was looking back at pictures and I remember thinking,
Speaker: Part of me wants to go back 17 years just so I could have that skin.
Speaker: But there's really nothing else about that phase that I want back because our relationship is really on the surface level. Like we loved each other, but we hadn't gone through anything together. And now I think that our love is so much deeper because we've gone through hard, tricky things and we've come out on the other side, right? We really want to continue growing together rather than just ignoring those hard things and hoping they'll go away.
Speaker: Yeah, I totally agree. Oftentimes on our anniversary, I'll ask my husband, if you had known everything, what it was going to be like 20 years ago, would you still have married me? And of course, his sweet answer is always a resounding yes, but just faster.
Speaker: But, um, the, the thought is that like we have come so far and we have worked through so much and we've been through so much together, nine kids and, you know, several moves and blah, blah, blah, all this stuff. And like, it's just all this rich history that like, why on earth would we ever want to go back to the, like the
Speaker: the first part of the relationship where it was you still have to go through all this stuff i'm not saying this in a bad way i'm saying this in an awesome amazing way like we love where we're at and how mature our relationship has become.
Speaker: Yes, totally. I'm reminded of how your body undergoes the stress of exercise. I like to run. And every time I have a baby or get out of it for a little while, getting back in is like, oh, I'm just going to do this quick little walk. And then it's just a quick little jog. And I only do what I can. And it's very easy. And I don't go very far. And as I build up my endurance, I'm able to do more and farther. And it gets harder as I push myself, right?
Speaker: And I kind of think of marriage like that. If we constantly avoid the hard stuff, the hills and the rocks and the, you know, going faster or whatever, then we're never gonna get any better at it, right? Obviously, we don't try to create problems because there's gonna be plenty, whether we like them or not, but to push through them and to work hard to make sure that the marriage is a priority no matter what else is going on in your life. Yeah, such good thoughts.
Speaker: All right, my final thoughts for this episode are just, you guys, it's worth it.
Speaker: I think I mentioned on a recent Patreon episode that my husband and I have our 25th wedding anniversary this year. And we've worked through 25 years of being different people and it's been worth it. And I think the benefits of overcoming differences far exceed the little bit of pride that I've lost and having to admit that it's okay. Crunchy peanut butter is okay, sometimes too.
Speaker: And I just love what a mature relationship has. I think about trying to start over with somebody else. Oh, good grief. Who would ever want to do that?
Speaker: I'm not to take away from people who have that experience, but for me and my experiences, I've got the best thing going in the whole entire world. And if it means that I have to swallow my pride or have the heart of a
Speaker: servant or do these things that really I need to be doing anyway, to become a better person and overcome differences in my marriage and make him just as happy as I am to be in this relationship, then it's totally worth it. And I just would encourage everybody listening to just try again and hopefully some of the things that we've shared in this episode have been a help to you. Yes, such excellent thoughts.
Speaker: I recently read a post by a woman on Instagram who had been through a divorce and a remarriage and said, if you think your marriage is hard and you think it would just be easier to start over with someone else, you'd be wrong. If remarriage is hard, every marriage is hard. And obviously some marriages get to the point where you can no longer be in a marriage because it's unhealthy. But if you are both decent people, you can make it work. And like I said, we celebrated our anniversary 17 years. And when we posted about it on Facebook,
Speaker: One friend said teach me how cuz he's single and I I wanted it I wanted to be serious, but also kind of tongue -in -cheek say don't be a jerk and don't marry a jerk. That's You have to be unselfish and you have to keep being unselfish even when it seems like they're being selfish and as you do the same They will hopefully do the same back at you and in the end you just control yourself and you decide You know, is this worth working for and I promise it is so good luck out there you guys. I
Speaker: OK, so we are going to link in our show notes some of our favorite books and resources that have helped us with conflict resolution when we just listening to a podcast episode like this isn't enough. So if you want additional resources, go ahead and hit those up. Thanks for listening, friends. Click the link in the show notes to subscribe to our email and never miss another episode. Show us some love by leaving a review on iTunes or sharing the podcast with a friend. Thanks for all your support. We'll talk to you next week.
Speaker: We're gonna talk a lot about some light hearted silly ones, just so we don't get too deep today. Hold on. Okay. All right. I'll have to do it after I'm done. What? No. What? No. Her skin is falling off her toenail. She scraped it real bad. So I told her I'd dip it and then we forgot. Can you please come get Alice? Oh, he's coming. Okay. Nevermind.
Speaker: Okay, I'm gonna repeat that last bit.
