Transcript
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Speaker: Clientist.
Speaker: We have a list on our website, warrocketajax.com, called Every Story Ever. What we're doing is we're taking lists from our listeners of three comic book stories, and then we are placing those stories on the list from best to worst comic book stories of all time.
Speaker: Hello, everybody, and welcome to the War Rocket Ajax Every Story Ever special. For May 2026. My name is Matt Wilson.
Speaker: And as always, here with me to rank comic book stories is Chris Sims. Matt, I'm here and I gotta say, I gotta say. we We both know.
Speaker: We both know comics are over. Wait, over in... Over like... done Not over like... Not over like in pro wrestling terminology. Not over pro wrestling. But we know comics are done.
Speaker: They're done. No one likes them anymore. I thought that was true until Hush 2 turned me around. Yeah. Well, now it's Enigma time. That's right. That's right. That's right. And I live every time.
Speaker: Like, it's Enigma time. But Matt, what I'm saying is, I feel like we just need to smoothly transition from into a different kind of ranking list.
Speaker: But unfortunately, we did call this one Every Story Ever, and I don't think anybody would be into us ranking floors of buildings we've been in I mean, only one way to find out. Only one way to find out. I mean, I get i mean i guess.
Speaker: you know that is you know I remember we had that conversation about how much happier people who are into birds seem. That's, yes, absolutely true. Than people who are reading Hush 2.
Speaker: ah it are Are people who are into architecture, are they having a good time?
Speaker: Hmm. I don't know. Every architect I've seen in a movie or whatever is, like, tortured. Very stressed. Yeah. Very stressed. So, hard to say. I guess we'll stick with comics for another month.
Speaker: Yeah, we're going to keep going for one more. It's probably going to be the last one. probably heard You heard me in the past, at the start of this, ah saying what we do on the show, we rank every comic ever written, every comic book, story ever written on a list from best worst.
Speaker: Chris, would you like to give... a little bit about the state of the Every Story Ever list as it currently stands. I sure can, Matt, because I have it pulled up here. Our list of Every Story Ever, which will one day be complete. We will catch up.
Speaker: we the the the The thinker will emerge from the marble. We just need to do as many of these... In every episode, as there are comics released like stories released in a month.
Speaker: Yeah. Seems doable. Seems doable. 1,714 comic book stories rated on this list right now, from best to worst. At the bottom, it's Identity Crisis. Of course it is. it's I'm going to say it.
Speaker: It's never going. it's there It's there forever. It's probably going to be there forever. Yeah. Put it in the in the, do a little signature at the top of the show, then now forever.
Speaker: Identity crisis sucks. ah Top list, Amazing Spider-Man number 3133. Classic from Stanley and Steve Ditko. Two people who made the best superhero story ever printed while they were not speaking to each other.
Speaker: Incredible. Incredible. Stanley, who's coming back to us. Thank goodness. You have to admit it's what he would have wanted. That's like's the one where I'm like, yep.
Speaker: He would have done it. Or he would have gotten swindled by a company that would have done it, which um is does seem to be what's happening. Absolutely would have signed his name right on there. Absolutely.
Speaker: Chris, we're going to get into some lists here in a minute. But before we do that... I did say quite some time ago, some number of months ago, that I would read the one-shot Heroes Against Hunger, which was submitted to us, okay for ranking on the list.
Speaker: okay I have now done that. Okay. tell me Tell me about Heroes Against Hunger, man. Okay, first and foremost, it sucks.
Speaker: o Okay. it's It's the epitome of it has good intentions, but... Hey, can I ask you a question?
Speaker: Yeah. Do they know it's Christmas? So, interesting you ask. That... I don't think it was Do They Know It's Christmas? Oh, actually, it is Do They Know It's Christmas. it's It's We Are the World and Do They Know It's Christmas.
Speaker: inspired this. ah but the I think, Do they Know It's Christmas came out in like Christmas of 1984. This comic then came out around a year later, ah a little over a year later in like early 1986. Okay.
Speaker: okay This is definitely pre-Crisis. Because this is Luther in his pre-Crisis green and purple armor. It's coming back.
Speaker: It is coming back, which is great. ah but But it's definitely like precursor pre-crisis Superman, Batman, Luther. And um this is an exquisite corpse type of comic book. you know There are a lot of comic books that are art jams, but those are often all by the every page is by the same writer.
Speaker: This comic has pages by... a slew of different writers, 20-some different writers, the same number of artists, a whole bunch of different anchors, letterers, and colorists.
Speaker: So it is it was plotted by the same writer, Jim Starlin. But as far as like scripting, the the almost every other page is...
Speaker: by a different writer, penciler, inker, letterer, colorist. I think it's every spread. So it's every two pages. Well, it's Jim Starlin and joe George Perez do the first page and the last page. And then, yeah, it's every spread after that.
Speaker: Yeah. um so The cover to this does make it look like the famine is Lex Luthor's doing. Or that it's Superman's fault somehow.
Speaker: And you know how we've talked about how Some of our latest favorite Superman stories are about stuff, things that Superman can't do. Yes, I would say, must there be a Superman Bruin comics?
Speaker: And we got really mad at that one Superman, what was it, Superman Blue? Superman Red and Blue all story? yeah Where it was like, I can't deal with this dictator. um this This book has that in it.
Speaker: 15 years before Dr. Doom crying about 9-11, it has Lex Luthor crying about starving children. like The cover makes it look like Lex Luthor is a villain of this story, but he actually teams up with Superman and Batman in this. I do like how batman um like Superman's crying, Lex Luthor is is you know celebrating.
Speaker: Batman's got this expression on his face like, damn, that's crazy. he He's like, nothing you can do. Damn, sorry that happened to you. He's looking look it away like, like I can't even see it. I can't even look at this.
Speaker: ah But that's that's definitely a Neil Adams cover, I think. Oh yeah, it is. Yeah. um but Okay, so the story starts with Superman flying topsoil into Ethiopia to try to like put it on the ground so that the people there can grow food.
Speaker: This is a problem for a lot of reasons. like If this was all that the problem was... Seems like somebody would have tried to do this. I don't think just dumping soil on the ground is going to fix things. And he the the soil gets blown away immediately. He has to put down a net to stop it.
Speaker: Then, one of our favorite things in comics happens, which is that a real person from our Earth shows up. okay Her name is Leanne Layton. She's in the Peace Corps.
Speaker: and she And she's a real person. Well, she's not a real person, but she's like this comic's representation of a real person. So this isn't like when John Walsh showed up in that Outsiders story? This isn't like when David Letterman but met the Avengers. But it it is like she's like supposed to be from the real world.
Speaker: And she shows up and she's like, how does it feel to do more harm than good?
Speaker: Damn, did he really do more harm than good? and She's like, ah you're just like the tooth fairy. Sing me another song, muscle man. And it's like,
Speaker: you're a character from our Earth where hunger, world hunger is real, and like we have to deal with it, and we don't have Superman. And Superman exists, you're talking to him. yeah And he saves people constantly.
Speaker: Like, it's it's very much the – it's not quite as bad as, you know, asking Captain America if he's ever been to a NASCAR race. But it is in that vein. That was pretty bad.
Speaker: That was pretty bad. I mean, here's here's what I'll say, Matt. This should not be Superman's job. This is Swamp Thing's job. it's i I mean, I agree. But, like, also, Superman's just bringing crates of stuff into – places where people are hungry. It could just be food.
Speaker: Yeah, I mean, that does seem like... that i That also seems like a good thing for him to do. yeah like Yeah, Superman maybe can't... and Maybe can't solve the problem of world hunger, but like he can address the most pressing concern.
Speaker: Yes. But the idea here seems to be like he's going to like help... fix the the climate or the environment so that they can farm. But like putting down soil isn't going to fix like the conditions. Yeah, I feel like like what was the cause of the the famine? Well, hang on a minute.
Speaker: Hang on a minute. okay so So she leaves and Superman goes back to doing what he's doing and somebody blows up his next crate full of soil.
Speaker: Come to discover that Not only did this villain destroy this crate of soil, but also has been the cause of all of this famine.
Speaker: He is the one of the most generic villains I've ever seen called The Master, who I believe is created for this book. He is just a green guy. Okay.
Speaker: He's a green alien guy who's like, I love feeding off of... The resources of Ethiopia. He says... Go ahead. No, Matt, you say he's a green guy, but I do think you should maybe describe him in a little more detail now that I'm looking at him.
Speaker: He's got four arms. Uh-huh. And, and and ah like, undulate feet. He's got strong, sad feet. He's got strong, sad feet. Yeah, they're kind of like elephant feet.
Speaker: He's got, like, a keyboard on his chest. Not like a computer keyboard. No. Like a Casio keyboard. Like a keytar. Yeah. And he's wearing a little purple underwear.
Speaker: And he's he's got like ah he's bald and he's got a big chin. a he's like big.
Speaker: like... like he He looks like a cartoon character that I can't think of with this big lower jaw. He's got four arms, and two of them are big and muscular, and two of them are so are so thinner. Uh-huh.
Speaker: And there's a part later in the story where he plays music on his chest keytar, but it doesn't really do anything. Okay, I thought that was decorative. It's not decorative. It's it's functional.
Speaker: here's what Here's what I'll say um about Leanne Leighton. ah from from the Peace Corps. If the problem is actual like environmental natural disaster stuff, or even like you know like man-made natural disaster, real-world stuff, if the problem is real-world stuff, like that's must-there-be-a-Superman, right? Must-there-be-a-Superman as there be a superman is like ah you know hey, what about what about poverty?
Speaker: That's the real bad guy. and s Superman's like, damn, I can't fight poverty. if If the problem is a big green guy with purple shorts who's causing all this, yeah that is Superman's job. Superman is like, that's who you got to get.
Speaker: We're getting there. We're getting there. Okay. I misspoke. He's not the cause of it, but he's perpetuating it. Okay? Okay. so Okay. What he says is, both my instruments and I gain actually gain power from lifelessness and from voids.
Speaker: I find my greatest strength is gathered in places that were once supported life but have died. For that reason, I just love Ethiopia. It is the nexus of an entire continent slated for death and despair.
Speaker: And so Superman's are like, okay, I'm going to stop you. But he... ah Like ties Superman up and sends him away. Meanwhile, ah Batman's plane gets shot down by Lex Luthor. This gets Batman together with Lex Luthor. They talk for a while. They decide they actually all want to stop hunger in ah in Africa.
Speaker: Because Luthor's been working on like – Superman says something to the effect of every once in a while, Luthor does something good. Like Luthor invents something good. And we learn that he's invented invented this food-growing device that makes giant fruits and vegetables. like Big old tomatoes. Big old tomatoes, yeah.
Speaker: And so um they decide they're all going to work together to stop hunger. and And Luther gets convinced because Superman and Batman take him to a village where there are actual starving children. And so there are drawings of these starving children, and it's –
Speaker: Boy, it ain't good. It's like those um the Sally Struthers commercials. Yeah. Like for only 25 cents a day kind of thing. um yeah it's um The depiction of the the starving Ethiopians on the cover also, I would say, not Neil Adams' most culturally sensitive work.
Speaker: Problematic, problematic. um So they go back to the master. He plays a little tune and sends Superman away into some like deep, dark void um in space. Superman has to ah find his way back. He comes back.
Speaker: um And finally, like there's a big fight, but ultimately they beat the master. The master is defeated. um Superman punches him out. ah it you know he's He's done for.
Speaker: But that does, again, does not solve... The overarching problem. Hey, you know you know what's good, though? Yep. This Jack Kirby page. The Jack Kirby page looks great. like There are pages of art in this that look great.
Speaker: um Unfortunately, even the best writers can't save ah can't save the story. yeah So Superman starts dumping soil again, but then Leanne Layton comes back.
Speaker: Looking totally different, by the way. And um she explains that Ethiopia's farming ah environment was ruined by ah foreign countries who came in and started planting peanuts.
Speaker: Okay, yeah, right. And –
Speaker: ah The protein-rich peanuts extracted unusually high amounts of nutrients from the soil, um making the soil fallow. that's That's what I think actually happened.
Speaker: yeah So um there is like ah an actual real-world explanation given. And then the last page is just, well, you superheroes can't fix it. It's going to take all of us a long time to figure it out.
Speaker: Okay. Yep. I mean, like this is the this is the problem with this kind of story, right? like I
Speaker: i and i understand the impulse. you know just we look i feel It's well-intentioned. It's well-intentioned. I feel like we had this exact conversation with but Spider-Man 9-11, where it's like, I understand that you you want to do something.
Speaker: And what you do is write comic books. What you do is draw pictures of Superman. right And so you're you're like, damn it. In the words of Speed Racer, it's all I know how to do and I gotta do something.
Speaker: I get it. But i i don't feel like... I feel like you could do a benefit comic...
Speaker: that was just... that was The story was unrelated.
Speaker: You know? Yeah. Just just do it do make a good comic that maybe be somewhat tangentially ah ties into world hunger, but is basically just a good Superman and Batman story, and then donate the proceeds to like a charity. i'm not you know i'm I'm just picking this as an example because we...
Speaker: we were just talking about. This is no slight on, believe it or not, this is no slight against Jeff Loeb and Jim Lee. But like, if if if there was, you know, I was about to say if there was some kind of terrible situation going on, but we know. ah You know, if if Jeff Loeb and Jim Lee were like, hey, we're going to do 1.5 hush one point five It's going to come out. It's going to be a one-shot prestige format. All the money ah from... you know Everybody's doing it for free and all the money goes to charity. yeah like
Speaker: I feel like that's how a lot of things like like charity stuff is done as opposed to do they know it's Christmas or we are the world which are specific like specific
Speaker: like specific Things that are about – like, you can't listen to Do They Know It's Christmas without thinking about the 1983 to 1985 famine in Ethiopia.
Speaker: Right. And – but also, those are songs, so they can get away with it much easier than this can. i mean, look, I low-key like, oh, Do They Know It's Christmas. It's not a good song. It's not a good song. enjoy it. Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah. like this is This is trying to recapture what those songs did in a different medium. And
Speaker: the first few pages are about Superman trying to solve a real-world problem and not being able to do it because... That real world problem.
Speaker: It's not that hunger couldn't exist in a super in a world where Superman does, but it would be very different. Yeah. or Or why isn't it like Superman and Batman and the Justice League? they they all you like didn' Didn't Alex Ross and Paul Dini do one of these?
Speaker: Where like they did a book where they were helping out with something? And then you know we get to see what all the superheroes do, and then it's like, but there's still a lot left to do, so let's all pitch in and help out. Yeah, it's it's something like that. Yeah, like like you could do that, and then not...
Speaker: like Like, did not have the first thing that happens be like, fuck you, Superman. Yeah. that and and But by the end of the book, she like likes Superman. it It makes no sense.
Speaker: That's because she's objectively wrong. Yeah. Most of the middle is a only somewhat related story about Superman, Batman, and Lex Luthor fighting a new villain who is like perpetuating the problem.
Speaker: m But not causing it. And then the last few pages are like back to real world causes and the superheroes can't do anything to stop it.
Speaker: It's like none of it is good. Like none of it like is helping or makes or is a good like it's not a good superhero story. It's not a good story about hunger.
Speaker: Like. it's It's not good at anything it's trying to be. like At least in Amazing Spider-Man 36, Doctor Doom and the superheroes help clean up after 9-11. Yeah, like I feel like that's... you know like Doctor Doom and Kingpin crying at Ground Zero is... It sure is something.
Speaker: um But, like, if it was, like, you know, Spider-Man and Daredevil and Luke Cage and and all your New York superheroes, like, pitching in and trying to help out. ah Like, again, I think that's a that's an easier sell.
Speaker: and And it has the added benefit of, like, ah of, like, you know like get you know, get Jim Lee to draw it, and it's great. Like, get, yeah get you know...
Speaker: I don't – my the hottest artist of 2026 is – my reference point is 30 years out of date, Matt. And I guess Jim Lee's still pretty hot artist. but jim Jim Lee still can move books, yeah. He can still move units.
Speaker: here's Here's where i say I'm going to say this is going to go. I don't think it's like but barrel – bottom barrel – In the bottom 100 of the list. No, that kind that that area usually has bad intentions. That's bad intentions.
Speaker: Amazing Spider-Man 36 is at 1590. I think this is worse than that. Because of what we said. ah but like This just comes to the conclusion that the superheroes actually can't help at all. yeah right Except for they did, because there was a big green guy that they beat up.
Speaker: Right. Where I'm going to say this is going to go is at the new number 1600. Between Spider-Man 400 The Gift and Spider-Man The Other. Because Spider-Man The Other is a story that's this bad while trying to be a good comic.
Speaker: I don't think this is trying to be a good comic exactly. It's trying to be a message comic. and Thus, I think Spider-Man and The Other is still worse than this.
Speaker: um But I'm going to put it below Spider-Man 400. So it's it's the new number 1600 on the list. And I do want to say, Batman in Ethiopia was terrible.
Speaker: And i don't I don't think either one of us is trying to to you know have a laugh or downplay the seriousness of that. no But...
Speaker: this as much just like funny enough Funny enough, this is the second comic we've read somewhat recently that had something about that. Because Emperor Doom also had something about that where he just ended it.
Speaker: yeah like Again, i very much identify with and respect the the impulse of, I gotta do something. you know We write they all do what we can.
Speaker: ah Our point is, this is not the way to go about it. Yeah, like but this one kind of fails at it. yeah Yeah, I think it really does. and And thus, it's the new number 1600 on the list.
Speaker: All right. Now to our first list. This list is from Jolene. haven't read them yet, Jolene. Hang on. Jolene said, the curse is lifted. You ranked a Catwoman by the talent.
Speaker: ah Because we did rank Catwoman 1 million, I think. i We did rank Catwoman 1 million, because I have read all the 1 millions that I could find. Thus, Jolene submitted some other stuff.
Speaker: Starting with Batman and the Outsiders, 1983, numbers 11 through 12, The Truth About Katana. oh Matt, you know I love Mike Demibar.
Speaker: You know I love Jim Perro. That's my dude. Those are your guys. That's a my guy. Those are your guys. As far as Batman goes.
Speaker: Yes. Batman and the Outsiders. It can can be some rough going. ah Now, I will say. The truth about Katana.
Speaker: Is worlds better than the truth about Halo, which sucks. ah ah Halo's rough.
Speaker: Halo's bad. Halo's what if Gene Gray was just fully bad. Right. Katana is a better character.
Speaker: There is, unfortunately, a lot of mid-80s
Speaker: You know, we're we're just now... kind Like, Chris Claremont read Shogun.
Speaker: Have you read this? Have you read this thing? You've seen Shogun? Okay, this is a little bit of a spoiler for an upcoming comics catch-up. Uh-huh. We're doing Frank Miller's Ronin for comics catch-up in June.
Speaker: And I've read about half of it at this point. And if you want to talk about a comic that is all just like... the creator's influences being very obvious.
Speaker: um Wait a minute. I started it on it today. And man, do you think Frank saw Akira? Do you think Frank saw Akira? Do you think Frank liked lone wolf and cub? um Yeah,
Speaker: that's, that's a discussion for another time. But yeah, this is like, this is Katana is a character who has a Katana and her name is Katana.
Speaker: This is her origin story. It has samurai. It has it has to Batman going to Tokyo where they've got a giant ah red phone on a on an advertising display. So we get a fun little... like Mike Dibbott loved those fun little throwbacks to Dick Sprang stuff.
Speaker: Jim Perro oh does great job with it. But it it's got the Yakuza. It's got... families and honor and and all that that stuff. like It's got but baby's first Japanese character origin story.
Speaker: And again, we never want to give anything the excuse of it's product of its time, right?
Speaker: Right. But, or rather, and This was not a... It's better than a lot of stuff that was, like, Orientalist that came before it.
Speaker: Like, it's it's not... It's not...
Speaker: It's not as bad as other stuff. Like, even contemporary other stuff. Again, I think, like, Katana's a good character, but there are... Like, you you can guess. Like, from the time the ninjas show up...
Speaker: it's It's pretty much everything expect about Katana with a magic sword. It's not as good as the Wolverine miniseries by Chris Claremont and Frank Miller, two dudes who loved Japanese pop culture. They really, really did. They can't get enough of the stuff.
Speaker: I do want to make one point ah while we're talking about Katana in Batman and the Outsiders. Because I think I said something in a previous episode about how like, you know They couldn't do killing because Batman wouldn't let them.
Speaker: Katana is one of the exceptions where Batman was just like, I do not see it. Yeah. Batman's like, damn, she's got a sword. like It's kind of the you know kind of one thing you can do with that.
Speaker: yeah ah My favorite part of the the truth about Katana is when um they call forth ah some of the oh ah some of the souls that are trapped within the Soul Taker.
Speaker: And they're characters who are also named after Japanese weapons. So Shuriken, Nunchaku, Blowdart, and like a caveman named Anthor Stone Axe.
Speaker: I like that. I like that, you know... It's like, yeah, Katana uses Katana. This is Nunchucks. He uses Nunchucks. i got You know, it it it makes, I feel like it maybe softens it a little because like, yeah, you're not the only one.
Speaker: um It could be better. It could be... a lot worse. It could be a lot worse. It could be better. It could be... i don't want to say it's like poorly researched, because I do think Mike W. Barr the kind of guy who would sit down and do the the research that he felt was necessary.
Speaker: oh And again, it's got some great pages from Jim Aparo. It's not a story I feel compelled to ever revisit. Hmm.
Speaker: Yeah. But it's... it i I hate that... like Could be worse makes it sound, I think, maybe a little worse than it is. Because I don't think it's a... I don't think it's a terrible story.
Speaker: I think it's a yeah about what you would expect from DC Comics in 1984. Right. right and it Well, I mean, you might expect... Worse. But, it you know, it's not that bad. It's about what you'd expect from good DC comics in 1984.
Speaker: nineteen day four For certain values of of good comics, vis-a-vis Batman and the Outsiders. Okay, we're on the list. Batman quit the Justice League because he was so damn mad at them.
Speaker: Yeah. And then he's like, fuck Superman and Wonder Woman. and Green Lantern, and Flash. Get me GeoForce. And Metamorpho, who again, i love, but is not exactly Superman.
Speaker: And a woman with a sword. And if she stabs somebody with it, I do not see it. Get me a woman with a sword named Sword. Yeah.
Speaker: Done. We did it. Good job.
Speaker: Alright, give me a number. let's what' where's we We already said not as good as the Wolverine miniseries. so Yeah, Wolverine miniseries is pretty high, though. It's it's very high, yeah. ah it's it's It's better than Heroes Against Hunger.
Speaker: That I think we can agree on, yeah. Yeah, Wolverine by Claremont Miller is at number 49. And rightly so. and Yeah, that is ah that is a rating i will ah ranking and I will stand by. Because that's that's that's good to sell. Uh-huh.
Speaker: i it We're definitely looking in the quads. Oh, okay. We're looking past 1k, for sure. Okay, alright. ah
Speaker: It's better than Blood is the Harvest. Yes, I think that's that's correct. I don't think it's as good as JLA Heaven's Ladder, which is two spots above that.
Speaker: And i I think I can put it right under Heaven's Ladder, because right under that is Ultimate X-Men ah Volume 1. Okay. So what number does that make it? That's number 1114. 1114? Okay. Batman and the Outsiders.
Speaker: Numbers 11 to 12. The About Katana. fourteen yeah okay batman to the outsiders
Speaker: numbers eleven to twelve the truth about catana Also, I like how all these origin stories that were in Batman and the Outsiders were like the truth about character.
Speaker: Yeah. like like I mean, I guess we had actually been lied to about Halo. hey i Now that I'm looking, I'm wondering if Blood at the Harvest is not ranked way too high, but so it goes. So it goes.
Speaker: I mean, Bloods the Harvest had that guy talk about barbecue.
Speaker: the next What else happened in it, Chris? I don't know. The next ah story on Jolene's list is Barbarella Dejah Thoris by Leah Williams. ah Have not read it.
Speaker: Have not read it. Is it good? It seems like it might be. Yeah, let us know. I like Leah Williams. Next on Jolene's list is Malibu Comics' own Siren.
Speaker: Numbers one through three. Buddy, i I love that we've we've managed to find... jo Jolene has found, here's some other comics that we haven't read.
Speaker: i don't know if there's a Malibu comic I ever read all the way through. i i don't think I've read any marvel or any Malibu comics. I have listened to that song about Prime a lot.
Speaker: I've read some issues of Prime, but I've... i do' Oh, shit, Diamondback is in this. I was literally about to say, oh, shit, Diamondback's in this.
Speaker: Are you kidding me? No, man. sit did Siren's trapped in the Marvel Universe. Wow. And Taskmaster. Taskmaster's in it, too. I mean, hell yeah. Wow.
Speaker: That's stuff I like. i was That was shocking to flip this open and see Diamondback. Boy, it's weird to see Taskmaster in his full costume without his mask on on looking like a fucking hunk.
Speaker: He is drawn very poorly in this. Yeah, his his head is way too small for his body. Yeah. Who did the art on Siren? Kevin West.
Speaker: Kevin West. Which feels like a her name. Yeah. It was actually Kevin Eastman. Man, there's a lot of... there's a lot Yes. um There's a lot of Diamondback in this.
Speaker: This might be... We might actually have to catch up on Siren. Yeah, man, this might be a catch-up. cause just I feel like... I thought I had the whole Diamondback story.
Speaker: Yeah. But now I find out she's doing she's doing all kinds of stuff I don't know about. She's hanging out with Siren. Hanging Siren from from Malibu. I think we're going to have to do one through three and the special.
Speaker: ah Although, I don't know, maybe Diamondback isn't in the special. and well let's Let's have a look real quick. let's say I don't see. Well, Juggernaut's in it. Juggernaut's in it, yeah.
Speaker: And it's the it's the origin of Siren Field, so it's the truth about Siren. Right, okay. ah I don't know, much to think about. Let us know if we should read diving back or to Siren Special and 1-3. Does join Bad Girls Incorporated?
Speaker: Here is a backup from Jolene. Batman Eternal.
Speaker: Which one was Batman Eternal and which one was Batman and Robin Eternal? Batman and Robin Eternal... Was the one that had...
Speaker: That was the one that I think... Okay, no. Batman and Robin Eternal was... 26 issues that I think ran weekly. Yeah. And it really focused on... ah Dick Grayson, I believe.
Speaker: Yeah. And that was from... Batman Eternal was the one from 2014, which is much longer. was It followed the 52 format.
Speaker: Right. Batman Eternal is the one where Jim Gordon is framed for terrorism. That's right. Yes. Okay. I am pretty sure I read the whole thing, and I could not tell you one fucking thing about it now. don't...
Speaker: do not know if I actually read the whole thing. I feel like I probably did, because it was it was plotted by ah Scott Snyder and James Tynan. Yeah. um And I remember like enjoying it, what I read of it.
Speaker: But iid it had you know it had all the issues you might expect of a ah weekly Batman comic in that... like The art was extremely inconsistent because it was coming out every week. So you'd have these issues by Dustin Nguyen that looked amazing. And then you'd have these issues that looked less amazing. oh Yeah, I remember the first few were by Jason Fabok and looked pretty good. And then and then it was like a real like yeah revolving door of art artists.
Speaker: I can tell you this, I do not remember how it ended. No, I don't remember how it ended. i think I can rank it, though, because like like it had the same kind of like... Oh, I forgot um how big of a character Duella Dent was in it. She was all over it.
Speaker: um But it kind of felt like...
Speaker: Like, if there was a like Batman show on the CW? Like, positive.
Speaker: You know what I mean? like Yeah, if there was a Batman show on the CW, brackets, Flash. Not, if there was a Batman show on the CW, brackets, Arrow. Yeah, it it it had a kind of, like, weekly TV procedural feel to it.
Speaker: like Almost soap operatic, but like but like good. like like ah Pretty good. um like I feel like I can rank it, because I remember reading like i remember reading it when it was coming out. i if If you want to rank it, go ahead.
Speaker: The art in this thing is all over the place. I know, right? Holy mackerel. Just looking through it, it's like... Again, you see Dustin Nguyen, and you're like, hell yeah, alright, and then the next issue is not so good. yeah ah If you want to rank it, go ahead.
Speaker: I definitely don't remember enough about it, and I don't I don't want to do it for catch-up. like I don't want to do a catch-up on it, because also it's like really long. It's really long, yeah. But I kind of want to just, like for fun, read it.
Speaker: Start to finish, and see if it's if it's good. i think I feel fairly comfortable ranking it. Where did we rank 52? Uh...
Speaker: ah
Speaker: Oh, 1417 is where we ranked 52. I think... The comic that got right up to the to the finish line. Yeah, I mean, I feel like Batman Eternal is very similar in many ways.
Speaker: Like... I feel like it... Yeah, like, it it is is going to go in the neighborhood of 52. I feel like it is as successful as 52 with all that that entails.
Speaker: okay As successful and has the same sort of weekly comic problems that 52 does at the same time.
Speaker: ah So...
Speaker: I think... i I do not envy anyone but who was involved in and making this. Yeah, I mean, I'm sure it took, especially with just two writers. I mean, there were consulting writers that were helping Tynan and Snyder. I think Tynan did all the scripting.
Speaker: That's a lot. Yeah. Yeah. that life If you're getting a page rate, great. But like yeah if if this thing holds together at all, that's a testament to Jason being good. yeah Oh, ah he did not do all the scripting. Because on the one I'm looking at right now, Tim Seeley is credited as scripting. Yeah, I remember him being being involved in this. And then Ray Fox and John Lehman were also consulting writers. And Kyle Higgins, too.
Speaker: Okay. Yeah. So, i mean, there were more writers involved. It was just like, for whatever reason, Snyder and Tynan got top credit.
Speaker: Well, I think Snyder and Tynan plotted it. Yeah. Like, in in the way that, like, Keith Giffen on 52 did, like, all of the the detail work. Like, all of the... I think... I don't he did all the breakdowns, but I think he did, like, a lot of the...
Speaker: like actual process stuff. 52 had like weirdly like shockingly I was going to say shockingly consistent art, which it's not actually consistent, but it's more consistent than this. I'll say this.
Speaker: Weekly 20-page comics weekly twenty page comics that's that's That's a non-starter. It's tough. That's it's just not going to happen. And and B... Like... there's There's a lot of...
Speaker: ah There's a lot to be said for consistency. Like, when we talk about a run like Starman, which is one writer and two pencilers, it's it's Tony Harris for the first bit, and then it's Peter Snavierg for the rest of it.
Speaker: Like... you're never going to have consistency with something that's coming out this fast. And you're never going to have like, and I think it's too much and something's going to break down.
Speaker: My sense is this is not quite as good as 52, which is we have at number 1417. But I don't think it goes so far below it. I think I want to put it at the new number 1425 below Ishinomori's Skullman.
Speaker: That puts it above Excalibur the Crosstime Caper, which we famously did not care for. Yeah. Yeah. ah Sorry, everybody. Sorry. Sorry.
Speaker: ah There's one more back up on Jolene's list, which is X-Patrol. That is the amalgam comic that is the X-Men and the Doom Patrol. Or, as I like to call it, the X-Men or the Doom Patrol.
Speaker: It's the same thing. Yeah. Let's see. It's all right. It's fine. It's fine? so sorry what's What's this thing where everybody gets to send in all kinds of backups?
Speaker: One backup. Man.
Speaker: I mean, I think Jolene predicted that we wouldn't be able to. I mean, I don't know. We're going to read Siren now. we may We may. We may in fact read Siren.
Speaker: I can't see the X-Patrol, and I honestly have trouble seeing the Doom Patrol and not thinking of the song Beach Patrol from Hulk Hogan's album featuring Jimmy Hart.
Speaker: ah Now, are we just ranking X-Patrol number one? Or are we also including the sequel exciting X-Patrol?
Speaker: I feel like all the Amalgam stuff, we usually just rank single issues. Okay, because the first one is Carl and Barbara Kiesel, and Roger Cruz. Second one is Barbara Kiesel and Brian Hitch, which is wild. That is wild, yeah.
Speaker: Oh, yeah. Let's see who who we got in the X-Patrol? We got Elastigirl. Right, and that's She's, Domino, and Elastigirl. Yeah. We got Pharaoh Man.
Speaker: Who's Pharaoh Lad from the Legion. And Colossus. And Colossus. Yeah. We got Shatterstar Fire, who is self-explanatory. No notes. ah Beastling, who is Beast Boy and Beast.
Speaker: Uh-huh. They should have just called Beast Boy. And Niles Cable. I guess at the time Beast Boy was Changeling. ah ah Yes. Niles Cable, who is ah Chief Niles Calder, and Cable, obviously. yeah yeah like I feel like, very obviously, Shatter Starfire was first.
Speaker: And then i like everything else fell into place after. No, I guess this is ah during a period where Starfire was on the Doom Patrol? No. Oh, okay.
Speaker: Great. No. but ah Simply no. Simply no. It's just Starfire. That's the is like because this isn't and I actually was wrong. It's not X-Men and Doom Patrol. It's X-Force and Doom Patrol, which is way funnier.
Speaker: But but but like a lot of these are not Doom Patrol characters, really. Yeah, a lot of these are not Doom Patrol characters. Some of them are not X-Force characters. Yeah. Yeah. oh Like, I'm also the beast.
Speaker: Yeah, I will say this. um Roger Cruz is doing... An incredible Rob impression with his art in this. He's really doing great.
Speaker: It's so funny. like The opening splash page just has Beastling looking right at Shatterstarfire's butt and smiling like a weird horny freak.
Speaker: Which is absolutely what would have been an an X-Men comic in this time period. and And what's great about this is that, obviously, Carl and Barbara Kiesel had previously worked with Rob. yeah Yeah. On ah Hawk and Dove. Yeah. ah Yeah, and Dr. Doomsday shows up in this one, which is another good look good one. that That's the thing, man. Amalgam Comics is the, like, it's first thought, best thought.
Speaker: Every time. Like, it it's whatever your first thought is, that is what you go with and what you should go with.
Speaker: Correct. And, ah like, I would say this is not, like, the top tier of Amalgam books, but it's definitely a hoot. It would be better if it had, besides Niles, like, some Doom Patrol characters in it.
Speaker: like I mean, Elastigirl. But like, yeah you know, there's no robot man. Like, why couldn't Pharaoh man be like Colossus and robot man?
Speaker: Like, maybe he's. suppose like maybe he's meant to be, but no, he's definitely Pharaoh lad. Yeah, like like, why couldn't it be Robot Colossus or something?
Speaker: And then he's Robot Man and Colossus. Like, I just, that is that irks me a little bit. Now, who's who's Husk in this? Who's Husk mashed up with?
Speaker: I do not remember. I know she's in it. I got to Polaris. Oh, she's... she's Okay, she's Husk, Dial H for Hero, Donna Troy, and Wonder Man.
Speaker: all All in one, yeah. That's great. I knew there was a bit to it, and the bit is that like she has the H dial, but then she rips off her skin and turns into a different superhero.
Speaker: That's fucking great. yeah ah I love Husk. Yeah, Husk is great.
Speaker: Oh, we also got Mary Marvel Girl in here. Mary Marvel Girl's pretty good. That's funny. Yeah, that's ah that's one that ah that Husk turns into. Husk becomes, yeah. That Dial Husk turns into. Uh...
Speaker: ah
Speaker: ah Sorry, Niles Calder getting ah paralyzed at the end of this is honestly, what a great punchline. Because he's already got robot legs. He's already got robot legs, yeah.
Speaker: He's already got yeah cable cable legs. Buddy, it's it's fun to have fun, and this comic is fun. All right. here's Here's where we have other Amalgam books on the list currently.
Speaker: You know, Marvel and DC are on speaking terms again. They are. so yeah So when are we getting the new Amalgam? Great question. Great question.
Speaker: Okay. At 571 is Dark Claw Adventures. This ain't that good. This ain't that good. Spider-Boy is at 700. Legends the Dark Claw is at 1045.
Speaker: Spider-Boy Team-Up is at 810. As you said, Legends of the Dark Claw is at 1045. I don't think this is that good either. You don't think it's as good as as Larry and the Talent teaming up? Bruce Wayne, Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. is at 1225. It's better than that. It's better than that. Okay.
Speaker: How much better? it's map okay
Speaker: how much
Speaker: I think it's pretty comparable to Legends of the Dark Claw, honestly. like I would put it around there somewhere. um
Speaker: It's probably not as good as
Speaker: JLA Midsummer Nightmare. It's probably not as good as Uncanny X-Men 98 to 100, where the X-Men fight the X-Men.
Speaker: It's probably better than then Jack Kirby's Atlas from first issue special.
Speaker: Okay, that's at 1058. Yeah, I think it's ah ah very much of a similar piece to Power Man and number 79, where Power Man and Iron Fist fight the ah the Daleks, but they're actually called the Dreadlocks.
Speaker: The Dreadlocks, yeah.
Speaker: I'm going to say maybe just below that at the new number 1058. Hey, can I tell you that um in X-Citing, oh X-Patrol, that ah they they combine Terra, you know, from from the Teen Titans. Teen Titans, yeah.
Speaker: With Terax.
Speaker: And her name is Tara X.
Speaker: Pretty good. Comics good sometimes, man. I mean, it's very first thought, best thought, but it's fun. Look, I know comics are over, but comics are good sometimes.
Speaker: ah Okay, X-Patrol number one is at the new number 1058.
Speaker: ah Jolene, thank you for that list. Here's our next list. It's from...
Speaker: Let's see. Chris... Nope, we did that one.
Speaker: This one is from Daniel Sylvester.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: First on Daniel's list is... Dragon Ball Chapters 97-108 by Akira Toriyama, The Fortune Teller Baba Saga, where Goku fights the universal monsters in the ghost of his grandpa. Have we already done this? Yeah, we've got that Okay, I think we may have already done this list. Okay, that's at 929 on the list. okay Okay, this one I know we have not done.
Speaker: ah Because we also ranked Roxanne Presents Thor number one, or did we say that was part of... Immortal Thor? or believe we said it was part of Immortal Thor. We've definitely yeah done this list.
Speaker: And we've done the Goku Black Saga. Okay. Hell yeah, that shit owns. Okay, here's a list we haven't done. It's from David Sanchez. ah it is These are some Floyd Gottfridson Mickey Mouse stories.
Speaker: Okay. And, I mean, if i if I sound apprehensive, I love those Floyd Gottfridson Mickey Mouse stories. They are from 1928. Yes. So, you know.
Speaker: first stuff in the First, we have Mickey Mouse Outwits the Phantom Blot. ah the the The classic. that is That's kind of the story, right? The classic, yeah. oh And it's pretty good.
Speaker: Matt, it's pretty good. i have i have read none of these. Have you not? No. Oh, they're really good. i have heard, and i my that is my understanding. i just It's not... i'd never got the collections, so I i never got to read them.
Speaker: ah Now, Phantom Blot, is that... Is it actually called the Phantom Blot? Because there's... there's oh House of the Seven Haunts, which I think is the first Phantom Blot story.
Speaker: ah ah According to David from Norway's list, Mickey Mouse Outwits the Phantom Blot is the the title of the story. Okay. It's from Volume 5 of the Gottfridson Mickey Mouse.
Speaker: Yeah, House the Seven Haunts is fucking great. It rules. Uh, Yeah, man. These stories are good. And you'll be reading them and you'll be like, it is wild that these stories were published in a newspaper, predate Superman by years.
Speaker: like pre These are pre-Golden Age comics, but they're incredible adventure stories. And then somebody will show up. And it'll be like, make Mickey's new friend from from Africa. And you'll be like, I want... Please don't walk in while I'm reading this.
Speaker: And it's it's challenging. it's It's a challenging thing to get through. Because otherwise, they're so good. Like, the... Gottfried's art is incredible and expressive. And again, it's like...
Speaker: You would not believe how... like You read Golden Age comic books, like Golden Age superhero comics, and they're a mess. like No one knows how to draw anything.
Speaker: like even Even if you're looking at like Joe Shuster and ah Jack Kirby... And even in some cases, like, Eisner or or, to a lesser extent, Jack Cole, because I think Jack Cole was, like, one of the early guys who really got it.
Speaker: ah But, like, things don't quite look like they, you know, like they should. Like, they would evolve. Like, even ten years later, you get ah world's better stuff in the 50s, particularly in, like, horror comics.
Speaker: um But you... You go back and look at these and you're like, this is phenomenal. like This is incredible. like If you look at what was coming out, like like this story is from 1939.
Speaker: So it's like 10 years into Godfrey's undoing Mickey Mouse. itp It looks a hell of a lot better than the first Batman story. You know? Well, yeah. yeah i mean it's like Obviously, Bob Kane.
Speaker: on talented Well, but, you know, it's it's it's cartooning. yeah Instead of trying to draw something realistic. um which And it's where the money was.
Speaker: Yeah. And then, like, right before this happened, there's a whole story with, like, ah an island full of savage cannibals that's like, Jesus Christ. Like,
Speaker: Like it it will stop you dead in your tracks and kill your enjoyment. ah Mickey Mouse admits the Phantom Blot, fortunately does not have that particular issue and is just really good comics all of, of Mickey dealing with ah a weird supervillain. Who's kind of his arch nemesis, who is the Phantom Blot.
Speaker: Uh, And it's it's Mickey getting in death traps and escaping and and kind of classic adventure story stuff. If you're going to read one, read it.
Speaker: Again, Volume 5 does, like, immediately before it has that story about the savage cannibals. But yeah, man, this stuff is, like, great.
Speaker: And honestly, like, Mickey Mouse as a character never looked better. than Godfrensen drawing him. I personally prefer the like original Mickey Mouse with no pupils. ah like Like the the classic like black and white Mickey.
Speaker: um But this is like the more... like I keep on to call him new look Mickey because that's what we call Batman when he puts on his real clothes.
Speaker: oh But still looks great in black and white. um Yeah, man, this story is great. Highly recommend it if you've never read it.
Speaker: I mean, and it holds up. like The Phantom Blot is still around. Yeah, like stuff and there's a reason. like Much like the way that like people kept going back to like Uncle Scrooge because of Karl Barks, like people would keep going back to the Phantom Blot because of this.
Speaker: And it's just, it's really great. It's really great. All right, where do you want to I hope I'm not forgetting something. but I don't think so. I think this is one of those one of those stories where like it has held up because you know it doesn't have that stuff, even though the story immediately before it and the one immediately after it probably...
Speaker: do. Oh god, what's the what's the story after? Oh, yeah, the story after it has a genie. So you know it you know that's going to be be rough. like I think the Phantom Blot, or a take on the Phantom Blot was even in that a Mickey video game from however many years ago. topic Epic Mickey? Epic Mickey, yeah. There's awful little lucky rabbit in that, too.
Speaker: That game is from 16 years ago. man. Man, okay. 16 years ago, so it's what, from like 1995? Okay,
Speaker: where do you want to put Mickey Elwitz, The Phantom Blot? Man, when when they're good, these Floyd Godfreyson stories are great.
Speaker: Yeah. And I legitimately cannot recommend them enough. It is, i am recommending you, a crisp $100 bill in the middle of a minefield.
Speaker: but But again, none of that's in this particular story, and I think this particular story is great. Yeah. Like, I would say we're looking maybe in the, like, two or three hundreds.
Speaker: Okay, great. And it maybe should be higher. Like...
Speaker: Probably not as good as goodby area Goodbye Airy. Goodbye Airy was really good. Goodbye Airy was really good, yeah. ah But I mean, like at 204 we have Beasts of Burden Animal Rights, which is great. But i would I would say this is as good as that. that okay yeah ah Right above that is Agents of Atlas.
Speaker: Yeah, i think it's I think it's as good as that. I haven't read that ah Vision oh story. I mean, it's one of the good Tom Kings. I mean, i i would I would put it right at... I'll put it at 201. Because I think in terms of okay yeah k craft, I think it's better than Incredible Hulk 312, which is drawn by Mike Mignola. So that's a good one. oh But not quite as as simultaneously of its time, but also kind of timeless as ah the Giffen to Mattius Maguire, Justice League.
Speaker: Yeah, I mean, it's hard to beat. yeah Hard to beat that those first six issues of Justice League before it became Justice League International.
Speaker: Yep. Hard to beat. Hard to beat. Okay. Next on David from Norway's list is The Mail Pilot, which is in Mickey by Gottfriedson Volume 2.
Speaker: ah can Give me one second while I put in the data. Okay. put it Put entering data. Entering data.
Speaker: Enhance.
Speaker: Give me a hard copy of that
Speaker: of that. nineteen thirty nine
Speaker: ah was 1939. Which was it? The Mail Pilot? The Mail Pilot, yeah. And that's in? in Volume 2. I remember reading this one for the first time and really liking it.
Speaker: ah Mail is M-A-I-L. Yeah. For those listening. That's the thing about these Mickey Mouse strips. is They're just about like Mickey getting a job.
Speaker: Mickey's always out of work. So he's always like trying something new. And it doesn't work out. oh And I remember this one being like a pretty solid, fun...
Speaker: kind of like Western adventure, because you know he's he's flying for the mail out West, and it's 1933. He <unk> oh you know he he had previously attempted being a pirate.
Speaker: So, you know, classic comic storytelling. That pirate story, and that's the one they named the volume after, that pirate story also has some savage cannibal islanders that are, Jesus, the even worse.
Speaker: Shocking. Fully shocking.
Speaker: ah Let's see. Yeah, i I remember really... This is the where Mickey has a gun? Which is a wild thing to see? as a mail pilot.
Speaker: Well, yeah, man. He's gotta protect the mail. He's gotta to protect the mail. yeah You out here trying to get your mail stolen?
Speaker: I guess that was during a time period where... Especially out west. You really had to defend the mail. yeah Hey, we should all be defending the mail.
Speaker: Postal service isn't a business. It's service. It's government service. Don't let anybody fucking tell you that it needs to turn a profit. It's government service.
Speaker: oh but yeah like Mickey gets... There's like a really great ah oh strip where ah where they're installing a machine gun on Mickey's mail plane, and the last panel is him like staying up late ah studying um a book about machine guns for his test.
Speaker: Which are pretty good. oh He gets, you know, deep giant spiderweb, airships, ah there's ah there's a guy who's like the king of the sky, Pete's in it.
Speaker: Oh yeah, Pete. You know Pete's in it. i i know I know all about Pete. Yeah, man. ah This is a fun one. i'm I'm doing as quick a check as I can flipping through this just to make sure. That is that is always what you gotta do when you get one of these old stories. 1933, man. you gotta do with Scrooge stories, too.
Speaker: it is it is what you got to do with scrooge stories too You dodge him bullets over here. yeah Much like Mickey himself. yeah I remember really liking this one. I remember thinking this one's kind of like the platonic idea a platonic ideal of like an adventure story.
Speaker: Because, again, airships, air pirates, monster spider. We're going to put a machine gun on this airplane. oh Great stuff. Great stuff.
Speaker: ah Again, ah would recommend it. I feel like this is one of the ones that... I know they did like when Fantagraphics was publishing oh these stories.
Speaker: They did oh free comic book day oh issue. with i I do remember that. i I think I read the stuff in that free comic book day. Yeah, and they definitely had to... like pick the ones that you can give to a child uhuh and, and not be like, okay, now it was the, it was 1933. It was people sucked back then, like even more than they suck now.
Speaker: If you can believe it, if you can believe it. Uh, but yeah, I think this is a, this is a great one. Um, okay. Where do you to it? I don't think it's quite as good as phantom blot, but I do really like it.
Speaker: Yeah. Uh, I'm looking at like, it's probably not as good as bone, but I genuinely do not think bone would exist without this.
Speaker: I think that is a fair and good call. Yeah. Yeah. Like ah bone owes a lot to those old cartoons. Yeah. And if you like bone, then you should probably read at least a couple of these, at least the good ones.
Speaker: oh And i want to I want to say something real quick. um You may say, listener, that this is us violating our no strips rule. Because these were originally published as newspaper strips, but they've been collected in like – I don't say Garfield strips have been collected too. These have entered the pantheon.
Speaker: like we We will count Floyd Godfrey and Mickey Mouse, but we're still on a comic strip moratorium. So don't think you're bending the rules here. These are like full arcs, too. like yeah You can read them.
Speaker: I mean, you know, each each strip is like four or five panels, and this is, what, 20 pages of of comics or more? Yeah. 30? I think it's pages.
Speaker: ah Three strips a page. that's that's like That's a full comic book, I think. yeah
Speaker: ah God, it's very funny that when they go to the evil Sky Pirate ah Zeppelin, it's got like um like a city inside it called Plunderville.
Speaker: And um they the first store they walk past is bombs, machine guns, and tobacco. That joke holds up! That's not something that would be in anything Mickey Mouse related nowadays. but you Hey, the kid's got to It's unfortunate. It's unfortunate.
Speaker: It's not as good as Marvel 2 and 1 Annual No. 7. Okay. Great. think it's better than you're not elected Charlie Brown. Okay. So where does that where does that land it? ah That puts it at number The new number 273...
Speaker: okay great the new number two hundred and seventy three is the male pilot,
Speaker: and I'll say Gottfriedson Mickey Mouse.
Speaker: Okay. Finally on David from Norway's list is Island in the Sky, which is in Mickey by Gottfriedson Volume 4.
Speaker: I definitely read that, because again, I've read all these. um i I don't recall this one off the top of my head, probably because I was thinking of some of the stuff that happens in the mail pilot, where he does essentially go to a city in the sky.
Speaker: Yeah. That's inside a Zeppelin. Right. for For criminals. Right. Right.
Speaker: Well, if you need a minute to to to find this and the can you vamp matt in the archives, I can vamp for a minute. yeah you vamp This story, specifically, the one we just talked about was from 1933. This one is from 1937. So it's in the middle of the ones we've ranked in this episode.
Speaker: It's actually from 1936 through 1937. Started in November of 1936 and ran through April of 1937. So that's a lot. That's a big chunk of strips. That's like six months worth of strips for one story.
Speaker: it's It's a big one. Or maybe five five months worth of strips. But nonetheless. And it starts off with... ah Literally, panel one of this story is Mickey walking up to Goofy, and Goofy going, hey, do you want to go into business with me, Goofy?
Speaker: but And to Mickey, for some reason, going, hell yeah. Hell yeah, bud, let's do it. I mean, this is the Depression, so I imagine this is what life was like.
Speaker: yeah and People were like, I gotta find a job, let's start a new business. Your dumbass friend. yeah
Speaker: ah They get a plane. And Mickey, of course, can fly a plane. Obviously, there's continuity. Mickey learned how to fly a plane in the mail pilot.
Speaker: When he was the mail pilot, yeah. oh And then they ah they fly around. We get a lot of airplane hijinks. Very hijinks.
Speaker: High in the sky. in the sky.
Speaker: And then they find ah like a ah guy's like a ah guy's house flying in the sky. And boy, he's got some kind of science machine.
Speaker: Wouldn't you know it? wouldn Wouldn't you know it? The kid's a natural.
Speaker: Then fucking Pete shows up. And Pete starts causing trouble.
Speaker: Mickey, Goofy, this guy who has a flying house... ah they're but They're all having a conflict. And here's where the money of this story is.
Speaker: There's an extended, multi-day physical fight scene with Mickey and Pete where they beat the shit out of each other. laughter laughter like Like multiple days of strips?
Speaker: Like two weeks of strips where they are just... Just fighting. Going... Pete got himself worked into a shoot, Matt. Mickey's giving him some receipts.
Speaker: It's very good.
Speaker: ah there's You want to talk about a classic pro wrestling bit? There's a bit where Pete, ah ah but like Mickey does save Pete from falling off the Sky Island.
Speaker: And Pete's like, Mickey, I owe you my life. ah And, you know, I want to shake your hand. And he shakes Mickey's hand. And he says, and, you know, there's something else I want. I owe you. And he punches him in the fucking face. Mm hmm.
Speaker: Again, not something I think what you would see in a Mickey Mouse story now, and that's a shame. There's a lot of stuff in there that you wouldn't see in a Mickey Mouse story now, and you shouldn't.
Speaker: yeah But Mickey just punching an asshole in the face, he should still do it. ah mit Mickey hitting the the coup de grace.
Speaker: On Pete, pretty good stuff. Like, Mickey doesn't fight anymore, and that's that's a shame. No, Mickey should definitely fight. it Anyway, that's that's kind of the money of this story, is this big ol' fight scene.
Speaker: Yeah. ah That's very fun. And then they they they go back to the Depression. after they They go back. Where does Mickey live?
Speaker: he lives I know he lives in Kalisota. He lives in Calisota, yeah. Does he live in, like, Mouston? Mouston. You got it.
Speaker: Mouston. Where does... Is that it? Yeah, Mouston. Okay. Alright, cool. Which is in Calisota. Yeah. that's That's where Mickey Mouse lives. Got it.
Speaker: we Weird the
Speaker: that... Is Mickey, like... Is Mickey from Money?
Speaker: because like well it doesn't It doesn't seem like he is in these comics, because he's constantly looking for a job. is or He could be slumming it. He could be. Was Pulp's Common People ah about Mickey Mouse?
Speaker: And if so, do we have to rank these stories a little bit higher, because that song is a banger, Alzheimer? He wants to live like Common People. ah Of the three we've gotten, I think this is probably the weakest, but it's again, it's still pretty good.
Speaker: oh ok Occasionally in comics, Mickey's hometown was called Mouseville. It was not consistent. Sometimes it was Mouston, and sometimes it was Mouseville.
Speaker: and aber its It's been ah ah normalized to Mouston. It's always Mouston now. I've been watching season one. Star Trek The Next Generation, Matt. Uh-huh.
Speaker: Yeah. You want to talk about some fucking inconsistency.
Speaker: Oh, word? Man, it's season one. but They didn't, like, come on, guys. I mean, season one ends with, i mean, actually, it's the best episode of season one, but season one ends with Riker and Picard uncovering a There's a to take over Starfleet, where everybody's brain gets infected by a bug, you and they shoot like a chief top admiral and turn him into meat.
Speaker: Yeah, like apparently the
Speaker: someone left the writing staff because he was not happy with that scene. Because they do melt that guy's face off, and you do he see his face melt off, and there's bones. They turn into bones.
Speaker: Yeah, he explodes like so scanners. Yeah, it's wild. That's actually the penultimate episode season one. but like But like, but then it just like goes back to normal. Yeah, yeah like The entire upper brass of Starfleet got cleared out.
Speaker: And then it's just like, oh, all right. I guess some people got promoted. They had bugs. They had bugs. They had bugs. But like there's there's one where they're talking about, they're but like go go to Warp 6, and Geordi's like, aye, sir. ah Full Impulse. And I'm like, that's two different engines.
Speaker: Those are two different things. And you should know that. Yeah. Yeah. Even though he is not chief engineer yet at that point. was it Yeah, he was just at the helm, at the con.
Speaker: i think I think Argyle might have been chief engineer at that point. Chief engineer Argyle, who we keep talking about, you and me. Anyway, um inconsistencies. Bugs Is this the worst of the three? I think it's the worst of the three, but I think it's still like pretty good. I mean, again...
Speaker: You want to see Mickey Mouse and Pete beat the shit out of each other? Yeah. Like, you Like, fucking Fighting Spirit, seven stars in the dome. You could submit some Mickey Floyd Gottfrieds and stuff that will be ranked way lower.
Speaker: Oh, yeah. But ah David picked the good ones. They picked some good ones here. Yeah, yeah. These are these are solid. These are solid stories. um Not as good as Jughead number 200. Okay, great. That's really good.
Speaker: But I think, well, probably not as good as Unbeatable Squirrel Girl, Volume 2, Numbers 1 to 5, The Time Travel Story. That's also very good. Probably not as good as JLA 1.
Speaker: Not as good as JLA Rock of Ages. So we're looking down in the 400s now. All right. ah You know what? I will say it is number 400.
Speaker: it's the it's number four hundred I'm put it right under the War of the Realms.
Speaker: I think War of the Realms might have gotten in there on Regency Bias. But you know what? It's good. It's good. It's good. ah Above the Rogers, Andrea DeVito, Dungeons & Dragons. Yes, very similar in town.
Speaker: So at number 400 is Island in the Sky, which is another Gottforson Mickey Mouse.
Speaker: Okay. Thank you, David from Norway, for that list.
Speaker: You should read that Phantom Blast story, Matt. It's good. I should go read like all of the those Mickey Mouse comics, but I gotta get my hands on them. When you're done with Ronan, if you're like, who?
Speaker: That was some racial slurs. But I really want something that' that's a little more hateful. ah yeah then you can you can just dive right into Floyd Caperson.
Speaker: Good to know. Good to know. Okay. Let's see. I got some every spooky ever's in here, which means we're in October of 2024. Hey, catching up. Yeah.
Speaker: Catching up. yeah catch know Okay, David from Norway sent us another list of Scrooge stories, but we already took a David from Norway list this episode, so I'm going to have to skip that.
Speaker: Slow it down. Slow it down, David from Norway. Okay, our next list is from Magenta Riot on our Discord. And this is, um these are all comics catch-up shooters.
Speaker: These are all intended to get us to do things for Comics Catch-Up. So this is a bunch of comics we haven't read and cannot rank? I... Magenta.
Speaker: I mean, you know... Let's read them out. We're already reading Siren. We've already committed to that.
Speaker: Okay. What if we read Siren instead of Ronan?
Speaker: I've already read half of Ronan. i've i' ah The sunk cost fallacy is has happened on that. um All right. First is Grindel Devil by the Deed by Matt Wagner. We have read that. We read that for a catch-up already.
Speaker: yeah So, take that. Take that. ah Next is Enigma by Peter Mulligan, Duncan Fogredo, Sherilyn Van Valkenburg, and John Costanza.
Speaker: Uh... Never read it. And I'm going to be honest with you, it's because it looks like a real, like a real Vertigo comic.
Speaker: Looks like they're a real 1993 Vertigo-ass comic. Even the logo is like, as Vertigo as it is. It's like the like the podcast I was listening to, pro wrestling podcast I listened to.
Speaker: oh the Attitude Era podcast, which does non-Attitude Era things as well. um They were doing like a like a show from 2009. I don't know who it was, but it was like Randy Orton versus Sheamus or something.
Speaker: yeah And one of those which was just like, now this is now this is a proper w WWE match. And that's the way I feel about this. Peter Milligan, 1993. This Vertigo.
Speaker: this is vertigo the art i'm I'm looking through some pages now. The art is so vertigo. Early ninety s vertigo. It's like if there was a comic within the comic of Doom Patrol, this would be it. but but Yeah. Okay, and finally is Elfquest, Volume 1 by Wendy Peeney. Matt, I can tell you this for free.
Speaker: Yeah. That's simply not going to happen.
Speaker: Nothing against it. Nothing nothing and against the people who like ElfQuest and for whom ElfQuest was important. i I respect Wendy and Richard Petey and all that they have done. There's no way I'm reading that book.
Speaker: i don't think I don't think I'm going to get out of it what you want me to get out of it. Yeah, it' I really think that if you force us to read ElfQuest... It is going to be Excalibur situation, but exponentially more.
Speaker: Yeah. yeah i'm just i'm afraid I'm afraid that is what's going to happen. and And you're talking to at least one dude who likes weird, weird mid-80s fantasy.
Speaker: And this this is simply a non-starter. Magenta Riot also... ah said we should rank all of Akira, but we have ranked the first two volumes of Akira. So I don't know what to tell you.
Speaker: Our next list is from let's see Sean Bell who
Speaker: sent us this list I think one of these we have talked about as a catch-up candidate, which maybe we should do, um which is Superman time and again.
Speaker: ah i believe this got submitted another time, and we said we could possibly do it as a catch-up candidate. ah Correct? Is that right? I don't... What is this?
Speaker: It is... this is the one where like with like the Alpha Centurion and everything? Yes, it is it is a story where Superman goes through different points in history. Yeah, yeah, yeah. yeah It's from 1991. It's from 1991. It's in the Triangle Superman books. Yeah, time and time again.
Speaker: Yeah, time and time again. ah i but i would read that as a catch-up. I think that would be a fun thing to do as a catch-up. Those Superman books are... The Triangle years are better than people remember. Better than they get credit for.
Speaker: i would Maybe the July catch-up. Did we already say that July catch-up was something else? July catch-up's going Siren. Okay, so the August catch-up might be Superman time and time again. August catch-up, that's my birthday. I'm going to be i'm go make you read Dragon Ball or something.
Speaker: Okay, so September. Like mark it down you made me read Ronan for your birthday? I absolutely did not. I'm also having to read Ronan. Right, right, right.
Speaker: Alright, so that one is we have already teed up as a as a catch-up some point at some point in the future. Next is Legends of the Dark Claw number one, which we have also ranked.
Speaker: people People wanted to hear us talk about the Amalgam books. They really did. Finally, on the list from Sean, is ah Punisher 2099 number 19, The Dawn of Vendetta.
Speaker: Written by Pat Mills and Tony Skinner. Pencils by Tom Morgan. Matt. Yeah. We have some Punisher 2099 on the list already, right? Yeah, we have all of the Pat Mills...
Speaker: ah Tony Skinner, ah Punisher 2099, as one entry ranked already. Right, and this is just number 19, so we've already done that too. okay But but since since it's been a while since we've talked about it, because it was yeah it was ah ah July of 2025 that we ranked that. So it was yeah ah almost a year ago.
Speaker: so So this list was sent before we ranked it on the list. Yeah. ah I'll tell you this about about Punisher 2099. It's secretly extremely good.
Speaker: I mean, it's fucking Pat Mills. Yeah, man, it's it's like a 2000 AD comic. Yeah. And Vendetta, who is who is the lady Punisher 2099, except for her costume has fishnets over her tights.
Speaker: Uh... it's It's great. It's a hoot, man. The only thing about Punisher 2099 is his costume sucks. i say I hate his costume.
Speaker: Or is it great? I mean, it it it is tilting towards sucking so bad that it's great. I mean, look, Jay Gallows, that's a man who who woke up, looked in the mirror, and said, I think it's Enigma time.
Speaker: I think I need the teeth. I remember the Punisher from the 20th century and how he had a skull that went down to his waist. I need the teeth of the skull to go all the way down to my crotch making a teeth codpiece. Yeah, man, he's got dick teeth.
Speaker: He sure does. How are you going to punish crime crime if you don't have dick teeth? Matt, it's the future.
Speaker: He's got... ah Yeah, crotch dentata down there. I wish anyone phrased the question, where do you live, as where do you live, and not like, what's your address?
Speaker: So that I could say, on the edge. Right. Which is what Punisher 2099 says. I'm sure, therere like are you constantly being asked what your address is? Well, you know, i fill out forms.
Speaker: Oh, right. But in conversation, I think you're going to hear, where do you live more often than, what's your address? yeah Yeah, I guess. i don't know. i didn so I've been waiting for someone to ask me, where where do you live for about 15 years now?
Speaker: I mean, the problem is that the problem is a lot of times people are going to be like, oh, what part of town do you live in? Yeah, or like, oh, where are you based out of? And and you don't get you can't answer that on The Edge, unfortunately. Yeah, I'm based out of The Edge.
Speaker: Yeah, that's that's too bad. Hey Matt, your birthday's coming up. It sure is. How how how old are you going to 43. 43. You sounded so sad. That's the age that I currently am.
Speaker: I mean, you know, it's the the number only goes up. would it See, what you need to do cheer yourself up a little bit. Do what Punisher 2099 does.
Speaker: So ask me.
Speaker: How old are you going to be? On your birthday? 44. Caliber. Okay, but you can only do that when you're 44. does it when he's 36. 36. Okay, you could do 22. You could do 36. You could do 44 45.
Speaker: you can do thirty sweat too
Speaker: you could do ah forty four and forty five
Speaker: And that might be it. i think Look, I think you can do anything. Don't let people put you in a box. You can do 357. When you turn 357 years old.
Speaker: got it. yeah Anyway, Punisher 2099 is great. This issue is great. Everybody should read Punisher 2099. Yeah. When you find out there's a lot of secret Judge Dredds out there, it's great.
Speaker: ah Okay. You know about Death Race 2020? That's a secret. That's a secret. oh That's a secret 2018 comic. All right. We got a couple backups from Sean. ah One is Superman Confidential number six through seven. Welcome to Mer-tropolis.
Speaker: I believe that is the Superman Confidential two-part story that is the fill-in That ah is between the parts of the... The Darwin Cook story?
Speaker: The Tim Sale Superman Confidential story. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't remember it at all. Do not read it. I think I did or read it, but I i don't remember it. ah Let's see. Let me look and see if it like jogs anything in my memory. but Looking at it, I can tell you I did not read those.
Speaker: But yes... ah Oh, wait, no. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. i This is right. it's The Darwin Cook-Tim Sale one goes through five and then stops because it got delayed.
Speaker: And so they put this two-part ah Jimmy Palmiati story between. Yeah, but the Darwin Cook-Tim Sale story doesn't come back until number 14 or something. like it oh so this Okay, so this isn't the only story in between. Yeah, no there's there's a lot in between. ah i think it's number... Maybe it's number 11? Yeah, it's number 11 that it finally comes back and finishes. Okay, alright. Now, I don't remember this at all.
Speaker: i've Looking at it now, it's I don't remember it at all. ah So... Sorry on that one. um How about Joker Devil's Advocate by Chuck Dixon and Graham Nolan?
Speaker: I feel like that's on the list. Man, ah Sean, I'm so sorry. That's a lot of strikeouts. ah Yeah, it's on the list number 1291.
Speaker: Okay. Sorry, Sean. That's the one where where Joker is on trial for a crime he didn't commit. And despite everyone being like, come on, Batman.
Speaker: Come on, just give us this one. like Okay. We'll execute him, and then you can find out who really did it. Okay? ah Sorry, Sean.
Speaker: I really do apologize. But we either we haven't read them all, or we've already ranked them. ah All right.
Speaker: Up next, we have a list from CJ Kroll. These are three Spidey Super Stories. now that that's a Now that's a comic.
Speaker: First up is Spidey Super Stories number 11. Spider Woman? question Yeah, that's that's that's what it's called. That's what it's called.
Speaker: ah Now this this is not about Jessica Drew or Julia Carpenter or or The Gwen Stacy of Earth-65.
Speaker: Or... Or Mayday Parker. Mayday Parker. Yeah. ah Well, Mayday Parker was Spider-Girl. She was Spider-Girl. Maddie Franklin... Was Spider-Man.
Speaker: Was Spider-Man? Was Maddie Franklin never Spider-Woman? She did become Spider-Woman, too, yeah. But she was she was briefly Spider-Man. It's not about anyone who appears in Madam Web, even though her web connects us all.
Speaker: She should be. She should have been in Madam Web. She should have been in and Madam Web. But I believe this is ah this is a person from the television show The Electric Company. The Electric Company, a person yeah. Her name is Valerie. Valerie. yeah She... ah Peter decides to bundle up his ah his costume after he changes back into belted pair of slacks and a tank top.
Speaker: little Like and he he's John McClane. And he hangs it off the side of a building. Because it's hot. it's hot And then he immediately falls asleep outside on a rooftop in New York. And that's how Spider-Man died.
Speaker: ah And also, we know that his webbing dissolves after... an hour. nothing So he better not be asleep for more than an hour. Oh, ah he forgot though. So it falls off the, off the side of the building and falls into Valerie's lap.
Speaker: And she doesn't thinking about like, Oh, maybe I, maybe I could be a hero, but how? Well, she doesn't have spider powers, but she does know what suction cups are. So she puts suction cups on her hands and feet.
Speaker: And that's how Valerie died.
Speaker: ah Dark issue of Spidey super stories. Yeah. Um, the The web shooters are already inside the costume. So she's got those. And then she just goes she goes out ah swinging around.
Speaker: Spider-Man wakes up. He has a sunburn. He decides to go home without his costume. He gets a spare costume out of his closet. And he finds Spider-Woman, Valerie.
Speaker: And then they fight the vulture. And they turn the vulture... Into a jailbird. That's right. Damn. Damn. Got him.
Speaker: They got his ass. Got his ass. And then Valerie asks Spidey, how do you do it? And he says, sorry, that's a trade secret. Secret, Eddie Winks. I wish he said secret.
Speaker: Secret. That's a twade secret. That's a twade secret.
Speaker: And that's when a Home Star Runner became the new Spider-Man. That's right. i I mean, look, as far as Spidey Super Stories goes, this is kind of a bunch of nothing.
Speaker: Well, it's a way to bring in a celebrity guest star. Right. You know. Just just like when Stephen and Colbert showed up. Yeah. Yeah. Honestly, they should have just reprinted this exact story any time there's a celebrity who wants to be in a Spider-Man comic.
Speaker: print So it's Stephen Colbert putting suction cups on his shoes, Barack Obama fighting the Vulture. mountains out Every cast member of Saturday Night Live.
Speaker: Every original cast member. The Spidey Super Stories picks up and starts to get real weird about 20 issues twenty issues in Like, that's when you get stuff like Thanos having a helicopter, you know? Hang tight. Hang tight. Okay. Okay.
Speaker: um But yeah, like, that this this story doesn't even make the cover. Like, there's a Doc Ock story later in this issue. Yeah. Uh-huh. What's Doc Ock was doing robbing banks, man?
Speaker: Man, he needs the money for his experiments. he I guess he does need to buy that precious tritium. He's got to buy his precious tritium. Yeah. power of the sun. the palm of your hand i So Valerie appeared in quite a few issues of Spidey Super Stories and never got a last name. yeah because she's just she's the She's from the electric company. so yeah Valerie the Librarian.
Speaker: ah Yeah, I mean, like i can't like this story, it is a sequence of events. ah A supervillain shows up and And they they fight the supervillain, but it's like, kind of nothing happens in this. like I mean, like the fact that Valerie puts suction cups on her hands and feet and she can still climb walls, that feels like exposing the business.
Speaker: Well, here's here's what's wild about this. is like At the end of the story, she's she's not going to be Spider-Woman anymore. no But why?
Speaker: She could have done this. like she She didn't need Spider-Man's costume to do any of this. I'm looking. I don't think she was from the Electric Company. I don't know what she's from.
Speaker: I mean, in in in the first panel, they're leaving the studio where they shoot the Electric Company. I mean, I guess you I'm trying to look up her what she did on the Electric Company, and I can't find any evidence. But yeah, I mean, I guess she had to be.
Speaker: On that show... Hattie Winston is the real person. Hattie Winston. Okay. Great. And Hattie... Valerie the Librarian hung out with Easy Reader, who was, of course, Morgan Freeman.
Speaker: Oh, okay. That all makes sense. Yeah. Great. ah But Hattie Winston ah was... ah she She was Lucy Carmichael in Rugrats.
Speaker: Interesting. Hey, man, I'll... Matt, I know people get a little mad when we kind of like take our little diversions.
Speaker: um just ah but I gotta say it, because it's been weighing on my heart. Okay. speak because Can I speak on this? Speak on this, brother.
Speaker: There's like no good Nicktoons.
Speaker: Like, maybe Rocco's Modern Life had its moments. Rocco's Modern Life was the one I liked the most, yeah. Yeah. Certainly the one I watched the most, but like, Rugrats fucking sucks.
Speaker: I mean, we've said this before and it makes people mad because they have nostalgia for Rugrats, but I agree. It sucks. Doug. Doug. Fuck dog Doug. was Doug was the most nothing.
Speaker: Doug is...
Speaker: doug Doug turns me on one of those people who's like, these kids today are too soft. With their participation trophies. And fucking Doug. Patty mayonnaise.
Speaker: Fucking patty mayonnaise. Is that a joke? Is that a joke? Because it's like, it's two things that are in a hamburger. Is that is that a joke? That fucking sucks, dude. ah Doug had the most, like...
Speaker: You know how like um you buy a kid a baseball bat, but it's not really a baseball bat? It's like soft. like and Like a Nerf bat? Like a Nerf bat, kind of, yeah.
Speaker: Okay, yeah.
Speaker: Like, if a real joke is like a a wooden baseball bat, the jokes on Doug were those soft children's bats. If a real joke is a baseball bat...
Speaker: The jokes on Doug are cooked spaghetti.
Speaker: There's just one episode where Doug, like, the only one that I vividly remember is there's one where Doug gets really into talking heads. And that's it.
Speaker: That's, like, that's the plot, is that Doug wants to be David Byrne. And then it sucks. Like, he sucks at it. And then there was Ren and Stimpy, which... Gross.
Speaker: It was gross. if Of all of them, it's the one I like was most into. But the guy who created it ended up sucking very badly.
Speaker: And then when they did the when they weren't on Nickelodeon anymore and didn't have like censorship, and did that one that version on Spike TV, where it was like Ren and Stimpy adult party cartoon or whatever they called it.
Speaker: That sucked. like like That wasn't funny. It was all jokes just about Ren and Stimpy being gay. like it That's what you were waiting to do?
Speaker: It's fucking... There was a time in this country where you could make like a million dollars just by like drawing butt cheeks.
Speaker: And going like, look kids, it's butt cheeks. Yeah. Like, that was a career you could have. And again, I'm not, like, I know I'm so close to being, like, fucking Tucker Carlson talking about the green M&M or whatever, but, like...
Speaker: I mean, look, you you know me, Matt. I'm a freak-o-pervert. Uh-huh, yeah. You know? ah But, God, I'm like, hey, kids, look at this butt crack.
Speaker: goodby like it's it's It's toast. I think there was more to the original Ren and Stippy than that. There wasn't. There was.
Speaker: the the the The Happy Happy Joy Joy song where Ren is like smashing his head with a hammer and the song itself, ah like there's funny stuff in that. um there's funny still i know, it was so random.
Speaker: it's not randomness. It's, uh, but there's funny stuff in like space madness, but, um, it's, I think the Ren and snippy is the best of that ah original batch, but, um, they're, none of them are great.
Speaker: And written snippy has, has faded quite a bit in my, uh, estimation over time, partially because the guy who created it is an absolute monster. is um Yeah. It's a fuck fucking creep. Yeah. Um,
Speaker: yeah um Rocco was pretty good. Rocco had some good bits.
Speaker: What? um Did anything else follow fall under the umbrella of Nicktoons? I think maybe Ah, Real Monsters? Ah, Real Monsters, which I never liked all that much.
Speaker: Let's see. ah Here we go. Nicktoons. Early efforts. okay Invader Zim was a Nicktoon. Never into it.
Speaker: But like I think original original Run and Nick... Okay, the three originals were Doug, Rugrats, and Ren and Stimpy. Ren and Stimpy, All those fucking suck. All those are trash. Rugrats is trash.
Speaker: A bunch of lumpy children with awful voices. ah Everybody had a squeaky voice. That is true. Ugh. pits. The pits. It had an animation style that I just could not vibe with.
Speaker: rocco moded So those were the original in 1991. yeah Those were the three. Rocco came around in 1993. Rocco's Modern Life. And then we get ah Real Monsters.
Speaker: ah And then Hey Arnold, Kablam. Cat Dog? never I never watched anything. i never watched a Real Monsters. I never watched Hey Arnold. I know people like Hey Arnold, but like... More like, hey, get off my TV so I can watch something good.
Speaker: Wasn't CatDog one of them? CatDog is there? Yeah. Wild Thornberrys? I've never watched a second of Spongebob.
Speaker: I have nothing against it. have nothing against it. Spongebob was a little after our time. But it is enjoyable. there's There's fun stuff on Spongebob. I mean, you say it was after our time, but like night it and like...
Speaker: yeah I was definitely watching Powerpuff Girls.
Speaker: Spongebob like was basically a sitcom. And was was funny. ah But I will say the cartoon cartoons were infinitely better.
Speaker: for For sure. For sure. can't really stick up for like Johnny Bravo. but Johnny Bravo, I think, if we were to revisit Johnny Bravo, I think Johnny Bravo would would have layers to it. Johnny Bravo was one joke.
Speaker: He's dumb. he's He's like a womanizer, but he's dumb. yeah like like That was the extent of Johnny Bravo. He was like an Elvis past pastation. that was yeah But Powerpuff Girls and Dexter's Lab and like, yeah.
Speaker: Powerpuff Girls, perfect. No notes. Dexter's Lab, frequently a plus um Cow and Chicken was bad. Cow and Chicken was bad. Courage the Cowardly Dog. Courage the Cowardly Dog is like a weird post-Ren and Stimpy. He's got a hole in his tooth, and I don't like that. yeah um Ed Ed and Eddie is another off-putting animation style. Yeah.
Speaker: um But um Dexter's Lab and Powerpuff Girls. Powerpuff Girls, for sure. yeah of of what we've talked about, far and away the best.
Speaker: And it's like exactly the same joke as Ren and Simpy, which is that like it's extremely violent.
Speaker: But it's like a million times better because it has like characters. And anyway, um I'm just like, when I say Nicktoons, I'm to fucking Avatar The Last Airbender. Okay. That wasn't a Nicktoon. That wasn't Nicktoon. It's listed as a Nicktoon on Wikipedia, but I'm talking about the original three show lineup.
Speaker: Those three shows were trash. Trash garbage. All right. Let's let's rank this Spidey super story. That's like, oh, right. That's what we're doing. That's like,
Speaker: as you said, kind of kind of kind of nothing. Yeah, kind of kind of nothing happens in it. it's it's kind of like It's kind of weird because like, 75.
Speaker: So so there was a Spider-Woman before 1975, right? I think Jessica Drew predates that, yeah. Yeah.
Speaker: but No, she's 77. So I guess this is like how there's a ah there's like a prototype Supergirl story before Supergirl actually shows up. So this predates any other Spider-Woman. Yeah, so like I guess Valerie is actually Spider-Woman 1.
Speaker: Yeah. But she's from a different universe. but she's Well, now let's let's not get into the... Let's not get into the Spider-Verse here, buddy.
Speaker: ah She should be in the fucking Spider-Verse movie. i wonder... Someone will tell us if she is. Because there's a lot of characters in there.
Speaker: And the only one I was looking for didn't show up. so Yeah. Okay. yeah um okay ah I also like how there's a caption in this that's like, hey, do not put suction cups on your shoes.
Speaker: And try to climb walls. You will die. Okay. 1,200 on our list is Birds of Prey, Volume 1, Numbers 13 to 14, The Apocalypse Express.
Speaker: Probably not as good, right? you You know I hate to give it to Chuck Dixon. You know I hate to do it. But yes. um twelve fifty 1252 is Batman A Death in the Family.
Speaker: mean, yeah. I mean, Death in the Family is pretty good. I mean, Pizza Hut X-Men is at 1263. This is definitely below that. Definitely not as good as Pizza Hut X-Men. Like, here's thing. This story isn't bad. It is nothing.
Speaker: It is nothing. ah Let's find the part of the list that is not where the stories are kind of nothing. And I don't even think we can, like... ah Count on like the historical significance of this as a prototype ah like prototype Spider-Woman, because she's kind of not. It's just like somebody else in the comic dressed up as in Spider-Man's clothes one time.
Speaker: Okay, at 1362 is life theft from Amazing Spider-Man 386 to 388. This is kind of that.
Speaker: Okay. Okay. because Because right before that is where like we start to get into kind of some bad. Uh-huh. I don't think this is bad. It's just nothing.
Speaker: Right? It's nothing. So I think it's it's like in here somewhere. In the Okay,
Speaker: yeah so it's probably better than Young Bloodstrike File. we're Yes, it's gotta be. It's gotta be. It's gotta be. Yeah. Um...
Speaker: Wilson the Roughneck is the story where Jimmy Olsen accidentally punches Lucy Lane in the face bunch. 1365 is the first multiple man story.
Speaker: That's probably better?
Speaker: you think that's better than this? Yeah, probably. Well, that Ms. Marvel story with the Dracula cameo was also just nothing. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker: I would put it below that Jimmy Olsen story. Okay, so 1367. 1367, yeah. yeah Okay, Spidey Super Stories number 11, Spider-Woman?
Speaker: question mark Because the concept of a Spider-Woman had never been thought of before.
Speaker: Before this story.
Speaker: All right, next is the one you mentioned. spider oh never mind, never mind, never mind. The next one is the one you mentioned, Spidey Super Stories number 39. What is the Cosmic Cube featuring the Thanos copter?
Speaker: They put that shit in a movie, man. And you know what? You're welcome. From me, without whom you would not know about that.
Speaker: a good point. It's a good point. Matt, I'm not trying to... ah i I rarely do this. Ain't nobody wanted to know about that damn helicopter if wasn't for me. I mean, you're right.
Speaker: Nobody was reading Spidey Superstories. You're right.
Speaker: I've given so much to this business.
Speaker: ah
Speaker: genuinely think this story is very fun. like That's the thing about later era Spidey Superstories is they're written in these like very simple sentences, but a lot of times they're kind of half-adapting like like adapting or or or remixing ah existing stories, and they have to explain them to full babies.
Speaker: yeah So they're written as storybooks, like like with storybook-style writing. And I just love this page that explains what the Cosmic Cube is, which is, evil scientists been the Cosmic Cube.
Speaker: Everyone wants it, because it can do almost anything. And Thanos goes, with the Cosmic Cube, I can take over the world.
Speaker: Yep. that did He did it. He got it. He got it. And then he gets in his helicopter that has his name on it and fights Hellcat, who is not called Hellcat, because this is coming for babies. She's only called The Cat.
Speaker: The Cat, yeah. ah they They did not put the Thanos copter in a movie, I should note. they did just It was in an episode of Loki. Oh, I thought it was in – it showed up in Deadpool and Wolverine, too. Oh, maybe it is in Deadpool. I don't think it's in Deadpool and Wolverine. It's just in Loki. It's in the same – It's definitely in Loki.
Speaker: It's in the same place. They put it in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. It is it is in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, for sure. For sure. and i And I'm going to go ahead and guess, Matt, I'm going to guess – Nick Sullivan, Michael Sporen, and Big Jim Salagro did not get paid for creating the Phantom Scopter.
Speaker: Probably not. Probably not. ah There's a great panel in this where um Peter Parker is reading about cat capturing crooks. And then ah Mary Jane is like, I think the cat is neat.
Speaker: And then Peter goes, I think she's just a copycat of Spider-Man. And then Mary Jane says, can the corn, Peter? Women can be super, too. I don't know if that was ever a phrase anyone said, but we should bring it back.
Speaker: Can the corn. It's great. I think, like, Peter's a real asshole. Hey, the cat's neat.
Speaker: think she's a copycat Spider-Man. ah so After the Thanoscopter goes away... ah Because Thanos loses the Cosmic Cube, he drops it out of out of his helicopter.
Speaker: He gets it back, and the next thing he makes is just a big dog. Yeah, to fight to fight the cat. To fight the cat, yeah. So, me and Thanos got a lot in common.
Speaker: I, too, would make a large dog that I could talk to if I had the Cosmic Cube. Is there any other Marvel story? Any other? Where Thanos gets arrested by the police.
Speaker: i that's like That's the thing. That's why I loved this issue so much and talked about it. it's like It's like Thanos gets fully just handcuffed and taken it away by two cops.
Speaker: It's great! It's fantastic. Genuinely great. like Doing this kind of story is an art form.
Speaker: Yeah. And it's, it's, I also like that Thanos is foiled not by the cat or by Spidey, ah but, but by a child hu who picks up the cosmic cube and is like, fuck you, Thanos.
Speaker: Right. Cause, cause children using the cosmic cube, this is the second child to use the coic cosmic cube in the story. This one just gets ice cream, just makes himself an ice cream cone. Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah. um
Speaker: Also, Spidey does kick that dog. So, again, i don't know why, but they decided Peter Parker's a fucking asshole in this one. Yeah. I don't think the cat's good. The cat's just ripping off Spider-Man.
Speaker: I'm kick this dog. gonna kick this dog. And not stop Thanos. He kicks the dog, and then a child says, far out. That's what a child says when he sees a dog getting kicked.
Speaker: It's weird, because like the dog's supposed to be big, but he's only really drawn big in like one panel, and just is otherwise a regular dog. He keeps changing size. He keeps changing size. Yeah, there's a little inconsistency. but The art is not where it should be.
Speaker: yeah ah This story's really fun, though. it's Yeah, no, i i mean, is it good? is it good Maybe not. Would i recommend it to literally anyone? Yes. Absolutely. Yeah.
Speaker: It's like ah one of those comics that I read it and I had to show everyone. Yeah. I don't think this story is actually called What is the Cosmic Cube? I think it's called The Cat and the Cosmic Cube. Yeah. The What is the Cosmic Cube? Unless we're just doing that one page origin story of the Cosmic Cube. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker: ah it's I mean, it all it does all connect, but um I believe the story is actually called The Cat and the Cosmic Cube. yeah um Where do you think this goes? ah I mean, again, it's kind of exactly Pizza Hut X-Men for me.
Speaker: Yeah, it's kind of – yeah, I agree. I like Pizza Hut X-Men – like I think Pizza Hut X-Men is maybe craft-wise a little better, but like it's kind of they occupy the same space in my heart.
Speaker: I think Pizza Hut X-Men's way too low. ah ah Yeah, I agree. i agree that it goes where Pizza Hut X-Men does. Right below Pizza Hut X-Men, we have the Chris Claremont and Ladron...
Speaker: Fantastic Four annual 99. A good story, although it has one of my most hated characters, the recorder. you hate You hate that guy.
Speaker: I really do. I really do. You hate that guy. You hate Venom. hate Doug.
Speaker: um I like Venom now, though. I like current Venom. Yeah, that's true. um I... We gotta read the Venom Lethal Protector. Catch up, I think. I think we've raked Venom Lethal Protector. I know we've read Venom Lethal Protector. I just want to make you read it again.
Speaker: Oh, God. um Okay. I think this is... Okay, at 1279 we have Night Business. I feel like this is weirdly comparable to that.
Speaker: i mean Yeah, I think this is definitely... I would – here's the thing. This is a comic that I've read and I wanted to show everyone. Night Business is a comic that I've read and I can't show anyone.
Speaker: But they are they are enjoyable in exactly the same way? me Not exactly, but yes. in In much the same way. They are – they're not so different, you and I.
Speaker: Yeah. Okay, I think this probably goes below Five-Fifths of Science, but I would put it above Marvel's Zombies vs. Army of Darkness. I think that's perfectly fair. All right, so this is a new number 1281.
Speaker: Spidey Super Stories, number
Speaker: number thirty nine the cat and the cosmic cube
Speaker: And I'll put in parentheses Thanos copter.
Speaker: First to know. persono um all right actually viny let's First first. Because we do not get the the O. He made it with the he made it with the Cosmic Cube. But he doesn't have the Cosmic Cube at the time.
Speaker: Yes, he does. No, cu he because because the cat has it. He dropped it. he hit He had the Cosmic Cube in the Origin thing. On page 14.
Speaker: But when rejoin the story, the cat has the cosmic cube and Thanos has a helicopter.
Speaker: Well, he dropped it. Or, no, she dropped it. Okay. I think you can infer that he made the helicopter with the cosmic cube, but... That's that's a real big assumption, Matt. That is maybe a reach.
Speaker: um Okay. Next on CJ's list is Spidey Super Stories number 42, Kingpin for President, in which Kingpin tries to kidnap Jimmy Carter.
Speaker: Depressingly relevant.
Speaker: The cover of this issue is put it in the Louvre. it's It's beautiful. Unbelievably good. Kingpin standing beside a limo.
Speaker: Jimmy Carter inside. Spider-Man swinging in. and Jimmy Carter looks like he has just shit his pants. I mean, have you seen the Kingpin?
Speaker: Yeah, man.
Speaker: Oh, beautiful. i beauty I would give so much money to see the Spidey Super Stories version of of the Daredevil story Born Again.
Speaker: oh Kingpin kicks Spider-Man in the face in this and then drops him down a trap door. I feel like Spidey Super Stories Spider-Man doesn't have spider sense because he's always getting... like he gets he's He's always getting wrapped up in something, you know?
Speaker: i there is a There is a distinct problem with Kingpin's plan from the get-go here. So he's he's got a daily bugle that says, President to Visit City.
Speaker: And he goes, President Carter is coming to town. I will kidnap him and take over the country. That is not how that works. that's That's not how it works. We are not teaching kids civics in these spidey super stories.
Speaker: what how ah How that would work is that he could then demand that the government set the exchange rate to of kingpin dollars. Right. To United States dollars?
Speaker: yeah Yeah. That's that's what when what happens when you kidnap a head of state. That's right, yeah. ah the white is Why does Kingpin want to take over the country?
Speaker: I mean, you know, it's a step up. Is it, though? he He would go from being kingpin of New York to kingpin of the whole United States. But he's not the kingpin of New York. He's the kingpin of crime.
Speaker: But New York is his territory. That's true. He really really wants to stick it to the owl. Yes, absolutely. Yeah,
Speaker: man. there's ah There's a panel in this of Jimmy Carter inside his car, watching Spider-Man terrorize the Kingpin inside his car. And Jimmy Carter goes, look, it's Spider-Man. Wait until I tell Amy.
Speaker: that's That's his daughter. That's Amy Carter. yeah yeah the He's not going to tell Billy. He is not going to tell Billy. ah What's really funny about this is that Kingpin doesn't even get close to kidnapping Jimmy Carter in this.
Speaker: I mean, you you say that, but earlier in the story, Kingpin says, go get my exact replica, to get our exact copy of the president's car.
Speaker: We'll change the cars and steal the president. And then his guys go, and he goes, my plan is foolproof.
Speaker: Turns out, no, it's not. How did he lose this one, Matt? Because Spider-Man jumped on his car. That is how he lost. It was foolproof. It was foolproof, but then Spider-Man jumped on his car. Kingpin pulled Spider-Man off the car. He got out of the car. he pulled Spider-Man off the car. And then ah they fight for a while. And then Kingpin goes, I'll be Kingpin of the country, as I said.
Speaker: And then he says, by now my boys have stolen the president. Then his henchmen run up and they go, boss, we blew it. The president got away. Yeah, and the reason is their replica, their exact copy of the president's car was they left it double parked and it got towed.
Speaker: got towed. So again, Spider-Man didn't help. No, he is... he is ah Incidental to this story. I mean, he makes Kingpin get out of the car.
Speaker: So I guess he pulled that off. ah but But otherwise did very little. Kingpin beat his ass. Yeah, like, Spider-Man gets... like And this is after, earlier in the story, Spider-Man gets conked on the head and tied up.
Speaker: Yeah. Like... i don't know, man. He's... spider he's not quite newspaper Spider-Man levels of of ineffective, but his track record ain't great.
Speaker: He gets into multiple fights with Kingpin in this story and loses them all. that's That's not good. That's not good. Yeah, man. Kingpin, he's a... I mean, look, we've seen Kingpin beat up Red Skull.
Speaker: He's a big, strong man. He's a big, strong guy. He's big, strong man. um Valerie also appears in this issue in a different story. The original Spider-Woman Valerie. With Electro?
Speaker: Yeah. Or with a lion. I don't know if that's also the Electro of story. Those are two different stories, I believe. Okay. um I don't know. We do also, later in this issue, we see Peter Parker's room where he has one framed photo of Aunt May and one framed photo of MJ. Okay.
Speaker: pretty great. no No photos of Uncle Ben. just like The framed photo of Mary Jane is on the wall. The framed photo of Aunt May is on his dresser.
Speaker: this is This is the worst of the three. It's the worst, yeah. it's this was last one like i mean the The first one was nothing. This one at least has... Kingpin does have a plan and...
Speaker: Jimmy Carter is in it. Okay, so this one's in the middle of those two. This was not as big a deal as when Barack Obama was in a Spider-Man comic. Jimmy Carter is just in this for one panel. He doesn't even interact with Spider-Man. He just is in his car. He's going to tell Amy about it.
Speaker: He's going to tell Amy about it, but there's no like Spidey and Jimmy Carter meet ah panel for so for some reason.
Speaker: Yeah, you'd think he'd get a handshake, at least. At least! Or, uh, love your peanuts, Mr. President. Yeah. Great peanuts.
Speaker: but Thank you for being possibly the only moral president.
Speaker: And that's why everybody hated you. Yep. ah True. I think it's better than Secret Invasion. Yeah, probably. That's a 14.01.
Speaker: Where did we put the we put the... But we put the other one higher, right? We put the other one at 1368. ah Yeah. yeah You're saying this one's below that.
Speaker: I guess. Matt, this is tough. It's tough. Yeah. Because that was a bunch of nothing. This one's just kind of bad.
Speaker: Okay. i Yeah, let's... Okay. It's it's worse it's better than... I mean, don't know. Maybe it is better. Also, Kingpin, instead of saying kidnap, keeps saying steal the president.
Speaker: Yeah. yeah Which I wonder if that's like a... think it's got to be a vocabulary thing. Yeah. ah I mean, i I do think this is better than the JMS Thor, which is at 1348. So maybe okay did we do that.
Speaker: Is this as good as the first appearance of typeface?
Speaker: If ever there was character. No. If ever there was a character who should have been in Spidey Super Stories. Super Stories, yeah. It's true. i think this is I think this is worse than the first appearance of Typeface.
Speaker: Okay. ah Is it... I think it's worse than The Birth of the Gibbon.
Speaker: Okay. It's better than X-23 Volume 1. Okay. okay
Speaker: that i think Right above that, we have Ultimate Marvel Team-Up with the Punisher, Daredevil, and Spider-Man. Where Punisher's a cop. Okay, I think this is the new 1346. Okay.
Speaker: okay Below the Ultimate Marvel Team-Up story. Right above X-23, Volume 1? Yep. Alright. Spidey Super Stories number 42, Kingpin for President. Okay.
Speaker: That's a misleading title, because Kingpin doesn't run for office. He is very ah poorly informed about the United States Constitution.
Speaker: Yeah. And and how ah the the order of succession to the presidency. I mean, also also, Kingpin would later successfully run for mayor. Much later. Yes, he would.
Speaker: Okay. That's it. That's the episode. I'm going to steal Jimmy Carter. Vanessa.
Speaker: Don't try to stop me. Vanessa, I'm going to steal him. Get my copy of the president's car ready.
Speaker: They should. They should definitely adapt it for... for Daredevil Tornigans, season three. Next season of of of the Daredevil TV show is this issue with Jimmy Carter. It's a flashback. And also we bring back Spidey Super Stories and they adapt.
Speaker: ah Born Again. the yeah Frank Miller and Dave Mazzucchelli's Born Again. I love this idea. Alright, if you want to send us an Every Story Ever list, do it at our email address warrocketpodcast at gmail.com. You can also ah get in touch with us there about sponsoring the show or whatever else you want to get in touch with us about.
Speaker: ah Support this show. Keep these specials two hours long. Go to patreon.com slash warrocket. Two hours plus, so don't get mad at us. We're talking about Nicktoons for 15 minutes.
Speaker: Yes, that is what extended extended this episode for sure. um But also, if we get 500 paid patrons, ah then you can get ah your a special show for patrons only, but patrons at all levels, where Chris is going to read the entire ah Jim Ballant run on Catwoman and tell me about it.
Speaker: At least one of you wants that. It's going to be called Talent Show. We're currently at 644...
Speaker: ah total backers on Patreon 461 paid, which means that we need 39 more paid patrons to make that happen.
Speaker: Let's see. Tumblr.com slash warrocketpodcast. You can go there. warrocketajax.com on Blue Sky. Our Discord, which you have to be invited to join, but you can ask us for an invitation nicely and you will get an invitation.
Speaker: warrocketajax.com is our website with every episode of the show, or warrocketwiki.com has everything you could want to know about this show. So go check that out. If you want to find me and my stuff, go to mattdwilson.net. Chris, where can people find you?
Speaker: Everybody can find me at T-H-E-I-S-B.com. That's my website. It's got links. You can read stuff I've written or hire me to write things for you. And you should.
Speaker: Bye, everybody. We'll be back in June. Happy happy June. Happy Pride, everybody. Happy Pride. um It is technically June 1st as we record this, and I quickly put it up. but Should it?
Speaker: for Pride Month, should we do Gavery Story Ever?
Speaker: I think it's too late for it to ask for submissions for that, but probably so something to consider for next time, for 2027. Gavery Story Ever, I do like it.
Speaker: ah Yes, let's consider that for the future, but probably too late now. Okay, bye everybody. See you next time. everybody. forever forever forever From this day on, let every breed of Mongol live together.
