Transcript
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Speaker: Light us, I'm bored. What plaything can you offer me today?
Speaker: got War Rocket Ajax to bring back his body. Terminate, exit, go!
Speaker: Hello, everybody, and welcome to War Rocket Ajax. This is the Internet's most explosive comic book and pop culture podcast, and we are your hosts. My name is Chris Sims. With me, as always, is Matt Wilson.
Speaker: I'm asking the question this week. Yes. Yes, Matt, you said you had a a question for me. The question we ask instead of, how are you? Because we know. Because we know. There have been, in recent years, a lot of comics that have been touted as being written by celebrities. They're not actually written by celebrities, but like the celebrities are involved somehow. yeah like There's like Berserker, which it's somehow Keanu Reeves is involved in it.
Speaker: Yeah. yeah There's been a lot of those. I've never been interested in reading any of those at all. Is there a celebrity whose comic you would be interested in reading?
Speaker: That's tough. That's tough. Because i I feel like when a celebrity has read a comic and that has made me want to read it, or a celebrity has is written a comic and that has made me want to read it, a it was usually a professional wrestler.
Speaker: And B, they actually did the scripting. Or C, it was Patton Oswalt. Because I did read, prior to Minor Threats, I mean, I brought this up on the show, I read his JLA right prestige format book from the 2000s.
Speaker: That was different from the one Brian Posehn wrote, right? Correct. Yes. Yeah. ah Yeah, that that doesn't count. Patton Oswalt doesn't count because he's like in the crew.
Speaker: right You know what I mean? Like, minor threats is, like, Patton Oswalt is, i don't I don't know exactly how to make the distinction. It looks like you knew he was a comics guy yeah prior to that.
Speaker: yeah But anyway, I will tell you who my answer is, and it's Carly Rae Jepsen. Uh-huh. That's pretty good. That's pretty good. i mean i would probably like i would also read something by like John Darnielle, but I also feel like that's so likely to actually happen.
Speaker: I think that is very likely to actually happen, yeah. Yeah, but I think i think we are unlikely to get Carly Rae Jepsen written comic. But I would be i would like i would be there.
Speaker: Honestly, give give her a run. High likelihood it'll involve swords, I would bet. could It could. And you know, if if she is looking for if she wants to be like the... the executive producer creative mind behind this, and somebody else writes the script, i' I've currently got nothing but time.
Speaker: That's right. My answer, i actually have three answers. Okay. Andre 3000. Big Boy, or both members of OutKast together.
Speaker: Okay, on the scale of has-definitely-happened Patton Oswalt to unlikely, which is Carly Rae Jepsen, I feel like OutKast is much closer to the could-happen section. Could-happen. I mean, the liner notes for AT Aliens is a comic.
Speaker: isn' I don't know if they wrote it But it is a comic. Here's the thing. Andre 3000 doesn't want to rap anymore. It's a cry and shame that someone who is the best at a thing doesn't want to do it anymore.
Speaker: I mean, that's true, but also, like, what do you do when you look out upon the world and there is nothing left to conquer? Yeah, there are no worlds left to conquer. that's Yes.
Speaker: But if he's not interested in rapping anymore... And he's already made an album of flute songs, which he did last year.
Speaker: Then write me a comic, Andre. Do that next. I would be so ready for it. Anyway, that's my answer. Yeah, i think it's I think it's telling that we both went with musicians.
Speaker: Yes, yes. I can't i can't really think... i mean i bet there's plenty of actors who would do a like an interesting comic. Like, you know...
Speaker: I'm sure there's somebody out there, but like I can't think of anybody who would be an instant sell off the top of my head. That's ah that's a good question, Matt. Thank you. I think musicians, you know we think of as having more of like creative poetic minds. ah As screenwriters, nobody knows any of their names.
Speaker: That's true. ah Matt, can I ask you a question about your question? Yeah. Have you also been getting a lot of PR for the new comic from Kristen Crook, Lana Lang from Smallville? No, haven't. Okay, because I've been getting a lot of that. That's very funny. Yeah.
Speaker: We had a great show for everybody this week. Strike while iron's ice cold, they always say. That's what they say. Chun-Li herself? That's her. ah We got a great show for everybody this week.
Speaker: We rated swords last week. We're doing it again. call Matt, you gotta call this one Daisho. Daisho. Well, we'd have to rate a Daisho to do that, though. It could happen. I have said, we will rate ah a Daisho as a single entrance. The title of the episode is always a sword that we rate.
Speaker: Well... so We'll see what happens. ah But before we get to one to ten of swords, Chris, we do have some business to take care of, starting with thanking our newest supporters over on Patreon.
Speaker: That's right, Matt. Now, these are the people. They like the show. They enjoy listening to the show. They want the show to keep going. They want to help us out.
Speaker: And what do you do? When you want to help us out. Well, friends, you don't you don't need no kettlebells. But if you want to help the show out, if you want to go all the way down to 770 Gimmick Street and see what's there, you can go to patreon.com slash warrocketajax, where you can kick in as little as a dollar a month to help us keep doing the show, keep paying for hosting, keep setting aside the time that we need to do stuff like like reading Ronin.
Speaker: ah reading the comics that we get every week. And most importantly, particularly for me at this juncture in my life, help us pay those gimmicks they keep sending in the mail called bills.
Speaker: That's right, Chris. If you are at the $15 level or higher, you get the great honor of naming what is at a location on Gimmick Street.
Speaker: Would you like to know who is the newest member of the Gimmick Street Preservation Society and what they have put on Gimmick Street here at 770 Gimmick Street? I would love to know what we're driving past after we get – okay, so apparently, by the way, they don't – the eel pies are not a thing.
Speaker: It's just that the same shop... David Wynn was yelling at me about this. The same shop sells jellied eel and pies, but they don't put them in the pies. And honestly, I refuse to believe that no one has ever been like, well, what if I put this in that?
Speaker: Because that's that's the human condition, my man. Anyway, we're we're driving past that. We're going down to 770 Gimmick Street. Matt, who is the newest member of the Gimmick Street Preservation Society and what?
Speaker: building are they sponsoring on podcasting's greatest avenue? It's Steven Padnick. oh and yeah And Steven, like many people recently have done, has not put a building at this address on Gimmick Street, but instead a monument.
Speaker: Ooh, okay. So this is kind of the monument section. The monument district Gimmick Street. that's right of gimmick street All right. Okay, Stephen.
Speaker: which needed better security since it was robbed twice in the first month and maybe should have been torn down since superman was only dead for a month anyway and it's just been a weird aggrandizing memento moi for over thirty years now right look it stephen all right First of all, look, I do agree with you about security. It was robbed twice very quickly after it was constructed. Secondly, buddy, if you're going to build a statue of somebody who's alive, you could do a lot worse. Yeah, I mean, yeah. I mean like i would say if you're going to build a statue of somebody alive or dead, Superman probably deserves it more than um than a lot of people who have statues. Yeah.
Speaker: I would agree with that. i agree with that we're talking We're talking about the one with the eagle. Yes, that's the one. Which is an interesting choice, because it's not like he... Superman doesn't have an eagle.
Speaker: He has a dog.
Speaker: But it's symbolic. it's Yeah, i I know, but like he doesn't have one. He has a dog. The one from... on the statue The one from the cover of Funeral for a Friend, part five. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That dude literally like saved the world multiple times.
Speaker: He has. ah like Like I said, you could do a lot worse. like It does have that like eternal flame on it, which definitely indicates that it's a tomb. ah But the statue itself is pretty ah alive or dead. It it could stand.
Speaker: But you know what? They didn't they didn't put a graystone there that said to be continued, which is what they should have done.
Speaker: Thank you, Stephen, for being the newest member of the Gimmick Street Preservation Society. Chris, these are our newest Patreon supporters. All right, let's do it. Fabian Olin.
Speaker: Thank you, Fabian. Travis Skaggs. Thank you, Travis. Warren Schnur Holmes. Thank you, Warren. Jake McKay. Thanks, Jake.
Speaker: Ryan W. Inslow. Thank you, Ryan. Returning supporter, believe. Yes, I believe that's right. Lisa M. Thank you, Lisa. And William Marth.
Speaker: Thank you, William. Is that the guy from Fire Emblem? I think that's just Marth.
Speaker: He's got to have a first name. He probably, but I've never heard his first name. But I also only know him from Smash Bros. I've also played the Musou Fire Emblem games, but I don't really remember anything about him from those either.
Speaker: Thank you to all of those folks. If you would like to be like those fine folks and help us to pay our bills and continue doing this show, ah you can head over to patreon.com slash warrocketajax to make sure that we do this show every week, that we do every story ever specials monthly, that we do comics catch up every month, that we do our...
Speaker: ongoing Patreon-exclusive shows, like Westeros Runs on Dunkin'. And, you know, maybe one day, Movie Fighters and Snack Situation will come back. As of this recording, we are at 462 paid patrons. You're telling me we're 38 people away.
Speaker: That's right. 38 people deciding to kick in as little as a dollar a month. From me reading every issue of Jim Ballin's 77-issue run on Catwoman.
Speaker: That is exactly what I'm saying. Plus annuals and specials. That's right. 38 more people need to contribute at a minimum of a dollar a month to ensure that Talent Show, the show where Chris is going to read all of the Jim Ballin run on Catwoman and tell me about it, happens.
Speaker: I almost said 644. That is the number of total Patreon backers, including free subscribers that we have. i'm This is my time to let you know that the free tier on Patreon for us has nothing.
Speaker: So even if you go up to the $1 level, you get every episode of every show that we do ad-free in a special feed that is just for you on Patreon. But that is only for paid Patreon supporters.
Speaker: At the $5 level, if you go up to the $5 level, you get the bonus content that we do, which includes Westeros Runs on Dunkin'. in which Sir Chris and Maester Kel watch and talk about every episode of A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms. The the limited Patreon-exclusive side series ah that's going on right now. In the latest episode, we talk a lot about Sir Arlen of Pennytree's massive hog. to A very enjoyable listen listen, and you should go check that out.
Speaker: and i I should say, these are like full hour-plus episodes. Yes. it's it's a It's a full show. Talent show? I make no promises. ah They have a special segment at the end of every episode where Kel tells Chris about ah fan theories.
Speaker: And ah that's my favorite part of the show. Yes, Westeros runs on Dunkin'. Bonus audio that Chris and I have recorded, especially for Patreon. Outtakes that I cut out of the show and put on Patreon. There was a listener question in our last listener question special that I cut out.
Speaker: that ah Because it was I realized after the fact that a person had asked two questions. And so for fairness's sake, I cut out that one question. But it's really good. It's about ah superhero armors and which ones were the worst. ah And you can only hear that exclusively at the bonus content level of our Patreon. um There's also writing that Chris and I have done there and all kinds of other fun stuff.
Speaker: At the $10 level, you get line-stepping privileges for our segments, which currently include 1-10 of Swords and Every Story Ever. And at the $15 level, you join the Gimmick Street Preservation Society. You heard something get added to Gimmick Street just a moment ago.
Speaker: And then at the $20 level, you get a t-shirt. I'll be saying more about that, the 2026 t-shirt, in just a moment.
Speaker: If you're unable to help us monetarily, we do understand why that might be the case for you. You can help us out in other ways. You can leave us a five-star review on the podcasting app that you use, whatever that may be.
Speaker: Or you can just spread the word about the show, tell your friends and family, let people know to listen to this podcast or Rocket Ajax. And then maybe they can back our Patreon.
Speaker: And once they do that, we're ever closer to talent show coming to pass. And that that'll go out to all ah paid Patreon supporters, even those at the $1 level.
Speaker: That's right. that's right With that, Chris, now that we've thanked our Patreon supporters, let's do some checks and recs. What do you say? Let's do it.
Speaker: Chris, what would you like to check in with this week? Matt, as you know, Every Tuesday here in the year 2026, I go down the road and do some ketamine to try and fix my my bad brain.
Speaker: ah under the not Not just lip for leisure. Not just for leisure. No, this is prescribed. under the supervision of of medical professionals. Yeah. As I have mentioned, ah one of the things that I've been doing is, ah as I am am coming out of it, once the light show subsides, I've been reading Usagi Ojimbo, starting with Usagi Ojimbo Saga Volume 1 and going all the way up to the the latest volume, which I believe, the latest one I have is Crows, I think. i
Speaker: caught up. I have caught up with Asagi Yojimbo. I've read it all, Matt. ah Most of it I've read before. Almost all of it I've read before. But this is the first time I've done like a full start-to-finish reread going through it. And I will say, reading it with a a critical eye under the influence of medical-grade ketopine.
Speaker: It's not perfect. There are some things where you're like, oh, that joke didn't land. or Or that's kind of repetitive. But I will say, it's about a 9.9 every issue. like It really is. like yeah it really is about as good as humanly possible to make a comic book for 30 years.
Speaker: Matt, have you read this? Usagi Ojembo? i so I have in fact read Usagi Ojembo. An unappreciated gem. or i so Not unappreciated, but underappreciated.
Speaker: um And I know that it's very well regarded. It's still underappreciated. Yeah, it's like one of those things where like no matter how many people are appreciating it, it's not enough.
Speaker: It really is about as damn good as it gets. ma'am Yeah, Stan Sakai. He knows what's up. He's got it. He's got the juice. I think i think this kid's going places. But yeah, I just finished the big reread. So now, what I'm thinking about doing, and Matt, tell me if you think this is a good idea or a bad idea.
Speaker: I could go back to reading Lone Wolf and Cub, which ah is is what I had been reading until I realized that ah I had not put i a...
Speaker: I think it was like volume three or volume four on my ah iPad, and so I didn't want to keep going. Or, while on medical-grade ketamine, I could reread all of Berserk.
Speaker: The different vibe. a different vibe for both. um i Both are good. i don't know. I can't really choose between the two. I think either one would be a good choice. But I i wonder how you'll take it. Because Yusagi Ojimbo is like...
Speaker: I don't know, a good vibe. It's a good vibe, and it's like, i mean i don't mean this in any kind of negative way, ah because I think the accessibility of Usagi Ujimbo is incredible and a testament to the skills of Stan Sakai. But I don't think it's, in many ways, it is not a challenging read.
Speaker: Yeah. in that like it is it's it's very readable very easy to like it moves at a brisk pace you can pick it up pretty much anywhere and jump right in i don't mean that it's not sophisticated or that it's that it's overly simplistic it's certainly not but it's it's an easy one to get into berserk has more challenges For sure.
Speaker: And a bunch more nasty freaks. There's no freaks in Usagi Ojimbo that are as nasty as like the baseline freak in Berserk. That's true. That's true. lot of bad shit happens in in Berserk. A word?
Speaker: A word. yeah ah So I don't know. But it is good, though. It's great. The same is true of One Wolf and Cub, but maybe to a lesser degree.
Speaker: i mean I would say the the FQ. which is the freak quotient, is lower in Lone Wolf and Cub. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Very much so. Because you can't swing a slab of iron around Midland without smacking some huge weirdo upside the head. Yeah.
Speaker: Matt, what have you been up to this past week? Well, Chris, ah we have finalized the design of our 2026 Patreon t-shirt. Oh, it's so good.
Speaker: It is a thing of beauty. I cannot wait to have this t-shirt. i think... I have been ordering from a a t-shirt the last couple of years. I've been ordering from a t-shirt maker in California, run by a listener, a t-shirt store run by a listener, and I greatly appreciate working with them.
Speaker: But i I have decided that maybe the shipping costs are are maybe just a little too much to keep doing that. So I'm i'm thinking I'm going to go with a local t-shirt printer ah so I can go just like pick up the t-shirts myself and and then send them to everybody.
Speaker: I have asked all of our $20 patrons for their t-shirt size. If you are listening to this right now and you have not sent that to me and you are at that level, please do. Because I want to make sure everybody gets one of these t-shirts.
Speaker: In the past, I've gone ahead and done the order with only maybe like two-thirds of the sizes. And if you didn't send me a size, ultimately i ended up just not sending you a shirt.
Speaker: You are going to want this shirt. the The shirt is extremely good. I just want to make sure everybody who can get one will get one. So this is my entreaty to all the eligible Patreon backers.
Speaker: Send me your t-shirt size so I can... send you a shirt. Now you may be think thinking, Matt, I've sent you my t-shirt size every year for the past 10 years.
Speaker: It could have changed. Mine did. I need your current t-shirt size. Okay. Thank you. And thank you very much. It's a great shirt. I can't say any more about it, but it's great.
Speaker: All right, Chris, time to make some recommendations. what do you have to recommend? Matt, I haven't done anything this week. That's that's not true. I did write 16 pages of comics this week, working on the next issue of Steel Tango with David Wynn, which I'm very happy with because a cop shows up and I am writing him in what you may call a Claremontian English accent.
Speaker: ah Okay, great. You know, mostly what I've been doing with my spare time. Like, ah did a lot of laundry. And I played, I'm still working my way through EDF 6. So Earth Defense 4 6, my rec from last week, that's going to remain my rec for this week, I think, because it's still pretty good.
Speaker: What I did additionally was I watched the movie 10 Things I Hate About You. huh Because AC was like, oh, what if we watched, ah like, we found a list of, like, the best movies of a decade and then, like, watched them.
Speaker: And i was like, oh, that's fun. So we were like, oh, let's see the 90s. And like the number four best movie of the 90s, according to this, I think it was going off of Letterboxd rankings, was 10 Things I Hate About You. That's incorrect.
Speaker: There's four Jackie Chan movies from the 90s that are better than 10 Things I Hate About You. Now, which are the four?
Speaker: Rumble in the Bronx? I mean, gosh, I would say Rumble in the Bronx. I'd say Supercop, Police Story 3, Operation Condor, Armor of God 2, known as software Operation Condor in the United States. I don't know, Rush Hour? haven't watched Rush Hour in a minute.
Speaker: i don't know. I actually don't want to dont want to sign off on that. um i I was going to say The Tuxedo, but that's from 2002. Yeah, that one's also, mean, that one's not as good as 10 Things I Hate About You. No, I know. That was my joke answer. Yeah.
Speaker: If you've got a good list of the best movies of a particular decade, send them in. Because we did watch 10 Things I Hate About You. i mean, it's worth watching. If you haven't seen it, it's worth watching. It's Taming the Shrew. it It is Taming of the Shrew as a teen comedy of the 90s. That's what it is.
Speaker: That's a thing that I do wish would come back. Because what's what's Clueless? It's not Shakespeare. ah Yeah, but it's it's some it's it's like Emma or something, right? I think you're right. It's Emma. Yeah, it's Emma.
Speaker: Yeah, it's Emma. So for a minute there, I felt like they were doing real... real 90s teen comedy versions of classic literature. And that, I think, should come back.
Speaker: I think we need some kind of like goofy high school teen comedies. The last one I remember is Easy which was a while ago. because Is that a Scarlet Letter?
Speaker: That's a Scarlet Letter, yeah. yeah ah I mean, kind of. ah Yeah. Yeah. that's like That's like if there was like an n NES game based on the Scarlet Letter that they then turned into a movie.
Speaker: Correct. They should do that again. ah give me Give me my teen high school comedy based on King Lear, like I want. Not not like a Baz Luhrmann's Romeo plus Juliet.
Speaker: Right, which is just Romeo and Juliet set in the modern day. It's got to be like a fully... Like characters have different names and speak like they talk now. You you got to overhaul it, bud.
Speaker: Yeah, you got overhaul. You got to really you got to really put the work in on that. Anyway, if y'all watched some things I hate about you, should probably watch it. It's pretty good. It's okay. The poem at the end is extremely bad.
Speaker: Yeah, great it ain't great. Matt, what would you like to recommend to the people? Well, Chris, since I knew that you only kind of had a recommendation ah this week, I have two.
Speaker: I'd love to hear them. First is ah something that people should go ah back on Kickstarter. And that is Game Changer Home Edition.
Speaker: i i have purchased it. It is well beyond its goal. Oh, word? So you don't have to worry about... ah About...
Speaker: you know Whether you're going to get it or not, because you will. But even as a backer of go Game Changer Home Edition, there are games to play.
Speaker: Yes, they had a $40,000 goal, and it is now over $5 billion. Jesus Christ. Okay. yeah Meanwhile, I'm out here i'm out here trying to trying to get pennies to read these Jim Ballard Catwomans.
Speaker: I know. I know. Not only um is the game itself pretty fun, they played it on an episode of Parlor Room, which is the dropout show where they play... ah board games.
Speaker: it It was like a you know a workshop edition of Game Changer Home Edition, but it it was pretty much the game, and it looked really fun in that Parlor Room episode.
Speaker: But as a backer, when they send updates, the updates are also games.
Speaker: thats That's really fun. They give you like three challenges every time, to do something to either expand the game, like they had people write cards for Sam Says, or name a number, which is another game that's within the game.
Speaker: And also they'll like have you vote in a poll, but they want you to rig the results so that the poll certain outcome. Yeah. a certain outcome um Stuff like that.
Speaker: And it's it's very fun. like They're really putting in a lot of effort and work into this campaign. And and yeah, it's because like look, they could just make the game, put it on Kickstarter, and it would probably have made this much money. But they're like clearly like really putting in the effort to ah make the experience of being a Kickstarter backer fun, which I like a lot.
Speaker: Also, um they have a cuck level where you get nothing. And three people have done it. Both. It's $2,500. twenty five hundred dollars Three i three people have given them To get nothing. Buddy, you can give me I'll take shit away from you.
Speaker: yeah yeah i've look i'm just i'm just reporting what they've done The other recommendation I have, Chris, okay, the broad recommendation is that you should probably watch the whole pay-per-view All Elite Wrestling Double or Nothing 2026. It is a very good pay-per-view.
Speaker: ah Many have said the best of the year. But I'm going to recommend one specific match if you only watch one match. from Double or Nothing 2026. This is the match you should watch.
Speaker: It Kazuchika Okada versus Takeshita. It is
Speaker: already top of the running match of the year, and i it's going to be really hard to beat. Kudosuke Takeshita
Speaker: unbelievably good. Yes. That is true. Holy shit. I mean, we knew Okada was great. Kunosuke Takeshita is like peak era Okada good, though. like there's the The closing sequence of that match is one of the most astonishing things I've ever seen. And they weren't doing anything super crazy.
Speaker: They just made it exciting and great. it It is like... I don't know. It's it's up there among like the best examples of how to ring the most out of a match.
Speaker: There's one bit near the end where Takeshita does the Rainmaker that had me like jump off the couch. I loved it, man. I loved it.
Speaker: I got text messages from friends who are not you being like, hey, Okada vs. Takeshita The second match on the show, and it's one of the best I've ever seen. It's fucking incredible.
Speaker: ah So, if you if you go out of your way to watch that one match if you watch nothing else from that show. And those are my recommendations, which means, Chris, it's time to talk about some comics.
Speaker: Let's do it.
Speaker: You know we had to do it. It was the Texas choice this week. It's a blessed day. It's Batman number 163, part 6 of Hush 2, which is also the ending of Hush 2, because at the end of this issue, we are told that this won't continue until we get Hush 2 squared.
Speaker: I fucking love how much this sucks. It's... like Hush 2 squared is like... Like, it's on... you You're doing it on purpose.
Speaker: Like, I truly believe they are doing it on purpose now. i Look, i'm not I'm not the kind of person who would ever place a bet on one of these... Bet about events in the world happening or not happening websites. ah But if I was...
Speaker: I would absolutely lay down money on Hush 2 Squared never happening. No, it's absolutely happening. It's absolutely happening.
Speaker: it's not It's not happening soon, yeah but it's happening. And you know what? I gotta say, I'm very glad that when we've been talking about Hush 2, we have actually made a a special effort to be like, yeah, but actually Jim Lee's art's never looked better.
Speaker: Because Jim Lee revealed that like he he was really putting the work in drawing this book. And I gotta say, I still think Jim Lee's art, other than the costume designs, which have always been his his weakness. His lowest point has always been costume design, that's true.
Speaker: It's looked pretty good. it's it's It's a good-looking book. No one should put their health at risk for this comic.
Speaker: one should put their health at risk it for any comic, actually, now that I'm saying that, but definitely not this one. This book... sucks so much.
Speaker: It's pretty astonishing how much it sucks. I'm surprised at your reaction, honestly. Why is that? you Because for me, this issue felt like it was a bunch of nothing.
Speaker: like I read it and I was like, oh man, i it did it didn't have a Nygma time moment, you know? It had Riddler doing a riddle, but it was just, when is Batman not Batman?
Speaker: Here's why this was not a bunch of nothing to me. Because it goes so far out of its way to make the Bat family excruciatingly stupid.
Speaker: Well, yes, it does do that. Because the concept is, what if Batman's enemies were his friends, and his family were his enemies?
Speaker: To the point where in this issue, the Joker says, we're the new Bat family. Ha ha ha ha, that's the punchline. I feel like punching up the jokes here is ah is a losing proposition.
Speaker: But I feel like then Batman should have been like, you should beat yourself to death with crowbar then. But that's just me. I've read every issue of of Hush 2.
Speaker: Hush 2 to the first power. Hush 2 1. Hush 2 1. Yeah. Hush 2 chapter 1. yeah Hush 2 book 1. yeah.
Speaker: yeah yeah yeah ah I've read every issue. I have no idea why anything is happening that happens in this book is happening. i I genuinely don't know.
Speaker: Like, I've read it all, Matt. I don't know why all the sidekicks are mad at Batman. I don't know why well' know why all Batman's enemies want to help him out. they Because they've all been manipulated by Hush.
Speaker: That's it. but yeah but it's like It's all the explanation given, and it's all you need to know. but like it's because it's like It's because he saved the Joker's life, right?
Speaker: But that's... like He's done that before. But it it wasn't just because of that. but But yeah. i mean that's That's Jason Todd's motivation for sure. And also because he shot Jason Todd in the head, but only a little bit with a gun.
Speaker: yeah that's Again, you can tell I've i've matured. Because i see i I think of that and I smile. So, here's the thing.
Speaker: There's a bit in this issue. This is the the the panel I sent to you and Benito. There's a part in this issue where the Bat family like jumps down into a subway station and fights Batman.
Speaker: And Batman is beating... a Huntress over the head with a stick.
Speaker: Yeah. In the foreground is Nightwing bleeding from his nose, watching this happening and saying, something's not right. That's so funny.
Speaker: Something's not right about the way Batman is beating Huntress with a stick. ah But he doesn't mean that what's wrong is that Batman is beating Hunters with a stick. What he means is that this isn't Batman, because it is, in fact, Clayface. It takes it takes these characters, who are all canonically detectives.
Speaker: Yeah. Like, Dick is... is we we all we all know ah we all love him for his body. You know? But he is a detective trained by the world's greatest detective.
Speaker: It takes them so long to be like, oh, that's Clayface. Like, when Batman shows up and and hits them with super strength, it still takes them like two more pages to be like, oh it's Clayface.
Speaker: Yeah. Nobody likes a ah Clayface fake-out more than Jeff Loeb. And the readers of Hush. he has used this He has used it so many times.
Speaker: I do like that we get the only indication we have had in this entire story that that Jeff Loeb is aware of the events that have ah transpired between Hush and Hush 2. Yeah.
Speaker: square root of Hush squared Hush 2 book 1 which is that he does reference the time that cut out Catwoman's heart he references that yep he references that
Speaker: Oh, it sucks so bad. I love it. It's incredible. like I am not banking on there being more anytime soon. There's 100% going to be more.
Speaker: And honestly, I hope Jim Lee takes his time. I hope we i like i would love it if a new Hush 2 came out every month. Genuinely, i it delights me.
Speaker: In the same way that Tarot delights me. Yeah. Yeah. But I genuinely hope I want i want Hush 2 squared. Which is so bad. If we were all on one of those websites, we could bet against each other. like First of all, how did that Hush 2 logo get past anybody? Second of all, how that like that's the thing. They had to look at the Hush 2 logo and be like, what's the one thing that could make this worse?
Speaker: Another two. Another two over here so that it's hush two squared. Hush two squared, yeah. oh God, funny.
Speaker: It's really fun. what I'm saying is, I hope Jim Lee takes a lot of time. I hope he paces himself. And ah I hope we get this book at its appointed time, and not ah not a second sooner.
Speaker: Yeah. oh jim Jim, we want you to be okay, so so take it easy. We want you be okay. Please keep drawing this phenomenally dumb comic. Next up, Chris, you wanted to talk about Doom Quest.
Speaker: Number one. Matt. The line... we've We've talked about this so much, that there's a line between between something that's dumb and bad, and something that's that's so smart that it appears dumb and is great.
Speaker: And I want to tell you about Ryan North, Francesco Immobili's, and Frank D'Armada's Doom Quest. The premise of which is that in order to basically revitalize the the economy and national pride of Latveria, Dr. Doom needs to do a project.
Speaker: He needs to do a big civic works project. Latveria doesn't have a whole lot of exports aside from masked terrorism. ah primarily committed by its absolute ruler and dictator.
Speaker: So he wants to embark on ah on a big, like a real works-progress administration ah style deal for Latveria. But he doesn't know what he wants to build. So he watches a a conference that ah the hated Reed Richards is at.
Speaker: Because, you know, he can't, much like me, he can't stop looking up his enemies and seeing what they're up to. And... Reed Richards, in one of these typical Ryan North scenes where someone ah very entertainingly sits around for a page and a half and describes some kind of scientific concept, talks about how the ultimate project of humanity would be to alter all points in time simultaneously so that conflict...
Speaker: but like war and conflict and all of the preventable things that that have taken so many lives over the years just don't happen. Like once we have reached the point of enlightenment where, you know, we're all living in the luxury space capitalism, Star Trek future, that we would then go back and rescue the past.
Speaker: ah Which is
Speaker: There's got to be some debate about that. I think he brings it up as the product of the cosmists of the late 19th century, ah which which makes sense. It feels like a late 19th century philosophy, but it is an interesting thing to think about.
Speaker: ah So Dr. Doom decides, oh, okay, well, then I'll just do that. So he he builds a time machine that will allow him to alter, ah send his mind back so that he can alter all points in history at once.
Speaker: You with me so far? Mm-hmm. Obviously, the good guys show up to stop him from doing this.
Speaker: And this is a spoiler. This is the entire first issue I'm telling you about here, Matt. So this is a spoiler if you have not read it yet and you want to experience it that way. I would highly recommend it. It's great. In order to stop him, Reed lets him...
Speaker: Use the machine, but he reprograms it so that instead of sending Doom to where he wants to go, because his his first thing that he's going to go change is like the the when they ceded Latveria after World War II.
Speaker: ah so And you know the country was divided up before he seized power. So instead of going back then and occupying someone who can change ah that point in history, Doctor Doom instead finds himself on a different body on the HMS Titanic on April 14th, 1912. And cackled.
Speaker: and i yeah cool Because the whole issue is like this very like you know Ryan North-y, science-y, high-minded, kind of philosophical thing. And then at the end it's like, no, Reed Richards put his ass on the Titanic.
Speaker: And that's how he got him. We're going to pick up in the next issue and see how does old Victor get out of this one. yeah Which, or I love that idea. Or does he save the Titanic from sinking?
Speaker: Yeah, like that's how he's going to get out of it. The cover for number two is Doom in a ah like
Speaker: 1920s car with a Tommy gun ah blasting gangsters. So I'm excited to find out how Dr. Doom is sent to all of these points in time and just has a bad time and has to get out of it. This this this looks like he's in the St. Valentine's Day Massacre, so we'll see. Yeah, man.
Speaker: a hilarious punchline to this issue. Yeah. I love it. Send to the Titanic. Hilarious. One last comic that I wanted to talk about real quick is and a new Elseworlds book, Superman, Father of Tomorrow, by Kenny Porter, with art by Danny Earls and colors by Nick Filardi, with letters by Lucas Gattani. Danny Earls is killing it on this. The art in this is really great.
Speaker: But this is what I think of as kind of like... The ideal Elseworlds concept, which is that it takes the basic concept for a superhero thing we all know and changes one thing.
Speaker: And puts it into a different place or time with stories that couldn't or shouldn't be. Yes. That's what all the folks used to say. Yes, this this changes exactly one thing, which is that instead of Kal-El going to Earth, it was Jor-El.
Speaker: Damn. Tell him Lara and the baby he's going out for a pack Krypton cigarettes. Yeah. ah And he even goes to the Kent's farm like and becomes and becomes Jonathan Kent's adopted brother.
Speaker: ah but so But when Jonathan Kent has a heart attack, Jor-El tries to save him. um Then he eventually becomes Superman, and everybody's a lot younger. like Lois is a kid, and Lex is still a kid.
Speaker: And his main enemy is, is, uh, you know, general lane instead. and like, it's very fun. It's like, I, if DC is going to do more of these kinds of elseworld stories, I'm in like, it's, it's a very fun, simple concept, like explored well. Uh, and there's There's going to be more of this, ah but I hope DC continues to do more Elseworlds stuff like this, ah because this this is this is fun. It's a fun, just like, what if kind of story. ah
Speaker: and so And the art is, like I said, really good. ah So this was a pleasant surprise for me. I went into it not having any expectations whatsoever, ah but it's it's I really enjoyed it.
Speaker: So... That's going to do it for our comic segments, Chris, which means it's time to rate some swords. Can't wait. but when i swing the sword is the ya cho up bo Chris, our first sword submission for this episode is from John Seiler, who I believe has sent a sword in every month. i don't That's intense.
Speaker: Yes, I don't know if there are enough submissions for me to get to every one of John's submissions.
Speaker: I think we're going to run into an issue where we're... getting multiple submissions from John in a single episode. um So John, this is your warning that we are probably not going to rate everything that you sent or you're going to slow down your cadence a little bit. um But ah here is John's submission.
Speaker: Gori Gabriels Goron Nova, also known as the Sword of Light. The Sword of Light channels and amplifies the mental energy or willpower of the user.
Speaker: turning it into ah an attack both on the physical and the astral side. It can also be used against foes whose astral bodies are sealed off or missing, and thus are amused immune to most magics.
Speaker: And John sent a video with this, so I'm going to you, Chris. now So what is this from? it is from Slayers. like Oh, so this is from anime.
Speaker: This is from an anime. This is from the classic anime Slayers, which I was never into. Yeah. But everyone I knew was into Slayers. This video is of it being used for the first time, the sword being used for the first time, as I understand it.
Speaker: Okay. so Anime's got some cool swords. It sure does. um so So what I'm seeing is he's walking down a street approaching like a big evil wizard looking figure with four arms and many red eyes.
Speaker: yeah this This dude is ninety s anime as hell too. Big blonde hair. He pulls out the sword and there's nothing on the hilt. There's no blade. The big monster is about to attack.
Speaker: ah with like energy blasts of some kind. He's nuts! I'm one minute into the clip. Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. This is about a two-minute clip.
Speaker: The sword then... ah the the energy blade comes out from the sword ah lightsaber style. holds it for second. It's lightsaber style, but I will say, it's it's pretty cool.
Speaker: The way that it comes out is like... It's building, and then like the surface of it shatters, and then it's a blade of light underneath. That's pretty cool. And then he cuts that dude in half, hot dog style. But then the the guy is just gone.
Speaker: Well, there's also this big explosion. Yeah. Yeah. ah they really They really put the the effort into that sword drawing sequence, because the rest of this looks bad. Yeah.
Speaker: ah So, it is called the Sword of Light because it is actually made of light. That explains that. um It is pretty cool. It's pretty cool. It seems like a You know, it's it seems like your first thought of a magic sword.
Speaker: But, sometimes first thought, best thought. You know? True. And, and I will say this, Jon... but was kind enough to send a PNG g file
Speaker: to go into the spreadsheet. So that's how you got to do it. This looks like something from the series Bible. yes This is a design. This is a model. Yeah. yeah I'm not going to say like the hilt part of it is not cool.
Speaker: I don't like it. Hmm, okay. i don't I don't mind it I don't mind the hell part. What do you not like about it? I just, I mean, I just, I just don't like it.
Speaker: Like that's, that that's, it's purely aesthetically. I don't care for it. Okay. Uh, I think it's, it's, it's kind of weird looking. I do like that, that when, um, he activates it, he holds it like, like he's holding a hose.
Speaker: Yes. Yes. Absolutely. He's holding it outward. Yeah. Um, it's, Is it because it's not symmetrical? I don't hate an asymmetrical sword, but i don't like like the the the wrapped handle, that the the pommel is big and oblong.
Speaker: it's It's distinct, but it is it's not my fave. it Purely aesthetically, I don't i don't love it. It definitely has a kind of... like JRPG look to it, which makes sense.
Speaker: Also, Sword of Light, again, first first thought on the name there. It kind of looks like... it's it's It's rather toyetic, but I don't even know if it's toyetic on purpose. I think it's just trying to look distinct.
Speaker: yeah I like it. I mean, i
Speaker: that What it does is cool. What it does is cool. Why does this guy wear a whole scabbard?
Speaker: For that one gag.
Speaker: i mean, like... it see It seems like a lot, you know? it's It's definitely just for that one gag where he pulls the sword out and it has no blade.
Speaker: And... Everybody reacts like he's an idiot. This... To me. And again, I'm i'm not a Slayer's viewer.
Speaker: my My fantasy anime ah that I was embarrassingly super into was Sorcerer Hunters, which is weird and horny.
Speaker: Even by anime standards. m okay yeah like I've never seen it. Buddy, I wish I still had the manga. It's weird and horny.
Speaker: and And I quite liked it when I was 15. fifteen what i'll What I'll say just from from this is, this strikes me as a very baseline cool magic sword.
Speaker: So for me, that puts it at a 6. 6. I was going to suggest 7, but I think 6 is good. i was going to suggest seven but i think six is perfectly fine. i mean i think it's I think it's cooler than average.
Speaker: It's cooler than an average sword. It does have a fun gimmick, but it's also like if if I said, oh, hey, what about that sword from anime where the blade is made of light and it's called the sword of light and it's like a lightsaber?
Speaker: You would to have to be like, you're going to have to narrow that down. Please be more specific. Yeah. yeah Yeah. Okay. ah John, thank you for sending that in. Okay, did you watch... It's only been a week, so you may not have already have watched Psycho Gorman.
Speaker: i have I have not watched Psycho Gorman yet. So we will have to come back to that one. ah And so I won't spoil it for you We didn't know we were talking swords until today.
Speaker: That's right. We didn't have time to read Hickman comics this week. so Alright, our next ah submission is from Hazel.
Speaker: Who has sent us the Sword of Gojian, which has a Wikipedia page. Okay. Or Gojian might be what ah how it's pronounced.
Speaker: It is a Chinese sword. I believe it is a Jian sword.
Speaker: ah It is a bronze jian renowned for its unusual sharpness, intricate design of black rhombic etchings, and resistance to tarnish rarely seen in extant artifacts of a similar age.
Speaker: It was discovered in 1965 in an ancient tube in Hubei. The sword is identified through the inscriptions on its blade as having been made and owned by Gojian, one of the last kings of Yue during the spring and autumn period.
Speaker: So this is a real sword. This is a real sword. It is on display in the Hubei Provincial Museum. I gotta to say, this is a real sword that looks like a fantasy sword.
Speaker: It really does. It's like gold and has... Or bronze, yeah. yeah gold A gold sword would not be very functional, would it? No. ah But a goal it's a bronze sword with like lots of like etchings on it. Yeah.
Speaker: It's very ornate. Yeah, it's got a cool pattern on the blade. And also ah ah sh like characters. Like like letters.
Speaker: I don't believe in Chinese they're called kanji, but that's what they are. It's beautiful. Yeah, no, this is this is a good one. Yeah. it Being a for real 2,500-year-old sword that ah does not tarnish is dope.
Speaker: Yes. And belong to a king. That's dope. Okay, these aren't even Chinese characters. These are like bird bug script characters that ended up becoming Chinese characters.
Speaker: Like, evolving into Chinese characters. Yeah, because it's from... it's from The 5th century BCE, so... What it originally said was, You a king Gojon self-make-use sword.
Speaker: Dope. Which translates to, This sword is made and used by the king of You a Gojon himself. Now, here's something that I like, that we're finding out on Wikipedia. I'm going to give you i'm going to you a good thing and a bad thing.
Speaker: Matt. Okay. Alright. This sword is is is in a museum. Also in a museum, we have the Spear of Fuchai, which is the weapon of King Gojian of Yue's rival.
Speaker: So we have the two weapons of these ancient kings from 2,500 years ago. One's a spear and one's a sword. That shit's dope.
Speaker: That is extremely dope, and I love that. I love that. Here's a thing that I i think is a negative. There's a knock against the ah sword of Gojan. In 1994, while on loan to Singapore for display as part of a cultural exchange exhibition, a worker accidentally bumped the sword against the case, resulting in a 7mm crack in the sword.
Speaker: I mean, look, I know it's old. I know it's 2,500
Speaker: But you can't bump it against a glass case without cracking it. I sadly do not think that you're going to be taking this sword out of the museum and using it. Probably not.
Speaker: For any any battles, unfortunately. um Here is why it was so well preserved, according to Wikipedia. The Sword of Gojon still has a sharp blade and shows no signs of tarnish, and it has been speculated that it is likely to the that the chemical composition, along with its almost airtight scabbard, were what led to the exceptional state of preservation.
Speaker: It is a bimetallic alloy of copper and tin. Now, i shouldn't hold it against this sword. I should not be let down.
Speaker: That drawing this sword does not give you magic powers. Yeah. Because that's not fair, even though everything, every piece of sword literature I have absorbed in my life, which is considerable, has told me that a 25-year-old golden sword that belonged to an ancient king whose rival's weapon is also ah discovered and on display would bare mins you could shoot laser beams out of it.
Speaker: That does not appear to be the case. No. Do you think that the worker in Singapore, like, he was like, oh, dang, I accidentally bumped into it. But what he really did was pulled it out and swung it around. Swung it around lot. Because, look, even if it's a priceless cultural artifact, if you're telling me, hey, Chris, move this sword into this other room, I can make you no guarantees.
Speaker: It's probably not even him who came up with the Got Bumped story. yeah It was the people who run the museum who were like, we can't say we can't say that our employee was swinging a sword around. Yeah.
Speaker: We can't say Chris and Matt were we're having a sword and spear fight. Yeah. But, I mean, look, that is an impulse. And that makes us...
Speaker: Yes, that's what makes us human. I'm going to say, we gave george John Brown's sword a 10, right? I do think that ranks ah rates above this one. Yeah, unfortunately, we we don't know we don't know King Gojon's politics.
Speaker: No. But it is very cool looking, and like like you said, it's like a fantasy sword in real life. So I'm going to say 8.
Speaker: eight
Speaker: I think that's fair. that's It's a dope sword. we like The real-life swords that we have, that people have sent in, have done pretty well. Yeah. The Norwegian Sword of State, ah the the John Brown Sword, and now and now this one.
Speaker: i think i think ah I think an 8 is good for this. Okay. 8 it is. 8 it is.
Speaker: Our next submission is from David Austin. And what David has sent us is The Blade from Sui Hark's The Blade, 1995. A remake of One-Armed Swordsman, where the protagonist takes his broken and now weirdly weighted sword and refashions it into a half-sword chain whip that he can use with one arm.
Speaker: I will... send you this email which has a clip from the movie in it.
Speaker: It is ah a sword that was once a sword that has now been refashioned into a different weapon that is swung from a chain. Matt,
Speaker: matt you know there's nothing I love more than a blade that was broken and reforged. Yeah. You know this about me. But it's not actually it hasn't actually been reforged. It's still broken.
Speaker: Yes. What I'm saying is I don't... Also, ah this email includes a picture that I don't know if it's from this movie because that just looks like the sword that ah the Uruk-hai has. Oh, no, wait. That's ah that's an alternate. Excuse me. that's it That's an alternate submission. Yeah. That's an alternate submission. My question is...
Speaker: This used to be a sword, but was reforged and then... or not reforged, but was then modified into a different weapon. Yeah.
Speaker: So I don't know if... That's my hang-up here. Yeah. I don't know if we count this as a sword. I think when held by the handle, it would functionally be like a dagger.
Speaker: But when used as... Like, with the rope... It becomes a a a a a rope dart or a sword whip or or something along those lines. I will say, I'm watching this fight scene.
Speaker: Fucking dope. It's great. It's a very cool weapon. Yeah, it's very cool weapon. Is it now that it's broken and on a chain?
Speaker: No longer a sword. I think this is something that used to be a sword, and is a sword no longer. Yeah, like that's kind of how I feel about it, too. But now I do, i if we had an honorable mentions list, I would put this on it.
Speaker: So here's my question, then. but you know, ah the sword broke, so it kind of seems like it maybe was a shitty sword. when Yeah, the sword that it was before was probably not good.
Speaker: The weapon that it is now is cool as shit. Yeah. Here's the question, though. Okay, we have said that if a submission gets to dequalified and it's your fault, no backups allowed.
Speaker: If it's our fault or nobody's fault, backups are allowed. So are we going to allow this backup? i I think this was sent in good faith.
Speaker: Yeah, okay. I think we can say... we We can say that we will go with this backup, because also I do want to talk about it. Ba-da-da! Bum-bum-bum-bum. The backup is the Uruk-hai Scimitar from the Lord of the Rings films.
Speaker: Whom do you serve? it It's just a big ol' a big old square ah rectangle blade.
Speaker: Looks like something... And Uruk-hai would have. Yeah, man. It's more like an unworked slab of iron than a sword, really.
Speaker: It is like a machete, almost. butlight's It's a big machete is kind of what it looks like, yeah. But I feel like it is a great example of...
Speaker: a prop that fits the storytelling, like that fits the visual storytelling of the movie. Because the Uruk-hai are a hammer.
Speaker: Right? they are they are a a a There's no complexity to them. They are created by Saruman to kill. Yes, it is inelegant.
Speaker: Yes. This weapon. and for for For an inelegant group of soldiers, yeah. Yeah. it It is not beautiful. It does one thing. And I like that it it's, you know, it's, like you said, it is a rectangle.
Speaker: Because they're down there in ah underneath Isengard. ah Just making 10,000 these. Right. right it's It's easily mass-produced. Yeah.
Speaker: And the one thing that it has is that spike at the top, which I think like almost looks like, well, we needed a place to like you know pull it out of the mold. you know like But it's it's it's just like this extra little wicked thing that can get you on the backswing.
Speaker: Yeah, it's it's like the one little bit of flair. Yeah. yeah that the sword has. And it's it's just a triangle. Yeah, yeah. But it's like, you know... Yeah, yeah it's it's certainly got a functional purpose as well, but... it's It's a lawnmower blade, you know? That's sort of what it looks like. with ah yeah It's a lawnmower blade with a handle on it, yeah.
Speaker: But you know if you picked it up, it would be sharp as fuck. I really like it. I think it's cool as shit. Okay, what what number are you thinking?
Speaker: I mean, like it's it's tough, because when we get to the above average rankings, it's it's we're dealing with like magic, right? like We're dealing with swords with extra powers, or swords that are just exceptionally cool.
Speaker: oh Swords that are impossible for normal people to use. But I think this... like It's a great design.
Speaker: It's a great design that tells the story and fits ah its milieu. Especially when you compare it to Anderil or Glamdring or Orcrist or Sting.
Speaker: or sting or sting like These blades that are you know elven-made and elegant, or or even like these similarly angular dwarven axes that we see. like It's different.
Speaker: well well there's alllthough those other sort All those other weapons are made
Speaker: not just for a functional purpose, but for an aesthetic purpose. There's no real aesthetic thinking behind behind this sword. Which tells you something about who is wielding it. Right.
Speaker: Right. Yeah. I mean, there there's plenty of aesthetic thinking in real life, but like, in story. In story, yeah. This thing is is to chop a dude in half. Right. And that is the only thing it's for.
Speaker: It doesn't matter if you look at it. doesn't matter what it looks like. It's there to chop a dude in half. Right. So it is it's a handle, and then the part that chops a dude in half.
Speaker: I love it. I would say, like... I mean, I would give this one an eight. How about... Okay, yeah. I can live with eight. You can tell me if you want to.
Speaker: I was going to suggest seven, but I... It is really good. Like, it it it's really good at representing what it needs to represent and and and being a bit of storytelling through a prop.
Speaker: And, so like... I think 8 is good. i i can I'm good with 8. yeah like If we were judging it purely on... like if it wasn't from Lord of the Rings.
Speaker: you know if if it didn't If it wasn't part of a story. then obviously, like well, no, it sucks. it's like there's you know it's It's a square. it's ah It's a rectangle. if it was on If it was on Bud K, and just on Bud K. If it was just on Bud K, you'd be like, what? That's that's just a machete. That would be like $20.
Speaker: oh But it it tells a story, and I think that's that's worth a lot. Yeah, I agree. I'm good with eight. I'm good with eight.
Speaker: All right. that's two That's two eights in a row. That's right.
Speaker: All right, here's our next submission. It is from ah Matthew Bernius. That's your name. it It is. It is, in fact, my name. My first name.
Speaker: This is a Bottom Chopper submission from Matthew. Ooh, love it. It is the short sword from the n NES game Deadly Towers. Oof.
Speaker: The worst n es game ever had ah had one of the worst the worst n NES game ever had one of the worst video game swords ever. From the game manual, short sword, you start the game with this sword. It is so weak, you feel lonely.
Speaker: You have no confidence in this sword. That's rough, buddy. As someone who rented and tried to play Deadly Towers when it came out, you absolutely had no confidence in this sword. It couldn't kill anything, at least not easily, which made an already confusing and poorly executed game even worse.
Speaker: Yeah, man. I mean, Deadly deadly Towers is not good. Did I ever play Deadly Towers? I'm sure I tried. i feel like they're like Deadly Towers is one that, like... I feel like it definitely got the ah the the early two thousand s video game review treatment.
Speaker: yeah I bet was a butt that shits butts or whatever. Yeah, it was it was ah an angry video game nerd ah featured game for sure. Yeah, but I but i don't think it's i don't think there's any ah critical re-evaluation coming for Deadly Towers. No, it's it is Yeah.
Speaker: I get Deadly Towers confused with other games. Mylon Secret Castle? That are better.
Speaker: Because it was one of those games that just had like a guy in armor on the cover. ah And there were a whole bunch of those for the and NES. Oh yeah.
Speaker: Oh yeah. like What was the one that had Fabio on the cover? That was Warriors Baby...
Speaker: Yeah, Wizards and Warriors 2. Or Iron Sword, a.k.a. Wizards and Warriors 2. I get Deadly Towers mixed up with that, but Deadly Towers is definitely worse.
Speaker: It says that you don't have any confidence in it. That's brutal. That is, yes. I mean, that was like whoever did the localization of the manual writing that.
Speaker: um It makes you wonder if they played the game and were like, hey, this sucks. That's just... it's that's That's hard, man. yeah You start the game with a sword, it's so weak you feel lonely.
Speaker: Parentheses, you have no confidence in this sword. Rough. Rough. Like... I mean, this is the this this feels like the quintessential one.
Speaker: Right? like It's gotta be. like i It's a sword so bad that even the people who made the game will make no illusions about it sucking.
Speaker: Yeah, but it's like but it's it's not even it's not even that. The idea of a sword that's so bad that you feel lonely.
Speaker: like That's a specific emotion. Yeah. Like... my swords don't make me not feel lonely, but they definitely don't make me feel lonely.
Speaker: You know? Like, yeah that is that is a sword, like, that sword has severed your relationships with your community and the people around you.
Speaker: That's what it has cut. I mean, I think in Deadly Towers, you're just like, Like in a in a in a castle yeah know but with nobody around. but In feeling, Matt. In feeling. In feeling. In feeling, yeah.
Speaker: We have to take the instruction manual at its word. It's so weak you feel lonely. that's That's a bummer. It's brutal.
Speaker: It's brutal. ah it's I mean, i think I think you've done it. You've you' you've sent a one. You have sent us a one, Matthew. Thank you. You have sent us a a straight up one.
Speaker: Is this... Surely we have other ones on the list. We've got some twos, I know. We have other ones. We have Conan the Adventurous Star Metal Sword, which cannot, will not, and does not perform the function of a sword. Correct. And I think that's probably better than this.
Speaker: And we have the broken straight sword yeah from Dark Souls, which is another sword from a video game that is intended to be terrible. like when Even the people who made it are like, this sucks. That's that's what that's how you know.
Speaker: i i mean i would say like I would be very curious to know about the localization process of deadly powers because or're Deadly Towers. Because I feel like you feel lonely and you have no confidence in this sword. Those are two such specific emotional specific emotional descriptions yeah that I feel like...
Speaker: I gotta know, like, it is is the concept of an object that is so bad at what it's supposed to do that you feel lonely? Is that like a thing in Japanese culture that I'm just now finding out about?
Speaker: And it's going to affect me like when I found out that heaven and hell were the same place. yeah Or is that even from the Japanese manual, or was that just added? Can we check on the on the writer of the Deadly Towers instruction manual and see if they're okay?
Speaker: I think we'd have to do some research. There's a lot of video game history on online these days, but but I don't know if we can track down who was the the writer of thee the instruction manual. if If you know who wrote the Deadly Towers instruction manual, hey, reach out.
Speaker: Yeah, reach out, reach out. It was Broderbund Software in San Rafael, California. Yeah, that was the North American publisher. yeah The Japanese publisher was iRim.
Speaker: maybe i'll Maybe I'll text Jeremy Parrish. See if we can get a check on that. If anybody would know, it would be Jeremy Parrish. ah Okay. Okay.
Speaker: You did it. You did it, Matthew. You sent us a one. feel sad now. Swords very rarely make me feel sad.
Speaker: Yeah. Yeah, that one's pretty bad. That one's pretty bad. Okay. Solomon Gumball, a.k.a. Dugan Nash, has sent in this submission.
Speaker: It is the sword from the cover of the Doom and Stoner metal band The Sword's second album, Gods of Earth, which includes such hits as How Heavy This Acts, The Frost Giant's Daughter, and Fire Lances of the Ancient Hyper Zephyrians.
Speaker: Hey, man. I'm gonna real with you for a second. Can I be real with you, Matt? Yep. I bet that album fucking sucks. Ha ha ha ha ha.
Speaker: I don't know. I've listened to some... i listen I've listened to The Sword. They're alright. Alright. Look, maybe maybe I'm judging too harshly. Maybe I shouldn't. Maybe I'm judging too harshly.
Speaker: But, again, you want to go AjaxBets.com, where you can bet not on everything, but specifically on... things that me and Matt want to bet on.
Speaker: This sword on the album cover is fine. Do you have it, Chris, or do you want me to forward this to Yeah, I'm looking at Okay. looking at it. It's like, there's like a, there's like a, like skeleton hand bursting from the ground holding it and it's getting struck by lightning.
Speaker: the The, the, the art style of the cover is a little bit weird.
Speaker: It's, I mean, it is, it's of a particular aesthetic, I think. Yeah, it it it's like computer graphics from, like, the early 2000s, which is not when I think that album came out. Okay, I'm listening to it. Actually, this so far, this kind of rocks.
Speaker: I'm like 30 seconds The Sword is a pretty good band. Okay, this came out, the album came out in 2008.
Speaker: it It definitely kind of looks like... You remember um when Batman went to Internet 2.0? Or 3.0? I do remember when Batman went to Internet 3.0, yeah. um it kind of looks like that. it kind of looks like those graphics.
Speaker: ah Are we looking at the same image? Because I don't think you're wrong, but that's not how I would have described it. Okay, how would you describe it? I mean, it's... it it and Picture and ah um a metal album cover with a sword on it.
Speaker: You got it. But what I'm saying is, like, it's it's a particular art style. Like, because, yeah, it's the same. It's the same one. yeah it's It's a particular art style. Like, if you were looking at an Iron Maiden cover, it would have been hand-drawn.
Speaker: This isn't hand-drawn. Is this not hand-drawn? No, these are computer graphics for sure. Can we get ah can you get a check on the writer of the Deadly Towers Instruction Manual and the ah and the cover artist of the album Gods of the Earth by the Sword, which I do regret to inform you.
Speaker: I'm two minutes into it, and it does kind of kick ass. Yeah, just sort the sword is good. The sword is good. ah I think this the sword on this cover is, like, fine.
Speaker: it's pretty cool. I mean, I think, it's you know, like, the the lightning striking it is certainly, like, a cool touch. But, I mean, this this is a very basic Svihender. This is your sword that, like, a door guard would use. It's huge and has a massive cross guard.
Speaker: The lightning striking it is what convinces me that this was made in, like, Poser. now Now, Poser...
Speaker: i Okay, now i get now I see it. Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah, I think... Oh, wait, there's lyrics. Oh, yeah, they' are definitely lyrics. Okay, that first track was an instrumental.
Speaker: It was still pretty good. It was still pretty good. I was i was wrong. They're alright. I feel bad now, because I was real quick to judge. My gut...
Speaker: It's like five. You would say a five on this? It's it's like exactly
Speaker: average. like It's a sword. like I do feel like I could buy this exact sword if I wanted to, like right now. like Aside from getting struck by lightning and being held by a skeleton, there's nothing that special about it.
Speaker: but we Now, we did take the the backstory and storytelling ah aspects of the Uruk-hai sword into account. Do we take the skeleton and the lightning into account for this sword?
Speaker: Or are those not elements? well any The storytelling is intrinsic to the sword. Any sword could be struck by lightning. that's Well, yeah, that's true, I guess.
Speaker: And and like the fact that it's being held by a skeleton, I mean, I guess that makes it slightly cooler. i like um Maybe it makes it a six. But like I don't know. It's just it's a sword.
Speaker: Yeah. I mean, it's it's it's it's taken as ah as itself. it is It is a sword. Yeah. it's It's big, and that's pretty cool.
Speaker: But I would say, yeah, bro this is a five. this is It's a five. This is a stone cold five. I think the music is better than this cover. I think the music, the cover did give me a little bit of a, like, I'm not going say I was misled, because I will take responsibility for the judgment that I that i issued.
Speaker: that's That's a judgmental Chris who who said that. But I do think the album that I was imagining from this picture is not what I'm... Well, it's not exactly what I'm hearing.
Speaker: i it's It's what I'm hearing, but I was imagining a worse version. I am looking at other Sword album covers. They are all better. Do they all have Swords? No, but every other Sword album cover is better than this. The cover to the album Warp Riders kicks ass.
Speaker: so Send that to me real quick.
Speaker: Well, this is not a sharp one, but it's the one from Wikipedia. Yeah, that's pretty cool. That's a good album cover. Yeah. That's pretty cool. I do like that a lot better than the picture of the sword. But I do think the sword on the cover of the album, Gods of Earth by the sword, oh is...
Speaker: like this I like this weird wizard they have in this backdrop. That I'm looking at. They got a weird wizard who's like, shh. It's weird for a band.
Speaker: Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker: Anyway. I think it's five. It's five. Yeah, five. Okay. um so I would like to, again, publicly apologize to the sword and to the submitter now for my rush to judgment.
Speaker: Okay, I am to John Seiler's second submission of the episode, but it is also ah sword we have already rated.
Speaker: It's Ivy's Valentine Blade from Soul Calibur. So it's been submitted twice, but the soul still burns. burns.
Speaker: we We do have time for one more, and then I think we've got to got to be done. ah This submission is from Kevin Maroney. Ah, classic sword submitter Kevin Maroney.
Speaker: This submission is something to chew on. Okay. They are undeniably swords. Okay. But it is a little conceptual.
Speaker: It is the nine swords from the nine of swords... specifically from Pamela Smith's illustration in the Rider-Waite-Smith tarot deck from 1909.
Speaker: So this is the waking up and realizing I have all these swords.
Speaker: You are exactly right. it the Sitting up in bed, head in hands, a bunch of swords on the wall. Classic, great, all-timer Twitter post.
Speaker: ah me totally twisted coming home with a bunch of swords. Me waking up realizing that I have nine swords. Yeah. Why is this person so upset?
Speaker: Well, what does the nine of swords tarot card mean? ah I mean, pretty bad. um It's it's ah deception, premonitions, bad dreams, suffering, and depression. ah This card is also known as the Lord of Cruelty.
Speaker: so So, okay, so so the reaction is incidental to the swords. I do feel like the swords are the swords are just kind of there.
Speaker: This person just happens to own all these swords, yeah and they had a bad dream. Yeah. I don't believe it is the fault of the swords. Although I guess if we are to extrapolate a story here,
Speaker: then
Speaker: then a person who requires nine swords in the bedroom is probably prepared for some shit to go down. Well, according to thetarotguide.com.
Speaker: Uh-huh.
Speaker: Can we get Jim Ballant on the phone? yeah If you get the nine of swords upright,
Speaker: ah It means that your relationship is not a happy one at the moment. Because you only have nine swords. Well, you have all those swords in the bedroom in case it gets worse.
Speaker: m In case it's like things really like just are untenable and you gotta put it you got to put it to bed i do I do want to say, i have five swords in this room.
Speaker: Six, actually. i have six. So... And this is this is kind of this is the room where our relationship plays out, Matt.
Speaker: but i don't know what that's I don't know what that's supposed to mean. About your inevitable betrayal. Well, if you're if you get the Nine of Swords reversed, ah you know, turned over, not upright, um it means ah revelation and things coming to light.
Speaker: Like, if you're in a bad relationship and there's infidelity, you're going to learn about it. i mean, that's... that's I mean, I guess it's better than not knowing. That's still like not good. Yeah, still not good. yeah but not good it it means that you know ah a light at the end of the tunnel is what it represents, if it's reversed.
Speaker: ah I am fascinated by the meanings of tarot cards. Despite thinking they are complete bullshit, I am fascinated by the the meanings. Yeah.
Speaker: I mean, we this is a very tarot-forward household ah that I live in for various reasons. For various um reasons, yeah. AC is a a a dabbler in tarot reading and ah likes to do a poll every now and then. and you you know like i think it's, a like a lot of things ah that are regarded as divination, it's an interesting...
Speaker: ah prompt to think about what's going on in your life, yeah I think. yeah i Yes, that's also kind of how I feel about it. i i But i I find it fascinating. i find it look just about like like the whole... like all the meaning given to this stuff, I find that really interesting. Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah. Anyway, um the swords themselves...
Speaker: It's hard to say much about them. it Yeah, I mean, they're they're very representational. Like, they're very, like... This is the this is the icon on the taskbar that means sword.
Speaker: This is a Control-C sword. The way that they're, like, interlocked with each other is... guess Control-X. yeah The way that they're interlocked with each other is kinda cool. Well, you know, if you gotta have a lot of room for nine swords.
Speaker: but They're exceptionally long. They are exceptionally long. They're as tall as the person in the drawing. They're at least, like, from head to ankles.
Speaker: Yeah. Because they they extend off the side of the card. But the handles, those are one-handed swords. Yeah. So, it's it's tough. here's what it's they look They honestly look a little unwieldy.
Speaker: Yes, they look a little unwieldy. Here's what I'll say. I'll give a negative, and then I'll give ah a positive. ah The negative? I don't think they appear very functional.
Speaker: Yeah. um Very basically designed. oh Again, very long for being clearly one-handed swords. And honestly, the even for one-handed swords, those are thick ah handles.
Speaker: Those are thick grips, dog. no ah That's what I don't like about it. Here's what I do like about it. There's nine of them. So, okay, we said we would we would rate a matched set of swords. Yeah, i think i think this counts as a matched set.
Speaker: it's It's just a match set of nine. Yeah. Okay. Okay. You know how like ah in Blade of the Immortal, Nanji carries around 14 swords?
Speaker: True. That fucking owns. That's how trying to be. I like that there's a lot of them, but I don't even think they make for good decorations.
Speaker: Yeah, they're not very colorful. They're all monochrome. I'll say this. You know what's better than the swords in the Nine of Swords?
Speaker: What's that? The swords old boy's bringing home on the Seven of Swords.
Speaker: When he's totally twisted, bring home a but a bunch of swords. Those are better swords. Yeah. They're pretty similar. We haven't, but we have not been given... We have not been given...
Speaker: The seven of swords. We've been given the nine of swords. If we're judging this, if we're judging them as... They are basically the same sword. Yes. If we're judging them purely as swords, I think it's honestly probably a three.
Speaker: If we're also including that it means at best you are going to find out about ah infidelity, then it's like a two. Because these swords are these are bummer swords.
Speaker: Yeah, okay, but if we're if we're including the story of the Uruk-hai sword in that, I think we have to include the story in this. And as such, they are a two. You're saying that that when we have swords that have a deeper meaning behind them, we must consider that?
Speaker: I believe so, yes. Then in that case, I think this is a two. I agree too. If you would like to email us a sword or something else, you could do it at our email address, which is war rocket podcast at gmail.com.
Speaker: You can also get in touch with us on, Tumblr war rocket podcast. Tumblr.com. We're on blue sky war rocket. Ajax.com on blue sky.
Speaker: Uh, Or you can join our Discord and be part of that community. ah If you want to be a member of our Discord, just ask us nicely for an invitation there, and we will get you one, and you can join.
Speaker: WarRocketAjax.com is our website. It has every episode of the show that we've ever done. WarRocketWiki.com has all the information you could ever want or need to know about this show, WarRocketAjax, so go check that out.
Speaker: If you want to find me and my stuff, go to MattDWilson.net to find links to all my stuff. Chris, where can everybody find you? Everybody can find me by going to The-ISB.com. That is my website. It's got ah links to things that I've written. There's things there that you can read. And hey, there's even...
Speaker: A ah contact where you can hire me to write things for you. Or a way to give me money. Either one is fine.
Speaker: Sounds pretty good. We'll be back next week. Thanks for listening, everybody. Thanks for listening. And ah do not forget that Black Lives Matter.
Speaker: Trans rights are human rights. As are abortion rights. Drag is not a kind. Cops aren't your friends. Fuck ICE. Free Palestine. We love you. we We love you. Yeah!
