Episode 769 - I to X of Swords: Snake Sword

Transcript

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Speaker: I just, I'm bored. What plaything can you offer me today?

Speaker: bound to own Rocket Ajax to bring back his body. Terminate! Exit! Yo! No!

Speaker: Hello, everybody, and to welcome to War Rocket Ajax. This is the Internet's Most Explosive Comic Book and Pop Culture Podcast, and we are your hosts. My name is Chris Sims. With me, as always, is Matt Wilson. And Matt, I think that the worst professional wrestling theme song is probably American Males.

Speaker: It's one of the worst, even though, you know, there's something to be said about catchiness, and I get the American Males... entrance music stuck in my head with more regularity than i would like to admit yes i mean look i think about american males man literally every day of my life

Speaker: you should maybe be playing it underneath this conversation right now i do think any tag team that uses american males girl That's an instant pop.

Speaker: the The wild thing is that it's got that introduction that's just like, that you're like, hey, this is actually pretty hot. It's got that cool, hard beat, and then the words start.

Speaker: american marriage Yeah, it's pretty bad. It's pretty bad. It's pretty bad. So Matt, ah other than American males, do you have a pick for the worst professional wrestling in kids' music of all time? Oh yeah, Stephanie McMahon.

Speaker: Like, Billion Dollar Princess? but um it's It's the one about the Queen Dom. Which is... like its it's It is terrible. like It starts terrible and stays terrible.

Speaker: like i'll I'll say this. I think if we are going with something a little more current, I think Cody Rhodes' song is among the worst... pieces of music even for pro wrestling I find it like largely inoffensive i mean it's not good also honorable mention to the uh Brie mode Brie Bella entrance music that boof that one's rough yeah that one starts bad and it gets worse

Speaker: it has um it It's part of the wrestling theme music tradition of like having very easily misheard lyrics. Like Randy Orton, I hear voices in my head. They talk to me about Evelyn's death.

Speaker: shameful thing, Lobsterhead. It's a shame buffet, Mustard Man. Brie Bella's I always heard Brie mode. I'm insane.

Speaker: um Which I don't think is what it's saying, but it's what I heard. i think so. We've got a great show for everybody this week. we We're going to be raiding swords once again on the show. It's time for 1 to 10 of swords once again.

Speaker: ah so stick around for that. But before we get to that, we have business to take care of here at the top of the show, like we always do. The first piece of business is thanking our newest supporters over on Patreon.

Speaker: That's right, Matt. Now, these are the people who want to help out the show. They want to support a show that comes out Pretty much, I mean, very rarely do we skip a week unscheduled.

Speaker: Every once in a while, we we have to. but But generally speaking, we're here every week. Yeah. Plus, we got ah we got the Every Story Ever specials. That's two hours. We've got comics catch-up, like the one that just came out, where we talked about The Mask and ah its differences and similarities to the film that I think you and i watched probably 1,000 times at the ages of 12 and 13.

Speaker: yeah Very much so. They want to help support that. They want to keep it going. They want to go down and see what's at 769 Gimmick Street. That's right. And how they do that? It's easy. You don't need no kettlebells.

Speaker: You don't need no alpha brain. You don't need no Bluetooth. All you need to do is go to patreon.com slash warrocketajax and kick in as little as a dollar a month to help this show keep going. And very importantly, as I still do not have a job, help us pay those gimmicks they keep sending the mail called Bills.

Speaker: And I want to note that if any of those companies, Chris mentioned, wish to sponsor the show, you don't need them for for Patreon, but we'll take it. We'll take the ah the sponsorship. I don't even care. I'll i'll talk about AlphaBrain. Hey, at this point, yeah, man. ill ill any Any dick pill sponsorships don't want to get at us.

Speaker: Chris, would you like to know what is at 7 Nice Gimmick Street? I would love to know what's at 7 Nice Gimmick Street. Well, what has been put there has been chosen by Gimmick Street Preservation Society member Shadavid, who says that it's time Gimmick Street went international.

Speaker: Therefore, we're going to open the Kerbistan Embassy at 7 Nice Gimmick Street. ah confident in the strength of their traditional culture, they have an open borders policy and all are welcome.

Speaker: Is this a reference to something? i am not sure. Or is it just like, because it's on a street, there's a curb there? Well, it's curb like K-I-R-B, like Jack Kirby. Oh, okay. See, that is perhaps a clue to what's going on here.

Speaker: Yeah. And I gotta say, Gimmick Street's pretty international. It's got a Gregg's. And a couple of embassies. And a pie shop. I think there was a pie shop. A pie shop that has those nasty English pies.

Speaker: I'm sorry. They are.

Speaker: It's there. It's there. The pie shop is there. The pie shop is there. But now we have the Kerbistan Embassy at 769 Gimmick Street. So thank you, should David, for that.

Speaker: Chris, would you like to hear the names of the newest Patreon supporters? Of course I would, Matt. They are Charles Arthur. Thank you, Charles. ah that That's a returning backer.

Speaker: I believe so. I believe so. Stephen Padnick. Oh, Steven Padnick, yeah. I know Steven Padnick. Thanks, Steven. Asher Elbein. Thank you, Asher, yeah.

Speaker: Yonatan. Thank you, Yonatan. Mr. Loudmouth. Jimmy Hart? it It might be. It might be Jimmy Hart. Well, thank you, Mr. Loudmouth.

Speaker: And Yex, I-E-X is how it's it is spelled, Nunnery. Thank you, Yex Nunnery. um If you'd like to be like any of those fine people and help us out here on the show, you can do what Chris said and go ah donate as little as a dollar a month on our Patreon.

Speaker: Patreon.com slash 4RocketAjax. As a patron, you get every show that Chris just mentioned a minute ago completely ad-free. And if we get to 500 paid patrons, if you're at any level of the Patreon, $1 and above,

Speaker: you will get Talent Show, the podcast where Chris is going to read every ah issue of the Jim Ballant run on Catwoman, and tell me about it.

Speaker: Right now, we are at 457 paid Patreon patrons. so forty three more and talent show happens There's $639 total, so if just 43 of the free patrons only tossed in an extra dollar a month, Talent Show will happen.

Speaker: Exciting. Very exciting. At the $5 level... you get not only all the shows we do ad-free, but also bonus audio, which includes outtakes that I cut out of the show and put on ah Patreon. I have one from last week's episode that am going to put up between recording and when this episode goes up.

Speaker: There's bonus audio that Chris and I record special for Patreon. There's writing that Chris and I have done over there. And now there is a new Patreon-exclusive mini-series.

Speaker: ah don't Don't talk about it yet, Matt. It's my check. Oh, it's your check. Okay, then we'll we'll save it for the check. But there is one that is at the bonus audio level of the Patreon that is very entertaining. I listened to it and ah and had a blast.

Speaker: So I think others are going to want to listen to this as well. And Chris, you will tell us more about it in the Checks and Rucks segment. At the $10 level, you get line-stepping privileges for our segments which currently include every story ever and one to 10 of swords. Um, there is some confusion about like the password for that. Uh, there seems to have been more lately than in the past. Um, if you join at that level, just message me and ask for the password and I'll give it to you.

Speaker: There's no like automated way that that happens. Um, so just ask me on Patreon or in an email and I'll give you the password and then you could submit your list. Um, At the $15 level, you can join the Gimmick Street Preservation Society, like Shadeva did this episode, and name what is at an address on Gimmick Street. And at the $20 level, you get a t-shirt. I'm going to put out the call this week for t-shirt sizes.

Speaker: So I can get in the order for t-shirts in June. ah that that is That is my goal. ah So if you are at that level, um please make sure to get me your t-shirt size so I can get those ordered and ready to ship out ah pretty soon.

Speaker: If you're unable to help us monetarily, you can help us out in other ways. You can leave us a five-star review on the podcasting app that you use, whatever that is. Or you can tell your friends and family. Spread the word about War Rocket Ajax, this podcast. Let them know to listen to the show and to back our Patreon and make Talent Show happen.

Speaker: That would be a big help to us as well. All right, Chris. We built up to it. We've thanked our patrons. It's time for some Checks and Racks.

Speaker: Let's do

Speaker: it. I know what your check is, Chris, so I'm not going to ask, but please proceed. Well, Matt, you said it. We strive here to give people not just this show, although this is the Klytus Media flagship.

Speaker: This is the one we're here for every week. This is the one that has been going since 2009. That's right. We've been in this. We've been in this since 2009. That's right. Serial?

Speaker: Before that. My Brother, My Brother, and Me? Before that. before Before all these fascists, we were here talking about comic books. But you still might be like, hey, why should I give these guys $5 a month? Well, first of all, it's very cheap.

Speaker: It's a... it's it's It's well worth it. Second of all, there's an all-new patron-exclusive side series. And this came from something we had a conversation with our good friend, Kel McDonnell.

Speaker: And we have often joked that the the curse of the podcaster, as Benito called it, is that if you come up with a title that's good enough, you have to do the show. So we will eventually be doing Talk to the Hand, our Vampire Hunter D podcast.

Speaker: Yes, it's been discussed that we do one episode of every... i did i did't pitch that, that we do one Like, we do one episode...

Speaker: i don't think we could do like ah an ongoing show about but Vampire Hunter D. But I think we could get an hour out of it, for sure. There's there's not enough Vampire Hunter D. Well, until unless we get into the novels.

Speaker: Which I do have. We would have to read the novels. But like I think there's only like two movies. So I don't think we we could watch enough Vampire to do an ongoing show. Yeah. The one show that I do want to actually do in total at some point is my album by album Gorilla's Deep Dog podcast, Primatology. I would do that.

Speaker: I would do that with you. The idea is I think I want to have a different guest on every episode. Oh, fine. Okay. ah you ki me You could be on one of them. I just want to have a different guest on every episode. I think maybe that could be like a future Patreon exclusive miniseries, but we'll see. We'll see. Could be.

Speaker: Very nice of you, by the way, to be like, fuck me when we're talking about a show that I'm not. Yeah, Matt, I'm – look, you're my best friend. I'm not your best friend, but that's because I'm a bad friend.

Speaker: I really, having watched it all, I do want to do Neighborhood Watch now. Because Gotham's good, actually. We did do one episode of Neighborhood Watch already. but we did we hadn't We hadn't watched it then. Neither of us have watched it then. And i I regret to inform you.

Speaker: Gotham is good, actually. ah Well, i i'm very I'm way more ah interested in the guy who plays Jim Gordon now. That he's doing his Crypto Sucks movie.

Speaker: Oh, nice. Talking about the OC? Yeah. Yeah, I'm talking about him. ah Yeah. he made him He made a movie about how crypto sucks. Good. None of this is what's actually available on Patreon right now.

Speaker: But here's what is. Kel McDonald and I are doing a limited series, ah because there are, I believe, six episodes that exist. But we are doing an episode-by-episode podcast about a Knight of the Seven Kingdoms.

Speaker: ah The Game of Thrones spinoff sequel, spinoff prequel, I guess. It's like 100 years before Game of Thrones. ah About a very large man and a very bald child.

Speaker: It is called Westeros Runs on Dunkin'. And the real selling point was Kel messaging me and saying, I found the Dunkin' Donuts font. ah And I was like, well, fuck it, I don't have a job, let's do it.

Speaker: So ah it is available on Patreon for our $5 backers, and I think it's going to be a lot of fun. i had a really good time with the first episode. It's a full hour-long show.

Speaker: oh We're coming at it as me, someone who watched all of Game of Thrones and enjoyed a good bit of it, but ah has not thought about it since the show ended.

Speaker: ah And then jumped back on for Night of the Seven Kingdoms. And Kel, who has watched all of the Game of Thrones shows and read all the books and the novellas. ah And each episode isn't just us talking about the the episode. Also, um we end on Kel giving me two fan theories that people have about Game of Thrones. A plausible one and a completely bonkers one.

Speaker: So if that doesn't make you want to listen to it, I don't know what will. But it's up there. Five bucks a month will get you that. We are planning on recording it weekly, so at least for the next six weeks it'll be ah coming up. And folks, there's no edits. This is coming up raw.

Speaker: All I do is put a little musical stinger at the beginning and the end. But it's it's very fun. You can hear me talk about how fucking hot Lionel Baratheon is. You seen this guy, Matt? Goddamn.

Speaker: Oh, yeah. he's He he is easily one of my favorite characters on the show. he's He's the best character on the show, and he's also like extremely good-looking. Yeah.

Speaker: Yeah, apparently ah old ah old ah ah Patrick – sorry, Peter Claffey, old Dunk, does not think that he is also handsome. that That is in the in the podcast. ah You should go listen to it. And that whole discussion, it is it is very enjoyable. He's a good-looking man. Beautiful eyes.

Speaker: ah So if you are a $5 backer, give that a listen. It's also available on Kel's Patreon. ah we're We're putting it up on both. So if you are coming to us from Kel, welcome to the show. Sorry that we talked about pro wrestling music that we did not play.

Speaker: I'll play one of them. I'll play American Males. you Put American Males in there. We're not going to get copyright struck on American Males. Nobody wants to claim that. but yeah We're putting up on both Patreons. so ah By all means, back Kill on Patreon. There's a lot of good stuff there. Back us on Patreon. and ah Hopefully, this will help get us up to to Talent Show, which will be going out to all paid patrons. this is ah um Buster's Wins on Dunkin' is for our $5 backers. That's the the bonus content level, and this is bonus content.

Speaker: yeah we'll be doing a We'll be doing Talent Show for all paid backers. And who knows, if ah if Westeros Runs on Duncan goes really well, we got a while before I think we get a season two on that.

Speaker: so So who knows, maybe maybe ah War Rocket Ajax pilot season is this going to happen. I had a good title for it, but I can't remember it. I think I wanted to call it First Issue Special.

Speaker: Pretty good. Pretty good. Yeah. Because each one would be a new a new show. Showcase 26. It um reminds me of years ago, quite a few years ago, um there was the Andy Daly podcast pilot project, where each episode was the pilot for a different podcast with a different Andy Daly character.

Speaker: and Eventually, I think there was a vote that ended up determining that Bonanas for Bonanza ah was the winner with Dalton Wilcox, the Poet Laureate of the West.

Speaker: Nice. and I've been listening to like every episode of Bonanas for Bonanza lately, um where they they're actually reviewing episodes of Bonanza.

Speaker: ah That's good. Yeah. i was this This was partially inspired by ah the Attitude Era podcast, where they do their main side project is twice a month they do a show called Smackdown Crawl, which is they are reviewing every episode of Smackdown ah from the the beginning. yeah ah Which presumably will go on indefinitely.

Speaker: i am not willing to commit to that. yeah um Matt, what have you been up to this week? Well, Chris, I have learned about another improv event that's going to be coming up in a couple months, and I'm giving everybody plenty of time to ah come see it if they want to. You will recall that last year i did an improvised Star Trek show.

Speaker: in which I was the first officer of the USS Inspiration, ah Commander Anderson Mayfield. And ah we're doing it again. We're going to do it again in August for two weekends.

Speaker: ah The two weekends are August 7th through the 9th. And then it'll be August 14th through the 16th. It'll be six shows of improvised Star Trek.

Speaker: ah We're going to be the same characters again. We're going to be on the same ship. But these will be all new episodes, quote unquote, of our Star Trek show. And I'm very, very excited about it. i There was some like character growth in our first season.

Speaker: ah Like, like my my character is a disgraced former captain who got demoted. Nobody else on the ship knew about it except the captain.

Speaker: And ah in the course of our first run of shows, everybody found out that I had been demoted for accidentally firing ah photon torpedoes at a Federation ship in the ah neutral zone um that was going in and out of cloak.

Speaker: ah Because they had a cloaking device on board um that they were like fiddling with, but that was malfunctioning. and so Matt, did you try to kill the Defiant?

Speaker: It was not the Defiant. um it was It was another ship that had brought a a Romulan cloaking device on board. and ah ah Again, they were going in and out of cloak, and so...

Speaker: Mayfield mistook their ship for a Romulan ship um and ordered to fire on it. And then, ah do whoops.

Speaker: And so he resigned. He tried to resign, but instead just got demoted ah to Commander Mayfield. and ah And that's my character. So if you're around the area, if you want to come to Asheville in beautiful August, um you ah should come to NC Stage on those dates in August the 7th through the 9th, 14th through the 16th, and come see Improvised Star Trek. When we spin it up again, and since the last run of shows, our director and doctor...

Speaker: Mara Culverson, who is ah half Klingon, has has received an actual Batleth as a gift from the rest of the cast. great Great gift. Not a great sword, but a great gift. She she she has a Batleth.

Speaker: um it is It is a stage Batleth that is not sharp, ah because she has young, small children at home. Yeah. but ah But she does now have a Bat-Lef that I hope we will actually use in the show. But we'll see. i mean it so Sounds like those kids need to to need to follow the warrior's path, man. That's true. K-Less 2 was a child once. Be like Alexander and follow the path of the warrior.

Speaker: Well... Are Alexander's episodes the worst character episodes in all of Star Trek?

Speaker: Well, Fistful of Data is an Alexander episode, and that's a good one. That is a good one, yeah. I am someone who ah ah always pops for Majel Barrett and Lwaxana Troy, but that episode where it's fucking anti-mame with Lwaxana and Alexander is... now That's a rough one, buddy. When they're in like the mud bath and like some some fucking weirdos are dancing around...

Speaker: yeah is ah It ain't good. It ain't good. Not my favorite. Yeah. All right. Those are our checks. Time for some recommendations. What do you have to recommend, Chris? Matt. I would like to recommend a game that is by no means new. EDF Earth Defense Force 6.

Speaker: This is a game that has been talked a lot about by ah Jacob Geller. A little bit, yeah. like So i so ah he details the twist yes EDF 6, of Earth Defense Force 6.

Speaker: But I've tried to play EDF a couple of times because it seems like on paper... It seems like a pretty easy, mindless cell action game.

Speaker: you know You're you're a a soldier, and you're fighting aliens. I started with 4. ah Earth Defense Force 4.1, The Shadow of New Despair.

Speaker: hu Great title. And it didn't click, and then I was looking for something to play on PS5, and I saw that EDF6 was on there, so I thought, well, let's give this a try.

Speaker: So I started playing that. And I was like, oh, this is actually really fun, but I can't play this on the big TV.

Speaker: Because a lot of this game involves, like, honestly, i say it's about fighting aliens. In my experience, it's mostly about fighting giant insects. Right. And so I can't have a game where you are ah very regularly overwhelmed with masses of 30-foot-tall spiders on the big TV when my ah severely arachnophobic wife is home.

Speaker: Fair. yeah Very fair. She's okay with the levels where it's ants. So I went back to playing ah Earth Defense Force 5. Yeah. on Steam Deck, and then once I get through that, I'm going to go back into 6 on the Steam Deck.

Speaker: And it's fun. The big problem with it, and I think something that hampered my enjoyment of ah EDF 4.1, The Shadow of New Despair, is that they apparently didn't think subtitles should be in this game until the 6th one.

Speaker: that's like That's basic video game shit, guys. Yeah.

Speaker: It is, like, subtitles are, like, as Mark Brown of Game Maker's Toolkit has put it, subtitles are the most basic accessibility feature. True.

Speaker: And it's ah especially necessary in EDF, because I like playing as the wing diver, ah who has a ah like, screams every time you dodge or fly, which is all the time.

Speaker: And it's extremely annoying. But yes, simple gameplay. ah Very fun stuff. Lots of weapons. you can You can get a tank in it. You can fly around.

Speaker: I realized a little bit in that the reason there's so many levels where you're fighting giant ants is that they're kind of doing every giant thing in sci-fi movies.

Speaker: Because I just now got to the level where there's like tripods, like a giant Martian world's tripods. Right. ah But you know, you get your giant ants, your giant spiders, your giant wasps, you get big old frogs.

Speaker: That part of it, pretty fun and pretty self-explanatory. However, what I will say is, the translation's atrocious. The level where the tripods show up, someone was like, how can we stand against these horrible machineries?

Speaker: That's pretty bad. that's but That's oddly endearing, though, to me. It is a little bit, but I feel like like it's Bandai. Bandai, you have the money.

Speaker: I know you do. get Get someone to take a pass at this. I'm available. Yeah, Bandai Namco published Dark Souls. Surely they got enough money from that. Yeah, man. They they also, like, but they make fucking the Dragon Ball games.

Speaker: Yeah. Like, Bandai's a pretty big company, but Bandai Namco. You heard of Pac-Man? That's them. But I'm at the point where I cannot tell if the actual writing is good or bad.

Speaker: Because it's doing really interesting stuff. But the translation is, while endearing, yes, bad enough that I'm not sure what it's doing on purpose. Like, you will be in a city that is being overwhelmed by, like, giant wasps or whatever, and you'll get, like, a news report that's like, ah the economy continues to weaken as aliens invade and destroy half the human population.

Speaker: But the government promises that jobs will be returning as soon as we're done fighting them off. And I'm like, that's pretty good. That's a pretty good a bit, if if that is feel silly they say like if that's on purpose, because obviously it is, but the the delivery is is harsh.

Speaker: I'm really excited about experiencing EDF6 and the twist. I got to the part where the first part of the twist happens before I decided to move it off the large TV and onto the small a handheld Steam Deck.

Speaker: So I will let you know how all that goes when I get back to it. But yeah, EDF 6 is fun. It's very frequently on sale and on on Steam and various other platforms.

Speaker: And ah yeah, if you are if you haven't given it a shot, give a shot. Or if you've given one of the other games a shot, this one I think makes some some real quality of life improvements.

Speaker: Matt! What? is your recommendation this week? Chris, my recommendation is a film that you can watch right now on Hugh Liu, the Huey Lewis streaming service.

Speaker: A subsidiary of Walter or Elias Disney Corporation. Which I believe means that it is also streaming on Walter Elias Disney Corporation edition sign.

Speaker: streaming service. It is the new film directed by Sam Raimi, starring Rachel McAdams. Send help.

Speaker: Chris, this movie's a hoot. Is it? Yes. Well, that's exciting. It is so Sam Raimi, so Sam Raimi-ish. And it is wildly unpredictable.

Speaker: If you know the premise of the movie, you know what's going to happen in the first 20 minutes. ah Because you know that Rachel McAdams and her shitty boss ah end up stranded on an island.

Speaker: But after that, everything is a surprise. Okay. It it is really like... Oh, like a super well-crafted movie. There's a couple of things that are sort of set up that you can maybe guess by the end.

Speaker: But like the way that like it it really is for the most part just a movie about two people on a on an island. And it and is never anything even approaching boring.

Speaker: um It is, like i said, a total hoot. um the And Ramey didn't even write it. It was the guys who wrote Freddy vs. Jason.

Speaker: Interesting. Yeah. um But ah Send Help is like, it's it's it's it's a hoot. um there's there's Just for the part where Rachel McAdams hunts a boar, it is worth watching.

Speaker: Okay. Like, imagine Sam Raimi directing a boar hunting scene. And you can pretty much guess what might happen. Yeah, man, I got i got it. i got I got it in my head.

Speaker: Yep, yep. ah Yeah, absolute hoot. I won't say anything else about it, because I want you to be surprised by it. But... um Super fun, super good. Send help. ah just Just a delight of a movie.

Speaker: ah So go watch it. It is it is on Hulu. Alright, Chris. We've done our checks and recs. It is now time to talk about some comics. Let's do it. The texture choice winner for this week, because i texted you and Benito about it, is Venom number 258. This

Speaker: this is the issue With the funeral. And I'm gonna miss it everybody. And I'm gonna miss everybody. Of one Paul Rabin.

Speaker: See you at the Paul Rhodes, you won't be lonely. And on his grave, it says, Paul Rabin, rest in peace, eternally.

Speaker: Not coming back. It might as well say not coming back on the grave. Yes. ah It is hilarious. Interestingly enough, though, this issue sort of serves as a defense of Paul as a character.

Speaker: And that like he served a purpose and He was ah you know a guy from another dimension whose dad destroyed that other dimension and then tried to save MJ and Pete.

Speaker: It has stuff in here about how MJ thought Peter was dead. And so that's how she ended up with Paul, because she was in the Paul dimension for almost four years.

Speaker: I personally really like calling it the Paul Dimension. Yeah, it was the Paul Dimension. She was in the Paul Dimension for almost four years, while Peter was back 616 for...

Speaker: six one six for you know, a couple of days or however long he was there. Then there is a part, this issue sort of switches gears from like Paul discussion. There's some stuff with Pete and MJ where like, they're talking things out and they're like, okay, we're not dating. We're not together, but we are friends. So let's be friends.

Speaker: It's kind of like, Hey, let's let MJ be in the books more. Yeah. Damn, they let's be friends to Gens. They let's be friends to Gens, yeah.

Speaker: um By the way, this is this is Al Ewing. He's been writing Venom for a while now. In the entire MJ is Venom era, ah he's been writing that. And ah the art is by Carlos Gomez, who's been on this book a lot ah from the beginning, too. and And man, Carlos Gomez is so good. Yeah.

Speaker: Just every issue of this that he draws blows me away. But it sort of switches gears into, i don't know if you read the end of of Death Spiral, Chris, but it ends with with our guy Torment getting thrown off off of a building by Venom.

Speaker: And it's like Peter asking Venom, like, did you did you do it on purpose? And Venom's like, yeah, I, yeah. and But they they try to trick Peter into thinking that Venom and MJ are separate minds. And then there's a whole like discussion about how, like no, of course they're not.

Speaker: They're their're one being. um So this ends with a Venom redesign that ah is great. Fantastic. Great stuff. This is the best Venom has ever been, and it's not close.

Speaker: was Was Venom like, yeah, man, I'm a lethal protector.

Speaker: um Not in those words, but pretty close. Pretty close. Next up, let's talk about Absolute Green Arrow number one. a comic where Green Arrow is a demon.

Speaker: Yeah. Green Arrow is a very scary, prolific murderer. Yeah. Of billionaires. Yes. The actual viewpoint character in this that we follow is but is Absolute Black Canary. Right. Or Absolute Dinah Lance. Right.

Speaker: I guess I should say. She's referred to as Black Canary in this, but her Black Canary name is from when she was an m MMA fighter. Yeah. ah Former ex-Coff, ex-MMA fighter, current bodyguard. Yeah. ah And we should say this is Pornsak Pichetiot and Rafael Albuquerque with ah colors by Marcelo Maolo, letters by Jeff Powell.

Speaker: She is hired by Malcolm Merlin to be a bodyguard for Hector Hammond. after After Oliver Queen's business partner is killed, Jubal Slade.

Speaker: Here's the one weird thing about this comic. Uh-huh. There's there yeah there was a number. There's several weird things. Okay. There's a lot in here that is ripped from the headlines.

Speaker: Oh, it's a very ripped from the headlines book, yeah. Jubal Slade is referred to as a billionaire who had some sex scandals and and who owned an island.

Speaker: Mm-hmm. but he's He's called a trafficker. There's a certain element of timelessness to the absolute books that is not in this. i mean, i don't I don't necessarily know if that's the case. like I feel like the absolute books are very right now, except Wonder Woman.

Speaker: In terms of like some subject matter stuff, like like Superman is like a workers' rights advocate and stuff like that, but I feel like that... isn't just about right now, but there's like there's stuff in this book that is going to pin it to this exact point in time.

Speaker: You're right, Matt. Billionaires are going to shape up. No, no, no, no, no. We'll never have any more problems with billionaires or rich sex creeps. It's not just about that, though. It's about the specific Epstein-like qualities of Slade. It's about Oliver Queen and Slade's business essentially being Robin Hood. Okay, that's fucking funny, though. It is funny. for like the The app that made Oliver Queen and Jubal Slade rich is...

Speaker: called Green Arrow. green arrows arrows Green Arrows. And I really like that because the the symbol is like two upwards pointing green arrows like you would see on a stock ticker.

Speaker: but although it Although it changes. it like it it It becomes more of a Green Arrow-y logo later. yeah ah But it is the Robin Hood stocks app.

Speaker: yeah It's it like not hidden. It is absolutely the Robin Hood stock trading app. yeah That's fucking great, though. To take the step removed of like Oliver Queen was inspired by Robin Hood to Oliver Queen...

Speaker: we created the Robin Hood stocks. That's fucking funny, dude. It's funny. It's just like, I feel like if you read absolute Batman 10 years from now, it will super duper hold up in every way. I think this might feel a little dated, but it's a hoot to read right now.

Speaker: Yeah. I think maybe you're right, but I think like you can only write comics for now, you know? That's true. like It's a great point. don't think you can purposefully write a timeless thing. Yeah.

Speaker: And i I think what we get in here is really enjoyable regardless. Because I think we both ended up really liking this book. Oh, I liked it a lot. like yeah like What I'm saying is not necessarily a complaint. It's just an observation about how – so timely this material is, but like the mystery of like, what the fuck is going on with a green arrow? Who is like, literally like a, like a demon. Like, like he like it's, I guess it's Oliver Queen, but also like, it's repeatedly. Cause Oliver Queen's dead as hell.

Speaker: But like, I think the idea here is that Ollie didn't actually die something to that effect. It's Connor. Is it Connor? Okay. It's gotta be. like that's That's my theory, but it's gotta to be. Because Connor is this is a super martial artist.

Speaker: Well, Roy Harper is also brought up at one point. roy ah Yeah, they mentioned the ah that there are ah suspects for who could have killed Jubal Slade. And it's Roy Harper, Mia Dearden, who was in the ah but judwinwick ah the Kevin Smith, Brad Meltzer, Judd Winnick run. And Tom Holloway, who I'm not familiar with.

Speaker: Yeah. i I do really like the the whole thing about – Oh, he's the spider. That explains why he has the spider on his head. he's the spider. yeah But I do really like the whole thing about Dinah Lance being the the sort of actual protagonist of the book and how like she wants to do the right thing. She wants to help her sick dad, but she gets keeps getting roped into being bodyguard the bodyguard for these billionaires because they're like manipulating her. And there's one bit in this where Hector Hammond –

Speaker: pushes a button that takes away her dad's health insurance.

Speaker: You're right, Matt. I'm sure we're going to fix this health insurance thing in America any day now. No, that part is pretty timeless, I think. Yeah, I think that but that part is pretty timeless. Yeah, I unfortunately think a lot of shit in this book is going to be timeless.

Speaker: Yeah. The other fun thing about this, I think this was like promoted with like a no-trick arrows kind of promotional thing. And every arrow is a trick arrow. Yeah, man. They're all poisoned. There's one that has a grenade on it. But it's literally like just a grenade. like this like It's just like kind of looped around the arrow.

Speaker: Yeah. ah It's weird because, like the the look, I don't want to Raphael Albuquerque how to draw comics, but the spoon's still on that grenade. it's Yes, it is. So it's like hooked over the shaft of the arrow by the spoon. And if that was the case, buddy, that grenade wouldn't explode.

Speaker: And yet it does. And yet it does. But the whole like every arrow is poisoned thing is is really great. yeah um And that his his bow is two swords.

Speaker: Which would be a terrible bow. Oh, ah absolutely awful, yeah. Because also, where the fuck's he holding it? He's holding it by the... Well, there's like a... I guess he's got like that little pizza cutter in the middle there. He's got a little pizza cutter in the middle, yeah.

Speaker: Yeah? ah know I don't know. If Batman's chest emblem can be an axe, then Green Arrow's bow can be two swords. That's fine.

Speaker: then He then uses his swords. That he uses as swords with a string connecting them? Yeah, they're kind of like nunchuck swords, um which is pretty great. It's a fucking hoot.

Speaker: Yeah, I really enjoyed this. yeah The Raphael Albuquerque art is... stellar Yeah, no. so you's Always great. Always great. Yeah. One last book we're going to talk about is Fantastic Four, number 11. Pretty good issue. now Now, this one, there's something weird going on the on in the art on this.

Speaker: Written by Ryan North. ah The pencils are by Pat Boutin, or Boutin. And there is something weird in this issue where the pencils look extremely rough and rushed.

Speaker: And i I don't really know why that is. It it may have been limited time. It's a little bit weird. But the story itself is is very fun. It's ah the FF being encouraged by Maria Hill to figure out what a new future foundation might be able to do.

Speaker: And ah they are interrupted by an attack on New York by Crimosaurus Rex, and they have to stop Crimosaurus Rex. Crimosaurus Rex, the sensational character find of 2026.

Speaker: ah He's not new. Is Crimosaurus Rex not new? Crimosaurus Rex is not new, nor is the operator of Crimosaurus Rex, Michael Berman, or Michelle Berman, who is from decades ago.

Speaker: Man, I thought i thought this Crimasaurus Rex was new. Ryan North said you probably are assuming that I created this character, but I didn't.

Speaker: Crimasaurus Rex is from ah Fight Man number one 1. Created by Evan Dorkin. but By ah the goat Evan Dorkin.

Speaker: Yeah. Yeah. ah But um ah a very fun character, a very fun fight. um You can tell that Ryan North has been reading old Fantastic Four comics because he's bringing back some shit.

Speaker: yeah ah well we We're just coming off that story where Malice came back for a little bit as the invincible woman. I'm glad we're talking about this right now. I have some regrets in my life.

Speaker: ah hu That's true. But I also appreciate that I have lived my life in such a way where I can email Ryan North and be like, hey man, was it your idea or Umberto Ramos' idea that when they found Galactus all beaten up, he would be laying in a crater in the same pose as Yamcha?

Speaker: It was Ramos, by the way. He made that. call But also brought back in this issue is the emotion charger from the Fantastic Four wedding issue, annual number three. yeah I thought it was going to be – because Ben says it's like all we can feel is fear, doubt, and hate.

Speaker: I thought we were going to get oh oh ah the Psycho Man's machine. yeah Yeah, that – That could have happened, I guess. but But instead, it's the emotion charger. And then um Ben single-handedly comes up with an idea for a new future foundation that's all entirely based on hope instead of fear, which is very cool.

Speaker: Then there's a backup in this issue by Stan Sakai. Yeah, just kind out of nowhere. Yeah. oh Not a complaint. Give me more unexpected backup stories by Stan Sakai. Yeah.

Speaker: it's It's a fairly basic Fantastic Four versus Mole Man story, but it is ah great. Yeah. Yeah, it's great. Sanskai.

Speaker: It's great. I've recently, ah while I've been doing my ah ah my brain medicine treatments, I've been just reading Usagi Yojimbo. oh And I've gotten through like pretty much all of it now.

Speaker: And man, good. It's fucking great. And this backup is great. And this issue is good, aside from some oddly dodgy art in the main story.

Speaker: Alright, that's our comic segment. Chris, let's rate some swords. Ah, let's do it. but when not swing my swordre is the yall chop up pull All right, Chris, our first submission for this week's show is one the one that I skipped over last time from John Seiler.

Speaker: It is Travis Touchdown's Beam Katana, the Tsubaki, from the No More Heroes series. but the The one that you have to charge up by jacking off.

Speaker: yeah Yeah, that's the one. um It's legally distinct from a lightsaber, that's why it's a beam katana. It cuts through foes, walls, and other objects. When it needs to recharge, you just shake it up and down, like a shake weight to recharge.

Speaker: that's That's charitable. That is very charitable. To say, like a shake weight, it's... Buddy, this is this is a Tsuda Goichi game.

Speaker: Okay? Yeah. yeah it's it's You gotta jack out off your sword. with your wi i always I always thought it was an interesting design choice to make the beam katana look like a fluorescent light.

Speaker: Yeah, well, i I like it because it it has, like... It's it's not a lightsaber. Yeah. Because the beam has to have a terminal point. So there's like a frame around one side of the beam. So there's actually like a back of the beam katana that I think is really cool.

Speaker: Yeah, it looks like a portable fluorescent light with like a light tube in it. Yeah. Like, that's really what it looks like. It's what it's always looked like to me. Yeah, man, you're gonna ah fucking watch out for Necro Butcher.

Speaker: Yeah, exactly. Exactly. don't Don't go to any GCW shows with this thing. Here's my question for you. who Am I going to sit here and tell the listeners, people that I try to be honest with, that I don't think it's funny that you've got to jack off your Wiimote to charge up your katana?

Speaker: Am I going to try and do that? i I couldn't imagine. you You're too honest. Because look, it's not not funny. It's not pretty hilarious.

Speaker: What was No More Heroes rated? oh No More Heroes was M for Mature, my dude. It was definitely M for Mature? Oh yeah, absolutely it absolutely was. Oh yeah. No More Heroes.

Speaker: It was, it's so ostensibly children were not doing this, even though they definitely were. Yeah, no, I mean, it was on the Wii.

Speaker: yeah Man, i i wish I wish that game was good. that game was good, it'd be great. But as I've often said, Tsuda Goichi, the greatest video game designer who has never actually made a good game.

Speaker: Were there any good single-player narrative adventure games on the Wii?

Speaker: I mean, I guess Super Mario Galaxy was on the Wii. I guess. I mean, like there was a lot of stuff that was like cross-platform, but you would never play the Wii version because they would always put in like motion controls. And the the graphics were worse. Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker: Like, Wii games were like largely just kind of like novelty sports and competition and party games. And I guess there was one of the Mario Karts was on the Wii.

Speaker: Yeah, that game was good. Smash on the Wii was good. Smash. But like as far as single-player narrative, there was like Skyward Sword. Twilight Princess. Yeah.

Speaker: Were they both on the Wii? Yes. I think Twilight Princess might have been on the Wii and the Wii In the same way that like Breath of the Wild was on the Wii and the Switch. Right.

Speaker: i do want to clarify, by the way, there's so much good stuff in... In No More Heroes. Like, story-wise, design-wise, and I would include the Beam Katana in that, like, character-wise.

Speaker: There's also everything else. There's also, like, all the minigames.

Speaker: Which are... are

Speaker: They are in that game. I'm just thinking of Wii games. Metroid Prime 3 was on the Wii, but that was one of the not-so-good Metroid Primes. The bit where the lady calls you before the boss fights, and you've got to hold the Wiimote up to your ear like it's a phone, because the Wiimote has a speaker in it, so that's where the phone call is coming from. That's a good... Good concept. That's a good bit.

Speaker: like ah like You could always count Suda51 to come up with some shit like that. Yeah, no. Again, he's a he's brilliant.

Speaker: Yeah. Great for like like like a real successor to Hideo Kojima in that way. Yeah, i think he is I think he is one of video games' most underrated huge weirdos.

Speaker: Oh, for sure. Oh, for sure. And I might be completely wrong on this because I don't know, but I feel like a i feel like Grasshopper Industries does not have Kojima Productions money.

Speaker: And maybe if they did, things would be a little different around here. That's true. But you're never going to not get Suda to think that jacking off a Wiimote and saving your game by taking a dump is hilarious.

Speaker: And like, it's not not hilarious, but it's also like, okay, my arm's getting tired. Yeah, yeah. And for me to say that...

Speaker: I'm going to say the best single player... adventure game on the Wii was probably Super Mario Galaxy. But No More Heroes had a lot of good ideas. It had a lot of good ideas. It did. It wasn't entirely executed well, but yeah. Yeah.

Speaker: It's a game that has enough good stuff in it that I think it's a good game, but God, it should be one of the best games. Yeah, I think that's true. It should be one of the best games of all time. and And another one the best games all time should be No More Heroes 2.

Speaker: Desperate Struggle. Yeah. Alright, what do we want to give this sword? i like it. like i Because I feel like it gets exactly like what you're in for. like It is very much character as weapon in a lot of ways.

Speaker: Because it's a lightsaber, so it's like cool, and it cuts dudes in half and blood goes everywhere. We love this. We're fans. But also, it looks like it looks like plausible enough technology And it also looks a little bit cobbled together and low-rent, because it does kind of look like a fluorescent light.

Speaker: ah So, like, it looks nerdy, which fits with Travis. And it looks like... It looks nerdy and kind of like something that... It looks like its own cosplay.

Speaker: Yes, it looks like it would be very easy to cosplay. yeah because all you would need is a fluorescent light, and then you can build everything else around it. Right. But yeah, i think that's I think that's a really fun a fun bit with it.

Speaker: I like it. And also, it does, like, it's a fun it's a fun ah ah weapon to use. Like, the combat and action in No More Heroes is is really fun.

Speaker: i My gut is that it's 7 or an 8. I think it's probably a 7. Okay, let's do 7. I wonder if that 2020 remaster is any good.

Speaker: for this Is it on the Switch? I think it's on the Switch, but I also think it might be on like think it might be on like PlayStation. How would you play it? Maybe it is only for the Switch.

Speaker: like That's a game I don't know. I do not know how you would play without motion controls. Yeah, i don't know. how are you going jack off? Yeah, i mean exactly.

Speaker: great Great point. How are you going to jack off? Alright, that's a seven. Here's our next submission. It's from Matthew Schultz. And it is Valentine, which is Ivy's sword from Soul Calibur.

Speaker: ah Now this is a this is the whip sword? That is the one, yes. and finally Finally, the soul still burns. Matt, welcome back to the stage of history.

Speaker: Here's my question, and this is a true, real question, full question, genuine question. Is this fucking thing a sword or a whip? It's both. It is. I mean, it does operate as a sword. You can you can make it into a sword. i i would say a whip sword, of which this is probably the most prominent example, although they do exist in other ah bits of fiction, does count as both.

Speaker: Okay. And i think Valentine, which is named after its it's wielder, Ivy Valentine, um who is... um Well, she's not mostly naked.

Speaker: Well, sometimes she's mostly naked. Depends. As is often the case in Soul Calibur, there's there's a wide range.

Speaker: Soul Calibur, I think Soul Calibur can get away with almost anything because they're like, well, we got the biggest pervert in video games and he's a guy. Like, we got this nasty freako.

Speaker: Is it Valdo? Valdo, yeah. Valdo's nasty.

Speaker: Valdo and that dude from Guilty Gear with the bag on his head, those are two nasty freaks. Oh, yeah. ah What is that guy's name? it's It's Doctor or something, right? Yeah. No, it's just Faust. It's Faust. Oh, Faust. Faust, yeah. Yeah.

Speaker: Fucking Valdo. So they're like, yeah, we'll put it we'll put Ivy in in combat lingerie. I mean, she's she's basically in Power Girl costume most the time. think Power Girl would look at this and be like, you are showing a lot of skin, sis. Yeah.

Speaker: That said, vaul voldo everything Valdo wears is more explicit. um that That is true. I'm surprised Valdo doesn't have, like legitimately, if they were like, hey, in Soul Calibur 9, Valdo's hog is going to be out.

Speaker: Yeah. I'd be like, oh yeah, that makes sense. There are times when he's like essentially just wearing a codpiece. Yeah. um yeah Yeah. So I think i think Soul Calibur's like, we can we can get away with anything.

Speaker: It really depends on which game and which costume you're talking about with ah ah with ah with Ivy. but yeah Frequently very naked.

Speaker: Frequently, yeah. yeah But the sword is consistent. I think she has this sword and in every game. Yeah, I really like it. I think the the the whip sword is like very cool. Because it's like...

Speaker: it's It's one of those things that, I won't speak for everyone, but for me, it's like, oh man, like it's a sword that like the bits come across it it's like a whip. like why Why doesn't that exist in real life? And then you think about it for one second.

Speaker: Right, yeah. And you're like, oh right. Like, how would it actually snap back together as a sword? Yeah, you would immediately die. Correct, yeah. i don't I don't think this is... a is ah think Well, there are there are flexible whip-like swords.

Speaker: But I don't think they would look like this. no, they do not turn back into like long swords. Yeah. I have put this in D&D games. Of course. My big joke was that I named a lot of weapons and items after pro wrestling moves, and so in my campaign, this was the Kudome Valentine.

Speaker: Hmm,

Speaker: I'll say this. Ivy's not my go-to character Soul Calibur. Right, because you're a freak. It's not Voldo. You're nasty, so you like Voldo. It's not Voldo. I'm i i'm often a Yoshimitsu guy. You're like, you're like is does this one have The Witcher in it?

Speaker: I often use ah Yoshimitsu in Soul Calibur. Which one's Yoshimitsu? He's the one that's kind of like a... Like a samurai, but like also like an oni.

Speaker: okay. Okay, hey okay i'm like I'm looking at him now. You're a Soul Calibur guy, Matt? You like Soul Calibur? I've played some Soul Calibur in my time. I've played some Soul Calibur in my time.

Speaker: um I also like Cassandra. ah she's ah She's a good character. um But, you know, ivy i've I guess Ivy is is kind of like the the iconic character Soul Calibur character, right?

Speaker: Well, i i I don't know if she is, because I don't know much about like Soul Calibur fandom. or But I also know that Ivy is... You're gonna see a lot of art of Ivy.

Speaker: True, yes. I think maybe Mitsurugi

Speaker: the protagonist of the series. Okay. But i yeah, i don't I don't entirely know.

Speaker: There's a lot of there's a lot of like total freaks in Soul Calibur. I mean, there are. I liked i like Sofitia. Sofisha? Yeah. She's she's got cool she's good.

Speaker: Got a little little shield. Yeah. um I like Ivy Sword, but it's it kind of I don't know. I feel like it operates more often as a whip than it does as a sword.

Speaker: viral but ah like ah But I think it's a whip sword. So I think that like it's still acting as a sword. It is still a slashing weapon. Yeah, it's just it's not rigid.

Speaker: um Most of the time. Sometimes it is. Most of the time. like if you In most art of Ivy, um it's in whip form. You know?

Speaker: ah So, with that in mind, like, yeah five or six is what I would say. Really? Yeah. That's wild to me.

Speaker: What were you going to say? i i mean, ah like I said, I really like it. Like, I think it's a cool design. I think it's, like, the way that it's used in the game. And again, I'm not a huge Soul Calibur fan, but...

Speaker: I feel like it's it's cool, it's distinct, it's... um I mean, i you know, I hate... i do hate to admit that it is kind of a weapon as character, weapon as storytelling.

Speaker: Ivy is a dominatrix. Mm-hmm. at least in appearance and inspiration. Mm-hmm. Since her first appearance, Ivy has become one of the most recognizable and iconic characters in the franchise.

Speaker: Mainly due to her snake sword, large breasts, revealing clothing, and silver hair. Well, we're being honest. We're being honest, at least. I they're not wrong.

Speaker: Yeah. the The Soul Calibur wiki is not wrong on that one. got that She does have that cool haircut. Yeah, she's got great hair. She's ah she's a cool-looking character. That's that's undeniable.

Speaker: Yeah. Did you know there are two separate, different Soul Calibur timelines? I'm not surprised. that's That's wild. I am certainly not surprised.

Speaker: Huh. Her nickname is Coiling Contempt. Yeah, she's mean. Yeah. don't know if Don't know if people know about that.

Speaker: She's mean. She's mean. oh But yeah, like i think I think it's really cool. like I would give it like a like a i would probably give it like an 8 or 9.

Speaker: Because like i think a sword that turns into a whip... First of all, it's great. Because Soul Calibur's game about swords. So if you're putting in your dominatrix, you're like, well, she can't just have a whip.

Speaker: Because that doesn't fit. Everyone else has a sword. She needs a sword. But we don't want to break this dominatrix theming.

Speaker: Okay, you said eight or nine. i said five or six. i It's a repeat of seven, but I think we've got to say seven. because that's that's i'm I'm okay with that. I did accidentally give Tsubaka a 12 instead of a seven. yeah I forgot how.

Speaker: I just adjusted it for us. ah But I think seven is a good ah good call for Valentine. ah ah It's hard to be normal about Ivy from Soul Calibur.

Speaker: Yeah. No, I mean, like she's she's she's tough to talk about without ah without coming off like a real freak Yeah.

Speaker: yeah Alright, I'm going to forward you an email from CJ Kroll for our next submission. ah Because there's an image that I think you need for reference.

Speaker: Okay, let me when me close all these images of Ivy Valentine. Yeah, to ah save the tabs to look at later. she Her proportions are ridiculous. They're out of control, yeah. They're absolutely out of control. Alright, CJ says, i am submitting the armed sword of Cutthroat from Savage Dragon.

Speaker: And has included a piece of art um by Rob Liefeld, not by Eric Larson.

Speaker: um In which Cutthroat has... has a large blade for an arm, and is also wearing many skulls. Many skulls of various sizes.

Speaker: Of various sizes, yeah. yeah

Speaker: That looks more like an axe than a sword to me. Well, it's it's weird because it's it is ah attached to his arm above where the elbow would be. So it's like he had an above-the-elbow amputation, which is weird because he has huge biceps.

Speaker: Huge biceps, yeah. On that arm. yeah I don't know how that would work, but also don't know how recent i mean this... mean, if that sword is heavy, he's holding it up all the time.

Speaker: well but But there's no Yeah. So there's no, like, what I'm saying is the... It can't be bent. Yeah. The blade is perpendicular to the body, so it kind of looks more like a pendulum.

Speaker: It does look like a pendulum, like is used in Saw 5. Sure. du The rest of the end episode about Saw 5 is coming soon. you'll You'll hear more about that. I only know about Saw 4.

Speaker: Yeah. I only know about Zep. Hello, Zep. is Hello, Zep. That's what I know about. Yeah, yeah. This does look like a pendulum from Saw 5.

Speaker: like I'm imagining this guy... like i don't think he can... I don't think there's like effective slicing that you could do with this.

Speaker: I mean, there's blood all over it, so... Yeah, I mean, I guess maybe he could like stat like kind of underhand stab? i I guess it's a sword? I don't know, though.

Speaker: Okay, there are there are versions of him drawn by Eric Larson. So probably much more realistic proportions.

Speaker: Well, he looks it's it's almost exactly the same. um There are versions of him where the blade looks very different. Like this one, this one he's got an arm that With an elbow and and a thing that looks far more like a sword.

Speaker: But then in other pieces of art, he's got this thing. Which, like you said, is perpendicular. How's... in if in In this image that I'm sending you, how is he swinging this? Okay, let's see.

Speaker: Oh, it won it won't let me copy the image. Probably because it's a fucking web pee. Well, just send me the link and I'll up i'll go to it. Well, the link keeps going to the the main page.

Speaker: Hmm. Concerning. so Here we go. Here we go. Here we go. I'm sorry, I've got an open image and new tab for this. How's he swinging this? Because it's like, the point, like he has to have had have turned his arm around and is swinging it, like, if you like if you're giving like the hugest stiff arm thumbs down ever.

Speaker: There's no real way to so see it, because there's nothing... All you're seeing is the blade moving and his arm, and you don't see the rest of his body. It looks like maybe the blade has a hinge, and that's like an elbow-type deal?

Speaker: Maybe. don't know, man. The big question is, is this a sword, or is it just a blade? It really just looks like a blade. Yeah, i I think we would have to classify this as a unique weapon.

Speaker: like i think I think it's certainly a blade. It's really just a blade attached to his arm. It's not a sword, really. yeah i don't know if we can call this a sword.

Speaker: it's It's perpendicular to his arm. I'm not mad that this one was sent in. like This is a thing where I think somebody's trying to trying to pull a gotcha, but I don't think this is a sword.

Speaker: i i I hesitate to call it a sword, yeah. If we were to rank it as a sword, it would go ah like at least one below whatever Razor Fist Razor Fists are. Yeah, it's it's shittier than that.

Speaker: ah For sure. But Razor Fist at least... Yeah, Razor Fist Razor Fist are at a two. so this would be one. the one like But I don't think it's a sword. I don't think it qualifies as a sword at all. Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker: Okay. Here's our next submission. It's from Andrew Goldberg, who says, I promise I'm not trying to game the system or make you get into a discussion about the definition of a sword. That's what people keep fucking saying.

Speaker: These are not Wolverine's claws. This is just a sword that I think is a sword and have always loved. um It's Andross's Spiral Saber, the sword that killed Zordon.

Speaker: If a key can be a sword, then a drill surely can be a sword, too. So this is from Power Rangers in Space. It's from Power Rangers in Space, yes. Uh, I mean... a drill on a sword-like hilt.

Speaker: Yeah, it's definitely more of a drill than a sword. And I feel like we... i feel like we had a similar weapon that we determined was a drill.

Speaker: Well, we did I think we did rate Dinobot Sword, which has drill-like properties. That's true. That's true.

Speaker: That one had a four. i think I mean, if we want to rank this one, the the thing about weapons in Super Sentai is that like all they have to be able to do is make contact, and then all of the damage is rendered in explosions.

Speaker: Right. Or sparks, yeah. Yeah. like Like, sparks will fly out when do you hit someone with literally any weapon. So it is difficult to tell functionally what is a sword and what is not.

Speaker: Sometimes. Obviously, like, there are things that are very obviously swords, things that are very obviously daggers, things that are very obviously guns. This, I think...

Speaker: I mean, I think we could call it a sword. it's It might be more of a lance? It's... Ooh, yes.

Speaker: It is more kind of lance-like in

Speaker: shape. It's just, I'm looking at this, and I and i know it was swung like a sword. In the show. In the show. yeah Despite the fact that you it's a piercing weapon through and through.

Speaker: Yeah, it should be, like, stabbing. it is it is not a slashing weapon. It is a piercing weapon. Yeah. yeah For sure. For sure.

Speaker: If that being the case, I think we can rank this as a sword. Okay, I don't think it's very good. i feel I feel bad, because we did also, like, just read an earlier.

Speaker: Where the person was like, I've always thought this was cool, presumably since you were a child. Although I did watch Power Rangers in Space as a full adult. but I mean, look, it's fine. It's fine that you liked it when you were a kid.

Speaker: It's not very good. It's like a three. i don't i don't think it's as bad as a three. What else do we have at three? Yeah, it might be it might be better than three. I'm trying to find a three.

Speaker: I do think it is probably worse than average. So it's probably like four. four yeah Four. We have the energy sword from Halo at a three. like i think three is a good place for like gimmicky swords, which this is.

Speaker: like Gimmicky in a bad way. Gimmicky negative. um The singing sword is a three. this is better than The singing sword is dog shit, dude. The Batleth is a three. um All right, we can call it a four. I'm i'm okay with calling a four. If we can give this a three and a half, I would.

Speaker: Yeah, that's probably... But if we round we can round that up to four. I'm i'm okay with that. Okay. Because, again, like it it is you know it's a powerful weapon.

Speaker: i mean, it killed Zordon. so And you can put a gun on it.

Speaker: Like a gun handle, yeah. Yeah. Alright, thank you for that submission. Our next submission is from Robert Headley. Oh, right! This didn't kill Zordon. This destroyed the tube where Zordon's good energy was. Okay. Because Zordon was made of of good energy. Okay.

Speaker: and then it And then all the good energy went throughout the universe. Because like Power Rangers in Space is kind of like the finale of Mighty Morphin Power Rangers continuity. Yeah. like so So wait, so that's that's distinct from killing Zordon?

Speaker: Well, Zordon wasn't always in a tube, you know? He used to be a guy? he used to be a guy. so i always thought that Zordon was a guy who was just somewhere else, and the tube was just like a communication device. No, dude, he's in that tube.

Speaker: But he's in that tube. He's an energy being in that tube. So I guess it does kill Zordon. But also, like all the good energy goes out. And because it's kind of the ah like the the series finale of that continuity...

Speaker: Power Rangers in Space pretty good, by the way, and in case anybody doesn't know. like The release of the good energy turns like Rita and Zed and like all these other villains, it turns them from evil to good. So you get this like really fun scene where the suit actors for Rita and Zed...

Speaker: like Rita and Zed get like hit with the good energy, and then it's just their suit actors who are like normal people wearing like a polo shirt and a and of sundress. That's funny.

Speaker: And they're like, we're good now! It's like it's really... So Zed doesn't look like the devil anymore? No, he he looks kind of like Doug Jones.

Speaker: Oh, fun. Yeah. That's a four, though. um we Our next submission is another Power Rangers sword, though. Okay. Okay. It's it's from Robert Headley. It is the Street Saber, the personal weapon of Scott Truman, a.k.a. Ranger Operator Series Red from Power Rangers RPM.

Speaker: RPM fucking owns.

Speaker: Like... was RPM was one of the first ones I remember, like, not being in... Mighty Morphin Continuity. RPM is like... I think RPM is like the last one before... i think it's Nickelodeon bought... oh our RPM is much later than I thought it was. It was 2009. You might be thinking of of of Turbo.

Speaker: i I am thinking of Turbo. yeah Yes, okay. But yeah, man. Fucking... RPM is legitimately, like it's completely different from the Super Sentai series on which it's based, but it also fucking owns. It's the one that's post-apocalyptic, hu and it's got the... the ah The Rangers are defending the last city that has not been taken over by, ah i think it's an evil ai the city that exists under an energy dome, Corinth.

Speaker: It's the shit, dude.

Speaker: Like, legitimately, if you want to see some good children's television, watch Power Rangers RPM. The Street Saber is great, because it's because it does not fit.

Speaker: It does not fit that theme, because it is a sword with a street on it. Oh, yes, I see that. I see that. It's even got a little... Like, like the middle the middle of the sword is like a blacktop with lines. Yeah.

Speaker: And an arrow. One of them is an arrow. Now, is this is this does it not fit because it was the sword that was also from the Super Sentai series? Yes. Because yeah RPM was Engine Sentai Go-On-Jur.

Speaker: okay So Engine Sentai Go-On-Jur was just like about cars? Uh-huh. And like pollution and stuff. And they were like, no, we're going to make this one into full post-apocalyptic Mad Max.

Speaker: Like they took the the car theme in that direction, which worked out extremely dope. So yeah, it doesn't make sense in in RPM.

Speaker: But i think it's I think it's cool. I think it's fun. Okay, I don't know anything about this, so I'm leaving it to you. i mean, I would give it, like, it is it is a perfectly acceptable kind of gimmicky sword, so I would say either a four or five.

Speaker: It doesn't, I think, do anything special or ah notable for our purposes, but, you know, pretty fun.

Speaker: ah if If we're saying pretty fun, I'm okay with giving it a five. It does. it Like many Power Rangers swords, you can plug it into a gun to make a big gun.

Speaker: that Yes, that does seem to be a... Oh, wait, no. i i I did just read this, and I do remember it now. The Street Saber Strike turns the like those...

Speaker: is like one of those like It's like a Mortal Kombat fatality, okay where it turns the turns everything into a road, and then the dude, like the Red Ranger, moves along that road as fast as a car and then hits you with the sword. So I think I have five for sure. Five for sure, okay. yeah but But that's not like a Mortal Kombat fatality. That's like a that's like you know one of those really over animated

Speaker: um like ultra combos in a Street Fighter game. Yeah, it's it's it's more like, it's it's ah it's definitely like a special attack, but it is pretty fun. yeah I wish he was actually in a car.

Speaker: Yeah, yeah, he should be. but all who Who's the guy that like hits you with a baseball bat to the to the moon and back? Was that Skullamania?

Speaker: Oh, it might have been. but he was like a wrestler. He was like a wrestler. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He he was like ah like a luchador. yeah um But um there was ah there was somebody in some Street Fighter game that like pulled out a baseball bat and hit his opponent to the moon.

Speaker: ah I wish I remember. Yeah. ah Baseball bat to moon Street Fighter. What what do we got? What we got? What do we got? What we got?

Speaker: I don't know. ah Internet search. You suck now. Yeah, man. i should this should It should come up immediately. I should get a video of that. that Hey, man, I agree with you.

Speaker: Infuriating. Okay. Here's our next submission. Actually, our next submission is one we've already raided. It's from Lou Shoemaker. It's the Sword of the Silver Crystal from Sailor Moon. we've We've already rated that, Lou.

Speaker: My apologies.

Speaker: All right. Next, we have one from John Seiler, who we've already rated one of his on this episode. So we will have to come back to that.

Speaker: Our next submission is from Nick Whalen. Who has submitted the Draugr sword from the Northman. Look, the Northman rules.

Speaker: we've talked but We've talked about the Northman, right? we've we've talked to yeah I think you've ah wrecked it on the show, yeah. Yeah. ah That movie, spoiler warning, ends with two dudes having a naked sword fight in a volcano.

Speaker: They sure do. They sure do. um The Draugr sword is essentially just like a a Conan-like bastard sword with some runes on it.

Speaker: um But it looks cool. I mean, it is a cool sword. Yeah. it's it's ah it's a like a like If you've seen like a Viking sword, ah you know pretty similar.

Speaker: yeah Pretty standard issue, I should say. I do like the runes on the blade. I think they look really cool. The runes on the blade are cool. I think that like the it has the perfect amount of filigree, which is not a lot, but enough to make it look a little distinct.

Speaker: And he does get it by like fighting a zombie. He does have to fight a draugr with it. It's the draugr sword, yes. it It comes from a draugr.

Speaker: Yeah, that he has to go like down in a hole and and fight this ah this undead monster. Yeah, and he he has to just like fight that draugr with a stick.

Speaker: ah He does some fucked up stuff with his sword, too. He does, yeah. And please note that I'm saying that with a big ol' smile on my face. ah He cuts some guys up real weird in the Northmonton.

Speaker: Does old Amleth. played by played by a Skarsgard, as so many characters are these days. I don't recall if this sword has any, like i like, I think it maybe is referred to as a magic sword, but i don't like it's not like shooting laser beams or anything.

Speaker: it sure No, it it sure ain't shooting laser beams. Let me check the Robert Eggers wiki, which is a real thing. There is a Robert Eggers wiki. if Everything you want to know about the combined universes of the witch, the lighthouse,

Speaker: ah the Northmen, and Nosferatu is here. Yeah, like i like it it is said to be magical. It's bound with a bone.

Speaker: The bone of a giant. Yes. It's weightless in the hands of its owner. the blade can never be dulled, bent, or broken, and can only be quenched by human blood.

Speaker: That's pretty cool. Yes, yes. it's not just find that Forged by the deadliest warsmiths ever to crawl from under the great worm's belly. Yeah.

Speaker: So it's got some real Norse mythology shit going on yeah with it. No, it's it's not as like showy magical. as as many of the things that we have high-ranking on the list. like it doesn't have It's not shooting laser beams. It's not keeping you alive. It's just... It is magically a really good sword.

Speaker: it is It is magically a sword that never dulls or goes becomes shitty. And weighs nothing. and Yeah, and weighs nothing in your hand. It was the sword of a king...

Speaker: The warrior king. And and he's the Draugr. He's the zombie. And Leth has to fight. yeah It's pretty good. it's pretty good I mean, i I certainly wouldn't mind owning it.

Speaker: I like it. I like it. I'm getting the Bud K catalog now. Oh, yeah yeah? In the mail? That must be nice. that's I'm sure that's nice. Oh, because you ordered because you ordered the k Bartana?

Speaker: ah Yeah, but I got that from Smoky Mountain Knifeworks. Or did I get it from Bud- No, it's because I sent you something from Bud That's what it was.

Speaker: That's right. That's right. Because I got you. i got That's where I got your sword. Okay, great. um There's not a... Here's one on eBay, but this is not the right... This might be like from Skyrim or some shit.

Speaker: Yeah, because there's there's a lot of Draugr's in Skyrim. I mean, I could probably get like a like ah like just a standard Viking sword that would look more or less like it, but it wouldn't, you know. I don't think it would have the runes.

Speaker: Wouldn't have the runes. Wouldn't the runes. Yeah. But I certainly would not mind owning one of these. Sure. Sure.

Speaker: I think this sword's pretty cool. I i i could say... could say 8. an 8. I'd be fine with that. I think 8 is on point. What did we give Conan's sword?

Speaker: We gave the Atlantean longsword, I think, a 7?

Speaker: I kind of like this more than that. I do too. 8 is good. Yeah. Yeah. yeah ah This one's, yeah. It's a simpler design, but I think it's like i think it's enough.

Speaker: You know? yeah Yeah. I like it. Time for one more, i think. Let's do one more. And that one is

Speaker: from Thomas Foss. Tom Foss, long-time listener. Who says, this submission has a prerequisite because it's a spoiler. In the 2025 Halloween episode, Psycho Gorman was recommended to Chris.

Speaker: If he hasn't watched it yet, feel free to table the submission until after Chris has gotten to enjoy this cinematic masterpiece unspoiled. Are you going to watch Psycho Gorman? I mean, I guess if there's a sword in it, yeah.

Speaker: There is a sword in it, although I have my...

Speaker: I am curious as whether as to whether you will think it is a sword. Interesting. Well, now I've got to watch it. so So are you going to watch Psycho Gorman so we can rank this rate this and i and unspoiled?

Speaker: I will watch it before our next session of One to Ten of Swords, yes. Okay, where can you watch Psycho Gorman right now? Because it's it's kind of been hard to... i watched it, I think, went on Shudder some time ago.

Speaker: Is it streaming anywhere?

Speaker: it's it's It's on AMC Plus and Shudder. um But you can rent it on places. so Psycho Gorman is like gory, but like it's a gory comedy. I don't think you'll have a problem watching it at all, Chris.

Speaker: Okay. Sounds good. Very Rami-ish in approach. Okay. With that in mind, we will take this one last submission from Samuel Rutczyk.

Speaker: or Sam Rutzik, who has submitted Purity, the Blade of the White Sword, Champion of Okara, who held the Ivory Spire against the Demons of Aminth and of John Ironfire of Storm's Brotherhood.

Speaker: So this is this is from the... This is this is from some some Jonathan hagman Hickman... Hickman-era X-Men, yeah.

Speaker: I mean, i feel like I did read this, but I don't remember anything about it. Like it is, it's a, it's a big like buster sword looking guy with like, it's ah like a design at the, at the hilt.

Speaker: And the, and the wielder of it is, is in fact named the white sword. It is the act of cutting given form. That's pretty dope. Oh, this's it's an X-Men red.

Speaker: It is an X-Men red. Yes, it is an X-Men red. Um, The guy who becomes known as White Sword is actually named Blue. Okay, that's that's complicated.

Speaker: getting You're getting a little too wild for me on that one. oh oh Jonathan and Al. Yeah. don't know. Here's the thing about this sword.

Speaker: You're always going to look at it and be like, Buster Sword. Yeah, it is it is quite reminiscent of not only like the Final Fantasy Buster Sword, but if it is reminiscent of the Buster Sword, then it is also reminiscent of the Dragon Slayer. Yeah, but I think it's like i don't think it gets that far.

Speaker: like I think you would just see it go, like, Buster Sword. I mean, it it's it is that shape. Yeah. For sure. It's not as big, oddly enough. Or maybe White Sword is an extraordinarily big guy, ah but it doesn't look as big.

Speaker: it It is the shape, though, for sure. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. It's fine. It's okay. um It looks cool. It's got some designs on it.

Speaker: It only appears ten times. Yeah. Yeah. like which I don't think is a great selling point for it. mean i'm I'm looking at X-Men Red number 12 now. It is pretty much Buster Sword size.

Speaker: Okay. i like i'm I was looking at some art that has different, where looks a little smaller. but it It looks a little smaller in some of these. I guess it's a little bit smaller than the Buster Sword. I was thinking like you know Final Fantasy VII Remake Buster Sword.

Speaker: but Okay. yeah But it is like it is a little bit smaller. I do like that it is the act of cutting given form. That's that's pretty cool. That is a cool thing to say about it, yeah.

Speaker: That's a cool thing to say about it, but like I feel like you know if you gotta say it, like you shouldn't even need to say it. You know? Sure. like You gotta say, like oh, this sword is is like when you cut stuff.

Speaker: like Well, yeah, man. Yeah, I know. It's a sword. Oh, okay. In X-Men Red... John Ironfire is the one wielding it.

Speaker: Or at least... well he He gets it from Whitesword. Yeah. Okay. that That explains why I don't so much remember Whitesword from X-Men Red, even though Whitesword does appear in X-Men Red number 18. Yeah. I don't know, man.

Speaker: I think this one's... It just it doesn't get used all that much. You know? Like... It's here, and we see it, but like it's only kind of sparingly shown and used. Like I said, it's in 10 issues of comics.

Speaker: that That's the downside to it, I feel like. I feel like it's it's got so much... like like This is like if... I mean, this is like if something is called purity and is the act of cutting given form and is a shining white sword and then is never really used. Like, I was trying to come up with a metaphor, but I don't really need one.

Speaker: Right, yeah. it And a lot of times people who wield it get defeated. John Ironfire gets defeated while he's we're wielding it. Yeah. So how great can it be? Yeah. I've never been defeated while wielding one of my swords.

Speaker: So, like, um it looks cool, but, like, it's in practice. I don't know. You know? what What is that? um At most, a six. I mean, i I know that there's a whole crossover about how many swords the X-Men got.

Speaker: Yep. But, like... Do we need this when we got the Soul Sword? Which is like a bigger, cooler, bright white blade. The Soul Sword is vastly better.

Speaker: Yeah. And we gave that an 8. Yeah, so I think this is i think this is probably a 5. Because there's nothing wrong with it. There's nothing wrong with it, but it's like, I'd have to see it put to more use and really like you know really like i'd like to I'd have to see it shine, you know, to to put it higher. Like, at most right now, i would give it a six, and I think a five is probably what it deserves. I think a five is something. Because, again, nothing wrong with it.

Speaker: But it's certainly not living up – we are not shown anything that lives up to what we're told about it. Yep. Yep. That's the problem. And and what what is a sword but an object of action?

Speaker: Yeah, if it's the act of cutting giving form, well then... It better do some cutting. better do some fucking cutting. Yeah. Okay. That is going to do it for us, I think, on this edition to One to Ten of Swords.

Speaker: If you would like to send us a sword to rate, you can do it at our email address, which is warrocketpodcast at gmail.com. That email address is also where you can send listener questions. It's where you can let us know if you want to sponsor the show or drop us a line about anything else that you want to let us know about.

Speaker: You can also get in touch with us on Blue Sky. We're there. warrocketajax.com on Blue Sky. We're on Tumblr, warrocketpodcast.tumblr.com. You can join our Discord to get in touch with us. um If you ask us nicely for an invitation to our Discord, which is invitation only, um then we will send you one and you can join there and you can be part of that community, which would be very cool.

Speaker: It is very cool. it's It's a cool spot. Our website is warrocketajax.com. It has every episode of the show that we've ever done. warrocketwiki.com. is the fan-run repository of all everything you could want or need to know about this podcast. War Rocket Ajax, so go check that out and go edit it if you are so inclined.

Speaker: If you want to find me and my stuff, go to mattdwilson.net. It has links to all of my stuff. Chris, where can people find you? Everybody can find me by going to the-isb.com. That is my website.

Speaker: It's got links to things that I've written and ways that you can hire me to write things for you.

Speaker: Thanks for listening, everybody. We'll be back next week with another show. So come back for it. It's going to be fun. Give Westeros Runs on Duncan a listen. Please do. I just caught up with the the latest episode. it was very good.

Speaker: And Saw 5 coming... Within a day or two of this episode going up. so Exciting. Very Yes. Yes.

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