Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
C1 E3: Goblins Chant
29 Plays1 year ago
The merry band of adventures start their first quest. Will they last? Only time will tell...
CONTENT WARNING: This episode contains fantasy violence, Crime, Alcohol use, amnesia, potential trigger statements, and strong profanity. Click https://www.linktr.ee/tacticalcrits for Social Media, Spotify, and Apple Podcast
Recommended
Transcript
Heist and Wealth Discovery
00:00:03
Speaker
to a tactical crits production.
00:00:22
Speaker
In our last session, our darling party pilfered extortion documents from the Thieves Guild and conjured a clandestine bank account in a multi-dimensional vault. But the tale doesn't end with stolen secrets and shadowy maneuvers.
00:00:37
Speaker
Our heroes, fueled by newfound wealth, coerce the leader of the notorious northern serpent sect into investing into their audacious quest. Their mission? To unearth an artifact that wields the power to mold the destiny of Erem itself.
Artifact Quest Begins
00:00:51
Speaker
The bread trail? A cryptic map, its enigma cloaked in secrecy.
00:00:57
Speaker
As our adventurers stand at this crossroads, the question lingers. What next? Will they decipher the cryptic map and unravel the threads of fate or will the shadows that cling to Eram's secrets thwart their every move?
Introduction of Characters and Setting
00:01:11
Speaker
Join us as we delve into the shadows where danger lurks around every corner and the line between ally and adversary blurs.
00:01:21
Speaker
What ancient forces guard the artifact and what malevolent entities await the party in the hidden recesses of the realm? Welcome to the world of Aram. I'm Dean Balter and I'm going to be the GM for this adventure. Everybody. I'm Chase Dixon. I play.
00:01:40
Speaker
axon of the golden fang a monk and Fun fact about axon is even though he's seven foot two 450 pounds. He only needs to eat once a week But he eats a lot when he does like like my 600 pound life breakfast That's a good thing. You get a bunch of chickens a week now. Yeah. Yeah
00:02:06
Speaker
Uh, Hey, I'm Matt Jacobson. I play Noctifer Tenerus, who is a very tall, uh, pale paladin, Dark Knight. And he enjoys pineapple on pizza. Jesus fucking Christ. That's disgusting. Well, for all our New York fans, uh, I'm sorry, uh, you get to hear that. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, New York has pineapple on pizza. You're talking about Italians.
00:02:35
Speaker
Hey! What the god of a ghoul? I am Zach Balter. I play Bruce the Bard. He's a bard. And fun fact about Bruce, he likes to cut off small parts of his enemies and feed them to his snake. Yeah. Hell yeah, we can be friends. What's themwise's favorite part of a person?
00:02:59
Speaker
Please, please say it. Fingers. Fuck! Hey everyone, I'm Kent Rawlings. I'm gonna be playing Vexos Nightshade. A rogue warlock multi-class. Fun fact about Vexos this week is he doesn't know whether or not he likes daggers or short swords better.
00:03:25
Speaker
He's still just kind of in the moment. He just grabs one. What are the advantages to him? Why is he considering both? Well, so daggers easily, they can seal a little bit better. And you can kind of throw them a lot more precise and easy. But short swords, he just gets that feeling when it goes into someone's skin.
00:03:57
Speaker
He likes the tactile response as the soul leaves their husk.
Mystical Map and Riddle
00:04:23
Speaker
I hope you guys are super excited for this next TPK session. Oh, I so fucking am. So last time we were here, you guys had a map and Thryn was able to put a gem underneath that glowed and allowed a little rhyme to come up. Who wants to read it?
00:04:50
Speaker
All right, so, an ale wind spire where shadows dance, tallest tower a hidden chance. Riddle and rhyme, secrets veiled, chambers of time where winds prevailed. Seek the high where the echoes talk, stone and metal a mystic walk. A whispering artifact, a silent quest, an ale wind's heart, secrets distressed. And Thren's gonna look at you guys
00:05:20
Speaker
so this uh this seems to be pretty important i think this might be the first place you guys might want to i like your fancy words magic man yeah i mean ale went the hop skipping and jump away from us pretty much so let me get that uh let me can we borrow that rock um to roll me roll me a persuasion check
00:05:51
Speaker
Tim. No. This is my rock. That's insane. Can I get the rock? Goddammit. Roll me a persuasion check. Natural 20, I swear to God. He hands you this rock. Well, we're taking this guy for everything I got. We really are. Okay, I see how it is. You give it to the fucking lion, but not me, all right. Well, yeah, the lion's gonna eat him. The lion can eat me, so...
00:06:21
Speaker
I think it's fair you could have this rock. I also haven't eaten my chickens yet, so I'm still hungry. I'm liable to do anything. Here's the rock. Blood still dripping from his paws. I'm gonna hand the rock to Vexus. Thank you, my friend. Well, thank you for that. I appreciate you taking my rock and my money. Anyway,
00:06:49
Speaker
I think we should leave the bank now and we could chat about how to get to the next destination. You see the same woman that you had seen earlier giving you the bank looking at you guys and almost stiffen up as if she's becoming stone as you guys start exiting the building.
00:07:13
Speaker
Goodbye, not so creepy lady. It was nice meeting you. Well, did you say she was turning to stone as we were leaving? So she already kind of looked like stone. Yeah, she's already like looked like stone. But as you guys are leaving, she kind of like stops moving and becoming similar to a statue. I bid you farewell, weird lady. It was quite an unsettling experience. Thank you for that. Have a good night.
00:07:42
Speaker
All right. And then she just she turns to stone as you guys walk out. I do love an accent. So you guys walk out of this bank. And you guys are still again, you guys are at the edge of the city. So you guys are really where a lot of people go to in this bank is a little shady. It's like the offshore account that you can get a little Swiss bank kind of thing where not the not everyone goes to this bank and says,
00:08:10
Speaker
So there are some passages that I can bring you to and it will bring you down the mountain. Now that you guys have escaped prison and people are probably looking for you.
Escape Plans and Advice
00:08:25
Speaker
Yeah, it sounds about right. I don't want to be. Yeah, that's good advice. This is agreeable. Do you have a means of transportation for us? I have a passageway.
00:08:36
Speaker
But so horses. No. At this time, as I had mentioned before, we do not have a lot of money or a lot of a lot of stuff. It's hard to get means of passage, but you can you can use your feet. Yes.
00:09:00
Speaker
Well, good thing you got us. We're going to make your empire booming. All right, guys. Let's, uh, yo, so I have the map, correct? Yeah. Actually, you have two maps. Yeah. I have the blood written one is, uh, is shining and I tell everyone to, to come over.
00:09:21
Speaker
So an Eowyn Spire where shadows dance, tallest tower a hidden chance. What do you guys think?
00:09:32
Speaker
Well, I think it's an alewin. I mean, that's just... Oh, nice. Beautiful. Okay. All right, check. Sounds like there's a big tower involved as well. Yeah, that's what I was thinking as well. And a hidden area that wouldn't be easily accessible in the town. Well, it also mentions alewin's heart, so I'm thinking somewhere either that's central or something that means a lot to the town. What is a chamber of time?
00:09:58
Speaker
Chamber of time where winds prevailed. Is there a wind powered time tracking machine? Yeah, maybe, maybe Lion Man. In Antera, we just, we go by the age of the hunt. Yeah, well, hey bud, we're not in Antera anymore. We fucking should be. But we're not. I think I'm easier than saying we're actually there.
00:10:27
Speaker
Yeah, I think a great place to start would be just heading towards Eowyn and looking for a tall spire.
00:10:38
Speaker
Where do shadows dance? I don't know. It says it asks where shadows dance. What is aspire? Okay, Lion Man. You know what? We just, you know, you go look over there for another rock to maybe, maybe there's a rock over there that'll help us decipher this. And I'm going to turn to Noctifer and Bruce and be like, all right, guys, what, what do you guys think about this?
00:11:06
Speaker
Bryn's going to look over at you guys and he's going to say, well, you guys can stay here and try to figure out the riddle, but you do have quite a bit of time to get to Elwin city and you can definitely decide for it on the way there.
00:11:24
Speaker
What are you just trying to get rid of us? Yeah. Yeah. Obviously no shit. Uh, you know what? I just start walking. I just, you know what? I'm done with Bryn. Wait, wait, we need, we need to get our equipment. We need some, some potions. Oh my God. We're delaying our adventure for shopping. Yeah, absolutely. 100%. That's like going to the wilderness without any food. We do have some.
00:11:52
Speaker
small gizmos and gadgets you can you can have from us but are one of those titan stone knuckles yes no uh fuck you can't you can't cock tease me like that i'm edging right now if you want to get anything more sufficient you could go into town and try to buy something but i would highly suggest being as hidden as possible if you are found i do not think it will
00:12:21
Speaker
And very well. Why don't we shop when we get to Allewyn City, where we are not wanted fugitives? Because there could be shit on the road. It's still it's still a little bit distant. It's not like it's right across the down the street from us. Noctifer, have you considered not being a pussy? I think and we can supply you.
00:12:47
Speaker
I just believe that we should get out of this city as soon as possible. I do not wish to go back to a jail cell. Yeah, I can agree with that one. We can also supply you with a couple potions and maybe a couple extra daggers. I asked you earlier to do that. Yes, but we didn't have the contract. We didn't know whether or not you were going to be doing another mission for us. All right.
Tunnels and Goblin Encounter
00:13:16
Speaker
All right. Fine. Where's the potions at?
00:13:18
Speaker
I like to believe a badass, like, dark knight with black veins just looked at a guy with... He doesn't have black veins right now. Well, do it. It's funnier. Do the thing. Aesthetically. So if you would like, we can head back down to our little corner and we can supply with a couple swords, a couple potions, whatever you may need and what we have.
00:13:48
Speaker
And then you can be on your way. The, the path is towards that way anyway. All right. Sounds good. Well, the rest of you guys I'm sold. You got me. All right. So you guys follow them down. Uh, it takes a little while. Uh, you guys get to, you guys get to the.
00:14:12
Speaker
hideout, and he presents you with a couple swords, a couple daggers you need to make your choice from. Nothing super spectacular, but he does hang each of you a minor healing potion. Besides like some leather armor, nothing like crazy, just leather armor pretty much right now. They're right here. Hey Axon, do you want a spear?
00:14:39
Speaker
Yes, I would like this long pointy instrument. Do you want more? Are you turning me into a pack mule? I'm just asking if you want more spirits. No, I need one hand free at all times to open up cans of whoop ass.
00:14:59
Speaker
Yeah, I just take two daggers to refill my daggers that I threw earlier and I take a minor health potion and I believe that's it. Yeah, I'll grab a health potion. I still have my two short swords. I'm assuming they're the same. Yeah. You said it was a potion of minor healing, correct? Yes. All right. So he leads you down. You guys start walking towards
00:15:29
Speaker
A couple, they can take a little lefts and rights through different passages. And he finally gets to the big wide tunnel. And it has like a little narrow cobblestone pathway that goes as far as the eye can see. And he states along this way, there's a few different rest stops that you guys should definitely use.
00:15:59
Speaker
But be careful. These passages are not completely... There's a lot of creatures and people that go through these mines and through these passages all the time. Please be careful, and I will send a messenger to some of the Thieves Guild members in Elwin to aid you when you arrive.
00:16:27
Speaker
What's like the worst that we can expect going through this? To be honest, we don't know everything that's down here, but we have seen some goblins here and there. There's been rumors of some larger creatures and some bandits that are not affiliated with the Thieves Guild. Beautiful. That sounds very comforting. I am not excited for this.
00:16:57
Speaker
As you go down, there will be safe haven rooms that you guys can stop in just to make sure that these rooms have a red envelope. Otherwise, it could just be a room full of bandits or it could be something that's not quite what you want.
00:17:16
Speaker
Okay, as we step off to head down this path, I would like to stay off to the side, kind of hidden in the shadows and just kind of be a watch to the
00:17:35
Speaker
to one side as well as if if something happens i will be out of sight i would like to do the same thing but in the front of the party off to the opposite side okay i'm gonna make sure that i am behind my lion friend just just hold my tail i'll be i'll pull at the rear for walking on the path alone
00:18:00
Speaker
I do think that'd be badass, though, because like someone's like, Oh, cool. It's just a guy walking by himself and then try to ambush him. And then out of the fucking woodworks comes a gigantic lion and a snake man and a dude wielding knives. Yeah. Is there a cloak I can have that's in this room, by the way, that I can just. Well, oh, yeah, we could say that before you guys started walking down, you guys can grab like a cloak or something from from here as well.
00:18:25
Speaker
Yeah, because that way I can be I can be some feeble old man instead of a hulking giant with black armor. So you guys are gonna stealth down kind of just go slowly or you guys gonna just try to get there as fast as possible? What are you guys gonna try to do? stealthy and deliberate. Yeah, I'm sure you guys are I'm just walking down the path. I'm moving I'm moving at a normal pace but in somewhat of a stealthy manner.
00:18:55
Speaker
okay so as you guys are walking you guys are off to the sides going down kind of slowly being careful and as you guys come up you guys see something uh no 200 feet in front of you something small just kind of crouched over but you can't really tell what it is i move further to investigate
00:19:23
Speaker
Okay. Oh, I have dark vision. Does it make it easier for me to see? Not quite. It's almost just like something very, very small, but it's just like on the ground. It's not like it's too dark to see. It's just kind of far away. I'm gonna, while he goes to investigate, I'm going to get a bird's eye view of it. Is there something I can climb? Yeah. I mean, there's a tunnel. You can climb up on the top of the tunnel. Yeah, I'm gonna do that.
00:19:51
Speaker
to make like a acrobatics or something like that? Uh, yeah. Duh. Is there anything that Leo has that's like specifically they can like climb or anything or no? No, just really good. Yeah. It's called claws. Yeah. I would say that, yeah, it would just be, uh, either like a Dex, Dex check. Um, Yeah. Like athletics, athletics would make sense. Uh, 14 that get the job done.
00:20:20
Speaker
All right, so you guys start kind of sneaking up, starting to look at it.
Battle with Goblins
00:20:24
Speaker
And as Axon is above and looks down and Noctifer kind of approaches a little bit further up, you guys notice a dead baby on the ground. Jesus fucking Christ, that's a dead fucking baby. What kind of race is it? It seems to be.
00:20:49
Speaker
Almost a cross between a goblin and a human. That's weird. Am I sure it's dead? Can I nudge it with my foot? I just thought of something real dark. Yeah, I'm going to nudge it with my foot. Make sure it's dead. As you nudge it with your foot, three goblins jumped out from the darkness around these little drops and all start trying to swing at you. Roll for initiative.
00:21:19
Speaker
Yes, let's go 19 or 20. Oh, fuck. Yeah, dude. Six. I got a 15. I got a 21. These goblins are mountain goblins. So he's got like brown skin, kind of pointy hairy ears. They're wearing like silver and brown kind of armor like leather armor. Big boots and they're wearing like these red tunics underneath the armor.
00:21:47
Speaker
And the first one jumps out and he's like, get the fuck out of a tunnel. And he's going to try to take a swing at an octifer. Okay. And he misses you. And as he does that, he stumbles a little bit and ends up knocking into one of his buddies and cutting his arm a little bit with with his sword.
00:22:13
Speaker
Natural 20 natural one balanced as all things should be with uh with surprisingly another nat 20 the next goblin will go and try to attack uh nocturne rolling a 15 and yeah and missed that's what happens when you reach into a fight misses slashing through the air uh almost slashing into his goblin friend again uh and
00:22:43
Speaker
the next person to go is Axon. I like to imagine they just run into each other. They both try to attack at the same time and got like. Yeah, exactly. And one of them just like gets stabbed a little bit and the other one completely misses you. Do I get like. Like some sort of advantage or something, because I'm like pouncing from the sky, like they have no idea I'm there. Yeah, I'll definitely give you a role with advantage for attack on this one.
00:23:12
Speaker
Sick. So on one of them, that's. Yeah, because they should be pretty concentrated on me. That's an 18 on one of them. Yeah, that that hits. Cool. Yeah, so that's going to be a. Yeah, they're goblins. Three on one. So that's six damage. And then so I'm going to piece that motherfucker up with a mean left jab and then I'm going to turn and I'm going to go to kick the other one right in the fucking head with two weapon fighting.
00:23:43
Speaker
Uh, that's a 23. Uh, and that's a five. All right. Um, and then I'm going to move 20 feet back. So if you move back, you were just in. Would we be, would we be willing to say that they were surprised by my attack, thus negating their reaction?
00:24:04
Speaker
Uh, you know what? I will say you kind of just jumped from the fucking ceiling, came down, swung at them really quick, and you were able to get away without them really realizing what's going on. Next person is gonna be Noctifer. Okay, I'm gonna take a swing at the goblin who got stabbed by his buddy. Alright.
00:24:29
Speaker
I'm guessing a 16. Tell me how you murder him because he has one hit point. I'm just going to split him in half. Just the good old fucking straight down great sword cleave him right into. As you do that, his buddy fucking starts freaking the fuck out and he's screaming like, oh my god. I'm looking at him and tell me he's next. Now it's Vex's turn.
00:24:58
Speaker
Yeah, so there's two goblins left, correct? Mm-hmm. And they're both right in front of Noctifer? Yeah, there's one right in front of Noctifer, and there's one that's kind of further back who hasn't really done anything yet. OK, so the one that's further back, I'm going to cast Nightshade Cut, or AKA Eldritch Blast.
00:25:26
Speaker
Does an 11 hit? It does not hit. You weak bitch. Oh, so I go to, uh, to cast Eldritch Blast and I trip over a little vine and it, the Eldritch Blast goes off to the left. It actually almost hits into Noctifer. He's just like, Jesus Christ. You motherfucker. Whoa, whoa.
00:25:56
Speaker
Hey, sorry, I'm still trying to figure this shit out. Up next is Bruce. So how close are these goblins to me? So there's one goblin that's like from you and he's right by Noctifer. And then there's another one that's about like 35 feet away who hasn't really been engaged yet.
00:26:25
Speaker
Alright, so I'm gonna run up to that guy, the one that's farther away. Like, 25 feet, run up to him. Get within a 10-foot distance. And then I'm gonna get a poison spray at him. Oh. So he needs a constitution save of 13. Oh, good. He's got a plus zero. And he got a seven. So now I'm gonna stick my hand out. Nice. I'm gonna aim for his fucking mouth and just go, eat this little bitch.
00:26:57
Speaker
And I'm going to spray my poison at him. And as you spray this poison into his mouth, he starts fucking, like, choking a little bit and throwing up a little. Can you read off what poison spray does? You extend your hand toward a creature. You can see within range and protect a puff of noxious gas from your palm. The creature must succeed on a constitution saving throw or take 1d12 poison damage. What's the cone side of that? Yeah, you totally just poison noctifer.
00:27:28
Speaker
No, I went to the other guy. Oh, I thought you went after the same one that Vex did. Okay. No, that wasn't really funny, though. That's what that was. Asher was like, it was like a fucking poison bitch. So after you spray this poison in his face, he is going to turn and start fucking booking in, leaving his buddy behind. And he's going to take a dash action and you can see that he goes down a little bit further.
00:27:55
Speaker
And then there's a little opening on the left and he dashes into that little opening over there. Oh, no, you don't. I'm going to scream. You better run, you fucking pussy. And the next person up is. The not dead goblin. And he takes like one forward lunge with with his little little sword and tries to poke you in the gut with it.
00:28:23
Speaker
His fucking shiv and doing four points of damage. I'm going to look down every stash and just glare at him. So you're dead now. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. And now it's Axon's turn. Yeah. How far away did that one that that ran off like a pussy go? So he ran like 60 feet. He ran around a little bend and from where you are, because you
00:28:51
Speaker
had backed off before about like, but he went, but he kind of turned around a bend. So you can't really see him from where you're at. This is probably a gross misuse, but accents pissed and hungry. So I'm going to spend a key point to use a step of the wind, allowing me to take the dash action as a bonus action. And I have a movement of 45 feet, so I can move a total of 90 feet this turn.
00:29:19
Speaker
And I'm gonna pull around that bend. What do I see when I get around there? So you pull around this bend and there's 15 more goblins. I'm just a fucking cannon. Just fucking Looney Tunes. I will eat your children. Let's run it.
00:29:38
Speaker
Yeah, you run up and as that guy was running, he's like screaming for his buddies and you've run around this bend and there's like 15 goblins just staring at you in the face all like. Do I at least catch up to the one that was running before he gets to the group? Oh yeah, you get to him and there's another like 30 feet and you see these these 15 goblins right there, but you get up to the that guy. That's exactly what I'm going for.
00:30:07
Speaker
That's a 24. So yeah, yeah That's a five points of damage five points of damage Yeah, you fucking murder him. Let me know how you do that Yeah, I did I'm just gonna I'm gonna I'm running on all fours I catch up to him and just fucking open my mouth and bite a chunk right out all 15 goblins are just like Jesus Christ
00:30:35
Speaker
And they're gonna just start charging towards you Oh, wait, can I I'll do it later. So they're all gonna start charging towards you and you've got Knocked a fur next Okay. Yeah, I'm gonna take it. I'm gonna take a swing at the goblin in front of me and that's a nat 20 So I'm assuming he's dead. I'm not gonna roll damage. I thought yes that hits
00:31:04
Speaker
Oh, he's... Oh, I want to roll damage. No matter what you roll, he's going to die. Yeah, just how do you how do you want to do this? So 17, 20, 23 damage. Yeah.
00:31:19
Speaker
how do you murder this dude before he fucking explodes? I'm just gonna get a surge of energy, like the black beans are gonna activate for just a second, and I'm just gonna cleave through him like five different times before he just falls into pieces.
Retreat from Rock Creature
00:31:35
Speaker
Yeah, almost like a cartoon, you just cut back and forth on this guy's body, and he stays still for a second, and then his body starts falling into different pieces onto the ground.
00:31:46
Speaker
I'm gonna look over and just what the actual fuck. I believe I can just shrug like he stabbed me. Yeah, he's definitely dead. I'm gonna take after cuz I can I can hear the goblins going just doing their little stupid noises. I'm gonna take the ax on. Alright, so you're gonna try to run the ax on. Okay, so you can pretty much get around to like, like third, what's your movement?
00:32:15
Speaker
30 feet, so it's probably just before the bend. Yeah, you get 30 feet just before the bend. You can't see him yet. I just hear screams of terror. Lion roar. Yeah. Up next is Vex. Yeah, so I'm still in the wood line over to the left of where Noctifer just brutally murdered that little orc.
00:32:43
Speaker
I'm gonna take the dash action and go Still still kind of hand railing the the wood line Up all the way to where that bend is now does the the trail? Still have like woods as it bends
00:33:02
Speaker
Uh, okay. Uh, yeah. I want to, I want to go as far as 30, 30. So with the, the dash action, it should be 60, correct? Yes. Okay. So I'm going to go 60 feet up, but still stay in the, in the wood line. Still, uh, stealthily.
00:33:18
Speaker
Yeah, but by the woods, though, it's not like woods. It's like rock formation stuff. OK, like kind of like a cave structure. Yeah, I just want to kind of stay out of line of sight from from the like, because I hear the screams coming from where Lion Man is. So I'm going to move up as close as I can, but still stay out of line of sight. So I'll say roll stealth with advantage because they're definitely focusing on
00:33:48
Speaker
Uh, on axon right now. Uh, yeah. So 17 plus eight. Yep. So they could not see you at all. And now it is Bruce's turn. All right. I'm going to take my 30 feet and run towards where everybody else is running. Uh, does that land me close enough to see anything or am I still around the bend where I can't see anything?
00:34:11
Speaker
Yeah, so you're still at the bend where you can't see anything, but you can see Noctifer and you kind of saw where Vexus was going and he just disappeared a little bit. Well, in that case, I'm just going to take the dash action and run over to around the bend where I can see everybody. Snake friend, revel in battle with me. I'm here to protect you, Wood. Try at least.
00:34:36
Speaker
So the way this is going to work, about five or six of these goblins are going to surround this giant lion. Out of the other nine, three are going to run over towards Bruce, and three are going to try to run over towards Noctifer. They're more like going out. They know people are coming, so they're going to be starting to run towards you guys. But they do not see Vexus yet.
00:35:04
Speaker
Would those three that move closer to me, would they not go through axons area? Yeah, no, you're right. They would. You are welcome, my friend. That hits. So we're going to five damage. All right. That's that absolutely hits six damage. That does not hit two more.
00:35:34
Speaker
Uh. Twelve. Twelve damage. I don't know, twelve to hit. No. Last one. Natural 20. All right. So that's four plus two, nine damage. So as as these goblins are like passing me, I'm just fucking letting off jabs, just pop, pop, pop, pop, just fucking knocking these little shits over like eight year olds at a uppity birthday party.
00:36:03
Speaker
And how many hits did you get? Four. Four hits. And damage-wise, there was one with five.
00:36:13
Speaker
One was a one. Okay, so as you're doing this, you start like slamming into these dudes and you get a couple of them with a pretty gnarly gash on them. Another one we kind of scratch a little bit. And then this last guy comes over and you just fucking put your fist through a skull. And he just fucking explodes as you try to run over to knock for and and Bruce. Yo. And then I'm gonna start licking my paw.
00:36:41
Speaker
All right. And as soon as that happens, all the, all the goblins surrounding you, uh, axon are like Jesus. Fucking Christ. Let's fucking murder this guy. What the fuck? This is going to hurt.
00:36:56
Speaker
And they all start fucking swinging at you one by one. They're just like pushing up into you. One of them fucking goes to take a swing at your face, completely misses. Next one goes for your feet, misses. The third one goes over and goes to hitting to your fucking shoulder. And then you kind of back up a little bit and he actually stabs you into the stomach.
00:37:18
Speaker
Oh doing eight day ow with his dirty shit and After he slams you into the stomach his other two buddies Try to slur the other bodies try to swing at you and completely miss I will feast on your corpse Looks like meats back on the menu boys After that you have three
00:37:47
Speaker
You have three running over to Noctifer, and they're going to try to slam into him, and only one hits with a 16, slashing a sword at you again and kind of nicking you on the shoulder for one damage. Then the last two goblins are running over to Bruce, and they're going to try to swing at you and hit you both times.
00:38:16
Speaker
Yep. Oh, you got lucky. Both times, both of them take their swords, they swing down at you, you kind of like try to turn and both of your shoulders just get like nicked again, but you get away from it. So now you just got two slash marks on the giant gaping wounds that you used to have. What is it with you people and hit my fucking shoulders? Jesus.
00:38:43
Speaker
How much damage is that for two points of damage? Oh, okay. Cool. And Alex ax on certain. Yeah. So I'm going to let off a daunting roar in the middle of these, uh, these six little fuckers. Uh, so all of them have to make a DC 13 wisdom saving throw or be frightened of me. All right. You said 13. Yeah. One of them made it the one that didn't make it. I'm going to attempt to slashes, jugular open with my claws.
00:39:12
Speaker
All right. Uh, that's, yeah, that's going to hit. Uh, six points of damage. Have I opened up that carotid? Oh, you splacked into his, into his artery a little bit, but it's not, it's not stopping him from moving, but yeah, he started to spray some blood, uh, out of the side of his neck. And I'm going to lick my paw. And up next is Noctifer.
00:39:36
Speaker
yeah so how many how many goblins how many goblins I got in front of me three of them three goblins in front of you and as you as you're gonna wind up and get ready to start attacking them you guys start feeling the the cave like starting to shake a little bit like the tunnel around you is like shaking I do not like this not one bit
00:40:01
Speaker
Are we hearing anything, or is it just shaking? Oh, it's just shaking. It's like a mini earthquake. Do the goblins notice the shaking as well, or are they still just... Yeah, they notice it, but it doesn't seem to stop them. Okay. All right. Question for the DM. Are we allowing the cleave option? Yes. So the way it works is the melee attack reduces an undamaged creature to zero hit points. Any excess damage from that attack might carry over to another creature nearby.
00:40:31
Speaker
Yeah, so if you if you're attacking in uh someone here If they're within a like a five foot range like in melee range, you definitely can cleave into the next person I would say though if you have like one enemy like a hundred feet away from the other enemy or something like that You can't cleave it into someone else Yeah, no, no, no, I can't run. Yeah. Yeah, if there's someone within melee range, uh, absolutely we're gonna we're gonna do Okay, so i'll target the one guy, uh that got a little bit of damage from axon and
00:41:01
Speaker
Just whoever's in front of me. Yeah. All right, so 13 plus 5, 18. And then, yeah, 18 plus 5. So both of those are going to hit. You have any role damage for the first one and see how much carries over to the next guy? Or do you want me to roll the next one without my strength? Well, yeah, we'll roll the first one first, see if it hits or see how much damage you do and then roll the second one. OK, so nine damage.
00:41:31
Speaker
Oh, not a plus three. So 12. So as you go over, you swing through, chop off one of their heads. The head goes flying up on like past this, like around the ceiling, landing over by vexes feet. And the other one you kind of like sliced into a, uh, into his chest area. Nice. Um, you guys are noticing as the, as the tunnel is shaking around you, does anyone here speak goblin?
00:42:01
Speaker
I speak goblin. So, I knew this would come in handy eventually. Everyone around you, or everyone else in the party hears, Ga, Ga, Ga, Ga. And Bruce, you know that they're chanting rock, rock, rock, rock.
00:42:19
Speaker
Yeah, I'm going to yell out to the rest of the party. I don't know why the fuck they're saying rock a lot, but they're saying it and I hear a lot of thunder or booming. I'm kind of scared. There's probably a golem coming or something. And the next person is the Nexus.
00:42:39
Speaker
Yeah, all right. So I'm gonna cast Shadow Strike, aka Booming Blade. And then I am going to come out of the shadows and make a melee attack against one of the goblins right in front of Bruce. So Bruce is kind of closer to Noctifer, because he hasn't ran all the way up to Axonia.
00:43:09
Speaker
that is a sneak attack does a 25 hit actually no this specific one doesn't hit yeah
00:43:22
Speaker
so he is now kind of sheathed in like the shadowy energy that if he willingly moves five feet or more he will take one d8 of damage he does not like that does it happen it's willingly though right it it yeah it's if he willingly moves oh so if i punt him it doesn't do anything no no but it it keeps him in place or else he fucking just explodes
00:43:52
Speaker
And up next is Bruce. So I still have two goblins around me, or did he kill the other one? How much damage did you do? So I did 11 damage to him. Oh yeah, he fucking exploded. Yeah, he's gone. Oh yeah.
00:44:09
Speaker
Okay. Yeah. So when I when I went to the I would say that my sword was covered in that that shadow energy and as soon as it fucking stuck into him, he just kind of like dissipated like into shadows and just kind of just it just kind of like fell off my blade and he was just his friend.
00:44:31
Speaker
looks over and he's just just shaking in his boots right now. What? Where did that guy come from? And next is Bruce. Okay. Is, uh, is Vexos within five feet of me? I'd say he's not because he's on the other end of the goblin. Uh, I mean, he, he got, yeah, he's pretty much like five feet away from you. He's like right into your shit to go kill this other goblin. Okay. Uh, well, in that case, I'm just gonna, uh,
00:45:01
Speaker
swing my dagger at the goblin next to me and does an 11 hit. 11 does not hit. All right, well, I'm gonna swing at the goblin, completely miss, and then look over at Vexos and be like, oops. It's all good, man, it's all good. Up next is all these chanting goblins. And you just keep hearing them. And they're still screaming rock.
00:45:31
Speaker
Yeah. Oh, they're just over and over and over again. Just screaming rock. Does a 16 hit axon. God damn it. Yeah. So out of the ones that are in front of you only was that way, was that with disadvantage? Oh, fuck. Yeah, they're frightened. They're all frightened. Shit. You are correct. Hold on. Thank God. OK. Out of all of the goblins, one of them
00:45:59
Speaker
managed to, uh, swing over and smack you into the, smack you to the chest doing six points of damage. Oh boy. And he just like looks you directly in the eyes. He does it and he's just screaming in goblin rock, rock, rock, some fanatics. I'm going to start, I'm going to start chanting back. Gah, gah. They look really confused. They're like, wait, what?
00:46:25
Speaker
I'm going to yell back at him and be like, Hey, uh, I don't think you're pronouncing it right. Cause you're saying penis. How do I say I will eat your children in goblin? Yeah. Save the goblin talk to me. Uh, up next is some of these goblins, uh, are the two goblins by Noctifer.
00:46:55
Speaker
and a 12 does not hit, correct? No. All right, so both of them take a swing at you. One of them completely misses. The other one swings, smacks it into a rock next to you. And then he looks at you, he says, and then spits at you. And then the one that's by Bruce and and Vexus just he saw his buddy
00:47:26
Speaker
get like disintegrated and he takes a swing over a vexus uh with his sword and he yells in your face as he slashes into you for five points of damage and the next one is axon you guys are hearing you guys are hearing the the chanting is getting louder now and the
00:47:55
Speaker
whole entire cave is now really starting to shake. I'm going to use my potion of healing already. That's a travesty. So we for our campaign as a as a rule, all potions do maximum out for whatever it is. So if you have a minor, then you take the full amount for minor sick.
00:48:23
Speaker
That definitely
Shelter and Cliffhanger
00:48:24
Speaker
helps. And then for my bonus action, I'm going to take out my spear. All right. Next person is Noctifer.
00:48:35
Speaker
almost spit back at the gallant that spit at me and then i'm going to that's your action uh... and i'm actually worth it it was worth it uh... that i'm gonna uh... attempt to cleave through ham and his body the last two there that's the last two right yeah by you orders of fifteen hit fifteen exactly hits nineteen yes so that those will hit
00:49:04
Speaker
plus three, so 13 damage. Yeah, you cut this guy's head off again, or you explain to me, how do you fucking murder this one dude and cleave a little bit of damage into the next guy? Is this the same guy that I tore into his shoulder? Yeah. Okay, so I'm gonna cut that arm off coming in like an upswing and then bringing it down on the other goblin. Oh yeah, they are not liking it. He starts looking at you and screaming
00:49:32
Speaker
rock even louder but now it seems a little bit more frantic can i kick him with a bonus action punked him it's not function um next is noctifer or yep vexis um yeah so the the only there's only one other guy right next to bruce and i
00:49:56
Speaker
Um, so I, yeah, I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna attack him with a, uh, my short sword. And doesn't 18 hit y'all. Yes, it does. And I hit him for seven. You hit him for seven points of damage. Uh, and you chop off his arm. Uh, he is now screaming rock as much as possible as blood is just squirting all over the place. Um,
00:50:25
Speaker
But he's too afraid to move from his spot. Okay. And Bruce. Yes, I'm going to make up for what I missed the first time. I'm going to swing my dagger at his head, trying to like plunging it down. So it just like goes through his forehead.
00:50:45
Speaker
10 does not hit. So I'm going to swing down to like try to hit his head and then I'm just going to swing down and then I'm going to go where the arm was that got chopped off and like completely miss. And you guys start hearing a huge kind of sounding like gravel being, being like, like ripping apart something. Um,
00:51:13
Speaker
like rocks just like crunching each other and like super loud but also mixed with a scream so kind of like a and all of the the goblins start screaming out and you guys see a giant rock
00:51:42
Speaker
starting to roll over to you guys from where the goblins like were originating from down that section. And as you look at, as he gets closer to you guys, it stops and stands up. And you see a hulking giant rock person with giant arms, shorter, kind of stubbier legs, and his head has no face.
00:52:13
Speaker
Wait, so where so He's pretty much coming up towards axon. Okay, so he's in between me and axon then No, he's he's so what you guys heard on the corner There was like a hallway down that way and he's coming down it towards you guys. So he's okay He came down the way the goblins were Yes, I believe it is time for us to leave And it is
00:52:44
Speaker
Gallibder's turn. He is going to look over at Axon. He's gonna try to pick him up. Is it a 12 hit? No. Unhand me. A 16 does though. God damn it. He goes over and tries to reach for you, misses with one hand. And as you kind of like look at that hand missing you, the other hand goes over and scoops you up. And he fucking slams you into the wall next to him.
00:53:14
Speaker
eight points of damage. Oh, and then he just drops you down. And the rest of the goblins are going to just start like cheering. And they're gonna start running towards Noctifer. Yeah, one of them comes up to you and tries to slash down at you and he kind of just hits your foot for one point of damage. Noted. Up next is axon.
00:53:43
Speaker
I'm going to take the disengage action. And I'm also going to use my last key point to take the dash action and get 90 feet the fuck away. That's probably a good idea. And while I'm doing it, my tail is absolutely between my legs. So you get up and you start running.
00:54:08
Speaker
like towards where the rest of your party is. And I'll say that you can kind of skirt on the right hand side of Noctifer and away from the goblins. And you kind of like hightail it out there and not for it is your turn. I am having goblins in front of me again. They came back to me right now. You have. Four goblins in front of you. For Jesus fucking Christ, yeah.
00:54:37
Speaker
All right. Yeah, I'll disengage. Run with axon. Actually, I'll just, I'm not going to disengage. I'm just going to move away from them. Okay. Yep. Yep. So you go to kind of get away from them and they start stabbing you in the back doing 19 points of damage. What? What?
00:55:07
Speaker
after getting a nat 20 and creating on you. Well, we just lost our guy. Okay. No, no, I'm, I'm still up. There is no way. Yeah. Yeah. How are you feeling? So I'm at one right now. Well, I'm going to run with axon and then I'm going to use my lay on hands to as an action to heal me for 10. All right.
00:55:37
Speaker
I didn't expect they were going to do 19. I figured they do like six months of damage or eight. Yeah. No. Uh, next is Noctifer. Oh, Texas. Um, yeah. So how many is in front of, is there still only just one in front of me and Bruce? Yes. And he is looking really fucked up. Yeah, dude. I'm fucking killing that guy. Fuck that. Um,
00:56:06
Speaker
yeah I'm gonna hit him with uh I'm gonna hit him with my short sword again all right and 18 so six damage yeah tell me how you murder him yeah so I
00:56:23
Speaker
Honestly, I just take my sword out and I literally just fucking stab him in the chest real quick. I just, I pull my blade out and then I just turn and I fucking book it 30 feet backwards and, um, Shit. Yeah. I don't have my fucking bonus actions yet. Yeah. And I, uh, I quick little stab and dip out. Just leaving, leaving Bruce.
00:56:51
Speaker
I killed the guy for him. What do you mean? Thankfully, Bruce, it's your turn next. I'm going to look at the dead goblin and be like, yeah, it's what you fucking get knowing I did absolutely nothing to help. And then I'm going to run 30 feet back as well.
00:57:15
Speaker
They get away and then I'm going to cast Healing Ward towards my buddy Noctifer because he doesn't look like he's doing too hot. Yes, thank you. He just healed himself for 10. Yeah, that man actually has more HP than I do right now. It's too late. He's got four more health.
00:57:35
Speaker
I'm vibing on Pluto right now. I definitely noticed the additional help. Thank you. Thank you, Snake Man. So you guys get back on your original path and start trying to fucking book it in the opposite direction of these goblins and do a perception check from everybody.
00:57:59
Speaker
That's not great. Perception. Ah, 15. 21. 13. I have all these boosters and I keep getting shit rolls. Dude, that's why I don't like using the D&D Beyond dice rolls. They always, they don't do well. That's why it's better just to have real dice. Shit, they've been cooking for me. Yeah, what you could do is you could refresh the D&D Beyond page. Sometimes it makes it better.
00:58:28
Speaker
Oh, okay. So with your guys' perception checks, you guys, as you're running back, you're looking behind your shoulders and you don't see any of these goblins following you. But you do hear this rock kind of like going towards your direction. Hmm.
00:58:47
Speaker
It's nice. So as you guys are running and running and just trying to get out of here, you do see a house kind of little shack coming up in front of you. Yeah, let's jump in there. In there. In there, Lion Man. Is everyone just jumping in? Yeah. Yep. And I'm going to tackle the door down. All right.
Conclusion and Audience Engagement
00:59:13
Speaker
You guys jump in? This is going to end poorly.
00:59:16
Speaker
And that is what we're going to end this session. Motherfucker. Thank God I got a P.
00:59:26
Speaker
Thank you for joining us on this thrilling adventure with A Legion of Dice. Our cast includes Zach Balter as Bruce, Matthew Jacobson as Noctifer, Chase Dixon as Axon, Kent Rawlings as Vexos, and myself, Dean Balter as your Dungeon Master. We extend our gratitude to our incredible Patreon subscribers whose support makes this podcast possible.
00:59:47
Speaker
A special shout out to Erin Burke, Austin, Anthony Rigo, Erica, and all of our amazing supporters. If you enjoy our content and want to help us continue creating more epic tales, consider becoming a Patreon subscriber at patreon.com slash tacticalcrits.
01:00:04
Speaker
You'll gain access to exclusive perks and bonus content. Follow us on Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, YouTube, all at Tactical Crits. And join our Discord at Tactical Crit. Stay tuned for more thrilling adventures. And until next time, may your dice rolls be ever in your favor.