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The Shadow Side of Discipline - Being Hard On Myself
338 Plays2 years ago
In this episdoe I discuss and speak on...
- The shadow side of discipline
- My past life trauma attached to having fun and playing
- Why being productive and accomplishing has a negative impact on your psyche
- How my healers Jole Morton and Linda Watkins how me heal from past life traumas
- Finding balance and allowing myself to enjoy the fruits of my labor
A great discussion on self reflection and learning how not to be hard on myself and allow grace and compassion take place when I do.
Discount Code: MSEASON (50% of all It's Miracle Season Merch) www.itsmiracleseason.co
Follow my instagram accounts: @EricBigger @BiggerTalksPodcast
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Transcript
Introduction: Discipline Discussion
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Bigger Talks, Bigger Talks.
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Back again with another Bigger Talks episode.
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We're live from the most amazing, peaceful, high vibrational place, Soho House West Hollywood.
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And today we want to talk about discipline, the benefits of discipline, but also more importantly, my struggles with discipline and how I've
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been super disciplined my entire life, my career, from playing sports to TV to professionalism, all the things.
Importance of Discipline
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I think discipline is so important.
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I think it's valuable in all aspects of life.
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They say when you run out of motivation, you need discipline.
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So we're going to get into it.
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Before we get started, by the way, it's Miracle Season merch, 50% off for the rest of the year.
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That's right, the rest of the year.
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And the code is M, capital M, capital S-E-A-S-O-N.
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MSeason is the discount code, 50% off all merch for It's Miracle Season.
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So write that down, tell a friend, go get your merch.
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You should be wearing this because it's important.
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It's a healing frequency and energy and name, metamorphosis and transformation.
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But let's get right into this episode.
Discipline vs. Self-Abuse
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So as I spoke before on the Dark Night of the Soul episode, I talked about the Instagram account, The Holistic Psychologist.
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And she put up a quote.
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I'm going to read it.
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It says, discipline can become a form of self-abuse.
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Constantly pushing yourself, shaming yourself, only rewarding yourself when you accomplish something.
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Sounds like a lot of continuing...
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an abusive childhood.
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Sounds a lot like continuing to be some childhood, time to play, skip a day and accomplish absolutely nothing matters.
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So basically what I took from that is that in my entire life and upbringing, I think I have to be productive every day to be fulfilled.
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If I'm not accomplishing something, if I'm not successful, or if I'm not doing something like meditation, working out, praying, journaling, reading, watching some informational content on YouTube to help my business or my brand, then I'm lacking.
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I'm not being productive.
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I'm not getting something done.
Questioning Productive Habits
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In my mind, I'm thinking like, this is what I'm supposed to do.
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This is who I am.
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This is what it's about.
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This is how you get success.
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This is how you get progress, progress, happiness.
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You need discipline.
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And I'm very disciplined.
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I'll get up at four in the morning, five in the morning.
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I'm gonna pray, meditate, journal, affirmations, gratitude statements, writing with my least dominant hand.
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If I tell you I'm doing something, I'm doing it, right?
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Super disciplined.
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But over the past, I probably would say maybe like nine or 12 months, I realized like, okay, I'm reading these books, but am I reading these books to grow and evolve?
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Unconsciously, yeah, but am I reading these books and doing all these things to check off a box?
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And I think I got to a point where I had information overload
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I was doing all the things, but I just felt incomplete.
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I didn't feel fulfilled.
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I felt like I was doing it because I could, and this is what I've always done, and this is my routine, and I have to be disciplined.
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I have to get up this time.
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I got to go to the gym at this time.
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I got to read 30 minutes a day.
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I got to finish two to three books a month.
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And I was like, what is the real purpose?
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Like, what am I doing?
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And why am I doing it?
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So if I go back and dig into, like,
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Some of my sessions were like my energy healer and my shock relating.
Energy Healers' Insights
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Shouts out to Jolay and Michelle Linda Watkins.
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These two women have, over the last, I would say, four or five years, has helped me evolve internally, mentally, emotionally in so many different ways.
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Repurpose my energy and rewrite contracts, all of that metaphysics, spiritual, internal things.
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But in one of...
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in one of my sessions, well, but basically at this time, I went to both of them around the same time, like the same week.
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And they both said, you need to play, you need to play, you need to play and you need to rest.
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Like you need to just not do anything.
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Like your soul is tired, you're burnt out.
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And I was like, yeah, you know, Ms.
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Linda was like, yeah, I'm getting that in a past life.
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something bad happened when you played, like when you had fun, right?
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So we got to rewrite that contract or, you know, clear that energy because for some reason you can't be present and enjoy the fruits of your labor because you feel like something bad is going to happen because in a past life, something bad did happen when you were playing or trying to play.
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So I've
Past-Life Influences on Discipline
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created this program within myself and my identity that, you know, I'm constantly pushing myself.
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Like, all right, read another 15 minutes.
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Meditate another five minutes.
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Create three more videos for next week.
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Like just going an extra mile.
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And then my other killer, Jolay, was saying, because I'm hard on myself, and I'm like,
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Why am I so hard on myself?
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And she said in the past life that in the past life I had the opportunity to do more and I didn't and I failed.
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So that energy has come up in this lifetime.
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So I feel like I have to do the extra rep in the gym.
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I have to read more chapters.
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I have to go to extra miles.
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She said, stop that.
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That's all past life energy and it's not good for you.
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You don't have to worry about that.
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So we're going to repurpose that energy and clear that as well.
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So a lot of things that we deal with people
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Could be from a subconscious level, could be from your ancestors, your upbringing, trauma, pain, challenges, adversity, growing up, or could be passed down from your family members and where you from.
Balancing Discipline and Fun
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So what I discovered is that it's good to be disciplined.
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I think discipline is a great trait to have.
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I think it's a great quality to have.
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But you don't want to be disciplined to a point like me in this space where I'm not allowing myself to have fun.
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I'm not allowing myself to enjoy the fruits of my labor.
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I'm beating myself up for not finishing the 100 pages in three weeks or not getting.
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not writing my to-do list at night before bed, not getting in the shower at night before bed or put my Invisalign in because I'm tired, like I'm beating myself up or having a place be a mess when I should have cleaned it up.
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I'm like this stern, strict parent on myself and it's like, it's not healthy, it's not fulfilling.
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So I had a friend and my computer is getting low.
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I need a charger.
Self-Kindness and Mentorship
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I'm like,
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First of all, I put a poll on my Instagram story and I'd probably say a few hundred people, 88% said that they're hard on themselves.
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Because the question is, are you hard on yourself?
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About 88% said they said.
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Most of us are hard on ourselves, either consciously or unconsciously.
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I'm very hard on myself.
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I hold myself to a higher standard.
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And if I'm hard on you, I'm hard on me.
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But it's to a point where I'm beating myself up, right?
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And Ms.
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Linda Watkins was telling me,
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before she was like, the way you talk to yourself when you make mistakes, would you talk to your nephew like that?
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And I was like, I wouldn't.
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She said, stop talking to yourself like that.
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So I say all I have to say.
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I had a friend send me a text about how you can play and enjoy play and not be so hard on yourself.
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So I'm going to read it to you.
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One second.
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One
Play's Role in Creativity
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second.
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One second.
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Oh, it says, play how it shapes the brain, opens the imagination, and emigrates the soul.
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It's by Dr. Stewart Brown.
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That's a book called Play.
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But the quote came from... I don't feel sorry.
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I'm not even listening to it.
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Sorry for the delay people.
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I'm in real time.
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This is a lie.
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Especially.
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I'm going to need my computer to charge.
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Perfect.
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Thank you for your patience.
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thank you for your patience so yeah so we read this quote to you
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So Brene Brown has a book.
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I don't know if it's the chapter or maybe it's a chapter with her book.
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I think the chapter is Guidepost.
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Brown proposes seven properties of play, the first of which is that play is apparently purposeless.
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Basically, this means that we play for the sake of play.
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We do it because it's fun and we want to.
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Right, like a kid would, right?
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Play because it's fun and because you want to, not because you feel like you're obligated to.
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Like what I do in reverse, I feel obligated to that.
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I only can play, I only can be happy, I only can be fulfilled when I'm successful or I'm accomplishing something that's very bad.
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I put that much pressure on myself.
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Well, this is where my work as a shame researcher comes in.
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In today's culture, where our self-worth is tied to our net worth and we base our worthiness on our level of productivity, spending time doing purposeless activities is rare.
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In fact, for many of us, sounds like an anxiety attack waiting
Balancing Work and Leisure
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to happen.
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We got so much to do and so little time that the idea of spending time doing anything unrelated to the to-do list actually creates stress.
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That's true.
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We convince ourselves that planning is a waste of precious time.
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We even convince ourselves that sleep is a terrible use of time.
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For example, I'm at Soho House, quote unquote, intentionally doing work on a Saturday and it's nice out, but it's fine.
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We got to get it done.
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It doesn't matter if our job is running a multi-million dollar company, raising a family, creating art, and finishing school.
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We got to keep our nose to the grindstone and work.
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There's no time to play around.
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But Brown argues that play is not an option.
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In fact, she writes, the opposite of play is not work.
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The opposite of play is depression.
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The opposite of play is not work.
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The opposite of play is depression.
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That's scary.
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Respecting our biology program, program need for play can transform our work.
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It can bring back excitement and newly started job.
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Play helps us deal with difficulties, provides a sense of expansiveness, promotes mastery about craft and is essential part of creative process.
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Most important true play that comes from our own inner needs and desires, the only path to find a lasting joy and satisfaction in our work.
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In the long run,
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Work does not work without play.
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That is good.
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In the long run, work does not work without play.
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So I'm telling you, as a person who doesn't know how to play, have fun, enjoy the fruits of your labor.
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You deserve it.
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You work hard and it's important.
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So that's a reminder to me not to beat myself up and I'm not accomplishing and just play, enjoy life, enjoy living.
Struggles with Finding New Ways to Play
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Now, here's the thing.
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When I was drinking often, probably three, four years ago, I allowed myself to play.
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And on the weekend, I knew Friday and Saturday, I was going out to have a casual drink.
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That was my balance.
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That was me telling myself it's okay to play and have fun.
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And I wasn't tired to work.
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I wasn't attached to work.
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And this is prior to the pandemic, of course.
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And I think once I stopped drinking, I couldn't find my balance within my play.
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Like, what is my new play if I don't drink anymore?
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And that's when I kind of hit this rut of stuckness around play and not know what it looks like.
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So then subconsciously I find myself picking up the book when I should be playing or watching content that's beneficial for my brand or job.
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And I'm not playing because I'm trying to find time to fill up space because I have all this time to not play when I should be finding other ways to play.
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So the moral of the story is this, we must play.
Conclusion: Balance in Life
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Depression is real.
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And I think when we work too much and we don't enjoy and have fun, we can put ourselves in a very vulnerable low state that's not beneficial for our life, our career, or our emotional well-being.
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So take it from me, have fun.
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It's great to be disciplined.
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I love discipline.
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I'm going to continue to be disciplined, but I'm going to allow myself
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Right now here, if I get off this podcast, you're going to eat me some food and enjoy the fruits of my labor.
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Because it's a Saturday.
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I don't need to be doing work all day, even though I love it.
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So here's the thing.
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Let's take a deep breath.
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Everything is working in divine time and for you, for me, for us.
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So by the way, 50% off of all it's Miracle Seeds merch for the rest of the year.
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M-season is the discount code in all caps.
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Be great, be phenomenal, and never be forgotten and make sure you play.
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And if you're too disciplined,
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It's okay.
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Lighten up.
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Go have fun.
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Subscribe.
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Share this episode.
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If you can relate, tag me on Instagram at Eric Bigger.
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Follow us on Instagram.
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Also, Bigger Talks Podcast.
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And I'm out.
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Peace, love, and gratitude.
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It's a miracle season.