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Newcastle United's Worst Ever XI
14 Plays18 days ago
Michael and Iain take a break from all the doom & gloom surrounding the club and social media to remind ourselves of some of the worst players to ever play for Newcastle United.
No matter how bad you think the current regime are, the current players are or even if you're doubting Eddie Howe - there were always times where every single bit of the club was worse
So, let's laugh about the bad times!
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Transcript
Introduction with Ian Mackay
00:00:09
Global Sports Podcast Network
Hello and welcome to the Daily Newcastle Podcast. I'm Michael Grahamsall and today I'm joined by Ian Mackay. How's it going, buddy?
Negativity Around Newcastle United
00:00:18
Iain
It's going good, Michael, and I'm so glad you've chosen something interesting for us to talk about. And we can actually and imagine the transfer window closed yesterday because it's not relevant tonight at all.
00:00:30
Global Sports Podcast Network
Yeah, I don't know about you, but I've i've seen all the negativity in the last week and I'm pretty much sick of it, whether it's people talking about the current regime, the players, Eddie Howe.
00:00:42
Global Sports Podcast Network
Yeah, I've had enough. So the main topic of today is going to be negative. Yeah, didn't think that one through, in a
00:00:48
Iain
In a funny way, though.
Worst Ever XI: Main Topic Introduction
00:00:50
Global Sports Podcast Network
funny way.
00:00:50
Global Sports Podcast Network
ah ah But I want to talk about Newcastle United's worst ever XI. I don't want to talk about Celtic, don't want to talk about Alexander-Izac, for once.
00:01:01
Global Sports Podcast Network
And I almost certainly do not want to talk about Hugo Eketike. So we're going to talk about the very pits... of Newcastle United.
00:01:09
Iain
thank
00:01:09
Global Sports Podcast Network
The worst of the worst. ah But before we do, there is a bit of good
New Sporting Director: Sudarshan Gopalian
00:01:14
Global Sports Podcast Network
news. um And Nicola's kindly wished me good luck for this part. ah But Newcastle have hired a brand new sporting director to replace Paul Mitchell.
00:01:23
Global Sports Podcast Network
And his name is Sudarshan Gopalian, or Suds for short, which I will be calling him for the rest of the podcast.
00:01:32
Iain
Suds, yeah.
00:01:33
Global Sports Podcast Network
Suds. um It's obviously going to take a lot of time for Suds to have any big changes, but it's it's looking like the club's pulling itself back together after some big changes in the boardroom.
00:01:44
Global Sports Podcast Network
And it's it's got to be a positive going forward. Do you think, Ian?
00:01:48
Iain
Well, first of all, I'm surprised that Suds would move into football in his retirement if that if it if it's the same Suds that's given up singing for madness.
00:01:53
Global Sports Podcast Network
Oh
00:01:56
Iain
I know that's Suds, right? I know that's Suds. Don't please pull me up on that. ab i'm I mean, it's a data analyst.
00:02:03
Global Sports Podcast Network
In the wrong house.
00:02:04
Iain
It's head of data analysts or something, is it not? um He's got an impressive track record. I think he was at Atlanta and they keep winning things.
00:02:11
Global Sports Podcast Network
does.
00:02:13
Iain
Finished the top five all the three years he was there. um
00:02:16
Global Sports Podcast Network
Yeah.
00:02:17
Iain
Benfica for five years before that and they won their league twice and got through to the quarterfinals in the Champions League and the Europa League. So he wasn't playing, of course.
00:02:28
Iain
But You'd like to think that but that that producing all of the data by which team decisions are made, that he's contributed to two successful teams. So but carry carry on the work.
00:02:38
Global Sports Podcast Network
Yeah, 100%.
00:02:40
Iain
Good work, Suds.
00:02:42
Global Sports Podcast Network
Yeah, 100%. It's one of those where
Potential Changes with Suds' Appointment
00:02:45
Global Sports Podcast Network
ah think the blame game has to stop here for Newcastle. There's a lot of sort of, oh, well, you know, we've wanted to get things done, but things haven't moved as quickly as what we wanted to.
00:02:55
Global Sports Podcast Network
And then, oh, well, Newcastle don't have certain put people in the right position, stuff like that. That's got to stop now. Positivity going forward. We've got another person in who's done wonders at his previous clubs apart from the sounds of things.
00:03:09
Global Sports Podcast Network
um you know Both have been very successful. And Newcastle going to be very successful going forward. um But... I'll let you go.
00:03:18
Iain
Atlanta? Is that where Scalavini is?
00:03:22
Global Sports Podcast Network
Yes.
00:03:23
Iain
Do you think he's brought him? do you think he's sneaked him into his suitcase and just smuggled him out of the country? and They're at Atlanta training home. Where's Giorgio gone? And he's sort of coming around coming round from the chloroform in a hotel room wondering why he's wearing a Juventus top.
00:03:33
Global Sports Podcast Network
I swear he was here a minute ago.
00:03:40
Iain
And then he realises it's not even a Juventus top. um Yes, and then I woke up. Sorry. Sorry.
00:03:46
Global Sports Podcast Network
100%. They've took him to the local Sambucas and he's got the first flight back like that um striker Sunderland trying to sign from Sassuolo.
00:03:55
Iain
Thank you.
00:03:56
Global Sports Podcast Network
22 million, landed at Newcastle Airport, got the Metro to Sunderland and thought, I ain't staying here. ah But less of that, less of about our neighbours.
Strategic Transfer Approach for Newcastle
00:04:06
Global Sports Podcast Network
Let me see, just one more thing before we go into our worst 11th of the Premier League era.
00:04:12
Global Sports Podcast Network
Um... yeah We've got to move fast. Sporting director coming in ah should help us do that. Obviously, Jack Ross got his promotion not that long ago as well. But how many do you think Newcastle need to bring in in the remaining 40-odd days of the transfer window? Because time's running out.
00:04:30
Iain
Time's running out, and I think the way to do it is to abandon this oven-ready approach and go back to what's served us well, which is to actually take a chance on um potential, which which we've done very, very successfully. I don't mean just buy blindly.
00:04:49
Iain
I mean do that work. You know Steve Nixon's got two or three telephone directory thicknesses of folders of players that he's watching. We've done a lot of research on a lot of players.
00:04:59
Iain
I think we need two centre-halves. I think we need a ah striker. I think we definitely need to replace Sean Longstaff. And if we can get another midfielder in to boost the the thickness of the squad, what's that?
00:05:07
Global Sports Podcast Network
Yeah.
00:05:12
Iain
That's five more.
00:05:13
Global Sports Podcast Network
Five, yeah.
00:05:13
Iain
Before we even try and replace Trafford. By the way, there not a French goalkeeper at AC Milan that costs half of what Trafford costs, who's really, really good?
00:05:25
Global Sports Podcast Network
Yeah, Mike Maillon, he was really good against us in the Champions League.
00:05:26
Iain
Him.
00:05:29
Global Sports Podcast Network
um The only sticking point there is I think wages would be more than what we'd be prepared to offer, unfortunately, because I think he's on 200k plus. And I am imagine he'd want that again, which obviously for us is a little bit of a problem. But great keeper.
00:05:45
Iain
But he's French national keeper.
00:05:48
Global Sports Podcast Network
um I'm not sure if he still starts for the national team. I know he definitely did. um i haven't watched France too much recently, so if I'm honest. But he was definitely a French international.
00:06:00
Global Sports Podcast Network
There's some decent keepers on that side. so
00:06:02
Iain
so he's with So he's worth shelling out the cash, isn't he? Given that we've got such a high PSR ceiling at the moment.
00:06:07
Global Sports Podcast Network
Potentially, yeah.
00:06:11
Iain
Oh, no. Come on lads, stop being cheapskates.
00:06:12
Global Sports Podcast Network
Yeah.
00:06:14
Iain
If you want to be elite, start thinking elite.
00:06:17
Global Sports Podcast Network
Yeah, 100%. And what I'm going to do, um just because I've got a feeling the next bit is going to go a little bit long, I'm actually going to play the Bionic advert now, just so we're not interrupted in the middle of picking our worst 11 of the Premier League era.
00:06:32
Iain
Too hard.
00:06:48
Iain
Thank you.
00:07:10
Global Sports Podcast Network
Absolutely fantastic. Thank you very much, Ken.
Criteria for Worst XI Selection
00:07:14
Global Sports Podcast Network
um so We currently have one of the best teams in recent memory for Newcastle United. But what I want to talk to you about is the worst XI of the Premier League era.
00:07:24
Global Sports Podcast Network
Ian, you've obviously got a lot more knowledge on Newcastle through the 70s and the 80s than I do. So I have tried to keep this Premier League on my side. If there's anyone you can think of from the 70s and 80s, let me know.
00:07:36
Iain
No.
00:07:36
Global Sports Podcast Network
We can potentially put it socials and I'll get told you're a youngin.
00:07:39
Iain
like
00:07:40
Iain
so we To be fair, Michael, I didn't really want to be be cast back into those dark, dark days. ah to Only to be told, well, I never heard of him. Who's that?
00:07:40
Global Sports Podcast Network
You don't know anything.
00:07:51
Iain
um So I restricted myself to the Premier League as well. um
00:07:56
Global Sports Podcast Network
Oh, much appreciate.
00:07:56
Iain
So hope hope hopefully we will be able to discuss these players. rather do You look a bit blank. But ah don't let that fool you. You know, those late 80s nights that I was watching Newcastle at home against Norwich in the pouring rain when there was 7,000 in the crowd.
00:08:12
Iain
there were there were There were some pretty poor players turning out during those days.
00:08:17
Global Sports Podcast Network
Yeah, i've I've heard stories, but unfortunately I've never had the pleasure of watching those kind of players myself. um But for this particular team, I do have one bit of criteria on this. You can pick any formation, but all the players mentioned do you have to have played a Premier League game for Newcastle, if possible. Obviously, if there's no one meant, if they haven't picked a game, obviously, I haven't told you that beforehand. So if you pick someone who hasn't made a Premier League appearance for Newcastle, fair enough.
00:08:45
Global Sports Podcast Network
um But that does mean two players that I had and I struck off Romain Al-Malfitano and Facundo Ferreira. So none of them.
00:08:54
Iain
you
00:08:55
Global Sports Podcast Network
um But we'll start off in goal. and We had a little bit of a discussion ah before this pod actually about this. Who have you gone for for your goalkeeper?
00:09:07
Iain
Well, I'm immediately breaking your rule, but I think... It qualifies because it's ah as an exception because he remains part of the first team squad today.
00:09:20
Iain
And I've gone for that 20 million bargain from Nottingham Forest, Odysseus Vlacadimos, purely because he's there.
00:09:20
Global Sports Podcast Network
Uh-uh.
00:09:30
Iain
He's there in one of our one of our top 12 purchases. And the guy has, we were there. We saw him play the second half. in the Carabao Cup last year against Wimbledon, but that's still the only time he's made it onto the field. um There can't be another goalkeeper as bad as that.
00:09:50
Iain
mean, we've always had good goalkeepers.
00:09:51
Global Sports Podcast Network
No, there's... Yeah, I think we've... was sitting there thinking about and i was thinking, Xhaka, Pav, Tim Krul, Shea Given, Steve Harper.
00:10:01
Global Sports Podcast Network
was thinking, where am I going to fit someone in? And then there are a couple of names that did come to mind. um I'm actually going to be quite nice to Jack Anik. Obviously, wasn't up to scratch. um And that game against Arsenal, where we lost 4-0, he never recovered from it.
00:10:18
Iain
Hmm.
00:10:21
Global Sports Podcast Network
But his debut, when he came on, I think it was at half-time, it might have been a little earlier, against Chelsea, where we won 2-1. He was absolutely fantastic, and he's had a good game in a Newcastle shirt, which is more than what I can say for the player that I've picked, and that is Freddie Woodman, who you might be sitting there and thinking, hang on, Freddie Woodman played for Newcastle in the Premier League?
00:10:30
Iain
yeah
00:10:43
Global Sports Podcast Network
Yes, he made four appearances, and No, not under Rafa. No, one not under Pardew. Under Steve Bruce. The first of which being the 4-1 defeat to Manchester United, where Woodman handed Cristiano Ronaldo one of his first goals back in the Premier League.
00:11:02
Global Sports Podcast Network
um Slightly annoying. They battered us that day. Woodman was terrible. He got a few extra games. And then as soon as Carl Darlow could you know catch a ball again, we were basically saying, right, get yourself back in there.
00:11:14
Global Sports Podcast Network
And yeah, Freddie's now at Liverpool, so he'll probably have a Premier League medal or a Champions League medal at the end of the season. But he also fits in this squad for me.
00:11:21
Iain
Or both this time next year.
00:11:24
Global Sports Podcast Network
Hopefully not.
00:11:25
Iain
Yeah, I thought you were being a bit harsh on Woodman, but I do remember that game that you described. And if that is 25% of his entire performances, but he was always, ah he was always coming through the ranks ah in a sort of a Lewis Miley kind of a way.
00:11:32
Global Sports Podcast Network
Yeah, clanger.
00:11:42
Iain
There's something really, really special.
00:11:42
Global Sports Podcast Network
Yeah.
00:11:43
Iain
Now, I don't know if that's because his dad was the goalkeeping coach, but he he wouldn't you've won Euros and World Cups with the different sort of age group England teams.
00:11:47
Global Sports Podcast Network
Yeah. Yeah.
00:11:54
Iain
um And he was it was next year's big thing for quite a number of years.
00:11:54
Global Sports Podcast Network
Yeah. 100%.
00:11:58
Iain
So certainly one of the most disappointing goalkeepers that we've had.
00:12:03
Global Sports Podcast Network
Yeah.
00:12:03
Iain
um I still think that Odysseus is such an absolute waste of oxygen that he's got to be in.
00:12:04
Global Sports Podcast Network
think...
00:12:09
Iain
though I'd argue him
00:12:12
Global Sports Podcast Network
yeah i think
00:12:12
Iain
If you would bend your rule if you bend your rule a little bit.
00:12:12
Global Sports Podcast Network
and
00:12:15
Global Sports Podcast Network
Yeah, I think, to be honest, he's probably the worst value for money goalkeeper signing. Actually, maybe Kepa. No, you know what? He's probably worse value for money than Kepa Ariza Belaga. So, yeah, you know what? I'll happily put Odysseus back in there because Woodman came through the academy.
00:12:32
Global Sports Podcast Network
ah You've got to give him a little bit of backing. um But to move to the to the back four, you gone for a traditional back four? Or if you gone for a back three?
00:12:42
Iain
I have gone for, well, I'll be honest with you, just counting up here, I've gone for a traditional back seven because I've got ten nearly two people in each position.
00:12:49
Global Sports Podcast Network
Oh.
00:12:51
Iain
But yeah, I've gone right back, left back and two St. Alves.
00:12:54
Global Sports Podcast Network
Cracking stuff. So who have you started off with for...
Analyzing Poor Defender Signings
00:12:58
Global Sports Podcast Network
We'll go right back, left back, and then go into the centre-backs.
00:13:00
Iain
Right.
00:13:01
Global Sports Podcast Network
So right back.
00:13:01
Iain
Right back. Right back. Rafa's old head. And obviously very, very old legs because he never really played.
00:13:08
Global Sports Podcast Network
so
00:13:11
Iain
Jesus Gamed, if that's how you see him.
00:13:12
Global Sports Podcast Network
James. Yeah.
00:13:15
Iain
um Because he see he was going to be he was going to be a wily old fox that was going to hold everything together, but we never really saw him play unless everybody else was injured.
00:13:24
Global Sports Podcast Network
Yeah.
00:13:25
Iain
Then he then he would play. um And I've also gone, because I couldn't think of any left-backs, which is amazing, because I'm just thinking Matt Target now, today, not when he was on loan.
00:13:37
Iain
Sorry, Matt. I would put down Akraf Lazard.
00:13:42
Global Sports Podcast Network
yeah it's not a bad shout. I think both were terrible signings.
00:13:43
Iain
Because i i had high I had high hopes of him. And the poor lad got cut in half and was out for a long time with a really nasty injury that a Wigan player gave to him, I think.
00:13:48
Global Sports Podcast Network
Yeah. Yeah.
00:13:54
Global Sports Podcast Network
Yeah.
00:13:56
Iain
um But he saw out the whole of his...
00:13:58
Global Sports Podcast Network
That might have been Hydara, but yeah.
00:14:00
Iain
Oh, right. No, you're right. That's what I'm thinking of.
00:14:02
Global Sports Podcast Network
Yeah.
00:14:03
Iain
Let's stick with Akraf Lazar then. Haidara could have been my eighth in the back four because he did nothing.
00:14:05
Global Sports Podcast Network
Yeah.
00:14:10
Iain
Both of them I had high hopes for.
00:14:10
Global Sports Podcast Network
He didn't know when he came back. Yeah. I remember Haidara and Bigger Omana both coming through and thinking, wow, these two are going to be fantastic.
00:14:13
Iain
both of them are terrible.
00:14:18
Global Sports Podcast Network
Obviously, Haidara had that big injury. Still playing in the French League 1, so his career at least hasn't fallen. But Bigger Omana, well, maybe he'll be in this later. But ah yeah, another one that didn't really come through. But for me, I've been really harsh, I think, at right back. um Because I don't even think he played most of his time here at right back.
00:14:40
Global Sports Podcast Network
But I've gone James Perch. I loved Pertrino. I thought he was a battler, but he is one of the worst footballers I've seen in a Newcastle shirt. um But his attitude was second to none, and I don't want to put him in this because of that.
00:14:55
Global Sports Podcast Network
um And then the second, the left-back, I was tempted to put Antonio Boreca, the loan signing from Monaco, but realistically, I don't remember anything about that that one game he had.
00:15:09
Global Sports Podcast Network
So I've gone for Danny Rose. who was also here on loan.
00:15:12
Iain
Yeah, he was terrible as well.
00:15:14
Global Sports Podcast Network
Yeah, he had 11 appearances for us. And I think it was one particular game against Watford that sticks inside my head. um And literally, they just got it behind them every single time. I think we lost.
00:15:26
Global Sports Podcast Network
ah It might have been 3-1, 3-0, something like that. I remember us getting battered, as we did quite a lot during that period. um But remember thinking, if Danny Rose signs for us permanently, I might cry.
00:15:40
Global Sports Podcast Network
But yeah.
00:15:40
Iain
I'll tell you what, round about the Christmas before last... when we watched Anthony Alanga dance past him half a dozen times in the first half, we might had Dan Byrne in left back.
00:15:52
Global Sports Podcast Network
yeah but yeah 100% so I think we've got Fulga closer
00:15:53
Iain
Now he's been reconverted. Now he's been reconverted back to centre half, of course. He's an England international and he deserves it. But yeah, Dan Byrne was wobbling in the left back position that season.
00:16:05
Iain
Okay, I'm happy to i'm happy to to have happy with with Danny Rose because he he came with some sort of reputation, didn't he? And
00:16:14
Global Sports Podcast Network
yeah
00:16:15
Iain
I think we waited ages to see him because he was always carrying some little injury and then he just played like he was injured when he actually got in. Disappointing.
00:16:23
Global Sports Podcast Network
Yeah. I think... my i'm I'm not sure Gammers played for us in the Premier League. I think he's another one like Mattel's and a well Odysseus.
00:16:36
Global Sports Podcast Network
I think Gammers was one of those where Rafa signed him for the wing-back in the full-back rotation where you'd have Yedlin, ah the wing-back, Gammers as the full-back, and then you'd have Paul Dummett as the full-back and Lazar as the...
00:16:51
Global Sports Podcast Network
the left wing back, but Yedlin just did so well in that wing back position that Yedlin and Dummett just basically locked that down for a full season and the other two were never really seen. But yeah, four horrific, ah three horrific options in James Perch. So for Perch Jr., I'm more than happy to give it Gamedes, I will say that.
00:17:11
Iain
good stuff centre halves ah
00:17:16
Global Sports Podcast Network
Yes, I can start with this one. So I've gone um a player that i two players that actually maybe ah off. Oh,
00:17:24
Iain
I bet you if you've got four and I've got four I bet you two of them are the same. At least we share two. But there you go.
00:17:33
Global Sports Podcast Network
Yeah, i i think I think we might share four, to be honest.
00:17:33
Iain
And they'll be the two, won't they?
00:17:38
Global Sports Podcast Network
Because I think there's four players that stand out. The two I've gone for are two players that I thought would be excellent. ah The first was Jonal and Boomsong.
00:17:48
Iain
First of my list.
00:17:49
Global Sports Podcast Network
yeah
00:17:50
Iain
So he's in.
00:17:50
Global Sports Podcast Network
um and didn't I don't know if it was seeing Peter Ramage and Steven Taylor the year before as youngsters and being terrible but thinking we've got Bramble and Boomsong we might be alright Bramble isn't the other one although he was on my list the other one I've chosen was the Leon centre-back Claudio Casapa who I thought was going to be absolutely fantastic and was arguably one of the most hopeless centre-backs I've ever seen.
00:18:16
Global Sports Podcast Network
But there is one other player that's in my fall, and I think you might have him.
00:18:22
Iain
Well, I've certainly got Boomsong, Kasapa and Bramble.
00:18:27
Global Sports Podcast Network
huh
00:18:28
Iain
By the way, um get this the right way around. Bobby Robson could have signed Boomsong on a free. Did you know this?
00:18:38
Global Sports Podcast Network
I didn't.
00:18:39
Iain
He could have signed him on a free and he turned him down the following year. Sooners paid £7 million pounds for him. And that's back in the early 2000s. So well done, Brian.
00:18:50
Iain
Good work.
00:18:51
Global Sports Podcast Network
Another reason Sir Bobby was so good.
00:18:52
Iain
My last one,
00:18:55
Iain
my last one it might even be worse of all given the reputation that he came with and then the quality of the performances when we got on. My last one I've got is Sol Campbell.
00:19:06
Global Sports Podcast Network
Yes, he's here. He is here. um Seven Premier League appearances. My only thing is I don't remember them. personally. I know he was there. and know i so i remember seeing him in the Newcastle shirt, but I just have no memory of him. So what's your memory of him?
00:19:24
Iain
skimpy as well.
00:19:25
Global Sports Podcast Network
Yeah.
00:19:26
Iain
mean they were I mean, I probably have read the reports, but it didn't look like he played centre-half before. think he came having been out...
00:19:35
Global Sports Podcast Network
Yeah.
00:19:39
Iain
he was trying to get He came to train to get fit first, didn't he? And and then we then we gave him a contract and I don't think he ever really got fit.
00:19:43
Global Sports Podcast Network
yeah
00:19:47
Iain
I don't think he was fit enough to train hard enough to get fit, if you see what I mean. But do you think
00:19:52
Global Sports Podcast Network
Yeah, it makes sense.
00:19:53
Iain
Class always tells and it's Sol Campbell. Could have been Donald Campbell for all we knew.
00:20:02
Global Sports Podcast Network
little bit of Campbell's soup in there. is well It's one as well. um I had down as two others, Marcelino, but again, that's more of stories that I've heard. i am not old enough to remember much about Marcelino, but I have heard he's the worst we've ever had. So I had to write him down.
00:20:20
Global Sports Podcast Network
And then another one who... It was before Campbell, but I remember him being absolutely dreadful um for a spell. And it's probably rude of me to say this because he's a coach at the club at the moment.
00:20:33
Global Sports Podcast Network
ah Peter Ramage. I remember Ramage and Steven Taylor ah ah being absolutely a really poor combination together. And maybe it's because they didn't work as a combination.
00:20:44
Global Sports Podcast Network
But I remember thinking Ramage isn't good enough to play with Steven Taylor. like um And who knows? He went on to have a pretty good career elsewhere.
00:20:53
Iain
Hey, QPR on that, didn't he?
00:20:54
Global Sports Podcast Network
um
00:20:55
Iain
I thought Ravage was all right.
00:20:55
Global Sports Podcast Network
Yeah, so he clearly wasn't that bad.
00:20:58
Iain
And Stephen Taylor ended up a hero though, didn't he? Young lad, breaking through.
00:21:02
Global Sports Podcast Network
Yeah, lot I really liked Steven Taylor. Yeah.
00:21:04
Iain
but don and And he never, well, until the very end, he gave his whole career to Newcastle. He didn't get his head turned by but bigger teams coming in to get, oh, that was because he wasn't good enough for them to come in for him, wasn't it?
00:21:15
Global Sports Podcast Network
yeah
00:21:22
Iain
Damn. No, that's a bit harsh. Stephen Taylor...
00:21:25
Global Sports Podcast Network
he did have that He did have a season or two where you were thinking he could get in the England squa line up here if there's 10 or 12 injuries.
00:21:30
Iain
Yeah.
00:21:33
Global Sports Podcast Network
Yeah.
00:21:35
Iain
i This is where I had, with Stephen Taylor, by the i had the
00:21:41
Iain
ah harsh or the stark realisation that the Achilles tendon doesn't have very many nerves in it. Because Stephen Taylor running snapped his Achilles tendon...
00:21:54
Iain
And his foot was waving around in the breeze, but he was still trying to run because he couldn't feel he couldn't feel anything.
00:22:01
Global Sports Podcast Network
What a player.
00:22:02
Iain
Of course, when he tried to stand on it, it just fell over because it wasn't supporting him. But yeah, that was some horrific, horrific sight.
00:22:07
Global Sports Podcast Network
Yeah.
00:22:11
Iain
um And I think I actually was in the crowd for that, which was nasty.
00:22:11
Global Sports Podcast Network
Yeah.
00:22:14
Global Sports Podcast Network
Oof.
00:22:15
Iain
But that's amazing, Michael.
00:22:16
Global Sports Podcast Network
I think that, uh, yeah.
00:22:17
Iain
Four out four each, we picked the same four.
00:22:18
Global Sports Podcast Network
Yeah.
00:22:20
Iain
So
Discussion on Underperforming Midfielders
00:22:21
Iain
which two are you going to put in the team?
00:22:21
Global Sports Podcast Network
yeah
00:22:23
Global Sports Podcast Network
um I would say boom I'll agree with Boomsong and Campbell because I don't remember Campbell being very good.
00:22:28
Iain
Okay.
00:22:30
Global Sports Podcast Network
um I don't remember much about him, but I've also heard from a lot of people he was absolutely dreadful. So I'm happy to stick with that.
00:22:36
Iain
they They were my first two. um And I did see in one of the... I don't know if I can say this... That Titus Bram was referred to as Shite as Shambles.
00:22:50
Iain
I'd never heard that one before. Before today when I read it. So yeah. Nice. He did score a brilliant bullet header one time.
00:22:58
Global Sports Podcast Network
Chelsea 1-0 final game of the season.
00:23:00
Iain
Yeah, right at the end, won the game.
00:23:01
Global Sports Podcast Network
and Yeah.
00:23:03
Iain
Get in.
00:23:05
Global Sports Podcast Network
Literally, there's...
00:23:05
Iain
I think he wasn't wasn't looking, and they hit him on the back of the head.
00:23:09
Global Sports Podcast Network
it There's a name, football, that literally, whenever I mention him, no one knows who he is because it's either that game or it's the other game. We'll beat them 1-0 on the final day. ah But it's Lenny Pidgeley, the ex-Chelsea goalkeeper.
00:23:23
Global Sports Podcast Network
He's made like six appearances in his entire career. Anytime we do like a little guess the football game, always like, oh, by the way, I'm thinking of Lenny Pidgeley. And they're who the... ah
00:23:32
Iain
think
00:23:33
Global Sports Podcast Network
Yeah, I'm so sorry, but Titus Bramble's called a worldie against ah So that's that's a little fun.
00:23:40
Iain
I have to never remember that name.
00:23:42
Global Sports Podcast Network
No, it's it's one of those that just stick in my head for some reason.
00:23:43
Iain
Right.
00:23:45
Global Sports Podcast Network
But yes, in the midfield. So what have you got for a midfielder? Have you got three central midfielders or have you gone for a 4-4-2?
00:23:52
Iain
i have got, let me see, I think I went for, um I've got, again, I've got two in each position. i saw and I've got two left-wingers, right-wingers.
00:24:03
Iain
I might have got them mixed up. can't actually remember, but I think they would work on both. I've got two. forward-thinking midfielders and two defensive midfielders.
00:24:14
Global Sports Podcast Network
Okay, well...
00:24:15
Iain
And ah honestly, there are so many to choose from because I think we went for about 15 years without making a decent signing.
00:24:25
Global Sports Podcast Network
Not far off, to be honest. Right.
00:24:28
Iain
Where do you want to start?
00:24:28
Global Sports Podcast Network
ah Right.
00:24:29
Iain
Defensive midfield.
00:24:30
Global Sports Podcast Network
i will so I've gone for a a fall a very narrow 4-3-3. So what I'll say is we'll start in central midfield.
00:24:35
Iain
All right.
00:24:38
Iain
Okay. Who was the most awful? um i My two defensive midfielders were Alan Smith.
00:24:47
Global Sports Podcast Network
Mm-hmm.
00:24:49
Iain
It could easily have been Nicky Butt, but I keep remembering he was player of the tournament at one of the World Cups, but he was he was terrible in a Newcastle shirt.
00:24:57
Global Sports Podcast Network
yeah Yeah, you had Pele saying and he was an an amazing player in 2002, and then he signed for us and we went, maybe Pele doesn't know anything about football.
00:24:57
Iain
um But the other one...
00:25:06
Iain
yeah and But it isn't he wasn't one of the two I picked. Alan Smith, I just thought, was dreadful. um
00:25:13
Global Sports Podcast Network
Yeah.
00:25:14
Iain
I don't know how many years he had a contract for, but whatever we paid him, it was a waste of money.
00:25:18
Global Sports Podcast Network
Too long.
00:25:19
Iain
The other one I've got, Amdi Fay.
00:25:22
Global Sports Podcast Network
Yes.
00:25:23
Iain
What a terrible midfielder he was. Couldn't pass, couldn't tackle, couldn't run. I'm not really sure.
00:25:31
Global Sports Podcast Network
He got arrested for the deal, didn't he?
00:25:33
Iain
not really sure what he did.
00:25:35
Global Sports Podcast Network
Yeah, he got arrested for the deal involving Newcastle, him and Harry Redknapp, because there were irregularities in payments, ah they believed, and then him and Redknapp just got away with it in the end.
00:25:44
Iain
Hmm.
00:25:47
Global Sports Podcast Network
um One of the only players I've ever seen or heard of getting arrested while at Newcastle. ah Amdify was in mine. um I did think about Alan Smith because...
00:25:59
Global Sports Podcast Network
It's very rare you see a striker turned into a defensive midfielder, but then I thought Joe Linton. He's turned out pretty good, so maybe it isn't that much of a negative.
00:26:09
Global Sports Podcast Network
I don't think he was good for us in either position.
00:26:10
Iain
Well, ah Alan Smith as a striker was pretty good, but as a defensive
00:26:19
Iain
he's as good a defensive midfielder as Joe Linton was a centre-forward.
00:26:26
Global Sports Podcast Network
Aptly put. Aptly put. So, I've gone family five, but another one in my centre midfield that haven't mentioned yet is Henri Saive. um five
00:26:36
Iain
Yeah, first...
00:26:37
Global Sports Podcast Network
Five...
00:26:39
Iain
First name down on mine as well. He's one of my forward midfielders.
00:26:41
Global Sports Podcast Network
Oh, beautiful.
00:26:43
Iain
Henry Saive.
00:26:43
Global Sports Podcast Network
Ah, fair.
00:26:45
Iain
um And the other midfielder I went for. Oh, he was dreadful, this bloke.
00:26:51
Global Sports Podcast Network
Ooh.
00:26:51
Iain
And you remember how dreadful he was. Again, disappointing. So you could pick either there Henry, alongside Amdi Fai, you could pick Henry Saive or CM de Jong.
00:27:01
Global Sports Podcast Network
ah Florian Tovan. Oh, Sam De Jong. I thought you were goingnna say Florian Tovan. um
00:27:07
Iain
Yeah, but, i well, he might show up later on if I've got the positions wrong.
00:27:07
Global Sports Podcast Network
see
00:27:12
Global Sports Podcast Network
Yeah, to be fair, winger.
00:27:13
Iain
But I'm going for Centre.
00:27:13
Global Sports Podcast Network
winger Yeah.
00:27:14
Iain
Yeah.
00:27:15
Global Sports Podcast Network
yeah He's more of a winger. Yeah.
00:27:18
Iain
Okay. um So, yeah, so I just thought that Siem de Jong, honestly, I couldn't choose which of those brothers were the worst.
00:27:20
Global Sports Podcast Network
ah Sam Jong's a great show.
00:27:27
Iain
So Luke's in later on as well. but not Sorry, spoiler alert. Yeah.
00:27:32
Global Sports Podcast Network
ah No, it's a great shout. I remember CM De Jong signing and being so excited. I was for most signings that time.
00:27:37
Iain
This is Dutch International.
00:27:39
Global Sports Podcast Network
Yeah, he looked fantastic. And then he just riddled with injuries, which we've seen so much at Newcastle United. But yeah, so I had Saive, Amde Fai, and then ah ah kind of attacking midfielder, kind of in the middle of the three.
00:27:55
Global Sports Podcast Network
I went for Steven Ireland. Yeah. And all I remember is that bald head appearing on the sidelines thinking, oh, he's going to do something here. you know i he's ah He's been fantastic at City.
00:28:09
Global Sports Podcast Network
you know we I think it was just after Sibierski as well.
00:28:12
Iain
Thank you.
00:28:13
Global Sports Podcast Network
So we'd signed another bald man from Manchester City and he was fantastic. um but I just remember Stephen Ireland and thinking he's going to be fantastic him coming on the pitch for us and I thought John Parkin was playing the the massive centre forward who'd played for the likes of Stoke York etc um if people haven't seen him then you're not going to get the reference but he's ah he's massive and he's the more the more point I'm making about that he's not mobile in the slightest you just had the game just passing him by and I generally looked at it and after 10 minutes I was so excited for this man
00:28:42
Iain
Well
00:28:46
Global Sports Podcast Network
and now I never want to see him again. ah so that was my midfield three.
00:28:51
Iain
Well Well look Saivey, Amdi Fai and Semdi Young because Stephen Island barely played did he?
00:28:52
Global Sports Podcast Network
um ah We've agreed on Saive. I'm happy for both of yours as well. After that.
00:29:03
Global Sports Podcast Network
I'm happy to go, Steyer.
00:29:05
Iain
he's He was also afflicted by injury Thing is, Sam De Jong was there for quite a few years being afflicted by injury.
00:29:13
Global Sports Podcast Network
Yeah, he made 22 appearances or something.
00:29:14
Iain
So he was disappointing for disappointing for much, much longer. Right.
00:29:19
Global Sports Podcast Network
Yeah.
00:29:19
Iain
Are we doing a Zancastra advert before we get into the forward line?
00:29:25
Global Sports Podcast Network
Yeah, let's do Zencastr advert now.
00:29:26
Iain
which
00:29:26
Global Sports Podcast Network
Why not?
00:29:26
Iain
which Which probably should be known as the backward line.
00:29:27
Global Sports Podcast Network
Ooh.
00:29:29
Iain
But anyway, yeah. Here we go. I have found ah found the current Zancastra advert.
00:29:37
Iain
Here at the Global Sports Podcast Network, we've spent a lot of time selecting our delivery platform. Zencastr came out the clear winner. With 4K video recording from your phone and AI editing that automatically removes all those ums and ahs, it's super easy to start a podcast that sounds great and is delivered efficiently.
00:29:56
Iain
If you're ready to tell your story, check out the link in the show description to learn more about Zencastr.
00:30:03
Global Sports Podcast Network
Absolutely fantastic stuff, Ian. And we've gone from something that's absolutely fantastic to something that's absolutely diabolical.
00:30:06
Iain
me
00:30:11
Global Sports Podcast Network
um So Zencastr doesn't really fit in in this podcast, but we've done it anyways.
00:30:11
Iain
really
00:30:16
Global Sports Podcast Network
So obviously I've got three central strikers because I'm just a bit weird like that, but you've got three
Disappointing Forwards and Wingers
00:30:22
Global Sports Podcast Network
players left. I imagine two of them are going to be wingers.
00:30:22
Iain
Okay. Well, if you've got three centres, I've got a centre forward and ah and I suppose they purported to be the guy who'd play off them.
00:30:38
Iain
and And I've got two, I've got ah a right winger and a left winger. I don't know if I've got them on the right wing or left wing.
00:30:42
Global Sports Podcast Network
Good stuff.
00:30:43
Iain
So Torvan was a left winger, wasn't he?
00:30:48
Global Sports Podcast Network
ah Right.
00:30:49
Iain
A right winger. Okay.
00:30:50
Global Sports Podcast Network
Yeah. It was Remy Cabela that was the left side.
00:30:51
Iain
Where does, come I've got them mixed up. So they were my first two choices.
00:30:55
Global Sports Podcast Network
Yeah.
00:30:57
Iain
The the two French kids who were great.
00:30:58
Global Sports Podcast Network
Right.
00:31:02
Iain
We bought them. They were rubbish. We sold them.
00:31:04
Global Sports Podcast Network
And then they were great again.
00:31:05
Iain
They were great again. How many times? um And my backup for each of those, my backup for each of those, which, to be fair, they were even worse.
00:31:09
Global Sports Podcast Network
Yeah, unfortunately.
00:31:17
Iain
I've got um
00:31:20
Iain
more echoes of Nicky Butts in that I've got Gabriel Obertan.
00:31:27
Global Sports Podcast Network
Megamind himself.
00:31:27
Iain
Now, he, he was dreadful.
00:31:30
Global Sports Podcast Network
Yeah,
00:31:32
Iain
But I'm just thinking about it.
00:31:33
Global Sports Podcast Network
yeah he had that spell.
00:31:34
Iain
Did he play? Did he play in the Premier League or was it all in the Championship?
00:31:39
Global Sports Podcast Network
No, that he played a fair bit in the Premier League. He had a spell of about two, three months um where he was actually quite a decent player. And I remember a goal against Leicester where he does like a little maze-y run, gets to the edge of the box and just pelt it into the bottom corner.
00:31:56
Global Sports Podcast Network
And thinking, we might be starting to see gar what Gabby Oberton can do. I feel like he was released like a year later. So quite clearly not. But yeah, I remember him having one good spell.
00:32:06
Iain
i don't I ah don't remember that at all. But if he's had ah if he's had a sniff of a good spell, then he can't get in ahead of either Cabella or Thorvan. um my other My other winger was, and it was the second loan spell, because he was actually quite good in his first loan spell, but was from Chelsea, the Brazilian Kennedy.
00:32:24
Global Sports Podcast Network
oh Oh, yeah. Yeah.
00:32:28
Iain
Absolutely ineffective on that second spell. And we clamoured to get him back because he was good the first time. was really dreadful a second time dreadful so and i mean they're my wingers did you have cabela and thorvan down on yours
00:32:35
Global Sports Podcast Network
Maybe it's fantastic.
00:32:44
Global Sports Podcast Network
I had Florian Torvan just because ah was really disappointed by him and I was really excited by him. He was there. ah didn't quite put him in because he didn't fit the the sort of formation I wanted to go for. I could have put Torvan and Ireland in as maybe attacking midfielders.
00:33:00
Global Sports Podcast Network
um But Cabela didn't get there at all for me. I thought he was i thought he was good. he was just in such a diabolical team that it just didn't suit him. Yeah.
00:33:10
Iain
It was too good for the rest of the team.
00:33:13
Global Sports Podcast Network
In my opinion, yeah, but ah um I'm slightly biased.
00:33:14
Iain
Yeah.
00:33:17
Global Sports Podcast Network
um But the the three that I've started off with, first I've started off, obviously, three strikers.
00:33:18
Iain
Who did you have then?
00:33:23
Global Sports Podcast Network
Shefty Coochie, the replacement for Andy Carroll. um I understand why some might not have him in because he had no, there was literally no ambition with the signing whatsoever and we all knew he'd flop. But just seeing him play for us was quite funny.
00:33:40
Global Sports Podcast Network
ah Looking back, and I don't want to laugh about seeing a player start up front for Newcastle. I've avoided some of the other loan spells, like Islam Slimani, because I thought, you know, I try not to put the full loan spells, loan spell, loan spell in. um Then my other one...
00:33:59
Iain
I do not like Slimani. Do not think Slimani deserves special mention. He's down as one of them. I mean, I had three centre forwards and he was one of them because he came on loan in the January
00:34:06
Global Sports Podcast Network
Mm-hmm.
00:34:10
Iain
I don't think he got to to to come onto the pitch until end of March. And he got sent off within five minutes of coming on.
00:34:16
Global Sports Podcast Network
No. The
00:34:20
Global Sports Podcast Network
thing is, I remember a game against Arsenal um where ah I remember him being okay. remember him being quite good. And I think he got the... I think it was a flick-on from him that led to the winner.
00:34:35
Global Sports Podcast Network
So, although it's very fine margins, but at least I remember him doing something, um which is more than what I can say for the next person, which is Cisco.
00:34:40
Iain
yeah
00:34:47
Global Sports Podcast Network
um I say I can't remember him doing anything. I remember him scoring on his debut. um I couldn't tell you who it was against. But i remember him scoring and thinking, oh, we've bagged another that good striker here.
00:35:00
Iain
second
00:35:00
Global Sports Podcast Network
And then I don't think he did anything for three.
00:35:02
Iain
How little did you know
00:35:03
Global Sports Podcast Network
yeah Yeah, I get far too excited about our new signings. And ah maybe that's why I'm such a pessimist these days. um But yeah, ah Cisco, themi he's there for me.
00:35:12
Iain
Well,
00:35:15
Global Sports Podcast Network
I don't know if he's one of those two are your striker.
00:35:18
Iain
I didn't have Cisco. It's only because I didn't remember him. Because I was distracted by remembering the other Spaniard, Albert Luque.
00:35:26
Global Sports Podcast Network
Oh, yes.
00:35:28
Iain
He was awful.
00:35:30
Global Sports Podcast Network
Yeah.
00:35:31
Iain
But none of them.
00:35:31
Global Sports Podcast Network
It's a shame.
00:35:31
Iain
ah All of these players, right, they were awful for a short while and then they left again. Even Luc de Jong who came and then, add did he even play?
00:35:36
Global Sports Podcast Network
Yeah.
00:35:39
Iain
I think he did play, but he didn't look like he could score in a brothel.
00:35:40
Global Sports Podcast Network
I think you might have started. No.
00:35:43
Iain
and
00:35:43
Global Sports Podcast Network
Absolutely not.
00:35:44
Iain
But they're all pale into insignificance by perhaps the worst signing of the last 25 years. Manu Riviere.
00:35:52
Global Sports Podcast Network
Yes!
00:35:53
Iain
How long would he play centre forward without even getting a shot away, let alone one on target?
00:36:01
Global Sports Podcast Network
Yeah, I remember the thing is, and nearly didn't put him in because of that game against Crystal Palace in the Cup, where we won I think it was 3-2 or 3-1.
00:36:08
Iain
oh
00:36:10
Global Sports Podcast Network
We went extra time and he got the brace. And I remember sitting there and going, he's not that bad, you know. We're just not playing to his strengths. And then, obviously, I think he scored one Premier League goal for us, despite being with starting striker the whole time.
00:36:26
Global Sports Podcast Network
So, yeah, um yeah I have to agree.
00:36:28
Iain
I mean he played a full season did he not? A full season or two seasons? He was there for ages
00:36:33
Global Sports Podcast Network
Yeah, he was with us for two years. He was with us for two years. i think he was ah frequent starter for the start of his first season. Then we refused to play him. um And then I think he might have made sub appearances in his second. I'm not 100% sure. But I remember him being diabolical.
00:36:53
Iain
it was awful it was awful and who I haven't mentioned i mean he's a really good player actually and actually got a great record for us as well but just for being an absolute
00:37:04
Global Sports Podcast Network
Ooh.
00:37:07
Iain
if I may be so bold Michael Owen should be in there he did score 31 goals in 70 games I know will score a hat trick
00:37:08
Global Sports Podcast Network
Oh. Ah, should he?
00:37:14
Global Sports Podcast Network
Yeah.
00:37:16
Iain
but But honestly, sitting out the relegation battle
Finalizing the Worst XI
00:37:23
Global Sports Podcast Network
yeah
00:37:24
Iain
with a fake but a fake injury and just coasting through to the end of his contract and then joining Man U on a free.
00:37:31
Iain
I mean, that's just ah that's just a terrible trick, that.
00:37:35
Global Sports Podcast Network
Yeah, I mean, we have done a most hated XI and he did feature in everybody's. So I think that's the apt place for him. I can't say he's worse than any of the players we've put in because in reality, goals per game, he's probably up there with one of our best, um which is mental.
00:37:45
Iain
Fair enough.
00:37:52
Iain
Yeah, true, true.
00:37:54
Global Sports Podcast Network
But yeah, hate with a passion, Michael Owen.
00:37:55
Iain
so
00:37:58
Iain
So you what are we putting in your front three? you've got you had to you have You left Thorvan alone, didn't you?
00:38:05
Global Sports Podcast Network
I did, but I'm happy to put him because i did consider him.
00:38:05
Iain
There's so many to choose from.
00:38:10
Global Sports Podcast Network
And if I consider him, it's good enough for me.
00:38:10
Iain
Well, I've got him on the left wing.
00:38:13
Global Sports Podcast Network
Yeah.
00:38:13
Iain
I'm happy to miss Cabello out. So who were your other wingers? Did you have...
00:38:17
Global Sports Podcast Network
ah
00:38:17
Iain
ph
00:38:18
Global Sports Podcast Network
I didn't have any wingers, but it's Sheffley Cucci, Cisco and Emmanuel Riviere. And to be fair, because there was no expectations around Cucci at all, I am happy just to leave him out.
00:38:30
Iain
Right, so we've got one and more to slot in.
00:38:35
Iain
ah Kennedy was good the first...
00:38:36
Global Sports Podcast Network
So we've got Torvan.
00:38:38
Iain
Kennedy was good the loan the the loan season and then he was bad the second loan season, but he was good. So I think that means it's either...
00:38:44
Global Sports Podcast Network
Are we saying Kennedy or Sisko?
00:38:46
Iain
I think it's either Sisko or Luque.
00:38:49
Global Sports Podcast Network
Yes, Albert Lukey. on You know what? I think they probably had a...
00:38:55
Iain
I don't mind.
00:38:56
Global Sports Podcast Network
I think they had probably very similar spells, but... Albert Luque wrapped it up with a knick-knack paddy, like give your dog a bone. And then something about the MacIbs going home.
00:39:07
Global Sports Podcast Network
So for me, Albert Luque has always got a place in my heart.
00:39:09
Iain
He scored against Seldon. Fair enough. Cisco can be in there for sure.
00:39:15
Global Sports Podcast Network
Yeah, 100%. And then I guess we have already done a manager's special, but Ian, who do you have in there as your manager?
00:39:27
Global Sports Podcast Network
Some great picks.
00:39:29
Iain
There's some good picks. Steve Bruce doesn't get a look in. But, I mean, if it was pure, for for pure manager, oh, ah John Carver was the worst, wasn't he?
00:39:33
Global Sports Podcast Network
No.
00:39:41
Iain
But you could have Steve McLaren, Steve McLaren assisted by John Carver, the dream team.
00:39:41
Global Sports Podcast Network
He was.
00:39:48
Global Sports Podcast Network
I'd be happy. The thing is, I think, I generally think as a coach, Carver was was probably really good because we had so many managers and ah this might come back to make me sound like an idiot, but we had so many managers who actually liked Carver and kept him at the club.
00:40:04
Iain
yeah
00:40:05
Global Sports Podcast Network
um So he must have been good maybe as an attacking coach. But then when it came to actually being a manager, when you know there's no one to hold your hand, really, he was absolutely diabolical. So if we're going manager, it probably does have to be Carver.
00:40:20
Global Sports Podcast Network
But the wally with the brolly did a lot less for the tune than John Carver, I would say. But I'm happy to go Carver because he was the worst manager.
00:40:29
Iain
Carver. Well done, John.
00:40:33
Global Sports Podcast Network
Oh, well done, John.
00:40:33
Iain
You've come top of one list. You've come top of one list.
00:40:37
Global Sports Podcast Network
The best coach in the league at being the worst coach in the league. So that wraps that up. ah Thank you, Ian, for joining me today. It's been a very, very enjoyable episode.
00:40:46
Iain
You're welcome.
00:40:47
Global Sports Podcast Network
We were supposed to have Kev on as well, which probably would have made it an hour special. um So maybe for the best, didn't happen. But you might be able to find him tomorrow. But for now, for me and Ian, it's goodbye.