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Small Changes, Big Impact. (Jimbo Paris Show #137 with Clint Callahan)
10 Plays2 years ago
In this episode, we dive into the transformative power of the "Small Changes, Big Impact: 1% Per Day Transformational System" with seasoned social worker and therapist, Clint Callahan. With over two decades of experience, Clint has made a significant difference in the lives of thousands through their diverse expertise.
🔍 Meet Clint Callahan, a dedicated therapist since 2000, on a mission to drive meaningful change.
💡 Dive deep into Clint's "Small Changes, Big Impact" methodology, unlocking profound personal and client transformations.
📚 Explore Clint's extensive professional journey, spanning from business to crisis management, revealing a wealth of insights.
💬 Gain unique insights into Clint's work, addressing men's issues, military challenges, trauma, relationships, and more.
🎓 Learn how Clint's vast experience solidifies its authority in addressing a wide range of diverse issues.
For more about Clint Callahan and its transformative system,
visit www.smallchangesbigimpact.net
Don't miss out on invaluable insights from this therapy veteran—tune in for actionable steps toward transformative life changes. Subscribe now and embark on your journey of growth and empowerment!
#TransformationalSystem #1PercentPerDay #TraumaRecovery
#ExpertTherapist #WellnessTransformation #MethodologyMatters
#MentalHealthMatters #MeaningfulLiving #SupportAndHealing
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Transcript
Introduction to Clint Callahan
00:00:05
Speaker
Hi, I'm Jumbo Parris and you're listening to the Jumbo Parris show. Hello, everyone. Welcome back to the show. Today we have social worker Clint Klahan, therapist for over 20 years. How are you doing, Clint? So, wait, there I am. Can you see me? Yeah, I can see you, man. How's it going? I'm doing good. How are you doing today?
00:00:31
Speaker
Well, quite well. So this show is all about you today. So can you kind of give me a bit of an explanation on who you are, what you're about and what's your message? My name is Clint Callahan. I have been a therapist and social worker for about 23 years. I am all about helping people to fix their lives. Been doing this for pretty much my entire life for as long as I can remember. I guess I'll start at the beginning. When I was born, I weighed one pound, 15 ounces. So I was 47 years ago. So I technically
00:01:01
Speaker
really shouldn't be here and shouldn't be quote unquote normal, whatever that is. And so going through that, it just kind of started me on the road of wanting to understand,
The Paradox of Connection and Isolation
00:01:11
Speaker
well, why am I here? What am I supposed to do?
00:01:13
Speaker
And part of that is that I really just decided that I really want, I just want people to be happy, safe, comfortable, recognize that they're not alone because we are more connected and less connected than we have ever been in the history of humankind. And what makes you jump to that conclusion or believe that?
00:01:31
Speaker
Because human beings really, we've spent most of our time in living in small towns, small groups, those kind of things of, you know, anywhere from groups of 25 to 100 people on average for most of human existence. And now we are in a got a global stage living in cities with millions and millions or hundreds of thousands of people where we don't really even know our neighbors anymore, where we are more connected than ever, thanks to all this amazing technology.
00:01:58
Speaker
But at the same time, that technology also robs us of that actual human connection of being person to person, face to face, eyeball by eyeball in the same space with each other. And not that I'm saying that I'm against technology, love technology, but it's one of those things that you lose something. I personally think technology is amazing and because of it, it allowed us to.
00:02:20
Speaker
during the pandemic to connect in ways that we could have never connected before. It would have been so much more isolating and so much more devastating, but we are still working through kind of the aftermath of what that did to us as a species. So this pandemic has definitely caused a bit of a shift mentally, socially over the years, but how do we know if someone is doing great? That's a good question. We are very good at not asking for help as people.
00:02:50
Speaker
We are good at putting on putting on the face doing the showing the 1% of our life That's going great on Instagram Facebook to talk all those different things that everything is wonderful Because who wants to tear their dirty laundry for one right and number two it's really about we have you know ego preservation we want to present our best selves to the world and the way that we are and
00:03:13
Speaker
And the only way that you can really find out if someone is doing great is you have to ask them. Because most of the time, if you ask them, you have to get past the first initial response, right? And what's the first initial response when you go up and say, hey, how are you doing? I'm fine. I'm good.
00:03:29
Speaker
everything's okay. But it's like, okay, are you really? That's the question. You have to try and dig a little deeper when you're talking with somebody because their first response is going to be, you really don't want to hear about all the stuff that's going on in my life. This is just a pleasantry. This is just one of those things you say when you pass in the hall on the way to pick up coffee when you show up at work.
00:03:50
Speaker
and those kind of things. But it's really creating that deeper connection by asking and figuring out what's really going on with you. Because that's part of the piece that has been lost over the course of the last, you know, the last three years, five years, ten years, depending on the way you look at how social media has really done to influence the way that we connect and interact with people. Like I know now for like
00:04:11
Speaker
I grew up like you know a kid of the 70s 80s and 90s where you would leave a message on the phone or you didn't have a voicemail you know voicemail or even a tape recording or anything of letting someone know that you called so if you missed the call you missed the call right and now
00:04:27
Speaker
people don't even want you to know everybody's voice mailbox is full and they most like even my friends are like hey leave a message but i probably won't pick it up so send me a text message instead i'll probably respond to that and it's still i might respond not i will respond and that's part of it because we're not we don't have as much fear of missing out when it comes to each other because oh i can just check out your instagram page i can just check out your facebook page i can just check out
Technology's Role in Therapy
00:04:51
Speaker
all these different ways to connect with you to where I actually don't need to really connect with you but I feel like I am so I'm okay. Do you think overall this is a good thing or a bad thing for mental health and possibly just being a therapist in general? Do you have a lot more clients now?
00:05:08
Speaker
I do because I think it's a good thing in some ways and a bad thing in other ways. I think it's a good thing, at least from my perspective as a therapist and as a life coach, because now I can do things like this. Before, you couldn't do this. If I wanted to talk to somebody, I couldn't do therapy over the phone. I couldn't do therapy via Zoom or chat or anything like that, except for any
00:05:29
Speaker
extreme circumstances. And now that's become it's become ubiquitous. There's full platforms that are designed only for virtual interactions and doing therapy. And anytime you can get any kind of help and connect with anybody in any way to really begin to let go of the stuff and the pain and the things of life in from a third party perspective, like because that's what my job is. My job technically is I'm a professional secret keeper and advice giver. That's what I do for a living. Right. But it's also backed by
00:05:59
Speaker
23 years of clinical experience and talking to thousands and thousands of people. But it's those kind of things that I think that has been a major improvement in the way that we can provide mental health care to people. But at the same time, it still loses something in the translation because you can only see me from here up. And when it comes to how human beings have evolved with regards to the way that we interact and connect with each other,
00:06:23
Speaker
you need to see the full picture because the way that i'm holding crossing my legs are acting like that of the way i'm holding tension in different parts of my body you can't see that but when you're in person as a therapist those are all keys and clues that i can look at and recognize
00:06:39
Speaker
this person is extra nervous, this person is attempting to look like they're calm, this person is attempting to do these different things, so I need to poke and prod and figure out what's actually going on with you, because I'm not seeing the full picture, I'm seeing about what we say is really about 10-15% of what is actually going on, the rest is the body language piece.
00:07:01
Speaker
You know, I was reading a research paper and they were talking at length about how wearing masks actually has a massive influence on how we interact with people socially. And even I realized how bizarre it was when you can't really see, like even when I look at you, the way your lips move and the way your face moves.
00:07:20
Speaker
It's like if I was talking to you like this, you could see me and you'd have to judge everything that's going on with me by this little part right here. What are my eyebrows doing? How are my eyes? Are they crinkling in a certain way? Am I smiling? Am I not smiling? Those kind of things, right? And it creates the ability where I can't see what's going on with you. How can I actually trust you?
00:07:42
Speaker
How can I actually believe that what you're telling me is real? Because if you don't see me, how can you trust me? That's a big piece of it. That's the part that masks were necessary, masks were needed, all these things to keep people safe and completely understandable. But it puts up another barrier. We have enough barriers keeping us from connecting that that just adds another layer of, no, no,
00:08:09
Speaker
stay away. No, no, you don't need to know me. No, no, I don't want you to know me, because if you know me, the biggest thing that people are fighting against most of the time these days is imposter syndrome, is feeling burned out, is feeling exhausted, is feeling disconnected, because that's what has been happening in society gradually over time. As we've moved more towards urban centers, it's created that disconnect of where I know who my neighbors are. I know if I can trust them. I know that if something happens at 3 a.m. and I have to
00:08:39
Speaker
Dop off my dog or my kid or someone that I have someone that I can go to that's right next door that can provide me the assistance that I need so I can go take care of this emergency. And when you don't have that, it becomes increasingly isolating and increasingly difficult to be able to connect with other people.
Redefining Success
00:08:56
Speaker
And the harder and basically connection with other people is a muscle. If you don't use it, you will lose it. And it makes it more difficult each time to create that connection because you get out of practice.
00:09:08
Speaker
So speaking of burnouts, I think it's important to ask this now. How do you evaluate achievement?
00:09:14
Speaker
I spent a long time evaluating my achievements wrong and I recognized that about myself. Thanks to my history of growing up and being bullied as a kid and just the way that I processed the world, I looked to achievements as to be something that was an external thing and I had to shift it to an internal process for me.
00:09:39
Speaker
And so I had to reevaluate, especially being a therapist and being someone who wants to genuinely help people. I had to reevaluate, how did I perceive success in my profession? Because being a therapist is very, it's a very esoteric thing. It's emotions, it's thoughts, it's feelings, it's getting someone to talk with you, describe you to you to understand
00:10:01
Speaker
what's going on with another human being using words. And words are not, I don't know, I know what I'm trying to say, but I don't know if you're receiving 100% exactly what I'm trying to say. Does that make sense? And so a part of that is when you try to evaluate your goals and what you're trying to do and what you're trying to accomplish in a moment,
00:10:23
Speaker
it really comes back to how do you do that? So I had to change the way that I did my goals because I used to have goal setting where it was all these big mountain top goals. If I do this, if I have this, if I get this, if I get to this big moment, then I know this person is truly getting better and I have done my job.
00:10:42
Speaker
But I had to rearrange all that and switch it to a very different process. Now, I have two goals that I live by every single day, one personal and one professional. And it took me about a year to figure out exactly what that is. And so what my personal goal every day is that when I am with the people that I love, when I'm with people that are in my life,
00:11:03
Speaker
And they are in front of me and I am with them. I'm 100% there. I'm not distracted by my phone. I am not distracted by other things. I'm not distracted by what is going on up here. I am trying to be here in the moment with them. And when it comes to my professional life, it switched to instead of it being, you have to see what is going on and getting better.
00:11:24
Speaker
If I see even that light bulb flicker moment where you're like, oh, I don't have to keep living this way. I don't have to keep feeling this way. I can begin to change. If I even see that, then I know with at least that one person.
00:11:40
Speaker
that I was successful that day because all it takes is just for me now is just if I see that with one person a day, I did my job for the day. It doesn't mean that I stopped for the rest of the day, but it at least lets me know that I'm on the right track because most of this is a guess. We are all making this up as we go along. I have a lot of answers, but I don't have all the answers.
00:12:02
Speaker
All I'm giving you is my personal experience, the way I look at things, all the years of clinical experience I have, all the thousands and thousands of stories that I've collected from thousands of people over the last 23 years, and saying, based on all the things that I know, all the things that I've learned, all the things that I understand, this is what you could do. And it may work for you. Give it a try. If it doesn't, that's OK. Come back. We'll workshop it again. We'll try again. Because that's the most important thing, is not to give
Creating Real Connections
00:12:32
Speaker
up.
00:12:32
Speaker
Now, when you say this is a guess, how would you help other people to sort of navigate connecting with others when it comes to things like guessing, when it comes to things like your ability as a therapist, your ability to connect with people? So when I say it's a guess, it is because we all make it up as we go along from the moment you wake up in the morning to the moment you go to bed at night.
00:12:56
Speaker
even this conversation that you and I are having. I had no idea what you're going to ask me the moment that you and I connected. Zero clue. I still don't know what's going to happen next, right? So the only thing you can do is take all of your experience and do the best you can in that moment to look at that person, to see that person, to recognize that person and everything that's going on with them and with you.
00:13:19
Speaker
and try to figure out how to create a true 100% connection. That's why a lot of the things that therapists do when we first start talking with people and when we work with people is we do a lot of reflective listening and active listening. Actually, there's a Psychology Today article that came out a couple of days ago that said that is the most important thing in any relationship is to know what the other person is saying. Reflective and active listening is a relatively simple process. It just takes more time when you're having a conversation with somebody.
00:13:48
Speaker
And it's simple where it's like, you asked me a question and I say, okay, so what I hear you saying is then I repeat verbatim what you just said to me. And then I ask the question, is that what you meant? Because then that gives you time to slow down, take a breath and go, okay, is that really what I meant? Because the way that they said it to me,
00:14:07
Speaker
That doesn't sound like what I meant. So it gives you the ability to then say, no, what I actually meant was all the different things. And then so what do I do? Then I follow up and say, OK, so what I heard you say is.
00:14:20
Speaker
this kind of thing, is that what you meant? And you can say, yes, that's 100% what I meant. Now, I know and you know that we both created a 100% real connection in that moment because we both know that what was said was actually hurt because most of the time
00:14:38
Speaker
connection is an A to B process. But the space in between A to B, there's a lot of stuff that can be miscommunicated thanks to differences in area, difference in where we live, difference in thoughts, difference in opinions, difference in life experience.
00:14:53
Speaker
difference in education level, difference in just the way that we say something, how we use words. Because in America, especially, even within the same state, half of the state can say one thing and the other half of the state can say another thing. And it sounds the same, but the intention and what is actually meant is completely different. That makes sense? That makes perfect sense. And I'm thinking here, too, how does someone reevaluate the relationships in their life?
00:15:24
Speaker
So re-evaluating your relationships is one of the most vital things that you can do and I think I really think you should be doing it like six month, yearly basis just to see if the relationship is still serving you because relationships need to work both ways. It has to be a two-way street. It can't be the one where you are the one who's always creating the plans.
00:15:45
Speaker
You are the one that's always reaching out. You are the one that's always connecting. Because by doing those, by being that type of person, then the relationship becomes one-sided. Then the other person doesn't connect up. The other person thinks that, oh, you'll reach out. I don't have to worry about it. Or I've seen you on Facebook. I liked your picture. Everything is great. We're still connected. Everything is good. But yet in those moments, the reevaluation process is difficult because we as human beings don't like change.
00:16:15
Speaker
don't want to do it. It's the thing that happens all the time, whether we want to or not, because our brain is designed to look for the similarities to make us feel good that things haven't changed. But the problem is things are never the same. They're always similar, but they're never the same. And so recognizing in a relationship when it starts to get lopsided, when you start to feel disconnected, when it's no longer serving you is really important.
00:16:39
Speaker
But it's also really difficult because this and the story that we tell ourselves about the history of the relationship, about these different things, is really the thing that causes problems because we want to not believe that the relationship has changed. Because the story we tell ourselves is what creates our reality. So whatever I tell myself up here, whatever story I'm saying affects my relationships, my interactions, and everything that I do. So depending on how you view the relationship,
00:17:09
Speaker
that directly impacts whether or not you're going to hold on, let go, or whether you're going to give yourself the ability to say, no, I'm going to step back and I'm just going to see what happens. I'm not going to connect and see if they want to connect with me. And that's how most relationships begin to fizzle out and die, is because
00:17:28
Speaker
you just stop connecting because you're tired of being the only person that's putting input into the relationship. So now we're backpedaling now to the importance of active listening. Yes. So I think it's all connected, right? It really is. I'm interested in kind of what your definition of active listening is. Maybe how people listening here can sort of participate in that.
00:17:52
Speaker
It comes down to a combination of a couple of different things. It's, are you actually present in the moment or are you distracted? So if you're distracted, if you have your phone, if you're scrolling on Facebook while someone's talking to you, that's not active listening. If you're scrolling, if you're watching a YouTube video while somebody's talking to you, that's not actively listening. It's basically figuring out how to create the best set and setting to make sure that you're fully engaged
00:18:18
Speaker
with that person, the way you and I are having this conversation right now. There's nothing else around me that can distract me. All my devices are turned off. The only thing that is in front of me right now to focus on is you. So this is active listening right now, what we are doing. We're having a direct
00:18:35
Speaker
honest conversation where we are actively engaged in having this dialogue about what does all this stuff mean. I'm trying to do my best to look at the camera so I feel like I'm looking in your eyes and doing all those different things, right? To show you that I hear you, I see you, I recognize what you're saying, I take time and I
00:18:54
Speaker
Make sure that I'm thoughtful when I answer your questions. I make sure that right now this is the moment for me. This is all there is. There's nothing else after this. It's just right now. And that's one of the hardest things to do because let's face it, the world today gives us a billion different distractions that all want our attention. Right now if I wanted to, I'm sure I've probably got 75 emails that I could answer.
00:19:18
Speaker
I've probably got at least three or four text messages and a couple of voicemail messages that if I really wanted to, I could be totally distracted right now. But what would that say to you? To you, that would say, well, why am I even talking to this person? They're obviously not interested in what I have to say. They obviously don't care about what's going on with me and in my life. So why should I even attempt to connect?
00:19:40
Speaker
And that tends to be the main issue that happens when it comes to active listening is we are often so distracted by our life and ourselves that we can't get outside of ourselves to notice, Oh, other people are in pain. Other people are going through stuff to other people have problems as well.
Slowing Down and Passive Engagement
00:19:58
Speaker
What are ways we can grow in mental health and overcome different challenges in life? The one of the reasons why I started my life coaching business and why I'm also still doing therapy is because I really believe that it really comes down to the most important thing you can do is be psychologically minded, is to be present in the moment, to recognize how your thoughts, how your feelings create your actions and your reactions, and then how your actions and reactions create other people's thoughts and feelings.
00:20:27
Speaker
that then just create this cycle that we get stuck in. Just taking 15 minutes a day to slow down, to take a breath, to recognize this is my thought, this is my feeling, this is the story I'm telling myself, how that is actively causing
00:20:43
Speaker
issues and problems in my life because I'm not actively engaging in life. I'm passively engaging in life because there's so many things in life right now that can allow you to passively engage. Instead of actually being present, actually being there, you get the simulation of being present and being there. And because of that, it creates this
00:21:05
Speaker
this dichotomy within us where part of the story is, oh, yes, I'm connecting with people. People know me. They understand. They know what's going on in my life. But at the same time, do they really? How well do you really know another human being unless you sit and have a deep conversation with them about hopes, dreams, fears, failures, life, death, all the stuff as we get more connected and as things get more automated and as all these things happen,
00:21:34
Speaker
We're going to come to a point in society and in technology and all these things where the only place we're going to have to turn back to is each other, because there's only so much you can get out of having a conversation with a chatbot. You have to get in front of another person. But the hard thing also is now, for all I know, you could be a deep fake.
00:21:54
Speaker
You could not be Jimbo Paris, right? You could be an AI-generated thing that is now talking back to me and having this conversation with me because we've now entered that era of stuff to where now, so now you're telling me I can't even trust my own senses? Well, that is really, really scary that you can't even do that now because you don't know what's real and what's fake. That's concerning me about what's happening in the future. Things are becoming so much more separate
00:22:22
Speaker
from the way it was and the way that we biologically are still pre-programmed. Because what people forget is civilization has been around for, as we know it, written civilization, written history, around 5,000 years, 5,000 years plus. And then we had about 4,000 years of all kinds of stuff. And then we had about another 500 years of all kinds of stuff. We're only about 200 some odd years out of the wild west in America. We were only about 60, 70 years out of the first computers, 120 years.
00:22:52
Speaker
out of the Industrial Revolution. About 30 years out of the first internet, at the first major internet connection, we're about 15 years out of the first smartphone stuff. We're about five years out of apps. We're about one year, six months into AI. So when you really look at it from that time scale, our brains and our bodies and our physical everything is still primed for living in nomadic herd in a cave lifestyle.
00:23:20
Speaker
So that's the way our body is already pre-programmed. Right now, every emotion that we have starts with biological fear, because it's still programmed to survive all the stuff that we've gone on and that has happened before. I don't want to think that I'm living in fear every day, but if you think about it, the last time you were truly happy, did the thought cross your mind? When is this going to end?
00:23:43
Speaker
Did the thought cross your mind? Will I ever feel this happy again? Did that happen when you were in that moment or just after that moment? Because if that is, that's a piece that is fear. So even enjoy, there's a little bit of that biological fear of survival, and that's a big piece of it.
00:23:59
Speaker
that biological fear, that deep brain stuff is being exploited by all the different stuff that we have access to because it's the fear of missing out, which is why we stay glued to all these different things because we're afraid we're going to miss out because the amount of information we have access to today is mind boggling. I literally have access to everything, all the accumulated human knowledge
00:24:26
Speaker
on the planet, on my computer, in front of me. I can't access it all. I can't know it all. And yet, boy, wouldn't that be amazing? You hit a lot of different points. And there's a point that I'm thinking about here. I would see a lot of apps on the Google Play Store that would talk about this full AI thing. You could literally text someone like it's another person and talk to them. And it feels like a real person, which is just very bizarre.
00:24:53
Speaker
Yes, it is. And then, you know, I'm thinking here, you know, what a privilege it is for me to be a podcaster because I always have this luxury of going in deep with and I've even had people telling me, you know, podcasting is not a normal means of communication for most people. You know, most people don't have the luxury of this whole deep me talk to you for this long period of time. You can't do small talk with pod.
00:25:17
Speaker
I have this every day, but that's also my profession. I spend eight hours a day sitting in an office, getting people to tell me all the things that they don't want to tell anybody. That's part of my job. Part of the salesy piece of my job of being a therapist and being a life coach is like, hey, if you tell me the things that are going on with you, I will do everything in my power.
00:25:38
Speaker
To help you make sense of it so that you can get unstuck and so you can move on i believe that yes understanding yourself is valuable but i believe getting unstuck in the moment.
00:25:50
Speaker
and having practical tools to move you forward from today is more important because when you are stuck in the now or stuck in the past because of whatever fear story you're telling yourself, whatever anxiety you have, whatever trauma you have, whatever those things are, getting unstuck from that and moving forward is the thing that's the most important because being stuck is like being trapped in a hamster ball, just a hamster wheel, right? That spins around and spins around.
00:26:19
Speaker
You never feel like you're going anywhere. You then continually tell yourself the same negative story a billion times until it becomes your reality. Because again, this is the most powerful thing that we have, the story we tell ourselves.
00:26:34
Speaker
is the thing that creates our life. And it's one of the most important things to recognize and understand because who's writing the story? You are. So you can change it anytime you want to if you know how, but that's the hard thing, right?
00:26:49
Speaker
How do you do that? How do you edit real time? What's going on up here? But I was sitting here a couple of minutes just before we started the podcast. My brain was going, okay, you're going to sit there. This is going to be live. Don't screw up. Don't say the wrong thing because watch out because this is live so they can't edit it.
00:27:08
Speaker
watch out so i had to stop had to take a deep breath i had to do a little bit of box breathing to get my nervous system under control and i had to begin to edit my thoughts and say you've been doing this for 23 years you know psychology you understand people people keep coming back to you in the therapy and talking to you
00:27:27
Speaker
for a reason. So you must know something. Take a breath, relax, it's going to be okay. Jumbo is not going to jump through the computer and start attacking you if you make a mistake, right? But that's that fear story, that's the imposter syndrome that comes up and I've been battling with that my whole life like everybody else. I'm not superhuman. I have the same problems as everybody else. I just have all the tools because of
00:27:53
Speaker
all the years of training and all of my own work on myself to say, it's going to be okay. Take a break. Stop listening to the fear story, push through, get the right tools. And that's one of the reasons why I started small changes, big impact, because I want people to understand that if you have the right tools, you can edit your life in real time, make better choices, make your life better. Our brain is
00:28:20
Speaker
It's a biological computer that runs on electricity. Electricity does one thing really, really well. It goes from A to B as fast as possible. So if I give my brain two choices, here's the path about my imposter syndrome that I've ran down that path a hundred thousand times. Here's the new path that I've run down a thousand times. Which one is it going to naturally want to go to? The hundred thousand times or the thousand times?
00:28:48
Speaker
100,000 every time, because it takes maybe an extra nanosecond to stop and switch and take the thousandth path of not feeling like an imposter, but that thousandth, that nanosecond that it takes to do that, to that electricity, that might as well be a billion years.
00:29:07
Speaker
So your brain, so you're not just fighting against the thoughts and the feelings and all the stuff going on inside of you, you're fighting against your own biology. And that's why it's practice, practice, practice, practice, practice, because I still have to practice every day. I have the same routine. I have the same routine that I try and do every day to center myself and to check in with myself. I set my intentions in the morning with the way I want my day to go.
00:29:30
Speaker
I check in at noon to make sure that I'm following the goals that I've set for myself in the morning, and then I revisit them at night before I go to bed to see that I've followed through so I keep track of myself throughout the day, and I check myself constantly. It's taken me years to figure that out, but I'm trying to teach people how to become and do this
00:29:50
Speaker
using this system and doing these different systems because it took me 15 years of going to therapy, going through bad stuff, coming out, being a therapist, doing therapy, providing therapy because I get as much out of therapy as my clients do because it makes me rethink what I'm doing because if the information I'm giving you is good enough for you, why isn't it good enough for me?
00:30:12
Speaker
That's the piece that we get stuck in. So one of the most important things, if I can have anybody take away anything from this, that is a practical tool. There's two things that I want people to really take away from this. The first thing is, because we're all making it up as we go along,
00:30:28
Speaker
Do not be hard on yourself. When you think about and you've recognized the story you're telling yourself, ask yourself the question, is this something that I would tell my best friend, my, my husband, my kids, my, you know, whoever the significant person is in your life, would I say that to them out loud? If you would, then you should accept it. If you wouldn't, then, then that's probably a lie. And that's probably a lie that you're telling yourself about the situation and what's going on.
00:30:57
Speaker
And the second thing is journaling is one of the best things that you can do. And most people are like, I hate journaling. I don't like writing. I don't like seeing what's going on inside my head because it makes me feel like I'm not making any sense. Well, that's because when you pull it out of your brain, this is where your emotions live. This is where your logic lives. So when you write emotionally, you have to pull it from emotions, cross the little synaptic cleft here and into your brain.
00:31:25
Speaker
into the logic part of your brain to put it on the page to make sense. Because if you ever try to write just pure emotion, it's basically a whole bunch of curse words, usually is what it starts out with because you're not happy with what's going on inside of your head. But by doing that and by actually seeing what the story is in your head, you now have to, if you want to edit it, you have to do something because it's right there in front of you in black and white, either on a computer screen, written down by hand. If you do a video chat to yourself, those kinds of things,
00:31:55
Speaker
Then you see it. It comes into your brain in a different way so that you can process it differently. And by doing those two things, by taking that moment and recognizing the story, writing the story out, you're now beginning the process of stopping the negative talk before it gets to the point where you begin to believe it and you follow it. Small change is big impact. Can you keep talking about
Personal Change Program
00:32:18
Speaker
that?
00:32:18
Speaker
So small changes big impact is it's basically I've taken the last 23 years of all my experience of being a therapist and being in therapy myself and I'll just the life lessons that I've learned providing therapy being in therapy.
00:32:33
Speaker
Being a human being on this planet, becoming a father, making mistakes, figuring stuff out. And I've distilled it into about 30 different psychological tools that I teach people over a 14-week process, doing each thing 15 minutes a day. All started with me was in 2005, my mom committed suicide. And so that began down a path of
00:32:59
Speaker
I, I lost it for about four years through grief and not, you know, basically not handling it well. And then 2008 happened and I lost my businesses. And so I had to move in with my in-laws, all those things. So I became everything I didn't want to be at that time. We had our, our first, our first child, we were living with our in-laws and I had to make a change. I had to figure out, okay, is this the way I want my life to be? Do I want to continue this downward spiral?
00:33:28
Speaker
believing the bad story, believing the negativity, believing all these things about my life. And I decided, no, I don't want to do that anymore. So I took all the skills that I had being a therapist and I began to start carving out, okay, I need to create simple, measurable change for myself.
00:33:44
Speaker
and I continued to do that and I did that for about a hundred days and it completely began to change the way that I viewed the world, I viewed myself, I viewed my situation and I began to finally heal because it allowed me to slow down and to not keep getting stuck in the same trap over and over and over. I want to teach people the skills where they can take 15 minutes a day
00:34:08
Speaker
And the program that I have is a combination of me explaining different concepts and stuff in psychology to recognize these different thoughts and processes and how your story impacts you and all these different things. And then I gave you worksheets to go and look at so that you can work through exactly what's going on inside your head.
00:34:29
Speaker
And then I have it as a group format where then two times a week I will meet with you and talk with you and work through it with you and with other people so that we can all help each other and create a community of people that are like-minded that want us all to get better.
00:34:45
Speaker
to break through to stop the negative self talk to stop believing the story that we tell ourselves and all those different things i'm getting weird as human beings eyeball eyeball face to face video screen the video screen whatever it is and we have a deep conversation where we're not just staying stuck.
00:35:04
Speaker
in the same pattern, but we can begin to see the pattern and break the pattern. That by us working together, you can affect massive change in your life in a very short time. Again, this has been an excellent interview and you really pushed out a lot of great gems here. And I think just to end this off, what's a particular word you could find to lift up someone's mood today?
Message of Hope
00:35:28
Speaker
There is always hope. As long as you put in the work and attempt to change,
00:35:34
Speaker
there is always hope. Well said. So thank you again for being on the show Mr. Callahan. It's been a pleasure and I'll see you next time everyone on the Jimbo Paris show. I'm currently working on a passion project that I'm really excited about but I need your help to bring it to life. We'll be launching soon our very own Jimbo Paris Academy and this is going to be about aspiring creators and creating concepts.
00:35:59
Speaker
Thank you for your support. I'm sharing free bonus content to supporters, so let's make some amazing content together. Our affiliate partner, Lifework Systems, focused on helping create a better collegial environment, looking at the mental health of business workers, business employees, and overall bringing the business up.
00:36:54
Speaker
Thank you for listening.