Transcript
Speaker: Hello and welcome to Kalerinden, the hireling chronicles.
Speaker: Kalerinden is an actual play Dungeons and Dragons podcast in which we will actually play Dungeons and Dragons as a podcast. My name is David Case LeClaire and I will be the narrator and game master for these sessions.
Speaker: Kalerinden is a world of magic and adventure, a world of menacing mercenaries, exceptional explorers, and above-average adventurers.
Speaker: It is a world perpetually beset by the forces of chaos, but every time the darkness returns, epic heroes rise to save the realm. But our story is not about the epic heroes, at least not directly.
Speaker: Our story is about three novice adventurers that have recently agreed to carry the epic heroes' baggage. And joining me as the hardy hirelings, we have... Beth Gleason as... Lilia Thomas.
Speaker: And on my birthdays, my mom used to make me these chocolate cream pies... And, well, I used to eat them with a spoon, and I would go through at least two of them every single birthday, and then I would get so sick.
Speaker: But it was so good. Okay. And Drew Gleason as? Darwinius Gorf Nozzlesnot. Strap in, we're going to find out how many pies snot can eat.
Speaker: All right. And Dave Sturgis as? I am playing Fredegar from the farms over there. And I guess the real question is, how many pies do you have and how long have you got? like These are life's eternal questions.
Speaker: In our last episode, the adventurers traveled to the flooded edge of the Merkmire, where they battled the terrifying giant crocodile Snaptooth for their rank 3 practical exam.
Speaker: And as we return to the story, after their glorious victory, they have just discovered that Talonvor and Swifthoof have mysteriously disappeared.
Speaker: Thin shafts of dusky light straggle through the fog of the Murkmire as Snaptooth's steaming husk slowly disappears into the muck. With Talonvor and Swifthoof no longer in view, what would you like to do?
Speaker: I guess we should just go back to town. He'll figure it out. Besides, he all left us here anyway. Snot is going to, in a ah moment of clarity, just look around to make sure he doesn't see any other large predators coming their way.
Speaker: Okay, I'll make a perception check. Yeah, he's clearly cloudy-headed at the moment, because that is an eight. Okay. Yeah, no, it's you're clear. And he's going to start moving very quickly back to where Talonvor and Swift 2-4. Okay.
Speaker: So as the three of you exit the swamp, and even though your feet are quite muddy and damp, You do have a feeling of, I don't know if exultation is right, or but at least the content.
Speaker: Oh, it's exultation. for not no No doubt, exultation. There's a sense of cheer, even though it's a little strange that Talonvor's gone. But as you get back on dry land, Talonvor does come back, leading Swifthoof.
Speaker: He seems to have been off away in the forest. He's coming back to you He's got this strange expression on his face. Snot was going to try to track them, but I guess they have appeared back in view. Yeah, yeah. they're They're coming back towards you. He's just, like, scratching his head. He's like, did did you see that?
Speaker: Snot holds up the great big tooth. Oh, excellent. Look! Elfguy was right! We beat Snaptooth! you mean me? Or...
Speaker: No, it's not that points back at the large station. Ah, yes. Oh, excellent. Excellent. Very good. I knew that i knew that you all had it in you. It's just, I'm sorry, I would have watched, but it's the strangest thing.
Speaker: Did any you see that that woman? Ah. Yeah, she was dressed in white, like robes, and she was like, just kind of floating through the swamp. Sounds like, uh, maybe ghosts?
Speaker: I... He's suddenly starting to look a little fearful again. I suppose it could have been. I was estranged. I called out to her and i was... But she just turned away. i couldn't see her face.
Speaker: She had a white hood over her face. was very strange. But anyway, let's put that out our minds. Excellent job. Let's get you back to town. Get some ale into you.
Speaker: Oh. And let's celebrate. I've called?
Speaker: Snot is... He's repeatedly waving the tooth around and showing the tooth. He seems pleased for you. pats you on the head. So I knew you were in the 50% that were going to win. Snob or crockless with cupcake.
Speaker: All right. Well, that's an unusual tactic, but I've certainly seen the efficacy of your of your swamp magic and cupcakes. Did you poison the cupcake to slow it down make it sleepy or something?
Speaker: How make cupcakes sleepy? No, no. Like Gropgolisk. Right. Okay. Well, something to think about.
Speaker: It's not as clearly thinking about.
Speaker: Really puzzled by that one. Alright, so does anybody else want to do anything while you're out here, or can we just make our way back to town? We can make our way back. I'm happy to make my way back. Okay. Bye.
Speaker: Alright. We're not going go ghost hunting. but So after a good 90 minutes or so, he brings you back to the trail this time. He seems to be quite good at knowing how to get around like he's got some nature skills.
Speaker: He brings you back to the normal road that you take to get to the swamp and you walk back to town and arrive back in the Adventurer's Guild. would say it's ah just afternoon, early afternoon.
Speaker: Lunch is in full swing. Wow. Wow. It's not his normal self on the way back. He's skipping, singing some of his nonsensical trail songs. He's really very much back to himself.
Speaker: Excellent. I know you're worried about it. It's okay.
Speaker: Meg like looks up as you enter the realm. She's like, Oh, so you're, looks like you're back out in the swamp again, eh? Nice leg out there. Swamp is home. Swamp. Home also of giant crocolis snaptooth. Snot suddenly pulls the tooth around from behind his back.
Speaker: No! Crocodile is defeated. Really? All right, that's a big tooth. I'll give you that. From behind the ah the counter, Edniss looks up. She's like, oh, you guys kill that ah crocodile? out That's great. That thing got Duncan and that donkey, as I recall, pretty recently, too.
Speaker: Snot was very brave and defeated it all by himself. The lady took magic sword. Boom! Smash! And also table.
Speaker: or Fred table. Oh, wow. He points over at him. He's like, turnip guy is Fred.
Speaker: I knew that you guys had it in you. Real adventurers. And it looks like, you know, that Talonvor is ah taking you under his wing, so to speak.
Speaker: i think Do humans have wings? um Snot's vigorously shaking his head. Palmin. No, no wings. Looks like you could use some lunch. That'd be good. Alright, she's made some Plowman sandwiches, which are just basically eggs and bread.
Speaker: Town people are just so fusing to snot. They're like, Lilia thought she could talk to a dog. Talonvor wanted to put a muffin to sleep. Now the badger ladies thinks humans have wings. I mean, he doesn't know what goes on in these people's heads.
Speaker: It's very puzzling. All right. So you ponder this, I suppose, as you get some lunch and Talonvor brings over some some wine or some ale, if you want that.
Speaker: But he's looking a little tired. He's like, well, I'm feeling a bit under the weather. I don't know. I might need to lie down a bit. I think the whole swamp thing has just gotten under my skin a little. But excellent job, everyone.
Speaker: You're probably tired from not fighting Crocolisk. Yes. Well, from watching you, it was lending you strength from afar. But, know, very successful. I'm exceptionally pleased. I just need to ah lie down for a bit.
Speaker: So as you're making up with your launch, Fu comes into the room from the back. It looks like he was sweeping up the broom. He sees Fred over there. as He looks the table and he says, Looks like you've got some use out of your table, Fred.
Speaker: That I did, Mr. Fu. Did quite well. Held up very respectably. Glad to hear that. so sorry Tell story! Tell story!
Speaker: Oh, well, we were sort of in the swamp on top of a hut, and there was some bubbling, and then, yeah, that was that was an awful big ridder. Wow. Yeah. Snot was, like, getting real jazzed up and then looks real disappointed.
Speaker: I thought Mr. Snot was perhaps exaggerating the size of this thing, but he was not. It's quite large, it were. Oh, that's that... Crocodile, the one out in the swamp, yeah. I heard that ate a donkey.
Speaker: think it's, uh, donkey-eating days are behind it now. that's good to hear. I like donkeys snap with cafe donkeys.
Speaker: He points at turnip guy, just to make it clear who he's talking about.
Speaker: Well, I didn't exactly go down easy. All right. You must still be like... like visibly wounded from that, etc right? um Fred's actually pretty much healed up now.
Speaker: Wow. Fred is covered in moss and swamp stuff. I wonder if he'd have a cool scar. It's not that different than normal. It's just moss and swamp stuff instead of straw and farm stuff.
Speaker: yeah Sorry, you got a little ah farm stuff there. hey It's my culture, not a costume. After a little while, you hear Muddy out on the front porch. You saw her when you came in.
Speaker: She's kind of like barking. It's not for being reminded of that. It's going to run outside to tell Muddy the story. Okay. He's still got the tooth to show Muddy. As you go outside, you see an unusual character, somebody you have not seen before.
Speaker: There is a halfling out in the street, a little ways away from the Adventurer's Guild. The halfling has very dark skin, brownish black hair that's cut in kind of a childish bob cut.
Speaker: They're wearing soft gray robes. They have a large backpack that is stuffed with oversized books. And they appear to be smiling and laughing and having a conversation with the heir.
Speaker: Snott's going to wrinkle up his nose and but suddenly not paying attention to Muddy. Just going to stand there looking at him, like, kind of disgusted. Okay. Okay.
Speaker: You realize that the halfling isn't having a conversation with the heir. They're having a conversation with something small. God, it's not a quickling, is it? It's not Fizzwhiz! Buzzing around them. Well, they're a little far away to tell, but you can just see something flitting around as the halfling is chattering away.
Speaker: Snot is going to start inching over towards the door in a don't notice me kind of way. Okay. Yeah, it doesn't seem to paying attention to you, so youre you can go back inside if you want to.
Speaker: Muddy seems to be a bit mollified now that you've come out and and patted her, but she is a little disappointed that you didn't tell her your story. Yeah, Snot's... his attention has completely shifted away from Muddy now. Okay.
Speaker: but As soon as he can sort of slip into the door, he's going to scoot in, turn his back on the doorway be like, Hey, hey, hey! Filthy half guy out there!
Speaker: Maybe Fizzwhiz! He's trying to get people's attention. Fred being a man who plows is all in on the those sandwiches. But when he hears Fizzwhiz, would get his attention, I think. What's that, Snot?
Speaker: Dirty half guy talking to Fizzwhiz. Fred hasn't stopped eating, but he has stood up. I'll go out. I'll put a hand on Fred's shoulder. Just keep eating. I'll check it out. Yes, Lily will kill.
Speaker: What? Nothing. and I'll just walk out the door and see this half guy, the dirty half guy. ah Snot just has a sort of built-in hatred of halflings. We were talking that Lily probably has never met a halfling before, Yeah, I don't think there are any in Mud Puddle and and probably not Shepscott either.
Speaker: no So yeah, it's a kind of a curious sight. It actually kind of looks a little bit like Snot, size-wise, but in much nicer clothes and um not at all like Snot in every other way.
Speaker: Snot has probably seen a few of the adventurers that come through town, but he was brought up to feel that they are just filthy, gross. I don't want to say more things. They'd be very offensive.
Speaker: Yeah. Well, I mean, you've never met Blimbo Buggins, so. That's true. and don't know if you'd change your mind or not, but. I've only heard, but not the song, but I've heard about him. People do speak of him in hushed tones.
Speaker: Yeah. Do I happen to remember the Talonvor mentioned that a halfling may be coming to town? Could make a history check. Let's try.
Speaker: Nope, I don't remember. Since it's not told you that there's something going on out there, you could can't tell if it's Fizzwhiz, but you can definitely see a little fairy-like creature flitting around and this halfling is talking to it.
Speaker: But it's about 30, 40 feet away from you, so it's not immediately clear but what they're saying or what's happening out there. I will just walk up to them and just hold my hand out.
Speaker: Hello, I'm Lily. Do you need help? Okay, as you get closer, you can see that it is indeed Fizzwhiz zipping around in the air next to this halfling.
Speaker: Fizzwhiz is wearing a uniform, a teeny little quickling uniform, and he's got his sword back, and he looks very agitated, and he's kind of doing his Fizzwhiz thing. like, no, no, you can't do magic here. No magic.
Speaker: Don't make me get my boss. Why did i bring this character back? Um...
Speaker: Okay. The halfling turns around as you approach and looks up at you. And you see as they turn that they have like a little leather rectangle pinned to their robe. And on it it says, Alo, my name is Sharnanon and my pronouns are they, them.
Speaker: They, them. Oh, get ready for an accent. And... Yeah, it doesn't say hello. It says, Alo. A-L-O-O. Oh, dear.
Speaker: Alo. its Hello. ah Who are you? Um, I'm Lily. Who is that? That's Fizzwhiz. You don't want anything to do with him. Oh, this is my new friend. My new friend is Fizzwhiz.
Speaker: No, trust me. He's not your friend. It's not Fizzwhiz. It's not that hard to say. Lily will turn to Fizzwhiz, do her best glare at him.
Speaker: Bugger off. Make an intimidation check. Sure. See if I can roll better.
Speaker: 16 plus 3. So, 19. Yes, Fizzwhiz is intimidated. He's kind of like instinctively grabbing his sword, but he doesn't pull it out. He's just looking very nervous. He's like, I'm going to tell Carnivorous Despacito about this.
Speaker: Sure. Bye. zips Wait, is that how Fizzwhiz pronounces that weird guy who tried to intimidate us? Yes. What was name again? Carnando. Carnivacchio! I realized I have it written down.
Speaker: Carnivacchio's Despicchio. So, uh, Sharnanon looks at Fizzwhiz and sort of waves. Bye-bye! And turns to Lily. Hello, I am Sharnanon.
Speaker: I am new to this town. Who are you? Hi, I'm Lily. Welcome, Sharnanan. We're new here, too. But ah did you want to go to the Adventurers Guild? I'm looking for Talonvor. He is a tall human with elven blood and regrets about his family.
Speaker: Have you seen a tall human with regrets about his family? know about the family, but I can bring you to Talonvor. Oh, yes, that would be very, very good.
Speaker: Sharnanan happily sort of toddles along behind you. Do you... Like, as they walk, like, little pages from their books sort of, like, fly out of their their backpack as it seems to be kind of unkempt and things are just stuffed in there. Do you need help with your books? I carry something.
Speaker: Uh, no. My books are okay, but thank you very much for offering. It's a very polite... you're welcome. What was... It's lunchtime.
Speaker: Okay. Are you hungry? No. Oh, well, let's go. Yeah. Okay.
Speaker: What was your name again? Lilia. Oh, Lilia. Just call me Lily. Like, uh, like ah the flower? Yes. Oh.
Speaker: Okay. Okay. It's not, it's probably peering out of the door. Charledon just kind of reaches up and like holds Lily's hand. Yeah.
Speaker: like Is he perfectly cheerful looking around? oh this town. Is it very muddy? It's muddy, yes, but it's a very nice town. The folks here are... Ah, I like it....on average nice.
Speaker: Oh. You are nice. I'm nice. And my friends are nice. yu mean You'll meet Fred and Snot, and we're we're with Talon Lord right now. Oh, are you the irelings who has hired for the adventurer?
Speaker: He calls us s luggage carriers, but yes. Ah. Well. and I'm sure you will have many jobs and you will do them very well. We'll try.
Speaker: right, so you're arriving back at the inn and Sharnan still is like looking around, taking in all of the sights. Spoilers, there there are no sites in Mudbottle. It's just dirty, dusty streets, broken down buildings. and The these site, singular. Yeah. Yeah. Shardin does seem to like get on the opposite side of Muddy from you as you're approaching, and Muddy is looking very suspiciously, and Snot is kind of peeking out the door.
Speaker: Yeah. He's very pleased that Lillia drove away Fizzwhiz, but her lack of beating up the halfling is not sitting well with him. Especially since she seems to be leading it over here.
Speaker: This is a very nice halfling. Besides, she's with Kalenbor. Come, this way. Okay, the halfling goes along with you you. You reach the door. You see it's already kind of open, and there's like an eye peering out at you from the inside.
Speaker: Well, it it it when I get that close, it's not going to just retreat away from the door. The door just shuts. And he's going to go over to the far end of the inn.
Speaker: Muddy has gotten up and is trying to get around Lily to try and get a closer look at Sharnadon. Sharnadon is trying to edge around you to to avoid Muddy. It's kind of getting you muddy tangled up.
Speaker: Not now, not now, no. And I'll kind of... Later, later, later. We'll meet later and um we'll play a game. Yeah. You easily manage to mollify Muddy. It doesn't take much for Muddy to just go back to sleep.
Speaker: Snot was very clear the dog does not talk.
Speaker: Although, i mean, Snot is emotionally connected to a donkey, so I don't know if he's wanted to talk. Look, are you hitting on Shrek now? What's happening?
Speaker: All right, so you open the door, you you bring Sharnanon in, and Sharnanon's looking around like, oh, look at this, look at that. Oh, he is so big. Pointing at Fred. what What is Snot doing? Is Snot hiding? no he's just on the far side of the main tavern room.
Speaker: He's not hiding behind a table. He's at a proper seat, but he's keeping his head down and watching all this glaringly. So Sharnanon's face lights up when they see Snot. And they're like, oh and they let go of Lily's hand and kind of like walk over to where Snot is like, hello, hello, I am Sharnanon.
Speaker: And who are you? Oh, um, wait, you Sharnanam? and I'm Sharnanam. It's not actually remembers Talonvor saying something about Sharnanam. And also Topaz, but I don't know what that's about.
Speaker: and well, he not say you little, uh, weapon. in Ah, do you want to see a magic trick? Yes. Ooh, magic trick. Where? does not look suspicious at this, but he does like magic tricks.
Speaker: Sharnan ruffles around in their pockets, comes out with a large deck of cards. It's like kind of shuffling them front of their hands. were Like, ah, now pick a card. Holds out the cards, like spreads them out in front of Snot.
Speaker: Which one? Any card. Whichever one are you calls out to you. Snot can keep. You will have to give it back. Snot looks very cross at this.
Speaker: Okay, this is not magic trick. This is just trick. We will see. Going to take card. We will see. Maybe, maybe not. Oh no, Fizzwhizz back.
Speaker: Snot points at the door. I don't think that Sharnanon is distracted by this. Oh, okay. Well, regardless, Snot grabs one of the cards. Probably worked on Fred, though. Actually, can you roll two dice? Roll a d12 and a d4.
Speaker: Sure. It doesn't really matter, but it's part of the trick. Okay. D12 is a seven and a four. Okay. So you have picked the seven of Clover.
Speaker: Okay. So that's not looking at it. He just took it and he's greedily holding onto it. Sean and just like looking at you expectantly. Okay. Now you're going to ask for card back. Well, you look at card and remember what card you have.
Speaker: It's not very suspiciously pierced down at the card while trying to keep one eye on the halfling. What does this card look like? It's not familiar with playing cards. I mean, he's seen people use them, he doesn't understand the faces. He knows of them.
Speaker: It's not as more of a knuckle bones guy. This was pretty clear, though. There are green clovers on it, and there are seven seven clovers. Okay. They're not lucky clovers. They're just three. He didn't pull the the purple horseshoes.
Speaker: Yeah. All right. So, Sarnanon says, Matt, I have the card back. It's not very reluctantly. Hands the card back. All right. Sarnanon takes the card, shuffles it back into the deck, and shuffling them rapidly. Watch the cards. Watch the cards.
Speaker: Oh, bye-bye card. And then says, is this your card? And holds up a card. It is the Spearlord of Emeralds.
Speaker: Uh, no, but not like that one better. yeah He reaches out for it. Okay, let's not keep that card. Okay. But then check this one. They shuffle through the cards rapidly. Aha!
Speaker: This card? It is the Seven of Honey. Uh, no, closer. Closer. Oh. Sharnanan's getting very distressed.
Speaker: Like, oh. Does Sharnanan let Snot take that card as well? Yeah, yeah. In fact, they sort of flip over the cards and start going through them. Okay, put it to the one that eats your card. And it's like opening up all the cards. that just Just tell me which one.
Speaker: Uh, Snot's having a weird change of heart here. Still kind of bad. um No, you're doing good. This closer. ah You don't. Maybe Snot's going to point in general direction. Oh, I don't see it in there?
Speaker: No, you don't actually see the card in the deck.
Speaker: Are there other Clover cards in there? Yeah, there are a bunch of others. Snot's going to paw at each of them a little bit, just to get a clearer look, spread the other cards away.
Speaker: No. Uh, uh, no. Uh, what? You do something with? It's not covered. Maybe I do the trick wrong.
Speaker: ah Oh, this is very, oh this has never happened before. Well, uh. Maybe, maybe you did the trick upon me.
Speaker: No, you're just bad. They're like, oh, oh, thought you saw. Okay, Snot. They're like, kind of like, there's a tear in one eye. They're looking down at the cards, oh, and slipping through them rapidly. Are you sure? Was he not this one?
Speaker: and And they hold up the the butler lord of emeralds. No, no, here. Snot is actually going to relent and sort of hold out the two cards he's he's taken so far.
Speaker: Try, try with these. Try, hide. Look, Snot covers his eyes. and ah Maybe the problem is with you and not with me. I think, uh, I feel Shardanon has reached up and grabbed one of your ears.
Speaker: ah Snot's going to jump away. You have magic in your ears? What? Okay. yeah Your ears, they're like magic. This... this not... okay. time
Speaker: Snot is like up on a bench seat now, kind of trying to back away from this. And Jardim's like climbing up after you, trying to paw at your ears.
Speaker: No, show me your ears. i want to see inside your ears. but do What is something in there? No, this is where your magic is from. He's not going to hop down and sort of half run, sort of jog across the room towards his friends. He's chasing you like around the room. Show me your ears.
Speaker: ah There is the smell of the bug. Why did Snot talk to you? good um Fred will wander back in.
Speaker: oh sorry. Couldn't find the little bastard. Snot's gonna come running up to you. While this ridiculousness is going on, I'll go to Talonvor's room and kind of knock on it.
Speaker: um Mr. Talonvor, there's someone here to see you. He hears kind of a groan. He's, uh, uh, can they come back later? It's not that carnivorous guy, is it?
Speaker: It's Sharnanon. Oh, all right. Well, that's good. That's good news. Uh, hold on. I'll be right down. You may want hurry. Um, there's some drama. Oh, dear. Yeah.
Speaker: involving cards. Oh, no. Just play along. It's fine. Okay. All right. Seems like he's going to take a minute. ah Meanwhile, downstairs, so it's not you've kind of you're trying to like get around Fred or or stand near Fred.
Speaker: Yeah, he's going to try and put Fred between himself and the the stinky half person. Yeah. So, Shogunawa is still trying to get like not get get get a look in your ears. Not here. No, no, he's very important.
Speaker: Oh. Your ears, they have some surprising magic. No, no magic ear. No. just ah He knows it's not appropriate to, like, fight here or to just fight with these people, but he does not have any idea what else to do.
Speaker: Look, not help your fight card. Just stop. Stop. No ear. All right. Sharnan on relance. Okay. Well, could you look in your ear? Pointing at your left ear.
Speaker: Snot is going to jam one pinky into his left ear. You feel something in your ear. Ow. He's going to dig around in there and kind of pull it out, ready to pop it in his mouth.
Speaker: It's kind of stuck, but as you pull it out, there's sort of a popping noise, and you've pulled the seven of clover out of your ear. Ow. It's like a full playing card. It's got a little waxy.
Speaker: You can hear a lot better now, actually. Ow. Ow. Oh, uh, Shananagai, the card was in here. Oh, well, that explains it.
Speaker: Well, why don't you, why don't you keep that? Not really, more questions.
Speaker: Wait. I don't think I want that back. He's so okay. Snot can keep... Yes. ah Okay. Uh, not right now. Um... Snot is going to... slowly tuck the card into his... bell pouch.
Speaker: What's all this commotion over there? Oh, did Snot make a little friend? Uh, hello. I am Sharnano. Oh, okay. I'm Ednes, and I just... We respect boundaries in here, so, you know...
Speaker: And we're going to settle down a little. We can get you a plowman. A plowman? I do not need a plowman.
Speaker: It looks like we already have a plowman. They kind of point at Fred. oh They're not wrong. Let's just sit down and and wait for Talonvor, maybe quietly.
Speaker: Okay. Sort of sit back down and Ednis brings out some more snacks. And... Until the snacks arrive, Snot is not going to sit down. He's just going to stand there kind of digging into both ears to see if there's anything else in there. Sharnanon happily climbs up on the seat next to Fred and sort of looks up and says, Hello, I am Sharnanon.
Speaker: Who are you? Oh, I am Mr. Fredegar from the farms over the way there. Oh, over ah which way? Over the damp side of the river. Oh, the damp side of the river. Is that the better side of the river?
Speaker: No, for farming it is. okay. That is good. Are you one of the Ireland's? ah Yes, yes I am. Ah. Would you be ah Mr. Talenvor's child?
Speaker: No, I'm not his child. Mr. Talenvor, he does not have a any of these um children. No, I'm older than Talenvor.
Speaker: Oh, so you're full grown.
Speaker: I ah suppose i do not know. ah Perhaps I will get bigger.
Speaker: have not yet. i i sure I sure hope you do. oh Fred kind of gently pats them on the mother shoulder. Do you think I would be ah better if I was bigger?
Speaker: Oh, I don't know about that, but... Would I have more magic? I do not know. I suppose couldn't rule it out.
Speaker: I could not do a card trick for you because I cannot reach your ears. Oh. Perhaps that's just as well. It's not size narrow at that.
Speaker: That's what happened. Somehow. Son of a bitch. You put the card in my ear.
Speaker: A few minutes later Talonvor comes down. He's looking a little worse for the rare little... little greenish, like he's not doing great, but not not too badly. Comes over, he's like, ah, Sean and on, I see you have arrived.
Speaker: Well, clearly that you have met ah brave adventurers who will be joining us. They have proved themselves to be quite mighty. Oh, is that so? Are you mighty?
Speaker: Is that good? Fred kind of shrugs.
Speaker: Oh, I think you are being humble. You look mighty. we do well enough. Talonvor comes over to the table and he says, all right, well, this isn't my favorite table. I don't know if, would you all be willing to go over to the corner?
Speaker: and That's kind of my thing. I have to sit in the corner and it's got to be a little mysterious. yeah yeah I watch everybody who comes into the room through, like, with my hood up. Oh, yeah. Protect the earth.
Speaker: So Talon gets everybody up and he's like, come on, come on, just bring the snacks, it's fine. Goes over to his little corner. Okay. Edith, could you light this candle for me? She lights the candle.
Speaker: He pulls his hood up over his eyes. says, alright, well, Sharanon, it's excellent that you could join us. He's not shaking his head back and forth. I don't know if... We have to pay the wages.
Speaker: I don't have any cash. Sharanon's eyes grow wide. Oh, I have the gold from Anfernier. Is it 500? No, no, no, no, no. No, it's 10 gold. 10 gold each.
Speaker: Oh, is that all? Okay. 10 gold for you. And they give 10 gold to Lily and 10 gold for you and give 10 gold to Fred. And then they sort of reach over towards Snot with like 10 gold.
Speaker: Ooh, ten gold. Snot taps on the table for them to put it there.
Speaker: Sharnadon giggles a little bit and puts the gold on the table and watches you closely. He's going to snatch it away and put it into his his belt pouch. He is watching this halfling like a hawk, which is to say snot would be the hawk in this metaphor.
Speaker: Sharnadon looks at you and smiles. So Talonvor says, all right, so, Sharnanad. The others, of course, have not arrived yet, but I've sort of been given command, so to speak, of this division until Anfernail is here.
Speaker: Sharnanad is just sort of watching him without blinking. So, what do we do next?
Speaker: Sharnanad says, ah, but I have been doing some ah research onto these creatures. Ah, the purple warriors, which we have seen.
Speaker: Oh, elves. ah Not elves. They're fey. Are they film war that we said? Ah, so. Sharnan nods and eyes go somehow wider.
Speaker: Ah, yes, this is that this is true. I have done some research. These are the creatures of the fey. They should not be able to be in a land in such numbers, but somehow they have found a way.
Speaker: You see, it is very rare that creatures can move between the fe and the mortal plane. Some of us have this ability, but it is very difficult.
Speaker: And to move so many creatures, there are many of these warriors. I do not know if you have known, but they are traveling across the land. Many of them are heading in this direction. Ah, it's not not raises one big green hand.
Speaker: It's not to have a question. Yes. How you get card in ear. Oh, magic. It is magic. do you want me to teach you magic? No, no.
Speaker: I will teach you. will teach you the magic of the cards.
Speaker: Very useful for making a friends. Oh. We are friends, right? No. Are we not? um I will do more card tricks.
Speaker: Not will be friend if no more cards in ears. It is a deal. We are friends now. So, the creatures of the Fey.
Speaker: Amphraniel is seeking answers on who these are creatures are, who is leading these creatures and how they have arrived. She searches in the dark and on the wind.
Speaker: I look in the library. No, no. They in cave, we find. Oh. Yeah, he's right. ah Perhaps it would be helpful if we could go to look at these caves. But Talonvor, if it is okay, I have a request for the hirelings, if they are free.
Speaker: No, thank God.
Speaker: Okay. I don't and know what arrangements this Talonvor has made, but but perhaps ah perhaps you have more money if you are my friend. Oh, yes. Friend, yes.
Speaker: Oh, I will give you 10 gold if I can do another cad trick for you. Wait, no, that's not the old.
Speaker: Talonborg's like, look, all right, enough of the tricks. Fine, Sharnanon, great. Yes, we know you like tricks. We, yes, so much fun. Now, what do we need to do? Well, I must do more research on these creatures so that we understand their aims.
Speaker: But I have a problem. The books that I have taken, they are overdue to the library. So perhaps as the IRLX could return these books to the library for me?
Speaker: Which library? Ah, I am glad that you have asked this. This very wise question. It is the Bibliotheca of Bransaid. Which is where? It is in the Fae.
Speaker: Oh no, no, it is okay. I can transport you to the Fae for a short period of time. Enough time to return the books. Aren't the foam war from Fae? Like, don't don't we not want to go there?
Speaker: the Fae is very large. There's many different places in the Fae. It is not all, uh, it is not all the dangerous. Some of it is very, it is nice and charming. It is ah a land like this, but very different.
Speaker: No, it is very safe in some places. We will ah take every precaution, ah if it is okay. Will you come? I cannot go with you, because I must open the passage and then keep it open from this side.
Speaker: Will Talonvor come? Perhaps he will. Talonvor is like looking distinctly unhappy about this. um Well, I mean, I don't feel great. I think I've come down with something. I might have to take a sick day on this one.
Speaker: Look, you'll rank three adventurers and... Oh, yes. you can If you can handle Snaptooth, then you can handle this, whatever it was, library. Okay, library. Great.
Speaker: Sure, let's go. Can we go tomorrow after breakfast? Uh, Sharnan has reached back and grabbed some of the books and has picked them up and, like, opened opened the book on the table. It's, like, just massive tome, like, dust flies out of it and they're looking at it.
Speaker: Ah, the due date, ah, yes. It should be fine if it is by the tomorrow morning. Can we look for books other than these books there?
Speaker: Yes. You may ask the librarian what knows. It is a little bit mischief, but I'm sure it will be okay. Fred, what if there are books there about the farms?
Speaker: Oh, like those and fancy papers that say what you... who ares the Or something. it's a but It's a library. I mean, maybe there's something. ah You can look, but you must be careful not to spend too long. That is all.
Speaker: And the... Oh, them, the Fae folks. I've heard they don't take too kindly to visitors. No, they're like their visitors. But that do not be rude to them.
Speaker: They're looking at this knot for some reason as they say this.
Speaker: Before you go into the Fae, it is critical to make sure that... Let me take it like a sip of ale. Oh, this is very strong. What was I saying?
Speaker: Going to the Fae. Snod has got this... He's kind of got the glassy look on his face that he gets when people are using words he does not understand. ah Yeah, important safety tips for us Oh, yes, yes. they are Thank you, Mr. Freddy Gat.
Speaker: ah Before you go into the Fae, you must make sure but that your ears are clean.
Speaker: Snot smelting something at you. Shaking his head. Literally figuratively? ah No, this is ah this is a a little joke.
Speaker: Just a witticism to see if I can now make your snot laugh. But he does not die look like he is laughing. He's not staring at this point.
Speaker: It's not like that this halfling is talking about him, but he's having a real hard time following.
Speaker: Okay, so tomorrow ah morning ah you will we will ah send you on your way to the Bibliotheque of Bransade. Okay? Sure.
Speaker: Talon Dwarves. He's like, all right, well, good meeting, good meeting. um Tomorrow then, I think I need to get some rest. Is there anything I can tell wrong with him with like a medicine check?
Speaker: Yeah, you can make a medicine check.
Speaker: So that's 17. You don't think it's particularly serious, but it does look like something kind of swamp illness.
Speaker: don't think he's on death's door or anything, but it does look like it maybe he was stung by something while he was in the swamp. But he's clearly little bit under the weather. Could it be like a poison or something like that?
Speaker: Could be a poison, yeah. But it doesn't seem like it's life-threatening. Okay. I assume there are healers in town. I could stop by a healer and send them. Don't you have that special kit?
Speaker: Oh, I do have that special kit, but I don't think it can do anything. That doesn't really heal people. He doesn't really kill people. That special kit only helps you when you're unconscious.
Speaker: It's the Thoughts and Prayers Heal Kit. You were going to find out sooner or later. You got to pay for the subscription. Yeah. If you want to actually heal. Get the HMO version.
Speaker: Look, I just need to lie down, sleep this off for a day or two. You're in good hands with Sharnadon, guess, to take of this library business, in and we'll all be good.
Speaker: Is this quest? Yes, it is a quest, but oh we pay you on a weekly basis, and so you've been paid your wages for the first week. Oh. So you get paid again at the end of the week.
Speaker: Oh, okay, but it's quest. It sounds like a pretty stupid quest, but yes, it's a quest. Snots nodding enthusiastically. Ha! Snot is actually kind of perked up at the idea that we're doing another quest.
Speaker: He knows that's a big part of adventuring. All right. Unless anybody wants to do anything the rest of the afternoon and evening, passes in a relatively normal fashion, you can go about your business. Maybe, I don't know, Fred needs to check on the farm.
Speaker: Yeah. I mean, Snot's still got that story to tell Muddy. Yeah, so Snot has a long catch-up with Muddy. I will go get a healer for Talonbor. okay let them know what I've diagnosed, which is very little.
Speaker: There is a healer in town. It is a half gnome, half dwarf. What do you call it? an A norf? A norf, yeah. A dwom.
Speaker: What an interesting combination. Their name is Brisket. Brisket, okay. And they don't seem that accomplished. Oh.
Speaker: And it's sort of like, ah, well, you want a healing kit? I could give you an easy heal kit. Do they have some kind of food-themed last name?
Speaker: Brisket Ribcage. Do you have anything for, like, a swamp poison? Oh, well let me look. Oh, I've got a tincture here. Do you want a tincture? I'm so sorry to hear that. What does it do? Oh, it's for swamp poison. Yep. Poisonous swamp.
Speaker: Yeah, no, if you get a poison by swamp, then you take this tincture. Is it safe? Is it safe? Oh, yeah, of course. You just dip it on your wrists. You could also use it if you're going on a date.
Speaker: I'll skip it. Thank you. um Have a great day. This guy doesn't seem too helpful. No. And hopefully he won't come up again. Yep. I'll do my best.
Speaker: But he is also a barber and a justice of the peace. If you need a notary, he's got you covered.
Speaker: right. So the evening passes. You all go about your business. you get your dinner. And the morning dawns as everybody turns to the inn ready for their library adventure.
Speaker: And with that, we're to bring this episode to a close. Thank you for listening to Clarendon, The Hireling Chronicles, and please join us for our next exciting library adventure.
Speaker: you
Speaker: you
