Transcript
Speaker: Hello and welcome to Kalerinden, the Hierland Chronicles.
Speaker: Calarendon is an actual play Dungeons & Dragons podcast in which we will actually play Dungeons & Dragons as a podcast. My name is David Case LeClaire and I will be the narrator and game master for these sessions.
Speaker: Calarendon is a world of magic and adventure. A world of notable knaves, towering transepts, and creepy Claire stories.
Speaker: It is a world perpetually beset by the forces of chaos, but every time the darkness returns, epic heroes rise to save the realm. But our story is not about the epic heroes, at least not directly.
Speaker: Our story is about three moderately experienced tourists as they check out the sights in the ruined city of Mirfanciat. And joining me as the hardy hirelings, we have Beth Gleason as...
Speaker: Lilia Thomas and what I miss about Mud Puddle is hot food and a warm bed. Nobody in that bed though. my Myself, just me in that bed. Okay, good clarification.
Speaker: And Drew Gleason as... Darwinius Gorf Nozzlesnot. Really starting to miss Muddy, his best dog. Snot wanted to eat Muddy, but now good friend.
Speaker: And Dave Sturgis as... i am playing Fredegar, the keeper of Sparrow's Run, the tiller of the land and leader of its many turnips. I'm not sure that Fred misses Mud Puddle so much as the farms along the river behind Mud Puddle, but sometimes he does miss all the food Ednes kept giving us.
Speaker: Oh, could go for Volklarendon. Well, if we return to Mud Puddle, you won't miss it anymore.
Speaker: That is a good saying. have to remember that.
Speaker: In our last episode, the hardy hirelings traveled with the epic heroes through the fancy sewers of Mirfancia. After several desperate battles, they burst through into Victory Plaza.
Speaker: As the epic heroes head off to search for the lost sword of Barmy Bangborn, the adventurers prepare to enter Ardentia Abbey in search of the lost signet stone.
Speaker: The rain seems to have lightened into a damp mist in Victory Plaza. There's a large sculpture of the sun in the center of the plaza and and towering above you are the ornate spires and flying buttresses of what you assume must be Ardentia Abbey.
Speaker: The massive oaken doors lie broken on the ground and the doorway leads back into shadowy darkness. My least favorite kind of darkness.
Speaker: Oh, well, good. It's dark. Let's go. i know there was some discussion of maybe trying to rest a little bit before we charged in there. Oh, yeah. Well...
Speaker: As you're preparing to head into the abbey, you hear a soft giggling near you. Turning, you see Sharnanan is running back towards you, it seems Sharna is running back towards you as she has changed into her feminine form.
Speaker: She runs within 30 feet of you and says, Oh, I forgot have a gift for you. Then she draws sigil in the air, whispers something and blows kisses towards all of you.
Speaker: You all feel extremely sleepy as she casts catnip. Sorry, catnap.
Speaker: Oh, catnip. We all roll around on our backs with balls of yarn.
Speaker: So with this spell, you'll fall asleep for 10 minutes and then you'll get the benefit of a short rest. Now, you have to be willing so you can choose not to accept this sleep if you don't want to.
Speaker: I mean, on the one hand, why not accept it? On the other hand, it was presented in perhaps the most off-putting way. i don't know. I think not the most off-putting thing that Sharanan has done so far.
Speaker: It's true. It was not in my ear. Okay. This not just falls down in the middle of the road and naps.
Speaker: As everybody else, as they feel the sleep coming over you, you're not exactly sure what's happening, but are you willing to go with it? Sure. Yeah, Fred's had kind of a long day. It's kind of a relief as you sink to the ground and you feel the stone cold against your face.
Speaker: You wake up shortly after. ah The square is now empty. Feel the rain dripping on your face. Seems barely any time has passed at all, but you feel surprisingly well rested.
Speaker: You gain the benefit of a short rest.
Speaker: Oh, he's not picked himself up, having apparently fallen on his face, which with his nose is not the most comfortable thing. um And he looks around at everyone else who is also picking themselves up.
Speaker: What crazy halfling do? He looks around suspiciously for Sharna hiding anywhere in sight. There is no sign of anyone else in the plaza at the moment.
Speaker: Okay. Get up, get up. We safe. Aye, that was a bit weird. Fred checks to see if he still has all of his stuff. Yeah, you have all of your stuff and a little bit more rage than he used to.
Speaker: I'm really missing that warm bed right about now. Oh, Fred have table. Not the same thing. Oh, maybe with Blanken.
Speaker: Okay, so you rise from your nap. What would you like to do? guess with more caution this time, Snot is going to advance towards the comforting dark space ahead of us.
Speaker: The entry into the abbey. As you move towards the doorway, you glance back quickly a few times to make sure no halflings are sneaking up on you. But the plaza remains blissfully halfling clear.
Speaker: As you step over the broken fragments of stone, you enter the cavernous expanse of the abbey. It appears much of the roof has collapsed. There's a dim light stretching down from above.
Speaker: There's a soft mist suffusing the inside with a feel of quiet reverence. Much of it's in ruins inside, but along the walls there is an intact series of stained glass windows. ah You see some statues.
Speaker: Mostly they're fallen over and broken. Tables, all that kind of thing. Wow. Is it like a wet mist or is it like dust hanging in the air? No, it's ah a little bit of a damp mist, like like you're in a cloud.
Speaker: Is there damage in here apart from what appears to be caused by the roof falling in? ah It's hard to say. You would assume that there were, like, i don't know, pews maybe?
Speaker: Seems almost more like a church, even though it's called an abbey. But the furniture is all pretty much smashed up. You don't see any bodies in this area. I'll let you in on a little secret. The distinction between church and abbey is is is not a strong one in Snot's mind.
Speaker: No skeletons, you said? ah No skeletons are visible, no. Okay. Oh, crap. Invisible skeletons. Yeah. Keep our eyes peeled for invisible skeletons, which will be of no help.
Speaker: So, Fred and Lily, as you enter the Abbey, and Snot's looking around, what would you guys like to do in here? Can we see? Yeah. There's dim light, but you can... It's light enough. Okay.
Speaker: So it's dim light. So you'd see better if you cast light or something, but ah you can see. um I will cast light on my shield. Okay. The golden rays of Halea stream forth as you chant it, glinting in the soft mist in the air off the windows, casting a holy glow around the abbey.
Speaker: Snot kind of squints away from the sudden bright light, but he does find it kind of comforting when Lillia does this, because it's her. So we're looking for the seal, is that right?
Speaker: That's right.
Speaker: I think they said it was downstairs, maybe? the vaults? Or the crypts? Or the... whatever the basement of an abbey is called. there any books or scrolls or anything up here?
Speaker: You can make a perception or investigation. Perception, please.
Speaker: Sixteen. You don't see any books. It looks like everything has gone to dust a long time ago. Okay. There's a plaque on the wall as you're looking around that says, that indicates where to go for the start of the Abbey tour.
Speaker: Okay. Well, Snot is going to gravitate towards the plaque on the wall as the only thing he recognizes having writing on it, and he's going to point at enthusiastically. This seal...
Speaker: As we've established, Fred does love signs. Yeah. He approves of them. I doubt there's anyone to give us a tour these days. We can read the sign if you want to read it.
Speaker: Oh, but not seal. No. Looks like there are similar plaques placed at various intervals around the walls and in the little side naves ah that indicate places of interest within the abbey.
Speaker: Any place of interest? Well, there are, the windows seem to depict like a sequence of events. Hmm. The defeat of Kel by Arden in the ancient past.
Speaker: And as you sort of walk around and looking at the windows, you see at the far end, the west end of the space, there is a massive rose window in the wall that depicts the sun in a glorious sphere of decorative flames.
Speaker: There's a jagged slash of broken glass in the rose window in the shape of a crescent moon. And nearby, you see ah doorway leading down.
Speaker: Snot is going to start following the windows around. Oh, this same guy. he starts trying to piece the story together. It's meant to be viewed visually.
Speaker: Not really sure if it's person or what it's supposed to be, but there's clearly this very bright person and this very dark person. And the very dark person is banished or cast away or thrown out or killed or something. And then the light person is like, whoop.
Speaker: That's heartful.
Speaker: Okay, Snot eventually gets to the end of the series of windows, and it looks a little sad because it has not gotten him any closer to a seal, as far as he can tell. Freda's going to check out the stairs.
Speaker: Downstairs. There is a little plaque that seems to be part of the tour. Visit the ancestral heroes of Mifancia as they rest in state in the crypts.
Speaker: Oh good, dead bodies. Excellent. Everybody's favorite. And a ruined city classic. Let's go. The light of Lilia's shield shines down into the darkness down the stairs as you step forward, bringing bright light with you.
Speaker: Below, there is a large room, stone coffins with fanciful carvings lining it. And head seems to lead into more rooms. As you keep walking, you go through chamber after chamber.
Speaker: What's fanciful about these carvings? They're just very intricate. Oh, okay. Like lots of leaves and knotwork. Monks blowing horns with their butts, that kind of thing.
Speaker: Knights chastening snails. Yeah. Exactly. Wars conducted by rabbits walking on their hind legs for no clear reason. Yeah. Yeah. As you walk through the chamber after chamber, they seem to be getting older as you go in.
Speaker: Until you reach much older chamber at the end, there is ah room that shows the signs of a pitched battle. Coffins in here are shattered. Scorch marks adorn the walls.
Speaker: Skeletons wrapped in crumbling scraps of armor lie around the room. At the other end of the room, there is a large stone door. It's partially open. and It seems to have the faint insignia of an eagle carved into it.
Speaker: There is a marble pillar that has fallen and is blocking it a bit. Oh, maybe we not go in because skeletons.
Speaker: Snod's going to helpfully point out some skeletons. No, they yeah don't seem to be bothering anybody at the moment. And if they know what's good for them, they'll keep that up. Snot is going to grip stick a little more tightly and wait for Fred or possibly Lillia to go in the room first.
Speaker: Is there any writing in there, like on the walls? Well, the coffins seem to have names, but it's all worn away, so it's hard to read at this point. But there's no real writing other than the insignia on the door at the other end.
Speaker: Does this fallen pillar seem like it's big enough that, or I should say, it's red big enough to move this pillar? Pillar is broken, so it's not a full pillar.
Speaker: You know, giving it your best glance, you'd say it's about maybe, maybe about 60% an ox. It's probably doable without having to rise up.
Speaker: Measuring pillars in Oxen. This is pretty confusing. Well, I should say that Fred makes that ah judge a judgment. I don't think Stott does. Yeah.
Speaker: as I was reminded you can also measure land in, tillable land in Oxen as well. But I think Fred will try to move that pillar out of the way. All right. Let's make a strength check or athletics, let's say.
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: That is a 17 total. Yeah. Takes a little work, but you can roll it a little bit. Crumbles a little as you push it away, and it rolls across and crunches into one of the skeletons.
Speaker: And the door creaks slightly further open. Looks like you could swing it open if you wanted to. All right. While Fred's doing that, can Snot go and look in a coffin or two to see if they have bodies in them?
Speaker: They're mostly shattered and not intact. You can find one that still has most of a shell. It does have some ancient bones stashed away in there, ragged pieces of cloth.
Speaker: It would appear, correct me if I'm wrong, but it would appear that the people who are fighting and dead all over the room are not people who got out of the coffins. Yes, that's right. Okay. Okay. And also the people around the room, many of them, well, there's a mix.
Speaker: Some of them are larger. They have bones that are like twisted or seem to be slightly out of shape, of the rest of their bodies. Oh. Can Snot go examine one of these?
Speaker: Sure. Look like big elf bone. Make a nature check. Okay. Fourteen. You'd think that it's reasonable to assume these are about the size of what Snot refers to as the purple elves.
Speaker: And the way that they have, you know, sometimes they have a limb that's larger the other seems consistent with what you're seeing. But these are very old, not recent. It seems to have been a pitched battle here between two forces.
Speaker: Did the other ones look like like regular goblins? Or some other race? No, they look bigger than goblins. Maybe about, like, lily-esque sized, yeah.
Speaker: Oh. Okay. Something human-like.
Speaker: Sorry, and we're saying the size of regular lily, not large lily. Yeah, that's right. Not large lily, not a small donkey. No, just a normal human size. In oxen, how many, how big would you say these bodies are?
Speaker: So presumably these people were fighting over something. They're not just here for no reason.
Speaker: Yeah, but they did.
Speaker: not going to kick one to reassure himself. suppose it's not too clear who won. Not these guys.
Speaker: So did we have a door that's slightly ajar that Fred is? Yes. standing by, having moved the pillar. Would you like to go in? Sure. Fred's going to make that door completely ajar.
Speaker: Okay. Fred swings the door open. There's a bit of dust. Inside, you step through into an ancient burial chamber. Style of the chamber suggests it might predate the abbey.
Speaker: This room has more of the Fomor skeletons and no human skeletons. Many of these skeletons have been severed in half at the waist. The room is dark.
Speaker: Can Snot pull on the other's belts or something to keep them from going in too far?
Speaker: Fred or Lily, have you guys already gone in? um I mean, Fred certainly pushed the door open and that was his intention too. Yeah. I was probably behind Fred. So Snot seems to be indicating that you know, he' sort of pulling you back.
Speaker: Right. How? Oh, got in half. Maybe duck? Oh, no, no, no. It's not pantomimes ducking, to be clear.
Speaker: but He's not suggesting there is some sort of killer duck.
Speaker: Is there anything along the walls that, like, a ah blade would come out of or anything? Yeah, make a perception check.
Speaker: um sixteen You don't think you see any signs of a trap in here. Maybe table go first.
Speaker: suppose that's not a bad idea. Fred will unsling the table and hold it out in front of himself, somewhat akin to a shield with handles. All right. So Fred's holding the table in front of him carefully,
Speaker: Steps into the room. And... He's keeping an eye out for pits and or pendulums. Yeah, no there are no pits, nor pendulums. Saw blades. You don't have to be the penitent man to get into this room.
Speaker: As you go in, a glowing light appears. a small ghostly flame is hovering in the air in the center of the room. It quickly forms into the glowing spectral shape of a muscle-bound warrior.
Speaker: He's bald, wears a furry loincloth, and carries a massive slab of a ghostly greatsword over his shoulder. so A creepy ghost voice rings out.
Speaker: Whoa there, fiends! Prepare to meet your end on my blade! Wow, wow. It's going to head for the door.
Speaker: Who dares bring a table in here? Oh, uh, sorry about that, sir. Fred slings the table back onto his back. You know, just sort of worried about, What were you worried about exactly?
Speaker: Getting cut in half, I suppose. Snot is going to retreat back to the nearest coffin and hop in it and peer over the Okay. And what is Lily doing? Is Lily also looking for a coffin?
Speaker: No, Lily is staying behind Fred and preparing to draw her sword. She won't draw her sword quite yet. um Okay. The spectral warrior looking at you with one eyebrow raised. It's like, I've killed all of your friends.
Speaker: So better back off. Sir. You'll never take me. Oh, sorry. What? Sir, we're not. First of all, these aren't our friends. We're the good guys.
Speaker: It's probably been a while since you've seen anybody. And, you know, we're just kind of exploring, looking around, looking for a seal, maybe. don't want to fight you. oh ah don't want to alarm you and your husband here, but, uh... He's not my husband.
Speaker: think I saw a goblin chasing you. Might be weighing weight. You want me to crush him? We really appreciate the offer, but that is Snot, and Snot is our friend, and Fred is not my husband.
Speaker: Now, hold on a second. You're just coming into the crypts here with some guy? And you're not, like, you're not married? Is that so cool? I mean... Oh, no. we're We're hirelings, you see.
Speaker: Oh, you're hirelings. Okay, yeah. In my day, they were eunuchs, too. So, uh, why have you come here, then? You unmarried friends.
Speaker: the this Yes. the seal Fred needs it to help his family and his friends. Could it be, has the day finally arrived, when the heroes have arrived to take the signet stone of Mirfancia and rebuild the city?
Speaker: ella Well, uh... Well, we did come with some people who were not hirelings. Oh, yes, no there there are some heroes about, yes. Look, miss, I i don't want to be rude, but you shouldn't interrupt a man when he's speaking.
Speaker: She rolls her eyes and just takes a deep breath. What were you saying, good sir? Jeez. Fred looks a little cross, but lets it go. There are some heroes about, sir, and we would certainly be happy to take that signet stone into custody.
Speaker: Now, you may think you're the first people to come in here. Well, on account of the bones, I would say not, but... okay Sorry, go ahead. All right, I'll get you. Not just anybody could take the Signet Stone, you understand?
Speaker: It's a big responsibility. How do I know? You're not more of them purple elves been haunting us, trying to take our city. You could be trying to trick me.
Speaker: Some kind of elaborate face paint. I realize I'm a mere woman, but do we look like we're purple elves?
Speaker: Does she speak for you too? She does. Oh, okay. Um... Did she order for you at restaurants? All right, all right. I'll tell you what. We could do this the easy way or the hard way.
Speaker: Takes his sword out, and he's, like, flipping it around. He starts spinning it around. so like, whoa, whoa, look at that. Look how fast that is. That is actually pretty good, actually. Oh, yeah, you're an F. You're an Yeah. Nice. That's the hard way.
Speaker: Who would choose the hard way? Easy way. Tell me a little about the city in Peru that you truly respect the history of Mirfancia. What do you say? Well, I was enjoying the ah sword of swing in there, but I suppose we could try to answer some questions.
Speaker: All right. Why don't you tell me, uh... What's the best way in to the city of Miravanzia if you're coming from the east? See, from the east.
Speaker: That's where that bridge was. the bridge. Got a name for this bridge? Bridge of Goldr's Folly. Oh, all right.
Speaker: Now, I wouldn't say that's the best way in. But I do appreciate that you know the name, because Galdor was a hell of a coward in my books. Oh, I'm getting a little riled up.
Speaker: This guy really written books? Doesn't seem to type. but see a goblin saying something back there. want to say it my face?
Speaker: No, I don't think he does. So it's going to sink down just a little bit more. All right, so, my brothers, you've given me one answer that I appreciate.
Speaker: Second answer, what's the best way to get from the east side of the city to the west side? Fomor wouldn't know this.
Speaker: oh Oh, I suppose that would be the... You see Snot's hand sort of pop up from the coffin and wave around a little. Oh, uh, Mr. Snot. Okay, just say, Avenue of Bright Kings.
Speaker: Uh, the Avenue of Bright Kinks, sir. Oh, that's a clever little goblin you got back there. Snod pulls his hand back down. That's a good one. All right, you almost got me convinced.
Speaker: You can still do it the hard way. He's like flipping his sword around. Woo-hoo, yeah! who Gotta work out the kinks. All right. He can have whatever kinks he wants. Final question.
Speaker: Who's the greatest hero of Mere Fancia? Now think carefully, friends. There's one answer that I will not like.
Speaker: I suppose you made that pretty clear.
Speaker: Other heroes. Come on, this is a gimme. Fred's going to glance around the room. Did this guy appear over a coffin or just kind the middle of the room? No.
Speaker: Just appeared in the middle of the room.
Speaker: I don't have many names. Ooh. And there was Barmy, but he wasn't exactly a hero as I understand it. Barmy? he's not Barmy's no hero.
Speaker: Barmy's Smith. Co-conspirator with Galdor. But it's good you know Barmy. No, he'd be useless in any heroine. He'd probably just lose his head.
Speaker: Now look, you friends here. This is a bit hard on my pride if you don't know the answer to this one. I think the implication would be that it's you, sir, but having just met you, I'm afraid I don't know your name.
Speaker: How long has it been that you forgot the name of the greatest hero in mere fancy in history?
Speaker: I think Lily was the one who read the book, although everybody else listened. Ooh. I've got the name Gibroni Fancia somewhere. Oh, to oh my gosh.
Speaker: This does seem like Gibroni Maximal. Actually, now that you mention it, but I don't know if Fred read the book enough to know that. It does seem... Yeah, I think it's that guy. Maximal-y Gibroni.
Speaker: I mean, Lily read the book out loud to everybody, so... That's true. So I think if you remember it, you could say it. Ah, you wouldn't happen to be Mr. Jabroni Maxim on that, would you? He's like, oh, oh, got it in one.
Speaker: Yeah. Two, technically. Bit of a try, but. Now, do you want to, you guys, you got something I can give you my autograph on? Oh, oh. right Fred unslings his table.
Speaker: Oh, nice. He's got so like a little ghostly quill, you know dips it in a ghostly ink pot. It's like, oh, jabberoni, maximo. Wow. Underlines it.
Speaker: He's like written like all across the table, like big, big letters. Master swordsman and he can write his name. He's like patting the table. It's like, yeah, don't sell that, friend.
Speaker: That's only going to go up. All right, now, uh, let's be serious for a moment here. I've been here as a ghost for countless ages. Now my time has come to ascend, and I present to you the Signet Stone of Myrfancia to rebuild the city which you have now solemnly sworn to do.
Speaker: He pulls forth a small, well, you'd say it looks almost like a pearl that's been carved, like one half of it is a little bit flat, and he hands it to Fred. Where does he pull it from?
Speaker: The magic air. Oh, okay. yeah just He just produces it from somewhere. but I was just worried it was a loincloth. It's got pockets in there. Oh, oh okay.
Speaker: Very practical. Now, the signet stone is magic. So just keep an eye out for that. Oh, that does sound like what we're looking for.
Speaker: And says, now, if you ever need Jabroni Maximal, you just call my name and I'll see if I can come back from the pits of hell where I probably been gone.
Speaker: But for now, I bid you adieu. Hirelings. Hell yeah, brother. He slowly fades into mist.
Speaker: Snot is going to give it two or three beats to make sure he doesn't come back, and then he's going to crawl out of the coffin, kind of comes linking in. He was a little rough around the edges, but it didn't seem like a bad fella.
Speaker: I disagree, but to each his own. Yes. Snot think, ghost jerk.
Speaker: No, hold on. no
Speaker: Snot's going to point at the thing Fred is holding. bad seal uh this does seem to be a signet stone and uh hold second fred is going to vaguely remember something his father explained to him once and using his ancestral firbolg magic he is going to cast detect magic very slowly and awkwardly with a lot of repeating himself After a few attempts, you get it right, and you see the glow of magic on the stone.
Speaker: Fred doesn't know what the schools of magic are, so you don't have to go anywhere. Okay. there she is. Can I suggest we leave before anybody else comes to tell me I need to be married?
Speaker: That does seem wise. I mean, the the leaving part, obviously. Are there any other ways through this room? No, this is the end of the line. Okay. More ways than one.
Speaker: Uh-oh. It's the end of the line for Jabroni Maximal.
Speaker: Oh, yeah. I was about to call out the fact that he's getting a little more WCW as he was going along, but I guess that all kind of makes sense now.
Speaker: Okay. You have recovered the Signet Stone of Mirfancia. Well, that's easy hero stuff, yeah? Could have gone worse. All right.
Speaker: Zot is going to happily lead the way back out of the abbey. Okay. Fred awkwardly bows to the room. Not sure if Jabroni's remains are there somewhere or not, but not his business.
Speaker: Then we will head out.
Speaker: As you step back out of the abbey into the square, you see Sharnanan is waiting in the plaza. They have drawn an elaborate hopscotch board in runes and in chalk and are hopping around from square to square.
Speaker: Oh. Snott's going to turn around and go back inside the door to the abbey. Okay. We're
Speaker: hear Lillie? Sharnanon, did you find the sword? We have found the blacksmith's shop, but the purple elves attack. Talonvor and Topaz are leading them away.
Speaker: Can you help me find the sword? Of course. I'm too short. I cannot see on top of shelves. Of course. Snot, come on, we're leaving.
Speaker: Snot is grumblingly going to come out of the door and catch up to Lilia.
Speaker: Sharnanan's like, Hello, Snot. How are you? um Not good. You look dusty.
Speaker: he's missed. Oh, you say you missed me?
Speaker: Snot's just going to make a very toothy sort of frown toward Sharnanan and move to the other side of the group. The purple elves are in the fancy crest, but Talonvor and Topaz are battling them.
Speaker: But I know the way, if we can go quickly. All right. Lead on. On the north side of the Victory Plaza, there is a large set of stone steps that rise up, kind of wind around, up into the hills of Fancy Crest.
Speaker: The buildings here are ornate, built close to the street with lots of decorative pillars and colonnades. I don't know what the difference is. Charnadon seems to know where they are going and they lead you through the streets.
Speaker: Quite a number of streets. It's a little bit of a maze up here. Somewhere in the distance, you hear the clanging of metal. Occasional shout. They lead you to a building that does indeed look like a smithy.
Speaker: There's a sign above the door that says bangers and smash.
Speaker: I'm sure if Snott could read, he'd be loving that one. Suppose that makes a certain amount of sense. Attorneys at law.
Speaker: There's a door, it it looks like it's open. It's not secured or anything. Oh, let's go.
Speaker: Sharnanon opens the door and waves for you guys to go ahead. It's not, also not see on tall shelf. Keep watch. We keep watch together. um It's not good climber.
Speaker: It's not going to go in the door. The interior of the smithy is quite large. See the ruins of furniture, shelves, tools scattered around. It's a well-used anvil and a long dormant forge filled with ashes. There's a lot of rubble, particularly in the back.
Speaker: The back wall seems to have fallen in a bit. Part of the roof collapsed. Seems pretty common in the city. This guy had to be a good blacksmith because he sucked at making buildings.
Speaker: It's not. It's going to start scampering around looking for... Any swords or sword-shaped containers? As you're scampering around, do you hear a dried and cracked voice emanating from the rubble at the back of the smithy.
Speaker: Hey! Oh, who's there? Oh, we're closed. Come back tomorrow. You're not sure where it's coming from, just somewhere in the rubble. It's not freezes.
Speaker: Our apologies, sir, but it's a bit of an emergency. Well, I'm taking a nap. Clearly you're not anymore, sir. What do you mean? you You're sort of responding to us, sir.
Speaker: Oh, I don't have to be. i could be taking it a nap again. Suit yourself. Fred resumes barging through the building. Still making so much noise.
Speaker: Well, you know, we're just looking for something and then we'll be out of your hair. You could help us find it. Then we leave sooner. Fred winces imagining a skeleton that doesn't have any hair being offended by what he just said.
Speaker: yeah Yeah, you still can't see where the voice is coming from, from somewhere back under the rubble, almost. But um we'll just keep looking around. Just ah take your nap.
Speaker: Bitch, don't make a mess of the place. Oh, no, definitely not. so We'll leave it exactly as we found it. I'm sensing a tone from you, boy.
Speaker: all right, so anybody who's looking around can make a perception check.
Speaker: I got a 12. There's a reason Fred's not named Perceptigar.
Speaker: That's a 12. I rolled a 16 plus 4. Whoa, 20. As you're poking around, Fred and Snot are not really finding much. There's still a lot of rubble. There's tools lying around. You don't even see any weapons, really.
Speaker: Are you guys staying away from that rubble at the back where the voice is coming from? Actually, Snot was going to kind of try to creep that way to stealth Elise if he could get a look at who was talking. Okay.
Speaker: Is there another room back there? or No. It's like it's coming from underneath the rubble. Yeah, exactly. Okay. So we'll come back to Lily in a minute.
Speaker: asno As Snot is creeping around, peeking, you see a skull. It's buried partially under the rubber. Rubble? Rubble. Partially under the rubble. Get a piece of Hamburglar.
Speaker: It doesn't seem to have a body. It's just a skull. You can see its jaws sort of like moving around a little bit. Practically skin and bones. um It is as you say, sir.
Speaker: Lily, as you're searching around near the forge, you do happen to stumble a little bit on one of the flagstones and you realize in the floor that it's raised slightly above the others.
Speaker: Oh, may I try to move the stones and see what's under there? Yeah. With a little bit of work, maybe you can grab one of the tools, jam it in there, lever the flagstone up a little bit, and as you scrape it aside, you see inside there is a small case.
Speaker: You hear a voice from the back say, Wait, what do you doing? I heard that. That's private. Just looking. Is the skull's jaw moving when it's talking? Yeah. Okay.
Speaker: Snott is going to quietly dig into his large bag and pull out a smaller bag that he had previously obtained for Fizz Whiz. Okay. And placing the larger bag behind him on the ground, he's going to try to stealthily creep up to this skull so he can bag it.
Speaker: Can use the Fizz bag on this guy? This guy's a real Fizz bag. I don't think you really need to make a stealth check because it can't move or anything. It can kind of shake its jaw and roll around a little, but it...
Speaker: So you could grab it and he's like, hey Okay. but so What's going on here? This can't be right. Put me back. Snod has the skull in a bag now? Yeah. it's like little little ro Okay.
Speaker: quite Quiet, quiet, quiet. Snod is going to drop the bag on the ground and then sit on it.
Speaker: who It smells weird. Is it strange I can still smell I was about to say. Just like my fan fiction. It's going to bite you on the bottom.
Speaker: Lily, you see a metal container. It's maybe about a foot long and only about six inches wide and about three or four inches deep inside the little area under the flagstone. It's very old. Perfect place for keeping one foot long sandwich.
Speaker: Now look in it. Okay. There is a little bit of a lock on it, but it's long since rusted. just kind of pop it open. Metal creaks. And as you open it, golden light shines out around the room. It's not, you hear the skull is getting a little exercised at that. You feel it sort of bumping a little bit. and ah As you open the box all the way and look inside, you see that actually most of it is satin lining.
Speaker: Inside, there is a spectacularly beautiful blade worked through with shining specks of gold. It's made with exquisite craftsmanship. The only drawback is that it's the size and shape of a table knife.
Speaker: door and Fizzwiz really was the chosen one. It's he who wields this. I will look towards the door. Um, Sharnanon, is this what we want?
Speaker: The door opens and Sharnanon's head pokes Oh, do you have a fork to go see? But is this magical? Is this the thing? One moment.
Speaker: Sharnanon comes over carefully, looks at it, picks it up a little bit, weighs it, smells it, briefly licks it. Oh, tasty. Yes, this is the sword.
Speaker: Well, I don't know. Sword is the right word. This is the blade of Barmy Bingborn. Quiet! Snot, your chair is talking to you.
Speaker: Weird halfling is talking. Snot is going to put the skull sack into his larger bag and try to muffle it if he can't calm it down.
Speaker: Yeah, tries to bite your fingers as you, like, stuff a rag to its mouth.
Speaker: Now, quiet! wo Quiet! Your new companion. Get him back. Have I interrupted intimate moment? Oh, my gosh, I hope not.
Speaker: Shoots a weird look and holds it for a second or two and then goes back to stuffing the small sack full of skull into his larger bag. I wonder if you can get Fizz Whiz and the skull into the same bag. If we meet Fizz Whiz now and my bag is already full of skull, that is just, that is going to be a kicker.
Speaker: Then you dump the skull and put the Fizz Whiz in the bag. That's a dilemma, i admit. It is, yeah. All right, you have acquired the skull of Barmy Bangborn. Awesome.
Speaker: This way better than a stupid bottle of water.
Speaker: Sharnanan's like, ah, well, I do not think we should stay. We should go quickly. The sounds of battle are getting closer. We have found the sword. Yay. And now we must go.
Speaker: Okay. All right. If that, uh, we find sword. Did Sharnanan give it back to me or? Sharnanan put it back into the metal case, which you are carrying.
Speaker: Okay. So I have it. So I'll throw it my backpack. Well, if that is the thing were here for, then I suppose we can go. Charlotte nods, says, okay. It does go.
Speaker: They open the door and go back out into the street. Do the rest of you follow? to Yes, please. Yeah. As you step back out into the street, you hear the sounds of battle much closer.
Speaker: And not just the sounds of battle, you hear the sounds of Topaz screaming. She's running down the street towards you from the opposite direction, the opposite of the way you came. She's yelling, they got reinforcements! Run back to the plaza! Back to the plaza!
Speaker: And as our heroes race to escape the fallen city, we bring this episode to the close. Thank you for listening to Calerondon, the Hireland Chronicles, and please join us for our next exciting episode.
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