Transcript
Speaker: Hello and welcome to Kalerinden, the hireling chronicles.
Speaker: Kalerinden is an actual play Dungeons and Dragons podcast in which we will actually play Dungeons and Dragons as a podcast. My name is David Case LeClaire and I will be the narrator and game master for these sessions.
Speaker: Caleranden is a world of magic and adventure. A world of enormous effigies, stupendous statues, and fearsome figurines.
Speaker: It is a world perpetually beset by the forces of chaos. But every time the darkness returns, epic heroes rise to save the realm.
Speaker: But our story is not about the epic heroes, at least not directly. Our story is about three moderately experienced animal handlers as they try to guide a donkey through a ruined city.
Speaker: And joining me as the hardy irelings, we have Drew Gleason as... Darwinius Gorf Nozzlesnot. Snot can help Fizzwiz become epic hero ah if Fizzwiz get in bag.
Speaker: Very on brand. And Beth Gleason as... Lillia Thomas. And if that little turd can be an epic hero after I turn him into marmalade, more power to him.
Speaker: He doesn't deserve to be an epic hero. Okay. Strong feelings about Fizzwhiz. Are you talking about Fizzwhiz or snot? Depends. And Dave Sturgis as... I am playing friendly firbolg farmer colon Fred...
Speaker: And yeah okay hear me out. If we came across like a magical container, like a bag of holding, I guess I'm picturing more like an artifact that's capable of speaking and helping out on adventures. Kind of like one of those but giant jar people from Elden Ring.
Speaker: And we shove Fizz Whiz in there, and then the container can be an epic hero that happens to have Fizz Whiz inside of it. Okay. as How would that work? All right. If Fizz Whiz becomes an epic hero using any of these suggestions, I'll be surprised.
Speaker: In our last episode, the hardy hirelings successfully forged a path through a museum in the ruined city of Mirfancia. Along the way, they battled enemy scouts, woke up an ancient mammoth, and stole a bedpan.
Speaker: But now, along with the epic heroes and one epic donkey, they have reached the avenue of the Bright Kings and can continue their journey towards the western end of the city in search of the lost signet stone and a magic sword with a presumably ridiculous name.
Speaker: Having crossed through the Museum of Mirfantsan history, or over the Museum of Mirfantsan history, you have now descended on the south side down to the street level.
Speaker: Right now, you're at the side of the building. You're in the shadow of one of the enormous statues as it looms over you. And you are at the edge of the Avenue of Bright Kings, stretching off to the west and the east.
Speaker: Why is it not the Boulevard of Bright Kings? This city is so old that boulevards had not been invented yet. Oh, wow. Yeah, avenues were very new at the time.
Speaker: but I mean, it's right in the name. Yep. This statue, what does the statue depict? There are a line of statues on either side of this avenue.
Speaker: They are armor-clad men and women from different ages, frowning endlessly against the rumbling black clouds of the sky. It seems like maybe these were rulers of Mere Fancia in the past.
Speaker: Talonvor is looking around at the group. He says, all right, Snot, please check for any enemies on the street. Make sure we're clear before we start moving.
Speaker: Snot is going. Holding stick in his right hand, he is going to creep bent-legged style, which I guess makes you harder to spot somehow.
Speaker: and poke his head out from behind the base of the statue and look down the street and then up the street the other way. Okay. Why don't you make a perception check?
Speaker: Hither and yon. Always check hither and yon twice before you cross an avenue. In that order. 21. Okay. twenty one okay You have very carefully peered out both Hither and Yon, and the street is empty.
Speaker: You see no sign of any of the Fomor or of any more skeletons. No mammoths. Do I have to check Zither, or just Yon is good? You think you've covered it pretty well.
Speaker: Okay. I am going to scamper back up to Talambor and say, look, Zephtosnot. Excellent. Well, we need to head west, but why don't we try and keep to the side of the road, stay in the shadows if we can, and just keep an eye out as we go.
Speaker: Is everybody good? Swift Hoof?
Speaker: and Does just Swift Hoof indicate a feeling about this plan? No. Swift Hoof is munching on some of the grass that's growing out between the cobbles. Okay. I'm going to stay towards the back with Swift Hoof.
Speaker: Someone's got to guide our mascot. I sure am glad we got Swift Hoof safely off the roof. We'll never speak of it again.
Speaker: So Snot staying towards the back with the donkey, Talonvorus taking a lead, Topaz. guess everybody else is just kind of piled in the middle. Pile is the stealthist. Piled?
Speaker: Yeah. All right. So you head off down the street to the west, staying in the shadows. The sky continues to be churning dark clouds. You hear rumbling in the distance.
Speaker: Once in a while, you see flashes of lightning far off. There's a sense of tension in the air, even though it's quite cold. feels a little bit humid here in the city.
Speaker: The air is still thick as if you're moving through ancient history itself. Oh, back of neck feel dirty and gritty. As you travel west, the buildings become larger and more ornate until ah ancient towers stretch towards the sky on either side of the road around you.
Speaker: Most of them are just empty shells at this point, their spires long broken, their floors collapsed like the rotting carcass of an ancient beast. Gross. You can't...
Speaker: The city is it seems to have been quite devastated in this area, but it does look like it once was a thriving city with huge towers all around. This was all just due to local industry moving overseas? or The city fell to an attack by the Fomor in the ancient days.
Speaker: You found this out previously, I think? After Galdor had left the city to go fight the Ghoul Lord, they sent the Fomor to destroy the city. Oh, wow. Hmm. You're traveling for quite some time, maybe several hours. Oh my goodness. Trying to keep to the edge of the roads.
Speaker: The statues just keep going. They seem to get more and more depressed in expression. Snot's going to try to count them as we go, but I guess probably lose track around six.
Speaker: Yeah. You're probably getting quite hungry at this point. You don't know what time it is because the sky has been just dark all day, but you're feeling quite peckish. Can Snot...
Speaker: find somewhere in Swifthoofs, riggings and satchels and whatever to wedge the chamber pot so that he doesn't have to carry it. Yeah, or you could fit it in your backpack too if you wanted to. Uh, no, it's kind of noisy.
Speaker: Okay. Well, she sniffs it a little nervously like, what but is this thing? Why does it smell like that? Oh, this magic helmet.
Speaker: And you shove it under her straps, flash it to her, let's say, and so it's secure. Topaz is looking at you as you're doing that. She's like, what you got there, snot?
Speaker: What'd you bring that for? Snotwind treasure. Ah, you've got very different ideas of what constitutes treasure. Snot just nods his head vigorously.
Speaker: Talonvor is saying, alright, well look, if you've got any food, you might as well eat while we go. i don't think we have time to stop. don't want the four more to catch us if they're behind us. Fred is already eating some stuff out of his bag. Okay.
Speaker: Snott's gonna swing his sack around and dig around in it. I know I've got some of those mushrooms, right? Yeah, the Frelgy sweet limbs. You got you got those. But you did get quite a bit of food before you left the Adventurers Guild. You had some carrots and veggies and bread and all cheese, I think.
Speaker: All sorts of stuff. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And my 14 pounds of rations. Yeah. It's like Fred and Snot are chewing away on fresh veggies and Lillia's trying to bite into these iron rations.
Speaker: Well. Build strong teeth and character. As you travel further west and... This biggest street's not ever imagined.
Speaker: And, uh, these are all kings? Yes. They say that every time one of the kings died, they built a statue to him or her along this road. Fred looks back at the line of statues we've been walking past for literally hours.
Speaker: Uh, they must not live too long, eh? Or it was a long-lived city. city had quite a history before it fell. I really don't know too much about doubt it.
Speaker: As you continue traveling down the avenue, you see something ahead of you. First, it's just a distant blur. Looks like it's something across the street.
Speaker: But as you get closer, you can see that the avenue is blocked by a massive mound of rubble. It appears that one of the statues has fallen and it brought several the towers down across the road, forming an enormous wall of broken stone rising up at least 120 Holy moly. Along the road.
Speaker: holy moy along the road
Speaker: Talonbor's looking at He's like, this poses a problem. We go around. Snott's looking somewhat skeptically at Swift-Woof. Swift-Woof shrugs and is rooting around in your pack for loose carrots.
Speaker: Looking around to the sides of the road, the towers here are quite close in together. Many of them are broken together. does not look like there is an easy access off of the street to the north or south.
Speaker: However, just to the right side of the road, there is a tower that appears to have mostly escaped the destruction. The base of the tower has been torn up slightly from the pavement, and the entire tower leans slightly just off vertical, resting back against the massive pile of stone across the road. Oh, that must be Leaning Tower of Pithril.
Speaker: The outside of the tower is sheer white stone, but it appears to be relatively intact. And there's a doorway that has carbon inscription that says, Visitors, welcome in the Magus Spire.
Speaker: Talonvor's scratching his head. I don't know, maybe if there's a stair in there or something, we could climb up and maybe we get to a window to come down above the rocks. and I don't know. Snot's kind of gone past that to the rockfall blocking the street, and he's assessing whether he could climb it.
Speaker: The pile of tumbled stones appears precarious, but potentially climbable. It is very tall. Parts of the pile appear like they are sheer stone, while others are jagged heaps of loose stone.
Speaker: So it is definitely climbable, but appears fraught with risk. Well, luckily, Snot doesn't know the meaning of precarious. so
Speaker: Topaz is looking at Talonvor as he's talking about this tower, and she's just like, You're out here, Gord. There's no way we're going up there. That doesn that plan doesn't even make any sense. How would we get down on top of this pile, and then we'd be on top of a pile?
Speaker: She gestures over to the other side of the road. but There is a large stone disc set into the ground. She goes over and grabs it, ah yanks upwards, and opens up, revealing a passage stretching down into darkness.
Speaker: Metal rungs are fastened into the wall, and there is a sign saying, Access to the tunnels restricted to maintenance crews. There's an exclamation point at the end of that, as if it's really good news.
Speaker: Hooray! We're presented with a classic adventurer's choice. Well, it seems like there are options. Climbing the thing is possible if dangerous.
Speaker: Turn to page 116. Going up through the tower appears like you and maybe could find a way to one of the windows and come down on top of the thing, or going under into the tunnels and trying to make your way across.
Speaker: So if we get on top of it, we don't know how we get down from there on the other side. But if we go down the tunnels, we don't know how we get back up out of that to be on the street again Right. Talonvor and Topaz are arguing about whether they should take the tower or the the tunnels. They don't seem to be putting much stock and climbing over this thing.
Speaker: Can Snot go over to the edge of the hole that had the stone cover over it and lie down and stick his head down into the tunnel and look back and forth? Yeah. Okay. So you stick your head down into the tunnel.
Speaker: It looks like the tunnel is made of light gray stone. You can see some pillars down there, but this has clearly been constructed. It seems to proceed west, the direction you want to go, at a slight downward angle.
Speaker: You feel some air brushing against you from the tunnel, and you get brief whiff of a rancid odor. So the tunnel doesn't proceed east-west, like we're at one end of it? Yeah, it seems this is the end and it goes west from here.
Speaker: Okay. Is that smell at all familiar? Does it remind snot of, say, the chamber pot, for example? Not really. It just smells like decay. Okay.
Speaker: Topaz is getting a little agitated with Talonvar. She's like, there's no way we're going up there. That's crazy. You're crazy. This whole thing is crazy. Well, look, I just think you should consider it, Topaz. I know that you're not wonderful with heights, but it's still that... I mean, if we could come down over the thing, we could save a lot of time. And how do we even know where we'd be going down there?
Speaker: Mom and Dad are fighting again. Can I look back along the avenue and see if there are these... discs along it. Do I see any more of them?
Speaker: I would say not in sight. Okay. Um... We going in stink tunnel, or... It's not kind of shrugs. Fred kind of wants to evaluate the tunnel versus the tower in terms of, like, getting Swifthoof through.
Speaker: Well, Swifthoof cannot go down metal rungs. At least without some assistance. If there were stairs in the tower, then Swiftthof could potentially go up them. But you don't know about this idea of going out a window and coming down on top of this massive pile of rocks. like ah You don't know how Swiftthof would do that. You don't know how any of you would do that.
Speaker: just learned how Swift got cut down from the roof of the museum. Shh! Stop with that. We don't talk about that. That was last episode. Hmm.
Speaker: Sharanoth also seems to be worried about Swift-Huff. edika Ah, what can we do? Well, I suppose she might be able to get up into the tower, but then on the other end, that bears some thinking, I suppose.
Speaker: Snot will carry Swift-Huff if go up tower. Snot? This is probably kind of silly of me to ask, but remember when you made Lily get real big?
Speaker: Yes, yes. Does that go the other way? Turnip Fred, smart. Yes, make Swiftluff small, carry Swiftluff. How small are we talking here? Snot spreads his arms to roughly approximate the size of a shrunken donkey, which I'm imagining.
Speaker: ah Technically, you can reduce the the creature by one size category. Yes. So they would be small. So maybe they would be the size of a...
Speaker: Mini donkey. Yeah. Fingers. Yeah. Maybe four feet high, three feet high. What size is Snot? Is Snot small?
Speaker: I mean, might not like to admit it, but yes, he is. All right. So Snot probably couldn't carry a shrunken donkey, but ah other people probably could.
Speaker: What do you do with a shrunken donkey early in the morning? yeah yeah Put them in the longboat till he's sober. Fred, you carry Swift-Hoff. All right. Small Swift-Hoff.
Speaker: I'll give it a go. No, not not Waves' his Hands. Not now. No, when Swift-Hoff's small. Fred does have a history, as I recall, of picking up farm animals and moving them around.
Speaker: Sometimes unprovoked, unsolicited. has a history of picking up farm wives too. Not intentionally, though. and The only other thing I'll mention about this plan is that enlarged reduce lasts for one minute.
Speaker: Okay. That's not gonna work. So if you lose the movie of a full-sized donkey. Is this funny? Why is this funny?
Speaker: Fred looks back to the giant pile of debris. Well, I suppose if I had to go over that, would be easier if she was a little smaller. i kind of assuming her stuff gets lighter, too.
Speaker: Yes. Small donkey, small donkey clothes. All right. Well, Sharnanan will say, uh... I could create a safe space for the donkey for a day, but we would have to come back to get her.
Speaker: I do not know if this is good or not good. What you mean, safe space? ah Like a magical ah place for the for donkeys.
Speaker: You know? No. Do you know how to do that? No, you... What the place for donkeys? A magic place? Can Snot go to Donkey Place? Yes.
Speaker: Yes. We can go to Donkey Place, but the the place will be here, so after 24 hours, the place will go away. Okay.
Speaker: Snot and Swiththoof go to Donkey Place, yes? once's Not Snot, just the Donkey. Well, Swiththoof lonely. I want to keep Snot safe.
Speaker: Yeah, yeah. Maybe better to leave him behind. Hey, yeah, Not vigorously, nodding his head. Yeah, Mr. Snort, I think I'd feel better having you along. Safer, even.
Speaker: Can Fred go to Donkey Place, too? To drop her off, sure, but, uh, we have to get on our way. Talonvor is listening in on his, like, Look, look um, are you sure you want to do this, Seananon? I mean, what if we need that later?
Speaker: Huh? ah Is there really no other way? I mean, I don't want anything to happen Swift. to Could we just, like, hide her behind a bush or something? Snott looks around for a bush. There are no bushes.
Speaker: Could we hide her in the building? Maybe. But we're not going tower. She can stay at the bottom of the tower and be hidden.
Speaker: Can I get a rough idea of how open Swifthoof is to standing in the bottom of a tower for an indefinite amount of time? How's Swifthoof feeling about this? As long as Swifthoof has something to munch on, Swifthoof seems like relatively okay about wherever you leave her.
Speaker: Yeah, same. You've left her in some weird places before. It's just a question of how safe is it. But then again, I mean, you're on an epic quest, you know, a skeleton eats your donkey, that's that's what happens.
Speaker: I don't like it when you put it that way. Skiltons are not good at eating stuff. its It gets messy. Maybe one of the Epicurus could leave her with a knife or something. I live with Swiftwiff with a knife? Yeah, yeah.
Speaker: That doggy's got a knife! We're wasting time. The Fomar are coming. Let's not look back down the road. You don't see anything on the road behind you.
Speaker: Go see Fomar. I don't see them, but we know they're behind us and we know the skeletons are behind us. Well, we don't know exactly where they are. It's possible they got ahead of us, but ah I have some theories about that.
Speaker: But we don't want to stay here too long. We've really got to make a decision. What we do with Swifthoof? Which way are we going? All of that. Well, I think it's obvious which way we're going. We're going in the tunnels.
Speaker: I mean, well, we're going to make a decision, Topaz. We haven't made the decision. No, I think we have tunnels, tunnels, tunnels. Oh, I certainly feel ah bit better known Swift Hoof was in a safe donkey place, did you say?
Speaker: Yes, I can make a place for a donkey. Be very nice. ah Okay, you make donkey place. Okay. That seems like a song is coming on.
Speaker: Sharnadon reaches up to their name tag and touches it. The letters swirl briefly and form into Sharna, she, her. And Sharnadon's form changes slightly.
Speaker: Their eyes grow wider. Their cheeks get a little pudgier. They get a little a little shorter. And they look around and they start they look at Snot and start giggling. Holy crap.
Speaker: Snot is going to run around to the other side of Swift Hoof. Somehow Sharna has gained lipstick in this transformation. She's like chasing snot around, swift of saying, oh, snot, snot.
Speaker: You get like the full magical ah person transformation sequence.
Speaker: No, not laptop not no, no. Snot's going to run to the other side of Fred. Dahlver's like, Sarn, we don't have time for this.
Speaker: Just make do the donkey thing already. Jeez.
Speaker: Sarnas winks at Snot. And she says, ah will continue this conversation later. You trick with promise of donkey place. Sarnas raises her hands in the air and chants a phrase in an arcane tongue.
Speaker: You feel power radiating outwards, and a glowing wooden doorway appears in a wall next to you. On the doorway, there's a beautifully inscribed sign that says, Sharna's Stupendous Stablery.
Speaker: No solicitations. Snot cannot read Common, but he points at it and says, This donkey place? Yes, place for a donkey.
Speaker: Sharna runs over and opens the door and swings it open. You smell the scent of fresh hay coming from out of the room. Sharna's like, Swift-Duff, come here, Swift-Duff.
Speaker: um This is for you. It's not it's going to try to get Swift-Duff to go over there, but in an unconventional fashion of ah pushing from the rear rather than leading from the front.
Speaker: Sharna's halfway in as is beckoning to Swiftuf and holding up some hay. Swiftuf is interested in this and with Snot encouraging her from behind, Swiftuf trots over to the the doorway and sticks her head inside.
Speaker: Sorry, buddy. Can Snot give one when concerted shove? Yeah, you could encourage Swiftuf to pop into the into the doorway.
Speaker: Okay. As soon as she's mostly through, Snot's going to run back over near Fred. All right. Is anybody else going to go in or are you just going to wait but for Swift Huff to get settled? Donkey place smelled very nice.
Speaker: Fred has the speech of Beast and Leaf, so he can at least try to encourage Swift Huff to go inside and, you know, hay out until we're back. All right. Yeah. So Swift Huff does go through the doorway, disappears inside. you After a few moments, Sharna comes back out and she pokes her head back in and waves.
Speaker: Bye! We're going to find the sword or whatever. And shuts the door. Swiftwulf is safe. We must come back in 24 hours.
Speaker: Snot is conflicted between worries of leaving Swiftwulf behind and jealousy that Swiftwulf is in such nice place. Sharna is like, oh, do not worry, Snott. Nobody can go in there except for us and Swift Tooth.
Speaker: No monsters, no firmware, no solicitations, no lawyers, no salesmen. Snott's just nodding in that way he does when people are saying things he doesn't understand.
Speaker: Sharda reaches up and taps her name tag again and it swirls and they return to their standard form. Talonworth's like, wait, wait, wait, what if we need some other spells? You don't, you're not just going to waste it on the donkey?
Speaker: Sharda's like, huh? It is too late. it's No, I wouldn't say it's a waste. Yes, it's not a waste. Why? So Topaz is like, all right, so we're getting down there.
Speaker: that what we're doing? Tunnels. All right, the tunnels. Galenvore sighs. Ugh, tunnels. Snots gotta go rather eagerly then to scamper down the rungs.
Speaker: It seems like a lot more comfortable place to be than where we've been most of this time.
Speaker: So you descend the metal rungs into the tunnel. It's dark, but you have dark vision, so you can see fine. As I said, it seems it seems to go west at a slight angle, down stone corridor. You hear the dripping of water somewhere ahead and smell the refreshing odor of decay.
Speaker: Snott's people are not subterranean goblins, but it's it's sort of in his blood, and he feels very comfortable here. Topaz is slid down behind you.
Speaker: She comes up, she's like, oh smell that stuff. That's the life that is. and Smell like helmet. All right. I don't know what you're talking about. Are the folks who who don't have dark vision, are they making a light to guide themselves?
Speaker: Yes. Put it on my shield. check So you call out a quick incantation to Halea. Golden rays of light stream forth from your shield, illuminating the tunnels below as you come down the rungs.
Speaker: Snot and I think Topaz wince briefly. They're like, oh ah, it's so bright. Sorry, but I can't see down here. Oh, that's fine. You do you. Come down. Is everybody down there now?
Speaker: Yeah. Tunnel is about 10 feet wide, so there's room for you. Talendor's like, all right, now, um, Topaz, how on earth do you know which way to go? Topaz is like, well, there's only one direction.
Speaker: Well, what if it, um, what if it branches? Pfft, not to worry. I got dwarf scents. She just starts off down the corridor at ah at a quick pace, kind of humming a little tune as she goes.
Speaker: Oh, Snott's going to try to catch up. Okay. Does he recognize the tune? Yeah, it sounds like her Mud Puddle song, but with no words, she's just humming it. Oh. It's not feeling more and more at ease with Topaz, unlike the other epic heroes.
Speaker: Yeah. ah Snazzy adventure guys. So yeah, you'll just proceed along that way. Keeping an eye out though for more of those metal rungs or anywhere we can go back up.
Speaker: Yeah. As you're heading down the corridor, Talonvar looks over at Fred and he's like, I don't think dwarf sense is a thing. Have you ever heard of that? Uh, don't know, but I probably haven't heard of a lot of things, to be honest.
Speaker: Yeah, i don't know. I will say, these tunnels are quite a bit nicer than the mines. Let me tell you something about tunnels. They always get worse. The longer you're in them, I don't know what we're going to find down here.
Speaker: It's not going to be fresh roses. Some toads or something? Look, if we if we're going to find toads, you know will know it first.
Speaker: Okay, Snot has dibs on the toads. As you're walking down, you do see some tunnels branching off at regular intervals, but Topaz seems confident in which direction she's going.
Speaker: Do I detect any curvature to the tunnel, or does it seem like it's proceeding straight in the direction the street was?
Speaker: You could make a nature check. Oh, 25. twenty five You think that Topaz is going exactly the right way. You're pretty sure you're heading west and you know you don't know how big the pile of stones are, but you've been going for a good 10-15 minutes. You're probably past at this point.
Speaker: One hopes. When we go past these side tunnels, can I give them each a sniff? Yeah. Get a sense if there's air movement? You don't smell fresh air.
Speaker: As you're walking, there's a trickle of water starting to flow along the center of the tunnel under your feet. Topaz just sort of shrugs and says, well well, the rain must have started. Good thing we're undercover. Talonvor's like, i don't I don't know if that is a good thing, actually.
Speaker: As you're going, the trickle has risen to a steady stream. It's now a few inches deep across the entire length of the tunnel. Talonvor is getting increasingly annoyed by this. We could have gone up the tower.
Speaker: Could have been fine. We might have found some magic things. Are there any ways up out of the tunnel? You don't see anything that looks like up, and and snot sniffing has not revealed fresh air on any of the side tunnels that you've passed.
Speaker: But the water level is rising. The water is moving faster. It's now maybe six inches deep. You're kind of splashing through it. Okay, so something is causing the water, like more water, to enter the tunnel.
Speaker: Tobaz seems to think that it's raining and that that rain is coming down and that's what what's gathering in the tunnel. But it could be like a hundred ghosts flushed at the same time or something. I think if that happens, it actually changes the rotation of Clare into...
Speaker: As you're moving, little insects start wriggling out of the cracks in the walls around you. Long, crawly things are dropping out of the ceiling, splashing into the water that's flowing at your feet. Uh... Sharnanan's, like, eyes get very wide.
Speaker: Ah, I do not like these.
Speaker: Dwarf lady, um, we're running out of tunnel. Ah, no, it's fine. We're almost, I'm i'm pretty sure that we're heading the right way and there should be a way up just on the other side.
Speaker: From dwarf sense? Yeah, dwarf sense. Okay. Sharnan is like, it's kind of up to their knees, maybe. Their robes are very wet, and they're looking quite unhappy.
Speaker: All right. Fred's going to offer to pick up Sharnan and carry them. Yeah, no, Sharnan is very excited about this, and immediately, like, throws their hands up in the air.
Speaker: Oh, yeah. Ah, I'm so tall now. Look at me, Snot. I'm flying. Talonvor's like, yeah you're not a little kid, Sharnan. Come on. You're like 100 years old.
Speaker: Fred kind of tries to caucus that up. and is that Is that true? Oh, he more or less. Good number is just an age. Wait. Was that an intentional sharnanism?
Speaker: Ahead of you, you hear the roar of falling water. And you see the light shines on the water and the glistening walls. and You see it's opening up ahead of you.
Speaker: So we'd be coming up to maybe a falls or something where it drops off. Exactly. Oh, dear. Yeah. I'm glad Fred does not know anything about how rain-powered sewer systems work.
Speaker: Yeah. Where is his civil engineering skill right now?
Speaker: Ahead of you, you see the tunnel you're in comes to an abrupt end. You see, as you get to the edge of it, you're sort of standing over the water flowing past you. It pours out into a large central pool.
Speaker: It's only a few feet below you. The water in the central pool is murky algae strewn. And the water is pouring into this central cistern area from all different heights. There are tunnel exits all around you, little pipes, all different directions, higher and lower.
Speaker: So it's not like a hole in the floor dropping down to this pool. It's like we come into an open space, but it's dropping down? Yeah, it's like you've come out to a large chamber, and the surface level of the water is a few feet below you.
Speaker: Okay. Across from you, there is a large tunnel. It's about 120 feet across the pool to where this tunnel is, and there are metal rungs in the side of the wall of the cistern that lead up to that other tunnel.
Speaker: And Topaz is pointing at it, and she's like, oh, there you go. That's the way. Yeah, yeah. Since we're at sort of ledge, does the ledge go around the whole cistern on one side or the other?
Speaker: No, it just empties out into the cistern from here. Oh. so So, we need to come up with a way to cross this. Yeah. Well, it's probably not that deep.
Speaker: Okay, Snot, take a look. Snot is going to use his druidic wild shape to assume the form of a muskrat. And... Okay, so this is your second wild shape of the day.
Speaker: Yeah, okay. It's a muskrat-heavy day. And he is going to jump himself off of the side into the cistern. Once he gets in the water, see if he can figure out how deep it is.
Speaker: As you transform into this muskrat and then slide yourself in, Talonvor's like, wow, he's full of surprises. Turns to Lily, can you turn into anything? Mm-mm.
Speaker: No. All right, me neither. I mean, i can hit stuff. Yeah, me too. They're having a moment. What did you want me to roll?
Speaker: per Perception.
Speaker: Okay. Well, this is one perceptive muskrat, because that's a 25. All right. So using your muskrat senses, all the powers of the muskrat, you determine several things about this pool.
Speaker: First of all, the water is only about two and a half feet deep, but there's a lot of gunk in it. Also, there are things moving in the water. Large things moving towards you.
Speaker: Can i turn roundabout and swim back towards the ah the edge? Yeah. I mean, i assume I can't get back up that distance, right? Well, if you get close, Topaz will reach down and grab you by the muskrat scruff.
Speaker: He yank you out of the water. The scruff of the musk. Okay. I gotcha. You look pretty tasty, actually. Snot shaking his muskrat head side to side.
Speaker: Big things come, big things come, put down! Dogman's like, oh, all right, what kind of big things? Snot is going to run back into the tunnel towards the rear of the group.
Speaker: What'd you see down there, Snot? Is it the deep? No, not, not deep. Sorry, I gotta to get more of muskrat voice. Not deep, not deep. All right. what He's having trouble saying crocolisk.
Speaker: He's quacking in the way that a scared muskrat will quack. Talon Lord's like, all right, well, the sooner we cross this disgusting pit of water, unless we go back and take the tower, it's not too late.
Speaker: Ugh, stop. All right, fine. He just slips down and slides into the water. It's like, ugh, this is going to take forever to get out of my trousers.
Speaker: Things coming. He starts moving across, he's like, all right, fine, whatever. Can't wait here. Can I run over to Fred and try and scamper up his pant leg?
Speaker: Sure. Fred will allow you to do that. I'm making my way for the shoulder. So Fred has got Sharnanan on one shoulder and Musgrat's not on the other.
Speaker: Yeah, trying to stay, get up on a shoulder, but also stay away from Sharnanan. Yeah, Sharnanan's like trying to scratch your your ears Ooh, look at you so cute!
Speaker: Alright, alright, let's, let's, let's, let me settle down. This adventure is most fun. Come on, Fred, let's go. Bring them all with you. Wasn't gonna leave him behind.
Speaker: When I felt like there were big things coming my way, do i have a sense of uh yeah yeah up for snot um oh is this going up not is there another another song coming
Speaker: great sky's going to cheer up put on happy face it's not going to get turnip uh go to donkey place So Topaz is getting down into the water, even though it's like well up to a little above her waist.
Speaker: I'll get in. Go across. If Sharnanat does try to try to grab me, I'm not above biting. Oh.
Speaker: Sharnanan, why don't you come to me? Come on my shoulders. Come on. Come on, come on, come on. Oh, fun. I'll just reach out. All right. You're able to pick up Sharnanan and get them onto Lily's shoulders instead of Fred's shoulders.
Speaker: So Fred, are you down into the pool now as well? Yeah, with my new muskrat companion. Topaz is holding her axe up in one hand above the water and her pack in the other hand. but She's walking along.
Speaker: Talonvor is taking the lead. He's like, let's make this quick. As he goes along, the water explodes around him.
Speaker: The horrifying carapace of a giant centipede rears up out of the water. Whoa. And falls towards Talonvor, slashing its pincher-like forcepules in his general direction.
Speaker: He ducks as it comes at him, takes a swing, and... I assume that forcepules are forcep-like mandibles. Yeah. Nice.
Speaker: He slashes with his sword, which he's pulled in one motion and slashed through it, and its head goes flipping through the air, splashes into the water. He sort of shrugs. He's like, all right, well, that happened.
Speaker: Keep an eye out. Coo, in fact. As you're moving along, the water around all of you starts to explode with giant arthropods.
Speaker: They're wiggling and slashing at you. so we're going to say there's one for Fred, one for Lily, and one for Topaz. Those are trying to attack the people who are in the water.
Speaker: Oh, we got an 18 on Fred. Is that going to hit? Yeah, even if Fred had table out, which he doesn't. Okay. It does four points of piercing damage to Fred as it comes down at him and bites into your shoulder.
Speaker: And you have the poisoned condition for about six seconds. Is this the shoulder that snot is on or the other shoulder? It is the other shoulder.
Speaker: Okay. Well, what do you want to do, Fred, as this thing comes down and like bites into your arm?
Speaker: Just, I guess, grunt in pain and alarm and punch it as hard as he can. Okay, so you'll make an attack, but I believe with the poisoned condition, ability checks and attacks are at disadvantage.
Speaker: Yeah. We believe in you. So that's 15, which would be really cool. And a 14, okay. Yeah, so you do hit it, even with the disadvantage feeling, the poison coursing through your veins, you are still able to hit it.
Speaker: So it's not you're holding on for dear life as Fred is twisting around and punching at this beast. All right, so can you roll damage? Oh, you're getting with the cinematic shoulder cam as Fred punches this thing.
Speaker: Six points of damage. So you have punched it and it's actually really weak. You've punched its head clean off. Not very well constructed. It's dangling briefly from your shoulder where it's still buried a little bit, but then grab that and toss it away.
Speaker: Lily, one of them also rears up near you and attacks you, but you get your shield in the way and are able to stop it. So it's like trying to climb over your shield and and snapping at you viciously. The water is frothing around you.
Speaker: Gross. Would you like to respond? Toll the dead. The grumpiest counterattack. ah Give me a wisdom save 14. Okay, it rolled a 3 minus 2.
Speaker: so Okay, so it takes 8 damage. Okay, you have killed that as well. It's right next to you, so the black veins kind of explode from your hand and engulf it, and there's a large noise as it faces its centipede deity.
Speaker: Make peace with whatever centipede god you worship. Uh, let's say slurvic maxilla. Uh, anyway. It crumples back into the water in flames, a sizzling sound as the the black flames hit the murky water around you.
Speaker: Little bits of allergy in the water catch fire, but not in a dangerous way, just an atmospheric way. Mm-hmm.
Speaker: Tobaz is also hit by one of these things. The five damage. She isn't able to get her axe on it. So it's on her front and climbing over her and slashing at her with its force appeals.
Speaker: This is horrifying. Talonvor's like, well, you're the one who wanted to go this way. Really the time. It's not, Sal. You're on top of Fred, but would you like to do anything?
Speaker: Smack him in the Telson. Yes. Thank you. I'm going to beat your turgites clean off. I was going to say maybe snap at the one that bit him, but he already dealt with it. Yeah.
Speaker: It's been snapped. Right in half. Done. Been snapped. Right in the Ocelli. Just pow.
Speaker: Basically just holding on for dear life in my wild shape for the moment. Okay. Knock your maxilla into next week. Hmm. Talonvor rushes back and is slashing at the one on Topaz and dispatches it easily, Topaz tossing bits of it aside.
Speaker: it'll take more than that to get me, you beasties. Talonvor just grabs her by the collar and is yanking her through the pool of water, running towards the rungs on the other side.
Speaker: You feel the water around you frothing as more creatures seem to be moving. attack, what would you like to do? Try to get out of the water and follow Talonvor. Okay.
Speaker: Yeah. But if anything with 15 or more oddn numbered pairs of legs comes out, Freddy's going to just punch it. Alright. If any giant millipedes appear, be nice to them. They're harmless.
Speaker: Talivor has reached the other end of the cistern, grabs Topaz and tosses her up towards the rungs. She grabs onto them and is pulling herself up to the tunnel on the other side.
Speaker: Talivor is also climbing up. Lily, you're running after them, and Fred, you're coming in behind. Lily, you're able to reach... The rungs as well as Talonbor is going up and blow yourself up and start to climb.
Speaker: Fred, as you're just kind of like a little ah little traffic jam, as everybody's trying to get up the rungs. So you're splashing up behind them when one of the giant arthropods falls from the ceiling down towards you and snot.
Speaker: As it falls, it tries to grab onto you with a grapple. It rolled very badly. Can you make a strength or dex to avoid? Oh, oh buddy.
Speaker: Bad call. That's a seven roll. Athletics. Or athletics. oh Actually, that's a 14. Okay.
Speaker: So even with a bad roll, you're much stronger than a centipede. As it falls down towards you, trying to latch onto you, grab it with your free hand and toss it away into the cistern beside you.
Speaker: As more of them are gathering behind you, you grab onto the rungs and lever yourself up out of the water. Feel it like sloshing down out of your boots as you're pulling yourself up into the tunnel.
Speaker: Centipedes seem to be leaving you alone now as you're leaving their little nest. And all of you are climbing up into tunnel on the other side. This tunnel is wider and much drier.
Speaker: There are some broken pieces of stone that have created a kind of raised lip at the edge of the cistern.
Speaker: And a lot of large piles of refuse, cloth, wood, bones, torn pieces of insect carapace kind of gathered at that edge of the cistern.
Speaker: Huh. In a mucky heap.
Speaker: I think I'm going to stay muskrat for now. Okay. Fred, you still got a muskrat on your shoulder.
Speaker: Muskrat on my shoulder makes me happy.
Speaker: Toughass is like, hi, well, that'll wake you up. She's grumbling a little bit. like Yes. Yes, it will. I bet they don't have centipedes in the mage spire.
Speaker: probably have magical centipedes that'll like eat your head or something.
Speaker: Mm-hmm. Yes, I'm sure. Gotta watch those magical centipedes. Probably have angels who just pick us up and fly us to the other side.
Speaker: So as you've pulled yourselves out of the cistern and are preparing to forge ahead, we bring this episode to a close. Thank you for listening to Kalerinden, the Hierlin Chronicles, and please join us next time for more exciting centipede facts.
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