Transcript
Speaker: Hello and welcome to Kalerinden, the hireling chronicles.
Speaker: Kalerinden is an actual play Dungeons & Dragons podcast in which we will actually play Dungeons & Dragons as a podcast. My name is David Case LeClaire and I will be the narrator and game master for these sessions.
Speaker: Kalerinden is a world of magic and adventure, a world of triumphant trinkets, sought-after souvenirs, and ornamental omiyage.
Speaker: It is a world perpetually beset by the forces of chaos. But every time the darkness returns, epic heroes rise to save the realm. But our story is not about the epic heroes, at least not directly. Our story is about three moderately experienced adventurers as they battle the entire city of Mere Fancia. And joining me as the hardy hirelings, we have Beth Gleason as... Lillia Thomas.
Speaker: And... I strive to be brave and true, but I have a terrible temper and it has occasionally gotten ahead of me. And Drew Gleason as... And Dave Sturgis as...
Speaker: ah's not charm point is dimples on cheeks maybe you see next time take bath with muddy and dave sturgis as I am playing Fred Agar, the firbolg turnip farmer from the farm over on the wet side of the river.
Speaker: And I'm guessing people have noticed this, but Fred has not been able to pronounce anyone's name correctly unless it is no more than one syllable long. And he's consistent about it. Well, except for Mr. Caspacho. He had really hard time with that one. I mean, we all did.
Speaker: The more syllables, the more variations he comes up with. So think Snot is maybe the only person whose name he pronounces correctly on a regular basis. Hopefully Lilia doesn't mind that he keeps calling her Lily.
Speaker: Well, I don't think you've ever gotten Lily wrong, and that's two syllables. I thought it was Lilia. Her full name is Lilia, but she goes by Lily. Oh, okay.
Speaker: So I guess he's been getting away with that one. Full name is Miss Lily. And so we gain some final pieces of insight into our characters as they head to their deaths.
Speaker: In our last episode, the hardy hirelings had finally acquired the relics of the ruined city. A lost signet stone, a magical table knife, and an unconsenting talking skull.
Speaker: One of those wasn't on the original list. Though they have defeated the Fomorian general Chakral the Withered, they now find themselves on the steps above Victory Plaza as hordes of monsters stand between them and escape from the fallen city of Mirfancia.
Speaker: You have arrived at the top of the stairs in Fancy Crest above Victory Plaza. Below you, there's pitched battle. squad of maybe 12 Fomor stands in front of Ardentia Abbey battling a horde of zombies that covers the entire square.
Speaker: There's a skeletal giant who is moving towards you, just stomping through the zombies. And it's just about at the bottom of the stairs, maybe 60 feet from you.
Speaker: And then Mammoth-Ra, the giant mummified mammoth with yellow tusks, which is bad. It's just burst through a wall into the plaza from the east.
Speaker: He's not a mammified mammoth. No. So you're standing at the top of the stairs, maybe about 60 feet away from Skeletal Giant. It is heading forward you it seems like the immediate threat. It has zombies pierced through its feet and stuck to the bones, spikes on its legs, and they're all sort of like flailing around as they're being dragged. Oh man. yeah Zombie shoes.
Speaker: We know how it is when you walk through bunch of zombies. So it will reach you. It moves very fast because it's so big. It'll get up the stairs probably very shortly. Is there anything you want to do before it gets up the stairs?
Speaker: Where's the sewers from where we are now? The opposite side of Victory Plaza. And the entrance has been crumbled by an explosive device. Okay.
Speaker: You'd have to get past everything, to except maybe the foam ward, to get over there. Okay. Someday we'll find the person who did that.
Speaker: I hope Fred can retain his risen upstate for a little longer. Yeah, I think so. You get ten minutes, right? As long as you've been, you know, keeping angry. Thinking about baseball. Maybe you have like a mud puddle newsletter from the mayor's office that you keep with you to just to incite rage when necessary. The mud puddle muddler.
Speaker: So the skeleton's just going to get up here and you're just going to have to fend it off temporarily. and Talonvor must have had a reason for dragging you back here, but he has not explained what that is. Smoth is going to helpfully point...
Speaker: in the direction of the giant skeleton and say, Giant bone guy Run! Talonvor's like, No, no, don't run. We just need to hold this spot.
Speaker: It can't be long until dawn.
Speaker: I have the special sword. Can I do anything with it? Oh, what is it, like a greatsword or something? Perhaps we could chop this guy's legs off. No, it's like a knife. A knife?
Speaker: And I'll reach into my bag and It's a butter knife! Sheldon's like, ooh, do we have biscuits? That'd be brilliant. Barmy, bang, biscuits. Sheldon's like, um, you know, let's just keep that safe for now. I'm not, um, wow, that's, huh, okay.
Speaker: Damn it, if only I had a spell slot. I could turn it into normal-sized sword. In large. Ha ha ha. All right. So as you're moving about in your pack and showing it to him, Topaz is getting her axe ready. She's like, all right, bring it on.
Speaker: the skeleton is stomping up the steps towards you. Now I keep bringing it. I guess while we're all bunched up, Topaz can get four temporary hit points as well.
Speaker: Yeah, so leaves start growing in her little goatee, maybe, and her hair. She's like, oh, look at this. And Arlon's like, oh, Topaz, you look so pretty.
Speaker: There's no time for that, little one. I assume it's been more than a minute since I cast... The Vow of Emnity? Yeah. I think, yeah, we're going to say it has been over a minute.
Speaker: Okay. So the anger of Halia has moved on.
Speaker: You feel slightly worn out as if you had called upon Halia as much as you could until you've had a chance to recharge your Halia batteries. Yep.
Speaker: Worn out paladin. I need a good sleep before I can get angry again.
Speaker: All right. Below you, the battle rages. Waves of zombies throw themselves against the Fomor in front of the abbey. Mammoth Ra bellows in rage, and the skeletal giant, eyes gleaming with an ancient darkness, stomps up the stairs towards you.
Speaker: Talonvor and Topaz step up next to you with bow and axe in hand. And with weapons raised, you stand in formation, shoulder to shoulder, with the epic heroes holding out for the Break of Dawn.
Speaker: The stairs shake as the skeletal giant crashes up towards you, brings its massive clawed fist down in a terrible swing at, let's say, Fredegar.
Speaker: Rolls an eight to hit, so I think that is going to miss. Second attack is a 24. So it comes down with one of its fists and Fred is, I think you've had time to prepare for this thing to get up here. So you have your table out and just bat its fist aside and goes smashing into the stairs next to you.
Speaker: Then its other fist comes around with his giant skeletal claws, takes a swipe at you. 12 points of damage. Since you're still risen up, it's reduced to six.
Speaker: And you can call upon the heroes again if you wish. Kyle, hold on to that. now Okay, so the claws rake across you this time, giving you some cool action guy slashes across your face, but not that bad.
Speaker: Okay, so the skeletal monstrosity is now in melee range of pretty much all of you, although maybe, i don't know, snot usually tends to stick towards the back a little. But what is this slander? Yeah, okay.
Speaker: Okay. ah What would you guys like to do? Or yes, we've been told to hold the plaza. Yeah, to hold position at the top of the stairs. Okay.
Speaker: All right, I guess Fred is going to try to bash the giant skeletal hand away from himself with his table. and Okay. I'm going to say non-recklessly. It's a 14. That hits. 12. Yeah.
Speaker: all
Speaker: that's ah well
Speaker: Both points of table to the giant skeletal hand and... And this thing is vulnerable to bludgeoning damage. Oh dear. So that's 24 points off the bat.
Speaker: Off the table. And did you want to use hero? Yeah. I think Miss Flint Flakes would be a good good call for this with her big choppy weapon. All right, that's 48 points of damage.
Speaker: Dang! So as Fisk comes down at you, you retaliate with your table, just smashing into the thing. Its whole arm goes flying off and Topaz launches herself into it, just smashing it with her forehead on the leg.
Speaker: Bones scatter off of it, crash on the ground. Zombies tumble back as they're dislodged from it. Are you trying to push it? Yeah. He was thinking more like smacking its hand back, but I guess if we hit it hard enough, it would be nice to push the whole thing back because we were trying to hold the stairs.
Speaker: Yeah. So you've hit its arm so hard that the whole arm has gone flying off, and it stumbles back and falls 10 feet back down the stairs. So it's now 15 feet away from you, but it's looking to come back up towards you. But since one of its arms has been removed, it will no longer have multi-attack. It'll just be a single attack.
Speaker: And Lily or Snot, what would you like to do?
Speaker: I mean, I could try Atoll of the Dead, but I feel like that might be a waste of my time. We could find out the fun way. Yeah, I mean, I could try. So let's make him do a wisdom saving throw of 14.
Speaker: Skeletons are known for their wisdom. Yeah, I figured. He fails. All right. And he's already damaged, so he'll take the additional die. Three.
Speaker: Okay, and so it's just straight three damage. You point at the skeletal giant as he's stumbling back, and black flames of Halia explode out from him, and the toll of the bell explodes.
Speaker: Some of the bones collapse off of him. Doesn't seem badly injured by this, but he burns briefly with a black fire. Mammoth-Raw turns its head as it recognizes the sound. Oh, of course he does. Starts charging across the plaza, zombies like splattering to the side.
Speaker: They splatter a lot. ah Zombies being crumbled beneath its feet as it's charging up the steps towards the skeletal giant and towards you. I'd like to use a bonus action.
Speaker: How hurt does Fred look? mean, he's been kind of whittling away with little bits and pieces. Yeah, Fred is not bloodied, but he's getting there. Okay. Would you like... I'll just give you everything I can do, which is 20. Nice.
Speaker: Fred suddenly looks almost uninjured-ish, kind of. Okay. Okay. Oh, hi. Thank you, Miss Lily. You're welcome. Keep up the good work.
Speaker: I'll do what I can.
Speaker: The skeletal giant is 15 feet down from you. Mammoth Ra is charging towards the steps. Snot, what would you like to do?
Speaker: Snot is fumbling around in his bag and comes out again with the decanter. Okay. And bracing himself as best he can, he's going to aim it down the stairwell between Fred and anyone else in the way.
Speaker: And he's going to say, Geyser! And blast water down the steps. Okay. So that's going to be a DC 13 strength save for the skeleton. You're trying to knock it back, right?
Speaker: I think so. I don't know. thought it'd be helpful. Okay. Let's make the steps slippery. I don't know. Yeah, I cast caution. What floor? That's right.
Speaker: It has saved its strength save, but... But its bones are damp. So it it does not get knocked back or go prone. But the stairs are now difficult terrain, so it will take people longer to go up them, although it's still only 15 feet away from you. But it will slow Mammoth Ra down as it reaches the stairs.
Speaker: Do I need to make any save myself to stay on my feet? No, I think if you're prepared for this, you can brace yourself and do it in such a way that you don't get knocked backwards.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Is there anywhere I could possibly hide? Quick question about mr Ra. Is he going for the skeleton because that's where the sound came from or is he coming from us? Well, the skeleton is quite close to you.
Speaker: The skeleton is 15 feet down the steps, so like halfway down the stairs in front of you. So it seems to be heading in that direction. You don't really know what's going to happen when he gets there.
Speaker: Okay. You could go back. There are some houses quite nearby. You could go back and try to hide out like in... you know, behind a pillar or something, or a colonnade. Okay.
Speaker: ah So you'd have to go maybe about 20 feet back to get to a potential spot. No, I don't want to do that. If it's not too awkward in action, given all the other things I'm doing, i could bonus cast Magic Stone on those two stones again.
Speaker: Yeah. So they're at least ready to go. Sure. Okay. Okay, guys. You saw what your brother did. Now's your time to shine. We didn't even know him.
Speaker: All right. So on the plaza, you see the hordes of zombies surging again against the foam war. They're falling back a little bit, but their defensive stance is holding. They seem to have erected some barricades.
Speaker: and holding back. One of them pointing up at you, but the others are just like shrugging like, bro, seriously. It's like an impromptu presentation of Les Mis going on down there. Mammoth Ra is charging at the Skeletal Giant, going straight up the stairs.
Speaker: He can go 50 feet. He's only going go 25 feet because it's difficult terrain with the water. So it's enough to reach the Skeletal Giant, but not to reach you. Crashes into it from behind.
Speaker: Tusks, like, just bearing into the Skeletal Giant for...
Speaker: He smashes it for 17 points of damage and gives it the prone condition. So the Skeletal Giant falls to the ground as the Mammoth charges into it, smashing into it with his tusks.
Speaker: Mammoth then tramples on him.
Speaker: Gleefully. He crit. Oh my god. So that's going to be 8d10 plus 7. Holy Mammoth, right? You're amazing.
Speaker: you know what, I'm not even gonna roll it. He just crushes the bones and a few zombies, sort of little squishy bits. And bones are rendered into dust, and the skeletal giant is reduced to a horde of debris. Mama Thra's head looks up towards you. He's about 15 feet away from you down the very wet stairs, but his turn is over.
Speaker: Talonvar's like, I don't know that our situation is improving. I can try to get his attention behind him. Okay. That is their turn. Lily, what would you like to do?
Speaker: Or Fred or anybody? So if we're kind of fluid in our initiative, yeah i was going to do what I was going to do with the Fomor.
Speaker: Cast 60 feet behind Mamothra. Something I can see with Toll the Dead to get his attention. Yeah, so there are tons of zombies and many of them are at the bottom of the stairs, which is about 50 feet away from you.
Speaker: Less than that, 40 feet, let's say. So, yes, you could toll the dead on one of those just random zombies if you wish. Sure. Okay, it rolled five on its save.
Speaker: So, point down behind the mummy, the mammoth mummy, and... Black flames of Hallya streak past the mammoth, briefly burning it some of its bandages.
Speaker: and Strike. The zombie at the bottom of the stairs could roll damage. Six. Okay. So the zombie bursts into flames and there's a dong noise.
Speaker: Mummy's head. The mammoth. Mammy. Mammy's head. Mammy. Mammy, rah. The mummy mammoth turns back towards the toll and it starts to head back down towards the stairs.
Speaker: I feel like we're training him. This is Pavlov's mummy. but but
Speaker: Fred or Stodd, do you want to do anything at this point? You're not immediately under threat the mammoth has been diverted.
Speaker: we're holding the stairs, so I guess Fred's going to kind of look around for other threats, and I guess it would be smart to, in game terms, take the dodge action. So if he does attack him before the end of his next turn, he can try to table it for now.
Speaker: Okay. And Snot, anything else from you?
Speaker: There's nothing Snot can hide by here, apparently. So Snot is going to hold his action to Hurlstone at... any zombie skeleton or foam or that sets a foot on those stairs.
Speaker: All right. So Talonvor and Topaz are similarly taking defensive positions. Or Sharnanan. Sharnanan is in range. But are they on the stairs? Oh, no, they're on Fred.
Speaker: Okay. All right. That's all right then. So you guys are taking a defensive position, Talonvor and Topaz. Topaz has glanced behind you. Talonvor has got his head on a swivel. He's got his swords out, although it looks like he's considering switching to bow.
Speaker: Excellent work, Lily. He's whispering. He's like, let's just keep him away from us. Must be dawn soon.
Speaker: The Fomor down in the square seem to be making a move. They formed into a wedge and they're trying to force their way through the zombies heading towards the stairs. Mammoth Ra has done another gore attack, charged into horde of zombies and is just crushing them, stomping, trampling, doing grievous damage to the horde of zombies.
Speaker: Fomor are trying to edge around it and get closer to you, but they're still about 100
Speaker: ah terrifying roar rises up, causing the entire city to shake. The clouds above you part briefly. The massive winged form of a red dragon sweeps down from the sky.
Speaker: Scales reflect flashes of lightning from the distance, opens its fang-andored mouth, and takes in a terrible breath. Okay, now he's not going to run for it on his next turn.
Speaker: Okay. Talonvor is like, whispers beneath his breath. He says, Raug the Resplendent. I didn't know he was still alive. Look, just need few more moments.
Speaker: Aunt Freniel said she would be here.
Speaker: The dragon is preparing to breathe. I'm going to roll 1d6 to see where it's going to breathe. Five or six is towards you.
Speaker: Six.
Speaker: It's sweeping down out of the sky and turning its mouth to breathe directly where you all are standing. I'm going to need to make you all to make a dex save.
Speaker: Cripes. The difficulty is... 13. I
Speaker: rolled a 17. It's not rolled a 7. Okay. All right. And Dave... How long did Nave's temporary hit points last, the ones he gave me?
Speaker: Still have them. I 16, but I do have Danger Sense or Turnip Sense or something.
Speaker: I'll stick with a 16. Okay. okay ooh, I rolled a lot of ones. So if you've succeeded, you take seven points of damage. If you failed, so I guess that's not, you take 15. The heroes also failed, so they're both going to take 15.
Speaker: I'm sure now was dodging with Fred. So the dragon is turned as flight and swooping down towards you. It opens its maw. Blast of flame bursts out and flies at the steps where you're standing. Explodes around you.
Speaker: Snot taking quite a bit of damage from it. The heroes... Topaz is this kind of stepping forward to try and shield you guys, but i'm not succeeding. Although, if you want to use the heroes as to take half damage for one of you, then you can do that.
Speaker: I mean, Snot would certainly like that if he could get somebody in between him and the dragon fire, yes. All right, so why don't we say that Topaz steps in front of Snot and takes the brunt of the damage, so Snot takes half damage as well, so Snot takes seven.
Speaker: Okay. And this is fire damage? Fire damage, so it's you're not resistant to it. Yeah. Some of the leaves and ah branches that have grown on you are start to smolder a little.
Speaker: Okay. So it looks like the Fomor are getting close to the bottom of the stairs. If they can get past Mammothra, they could get up the stairs and be at least maybe two at a time could reach your position.
Speaker: Mammothra is occupied with the zombies, but it's not clear what he's going to do. The dragon is swirling around and it's not clear where he's going to attack. What would you like to do? Can I try my trick again on the Fomor?
Speaker: Yes. Anyone object? No. Ring-a-ding-ding. Nope. Fomor saves. So you call upon the flames of Halea, but this time Fomor's will is too powerful.
Speaker: Even Halea seems frightened by the arrival of Raug. The resplendent. Does not come to your aid in your hour of, well, your six seconds of need. Solid gap.
Speaker: Okay, Snot, you wanted to run back and hide? Yeah, Snot is going to scamper for cover and use his bonus action to hide. Okay, make hide check. The DC is 15. 23.
Speaker: Oh, yes. So Snot scampers back, skids around an ornate colonnade, and adopts a very hidden position. You've never seen a goblin so hidden, because you can't see him.
Speaker: And Fred, do you have anything that you want to do in this round? I guess just stay defensive for now.
Speaker: Okay. So, the Mammoth Ra is turned towards the Fomor and is charging their formation. And he succeeds in his attack, a gore attack.
Speaker: So he charges into the closest one, smashes into him with his gore, then Trample crushes that guy into the ground. The Fomor group splits.
Speaker: Some of them are gathering around Mammothra, stabbing him from all angles, trying to distract him, while four of them slip past him and start rushing up the stairs towards you. They will not be able to attack you this turn, but they will reach you next turn.
Speaker: Zombie hordes are continuing to gather around. fail to damage Mummothra or the Fomor. So the Fomor, there are four Fomor on the stairs rushing up towards you.
Speaker: They're about 20 feet away because of the difficult terrain from the wet steps and the bones. And they will reach you to attack at the beginning of the next round.
Speaker: So it's now your turn again. Wet bones, look out. What would you like to do? So Mama Thra is already attacking the Fomor. He's attacking one group of the Fomor, about eight Fomor down at the bottom of the stairs, but four of them are on the steps rushing up towards you.
Speaker: Okay. And does not have their attention. If you wanted to draw their attention to the four Fomor on the stairs, you could, but that would also point them at you. Yeah, I'm disinclined to do that. So we don't have any targets quite yet.
Speaker: Well, they're 20 feet away from you. You could go down the steps to engage them or use a ranged attack on them. Although, again, the toll of the dead might draw the mammoth mummy. Yeah, I'm not doing that.
Speaker: Can ready? Yeah, you could ready an attack if they get close. Yeah, I'll just take up my longsword and ready an action for when the homework get here. okay and Also, Snot, you're 20 feet back from the players and the FOMAR are 20 feet beyond, so the FOMAR are 40 feet from you.
Speaker: Although you are in hiding. You're a skulky little guy. Thanks. So, Fred, what would you like to do? Fred is just going to get ready to absorb this incoming attack from the FOMAR.
Speaker: Okay. So are you readying an attack? Yeah. Okay. Okay.
Speaker: All right. Talonvor and Topaz are also standing up next to Fred and Lily and, you know raising axe and sword as the Fomor come charging up at you.
Speaker: So down below, the Mammoth is smashing another Fomor. Ooh. and extra trampling it got a crit. So there's like extra, you know, it's another AT 10 plus seven.
Speaker: That Fomor is just absolutely crushed. there' are only about six Fomor down there now, and they look pretty freaked out. They are failing to hurt Mammoth Ra.
Speaker: The four are rushing up towards you. So Fred and Lily, the front two, one of them's carrying a shield. The other one's got a great sword. You can use your ready to action to attack as they get into range.
Speaker: All right. Fred will attack.
Speaker: So 13 plus seven is 20. Are you attacking shield guy or sword guy? a Sword guy. Okay, that hits. Are we speaking in snot terms now?
Speaker: Big sword guy. Six plus seven is 13 points of table damage. Okay. And do you want to ah have one of the heroes assist you?
Speaker: Sure. Let's do Talonvor this time. Okay. He seems to like to fight Fomor. And one more question is, do you want to knock him back?
Speaker: Uh, yes. That seems like a good idea. Down the stairs. So the greatsword guy is rushing up the stairs in front of Fred. Fred just swings with his table.
Speaker: At the same time, the Talvor is rushing past you, sliding slightly and stabbing upwards into the guy's gut. You do incredible damage to him, knock him back, hitting the Fomor behind him and knocking both of them back down the stairs so they won't be able to attack. so there's still two Fomor on the stairs.
Speaker: One with the shield is approaching Lily, Go ahead and take your reaction. 12. That is not going to hit.
Speaker: No. See what happened to his comrade? He's still pressing forward, but he's got his shield up. And as you slash down with your sword, he takes it on the shield and knocks it aside. The Fulmore guy is now going to attack Lily as they're engaged in a little tete-a-tete.
Speaker: Oh, he rolled a two. He is not going to hit. That's going to be it for the Fomor this turn. Dragon is going to see if it recharges its breath weapon. Yeah, boy.
Speaker: Furiously pumping. It takes in a terrible breath. And... no.
Speaker: One. It's going to attack the Fomor at the bottom of the stairs. Nice. Which is also going to hit Mothra, I'm going to say. So the dragon circling around comes sweeping back in for...
Speaker: A terrifying moment. You think that it's coming for you, but it's distracted by the terrifying mama and breathes this massive gout of fire.
Speaker: I should have gotten more d6s out. It does huge damage. Mammoth Ra is vulnerable to fire. Oh no. Mammoth Ra is destroyed in a single blast of flame.
Speaker: Flames burst out of him as bandages are like exploding out, bones cracking in the heat. Tusks fall to the ground as the ancient noble creature, Mammoth-Ra, is burned to death. The Fomar are also super injured.
Speaker: Several of them are dead. Best friend we ever had. And three of them have dodged fire but still take significant damage and fall back. bars So there are three Fomar down there in the zombie horde.
Speaker: There's one Fomor engaged with Lily, one Fomor coming up behind and two Fomor at the bottom of the stairs. Did I skip Snot last round? I don't think so.
Speaker: And yeah, I... You were hiding, but you're 40 feet away if you wanted to do something. ah ah No, hiding, I think, is probably the best move here. If there weren't a dragon swooping down and attacking overhead, but he might come out long enough to hurl a stone, but with the dragon attacking so close, I think he's just going to stay hidden.
Speaker: Yeah. It is pretty bad out there. Came very close to getting heavily singed, so it makes sense. But he will shed a tear for Mummothra.
Speaker: Okay. He died the way that he lived. So ah Lily and Fred, you are at the top of the stairs. You've already used Talon, where you haven't used Topaz this round.
Speaker: There's one Fomor engaged in combat with Lily. There's one right behind him, so about 10 feet away from you guys. And then there are two more about 40 feet away at the bottom of the stairs. What would you guys like to do?
Speaker: I'm kind of a one trick pony. 15. That does not hit. Yeah, he's got a shield. Yeah, so you continue to trade blows with him.
Speaker: Neither of you are making any progress. And Fred? Seeing the trouble this guy's giving, movie Fred is going to turn and recklessly attack the shield Fomor. Yeah, Fomor.
Speaker: Flimmer, Flammer. That is 20. Yes, you hit him.
Speaker: So that is four plus seven 11 points of table damage. Okay. And a push down the stairs. she Pushy pushy. You've hit him for 11 points of damage.
Speaker: You hit him with the table, knock him back. You hit him on the shield, but you hit him so hard that it's like you drive the shield back into his own face. And he falls back 10 feet down the stairs, pushing back the one who is coming up behind him. So they're both about 10 feet away.
Speaker: And once again, Snot, are you staying hidden undercover as this is going on? So where's the dragon now? It's circling in the air above you. You're not sure where it's going to attack next time. I could peek out enough to throw a stone if there's anybody within 60 feet.
Speaker: Yeah, on the stairs, there's a guy that Fred just hit, so you could probably see him and hawk a stone at him if you wanted to. All right, going to take a throw and then immediately get back under hiding.
Speaker: And if you miss, you will remain hidden because of Skulker. Well, that's good because I rolled an eight, which would be a 14. please That's not going to do it. Yeah. So you throw magic stone, whizzes past Fred, but just spangs off of the guy's shield. It's not helping. It's not ducks back undercover.
Speaker: The dragon circles, recovers its breath weapon. Oh, boy. Pulls back its breath, heading towards you.
Speaker: Talon's like, come on. Although you can see little change in the sky, you feel a slight lessening of the dark clouds. There's a brief break in the clouds, an array of light.
Speaker: The dawn shines through. You hear the cry of an eagle piercing the clamor as the battle rages and a giant eagle soars down through the clouds towards you.
Speaker: Wait, what does that eagle sound like?
Speaker: It sounds like a giant eagle. Okay. The eagles, Mr. Frodo.
Speaker: stop showboating, eagle. That's okay. i get I get it. I get it. Sounds kind of like Fizz Whiz on a jet ski. Sounds kind of like Fizz Whiz in a blender.
Speaker: As the eagle plummets towards you, the dragon turns towards it instead of breathing on you and unleashes torrent of destructive fire. Eagle pulls its wings in close and drops into a steep dive.
Speaker: Its tail feathers are singed by flame as it dives below it. A roar of anger from Raug the Resplendent shakes the city. Buildings crumble around you. Dust rises.
Speaker: The eagle flies down and whew. spreads its wings right in front of you it lands on steps right next to you you hear on for any old voice coming out of the eagle it says mount be quickly friends yeah what caused the jollity talon's words like uh phrasing we've talked about this tobaz is like yeah freaking i just get on her there is This is a big enough eagle that there is room for all of you. Sharnanan's like, yay, this is best day.
Speaker: That is a big eagle. They prefer giant eagle. So eagle has something for everybody. All right, Snot's going to pop out of hiding and start rushing towards the eagle.
Speaker: Okay. Getting ready to jump on an eagle. ah Since Snot is a little bit far away and is rushing towards him, make a dex check to try and get on it. 12. All right, so Snot is rushing towards it, but isn't able to get up on the eagle's back immediately. You're rushing over. There's just like so much ground to cover. Well, 20 feet.
Speaker: And it's quite crowded around on Ferniel in her eagle form. You can't get a hand grip on her feathers to get and pull yourself up. Maybe pick up snot. So Fred and Lily, since you're right next to her, it's a bit easier to mount if that is what you wish to do.
Speaker: Well, I'll put snot up first. Yeah. Okay. Like you would a little kid on a horse. Can you make a quick athletics check? It won't be difficult. Just get snot up there.
Speaker: Fifteen? Yeah, that's fine. So you pick snot up as he's struggling to get up and set him on top of on Freddy Hill. Oh, thank you. Snott is going to grab but ah handful of big feathers to hang on, and he's got his bag held on with the other hand.
Speaker: Okay. So, Fred and Lily, are you now getting on as well? Mm-hmm. Yep. Okay. Fred does want to help everybody else with their, I'm going to say oxygen masks, eagle feathers before he gets his own.
Speaker: So if Sharnodon is still wobbling around, he wants to help them too. Well, Sharon is wobbling around on top of you still. Oh, right. Sorry. Forgot about that. Then yes, I guess Fred it will get on then. All right. still going to demonstrate the seatbelt and exploitation devices.
Speaker: Nice. All right. So Fred is helping everybody else get on. Topaz is like a little bit of trouble. Talonvor has no trouble, but he's grumbling about it. He's like, I hate eagles. What is that dragon doing while we're boarding?
Speaker: It is swinging back down towards you. So Fred is like pushing Topaz up on there as she's struggling a little bit, then leaping on Anfernalia. She's already started taking off.
Speaker: She's like rushing forward, wings out. who Already rolling away from the gate. Yeah, the big flap as Fred pulls himself up for a moment. Your feet leave the ground as Anfernalia rises.
Speaker: You're able to pull yourself back up. Oh, actually, let's give you an athletics check. Why not? You're not gonna get away with just some narration on this one. Can you put a little more spin on that?
Speaker: Let's give you an athletics check, why not?
Speaker: I rolled a six, but plus seven, that is like 13, think. all right, I'm gonna say you're scrambling to get onto Anferneal. You hold on, but you're not able to fully get on, so you're still kind of hanging off the side of this giant eagle as she's flapping up into the air.
Speaker: Topaz is, like, leaning back and grabbing onto it. She's like, what are you doing, Fred? You're supposed to get on the eagle. Right. ah Fred is so put upon by her wisdom. Can i grab Fred and try to pull him on?
Speaker: I mean, he's huge. so and Not huge, but... I mean, he's about as big as he gets, to be honest. He is big. He's big. tall. Dave, did you do advantage on your strength check? I didn't.
Speaker: I've got that because of... The bigness of it all. That's better. That's an 18 plus 7, which I'm assuming is enough to get onto an eagle. Yeah, okay. So as you're flapping up into the air and starting to panic slightly, Lily's helping you and you feel the surge of your Furbolg ancestry as you pull yourself up.
Speaker: I mean, your Furbolg ancestors could mount giant eagles with no problem.
Speaker: I guess. Bunch of big furry eagle mounters. All of them. Mountain eagles all the time. Don't even get me started. So yeah, you slide up behind.
Speaker: Fred is towards the back. Snot, I think, is towards the front since he got up there first and Lily's kind in the middle.
Speaker: The city spins in a dizzying whirl as onferennial banks rising steeply in a tight spiral. A wet mist hits your face as she soars into the dark clouds.
Speaker: And then the red scales of the dragon glint behind you. You see its clashing teeth, its terrible maw through the clouds as it's rising up, flapping powerfully, maybe 40 feet behind you and closing.
Speaker: Anferennial beats her wings as hard as she can, but you hear the monstrous sweep of the dragon's wings as Raug closes in from behind.
Speaker: What would you like to do? there like flare chaff dispenser on this thing? If only Barn was here to save us. You could throw something to try and distract it or or something like that, yeah, if you have something in mind.
Speaker: I don't like that you're looking at me that way.
Speaker: How high are we? You can't tell. You're in the clouds, but you assume you're very high. Oh. I have one trick. All you can see are clouds and the dragon behind you. It's about 40 feet.
Speaker: I have one trick and I bet Toll the Dead is going to piss him off. So I don't think that'll work. I mean, I don't know too much about the state of mind of a dragon, but it seems pretty angry already.
Speaker: Sure. Toll the Dead. Let's do it.
Speaker: It fails the save. That surprises me. I rolled a two.
Speaker: I rolled six. All right. So still you've called upon Hally and this time she has answered. You hear the ding of the microwave. ah Sorry. You hear the dong of told the dead behind you as the black flames briefly engulf the dragon's head and annoy it slightly, perhaps dissuading it slightly.
Speaker: ah Fred or Snot, do you have anything that you would like to do? Your magic stones are technically still enchanted. Yes. Oh, you used one of them, though, so you have one left.
Speaker: Yeah. I'm not sure Snot would even be looking behind us. He's only got the one hand hang on to the to the eagle and the other hand to hang on to his pack, so... Okay.
Speaker: Yeah. The dragon Raug is closing rapidly on Furniel, so if Snot is just focusing on holding on And Fred, you're at the very back of Anfernoel.
Speaker: Yeah. Fred is beginning to wonder how far he can jump off the back of an eagle. Not something he's done before. Or will they all get burned to death before the dragon gets in jumping range?
Speaker: It has not breathed yet, and there's a chance it might not recover its breath. So 40 feet, probably couldn't jump that far. Next round, it should be in melee range, and you could jump that far.
Speaker: Now, Frida's really hoping it doesn't come to that, because does not seem that that would end particularly well at this altitude. Then he gets sort of a thoughtful look on his face, pulls the signet stone out of his pocket, looks at it dubiously, says, Mr. Jabroni, sir, I don't know how you feel about dragons, but we got one.
Speaker: So, you're calling upon Jabroni Maximal in your hour of need, as he told you you could do while you were in Mirfancia. Sort of in Mirfancia's airspace?
Speaker: Does Mirfancia law still apply? i mean, by Roman law, it it would be from the ground to the firmament. I'm going to need you to make a persuasion check.
Speaker: Roll above 10. So, funny story about persuasion. Fred is terrible at that. However, Fred is still, think, ah risen up.
Speaker: Yeah. And he does have primal knowledge while raging
Speaker: Oh, sorry. That's not persuasion. Perception is the one and intimidation in intimidation and acrobatics. Stealth and survival. He can be so angrily stealthy. You know I'm going to give it to you in this instance. You can use your you could use your strength, persuade Jabroni Maximal, come to your aid.
Speaker: It kind of seems like he'd be more into that, to be honest. Yeah. He is quite a Jabroni. So Fred flexes his biceps as hard as he can. oh yeah. it Rolls a 12, but that's plus 7, so 19.
Speaker: Yeah. Okay. So Fred, as you call out, you hear... from the top rope, and you see... From the what now? Above you, like ghostly flaming warrior grabbing his greatsword, aiming it downward, going right towards the head of the dragon.
Speaker: There's a terrible roar as it just impacts blade first right into the head of the dragon, and Raug disappears behind you in the clouds with bursts of flame coming out, and you hear just laughing...
Speaker: ah Yeah. Hell yeah, brother. Can you smell my stew? I don't know. What's a good phrase here? I'm workshopping this. yeah Anybody have a good thing for this?
Speaker: Can you smell my testosterone? Yeah. Smell these muscles, buddy. Who's the real jabroni?
Speaker: And Raug fades a dark shadow in the clouds.
Speaker: Anfereniel bursts free of the clouds as the dragon falls behind you. The light of the sun brings startling warmth. You see the mountains spread out to your west behind you. Below you, occasional fingers of stone, broken towers of mere fancio rise up through the top of the clouds as you fly to the east on swift wing.
Speaker: The clouds ease and you see the outer wall of Mere Fancia passing below you. Anfernoel's pace seems to be flagging as she struggles to stay airborne. As the forest rushes up towards you, she goes racing towards the ground, skids down.
Speaker: At your old campsite, where you see Swifthook? I was about to ask about Swifthoof. Oh, my goodness. Yes, and Franiel says, I showed up a bit late because I had to rescue Swifthoof first.
Speaker: Don was like, yeah, that seems about right. Oh. So you have escaped Mere Fancia and arrived at your old campsite. Snot is going to slide to the sweet ground and then rush over to Swifthoof.
Speaker: Yeah, Swifthoof. and begins telling Swiftfuff about all the things he's seen. oh Not using speak with animals.
Speaker: That was really quite kind of you, Miss Anne. I... Fred starts puking over the side of the eagle. The pastor says, Fred, I don't mean to poke into your business, but what was the thing with the whole ghost and the sword, and... Do you know that guy?
Speaker: uh... Well, we we met. I think he means well. He's just a bit rough around the edges is all.
Speaker: Sharanan says, Oh, yes. Perhaps in the end he saved the city after all. Well, not saved. Protected. Yeah, I wouldn't rule it out.
Speaker: You have a sense of relief. Aunt Freniel is looking actually quite a bit worse for wear. seems exhausted. Talonvor's like, well, got a bit of time. Perhaps we should just rest up here before we head back.
Speaker: What do you say? Resting would be nice. Ah, Fred has already fallen asleep. He's not very hungry. Fred has gotten a lot less muscular, a lot more chunky, and has fallen asleep.
Speaker: Charonon is lying on top of Fred's belly. Oh, wow. It's like Totoro. Yeah, I mean... That's what peak male performance looks like, right?
Speaker: Like Totoro, yeah. Yep. That's how I always picture. Snot's gonna start rummaging in his bag for some of the food that he brought.
Speaker: You hear, like, the muffled complaints of Burmy being born as you're, like, wrecking around. Oh, Swiftroof got to show you this. He's gonna take the the smaller bag out and then take out the skull of Barmy Bangborn.
Speaker: hu Oh, it smells like turnips in there. Look, it's talking head. Help, help me. have somebody. I've been kidnapped by a mischievous imp and I can't feel my legs.
Speaker: Pretty cool, right? Do stop making sense. That's very good. so Swift Huff is distracted from chewing on the the grass briefly to like, she's like, and sniffs him and is like, oh, I'm allergic to mules.
Speaker: I have hay fever. that's After, you know, after showing Swift Huff, he's going to just stuff the skull back in his back. Oh,
Speaker: Palomar's just frowning, he's like, all right, so some things happened.
Speaker: For those of you who want it, you can get some of the food from your pack. Frelgy sweet blooms are still ripe. oh they're Oh, they're probably a little bit ah bruised. but yeah Little banged around in there, but... Barmy bing banged.
Speaker: Barmy bing... Yeah. But after a little bit of fussing around, getting some food, you're all quite exhausted. Everybody pretty much lies down.
Speaker: As you sleep, you slip into a strange dream. The three of you are awake in the camp at the edge of the forest. Heroes are all asleep.
Speaker: A woman in white moves towards you. She wears a white robe the hood pulled over her head, exposing only her sharp yellow teeth. a She reaches up, pulls the hood back.
Speaker: Her skin is light purple, eyes pure black shot through with purple veins. Her hair is an unruly tumble of meridian blue, which is a color I just made up.
Speaker: She watches you curiously in size. You are more formidable than I would have thought. Perhaps I didn't misjudge you correctly. Does that, the sheer dysfunction of that sentence cause not to wake up?
Speaker: It's going to occupy his mind for a few moments. Yeah, so it's not a little confused trying to parse that. Fred or Lily, do you have anything that you want to say or do? Fred side whispers, is that Queen Hortensia?
Speaker: You mean the Lady of Lies, the Archfey? Yeah. I see you have not heard of me. take real quick aside from that description, like, I'm a goblin 1 to 10.
Speaker: Is this, is she pretty good looking? ah As a goblin. Wow. Let me put myself in the mind of a goblin. What do I like? A swap seven? You think that she was beautiful once.
Speaker: Oh, okay. Now she seems to have fallen. Her skin is cracked and worn. doesn't really look old. She looks similar to Anfereniel, but as if Anfereniel had been through some shit.
Speaker: Anferennial on purple bath salts. She says, perhaps it is true. i cannot save my lord still, and I will not stop at nothing to do so.
Speaker: I have not lost so much to that harlot. She gazes over at Anferennial. Oh, how I wish to wring her disgustingly beautiful neck.
Speaker: Not. Oh, oh, oh, oh, Snot understand. You lie Lying, yes. Lady of lies. I cannot lie.
Speaker: thinks about that for a minute, and then his eyes kind of light up. He's like, oh. I cannot not wish to not... No, wait. ah don't I don't not hold a grudge against you.
Speaker: Is there still time for you to reconsider? Who is the true liar and who is not? she She's the liar, right? Queen Hortensia, I assume?
Speaker: She looks at you and nods. Shouldn't she be shaking her head no? Perhaps we will not meet again. no Perhaps not. Perhaps not.
Speaker: And the dream fades as suddenly as it started. Or does it? It does.
Speaker: You wake from sleep, eventually having received a long rest. And to jump ahead slightly, the dream has faded ah bit from your minds as you wake, settled somewhere in the back of your heads.
Speaker: After gathering all of your things, the party returns. Towards the end of the day, you've walked back. You stand on a small ledge of rock, looking out over Mudbottle.
Speaker: Seems smaller and quieter than you remember. Aunt Ferniel stands on the edge of the cliff, her long black hair fluttering in the light wind. She says, the Fomor will hunt the blade.
Speaker: It is not safe to bring it to Midpizzle. Townboy's like, Mudbottle, it's Mudbottle. Fred was about to hold his finger up and then put it back down. Talon Warwings, she says, we must bring the blade to the butler lord of Tir Malin and rally the free people of Calarindon.
Speaker: Would you like to do that? I mean, I can just give it to you. If you will give her the blade, she will accept the battle box. Whoa, didn't see that coming.
Speaker: Topaz clears her throat noisily. She's like, look, ah I hate to admit it, but you all did a good job. Unless not mince words here. On the way to Tir Malin, I'm going have a lot of baggage. Wow.
Speaker: Fred perks up. We get seal. Sharnadon is looking with wide eyes at you. I understand if this is where we part, but know that there will always be a part of me in your ears.
Speaker: And they hold up the Seven of Clovers card. Talonvor steps forward and says, look, the three of you have discharged your duties well beyond anything we could have imagined.
Speaker: Look, we could use your help, save the kingdom and all that. But I would understand, all of us would understand if your journey ends here. Why don't you return to Mud Puddle tonight and think things over?
Speaker: Okay. If you wish to join us, you will find us at a camp on the north edge of the swamp. We will leave by midday tomorrow. It has been an honor, my friends.
Speaker: Um... Five gold?
Speaker: Sharnan is like, no. Ten gold. And they... They hold out their hand with ten gold and they're like ah holding it towards Snot then kind of pulling it away a little bit.
Speaker: What? Ten gold. Ten gold. Snot's going to check his ears. They're clear. now No, no, no. Give ten gold. He's going to hold his two big green hands out.
Speaker: Sharnadon pours the ten gold into Snot's hands. Okay. Snot greedily stuffs it into, uh... Well, somewhere beneath his ah his armor that you don't want to think too hard about.
Speaker: And does Fred or Lily have any words that they wish to speak at this time? I'll see you tomorrow midday.
Speaker: At least I will. I don't know about the rest. Fred smiles. would be kind of a shame if we split up now, wouldn't it?
Speaker: Yeah. It's not real check with Swift Wolf.
Speaker: And as our heroes contemplate their future, having recovered the lost relics of Mere Fancia, we bring this storyline and this season to close.
Speaker: Our adventurers have grown from wide-eyed, naive young hirelings into... Well, let's face it, basically just hirelings. But that's how we roll in Kalarindan, the hireling chronicles.
Speaker: Larger, scrappier hirelings? It's not this rank four. Yeah. So we would go up to level five. Whoa! Hot diggity. Oh, five big levels.
Speaker: Thank you for listening to Kalerinden, the hireling chronicles. And please join us for the future adventures of Snot, Lily, and Fred on the road to Tiermalen.
Speaker: you
Speaker: The
