Transcript
Speaker: Welcome to Unboxed, Unburdened, Unstoppable. I'm your host, Michelle Madrid, and if you're navigating the grief of midlife, feeling the weight of fading identities, shifting roles, and the lives you've outgrown, this is the place for you.
Speaker: In this space, we honor who we've been, we've sacrificed, and what we've tucked away while preparing our kids to leave the nest. Together we'll unbox the limiting beliefs, outdated expectations, and old identities that no longer serve you so that you can reclaim your voice, your power, and step boldly into this next chapter of your life.
Speaker: Are you ready? Before we dive I want to share a tool that has absolutely changed my life. My daily check-in. It's a five-step practice I use every morning to reconnect with myself, ground in how I'm feeling, and take one small aligned step forward.
Speaker: Now, it takes only 10 minutes a day and it's become a non-negotiable part of my routine. This is one of the best first things you can do to start familiarizing yourself with some of the boxes you've hidden away that are holding you back.
Speaker: You can download it for free at themichellemadrid.com slash daily. That's themichellemadrid.com slash daily or click the links in the show notes.
Speaker: All right, box breakers, let's get into today's episode.
Speaker: Midlife has a way of pulling old regrets out of the shadows. The what ifs, the missed chances, the dreams we told ourselves it was too late to chase.
Speaker: Hi friends, I'm Michelle Madrid. Welcome back to Unboxed, Unburdened, Unstoppable. So glad you're here with me because today want to talk about something that so many of us carry but rarely say out loud.
Speaker: Regret. Regret. You know, it is heavy. It's quiet. And it lingers in the corners of our minds.
Speaker: And in the middle of the night when no one else is around, it is. Those what-ifs, the dreams that we pushed aside, the choices we cannot undo.
Speaker: And if there's one thing I know for sure, one thing I've learned in my life, it is this. If we don't face those regrets, if we don't look them in the eye they don't go away, they don't vanish.
Speaker: They grow louder and louder and louder. And in midlife, those echoes can feel deafening. But here's the really good news. Regret does not have to hold us hostage.
Speaker: It can become a guide for us. And today wanna show you how. So stay with me and I wanna start with a personal story. For me, one of those regrets that I experienced in my life, a regret that I grappled with was leaving my career in television news.
Speaker: Now, a little background on that. At the time, I had been nominated for an Emmy, which was a dream of mine. I was climbing the ladder and on the outside, it looked like I was on my way to the top of the mountain.
Speaker: And then I walked away.
Speaker: ah walked away.
Speaker: Now I left for personal reasons, primarily for health reasons, as the demands of the job I was in at the time were exasperating my autoimmune symptoms.
Speaker: And there were mornings on set when I was hiding the pain that I was experiencing. And i I did feel like I was falling apart. There was brain fog. There was joint pain, extreme fatigue.
Speaker: I had been diagnosed with Hashimoto's thyroiditis. And I was definitely feeling the effects of really long news days, demanding schedule, little sleep, those travel demands, and honestly, lack of understanding from my bosses.
Speaker: And so I could feel these profound shifts in my life. My life was shifting and I could absolutely feel it. And at the same time, I was feeling this call for more, more, but I didn't quite know what that meant at the time.
Speaker: But the feeling was really, really strong.
Speaker: So leaving was the right choice for me at the time. And I can look back now and I can see clearly that it saved me. But in that moment, I felt like I was free falling into the vast unknown.
Speaker: I mean, who was I if I wasn't that person on the morning news? Who was I if I wasn't that image on a coffee mug or billboard? Who was now?
Speaker: It's a question that can feel both frightening and liberating all at the same time. And in the years that followed my departure from news, I carried a box inside of me. I was carrying this box and I didn't know it was there are really, but I could sense it.
Speaker: and I could vaguely hear it. And sometimes that box whispered those what-ifs. What if you had stayed?
Speaker: Michelle, what if you had kept going? What if you had gone all the way to the top? What if, what if, what if, what if, what if? It was exhausting. It was maddening.
Speaker: And for a really long time, those whispers just got louder and louder. Until one day, I realized that carrying this regret and silence was not serving me, was no longer sustainable.
Speaker: It was only keeping me feeling small and stuck in my life. And so I took action. Here's a quick coaching. Never leave the point of decision without taking an action. So I made a decision. I took action. I did something about it.
Speaker: And I want to share that with you now because it's a practice you can use too today in your life. You see, it was difficult for me to name what I was experiencing inside of myself.
Speaker: And I needed something more tangible. I needed a way to see that inner experience that was so active inside of myself. And so one day, remember this so clearly, I closed my eyes and began to visualize.
Speaker: And as I was visualizing, i could see a box. I pictured a box, place inside of me where I was containing something that needed to be opened up and looked at.
Speaker: And so I named the box that I saw inside of me. It was the box of regret. Now, this has become the first step in my Unbox Coaching Framework.
Speaker: We first, you, uncover the box and we give it a name. Because when we name it, it begins to lose its power over us. We begin to gain back our power over it.
Speaker: And so I named the box and then I wrote my regret down and it really flowed through me and from me so easily. What I wrote was these words.
Speaker: I left my news career at the height of my climb. I left my news career at the height of my climb. And I sat with that truth for a while.
Speaker: I just sat with it. I let myself experience it. I've been living with that truth boxed up inside of me for such a long time, and it felt so good to get it out of me and down on paper.
Speaker: I sat with those words without judgment. No blame, no shame. I just sat with my truth. I sat there in silence.
Speaker: And then I asked myself a first question. And the question was, what is this regret trying to tell me about what I value? What is this regret trying to tell me, show me about what I value?
Speaker: And the answer that came to me was really clear. I value impact. I value storytelling. I value using my voice to bring light and truth into dark places.
Speaker: And then a second question came. What small step can I take today to honor that value right now in this moment? What small step can I take to honor that value right here, right
Speaker: And for me, that step was deciding to go deeper into my inner healing. I truly wanted to uncover why so much of my identity had been dependent on being seen, on being on television, accepted into people's homes, heard, even valued for the work I did.
Speaker: And so i did a super deep dive into those hidden places inside of me that needed to be looked at. and that needed to be understood. I sought out guidance and support from healers and from life coaches. So many angels stepped into my life at that time.
Speaker: And I learned about the T word trauma and how it's not about what happens to us, but what happens within us when a traumatic moment happens in life.
Speaker: What tear or wound to our soul happens in those moments. And that's what trauma is. Trauma is a tear or wound to the soul.
Speaker: And those are the places we need to get to. Those those are the places we need to go to.
Speaker: And so I started the compassionate witnessing of my own story, tracing it all the way back, all the way back to being relinquished by my birth mother in the UK.
Speaker: and to being adopted into an American family with a father who battled alcohol addiction, the dysfunction of that experience, and the traumas, the tears and rips to my soul that were so very real.
Speaker: And I looked into my deep desire to feel wanted and loved. You see, my trauma, those rips and tears to the soul,
Speaker: left me with a belief that I couldn't be loved, yeah that I wasn't wanted in the life I'd been given, that I was unlovable, that I was unwanted.
Speaker: Those were my beliefs. And so that's what showed up in my life. You see, that's the universal law. If you believe, for instance, that I am not enough, universal law will have to demonstrate that in your life with perfection.
Speaker: Our beliefs create our reality. And so we have to go in and reprogram those beliefs. It's possible to reprogram them. For a really long time, I didn't believe I was worthy of love and acceptance.
Speaker: I was looking for it outside of myself, even in my career. I wanted love and acceptance, but I didn't believe I was worthy of it. So I had to start believing.
Speaker: And knowing I was worth the work of self exploration and getting to those parts of myself that were struggling to believe in my own value. Love and acceptance had to begin with me and it had to begin within, not out there somewhere, but inside of myself.
Speaker: And so I began to say on a daily basis, I am loved. I am worthy of acceptance as I am in this moment. I am loved. I am worthy of acceptance.
Speaker: I am enough. What I believe I am creates my life. It's not about what I want out there. It's about what I believe I am within myself.
Speaker: And wow, inner healing became my passionate focus. And that was the beginning of my unboxing. I didn't know it then, but I was stepping onto the path that brought me here with you today.
Speaker: So grateful for it. A path where that past regret no longer derails me today. I've used it as a guide, and through that, I have found new purpose.
Speaker: Speaking, sharing, writing books, and helping other women unbox their lives. And it checks all the boxes of what I value. Impact, storytelling, and using my voice for the good.
Speaker: You see, it's not an outside in job, this thing called unboxing. It is an inside out job. And that's been the difference for me. I now wake up knowing I am love. I know that I'm accepted.
Speaker: I know that I am enough and nothing and no one out there can change or alter what I know to be true within myself.
Speaker: And Here's something else I've learned along the way, and I want to share with you here because I think it's really important to to understand the distinction. Our subconscious mind controls about 97% of our internal world.
Speaker: mean, think about that. Only 3% of our choices and our decisions are made consciously. And so when we carry regrets or when we are feeling stuck in those what ifs, it's primarily happening below the surface in the subconscious.
Speaker: And so these internal boxes hold our limiting beliefs, our negative stuck patterns, our inherited programming, even the memory written in our DNA passed down through the generations.
Speaker: They hold past traumas, they hold resistance, and they hold false identities that we've carried for far, far too long.
Speaker: And all of these things, this inner landscape are our energetics. Have you heard of that word, energetics? And when I say that, what I mean is the energy we carry with us each and every day.
Speaker: So you've probably felt this before. Maybe you ask someone how they're doing and they say, oh, I'm fine. but you sense something else is going on beneath the surface.
Speaker: That's energetics. It's the unseen weight, the unspoken stories, the emotions we haven't fully unpacked, and they influence how we show up in the world. So to move forward, to reprogram what's been holding us back, we have to go inward. We have to begin unboxing those places.
Speaker: We have to open those boxes and begin unboxing the beliefs and the stories that no longer serve us. And that's where healing begins. This is what I've learned in my life. That is exactly where healing begins. That's where the change begins. That's where the transformation begins.
Speaker: So. Now I want to invite you to try this with me. you ready? Just take a moment for yourself. You're so worthy of a moment for yourself to lean in and try this with me.
Speaker: And so just stop and think of one regret. Just one, whatever comes up for you. Some regret, one thing that's been weighing on you. Maybe it's a dream you put aside.
Speaker: Maybe it's a decision you cannot undo. Maybe it's a version of of yourself that you simply stopped choosing somewhere along the way. and want you to write that thing down.
Speaker: and want you to name it. Write it down and name it. And then I want you to ask yourself two questions. The first question is this. What is this regret showing me about what I truly value?
Speaker: What is this regret showing me about what I truly value? And then secondly, ask, what step can I take today to live into the value right now?
Speaker: What step can I take today to live into that value right now? So first, what is the regret showing me about what I value? And then the second question is, what step can I take to begin living into that value right here, right now, today?
Speaker: Now, here's the part I really want you to hear. As you're doing this, understand your answers don't have to be perfect. They don't even have to be clear right now. But what matters is that you're willing to begin to look at the regret that you've been carrying and to get really, really curious about it instead of condemning yourself for it.
Speaker: Curiosity is what we're focused on, not condemnation of self. Because the box of regret is a common one. It's an all too common one that we can all find ourselves living in.
Speaker: No shame in saying that. There's no need to judge it. But it is vital that we name it because when we do, like I said earlier, it begins to lose its power over us.
Speaker: We take back the power.
Speaker: So this exercise isn't about fixing the past. It's about reclaiming your present. It's about realizing that regret is often a messenger, a guide pointing you toward what your soul is still hungry for, pointing you toward those places your soul is aching for healing.
Speaker: So when you sit with these two questions, I do want you to give yourself space is take a deep breath in and put your hands over your heart.
Speaker: Breathe in to these questions. Exhale any resistance and just be with yourself, noticing what rises up, what's rising up within you.
Speaker: And maybe you'll hear a whisper of something that you've longed for. That's possible. Maybe you'll feel a pull towards something new. That's possible too. And maybe you'll simply notice the relief of naming what you've been holding in silence.
Speaker: That's a beautiful offering to give yourself. And that my friend is the start of unboxing. And that's what you have showed up for today.
Speaker: That's how you showed up for yourself. And I want to leave you with something I know for sure. Midlife doesn't have to be a graveyard of what ifs.
Speaker: It can be the season we finally lay those regrets down, those what ifs down, not because they disappear, but because we decide they don't get to define us anymore.
Speaker: Because your regrets, they don't get the final word. You do.
Speaker: Thank you for joining me on Unboxed, Unburdened, Unstoppable. If today's stories sparked something in you, share this with a friend, subscribe, and commit to walking this path of power and purpose with us.
Speaker: Remember, unboxing your fears, doubts, and old stories is the key to unlocking the unstoppable woman inside you. Until next time, stay unboxed, unburdened, and unstoppable.
