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The Balance Between Wanting More and Being Happy Where You Are
5.6k Plays2 years ago
Wanting more and striving for more is exciting and it gives us something to work toward and look forward to. But you want to be careful you’re not constantly only living for the future. That is not living in the present - that is not showing gratitude for where you are right now, which can be a big block toward our manifestations materialising. This is also when life speeds by, we miss moments, we miss the signs and coincidences the universe might be trying to send us.
This episode is an inspiring one, where I chat about the expectation and perception that you may hold around the small things in life, which have a direct flow on effect to the bigger things in life - your goals, manifestations, relationships, health etc.
I read an interesting article which you can find here by Jessica Rapana on psychologist and author Cass Dunn’s studies, it’s all about the ‘hedonic treadmill.’ This adaptation describes how us humans are constantly chasing the next thing, which leaves us with a constant sense of being dissatisfied. I can absolutely relate to this! Why do we feel the need to constantly want more, instead of being content with where we are? I chat about the pros and cons I have found regarding this and why I think a balance between wanting more and being happy where you are is important. I hope you love this episode!
View my website here! (My very own oracle cards, journals, meditations + more magical stuff available!)
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Find me on Instagram here! @passaroundthesmile @cleomassey
The Pass Around the Smile podcast is recorded on Bundjalung Country, in South East Queensland, Australia. We acknowledge the Yugambeh people of the Bundjalung Nation, the traditional owners of this land. We pay our respects to Elders past, present and emerging.
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Transcript
Introduction to Pass Around the Smile
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Speaker
Pass Around the Smile is like your go-to friend, the one that lifts you up and backs you to the end. She's there to guide and inspire, challenge and teach, and remind you that your best self isn't out of reach. Self-development, manifestation, self-love and more, it's time to trust the process more than ever before. Welcome to Pass Around the Smile, the podcast. I'm your host, Cleo Massey, and I am so glad you're here. Let the magic begin.
Community Engagement and Gratitude
00:00:31
Speaker
Hello and welcome back to the Pass Around the Smile podcast, yay! How are we all? I feel like I haven't done like a check-in in a while or like a bit of an update on my end. So how are you guys? I mean you can't answer me but I've been loving the stories and the posts in the Facebook community as usual. My favorite thing is when someone posts a question whether
00:00:55
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they're upset or they're stressed or they're anxious or they're asking about things like you know jealousy or just real things that we all go through. I love seeing the comments of support.
00:01:07
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Oh, it just warms my heart. And then on the other end, if it's like an inspiring story or someone has, you know, got their manifestation after so many years or seen exciting signs and coincidences, same thing. Like there's just so much support and loving energy in the comments section. And yeah, so I just, I want to encourage you guys to use it if you need it. It's a really safe space and I am monitoring everything on there as well. So yeah, I, how am I?
Balancing Work and Rest
00:01:35
Speaker
I don't know how I am, to be honest. I am so up and down. I have been in and out of sickness. I've been good and then I've been not so good. And I'm now in my final two weeks before I take some time off, which just feels really, really weird for a few reasons. One reason is because passing around the smile doesn't really feel like work to me because I love it so much.
00:02:03
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However, of course it is tiring and, you know, I use a lot of energy on pass around a smile. So I do need to make sure I give myself some time off to relax before this baby comes. And then of course, when the baby comes to be present and relaxed and just with my little precious baby. The other thing is, is that
00:02:26
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I think I'm going to struggle not working. I don't know. I don't know how I'll be, but you'll see on my Instagram. I'll be posting little updates, but I don't know how long it will be until I jump back on the microphone or if I open my laptop or jump on the socials or whatever it is. I will still be around and I am planning hopefully in this next two weeks to pump out a lot of podcast episodes.
00:02:52
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so that I can have them at least fortnightly for you guys over the next few months while I do have some time off. They might be weekly. They might be fortnightly. I'm really not sure. So we'll just have to see how it goes. I'm trying not to put any pressure on myself. Pass Around the Smile has evolved so naturally because of that. Actually speaking of, I might start this episode with a little inspiring story.
Career Dilemmas and Natural Progression
00:03:18
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I did an event on the weekend with a girl called Yazzie Frank. She's Yazzie Frank Fitness on Instagram. She's amazing. It's my second event I've done with her. She's a Pilates teacher, but she's very holistic. She likes meditation herself. She's
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You know, we work really, really well together. Anyway, so we did this event and this beautiful girl called Sarah, she asked a really good question. And she asked a couple of good questions, but I'm just going to focus on one right now. She basically said that there was something that she really, really, really wanted. And she absolutely loved doing this thing, but it wasn't her career as such yet.
00:03:59
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she didn't know whether it was meant to be her career or whether making it her career would kind of end up in her resenting it or maybe it wouldn't go as well and then maybe she would be disappointed but she loved this thing so I think essentially I didn't get the whole story because it was in a full group but she you know she loved something and she didn't know whether to you know make it her career basically what I just said I'm repeating myself sorry
00:04:26
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And she asked me, how did I know with pass around the smile when it was time to kind of take that next step, take it from a hobby that I was, you know, on YouTube every night, learning about the law of attraction or, you know, reading every book on self-love and self-development. When did I know to change that kind of hobby and enjoyment into a business? And my answer was,
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It just happened so naturally. So I think if anything in life feels forced for you, then we've got to take a step back and think, why is this feeling forced? It's feeling forced for a reason. Nothing with pass around a smile.
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ever was forced. And I don't want you to think, oh, well, lucky you, Cleo, like it just happened for you so easily, like la dee da. But no, for the like, many, many, many, many, many years before that, I was trying so hard to make my hobby of acting my full time career.
00:05:25
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and it was feeling forced and it was feeling awful and it was feeling yucky and I was met with block after block no matter how hard I would try and use the law of attraction or delve into the self-development side of things and work out my own limiting beliefs it just wasn't working for me the puzzle pieces weren't aligning and looking back now it's because there was there was so much wrong I was chasing it for all the wrong reasons I've now worked out
00:05:51
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bits and pieces that work for me with acting and I'm now acting still in ways that is absolutely perfect for me.
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But yeah, so I have been there and I do know what it feels like to be kind of, it feels like you're flogging a dead horse almost when something isn't right, but you want it so bad. But chances are parts of it are right. Or maybe it's not meant for you right now. Maybe you're trying to force something that is meant to happen a year down the track because something better is meant to happen first. It's all about just kind of letting go and trusting the process. I know I say this all the time, but it really does come down to that.
00:06:30
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and really checking in with yourself. What has been easy for you? What has flowed for you? What has just felt so natural and so right? That is when you're on the right path. Maybe do a little journaling session around it. Looking back at your life now, what is something that evolved and just happened so effortlessly and so easily?
00:06:52
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That is the kind of energy that you want to embody when you are chasing your goals, when you are setting new manifestations. Remembering one of the most important things is to not set manifestations to prove things to other people or to fit in
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with society or to you know because you studied at a uni you feel like you have to but is it a want is it a desire is it something that lights you up still it's okay to change it's okay to walk a different path
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And it's okay to do things like out of the norm as
Pursuing Passions vs. Financial Gain
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well. So really just checking in with yourself. How do you feel? How is it feeling when you are chasing this manifestation? Is it feeling forced? Is it feeling stuck? Or is it feeling exciting and passionate? Is it flowing?
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I think as well if you are wanting to start a side hustle or if you are wanting to change your goals up or you've got this big manifestation to turn a hobby into a business, I want to encourage you to never focus on the monetary value that it might bring or
00:08:01
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how successful it might make you on social media or you know those kind of things. I don't think that will align with who you are. If you are the kind of person who listens to pass around the smile I'm gonna say that you are you know here for the right reasons and you're wanting to do things to help yourself and help others and
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you're wanting to do things that feel good and you're wanting to live a life that is positive and flowing and full of gratitude. So those reasons aren't good enough reasons to do the thing that you're wanting to do. So really look at your why.
00:08:38
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your why will really help everything unfold. And it doesn't have to be directly to help other people. Like I'm not saying all you can do is start a charity or, you know, something that really, really helps the world. I mean, that would be amazing. If you want to start a charity, oh my God, go for it. But do you know, it's actually really hard to start a charity. I tried once, very hard. So, but yeah, like, what do you,
00:09:05
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What's your why? What is your why? This will help you get there in an easier way and focusing on how good it makes you feel and how good it makes others feel.
00:09:16
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And if you end up making money from it, if you end up being successful from it, it's a bonus, but it should never be about that. See, Pass Around the Smile started as a blog to help myself. I was writing it as like a journal entry and then slowly but surely people started to like what I was writing and resonate with it. And that's kind of how it evolved.
00:09:39
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when I started actually selling products. It wasn't about selling products. It was about this passion project of creating a card deck and the feeling... I still remember the feeling when I would get like the illustrations sent from Samantha Smith, my first illustrator for the positive guidance cards. It would be like, Samantha Smith, I sent you a photo. And my heart would just like jump with joy. And that's when I knew like, I am doing something that's so on purpose for me.
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and it feels so right. And all I would think was I just cannot wait for someone to pull this card when they have a question and it be the answer, the guidance, the direction that they need. So that was my kind of goal. So really look at where your goals are sitting. Do they feel good? Do they feel right? That is going to help it all flow for you. Anyway, I wasn't going to start the episode there, but Sarah, you had amazing questions on the weekend. Thank you. And thank you, Yazzie, for such a great event.
00:10:35
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but let's move on to this episode so this episode is called the balance between wanting more and being happy where you are so wanting more and striving for more setting goals setting your manifestations it's exciting and it gives us something to work toward and i i absolutely love doing this however we want to be careful that we're not constantly only living for the future we
00:11:02
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really want to live in the present as much as we can because when we're not, when we're only living for the future, we're
Balancing Future Goals with Present Gratitude
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not showing gratitude for where we are right now. And we know that when we show gratitude for where we are right now, it makes room for more of what we want to materialize. Also what happens when we're living for the future, we
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miss moments. We miss the signs and the coincidences that the universe might be sending us. Time just speeds on by. It's like those days and those weeks where like where has the week gone? Where has the month gone? Well it's because you're not living in the present.
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I'll never forget on our wedding day, I previously like in the lead up to it. I made a promise to myself that I was going to be so, so present so the day would go for a long time because I remember everyone saying to me, oh, your wedding day, it's going to go so fast. It's going to be over in a blink of an eye. And that made me really sad.
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And I tell you what, my wedding day and night went for so long. Like I never had that, oh my god it's eight o'clock already. Like I do get to the end of the night and I was like sad it was over, but it went for so long because I made such an effort to be so present, looking at who was there, looking at who was around me, checking in with how I was feeling.
00:12:22
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My friend Charlotte, she's a psychologist. She has this thing where she will come up to us at special moments and she'll be like, what can you see? What can you hear? What can you feel? So thank you, Charlotte. I was doing that as well. These are all things that we can implement in our everyday lives to bring us back to the present moment, to feel gratitude for where we are.
00:12:42
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When we're feeling gratitude for where we are, we're saying thank you to the universe for giving us this moment. Thank you for allowing me to be sitting right here today recording this podcast, knowing that my family and my friends are happy and healthy. You know, whatever, wherever you are right now, what can you kind of
00:13:02
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sit in, what thoughts can you sit in that bring you to the present moment, and that's it. There's no more to it. Just being in the present moment, slowing down time. So you know the title of this episode, as I mentioned, it's the balance between wanting more and being happy where you are.
00:13:19
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Because I like both of them. I like wanting more and I also like being happy with where I am. And I have gone through different periods in my life where I am definitely living too much in the future and I'm just focusing on what I want and what I need and it kind of gives off a bit of a greedy forced energy.
00:13:39
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but there has also been times where I've been too comfortable in the happy with where I am and I'm not, I'm kind of just sitting in my comfort zone and I'm not allowing myself the more that I deserve. So I just wanted to let you know where we're kind of going with this episode because personally I sit in the middle and I see pros and cons of both.
00:13:58
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So I was listening to Hailey Hoffman Smith's podcast and I can't remember exactly what episode it was but I found what she was saying really really interesting. So she was talking about how, I think it was a couple of years ago, she was manifesting her dream apartment and she talks about it quite a lot on her podcast about you know how she did it and how good it felt when she got there and how it was definitely her that manifested it and it was really inspiring and exciting and obviously a lot of her community and followers loved this story.
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So I think, I believe it's been like a couple of years since that, that's happened. And she started to receive these messages from her followers saying things like, it seems like you haven't manifested anything else since your apartment. Is manifesting not working for you anymore? Like, are you not actively manifesting like what's happening? Why aren't you striving for more? Like I think.
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from memory she got quite offended by some of the comments and the messages because people were essentially saying your stories aren't exciting me give us more like what else are you manifesting now like it seems like your manifestations aren't working for you now like since you got what you want and i absolutely loved haley's response and her thoughts around this she basically said and i've only listened to this podcast once and it was a couple of months ago so i'm probably going to get this wrong but i think you'll get the gist
00:15:14
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of it uh so basically she was saying she was like i am living in the apartment that i manifested for so many years why would i then go and manifest something else to move into something bigger something better she's like this is my bigger this is my better she's like i'm so happy here it is my like literally everything i've ever dreamt of
00:15:37
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why would I manifest more? And she kind of stood up for herself and explained why and I was like, yes girlfriend, like that is so true. We are constantly manifesting things that we swear would just make us the happiest person in the world, the most grateful person in the world that everything would just be right if we got that thing, be it a house or a relationship or a job or whatever.
00:16:04
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And then we chase the next big thing and we forget about that. We become not as grateful as we once were for that thing. And we move on to the next big thing, which means we are constantly going to be dissatisfied.
Understanding the Hedonic Treadmill
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Why do we do that? So I did a little bit of research. Jessica Rapana, she wrote this blog and it is based off of clinical psychologist and author Cass Dunn's thoughts. So basically the first little bit says, our human tendency to continue to pursue things that we think will make us happy only to find ourselves back chasing the next thing shortly after
00:16:48
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is not only perfectly normal, but it is actually embedded in our biological makeup. It's also what psychologists call the hedonic treadmill. So then I was like, what is the hedonic treadmill? Because I have been on this treadmill. I've felt it. I've definitely been on it and it feels like a race. It feels like a relay and it feels quite repetitive.
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It's like you get something and then you're thankful and you're excited and you're fulfilled for a second and then you're off chasing the next thing. And it's like, why do we have this human tendency to live like that?
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So it says, what we know is that humans adapt very quickly to our circumstances, whether good or bad. Hence, when we seek out something that will bring us happiness, it often does, but that thrill very quickly wears off. And so we are back on the treadmill looking for the next thing that will make us happy again.
00:17:42
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On daily basis, Dunn says, this hedonic adaptation leaves us with a constant sense of being slightly dissatisfied and is not helped by the fact that advertisers spend billions of dollars convincing us of the kind of consumer goods, physical appearance or lifestyle we should aspire to achieve if we want lasting happiness.
00:18:04
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As a result, we are constantly buying things we don't need, comparing ourselves to others, and always feeling like happiness is just around the corner rather than found right here. Dunn says.
00:18:16
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So that's all from Cass Dunn and you can find it on stylus.co.uk if you want to read the blog. It was really, really insightful and it just got me a few things. It kind of made me feel better that psychologists have said that it's embedded in our biological makeup to kind of chase that next thing.
00:18:37
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But it makes me really sad that I have succumbed to that at many times in my life, especially because of what advertisers are pushing in our faces to say, you want to look like this, or you need to do this to be happy, to be successful, to feel loved. So it's just really, really interesting. And Hailey Hoffman's podcast really got me thinking,
00:19:01
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about that and how we might look at other people and let's say an athlete for example so let's say I don't know someone goes and wins their gold medal and then you don't hear from them for you know years on end or the same thing with singers I think there's a there's like a word that people oh what's the word when like a famous person you just don't hear from any from them anymore like there's a really nasty word that people use
00:19:28
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where it's like they just don't exist anymore or they failed because they're not doing anything anymore but do we ever think that they got the gold medal or they won the logie or the grammy or whatever it is they they got their goal they sung they acted they wrote the book whatever it was they did what they wanted to achieve just because they don't keep on achieving these hugely world recognized things doesn't mean that they are not happy
00:19:57
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you know what I mean? Sorry I don't have that word for you. Hopefully you know what the word is that I'm thinking of. It's not like drop kick but it's like drop out or like nah it's not that. Oh god. Anyway I hope you know what I mean. But yeah so and I think this comes down to perception. Whether it's our perception that we are judging other people for like if I'm perceiving that someone
00:20:20
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was once successful and is now not and i'm thinking oh that sucks for them like you know and making up a story in my head about them that is my perception and they could be the happiest that they've ever been in their whole lives but i'm perceiving them as not because all of a sudden they're not showcasing all their goals that they're achieving and it can be a reminder for us that we don't need to yell out and scream our successes and
00:20:45
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what we're doing and what we're feeling all the time. I mean, I know personally, I actually, it's part of my kind of job to do that because I hope that that inspires my community. And I do also really encourage to like share your good news and celebrate in that. But looking at where your perception lies, not only of other people, like where your judgment kind of lies, but your perception of yourself and your dreams. Because often what we perceive
00:21:15
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through other people or what we judge through other people is a reflection of what we are perceiving and judging on ourselves.
Perception of Goals and Achievability
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So if I'm judging someone on their, I don't know, lack of success, for example, that I perceive they're lacking in success, it's obviously something that I'm feeling really self-conscious about. I'm not feeling successful. So I'm judging them and I'm kind of bringing them down to make myself feel better, for example.
00:21:43
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So the perception side of things in this episode in particular, I want to come from the wanting more part of this title. So when we want more, when we're trying to manifest something, I want you to look at how you are perceiving your goals. If you are perceiving them as big, as huge, as hard to attract, they're going to take a long time. It's going to take a lot of money.
00:22:06
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then that's exactly what it will be. But if you perceive your goals as it's going to be fun, it's going to be easy, it's going to be exciting, sure it might be hard work, but the hard work is going to feel really fulfilling and I'm so excited.
00:22:22
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then that's exactly what it will be. So really looking at your perception when you are in the stage of your life where you want more. And wanting more isn't something to be ashamed of. It's not something to feel greedy about because we know that there is an abundance of possibilities for everyone to go around. There is more than enough to go around. Why? Because it is literally just energy.
00:22:46
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It's energy, attracting energy. Just because someone else gets something, it doesn't mean we need to step into that seat of jealousy thinking that, well, now that they have that, we can't have that. Absolutely not. We can have that as well. We can have something different. We can have something better. Or if our perception and expectation of ourself is low, we can have something worse as well. So it really is what you perceive
00:23:11
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as easy and fun versus hard and tiring, that's what you get. You get what you expect. Expectation is a big one too. We want to expect more for ourselves because when we expect more for ourselves, we are honoring what we deserve. We are saying, universe, I deserve all these good things because I'm amazing, because I've worked hard, because everyone else deserves it as well as me.
00:23:40
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But when we expect less for ourselves, not only does that feel yucky in the moment, we're also not putting, we're not on a good vibration, are we? We're not looking forward to anything because we're not expecting anything for ourselves. In turn, we're not going to get anything good with that energy that we're putting out. And I know that sometimes we want to expect a low for ourselves because we don't want to disappoint ourselves.
00:24:03
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Sometimes when we expect more for ourselves, we can kind of freak ourselves out over the fear of losing whatever it is that we want or the fear of judgment, the fear of failure. So really looking at that happy and healthy medium of going, I deserve good things because I'm amazing and because I'm human and
00:24:23
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I think everyone else deserves them as much as I do. Honouring yourself in that way, yes. But then also, what is your perception? Because if you perceive your goals as so huge and so far away from you,
00:24:38
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You are not going to be able to manifest them because you're too far away from them. You're not an energetic match for what you are wanting if you are feeling too far away and you're expecting too low of yourself. So really look at where you are sitting. Not only how do you perceive your goals and your dreams and your manifestations right now,
00:24:58
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How do you perceive the little things in life? Because that is a telltale of the flow on effect that that energy will have for you in your life. So for example, if you perceive that you are going to get stuck in traffic today, that your boss is going to annoy you again, that your kids are going to be so loud when you get home, that you're going to wake up to another bill tomorrow,
00:25:22
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If that is your perception and if that is your expectation of how your day, your week, your month is going to go, then A, yes, that's how it's going to go, and B, this energy that you're putting out through your expectation and through your perception of the little things that happen in life, it doesn't just stop at the little things. This has a flow on effect
00:25:44
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to the big things in your life. So this can really be a telltale where you go, actually, yeah, I do feel like that about the little things. And now it makes sense as to why I'm not manifesting the big things that I want to manifest because of course that energy is spilling over. So I went to a beautiful breakfast by the Enlighten Co and this was, gosh, it may have been like four or five years ago now, but they have this thing that they like to say.
00:26:09
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And that is thank you more, please. And I really, really love it because it really embodies the kind of gratitude of being like present and thankful for where you are and for what you have. But then you're also acknowledging the fact that you are amazing and you deserve more. And what you're doing by saying thank you more, please, when something good happens is you're saying, like I just said, like the thank you, the gratitude part, yes.
00:26:39
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But the more please is like, this is so cool. If there's more waiting for me up in the universe, waiting to come into my physical fruition, then yeah, I'm open to it. Because sometimes what we do too is when we get something good, we are so wrapped up in it, we forget to show gratitude. I've told you guys before, I've done that with a manifestation and actually had the result of the manifestation taken away from me until I practice gratitude, it came back into my life, which is just,
00:27:09
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So insane and you can find that story in a previous episode. But you've got to acknowledge that there might be so many good things up there waiting for you, but you have to actually be open to receiving them because if you're blocked by fear or if you are blocked by being so busy running from place to place, here to here, any spare moment that you have, you're scrolling on your phone, then you make no room for it to materialize.
00:27:39
Speaker
So the Enlightened Co Girls, thank you, because I really love that. More please, thank you, more please. And I think it really embodies the kind of the title of this episode, the balance between wanting more and being happy where you are. And to kind of go over that,
00:27:58
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How do we get that balance? It's about checking in with yourself. It is about doing your journaling, your meditation, your meditations, becoming really in tune with who you are, what you want, where do your values and beliefs lie? When are you feeling uncomfortable? When is things feeling
00:28:17
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When are things, I'm getting all my words mixed up during this pregnancy, by the way, guys. The other day I was trying to say a word like stove, for example, and I literally like, I couldn't think of the word and I said like napkin. Anyway, yeah, where does your fear lie is another one. What limiting beliefs are blocking you? It is okay to want more. It's not greedy to want more.
Balancing Desire with Gratitude
00:28:44
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You are allowed to want more. However, if the wanting more is keeping you out of the present moment, then you need to take a good look at how you can stay in the present moment and be grateful for who you are, where you are, and what is around you right now.
00:28:59
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in order to make room for more of what you want to manifest in the future. The future isn't always our problem right now. We don't need to dictate every part of our future. When we do, we're controlling it. We're not allowing the universe to have a say. We're not allowing the things that need to unfold to unfold. So really just getting comfortable in that seat of presence, the present moment. Where are you now? Look around, take it in. Have you looked around the room that you're in? Have you really taken in the trees on your walk or the
00:29:30
Speaker
like exact temperature of your ocean swim or when you're driving the feeling of the air con on a hot day and the sound of the music, really looking at where you are and focusing in on that gratitude will effortlessly bring more into your life. So you won't actually have to actively want more and control the more, if that makes sense, if you just be.
00:29:56
Speaker
and allow. I think we'll finish that episode there. If you haven't already, it really, really helps me if you could leave me a five-star review on Spotify or Apple Podcasts wherever you're listening. I mean, five stars if you really loved it. If it's less, you don't have to leave a review. Let's be real. But yeah, I'm so thankful for you guys. As I said, I'm going to try really hard to pump out a few episodes so I can have them coming out.
00:30:24
Speaker
I think it's going to end up being fortnightly. I'm just trying to be realistic with myself. I was doing weekly, but maybe I'll do fortnightly with some surprise weekly kind of episodes here and there. I'll have to see how I go. But as the owner of Pass Around the Smile, I have to practice what I preach. I'm not going to put pressure on myself in this time. I'm honoring the season that I'm in.
00:30:45
Speaker
but I really do want to keep giving you guys really good content. So I hope you liked today's episode. Reach out if you did or post in the community group if you have any questions. All the links to the community Facebook page and my website, my cards, my meditations, they're all in the show notes. Thank you so much. I'll talk to you next time.