Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
Fructuous Friday Finance - Affording The Ivy League
28 Plays7 months ago
Expert Torie offers poignant advice about college life.
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction to Personal Finance Fridays
00:00:00
Speaker
It's Fructuous Friday Finance.
00:00:04
Speaker
Every Friday, one of our experts answers your personal finance questions.
Planting Fructuous Money Seeds
00:00:10
Speaker
Hey, America, are you ready to plant Fructuous Money Seeds?
00:00:16
Speaker
Let's start digging.
Expert Introduction: Tori Richards
00:00:26
Speaker
I'm Tori Richards, your Triple F expert for today. Thank you to POS Podcast Productions for sponsoring this program.
Caller Inquiry: Financial Advice for Ivy League
00:00:34
Speaker
Let's listen to our caller, Victoria Holdsworth, from Concord, New Hampshire.
00:00:40
Speaker
Hi FFF! My name is Victoria. I'm a 17-year-old junior in high school. I'm currently homeschooled by my loving parents. I have really good grades, and I recently traveled with my church to Lebanon to set up a Christian Bible camp for refugees fleeing Syria.
00:00:56
Speaker
My dream is to attend an Ivy League college, but I'm worried my family won't be able to afford it. What should I consider before deciding to attend an expensive Ivy League school?
Unrelated Anecdote: Another Victoria in College
00:01:09
Speaker
Well, hello, Victoria from New Hampshire. I knew a Victoria when I was in college. She was quite strange, actually. She often complained about her cramps and heavy flow.
00:01:19
Speaker
She had this hard to pronounce condition called menorrhagia. One time she was caught washing her vagina in the bathroom sink. Her roommate was like, oh my God, Victoria, go clean that thing in the shower.
00:01:32
Speaker
Pretty disgusting, right? Victoria was also a reporter for the college newspaper. She wrote a story about how two guys broke into the recreation center and shot their sperm all over the basketball hoops.
00:01:45
Speaker
Her article attempted to sound cool with phrases like, the perps were dropping cum buckets all night long. But mostly her writing just grossed people out. It turned out those guys snatched the soap dispensers from the locker room and squirted soap everywhere, not their sperm.
00:02:00
Speaker
But in Victoria's mystical homeschooled mind, those young beefcakes could sharpshoot bonk juice 10 to 12 feet high. To this day, I have no idea how Tori got through college. I mean, Victoria.
Prosperity Preaching as Financial Advice
00:02:11
Speaker
My advice? Hang out with a few people outside your church and talk to someone other than Jesus about your period and sex. Getting homeschooled doesn't mean you have to be an outcast in college.
00:02:23
Speaker
Best of luck to you. Oh, wait. I almost forgot the financial advice. Try listening to Joel Osteen and pray for prosperity. That's the only chance your family has to afford the Ivy League.
Conclusion and Farewell
00:02:39
Speaker
The Fructuous Friday Finance Show has come to an end. Until next time, thank you, America!