Transcript
Speaker: It's Fructuous Friday Finance.
Speaker: Every Friday, one of our experts answers your personal finance questions. Hey, America, are you ready to plant Fructuous Money Seeds?
Speaker: Let's start digging.
Speaker: I'm Tori Richards, your Triple F expert for today. Thank you to POS Podcast Productions for sponsoring this program. Let's listen to our caller, Victoria Holdsworth, from Concord, New Hampshire.
Speaker: Hi FFF! My name is Victoria. I'm a 17-year-old junior in high school. I'm currently homeschooled by my loving parents. I have really good grades, and I recently traveled with my church to Lebanon to set up a Christian Bible camp for refugees fleeing Syria.
Speaker: My dream is to attend an Ivy League college, but I'm worried my family won't be able to afford it. What should I consider before deciding to attend an expensive Ivy League school?
Speaker: Well, hello, Victoria from New Hampshire. I knew a Victoria when I was in college. She was quite strange, actually. She often complained about her cramps and heavy flow.
Speaker: She had this hard to pronounce condition called menorrhagia. One time she was caught washing her vagina in the bathroom sink. Her roommate was like, oh my God, Victoria, go clean that thing in the shower.
Speaker: Pretty disgusting, right? Victoria was also a reporter for the college newspaper. She wrote a story about how two guys broke into the recreation center and shot their sperm all over the basketball hoops.
Speaker: Her article attempted to sound cool with phrases like, the perps were dropping cum buckets all night long. But mostly her writing just grossed people out. It turned out those guys snatched the soap dispensers from the locker room and squirted soap everywhere, not their sperm.
Speaker: But in Victoria's mystical homeschooled mind, those young beefcakes could sharpshoot bonk juice 10 to 12 feet high. To this day, I have no idea how Tori got through college. I mean, Victoria.
Speaker: My advice? Hang out with a few people outside your church and talk to someone other than Jesus about your period and sex. Getting homeschooled doesn't mean you have to be an outcast in college.
Speaker: Best of luck to you. Oh, wait. I almost forgot the financial advice. Try listening to Joel Osteen and pray for prosperity. That's the only chance your family has to afford the Ivy League.
Speaker: The Fructuous Friday Finance Show has come to an end. Until next time, thank you, America!
