Transcript
Speaker: Hello and welcome to Kularendon, the hireling chronicles.
Speaker: Kularendon is an actual play Dungeons and Dragons podcast in which we will actually play Dungeons and Dragons as a podcast. My name is David Case LeClaire and I will be the narrator and game master for these sessions.
Speaker: Caleranden is a world of magic and adventure, a world of magical missions, quixotic quests, and awe-inspiring adventures.
Speaker: It is a world perpetually beset by the forces of chaos, but every time the darkness returns, epic heroes rise to save the realm. But our story is not about the Epic Heroes, at least not directly.
Speaker: Our story is about three moderately experienced adventurers that have recently signed up for the Epic Heroes mailing list. And joining me as the hearty hirelings, we have Beth Gleason as... Lilia Thomas.
Speaker: And my favorite dessert is Butterwhirl cookies, the kind with the cherry on top. My mom used to make them... like double batches. And i used to wake up in the middle of the night and I used to sneak a couple because I loved them so much.
Speaker: Sounds great. And Drew Gleason as... Okay. Perhaps can be arranged. And Dave Sturgis as... thing lily just
Speaker: that can be arranged and dave sturgis as I am playing Fredegar, the plus-sized turnip enthusiast. And I think Fred's favorite dessert is probably, i mean, he's not a fancy guy. So when they're in season, apples are pretty good.
Speaker: All right. Well, in tonight's episode, we'll find out which dessert is best. Or your money back. The big dessert smackdown. Great Clarendon Bake Off.
Speaker: oh dude I'd watch that um no snot souffle is claggy you have a soggy bottom what that have to do with it
Speaker: In our last episode, the hardy hirelings helped the epic heroes destroy a bandit encampment. They rescued a lost caravan, and they killed a guy. A couple of guys, actually.
Speaker: Returning in triumph to Mud Puddle, they were greeted by the final member and leader of the epic heroes, Anfereniel, Eternal Maiden of Twilight. Perhaps now, it is finally time for the epic quest to begin.
Speaker: Or maybe we'll just talk about food.
Speaker: The Adventurers Guild of the Greater Mud Puddle metropolitan area is absolutely clamorous with activity. It is positively stuffed with adventurers. Having returned in triumph from the bandit camp with the stolen caravan,
Speaker: Ednis has cooked up quite the feast. Full Clarendons all around. um With fresh salad, rhubarb biscuits, juicy bangers, and... love it.
Speaker: and Oh, oh, oh. Yum! Heaps of mashed potatoes in succulent gravy. and God, even the gravy is horny today. no
Speaker: You've retold the story of the fall of Carnivarius several times at this point, and it's been quite a hit. Towards the end of the meal, Ednis brings over a small plate of frosted honeycomb with four candles in it.
Speaker: She says, well, in light of your adventures, we all just think it's only fair to promote you to rank four in the adventurer's guild. Congratulations, guys.
Speaker: Wow. Great job, guys. Very well done. Congratulations, Miss Lillia. Thank you. Thank you.
Speaker: Mr. Fred. Thank you. You're good, too. And you too, Mr. Snod. There's some polite clapping from around the room.
Speaker: hear Meg mumbling something. How quickly can we get our hands on that honeycomb?
Speaker: It's the important thing. All right, now before you can eat the honeycomb, we're all going to sing a song. It takes about... It's halfway through eating the honeycomb. 20 minutes and... not
Speaker: All right, fine. Just dig in. It's happy birthday, the long version. Extended mix.
Speaker: Meg come over and she's like, all right, it's about time. You guys finally caught up to us. Wow. Well, you rank four? Yeah. Wow, not the same rank as Meg.
Speaker: We'll know for long. Meg, come on. Oh. While you're digging into the honeycomb, Ednes comes over with several packages, she says. And we, uh, well, we got you a couple things here. Uh, just to say thanks for everything you've done for the town.
Speaker: Wow. Two kind of little packages that are wrapped. Snot quickly counts the packages and sees a problem here.
Speaker: Are they addressed to anyone in particular? No, no. And they're not even wrapped very well. it looks like they're just like some old newspaper. ah Possibly that muddy might have slept on. It's been wrapped around it. Got that new muddy smell.
Speaker: Yeah. Right. i think Fred will just sort of hand one to Snot.
Speaker: Snot's hands are pretty sticky with honey at this point, but he will fumble around with it and attempt to tear the paper away, possibly with some help from his teeth.
Speaker: It's quite large and not that heavy. As you get it open, you see inside there is a long velvety purple cloak. Kind of recognize it, actually. It's like what Carnivarius was wearing previously.
Speaker: Gross. Is it wrapped around anything? No, no, it's just a cloak. Ednis explains that it is, they've had it identified, and it is a cloak of protection plus one.
Speaker: Wow. So you may want to go through the other package before you make any decisions about who gets what. I don't know. Well, we beat Guy with Magic Cloak.
Speaker: Oh, Lily, do you want to do the honors? I guess, sure. Thank you. This package is smaller, it's a little more square. As you open it up, you see some fancy boots.
Speaker: They're also the kind of black, little gray trimming on them. ah A little bit of blood on the edge. Yeah, okay, and that also came from Carnivash, yes, spoilers. um They're boots of elvenkind. They ah help you walk a little quieter and ah give you advantage on stealth checks.
Speaker: Give blood on what? They would make me quieter, which would be a good thing. Oh, yes, that would help. Billy Loud.
Speaker: Very. Well, it's not my fault. I have this armor and... Yes. Who could know what dastardly soul put that armor on you?
Speaker: Well, snot is clearly too small for the cloak. But that doesn't stop him from getting honey all over it by handling it. And he's gonna go over and try and present it to Fred.
Speaker: Oh, well, uh, seems a little bit, uh, purple for me, but, uh... Oh, turnip guy look good in this. Turnip guy have bad clothes. Maybe we could dye it.
Speaker: Would black be better? ah rubs his tummy. It's not no one to dye it.
Speaker: Well, not very ah practical, is it? Getting caught on stuff. ah Fred's imagining himself plowing a field wearing a cloak and just dragging it through the mud all day long.
Speaker: Maybe we tear in three parts, each get little cloak.
Speaker: Three magic scarves. As you're thinking about this and making these decisions... These extremely well thought out decisions. Yeah, you notice that the strange, the elf woman who... Snot was asleep, I believe, when she showed up.
Speaker: Is in the room and she has been eating and chatting quietly with Talonbor. She's watching you guys carefully. And after Snot has handed the cloak over to Fred, she steps forward...
Speaker: walks up behind Snot and gently places her elden hand upon Snot's shoulder. Snot is going to glance down and notice it and jump from almost his own height into the air.
Speaker: And then he is going to run around behind Fred. I sneak up on Snot, elf. The elf is looking. She never seems to look directly at people. She's always looking slightly to the left and ah over your shoulder.
Speaker: She says, Ah, Darwinius, do not be afraid. Ah, it's not not afraid over here. He's going to look out around.
Speaker: I believe we have not been formally introduced. I am Anne Freniel, the elven maiden of twilight and leader of the epic heroes. Well, Aunt Ferennial is leader.
Speaker: Snot is going to step around back in front of Fred. Nice to meet you. Darwinius Gorf Nozzlesnot, leader of hirings.
Speaker: And he's going to bow briefly without taking his eyes off of her. She nods. Sort of confused expression. I see that there are only two gifts, yet there are three of you.
Speaker: Perhaps I may prefer unto you an item of magic quality. Okay. Snatch's going to walk forward and extend his hand.
Speaker: She reaches into like a little pouch. Sticky, sticky hand. and her To her elven fanny pack, and she pulls out A curious item. It is but a crystal container that seems to be filled with water, some kind of liquid.
Speaker: It has strange elvish runes carved upon it. And there's a stopper at the top. Okay. And she puts it into your hand. She says, this is a decanter of endless water. It's going to pull the stopper out and sniff the contents.
Speaker: Okay. Yeah, it smells like water. It's like crystal? Like you can see through it? Yeah, yeah, you can see through it. It's okay it's very clear. You've never smelled water like this before. You're not even sure if this is real.
Speaker: It smells so fresh and clean. Where did this even come from? I mean, the elf just gave it to us. It's not swampy at all is what I'm saying. oh Oh. Perhaps the least swampiest water you've ever smelled.
Speaker: Yeah. ah Thank you for a bottle of water. Um... It may come to your aid in your driest hour.
Speaker: So, not drink now. It can summon as much water as you need. Uh... Snot looks at the size of it somewhat skeptically. You may choose a splash of water, a fountain water, or a gusher of water.
Speaker: You must merely speak the words and the water will come forth. Uh... Maybe just turn over, water come forth? Well, yes, that's also true.
Speaker: Could Snot stick his finger into it? The opening is quite narrow. Oh, okay. So you might be able to force it in there, but I'm not sure if you can get out. Yes, Snot, force it in there. I think Snot will be the judge of that.
Speaker: It is actually a ranged weapon if you use the Geysher. It will fire 30 gallons of water in a straight line. Wow. Oh, yes. The superb soaker of the elves.
Speaker: You don't know why she's given this to you, but she seems to just have felt bad and just grabbed whatever she had in her pack. Snot smiles and turns around to the others. it Gives a sort of skeptical look at this bottle of water, stuffs the stopper back in it, and puts it into his belt pouch.
Speaker: Talonvor raises the glass, he says, here, here, to a mighty gift to a mighty hero. That's you. Yay! It's not as a a strong guy pose. Showing off the guns.
Speaker: you Here, here. Like green spaghetti noodles. And then he is going to apply himself back to the task of of trying to get the cloak onto Fred in a way that Fred would approve of.
Speaker: The being human size is probably a little bit small. The cloak will change to the wearer's size. Oh. Oh. As most magic items will. He's not.
Speaker: Why don't you use some of that magic water to wash off some of the blood on the cloak in the booth? We can test it out. But let's go outside first.
Speaker: Not very much water. Okay. Is Lily taking us outside? Okay. Thank you, Anferenio. Snot is going to walk outside with the other two.
Speaker: Muddy looks up curiously as you walk out, sniffing the air. Muddy. Looking at Snot's hands, intently. Oh, one minute. Snot is going to hand the decanter to Fred and, it's little sticky, and go over and let Muddy lick his hands clean.
Speaker: Oh, yeah. Muddy vigorously tongue is is getting all all over Snot's hands. Just slopping, slobber, and little flecks of honey splashing everywhere.
Speaker: can we Can we describe this more graphically? She's trying to get your fingers in her mouth. Luckily, she doesn't really have, like, much teeth anymore, so she's just kind of gumming your hands.
Speaker: Yeah. Well, Snot is thoroughly enjoying that, so... It just kind of degenerates into playing around with money.
Speaker: Okay. I guess Fred's in charge of trying out the decanter then. Yep. We don't want this to degrade down to licking other things.
Speaker: You know, honey makes more sense than peanut butter now that you mention it. So Fred is going to... Does the decanter have a stopper? Yes. It is a little sticky, but it has a stopper.
Speaker: Sticky stopper, you say? Fred will remove the stopper, try not to lose it immediately. I'll take it. Thank you, Lily. And pour some water out onto the cloak, see what happens. yes The stopper is tied to the decanter, so you can't really lose it.
Speaker: That's very clever. Yeah. When you pour the water out, you can choose if it's fresh water or salt water. I guess in this case, you probably want fresh water. Yeah, that is of what he had in mind.
Speaker: Can we lay out what the loose the use cases would be for wanting salt water? Depends on what kind of aquarium you have. Oh, fair point. Okay. When you pour out the decanter, the water in it pours out, and then it just stops and seems to be waiting for a command.
Speaker: It's pretty much like an ordinary container. Yes. It's a little anticlimactic, I guess. You I've got a decanter like this back at home. You can tell it to Splash, Fountain, or Geyser.
Speaker: Geyser?
Speaker: Gadzooks. I guess Fred will say try saying Splash, I guess. Okay, as soon as you say that, the decanter seemingly eagerly twists a little bit in your hand and about a gallon of water pours out of it.
Speaker: Oh, that's probably enough. Oh, all right. Yeah, yeah might maybe a little more than you need, actually. you this The cloak and the boots are now soaked. decanter got a little excited there.
Speaker: It was the licking. The decanter swears this never happens. who Premature decanting. Never hurt anybody. Well, I guess that works, in a manner of speaking.
Speaker: It made water. Certainly easier than carrying a big barrel around. Snot makes water several times every day. Nobody ever graduated him.
Speaker: You don't even have to use the magic words. It kind of just happens.
Speaker: What else would you like to do out on the front porch? think Fred might also try to use some ah magic elven water to... Fred is, like, covered in necrotic claw marks and stuff.
Speaker: Maybe wash off a little bit. Yeah, it's surprisingly good at cleaning things. That might actually, the decanter, the water from the decanter, that might actually be its primary purpose. Yeah, you feel quite refreshed as you wash the grime and Iker, I guess, out of your and necrotic claw marks.
Speaker: Iker? I hardly knew her. And I think Fred has regular blood, but yeah, i don't know how those evil spirit claws were. Hept her. If you cut me, do not I not bleed regular blood?
Speaker: After a minute or two, you've been out on the porch for a little while. The front door of the inn opens and Meg sticks her head out. Hi, big heroes. Robin, eating.
Speaker: Oh, I'm sorry. Fred, take the cloak. Oh, all right. Snots going to reluctantly detach himself from Muddy. Kind of a head back inside.
Speaker: Sound as you pull your fingers. Oh,
Speaker: Who's our audience again?
Speaker: Claudine. Claudine is our audience.
Speaker: Now, some of our viewers may not be familiar with Claudine. So if you'll allow me a brief digression.
Speaker: In the history of Klarenden, there was once a goblin philosopher of the Collegia Nomica named Wundwort. He theorized that nothing could exist if it wasn't being observed by something else.
Speaker: The other members of the philosophy department, including the dean, Buttersby Foodcart, said that this was completely ridiculous. but found it very difficult to disprove.
Speaker: So they blindfolded Woundwort, gave him a numbing potion and stopped up his ears and nose, and tossed him in a cave with an owl bear mother and her two cubs.
Speaker: Although he did not survive the experiment, they found that he had written several words on the cave floor in his own blood. She observes still. Although the scholars considered the matter closed, a small cult of followers did spring up that theorized that Wundwort's final words referred to a goddess of the wind that is listening to everything that happens in the world.
Speaker: And for unknown reasons, they named this goddess Claudine.
Speaker: Okay. Inside, you see that the heroes have gathered around. Anferniella is standing by a table and appears to be addressing everyone. She's saying... Long have I traveled from the light of ancient suns to the voices that whisper in darkness.
Speaker: I have scoured the Athenaeum of Mirakos, bared the heart of the Scathic, and beseeched the wisdom of the seer of Rhiannon's bower. Long have I sought, through dusty tome and cursed grimoire, for the forgotten lore at the fall of Kel.
Speaker: And I have found it.
Speaker: Talonvor kind of leans over to you guys. I think she says this to everyone. Fred looks very lost. Is there more food? Scott's looking around to see if there are any partially eaten bull clarinids.
Speaker: Oh, yeah. Yeah, there's there's some more food on the table. Okay. you want to just walk over start tucking in. I mean, it seems like Aunt Ferennial's going to go for a bit, so yeah, he's going to make himself comfortable.
Speaker: After a while, she seems to be getting to the point. She says, from these endeavors at last, I have uncovered the true nature of the enemy. And in this hour, I can reveal to you, my friends and companions and hirelings, that which besets us.
Speaker: These strange warriors are the Fomor. She pauses, looks around. but Lily rolls her eyes. is Fred brightens up a little bit, finally recognizing something that she, one of the words that she used. Talonvar's like, um, yeah, we, uh, yeah, we kind of figured that out too, I guess.
Speaker: It's not that we're purple elves. Ah, but did you know it is the dust of the Fae that keeps them in this realm? Um, yep.
Speaker: Oh, yep, yep. We need that too. That it is. Very, very true. Okay. Turnip guy put dust in river. Well, I guess the seer of Briannan's bower was a fucking waste of time then.
Speaker: Sorry. No, no, good story, good story. I suppose you already know that their fell leader is the fallen Twath de Kelle, known once as Queen Hortensia, but now known only as the Lady of Lies.
Speaker: That they didn't know. Oh, Snot. That's yeah the white lady in the swamp. Snot was doing his usual nodding to look like he understands what's ah happening until Lily says that and then he stops.
Speaker: You didn't know that then? Interesting. That's good info. Yes. In ancient times, I knew her. She was as powerful and as beautiful as the shadow of the sun.
Speaker: She ugly now? Yeah, I'm told she has not aged well. Oh. So Fred's kind of shaking his head. That Talon's word's like, oh yeah, just totally nasty.
Speaker: We must took over a swamp egg. The Lady of Lies was the consort to the ghoul lord of Akel a thousand years ago. Like him, she was an archfey of terrible power.
Speaker: The ghoul lord was so powerful that mortal weapons could not hurt him. And I suspect the lady is much the same. In the ancient days, Galdor Bravier had a sword fashioned by the great Mirfancian smith, Barmy Bangborn.
Speaker: Snot raises his hand. Yes, Darwin, he is.
Speaker: Oh. Were talking about Swamp Lady? No. The Lady of Lies, Archfey, consort of Ghoul Lord. He looks at Fred and Lillia briefly.
Speaker: That swamp lady? Sort of. Sort of sounds like her. Talonvor's like, no, no, no. We figured this out. remember We talked to the swamp lady. She said there was this other lady that she didn't like. Some fae lady who's wandering around in between realms. All that sort of stuff.
Speaker: Oh, guess what? Gown lady make Talonvor sick. Right. Yes. Sounds like that's this lady of lies, et cetera, et cetera. You say she pretty.
Speaker: I didn't say she was pretty. Not pretty sure you say she pretty. Okay, well.
Speaker: Snot think Talimvor sweet on White Lady.
Speaker: Arphreniel continues undissuaded. The sword of Galdor was named Anaphylaxis.
Speaker: Snot looks shocked. Varmy was an excellent smith, but terrible at naming things. It was made of a rare and magical fey metal that glows with a golden hue.
Speaker: And with that sword, he struck down the ghoul lord, but the sword shattered to pieces. Talonvor. Talonvor's like, what? Oh, oh, right.
Speaker: He rummages through his pack and brings out a small leather bag. He pulls over a Snot's plate with a little bit of mashed potatoes still on it and he upends the bag, dumping a pile of sparkling golden dust onto the plate.
Speaker: Snot looks upset when his food is taken away. He's like, well it's been about a thousand years or whatever. So I guess it's kind of ah I mean, it's not looking too good. This, wait, this is sword?
Speaker: Well, it was. So it's just a pile of dust now. Is that what we're gathering? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Topaz is looking at it incredulously. What are you going to do with that? You're going to feed it to her with snot smashed potatoes.
Speaker: No, no, no, no.
Speaker: Could we forge it and sprinkle some of the dust into the metal? Shanonon, I believe you... Oh, oh yes.
Speaker: Ah, the sword. I have studied the books of the Fae, and it is said... that this sword was not the first sword that Barmy made for Galdor. He made another sword at first, but Galdor did not like it, but he demanded a better one.
Speaker: There is no mention of the first sword again, so... Anfernail continues, so we suspect it is still there in the ruins of Myrfancia, hidden.
Speaker: The first sword. The Fomor also head that way suggests they search for it as well, but we must find it first. But first sword probably look like this.
Speaker: Not pointing at the plate with the dust on it. If it's older. Anaphylaxis has fallen into dust after it shattered when it was struck the ghoul lord.
Speaker: We pray to Arden that the first sword may still be intact.
Speaker: Okay, so we go get the magic sword. Yes, very good. And gold.
Speaker: I understand the ruins are a mysterious and dangerous place. Does anyone have any information about these ruins? Fred starts looking around. think we gave the book to Sharnanon, didn't we?
Speaker: Yeah. Sharnanon had a different book. I think you still have. Lily probably still has the book. I probably have it. I have a book upstairs. I'll go get it Has Snot ever been as far as like the edge of these ruins?
Speaker: I don't think so. Okay. I think we determined that Snot had not been very far up into the foothills before these adventurers as well. So I'll bring down the book and hand Sharnanon.
Speaker: sharp naon Okay. Sharnanon is like, oh, yes, this ah book is from Wetnose. But don't worry, it's okay, we checked it out.
Speaker: Ah, yes, Lily found a map in the back of the book. Ah, this could be useful. Talonvor is looking over. Oh, well yeah, it's excellent. Look, it's quite detailed. He reaches over to, like, rip the page out of the book.
Speaker: Please don't do that. What? What? Oh. It's a borrowed book. I'm sure you wouldn't mind, right? It's no big deal. But you might.
Speaker: Please don't. He seemed very serious about the books. Just, just... All right. Look, don't touch. All right, fine. I mean, fine. have ah Maybe somebody could ah draw her own version of it.
Speaker: And Sharon Anon gets to work drawing on a separate piece of paper. Drawing a... yeah Unless you one of you guys wants to try. no, no. No.
Speaker: Not as too busy trying to see if he can find any mashed potatoes that don't have sword on them. He kind of picked up the pieces yeah from in between the ancient magic sword.
Speaker: Talonfort's like, oh, hold on, there hold on, let me get this bag. And he's like scraping the dust back into his little pouch. Like along with bits of potato. and Yeah, yeah. He's like, I'm sure that's fine. Yeah.
Speaker: Snot looks forlornly as most of the potato gets scooped away. All right. Well, we have no time to waste. Tomorrow morning, we shall set forth for the ruins.
Speaker: Please make any preparations that you need tonight, and at first light, we will leave. What time is it now? It's probably evening. You've been back for a while. You've been having dinner. Okay.
Speaker: So contrary to expectations, we do have a little time to waste. Yes. What about the supplies? the What was taken? what was destroyed? What don't we have? Oh, well, that's a good question. You have tents.
Speaker: You ordered some tents and bedrolls, that kind of thing. You have two parkas. One is not size, and he might actually be wearing it right now. Oh, yeah. He was trying it on. I don't remember if he kept it on or not.
Speaker: I mean, he's never had a parka before, so absolutely. This is pretty exciting. So it's kind of overheating a little bit. The tavern is quite warm. Is this like a knit parka or like a rainproof parka?
Speaker: It's like heavy. It's like waterproof. Got some kind of leather. Goose down. Wow. On the shoulder, there's a little patch that has a symbol of like a triangle with some lines above it.
Speaker: And below it, it says Swampy Mountain Outfitters.
Speaker: Very nice parka. So you you have a second parka, which is Lily's size, but you do not have a parka that would fit Fred. Well, Fred's got a clue. so Or Talonvor. So you've got that. There's plenty of food, so you can take what kind of food you'd like, and you probably still have about a year's worth of hardtack in Lily's pack.
Speaker: As I recall. It was like 40-some-odd pounds. The hardtack that even Snot could not eat may have been a technique issue. you now we have and and infinite supply of water to soak it in yeah a fair point is there an outfitter there's just the general store with the pirate yeah in town okay are there other supplies that you would like i want to see if i can dye this does the cloak stay purple or will it since it's a magic cloak not be purple i think it's purple
Speaker: that's why it's magic I mean, you could get Edna to try and help you it black. It would be difficult to dye it darker color. It would be difficult to dye it a lighter color.
Speaker: Yeah, that's ah kind of why I was thinking black, because, like, just mix all the colors together and throw it in and do this muddy black disgustingness. It's great way to treat your first magic item. Edna says, oh, yeah, I've got something for this. And she goes back to the kitchen, pulls out a big wooden tub, starts out filled with water, but she's put something in it and starts stirring it up.
Speaker: It's kind of this thick, viscous. She's like, yeah, don't touch any of your skin to this, okay? Okay. Would you like this, Fred? We don't have to do this. It can stay purple. Well, uh, might be good if it wasn't quite so, uh, visible.
Speaker: i mean, it's certainly a fashion statement. Yeah, no, this is gonna be fine. We're just gonna soak it overnight and i leave it in here. And by the morning, it'll be, you know, dark as a gorseberry.
Speaker: And it'll smell like gorseberry, too.
Speaker: Because it's gorseberry dye. Oh, that doesn't sound so bad. Are the boots also purple? Because he was just purple eyes. No, the boots are black and have ciliary trim. Oh, thank God. Do you want to dye them purple, Mimi?
Speaker: No. Okay. Just checking. Do you want them tie-dye? I can do tie-dye. i want to see how you tie a boot. It's impressive. From my younger days, I was a little bit of a rebel.
Speaker: Camp days. Smoking behind the school. Dying boots. ha ha! We all went through that phase. While Edna's is working on the cloak, Rufelm, he's the werewolf wizard, comes over to Lily and pulls his touches.
Speaker: Oh, it's you. ah Hey, hey, Lily. I just, um. Rufelm, the werewolf wizard. Good luck up there in the and the ruins. We're going to be thinking about you, but I just wanted to give you a little bit of a warning.
Speaker: Yes? Well, the ruins have been off limits to adventures for about a year, cause, uh, well, Wigbald sent some mercenaries up there to look for something.
Speaker: I don't know, some stone, whatever. And, uh, and, um, they didn't come back. Not long after that, one of the shepherds found a body washed up in the river, came down from the city, they think.
Speaker: So Meg and I went up and looked at it, and yeah, it had been bitten, like in half, by something real big. So I think it might not just be those typical little ghosts and ghouls up there these days.
Speaker: Something big might have moved into the city, as so just keep an eye out for that. Thank you very much. I mean, we will be traveling with the heroes, so... Oh yeah, I'm sure you'll but you guys will be fine. Be fine.
Speaker: Um, do you know anything more about the thing that Wigbald was looking for?
Speaker: like a Cygnestone. Uh, yeah, i don't I don't know why. Some kind of thing from the old days, is a mere fancy, uh, verified documents, that kind of thing. I don't know. Fred's ear twitches.
Speaker: I'll just look towards Fred and make sure try to catch his eye. Yeah, Fred is listening very intently to this conversation. Um, i mean, we could go drag Wigbald out if you want to, you know, question him on it before you head out.
Speaker: Where is Wigbald? He's probably hiding in his little mansion. Goddy little... Sorry. Go on. Look over to Fred. Fred, do you want to talk to him before we head out? Do we need any more information?
Speaker: Well, I think I know... Well, we know why he wanted it. So I suppose... There was some discussion of the c Signet Stone a few weeks ago.
Speaker: There was, with the documents that Wigbald had, there was the theory that if you had the Signet Stone, you could prove, you know, that maybe they were not real. They were fakes.
Speaker: Yeah. Because they wouldn't match. So I think that's what the the discussion was in the past. And you read something about the Signet Stone in the book.
Speaker: It said that the lord of the place, the good old Jabroni Maximal, when the city was falling, he had taken the objects of state and hidden them in Ardentia Abbey on the west side of the city.
Speaker: Ruth Helms is going, I said, yeah, I don't know. it's It's a big city, right? So just finding a stone seems pretty crazy. It's been looted a few times over, so I don't know there's much left up there.
Speaker: and I suppose if we talked to Wigbolt, he'd probably ask us to find it for him, so... Yeah, well, I mean, if you see it, then you can grab it and do what you need. i mean, you don't have to tell the mayor.
Speaker: That seems wise, given current circumstances. All right, well, I just wanted to make sure you knew about, you know... some sort of creature out there. Just, and, there's anything i can else I can do. You know, ah me, me, Fu, and, uh, Meg, we're staying down here to, uh, in case the Fomor attack the town.
Speaker: So, won't be joining you on this one. Well, thank you for your advice and good wishes. Yeah. I think it's for the best that's not to hear this part about people getting bitten in half.
Speaker: Yeah. And I, uh, I hope you, uh, sorted out your business with the um Fred pauses awkwardly uh the the moon oh uh well you know I just keep track of it and uh you know it's not going away but uh it's coming up pretty soon actually it's almost been a month since that time we went up there so it's another reason it's probably not a good idea to take me up there with you last thing you need nobody was asking
Speaker: Fu does come over after a while and he's like, oh, hey, hey, Fred. Ah, Mr. Fu. I guess you heard we're staying staying back on this one.
Speaker: Ah, yes, well, it seems it might be a good idea. i had some ideas. a kind of hope for more attack.
Speaker: I was thinking maybe, uh, I could try this move where I pick them up and throw them. What do you think? That does sound quite promising.
Speaker: Yeah. I've been working through it in my head, but... i mean, he's got the order figured out, at least.
Speaker: They are on the larger side, but if anyone can throw them, I think it would be you. Yeah. Or you. You could throw them, I'm sure.
Speaker: Perhaps we can throw them together someday.
Speaker: Oh, all right. Pretty desperate comment there, but okay.
Speaker: They make a pretty good like pro wrestling tag team, I think. All right. Are there any other preparations that you would like to make before this evening?
Speaker: Fred wants to get a shirt that's not torn to shreds. Yeah. About to buy a new one at this point. Yeah, the lost and found is is you've pretty much taken the only shirt your size from there.
Speaker: But you can get a shirt from the general store. and They don't charge you for it. They know they know what you did.
Speaker: know We know what you did. Yeah. Actually, Ireland seems a little nervous when you go to the general store. It's like, Ar, laddie, don't tell that Topaz. I heard she's a brand. Don't tell her I'm here, okay?
Speaker: She is one of those people that I don't really need to talk to right now. Stay off the moors.
Speaker: Ah, I see. You two have some history? Oh, nothing like that. It's just... ah Well, she always pulls you into these crazy adventures, and I'm pretty happy right now. No more adventures for old Erland.
Speaker: Fred is nodding with sort of a distant haunted look in his eyes. Yeah. She she does have a way of getting into trouble. Sometime I'll tell you about what happened to Snorri.
Speaker: Snorri the Eighth Dwarf. i mean Don't get me wrong. She's a tough character. Good leader, but she's got some personal problems she's working through. That she does.
Speaker: All right. Now, I hope this shirt does you well. Let me know if you need a spare. Now's your chance. You could let him know you needed a spare.
Speaker: Now, Fred's just glad that this store has a big and large section.
Speaker: All right. So if there's nothing else, then the evening passes in quiet contemplation of the journey to come. Get all your stuff together, prep it,
Speaker: Are you planning to bring Swifthoof? I mean, that would be up to Swifthoof, wouldn't it? Well, I guess it depends on how much luggage we taking care of for the legendary heroes.
Speaker: Oh, yeah, that seems like Swifthoof would be kind of important to us. They do want you to bring the tents and and then they have a... Topaz has a whole bag of cooking gear that she thinks she should bring.
Speaker: So, yeah, it looks like unless Fred's going to carry all this, it's going to be Swift Hoof. Wasn't Swift Hoof initially on the the list, too? Oh, yeah, that's right.
Speaker: That's right. They own Swift Hoof. Well, nobody really owns Swift Yeah, but none can tame them. Can you ever really own a donkey? Swift Hoof, donkey of the Cimarron.
Speaker: Wow, that's the second time you've made that joke. Seriously? Yeah. Oh, check the transcript.
Speaker: And here I was sitting here going, my god, I said Cimarron correctly. Yeah, I know. stallion of the cinema roll.
Speaker: Snot is going to fill his shoulder pack with any sort of traveling food he can find, and he's going to replace it with hardtack.
Speaker: Like, he's gonna take it from the kitchen, but he'll he'll leave as much hardtack as he can manage. Oh, okay. Fair exchange. Right, right.
Speaker: You're able to get at least, I'd say, three or four days worth of food. But most of the food in the kitchen isn't gonna last long, but you can get cheese wheel, crackers, some bread, that kind of thing.
Speaker: It's not gonna last long anyway, don't worry about that.
Speaker: Could Snot acquire possibly a couple of extra medium-sized bags, too? Yeah. case we were to say Counter-Fizzwhiz again? Mm-hmm.
Speaker: Yes, medium-sized bags. And a stout piece of lumber. Yeah. yeah
Speaker: I think that the gear that you've gathered also has your typical 40 feet of ah rope, 10-foot wooden pole. Torches, iron spikes, caltrops.
Speaker: Yeah, you can have all those things. Torches, iron spikes, caltrops. Crampons, crayons. All right, I hope somebody's writing this down. Trying. So, ear packs are set.
Speaker: Swiftoff is skeptical about this endeavor. The night is growing late. People have gone to bed. think you all retire to your various places of respite. How would you characterize a skeptical donkey? Like, what does that look like?
Speaker: It's got one ear up, and then the other ear kind of flopped over, and their head tilted a little bit. That sounds pretty skeptical. It was like chewing on a piece of grass, like...
Speaker: No, sir. Not gonna work.
Speaker: You fall into a relatively deep sleep, even though there's the prospect of an adventure. Tomorrow, you've worked very hard today and gone through quite a lot and I think are quite bone tired.
Speaker: You all get a long rest in as you sleep through the night. Woo-hoo!
Speaker: And the morning dawns, you're awakened. Talonvor goes around and checks on everybody as you're waking up. He's getting everybody together, gathering up in front of the Adventurer's Guild. So you have Anfereniel, of course, Sharnanan, Topaz.
Speaker: Talonvor is trying to bring Swifthoof around, but she's giving him some trouble. It's not. He's going to watch unhelpfully. He's saying his goodbyes to Muddy. Well, Muddy is very sleepy.
Speaker: do not want to be bothered by this.
Speaker: All right, Talonvor succeeds in getting Swift tough around. Although for part of it, he's just pulling. All of her legs are just straight and he's just pulling her through the mud.
Speaker: and Maybe if he wouldn't use the tail.
Speaker: All right. Is there anything? So if there's nothing else you need in town and you're ready to go, then we can set off. Did the um cloak come out blackish?
Speaker: Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's very back and has a strong berry odor. Looks like it's spent overnight in a mash of gorseberries. Yeah. When you touch it, like it stings your finger a little, but ah that that'll probably fade.
Speaker: There may be a few gorseberry nettles it. Oh, dear. Well, we've got the decanter just rinsed out. Yeah, okay.
Speaker: Tobaz is like, are you guys going to be rinsed in that cloak all day? We've got to get move on. Come on. Let's get it together. All thanks to our magic decanter, we can rinse and walk. Oh, the time will save.
Speaker: All right. And as our heroes and hirelings prepare to set off for the ruins of Myrfansea, we bring this episode to a close. Thank you for listening to Clarendon, The Hireling Chronicles, and please join us for our next exciting episode.
Speaker: you
