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00:00:01
Sexmas
52 Plays1 year ago
We intended to talk about family dynamics during the holidays but things got hot and nasty. You can't joke your way out of real life, Matt.
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Transcript
Chaotic Crypto Chatter
00:00:05
Speaker
cryppitohi pussies cryptohi puss i invest in pew human tuke collected in a block get gonna make the dock gets the world runs on puke the world runs on puke crypto whisper pursies cryptohi
00:00:22
Speaker
Not trying to hear about slabs, Matt. Me I can already wear me down, dude. Oh, yeah. Let me check my sound, dude. I'm going to do it live.
00:00:39
Speaker
I'm gonna do that shit live. Some motherfuckers know how much I work. Oh yeah, dude, I'm coming in. I'm coming in way high, bro. This computer's tripping. Do you have any friends like high school or work that every story was like, was trim related, but it was all like, you got it you gotta stop screaming. Like they're just destroying trim all the time. Man, I totally fucked, dude.
Comedic Honesty: When to Use It
00:01:04
Speaker
Someone's gonna think I'm killing someone.
00:01:06
Speaker
Oh yeah, the exaggeration. I just found it to be so hilarious. I told you that. I had friends that just like exaggerate the stupidest things, like how much pizza they ate. That always made me laugh, but I got a new one, dude. This is a bit alert. You could probably roll with this. You got even come into contact with a guy that has to be like, I gotta to be honest, bro. But then what they have to say after is like trivial at best. Like I gotta be honest, bro. I don't like soup.
00:01:33
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. You you keep the honesty on that one, bro. Either way, you can lie about soup to me. Yeah. Because if you want to hit me with, I got to be honest, bro, then you might want to say, I got to be honest, bro. I want to have a threesome with you and your wife. Now that. Yeah. says Like the honesty there.
Relationship Confessions and Honesty
00:01:50
Speaker
I thought about it. I like that. Look, dude, Lance, I would never, I would never do anything new, but I got to be honest. ah I thought, I thought that birthday put your kid's birthday pie. I thought you guys over overcook the hot dogs.
00:02:03
Speaker
Yeah. Can I get real with you for a second? Can I get real, dude? I'm not a big fan of football. Okay. Okay. I want to get derailed on this one, but back to the the threesome. What's more fucked up there? Like the the guy, it's the guy going, I want to have a threesome with you and your wife. You're like, all right, are you more offended that the guys like wants to look up their wife or you?
00:02:29
Speaker
and that's I think I would be contemplating the latter more. right i expect a lot of I expect a lot of guys want to bang my wife, but I don't quite get a lot of offers. so How about a woman? Does that change things? Of course it does, right? I think it's obviously a little bit easier for me to envision, but it's also equally weird. because like what What's the aftermath there?
00:02:56
Speaker
You know, it wouldn't be something I could do with my marriage, but what's the aftermath like psychologically?
Awkward Compliments at Work
00:03:04
Speaker
I don't know, bro. I don't know. It's back to it. Nothing to think about. That was just a fun Saturday night. It seemed like you really liked her ass. You seemed like you thought her ass was really tight. I'd say you're going the other way with it.
00:03:18
Speaker
What if your partner or wife in that situation is just like way into it? You're like, wow. Oh, wow. Yeah, you're attracted to that. I didn't know you were attracted to her. Well, if a girl comes up to you, even that idea, like if she starts with, I got to be honest with you.
00:03:35
Speaker
You're like, well, I'll never get an erection, even if we were able to pull it off because you started with, I gotta be honest
Infidelity and Marriage Stereotypes
00:03:41
Speaker
with you. The less formality in that one woman. Okay, I had a girl, a woman, and my work come up and be like, pretty much, I gotta be honest with you, you're fucking hot. And that was like really... in a professional environment. I was married and everything was uncomfortable. I obviously told my wife of like that. I was kind of weird. It was like, it's something I would've... Were you flattered? I was just like taken aback because of the type of environment. But like back in college, I'd been like, yeah, girl, I know, you know what I got. Yeah. But no. I gotta be honest with you. Yeah. Was it like, you think she'd been holding it in for a long time?
00:04:22
Speaker
she That's why she had to start with the guy to be honest with you. She was just like, I gotta fucking tell him. I just think it was just came out for single woman act in a fool. You think she would take an action if you were if you were an asshole? Oh yeah, for sure. I'm gonna be honest with you. I love infidelity.
00:04:45
Speaker
I gotta be honest, I love breaking up families, particularly mine. This will be my first time, but I love it. Unfortunately, you're a six in my book and I'm not gonna do it for you. Yeah, right. No, it was a weird situation. I think though that stuff happens so much more than that. Infidelity? Yeah, than people... ah You do? Oh my God, yeah, I do because... Really? I could sniff out a strong marriage really quick, bro.
00:05:15
Speaker
a sexually strong marriage, not all the other stuff. I wonder if. Let's see shit you went through. Yeah. I was going to say like, I'm a, I'm a guy that might be getting divorced and I, I couldn't even imagine either of us doing that. Right. No, I wouldn't. That wasn't the issue. Well, I wouldn't pay you guys for that. I wouldn't have, you're just not that personality, but I'm surprised to hear you say you think like, I always think down here, it might be a kind of a normal thing.
Sexual Attraction and Marriage
00:05:42
Speaker
Or at least the older generation of people is kind of expected. But I don't, I can't, actually I say that I don't see it down here that much, but I guess I can take up a couple people pretty quickly that did it. But I wonder, it seems, I wonder if it's like more of the women, like they're not satisfied sexually. And then they're getting it on a lot. Or is it psychologically? Well, it's probably one and the other. Like if you don't have one, you can't get the other one.
00:06:11
Speaker
Maybe. Yeah. Just pure cock size. and like By psychological, you mean cock circumference. That's what I hear when someone says that. Thickness. Yeah. Yeah. Cocksized. Well, I think that's part of the problem. I don't know. This is way off tangent here. That's my piece of shit for the years that I found out that I can get way off tangent and interrupt you. There it is, Lance. My 2024 piece of shit statement is I interrupt I go on tangents and my sentences are too long. I agree with all that, but there's no script for this episode, buddy. So you're good. You think who's more likely to cheat? and There's probably some stats out there. I actually thought it was a woman, but you know, that's no, it's definitely dudes. Think about what it was more likely to long for it. Um,
00:07:02
Speaker
long for it as in long for a different version of life. maybe I just think like a guy might be like, oh, that's hot. If I'd hit that in some dumb caveman way, but a woman might be like the guy from my office is like so much more intriguing to be around than my husband who fucking talks about the Broncos and wood and woodworking. And this guy talks about Marxism and art and Whatever pussy shit, you know what I mean? Well, I would say i would say yeah ah yeah a longing man, right? Yeah, I think men have that same thing though. it's just But it starts with ah an average or below average marriage, I think. I don't think you do that if you're fulfilled.
00:07:43
Speaker
or like just take take like you have a good couple and then the dude travels too much so he's off balance in that sense right right right there you're opening the window a little more to some to some side action for both people just by tra traveling too much so you take any of those circumstances whenever you see a couple that's like off balance on one way or another, it takes a really exceptional couple to like hold it together, which is why you don't see like movie stars and rock stars stay together. It's just too hard. It's too much. ability Yeah, it's too much there. There's not, you have to really put the time in. But you can see personality types too that just seem like they might go to Vegas and hit the old chicken ranch, get their F on.
Family Dynamics During Holidays
00:08:31
Speaker
I guess what I said, like, I agree with you, but yeah I could see it. I'm like a ah guy in a decent marriage will make just sort of a compact like instinctive, I don't know what you call it. Lead with sex. yeah Yeah, just be like, oh, that night I was drunk, that girl's good. She'd actually fuck me, which is not always a given for a guy. It's like, wow, here's a girl, a random girl would actually sleep with me. And so he might do it, but maybe the marriage is all right. And he in that moment where I just get the idea of a girl's like going to cheat, there's just this overriding void that needs to be filled and all this kind of crap because of a bad relationship. Maybe that's just what Hollywood wants me to believe.
00:09:08
Speaker
but could you see a girl like screw up for one night the way a guy would, you know, and then be like, no, I have a good marriage. I just fucked up or something like that. You can, but it's like, I think it's probably harder to open yourself up for penetration. Let's, let's use your butt as an example. No, I'm kidding. Let's not visualize that, but like you can see the act of receiving is, is like,
00:09:29
Speaker
You got to really be. Yeah. Cause you're receiving something, but then you're receiving the something that comes from that thing after. So you got, it's like a double take, right? We've talked about this before. It's like, oh, it's a double whammy.
00:09:42
Speaker
You gotta deal with all that, but like you just have to plop it in and blast and you're good to go. We'll edit this out. Not, Matt, not. You never edit shit out. I haven't said not in like a decade. That was great. This all started with, I gotta be honest with you. I don't think he listened to shows I can say, but I have a buddy I played basketball with and one of my other friends who's, I don't know if he's a listener, but he moved out of the country.
00:10:08
Speaker
And we're both kind of like, we're decent in Spanish, but not great. And we just noticed something where you hear someone say something over and over again. Like, am I supposed to say that for every sentence? But this guy, he starts every sentence with either sincerely or I'm not going to lie. Sincereamente and no voyamentir. Every sentence. And it'd just be like, I like wings better than fried chicken. You know, it'd be like the most yeah meaningless thing. He needs to stop. Or he'll talk about basketball. He'll be like, those guy that guy doesn't shoot very well.
00:10:37
Speaker
Sinceremente. Since she doesn't shoot. It's like, all right, man, that's that's right here, bro. From the heart. I came from the heart and I appreciate it. It's it's so funny, though, the way I'm in there. I'm not gonna lie. what What's the sentence where you I'm not gonna lie? Like, I'm not gonna lie. I thought, ah where what is it? When does it work? Yeah, it works. as I probably use it sometime. I hear it sometimes. I don't know if that's one that I use. I'm not gonna lie. I thought, Carmen,
00:11:05
Speaker
Electro is hotter than Jenny McCarthy. Something like that like a comparison. Yeah, then i I thought LeBron had a better career than Jordan. But if I actually sincerely mean that I'm not gonna lie, it would be more like, dude, I'm not gonna lie, man. I hate your friend so and so. I can't stand that guy. That would be more. So you think it's negative. Well, it's more of a sincere reason to use I'm not gonna lie. I don't think you have to use it for a comparison. I'm not gonna lie, dude. Fucking Julia Roberts has a big mouth.
00:11:36
Speaker
And I don't think she's as hot as Cameron Diaz. I don't really think you need it. Just say, dude, Julie Roberts, horse mouth, bro. Cameron Diaz is way harder. I could, how about riveting? How about being, how about being honest about either youth sports or like a school recital? Okay. We'll work there. I'm not going to lie. The fifth grade band show was a piece of shit. I love it. I'm fine with that. That works good, right?
00:12:01
Speaker
Like almost anything related to your kids at certain levels is just terrible to watch. Even even if they're like a good basketball player. It's like, yeah I'm not going to lie. It's the worst two hours of my life. Yeah. I think you want to drop some negative. I'm not going to lie. That was the best steak ah I've ever had. It doesn't, it doesn't, yeah, on the positive, it doesn't hit as hard. Oh, you could go sincerly sincerely if you're talking to the chef in that situation. Sincerely, that was the best piece of meat I've had in my life. I hear that all the time.
00:12:30
Speaker
It ain't about eating bro. I know what it's about about dinner. The hyperbole guy, I'm not a huge fan of that dude either. It's like he's got an overly compliment. Like the guy that's like, oh, I love that guy to death. He's the dearest friend. He's an amazing human being. But he was a real dick yesterday. or I mean, the guy that does all that shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Got some positives to set up a ah negative? Yeah. You know, he's not your dearest friend. He's not an exceptional human. Come on. I like him as a human.
00:13:05
Speaker
Yeah, but play calling. So how about your piss these days to switch subjects, dude? Do
Critiquing Holiday Consumerism
00:13:12
Speaker
you ever go into the bathroom and feel like you're going in there with not a long enough piss to justify it? How about just over, you find yourself oh over analyzing your piss as you get older?
00:13:25
Speaker
Yeah, but I'll be going in to like, get a nervous piss out or a short piss out and I'll feel self-conscious that I got to like. Like it's not a fire hose. Extend it to justify, uh, that I'm in there. And then sometimes I'll ah stand a little longer, but sometimes I'll even flush the toilet earlier. I just curious if anybody else does that. I don't know if, if you get to this age, you, you do go piss a little bit more, but sometimes I just early flush and then you got, then you got to reflush because you you went early on.
00:13:53
Speaker
Uh, no, it's more, it's more of a, it's like right before an event, two hour event or something. And you're just like, i'm um ah let me go get this little bit of piss I got out. And then you're in there and it seems like everybody's like horse cock pissing like for two hours and you're, you're just like,
00:14:12
Speaker
I'm still nine years old. Yeah. Hi everybody. Yeah. You have a little peanut bladder and you need to like make it look like you, you can do a longer piss. I will do that sometimes where I will flush it to like cover up the noise of the piss so that nobody knows how long I'm pissing. Cause then I don't want somebody to be like, Oh, this guy's in here doing a quick piss. What do you, yeah.
00:14:35
Speaker
Did your mommy tell you to come come go to the bathroom before the trip lands? Huh? Everyone to the bathroom. So not something you've experienced. Well, I probably have. I don't know if I've thought about it in a public space. Have you ever been shut out? No, that's I'm trying to think. We think I got to go to the bathroom. I feel the sensation. You go. Nothing comes out because of your giant swollen, almost 50 year old pro f prostrate.
00:15:01
Speaker
And then nothing comes out. And then you're like standing there like, I wonder if they know that I didn't actually piss. I don't think I've had that yet, but I think it's coming. And they're, and they're tick talking you and shit or whatever, whatever the kids are doing. I did roll into the bathroom at a school and the urinals were No, Joe, four inches apart, which is old school because the place was built in the seventies and it's like this huge kid came in. He's probably six, four. And I'm like, you know, instead of just going, instead of just going to the stall and pissing, of course I have to make the comment. I go, damn, not a lot of room here, huh, fella? And I like go into the other, go into the stall just.
00:15:42
Speaker
And then he whipped it out from over his shoulder and and threw it threw it at the urinal. Did he say anything? He used both urinals. It was like a two-headed cock, yeah. He just lasted 73 minutes. No, I don't think he he said anything. He's probably used to it. He's probably like, oh, man, come on. I did have that story. We used it early on.
00:16:07
Speaker
I acted like it was the most amazing thing with those urinals in the old Mile High Stadium in Denver that were the circular tubs where you literally were face to face with 12 dudes. It was just a different era. It was the same era where your grandpa walked around naked in a locker room.
00:16:29
Speaker
No big deal. Okay. No, I know. But still, like, it's it's just what's the is that standard like space efficient? Yeah, like who designed it? Regardless of having to look at all the dicks like price space efficient. You got a lot here still like in a bar just it's just like a bathtub almost sideways. I see some of those up and it's more like a like a You know, like a shower where you'd have to put in the shower curtain. It's just like a flow of base. What do you call it? Basement? Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Just something like that. Just like that. So you're sword fighting there, if you wanna. But you you're also dealing with splatter. It's it's like, it's it's got like a, maybe a foot of clearance. So like, if you piss on the bottom, yeah, you might get splatter, but it's on the bottom.
00:17:14
Speaker
I'm not getting any splatter, but I'm sure if you're fire hosing it down to the bottom, it's it's bouncing off. You got quite a force forceful piss. You could probably get some splatter. It's got a little like shi shin protection. yeah Most of them. It's not like just the bottom is not like two inches, but it's just no, no section or anything. It's just, and it's like a tub. Everyone pissing in a tub. It's the same as what you're saying, except no one's on the other side pissing back at you.
00:17:39
Speaker
Yeah, there hasn't been a lot of innovation in urinals. Maybe we should consider an idea. You see some of the water efficiency stuff though, you see that. up Yeah, but nothing cool. Nothing that like really hooks you and in makes your cock want to remember it, you know, nothing really. Like I was warm air blowing on my cock would be good. Give me some hang time, you know, loosen it up, make me get at least like a semi going or something. So I feel good at the urinal. Straight up cold piss is like, it's not very flattering.
00:18:10
Speaker
Yeah, it's not a bad idea, but you know, hopefully some, shop this some genius comes out with this. You know, we have a buddy who's in, is a true entrepreneur. We should turn him on to this industry. Yeah. Just, he could, he could rally up a few engineers probably. Yeah. okay Same with the, the toilet.
00:18:32
Speaker
Yeah. Wow. It's more of the public situation than I think has has a lot of innovation opportunity. We'll see. we We'll see what happens to the industry in the next decade, Matt, and then we'll decide if we want to enter. Yeah. What's this AI going to take this away from us too? Yep. The urinal industry.
00:18:51
Speaker
Oh, okay. So we're going to talk about family a little bit. well Here's the segue. Yeah, do it. We're not so we're busy shit because we're not always ourselves and we get around extended family people you don't interact with. um On the holidays, you're kind of a what do you call it? You're like not your real self. A shadow of your true essence. Would you have that conversation with anyone in your family? Because that's who you are. You'll you throw it.
00:19:18
Speaker
awkward urinal urinal conversation out there. Do you do that with anyone in your family or they don't get to see that Lance? I give them the one-liner version of that, but they don't take the bait. They don't they don't love it like I do. But they're not like, yeah, I remember I went to a the horse track in 1958 and they had you had to piss whatever in the dirt. Or are they just like, wow, Lance.
00:19:42
Speaker
ah Well, it's interesting because actually my brother, he I consider this a big compliment. like he was ah He noticed my mood change after I left work and like I was kind of getting back to myself.
00:19:57
Speaker
And I was talking shit, just saying shit, saying stuff out of left field like I used to. And I don't know if I got more controlled, I don't know, for five years or so. And he's like, there's a brother I know, all that weird shit. And I thought that was pretty cool. I didn't think he would notice that over the years. He definitely... cringed, I think, in a good way a lot of times. There's stuff I'd say in front of his wife and other people. So I thought that was pretty good. But no, I don't think there's anybody that wants to engage. My daughter will. She'll take the bait and she'll go back and forth with weird shit. My son can't handle it. Obviously, my wife can't handle it. Does your son laugh and be like, you're crazy? Or is he just like, oh, fuck. He's more of like, you're an idiot. You're a dumb ass. But my daughter's more like,
00:20:46
Speaker
Let's play ball, huh? Here we go. Finally, a reason to come see you guys on Christmas. yeah That's like that when you're when you're that age, though, you're kind of like, ah, fuck the holidays. like It goes quick. My 11-year-old's pretty jacked about the whole thing. But when in 10 years, he's probably not going to be that excited about it. No, he won't, because I could see it in my own kids already. and then like the But do then you have to the grandparents. like ah how many more of these do they have? And you're starting to get these feelings. yeah And you can't go in there talking about urinals when it's a special time for them. So you gotta you got to contain yourself a little bit.
00:21:26
Speaker
ah It's a weird thing. you know like I mean, you I think you're pretty close to both sets of the in-laws and your and your your parents as far as the holidays. And you see them all year round. But it's kind of weird that you just get together with these people that are essentially strangers, just because for some reason you share like last name or something. you get You get together with them around the holidays and you really have like nothing in common. You know?
00:21:53
Speaker
Some of them are strangers. I mean, my family that's here, they're not strangers necessarily. I could get to know them better than I do. I don't know, dude, I'm just such a private, I need so much alone time. It's disgusting how much alone time I need. You seem in a great mood though. why why what's Why so happy considering what you're about to face over the next three or four days? Are you actually happy about it, this these interactions?
00:22:21
Speaker
I'm in a better place, dude. I'm more myself now and stuff like that. Like I'll get into my little ruts. Like I like to rant about society so as evidenced by the last few
Children's Perception of Gifts
00:22:31
Speaker
episodes. it's It's always been fun for me, but no, I'm i'm not and dreading anything. Part of it is like we have thrown up boundaries that make sense to us. I like that our family does the white elephant thing now and it's not people trying to buy a bunch of useless gifts for each other. Yeah, so it's just the,
00:22:50
Speaker
That's huge one. It is huge. Yeah. I wish we would have done it when the kids were younger, but it's like, there's something about kids where you got to like, let me make sure they have 43 presents and obviously they're all cheap. It just feels, it feels weird. It feels disgusting about that. That, uh, we just feel like they have to open a bunch of shit, right? Yeah. I mean, it feels this year. Well, I'm not, my kids aren't really getting anything because they're going to Peru with their mom. And, uh,
00:23:21
Speaker
and that's a big deal and it's awesome, but it still feels weird. It's like trip yeah trip of a lifetime and it's probably more valuable than 600 toys, but it's like, uh-oh, what happens on Christmas morning? They're gonna have a couple of things to open. I'm just giving them some money, so they have some money on the trip to like buy shit and and whatever, get some memories. But ah but yeah, that whole thing of like, oh, what are they gonna open up?
00:23:48
Speaker
I think that's that's pretty gringo, man. That's come from the US, s but it's spreading everywhere, so it's starting to happen here. But I remember my wife telling me like when she was young, you don't you might have got like one thing, two things. I think we talked about this last year, but from Baby Jesus, now you're pounded with Black Friday and all this crap. Yeah.
00:24:09
Speaker
Baby Jesus, yeah. My wife has done everything. So she was making fun of me. ah you've You've done nothing for Christmas. I said, I ordered my dad a present and my- Pops coming up. My niece. See that, that's Isla family? No. No, he doesn't come up. He never comes up. Take that, father.
00:24:31
Speaker
lazy bastard, you never drive up. Uh, so like I've done a few things, but she's, she does do everything and it's partly because I was like, and then she's like, if I don't do it, you just won't care. And like, and then that's the piece where it's you, you question what's the value of this is you you've attached some expectation on what needs to happen. And so like, yeah, our tree has a bunch of presence under it right now for our kids that, you know, mostly gift cards. Um, do they care?
00:24:59
Speaker
I think they like the stuff, but do they care? No, probably not. No, it's not like they're like. but yeah If you you didn't send your dad a gift, would he be like, Oh, what's wrong with you, man? Does he care? It's more for yourself. Like some sort of guilt type thing. I think if I talk, I only do it cause they send a gift. Right. I think it's got to call a truce on that one, huh? Like in July. Yeah.
00:25:22
Speaker
But dude, have you ever gotten a ah like a gift truce but you don't believe it? Especially like a wife or something. It's like, i want I'm not gonna get you anything. Or don't give me anything. oh yeah But you're like, ah, I don't believe it. So you end up getting it anyways. No, it's it happens every time. It's more of like a, so we're good,
Extravagant Gifts and Relationship Health
00:25:39
Speaker
right? We just bought ourselves some new pots and pans. And then it's like, oh, and Christmas sucks.
00:25:48
Speaker
What do you want? I mean, you can go buy whatever you want. it it it becomes It becomes silly. And I actually think when Christmas is a big deal between couples, this is a theory. I think when it's a big deal between couples, it's it's a sign that the marriage isn't isn't as tight as it should be. yeah Dude, that's very true. I've noticed that people like dysfunctional couples that that have money where the gifts are like insane. Always. Yeah. Like cars or crazy jewelry. or But then other other
00:26:22
Speaker
People that aren't in that situation though, the the the woman might be like, well, look at that. Look what he got her. It's like, what's he covering up? My friend. It's joint money, right? It's sort of, it's it's ah in the vein of like giving sex as a gift. It's like,
00:26:39
Speaker
What are you doing? If your sex life sucks that bad, ah I'm not turned on when you say, I have a special present for you. It's an annual present. You get to put your wang in me. The couples that do that, it's parried it in the movies. I don't know if it's true. That's what I was wondering. Is it true? Is it just like in the in the movies? Oh, I get blown once a year.
00:27:05
Speaker
It's got to be true, dude. First, let's let's can we just look around at couples that we see across the US? We're all human beings. It might be. But is it a negative or a positive? You're saying something like, is it like, look, I'm going to make sure that at least once a year I have the time, the energy, that the the drive, the willpower to to like do something just for you.
00:27:29
Speaker
Physically or is it more like the rest of your sucks so bad. I have to force myself into this because I'm fucking I hate being around this guy's genitals. I Think it's more of like the laws of attraction you can't fake it and People have let themselves go so you see the couples where one person Is really a mess and you and you do wonder it's often the guy And you do wonder, is she just happy taking it from that gut? the you You do wonder, like it truly is an annual gift to give up sex to that person. And you gotta go, oh yeah. You see that more, look around. I mean, it's more prevalent than you would see two couples that appear to be you know healthy and vibrant. So I bet it's true.
00:28:26
Speaker
Oh, it's not just the guys that let themselves go. i want But I don't know if guys care as much though. Like you said, you're you're just putting her in there. Maybe you just kind of put your head down and thrust away. Maybe like maybe the guy doesn't care as much. I don't know. I don't you know. If you're on the receiving end of that gut. but But would you ever hear a guy go, I got a present for you. Here it is. But I think they would be mocked.
00:28:55
Speaker
Have you ever heard of that though? maybe Maybe his version of that is going down on her and she's got, you know, she's ragged and ah she's, you know, front butt and all this stuff that he's got to deal with when he does it just as a gift. It's, I don't know, bro. ae I just have never heard of that though. I like to think about it. Well, you're putting up the physical, oh, people people's body changing and shit.
00:29:20
Speaker
I've done it the last three episodes too, which I feel like a total dick, but whatever. It's true. No, no, but I'm just saying there's there's that. And that's not guy or girl or, I mean, we're all we're all getting older, but but I mean, it might just be like, people just stop doing shit because they're busy, they're tired, they're stressed, and all that goes away for some people. So it might be like, I have to force myself to do this, not because I think you're the most disgusting person on earth, just because time kicks away and I need to force myself to to like get in the mood for one night a year. Even if you were fucking Brad Pitt, I would lose interest because of life. like like I mean, just like you said, movie stars and and rock stars, they still look good, they still break up all the time. They probably lose. you you can If you're with somebody that's crazy attractive, you might just lose lose that super sense of attractiveness that you had to them at the beginning anyways.
00:30:19
Speaker
Yeah, little I think you're saying it's ah it's a it's a feeling, there's an emotion in a real day-to-day life like it doesn't just, it's not like every day you want to get it going. Yeah, yeah you'll see people like that on Oprah or something. They're like, we had a pact, but we'd have sex every day of the year or so, or do something sexual. and they And then they write a blog about it. And then they want to murder each other at the end of it.
00:30:47
Speaker
She just didn't talk about the chafing in her vagina. She never, she never mentioned that. yeah I thought she was loving it all 365. No, I just think that it's harder. That's the other misconception. Yeah. We talked about this a lot off air, but just kidding. Like that the girls, like everything's like last longer, last longer. Cool. Yeah. Be hard forever. Be hard for for two hours. and The girls probably like, yeah, uh, chafing.
00:31:17
Speaker
or I lose interest after a little while. or And very few women have the vaginal orgasm, meaning the cock does nothing for them. now who i don't You think it's very few? I don't think it's very few. I mean, it it's like at least communicated that way, but I don't know. the real that's that I think that's ridiculous. but Call it 30%. Call it one third. Only one third can have it like that.
00:31:43
Speaker
Do you think that's true? I don't know, bro. I don't know. this so Call it one half. It's still a lot of women where if you're going out and you're trying to find a life partner, sex is just one aspect of that. But then you come to find out like your, your cock is useless throughout 40 years of marriage. It's a, that's kind of weird. That's, that's something to overcome or something to figure out. Your cock is useless. I don't know.
Societal Expectations Around Sex
00:32:08
Speaker
I don't know if I believe, well,
00:32:09
Speaker
You think all women want the- No, no, I think, I don't know what to say. Okay. I don't know what to say, but I don't, like there must, I just think naturally there has to be, well, you know, you gotta, it takes, it takes an army, takes an army down there and you got to do a little bit of everything, but there must be a reason why we reproduce by the, by the way sex works. You know, you can't reap, you can't oral sex your way into pregnancy. You're saying that it has to be pleasurable in order to like,
00:32:39
Speaker
It must be a reason why it's pleasurable and that it can be pleasurable and it must be, well, maybe not, I don't know. Maybe it has nothing to do with it. Why couldn't it just be genetically it's pleasurable for men? They put it in and it happens real quick and there's nothing for women. Hmm, that could be. It seems kind of sad. Yeah, it seems like G-O-D fucked up. So in that sense, that ah the woman's ah natural desire to be a parent is is what's driving that one. That could be true. The need to reproduce is stronger than a sexual desire that she has, which is, I guess, how most animals work, right? Yeah. Women are are much more noble versions of all animals, it feels like.
00:33:25
Speaker
But i think it's like so I think it's like a lot of the movements in the US, I think we're being pushed a little, where it's like, women no woman ever has a vaginal orgasm. If you're not orally pleasing them or or stimulating their there their other parts of their vagina, their clit, yeah, then you're not satisfying them. It's like, okay, relax. It's not like across the board. That's all I'm saying. okay i I don't believe that. You're a little angry about that. Well, you listen to someone like, I don't know, like Dr. Drew.
00:33:55
Speaker
ah yeah Like no one's ever had a fucking, like sex has never worked for anyone ever. yeah And you're like, ah you're an animal for even thinking that you should you should penetrate. It's all click bait and it's all click bait. I was gonna say it bro. men Men tend to like lust this this idea of having sex. is It's just more front of front of mind, right? And I think women are looking for,
00:34:21
Speaker
what what's there's not I wouldn't call it longing, but like partnering. It's attractive to them to know that this this ah man is gonna be strong and care for them and interested in raising kids and all these things. That becomes more attractive. ah you don't you You don't think they ever just fucking get horny when I have sex? Yeah, I do, I do. I just think it's less. I think it's less. Maybe. what do you What do you think the ah guy I will also say I think the guys are are like, it's like the stereotype just want to pound away and have sex. But I think a lot of men are really preoccupied, like satisfying the woman. Those are nice guys, though, and they always lose. You know, you know, anyone that's like, I don't i mean, i I don't really have these conversations, but you know, it's like, I don't fucking care. I'm just there to
00:35:12
Speaker
I can get my rocks off and that's it like. I don't know anybody talks about it. I haven't. Yeah. But I'm trying to think it may be like 30 years ago when you're a kid. yeah Yeah. In high school for sure. It's like. I don't care about her. ah yeah Oh yeah. i don't think Tons of guys were like that, bud. What's the joy? Like when men that that are that i have that are perceived as some great, let's say Wilt Chamberlain. but It was like he screwed 20,000 women.
00:35:42
Speaker
is the is the you like I had sex with 20,000 women or I satisfied 20,000 women makes you sound more like some sex god. I just think he was a mentally ill guy with an extremely unique body that obviously he was a star and that was accessible. But I think you have to be pretty fucked up.
00:36:05
Speaker
Yeah, 100%. To do that. So I don't know, analyzing him's worth our time, dude. It's not worth our time. Well, we got down this sex path, and I'm just saying. I think that like a lot of the other stuff in modern society, it's it's being pushed in some direction. It's like, well, that's not 100% true. like' I'm not saying, oh, last forever. Be a be a man is is true. But it's also not like, no women like sex, and you can only do this and this, and that's the only thing they want. that That seems like the message that's out there now, and that's ridiculous.
00:36:34
Speaker
Yeah, I think generally like there's something about the conversations today that leaves out the and real yeah vari variability in human life. like There's something about what's happening today and that's unique to...
00:36:48
Speaker
this social media clickbait, overly controversial nonsense. So I'm sure people have healthy sex lives that are different than mine and so forth, so on. And I think it's interesting to talk about it. I haven't found anybody- Nope. Nope. Okay. I haven't found anybody, friends, couple of friends that have ever wanted to like engage in the conversation. Like in a, yeah, I don't, I don't, you and I don't really talk about it.
00:37:13
Speaker
What do you mean we don't talk about details? mean not ever I can't ever remember asking you anything about your sex life, especially not as in your married sex life. I don't remember you asking me. and i don't We could start now on air, but I don't know. I don't know, it just doesn't even come up. and We joke around about shit all the time, like every sentence almost. But I don't think you'd ever be like, hey, well you know what we tried last night?
00:37:39
Speaker
Pretty fun. Man, I crushed it last night, dude. Or whatever. like I can never see us talking about that. And I could feel like I could talk to you about almost anything as good as any other person um what on earth. I think women do, though. I think they do. And it's all negative? I don't know, man. I don't really know. But what's your but why do you think that? Why do you think women do?
00:38:04
Speaker
I just think they're more comfortable talking about those details. But like sitting around like, and I'll use you as the example, but your wife going, wait, Lance not getting it done or Lance is great or or like, or just more like, you know, I kind of, I, whatever, like shit that women know, I need foreplay or, you know, like vague shit like that. I don't know. It could be like, oh, he wants to do this all the time lately. And I'm just like, I'm not into that. I mean, something like that. I don't know. Yeah.
00:38:33
Speaker
And the other girls, the slutty friend, like in all the movies. Oh, I like that. You should just do it.
00:38:41
Speaker
Yeah, I don't know. I think it's a, it's an interesting ah divergence from family. I don't know. Were we talking about your mom? Boom. You think that, I think ah that's all fucking bullshit. This coming from entertainment industry.
00:39:00
Speaker
Like I think now that is that stuff is drives things that women say, or people say as much as anything. Some expectations of what entertainment? Well, like the entertainment is like pushing conversations and ideas that never really normal people have. But then they're like, oh, maybe that's maybe that's a reality that I should be interested in. Something like that. Yeah, yeah maybe. and And I think entertainment misses a lot of realities.
00:39:26
Speaker
So one of the biggest ones, I don't know if I've ever mentioned it, but when did you ever sleep a full night, especially after drinking alcohol, but just any night and then wake up and start Frenching your wife? Like the both of your breath is terrible, yeah right? It's terrible. and that that But that happens consistently in movies and I'm always just like, oh my God, stop. Well, would that be a great movie to watch though? It's like you watch them get up and like brush their teeth and bitch about how their hangover feels and be like, fuck.
00:39:57
Speaker
I feel like, shit, bro. Come here and give me a kiss. It's a lot better than a fake bad breath kiss. I mean, just get up, brush your teeth, and move on to the next part of the plot. I don't think you even need to show the cuddling. I'm fine if you want to show the girl's ass like once she gets out of the bed. That's cool. Walking away to brush your teeth.
00:40:17
Speaker
Not the fake bla bad breath kiss. And the also thing is like, they've done it less and less, but like but when when you go out to dinner, i I mean, you go out to dinner, have a big ass meal and you're drinking like four glasses of wine. You're ready to pound? No, you're not. You're not. yeahre and And especially your email date is not ready to like hold all that food in their stomach and then get a thrusting cock in there around the same area. It's it's just over the top in terms of what,
00:40:46
Speaker
yeah and what happens and then anything on the beach have you done it right the sand is yeah everything i have yeah it's not as romantic as they make it look like that seems like ah a rough issue for a woman too like that sand that rubbing and all that shit like yeah the sand will get in there and let's take camping Okay, camping, you're out in the wilderness and you have to do a wilderness dump and maybe you don't have everything you need. And you then then you want to hit that after?
00:41:23
Speaker
You're saying that Hollywood glorifies that whole thing? I haven't seen that movie yet.
00:41:32
Speaker
Oh boy. See, this comes back to, would you would you have this conversation with your extended family Lance or are you just pretending to be a shell of the real Lance? That's what it comes back to? I don't know, man. we So why can't you be yourself in front of your family though? Is it because you can't talk about this stuff or you can't get raunchy? What's what's your deal? No, I don't know, dude. I actually haven't been around my family or anyone's family around the holidays for a while.
00:42:00
Speaker
I think it's more, of it's not just the holidays. It's kind of like, do we wear different, we like different characters in different settings. And the holiday is just the setting for that because you're around people that you don't really see that much all year. So I would say I'm probably a little less snarky in those situations. And, you know, I'm kind of a chameleon, like we've talked about where I can like slide into other people's conversations pretty easily, make them feel comfortable in that situation. So I just do that a lot.
00:42:27
Speaker
I'm not gonna be controversial or talking about this shit anywhere, but not the holidays, if I'm around in-laws or my own family. If I'm around my own family, we're just kind of joking around a lot and I'm just being a smart ass and talking shit. I can find everybody. My son's texting me, what do I think mom would want from him? That's so great, dude. Do the work. I love it, five o'clock to 23rd.
00:42:57
Speaker
you said sir You should fucking lie right now. That's so great, dude. You gotta fuck with him. Teach him a lesson. That's what I'm trying to say. Yeah. I don't know, bro. I don't know. She mentioned to me she wants to get into crossbow hunting pigs in Texas. She wants a compound bow. Yeah. I don't know, dude. I don't know what that old bag needs, bro.
00:43:28
Speaker
Dude, these, the whole gift giving thing is so dumb. Okay, he's gonna find something eventually and then his mom's gonna have to be like, thank you, that was thoughtful. And if if like, and so I'm sure she knows, but it's like at 12, on December 23rd, five o'clock, he's diving in. Yeah, it's like, you I love you mom, you're a special person in my life. What the fuck am I gonna get you?
00:43:54
Speaker
It's just like so funny how how it's it's it's become like you're just checking boxes, right? You're just kind of going like, all right, I have to do this. and Yeah, I know. I'm just like giving him a bunch of dumb ideas. So it's it's so dumb. a Good for him though. He's trying. You think he's doing the same thing? Is it easier for him to find gifts for you? Well, I told him. Is he doing the same thing to your your wife? Well, everybody knows in my head. I don't want anything that I don't, it doesn't have utility.
00:44:21
Speaker
Right. And I'm a Toby guy too. Yeah. If it's thoughtful, like, I don't know, you took something I did. Like one year my wife took the album covers and put those in frames. I think that's a nice thoughtful gift. Or my daughter took some guitar picks and painted some.
00:44:36
Speaker
stuff on them and things like that. My son wrote me a song or draws me a picture of me yelling him but yelling at him on the basketball court. I like all that stuff. But if you're going to give me a gift, it's like ask me. I said, so I said, I just need a new, I need, cause he doesn't have much money. He just started a job. But I was like, give me a ah marker dude in a rag. Cause I need a new one for a dry race for coaching.
Authenticity During Holiday Interactions
00:45:00
Speaker
So.
00:45:01
Speaker
Wow. Where'd he go get that? I don't know. chingstore Or I said, give me some new work gloves. Cause my work gloves, they, you know, they have holes in them. Does he take, but he takes the advice. He just, he'll be like, check. Or is he like, no, that's not gonna, I can't take, I get it. I get into this where I can't take the suggestion. It doesn't feel authentic. So then I'm like, I gotta get something else.
00:45:23
Speaker
That's uniquely you, yeah. No, he he's a- It's not uniquely me, dude. It's a hundred percent just you. Bullshit. Bullshit. I know he'll just, he'll just roll. He'll roll with whatever. He just wants to get it done. Very impatient. I like that too. How much time, how much time could you get your, can you do all your Christmas shopping under an hour? I'd do it all online right now. and I don't do any Christmas shopping. ah The wife does it, bro. But you don't get to earn anything because you guys have your, your Treaty of Versailles. You have some agreement that no one's getting any gifts so you don't- Well, we got we got new pots and pans and actually legitimately and and some knives. Just stuff we need. Like I don't fucking care. ah hi she She wouldn't wrap the big old pot box. No, why don't you wrap it, put it under there. Why don't you wrap it? I said it already has black all over it. You can't even tell what it is. Just put it under there. It's like it's black.
00:46:19
Speaker
Who cares? Who cares? A low out fight. Christmas sucks. Fuck you. Fuck you. We're not going to talk till 2025. And then at like 11.59 at midnight, you're going to be like, I'm sorry. But mostly we just decide a budget. I would love to know what some of these like wannabe richer families or richer families actually budget for gifts. I don't budget. it But what were you spending when you guys, are when you were cranking it at, what's it called? What's the company you left? When you were fucking cranking it at Olympus.
00:46:58
Speaker
I mean, I'm not a big Christmas guy, but I would- 3G? 4G? Yeah, something like that. No, maybe less than that. But like, it depends. One year I got my kids a PlayStation. See, and with a couple games, you're in it for five, six right there. Yeah. But my thing would, what would get me is I would be traveling to the US a lot. So we buy all the shit there. It's way cheaper. But then you're like, oh, this is cheap. This is cheap. This is cheap.
00:47:19
Speaker
All of a sudden, you're and then you start going, oh, one kid's got eight gifts. This kid's got six. Got to bump it up to eight, but then you might have picked something more expensive than eight. Then all of a sudden, you're pushing it out a little bit. You get to play that game, dude. All of a sudden, the money is just going.
00:47:36
Speaker
It's just sad to me that we'll spend that on one holiday, just the equivalent of the annual income of somebody in Uganda or wherever. And we'll just drop like three grand on useless garbage. I gotta to get him a gift, gotta get them. I had colleagues who were physicians, I'm gonna say, like they would get 35 people a gift. And it was usually like all the same thing or similar.
00:48:01
Speaker
Some might create barrel pepper shaker that was 80 bucks a pop. Well, no, probably it's probably like 20 times by 35. It's still like, you really want to drop 700, 800 on work people. but Yeah, but you got, you got a lot of negative in this. there' You don't, none of you was like, that's, that's cool, dude. He can afford it. He's saying thank you to people that make him rich.
00:48:23
Speaker
I know that you're not gonna catch me glad that people are buying useless stuff for other people. Of course you're not. First off, I'm a minimalist. Second, I'm somebody who rails on the F-150 and other dumb shit that people buy that is they don't need. So no, you're not you'll never get me. I think it also- Are you being honest right now? and No. Also dude, what happened to Christianity? It's it' a useless religion now. It's all about this BS.
00:48:52
Speaker
we go Yeah, it's all about this BS. This is the kind of shit I can't get into with my family over Christmas, talking about baby Jesus and shit. What about the your mom's side? I know she's too too Catholic now to entertain us. They're really Catholic, but they're not like, they don't attack us.
00:49:09
Speaker
Well, I just wonder, because I'm Catholic, but my family. Are you? We always celebrated. Really? I wouldn't say I'm practicing right now. Yeah. Trim Blaster. Trim Master Sam. Trim Licker. Trim Sucker. i would I wonder what's worse in the Catholic. Raping of young boys. In Catholicism, pre or post marital sex. That's what's holding me back right now.
00:49:39
Speaker
Probably post, I would say. Post marital? Well, pre, you could actually marry the person. Post, you already got married, then you don't have to be married again. I don't know. It's not that easy to get divorced in the Catholic church. but No, no, it takes a while for them to do that. What did the annulment and all that? Yeah. Anyways, I did, I was Catholic, grew up Catholic, but we celebrated that American style Christmas with Santa and everything. And it seems like there's one takeaway from the other.
00:50:09
Speaker
A little bit. Well, but what do you think the point of it is as a celebration of Christianity or? Just consumerism. Straight up. Well, so like but where do you get any of the meaning? Like we'll go to a church thing and it'll be a candlelight vigil. It has some good messages. It'll feel good. And I'll get some meaning out of that, but like, no Mariah Carey.
00:50:33
Speaker
They'll have some good singers. That in and of itself, if we did that event and then we gathered as family, it would be meaningful. You wouldn't need any of the other stuff. Just maybe have a meal. I'm down with that. Yeah. I think a lot of people would be down with that, but something got haywire. It's like somehow, and I think we just fed it to the kids. We talked about this last year. It's the same fucking shit. We're going to talk about next year, bro. But yeah, I mean, what are you going to do? 11 year old?
00:51:01
Speaker
It's like, I could sit here in the church for three hours and, or I could get a couple of gifts, see my grandparents, get a ton of gifts actually. What's he gonna choose, you know? And then everyone everyone wants to see their kids happy. So it's like, gotta make them happy. And if you don't do that, you're you're giving them a worse experience than the other kid. So then it just snowballs a little more. Ah, fuck it, it's Christmas. Get them the- More, more, more. Get them, yeah. ah Yeah, it's Christmas. I do that too though. You ever just kind of go, I don't care.
00:51:31
Speaker
Maybe not you, youre your stronghold, Shay, wearing your your beret, fighting for the hammer and sickle. But do you ever you ever just go, fuck it, I'll get them whatever, it's $200 shoes, Christmas, I'm not gonna sit here and bitch about capitalism. Well, at first I budget beforehand and I work within the budget. But secondly, dude, it's more of like, i what I will do if I feel that pressure is I will take a moment to rant.
00:51:54
Speaker
to my kids about society and about how. On Christmas morning? Well, just any time really. It doesn't matter what what day it is or just howmet that's so how absurd some of this stuff is and like how absurd people are in terms of this consumer behavior. They appreciate that, right? Which, you know, they value. They love that. Like a lot of people, I'm sure a lot of people listening, they love to hear me on that rant. It's a good, it's a good. So I'll do that, dude.
00:52:22
Speaker
And it just they just roll your eyes like, okay, but so yes or no, you're getting me the that's like, okay, good, good story, dad. Am I getting my shoes, my PlayStation or not? Yeah, there's something in that affects as long as it's in the budget, bud. But the kids no kids like i I can't see where you're coming from.
00:52:45
Speaker
We're putting, our so our society's putting a lot of a lot more stock in consumerism and spending than the message of Jesus and and spending time with family. And I can see where you're coming from. I'll go ahead and not, I don't want eight gifts this year. well So you're nine year olds. No, I think they do now after years of it. I don't know how it felt in the moment, but like they get some of the absurdities that they've they've both been confronted with.
00:53:12
Speaker
around money and what people will give their kids. Like a brand new forerner but brand new forerunner for your 16th birthday or your your you're getting the hand me down, which is only three years old, ah Lexus, SUV, stuff like that. This is the stuff that they see. And I'm um i'm like, that's not not real. You went mute.
00:53:39
Speaker
Yeah, you went mute. Probably best for the show. I can't hear you anymore. ah Damn, Costa Rica. Can't work with you. Why don't you jump out and jump back in again like last time? So I can edit this motherfucker, put some music behind it. Ah, you fucking suck, bro. Fucking suck as a podcast host partner, co-host, piece of shit co-host.
00:54:04
Speaker
piece of shit most There you are, fucking back. I wasn't talking shit about you when you were gone FYI. When your kids have got that message through age though, they need to pound that in from you every year, the guilt. And you're like, mission accomplished. They think it's a little too much.
00:54:22
Speaker
I think they see it i think so they see it. They may want it still. I think all of us did when we were younger, but they see that it's all it's not normal what some kids are getting from their parents. I don't know what we're trying to teach. I don't want to get on that rant necessarily, but I know the pressure's there at Christmas to like fulfill dreams. like If we're trying to fulfill dreams through consumer stuff,
00:54:45
Speaker
That's crazy. And like, what what are the sort are the toys of the future? Inevitably, they're all going to be like high end electronic type things. you know Kids are not going to be exposed to virtual reality and then want to fuck with some wood blocks anymore. So you're you're really talking about very expensive stuff kind that people can't afford. What's your, eye okay.
00:55:08
Speaker
What's your ideal Christmas then? Or is there no Christmas? Because Jesus' birthday, December 25th, is actually just based on the pagan tradition of ah of something, not necessarily an actual birth of a human in Nazareth. is that what Is that what it is to you Lance? I would put it, if it could operate a a bit more like Thanksgiving. I think I'd be happy with it.
00:55:30
Speaker
Which is just family. Food. That's it. Hanging out. Does the the amount of like, we're gonna fuck and eat so much, that that doesn't get you going on on Thanksgiving? Just that. Of course, dude. You could sit here all day. Eat your fucking puke.
00:55:44
Speaker
You could probably poke and prod me for all the things that I might be annoyed by. You could pick them up. Is the only, is that the only holiday you're you're down with? Well, I don't like white people that march and try to talk about, I'm an ally. um White people marching usually doesn't mean something bad's happening if you got white people marching, bro.
00:56:04
Speaker
Yeah, they're they're marching a fucking golden corral. That's the only place. I thought you're going Nazi Germany, but you're going back to the fat people again. Golden corral. Is that still around? Of course it's still around. How would it ever shut down? I don't even know. it is it What is it? Like a one price one price fits all? It's probably got like a $4 trillion dollar market cap. Is it good? You ever been there? I've never been there. wow You know. Let's go. Next time I'm in Denver.
00:56:34
Speaker
Can we do that? I'm gonna look- Somebody as esteemed as me, stepping foot in there. Come on, dude. All you can eat, buffet. You think that would fly with me, Matt? With me?
00:56:45
Speaker
It's got two and a half stars, dude. I got to say, though, just so I don't worry about and you probably don't either because I think you're you kind of feel like kids got to got there. Same way I looked at gifts when I was probably I'm trying to think when I stopped really caring about gifts, but I'm not going to say that when I was young, I was just like, I don't care about any of this shit. I was way into birthday gifts, Christmas gifts.
00:57:08
Speaker
And at some point I would have, the same way I felt about Christmas gifts, I would have been like, all you can eat buffet. and When I was young, i I was probably like, that's awesome. That is like the greatest fucking thing. The idea of all you can eat. Oh yeah, I'm sure. Is the best. Like, yeah which is not much more than what you could eat when they serve you a plate. That's what all you can eat is.
00:57:30
Speaker
about as much as you could eat in one plate. I know. It's like all the things we loved when we were younger, we're bitter about now, or I am. I don't think you are. You just don't care. I know. I'm bitter about it. But I also, I think I have, you know, in a weird way, I kind of have the, starting to have like the Costa Rican or foreigner mentality where you're like, hey, I'm going to be a fat gringo for a week. It's kind of fun, you know? You're not around. I'm going to go up there and go to Golden Corral and be like,
00:58:00
Speaker
Look at this shit. Endless shit. And then it's not like I'm going there three times a week. So I'll go back home and everything's fine. But but like I don't know.
00:58:12
Speaker
You think, you drive by, there's one near your house, Englewood and Littleton. Oh, I shouldn't give out the coordinates. I don't want you to get mobbed, dude, from the show. But there's a Golden Corral there, dude. Yeah. Nobody I know goes to Golden Corral, just to me, or a symbol of anybody at any income can have extreme excess. That's
Social Comparison Stress During Holidays
00:58:33
Speaker
what it is. And it's like, no matter what, we will- What's wrong with that, dude?
00:58:36
Speaker
Well, we will sell, we will sell excess to all corners of this country until we're like on death's doorstep and just being kept alive by Ozimpic and fucking drip morphine. I don't know. It's just a sad, sad place sometimes. And yet I walk around and I'm smiling and have a great time. It's just the on air version of me is real bitter. But to speaking of why I disdain Christmas so much is like that that was the conflict of family members who indulged in the excess excess, they didn't mind it, they didn't even think about it. And I'm sitting here pondering um the state of the environment, the state of our collective psychology over this holiday, which, you know, poo poo me, right? I'm the fucking idiot. I think it's good that you stay true. I mean, I'd be more like you most of the rest of the year, I'd be like, yeah do we need all this shit? And then I have this moment of
00:59:27
Speaker
either weakness or kindness. I don't know what it is where I'm just like, ah, it's Christmas. I don't care. I'm going to buy everyone a couple of things, you know? like And I'm like, is that bad? I don't i don't know.
00:59:38
Speaker
But it's it's just an i it just comes from the idea of what we're told Christmas should be. And there's some sort of guilt or something. You're like, I shouldn't and need to withhold this experience from my kids. Make it rain. Yeah, but there's so many things you're doing that you don't want to do. and Oh yeah, 100%. Yeah, and it doesn't make sense. like why Why would we do that to ourselves? What I do like is,
01:00:01
Speaker
the holiday itself can bring out some special circumstances that we might not other otherwise partake in. So like imagine um you're with family members and your fucking, I don't know, uncle, he brings out this special bottle of scotch or something and he's like, I want you guys to try this. To me, something like that, I go, okay, that's kind of a special gift or that's a special situation. um Right.
01:00:28
Speaker
but about a Like you don't travel? Like what a trip? Like, you know what? Instead of spending my own stupid gifts, let's all meet up and floating pile of trash, Puerto Rico for a couple of weeks. Like do you- During the holidays? Yeah. That'd be a better way to- I would never do it because why would I want to do that with every other fat dipshit American during the same time? I would do it off cycle. I would never do that. All right.
01:00:57
Speaker
But so the idea of being around family that you don't necessarily have much in common with or talk to, that's okay. you know But then after that, where it's like, we gotta give them shit and do all that, that's where you draw the line. and draw You're okay, it's using the holidays as an excuse to check in with family members you don't always communicate with. yeah That tradition's okay with you. It's okay, but the gifts and the absurdity and the, like what what traditions are left? like Really, what traditions are there?
01:01:26
Speaker
Like the traditions now are like, yeah, me and me and the girls, we go out and we get eggnog lattes from Starbucks and we walk them all and we might pick up some last minute deals. That's our tradition.
01:01:40
Speaker
Right? My kids got me on going to a movie Christmas night tradition here too. Oh, a movie. Yeah, now we go to a movie. See, that's what I'm talking about. It's just, it's lazy, pathetic, consumer. It's like we should be out chopping wood together and then like delivering the wood to the pores and doing stuff like that, you know, picking. They're fucking, are you gonna build them a fireplace too? Because just giving a poor person a big pile of wood, bro, ain't gonna help.
01:02:05
Speaker
Well, going fishing and bringing the fish, you know, doing some stuff that takes, takes effort. That's a good, that's a good thing that I probably won't do, but I should, but like, I think George Clooney's dad, they used to like find a family and fucking go over that Christmas morning and like give them gifts. And he would be like, what the fuck are we doing here? Like we did that. We've done that where you don't see the, you just kind of drop it off to the. Oh no, they were in it. Yeah. Like in the living room.
01:02:35
Speaker
I heard you guys had a tough year. Oh, wow. Yeah. Yeah. But see that even so, that's like a shaming exercise because it's built around like gifts. Just give the fucking dude like two weeks before Christmas, give them a thousand bucks. If that's what you want to do. adam Yeah. Well, I think the part of that is like,
01:02:55
Speaker
like no I don't know I could go the other way with it because you're not like here you're a you're some piece of shit in need that I'm not gonna interact with but I'm a good person so I'm gonna write it check I think the point was I go in there get to know them talk to them like they're humans hang out with them and When you're 10 you're like we got our own fucking house. Maybe you don't see the laughable you think it's better to keep the separation makes those people feel better about their lot in life and Did you don't like dropping in on a family and saying hey, we're here and we're doing well I just want to make sure you're doing all right and if you had a tough year and now we're gonna bring some presents for you and we're gonna Make sure you have a nice meal on Christmas when all throughout the year they fucking can't keep the heat on The the shoes that the kids are wearing have holes in them. Oh, come on. It's a joke that I'm not saying oceans 11 was a
01:03:43
Speaker
ah a cinematic, you know, Citizen Kane, but I thought the Clooney family did a nice gesture. Well, all I'm saying is that he he i think I think it was on Letterman's Netflix show or somewhere I saw this, because it's not like I'm tracking Clooney too much. but it But just the idea, just the simple idea of helping people because of that awkward shit that his dad put him through, stuck with him his whole life. Well, great. i and Okay, great. Like, but so if you if you okay, you do, you guys do shit, right? You cut checks, something, right? Yeah. Do you think that your kids are have are like, I gotta do that when I grew up? Or you think that's, that's resonating with them? I'm not saying this. I'm not it's not a leading question. I'm more asking, like, do you share that with them? Do you go, Hey, this is what we're doing to give off families doing this issue.
01:04:35
Speaker
No, I just go on to Fidelitycharitable.org and I type in a few things and ah checks are sent. um I'm corrected. That is a way more human experience for the people receiving it. Yeah, but I don't do it because of Christmas. That's on me.
01:04:53
Speaker
Are you doing it in like October so you feel like it's not tied to? No, what happens is a lot of these companies solicit, a lot of these non-profits solicit around this time because they know people are in the giving spirit, they're in the giving spirit, and then you end up just doing it naturally because of that. but I love too though when they do it and they're like, and just so you know, you can write it off as a class 55, 64 on your filing returns or they give you some stupid thing. Which with the standard deduction these days, it's like, unless you're you're itemizing a shitload. Anyway, that's just details nobody wants. But check this out. I got you, bro. Check this out. This whole fucking thing, it's ripe with shame because it all stems from comparison.
Evolving Perspectives on Society and Environment
01:05:40
Speaker
And I was listening to this financial guy that I like a lot and he's talking about the 1950s. Everybody thinks the 1950s were this great time and so forth. But yet, you know, those people never went on vacations. They had 700 square feet houses. They had no healthcare, et cetera, et cetera. But like we are more susceptible to comparison than we ever have been with social media and other things like that. And I just think Christmas is is more and more ah the type of holiday that makes you feel worse about yourself.
01:06:07
Speaker
And, you know, this is my kid. Yeah. For a kid like, Oh, what'd you get? Oh, wow. I didn't get shit. Uh, but this is why I rail against these things. Like when they, when they don't make sense, I can't resist and I need, I just talk shit and everybody hates it. My whole family fucking hates it. They hate me during this time, but I can't, I cannot resist just talking about how stupid it all is and how, uh, not only stupid, but it's like hard on a lot of people. You got two speeds.
01:06:38
Speaker
using cock excessively in public and bitching about the system. you too speed So you are real during the holidays though. But you don't like when you're in this elephant gift exchange, you're not being like, oh, that's that's fucking great. That's just great. Well, somehow it's it's within a threshold I can stomach, yes. It seems like a reasonable way to exchange gifts and have a little fun.
01:07:01
Speaker
And you, and you turn it off or you're still the whole time you're like, this is, this is what they want you to do. That's a lot of plastic. No, I don't do that. Oh, you guys are just minions for the Illuminati. Another year. ah see Yeah. You are yourself, dude. Yeah. When did, when did this happen? When did I turn the corner on this? Yeah. Probably about late twenties. Late twenties. Yeah.
01:07:31
Speaker
Turn the corner on there. But it sounds like it happened when you started having some money. Yeah, maybe. I mean, every every decade I get a new serious hang up. My main hang up now in this decade of of ending my 40s is cars are for for idiots. That's a good one. The whole system around cars is is ruined our mostly in the US because of when it ah developed.
01:08:00
Speaker
in the space that we still had. But yeah, that's my whole thing and nobody wants to hear about it. Like nobody. It's not interesting. It's not interesting to hear. We're doing 52 episodes a year and we get Christmas is ours. It's ours. It's true. It's not for the listeners. So you let it unleash it. Last year we we rain we got Rainy Face on Christmas.
01:08:20
Speaker
Christmas tradition. My 30s was more of the consumerism and like financial instability of the country. That was mostly my 30s where I was hung up on like, people don't say, what are they fucking thinking? Why don't they do that? why they you know They're buying this, why are they buying that? That was my 30s. That was the majority of my 30s. My 40s has been like cars and climate change type stuff.
01:08:47
Speaker
Oh, yeah, climate change. I don't, I cannot remember if you were like, and I'm worried about the environment or younger years. 20s was like, I was no, it just wasn't prominent. But 20s was more of like anti, anti corporate anti like real job.
01:09:04
Speaker
wanted to be creative. But trying
Sustainable Christmas Traditions
01:09:06
Speaker
to push that, trying to talk yourself and the risk of becoming a musician probably had something to do with that. Exactly. I know I did that. Yeah, I did it did that, but like it felt good. It actually felt inspiring. Fifties is going to be about munching box. No, I don't know yet. Hopefully I transition out of it. If you just got into like, you can say munching box, but just sort of the simple pleasures, you fought your battle.
01:09:31
Speaker
whether it's munching box or whatever else you want to do, like don't let Christmas hang you up. It probably will be though, because your life's going to change a little bit. You're not, you're not going to be like worried about shit like Christmas. Like I could get, if I could talk my wife into into getting rid of the Christmas tree, we have a fake one. Cause I, I don't believe in the chopping down, get a new one every year. We have a fake one that's made of sustainable products. No, I don't know. Uh,
01:10:00
Speaker
But I could get rid of, cause we have this nice Swedish one that was actually, this, this is the meaningful, this, I can get behind meaningful stuff related to the holiday that her great grandfather carved. That is a Swedish Christmas tree. So it's like this wood thing with wood carved ornament. It's just real small. i like it's like that That's all we need. We don't need this other piece of shit. Is her grandpa straight out of Sweden? Yeah. Look at my wife, of course. Yeah. They're they're all Swedish.
01:10:31
Speaker
Yeah. My son looks like ah speaking of that, like your said look at your wife. ah Sincerely, dude. Just kidding. a a I ain't gonna lie. It's a callback. I would like to have a three way but I don't want you there. Sincerely. It's callback. That's on the table because you brought it up so you can edit that out. but you can't edit I don't edit shit out anymore. Spud's perfect. You don't need to get rid of the tree. I actually think my kids like the tree.
01:11:04
Speaker
And that like separate from the consumerism part of of Christmas and the gifts they're going to get, they're like, let's put the tree up. It's fine. It's cool. It's festive. Really? Well, i think I think a lot of people do. I just don't like the clutter, which by the way, I did learn of a new term. That's the antithesis of a hoarder, which I might have a problem with. It's called Spartanism. It's equally OCD in its manifestation and in that like you really, you compulsively get rid of stuff.
01:11:32
Speaker
Did you do that? I get rid of a lot, but no. Now you don't have anything to get rid of. I could see getting there, though. I could see getting there, though.
Celebrity Deaths and Perceptions of Invincibility
01:11:39
Speaker
Dude. Bro. You're not going to care. But I look to my right, and I see Ricky Henderson, cause of death. See, Ricky Henderson died today, dude. I know. I know. Actually, he died he died on my birthday. ah That's funny. yeah You knew that? I knew he died. Yeah, I know who he is. I know the best baseball players.
01:12:01
Speaker
He's freaking, no you would have liked him too. The way he talked, the way he rapped, the way he ran. He was dope, but he died, he's 65. And did you hear Randy Moss has cancer? Can you believe that? Yeah. i Randy Moss is what, about our age, right? Yeah, just like his age. It's sort of like when Kobe Bryant died. I mean, it just felt like it couldn't be real. Cause I mean, I always viewed him as really a superhuman.
01:12:30
Speaker
And like, yeah, I don't know. Like he might jump out of the helicopter before it crashes. It just seems weird. And then Randy Moss, you're certain guys, you know, in your, in your idolization, you're just like, Oh, really? That doesn't make sense to me. This don't seem like they're ever going to die. But what do you, what did he die of? There's a who Ricky cause of the non-announce the cause of death.
01:12:55
Speaker
We don't know. Probably heart. When you get a then announce the cause of death, do you immediately think it's, it's drugs or? No. You know? I don't. Okay. I don't know. What, do you want me to run with that? Was there a bit? No, I just, I actually, I'm immediately going, huh?
01:13:15
Speaker
There's some foul play or like something. Yeah. That's, that's
Misconceptions About STDs
01:13:19
Speaker
you putting your thing on, you know, African Americans. hi Yeah. All right. This, okay. Easy a died of AIDS. What, what did nothing, what crossed your mind on that one? Nothing. Blood transfusion. Okay. All right. Well played. Well played Lance.
01:13:39
Speaker
Well played, I know what I thought, especially back then. You remember back when AIDS was just like some sort of, it was just, this is something in the gay community and that's it. And anybody who got AIDS was fucking around. Like in that space. But honestly, we were like 11 then. So I remember reflecting back on that phenomenon, but I don't think I thought a lick about it then. But it's just, I don't, well, you just, I think you probably just accepted it.
01:14:08
Speaker
Like you're just like, oh, that's, that is, that's what's going on there. I mean, I don't even think at 11, was it, was I like, I wonder, like, like I had an idea of what sex was or gay sex or an STD. I still don't, I still don't understand what an STD is. Like how that works, but like, I know you're going to tell me, you know what it is, but you don't, you don't know why fucking people get STDs. Well, yeah, they do. Yeah, I do. Why?
01:14:36
Speaker
Well, there's a viral component that when you exchange fluids. In the more just on the sexual area of your body? Or come into, kind of well, it's either exchange of fluids or come into contact with ah sores or other things on the private parts. Yeah, that cause of other people to get that stuff. It's like when people try to explain to me what electricity is.
01:14:54
Speaker
like an engineer it's like it's obvious it's just it's like it's a miracle you can't explain it so stop that's that's how i feel about stvs it's i think it's actually the religious people that are that say it's like a curse of of some sort of uh you know sexual behavior that god doesn't like i think they're right because i think it's a curse for out of marriage marriage sex for sodom sodom Sodomy, that's what STDs are. So herpes, you see women with cold sores, so only women. No, it's not. You see people with cold sores, that's like from kissing. What are you, are you sure about that? You think it's just like kissing? It could have been private part, kissing, but so. I guess if you put it that way, I take it all back. It's viral, passing viruses through body body and fluid contact.
01:15:51
Speaker
Yeah. You know, uh, it's a good setup though, to mock you. I like the thing you do. It's like, ah I don't even know what a tire is anymore. What's a tire? What's it even made out of? One electricity, dude. Just something random tire. It's like, Matt, really? That's a bit too. Come on. Come
Practicality in Gift-Giving
01:16:16
Speaker
on. I mean, I could.
01:16:17
Speaker
I could get there. If you tell me it's all coming from a tree that produces rubber, but then you start getting the synthetics and stuff, it's hard for me to understand.
01:16:30
Speaker
I'm not going to act like I understand everything. That's what you want. You need a new show host, bro, because I will not sit here and say that I understand how the world works. Well, I will, so we got a nice counter. Would you? I will pretend I know how everything works.
01:16:45
Speaker
How about this? This would be an expensive gift, but tires are are getting bald. You haven't changed in two or three years. Wife or kid drops the most functional gift ever, drops a set of four tires on you. Are you like, fucking A, that's a wonderful gift idea. I need, are you like, nope, you crossed my price threshold for Christmas. They got me that Dinda gift. They got me four new tires, super functional. Oh yeah, I take it. That's a good gift for you.
01:17:14
Speaker
It's super thoughtful, right? It'd be over the top. oh by like a One of my kids like was making big money or something and they just wanted to get tires. When your son texts you, what does mom need from me? And you go, tires. Tires, tread on the tires. And he rolls up to Christmas morning, wraps those bitches and it's got tires stacked under the tree. What's the reaction from um your wife?
01:17:44
Speaker
Did she fake it? Oh, wow. What are these? Wow. Did she just look at you and go? Wow. She would be positive, always positive. So wow what a gift this episode is to us. To us. All right. That's it and for the year, dawg. Thanks for hanging in there, buddy. 2024.
01:18:14
Speaker
Merry Christmas. Happy Hanukkah. I don't know what else is out there, but whatever you're doing, hopefully the excesses of of consumerism don't bog you down. You enjoy your time with your friends and family, listeners. Thanks for tuning in. We'll see you next year.
01:18:40
Speaker
Cute, human, puke Collect it in a bucket Gonna make the duck It's the world runs on puke The world runs on puke Crypto is for pussies Crypto is for pussies