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Breaking The Silence: Men's Mental Health
28 Plays11 months ago
In this episode of our podcast, we dive into an important but often overlooked topic: men's mental health. In this 2 part series, our guest, Lo-ki, joins us to share his personal journey as a black man in America, husband, father, and provider, navigating the complexities of mental well-being.
Together, we explore the challenges he has faced, the stigma surrounding men seeking help, and the strategies that have helped him break through barriers to find healing and resilience. Join us as we discuss how opening up and seeking support can empower men to prioritize their mental health and lead happier, healthier lives.
Part 2 dropping Saturday, July 13 2024.
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Transcript
Introduction & Overview
00:00:13
universalsoultalk
Welcome to Universal Soul Talk Podcast where in this episode we're diving into an important conversation about men's mental health and the pressures that they face in society. Join us as we explore stories of men breaking their silence, sharing their journeys, and shedding light on the challenges that they encounter. Together, we'll uncover insights, offer support, and work towards understanding the complexities of men's mental wellbeing in today's world. Get ready to listen, learn, and connect on this episode of Universal Soul Talk.
Meet the Guest: Loki
00:00:46
universalsoultalk
Hey, y'all. I'm Taye Wavy. I'm here with Mel Mel Douglas, and we have a special guest today, Loki. He is our brother. He is a husband. He is a father, a provider, and an advocate for men's mental health, and he is ready to share some insight with us today. Hey, y'all. How's it going?
00:01:08
Mel Me
Hey, hey family. I'm super excited about this episode because it's so important. It's such an important topic that I feel like needs to be spoke on more often. And I'm even more excited because Loki is on it with us. And I know he's going to bring some really, really good insight on this topic. um Men's mental health is a critical issue. which is often overshadowed by societal stigmas.
Societal Stigmas & Men's Mental Health
00:01:35
Mel Me
and These stigmas can determine from seeking the help that they need, leading to you know consequences such as untreated mental illness and even suicide. um and Understanding and addressing these stigmas is crucial for promoting better mental health and outcomes for our men.
00:01:54
Mel Me
so Low key. I wanted to go ahead and ask you the first question. We're just going to jump into it because we really, really, really want to hear your perspective on men's mental health and the stigmas in society.
Traditional Masculinity Pressures
00:02:09
Mel Me
So my first question for you is, do you feel pressure to conform to traditional notions of masculinity? How does this affect you? If so,
00:02:21
Lo_Ki
oh Well, first of all, I want to say hey, and it's a pleasure to be here. I'm glad y'all invited me to the show and Yeah,
00:02:29
universalsoultalk
Yes, thank you so much for being here.
00:02:35
Lo_Ki
yeah I mean it's more frustrating than anything because You a lot of for I say for the men in general, you know you're expected to to meet certain standards and live a certain way or have a certain personality not based on what how you feel but based on what some people will tell you how you're supposed to behave or how you're supposed to act out or how they want to see you through their eyes and that can I mean that can be a whole lot of pressure on a
00:03:19
Lo_Ki
on the average man ah I've had to deal with it a whole lot during I'll say doing any work in the work world mainly in the corporate world just being looked at a certain way and you can say certain things and now everything is it's changed throughout time now because everybody's so sensitive to everything so you you have to be careful what you say or what you don't say or where you you know where you don't look or look and what you might wear everything is offensive to everybody so you already have to almost bite your tongue and you know put your hands behind your back before you do anything at all because people are already in defense mode and ready to be offended by no matter what it is or that you do
00:04:14
universalsoultalk
I can definitely see to where like, that's just a lot of, just like a lot of pressure, especially nowadays, like with what you were saying, like, I feel like the expectation for a man is just like, a, it's super high. be how can you it's like it must be hard to like navigate and like embrace your masculinity because like you said everybody's so offended by everything these days and everybody's like looking for an altercation everybody's looking for a fight everyone's looking to get into it and i feel like men have become like ah a big target to that so i can see where that's definitely
00:04:52
universalsoultalk
where that could definitely be a challenge and um like a lot to kind of carry with you on a day-to-day basis, especially in the corporate world.
00:05:05
Lo_Ki
Yeah, it is it is in know and say yeah, everybody's just so ready to be you know in defense mode when you know everybody wants to be a victim and Nobody wants to take responsibility for everything. It's a sense of the world I mean where I came up everything was you know, you had to have thick skin. Nothing was easy you know, you weren't expected to Be emotional, express how you feel. You just have to be tough all the time. So, I mean, I grew up in a, you know, old school, very old fashioned upbringing. So now it's looking, looking back on where things are. Now it is, it's, it's, it's different to say, to say the least. Yeah. It's just very different.
00:05:54
Mel Me
Yeah, times have changed drastically since like when you would have grown up or when I would have grown up. And society is just so influential in a lot of negative ways, not only because of like social media, but just the way that people think and carry themselves nowadays. um Like you said, everybody is trying to it's like a competition or everybody's trying to like, bring each other down or like fine faults or flaws in everybody. um As if it's like something they they seek out to do on a daily basis or something and
00:06:35
Mel Me
I see for men, they have a lot of those issues, not only like in the workplace, but just like in general in their friend group in, um you know, at home, um just, you know, in general altogether. And I really, I really could see how you having to put on that front, you know, and but and just kind of like, not be vulnerable, not express yourself and in a sense, be almost like a robot. to just keep going on a daily basis would have to be very significant on your mental health, your emotional health, your spirit, um just breaking you down on a daily basis.
00:07:20
Lo_Ki
Yeah, absolutely. um And even also, like you say, with social media and everything, everybody's just wanting to fit in and everybody's doing everything for likes.
Impact of Social Media on Mental Health
00:07:35
Lo_Ki
We didn't come up during that time, we came up where you're going at something, you had to earn it. You had to basically you know get it from the muscle. when You had to work your ass off to get to whoever you wanted to be instead of just um You know people will Their their whole Drive in life is Likes, I mean likes I can get how many followers I can get versus Get out there and get a job and make something of yourself instead of just you know going to somebody else's party or Standing somebody else's house that you don't even live in you and hey look at me kind of thing and then that is
00:08:21
Lo_Ki
That's what your self-esteem is based off of. That also takes a a major part because people depend on social media to define them when it shouldn't. you know We didn't have that. you know what you your your basically Your self-esteem depended on what you did for yourself. you know, how your grades in school, how hard you work at, you know, sports, you know, how your own accomplishments by actually putting effort into doing stuff instead of, you know, taking pictures and stuff.
00:09:07
universalsoultalk
I could definitely, I definitely see that. So like I know that you were saying and I agree that as a society we've gotten a lot more soft and everybody's become a lot more soft and everybody is doing it for the gram if you would and looking for that type of validation.
Positive Shifts in Mental Health Awareness
00:09:23
universalsoultalk
So I know that that's, that is definitely way different than people actually going out there into the world and doing things and You know, that just made me question, like, do you appreciate though? Like, I know some changes have been a little bit, like, questionable, like, dang, like, the society is turning soft, the man is turning...
00:09:43
universalsoultalk
you know a little bit different than how they were and I could definitely agree with that but as a man do you appreciate that society is looking more into mental health now than they did like when we were growing up because I kind of grew up to where it was like even as a woman it was like mental health sure it was real but like go pray about it go figure it out yourself like it wasn't something that we could have these discussions about So as a man, do you appreciate like that more people and women are kind of being like, okay, our men are struggling, our men are hurting, like how can we help them? Or do you feel like it should be like kind of like how it was to where like men just kind of keep going and keep pushing?
00:10:27
Lo_Ki
No, I think it, it, it, it weighs out. I think it's kind of, you know, it is helping who needs the help because no, it's at one point it was, you know, getting, you know, suck it up, butter cut and just keep going. But also now it's like, um I grew up and I was raised very old fashioned. So there's a lot of things you, you couldn't say, you know what I mean? You just think there were things that you could say. but you had to handle it, it was handled differently. But now, where people are actually asking, hey, how do you feel? You know, that just that simple question right there, how you feeling, how's your day going? And that that can go, that can make all the difference in the world for somebody because I've had times to where guys will, you can ask a ask a man,
00:11:27
Lo_Ki
Hey, how you doing today? I'm good. Everything all right. Yeah. Your mouth is saying everything is good, but you can see that something's bothering that person.
Communication & Emotional Support
00:11:37
universalsoultalk
right right good good i love i love to know that just like men are starting to understand that not
00:11:37
Lo_Ki
So with having somebody who actually cares, yeah, it definitely helps. And yeah, I definitely, it's much appreciated. Much appreciated.
00:11:56
universalsoultalk
Y'all don't have to be strong all the time. I love being a strong man, I love being a masculine man, I love being an old school man, but I also want, and I'm like this in my relationship, I want my man to know that like it's okay if um you know you don't wanna suck it up all the time. It's okay um to not be okay. It's okay to tell me that you're struggling with something mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and so on, because a lot of us, and I won't say everybody, but I know a lot of us really do wanna be there and support y'all, and want y'all to come up. so So yeah, I feel like I try to tell a lot of women that I talk to, take time to ask your man, like you were saying, like at checking with your man, ask how he's doing, because he could be out there providing, doing what he needs to do, being there, being the strong one, being in the protector, and he could be carrying a weight that you have no idea. So I feel like it's very important for us to check in with our men.
00:12:52
Mel Me
Right. And being receptive to your man, like watching his cues as a man, getting to know your man, like really understanding how your man moves, I feel like is really important as well. Not only for him, but like your relationship in general. Like when he walks through the door and he's he's openly expressing to you how his day went, he doesn't have to do that, especially when most of the time he doesn't do that. Obviously, you know, there's something about that day or that moment or that issue that really affected him, that he needed to come home and express that to you. So showing him that like attention and that affection and like
00:13:32
Mel Me
giving him eye contact and allowing him to understand that like, I see you, I hear you, I'm here for you. And having that like safety too is significant.
00:13:46
Lo_Ki
Yeah, it.
00:13:46
universalsoultalk
Yeah, that's definitely important, girl.
00:13:51
Lo_Ki
Yeah, definitely, because I mean, like I said, it goes a long way. Just because men are, you know, naturally we're supposed to be the, you know, that the protector and everything, you know, supposed to be there emotionally and everything for the woman, you know, hug and kiss and everything, you know, ne naturally, you know, by nature, men, We don't communicate well, you know what I mean? That's why women communicate way better than men do. That's why when a man can, that's basically almost like why where if a man gets frustrated with something, we probably want to go get in a fight, go start breaking something, start kicking stuff around with a woman.
00:14:40
Lo_Ki
You know she may get emotional, but she's going to express it. She's going to start talking a whole lot She's going to tell you everything is on her mind. It might go from Baby, what's her wrong and she'll tell you everything that's going on the guy will be like hey, what's wrong? Nothing, but he's ah in it. You know he's outside just throwing stuff kicking doors just doing stuff because we you know The average man hasn't been doesn't know how to really express or see how he feels because know growing up, I know especially in our day, and i man i said man, I sound the old just then. oh But anyway, growing up, you show your vulnerability, you get picked on. So I think the older the older men get,
00:15:36
Lo_Ki
I know I have. I'll just, I'm speaking for me. The older I've gotten, I've been, I can say a lot better at it because at one time, you know, I would, I was able to put it into different forms, into poetry, into music or things like that. But li it's gotten easier because I guess the older you get, you have, you tend to Worry less about what someone thinks about you because you worry you have other responsibilities, you know Or do you get you might have to worry you have bills you need to take care of you focus on that your family and you know depending on where you are in your job now you're responsible for other people and that can also weigh on you as well, you know being put more pressure on you because now Everybody's coming you to express
00:16:33
Lo_Ki
all these different things about what's going on at work or what's going on in their lives but now who who do you have to talk to you know you you you have all these things going on in your mind and things you need to get out and now you carrying the weight of everybody else and you can't say anything and after a while you just explode you know what I mean so now is things have gotten better and people are being more open about You know, they're going to therapy, you know, just getting things off the chest, getting things off the mind because it can, it can turn your, take a really bad, bad turn. Really, really awful turn.
00:17:19
universalsoultalk
I definitely see that um just the older I get as well. like I know that the weight is very, very heavy for all men. but Well, first off, before I get into the next question, I just want to put a disclaimer for the viewers. I'm not feeding into no agenda. I'm not trying to cause no divide. I'm not trying to do whatever y'all may think I'm trying to do. But as an Afro-Latina woman, I have to ask this.
Racial Biases & Mental Health
00:17:46
universalsoultalk
um Loki, do you feel like being a black man in society affects your health differently than maybe a white man and like the weight you have to carry?
00:17:58
Lo_Ki
oh Yeah Yeah, absolutely. I already know I'm a threat, you know, I mean it's been shown to me my whole entire life is with every aspect of my life Like I already know that Just my existence is a problem you know, I mean and I Know like and it's it's it has shown and has been very
00:18:20
universalsoultalk
right?
00:18:29
Lo_Ki
It's been very like blatantly in my face my entire life. oh I've had issues to where I'm just in the store, and I'm being followed around in the store. Because the person in the store thinks I'm about to steal, but you know what I mean? ah Aside from the fact that people are around that the people you're not watching are the ones that steal it. I'm the one with the money in my pocket. after me in the buy on You know, even, you know, at work, you know what I mean? I know I've already, I've even been told by older people at my previous job when I, you know, I was working in a hotel industry as old. The guy came out there and told me, he's like, Hey, look, you've been here for a long time. You know a lot. They know that you know a lot, but you don't have to let them know everything that you know, because once you do that,
00:19:28
Lo_Ki
You're a problem. You're a threat and then i I'm gonna try to move you out and I saw it, you know, I saw it so in so many different forms and they couldn't hide it because It's one of those things where people will say You Baby long story short is you don't know You don't know what's being done to somebody if you're on the other side of it. So
00:19:58
universalsoultalk
Definitely.
00:19:59
Lo_Ki
like if you if I'm being if I'm being basically being mistreated just because of the color of my skin by they say as as a white person on the other side of it and I can say hey this is racism the other one that that white person that said oh no no it's not you're just thinking that blah blah blah angry did but then at the same time I'm explaining to them hey This is why it's racist. They automatically say, right then and there, no matter what I say, I'm an angry black man. Oh, whatever he says, he's going to say it's racist. But like I said, you don't understand it. You don't know it. You really don't recognize it if you're not on the receiving an end up.
00:20:49
Mel Me
That illicit bias is a big problem in society. So just you know bouncing off of what you're saying right now as a white woman, no, I will never truly understand what you experience, not only because I'm a woman, but also because I'm white. But I do understand from a perspective of the illicit bias, like they are raised in a certain environment where they are almost brainwashed to think a certain way to act a certain way and they don't even recognize that they are coming off this way and some of them obviously with with explicit bias they do. They're very front forward and very negative and nasty about it but there are the ones with illicit bias where they just don't recognize what they're saying and what they're doing and that kind of makes it worse because it's like
00:21:45
Mel Me
You're sitting here telling me that I'm wrong for how I feel, but you're not even self-reflecting and recognizing the things that you're saying or doing or making me feel this way. You're trying to act like I'm wrong when in reality you're not recognizing the things that you're saying and doing is literally coming off that way. That's like the way anybody would take it on the receiving end. So I do think illicit bias is ah is a big issue in society right now. A lot of people make smart comments or side IU or whatever the case is and just don't recognize how those little things, those little comments, those little faces, those mannerisms, how they can be taken so deeply.
00:22:31
Lo_Ki
Yeah.
00:22:33
universalsoultalk
I definitely agree with that. And then a part of me also feels like some people, they they know they know what they're saying, they know what they're doing. And I feel like there's a war on men in general, but there's more specifically, there's a war on black men. And a part of that is to continue to tear the black man down and to continue to make him feel oppressed, to make him feel like he has to suppress his emotions, He constantly walks around with the target on his back.
00:23:06
universalsoultalk
um He's written off as, you know, like like Loki was saying, like, oh, like he's going to steal something. Like he can't express his knowledge freely.
00:23:12
Mel Me
Thank you.
00:23:15
universalsoultalk
the assumptions of probably not a great father, probably not a great husband. And I'm sure just that weight, and I feel like just people of color grow up in general knowing that people are thinking that about them. So having that weight on your shoulder as a man has gotta be like crushing sometimes. I feel like that's gotta be really overwhelming sometimes.
00:23:34
Mel Me
Mm-hmm.
00:23:36
Lo_Ki
Yeah, it is. It's definitely as frustrating and nobody understands it. You know, the only other person who can understand is another black man. You know what I mean?
00:23:45
Mel Me
Right.
00:23:46
Lo_Ki
I've, you know, been in a situation where, you know, I've had like, I've been in a situation to where a coworker or one of my employees has called me to N word. I go to my boss and tell him what, what was said to me. And then he just makes an excuse. Oh, well she thinks she's black. What? You know what I mean? Like, Oh, so I'm so just supposed to just take that. But I tell this person, okay, well you were late for, you were late for work. I got to document this. And then I turned it into my boss and then he takes this side. I'm like, well, hold on. It's right here in black and white that
00:24:35
Lo_Ki
This person was late for work, but when I tell you they're being making racist comments towards me, you make an excuse for them. So who do I have? Where's my support? I have zero support. um um It's almost like you're always on an island by yourself.
Conversations on Bridging Divides
00:24:51
Mel Me
Right.
00:24:51
universalsoultalk
Yeah, I feel like the only way that like we, I mean, I know that people need to hear it, which is why I decided that like, and Mel decided that we needed to ask that question. um Because A, people need to hear it. And I feel like the only way we could start to like bridge that gap and like heal as a collective is like through, through these conversations and through hearing people like you share their experiences, share their hard times, share the traumas that they may have from dealing with with racism and how that really plays a huge role in mental health.
00:25:33
Lo_Ki
Yeah, yeah, absolutely man because this it can you know, it can drive a Good job people crazy. It would definitely well and I've had you know, people who have had different conversations of I can't man. I can't even think of the the lady's name right now. So She said I think Lee she's a doctor, but she she used to do these experiments but she have a room full of people and one of the questions that she would ask them like, hey, do you feel that raise your hands if you feel that ah black people are treated unfairly in this country? And this would be a room full of people, full of white, white, and nobody will raise their hand. And then she would ask follow up with the questions and raise your hand if
00:26:26
Lo_Ki
you would want to be treated like a black person for one day and again nobody raised their hands so you're gonna say okay well black people aren't being mistreated but you don't want to be treated like a black person you wouldn't want to go 24 hours of being treated like a black person so you you know you're contradicting yourself so as you know some people you know that we're treated a certain way but you're not going to admit to it and that's you know that's one of the things that you know America doesn't want to acknowledge and accept and apologize for but this is something that's been Going on for over 400 years, but now people just want to sweep it under the rug and say oh well You know that was a long time ago. You should get over but that they don't understand scientifically That that that PTSD it travels it goes on through through the DNA even though it's passed down from generation to generation
00:27:24
Mel Me
yep
00:27:25
universalsoultalk
I think TI puts that at that that um that interview or that question, he puts that at the end of one of his songs.
00:27:25
Mel Me
yeah
00:27:32
universalsoultalk
And I can't remember that lady's name either, but I remember listening to that song. I think it's like War Zone by TI. And it was like, if you white people like want to be treated to like black folks, like raise your hand. And she's like, see? like Nobody's raising their hand. like That's how you know that there's a huge problem.
00:27:46
Mel Me
Huh? Yep. Yeah. you guys are talking about Jane Elliott.
00:27:49
Lo_Ki
yeah
00:27:51
Mel Me
Is that who you're speaking?
00:27:51
Lo_Ki
Jane Elliot.
00:27:52
universalsoultalk
Yes, yes, that's it. Thank you, girl.
00:27:55
Mel Me
Yeah, Jane Elliott, yeah, she's she's very intelligent and she definitely brings it from a whole different ass perspective that people of, you know, white color, they're like, I didn't even even take it second to think about it that way. And I think what she stands for and what she speaks on is really, really important. She's been doing it for a long time, long, long, long long time, like 20 plus years. um And definitely what she speaks on is so important and we need to have more advocates like that of the white race that does advocate for the people of color because it's very, it is, it's very important. It's it's a great perspective that she has. And I think it allows for people to recognize the, if you want to call it privilege that we do have.
00:28:56
Lo_Ki
Yeah, I agree. You know what I mean? But it's not like saying, nobody wants to admit it. You know what I mean? Nobody wants to acknowledge it. Even right over in Florida now, like run the Santas. You know, they've taken all of the black history books out of the library.
00:29:14
Mel Me
Okay.
00:29:14
Lo_Ki
You know, everybody want to pretend like it doesn't happen. But he's saying, oh, well, it's going to make it's going to make the kids feel guilty. ah about what went what went on but truth be told you know is basically saying and he's blatantly saying it we don't want to make the white kids uncomfortable but fuck what the black kids are saying fuck all these other all of these other nationalities but we don't want to make the white kids uncomfortable because we don't want them growing up feeling guilty about what happened in this country but the truth but
00:29:51
Lo_Ki
These Confederate flags and all of that that I mean, that's fine. Like it doesn't make sense. Let's talk. Let's name all of these schools off the Robert Robert E. Lee and leah Andrew Jackson and all of these guys and But we're not gonna say what we're not gonna tell why these people who these people are, you know, I mean, oh, yeah, Andrew Jackson storm Jackson. Yeah, he he was a He's a great guy. We're gonna name a school after him. We're gonna name a street after him. Name all these buildings after him.
00:30:22
Lo_Ki
But what's in the books? What did he really do? You know what I mean?
00:30:25
Mel Me
Right.
00:30:25
Lo_Ki
They're not gonna teach that. I think that's BS.
00:30:27
Mel Me
Right.
00:30:31
Mel Me
Yeah, I think a lot of African American men do not get the credit that they should get for like, you're talking about history and things in that nature. And I feel like even I've come across in my research and in my teachings and my understanding of history that, you know, we're we relied about in every aspect, but um that there's been a ah lot of like African American men that have um been founders and have been the like creators of these amazing things that we have in society right now and their credit is taken from them and given to a white man and they are you know praised for you know however long, many, many, many years um and will probably continue to be you know in in the future um for something that someone else created and was snatched from because they were not you know considered
00:31:30
Mel Me
um significant enough in that timeframe when those things happened. So I do definitely understand your perspective on that. And I, again, have agree with you and have come across many of those things. And I think it's disgusting. And it's um and disheartening that these types of things even happen for for you black men in society, for black women too, but black men in society deserve better as well.
00:32:02
Lo_Ki
Hell yeah, I agree. I agree 100%.
Challenges of Black Fatherhood
00:32:07
Mel Me
Do you as like a black father? Okay. Cause I know we had father in general is a hard um title to have, you know, you have all these things that you're juggling. whether it's being a husband, whether it's being a provider, a protector, and then being a father is just a whole different ballgame. um But being a, not only a father, but a black father in society with the stigmas of black fathers and how they are perceived as if like every, but like you were saying, you're automatically assumed to be something. So in society, black fathers sometimes are assumed to be
00:32:48
Mel Me
you know, quote unquote deadbeats or they're not there for their kids or they're not present or whatever the case is. Do you feel like you witness that or that there's truth to that from your perspective as a ah black father in America?
00:33:08
Lo_Ki
Well, I know where the, where I, that my whole family, like I come from a very big family, a very strong and close family. So I wasn't really far as in house. I wasn't subjected to that. Like, like I grew up, my parents, you know, were to this day, they're still together. You know, both parents and I was, uh, my parents had been married, what, almost 50 years now. uh, my grandparents, you know, rest in peace, my granddaddy, you know, past the last year, but they were married for over 60 years. Uh, but I know as, uh,
00:33:58
Lo_Ki
it's, it's tough. I'll say that because it is, there's so many broken homes. But it's been that, you know, all of that comes, it goes all the way back to slavery. But, you know, that, that was a culture not created by us. It was created by a slave owners where they took all these families and they broke um broke all of these families up. So now you have, now you have, you will fast forward a little bit to, you know, the welfare and, you know, the, uh,
00:34:20
universalsoultalk
Yes.
00:34:32
Lo_Ki
the Government the government assistance with the housing in there. So now you have You know, you're not making enough much this you have the one who's not making enough money So you're giving this house by the government you paying a certain amount per month for rent, which is very low but You can only you live like that if there's not a man in us so now you have ah You have these women living in a home, they're single mothers, and it's almost like they're rewarding them for being single mothers. They may want the child to have that father in their life, but the government is saying, no, you you're going to lose all of this that we're giving you if you have a man in the house with with you and your child.
00:35:23
Lo_Ki
You're going to lose all of these benefits. You're going to lose all your welfare. You know what I mean? We know it's it's tough for you and we know he can, this man can provide for you, but we're going to put him on child support. So now he's paying all these extra dollars on child support. You don't pay child support. You go to jail. You know what I mean? So you're working, trying to pay child support. You don't pay child support. You go to jail. You get out of, you go to jail, you lose your job. Now you get out of jail, try to get a job, but you're already months behind on your child support. So now you go before the judge and say, Hey, I need, I need help. You know, it's impossible for me to pay $2,000 by the end of the month because I'm still trying to find a job. All right. Well, you don't have a job by the end of this month and these $2,000 you're going back to jail. So it's it's just like you, it's that constantly created a system to where
Systemic Obstacles for Black Men
00:36:22
Lo_Ki
is ah It's impossible for you to win. Luckily, some of us can but by the skin of your teeth, but yeah it's impossible. you know Like I said, us as black men, we're four. years behind ah behind the starting line. So there's so much catching up. And then there's a system that was has already been set up. Think about it. the people who created these laws and all of these systems, everything has been built for white people to succeed and black people to fail. So for people to, you know, we're looked at in, even as a child growing up, like I've had kids ask me, hey, yeah are you, does your parents live? Do your parents live together? Are they still together? Like, as you know, they ask, cause
00:37:22
Lo_Ki
They don't expect that. They don't expect black kids to have both parents in the house. That's almost unusual to them, but a lot of them, they like hey you don't know any better. It's ah it was a culture that has been, it's something that's been going on for over 400 years. So to them, to see, oh well, I've got both of my parents in the house, that's almost like, that's so rare to a lot of people. But to me, that's just, why shouldn't I have both parents in the house? But yeah, it's, I mean, as a black father, yeah, it is extremely tough because, you know, some people come out of those broken homes and, you know, you never know. You might, the guy might end up with a woman who's, whether you know, she wants, all she wants is that toxic relationship to where she tries to push the guy out of her, out of the child's life.
00:38:21
Lo_Ki
because that's what she's all, that's the only thing she's ever seen.
00:38:27
universalsoultalk
Yeah, I will tell you this. um I feel like from a woman's perspective, and people kind of would do that to me too. like They'd be very surprised that my parents were together, that I grew up in a two-parent home when we finally did move out of um like a um small apartment, city-style living. in They would be very shocked that like my dad was able to put us into a nice home in the suburbs type of thing. Um, but then also like, I feel like as women, like you were saying, like we've been kind of conditioned by society, by the government, by sometimes our own family, even though our families are the people of color as well, we've been conditioned to feel like we don't, we don't need y'all. And we've been conditioned to feel like we would be better off if, um, you know, we, we did it on our own. We had the babies on our own. We got the, you know, the WIC checks, we got the welfare, we got the DSS.
00:39:25
universalsoultalk
even surpass the government assistant, just just succeeding in the corporate world without men, without black men.
Societal Conditioning & Support for Black Men
00:39:33
universalsoultalk
And I had to take a minute and self reflect and be like, why? Why do I feel that way? Why do I feel like I have to be the man when there is a man, there is a black man who is so full of love? Why are we conditioned that black men aren't full of love? Why are we conditioned that black men aren't there to provide and protect for us, to be there for us, to be a voice for us, um just to be a safe, soft person in certain aspects? And like I said, like from a woman's perspective, I had to take a long time to reflect and be like, hold on, like our men are struggling. My brothers are struggling. um My people are struggling and we need to undo that, both men and women, but especially women, like it's time for us to get
00:40:20
universalsoultalk
our families back together and keep our families together it's time to get our community together it's time to show our kids and tell our kids you know the truth and i know a lot of us kind of like grow up knowing that the government did this but it's not talked about because like you were saying We're so busy trying to get, especially our sons, 400 years ahead because everybody's been pushed back. So I don't know. I just, I could only imagine as a man how that's got a feel, you know, knowing that like you were kind of saying in another one, like you're constantly a threat. There's constantly a target on your back. There's constantly feeling like you constantly have to decipher like, is this a safe place for me to express a myself, be the knowledge that I know.
00:41:05
universalsoultalk
See, can I be the man that I was called to be? And I just feel like that's gotta to be that's gotta to be really hard and I empathize. And as a woman, I just want you to know that i I've made it a pact to myself and to my people to just to just do better and to be there for y'all and to spin the block for y'all and to advocate for y'all. And that's part of the reason why I really wanted to have you here on this episode, because I feel like your insight is so powerful It's so truthful and it really sheds light onto the things that people want to overlook because they don't want to believe it. They don't want to believe that this is the truth. They don't want to believe that this is what happened and what's still happening. And I feel like this is very healing and this can really help break the stigma.
00:41:57
Lo_Ki
Yeah, absolutely. You know what I mean? becausez Like, dard D Hughley, he did an interview and he like he made perfect sense because he you said the most dangerous place for a black man to be is in a white person's imagination. Because it's it is because, you know, you have. We're based, we're looked at, we're judged based on what's shown on TV. You know what I mean? And we're projected and we see this on TV to play these certain roles and who's normally the bad guy. You know what I mean? Who's normally the villain, who's normally poor. You know what I mean? So that's what we're already seeing.
00:43:58
universalsoultalk
Yeah, and that, again, that's gotta to be like just going back to like mental health. I already know, I don't even need you to say that it is. I already know that that plays a role in just making a, age just being a man is hard period because of the mental health, because of the stigmas, because of the society expectations and so on and so forth. But on top of that, just constantly having to overcome. It's constantly, I feel like, It's just been a state of overcoming and that's gotta be so tiring. um So i I really hope that as we become more progressive as a society, that as people become more aware and more sensitive to things, let's be more sensitive to men's mental health. Let's be more sensitive to black men's mental health. Let's be more sensitive to fatherhood. Let's be more sensitive to the trials and tribulations that people
Call to Action & Conclusion
00:44:56
universalsoultalk
who are outside of your culture have had to overcome because there are so many things out there like Loki was saying in the beginning where everybody has an opinion, everyone's sensitive, you gotta be careful with what you say. um So let's kind of make it a point to be like that with things that really matter because there there are so many men out there that are struggling, so many men that feel like they don't have a voice, or that their voice doesn't matter, or you know that they're carrying, A, the weight of the world that they live in, but also that generational trauma. So I feel like as a collective, let this be a wake up call, or a reminder, or confirmation, whatever it is for you, that um we have to do better. We have to do better for our men. We have to show up more for our men. We have to help our men heal, because we expect, as women,
00:45:54
universalsoultalk
We expect a lot out of a man. We expect men to provide, to protect, to be in his divine masculine energy, to be a good father, to be a good husband, to be a good friend, to be a hard worker. And um it's time that we give our men the support that they need. um On that note, y'all, I don't want to keep y'all longer, too much longer than 45 minutes. I know we went a little bit over, but we have a part two to this series dropping next week. And Loki is going to finish up this interview with us on our next episode. So Loki, I just wanted to thank you so much for being vulnerable, for taking time to express yourself, share your insights, share pieces of your life with us. And I'm really excited to get into part two with y'all.
00:46:54
Mel Me
Yes, we appreciate you, Loki, and um you know your your insight is valuable. It's needed. It's appreciated. It's respected. And we want men, our men, all men to feel safe and to feel heard and to feel valued and appreciated. So we're definitely grateful for your time, for your energy, and we'll pick this up on the next episode or next part, the next part of this episode.
00:47:27
universalsoultalk
Yes, we'll see you all next week. Thank you for listening.