Transcript
Speaker: Welcome to Universal Soul Talk, where in this episode, we will be celebrating the incredible journey of motherhood, embracing both the highs and lows with open arms.
Speaker: Join us as we dive deep in the experiences, challenges, and triumphs that make motherhood the most rewarding adventure of all.
Speaker: Hey family, welcome to another episode of Universal Soul Talk.
Speaker: Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers out there.
Speaker: I'm Taye Wavey.
Speaker: I'm here with Miss Mel Mel and we are ready to deliver a podcast all about motherhood.
Speaker: Hey family!
Speaker: We are so happy to have you here again with us on our month for mamas.
Speaker: Definitely happy Mother's Day to all you beautiful women out there.
Speaker: Definitely amp yourself up.
Speaker: Be
Speaker: grateful and proud that you are a woman and that you are a mother.
Speaker: You are the only one that can do that.
Speaker: Just remember that.
Speaker: So keep your head up and stay focused.
Speaker: I did want to touch on this topic today because I am very, very, very passionate about it.
Speaker: So I am going to ask my beautiful Taye Wei B our first question of the day.
Speaker: How can mothers support each other and build community in their journey through motherhood?
Speaker: Well, we could start off by not judging each other.
Speaker: We can start off by not judging each other.
Speaker: We touched on this in the last episode a little bit.
Speaker: So if you haven't heard our last episode, go ahead and listen because we did start to touch on that.
Speaker: But I feel like this is from experience.
Speaker: I'm a mom of three.
Speaker: We can be very judgmental.
Speaker: And there are times that I have caught myself in the past.
Speaker: Also being a little bit judgmental to other moms.
Speaker: And yeah, we need to cut that out.
Speaker: We need to cut that out because motherhood is a ghetto hood.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: It is a hard hood.
Speaker: It is a struggle hood.
Speaker: It is also a very rewarding hood, a beautiful hood, a luxurious hood, but it can be hard.
Speaker: Hence the highs and lows of motherhood.
Speaker: And there's no reason.
Speaker: I feel like as moms, we all go through hard times because
Speaker: either within ourselves or with our kids or with our relationship that ends up kind of going back to being parents together.
Speaker: And, um, we, we all go through it.
Speaker: We all go through it.
Speaker: And if you feel like you don't go through it, you're lying to yourself.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: So reality check, we all go through it and there's no reason to make it harder for another mother.
Speaker: Um, because you're getting satisfaction out of tearing her down or feeling like you're better than her.
Speaker: I know back in New York, the school district that we were a part of, it was a very bougie school district.
Speaker: Lots of suburban stay-at-home moms with husbands and Range Rovers and nice things.
Speaker: And when I first got into the school system with my kids, my youngest was four.
Speaker: I remember going to like a playground event and
Speaker: The mothers treated me so weird at the time.
Speaker: I was a low income mama.
Speaker: I was a single mother.
Speaker: I literally had a mom come up to me and ask me what my rates were for nannying because she thought I was like the nanny, even though she, I know that she knew that I was the mom.
Speaker: Um, but you know, she just wanted to kind of, I don't know.
Speaker: I don't know what it was, but, um,
Speaker: I see it on Facebook groups all the time, Instagram, social media in general, where in the comments, mothers get torn up for going through things that we all go through or sharing their vulnerability or sharing the fact that they don't know what to do with their child because their child's either sick or having a behavioral issue or doing something.
Speaker: And other moms are the first to tear them down instead of lifting each other up.
Speaker: And like I said, motherhood is hard enough as it is.
Speaker: And sometimes we make it harder for our sisters by being so judgmental.
Speaker: So my biggest thing is we need to stop that.
Speaker: We need to come together and we need to have a general understanding that this is hard.
Speaker: We don't know all the answers.
Speaker: We mess up sometimes.
Speaker: We go through things.
Speaker: I'm not always going to look good.
Speaker: My house isn't always going to be clean.
Speaker: I'm not always going to be making bread from scratch.
Speaker: But sometimes I'm going to lose my cool on my kids sometimes and snap.
Speaker: But we don't need to be judging each other for stuff like that.
Speaker: We need to be supporting each other.
Speaker: We need to be uplifting each other.
Speaker: We need to be checking in more.
Speaker: Hey, mama, do you need anything?
Speaker: Do you need somebody to talk to you?
Speaker: Do you want to come over for dinner?
Speaker: Do you and the baby want to come to the park with us?
Speaker: Just those little things of offering support, offering a helping hand, offering love can really make the difference for a mom who is just momming out because it's hard.
Speaker: Yeah, definitely motherhood can, like you said, be a beautiful thing, but it also...
Speaker: It can be a lot.
Speaker: And I think that other mothers knowing, knowing how hard it can be, knowing the struggles, the challenges, the frustrations, instead of judging and tearing each other down.
Speaker: And let me side note this for a second.
Speaker: I emphasize this not only for mothers, but women in general.
Speaker: We should be uplifting each other more instead of tearing each other down, period.
Speaker: We should be practicing empathy, understanding, supporting each other, recognizing that we're
Speaker: Our children are not all the same.
Speaker: Our socioeconomic backgrounds are not the same.
Speaker: Our cultures are not the same.
Speaker: Our home environments are not the same.
Speaker: The way that we were raised, that is obviously going to implement in some sense into how we raise our children is not the same.
Speaker: So recognizing those differences and applying understanding to that and
Speaker: I think that we need to kind of like see things from a more open minded perspective instead of automatically going into this place of like, oh, well, that's different.
Speaker: You're different.
Speaker: So I'm going to automatically judge you because you don't do as I do.
Speaker: I think that really is the wrong approach to treat each other that way.
Speaker: I think, like Tay was saying, you could, instead of judging, you should be judging.
Speaker: hey, you want to go on a play date?
Speaker: You want to maybe go for a walk together?
Speaker: I know here locally, and I'm going to just say in North Carolina, there is a group that's called like Mommy Stroller.
Speaker: And basically like they're mommies that want to come together and have like
Speaker: weekly walks together and kind of build that community.
Speaker: And I think building that community is so significant for a lot of mothers.
Speaker: Like for me personally, I'm kind of more on the like introverted side.
Speaker: So like
Speaker: I personally don't necessarily need like, you know, many mommy friends.
Speaker: I just need like one or two mommy friends that like I can rely on, count on, and they can, they know they can rely and count on me.
Speaker: But some women, just like I said, everybody's different.
Speaker: Some women need like a tribe, you know, they need to feel like,
Speaker: There's a big old community out there of people that like understand that can relate to her and, you know, that she can kind of like come to for guidance, support, however.
Speaker: So I think just like maybe giving a positive advice, like I said, maybe offering like, hey, you know, I see you're struggling.
Speaker: Is there something I can do to help you?
Speaker: Even if like you don't necessarily know the other mother and you just came across her maybe in like the store, you know how hard it is.
Speaker: Like I'm sitting there.
Speaker: I know for me, I'm in the store.
Speaker: I'm pushing a stroller.
Speaker: I'm like...
Speaker: I walk sometimes to the store behind my house.
Speaker: So there's like this path full of like roots and all types of stuff.
Speaker: And so I'm like trying to struggle with the stroller.
Speaker: I'm trying to like carry the stuff that I bought.
Speaker: I'm trying to like, you know, my mom's calling, my husband's texting and I'm trying to do all these things.
Speaker: And I'm like trying to open the door to get in and out of the store.
Speaker: And people are just looking at me like,
Speaker: And I'm like, nobody's going to help me open the door.
Speaker: You know what I'm saying?
Speaker: So sometimes just simply having that mannerism, that positive mindset and opening the door or helping them carry something or picking something off the floor that falls because their child threw it on the ground, whatever.
Speaker: Little things mean so much sometimes.
Speaker: So I think instead of like judging people for like, you know, their parenting choices, their child's behavior, like some, some children are like, they have, you know, mental disorders, they have autism, they have ADD, they have different things that like are obviously going to make them behave differently than your child's
Speaker: you know?
Speaker: So I think just seeing something for face value and automatically being like, oh, she must not be a good mother because like, look at the way her child acts.
Speaker: Sometimes you can't really help that.
Speaker: You know what I'm saying?
Speaker: Turning around back to what I was saying that not everybody's the same.
Speaker: So I do, I do agree with you and that there's, we need to be kinder to each other
Speaker: uplift each other, show each other love, be more empathetic to each other, knowing what they're going through.
Speaker: And not everybody has support.
Speaker: Tay, would you say like you had a significant amount of support while like during all of your pregnancies and during your new motherhood adventures with all of your children?
Speaker: No.
Speaker: No, I had little to no support.
Speaker: And most of that was due to my circumstances, due to the relationship that I was in.
Speaker: And then for some getting out of, like with my kid's father, I wasn't very close with my family at the time.
Speaker: I was young.
Speaker: I was young.
Speaker: I was 18 when I got pregnant, 19 when I had my first.
Speaker: A lot of my old friends were still like
Speaker: in college and partying and drinking and experimenting with things.
Speaker: And I was in an apartment and working and taking care of a baby.
Speaker: So I lost a lot of the support that I thought I would have.
Speaker: And that sent me into a really dark place.
Speaker: But I started to build a community for myself.
Speaker: Um, at the time it was my neighbors.
Speaker: I lived in an apartment complex.
Speaker: I had these really cool neighbors.
Speaker: Some of them had older kids.
Speaker: Some of them had younger kids.
Speaker: Um, and we would come together, um, and help each other.
Speaker: There were times that my neighbor, he, my kids ended up, he was a single dad.
Speaker: My kids knew him as uncle Phil.
Speaker: He was a little bit older than me.
Speaker: Um, he had older kids.
Speaker: His kids would come over and sit with my babies so that like I could cook dinner.
Speaker: Um, if I made too much dinner, I'd bring it over to Phil's house.
Speaker: I'd bring it over to Brenda's house.
Speaker: I'd bring it over to Jeremy's house.
Speaker: And we would all kind of help each other in that way.
Speaker: So I did have to like create my own support.
Speaker: And looking back on it, the support that I ended up finding through other people who weren't my friends was
Speaker: you know, before having babies who weren't my family members, um, and this and that, like that support made me able to stay sane.
Speaker: Um, now over time I did end up becoming closer to my family.
Speaker: As of right now, I'm in a really great support system situation.
Speaker: Um, my parents are so hands-on with my kids and
Speaker: I have support.
Speaker: I have friends.
Speaker: I have sisters I can call upon.
Speaker: I have people I can vent to.
Speaker: I have a partner who's not my kid's father that I can rely on to kind of help navigate through parenting and stuff like that.
Speaker: But I feel like sometimes we, especially as women, especially as women who kind of walked into adulthood as I'm an independent, strong, independent woman, and I don't need nobody,
Speaker: That may be true for certain scenarios, but tap into getting some support.
Speaker: Tap into making like males, like maybe just one or two friends.
Speaker: Stay in touch with your parents if they are not.
Speaker: Um, you know, if they love your child and they're good to you and they respect you, um, let your mom help out.
Speaker: Let your mom take the baby.
Speaker: Um, you know, go over to friend's house sometimes just to kind of break up the monotony of like you sitting in your house all day with a baby or a toddler or something like that.
Speaker: Go for that motherhood walk.
Speaker: Um, like Mel was saying, you don't even have to know somebody to support them.
Speaker: I now have grace with moms in grocery stores.
Speaker: When I see a child throwing a tantrum and the mom is frantically looking around like, oh my God, like everyone's judging me.
Speaker: Like I'll smile at her or nod at her or tell her like,
Speaker: It's okay.
Speaker: Like I got three kids.
Speaker: I get it.
Speaker: You don't have to apologize to me or like when I'm at a restaurant or something like that.
Speaker: So it's not always people supporting us that we know and that we have these close relationships with.
Speaker: We can just be good to each other in everyday life.
Speaker: Like she was saying, like, get the door for a mom who's walking with a stroller and stuff in her hand.
Speaker: And, you know, she looks like she's struggling.
Speaker: Just get the door.
Speaker: That does so much.
Speaker: That can literally like be like, wow, my day was great because some stranger helped me open up the door in the store.
Speaker: And I didn't struggle getting the baby in.
Speaker: And that's something, you know, that the stranger may forget about, but the mom didn't.
Speaker: Same thing with the restaurant or being in public or being in the store when someone's baby's freaking out, just tell her like, it's okay.
Speaker: It happens.
Speaker: We, as much as we want to control our kids, we cannot control our kids, especially our younger, like babies and stuff.
Speaker: Like just having that grace, being open and receptive to support, I think is so fundamental.
Speaker: Yeah, and I'm going to emphasize like the restaurant aspect or like out in public aspect of, you know, parenting and your children because...
Speaker: I feel like when, like, personally, I took my daughter to a restaurant for the first time and I, like, tried to have everything for her, like, her iPad, her stuffy, her blanket, you know, crayons, anything that I could have because I'm like, oh, my God, like, I was a server for many, many years when I was younger, right?
Speaker: And I used to remember that was like the one of like biggest pet peeves that people had was like a crying baby, even on like planes and things in that nature.
Speaker: And it's like sad.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: That, you know, the one thing or one of the things that we can do to get out, get some fresh air, you know, enjoy ourselves, do something that's outside of the house.
Speaker: It's like you're so worried about people judging you and staring at you and like, you know, giving you that side eye, like get your baby out of here.
Speaker: Almost like it's it's I mean, it's a natural thing.
Speaker: It's not something that we can control.
Speaker: So it's like, what, we're not allowed to be in a restaurant or like enjoy ourselves or go get a break from life because my 15-month-old child's crying.
Speaker: Like it's, you know, that's what it does.
Speaker: Like I can't really control that.
Speaker: Same with like breastfeeding or like women –
Speaker: that like do choose to do that out in public, you may not necessarily agree with it, but like mind your business.
Speaker: You know what I'm saying?
Speaker: Like, what, how is it affecting you if that's what someone's choosing to do?
Speaker: Um, I don't know.
Speaker: I just, I, I just think we're so hard on each other.
Speaker: Um, and there should be like a deeper connection with moms and support.
Speaker: Like you were saying, um,
Speaker: And I definitely think that another issue that we have is like our relationships.
Speaker: You know what I'm saying?
Speaker: Marriages or even like stepfathers, stepmothers, you know what I'm saying?
Speaker: With the children or even like you having the husband and the wife and like that is your child, like having different parenting styles, like
Speaker: Maybe one person feels like gentle parenting is the right way to do it.
Speaker: And maybe the, you know, let's just say the dad finds it better to be a little bit more, you know, not aggressive, obviously, but like a little more stern, you know what I'm saying?
Speaker: And so that it's hard finding like that fine line too between, you
Speaker: that and it not affecting your actual like marriage or relationship.
Speaker: So I think that is also something else that, that can make motherhood and mental health and emotional health, very straining and overwhelming because it's like, you are a mother and now you have like so many different aspects of your life that are all connected to this child.
Speaker: Um,
Speaker: And it's a lot.
Speaker: So like, Tay, do you feel like in your parenting that like you've come across issues in like maybe your past relationship or your current relationship in parenting, like the disciplinarian aspect of it?
Speaker: Girl, okay, this is my time to shine because I have been separated from my kid's father since my youngest, who is five, was conceived.
Speaker: That's when I started my single motherhood journey.
Speaker: And there has been so many ups, downs, lefts, and rights since that time.
Speaker: I have been, I was in another serious relationship before this one.
Speaker: I'm in a serious relationship now.
Speaker: And like, first off, just navigating, trying to date and have yourself like companionship while you also have kids, specifically multiple kids is so hard.
Speaker: So hard.
Speaker: There was a period of time to where like, I didn't know how to have like a daytime date because like I had my kids and I didn't want to obviously introduce a
Speaker: anybody to my kids until we were together for my rule is like nine months to a year.
Speaker: Like I don't, they can know you exist, but like, we're just friends.
Speaker: I'm not, you know, putting that on my kids or anything like that.
Speaker: So, um, I just struggled with like state, like putting the kids to bed.
Speaker: And then once they were sleeping, I would have like my boyfriend come over and we try to spend time together.
Speaker: And like, I would try to figure out like what's putting too much on him
Speaker: Cause he's not the kid's father.
Speaker: Navigating through that space.
Speaker: Him giving me some advice that like, it was like, okay, like, no, I don't agree with that.
Speaker: Like these aren't your kids, but like, you don't want to like come off like that, like very hostile.
Speaker: It's just really hard to find like your space in relationships, like personal, intimate relationships and motherhood.
Speaker: Now that my kids are a little bit older, I have been able to have more balance with my relationship that I'm currently in.
Speaker: I've been with, um, the man I'm with now for two and a half years.
Speaker: My kids finally met him like in person as like, this is my boyfriend, like only a year ago, really.
Speaker: It was just like my friend.
Speaker: And I would say, this is my friend.
Speaker: And, um, now he is very involved with my kids and, um,
Speaker: We're not married, but he definitely helps me co-parent a lot.
Speaker: We do, like just being transparent, we do run into issues because his form of discipline and my form of discipline are sometimes different.
Speaker: Sometimes they are the same.
Speaker: So you kind of have to, A, have respect for each other.
Speaker: Because if you don't have respect for your partner, whether it's your kid's father or not, you're going to run into some issues.
Speaker: You're going to run into some resentment.
Speaker: And ultimately, that's not fair for the kids.
Speaker: So through everything, you still kind of have to – well, you do have to think about the kids.
Speaker: So I always try to hear him out.
Speaker: He tries to hear me out.
Speaker: I – it's hard.
Speaker: It is hard.
Speaker: Like now that I'm thinking about it, like it was –
Speaker: It's just challenging.
Speaker: It definitely has its challenges.
Speaker: But through respect, through listening to each other, through figuring out what is going to be the best for this child,
Speaker: That's another thing.
Speaker: You have to make sure that you have a partner that cares about your kids.
Speaker: It doesn't just want to sleep with you because you the hot baby mommy or you the hot mama.
Speaker: You know what I mean?
Speaker: You want somebody that loves your kid or that wants to start to love your kids.
Speaker: Because obviously when you first introduce someone to your kids, it's not like they love them right then and there.
Speaker: And that's okay too.
Speaker: That's something I had to like remind myself like, okay, this person is not going to love my kids the first day that he meets them.
Speaker: He can like love kids and
Speaker: and have love for them, but he's not going to have like that parental energy towards them until we all establish a relationship together.
Speaker: Um, and there are boundaries you have to put up and slowly take them down and enforce other boundaries.
Speaker: Um, so yeah, it's, it is just a challenge, but I'm sure Mel, I'm sure there's challenges even
Speaker: you're married to the father of your daughter.
Speaker: And I'm sure as your baby gets older, there are challenges with like, how are we going to discipline her?
Speaker: And you guys may not always agree, right?
Speaker: Maybe.
Speaker: Yeah, definitely.
Speaker: There are times like that.
Speaker: I feel so before I had her, I was like, you know, if she's
Speaker: rude or she's sassy or she does something wrong, like, you know, I am not going to be afraid to discipline her.
Speaker: And I was very like kung ho about that.
Speaker: And then the moment that I held her in my arms, that all changed for me.
Speaker: And I'm like, oh my God, it's my precious little baby angel.
Speaker: And I have to like nurture her and snuggle her and love her and spoil her.
Speaker: And, you know, I know that's not necessarily a good thing in the sense of spoiling her, but
Speaker: But I don't know, like everything changed for me.
Speaker: I didn't like the color pink.
Speaker: Now I'm obsessed with pink for her more so, like the princessy thing.
Speaker: Like I was a, you know, tomboy growing up.
Speaker: Very much so still rock like sporty type of, you know, everything.
Speaker: outfits, clothing, whatever you want to say, style.
Speaker: I have a very sporty style.
Speaker: So I'm finding out I had a girl.
Speaker: I was like, oh my, oh my gosh, you know, what am I going to do?
Speaker: I don't even know like how to do hair.
Speaker: I don't know how to put makeup on.
Speaker: Like I don't know how to do anything girly.
Speaker: So everything changed for me.
Speaker: So I went from being like a hard
Speaker: ass to like basically falling into a pile of mush because my nurturing side came out, my motherly side came out, like everything changed.
Speaker: So my husband ended up having to be like the disciplinarian.
Speaker: And though I do still at times, you know, discipline her when it comes to certain things, because there has to be like a balance of
Speaker: There are some things that I don't necessarily agree with, you know, in the moment when she does certain things.
Speaker: And as she gets older, she starts to develop more aggravating habits.
Speaker: So there are times like, you know, she'll spit her milk out or she'll throw her toy or
Speaker: Whatever the case is.
Speaker: And the moment she gets disciplined and I start crying or she starts crying, I like instantly feel like a horrible person.
Speaker: For me, it's just kind of like finding that balance between, you know, like you said, respecting your partner, understanding that like he was raised differently.
Speaker: He also was, my husband was very much so around kids a significant more amount of time than I was when I was growing up.
Speaker: I had my time with kids and here you go, have them back type of thing.
Speaker: But my husband grew up in a Jamaica area.
Speaker: So he had like that community and there's like multiple families around you in the same area and they kind of all like help raise each other's kids.
Speaker: So like he was used to kids.
Speaker: He was used to disciplining them, loving them, playing with them and watching them grow.
Speaker: And I'm just sitting here like green to all of it, having no idea what I'm doing and just kind of going with the flow.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: But that's one of my challenges as a mother is finding the balance in discipline and just like understanding that they're probably going to cry about everything anyways.
Speaker: So like not taking it so to heart that, you know, that that's what he has to do.
Speaker: But I feel like, um...
Speaker: I feel like just finding, like I said, that balance with each other and understanding those differences.
Speaker: I feel like there's a lot of other stressors that come with being a like co-parenting, like the intimacy aspect of it and just knowing how to like create those boundaries.
Speaker: Like in the situation that you were talking about, introducing people.
Speaker: a new person to your children.
Speaker: That in itself is very hard to manage because you kind of don't want to like, not you, but in general, want to like introduce your kid, like say you're dating someone for a couple of years and like, you know, it doesn't work out.
Speaker: Then you have to turn around, you start dating someone else.
Speaker: And it's like, you know, over and over and over again, you may not necessarily like,
Speaker: have stability in that.
Speaker: And I feel like that's something that's really hard as a mother and as a woman is like knowing when it's the right time to introduce your child to this person.
Speaker: Like, how do you know if this person is even worthy to know your child?
Speaker: You know what I'm saying?
Speaker: Because it takes time to get to know people.
Speaker: Like, even if you've been with them for two years, there are still things that you're constantly learning about them.
Speaker: And as a mother, you're protective.
Speaker: you're worried, like that's your baby.
Speaker: So you don't want anything ever like coming near your child or bringing negativity or hurting them.
Speaker: And society today is so crazy, so crazy that there are like partners that end up killing women and their kids.
Speaker: And they think that this was, that's like my partner.
Speaker: They, we love each other.
Speaker: You know what I mean?
Speaker: And then all of a sudden,
Speaker: they lose their life and their children do too.
Speaker: And so it's just, it's just a scary thing right now in society with everything.
Speaker: And, and it's a lot already for us as women and just having that shared responsibility.
Speaker: But do you, Tay, feel like, like, do you still currently struggle with like being able to be intimate and like,
Speaker: you know, sensual with your partner?
Speaker: Um, at this point, no, my kids are a little bit older.
Speaker: I mean, I guess there are some nights where it's like, I'm really tired or, you know, like my kids stay up late or whatever, but my kids are, like I said, a little bit older.
Speaker: They are nine, eight and five.
Speaker: Um, it, they understand they're at a point and they, they want, my kids want me to be happy.
Speaker: Um, my kids are like little hopeless romantics and they want me to have somebody in my life.
Speaker: They understand, um, step parenting.
Speaker: They understand that me and their dad are divorced and never getting back together.
Speaker: They understand that there is some type of sacred partnership, like between two adults.
Speaker: Um, so my kids do, they will give me and my man time alone.
Speaker: Um, obviously I make sure they're safe and all that stuff.
Speaker: Um, but you know, when they go to bed, I got a bedtime.
Speaker: I keep everyone on schedule for like the best that I can.
Speaker: And, um, you learn balance is like the biggest thing in motherhood, finding balance, finding balance with like your physical self, finding balance with others, finding balance with your partner, finding balance with someone that you co-parent with because, um, co-parenting is hard.
Speaker: That's like a whole separate topic conversation and all that stuff.
Speaker: But, um,
Speaker: Yeah, you gotta, you have to find balance.
Speaker: And I know I was, I was still with my kid's father when they were babies.
Speaker: So I know that intimacy when you have a baby and a toddler, he's very, very, very hard, especially if your baby like sleeps with you or comes into your room in the middle of the night.
Speaker: Like it's hard to find time to like,
Speaker: make love to your partner.
Speaker: Like we're adults.
Speaker: Like that's what we're trying to do.
Speaker: And I feel like a lot of relationships go through a patch of struggle.
Speaker: That doesn't mean that your relationship's falling apart.
Speaker: It doesn't mean that somebody is going to cheat on somebody, but it's like,
Speaker: dang like i haven't made love to my man or i'm sure men feel like damn i haven't had any time to make love to her an x amount of time because we're so busy running around after this baby and after this child and um that's where you have to find balance i guess um and also have grace with your baby because your baby does not know what you want to do um for any parents with young children it gets better y'all it gets better it gets easier
Speaker: Your kids can someday just sit down and watch TV or go to their bedrooms and you can have your time.
Speaker: You can have you a little drink or a little smoke or just watch some TV and connect with your partner.
Speaker: So that stage doesn't last forever.
Speaker: Sometimes I get baby fever and then I'm like, oh, you know what?
Speaker: I just got to a place of balance and I'm all good.
Speaker: But it's it's possible.
Speaker: You just got to you got to find balance.
Speaker: You have to find balance.
Speaker: Um, and I just want to touch on real quick.
Speaker: What are some of the greatest parts about motherhood?
Speaker: What do you love the most?
Speaker: What are some of the most rewarding things that you experience?
Speaker: What do you love about being a mom?
Speaker: Oh, um, I would have to say like just having, um, a best friend in my child, um,
Speaker: It's like special because she's a part of me.
Speaker: She's an extension of me.
Speaker: And I am on my breaking generational curses journey.
Speaker: And I know she's just she's special.
Speaker: You know what I'm saying?
Speaker: I heard somewhere one time where they said, if the universe gives you a girl, it's because you need a best friend.
Speaker: If a universe gives you a boy, it means that you need discipline.
Speaker: And whether or not that's true or not, I definitely feel like that resonates with me because I really didn't have girlfriends in my life when I got pregnant.
Speaker: And even before that, really, I've just kind of been burned a lot in my life with friendships.
Speaker: And so I feel like that, like I said, just resonates with me because I literally didn't have any friends at that moment.
Speaker: And when she came out, it was just like, I don't know, I just you can't explain it.
Speaker: You can't explain how everything changes.
Speaker: And you're just like,
Speaker: connected with that baby and I don't know it gives me a sense of love I think it taught me a love that I never knew existed um like of course I love my husband of course I love my parents but like the love you have for your child is incomparable um and you can't even really truly express it um
Speaker: so I think for me, just the love, the, like learning to, to love, like on unconditionally love your child, that, that for me was what made it beautiful.
Speaker: Cause it opened up like another realm of like life for me.
Speaker: And it made it have meaning.
Speaker: I mean, not that it didn't before, but a different, different kind of meaning.
Speaker: Um,
Speaker: So I would definitely say that also like just being able to, I guess, do differently than like how I was raised.
Speaker: Um, and she, you know, being a girl, it's hard to be a woman, a girl in society right now.
Speaker: So I am to be honest with you, very scared about, um, what's to come because of how, how the world is right now.
Speaker: Um,
Speaker: But I also, I'm very excited to like teach her all the things that I learned at a younger age so she can kind of mentally emphasize on mentally and emotionally be more prepared and more prepared than I was.
Speaker: That's for sure.
Speaker: So what, I mean, do you, do you have a specific thing that, that you feel like having a kid or multiple children changed you as like a woman?
Speaker: I fell in love with life again.
Speaker: Once I came out of my postpartum depression, once I started taking care of myself again, I was able, like that kind of fog over having kids dissipated.
Speaker: And my kids bring me so much love and they bring me so much light.
Speaker: And do they drive me crazy?
Speaker: Absolutely.
Speaker: Do they need some discipline?
Speaker: Sometimes they sure the heck do.
Speaker: They act crazy.
Speaker: Sometimes they're kids.
Speaker: That's what they do.
Speaker: But
Speaker: I love the light that they brought to my life.
Speaker: I love seeing how creative they are.
Speaker: I love seeing their minds work.
Speaker: I love seeing them learn and make connections and figure things out.
Speaker: Similar to what you were saying, Mel, I'm in, I think it's going to be just like a lifelong thing for me of just on the learning things, breaking curses and
Speaker: breaking patterns that maybe have been passed down within my family and doing things differently.
Speaker: Focusing on my kids' mental health and not just physical health.
Speaker: That's something that I love to do for them.
Speaker: They go to school, one plays violin, karate, piano, drama club, all these things.
Speaker: They have so many things going on, like back and forth from mom and dad's house, grandma and abuelo's house, all of these things.
Speaker: And sometimes they need a break.
Speaker: And I love raising my kids in a way that they can talk to me, even if that's by text and just be like, hey, I'm having a hard time.
Speaker: I need some space.
Speaker: I need to like.
Speaker: take a break from going to church.
Speaker: They go to church with my parents a lot.
Speaker: I need a break from going to church.
Speaker: I need a break.
Speaker: I need to take the day off.
Speaker: I need to take care of myself.
Speaker: I need a little bit of one-on-one time.
Speaker: Um, and just knowing that they're comfortable to talk about those things because I've cultivated an environment that is safe for them, that they can bring that stuff up to me.
Speaker: Oh my gosh.
Speaker: That brings me so much joy.
Speaker: That brings me so much joy.
Speaker: I, I,
Speaker: love playing with my kids.
Speaker: I always tell my man, I'm like, I love all the kids.
Speaker: Bring me all the kids.
Speaker: Bring me your, not a creepy way, but like I play, I'm gonna play with all the kids.
Speaker: I love, like I would happily watch my friends' babies.
Speaker: I will happily babysit, take them for the night.
Speaker: Y'all go on a date, like auntie Tay-Tay in the house.
Speaker: I just love seeing kids be kids.
Speaker: I love raising my kids.
Speaker: I love knowing that I
Speaker: and protecting my kids, but not only just like protecting them by like, cause like my parents protected me, but they didn't necessarily break down what they were protecting me from.
Speaker: I have been able to find a way to, in a kid friendly way, let them know what's out there, what they have to look out for.
Speaker: And kind of like you were saying, Mel, like kind of prepare them for what they're, what they're dealing with and what they're going to continue to deal with as they get older.
Speaker: Um, and just being
Speaker: Yet, like you obviously you have to draw the line between being your kid's friend and being the parent.
Speaker: But just being that safe place for your child and teaching you a different type of love.
Speaker: Because, I mean, you know, you loved your husband before you guys had a baby.
Speaker: So you knew what love was.
Speaker: And you've been in other relationships before.
Speaker: And you've had friends and you've had you have siblings.
Speaker: You know what it's like to love.
Speaker: But this is just like a whole different level of love that I feel like you don't experience until you're a parent.
Speaker: And I'm sure some fathers experience the same type of love too, but something about watching the baby that was in your belly grow up and learn new things.
Speaker: And I know for you, it's like your daughter making noise and trying to figure out how to talk and try to figure out who she is.
Speaker: Like that is just so rewarding.
Speaker: Like look at her feed herself, look at her walking around, look at her like to talk on the phone or something like that.
Speaker: And like for my kids, it's like watching them play an instrument, watching them make friends, watching them
Speaker: you know, dress themselves or try to make themselves sandwiches.
Speaker: I'm like, oh my gosh, just all of being a mom is so rewarding for me.
Speaker: And I love it.
Speaker: I love it.
Speaker: I feel like when I'm in my mommy mode, I feel in my most divine feminine.
Speaker: I feel like I am the utmost powerful, the utmost beautiful.
Speaker: I am a cultivator.
Speaker: I am a creator.
Speaker: I am the empress.
Speaker: I am the queen.
Speaker: I am running this.
Speaker: Like there is just so much beauty that goes into motherhoods.
Speaker: And I also love seeing moms be moms.
Speaker: I love the supportive mom community, even if it's just online.
Speaker: I love lifting up other mothers, watching mothers post a million things about my baby just did this.
Speaker: My kid just did that.
Speaker: My kids are doing this.
Speaker: And it's, I just love seeing people celebrate, love and embrace their kids.
Speaker: So yeah, I just think motherhood is so, so, so beautiful.
Speaker: And I really hope today or this weekend, this mother's day weekend,
Speaker: that all the moms feel extra special, that they feel beautiful, that they feel powerful because we truly are amazing.
Speaker: And we really, we really run, we run the world in the sense of there's no more life if there ain't us.
Speaker: So yeah, we have one of the most, if not the most important title on earth.
Speaker: So as moms, I really do hope and pray that
Speaker: that we continue to protect each other, that we continue to not pass judgments on each other, that we support each other, that we send each other love, good vibes, anything.
Speaker: Um, and just being stronger women together and being stronger mothers together.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: That's going to be great for us, but that's going to be so amazing and pivotal for our children to grow up in an environment, knowing that, um,
Speaker: moms stick together and we're beautiful and we're powerful.
Speaker: So, yeah.
Speaker: Yes, definitely.
Speaker: And I hope all of you ladies, mothers, women, and everybody in general, again, it is mental health month, but we are dedicating this one to the mothers, but everyone just remember your worth and
Speaker: Remember how special and amazing you are.
Speaker: Keep your head up.
Speaker: Stay strong.
Speaker: Reach out if you need help.
Speaker: Don't, like we said before, don't suffer in silence.
Speaker: You know, there is help.
Speaker: There is people out there that love you and want you around.
Speaker: So just be you.
Speaker: Be you.
Speaker: find yourself and stand in that, stand in your truth.
Speaker: And happy Mother's Day to all of you beautiful women out there.
Speaker: And thank you for tuning in to our podcast as well.
Speaker: Peace, love, and light.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: And if you are fortunate enough to have your mother still here on earth, make sure you call your mother, send your mother some flowers, take your mom out to dinner, buy her a gift, shower her with love.
Speaker: Make sure you show love to any mother or mother figure that's in your life.
Speaker: Motherhood looks different for everybody.
Speaker: Bonus moms, stepmoms.
Speaker: Mentors that are like mothers, mothers in your church, mothers in your community, the woman next door who's very motherly.
Speaker: Let's let's be nice, extra nice to our to our mothers this weekend.
Speaker: And yes, thank you so much for joining us on this episode as we try to compress so much of motherhood into 45 minutes.
Speaker: We will continue to touch on mental health for the next two weeks in May.
Speaker: So be sure to stay tuned.
Speaker: We still have our giveaway going, like I said in the beginning.
Speaker: So tap in with us on Facebook to make sure that you enter.
Speaker: We will be pulling at the end of the month.
Speaker: This is our second giveaway that we're doing.
Speaker: We again are highlighting Kiana Sky Speaks.
Speaker: I will also link her social media in the description so y'all can follow her as well.
Speaker: She's a wonderful woman advocate for people in general and mental health.
Speaker: So be sure y'all tap in with her and much peace, love and light to all y'all.
Speaker: We'll catch you next time.
