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Episode 2: Emotions at Work!?
94 Plays1 year ago
In episode two of the 'Manage with Meaning' podcast, hosts Courtney and Susie dive into the tricky topic of emotions at work. They start with the idea that 'the emotions you evoke are the culture you create' and discuss how important it is for managers to stay emotionally consistent. They chat about using tools like the emotions wheel to understand and manage feelings, and share their own experiences with workplace emotions—both good and bad. The episode also touches on serious topics like handling employees' emotional struggles and knowing what resources are available for support. They wrap it up with some great book recommendations and tips for fostering a positive vibe at work. It's a real talk about how emotions play into making a good work culture.
Follow us on Instagram at @manage_with_meaning and learn more at managemeantexcellence.com
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Transcript
Introduction to Emotions in the Workplace
00:00:12
Speaker
All right. Hi, Courtney. Hi, CZ. Hi, everyone. Welcome to the Managed with Meaning podcast, episode two. Today we are going to talk about emotions in the workplace. The big no-no, right? We don't talk about this. I know, right? Yeah. And it only took us to, what, episode two together?
00:00:31
Speaker
Yeah. I mean, so they underlie pretty much everything that's happening, but we just kind of sweep it into the rug. Emotions, emotions, right? Awesome. All right. Well, why don't we go ahead and dive in? We were talking about what to talk about, you know, what we wanted to cover today. There's something that I've seen you post that I think is a really compelling statement and I wanted to ask you about it. So the statement is the emotions you evoke are the culture you create.
00:01:01
Speaker
And I was thinking we could start with that and just have you kind of walk through what does that mean and use that as a starting point to just talk. Yeah, I don't want to downplay all of the factors that go into culture and the way that an organization looks and a team functions. But I think that we so often overlook the role of motions play our own and others in our every day.
00:01:27
Speaker
Um, life at work and there's actually this made me
The Role of Emotions in Workplace Culture
00:01:30
Speaker
think of it. So it's just like, so I don't know if you've ever read this book. No hard feelings.
00:01:37
Speaker
No, I haven't, but you keep talking about it. But you have seen, like everyone has probably seen, like you've seen these on LinkedIn, like these little posts that kind of simplify really complex ideas. But when I started reading this, there was a quote in there that said, in one research study, and I'll have to look up the numbers to share that, but it was saying like, a majority of people had said they would rather break up with a partner than have a difficult conversation, an emotional conversation at work.
00:02:06
Speaker
That's like so enlightening to me just that simple sentence because we avoid it so much so the emotions you evoke or the culture you create whether you're believe you're directly emotional or not you're showing up in a certain way and so if you're coming into work one day you're really happy and the next day you're really really pissed off and people that like know to avoid you just by the way that you open the door or you enter the building or you are just
00:02:31
Speaker
you know, calm and encouraging and people know they can come to you with questions. You're creating a culture based on the emotions you're putting out every day and if you're one of those managers who are showing up and you're one day really happy and one day really, you know, intense and angry and everything's setting you off, you're creating, you're setting off into this emotions of uncertainty and
00:02:56
Speaker
I like to post the emotions wheel with that quote because when I was a psychology major and then, you know, in some events in my past relationships, I've had to use this emotion wheel to explain how I feel. And it gives you just this variety of ways to really dig down to the root, whether it's fear or excitement, whether it's
00:03:17
Speaker
Shame, anxiety, frustration.
Tools for Emotional Understanding and Team Building
00:03:21
Speaker
So for folks who haven't, don't know what an emotions wheel is, can you describe it for people listening only? Since we have some people who might only be listening. Yeah. So the emotions wheel, it kind of starts out with the center being a really high level word, like fear.
00:03:39
Speaker
I feel fear or happy, or I feel happy, but there's so much depth within that. So, you know, what is associated with fear? And I'm looking at it here. So, like, oftentimes there's an insecurity, a feeling of insecurity. I don't know if I'm capable. I'm nervous. I feel panic. That's a really common one associated with fear.
00:04:00
Speaker
And when we look at, in that example I was giving, when people are up and down in their emotions, you might hear your employees say those type of words to you, anxious, nervous, fear. And you can really start to like hone in on that feeling so you know kind of their mood or what might be driving it. And so really paying attention to the different words that people are saying.
00:04:24
Speaker
But it helps you kind of get to the broader conversation or the broader feeling and it kind of takes, I don't even know the best way to describe it. Yeah. So like strength is like one activity I was doing one time.
00:04:40
Speaker
with a new manager. I was coaching and she's like, I want to build a really strong team. And we actually use the emotion we were talking about, like, well, what does a strong team look like to you? Like, how do people show up? What do they feel on a team, a strong team with you? And this is really great because we were able to get into kind of those like multiple layers. And, you know, she said like, well, when
00:05:02
Speaker
they're proud of what they're doing. They're proud to come to me and say, look at this problem I solved or look at this thing that I achieved. Like pride is a good example for me on the emotions wheel or determined, empowered, motivated. Those are like the emotions that are the root to that feeling, that strong feeling. That's what she wants them to feel, strong. I want my team to be a strong culture. And so you can start to think, what are the things that I can do if I really pull out what emotions
00:05:31
Speaker
our underlying strength or underlying that feeling of that strong team. I can look at, oh, empowerment is one of those words that's associated. So I as a manager can commit to showing up in a way that makes people feel
00:05:46
Speaker
empowered and I'm evoking that emotion and I'm showing up in a consistent way because I'm rooted in wanting them to feel strong.
The Importance of Acknowledging Emotions in Management
00:05:54
Speaker
Does that make sense? Totally, yeah. I think the emotion wheel, so if I play that back, it's a tool to help you get more granular with the emotions.
00:06:06
Speaker
Right. So to say like, okay, rather than feel happy, it's like, oh, I actually feel pride. Um, and it's, you can then focus, you know, more specifically on actions to generate more specific emotions. I have a very funny story about the emotions wheel. I had never heard of an emotions wheel until, I don't know, a couple of years ago, I was on a date with a guy who was
00:06:29
Speaker
Not to be stereotypical, but he was an engineer and he was like a very logical person. And he was describing how he had, you know, we'd both gotten done some therapy and we'd done some work and we were just kind of comparing notes and not actual notes until actual notes.
00:06:50
Speaker
I was like, yeah, you know, we're just kind of talking about our stories, right? What had gotten us to that point in our lives and we're talking about like therapy, and he was like, yeah, you know, and I got my feelings wheel. And I was like, I'm sorry. And he was like, you've never heard of the feelings wheel? And so he pulls up.
00:07:08
Speaker
on his phone, a one note, like his personal one note. And he had a picture of his feelings wheel. And he's like, this thing is great. I look at it all the time. I mean, I feel like, you know, maybe a little intense for an early date or maybe not. I don't know if that's the foundation. First day feeling so safe here. Right. No, it was great. I mean, it was awesome. But he said that it was so helpful for him because he is such like a logical kind of person.
00:07:37
Speaker
Um, and I tend to be this way too, where I'm like, I try to think my way out of anything. And so I have to really be like, okay, wait, like, what am I actually feeling? Like, what is going on? And so having a tool like a fillings wheel and for him, and then now for me, I'm like, Oh, feelings, feelings, these are awesome.
00:07:55
Speaker
can help you be like, wait, go down the path of like, this is what is actually going on. And here's what actually caused it. So many good ways to get to that root cause using this and having it maybe as a picture on your phone as a manager or having it in your back pocket, literally or figuratively. Yeah. Yeah. But I think it is interesting because feelings are taboo, right? Like people assume.
00:08:20
Speaker
you check your feelings at the door and you come and do your work. And then they're not infiltrating everything that's happening around you, but they are there all the time. And I'm sure, I mean, you've managed so many people and I know you've seen the feelings that you just can't take care of. Do feelings have a place in the workplace? I think they absolutely have a place in the workplace. And I think we've just normalized
00:08:49
Speaker
certain feelings and we have a lot of discomfort or normalize the way we express feelings maybe.
00:08:57
Speaker
more so and so when I think of that I think of the way I express my feelings and I am going to default to probably being the crier at some point for because I'm either happy or I'm overwhelmed or I'm sad like we can go through our wheel and like kind of talk about like what feeling it actually is but the way I express it is often going to be in tears and I think that is
00:09:22
Speaker
kind of frowned upon in the corporate world. Like I recognize that that's sometimes something that's difficult. The flip side of that is I am extraordinarily comfortable if someone were to cry to me as a manager and
00:09:34
Speaker
engaging with them and recognizing and validating the reality. But we, I think, and I mean, absolutely tell me what you think, but I think we've gotten really used to seeing yelling. We have gotten used to seeing like cutting people off in a conversation. Passive aggression is probably a massive happening in most places. There's feelings underlying why that's happening. We're just not asking that question and we're not getting and having those conversations.
00:10:03
Speaker
What do you think? Do feelings have a place in the workplace?
Managing Emotions for Effective Team Leadership
00:10:07
Speaker
I think that they're just there and acting as if they're not doesn't do us any favors.
00:10:19
Speaker
You can ignore reality or you can figure out how to work with it. And I think for people who don't want to have to deal with it, I get it. It's messy. And there are times when I'm like, oh my God, can we just get some shit done? Yeah.
00:10:35
Speaker
The reality though is that those emotions, they either accelerate or they get in the way of getting the work done. Whether you want to act like they're there or not, they are. I think part of being a manager is you deal with the reality of managing human beings. That is a part of
00:10:58
Speaker
Leading people and that they're they they do they are not machines. They do not show up Sans emotion and trying to bleach that out of them are trying to say This is not you're not allowed to have them kills safety kills psychological safety and that kills Problem-solving innovation efficiency all the stuff that makes a high-performing team so I feel like
00:11:23
Speaker
What it's almost like people are afraid though that if you start addressing emotions in the workplace, it's just going to turn into this free for all. Yeah. Right. Yeah. All we do is like, all we do is emote. We never do anything else. I know.
00:11:40
Speaker
I see that all the time when I see conversations around empathy and being able to walk in somebody else's shoes and recognize the reality they're bringing in to work with them. And I hear this a lot like, you know, work is not a therapy session. Save it for your therapist or like, check it out the door. A lot of that.
00:11:58
Speaker
mentality shows up every day. It's still very real, but I think empathy is not therapy. It's just stopping and recognizing that in order to move forward, we have to see the human for the human that they are. You can't check anything at work, and it's such a quicker path to getting the work done, to driving things forward, to take a moment
00:12:21
Speaker
work through it and it really does get easier too. Like people integrate it once they've gotten comfortable with it but that's one of the things we'll talk about is just shit that nobody tells you as a manager and it can become this like big scary thing of like what if they want to tell me about like the issue their kids having or what if they want to tell me about their divorce or what if they want to tell me that they lost someone. I don't know how to react to that and I think
00:12:46
Speaker
we spend a lot of time in there or in that space or what if they cry? What do I do if they cry? I'm uncomfortable with that and so I think it's just some shit that we don't talk about that there are strategies and tactics for that can get a lot easier. Yeah, it's totally and like you said, I think there's this fear that like
00:13:08
Speaker
If I open this can of worms, then again, like you said, save it for therapy. I remember this was, I don't know, when I went through my coaching certification program, which was like a long time ago now, it feels like they teach the skill. It's essentially an empathy skill, but they call it acknowledge and validate. And it's almost formulaic, but it's, you know, you tell me something hard. I play it back to you and like, Oh, your,
00:13:38
Speaker
Your manager didn't set clear expectations, and then they got mad at you when you worked really hard on something, and then it wasn't what they wanted, but they hadn't told you. And you're like, yeah. And I'm like, that must be so frustrating.
00:13:53
Speaker
Yes, it is frustrating. Thank you. And that's all it takes for you to be like, she sees me and I can move on now. But if I were to say like, yeah, well, I mean, she's your boss. You got to keep going. Or if I didn't take two seconds to acknowledge and validate and be like, yeah, that makes sense that you'd be frustrated. You're going to keep fighting me until I get it.
00:14:23
Speaker
or until you're convinced that I'm not going to get it and you're going to walk away feeling unseen, pissed off, hurt. It's going to break trust in our relationship, right? Resentment will start to build. Yeah, exactly. But I think people are afraid that if you acknowledge and validate where someone's at, and we talked about this when we learned the skill because some people are like, oh my gosh, I'm just going to like, what if I don't think they should be feeling that way? It doesn't matter if you think they should be feeling that way.
00:14:52
Speaker
They do. They do that way. It's just the reality. And so even if you wouldn't feel that way, they feel that way. And the fastest path, if you want to help them move forward, is to acknowledge that that's why they feel and that their feeling is valid because it's their feeling.
00:15:09
Speaker
And people think it'll be the opposite, that if they validate it, then they're going to just open the floodgates of people just never getting out of it. But the inverse is true, that when you say, hey, I see you, I see what you're going through, it makes sense for you, given you, your context, the situation, makes sense if you feel that way.
00:15:31
Speaker
That allows people to breathe and be like, oh, okay. I don't have to keep convincing this person that my feelings are valid. They see me, they get it. And now I'm much more open to moving forward. And I think that's just such a... I don't know. Like I said, I learned that. I mean, that was a skill that I learned and I was like, oh, shoot, that's really helpful. I should practice that. And I do.
00:15:55
Speaker
You do an amazing job at it actually. Anytime I have a challenge and I need to share it with you. That validation though, it really does. You kind of go from this low low to like, all right, no, I feel kind of like I bounced back up because you saw me and I can keep going. Yeah.
00:16:14
Speaker
And I just needed to be heard. And I do think there's always going to be outliers, right? You will have that employee who spins on emotions and really gets stuck on really dealing with some hard stuff in their life and need a different path. And I think when we, when we say the stuff we don't talk about is just recognizing the reality of the amount of emotions that are going to come in.
00:16:39
Speaker
for managing people in general, but also where do you hand off to internal resources or to help them access their benefits or to point them to a different resource? And I think if we could just put managers to understand that spectrum of emotions and also help them understand the internal resources of the organization to point that person to and how to navigate those conversations.
00:17:01
Speaker
I think a lot of the fear of the emotion would go away too. What if I get in over my head? What if I'm like, oh my God, this person is really struggling. I'm concerned about them. I don't know what to do. This goes beyond my basic emotional training. What do you do? Courtney, could you maybe give me an example of if I'm your employee, I come to you and you are like, whoa, I am very concerned for this person's mental health.
00:17:26
Speaker
How do you, well, like, what do you say to that person in that moment? You know, just as an example, I'm sure there's lots of different factors to that, but I think the first thing, and this is always hard to do, so we can, I'm going to speak in an ideal world and that's hard because we don't live in an ideal world, but let's just act like we do for a moment. When you're first becoming a manager, you need to understand
00:17:51
Speaker
what benefits exist within your company, too. And I know there have been times in my career where I have had access to a certain amount of calls with a therapist, or what is the path to taking a leave of absence look like, or what exists? What are the resources? So knowing that
00:18:13
Speaker
And then I think when you get into that spin cycle or someone's really down, it is okay to say, Susie, I can see that you're having a really hard time.
00:18:22
Speaker
I personally don't know how to help you right here, but I know I want to help you. And the first step to doing that is I want to talk to you about the benefits that you have. And I want you to consider using them, but also in a safe way. And this is always where I'm saying ideal world because HR is not always a safe place, but enough hopes that it is in your company. It is. That's the right time to make that handoff for how the conversation is safe.
00:18:49
Speaker
you know, so and so in HR is going to be able to walk you through how do you access this? What does a path to taking a leap of absence look like? Is that something you might be more interested in doing? Because there are going to be times when somebody could just move forward. And I don't think we had quit managers for that into some things that can be really like somebody continuing to make it worse for that individual really hurting their mental health, or
00:19:16
Speaker
getting into legal and compliance issues, which does matter in these situations and understanding kind of what that brand looks like and starting to have a plan of action for it. For sure. Yeah, so I think a couple of things, like you said, coming into a management role first, understanding, and I would say also for yourself, right? What resources are available for you? What resources are available for your team so that when the situation arises, you know, you know. Also, yeah, like you said,
00:19:45
Speaker
Ideal world, it's not always the case, but hopefully you do have a good HR business partner or someone you can connect with if you are having a situation like I would like to be able to point my employee to some resources. What's available? What's the best path for them? They can help you with that. I do think, like you said, I think that was a really great example of like.
00:20:04
Speaker
Naming, I can see you're struggling. I want to help you. I, this is beyond what I'm able to do, but I want to support you and getting you connected with. Someone who can, and I think just naming it and keeping it. That's a pretty simple thing, right? And, but that's that's a hard thing to say. And so I think even just having an example, like, you just gave us really, really.
00:20:29
Speaker
important. I want to, I want to get back a little bit more to culture because something that you said, just kind of coming back to your initial explanation of, you know, the emotions you evoke or the culture you create being, you talked about
00:20:46
Speaker
you know, the emotions that you personally bring, the energy that you are personally bringing with you and what that creates. And you touched on something super important, which I think is consistency and, you know, predictability. As human beings, you know, from the time we're like little kids, like babies, you know, consistency is really important. Unpredictability, safety is the foundation of safety. Yeah. So, you know, we talk about regulation.
00:21:15
Speaker
as managers, one of our number one jobs is regulating ourselves because that's what creates a lot of safety or lack of safety if we're not regulating for our teams. I don't know that a lot of people think about like, I'm a manager. One of my most important jobs is my own emotional regulations. Yes.
00:21:39
Speaker
And it's, I mean, it's people, it's so layered, right? And I think it would be great for people to take our class because we talk about all the nuances that go into that, right? Like there's the hierarchy to high performance starts with that psychological safety, right? And creating a space of vulnerability and empathy, but also integrating radical transparency and, you know, just being comfortable sharing
00:22:03
Speaker
What comes to mind is like, when you need to emotionally regulate being comfortable telling people, I can't have that conversation right now because I might not show up the way that I would not do for you. So let's have it later. Or just the tactics, what does it look like to be emotionally aware and emotional intelligence? And how does that play into your role as a people manager? And I think
00:22:26
Speaker
When you hear the four stories of having a toxic boss or people who are really struggling with their mental health because of their job, it's usually going to fall in the category of that fear, right? That discomfort. I don't know.
00:22:41
Speaker
if my boss is gonna advocate for me in my career path. I don't know if they're gonna yell at me because I fucked up. I don't know if I'm gonna get fired next week because my boss sent me this ominous meeting invite on my calendar with no details and I'm gonna worry about it for a week. Or my boss just randomly yells at us because they're pissed off about their personal life and they bring it into work. And all those facets that start to come into play
00:23:10
Speaker
I think one thing we talked about in the course too is setting your management intention. How do you want to show up? And that goes back to the motion wheel. What is the foundation of the culture you want to create on your team? And for a whole nother episode, I believe you can create a culture on your team regardless of the company culture. You do have some tactics you can hold on to foster a culture, but looking at defining what is
00:23:35
Speaker
What is my intention as a manager? Who do I wanna be? How do I show up? And how do emotions and my own emotions and regulations play into that? Yeah, totally. And I think it can take so many different forms, right? Like the emotions, something that I know I've struggled with over the years and have to be really careful of when I'm, you know, when I'm managing people, especially when I'm managing people.
Regulating Personal and Team Emotions
00:24:00
Speaker
I have to be careful of this period for my own wellness, but I tend to project this onto my teams when I'm managing people is like my own personal stress level. And I'd say it's more subtle than some of these bigger emotions, but I think it's really insidious and really common. But I know for me, when my stress level is really high,
00:24:23
Speaker
then I start to project that onto my team. And that actually causes me to micromanage more, to do all the things that I know don't make me an effective manager. And it's usually because I personally am feeling really anxious.
00:24:42
Speaker
And, you know, early, early in my, like one of my first management roles. I mean, it was like, we should, we should do an episode where we're like our biggest management podcast, because this would qualify where I actually had like a peer of mine had to like initiate and, um,
00:25:04
Speaker
Uh, what's mitigate? Yeah, or mediate mediate mediate. You have like a mediation session with me. 1 of my own employees. I'm so embarrassing because I think such a monster to my own team and they were so stressed.
00:25:18
Speaker
But it was because I had so much fear. I was operating from such a place of fear and insecurity to get more granular in our feelings. So for me, I have to be really conscious of regulating my own anxiety, because I kind of tend anxious anyway as a person, and how that can show up in
00:25:42
Speaker
not just the emotions I'm projecting, but how I actually go about tactically managing people because I start to kind of dip into ineffective tactics at that point. So that, I think that that can take just all these different forms. So I think a big piece of this is like our own regulation that we bring to the table. But the other part of culture also is like what you're hearing from people. And I know you've talked about that too, is like, if you're hearing your people, maybe it's not because of you,
00:26:10
Speaker
but it could be for other factors. If you're hearing people regularly bring up any number of things on that feelings wheel, that is an indication of the culture that either you are creating or that you're allowing to be created. Let's talk a little bit more about that and about the listening and what you're picking up on as a manager when it comes to these emotion words.
00:26:38
Speaker
Oh, what some of that triggered for me too is your own emotional awareness.
00:26:43
Speaker
but just general awareness as well. So yes, paying attention to, I know Susie or Courtney, because it's true for me too, tend to just generally have a little bit more anxiety. That's kind of their base. So they might express concern as a common theme, but they're high performers and they speak up and they're willing to share concerns or things like that. And you're noticing over time, these two people,
00:27:13
Speaker
Who usually are very vocal and talkative and willing to engage. Aren't doing that anymore and that's going away and now you're starting to see. Um, other people in team meetings, not speak up and your team meetings used to be talking and now they're kind of quiet and you're you're just like, something feels.
00:27:32
Speaker
Off and paying attention to when you try to ask those questions, what are the themes are people consistently saying things? Like, I feel a little nervous to speak up in meetings, or I'm scared of the reaction that I might get. And are there those those commonalities and that shift from the normal? Because now it's a recurring and a common problem and.
00:27:52
Speaker
That might truly be the reality of the culture on your team is you've unintentionally or intentionally invited just, um, you know, not paying enough attention. Fostered and created an environment where people are scared and that's the emotions that have been evoked. And now that's the culture because it's been a long enough time and it started to become normal. And so paying attention.
00:28:17
Speaker
to that. And I noticed, you know, like you said, our greatest lessons kind of come from the biggest challenges that we've had. And I think there are times that even the greatest and most well-intentioned people managers and who have a track record of success, there are still times that I don't think they should be managing people because of the reality of what's going on. But that's not how the world works. So that emotional regulation is critical. But I know for me, there have been many times in the early part of my people management
00:28:47
Speaker
where if I just didn't know how to handle something or I was overwhelmed I could get kind of snippy and kind of short and why is it not done or let's just go just we've answered this question so many times and starting to recognize like that's just creating a culture where more mistakes are happening or people don't want to ask me a question because they might get a short snippy answer and I learned that when that feeling of overwhelm starts to creep in I can start to change the way that I'm showing up because I
00:29:13
Speaker
I want to move things forward or get going or I'm tired of explaining and I've learned over time too that that is something I need to manage because they need something different.
00:29:26
Speaker
So much work. That's a lot of work. It's a lot of work. It's so exhausting to even just identify. So hard to say, what do I need to show up and manage my own emotions? So much work to be healthy. Yeah. Well, and you know, so I think sometimes you see this and you can observe it over time with a team that maybe you've with, you're with. Sometimes you start with a new team. Maybe you inherit a team or you take over, you move into a new role, a new management role.
00:29:52
Speaker
I think what you just said I think is really important because people often don't name their emotions quite that clearly, right? Especially given what we kind of talked about earlier about, it's not very commonly accepted for people to be like, I am personally feeling overwhelmed and shame about it. So how do you watch, watching for those behavioral cues around emotions? Are people speaking up in meetings? What's the tone?
00:30:21
Speaker
If you can see them on camera or if you are in person watching body language, if they never go on camera, that could be another indicator. Are they responding to emails? What's the tone? I think just being attuned to picking up on some of these vibes that might not be expressed so explicitly and then being able to ask. When I think about some
00:30:51
Speaker
Teams that I've moved into a management role that like were maybe struggling and there are a lot of intense emotions or difficult emotions happening, you know, oftentimes there was.
00:31:06
Speaker
like an undercurrent of frustration and pissed off-edness. And a lot of times, at least in my experience, a lot of times that comes from people not being supported and having any air cover from their manager. And I noticed that through a lot of skepticism
00:31:27
Speaker
And so, you know, again, they don't name that emotion. They're not like, I'm feeling skeptical. They say, well, there's no point in even trying. Like no one's ever going to do that or yeah. Like good luck with that, you know, stuff like that. So you can kind of observe and then doing some probing to say like, Hey, I noticed this. Like, can you tell me more about that? And especially if you're in the position to be of a new manager, you can, you can start to ask some of those probing questions.
00:31:53
Speaker
But in, I don't know, in my experience, again, sometimes you don't create it. Sometimes it's created by external factors or how other people treat the team or, you know, just factors beyond what you, how you as a manager show up. However, as a manager, this is again, why it's so hard. Part of your job is to still.
00:32:17
Speaker
Do what you can to create and protect the culture for your team to the degree that you can. And I think, you know, something that a lot of managers struggle with is like, what if it's.
00:32:36
Speaker
out of my control. It's not me, it's other people, all these other people coming at my team, talking about my team, trying to get my team to do this. And like, that's your job to go talk to that weeder, right? And there's this quote that I think about a lot with my kids. And I think it applies. Like I hear a lot like, it's your job to protect your kids from your own storm or from, you know, the greater storm. And I think about that too. Like it's kind of your job as a manager to protect your team from the bigger storms in the business.
00:33:05
Speaker
and really show up for them in that way. I just picture like, you know, an umbrella kind of trying to cover them from all of the chaos that can come at them. And to your point, like other people, managers are the functional challenges that you have to engage with. Or maybe it's safe for me to come talk to you as my manager about my emotions or the struggles or the challenges that I'm having. But that safety doesn't exist broader than this team. And
00:33:32
Speaker
You know, how do we navigate and manage that? Totally. Yeah, yeah, totally. It's just, it's a different ballgame, right? But it's, you still have a responsibility for addressing the root cause of the emotion, even if you personally are not the root cause of the emotion.
Emotions as Data Points for High Performance
00:33:49
Speaker
And some of that also might be naming like, I know this is really frustrating. Some of this is frustration that we collectively are going to have to live with. Let's figure out how do we protect ourselves from whatever is causing it as much as possible. And, you know, that's it.
00:34:06
Speaker
Sorry, I'm getting my dog is coughing. But, you know, so, you know, and some of it is like, you're not going to be able to bleach out all frustration, all pain, all, you know, all that. But again, as a manager, being like, well, it sucks that it's frustrating. That's acting as if it doesn't exist or not taking it as a really important cue of something that you can be going and doing to help improve
00:34:33
Speaker
Um, the lives of the people on your team and the work and the quality of work of the people on your team, you know, again, emotions are like really important data points. And I think for people who are like emotions in the workplace, uh, thinking of them as that, you know, if you really want to drive high performance.
00:34:53
Speaker
You cannot ignore the data that the emotions. Provide and so if that's more interesting for people, then like where people and we have feelings and like, you know, take care of them and I think that's such an important point. Like you and I.
00:35:09
Speaker
And I don't want anyone to get the wrong impression. Like we are extremely comfortable with emotions, but we get that that's not the reality in the majority of workplaces, right? So even just the incremental improvement in this space can go, you know, so far for people, performance, wellbeing, all of those components that are so critical.
00:35:30
Speaker
And help reduce some of the managers anxiety, because you're going to be the source of the emotion at some point too. You're going to have to have a difficult conversation or you're going to have to communicate really tough news. I always like to think too, if you can equip yourself with the strategies to be able to do that and do it in a safe way.
00:35:50
Speaker
you're gonna reduce your anxiety about those eventually having to happen, but also the negative impact that you have on other people. And I always, as the people manager, I would say, like, someone told me like, kind is clear and clear is kind. So that's what I thought about when I delivered that tough news, but like turned it into just like a little kind of memory trick. So like, to be kind is to be clear. So communicate face to face whenever possible, because you can pick up on those cues. You can pick up on the reactions.
00:36:19
Speaker
Um, that people have, if you have to deliver tough news that, you know, is going to evoke some tough emotions, lead with the punchline. Don't, you know, don't bring them along for too long. And then you need to evaluate people's ability to hear more. Can they continue this conversations or have the emotions taken over and it's not going to be productive to keep going. And if that's the answer.
00:36:42
Speaker
You need to stop and you need to come back at another time and say, I recognize this is hard for you. And I validate that don't make them support you because you feel bad. You're making them just stop. Yeah. Oh, yes. Right. And then. If they want to continue approach the conversation with continued empathy.
00:37:01
Speaker
And then reevaluate expectations and your path forward and if you can kind of equip your mindset with that's that's what I need to do and I've built in this barrier for the emotions to die down. That can help too and I think that's what I mean right so just a grand old improvements of just recognizing their existence and that either way you show up matters and the way you're going to.
00:37:22
Speaker
you know, be a force for either good or bad emotions of your employees. It's just, I think that could change business for the better in so many ways. For sure. Yeah. We spent a lot of time talking about kind of the more difficult emotions, but just quickly, you know, there's a lot of research
00:37:41
Speaker
around positive emotions and the outcomes that positive emotions create. And there's one of my favorite positive psychology theories. There's a psychologist her name is Barbara Fredrickson. And she talks, it's called the broaden and build theory of positive emotion. And it essentially is like, she said, he's like, why do we have positive emotions? Why did we evolve to have them or what's purpose do they serve? And essentially positive emotions,
00:38:10
Speaker
broad in our perspective. Literally, they've done studies where you physically see more, you can take in more detail in your environment, but also mentally and cognitively, you have more expansive thinking when you're engaged in a positive emotion. That's a broadened part, and then there's the build. Positive emotions build resources that help us be more resilient through the inevitable challenges.
00:38:38
Speaker
And I think there's so much opportunity to intentionally create more positive emotion in the workplace. Because if you think about, again, problem solving, doing creative work, right? And like today's day and age, we need people who are thinking in new ways, right? That's so much of the demands on us and our teams.
00:39:00
Speaker
cultivating like positive emotions actually like prepares our brains to do that more and so not only is there benefit to mitigating and like working through and managing some of these more difficult emotions there's also a lot to be had in intentionally cultivating that and that's probably another whole episode that we could tell
00:39:21
Speaker
I love that. How do you do that? Yeah. And I just love that mindset shift too is, you know, how do I prepare myself to manage the hard feelings and work through the tough stuff and all of that. But also, how do I just think about creating positive moments for other people for generating that positive feeling?
00:39:40
Speaker
So why don't we maybe end with a couple of our favorite resources around some of it? We've talked about a lot, right? We've covered a lot around emotions, emotional intelligence, emotional regulation. Couple of your favorite resources on the topic and I'll share a couple of mine.
00:39:56
Speaker
Yeah, well, 1st, I think this book, no hard feelings, the secret power of embracing emotions at work is just. Really helpful to kind of break down the complexity of emotions and how they show up and who's the author of that Liz Folsom and Molly West. Jeffy sound cool. Awesome. You've probably if you're in like, on LinkedIn, you've probably seen their imagery all over the place. Anything emotional intelligence. Really? I feel like this is such a.
00:40:19
Speaker
Kind of basic business answer and I know you and I have both read emotional intelligence to right now, but I think that that is is a helpful foundational understanding of what does it mean to be emotionally aware, emotionally intelligent and start to integrate.
00:40:34
Speaker
That into your work, so I think those are probably. 2 areas that I would start. What about you? Yeah, I was going to recommend emotional intelligence 2.0. There's a really helpful quiz in that 1 2 that you can do. To just get kind of a baseline.
00:40:51
Speaker
If people are really academic, emotional intelligence by Daniel Goldman is kind of like the very, very deep dive on that. I actually had a boss give me that. But currently in my career and was like, I think this is going to help you.
00:41:09
Speaker
because I had such a hard time regulating and he could tell. I mean, and it was, it was, you know, I'm good for him. Thank you. Um, tap manager, you know, because I needed that, right? I needed a lot of help regulating. So, um, but that's a pretty, that's a pretty deep, that's a lot. Uh, I, I do think, um, a lot of Brene Brown, Brene Brown stuff is awesome around this. She talks a lot about, uh, you know,
00:41:36
Speaker
emotions and kind of how they play into our life. I think Dare to Lead is a really good one around how that kind of applies in the workplace and to leadership. So yeah, and obviously manage, underscore with, underscore meaning. This is a really good resource too. I agree. Take our upcoming course with more details to come about facets and nuances because this is just one tiny little piece of
00:42:04
Speaker
all of their allies and managing people, but it has big impact. Sweet. Well, I'm so glad that we got to dive into emotions. Me too. All right. Talk to you later. Bye. Bye.