Transcript
Speaker: Hello and welcome to Kalerinden, the hireling chronicles.
Speaker: Clarendon is an actual play Dungeons & Dragons podcast in which we will actually play Dungeons & Dragons as a podcast. My name is David Case LeClaire and I will be the narrator and game master for these sessions.
Speaker: Clarendon is a world of magic and adventure. A world of rainy ridges, sun-drenched summits, and partly cloudy cairns.
Speaker: It is a world perpetually beset by the forces of chaos. But every time the darkness returns, epic heroes rise to save the realm. But our story is not about the epic heroes, at least not directly.
Speaker: Our story is about three novice adventurers that have recently agreed to carry the epic heroes' baggage. And joining me as the hearty hirelings, we have Beth Gleason has Lilia Thomas, and every morning I rinse my mouth with a little bit of water and mint, and the mint's easy to get, otherwise it's just water.
Speaker: And Daru Gleason as... Darwinius Gorf Nozzlesnot, this good tip, pay attention. Take two flower of muckwort, tuck into cheeks all day, mouth smell like swamp.
Speaker: Well, keep that in mind. And Dave Sturgis as... I am playing Fredegar, the Furbulg turnip enthusiast. And I wouldn't say that Fred really has a dental hygiene procedure per se, but he does keep a a healthy organic diet and gets that some of that good river water helps take care of your teeth when it's not purple and magic and stuff.
Speaker: All right. Well, we'll see whose teeth come out the cleanest.
Speaker: In our last episode, the hirelings met the epic dwarven adventurer, Topaz Flintflakes, who immediately dragged them out into the Brackenmoors to search for her armor, which she had apparently left in a dryad grove, under unclear circumstances.
Speaker: After a rocky start, the group has camped out on a hill near the grove, with a well-thought-out plan to just kind of wing it in the morning.
Speaker: You hear ah someone yelling but from a distance. Start awake. Wake up! Wake up!
Speaker: Does it sound like the dwarf? Yeah, yeah. It's getting louder. It's coming froming up the hill. Like in the direction that the the grove was? Uh-huh.
Speaker: and Fred, do you realize it's much later than it should be? Like she just didn't wake you up. Yeah.
Speaker: right Fred's going to basically dump off whatever's on on his table and sling it onto his back. You hear the labor breathing as Topaz comes charging up the hill.
Speaker: She gets up to the top of the hill. She is completely out of breath. And um she seems to be wearing knickers and an undershirt. And she bends over, breathing heavy. She's like, all right, all right.
Speaker: Look, ah they're coming this way. And, oh, look, I think they saw me. So there's no time. I'm going to get their attention and I'm going to lead them off.
Speaker: And you three sneak in there. And I need you to get my axe, my armor and my clothes. All right. How did the axe... All right, all right.
Speaker: She's like, all right, all right. she She turns around, and you hear sounds like crinkling, cracking, thumping noises from down below the hill. She turns, and she yells, hey turn my breath.
Speaker: Your mother was a swamp muppet. She turns to snark, she's like, have no offense. You see that right there, that's that's what i was... All right, I'll work on it. She's like running. Very insensitive.
Speaker: Running out of the camp and off to kind of in the northwest direction. As she's running, you hear her yelling some more. says, I'm going to use your twigs for kindling. Off in the distance, you hear, your charisma is a dump stat.
Speaker: Fred sighs deeply. all right, let's get this over with. Zod is looking around for Your spirit is now starting to get alarmed and is like rushing over to you.
Speaker: Yeah, Snot is looking around for for Frog trying to figure out why it didn't alert him or even wake him up with this, you know, yeah with a dwarf sneaking out of camp.
Speaker: Frog kind of shrugs. but You can communicate with Frog, I think. So, yes, Frog is like, well, you didn't tell me that nobody could leave the camp. He said to look at people are coming to the I mean, gotta be more specific, man.
Speaker: This is how Frog thinks, I guess. Right. Well, it's just your opinion, man.
Speaker: and Okay. that but you Frog, go hide. Not is going to dismiss Frog. Okay. Somewhat disappointed in the its guarding abilities.
Speaker: And very quickly try to untie Swift Hoof and make to leave the camp area away from whatever that racket coming our way is. Well, the racket is no longer coming your way. You hear the same ah crackling and thumping. Now it seems to moved off to the northwest in the direction that Topaz was running.
Speaker: So I guess we go down there get her stuff. I suppose so. I'm not very good at sneaking. Well, if we do happen to meet these trees, perhaps I could talk to him.
Speaker: That was going to be my plan tomorrow, but I've learned my lesson. I don't hit trees. It's quite right. Snot will protect Zwithoff. If you want to stay here, Mr. Snot, you can, but we gotta go in there.
Speaker: He looks back and forth between Lillia and Fred.
Speaker: Well, we got ourselves a distraction. let's Let's use it. Go. I'm gonna say that you did sleep long enough that you got a full long rest in. Cool.
Speaker: Zot is going to attempt to explain to Swift Hoof that it should stay here, but it is no longer tied up. Swift Hoof is kind of arching one donkey eyebrow.
Speaker: Actually, Fred can very literally explain to Swift Hoof that we would like her to stay here. Okay, donkey, stay here unless Big Three comes, then run away.
Speaker: And he's going to leave Swift Hoof not tied up. Okay. Yeah, Swifthoof shakes her mane out and gives you this look like I'm the queen of the sage planes, you know.
Speaker: Don't worry about me. Worry about yourself. Swifthoof, stallion of the Cimarron.
Speaker: All right, so the the three of you are heading in the direction of the grove? Sure. Yep. Yep. Because the other two are going, Snot is going to go with them. He's sort of doing his four-legged loping thing.
Speaker: All right, so you're doing the Golem Walk? Sneaky-like. Yeah, he does a little bit of that. That's not creepy. Everybody, do the Golem Walk. All right, so you round the hill ahead of you, the one where you saw before about 100 feet away from the grove.
Speaker: How do you want to approach it? What do to do? Can we take a moment to perceive whether it's still got trees walking around in it? Yeah, anybody who wants to take a look can make a perception check, or ah you could do ah a check with Advantage if people are helping you.
Speaker: Somebody come up here and help me look. You sort of hit your shoulder in point. you see that? I got a 24, so. All right, well, 24 is very good.
Speaker: So you get a pretty clear look at the rove, and also you can see in the dark, which helps. Did we actually see what was coming towards the camp? I mean, I think we can imagine, but.
Speaker: You didn't really look, so I'm going to say no Okay, but we can hear it sort of crashing off in the direction. Yeah, it seemed like multiple things are moving and yeah, multiple large things.
Speaker: So as you look down into the grove, you can see the large tree that was in the center of the grove is still there, but it's not in the center of the grove. It has moved a little towards the north edge of the grove.
Speaker: And you can see it has kind of a mouth, and it's talking, and it's leaning over a small feminine form. So clearly some kind of forest spirit slash dryad is kind of woody.
Speaker: And she's on her knees, this dryad, and she's clutching what looks like Topaz's shirt. Yeah. And there are thick streams of sap coming down from her eyes.
Speaker: And the tree is like sort of shaking its finger at her and making loud noises. Apart from this captivating scene with a 24, you also see that there is one of the tall spindly tree creatures with sharp bits all over it that is patrolling around the outer edge of the clearing.
Speaker: Just because the roll was so high, can I see like armor or an axe or anything? you have a sense where the dwarf might have left those? Yes, I'm going to say yes. The ground is very mossy, there are lots of roots in there. And you can see that the axe and the armor are quite near where the dryad is being yelled at.
Speaker: They're next to one of the trees that appears to be inanimate at the foot, a few feet away from her. So putting this together, does it seem like the dwarf snuck off during the night? do you have some further dalliance with the dry dryad?
Speaker: Is that plausible? Yeah, I mean, I don't know if Snot puts that together, but okay that does seem to be the case, yes. Okay. All right, Snot is pointing wa the armor out. Fred, Lillia's generally hopeless at this sort of stuff.
Speaker: He's come to realize, so. Well, Fred also can't see in the dark, so...
Speaker: We're both pretty good at it. So it's not very helpful, but Snot is insisting that he can see where the dwarves' things are.
Speaker: Can we talk to the dryad? Can we maybe just ask her nicely for Topaz's stuff? Dryad's busy. ah Argue with three. We go fast, take things.
Speaker: Oh, I think I should be able to hopefully talk to both of them. That might be a better solution than going in, you know, swords blazing.
Speaker: I think there's been enough of that already today. Tonight? What time is it now? There are also three guard. It's not points in a direction he probably can't see, but where the tree was walking around, the spiky tree-like thing.
Speaker: Well, perhaps we should ah stay away from him. Seems a little prickly. I'll stay somewhat behind you, Fred, just as a backup.
Speaker: All right. Fred's going to maybe wait for there to not be a guard tree directly in front of him and then just walk towards the middle of the grove. Okay, so you could wait until the guard tree has walked past and is going around.
Speaker: Probably another two minutes or so before he has come back around. So is Snot, Lily's hanging back. Snot, are you also hanging back? No, Snot's going to go up with Fred because he is helping Fred, keeping his eyes on that guard tree and telling Fred when it's gone past.
Speaker: Now, do either of you speak Sylvan? Fred does. Wow. In addition to having speech of East and Leaf, which I guess is for non-speaking things.
Speaker: but it's not reallys it's It's non-specific, so I think it would work no matter what language they're talking. Yeah, well... You can communicate with that. Yeah, bees beasts, plants, and vegetation. Yeah.
Speaker: Snot does not speak Sylvan, but he does speak Druidic. He does know the language of the Druids. I don't know if that's related. I think they're probably similar. You might be able to get a vague sense, but you wouldn't really be able to...
Speaker: understand. you can maybe communicate very simple topics. Snot speaks Dutch, but please speak German. um Okay. All right. So as Fred and Snot bravely walk into this grove... Yeah, that's that's what it is. Snot is not doing it bravely, but he is... okay All right. let's Thank you for the clarification.
Speaker: As you... uneasily sidle into the grove. You feel an instant hush as you get into the trees and you feel faint tingle like this is a place where the fey realm is close to the mortal realm.
Speaker: Not really in the fey realm, but that these things are somehow creatures that are fey related. Hmm. Tree tingle. Are there any, like, giant honeybees?
Speaker: and know No, no No moobies. What do we call them? Bee cows? No bee cows. um No lemur librarians. As you stride into the grove, the large tree who's looming over the dryad stops mid-sentence.
Speaker: You could hear her as you walk up. He's saying, And they are the tree killers. I told you before, you're grounded, young miss.
Speaker: Sort of pauses. Who dares enter the grove? turns to you. He's quite tall, his alarming mouth, his eyes bright green, and his branches reach out like hands with long, slender fingers.
Speaker: Oh boy. Fred clear clears his throat. Uh, excuse me, sir. Uh, very sorry to intrude. I believe there may have been some, uh, debris left behind that we could clear out for you.
Speaker: Debris. As soon as Fred has the tree's attention, Snot is going to scamper over towards any of the dwarf possessions he can see and start loading them into his sack.
Speaker: in a ah sort of boyfriend being thrown out of the apartment kind of fashion. He's trying not to draw attention to himself. Okay.
Speaker: I mean, you're clearly visible, unless you want to... Yeah, he's not trying to do it sneakily, just trying to be like, I'll just get this, we'll be out of your way. Yeah, I understand what your intent is, but the stuff is right near the dryad.
Speaker: As you're running for her, the tree's eyes flick over to you, and you feel the ground burst a little bit around you as roots come rising up out of the ground and wrap around your legs, please make a strength saving throw.
Speaker: Oh dear.
Speaker: Three? ah Let me check. ah No. so You are tangled up in these roots. It's not necessarily hurting you. It's just holding you still.
Speaker: The tree turns back towards Fredegar, and says, his voice shaking a little bit, Tree Tender, why have you brought this one here?
Speaker: uh, well, uh, Mr. Snot is also, uh, a good fellow, I think you'll find. he's just here to help me. They slash and they burn, and they cut down my fellows.
Speaker: Should I crush him? You feel the roots getting tighter around you, Snot. Snot is vigorously shaking his head from side to side. No, no, no, no, no. no I would very much appreciate it if you did not crush Mr. Snot.
Speaker: He's just here to help me get this junk out of your grove.
Speaker: I wouldn't want people to think I have a lot of junk in my grove. Long has it been since the tree tenders have come to our grove.
Speaker: Although when I was a young sapling, i remember them here, guiding the trees.
Speaker: He seems to have kind of favorable feelings towards Fred. Why don't you make a, would you say persuasion check? Yeah. You have advantage. Gonna riz that tree. That's good, because all of Fred's social skills are at plus zero.
Speaker: so Could be worse. so that's a two plus zero is two. a And 18. Okay. oh Snot, you feel the roots relaxing around you.
Speaker: And the tree is prumphs. Prumph of all the things. Collect that creature's metal. Take it from here and tell that one not to return or we will gnash her in our teeth.
Speaker: Crusher, that that the dryad is crying again. Is Snot able to extricate himself or is he still held? Yeah, no, you are free now. You can kind of step out of the roots, retract into the ground.
Speaker: He is starting to shovel possessions into his sack as quickly as possible now, even though it's clattering and making a a racket. Now, how much can you carry?
Speaker: um that's a great question. Let me pass that one over to Fred.
Speaker: Well, Fred, let's carrying capacity is 15 times your strength score. ah okay. And... So that's pretty good for Fred.
Speaker: but that's a surprising amount for... It's not, okay.
Speaker: It's about 285 Dungeons and Dragons weight units. Yeah. All right. So I think it's not even if you had like a 10 or less. The armor is a very reddish metal It's like half plate. It is very heavy.
Speaker: You're able to drag it. The axe is also quite heavy, but you're able to grab the two of those and drag. You see Topaz's woolen skirt is lying on the ground, but the dryad is still clutching at Topaz's floral print shirt.
Speaker: So it doesn't seem like any of this is suitable to actually go into the pack. Is armor in pieces that he can throw into the bag, or it's like a full suit? It's a pretty big set of armor, I think.
Speaker: Well, I mean, Snot's pack is pretty empty with all the food gone, so it would take a little bit of work to cram it in there, but you could probably get it in. Okay. Snot is stuffing it in there with both hands, possibly jumping on it a little bit, just doing everything he can to get in there.
Speaker: ah which Dryad is like sniffing loudly and like little pots of sap are coming out of her nose. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. The large tree is looking at Snot as he's like going through all this stuff, and he's just watching you. And he turns back to Fred, and he's like,
Speaker: How long is this going to take? Even my patience may run low. Fred is going to start helping with grabbing whatever he can.
Speaker: um If he has anything he can wrap around the axe, just to make it look less axe-like, and that's that's probably a very, very ah touchy subject for them. ah I don't, I mean... Like his shirt is a thing he could wrap around the axe.
Speaker: You're to take your shirt off? Sure. Yeah, sure. Okay. Um, what are you doing?
Speaker: Just, uh, just get this out ah out of your, ah Yeah, you can kind of cover the blade up a little bit and pick it up. The tree is giving a very close examination to the table, uh, strapped across your back. Oh, dear. Excuse me, tree tender, but what exactly is that?
Speaker: Fred stops and turns around. Oh, uh, um, uh, that's that's a very, very reasonable question you're asking, sir. Um.
Speaker: Son is now dragging the sack across the ground. Out of the grove? Out of the grove, yes. Yeah, okay. I realize this is in quite poor taste, but it was ah a gift from a friend of mine.
Speaker: who is this friend? A I'm afraid not.
Speaker: Seems to be growing a little suspicious of you. Come closer, tree tender. but takes a deep breath and steps closer. He reaches down with one of his large branches, curls his twigs, I guess.
Speaker: the The ends of the branches kind of curl around you a little bit, and he brings you closer, and he's looking deeply into your eyes, and he's going to make an insight check.
Speaker: Okay. He's like, okay, I trust this was driftwood or some kind of fallen piece.
Speaker: But make no mistake, treat under your kind. Their time has passed. We will not be welcome again. Now leave before I change my mind.
Speaker: Yes, that that's quite fair, sir. Thank you. Snot is very noisily just dragging a sack of little bit. We're just going to scoop up the shirt wrapped axe and maybe try to help Snot with the bag.
Speaker: Okay. Can I see where Lillia is? Like, she I know she stayed a little back, but... Yeah, I mean, if I can help at all without getting too close, I would like to do that. Definitely dragging stuff in her direction. Okay. As Snot is making it out of the grove, you can come over and help him grab the bag. And between the two of you can easily, or you alone, could just pick up the bag and be like, what you know, why are you taking this along? And just carry it pretty easily and move back away from the grove.
Speaker: To be clear, Snot did not spend any time attempting to collect the pieces of clothing. Just the armor. Okay. And Fred seemed like he had the axe. Okay. You got the armor and the axe, so you're just leaving her clothes behind.
Speaker: Well, if anything was on the ground, I think Fred would would have grabbed it, but he's not going to try to take the shirt from the dry hat. Her skirt was on the ground, so you're able to get her woolen skirt, but leave her floral print shirt behind.
Speaker: So be it. oh And is there anything else we can do for you, sir, on the way out? you Just let us know, all right? If you see that infernal tree chopper, I want you to... I don't even know I'm so angry. i will keep her away.
Speaker: very well Strip off all her leaves. yeah Whoa. He turns back to the dryad and he's like, a no I'm not done with you.
Speaker: um All right. As this is happening, the tall spindly one is starting to come around. Yes. I was about to ask. It's looking over at you curiously and it's clearly heard that there's been talking going on.
Speaker: Do you want to say or do anything as it's approaching your position? Fred gives it a casual wave. Sorry, we're just ah we'll be out of your leaves in a second. Just got to get this junk out of here.
Speaker: This one is very tree-like. It doesn't seem to have a face, but it does have legs and limbs. And as you wave at it, the top of its branches like twist a little bit as it's looking around, and it waves back at you.
Speaker: All right, so you have the armor and the axe, and you have escaped the grove. He seems nice. That was very well done. Should have left the table behind.
Speaker: uh, yeah, could have gone worse. So we're dragging this stuff back in the direction of the camp, right? Yeah. Okay. As you get back to the camp, you see Swifthoof standing regally at the top of the hill, watching as you approach.
Speaker: Air blowing in the the breeze. Oh, Swifthoof is supposed to stay out of sight.
Speaker: Swifthoof sniffs and flicks her tail. Sometimes thinks Swifthoof not good listener. She does have the ears for it. So Snot and Lily are basically carrying the bag between them with all this jangly armor.
Speaker: Yeah. Snot is visibly huffing and puffing at this effort. Looking around, is there any sign of Miss Topaz? No.
Speaker: Oh, great. We get armor. Three's killed dwarf.
Speaker: We can wait out the night. And hope she finds her way back.
Speaker: If dwarf not dead, she come back to him. It is still night, but you see the sky is growing lighter in the east. So you sense that at least the false dawn is near.
Speaker: Snott is looking to Fred to get some support for his go the heck home plan.
Speaker: Well, we should at least give her a chance.
Speaker: Or we could take a look around once it gets light. Staying away from the Grove, of course.
Speaker: Alright, so you set back up at camp. Do you want to, don't know, have a breakfast or anything while you're here? Knowing those two boys, yes, they want breakfast.
Speaker: Actually, Snot is basically getting Swiftloof ready to go. Okay. And... You know, just looking nervously around for Topaz to return, ready to go at a moment's notice.
Speaker: He does not seem particularly concerned with getting food. He just wants to get out of there. Wow. I know. i will say after a good maybe 40, 45 minutes since you woke up, the actual Don is arriving.
Speaker: Out here, just so open, you see the sun rising above plains to the east. Just like, well, you know what the sun looks like. Yeah, it's ah it'st got a big smile on its face. Massive incandescent cast. It has two arms that are always holding scoops of raisins for some reason.
Speaker: The sun. Yeah, that's how the sun looks in Clarendon. Miasma of incandescent plasma. Some call it the raisin maker. Yeah. Ancient tribes.
Speaker: Anyway.
Speaker: As you're feeling edgy, like maybe we should just go. What should we do? Topaz does come dragging herself back into the camp. She's very tired and soaked a little bit in sweat. She's like wiping it off her brow. She comes back she's oh, think I lost them.
Speaker: ah Covered in sap.
Speaker: No, she is not covered in sap. yeah I can think she could see the armor. Like, oh, thank goodness. All right. Did you get me ox too? Yes. We did. All right.
Speaker: And, uh, oh, uh, your clothes. Some of them. Some of them. Fred offers her, her woolen skirt and I guess Fred's shirt.
Speaker: All right. She like looks at the shirt, sniffs it and hands it back to you. She's like, I have all right my undershirt. She pulls on the woolen skirt. Uh, ooh. All right. Well, don't know how that happened. Uh,
Speaker: So you got very unhappy with you. Oh, yeah, they're a bit edgy sometimes. All right. Well, excellent job. Yes. Why don't we ah why don't we head back? So ah you've been asked to never return to the grove.
Speaker: I get that a lot, actually. I see. This happened before? Fred seems unsurprised by this. She looks a little sad. She looks back at the grove. She's looking a little glum.
Speaker: You shouldn't let me drink. Noted. Now we know. All right, let's go. Starts trudging to the north, back the way you came.
Speaker: Yeah, the yeah lady Triad did not want to give up the shirt, for what it's worth. All right, we'll let her keep it. Maybe it'll bring her some comfort. I don't know. Why did Triad want to keep shirt?
Speaker: Who could say? These spirits, they've got their own mysterious ways. Fred's side-eyeing the axe and they were complaining about a tree killer.
Speaker: I don't suppose you'd know anything about that. Oh, they just say that of anyone who's got an axe. That's, that is true. Also a saw. If you bring a saw in there, that's, that's real bad.
Speaker: No, don't, don't do that. It's not that they talking about Lily, lady. They didn't see me. yeah I know, which is probably a good thing given your past. Which was a very good thing.
Speaker: Yeah. i don't know. I thought this might have been your moment. Thank you. Like, finally. It's time.
Speaker: Time to show your quality. Hey, I know when I'm not wanted.
Speaker: All right. Unless there's anything you want to do over the next, over the course of the morning and into the afternoon. Got a long way to go. Trudge back into Mud Puddle.
Speaker: Town is alive. You get there late afternoon. Make your way back. to the Adventurers Guild. Snot has gotten a lot more talkative on the way back and is constantly asking Topaz awkward questions about why the tree was mad at her and things like that.
Speaker: Yeah, she just deflects them and and half answers or gives other answers to try and avoid talking about it. But Emerald seems to be improving, too, as she's bantering. Yeah, Fred tries to run some interference there about how that's maybe not not his business.
Speaker: But... Oh, but Big Three was really mad. That he was. They're quite territorial. And they do not like metal, as we've seen. They don't seem so keen on wood, either.
Speaker: Well, I mean, yes, it, uh... You know, I shouldn't have brought my axe with me. That was my mistake. What was I thinking? Trees not like axe. They do not.
Speaker: As you come back to the Adventurer's Guild and presumably go inside, you see Talonvor in his corner. Hood over his head, the candle lit, cloaked in gloom.
Speaker: He looks up. Oh, there you are. Oh. What? Oh, yes, Topaz, I see. Hmm. What exactly have you ah folks been up to? Topaz is like, Not a word, not a word.
Speaker: Oi, I've been taking them out on a bit of a patrol. We're just ah getting the lay of the land. Something like that. Nothing strange. Fred rolls his eyes a little bit, but doesn't say anything. Talonvor coughs and he looks over at Lily.
Speaker: Well, Miss Lee, I don't suppose you want to give a fuller accounting of what exactly your patrol entailed? Domestic dispute. Just minor domestic dispute.
Speaker: Not a big deal. Perfectly well handled. Big three stole dwarf clothes.
Speaker: Fred tries to clear his throat to drown that out. Yes, ah no no harm done. Topaz is stomping on Snot's foot or trying to. Ow! He's like, shh, no, no, no about the tree. No about the tree, no about the clothes.
Speaker: Oh. You do seem a bit, uh, underdressed, Topaz. Um, what? No, this is my new style. Eagle steel shirt. Fred gives, tries to give not a very subtle thumbs up.
Speaker: We, uh, go to watch birds. Big bird come, steel shirt. I see. I don't know understand why they don't take the eagles all the time. They could take all our things.
Speaker: Eagles are quite large and very powerful. Aye. Yes, I've heard that. Let's not talk about eagles. It makes me upset. Fair enough. All right. Whatever the case, look, you're all here. You all look relatively unscathed.
Speaker: I think we need to talk. I am greatly recovered. Thank you very much for everything you did, which I have no recollection of. But I am concerned. Our time may be running out.
Speaker: Aunt Ferniel should be here within a few days, and I don't fully know what she intends. I think we need to understand better what exactly is going on.
Speaker: Now, as you remember, I saw an unusual woman in the swamp fell sick shortly after. Snot was mostly just looking around for food, but when he says that about an unusual woman in the swamp, Snot is suddenly paying attention.
Speaker: I've been talking to people, as has Shannonon, and we understand there's rumors some kind of lady who lives in the swamp. And Snot, I think you've mentioned it before as well. ah swamp Swamp lady is a story.
Speaker: Well, I saw something bit more than a story. but i think it's time for you three, since you have some knowledge of it, to head up there and talk to this Swamp Lady and find out if she knows anything about this.
Speaker: About the Fomor, about the sickness, and so on. You want to go to Swamp Lady? mean, Snot, you seem to know the most about it. Nope. So perhaps you could lead a little expedition.
Speaker: Uh, Snot can take you... the swamp, but not swamp lady.
Speaker: Swamp lady, make believe. Sharnadon is eyeing you closely. Make a deception check.
Speaker: Yeah. Three.
Speaker: Sharnadon is like, eh? Eh? Snout? I do not think this is true. Why do you not want to go to the Snout Lady? Um... To understand it is important. Lily got sick. Talivor got sick. Snot's wringing his hands. Snotlady not like visitors.
Speaker: Ah. So there is a Snotlady. Swamp Lady. ah I mean, you know. I will go with you and protect you. Snotlady not think friends should visit Swamp Lady.
Speaker: Ah, sometimes the hero. They must do the things that we do not want to do. We must go the dangerous place. Oh yes, it is dangerous place. Must find out the important information for the quest.
Speaker: This is the role of a hero. And you are a hero, Snod. You are a hero. Yes. Are you not? Snod is rank six. Six.
Speaker: Not old. Six fingers. Ednes is like, I don't think that's right, Snot. Maybe just one hand. Five. Snot removes the the hand that was holding up from one extra finger.
Speaker: That rank five big hero. Oh. Swamp Lady can be very grouchy. Well, regardless of how grouchy she is.
Speaker: Snot's gonna just, yeah, he's just gonna shrink back and stop arguing, but he looks very uncomfortable. Talonvor stands up and looks at the three of you. Look, I know it's not an easy task, and there certainly seems to be something that Snot is concerned about, this swamp lady.
Speaker: But I fear but can't afford to get sick again. We need to understand. Are you with me? That makes a certain amount sense. And I hope you don't you're not selling yourself short, Mr. Snot. I'm sure you can guide us where we need to go.
Speaker: Fred pats him on the shoulder. Snot is good guide for swamp. He certainly is. Well, Snod, is it better to go in the evening, such as now, or would you prefer to wait till morning? What's the best time?
Speaker: um Definitely should be daytime.
Speaker: Also, bring muffins. All right. We'll see what a friend, Miss Ednis, can do. Buy us with some muffins, or wait.
Speaker: Wasn't there that gnome lived up there? Oh, Brioche. Does Brioche actually live near that area of the swamp? He lives near the swamp, so you would have to go past his artisanal cabin, formerly artisanal cabin, get to the swamp.
Speaker: Yes, that's good idea. Bring gnome. Or bring muffins. All right, well, let's set out first thing in the morning. Now, Snot again, yeah you know the best about this, but maybe Fred or Lily have some input.
Speaker: know I'm available if you want me to go or Sharnan on if for some reason you think that would be helpful. Who do you think would be best suited here? Ah, Sucks looking around the room at everybody.
Speaker: Everybody, everybody go. All right. For some reason, Topaz yells, and my ox, she slams it on the table. fred win Talivor's like, ah nobody asked, that doesn't even follow Topaz. What are you what are you on about?
Speaker: Have you been drinking? Not. How dangerous is this swamp lady? Do you have a lot of experience with her? No. It's not to only your stories, but swamp lady, very grouchy.
Speaker: Very hungry.
Speaker: All right, well, if nobody else wants to interrogate Snod tonight, then I think we can get some food for dinner. Fu has come up with something a little better for dinner. Although Topaz still complains about it, grumbling to herself.
Speaker: And everybody can get another night's sleep, long rest. Hooray! That's the morning. And we put in the requisition for those muffins. Right, okay. Yes.
Speaker: Yeah, we do need to bring the swamp lady a lot of muffins. All right. So I guess Talonvor, Sharnanan, and Topaz are all going to accompany you to the swamp as not requested.
Speaker: And hopefully we can pick up Brioche on the way. As the morning dawns, you head out along the path north of town through the forest. It's a bit of a gloomy day, bit drippy.
Speaker: Perfect swamp weather. And head towards Brioche's cabin. Say brioche is half artisanal, half rustic, reclaimed wood. That's right.
Speaker: After, you know, an hour of walking down the trail, nobody is being feeling quite talkative this morning. Topaz has acquired another shirt from somewhere.
Speaker: What kind of pattern does this shirt have? Well, it honestly is kind of a woolen shirt. It's kind of like a shirt that Ednes was wearing a few days ago.
Speaker: Yeah, Topaz is still looking a little down and Talonvor's a little uneasy. Sharnanon seems relatively cheerful but a little bit muted. She keeps looking at Talonvor and then looking at Topaz like, oh, I hate it when my parents are fighting type of look.
Speaker: Actually, yeah, Fred was looking to talk to Sharnanon if they're with us on this walk. Yeah, Sharnanon would be happy to talk to you and have something other than staring at glum people.
Speaker: So, Master Sharn, whilst we were in the Feywild, in that library, we met a little librarian fella. Ah, yes, Wetnose.
Speaker: He's a little scamp. He does seem to be a bit of a scamp, yes. um Is he trustworthy?
Speaker: oh, I do not think he would lie you, but he would try to trick you.
Speaker: I see. So if he were to offer me something, I probably shouldn't take it. No. Ah, no, I would not take it from Wetnose. Unless it is a book you have ordered.
Speaker: He'll try to tell you he's got exactly what you need. And then when you go to find it, he's like, yeah oh, but now that you have given this, you must stay here for 100 years, that kind of thing.
Speaker: It's very silly. All right. Well, that makes me feel a bit better, I suppose. Oh, I'm glad.
Speaker: As you pass by the cabins, Brioche has prepared large case of muffins for you in like a wicker basket. Oh, we were getting Brioche muffins, no less. Yeah, that's that's that's correct. Brioche Cinnabon.
Speaker: is there any particular type of muffins you wanted? Just an assortment? Are you seriously asking me that? What kind of muffins does the swamp lady like? Oh, swamp lady not the picky.
Speaker: like all muffins. All right, so he's been in a sortment of nut muffins. Yes, turnip muffins. Radish muffins, in case you're feeling cheeky. Gorseberry. Poisonberry.
Speaker: Burberry. Okay, I don't know if it's not realized that there were muffins that were nut turnip muffins, so this is remarkable. Yeah, and he's giving this whole basket over to Talonvor, but he is not going to go with you.
Speaker: Uh, not to bring them on. No, I mean, we... Sok's kind of looking to Talonvor like he's going to somehow change this situation.
Speaker: Talonvor, thanks. Brioche's like, oh, yes. Excellent. These muffins look wonderful. Too bad they're not for us. Well, Mr. Snot, we do have the muffins. We don't need to trouble Mr. Brioche any further, do we? Uh, Snot thing.
Speaker: Swamp Lady would like to meet. No. But, uh...
Speaker: No. No. No trouble.
Speaker: So Brioche says, well, I wish you the best of luck going into the swamp. And he slams the door shut.
Speaker: He seemed a bit. Didn't sound like he meant that.
Speaker: How rude. All right. Well, we did a number on his house last time. yeah, but you fixed it up quite nice. I've heard. I mean, look at it. That's fine. It's an excellent one of the better cabins I've seen, honestly.
Speaker: Which end of it are we looking at right now? The original parts. Not the ah problem area? no, no. The Sidharan pine is still there. yeah i can see this elvish workmanship there.
Speaker: All right. So once more into the swamp. Talonvor looks at Snot. He's like, well, all right, Snot. Time to lead on. Topaz, why don't you take the rear? Sharanan, pay attention.
Speaker: And as the party prepares, with trepidation in their hearts, to head into the most dangerous part of the swamp, the Greygrim Thens, we bring this episode to a close.
Speaker: Thank you for listening to Calarendon, the Ireland Chronicles, and please join us for our next exciting episode.
Speaker: you
Speaker: you
