Transcript
Speaker: Welcome back to season three of the Miscarriage Rebellion. On today's episode of the Miscarriage Rebellion, I have with me Britt and Taz, who were the winners of the block in 2025. Yes, that's right. Thank you for having Thanks so much having It's a really special podcast to be a part of and we're really proud to be part of it too.
Speaker: Thank you. and It's an honour to have you both here. um i reached out to Britain's Haz earlier on this year and because last year they had a really touching conversation around miscarriage on the block, which is not something that we see often. We don't see conversations around pregnancy loss, miscarriage, baby loss very often on national TV, despite the fact that we're now 2026 and this 2025.
Speaker: and this was twenty twenty five It is something that's starting to change, um but it was still something that really warmed my heart to see just how beautifully you acknowledge the loss of your baby girl, Hazel, and how you talked about it and how you brought her into the conversation as well.
Speaker: um I think we'll start with if you can tell us a bit more about your experience of loss and what happened with Hazel. Yeah, so Taz and I um had Carter and at this time Carter was around six months old. Taz was in the academy and he was... Doing weapons training. Doing your weapons training. No, it was a bit before that. So you were in the academy and then we found out we were pregnant yeah again. And at first I think their feelings were, oh, my gosh, I have like, you know, a six, seven-month-old at this time. i was like, oh, my gosh, this is going to be crazy. But you know what? Like...
Speaker: fluttering of feelings, you know, everything runs through your mind and you're like, you know, like this is really exciting. Like this, this, this will be good. You know, we didn't plan to have two these close together, but we'll make it work. And then as soon as you see that positive pregnancy test, right, like you, you start to imagine who they are, who they're going to be, what their names are going to be. Is it going to be a boy? Is going to be a girl?
Speaker: and all these emotions. And during this time as well, we were um engaged and planning our wedding. We had set our date and then I'm like, oh, my gosh, I'm going heavily pregnant at the wedding. Oh, my gosh. And then we're like, all right, what are we going to do? And then at this time as well, this was like peak COVID. So this was 2021. And we just decided, we're like, you know what, let's elope.
Speaker: Let's have it sooner. Let's have something intimate. We didn't know with the borders, all Taz's family are Sydney. So we're like, let's elope. And we decided to yep, elope. And then literally, what was it, a week before the wedding, we found out we had lost our little baby. Yeah, we we had a scan and um doctor called us in. Yeah, probably one of the worst days I've ever had, yeah to be fair. And then he said, um yeah, so sorry that there is just heartbeat for baby Hazel.
Speaker: And it was just a sickening feeling. Like I started to, um ah a bit of, like i was bleeding a little bit and I'm starting to stress out and I'm messaging my mum and messaging everyone. I'm like, is this normal? And they were trying to say, look, it it could be normal, but it also could might not be. So I managed to get in for an ultrasound and they checked me out and they said, yeah, unfortunately there's no no heartbeat. I don't think anyone really expects to hear that right and just completely taken back and, You know, we were by that stage we were 14 weeks. We'd figured out it was a girl and, know, we're about to post it to social media and we'd total our friends and it's just crazy, like the complete opposite to Carter because with Carter we didn't tell anyone we were pregnant until like 12 weeks, I think. Like didn't even tell my mum. And this time around because I thought, you know, my body's been through it, I'll be okay, like i won't have a miscarriage. So we sort of told everyone, to be honest. Or close family and friends. Close and friends, yeah. Because we were like, oh, well, it's just another pregnancy and we can post it to socials later. But it was like seven, eight weeks in, were like, we're we're telling everyone. Yeah, because we're like, you know what mean? Like, um we'll be fine. And then um when we fear found out we lost her, Taz was in the middle of his weapons training and we couldn't even like... Can't take a day off work. or To be fair, work were like unbelievable. And I spoke to a few higher ranking officers and I said, oh, this is just what's happened. um
Speaker: And they just said, go home. Like, just don't be here. Like, you'll make it up. And... um Yeah, nothing's nothing's worse than that um for us anyway. um it it was, yeah, some of the darkest times we've had and couldn't really process it. No, we couldn't do it. We sort of just, to be honest, like we sort of just threw it down because we' we're like we need to, like Taz was at the end of his training. We just needed to get him through and we're like if we, sounds really bad, but if we talk about it right now, it's probably just going to bring up all these extra emotions. So we were like, right, let's. Britt's been through the police academy so she knew how hard it is. knew. how hard Yeah, what he was going through. Not only did Britt have to cope with that, she had to have to cope with me and try to, you know, shield me from it a little bit, which is, ah you know, obviously an amazing woman every day of the week. But to do that was something that I didn't really appreciate at that time either as well. um
Speaker: All while, you know, trying to deal with losing baby girl and... And looking after a small baby as well. Yeah. Yeah. Eight, eight and a half, nine months, or whatever nine months he was at that time. And then we're talking about, oh, what are we doing with the wedding? What are we like, you how do get for that? we do? Do we still go ahead? Like we'll just, all these things are running through our head and we're like, oh, like what do we even do? And like, you know what, we'll still continue with like the elopement because it gave us a little bit of like something positive, I guess, to look forward to and,
Speaker: then we um yeah I think once you graduate the academy that's when we we sat down we're like that's when we'll unpack everything and have like a deep conversation and really talk about it and went down to Albany and we had some time with the family with Carter and that's when we really like spoke about it and yeah it was a really really hard time and I think I think it was a light that we had told a lot of people, to be honest, because then we, when we started to tell people, we, like, we did have a lot of support around us, you know. And I think what was, a lot of my really good friends were great, you know, like, and they were just incredible. Like, they literally just brought food around and snacks and a card and they were like, we're here. Like, whatever you need, we're here. If you want to talk, if you don't want to talk, like, it's okay to not be okay. They said all the right things and they were just beautiful but then you know some people i found just didn't like my mum didn't know what to say she was like oh you know well wasn't meant to be was it and i think that's like word choice what you say in these moments can be so powerful because for us although you know she was only 14 weeks you know that was still 14 weeks of us imagining what our life was going to be like with her we picked a name you know we'd
Speaker: pictured our life with her and then for it to be taken away, it was like losing a child, literally. So it was it was tough. So I think that changed our whole mindset with how we went about talking about it afterwards. And I think just understanding the prevalence of it was what really, and again, as Britt said, like because we told so many people, it made it that a little bit easier to tell everyone we've actually lost our baby girl, even though it's the hardest thing in the world to tell anyone. It made it this a little bit easier. And then we we found out how many people in our close-knit family and friends that have also gone through the same thing. Yeah.
Speaker: And I think it was just something that like it was when when we had when we lost Hazel, one of my other good friends had like literally six weeks before just had a miscarriage as well. So I was fortunate, unfortunate, however you want to to be able to talk to her about it. Because other than that, I didn't know anyone. None of my friends that I'd spoken to had gone through one. So it was we could talk to each other and you know pull each other through it. And then, yeah, literally after we had ours, every single one of our friends and family have had one.
Speaker: And majority of them, I'm going to say 90% of them, didn't tell tell anyone besides us. And I'm like... as you said, it's 2026, people are still not talking about it and it's still that stigma of, well, you shouldn't tell anyone you're pregnant until you're 12 weeks and pass the safe zone. And, you know, like I think bringing it up, talking about it's the best thing because then, you know, if we were in a bad mood, you know, because we're going through all this grief, people know about and people can understand and have empathy and be there to support us instead of being like, oh, these guys are in a shit mood, are they in a shit mood?
Speaker: So I think to have that village around us. and we really And we sort of said, like, we've got the, you know, the platform to to talk about how important it is to talk about it. And that's something we've been really, really vocal on because it's something that we've been through it. um And it's also talking about, yes, you can talk about it, but the other things like...
Speaker: You might not have been through it but a family member or friend have told you they're going through it. Yeah. And it's not all about saying the right thing. Sometimes saying nothing is is just as important, just being there for that person who thinks you're important enough to tell them. um And like said, Brit had family and friends come over and do everything right and then, you know, some people have great intentions to say the wrong thing at the wrong time and you're just like, don't know, that's what people are worried about. Yeah, education. and That's what we preach as well.
Speaker: Yeah, education's key, what to say, what to do, because it is so common, right? And I think also if you touch back on that earlier point of you'd had a baby and I really relate with this because I had a two-year-old when I first had my first miscarriage.
Speaker: I took her with me to the scan to show her her baby brother or sister on the screen. I didn't take my husband. Because I was the same as you. well ah My body's done this. I can do it. Miscourage is not something that happens to me then because I knew that little. I knew it was something that happened. But because I'd already had a child, I didn't think it could happen to me in many ways. And I don't think I really cognitively even thought about it at that level, right? But...
Speaker: you just don't because there's such a lack of conversation in general about miscarriage and so if we don't talk about it how many people like us are walking into that situation and there's an added layer of shock that doesn't need you'll always grieve the loss of your baby like the hazel mattered my baby's mattered it's okay that we have bereavement and we grieve the loss of them and they'll always be part of our family but i'd like to think that we can change the way that people respond to this. So things like your mom saying what she said because she knows no better. It's not from a place of malice or ill intent at all, right? It's just because we haven't talked about it. So that's what people said. So people have kept saying that. yeah No one's stopped and gone, is this okay? Right? I think another thing is, you know, people like our friends have had miscarriages and say one was early, like seven, eight weeks, and they'll be like, oh, it's okay, it was early. I'm like, no, it doesn't make any any difference. Like I think as soon as you see those positive lines, so whether it be four weeks or whether it's full term and something happens, like you still, as soon as you see those positive lines, you start to imagine your life with them. So it's still painful. Like someone shouldn't feel less valid.
Speaker: with their feelings because they were only five weeks or four weeks comparison to someone who's 15 like it's still all the same emotions and same feelings so and I think for us it was like we just felt lost I think like I went and got the scan mum had Carter and after did the scan he was just very like nonchalant about it was like oh look I'm really sorry no heartbeat and we just felt confused like we walked out of there like what now what now what's next what do we do no idea we just had we just walked out thinking shock but you're right sam it just it took me by surprise because it's just something i never had expected and like with carter i knew like that first 10 to 12 weeks is is is the danger period so everyone sort of knows that and when we got to 14 weeks i'm like there was just not a thought in my head so um
Speaker: i But you just don't know how to react because no one ever speak. were 14 weeks in and we're like, what's going on? So it was just crazy. And then even like your mum opened up and afterwards and told us how many miscarriages she has. And I was oh, like we didn't know about that until then, you know what I mean? So it's all these people that were like, yeah, I have one, I have one. And you're like, well, it's like, yeah, just why is it not?
Speaker: why do we not know about this already especially from mums and and grandparents and stuff like that people that have you know that are older than you that could sort of you prevent that nothing's going to prevent that prevent it but i think like maybe prepare you for it maybe like when you're starting to try for a baby talking about look you might not fall pregnant straight away like you could have troubles falling pregnant and if you do fall pregnant this could happen and i've been through it and I think that education is key. So you're sort of armed with all the tools. So if this does happen to you, you sort of know what to do and where to go from there. And what to expect as well, right? And i think that's a big part of it. Yeah, I know. I talk about it. mean, obviously this is my job, so slightly different category, but I talk about it with my kids. My kids know that we had three babies that didn't make it and there's them three. And I just like to think that when and if it happens to them in the future, they're equipped with a different set of language than what I was. yeah And I think that'll make a massive change.
Speaker: When you were then sent home, what was your options? What was what what did they tell you you could happen? Well, they said it depends. You can either pass her naturally. If not, you'll need to go and get um the DNC. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker: So then we had to go and get the DNC in the end. And that was a lovely experience, wasn't it? Yeah. Yep.
Speaker: Yeah. Yeah. Again, probably not very supported. No kind of support offered at all at any point. throughou No, it was just literally dumb, which I just find crazy. Yeah.
Speaker: Crazy. Insane. And it's still the same today. And that's like, it's medically managed. So they're like, okay, we've done our part. We're the medical professionals. Yeah. But yet, if you think about the juxtaposition. So for me, I know that I left hospital in the hospital I was at with, through the same doors that I'd left two years earlier with a baby. And I was walking out that time and the time after without a baby in my arms. Yeah.
Speaker: And the wrap of holistic care and support when you leave with a baby in your arms, baby bundles, follow-ups, six-week GP appointments, there's risk, we know that. Yeah. Yeah, you leave without a baby in your arms, so you're in the midst of grief.
Speaker: There's no follow-up, there's nothing, no. And a lot of the times no one knows. no Yeah, exactly. Because you've kept it between you and your partner. Yeah, yeah. So tell me about marking a loss and the tree and where that idea came from.
Speaker: Well, this is Britt's idea. um We really wanted to plant a tree for for Hazel and Britt planted a beautiful tree at our house um in Yanchip, a big crepe myrtle. It's just for her have been a symbol of Hazel. um Yeah, it was it was really special at our family home. um beautiful tree you just sprouts flowers every year and i don't know it just you you never not it's it's towards the back of the property as well but it's you're never not drawn to it every time and it just makes you think a hazel every time you go out there really nice and we had um when we finally fell pregnant with myla like it took us a little bit afterwards to fall pregnant with her and You through that thing every month trying and we just kept back negative and we're like, gosh, why like with Carter it wasn't this hard. And then you go through that and then we just couldn't, we took a while to fall pregnant. And then when we finally, you know, had our rainbow baby, we got some beautiful photos in front of Hazel Street. Yeah, which was really nice. And Hazel will always always be part of our family and we like, it's slowly getting introduced. Carter's now five and Myla's three and um we talk about Hazel's tree, we talk about hazel haley saw Hazel's tree on the block as well. So that was something really special we could share with Carter and Myla but also all of Australia as as people that we we want to be, you know, those the advocates for for infant loss and and and tell our story like so many people do but a lot of people don't and don't hear about it from anyone. Yeah. I think the most unfair thing about the Myla's pregnancy was just not wanting to get your hopes up, which is such a crazy feeling. We felt like there was no, afterwards there was no safe time. No, exactly right. but Like I was like until she's here in my arms, then I'll relax. Mm-hmm.
Speaker: Which is so unfair to Myla but it's just what every, like we couldn't help it. Like um i felt I felt bad because I'd be like, i don't i you know, you never want to happen again but you just never never felt comfortable and until she was born and crying on bit shoulder and it was just like it was almost like a strange relief feeling. and um But, yeah, that was a mix of everything that we'd been through and, yeah. Yeah.
Speaker: It's like you're holding your breath for the whole nine months, right? Yeah. You just wait in. and And it is really cruel. Particularly, and I think there's often a misperception as well, that if you've already got a child, then a miscarriage afterwards hurts less. But I used to say, but actually, no, because for me, the way I felt it was that well I would look at Georgie and I'd realize what I'd lost even more. yeah And then when I went through subsequent pregnancies,
Speaker: each time i was so terrified and I could compare the two whereas with Georgie I had this beautiful pregnancy I'm on the entire way through because I didn't realize how bloody lucky I was yeah but I didn't have the anxiety that I had with Johnny and Rose yeah like those pregnancies or anything other than that right and I think that pregnancy after loss is not talked about anywhere near enough right no and it's definitely not the same as you said you just have all these emotions and Yeah, it's just a really, really, really tough time. You don't talk about it much, do you, really? No. Like i we try we talk about, like we try to be open with each other about everything, but it's still hard because, you know, every scan you go to, like you're always. You're always, yeah, stressing like is there a heartbeat? It's the first thing. You just need to hear the heartbeat. Don't care about anything else. Yeah. yeah
Speaker: Don't care. No arms, no legs. Don't care. Just give me a heartbeat. And then it's like, whatever. Just like, yeah, it was crazy times. But you don't know how you know, talks about it. No. Because people minimize the experience of miscarriage as it happened early, as in like the first trimester. So therefore it's something that you get over quickly and no one joins the dots of, well, actually it stays with us forever and much longer impacts in terms of things like pregnancy after loss, but even being willing to try and conceive again. Like you touched on it lightly there, that whole... you're trying and you're still not falling pregnant and ultimately we just want a baby in our arms yeah but the whole when it's not as easy yeah times after yeah and I think we were putting that pressure on ourselves afterwards when we like we're like you know okay when we made when we finally went to Albany we had a big discussion we're like are we gonna wait for a while are we gonna try like what are we thinking and then we're like hey we'll give it a bit and then we'll try and then We started trying just every single month, you know, yeah it was just not happening. And then, you know, you start to go, is there something wrong with our body? Like you start to worry and stress and yeah they're like, no, there's nothing wrong. Like, you know it'll happen when it will happen. And you just keep putting this pressure on yourself and then like this can't be good because I'm stressing. And, you know, just getting this like vicious cycle. Yeah.
Speaker: And then again, commentary there, right? Everyone will be saying, just relax and it'll happen. Yeah. And the irony, right? The irony is literally as soon as I dropped that and went, you know what, I'll put it out to the universe. I know it will happen and what will be will be. And we did stop trying is when it did happen. Yeah. I dropped that pressure on myself and boom, it happened.
Speaker: So it's crazy how the world works like that. Yeah. And we do. We hear that a lot as well. But it's really hard when you're in it and you have so many people. Yeah. Like the commentary and it's like, you can't, I wish I could just relax. I'd just go on holiday and switch off from this, but it's not that simple. Right. And I think again, another part that's overlooked is this, you guys are very similar. You work hard at your job, right? And you get an outcome. You work hard in life and you get an outcome. Yeah.
Speaker: This is the first thing that you genuinely cannot control the outcome. Yeah. Out of your control. one hundred percent. which for two police officers to have stuff out of your control is not something we really like. We actually hate not being in control of things but, yeah, it's just something you've got to let go of and, yeah.
Speaker: Yeah. So talk me through the block but and the decision to raise awareness and to share your story in such a public way. like um Yeah.
Speaker: I think we...
Speaker: We spoke about it and we're like, I just think it's not spoken about enough. I think it's still so taboo and we'd really like, we have this incredible platform.
Speaker: Why not use it? And before we went on the show, before we knew were on the show, we obviously knew about Danny and Dan and Billy. And, oh, my gosh, that just all yeah kills you. We're like just it's just not spoken about enough. And obviously, you know, they've been incredibly open with all their feelings and their story and we're like, I feel like we should as well.
Speaker: So when we're on there, we're like, we're going to talk about it and hopefully it brings more light to it. and There's more people that come forward and more people that talk about it. And that's what helped happened with us. Like when those episodes aired, there was so many people commenting on there and we'd read the comments and they were just full of support. know was people telling their story and it was just really, really touching. We had numerous messages and... You know, even still to this day, people who don't even really watch The Block, but are like, oh, I've watched that episode. You know, my wife and I went through the same thing or my husband i went through it. And people from all different ages are getting people, you know, in their 70s reach out to us and tell us their story or we're getting, you know, people in their 20s trying. And it's just, yeah, it's touched so many people because it's so common.
Speaker: think what we we heard as well and some of the results that come out of that one episode, as as Britt said, like people would tune in just because they heard the stories about yeah um Dan and Danny and Britt and Taz have talked about um their story. You need to go watch just this episode and just see what happens. And The Block is a family show that has – one to three million viewers every episode. It's it's crazy big in Australia and um everyone's sitting on the couch with their family and, you know, we got to tell our story and then everyone's sitting at home going, oh, well, that might have happened to us. And and then it just opened up so many, and this why when, when people like it i'm at I'm dropping Carter off at school and and a dad come up to me and said, i I know you're from the block and I just want to say like I don't watch the block and but me and my wife watched that episode because, you know, of what you said and what Britt was able to to talk about and was it was really inspiring to us because it happened to us and, um you know, we were able to talk to our young kids and he's got a nine-year-old and a five-year-old in Carter's year as well and they spoke about it with their kids as well. So it was it was a really touching moment to to have that.
Speaker: You don't you know know how many people you'll reach. And we me and Britt really sat down and said, this is this something we want to do. And um sort said, Brittis, are you okay doing it? Because it's it's something so personal but something you know we wouldn't take back for the world. We we actually love talking about it um and and being in the face for for many other people to make that conversation with their family and kids as well. And honestly, you are like, I know that even when that went, when it erred, even my messages and like Pink Elephant's messages were blowing going, if he's in the block, if he's in the block, if he's in the block, because we've been saying for so long, no one's talking about this publicly. We need more because when we share it, you just hit the nail on the head there with that dad, you've given him the language to then have a conversation with his children. yeah yeah And the beautiful thing about that is a legacy that that will leave because when they grow up, whether they have losses themselves, chances are that if they don't, their mates will. Yeah. They'll know what to say. 100%. Like, oh, this happened and this, like, we're changing the future of this, right? Yeah. It's so important. Especially for dads. Dads at, you know, 30 40 years old, um you know, would never have talked about this with their parents. You know, yeah if we're going back and they've got their no chance, like, and as you said, like a lot of the times that generation would work, you know, 6am to 6pm you wouldn't see so your mum or dad all that much, you know, so you're not getting much from grandparents but in this day and age it's 2026 and you've got dads like that coming up at schools and going, i'm talking to my kids about that because of because of that is just phenomenal. We saw how many lives that Dan and Danny have reached and and we just hope we can, you know, do the same sort of thing and and really just keep it in the light so we can and we talk about Hazel every other day because that's just something passionate about and she'll forever be part of us. Yeah.
Speaker: She's part of your family, right? Forever. yeah Yeah. I think it's just nice. Like we were um just bought a new house, six acres. We've always dreamed about having, you know, land for the kids. I grew up on a farm and it was amazing and we've actually called it Hazelwood estate yeah yeah so it's just things for us just to always remember her yeah yeah yeah it's really beautiful i love how eloquently you can talk about marking a loss as well because not many people still do that
Speaker: it's hard it is hard but it is is like um there's beauty in the in in how hard it is because like just of how important it is to us and and i said like we're going to talk to our kids about it and they're going to talk to their kids about it and and it'll just go on and go on and go on so and i think with our job like we have to have uncomfortable conversations like It's not out of the ordinary for us to have to knock on someone's door and tell them the worst news of their whole life. And so for us, I think we're okay to be uncomfortable within ourselves if if it can bring some positivity and some light to other people and can give them a bit of hope. Like we're happy. We're happy to do that. Yeah, policing's not always easy. But yeah as Britt said, some of some of the jobs that we will go to, and that's probably the worst worst job that you can do, one of the worst jobs, and like, you know, um a death notification they're called. um Yeah. and We've both done quite a few and they never get easier.
Speaker: um But as soon as you deliver that news and you wait with that person, then you go to lunch and then you go to the next job. and And that's just so you build up that resilience and You do. And that's why I think we're in a position that we can do what we do and still take care of each other because that's part of policing as well, is looking after your crew as well as looking after yourself. So it's something that we we do, I think we do very well because, you know, it' sort you know sometimes all you've got yeah is the part of the centre next year. so and I think also then on that, another thing that joins in my head is that you guys almost have a death literacy because of your role, right? that you can' If you've had those things, you can talk about grief. And yeah so therefore then when you went to this experience, it was almost like this is grief.
Speaker: Yeah. Whereas what we see at Pink Elephants is there is such a disenfranchised experience for many people who've not yet been touched by grief, because they've got the age, that then they don't necessarily associate it with grief straight away either.
Speaker: There's this whole, and that's where society still is. It's sad, right? Because it is it can be a healthy bereavement experience, right? We can have a different way through this than what there is at the moment. But because we don't talk about it, what we see is people just...
Speaker: like pushing it down and getting on with it and not doing things like planting a tree or marking their loss in any way or naming their baby even. And we know that later on that can come out in different ways as well. one hundred percent. Yeah. ma I want to thank you.
Speaker: think it's incredible what you did. genuinely got goosebumps when I was, like I said, I was, my inbox was flooded and I was like, wow, was like, this is amazing. And I was so just genuinely moved to see a conversation that when I started Pink Elephants, this was not happening. There was no conversation around miscarriage on national TV. So to see how far we're coming and how much you've led that part of that is just, yeah, incredibly grateful for our community. Thank you, Sam. As I said before, Sam, we're really appreciative of coming on here and speaking to you guys and the work that Pink Elephant are doing is phenomenal and, you know, not so much selfishly, but it's a beautiful way for us to continue Hazel's story and keep telling our story and the way that you do it and the way that you guys are delivering it as well and just be brave enough to put yourselves out there is spectacular.
Speaker: Yeah, and just bringing more limelight, i said like, you know, I hope everyone hears about you guys. So if they're like us and stuck in that position where you we don't know what to do, what's next, that you've got a place to turn to. So we didn't know about you at the time and I wish we had of because that would have been amazing. So, you know, I hope you just keep growing and keep growing and everyone, if they ever experience this, can know that they can turn to you guys.
Speaker: Thank you. That's incredible. Awesome. Thanks, Anne.
