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Navigating Fear & Releasing Pressure
11.8k Plays3 years ago
Hello and welcome to the first episode of the Pass Around the Smile podcast. In this episode, we chat about all things fear and pressure. For three years I had been wanting to start a podcast and despite the many signs and opportunities I had, fear held me back.
Often we hold on to fear in the hope it will protect us from failure, judgement or rejection - however that just leaves us stagnant. In this episode I chat about author Bronnie Ware and how her research on 'The Top 5 Regrets of the Dying' emphasises why it's so important to live life on OUR terms. We chat about the pressure we too often feel from external sources like society, family members, friends and colleagues, however... is most of the pressure you're feeling actually coming from the pressure you put on yourself? We finish the episode with a little chat about a crucial step which is often missed when manifesting your desires.
I hope after today's episode you feel inspired and ready to move forward in a way that honours YOU.
FEAR - FALSE EVIDENCE APPEARING REAL! (Gabby Bernstein)
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@passaroundthesmile
@cleomassey
The Pass Around the Smile podcast is recorded on Bundjalung Country, in South East Queensland, Australia. We acknowledge the Yugambeh people of the Bundjalung Nation, the traditional owners of this land. We pay our respects to Elders past, present and emerging.
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Transcript
Introduction to the Podcast
00:00:00
Speaker
Pass Around the Smile is like your go-to friend, the one that lifts you up and backs you to the end. She's there to guide and inspire, challenge and teach, and remind you that your best self isn't out of reach. Self-development, manifestation, self-love and more, it's time to trust the process more than ever before. Welcome to Pass Around the Smile, the podcast. I'm your host, Cleo Massey, and I am so glad you're here. Let the magic begin.
Overcoming Fear and Embracing Growth
00:00:32
Speaker
Hello and welcome to episode one of the Pass Around the Smile podcast. I honestly cannot believe I am finally doing this. It was about three years ago when my childhood friend Lily sent me a message and said, you need to do a podcast. And I wrote back something like, I know I need to, but I'm too scared.
00:00:55
Speaker
Fast forward three years, I'm finally doing it. But looking back in that interim, I was holding onto fear for many different reasons. I was holding onto fear because it kept me comfortable. I was holding onto fear because I didn't think that I was good enough. I was holding onto fear because the feeling of staying small and holding myself back was actually
00:01:21
Speaker
easier because getting out of your comfort zone is hard and scary, but we know that nothing good comes from comfort zones. Well, I do think good things come from comfort zones, like sitting on the couch and eating pasta with a side of chalky for dessert. Like good things like that can come from comfort zones, but nothing exhilarating, nothing that is going to have you moving forward comes from comfort zones. So Lily,
00:01:47
Speaker
Thank you for planning this seed and for everyone in the interim over that three years as well. That said, Cleo, do a podcast. I'm finally listening. And Universe, if you're listening to this too, I'm finally listening to you because I cannot count the amount of signs that I have had over the last three years to get this started.
00:02:06
Speaker
Now in the light of fear, I decided to call this episode Navigating Fear and Releasing Pressure because it's only fitting. And at Pass Around the Smile, I'm all about being open and vulnerable and honest. And not just asking that of my community, I have to share that with you guys too. It's only fair. So this podcast is going to be an honest one, an open one, and I hope it can become a really safe place and a supportive place for all of my listeners.
00:02:36
Speaker
If you have been a Pass Around the Smile supporter for a while or even from the beginning, thank you so
Topics in Self-development
00:02:42
Speaker
much. And if you are new, welcome. I think you're going to love it here. When I started Pass Around the Smile in 2015 as a blog,
00:02:51
Speaker
My goal was to guide and inspire people to realize their full power and potential. And that has not changed. That is my exact goal with this podcast. So I wanted to talk a little bit about what you can expect from this podcast moving forward. I thrive off talking about the law of attraction, manifesting the power of your mind, the power of positivity, of gratitude,
00:03:16
Speaker
meditation, journaling. I love talking about finding your right path and your purpose, connecting with yourself and your higher powers, attracting signs, all of that magical stuff that can sometimes seem a bit woo woo. I love talking about, but I also love to talk about the woo woo stuff from a scientific point of view as well, which just makes it all the more real, especially on those days where we are losing faith and we find it hard to believe that
00:03:44
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you can ask and believe and then receive something.
Addressing Fear and Limiting Beliefs
00:03:49
Speaker
So I love talking about all of that but I'm also all about being realistic and pass around the smiles. So we're going to delve into topics that may seem or feel uncomfortable but I promise you that self-growth is meant to be uncomfortable and while
00:04:03
Speaker
listening to a podcast that sometimes delves into the negative side of things might feel challenging, I can promise it's going to help you come out more positive on the other end in a way that allows you to move forward with a clearer mindset, a more optimistic mindset. So topics that include releasing negativity and actually identifying what negativity and what limiting beliefs are holding us back. I love to talk about releasing fear, guilt, pressure,
00:04:33
Speaker
are also the deeper topics like empathy and forgiveness with things that we have dealt with in the past or things that may have been happening recently for you. I am here to hopefully guide and inspire you on the days where you feel
00:04:49
Speaker
not that great and on the days where you feel amazing as well. So that is Pass Around the Smile, the podcast. I'm not gonna lie, I'm nervous. Of course, I'm still feeling the fear, but I'm feeling the fear and I'm doing it anyway. I'm not letting fear hold me back anymore. It stopped me for so long and now I'm deciding to face it because
00:05:14
Speaker
We have a choice. We have a choice to face our fears and give it a go, or we have a choice to ignore them and regret it later. The thing about fear, well, Gabby Bernstein likes to think that fear stands for false evidence appearing real. And I really love that because fear isn't actually real.
00:05:34
Speaker
Of course the feelings of fear are real, the nervousness that we get, the, you know, anxiety in our chest. I'm not saying that's not real. Of course that's real. But fear is just this thing that we cling to to protect ourselves. It's a protective mechanism. But really all it's doing is holding us back. So we need to be able to identify when the fear is popping up
00:05:58
Speaker
and which exact fears we're clinging to. And if we're clinging to those fears for reasons that are actually going to protect us, like of course sometimes fear needs to be acknowledged and listened to. Like if we're crossing the road and a car's coming, we're going to feel fear and we're going to step back. But the fear for me, for example, the fear of starting a podcast was around what are people going to think of me? I'm not good enough. I'm not smart enough. I'm not capable enough.
00:06:24
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That's when the fear yes needs to be acknowledged and felt but then moved away as quickly as possible But the thing is it can be actually really hard to acknowledge your fears in the first place because they can present in funny ways Fear doesn't just throw show up through anxiety or through feeling scared of something fear shows up through jealousy judgment negative self-talk and self-doubt which
00:06:52
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you know, doesn't often seem like it's fear.
Lessons from Failure and Regrets
00:06:56
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But often what we are judging about others is a reflection of our own fears. So it can be a really good way to actually understand and acknowledge what your fears are and where they are coming from. And very often we hold on to fear because we're afraid of judgment or failure, right? They're probably the two main things I think that people hold on to fear. But the thing about failure is that failure brings with it so much opportunity.
00:07:22
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Failure helps us grow, helps us learn lessons that we may need really badly to use later on in life. Fear, sorry, failure shows us redirection. Some failures looking back for me led me in a direction that I would never give up.
00:07:43
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today. Like I look back and I remember how I felt when I failed at that certain thing, but then that led me to meet, you know, this person or led me to this opportunity. So we've got to remember that when we're feeling the fear, we have a choice to go for it and maybe fail or to go for it. And maybe it goes really well.
00:08:02
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The thing is, if we do fail, if it is worst case scenario, it's really not that bad after all. Because, like I said, we learn and we are redirected. There was this study done, I think it was in Australia, and I'm going to read it to you because I feel like it's just such a good reminder for ourselves to live life unapologetically
00:08:25
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and not hold on to fear because we don't want to get to the end of our lives and look back with that regret. So Bronnie Ware is, yes, an Australian nurse who spent several years working in palliative care
00:08:38
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caring for patients in the last 12 weeks of their lives. She recorded their dying epiphanies in a blog called Inspiration and Chai, which gathered so much attention that she put her observations into a book called The Top Five Regrets of the Dying. So number one was, I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life that others had expected of me.
00:09:01
Speaker
Number two, I wish I hadn't worked so hard. Number three, I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings. And number four, I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. Number five, I wish that I had let myself be happier. Well, this study makes me really sad. It also helps me realize just how precious life is and how
00:09:29
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when we cling on to the hope of impressing others or seeking validation or doing things because society expects us to, that is not the way that we are supposed to live our lives and that will only bring regret.
00:09:46
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What is worse than failing is the regret of not starting something, not knowing where that could have gone. So I really hope that that inspires you to feel the fear and do it anyway. What is it that you want to do? You can ask yourself, if you took fear out of the equation, if fear wasn't even a thing, what would you be doing? If there was no judgment, if there was no jealousy, if there was no negative self-talk, if there was only self-belief and love and support,
00:10:16
Speaker
What would you be doing? And that is your answer. That is what you need to start working toward. And of course, you're human, so the feelings of fear are still going to come up, the feelings of being rejected or the feelings of failing. But I encourage you next time that you are
00:10:35
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maybe feeling like you are failing or you feel like you have just failed is change that failure word because that has such a negative connotation to redirection. I'm just being redirected. I'm excited about where this could take me. I'm excited to see what's next. I'm excited to see where life is going to flow now. We have a choice. Wayne Dyer's quote is, when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. And I live by that quote now.
00:11:03
Speaker
Of course sometimes on some days it's harder than others to lean into that belief but very often when you change the way you look at things all of the external sources change around that thing and things start flowing in a way that benefits you.
Understanding and Managing Pressure
00:11:17
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When we give up that resistance and we begin to flow with life instead of against life that's when
00:11:23
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we do allow it to flow with us. Now it's natural for us humans to crave validation and instant gratuity from other people and even that acceptance from society, but that is only going to give us a temporary feeling of satisfaction or of fulfillment.
00:11:42
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What we want and what we need is the long-lasting type of satisfaction and fulfillment. And the only person that you are going to get that from is yourself. So the only person that you need to impress is yourself. And then you'll feel that the need for the validation from, whether it's your families or friends or colleagues,
00:12:03
Speaker
It melts away. You won't need that validation from others because you will be validating yourself. You'll be feeling full in what you are doing for you.
00:12:12
Speaker
So if you feel the kind of pressure, I guess, coming on where you do want to impress others or fit into society's expectations in the next few weeks after listening to this podcast, first of all, don't be hard on yourself. It's completely normal. But remember that you have a choice. So acknowledge that you are having those thoughts and begin to unpack it.
00:12:35
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That is brave. That is what is actually going to help you unpack things and move forward in a better way, rather than just popping a band-aid on it. So I also wanted to talk about pressure because feeling the fear also brings on pressure.
00:12:53
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And I feel like there's a good type of pressure and a bad type of pressure. The good type of pressure is the pressure where you want to do something because you feel called to. It feels right. You feel inspired. You feel excited. And yes, it still feels, you know, hard. You're still working hard toward something.
00:13:11
Speaker
Sometimes it can feel challenging, but at the end of the day, you know when you complete that thing or you do that thing that you're going to feel really good and really inspired and so proud of yourself. That's the good type of pressure because we don't want to just release all pressure because then we'll just sit stagnant and not move forward. But then there's the negative type of pressure, which I believe we all feel far too often. And that is the pressure that often comes from external sources like society or of what other people expect or suggest of us.
00:13:41
Speaker
The type of pressure where we're doing something that feels forced, that doesn't exactly feel right. And it can be really hard too because sometimes we feel like this is our right path or I need to give this a go. But you gotta ask yourself, why do you need to give this a go? Why do you think this is your right path? Is it because your parents told you it was? Is it because you should have a baby at this certain age that society says that? Is it because this is the cheaper option? Is it because it's the easier option?
00:14:10
Speaker
Or is it something that you actually genuinely want to do for you? One of the biggest blocks when manifesting your desires is asking for something that is not for you. And you're probably thinking, that sounds stupid. Of course, I always ask the universe when I'm manifesting something manifesting for something that I want.
00:14:29
Speaker
But very often we're actually asking for something that we think will make us happy or we think will complete us. Or sometimes we are asking the universe for things because we know it will impress someone else or because it will give us that validation or that recognition that we are craving. However, if you are asking for those reasons, your manifestation will not materialize in the way that you want it to. Now I should preface too.
00:14:56
Speaker
uh that i use the term universe a lot but the universe to you is whatever the universe is to you so it might be an angel someone that you love in heaven it might be a spirit animal it might be just a ball of light and energy it might be god or buddha or jesus they're
00:15:13
Speaker
is no right or wrongs, I believe, with spirituality or religion. I just believe that I personally have a higher power that looks over me and has my back. And I also ask for guidance all the time and for protection from my grandparents who were in heaven. So it's completely up to you. But just so you know, I use the word universe a lot and that can be whatever it is for you. So this positive pressure versus the negative type of pressure. How do we identify it?
00:15:43
Speaker
Journaling really helps and I'll give you some journaling prompts now that you can use, but you can also just answer in your head while you're listening to this podcast. So first of all, when do you feel pressure? And who do you believe that pressure is coming from? The third question I want you to ask yourself is, do you actually think that the majority of this pressure is coming from yourself?
00:16:11
Speaker
Now, your defense reflexes might pop up then and go, what? No, of course not. Like, I'm not putting pressure on myself. The pressure is coming from, you know, this colleague or this family member or that friend. But very often the pressure does come from ourself. For example, if I'm scrolling through social media and I see this girl exercising every single day and I then feel the pressure to exercise more,
00:16:39
Speaker
Sure, this girl ignited the pressure, but I was the one who chose to take the pressure on. It's not her fault. It's me doing it to myself.
00:16:50
Speaker
The pressure that we feel from people that we love can often be really hard to recognize because we know that they're coming from a place of love, a place of care. However, we can feel this pressure to impress them or do what they say because we know they're coming from a place of care. However, what they're saying might not be right for us.
00:17:12
Speaker
So being able to set those boundaries and be strong enough in saying thank you, but no and redirecting and not taking on that pressure is a really huge part of self-development.
00:17:24
Speaker
you get to choose what you do with the pressure that feels like it has been placed on you from external sources. I want you to remember that you are doing yourself a disservice when you take on this pressure from the external sources because those external sources don't care. They're off living their lives, doing their things, loving their family and their friends and working toward their goals. However, if you are left behind feeling the pressure that
00:17:51
Speaker
They seemingly put on you by saying this or that, but you just took it a certain way. You are then left with feelings of self-doubt, with feelings of fear, which create the anxiety, which block your manifestations, which stop you from vibrating at a high level, therefore giving good energy to the ones that you love.
00:18:10
Speaker
So you are doing yourself a disservice by letting this fear and this pressure take over you. So next time that you feel the feelings of fear, feel the feelings of pressure coming on, I want you to stop, rest and reassess.
00:18:28
Speaker
take a look at what's happening in your mind. Is it because you've been there before? Is it because you're scared of being rejected? Is it because you're scared of what a family member might think of you? They are all completely valid. So first of all, you need to be kind to yourself.
00:18:46
Speaker
It's completely natural and completely normal, but you need to honor yourself and what you deserve so that you can move forward, which means releasing the fear and releasing the pressure as hard as it is.
Following Intuition and Finding Life Purpose
00:19:00
Speaker
You don't want to get to the end of your life and think, I lived a life on other people's terms and not my terms. So what do your terms say? What do you want to do? If you took fear out of the equation, like I said before, what would you be doing?
00:19:15
Speaker
In my positive guidance journal, there is a question on the thoughts and feelings page. No, the listening to your heart page, which is, if you took fear out of the equation, what would you be doing? And my answer was the same for the last three years. It was do the podcast. But like I've already said, fear held me back for so long. It's crazy what happens when you finally give in to fear and listen to the signs that the universe has been sending you.
00:19:43
Speaker
Since starting this podcast, things have just flowed, not only with the podcast, but in other areas of my life as well, because I finally stopped resisting. I finally thought, okay, I am going to not only honor what my higher powers who I do really believe have my back are saying, but I'm going to honor myself and my talents and why I was put
00:20:06
Speaker
in this world to do what I was meant to do. I'm going to honor that, even though it's scary. And when you honor what feels right, things just flow. Doors open up. So I encourage you to trust the process. Listen to the signs. Watch out for the coincidences that are happening around you.
00:20:27
Speaker
It's very possible that the universe, that your angels, your higher powers are trying to have a say in your life. Remember too that sometimes opportunities can present in quite a small, unexciting way. For example,
00:20:42
Speaker
When the idea for my blog, Pass Around the Smile, came to me, I was in quite a negative place and I wasn't excited by the idea, but it came to me and I decided to trust the process because not much else was flowing in my life. So when I decided to take that somewhat small and unexciting idea, I then realized that the universe had a much bigger plan than I could have ever imagined. And it has now led to my life purpose.
00:21:11
Speaker
it has led me to live a life where I feel so fulfilled. So a reminder that you might be seeking or searching for purpose or for answers, and it is very likely that the universe is sending you the signs. However, you need to be in alignment to see those signs, to hear those signs or feel those signs, which we'll talk about in another episode. But when those signs come,
00:21:37
Speaker
not to brush them away because they seem small or off purpose. Like I didn't really want to write a blog. Even when I started writing this blog, it felt right. So I was trusting the process, but it wasn't what I was asking for. However, then it turned into more than I could ever ask for.
00:21:59
Speaker
So trust the process. Give things a go. Give up the need to control. The universe sees possibilities that we can't see. So
Closing Remarks and Next Episode Tease
00:22:09
Speaker
when you trust that, that's when life becomes really exciting and really magical.
00:22:15
Speaker
Oh my gosh. Okay. I think I'm going to end the episode here because just like when I do my courses and events, I get so excited about all of the topics and everything I want to say that I just go blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. However, with the podcast, I'm trying to be really careful with keeping different topics for different episodes. And I did want to say some of you who are listening may not have any idea of who I am, where I'm from, what I do.
00:22:42
Speaker
Episode two is going to be around my life purpose and how it came to be. It was quite the journey and I will let you guys know a little bit about who I am and my life but I did just want to start the first episode on fear and pressure because
00:23:01
Speaker
it was relevant and I think that everyone can relate in some way. So please tune in to episode two. I am pretty excited about that one and if you don't know me it will give you more insight to who I am and if you do know me and if you've heard my story before
00:23:18
Speaker
Sorry, I guess you don't have to listen. But there will definitely be lots of little lessons in there around finding your right path, finding your right purpose and trusting the process and giving up that need to control. Because I really do believe when you give up control, life flows with you instead of against you. So thank you so much for listening to episode one. I am so thankful to have you guys on this journey with me. I am going to keep trusting the process and I hope you do too.