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Lonely
29 Plays1 month ago
Logan talks about loneliness and how we can overcome it.
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Transcript
Introduction to Loneliness
00:00:01
Speaker
Hello and welcome to From Dublin to Cleveland. I am Logan Howard and you get to ride along with me as i drive home today. So today's topic that we're going to be talking about is loneliness, right? There there is quite an epidemic these days of people who are lonely.
00:00:27
Speaker
And I think before we get too far into it we probably need to define our terms, right? um There is a difference between being alone and lonely. The difference is is in like, you know, you can be alone and not be lonely, right? You can be by yourself and, you know, have a good time.
00:00:49
Speaker
However, lonely is you can be in a group of tons of people and be and feel alone. So loneliness is the feeling. Alone is a statement of fact.
00:01:03
Speaker
So they're not necessarily synonyms. They they are different.
The Loneliness Epidemic
00:01:10
Speaker
So that brings up quite a good question in why do we have this... lonely epidemic? Well, part of it is there are a lot of people where there a lot of times that we're alone, right?
00:01:25
Speaker
oh In fact, I think statistics say the older we get, the more alone time that we have. oh And I think there's also an element that we have an issue in our society of people don't really like themselves.
00:01:44
Speaker
They don't like who they are and what they do or what happens to them in their life or how they act. They just don't like themselves. You know, we sometimes, even in our Christian culture, can make this attitude that you are a dirty, rotten sinner, even after you you've accepted Jesus Christ, your Savior. You're always evil. You're always bad.
00:02:08
Speaker
And so why would you want to spend... extensive amount of times with yourself.
Impact of Social Media on Loneliness
00:02:14
Speaker
However, because of social media, because of ah technology, all of our interactions these days are online.
00:02:25
Speaker
We talk online, we text online, we message. um Everything is on the internet. Um, and so that means that we don't have this connection to people like we used to. It used to be that you would go to church or you would go to other, you know, events and stuff and you would connect with people and you would meet them.
00:02:50
Speaker
Um, and you would see them where they're at. And that doesn't, that doesn't really happen. Um,
00:03:01
Speaker
So I guess I want to share some of my story with loneliness and what what is the cure? and It's not an easy cure. It's not a quick fix. It's not, um you know, here's a seven step plan. and it's it You have to put in hard work.
00:03:21
Speaker
So let's let me just start with with my
Personal Experiences of Loneliness
00:03:24
Speaker
story, right? um So I grew up as a homeschool kid. oh And being homeschooled brings with it certain...
00:03:35
Speaker
you know, thoughts, right? If you aren't homeschooled, you probably think of homeschoolers as they're cool because they get to just work at home all the time. Or you think of them as not properly socialized. They're super awkward and they're not normal and they don't go through the normal whatever.
00:03:52
Speaker
So there's there's good and bad aspects to being homeschooled. But one of the downsides of being homeschooled is you do spend an awful lot of time by yourself.
00:04:03
Speaker
Especially when you don't have like siblings that are terribly close to you in age or they or you have siblings that are much older than you. I was fortunate in that I did have my younger sister in the house with me so I could at least talk to her.
00:04:30
Speaker
so ah
00:04:34
Speaker
It's, uh, as my story and time goes on, I, ah course, being by myself and having to work by myself and do all my homework by myself was not the greatest situation.
00:04:51
Speaker
Um,
00:04:54
Speaker
I,
00:04:58
Speaker
learned a lot how to be by myself and how to appreciate myself, but I didn't necessarily
00:05:07
Speaker
love it. um And that kind of even folded into college because I went to a local community college and there wasn't a ton of Christians. I had a youth group and everything, but because being homeschooled, I always felt like I was different. Um,
00:05:24
Speaker
And it also didn't help that I was older. I was mentally more mature than a lot of the kids my age. um So there's a couple there was a couple things going against me. And then when I went to a secular college, that was... Everybody wanted to do their own party thing, and that was not not my style.
00:05:53
Speaker
So, again, i was kind of alone. I didn't have friends.
00:06:02
Speaker
As time wore on, I would make friends or I would influence people for Christ, but I wouldn't necessarily have that deep connection. And then, of course, I went to Western Governors University, which is a completely online university, and again, all alone.
00:06:18
Speaker
And that led into COVID when i got a job that worked at a at home and I didn't see people. And again, alone.
00:06:29
Speaker
And so I would say a ah heavy percentage of my life has been i have to do these things or events or challenges on my own. And so with that, there's some benefits, right?
00:06:42
Speaker
Being alone, you can, you're in control of yourself, right? You're not, you don't have to worry about other people that you have to see if you're in control of them or not, or if they'll listen to you or not. You don't have to convince them what's right or wrong.
00:06:55
Speaker
You're in control of the situation. um
00:07:01
Speaker
So it wasn't until...
The Role of Community
00:07:04
Speaker
I had gotten to going to camp and working at camp that I started to make those connections and realized that I really enjoy working and a group.
00:07:14
Speaker
I really enjoy being able to develop and encourage and how much I needed it. um Because again, had grown up. being alone, being by yourself.
00:07:25
Speaker
And I didn't like it. I've always wanted a deep friendship and those deep friendships. And it was rare or hard to come by for me. I had a few and Brendan's one of them. And, um, my friend Randy for a while, uh, was one of them. And now he's again, becoming one again.
00:07:44
Speaker
Um, but We, like, i didn't really have that person who was... I hate saying the word on my level because on my level sounds like I'm, you know, some great person. I'm not.
00:08:04
Speaker
But... ah Somebody who you can connect with, somebody who thinks the way you think, or maybe not even that, but just agrees with the truth that you know about the Bible and has matured the point of teaching others.
00:08:19
Speaker
Um, so it has been, and then, you know, as I've gotten into camp ministry last year, I went to Bethany and Bethany kind of broke a lot of things in my life. Um,
00:08:32
Speaker
And some were needed, some were harder to do. Like this podcast has kind of been put on the back burner because of how much stress and pressure that I was under there and how much I felt like I was fighting alone.
00:08:48
Speaker
Here I was at a Christian camp. were supposed to worship and honor God. And they are telling me things that aren't worshiping, honoring God, and they aren't being kind while doing it.
00:09:02
Speaker
They aren't being loving. And they talk about you behind your back and they mistreat you. And I don't think, I think even though in high school when my when my friend Randy had went off to went off to the Marines, that that was a dark era for me in terms of being by myself.
00:09:23
Speaker
But I don't think it was darker than going to work at this camp.
00:09:31
Speaker
It's hard. it's hard being by yourself because again, I was away from my family now. So most of my life I've had my family and I can't really say I've been horribly, awfully alone because my family loves me and we have a good relationship.
00:09:47
Speaker
But that, that time at Bethany was, I was away from my family. I was in an environment where it was brand new and they didn't trust me.
00:09:58
Speaker
And I was learning to not trust them. um
00:10:04
Speaker
And I was the low man on the totem bowl, so I got all the crap thrown at me. So it was yeah was rough.
00:10:14
Speaker
And I have talked as much as I can nicely ah about them, and you know I do respect them. I don't think they intentionally were out to you know tear me down, but have there's been very few times I've been in that dark of a situation.
00:10:35
Speaker
emotionally um and mentally. So, I, you know, God moved me to work at this school and it has been blessing and like but like glorious and awesome, but it doesn't mean the loneliness goes away.
00:10:54
Speaker
um
00:10:57
Speaker
And i can I can list a lot of reasons why, right? I'm i'm the only guy that's working at the school, at least currently. My one friend is off on assignment.
00:11:10
Speaker
So it's just me as a guy.
00:11:14
Speaker
It's a long long, lonely drive every day. That's why you're riding with me as I'm talking. um It's a long drive. It's 45 minutes... 45 minutes both ways.
00:11:28
Speaker
And I don't want to make you think that I hate this job because I genuinely love this job. But I want to point out that loneliness can happen anywhere. And it can even happen with a bunch of people. oh You know, I've been rooms with hundreds of people and I have felt like I'm the only person here that loves the Lord. Or I'm the only person who thinks this way. Or...
00:11:54
Speaker
all those stuff and that I'm not really appreciated or cared for. And that's, that's a hard place to be. So we have in our culture, this epidemic of loneliness, people feel lonely all the time.
00:12:10
Speaker
I don't have statistics for you, but even you probably listening and then, yeah, I've, I've felt lonely lately or I feel like I'm alone and I don't have anyone to support me or encourage me.
00:12:21
Speaker
Um, And so you might be sitting there thinking, well, what's the what's the solution here? how do we How do we dig ourselves out of this hole? Like, yeah do I just like, you know, go on enough dates? Do i ask some girls out? Do i you know, accept all the guys' requests that asked me to go on a date?
00:12:41
Speaker
Do what, like, how do I fix this situation? How do we get out of this state of being lonely? And I don't think the answer is stopping by yourself, right? Because I think there's some benefit to going and doing things alone.
00:12:59
Speaker
think there's benefits to going camping alone, to going out in the wilderness without your phone, without distraction, and just focusing on God. I think there's benefit to that.
00:13:10
Speaker
I think there's benefit to, you know, being alone for the end of your day or the end of your um or in the morning and because, you know, you've got to go to work.
00:13:23
Speaker
There is benefit to being by yourself. tom And there's probably a lot of married people who wish they had as much alone time as those of us who are single have now. So lonely alone time is not the problem.
00:13:38
Speaker
It might be for some of you. There might be some of you who spend so much time alone that you never go out of the house and you never meet anybody or talk to anybody or engage with anyone outside of your four walls.
00:13:51
Speaker
Maybe you are probably being too alone.
Spiritual Solutions to Loneliness
00:13:54
Speaker
But so
00:13:58
Speaker
I think ah solve this issue of loneliness, It first and foremost requires us to acknowledge Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior, right?
00:14:11
Speaker
No person, even if you marry somebody tomorrow or tonight or even in the next few years, nobody is going to always be with you.
00:14:24
Speaker
There are going be times when you have to go do grocery shopping on your own Maybe they don't feel well and you have to go to church by yourself. You know, there are always going to be times where even the people who we love most or are married to or we have kids, there are going to be times when we are separate from them, that we are by ourselves.
00:14:42
Speaker
And so we need to realize the only person who never leaves us or forsakes us is Jesus Christ. He's the only person who never leaves. He's always with us. He is sitting with me here in the car as I'm driving home.
00:14:58
Speaker
And he's here with us because the Holy Spirit lives within us, right? At least he's supposed to if we've put our faith and trust in him. And faith and trust in him means we believe...
00:15:12
Speaker
We know that he died on the cross for our sins, not just the sins of the world, not just somebody else, but for ours, all the things that we've done We confess each and every one of them to him. We say, look, I screwed up in what I watched. Hey, I screwed up in how I spoke. I screwed up in manipulating somebody.
00:15:33
Speaker
I screwed up in gossiping about somebody. Like, we screw up all the time. So we have to admit that we've done that wrong. And then we accept that Jesus has forgiven those things.
00:15:46
Speaker
And then we believe that he did forgive them by his death and burial on the cross. I'm sorry, death. His death on the cross and burial in the tomb. And then his resurrection from it. That he's alive now.
00:16:00
Speaker
So he's conquered all the death, all the sin. it is gone.
00:16:05
Speaker
That can change our thinking. Because then it real we realize that our God is bigger than death. He's bigger than sin. He's bigger than our loneliness. He's bigger than our desires. He's bigger than our passions, our fears, any of those things. He's bigger than them.
00:16:28
Speaker
So does it suck to be lonely and feel lonely? Yes, it does. But we do need to acknowledge that we have a Lord and Savior who's with us at all times. We can always talk to him.
00:16:41
Speaker
In fact, we probably don't talk to him enough. We act like he's not with us all the time. And then maybe we ignore him or we think, you know, if i I'll just do my penance today and I'll pray for five minutes with him.
00:16:56
Speaker
He's with us all the time. That's an encouraging thing to me as I'm driving home that he's with me. Even if nobody ever listens to this podcast, God is with me.
00:17:09
Speaker
I'm going to say it again for emphasis. God is with you. He's with you. He's not against you. He's not laughing at you because you don't have a significant other.
00:17:21
Speaker
He's not making jokes and going, ha, they got close to him again and it didn't work.
00:17:30
Speaker
The reason why we think that's the case is because that's sometimes what we do. Or we've had people do to us, but God isn't like other people. He knows what's best for us.
00:17:43
Speaker
So, um, How do we cure this loneliness? What is the what is the the big tip that Logan has to fix it so that it becomes less of a problem? Well, we talked about part of it, right? We talked about how we need a relationship with Jesus Christ. We need to talk to him more.
00:18:02
Speaker
Because when we're lonely, we go to him. When we're sad, when we're stressed, when we're angry, we go to the Lord. When we're happy, when we're excited, we go to God.
00:18:15
Speaker
We don't just go to him when it's good. We don't just go to him when it's bad. We go to him all the time. And you'll quickly start to see that you're not alone. God does answer your prayers.
00:18:27
Speaker
In fact, I kind of want to challenge you to write down your prayers. Write down your prayers for your spouse, for having a spouse one day. Write down your prayers for having kids one day. Write down your prayers for you know, somebody who's sick or ill. Write down your prayers for your heart and things you want to see happen in your life.
00:18:48
Speaker
Write down all of them. And then watch as God starts to answer those requests. He may not answer them the way you want. You know, if you pray for, that you marry Esteban and, you know, Esteban doesn't show up, but Stephen does and he's pretty cool, right? You you have to you You can't just expect that God's going to answer your prayer for the specific person you want. God's going to do what's best for you.
00:19:19
Speaker
So, the second part that I have to it is we have to have that acknowledgement
Combating Loneliness through Outreach
00:19:24
Speaker
of God. The second part, and this is the final part. If you feel lonely, there is a huge high percent chance that someone else also feels lonely.
00:19:38
Speaker
I know. Novel concept. So when you feel lonely, my challenge to you this week, this month, this year is when you feel lonely, go find someone else who feels lonely and love them.
00:19:56
Speaker
Go spend time with them. Go do something with them. Because the cure to loneliness is not just reminiscing in your own loneliness and wallowing in your own self-pity.
00:20:08
Speaker
The cure to loneliness and to find your connections that you want to have is to go out and make connections. Go out and invite people to things. go out and do things with people. Are they going to say no sometimes? Yeah, unfortunately they are. And guess what?
00:20:25
Speaker
That's okay. Maybe they're not at the place that they need to be. Maybe you need to pray for the martyr. I don't know. Maybe you need to show them more love. Maybe, you know, the first time you try, you don't... They're not sure if you actually love them or not, or if you're just trying to, you know, manipulate them somehow.
00:20:47
Speaker
Start to love the people that we have around us.
00:20:53
Speaker
Those people who are in the margins. Those people who... Who hangs out with them, right? You know, those people who are the new kid at your school. The person who you see at church, but they always sit the back and they sneak out before everyone else leaves.
00:21:11
Speaker
The people who you see that their hearts are breaking, who are going through a rough time, who have lost somebody important in their family or their friends.
00:21:27
Speaker
Go be Jesus to them.
00:21:31
Speaker
You can't do it without Christ living inside with you and without you having that relationship with him. But if you have that relationship with him, you can change this culture of lowliness.
00:21:44
Speaker
Just by you doing that changes everything. Changes the game. Because if you can develop and encourage them, guess guess what? You then get the opportunity to teach them to do it to somebody else.
00:22:00
Speaker
It's called discipleship making.
00:22:04
Speaker
You disciple them, they disciple someone else, that person disciples someone else, and it just keeps going. That is the mission of the gospel.
00:22:16
Speaker
So, whatever you're doing tonight, whatever you're doing today, whenever you're hearing this,
00:22:24
Speaker
If you're listening to this at midnight or late at night, tomorrow, my goal and my encouragement for you is to go find somebody that you can be an encouragement to and you can spend time with.
00:22:39
Speaker
That you can dig them out of their loneliness. If it's beginning of the morning that you're listening to this, you know, you have the rest of the day to help someone not feel lonely.
00:22:53
Speaker
Maybe you woke up and you're feeling lonely today. Maybe you're depressed, discouraged, beaten down. The world has got you in its hands.
00:23:05
Speaker
Go be a light to somebody else. And again, i want i want to stress this. This is not going to be easy or or easily possible. You're going to have to put some work into this. You're going have effort into this.
00:23:19
Speaker
And most importantly, you're going to need Christ. You're going to need a relationship with him. So if you have not done that today, I encourage you, accept Jesus Christ your Lord and Savior.
00:23:31
Speaker
It's easy to say that, oh you know, I just accept it. Yeah, he died. Yeah, he's whatever. It's easy to say it. Hard to live it.
00:23:43
Speaker
Because Jesus, if he truly if you truly accept Jesus, he changes you. You're a different animal. You're a different person.
00:23:55
Speaker
You're not so much focused on yourself. You become selfless. You're not so much focused on what could happen or what, what would happen in a situation, but you, you trust that God knows and has the situation in control.
00:24:14
Speaker
So I sit here, as I'm driving home, you know, hopefully that I am able to be an encouragement to you today that, uh, you can hear my heart behind why this is important.
00:24:30
Speaker
Trust me, we ah i'm i want to have you know I wanna have kids one day. I wanna be a dad, I wanna be a husband. I want all of those things.
00:24:45
Speaker
But I can easily try to push my way into making that work I could easily choose the wrong person except somebody that doesn't want me or isn't interested or is the wrong person for me.
00:25:00
Speaker
And it's not going to fix my loneliness. I need Christ. I need Jesus living inside of me, encouraging me, uplifting me.
00:25:14
Speaker
and that's the thing that, you know, i I lost sight of it, right? I worked at camp.
00:25:21
Speaker
And instead of, you know, fixing that,
00:25:26
Speaker
a I didn't, right? I i let ah let my frustration with my coworker my coworkers and other stuff just get in the way. And I missed out.
00:25:42
Speaker
I missed out on always seeing the blessing and being an encouragement.
00:25:52
Speaker
Um, so I, I missed out on that this past, this past summer and this past year. I don't want you to miss out on it. Oh my word. All right. Well, I've got somebody trying to back up a bus trying to back up into me, but it's fine.
00:26:13
Speaker
It's fine.
00:26:19
Speaker
Anyway, well, thank goodness I did not just cause an accident. But I, again, i want to encourage you.
00:26:32
Speaker
Loneliness is a symptom of getting our focus off of stuff. We're focused on the negative. We're focused on the feeling. um And feelings are important.
00:26:45
Speaker
You're going hear that from me. um Feelings are are real. They're not fake. They're not a thing to just be shoved down or ignored. They are a thing to embrace. um But they don't they don't define the truth.
00:27:00
Speaker
So you might feel like you're alone. You're not. Christ is always there for you. He's ready to encourage you if you need it. And I'm here to encourage you. So...
00:27:11
Speaker
If you are struggling, if you need a friend, you need somebody today, ah you need somebody whenever you're listening to this, don't hesitate to reach out. You know where to find me, you know, from Dublin to Cleveland, gmail.com. You can always send us an email. Nobody does it, but you can be the the first person in four months to send us an email.
00:27:35
Speaker
You can always send emails. You can always send messages, friend requests, any of those kind of things. My way, I'm not going to judge you or stop you from following me.
Balancing Podcast Mission and Faith
00:27:48
Speaker
And I hope I can be an encouragement to you today and going forward. We've done this 148 times. My goal this summer is to do it a lot more.
00:28:01
Speaker
Get back into a regular... um even if it's just me, right? Even if I'm the only one on because Brendan's busy, look, I don't want i don't want to step on Brendan's toes. That that man is is serving and living out the gospel where he is, and I'm proud of him, and I'm not going to demand that he do the podcast because the podcast is it's ah it's an awesome thing. It's a great outreach opportunity, but it's not the main thing. Our main thing is serving God where we're at.
00:28:33
Speaker
And so I don't want you guys to be discouraged that because we've missed so many postings or we've been gone for so long, we are we're doing what the Lord and is asking us to do.
00:28:47
Speaker
Um, however we can, i know for me, I can, i'm not going to put words in Brandon's mouth. I can do better about the way that I am scheduling my time because I think this is one of the things that I am.
00:29:00
Speaker
I'm still passionate about. I still want this to succeed and do well. And I want you guys to be able to listen. and I want to be able to encourage people and I want to be able to share it with a wider spectrum of people than we have already.
00:29:15
Speaker
So pray for growth for this channel. Help us to, you know, be able to make time for it. um And so I want to close your ride with me this evening or afternoon or morning, whenever you're listening.
00:29:30
Speaker
I want close in prayer. Jesus, I'm thankful for those listening, thankful for their hearts. I'm thankful for who you created them to be. Lord, it's so easy to get lost in loneliness, to be lost in fear, um to be discouraged, to be beaten down by this world.
00:29:51
Speaker
And loneliness, it does suck. it is It is a rough feeling to feel that you're by yourself, that there aren't others around you, even in the crowd of a lot of people.
00:30:04
Speaker
So I pray that this, whenever they're listening to this, that you would encourage them, that this message would go forth into their hearts, that it would break down oh break down the loneliness, open their eyes, reignite their passion for you, reignite their passion for others, help them be an encouragement in their local communities for the gospel.
00:30:31
Speaker
Lord, we have so many broken people walking around us, and we think because we're broken too, that we have to fix ourselves before we can ever fix or encourage anyone else. And that's just not the truth.
00:30:44
Speaker
The most encouragement that you can have and be and get is when you encourage others.
00:30:52
Speaker
And sure, they may not immediately just start pouring back into you or ask you or want to know how you're doing or help you. But you have to remain remember your focus, remote right? We have to remember our focus. Our well and our growth and our depth life comes from God.
00:31:11
Speaker
We want to be with people who are abundant in life. Well, to do that, we have to have the abundant life because there's a lot of people who are thirsty for life, who need some life.
00:31:30
Speaker
So, ah Lord, I just pray that you'd be with those who listen. Be with Brendan today. Encourage him. Grow him. pray that you can continue to grow me. Make me into the man I need to be.
00:31:43
Speaker
Help me to appreciate where I am at in my life, to not get so lost in the sauce as it is. ah Getting lost in desiring something better or something, what's next.
00:31:58
Speaker
Help me to appreciate where God has put me now because I can do things that I can't do if I was married or had kids. So thank you so much for each of you. Thank you for each of them who are listening.
00:32:12
Speaker
In Jesus' name, amen. Thank you guys for listening. Thank you for your
00:32:20
Speaker
your listening, your heart, your willingness to turn on a podcast and a guy driving home. of That means a lot to me. I hope that this summer I can be worthy of your...
00:32:39
Speaker
conversation. And I think depending on how the numbers do with this kind of series, I'm probably going to do more of this, more of these topical real world situations, because we did really well on the you know young The Church Hates Young Adults. I did never said that, but ah it did really well on YouTube. So maybe there is a place for this young adult or these desires that I see or these struggles that young adults are having that maybe there's a place for hearing that out.
00:33:19
Speaker
So... um Yeah, you'll hear from us soon. I'm finishing up school here in the next week or so. So you'll probably get another episode from me, at least.
00:33:33
Speaker
um Brendan and I want to do something for episode 150. It may be after 150 because of scheduling. But we do have a plan somewhat in place.
00:33:47
Speaker
I just have to work out some details for it and stay tuned. Because 150 is on its way. My personal goal, I'm crazy to say this, but I want to make it to 300.
00:34:04
Speaker
If we can make it 300, that to me is just crazy. That there's 300 episodes of God's Word going forth.
00:34:15
Speaker
and his wisdom going forth through Brendan and I. It's not our words. It's God's. We were trained in this. We were taught this. And, uh, by God, like sure there's been earthly teachers, but God has been the one to lead us in this way. So, um, again,
00:34:34
Speaker
Blessings to each and every one of you as you're finishing up. ah It is very close to my 29th birthday.
Reflections on the Future
00:34:43
Speaker
That'll be the Saturday, the 17th. 29 years old.
00:34:52
Speaker
Crazy. Crazy to think about. i know there's that God has a lot more in store for me. Married or unmarried, there's a lot more still to come. So...
00:35:03
Speaker
Stay tuned for the next few podcasts. We will be posting them and getting them getting them out as quickly as I can. Stay patient.
00:35:15
Speaker
They are on their way. All righty, friends. Thank you for listening. I hope you have a wonderful day, whatever it is, however much time you have in your day. Have a good one, and we'll see you next time.
00:35:29
Speaker
Bye.