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00:00:01
Be A Promoter - Or Just Shut Up!
50 Plays1 year ago
Let's all settle down and keep our preferences to ourselves. Must you corrupt your friends and family with all of your terrible habits and interests?
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Transcript
Listener Feedback on Lance's Style
00:00:00
Speaker
Hello. People have been reaching out to the I'm a POS podcasting corporation saying they're tired of this guy Lance pointing out what's wrong with society. I'm Lance, by the way. They say I'm condescending and righteous. They call me a know-it-all hypocrite. They say my approach won't change anyone's behavior. Some people even say my editorial style will only motivate people to do more harmful behavior.
00:00:26
Speaker
people are going to protest your paternalistic views," a female listener from Colorado Springs said. One male listener from St. Louis said, I gambled like a motherfucker last week because you told me not to. Now since listener engagement is important to me, I'm going to make a shift in this episode and try to be more positive and more encouraging. I hope this feels more optimistic and less shaming to everyone.
00:01:10
Speaker
a promoter I think all of us should promote our favorite lifestyle choices and products to our family and friends. If you find something that has changed your life, then I think it's incumbent upon you to share it with the people you love. Here are some lifestyle choices and products I think you should promote.
00:01:29
Speaker
Number one, tell us what investments you have on Robinhood. I think it could be helpful to people if you let them know you picked up a hundred shares of AMC Theaters because you think it has some life left. Let them know you assess the company's debt allocation plan to avoid bankruptcy and how it's possible and I quote, this bad boy could pop.
Investment Tips and Craft Beer Discovery
00:01:49
Speaker
Tell them to get a Robinhood account and show them the benefits of short-term trading. Highlight the 16 times you went in and out of AMC's stock and show them your success rate. Tell them the only way to build wealth is to invest in individual stocks. In your words, you have to find the winners. 2. Talk about your favorite craft beer.
00:02:13
Speaker
Please tell us about the niche beer you found in Janesville, Wisconsin on the way back from a water skiing trip. Tell us the origins of the beer and why it's called Knuckle Punch. chocolate knuckle Many people are interested in the ingredients and flavor profile of Knuckle Punch, so tell them everything you know. so fucking And since many folks don't know about the k craft beer craze over the last two decades, you should tell them about that too. Explain to them that there are more beer options than just Michelob Ultra and Bud Light.
00:02:41
Speaker
Tell people craft beer is kind of a hobby of yours and how you just bought a grandfather G70 brewing system and you plan to make an amber ale called Opaque Sunrise. Fucking making beer bro. Number three.
Standards of Attractiveness and Lifestyle Comparisons
00:02:56
Speaker
Show pics of the beautiful women you'd hit. Tell your friends that you want to hook up with the Instagram star Summer Rae. Tell them her body is jacked and you'd definitely hit that.
00:03:08
Speaker
Remind them that bitches at your school are ugly compared to some array. Tell them that you'll only smash girls with smoking bodies and hot faces. Make sure your friends understand it's better to protect one's high standards than experience life in the real world.
00:03:23
Speaker
who Number four, promote your life as a tradwife. Talk to people about your fascination with becoming a tradwife. Tell them you wish we could go back to the 1950s where everyone was mostly straight, white, and middle class to a time where women were submissive homemakers and men were providers. Tell people you're not racist or anti-feminist. It's just that you believe men know what's best for the family and what's best for America.
00:03:52
Speaker
tell people tradwives are making a choice to stay home and that they're following, and I quote, the natural order. um fucking boder track Number five, discuss university Greek life.
Controversies in University Greek Life
00:04:06
Speaker
Tell people your pledge master changed your life by sodomizing you with a broomstick. Talk to them about commitment and toughness. Tell them that sometimes a man has to be willing to take some punishment, no matter how humiliating or abusive. you got fucked to the as bro number six debate your favorite fast food Please get into an online argument with someone over whether Popeye's chicken sandwich is better than raising canes. Tell your friends about the online argument you had with user pinstripe3040 and how he said raising canes sandwich doesn't count because they use chicken fingers instead of a full breast cut. Tell people how uninformed pinstripe3040 is since raising canes always uses breast meat. Make sure your friends and family know you prefer raising canes over all other fast food chicken places. Chicken bro, come on bro. Number seven, proselytize online porn.
00:05:02
Speaker
Tell people about all the gangbang porn there is online now. Tell them how you broke up with your girlfriend because she told you she tried some gangbang shit at the frat houses at the University of Alabama. Talk about the fisting shit you're into now. Tell them how you've watched so much fisting porn that recently you've been looking for videos of people doing weird anal stuff. Tell them they can find anything they want online. You're fucking crazy bro.
00:05:28
Speaker
Number eight, share the skin products you like.
Lifestyle Choices and Self-Promotion
00:05:31
Speaker
Tell your 13-year-old cousin that it's never too early to prevent wrinkles. Make sure she knows about Plexiderm Rapid Reduction Serum so she can get a jump on preventing ugliness. Tell her about developing a complete skincare routine using anti-aging creams, facial cleansers, mist, hydrating masks, and moisturizers. Motivate her by saying, I haven't used an Instagram filter since I started my skincare routine.
00:05:57
Speaker
That bitch has blisters bro. In conclusion, I think it's important for people to be vocal fans of the lifestyle choices and products shaping their lives. Family and friends are influential change agents. So I say shout from the rooftops of your Instagram page, blast people with DMs, corner them at holiday gatherings, do whatever it takes to get more people to adopt your way of life. I hope this has felt more encouraging and positive than previous episodes. Until next time.
00:06:25
Speaker
I wish you the best.
00:06:42
Speaker
What you promoting? I'm promoting Slabs from now to the end, bro. Dude. I'm all in. I'm a believer. It's not a, it's not a sham just to make money and surf more and hang out with my kids more.
00:06:54
Speaker
it's a passion you are preoccupied man you're in it man i love it i took my first business trip and maybe three or four years i went to flew into newark new jersey did a franchise show up there over the weekend with the owner of the company and just was like thrown into american melting pot culture man Then I come back and I got to listen. I got all excited, dude, because you came out, oh, I'm going to get positive. Lance is going to be positive. And then it was sarcasm, dude. You were mocking every conversation we've had over the last five years. You know, Lance, you know, L.A., bro. But so there were no white boys out there in Jersey at this franchise convention. Yeah, I forgot, man, because I you know, I lived in New Jersey in the in the 80s when I'm like middle school, a little bit of grade school.
00:07:44
Speaker
And it really is a melting pot, but you go to these franchise shows. So to give you an idea, we're like trying to sell wood slabs coming out of these giant trees in Costa Rica. There's like little seasons. They're trying to sell franchise. There's guys trying to sell their marketing plan for your franchise. There's chocolate company, but most of the people in the crowd, like I talked to like maybe five white people the whole weekend.
00:08:07
Speaker
It's like it's all it's all foreigners that either just got to the US or been there for 15 years but mostly like first generation some second generation but like looking for a hustle just look in the hustle like looking for business opportunities just just by low so high just looking looking the way to take their money that they made keep grinding at work and make more money so it was we got some good leads but what's interesting man and it's like extension of the show R2 crying bitch asses The white folk generally are looking for business opportunities as an escape.
Entrepreneurial Work Ethics
00:08:42
Speaker
So most white people are lazy, right? That's why I said listeners, you're all fucking slipping, right? Like yeah white folk in the US are just slipping, getting too comfortable, worried about your fucking Krispy Kreme and your vacation in the Gulf of Mexico. And like, you always feel like I'm overworked and underpaid so I can do whatever I want. You got that going. The foreigners fucking still grabbing the dream.
00:09:04
Speaker
Like they're there because they're like, this is what you do. You work, you make money. It's easy to make money in the U.S. Look at the shithole we came from. And so you try to make money. So they're like, they're positive. The white folk, I mean, I heard it all with the five people I talked to. um We're just tired of grinding, man. I'm just tired of of my job and dealing with idiots and like not having any money. Every white person in the middle ages is just like, oh, you oh fuck so And we're the same you and I'm that's why we have this show but Yeah, honkeys be tripping. You got you see the the guy off the boat so to speak from China I talked to people Chinese people people from Bangladesh Indians um I mean people from all over the world Middle Easterners Africans and you can see the gleam in their eye where they're just doing numbers and it's just like business opportunity and
00:09:52
Speaker
And the white people, dude, are like, save me, save my soul. Is this something that I can do and like still have time with my family and get out of the ground? It's so true, though. like We're such pussies. Well, expectations, right? Expectations. You get used to them quick.
00:10:10
Speaker
you know like You go to you yeah university, you expect to have a great job, you expect to have ah a nice house in the burbs, all that stuff, it's tougher than it looks and then- Such a sense of entitlement too though. Yeah, totally, totally. But what's crazy dude is most white people, not every white person in the US s fuck signed the Declaration of Independence, their ancestors and had slaves. Most of us are only maybe two generations away from coming here.
00:10:34
Speaker
Exactly, yeah. But it happens that quick, like one generation. All these people that are hustling, their kids are going to be fucking staff accountants, grinding it out, one looking for more vacations. that like They're going to be whiners. It happens quickly, right? Whiners like Lance. They'll be whiners like Lance. But so tell me, you were promoting you were you are a promoter out there. give me ah Give me your sales pitch, bro. Give me a little bit of taste.
00:11:00
Speaker
oh Man, it's so funny. i I like well Sell me some wood dog. It's like first of all, we're not a franchise. We're not looking for royalties. We're not looking for anything We're just trying to sell wood. We're a wholesaler selling exotic wood out of Costa Rica the advantage we have down there is like ah You know with the 12 month grow season the trees some of our trees are gigantic and And we can actually harvest them in a sustainable way. And like, there's only few places in the world you can still do this. Like, you can go out to California, but you can't cut down a Sequoia. Snooze, motherfucker. Snooze. I didn't hear nothing about gay sex. Get the idea now. Your pen. Yeah. and We have some pictures.
00:11:39
Speaker
That thing over there, I got a guy in Nashville, that's all he sells, drip slabs, he sells them for 15 grand a piece. You can get into that for like a grand. Oh, now we're talking. You can do the margin there, it's like 15X. I'm not saying everything's 15X, like your bread and butter slabs, you know, your 8-foot tables, 9-foot tables, but you can easily do 6X. So, we sell by the board foot. If you're not familiar what a board foot is, this table I got right here,
00:12:01
Speaker
This is about 50 inches by 25 inches by 2 inches, about 20 board foot. We give you that about 680 a board foot. You're in it for about 120 bucks. Most of our resellers are looking at about 800 bucks. All right, there you go. Listen to this motherfucker. POS audience, listen to this motherfucker promoting. That's great, dude. That's actually true. If anyone's actually listening, both of you.
00:12:24
Speaker
got them grab paul and sheila If either of you are interested, our two listeners. ah wait this is it it actually It's funny dude, when you're doing this
Negative Experiences with Amway
00:12:36
Speaker
kind of crap, if you gotta feel like you really gotta sell it, it sucks. It's so bad. If you ever had a job and you're just like, don't believe what you're saying.
00:12:45
Speaker
Oh, God, I want to tell you a story. And I got sucked into essentially Amway by a couple of physicians that my wife was... You tried to get me into that, right? Is that the online one? I tried, dude, but you smartly were like, fuck that. Before you go, though, I just want to say, it was that the precursor to Amazon where they actually write.
00:13:05
Speaker
like No. but you explain it That's not the precursor. Well, so what they had done, Amway in the early 2000s rebranded to something called Quickstar and essentially yeah what they what they were offering was an online are a website essentially where you had options to buy products from affiliates like Office Depot that they had aligned with.
00:13:29
Speaker
But essentially, Amway is a multi-level marketing scam, in my opinion, a pyramid scheme where the real goal is for you to hawk their core products and then for you to basically get other distributors. So I was out there, bro, because I was trying to escape, just like the white boys that you talked to this weekend. I was trying to escape so I could play music. I was out there. I think we should differentiate, dude.
00:13:53
Speaker
because you were the same boat I was in. You're looking for any way to hold the fort down while you're trying to chase this other thing. Right? Yeah, and this was in my 20s. Yeah, but you're trying to get your band going. I was trying to stand up. Yeah.
00:14:06
Speaker
And this bitch that got me into it, dude, that was the wife of one of these doctors, she gave me a tape from Tim Foley. He was a former free safety for Miami. She knew as a football player, she did all the things. like So he was like promoting the business, talking about how much money you could make. Just like all network, all multi-level marketing, they hook you in on the dream. So I was in here trying to figure out how not how not to work and make enough money so I could play music.
00:14:33
Speaker
And I was dude, I was talking out of my ass out of nowhere selling motherfuckers left and right. There's some called show them the plan where you like I was in boy boy where you where you draw some circles about here's here's you and then look if you get three people under you and then this and then that next thing you know, you're making thirty six thousand of passive income. It was the biggest load of bullshit. But like within a month I was like top ah highest, fastest growing whatever business dude in Colorado in our little ah pipeline or whatever you call it. And I was in getting awards and stupid shit. and then But what I didn't realize man, I was selling all these idiots, essentially training tools. I had to cover the tools upfront myself. I had no money. So I'm trying to pay like 900 bucks every two weeks for these tapes and fucking CDs and bullshit.
00:15:29
Speaker
and And then having to distribute them to like 13 people I got in really quick and get checks from them. It was a fucking nightmare. I never saw any money. right We bought a bunch of bullshit. We didn't need like cases of toothpaste and fucking ah granola bars that were awful. but But I would tell you, I felt so guilty for years after because I talked to a lot of people I liked and acted like a ah total asshole. Not an asshole, but just a dipshit.
00:15:58
Speaker
Because you got to recruit everyone, your friends, your family. You got to let it take over. And it and I did for it. I mean, I lasted for literally about a month and a half. I remember we you took me to those people's house. They had like a mansion down off of like Colorado Boulevard or Leedsdale or something. Yeah, so was compelling. It looked compelling. Yeah, you're like, I remember you were like, well, I want you to see this not just some idiots. These people are pretty successful people. But what I meant by the Amazon thing is I thought it had like a real early because what was this? Oh, two. Oh, three. Something like that.
00:16:29
Speaker
It was, her yeah, early 2000s. But it had some, on like, the first maybe online presence, because i I thought we actually ordered, we we' were trying to help, yeah, out we ordered some fucking energy bars or some shit that tasted like chalk, and I thought that we ordered it online, so I thought, oh, yeah they were actually right. like Yeah, but they weren't the first. I mean, they just, they were just replicating. Amazon actually dates back the 90s, I think. Yeah. But that's so funny, man. Like, you remember when I was, at that time I was working for Ricochet?
00:16:57
Speaker
ah wire was ricoche wireless internet and speaking of promotion dude like the idea was amazing because at the time wireless internet was not like mobile internet you had like your blackberries maybe you can get some emails like going around and surfing wherever you want surfing the internet was not that available and the idea was great but the network sucked like we reclaim some old network that somebody had somebody had sunk like a billion dollars into so I and then I was in like the network operations center but I got into sales and I remember going yeah you should try it out for like I'd have to sell people on it and they'd love the ideas they buy it like immediately but then I'd be worried that the network wouldn't work at their house because the coverage sucked and I would just be like yeah it's pretty good
00:17:39
Speaker
It's pretty good man speeds are all right. Everyone knows speeds and then I just was like shit. I'm like I don't I'm not it's like so much easier to sell someone you believe in it, but I just remember being like fuck I'm gonna tell this guy and I know he lives down there in this area like chat field or some shit and I know it's not gonna work and then he's just gonna be fucking bitching about about the the speeds and everything.
00:18:01
Speaker
or like real estate. I used to I found like a real estate broker meeting and I go there. And then undoubtedly every time they'd be at like a client house or something to be like a coverage hole. And I just thought I got to keep selling this shit but it doesn't work. So funny. The worst. Yeah. When you when you when you don't believe in it. I can say it this weekend pass the test at least like I didn't feel like i was selling my soul. Right. Right. Yeah.
00:18:27
Speaker
No, in the examples I put in a little intro here, I think those are definitely things people believe in or are caught up in. I think those are kind of funny. you feel I like, I like some of the other shit is like, come on, man. Yeah. Like if somebody tells me the investment tip, like you mentioned the crypto guy, I think it's great. Just as like if somebody tells me any, any fucking gambling tip,
00:18:49
Speaker
Like I know, you know, 80% of the teams that wear red cover the point spread. I'm like, great. That sounds sounds good to me. I'm betting it. If someone goes, did you hear about, uh, someone said that last night a guy played basketball, what did you hear? XRP crypto. Trump thinks it's going to be the number one currency as far as a ah currency exchange. Like instead of it taking a while and using Swift.
00:19:10
Speaker
And I was just like, great. Where'd I put my money? You like that? I hate it, dude. That makes me. Well, what's your limit? Like, if I, I mean, I, I told you about the slabs. I said, Hey, we're looking for somebody in Denver eventually. And like, was that intrusive or? No, no, no, no. No, I don't. I'm just saying that stock tips in particular from randos. They're just, they're proven to be. Well, what do you consider randos? Just your friends that and aren't brokers or like, what's a rando?
00:19:37
Speaker
i'm look If I'm gonna get to take a stock tip, I'm looking for a true insider. Okay, did you Yeah. You want insider trading information? Exactly. Call you Martin Stewart, Lance Stewart. Yeah, she that was bullshit by the way. Yeah.
00:19:57
Speaker
But she had made it it only made her stronger, man. Only made her. She was friends with Snoop. She she got big. but ah so yeah but But do you know what a tradwife is? You didn't understand that one that bad. I thought it was some some word about non-binary. I didn't get it. i thought i thought I always think the worst with you. So I thought it was going like she turned out she wanted to be bi or something in my head. Cute little housewife.
00:20:23
Speaker
No, it's a huge trend of people trying to be traditional wives. How how deep do they go? Like there's some like Serbian to their husband or just more like, yeah, it's just a housewife. Yeah, she's more of a housewife, but it's like she's embracing it and embracing perfection in it. And I thought that was that's an interesting. Do not like it. ah Well, in the framing that's out there right now, it's, it's pretty twisted right wing shit, but But do you think that on the basic level, like, we're better off in society if there's someone at home all the time? I know you both had to work, my wife and I are both working, but like, and we're even separated. But do you think there's some truth to that? It's a different conversation. I know what you're saying, like, but maybe, but the the lady who's just like, this is I'm doing this and I and like, like bragging about and talking about judging other people for it's what you really don't like about it, right? like
00:21:18
Speaker
ah yeah Yeah, I don't like the idea that working women are these feminist liberal psychos that well won't put out that are just automatic lesbians or something. I don't like that perspective because it's not true, but these tradwives are interesting. But I think just generally this idea that we're all promoting something and I think it's funny no matter what point in your life.
00:21:43
Speaker
There's something we're promoting. right And we can we can get stupid about it, but I'm most interested in the ones that we promote that are probably not applicable or for the people we're talking to or potentially even harmful. So I think it's funny when, you know, I always go back to the guy trying to get you to drink. ah That's funny, but yeah is there anything you're doing, dude? Right. Shot guy.
00:22:07
Speaker
Are you doing anything right now where you are, besides slabs, you're trying to indoctrinate people into slabs, but do you, do you promote anything that's like not relevant, not applicable or potentially harmful to someone else? I'm going door to door trying to get people on Atkins, like outlawing carbohydrates. No, dude. It's interesting. I probably went like.
00:22:31
Speaker
The last year I've been like really like promotion free, not not like a positive thing, but it's kind of like fuck everything. Any sort of ambition is like is like ah selling up your soul is kind of how I looked the last year. And now i money has made reality like there's gotta be some promotion in life.
00:22:49
Speaker
yeah But I think the only thing I probably talk too much about because I'm terrible at it and I don't know that much about it but it's surfing. Like I talk too much about it and I use that as like a, I mean even I gave some advice to to my friend Paul in Wisconsin.
00:23:04
Speaker
who might come on the show, by the way, but I was using surfing as the way for us to slow down drinking, slow down exercise, mental health, because that's what I think I get out of it, but still, it's not a magic bullet. So I think in that ways, I'm like, well, I found surfing. It's really something I do maybe six times a month. It's not realistic that I do that. Yeah, I feel it from you. I feel it from you.
00:23:31
Speaker
But it you know, it is good to have a like a pat like something this like completely outside of everything else and you have a passion for it even if you over consume about a good thing. You should try surfing. Yeah, seriously, you should try surfing. Now, but that's healthy, man. No, but that's my thing that I've been promoting, like, yeah, sort of subconsciously. I just don't have anything to promote. Like in any anything that's like I don't know, I've been like anti-promotion in the last year. That's why that's I had really had a hard time with that in stand-up. I think you you you did a pretty good job with it when you were at the band, but stand-up, self-promotion for the first probably 10, 15 years of your career is vitally important. And shaking hands with the right people and becoming friends with the better comics, it's all like, it's so like clicky, but it helps. And I hated that aspect of it. I wasn't good at it.
00:24:23
Speaker
Yeah, you have a conscience. Did you ever do snakey behavior in the corporate environment where I know I have. I know I felt really guilty about, you know, playing two sides of the coin here at times, like with ah a boss that everybody knew was dysfunctional. And you so you're like talking him up, but you're also then talking shit about overbears, talking shit about the complainers to try to like make sure you're still good with this dude. But then going back to the complainers and saying, yeah, he's a fucking dipshit. Have you ever done that?
00:24:59
Speaker
Yeah, I talk out of both sides of my mouth all the time. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's tough. That's tough. And like, yeah, no Lance is a fucking psycho. Hey, Lance, keep doing your commercials, bro. They're really good. said Yeah, can you talk about finger banging again, bro? I try to be Yeah, I try to be conscious. Like, I think I mean, I haven't been that situation a while, but like, of like, kind of like, oh, he's a good guy, just kind of nuts. I try to try to bring it back that way but I can I can easily talk shit so I can easily pile on pretty quickly but have you noticed though sometimes that's like there's some camaraderie in that like like the employee level so it it ah and ends up being okay for everyone to be like yeah he's a fucking prick or he doesn't know what
00:25:41
Speaker
He doesn't know the process because he never does anything. So how could he like when you're criticizing like a CEO for not knowing the receiving process on the dock, you know, he's not a good leader. He's not a good leader. And yeah the day you're like, you don't want your CEO to know the receiving process on the dock. That's not why he's there. It's like, oh, you could do it. No shit. But but he's like, yeah, I know I'm susceptible to that. But I think if I get back in that situation, I'll be I'll be a little more conscious
Corporate Culture Reflections
00:26:08
Speaker
of it.
00:26:08
Speaker
No, I think you'd be good at that, actually. I think it's relatable. As long as you're acknowledging, hey, you know, we're talking shit here. We're all talking shit. We're all doing it. ah But it it never felt great to me. Because I would, I had extreme, and probably why I never pursued the path to leadership, but I had like extreme criticisms for anybody trying to lead or trying to manage.
00:26:34
Speaker
in terms of their social, emotional behavior and their ability to execute, just like extreme criticism. So I was always talking shit about leaders. And it just, it was like, it's sort of insane. What percentage of them had it coming? So it like where you could go, well, I was talking shit. Is that guy's a clown or is it just more like ah you were doing something that you weren't that excited about and everything kind of pissed you off a little bit?
00:26:56
Speaker
Oh, I can find their weakness and promote the shit out of their weaknesses. Yeah, but it's a great and Bill Belichick has weaknesses, right? there Yeah, but you just promote him and you Hitler had weaknesses, but great leader, right? You promote them and you talk it up and you talk some shit. And I always like when I was confronted with somebody that didn't want to go there, it was always like a kind of a slap in the face. Like, ah, yeah, you're the dysfunctional one. Shut the fuck up. Go back to work. White man.
00:27:22
Speaker
and let's ah let's get on with things. But that's what I've been susceptible to is a little bit of that. But nothing like, I never got into like promoting like coke lines or meth. Anything really harmful. As we know on this show, you've always had a problem with overweight people. Did that did that get into your, while you were criticizing the leaders? Were you also criticizing for the body types? Was that a part of it? Let me think about that. I don't have a problem.
00:27:51
Speaker
with overweight people. it's it's a joke It's a joke, you and I both both lean on too often in in the sense that it's American excess that we're making fun of. But yeah, dude, I think that had come into play before. I guess what the question though is like, if you get if you get on the off the rails, so speaking, you start criticizing somebody, you very easily could be like that fat piece of shit or that fucking get a little stereotypical, get maybe racist, get gender,
00:28:21
Speaker
You know, that's because women can't work together because they always have to fucking fight. They get catty. Like I've heard that like a million times. Yeah. But what's crazy is oftentimes some of these things are true. Like when I worked the office, there's always.
00:28:36
Speaker
like female tension between between workers like always at least one like sort of group of girls against another group of girls like almost always yeah i don't know why well it's an interesting dynamic there yeah but you can get it you can run away with it if you if you want if you're starting if you're in that kind of negative criticizing this is the opposite of the show promoting we're like yeah But in a way you're promoting like, I'm better than these people. So you're just like, they don't get it. I'm better than these people. This place sucks. Yeah. the The corporate environment brings out some interesting behavior, but you're not, you're not, are you promoting anything else? How about exercise other than surfing? I've done some, so I've, I was into promoting kettlebells for about a year and a half and that, that nobody wanted to hear that shit. you talk I'd rather someone talk about, you meant there's a, in your segment you're talking about porn, I'd rather listen to someone,
00:29:27
Speaker
fucking talk about porn and then kettlebells. No, but they're tough. That's why that's why people want to want to ignore them. They're hard. But I would promote them to anyone and people I knew could who could barely bend over. You got to try these. I'm like, can you do that by yourself? Like, do your kettlebells, but don't ever talk about you. Did you? I don't know if it's still going on the CrossFit phase, but when did you ever get around to in the CrossFit? I got one guy, but yeah.
00:29:54
Speaker
They don't use words, like it like everything coming out of their mouth is CrossFit. It's like CrossFit, CrossFit, CrossFit. That's the sentence. We've been down this path before with you. I know, but dude, you're talking kettlebells, dude. No, I got into that. I got into promoting marathons ah for a while, about two years. what What do you mean by promoting? Just talking about it too much or you actually you're actually out hanging signs and she's so organizing running groups? and ah So just just sort of like ah parroting a little bit of the intro of this thing. It's just like being ah being an annoying idiot about something. Like the guy talking about his favorite chicken sandwich, you know his favorite fast food. yeah that's just and That's just annoying. So the guy talking about kettlebells or because he's doing a marathon and talking about how
00:30:41
Speaker
you know You should try it. You should try it, man. Come on, do it with me. ah yeah We have some friends that do this way more than we do. like they're so We have some common friends.
00:30:52
Speaker
that are true annoying fucking promoters. ah We're not gonna name their names, but yet annoying fucking promoters. I'm just trying to call out that I have been this guy with a few things and counting crows is another example. I promote this shit out of counting crows. that's true Yeah, so i want um I want people to know I'm a human being too. I'm just not here to criticize. So kettlebells, marathons, counting crows and quick star, AKA am Amway.
00:31:21
Speaker
are you ah Are you a rally cry? Are you a promoter of like, you you've been pretty deep and now what we talked about, but you're, you know, your kids playing sports. Are you, do you recruit kids? Like you're trying to put a club team together or are you trying to be promoting any of that crap? Hey, you should come play over here with my son. that's ah That's a thing that happens a lot in the US. Oh, it does. I know a guy that that's like his whole life, um trying to get the best kids on a team. But no, I never got into that.
00:31:49
Speaker
I thought that was stupid. That's not for me. What about some of your more like, uh, you know, like your environmental concerns or like, or that, or even politics? Like, were you out telling your friends that you should vote for, I'm not going to say it because you're going to criticize the way I say her name, but the president, the the Democratic nominee who's running against Trump, were you out promoting her? Never. No, no, I never, never politics.
00:32:18
Speaker
Uh, what about your bike? Are you like, hey I should all get into some clean living. Here's the difference between you and I dude, and why I'm probably way more abrasive to people and you're much more friendly and likable is that I can't. I can't resist just being very blunt about my preferences. Like comp confrontational? No, not confrontational. just Just direct about my preferences and then maybe doing some self-deprecating stuff. So but like if somebody's like, we're out for dinner and you know they're talking about having steak and it's like, no, not for me. I'm not eating. I don't eat meat.
00:32:53
Speaker
I'm not eating, I don't eat red meat. And then of course what happens, right? The conversation ensues, I have to justify why I don't eat red meat. And then I've got to explain all sorts of things about my preferences.
00:33:05
Speaker
Oh, this guy doesn't need meat and he retired early. Oh, and he's riding his e-bike. And i so I'm um'm constantly on the defensive about these ah lifestyle choices. Yeah, i'm just a I'm just a piece of shit, which is the essence of this podcast. That's the whole podcast is a reflection of me feeling guilty about life choices that don't fit into yeah your normal social patterns of behavior. That's his podcast. What is in the name? Yeah, piece of shit. Yeah, but there's like, there's a difference between like defending what you believe in and like because you mentioned something like the porn guy, guys like talking about his porn taste, I haven't come across the
Defending Lifestyle Choices
00:33:46
Speaker
guide. And so like you defending a electric bike or you don't eat red meats a little different the guy defending like I just like fisting, like, like, ah
00:33:55
Speaker
But I haven't come across that guy, but what i what is funny, I don't know if this is promotion. and don' do people do like like there's I'm in like a thousand WhatsApp groups in Costa Rica for whatever reason, because it's people I play basketball with, or or a lot of it's like parenting groups. There are groups, they're like, people feel real fucking comfortable sharing porn in, and you're like,
00:34:17
Speaker
Jesus Christ, yeah. That doesn't happen up there? It doesn't happen up there. No, I'm not at any group. It's like the basketball team moms all of a sudden. No, not that. The one group is like a group of guys that I play basketball with. and I mean, it's not like all the time, but you're just like, who would who would just post that shit, you know? No, I might do it for giggles, but I wouldn't do it to like a chip dish out. ah Wow. So what what'd you see? What was the latest? What kind of action? Giant cocks.
00:34:47
Speaker
uh i mean not not as far as i'm concerned lance uh not by your standards yeah no i i mean just porn you know like or or even or like i don't know they i don't know if they're like recording like these like tick tock or instagram sluts or only fans some of that is like girls it's like or it'll be like a three-minute collage of girl's assets or something they'll put on there and Do you jerk to it right away or what? How do you handle it? I usually delete it because my kids are like. Smart. My kids are, I'll often have my phone and and I don't know why but it just dumps into my picture gallery and I'm like, yeah, I'm gonna delete that but. Hey, related dude, because I do wanna mention this one. I think you might have something to say about it. so In the intro, I would talk to a little, just very small snippet about Greek life
00:35:40
Speaker
And the pledging process, we got some details from my nieces, half nieces, whatever
Extreme Fraternity Hazing Practices
00:35:46
Speaker
I call them. Just don't go on. About pledging and what they're still doing on the fraternity side. There are examples of like, you make kids take three tabs of LSD and they have to like go under the house on the dirt in the deck as a party's up above them and stay there all night. A lot of like. This is a lot serious?
00:36:08
Speaker
I'm not even joking. A lot of penis shit, a lot of crazy shit, a lot of sex stuff. Yeah. That's, ah I didn't know that's, I mean, I presume a little bit is still going on, but I thought like a lot of stuff has been like... hashed out because people are dying. Yeah, people die to see you this year. But some of it isn't some of it isn't sanctioned by the university. It's like they live off campus and they're separate. So they're not even falling under that. But like I ask because your brother, didn't your brother, older brother, like wasn't he a frat boy? And then how come you didn't do it? I never had a desire to join a frat. I mean, I got to Colorado late because I was playing baseball. I had a baseball scholarship down at ODAC.
00:36:50
Speaker
I don't know. I just never, I never had the desire. I was also like, I was friends with some of his friends. They were pretty nice to me. So if I wanted to go hang out at a frat, I could. But what would you have done dude, with some like butt stuff or some kind of like sadistic pledge activity? Man, I think you can just do it. You would have done it. Yeah. I mean, I don't, I'm not saying, Oh, I fucking, a I wish I would have done it. If I would have known if it's all butt stuff, but you just roll through the pledge week.
00:37:19
Speaker
there's like pledge week where you just get fucked with for like five days and you don't sleep and make you do stupid shit. Let me get this straight. You would roll through fucking pledge week and get a broom up that ass and not react. I mean, I don't know. Let me get this straight. You're making it sound like it's 100% guaranteed you're gonna broom up your ass. I think some of these frats like Sigma Nu, these are some sadistic ass mofos.
00:37:49
Speaker
I wouldn't be that excited about the thing, but I don't know what you do. But you go through it. I beat that fucking kid's ass. But then you never, never be in the fraternity. Exactly. Well, I guess we made that choice. We made that choice before we had to get into a fight.
00:38:05
Speaker
What if you got jumped by the whole fraternity? Then then I'd fucking rally some people and come back and fuck that place up. What's your limit? All right. I mean, neither of us would like a broom. We hope maybe we'd love it. A broomstick up the ass. But like, would you do the LSD thing?
00:38:21
Speaker
Hell no, no, I'm out. I would do normal stuff. Like if you wanna send me on a- It's actually right up your alley though, something like the prank type shit and that kind of stuff. Yeah, no, no, no, normal stuff. Like if you wanna like send me on campus wearing a bikini and that kind of shit, okay, fine. If you want me to like go on a dumb scavenger hunt where whatever I'm trying to find that doesn't exist and I like we're up all night, fine.
00:38:49
Speaker
ah But no, we're not trying to do insane sex stuff. We're not trying, I'm not trying to do that. I'm not gonna do a bunch of drinking. I'm not gonna do a bunch of drugs.
00:39:01
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, my what I've heard is ah it's a lot of just getting really fucked up and doing stupid shit. and But not like I haven't heard about the broomstick up the ass, so to speak. There's like paddles. People are fucking paddling you, which is kind of kind of, you know, a guy pulling down your pants and fucking slapping you with paddling. Seems like a little kind of sexual. No, I heard real stories, though, from my nieces, real stories.
00:39:25
Speaker
about a lot of sex shit. some easy So this is sorority shit too, not just- No, no, they were no that they were talking about the frats because they were- Oh, okay. like One of them pledged a sorority, both of them pledged, one of them decided not to go that route. And the sorority, are they dealing with the same shit or what? and They deal with certain types of hazing, some of them are nasty, other some of them will make them like, like days of confused, you got to go up to a guy and be like, and you got to do you got to give head even going as far as some so some serious crazy sex. No, thought no, no way. I'm not joking, dude. You got to get it's like being jumped by a gang. You got to get jumped in. I forgot what they said. Right. Like, no, I forgot what it said. It's like a choice. It's like, I forgot, they had a choice to do one thing or the other. And and one sorority, Kaiji Tresse,
00:40:14
Speaker
but Their home office is in El Salvador and you got to get jumped in or some shit Yeah, but there' there's always been that like brother, you know You have like a brother sissy sorority fraternity and there's always like part of the hazing's one night You got like if you're in a fraternity that there's a bunch of girls from the sorority gets you completely fucked up and fucking Whatever happens happens, but right the girls fight do that too But there's got to be like it's got to be different now though I would think like so many girls have been Violated somebody guys have died from drinking like you would think that or maybe it's just kids will be kids and they can't stop it It's gonna happen. Yeah, what I just thought it was an interesting thing that You know a lot of you want me to go on air and say that I would have taken a broomstick up the ass You're like well, I'm just saying this
00:40:58
Speaker
and i'm just wondering like some people fall into that group mentality you've heard of that experiment yeah i just like to ask when we're talking about the broomstick like as far as like uh you know the stick itself like a snow shovel a little more circumference are we talking about like a skinnier broom, maybe not as quite as intrusive. I mean, you've got to give me some, some terms. um A wooden broom where splinters could exist, but also like, is it treated? Is it poly? So it slides in? Are they lubin it? Like, yeah, see, see, that's a, but I'm not, I wouldn't be down with that. But some of the stories I heard were like, Jesus Christ. but Do you think it's, you know, I've heard people that say when you buy a gun,
00:41:42
Speaker
you you gotta you gotta go through like a you know you should learn and you make the decision beforehand if you would actually use it on somebody right like you can't be in the moment like someone's right robbing your house and you're like sure is this a moral issue or do I i bought the gun and defend myself and now I'm gonna use it right you got to make that decision or don't get the gun you make that decision, you know, the fraternities haze, you know, there's hell week, that's what it is hell week, you know, this shit, like you just do it, because you made the decision, are you're going to be sitting there in every moment, like, I've had 15 shots, I've had 15 shots, and I'm fucking naked on the on the hill, or like, I got to stop, or you just go, I got to get through this. Well, once you're in, I mean, you
00:42:24
Speaker
The social pressure is to just get through it and who knows how far you'll go. But yeah, you think in the moment you would just start getting violent. That's what I'm saying. You probably made your decision before the hazing started. No, no, no, no, no. There's certain lines that would cross for me. Now, if I were being, if I were a pledge master, it'd definitely be more physical. Like I wake you up in the middle of the night, make you jog 10 miles. That kind of stuff would be more up my alley or I make you like embarrass yourself, maybe get a megaphone and walk around and say something silly about yourself. That would be the stuff I do, i but nothing. I can see you have a cowboy. Here comes cowboy. Here comes cowbell Lance.
00:43:02
Speaker
Yeah, no sexual deviance, no drugs, substance abuse, high risk stuff would ever cross my pledge master's table there. I would fucking, I do weird stuff, don't get me wrong, but it would not be stuff that they would would haunt the rest of their life.
00:43:18
Speaker
so That's all I'm sure you took general psychology either at the Air Force or up there in Greeley Like I remember we spent a few days in general psychology at Colorado So the research shows that the people that had the hardest hazing the most fucked up hazing end up being like enjoying and liking their yeah fraternity experience the most because it's like You have it's like you brotherhood justifying it. Yeah, you have the brotherhood and then you got to justify it you you If you had a broomstick shoved up your ass, it better be worth it, right? Like something like that. Yeah, but you can do it without the sexual deviance and substance abuse
Comparisons to Military Training
00:43:56
Speaker
stuff. You can haze effectively. Like when you go into basic training, that's essentially what it is. It's like ah a long hazing right process where you're building bonds. And I enjoyed it. I actually enjoyed that part of
00:44:08
Speaker
You guys had to go through basic at the at the prep or whatever it was? Yeah, full month and a half. what are Are they trying to get you in shape or weed people out or just fuck with you? like what What did you think the point was? You literally joined the military when you go into, directly to prep or academy. You're joining the military, so you're actually going through a real basic. But what are they trying to get out of it? make Like whip you in the shape or is it just to break you down mentally so that you can take orders? like or What do you think? um well Yeah, you you have to be indoctrinated into the chain of command, and you have to be somebody that can follow rules, and you have to know the standards of the military. I mean, it's just basic basic ah soldiering, I guess. Right. Yeah. this so This thing is not unique to fraternities or or military. like It's actually being taking a blood oath or all this shit. There's a lot of lot of groups that do shit like this. right
00:45:04
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. And we, we got, I mean, I don't know where we we lost the promotion thing because these things are kind of more interesting. But the result of that is when you go through it, you become a promote, you become a huge promoter. Like you, you know, you've ever met a guy that's really into the Greek, the Greek life. Really? yeah fat and His boys. And you're like, ah okay, buddy.
00:45:26
Speaker
That's the turn off. I got the idea. I get it. Why are you doing a fraternity? You have like organized parties, you got sister sororities. I actually, I think it's great. Because when you're out on your own, a lot of times, especially Boulder in the 90s, there was so much police presence because because of some people that died and shit. It's kind of hard to like organize a party, like you know like a house party. It's hard to organize a coalition of people, right? Have a group of friends. yeah And then not have it be 200 dudes.
00:45:56
Speaker
true Well, so like I got I get the Greek system. I think it's good. Well, that's why I played rugby though, because it was the same thing and and they had some yeah ru silly essentially a fraternity. They had some silly, silly ah rituals, but like drink beer off the guy's ass and back type shit like that shit like yeah, drink beer out of a boot fucking out of a a cleat, run naked after you score the first time, like on the field, doesn't matter who's there kids, all kinds of dumb shit like that. ah But it's nowhere near as deviant. you It's not that it's not that deviant. Sounds like it's deviant, bro. And it's like rooted in competing athletically, which I loved. Yeah, so I can't do the frat boys, to be honest, my son will probably want to do it. I'll just say, Hey, man, better lube that ass boy. Yeah, I wonder, like, it's one it's like, I don't know why it's just true the same old shit. But like, you say, Okay, my son's gonna join ah fraternity, you go out, whatever, he's gonna party. and But yeah it's like,
00:47:02
Speaker
Would you be more worried if it was like your daughter joined a sorority? Like, all right, and she's gonna go to these parties with these roofing, roofing rapists and and like... Dude, my daughter would be the ringleader of that shit. I'm not worried about her. She would... She'd be She'd be organizing some crazy shit. Nothing, nothing deviant, but definitely some weird stuff.
00:47:23
Speaker
Um, I worried about it if it depends on the fraternity, because there's some good ones where you know, the worst they do is like, carry this brick around for three days straight on top of your head or something like that. That stuff's fine. That stuff's fine. Is all right, what scares you more this sort of stuff that it mimics some sort of odd sexual behavior or the or the drug alcohol abuse that can put your life at risk?
00:47:50
Speaker
Both, but probably. Yeah, take one. mimicking sexual behavior fine, actually having to be forced to do stuff and do it. I think that's some long-term harm. But the substance abuse piece, that's super risky because these kids, they're sort of desperate to have this social environment and you don't know the limits. These are kids that do not know their limits yet. And the worst that can happen is truly, it's like death, it's been shown.
00:48:23
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, that's there's probably and hundreds of kids that die every year due to this maybe across the nation. and maybe Maybe not hundreds, but at least 50, I bet. Yeah. Like hazing, hazing gone bad, right? Yeah, but I couldn't like some dude slapping in my face back then. But no way like a drink motherfucker slap my face. Come on. Me?
00:48:47
Speaker
Oh my god, I'd be I'd fuck it probably like my person I would try to headbutt the dude and then I'd run out of there what I don't get is like What? It's like, who's like, okay, we're gonna have him. He's gonna have John's dick in his face, why he drinks a beer off of off of Steve's asshole. It's like, who's like, yeah, okay, I like that idea. It's like so weird. Who's that weird fucking rich boy pledge master? But it's like we talked about last week about vices, like apparently everyone needs them. Like this is not an abnormal actually. may i don't know I don't know the extent of it, but like people are doing it or they did it.
00:49:23
Speaker
you hear about that all the time people are doing crazy stuff all over and uh i like to make fun of it it's it's insane i remember and like yeah i remember it's actually one of one of our listener paul's friends who's playing basketball or football at some i met this kid i think he came out of business in boulder at some smaller school in wisconsin wisconsin whitewater or something and the ritual is like yeah All the sweaty fucking big fat linemen they would like take their shirts off drop their pants either like lay underneath them They'd like pour beer down their back like a waterfall off their ass and then you had to like sit there and drink it and They were like, yeah, it's fuck crazy, man. It's like why? Yeah, so dumb and then and then the guys that like the we had a couple guys that just needed to whip their dick out all the time and
00:50:15
Speaker
just us just Just had to whip their dick out at all moments. It's so fucking annoying. and That behavior is so annoying. That's funny coming from you. Not that you like to whip your dick out, but I thought you kind of like people being silly like that, pushing the envelope a little bit. Okay. Yeah, I like silly.
00:50:38
Speaker
But like not every second, like you're having a conversation and dude's like, he's he's sneaking his balls out of his shorts and just sitting there wanting people to see that. Like, I mean, over and over again. Come on, bro. So. Oh, you've gotten old, man. You used to love a good a good subtle ball show. You used to love it, man. What happened, dude?
00:51:11
Speaker
the showers and I'll hit it to the office Oh shit, not right now