Transcript
Speaker: Thank you.
Speaker: All right, I will lead us off. I think been leading off introducing the last 11 episodes, 38 through 49, I believe. And Derek is not here to- Scold us. To scold us for saying these numbers. Derek is kind of against- Numbers. Numbers. Derek hates numerology. yeah Just because it's a rigid, it's a hard science.
Speaker: I was just going to say, you know, the three of us were kind of like, ah you you mentioned 38 to 49, a beautiful range of numbers. And it made me think, you know, we're we're kind of like mean, meaty and mode right now. The classic three math things. Which one are you, Hessa, our wonderful guest of the evening? I'd like to think ah that I'm mode.
Speaker: has some mode Just because that's something people say. Well, because I, in my mind, mode is like French, you know, like mode. you' very in mo Yeah, yeah, yeah. Your personality is very in mode. just one Yeah, yeah. And Derek is range because he's at a far range from us right now. because yeah Thousands of miles away. yeah Yeah, he's really covering a quite a span. And he calls his home on the range. I reckon he's sort of a rural guy. I reckon probably. Yeah, I reckon.
Speaker: I wish I could say I was in, but I'm probably just mean, probably just a mean. Well, we both get accused of being mean. We're both in a we're both mean men. Yeah. Yeah. But I feel like in this in mean median mode, it would be mean would actually be the nicest one. It would be like, you know, a very yeah. Yeah. Like ah a kind of because that would be comedic. You know, that's a comedic. writer Someone's name is mean, but they're like a guy, Richie type nickname. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker: Mother Teresa's middle name was actually, ironically enough, mean. It was these devil. Mother devil Teresa. ah yeah that you know are there I say this a lot, but I feel like there are certain words. um What are words that refer to themselves autonyms?
Speaker: Like the word hippopotamostrosisquipidaliophobia, the fear of long words. That's like that that sort of cheeky word. But I really think the word big sounds like a little tiny, well, a bug. It sounds like a small bug. Big.
Speaker: And small has all of this. Small has a sort of bigness. Small has a gargantuan sort of small and essence. You can really kind of elongate it. Makes me think of a mall. Yeah, it's it's like small, you know?
Speaker: I never thought about that before. But I think B is a very big kind of, it's a very buh. It makes me think of like ah a big boy kind of, you know? every Every B word is big to a baby, like breasts um and a baba. Even a baby is big by virtue of B.
Speaker: yeah i think baby's proportions are completely unnatural i think i would say i would go so far as to say they are an emaciated baby is not a baby you lose the bees that's just an yeah that's a meme that's a meme that's an a a yeah you got an emaciated one all right it's pumping up let's grow this thing I was looking at my notes app for ah like to see if there's any funny jokes in there.
Speaker: And ah there was one that I wrote at like when I woke up like a few days ago. And I don't know what it was but ah what I was trying to say, but it just said, God's own good gift of the Christmas day of the English language.
Speaker: And I was like, what word was I thinking of? That's God's own Christmas Day of the English language. Like, is there a word that beautiful, do you think? What's the most beautiful word? I want to say Christmas. christmas Christmas is so obvious, you know, Christ's mass, you know, there there must be a word.
Speaker: I think like ah a once a year word. Somber is a beautiful word, I think. Somber. That was a sort of Twilight joke. Yeah. It was another beautiful true Oh, Twilight is such a good word. we We're always saying that over here. Evening. Nighttime has so many good words. And then the day. know. Dawn.
Speaker: Not many. dawn is... I mean, it goes without saying that this is different for every language, but even beyond that, it's different for every dialect. Certain words in in British English sound much more lovely than they do in American English and vice versa. Like a British guy saying celestial or wondrous is really nice, but yeah you know some hick, some toothless incest hick saying celestial... Celestial.
Speaker: Yeah. And usually, like if you've watched Deadwood, they're being racist sometimes to Chinese people if they say that in an American accent, especially a a Western one. You know what I mean? That show is mostly beep, right? It's mostly censored by by beeps. It's hard. to yeah Yeah. It's famously hard to understand what they're saying.
Speaker: Exactly. You need to be damn bat or a dolphin to understand you're saying with all these beeps. The beeps represent things clearly still. Yeah. Yeah. It's like its own language kind of. Do you think I just thought of an amazing Mitch Hedberg style banger.
Speaker: You want to hear it? Yes. Do you think mimes do? Wait, let me get into Mitch Hedberg mode. Do you think mimes tell each other that, you know, that guy's got a way without words? That's good.
Speaker: That's awesome. That's really great, right? Damn. wish Hedberg were alive ah hear this. I know. If he heard that, he would probably DM me and be like, you fucker, you stole my joke. You stole my shit. You stole my greatest joke. have an easily stealable style. And you did it. The one thing you're not supposed to do is make a terse or sort of concise joke.
Speaker: Yeah. you can't Sorry, I'm just super influenced by Mitch Hedberg and Jack Handy and fuck it. i That's just who i am now because he made me laugh twice. Dimitri Martin. Dimitri Martin. Yeah.
Speaker: Man, if Mitch Hedberg drew a picture of a mime, imagine if that joke took four minutes to get a laugh, you know? Yeah. What am I drawing right now? A mime. And then, of course, there's all these pit stops along the way like, a mime on all fours is like a zebra.
Speaker: That's really good. Huge laugh. Or what about this? A zebra on its hind legs might you know pretend to reel in a fish with an invisible fishing rod or something.
Speaker: Right. If a zebra was a centaur, or if a mine was a centaur, his lower half would be a zebra. That's really good. Are you doing Demetri Markham? We're getting somewhere here. I don't know how to do a Greek guy. A Greco, a sort of Greco-comedic. Greco-comedic. Greco-comedic. World's foremost Greco comedian, Dimitri Martin. Dimitri Martin's Greco comedic dialect is just so... It's impossible to nail down, you know, famously. Yeah. I mean, here's another thing. If Mitch Hedberg was alive today, he'd probably roast Dimitri Martin by saying, this guy has a way without words. Yeah, exactly. Oh my God. He would probably be like...
Speaker: roasting the fuck out of people you know he'd just be doing comedy about the comedy scene from the early aughts I hate the LA clown if you were alive today Hedberg were alive today he'd just be kind of a snide and humorless hater you know what I'm gonna go as far as say if Mitch Hedberg was alive today he would probably still be dead like he would have died he'd be fucking dead I was just about to say he would not be breathing if you were alive at the very least he wouldn't be breathing Mitch Hedberg is alive today. That's like how curt and cerebral his comedy is. If Dimitri Martin were alive today, what do you think he would be doing? If Dimitri Martin were alive today, the Greek economy wouldn't be such in such shambles, I think.
Speaker: Yes, there wouldn't be such austerity. Yes, exactly. There would be comedy. There'd be comedy. The guy expressed merriment wherever he went on Comedy Central.
Speaker: And local ah venues and ah black box theaters in Los Angeles. Pubs. Yeah. I'm going to a pub to see, well, Demetri Martin. well Well. Damn, I'm going to need a few more black and tans before I can laugh at this kind of comedy.
Speaker: But if he is listening, we do love the ah the precise antics of Dimitri. Precise. Laser focused kind of. Laser focused. Surgical. Silly.
Speaker: Silly, but not loosey-goosey. Yeah. yeah There's a tightness to it. I do love Dimitri Martin's comedy. One that really sticks with me is when he goes, what is it about drinking a glass of ice water where once all the water's gone and it's time to get some little pieces of ice in your mouth, you tilt the cup back, none of the ice is falling, and then all at once the ice hits you in the face. It's almost like the ice is going, hold, brothers, hold now that's a classic. No! What other great jokes are there um that other people have told? I'm trying to think. ah
Speaker: Of course, the Norm Macdonald moth joke. Yes. A shaggy moth joke. for us And we all remember Dimitri Martin's joke about is the dress...
Speaker: ah gold or is it blue? and And everyone has a different take. Yeah, Laurel and Yanni, the classic. Yes. Dimitri Martin invented that style of comedy. Martinic style. Yeah. Dimitri Martin has his whiteboard out and he's using his black dry erase markers. People are pretty locked in, but then he walks off stage and he comes back with four colored markers, one blue, one black, one white and one gold. yeah People know that they're in for the finish. They start laughing. They're ready. It's like when you see Brian Regan and then you said he finishes his 45-minute set and he goes, all right, for the last 20 minutes, just shout out any bits from my career that you'd like me to reenact. Yeah, it's like Andrew Dice Clay where he goes, hickory dickory dock, and everyone is already screaming and cheering for like 10 minutes, 10-minute ovation. Because they know what's coming, you know? Pam! This is why comedy is the opposite of music.
Speaker: If you can sing along, if you if you feel it. um
Speaker: And burger. yep And burger. yeah And burger. ah Different from that. It's also different from that. burger. And burger. he's put He's doing sort of a tag on hamburger. Burger.
Speaker: Burgers are funny words. Speaking of words. Yeah. Oh, burgers are fantastic. I, you know, a burger Meister when, you know, that old Rankin and Bass, the origin of Santa Claus. That's such a funny.
Speaker: i never thought about that before, but that's like, have you guys ever seen that? Or it's like the guy with the red hair who becomes Santa Claus. And he's like, my name is Kris Kringle. But like it's and it's like they're trying to stop. yeah I know there's a stop motion. yeah Yeah, that's the one. Oh, cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. and they kind of reverse engineer all the Christmas traditions to be like, it's because they all happened in this guy's life. So he had his first kiss under mistletoe. Right. He was like, I have to deliver presents under the penalty of darkness. Yeah. I like when the first Deadpool movie came out, it's hard not to appreciate just how it's like, damn, they have to hit all the bullet points of Deadpool in one a fell stroke. Yeah. And you know I used to think, that's just so corporate. I mean, like the first Spider-Man movie, it's like they changed a few things about the origin story to make it more appropriate. But now it's just like, no, we really need to give you the spark note summary of whatever thing. And now that I'm thinking about it, it's like, yeah, they they stole that from chris Kringle. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Reverse engineering his origin story so that you can... I mean, there's like that tweet about it where it's like, mustache man gets his mustache or whatever. Like he doesn't get it until the last 10 minutes or whatever. Yeah, yeah. All all efficient storytelling is just stolen from Kris Kringle. Mm-hmm.
Speaker: Yeah, absolutely. You Kris Kringle means Christ child. Kris Kindle. Kris Kindle. Well, are you, could you speak German? ah Well, I know how to say. ah Well enough. right I know how to say we fed a few pigs and some deer.
Speaker: Deerhaben. Don't say it. Okay. all no No, it's all right. I'm sorry. It doesn't matter. Also, I'm going to get it wrong and offend German audience. afraid to say it because it's Matthew's MKUltra trigger phrase. Yes. You're like, it's not time yet.
Speaker: That's what makes him think about the German people with some real clarity. For now, they're just just sort of... I'm trying to be lucid about the Germans. It's difficult. Something's missing. Yeah. really get what's going on with them.
Speaker: Someone told me when I was in l LA that you and I have a similar laugh, Pierce. And I'm wondering. That's nice. yeah i want to i want to be funny and activate you both so I can hear. Test it. What I can glean from it just at the outset is that it's probably that we swing our head back and then immediately kind of lock in. And the rest of the laugh, if you like muted it, you wouldn't really know that we're laughing. yeah It's just a ah wide grin with a... Yeah.
Speaker: oh A chirp followed by a normal Gatling exhale. Pierce, you do do a thing where it's almost like you're it's like a battle move in movies where people forehead-butt their attacker. Are you swinging back? Ha!
Speaker: Yes, yeah I do. I mean, I got accused of like charging up a Godzilla atomic breath weapon when I was laughing at ah Caleb one time. like He said something funny, and then i mean I swung my head back, and then I just started laughing in his face. You used that reference?
Speaker: I don't know. Beautiful. I don't know what's wrong with her laughs. i don't know what's wrong with me um Before we get to this question that Pierce, I can see, has loaded up and highlighted, i do want to ask you both if you have, this has kind of been bothering me for the last maybe two and a half minutes.
Speaker: Have either of you been ah kissed under a mistletoe before? Probably by like an auntie. They usually go under there. You know what? I don't think so. I don't think I have.
Speaker: but And that's, you know, that's another thing for the bucket list now, I guess. It's that um I've always I've always wondered, ah you know, I've never tried a vegetable before either. So I'm wondering which one to try first.
Speaker: Mm. both healthy. Never tried a vegetable. I've never tried a vegetable before in my life. Wow. We're two for two with guests who haven't tried vegetables. ah Was that a bit from like ah a previous episode? but Well, we had Jimmy Brown on who says, I don't like vegetable matter. Oh, I love Jimmy Brown. Yeah.
Speaker: Well, I'm trying to think right now. Now that you mentioned vegetables, I don't know if I've said this on Chamber before, but I feel like it's a very Chamber of Reason coded thought. I feel like fruits and vegetables have the same relationship that ah squares and rectangles have.
Speaker: I feel like all fruits are vegetables, but not all vegetables are fruits. I feel like that's kind of impossible to disprove. It's just so odd. Like vegetable means a plant that you eat. So a fruit is a vegetable. Fruit is the fruiting body of vegetation. Right. So it counts.
Speaker: Vegetation is vegetable. Right. A vegetable is just any plant you eat. I would go so far as say a vegetable could be anything you eat. with the right mindset. Anything you eat that might that you might not like a vegetable. When you say someone is a vegetable, you're just saying they're not moving much.
Speaker: So as long as your food is deceased, yeah it's a vegetable. it's a vegetable long as it's still, even if it jiggles a bit, because a human vegetable can still jiggle. There can still be some basic...
Speaker: Yeah. Ripples. what What is the food that moves the most when you're eating it? I wonder. hello like I'm thinking, like is there anything that like is really like ambulatory, kind of? or like ah Oh, don't they... um What if they they salt frog legs, and that makes the nervous system, even in death, start to kind of jiggle. And I feel like they also...
Speaker: On like octopus tentacles, there's like a, like salt or some other thing that you can, soy sauce even, if you put it on an octopus tentacle, it starts wriggling all around. Really? Yeah. I have an old boy. He eats the live octopus. He eats a live octopus. Yeah. Which is fucked up, honestly.
Speaker: As revenge. As revenge against the octopus. I can only imagine. really This smart species has always fucked with my head, yeah honestly. they You know, that octopus, they found like the Hitler of octopuses to do that scene. Yeah. They were doing such a great favor. sets the tone. And a lot of South Korean people knew the crimes of that octopus just because it was... I mean, for Americans, Yanks, we have no idea how relevant that octopus is to South Korean culture. Yeah, but yeah. it was It was like a little ah a cameo role for them, you know? That octopus, he did something so evil, he escaped from his tank and ate a crab and went back into his tank. And then he squeezed through a dime-sized hole. He took the cap off of a bottle. that Octopus was so evil, he took a cap off a bottle and get to a crab inside. fucker Damn octopus.
Speaker: He actually used ink and camouflage techniques. yeah People did not appreciate him. Oh my God. ah blue ringed octopus. and People are always talking about how you can't touch them. you can't. You just can't.
Speaker: Why? They're too quick? They're too iridescent. To touch? Yeah. They're too deadly. The deadliest, the most venomous creature on the face of the earth, I believe, this is a blue ring and blue ringed octopus.
Speaker: Blue-rigged-ocked. But you know what? I feel like you could touch it. and It's so tiny and it's so like... I'm like, if you touch it for like one second, you're fine. You know what I mean? Just just touch it with an already decaying part of your body. Yeah.
Speaker: A gangrenous appendage, you know? just Yeah. It's good to save one. It's good to not treat one gangrenous appendage or frostbitten... area. yeah Just so you have a spot where you can touch up poison dart frogs and kind of lovely things like that. We were talking about like the idea of gross leaps in human evolution on our last episode and I like the idea that human beings, you know, they talk about that car the human being that's designed to survive car crashes yeah and transhumanists are always talking about like a human being that's more suited to live amongst technology.
Speaker: But we should have already evolved what I would call a science finger. Okay. An additional finger used for touching and interfacing with the world science. that would be such a good idea.
Speaker: and it would could it could come like right out of the wrist and it curls up you know towards the center of the palm, kind of. Or it's like it has it has the same relationship to your pointer finger as your pointer finger does to your palm. It's like your pointer finger's pointer finger that you can kind of extend out. And it's like tinier, you know? Yes, so that you can go, Eureka, but then there's an additional little pointer finger. There's like a pouch, ah like a kangaroo pouch that you have, and there are different ah like finger attachments that you can add. Like Inspector Gadget. Yeah, kind of like, why have we not evolved an Inspector Gadget-like system or finger at all?
Speaker: Yeah. I have so many different kinds of fingers. Yeah, all of our fingers are so similar. One should be really sharp and deadly. One should be, you know, one should be for pointing designed for pleasure. One should clearly be designed for pleasure. Yeah, they're not they're not clearly demarcated. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. The Shocker is the only attempt to give fingers real, real rolls. And none of us know which one the Shocker is, right? Yeah, the shocker can be any configuration of fingers as far as I'm concerned. Sexologists are split right down the middle ah over what which finger is the true shocker. It's got to be the ring finger. The one that's just kind of self contained and not really up to much.
Speaker: Just like, oh, I'm getting shocked right now. Someone's giving me the shocker. but Everything's normal. Then all sudden the ring finger hits your taint. and You're like, oh, this is the twist. That's where you are on the Kinsey scale. You're number four. The ring. One through five. Thumb to pinky. Mm hmm.
Speaker: Exactly. Exactly. Or even the thumb is kind of shocking in the shocker. The thumb can be shocking. Yeah. The thumb rubs the top the the above the clit, I guess. The mon's pubis.
Speaker: Yes. The thumb is twirling your pubes into lovely little swirls. Yes. That is shocking. I mean, even someone giving the thumbs up to sort of national tragedy, that constitutes a shocker, I would say. Okay. Absolutely. Give me the shocker.
Speaker: People say, you know, you can somehow defeat the suds of a beer by sticking your finger in it. You guys heard about this? No. No. No one's ever swirled their finger in your suds and said, this is what removes the head. This is nice of me. That's like something that ah like...
Speaker: your friend's like dad that has a bad vibe would do if you go to his house. It's something he does when he checks on the girls who are having a sleepover in the basement. Yeah. Like one time I was at ah my ah like I was I forget where I was, but this I was with someone's dad and I like we were having beers and I like ripped the label off mine just because I was like looking for something to do with my hands. And he was like, you know, they say that's a sign of being sexually frustrated. And I was like, okay, cool.
Speaker: You know, they say, meaning my friends. My friends and i constantly talk about label removal. You know, they say he was pointing behind him and there were a bunch of like seedy guys back there. Cigars. Yeah. He's in sale. What you just did is actually sexually significant. Yeah. yeah yeah Which finger do you think is the real shaker? Nah, nah, don't answer that. Yeah. i can say it Scream it in your mind. i can hear it. i can I'm a mentalist. Yeah. sexual mentalist.
Speaker: You know, i was thinking the other day of like... I'm an adult. I'm like ah of ah of an adult age of a certain age. oh And I don't know. I'm a 50-50 dead split down the center. I have no clue whether or not hypnotism is real or fake. That's what that's that's the sweet spot.
Speaker: That's why it works. Yeah. yeah well I think that might actually be. like it's Everyone, the the dark secret of hypnotism is that it doesn't work. And if it ever came out, it would stop working for everyone. but I think that is the dark secret. what i yeah What I heard is that hypnotism works by virtue of convincing you that hypnotism is real. Of course. Yeah. I mean, that's that should be obvious to anyone. I feel like...
Speaker: Arguing about whether or not hypnotism is real. Okay, after that don't know it. No, I know. I'm sorry. i'm i'm being I'm being rude. But I will say that it's like it's like not knowing whether or not you should believe in the nature of conversations. Like, are conversations Well, I don't believe in the nature of conversations. It's right off the bat.
Speaker: The essential spirit of conversations? Is it possible for two people to agree on something intangible? Yeah, sure it is. If you agree to. yeah If you decide that that's what you've done. Yeah, that's hypnotism, really. Yeah. You're a chicken. No, I'm not.
Speaker: Okay, well, I'll find someone who is there. Find someone who will act like that. You and I aren't getting along from a hypnotic perspective.
Speaker: ah From a hypnotic perspective. Yeah, it's like, ah it's you know, your Tomodachis aren't getting along. You know, that's that's what it's like when you pick someone out in the audience. You cold read someone.
Speaker: Damn, they're not really... They're not doing the thing that I believe they are about to do. Mentalism is different from hypnosis. Mentalism, from what I can tell... Is real. Yeah, it's real. I think mentalism is a real technique. It is just extremely simple. It's I think 99% of hypnotism is looking at someone and saying, okay, think of one of these three things. Think of a number one through three and now scream it in your mind without opening your mind. made you do that. Yeah. Scream it. And then you look at the position of their mouth to try to see what word there. Because your mouth will subtly change positions. No, that's that's bullshit. i don't think I think people are lying. when they like the Who's that guy? the Oz Perlman.
Speaker: Oz Perlman is the one I'm thinking of because he's I don't like his vibe. he has a bad vibe. Yeah. you know Is he cruel? ah Huh? Is he cruel or... He seems so he seems like he has a he has a cruel streak in him, a cruel bone in his own body ah to me, you know. ah But i like I think he just like is doing card tricks, basically. Every time he does anything, he's like, I'm reading your mind. I just read your body language. And I also love like that with like ah mentalists, they're like, here's the trick I'm going to do. I'm going to need three separate books from inside your house and I need you to open them. Each of you three open them to three different pages and pick a random word on it. They're so convoluted and complicated that it's like, you know, why does it have to be like this? Why can't I just think of a word and you know what it is? You know what i mean? Yeah, they never play by your rules. They always know. I'm going to guess your word, but
Speaker: I have a specific way of guessing the specific word that I want to have be guessed right I'm going read your mind, but first I need a copy from your home of your journal, ah your hard drive.
Speaker: i can guess your pen if you give me your bank information. I can guess your pen if I follow you stealthily around for months. Mm-hmm. This is so interesting because the first question that I had queued up for us, we've actually perfectly segued into it naturally. But Hesse, if you want to read this title and then this body. Can we free associate for a bit and then get back to the question? Just to see if we can see if we can fully lay it out without having to read it at all. Okay. Do I have high intuitive ability caused by weed or the luckiest guesses in the universe?
Speaker: Would you rather have high Which one would you rather have? Either of you. Weed or good guesses? Like every time... nug of weed? A nug of weed or a superpower? yeah I swear in advance that this is not a troll post.
Speaker: haha nervous laughing face. um Three times in a row during conversations with different people, I randomly and in a very intuitive way threw them their exact names of their grandparents. And I wonder if it's a burst of sharp intuition that I can develop or if it's the most magical sequence of guesses that exists in the universe.
Speaker: It is important to note that in these three times I did not make any effort or deliberately tried to accurately guess right names and that in these three situations I was quite very stoned.
Speaker: Thanks in advance. Okay, see this is the kind of question that you ask it to chat GPT and like nine months later you've killed your whole family.
Speaker: I mean, this is why Wikipedia and Reddit are the pinnacle of AI, is that you can ask a question like this and get a lot of hostility and a few hippies agreeing with you, but we shouldn't have a a super hippie.
Speaker: We shouldn't have a super hippie that says, that is fucking valid as fuck. That's valid. This question you asked about your own thing you said... you're You're giving so much authority to the answerer.
Speaker: Why did I say this? why did i Why did I do this? What happened exactly when I was with my friends? ah Has that ever happened to you guys where you get a ah guest so lucky that you're like, this just changed the trajectory of my day? You know, I did guess my friend's email password jokingly. I had Gmail open and I typed in his email address and i was like, I'm gonna log into your account.
Speaker: And one guess I got it. And it was not a guess based on anything I knew about him. Yeah. I typed in Superman. Yeah. whoa was i was in see that shit that's crazy like that's insane that's insanity what are you on weed i was ah cold sober damn that's why i'm a teetotaler now you could have easily posted on reddit does sobriety give you insight r slash straight edge are you good at typing superman when you're sober yeah
Speaker: I can do it in a heartbeat. I'm afraid that I won't be able to, the like being like, I'm sober, but only in case I ever need to guess someone's email password on short notice. Because one time it worked. Yeah, it worked. I'm afraid. I don't want to mess it up.
Speaker: Doing anything successfully when you're sober and being like, well, that's it for me. No more substances. Literally. I was... I was able to parallel park with zero adjustments. I got it on the first reversal. So I think that's, I think I'm not going to drive drunk. Yeah.
Speaker: ah Oh my God. Driving so much easier when you're someone when you're not drunk. It's almost like I can intuit when the cars are going to turn right or left based on their is turn indicators.
Speaker: I got a raise on cigarettes the other day. you got a raise? I got a raise on cigarettes. was an active smoker. I feel like this person like knew what his friend's grandparents, what their names were and forgot about it. We all know what our friend's grandparents were. They're all named Abner. Yeah, Abner and Dorothy. Or Sheila, maybe. Yeah. Ebenezer. That's a great grandfather name.
Speaker: um Yeah, I feel like this... Do you think he asked one person what the grandparents' names were and then he was like... quick, quick, running around to other friends like, watch this. Let me tell you what your own grandparents' names are.
Speaker: so right there's like ah there's There's got to be some kind of unintuitive ah birthday problem or Monty Hall problem statistical analysis that you can do of this. like If I guess Matthew's grandfather's name is ah Richard, and then there's four other people in the room, and I'm right on Richard, it's like, all right, Richard is done. That means that the chances of there being another Richard is at least 60%.
Speaker: And then once you get two Richards, there's a new rule. Everyone in the room, their grandfather's name is Richard. Even if it's not, they'll just succumb to social pressure and say, yes, you got it. Yeah. yeah They'll just lie. you were right yeah That's the case with this person. They just have really kind sort of, uh, was that, is that even a kindness or doing him a disservice? Well, if I'm getting stoned with some friends and one guy's just like, oh, so fucking high, I'm going to guess the names your grandparents. I'm really freaking out right now. I'm paranoid. The only thing that you can do to make me not suicidal is agree with me when I guess your grandparents name. He's like, yeah, dude, that's right. And he's guessing like the the dumbest name. Can go back to watching Adult Swim Smalls stream? Please. You're really harshing our vibe. Yeah.
Speaker: Put Super Gel back on, please. Please, please, please. That's a compelling narrative. I'm engrossed in it, partly because I'm a little high. Yeah. Weed works. That is something that isn't clearly established from this post. Yeah. Whether or not weed works. That's part of the question. Does weed work? Yeah.
Speaker: Weed can make you sensitive to things like that, but it can also make you a really annoying. i mean, imagine if this guy guessed it wrong. It would just be ah one of those million things that happens when everyone has gotten too high. i got It's been a long time since I got like high with some people that I did know, some people that I didn't know. But the hang can...
Speaker: so quickly turn completely toxic. Yeah. Not in like an actively aggressive way, but so many people, like you're watching a movie and every once in a while you're trying to crack a joke or make an observation and it bombs and everyone just becomes, everyone like adjusts and stirs. Cringe. Yeah. It's not cringing mentally, but bodily cringing just from. And you get so in your head, like I think not to once again, just verbatim repeat the joke of a comedian, but um I think the end of one that I ah agree with everything he's done but Louis CK I was just about to say he has some great weed jokes you disagree with his policies though his yeah yeah exactly his um but his his joke I think he's like summed it up so perfectly where he's like I did weed that was too strong with a bunch of strangers and we were talking in a circle and I was like okay look at this person one two yeah three okay that's too long you have to look at the next person One, two, three. yeah It kind of turns you into a ah bashful extrovert if you have too much weight. That is very well said. yeah The bashful extrovert.
Speaker: Yeah, also known as an exhibitionist masturbator. Guys, I'm just simply a bashful extrovert. You were so high. We don't know how high you were. I was high on that good good. I think the nugs affected me. Martha and Gene. He's saying their grandparents' names to them on the phone.
Speaker: Yeah, they never his victims never mentioned whether he had red eyes while he was doing it. Yeah, exactly. Oh, do you know what's something so funny that ah me and my friends used to do in high school? um When like we would go and get high in the parking lot of the Buffalo Zoo and then go back to school. But like when we went back to class, we would put eye drops in only one of our eyes. Yeah.
Speaker: And we called it gauging because it was like a gauge of how high you were. whoa and if someone like teachers, we would go to teachers and be like, you think I'm high? Like, well, what? what I put eye drops in one of my eyes. Come on. That's ridiculous. I just have an infection. Yeah. It's just my allergies, you know, my allergies are bothering me.
Speaker: Damn, that is the kind of trickery that you only have access to when you're when you're kind of fucked up on weed. You're little high. I'm going to trick someone by doing something abjectly stupid and then make them stupid when they call me out on it. Like, oh, you know what I'm going do? I'm going to go into my roommate's fridge and turn the milk upside down. And when he looks in there, he's going to be like, what the heck? He'll think, did I do this? Wait, but why would I do that? Honestly be... And then you're like, actually power tripping? I didn't. Yeah.
Speaker: I'm the one. Pivoting around in an office chair. Well, well, well. I did the action. yes yeah Yes. I used time.
Speaker: i did it. I did it at a different time. yeah I didn't just do it. The past is so fascinating, don't you think? Then you turn around in the chair. The past hits on weed. Yeah. The past has its influence on the present. Yeah.
Speaker: I smoked in the past and I'm still high. Is this going to be forever? Is this the rest of my life? That's true. Yeah. You can't be high. Say it, Matthew. You can't be high. you can't be high without having smoked weed in the past. You're never high. you're just You're just having had smoke. You just must have smoked.
Speaker: See, that's the kind of shit that like philosophers and like that in the olden times were like, this is the most influential paper ever. on philosophy ever written and it's like something has to happen for an effect to occur from it and it's like whoa they didn't know this before then really like and then you just know the rabble is just like you woke woke chomsky burn at the stake fuck you but but the things Things don't have happened. They are happening. Yeah. Actually, did you know that there's a timeline? Fuck you, Wokey! Lib! Period. Sorry to get political, folks. but But the arrow of history bends toward intellectualism, you know?
Speaker: The rabble are always eventually defeated after performing a simple apple test or water pour trick. The rabble are defeated after years of burning the brilliant. yeah Eventually, they kind of agree that they had some points. We're the son of all the brilliant people you couldn't burn.
Speaker: You witch! We're the sons of the the brilliant bastards you couldn't quite burn. The quiet brilliant types. The quiet brilliant types who passively suggest that there's no reason to fear the sun not rising tomorrow. yeah Fuck you, I'm scared for my life! I have no idea what's going happen. yeah If you observe reality, you can see patterns.
Speaker: I'll kill you. Yeah,
Speaker: Your virtue signaling. um All right. Here's another question. Matthew, maybe you could read this. Happily. Or it's not a question. I think this is more of a tale. think this question is more of a tale, honestly. This is this has marked my testimony, and it's from the Limerence subreddit. Now, Matthew, you were able to define Limerence before we started. Maybe you want cue in our listeners. Limerence, I believe, I could be wrong, is that enchanting state when you're...
Speaker: crushing hard and falling in love talking phase with a romance object. It could be talking phase. It could be you've never said a word and you're a creep. Yeah, phase but you may have a way without words.
Speaker: You may have a way without words. Yeah. you may be trying a lot of different ways without words yeah even on your object, your l object. yeah Your L object. Even quote unquote yappers might have a way without words.
Speaker: you know They're not using them. They're not using that way right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm out of my way right now, but excuse. You could be saying one thing and doing another. You know you could be walking someone else's talk and talking ah a completely different walk. And then you know a yapper could be you know saying, let's not do let's not leave no stone unturned. and yeah let meet Meanwhile, they are. They're leaving a lot unturned. You can't yap about everything.
Speaker: okay Most yappers are just successfully using their way without words. Most successful yappers. Yeah. It doesn't really have anything do with their yapping. Yeah. Good body language.
Speaker: Exactly, exactly. it's there non conversation There are certain elements that go towards the perfect the perfect yap, you know, and many of them are non-tangible.
Speaker: You know, you have to have a certain, you know, the the brain chemicals in the person you're talking to have to have a certain configuration. All yappers are cold readers, just like hypnotists or mentalists. They just need to be yapping while they're doing It them more confident. They're selecting for listeners. That's what yappers are doing. They're echolocating for the perfect listener. Yes.
Speaker: Who can listen to me right now? Yeah, who's capable of... Can you hear me? Let me try yapping. yeah That's both the text and the subtext of what most yappers are saying, is who can hear me right now? Literally, we're describing pickup artists. Like, find the foot find the woman with the lowest self-esteem. to can hear you who's willing to hear without slightly turning i have a question or it's honestly more of a narrative okay i used adrenaline to execute a flyby either of you know what a flyby is not really maybe we'll find out okay
Speaker: I think it's like when you ah fly a plane really close to like something. you know like You buzz something. Yeah, like a flyby at a Super Bowl when the F-16s fly over. Yeah, I'm assuming that's what it is. That's what I associate it with. Okay, so let's operate on that assumption and continue on with the understanding that this writer is pilot. An ace. An ace pilot. An open-air fighter plane.
Speaker: right Were those real? Yeah. Those were real. Yeah. I was heading back home from a two-hour walk. Sorry to interrupt. Can I just say something? If you're heading home from a two-hour walk, you're still on the walk and it's longer than two hours. You're on a three-hour walk, my friend.
Speaker: At least. Maybe four, honestly, if I'm doing the math correctly. ah just commuting to my walk yeah let me reread let me reread rith with revisions i was heading home from a four hour or i was heading home from a two hour walk at least at least which might have ended up being a four hour walk i was on a lift on the way home from a two hour walk yeah yeah taking a one hour car ride to do a two hour walk was on an Uber pool when I suddenly saw L.O.
Speaker: or limerence object about 10 meters ahead, leaving the store and heading in the same direction. She did not look back. If she did, she would spot me.
Speaker: I could already feel adrenaline flowing through my veins. My eyes became laser focused on her. Her hairstyle, her coat, her bag, her shoes.
Speaker: My walking pace matched hers. I walked behind her for around 50 meters, trying to figure out what to do. Honestly, ah did not want to overtake her and force the conversation.
Speaker: Suddenly, she comes across the neighbor who has finished buying something at the kiosk. He greeted her and joined her walk. I walked behind them for a while. and listen to their conversation.
Speaker: I have to admit, and just love the sound of her voice. Okay, this is... a I'm sorry interrupt again. But this is like ah like the Wasp Factory, basically. This is like a murderer's inner thoughts. Yeah. They're terrible. And this is not an ace so far. I don't think this guy's getting into a plane. I would go so far as to could her sillage. Yeah. All right. I admit I love the sound of her voice. love the sound of her voice. I was approaching the intersection where I was about to turn, so I decided to execute a flyby before that happened.
Speaker: I took a deep breath and accelerated, walking past her and said, hi She responded with, hi, and then continued talking to the neighbor.
Speaker: She probably saw me walking in front of her for another 50 meters before I turned and headed home. I'm still just full of adrenaline and feel more alive than ever. The universe gave me a gift, a brief interaction with her that did not have to turn into a boring everyday conversation with that boring woman. I don't want to hear what she has to say. Come on.
Speaker: I was like a meteor that disappeared as fast as it appeared. I'm glad her neighbor appeared. I know it might sound ridiculous to some, but if anyone has experienced anything similar, they know what I'm talking about.
Speaker: Now I have to figure out how to use the remaining adrenaline. I will probably clean my living room. That's not what they're going to with the remaining Yeah, yeah, they're going jack off for sure. They all know what they're going to do.
Speaker: This is like... the but i The person who wrote this might have been just like a very ah ah very verbose fourth grader. You know, this is like a child. This is a fourth grade style crush. Yeah, this is like something that would that happened to me like in...
Speaker: like second like not even fourth grade really or yeah fourth grade I think is a pretty yeah like this is like a fourth grade style crush truly the excitement of the high the fear of the conversation being any longer than that yeah because it could boring actually i don't know if I had that fear I just thought it might go awry Yeah, exactly. Or I think, you know, he's probably like you said, he's probably verbose enough to start conversations with his limerence objects, but he can feel in real time that he doesn't have game. He's got too much adrenaline.
Speaker: He's saying words that are don't go together. He's verbose enough to be quite boring in person. Exactly. Right. He's not ribald. You know, no he's not a ribald gentleman. I just hope that my limerence object falls in love with someone else and kind hooks up with them and spends a lot of time with them. That way I can just, you know, keep saying hi. Keep having interactions. Leave it at that. I mean, I love this ah because it's, you know, ah I feel like approaching dating, having crushes, whatever, before like the internet was probably just like,
Speaker: you know It was by the book. it it and neith were It was easy to imagine that someone could have a kink or a fetish because the reality of quote-unquote boring conversations was so in your mind at all times. But because we're so atomized, like we're going to start seeing fetishization of the real mundane. like Even like having a fetish for someone's feet or shoes or whatever, I guess you could say that that's mundane. But I'm talking about... like actual zeitgeist modernity which is like going for a walk and seeing someone you know that's becoming its own fetish yeah yeah exactly it's like there's we've people have found a way to get addicted to anything including walking by and saying hello hello to your crush and not and nothing else god i hope the neighbor emerges to check the mail yeah fuck yeah like yeah jacking off every time your neighbor checks the mail
Speaker: And now all I have to do is think of ah the mailman arriving. It gets me excited thinking about the neighbor emerging. Yeah. I just have to, all I have to do is hear dogs bark. And that reminds me of the mailman coming, which eventually results in a neighbor. And when I hear cats meowing, it makes me think that dogs are about to bark at them.
Speaker: So that gets looped in. When cats are born, it makes me think about their future as meowers. Yeah. you know When I see milk, I think of a cat licking it out of a little dish, which makes me think of the dog barking, which makes me think of the mailman, which makes me think of her. The Rube Goldberg sort of fetish chain yeah eventually eventually leads to orgasm down the road. I mean, a fart fetishist can get aroused by anything if you think about Because it's all in the chain that produces farts. Right. Yeah. right yeah Food, a chef. Yeah. i
Speaker: ah now Now I'm thinking of ah like, you know how in like ninety s movies there would be like, you know, someone's alarm would go off and there would be a Rube Goldberg machine that makes them breakfast, you know, like in Flubber. Flubber for sure. Yeah. Honey, I Shrunk the Kids.
Speaker: um If like it's that, but like as it's showing the whole workings of the machine, so It's like 7 It's early. It's dawn.
Speaker: and it's still it's still like seven a m it yeah it's early it's dawn yeah Work is still in a few hours. I like the idea that the whole Rube Gold Rube machine it goes around his whole house and it's not even to use like an artificial hand to jerk him off. It's to use marionette strings to lift his hand from the alarm clock to his own penis.
Speaker: Wow. Technology is incredible. I don't even have to do anything. This is easy. all I had to do was build this and now life is easy. This shit just got easy. He's already jacking off, but like it's like one of those like tiny, like shitty plastic fans that like like it just turns on, pointed at the tip of his dick. I'm stimulated It holds an ice cube up to his balls. Whoa. This does something. yeah
Speaker: This does something! Just, you know, I'm sure that once, there's even like a Pavlovian fetish chain after that, like, there's a theoretical Rube Goldberg machine, so like you could disarm the part that makes it, makes it jerk him off or put ice on his balls or whatever, but him simply hitting the alarm clock will make him jizz after a while because just, he's imagining all of the trinkets that are designed solely for his pleasure. Sorry, ever i can you turn off your phone alarm? My balls get really cold and I think it's really hard every time I hear an alarm in the morning. You know, you would hate to just like, because eventually you get used to waking up at a certain hour and then he's he's waking up five seconds before phone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. and the Then the alarm the jack-off hands start jacking him off when he's already sensitive post ah post-orgasm. yeah yeah That's not good.
Speaker: Sensitive? He's sensitive at that point. For a minute or two. i this This guy mentions Limerin's object earlier. uh as this this woman but i'm wondering if there's limerence space you know like a liminal space but like it's like a space uh an area where you love it and you're so excited about it you know maybe like a play place or something that's where you experience limerence for sure yeah play a play play place I'm sorry, we're adults here. We don't get crushes now Like, what this guy's describing is, like, it's a a child. Like, this guy's the mind of a child. so I'm thinking, like, when did I... This is Lolita if you if if the person you're obsessed with was four months older than me. Yes, literally.
Speaker: I have to become not her stepfather, but her neighbor's neighbor. Yes. Then I'll have full access to her. If I can find a way to become her friend.
Speaker: If I can find way become her neighbor. I can become her boyfriend, then I could have sex with her. Maybe I'll be partnered up as a seatmate in class. Then I'll be able to see her nice handwriting when she does group projects with me. Yeah. And I'll even have a nickname for her.
Speaker: yeah L-O. It's two letters. L-O, yeah. yeah hey Wait, that literally is the nickname in Lolita. L-O. L-O, Dolly Lowe. He calls her Lowe. He calls her Lowe, Lowe, Lowe,
Speaker: Damn. Yeah. Well, this also makes me think ah of just what you were saying, like the limerence place. And, you know, being in the McDonald's play place, before you get on the tubular slide, there is that little cubicle where the light is kind of coming through the the um translucent gels and creating like a weird shimmering sort of sunset effect. that Sort of erotic lighting. Yeah, the bubble of it is diffusing the light in a really interesting, and I want to say like, orgy sort of light apparatus. A 70s kind of, yeah. Yeah, and the kids are in there. The sound is bouncing off the walls in a really interesting... I mean, that is like the most no-parents place. They are not able to get in there physically.
Speaker: So, it's crazy that... I don't know if children have spaces like that to convene anymore. where you can like It really feels like a private space, but there's still this ticking timer of just like, we can't be in here forever. Our parents are in line at McDonald's. Our food is almost ready. And also, we're only here. We're only gathering here because we're taking turns going down the slide. but Yeah, there's a reason.
Speaker: There's a reason we're here. It's innocent. yeah yeah You're right. there's no There's no spaces for kids to hook up together anymore. And I'm not talking about actually physically hooking up, but glances, those meaningful glances with with kids, not even in your neighborhood, but just in your weird sort of suburban atomized yeah ah ah road trip stop.
Speaker: Just in the world. Yeah. You know? The world. The world. Do adults have ah a way to meet in a place where kids aren't allowed? Yeah, I feel like as a kid, I had some of those like, you know, the friend that got away, you know, like where I have memories of like, oh, I met this kid. One of them is i was playing a boxing game on my PSP in the airport and a kid sat next to me.
Speaker: And we were like both playing this boxing game. I was also a kid, by the way, just for to be clear. naturally Yeah, back in the day. And I was like, oh my God, this kid is like awesome. Like I feel like, but like I wish we were like friends and like lived in the same area. We would be such good friends. And I'm like, you know, that's the friend. It's like a one that got away, but for ah a childhood. It's a one night friend. And it's so difficult. There's so many steps to making that contact more permanent as a kid. You've have to like consult your parents, get your parents to talk to their parents.
Speaker: Yeah. It's a nightmare. i had an interaction with someone. So i when I grew up in the Lehigh Valley of Pennsylvania and there's this area called Moravia. High Valley. I'm sorry. Hi, Valor. right.
Speaker: Nugs. Nugs. um But Moravian is like a sort of elite academy that goes from like elementary school to college, I think. I've heard of it. and It's like Phillips Exeter.
Speaker: I think so. Kind um Anyway, I saw a spelling bee on public access that took place at Moravian, and I saw this boy on there that was just so striking visually to me. i was just like, damn, that's what Moravians look like. And then... And then...
Speaker: At my um karate class one time, I was done with my class waiting for my parents to pick me up and i was there was a boy next to me and it was the boy from the spelling bee on from the TV. And he sat next to me and again, he was just so striking. And again, I was like, this is what Moravians look like. And he had an iPod Nano and he was listening to music.
Speaker: And i was like, what are you listening to? And he told me and i was like, can I see the album art? And he was like, no, it's at 2% battery and I'm not going to touch it. So the battery lasts longer. And i was like, no one I know has ever thought about something like that. Like, yeah, no, case is's all he's smart. That's an adult thought. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker: but Anyway, we ended up going to the same high school. oh and they She recently transitioned, has the same name, but ah yeah now she's like one of my closer friends. Whoa, this Moravian. yeah so like it I want to see this Moravian now that I know that it's a a friend of yours. I'm so curious about the look a Moravian. isn't it crazy? We actually ended up becoming friends in like dated the same people. but That was also like a weird sort of one night friend thing where it's like, oh, my current, my high school sweetheart's ex.
Speaker: I wonder if we're ever going to become friends. Yeah. Really interesting. Matthew, he's going to but hold up a picture and it's going to be just like a female version of him. It's like, yeah.
Speaker: My Moravian Friend. Yeah, yeah. The Moravian Friend. That's a good title for something, you know? My Moravian Friend. Moravian Friend. That's like a ah thriller starring Michael Caine from like 1977. You know what mean?
Speaker: you know what i mean um Well, anyway, yeah, kind of interesting. Did you ever have a one night friend experience? a Sort of microscopic summer camp experience that only lasts for a few moments at an airport or what have you?
Speaker: I have no good story. So Steve's cut this or no, don't you can cut. yeah Cut Pierce's question unless unless you have an answer for you. Yeah, for me. You remember my life?
Speaker: I remember being in public spaces and hearing ah people call the name Matthew and realize there's another person named Matthew in the place and wanting to connect with them, but not wanting knowing it's kind of stupid to say, hey I'm also named Matthew.
Speaker: So I remember getting friends to say my name loudly so that they would notice and come up to me and it never worked. Well, Matthew's just not that kind of name. It's not it's not uncommon. like i in a while so you could I did do it. I mean, I'm just now remembering at the orthodontist's office, I heard a mom refer to her son as Pierce, and I snapped up. I also hear hallucinate my name a lot because people, when they say hears, like, hears the deal. whoa And it's like you hear Pierce.
Speaker: Exactly. It pierces your ears. You get your your ears pierced by Pierce. You hear. Yes, by Hears. Hears, Pierce. What? What? what To mi me? Me? But I remember every time, and I've only met like three or four Pierces in my life, but every time I'm in the same room as someone and someone says Pierce, I always go up and say, your name is Pierce. My name is Pierce. Also. never missed an opportunity.
Speaker: i could i was introduced I was like ah talking to a barista at a coffee shop near me and he told me like, oh yeah, my name's Rex. And I was like, my God, I know another gay guy named Rex without thinking about it. I was like, wait, that's like crazy rude to You outed him to his co-workers.
Speaker: is that I know three gay men named Rex. I know. There's a lot of gay men named Rex in our world. Why is that? Because they like erections. Yeah. But I'm a straight man. I like erections well enough.
Speaker: wrecked him i barely know him you know what i mean period i've always thought like if i met another trans woman named hessa i would fucking hate her with all every fiber my go postal even another woman named hessa i would be like no that's like sorry because it's so i really boxed myself into a corner because like it's such a no one else has that name but If one other person has that name, that doubles the amount of people that have that name. So it's like it completely dilutes it to being not cool anymore. You know, it shouldn't be necessary, but you should have TM. It should be HESA TM. Yeah, that is a good idea, actually, to trademark than your name.
Speaker: Yeah. Or just have it written in that way. Like, yeah, you're allowed to do whatever you want. You can get your legally. I think it's a character in the like extended alphabet. So I wonder if you can just put that keystroke. Can you put an emoji in your name legally? I don't think so. I would go so far as to say you can't put punctuation in your name.
Speaker: Otherwise, i think a lot of people ah would have had like, like there are a few periods in history where people would have put a question mark in their name. You know, like an ellipsis, something like that. there's names that have like accent marks or in other languages or hyphens. are allowed So why not simply abuse that? but You said we can use accent marks in hyphen. You said. So why can't i just do a bunch of those? Your Honor, let the record show that we do have permission to You said.
Speaker: every time Every time you're in legal trouble, just say accuse the judge of having said something. Isn't that how the law works? of The judge of the the last thing say Yeah.
Speaker: Stenographer, please read back what the judge said earlier today. Yeah, anyone in court is allowed to imposition the stenographer to do something. That is true. you can... Stenographer, write down what I'm saying right now and keep going and keep going. Stenographer, this one's off the record.
Speaker: Turning to the jury like, guys, come on, please. don this don't even Don't even remember I said this. Seriously. You have you have in every court case, every each team has 30 seconds of on of off the record time to talk to the jury. i did it I did I killed the victim that this whole day is about. Yeah, I did it. Okay. I did it. client Off the record. Yeah, I did yeah Just keep that in mind.
Speaker: I'm role playing as the judge. Yeah. I'm the judge. Guys, but before we start, I'm the real judge. Like, just lifting up your shirt and you have a wire on it, just winking at them.
Speaker: You guys have to vote guilty. you have You have to vote not guilty so that we can catch this judge. In his... Not to for the fourth time invoke a written comedy set, but um the Whitest Kids You Know sketch about Opposite Day. do you guys fuck with that? I don't think I've seen that one. I i honestly have not seen enough Whitest Kids You Know.
Speaker: It really is great. I mean, there are obviously some bad sketches, but ah like all the Trevor Moore ones, I think, are just so easy to watch and and and clever in a way that's not like...
Speaker: you know, over tooled like a key and peel sketch. I feel like there is really like ah one laugh every three seconds, like every line of dialogue, every cut is is technically extremely funny. But the concepts of the whitest kids, you know, sketches are like, I don't know. There's one where it's just Trevor is a lawyer and he says, before you go in the other room and vote guilty or not guilty, I just want to let you know that opposite day it begins in three, two, one And then everyone starts arguing with him and then he just keeps catching them out on and then he does jinx. So hes he's trying everything to get them to vote not guilty.
Speaker: Really good. I love that. that's i was watching a ah favorite ah sleeper sketch comedy show of mine, ah The Birthday Boys, the other day. Oh, yeah. And I was... That's a great... That's a beautiful series. on My favorite Birthday Boys sketch, which I think um Mike Hanford also did it on the Comedy Bang Bang IFC show, but his political cartoonist character... Tom Purdy?
Speaker: Yeah. There are two types of people. Those who get my comedy... And those who love it. I'm so funny. I'm very smart.
Speaker: Purdy. Yeah. I'm Purdy. I'm Purdy. Oh my God. That's a great, well one of my favorites is, uh, all your favorites are back. That's just so so, it's so, and every time I try to show it to someone, they're like, this is the stupidest fucking bullshit I've ever seen my life. I'm like, you don't get it.
Speaker: Sucks. we I mean, we're becoming so polite as a society, but it's the last refuge of a few normies to say, what the fuck is wrong with you? And what the fuck are you showing me? I think a lot of times when people are enjoying something funny, that is what they say when they're genuinely enjoying it. mean, you'll be at audiences and in comedy shows or you'll be on stage in comedy shows and hear people in the audience, probably people who don't go to shows a lot.
Speaker: What the fuck is this? Yeah, laugh while singing. Stupid. They can't process the idea that there is deliberation and intentionality behind a joke. yeah They just know they've seen something clownish and sort of yeah not done. That's not how people normally say things. That is the worst thing about this the so-called L.A. clown scene is that no one is having those kinds of laughs. Stupid. Which should be the result of clowning around.
Speaker: They're having more intellectual laughs where they're like, oh, I see. Oh, that was risky. That really holds mirror up society. That holds a mirror up to the comedy scene. Yeah. A polite clap, you know. I'm going to be reflecting a lot after this show. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker: This show worked. Yeah. Did the job. Oh, they're trained clowns. Turns out. Turns can train a clown. Turns out they've been to workshops. Send in the clowns, I guess.
Speaker: All right. I think that about does it for our lovely episode. I want to thank you, Hesse, for coming on and talking to us and sharing all these laughs and thoughts. Thank you guys so much. It's been a true, an honor, and a privilege. It's been a joy for me as well.
Speaker: Period. I'm good. Was that a shock? That was shocking. I'm normally sort of enduring these episodes, but this one... You broke through, sweetheart. got something out of it. Yeah, yeah. I have the intellectual, uh, that's clever. That's it. Yeah.
Speaker: As a third party, i think you melted Matthew's icy heart. You finally started being cheeky on this episode. I broke character. You made Matthew break.
Speaker: Wow. He never breaks. Oh, um yeah. Check out Seeking Derangements and Movie Monday or wait, Movie Mindset. Is that so good? Movie Mindset is we're doing a new season soon Movie Mondays is the pot about list thing that I do. Pot about list, yeah. Cameron and Julio. And my new podcast, Trouble in River City, where we discuss scams, scammers and crimes, basically, ah is fun as well.
Speaker: And those those can be found on Apple Podcasts, Spotify. Yes. Anywhere. You know what? I would go so far as to say that they they're found anywhere that podcasts ah are found.
Speaker: are found. Are done. Are endemic. Placed. Yeah. Anywhere you get your podcast. Patreon, even. Patreon, too. Do you have anything in your personal life to plug? Like, ah maybe you want to meet someone listening to this for coffee somewhere. Just be kind. Just that. We'll say that for you. You want to meet someone listening to this for coffee. Yeah. Meet me ah in if meet me ah tomorrow if you're listening to this.
Speaker: ah For coffee, yeah. Yeah, coffee. That'll work. I'll be at Cafe Nero on on Washington Street in downtown in Boston. I'll be there.
Speaker: i'll be I'll be doing a a Cafe Nero pub crawl in the lovely greater Boston area. I'll be getting one chocolate croissant and one acidic cold brew at each location. I'll be trying to get into the Paramount dorms at Emerson.
Speaker: I'll be sampling some of the prop books at Cafe Nero. Yes. um All right. that That does it again once and for all. Bye-bye. Bye-bye.
