Transcript
Luisa Hogan: Most people think high performers are confident, but what if the very voice driving their so success is also quietly draining their peace, their relationships, and their sense of self?
Luisa Hogan: Today's conversation explores the hidden emotional patterns that leaders carry behind achievement and why success alone never silences the second voice. Welcome back to the second voice podcast. I am your host Louisa Hogan, and here we uncover the conversations that leaders don't say out loud. And today we're exploring what happens when the outward success hides an internal battle with fear. with guilt, with self-doubt, the imposter syndrome, shame, and what it actually takes to lead from steadiness instead of survival mode. My guest today is Steve Barton. He's an executive coach, an author, and the creator of the Game of 10, powerful awareness-based framework helping leaders operate at their highest level of clarity, confidence, and performance. Steve has over 47 years of real world business experience and I can't wait to talk to him about it. And he's grown a company from $200,000 to $2 million in annual annual revenue. His work blends practical business strategy with deep insight into human awareness, decision making and emotional intelligence.
Luisa Hogan: He's presented his coaching process to the Harvard Business School case study team and works with executives, entrepreneurs and high achievers who want more than financial success. They want peace of mind, stronger relationships, and a clear sense of purpose.
Luisa Hogan: Steve is also an author, and he has a profound message, which I'm sure we're going to talk about, and I can't wait to explore this all with you. Steve, thank you so much for joining me today. Welcome to the Second Voice Podcast.
Steve Barton: What an an amazing introduction. Thank you so is it
Luisa Hogan: You're very, very welcome. Well, tell us more about you. I've given a little bit of an intro, but we've sort of dabbled on what your background is. Tell us more about you and and what your expertise is and your
Steve Barton: much. I'm going to be 70 in September, so I've got a long history of time. So maybe I'm pretty I did my business career. Actually, I went to business school out of high school to college and went to got my business ah management degree at the University of Maine. im in Portland, Maine, about two hours north of Boston.
Steve Barton: And so I love business. And i actually grew up in a third generation flower business. And from my first presentation in fourth grade was arranging flowers. It was And so I knew i was always going to do that. I've been designing flowers since I was eight years old. um But I also love designing things, you know, everything.
Steve Barton: Life is designing, you know, designing your life to be the way you dream it to be.
Luisa Hogan: Yeah.
Steve Barton: So that's always intrigued me. And I was just talking to you about IVDD. So we're low low on the spectrum of neurodiversions, but we are also pattern seekers and we're really good at patterns.
Steve Barton: And, and that's, I like to, I like to follow the dots. I love, i love all, I love going down rabbit holes saying, Oh my God, this is connected to this and this is connected to, Oh my God.
Luisa Hogan: Yeah.
Steve Barton: Yeah. So love, I love everything about that and figuring stuff out. So that, that's how I, I ran my business. we As I said, i brought the flower business from my father had a stroke when I was right out of college.
Steve Barton: um I was on my way to Europe to go study floral design in Amsterdam and and Germany. And three days before I was leaving with my one-way ticket, my mother calls me up from an FTD convention, which is floral networking.
Steve Barton: ah the floral transworld delivery back in the day. And says, you can't go. says, you've got to stay and run the flower business. So was 21, 22 years old.
Steve Barton: And i was put into a leadership position at a very young age.
Luisa Hogan: Wow.
Steve Barton: And I loved it. And i got out 30 years later liking it. So that was a success to me.
Luisa Hogan: Yeah.
Steve Barton: So
Luisa Hogan: Yeah. I mean, to go all that time and still liking it because some people go through all that time and then just become jaded with it. Right. So that's what an incredible backstory. And of course you saw huge success in that time. You grew your business extremely well.
Luisa Hogan: Was there any point in you growing your business and in achieving that success that you realized that it wasn't creating internal stability or anything inside of you where you thought you had any doubts at all?
Steve Barton: Yeah, it was. And 13 years into it, i realized i had everything in the world I wanted, and I wasn't happy.
Steve Barton: And that's why I I brought myself to a therapist and my wife i was working for a company, L.L.
Luisa Hogan: Mm-hmm.
Steve Barton: Bean, which is located in Maine. She was worked way up from the four to midnight and to the executive suites.
Luisa Hogan: Mm-hmm.
Steve Barton: And everyone in the executive suites were going to therapy. They're all type A personalities, Ivy League graduates. And they all had this one therapist.
Steve Barton: I said, I want him. that's like, I laid an appointment and he said, first question was, why are you here? And i that's what I said to him. I have everything in the world that I want. I'm not happy. And I said, that's effed up.
Steve Barton: And I go how long is going to take? And what can I expect? I had no idea. And 33 years ago, you just didn't go to therapy unless something was off.
Luisa Hogan: Yeah.
Steve Barton: I went because I knew something was off. and I wanted to figure it out. And he said, about three months, I usually tell people, but you're halfway there, which thought I knew I was messed up.
Steve Barton: And then he said, what you're going to get it is mental health.
Luisa Hogan: Yeah.
Steve Barton: And sure enough, my life changed right after that. I ah had a an awakening major, which my world upside down and my family's world upside down.
Luisa Hogan: Mm-hmm.
Steve Barton: and And i didn't come from a fra family that was really positive or encouraging. It was always hard work. And, you know, so I just had a complete 180. And that was devastating to my family.
Steve Barton: But I loved it.
Luisa Hogan: Yeah.
Steve Barton: When I when i finally went insane, they thought I went crazy.
Luisa Hogan: Isn't that wild, right? Because is, is it because like when you're finally saying and you're, you, you finally your authentic self, I guess, and you might've been, correct me if I'm wrong, but you know, that way I would see it as like you, you might be hiding behind all of this image before.
Steve Barton: Yeah.
Luisa Hogan: And then when you finally allow that authentic self come out, it looks so insane to others because you just feel like a different person, right?
Steve Barton: And they say, who are you? but
Luisa Hogan: Yeah, yeah.
Steve Barton: Yeah. So it is, I totally understand it now.
Luisa Hogan: Yeah.
Steve Barton: And, but when I was going through it, I had no clue. So I had to really integrate this new way of being into my everyday life with my everyday family and friends.
Luisa Hogan: Yeah.
Steve Barton: And so it was a lot of just being quiet, you know,
Luisa Hogan: Yeah.
Luisa Hogan: yeah
Luisa Hogan: And so tell me, like, is that what shaped your business now? And you you talk about the game of 10, which I'm really keen to hear what that's all about. is Was that part of the start of the journey that you're on now or did something else come in between?
Steve Barton: Well, when I went through this change, I started meeting all these strange people who came into my life. You know, when the students are ready, the teachers appear. So at's one um I was talking to this one friend telling that what happened.
Luisa Hogan: Yeah.
Steve Barton: I mean, I had an out-of-body experience. I was channeling. i was doing all this stuff. And I was telling this trusted friend, said, you need to talk to Ivan. So one day, Ivan comes up the stairs. He's about 70 years old, Russian, first-generation Russian. And it's like God's walking up the stairs. And maybe so I meet him, and I introduce introducece each other. And he's got this course called Yes.
Steve Barton: that he developed and he had an awakening through a car accident, had an out-of-body experience and his life helped change. So he he said he made a deal with general, he called the general office that if I can come back, I will do this and help people. So he called the Yes Course. And so he says to me, he goes,
Steve Barton: I go, Ivan, i said he told me it was a 10 week course, three and a half hours every Thursday. It was $750. Back then it'd be about $2,000 today.
Steve Barton: And I said, Ivan, why don't I want take your course? I know I get everything I asked for. he goes, oh, I'll help you get it quicker. go, damn. you I still still use that with my clients.
Steve Barton: But he knew i wanted everything all at once.
Luisa Hogan: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Steve Barton: i still do, and I still get it. So it's it's good.
Luisa Hogan: Yeah, yeah. and And so that's put you on the path to today. Tell me more about the Game of Ten. What is the Game of Ten?
Steve Barton: Okay, the game of 10 is based on the assumption or premise, truth, that we're all appointed 10.
Steve Barton: And then through everyday life's disappointments or traumas. And if they reoccur and they become habitual in our thinking, we stay in that level of awareness, nine through one.
Steve Barton: One is lowest level of awareness. And like basically, if you're one, you're suicidal, you know, and up till about five, you have good days and bad days. You know, it's very dualistic. So in the game, off I call that the game often played one through nine versus the game of 10, where there's no duality.
Steve Barton: It just is what it is.
Luisa Hogan: Mm-hmm.
Steve Barton: it isn't what it isn't. It's everything. It's not a thing. so you're in that level of ah awareness that you are an expression of the divine being, God, whatever you want to call it.
Steve Barton: And that's who we are We're intentional, intuitive. I sometimes say energetic or spiritual, depending on my audience beings having a physical experience what are you gonna do with it
Luisa Hogan: Yeah. And so do you coach people through those levels of awareness?
Steve Barton: yes and I've come up with I heard you say in a previous podcast what's your mantras how do you get yourself centered how do you so I've come up with six phrases that will send to you it actually shuts off our inner voice
Luisa Hogan: Okay.
Luisa Hogan: Mm-hmm.
Steve Barton: Completely. And I've had a couple of people bliss out by saying these.
Luisa Hogan: Well, I need to know what they are because I've been doing, I've been studying Kriya yoga for the last a few months and I'm i'm loving it.
Steve Barton: and yeah I was telling you, with the ADHD I have, or the ADD, it's like I can't sit and meditate.
Luisa Hogan: ah but that's the ultimate challenge, right? Is turning off that inner voice.
Steve Barton: You know, never was able to do it. So when I came up with this, I said, perfect. I can do... An hour's worth of meditation in 20 seconds, 30 seconds.
Luisa Hogan: Wow.
Steve Barton: I know. So yeah I just know it works. And these we'll do it together if you'd like. All right.
Luisa Hogan: Yeah, I'd love to. Let's do it.
Steve Barton: All right, let's do it.
Luisa Hogan: but
Steve Barton: You know what 10 is? It's your highest level of awareness.
Luisa Hogan: Yes.
Steve Barton: Okay? All right. It's our connection to consciousness, awareness. All right. I am 10.
Steve Barton: Repeat that to me.
Luisa Hogan: Okay. I am 10.
Steve Barton: I mean, do it with enthusiasm.
Luisa Hogan: Okay. Sorry. Sorry. I am 10.
Steve Barton: I'm doing the best that I can with the awareness that I have.
Luisa Hogan: I'm doing the best that I can with the awareness that I have.
Steve Barton: I'm always right with the awareness that I have.
Luisa Hogan: I'm always right with the awareness that I have.
Steve Barton: I am enough.
Luisa Hogan: I am enough.
Steve Barton: I do enough.
Luisa Hogan: I do enough.
Steve Barton: I have enough.
Luisa Hogan: I have enough.
Steve Barton: It answers all the questions our ego is asking throughout the day.
Luisa Hogan: Yes. Yes.
Luisa Hogan: It sure does. It's like it tells your ego, hey, like all of these things that you doubt, that you fear, that you ruminate on, it's like you actually have all those answers and it turns off. It's funny because that's exactly what I talk about in the the work that I do with um leaders is, you know, that part of your brain, that first voice, it's there to keep you safe.
Luisa Hogan: And until you allow, until you tell that part of your brain that it is safe and you are safe, then it's always going to be telling you you're unsafe, right?
Steve Barton: Yes.
Steve Barton: Yeah, it tells it tells you're you're in of that part of your your ego. It tells your ego that you are safe. What happens is oftentimes the game often played is the ego's not sure.
Steve Barton: So it's just like you've got to check this, gonna check that, you've got to do this.
Luisa Hogan: Yeah.
Steve Barton: it over
Luisa Hogan: Yeah.
Steve Barton: It takes you over. And that's the game often played, one through nine. And, yeah, so I...
Luisa Hogan: I love it.
Steve Barton: I have my clients say these phrases at least five times a day. yeah i said, you you can't, you can't, had one client overdo it. Just stop. i just, you're doing it a hundred times. is like, give you, enjoy life, you know, just enjoy versus.
Steve Barton: So you can overdo it, I guess, like everything, but it won't, it won't hurt you.
Luisa Hogan: Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I love how it it speaks to that um trust and surrender, right?
Steve Barton: Yeah.
Luisa Hogan: It speaks to that trust and surrender. i love it.
Steve Barton: Yeah. I've broken it down to three categories. The first one is a declaration of who we are. We are all 10. The next two phrases address our divine innocence. i'm doing the but We're doing the best we can with the awareness we have. I'm doing the best I can with the awareness I have. I'm always right with the awareness that I have.
Steve Barton: Those are the declarations of I'm innocent. I'm doing my best. And the next three phrases put us in present moment awareness. I am... I do and I have the be do have of every day, every second of every day, we've been being doing and having fill in the blank. And what a lot of people don't know is have you read Eckhart Tolle at The Power of Now?
Luisa Hogan: I have, yes. I actually read that, reread it just recently.
Steve Barton: I've got to rewrite reread it, maybe you can. I don't think he mentioned he really focused on the universal time, which is now
Luisa Hogan: Yes.
Steve Barton: But the universal space, time space, is enough. the The universal space, or the universal quantity, is enough. So now is always enough.
Luisa Hogan: Amazing. I love it. i I was not expecting the conversation to go this way today, but I'm so glad it did because it feels so relevant to me personally, but I think it's so relevant for today because so many more people are becoming more aware and are seeking more awareness.
Luisa Hogan: And so this is such a timely conversation.
Steve Barton: Mm-hmm.
Luisa Hogan: Tell me, let's let's bring this back to high performers. So, you know, how do the patterns of you know, lack of awareness typically typically show up in a high performing person without them realizing, because there would be high performers listening now. And, you know, i mean, I work with some high performers and how would this pattern of, you know, not having awareness, not being at 10, you know, pan out for them?
Steve Barton: Well, not too good, not too well. And because you can be a high performer, but what what is the, what's the shadow underneath it?
Luisa Hogan: Yep.
Steve Barton: What are you, what are you hiding?
Luisa Hogan: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Steve Barton: What fear, self-doubt, guilt, or shame is underneath that and what's going to trigger it? So where high performers get in trouble is when they get triggered and they can't get out of that loop.
Steve Barton: So that's where that's where it is negatively affects the relationships with subordinates, co-workers, the the the whole the company.
Steve Barton: So and of the the second half of the game of 10 is how to how to let go and how to forgive, which is the basis of A Course in Miracles, if anyone's familiar with that.
Luisa Hogan: Yes.
Steve Barton: It's all about forgiveness.
Luisa Hogan: I'm busy reading that at the moment.
Steve Barton: le i yeah did that the
Luisa Hogan: I can't believe it. Yeah, im I've started reading that a couple months ago too and it's a big book and I'm just doing a lesson every day and reading a portion every day and I'm loving it.
Steve Barton: I had another body experience reading it. That's how
Luisa Hogan: Ready. Yeah, it's so powerful.
Steve Barton: book is yeah and so powerful it's about letting go the whole book is all about letting go with aka forgiveness so i'm going to get back into the game of 10 because it's um because when you do say these phrases it opens up a whole can of worms in your subconscious because it opens you up to alignment with 10.
Luisa Hogan: Yeah.
Luisa Hogan: Yeah.
Luisa Hogan: Yeah, please.
Steve Barton: And it says we're safe to to bring out all this fear, all this self-doubt, all this guilt, all this shame. So ah very rarely do I say these phrases without telling people, you've got to do this too, okay?
Steve Barton: Because you've just opened it up and here's the solution.
Luisa Hogan: Yeah.
Steve Barton: So Marianne Williamson was actually my coach and taught me this. I took miracle-minded coaching during COVID-19. And she was actually my one of my coaches in writing my book.
Steve Barton: So I got COVID was great for me. Okay.
Luisa Hogan: Yeah, yeah. yet
Steve Barton: and At the time that was spent, i used to write a book. and and So um she said she taught me this one. And imagine in our minds, we have these two things above our ears called temples.
Steve Barton: No, no coincidence. It's our mind is our brain is, is the receiver of in our imagination that we download. Anyway, so create everybody in the audience and Louisa, create a temple in your mind, the Louisa temple.
Luisa Hogan: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Steve Barton: And it's divine. And it's a place you can go to let things go. And so often people don't always, people oftentimes think that they have to forgive a person, place or situation.
Steve Barton: And the fact is we have to forgive the thoughts about a person, place, or situation that happened to us. So thoughts that block awareness.
Steve Barton: Thoughts are great if we use them as a tool. they're They're not great if they use us.
Luisa Hogan: Yeah, for sure. And, you know, that brings me to some people would be going, yeah, I, you know, what's the difference between awareness and thinking, right?
Steve Barton: Mm-hmm.
Luisa Hogan: What's the difference between awareness and thinking? People would be asking that or thinking that if they've not been on a journey of finding awareness.
Steve Barton: You can't have awareness if you're thinking.
Luisa Hogan: Mm-hmm.
Steve Barton: it's awareness My definition of awareness is without thought.
Luisa Hogan: Mm-hmm.
Steve Barton: And because the universe doesn't work with thought, it works through awareness. It works through consciousness. It works through energy. It works through sound, vibration, and frequency. So before I forget, in your temple, create an altar.
Steve Barton: So as you're saying these phrases, six phrases, and something comes up, what about this? And what about that? And other fears, self doubt, guilt and shame ideas come might come in. You take those ideas, the thoughts about, remember you said that to that person and what they said to the other person. So all the thoughts about that situation, I take a bouquet of thoughts because I was a florist. And it's to me, that's how I do it. I take all the bouquets of thoughts that don't serve me any longer, and I put those on the altar.
Steve Barton: And if you're going to say anything, I think a great thing to say is I'm willing to see this differently. And we're willing to take in the pain, the suffering, the fear, so doubt, guilt, and shame. You have to be willing to let it go.
Steve Barton: and By doing that, it's as it's a ceremony it's a sacred ceremony of letting go. And if it's really traumatic, some may come back. you know But each time you do a Deepak Chopra, I like his way he calls it washing the rag.
Luisa Hogan: he
Steve Barton: And oftentimes things have to be, if they were traumas, you'll do it so do it over and over again. Each time you do it, it's less and less until it's no longer there.
Luisa Hogan: the I love it. It reminds me so much of, um I'm sure you've read it, but if not, um let me know, um Dr. Hawkins, The Letting Go.
Steve Barton: have not read that.
Luisa Hogan: go.
Steve Barton: No.
Luisa Hogan: i read it, look it up. And it ah talks about letting go. And it talks about the whole process of surrendering because sometimes our anger, we really look at it and we're willing to let go of anger. It's actually hiding shame.
Luisa Hogan: And are we willing to let go of shame? And when we're willing to let go of that part, that then it's hiding fear. and you know, you go through all of these layers because it's not so easy of letting go of anger because anger is hiding something else.
Steve Barton: Yep.
Luisa Hogan: And that's usually hiding something else. And you go through each process of letting go and eventually, there's nothing left to let go other than fear. It usually usually comes down to fear. Like everything links to fear, right?
Steve Barton: listen well of course in miracles says that which is real cannot be threatened that which is unreal does not exist here in life of god fear is not real you know you've heard the acronym false evidence appearing real and yeah so it's not real but it
Luisa Hogan: Exactly.
Luisa Hogan: Yeah.
Luisa Hogan: Yeah.
Steve Barton: is perceived as real.
Luisa Hogan: Yes.
Steve Barton: It's a threat. That's where the ego comes in to protect you from it. But it doesn't even exist. so
Luisa Hogan: doesn't exist but that's a really hard one for people to get their heads around right because it feels so believable right yeah yeah and and even when it's damaging it's damaging to us it's damaging to our leadership to our confidence to our clarity to our relationships it feels so believable you know why why does it feel so believable when it when it isn't real
Steve Barton: would love Oh, my God, it's grand illusion. Yeah. Yeah.
Steve Barton: it wants to It wants you to think you're a body. It wants to keep you in your body. Because if you if you remembered, then you would leave.
Luisa Hogan: Yeah.
Steve Barton: How's that?
Luisa Hogan: Yeah. Great answer. I love it. I hope people listening will go and who have never been, who've never heard of A Course in Miracles, who've never heard of any of these works to go down a little rabbit hole after listening to today's podcast, because you might be thinking, oh, you know,
Luisa Hogan: what What has this got to do with my leadership? I'm telling you now, it will have everything to do with your leadership because that sense of self-awareness and that sense of awareness and that sense of letting go of the ego is only going to help your leadership and your relationships with people, isn't it?
Steve Barton: Yeah, and I think a lot of times people who have ah a spiritual awakening or have have this realization that of unconditional loving everybody, they don't they leave out one major factor, healthy boundaries.
Steve Barton: And in The Course Miracles it says, sometimes love says yes, sometimes love says no, sometimes love says stay, and sometimes love says go. i have some very healthy boundaries.
Steve Barton: And a lot of people like it and a lot of people don't.
Luisa Hogan: Yeah.
Steve Barton: it's and it's okay.
Luisa Hogan: Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I talk about that all the time in leadership about boundaries because some of the leaders that I work with, and I've talked about this in another podcast episode, They fill their schedule from 7 a.m. through to 8 o'clock at night with meeting, back-to-back back meeting, back-to-back meeting, and then get home and then work until 11 o'clock at night on the work that they couldn't do during the day. They don't have healthy boundaries. They say yes to every meeting. They say yes to everything.
Luisa Hogan: And then ah it also signals they're not truly aware of what is actually valuable and deserving of their time because they say yes to everything.
Steve Barton: Mm-hmm.
Luisa Hogan: And I think a huge part of this is, as you say, finding the boundaries and some people are not going to like it, but it is so critical in maintaining not only good leadership, but being a good human.
Steve Barton: Absolutely.
Luisa Hogan: Right.
Steve Barton: You know, that person worked working from 8 to 11 at night, you know, God loved their spouse or a partner or personal life, you know, but that might be their life, you know, as long as they they know and that's what gives them joy and happiness, perfect, do it.
Luisa Hogan: Yeah.
Luisa Hogan: Yeah.
Steve Barton: But if your life is suffering in other places, then really take a look at it.
Luisa Hogan: Yeah.
Steve Barton: That's awareness.
Luisa Hogan: Yeah, for sure. So in in in me looking you up and reading all about you, I've seen that you've described intuition as a measurable leadership advantage.
Luisa Hogan: What does intuitive leadership actually look like in practice? And ah without it becoming something that's vague or disconnected from reality to somebody who's never tapped into intuition, who or who might think intuition doesn't exist outside of some special people, what what does it look like in leadership to you?
Steve Barton: yeah First of all, I'm the least woo-woo person you're ever going to meet.
Luisa Hogan: Yeah. Yeah.
Steve Barton: i can So i what's it look like? I say it this way. We talked about awareness is without thought. Well, what do you mean you don't think?
Steve Barton: Well, would you rather think would you rather know?
Luisa Hogan: Yeah, I'd rather know.
Steve Barton: No. I'd rather know. That's what leadership, you know.
Luisa Hogan: And not doubt it and trust yeah.
Steve Barton: Yeah, and how do you tell? Well, your body tells you. you know Your gut tells you. You have this feeling. You just know. I'm doing this. it's it's it's In the game often played, things that sound the opposite, like counterintuitive, there's no such thing as counterintuitive. It's just intuitive.
Luisa Hogan: Mm-hmm.
Steve Barton: When you say, this is counterintuitive, love thy enemy, right?
Steve Barton: And it's counterintuitive, but it's actually intuitive. You know love your enemy and set really healthy, strong boundaries.
Luisa Hogan: Yeah.
Steve Barton: Okay.
Luisa Hogan: Yeah.
Steve Barton: deserve no and go. a lot of them. Can we be friends?
Luisa Hogan: Yeah.
Steve Barton: Not now. but but That's sweet.
Luisa Hogan: Absolutely.
Steve Barton: How about in a year or two? Give me a call. Yeah. You know, if you're if you're still doing the same thing you're doing, ah it's going be a no.
Luisa Hogan: Yeah.
Steve Barton: But if you have a life change and you want to have coffee or something, sure. But no, no.
Luisa Hogan: Yeah.
Steve Barton: Yeah. And it's really being, you know a lot of times leaders get into the pleasers.
Luisa Hogan: Yeah.
Steve Barton: They want to please everyone. And who do they please? Nobody. Yeah.
Luisa Hogan: Least of all themselves, right? Because they just go with a flow of where the wind's going to blow them, but not in that trusting surrender kind of way, but rather in that trying to control everything kind of way, which are two different things.
Steve Barton: smell
Steve Barton: Well, yeah, that's what we're dealing with in our economies today. Power, control, profit.
Luisa Hogan: Yeah, for sure.
Steve Barton: whatever Whatever it takes. Right?
Luisa Hogan: Yeah. Yeah, right. If somebody is listening to this episode today and they might be feeling trapped in that internal noise, that internal overthinking, despite having outward success, award winners, or they've, you know, climbed the corporate ladder and they have the title that they absolutely love,
Luisa Hogan: What do you think is the first practical shift that they can make to interrupt that pattern today so that they can go onto this path, you know, of this game of 10?
Steve Barton: I would highly recommend therapy.
Luisa Hogan: Mm-hmm.
Steve Barton: I highly recommend coaching with an awake coach.
Luisa Hogan: Mm-hmm.
Steve Barton: um And I would highly recommend personal development books. Because once you get into it, um i would I'm hooked on it.
Steve Barton: because um I'm addicted to mental health.
Luisa Hogan: Yeah.
Steve Barton: How's that?
Luisa Hogan: yeah
Steve Barton: Yeah.
Luisa Hogan: You and me both. I feel like I found a kindred spirit across across the world, 12 hours behind me.
Steve Barton: yeah Yeah. And ah yeah, we only gets to you know we're very, you know, if going to be overtaken, i mean, in addictions, i'm I'm doing some addiction podcasts and really addiction is what I found.
Steve Barton: It's the gap between, say, for example, the game often played, somebody is a seven, there's 30% chance they're going to, you were always, the mind always wants to fill in that gap.
Luisa Hogan: Yeah.
Luisa Hogan: For
Steve Barton: And that gap is filled with fear, self-doubt, guilt, and shame. So oftentimes people will use alcohol, drugs, um work, um porn, any diction that doesn't serve you well gets filled in in that gap.
Steve Barton: So it's the false sense of security.
Luisa Hogan: ahhel
Steve Barton: So you want to have that true sense of security, which is 10. The gap is filled with unconditional love toward yourself and others. No conditions but ah but healthy and healthy boundaries.
Steve Barton: i've got I had a client who
Luisa Hogan: Love it.
Steve Barton: had PTSD. He says he's, I cured him of it. ah And he used to he used to create terms and conditions with himself. You know, before I get out of bed, I have to do this exercise, this exercise, and this, ah or I'm going to be, have this happen all day.
Steve Barton: And he started doing this like three different times I'm going, do you put terms and conditions on a lot of things in your life?
Luisa Hogan: Ouch.
Steve Barton: He goes, you think? I said, yes. Yes. So I said, I want to take all those contracts that you made with yourself, because our mind does that.
Steve Barton: We contract.
Luisa Hogan: Yeah. Yeah.
Steve Barton: And the mind says, okay. And then you basically, it's like, I call it the, his push the ah green agree button to the terms and conditions. And that if you don't do this, this is going to happen.
Luisa Hogan: yeah
Luisa Hogan: yeah
Steve Barton: And so I said, I want you to take all your terms and all your contracts that you've that you've made with yourself, the ones that you know and the ones that you don't know, and put them on your altar and say, I'm breaking all terms and conditions. ah Why do you have to put terms and conditions that something that is already perfect?
Steve Barton: It's the perfect agreement that we have with 10.
Luisa Hogan: Yeah.
Steve Barton: Okay. okay
Luisa Hogan: Yeah.
Steve Barton: So why would you add any to it? You're only going to screw it up. Mm-hmm.
Luisa Hogan: Yeah. That's wild. What a great example.
Steve Barton: Mm-hmm.
Luisa Hogan: Great example. Yeah.
Steve Barton: Greenbelt.
Luisa Hogan: Thank you.
Steve Barton: I agree. Okay.
Luisa Hogan: Somebody i was I was listening to the other day was saying you should unsubscribe. Like, you know how you go through your emails and you unsubscribe and it feels so satisfying to unsubscribe from these things that your brain doesn't need, like that you don't want in your inbox anymore.
Luisa Hogan: She was saying that you can do that with your mind, you know, going to unsubscribe from this unhelpful thought, unsubscribe from doing these habits that just keep me in this pattern of fear or guilt or shame.
Luisa Hogan: All you have to do is click the unsubscribe button, right? Stop, stop pressing the green button and start pressing the unsubscribe button.
Steve Barton: Yep. Yep. So as I was writing my book every week, we'd have incubator church with Marianne Williamson. Okay.
Luisa Hogan: listen
Steve Barton: This woman has traveled the world, uh, lecturing on a course in miracles. She's probably, she'd been on Oprah Winfrey 21 times, uh, just has been just ran for president twice.
Steve Barton: This woman knows her stuff. Okay.
Luisa Hogan: Yeah, yeah.
Steve Barton: And I got to meet her, get to know her. And, ah So I asked her, I said, okay, I'm going to one-to-one Zoom call. There were 12 other people on the call.
Steve Barton: I said, so if I have a client who's a carpenter, can I have him use his altributes workbench? And she says, no. said, I go, okay, I'm trying to figure it out. How does this work?
Steve Barton: So she says, it has to be sacred. It has to be because you are dealing with your psyche, which is your spirit. So hitting the agree button, it has to be more ceremonial because you're going to grieve.
Steve Barton: you're You're basically letting go and there is a grieving process. It's slight. It's not you lost a family member or spouse or pat or but it's it's it is a letting go is a form of grieving.
Luisa Hogan: is.
Steve Barton: It's how we're designed.
Luisa Hogan: sure is
Steve Barton: So she said, you have to create, do the do something that is sacred. It can be at the temple, can be generic, you know, just it's a temple.
Steve Barton: It doesn't have to be a religious sect, but it has to be sacred.
Luisa Hogan: Yeah.
Steve Barton: So, yeah.
Luisa Hogan: Yeah. Love it. Well, Steve, the time has flown by on this podcast episode today. It's flown and I've ah so enjoyed speaking with you. If people want to find you or connect with you or, you know, know more about your work, where can they find you?
Steve Barton: I'm on LinkedIn heavily and I'm on and then my website is www.steveartoncoaching.com. If anyone wants to get my free book on that website, they're going to get five coaching trickles after that, but ignore them or call me. I like either way. um Yeah, download the book.
Steve Barton: My son and I wrote that during COVID and he was 18 at the time. That's why it's called The Father, the Son, and the A-ha Moment. And I noticed you love the A-ha Moments.
Luisa Hogan: Love it.
Steve Barton: And they are and so I told Marianne Williamson on have one of our Wednesday afternoons, she goes, what's Steve, what's name your book? I said, The Father, and the A-ha Moment. I wrote it with my, writing it with my 18-year-old son.
Steve Barton: She goes, I love that name. i love that. This is 13 times... author seven times New York Times bestseller. I'm so horrible with names that book. How did you get that name? Did you hear it somewhere? more Did you download it? said, I download everything. the account was downloaded You know, it just download it, download it.
Steve Barton: I think that's really the greatest thing about leadership is you want to download from truth source energy, download.
Luisa Hogan: Yeah.
Steve Barton: And more times than not, it's gonna be the right choice.
Luisa Hogan: Yeah.
Steve Barton: So get those old ah food for thoughts, those old thoughts.
Luisa Hogan: Yeah.
Steve Barton: I call them leftovers from a week ago in your fridge that most people used to to think from.
Luisa Hogan: yeah if
Steve Barton: And that's the food for thought.
Luisa Hogan: yeah
Steve Barton: Yuck.
Luisa Hogan: Yeah, for sure.
Steve Barton: I love
Luisa Hogan: I love download from, it I mean, a friend of mine calls spirit, uh, Gus, God, the universe and spirits Gus.
Steve Barton: that.
Luisa Hogan: And I just love that.
Steve Barton: I love that.
Luisa Hogan: It's like, down get your download from Gus, right?
Steve Barton: let
Luisa Hogan: ah Well, thank you so much again, Steve. I've so loved speaking to you and I hope to continue speaking to you after the podcast today. I'll put in the show notes, all the links to um all of Steve's information. So thank you again to everyone listening. What I got out of today was that your second voice, your inner voice does not disappear because you achieve more. And if you are on that treadmill to try and earn a bigger title, to achieve more awards, to achieve bigger, you know, dollar signs and behind your success, know that it changes when you learn to lead yourself from an awareness instead of from fear. And that is my big takeaway from today. So thanks again, Steve. Thank you to everyone listening. Until next time, take care. Bye-bye.
