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A Letter to Our Younger Selves: Seasons, Surrender & Grace
60 Plays4 months ago
In this episode, we sit down and reflect on what we’d tell our younger selves at the beginning of motherhood. We talk through the seasons, the hard ones and the sweet ones, and how each stage asks something different of us.
We share what we’ve learned about giving ourselves grace, letting go of outside noise, learning as we go, and leaning on faith and support instead of our own strength. And because it wouldn’t be us without it, we also take a few snack tangents along the way.
This conversation is for the mom who’s in the thick of it, wondering if she’s doing enough. You’re not behind, you’re growing.
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Transcript
Introduction and Catching Up
00:00:02
Speaker
Hey guys Morgan and Rachel here. Welcome to That's A Win Podcast, where we share the highs and lows of motherhood, celebrating the wins along the way. Thanks for joining us on our journey. Talk soon.
00:00:14
Speaker
Welcome back to another episode of That's The Win Podcast with your hosts, Morgan and Rachel. feel like i haven't seen you in so long. i feel like we haven't hung out in forever. I know. What is this? This is a week, I guess. Max.
00:00:30
Speaker
That's right. We can't go too long. I know. Our old selves would be like kicking kicking us right now when we didn't see each other for like months, and now we're like... It's been a week. Right. It does feel weird if I don't see you because I feel like that's literally like why I moved back here, you know? Just for me. to Literally only you.
Reflections on Age and Celebrations
00:00:47
Speaker
What you been up to? What you been doing? You know, i feel like every time this is asked, I'm always like, oh, I'm good. Not much. But really, I feel like my life is pretty like... blah you you've been busy this is true you've been bopping around this is true i guess went to a balls game last night yes that was gonna be a part of my win oh look at that you're dealing your thunder oh there we go remember i told you i had two so maybe i'll just come up with my other one but yes we did do that and had birthdays and You and me. Yeah. And... Big 32 now. Yeah. That's crazy. I swear, though, it does sound older. does. Like, it feels older. 100%. Like, I don't know. Something about 32? Yes. You're over that, like...
00:01:36
Speaker
30 is ish, but then it's like, Oh, we're getting closer. I know. Mid thirties. Yeah. Mid thirties, literally 35. Yeah. Um, I had like a really depressing thought that I was like, wow, I've probably lived a third of my life or maybe even half of it. Right. I mean, I hope not. I hope I live to be more than 64, but you will.
00:01:55
Speaker
We're putting it out there. it will happen. It will happen. But I know that is a weird way to think about it. And I never knew either. Like, and maybe other people knew this and I'm just like, you know, behind. but When you turn the year that you are... already know what I'm going to say. Have i already said this before? No, I just know what you're going to say. completing that year already.
00:02:17
Speaker
Right? Yes. I completed 32. Right. And I'm going... or we're going into 33. Yeah. We're like... You're 33 day one for me. You know? What? My mind was just...
00:02:31
Speaker
Because if you think about your kids, they don't turn one until they've lived the whole year. yes But you don't think about that in yourself. Other people probably do. Some may, some might. But I was like, it blew my mind for whatever reason. I know. what? already finished my 32nd year? Yeah. My 32 year? year 32. My 32. Yeah. So that was my little revelation. Yes.
00:02:57
Speaker
Important stuff over here. Real important really is. gosh. um Yeah, I had my birthday yesterday and it was just very chill. We didn't really do much. Did, you know, had a lunch with some family and cookie cake, of course. It's a must. You have to. Great American cookie is a requirement for your birthday. It is. And yeah it was chill. But yeah, 32. Looking forward to the next year. That's right. all that Your 33rd year.
00:03:25
Speaker
thirty third year Oh, okay. Well, we got lots of wins to get into this. weirdly So let's get started on
Asking for Help: Wins and Challenges
00:03:35
Speaker
our wins. So now's the time where we share our wins of the week, where we celebrate our victories.
00:03:44
Speaker
My win this week is something that I was very proud of myself for. And so I asked for help this week and before I got overwhelmed. So it was like a preemptive thing. um The kids were out of school for one day for whatever reason. And that's normally the day that i work from home.
00:04:05
Speaker
And usually then I just think, okay, I'll figure it out. I'll get it done. Like we'll make it work, you know, and it's usually stressful because I'm the kind of person that has to like have my mind on one task at a time and it's hard for me to split that. I want to give a hundred percent to what I'm doing. And so when I'm like trying to appease them and then trying to work at the same time, I just get stressed. Yeah. Yeah. You're trying to do both once. Yeah. So I got a babysitter lined up and I asked her before, I was like, can you come just for a couple hours in the morning?
00:04:34
Speaker
And I was so much calmer going into the day. The kids had fun. Like I knew I had those few hours just to dedicate to, to work. And I feel like, so for me, the wind was like getting help, but then also just like making the choice ahead of time to do it and not being like, I'm just going to pull myself up on my bootstraps and get it done. Right. It was a much positive experience for all of us ever around. Yeah.
00:05:03
Speaker
Way to go. I feel proud of myself. Proactive. I know. Yes. And yeah, if you're listening and you're telling yourself you're just pushed through, maybe this is your sign to to get help. Just ask for help. There's no shame in asking for help. This is your permission to ask for help. So that was mine. I was proud of myself. I love it. i love it. There you go. That's awesome. I don't know that I've...
00:05:25
Speaker
been as easy to do that like to ask for help so knowing that it's something so simple right I know why is it so hard to ask for help no like I just feel like there's something in our minds that we have to do it all and even like people will be like I don't see how you do it all I'm like I don't want to like, Cole's like, you're just a super woman. I don't want to be super woman. Right. Right. Don't say that about me. No. You know what i mean? But it's like, we just have this weird thing that like asking for help is a hard thing to do.
00:05:53
Speaker
And it shouldn't be. It shouldn't be. That's when people want to help. And like, i was blessing her by, you know, having her come and she loves playing with the kids. The kids had fun. It was a nice day. They got to play outside. And I'm like, this is all over better. I can't do that every time, but to have it one time to do it.
00:06:10
Speaker
We need to do that more often. That's a huge win right there. what i'm saying. Wow. Love that for you. um Mine, I was going to talk about the date night to the ten ah the Tennessee basketball game, um but I think I'll segue into something else. That was... address a little bit. Um, but my cousin, um came in town and, she has two kids that, um, are somewhat close to my kid's age, but we all went over for dinner to my mom's house and I probably haven't seen my cousin in, i don't know, like 15 years, maybe something crazy, 10, maybe when I got married. Um,
00:06:55
Speaker
yeah Getting to see my kids with them. and Honestly, I don't really know if it's like first cousins. I know i don't get all that. I'm like, they're cousins. We'll just go with that. think just seeing them all be together.
00:07:11
Speaker
um was a win for us yeah yeah that's fun what were their age like were they some yeah so yeah the oldest is 12 so a little a little way older i guess i would say but um the youngest is four okay so kind of near but and my oldest loved the 12 year old the older like she was like all about it um it was an all-out um cry fest trying to leave so I'd say they had a good time.
Food Memories and Nostalgia
00:07:41
Speaker
That's always a good sign. Yes. But getting family together that you don't usually get together.
00:07:45
Speaker
That's fun. To sum it all up. Yeah. What'd you guys have for dinner? or Anything yummy? Buddy's barbecue. Yum. I'm sorry. Buddy's barbecue slaps. I'm sorry. It really does. We had that at our wedding. Do you remember that? Wait. It was catered. Yeah. It was just like the most simple.
00:08:01
Speaker
wedding stuff i feel like i do we did like everything basic but it was good it hits it really does and i because from in south carolina they did not have buddy's barbecue anywhere like we didn't have much of any like chain type foods i don't know if you call that a chain i guess yes but um so moving back here i'm like i i crave buddies i'm like mm good It is good. barbecue What sides do you get?
00:08:27
Speaker
but so beans, obviously, and then potato salad and coleslaw. um I like putting closelaw coleslaw on my barbecue sandwich.
00:08:37
Speaker
Adds a little crunch. Okay, a little spice. A little some something, you know. Okay. Speaking of snacks, when you were at the basketball game, did you get snacks there? That's the next question.
00:08:48
Speaker
No. And I hate to, why I know it was awful. Well, the people, I'm sorry, it wasn't awful, but I'm regretting my decision now. But, um, we went to eat beforehand at Calhoun's. Um, so I was kind of full from that. Um, Daniel did get a pretzel, so I did have some, pre some pretzel. That was good.
00:09:07
Speaker
I thought they had Dippin' Dots there and they don't have, di they only have Italian ice. interesting okay so my friend who i was with she like asked the workers like is there a dipping dots here and she's like no there's not we have italian ice so i was wanting that i wanted dipping dots um but no and i'm really upset about it because like why didn't i get like either popcorn or nachos or a hot dog like what was that's like the best actually part about of us i know i'm like or petro's even right don't they have petros there Literally anything but a pretzel. I know. i do sometimes like the pretzel, but they can be a little dry. i guess you can dip it in the cheese. but Yes.
00:09:46
Speaker
Yeah. I just crave some good concession snacks. I know. I'm like actually really upset now that it's been... brought back to my attention that I failed I'm sorry does we need to go another time right i know where and i we get this we're going next Saturday I think okay and yeah I'm already looking forward to but it is different when it's like right around dinner time I get that so cut yourself some slack yeah do not be too hard on yourself there
00:10:12
Speaker
I'll make up for it. Thank you. I'll definitely be getting some popcorn and some M&Ms to put in the popcorn because if you don't put popcorn in your M&Ms, what are you even doing with your life? Morgan taught me that back in middle school, high school, and I do it all the time now. It's so good. Like Daniel knows if he makes a bag of popcorn, he puts the M&Ms in it. He knows. And they get a little melty sometimes as a popcorn. It's perfect. It's perfect. Yes, you got it. That and Ovaltine. Yeah. Yes. Can we just throw back to Ovaltine? Ovaltine. Literally, Todd. He loved it. I remember. Or maybe he still does too. But Morgan's dad. Sorry. Yeah. That's what I'm seeing there. But yeah, that's my big thing with you is Ovaltine.
00:10:56
Speaker
Milkshakes. Yeah, really. The milkshakes. If you want to take it to the next level, you have the Overtine milkshakes. You have to. You have to with Breyer's vanilla bean or homemade. I don't know. There's one of them that was like better than the other. I remember. The vanilla bean. That's it. Yeah.
00:11:12
Speaker
Oh, so good. Now I'm like starving. i don't Pause. Bye podcast. We're going to go eat some snacks now. That's funny.
00:11:23
Speaker
I'm, yeah, I'm looking forward to that. That'll be fun. Okay.
Advice to Younger Selves and Savoring Parenthood
00:11:26
Speaker
So we thought it would be, um, kind of sweet and special to look back and basically share things that we would tell our younger selves, like at the beginning of our motherhood journey. So we both wrote down like a few things and One, i'm wondering if a lot of ours overlap because I feel like we're the same. So I'm sure there will be some yeah similarities. And even with you all listening to, I'm sure it's like, you know, universal something maybe. Yeah. I don't know why I was like getting emotional. Like i I didn't write down anything, any certain ones that were like super emotional, but I was like, I feel like I'm going to cry. I know. Which would not be like a surprise for me. but No, it wouldn't. I don't think I've cried on a podcast yet though. So that's no only like our first ones. I remember with the spider. Oh, the spider. If any of you OG listeners from the original, the spider story. I do that. Yeah. It's funny. In my small group, we, we meet like the ladies meet um one week where we just are just the girls, you know, just talking about all the things. And literally I cry every single time and it's like a running joke. It's like, okay, it's not a, it's not a, DNA with Morgas not crying. haven't cried yet. And I also...
00:12:41
Speaker
cry when I am laughing really hard. And so I'm laughing so hard, I have tears. So I'm like either one way or the other, either laughter or real tears. And sometimes they're like, wait, are you like crying, crying? or Are you laughing? Like what's going on? It's all the emotions either way, ah both ends of the spectrum. Yeah. But there's something about just like thinking, looking back and thinking about like that version of you, who you were, which feels it's been what, five and a half years for us, five, five and a half years. And it feels like a totally different person. yeah And you do look back more tenderly at yourself to be like, wow, just you give yourself more grace and like, man, it's all going to be okay. I don't know. Absolutely. But so yeah, we'll just go through some of these and, um, how about you start with yours first? Oh gosh. No, what? Okay. Gosh, fine. Twist my... What is it? Twist my... some arm Yeah, twist my... This is where her friend, she helps me out. um
00:13:39
Speaker
She keeps me on track. Okay, so the first thing I said was don't let... the outside noise stress you out, meaning there's so much overload of information out there that it can be kind of overwhelming. At least that was my for my, when I'm thinking back to my experience, I was...
00:14:02
Speaker
using so many different, whether it was a social media page or people telling me things like I couldn't think for myself to figure out, like, it almost stressed me out more and caused more of the anxiety, I feel like, um, to where I was like, I don't know how to do this, right? Like every, I'm hearing to do this from this person. I'm trying to do this sleep and I'm trying to do this. And, So I think it would be to just don't let that.
00:14:27
Speaker
And I say outside noise, meaning like all the different opinions coming in. um Now, it's okay to listen to advice and stuff. But I think in my instance, I just, I couldn't narrow it down to how I wanted to do it. you know what i mean? Totally. And my own groove in it. um And as far as um like writing down, like what I i would write down every time my kids ate, like, and then I'd write down every diaper change and I'd write down like, and it was just because that's what I thought people told me I needed to do. And so, yeah, it would just be to,
00:15:00
Speaker
not listen to all the, all the different angles of doing things and do what you know what to do for your baby. That's so true. I didn't write that one down, but I resonate with that so much because, and do you feel like you've like grown out of that a bit? one Like 100 after your second. Yeah. and I'm sure it continues with people with multiple and multiple kids. It was almost like it was like this phase of parenting, phase of social media. like yeah I feel like now we're kind of like realizing, whoa, we need to like step back from all of that a bit. Because I feel the exact same way. Like I was so stressed out about like everything and there's so much, so many resources. And like, I think it got to the point of almost like, this is way too much. So it forced you to just like get away and
00:15:40
Speaker
Just trust your own instincts and have little things you look to here and there. But I feel that same way. like it was just it was like a phase of that. It was like a trend of yeah all these different... I think we even talked on one of the podcasts about that too, where we had to eventually just like stop following certain things or stop looking at... Because it was just it was overwhelming. Not that the information was wrong or...
00:16:02
Speaker
bad but I just stress so much because I was like am I supposed to be doing it this way like oh the room needs to be pitch black dark yeah and it's honestly like these kids are resilient and yeah they're gonna be okay if they're you know yeah i don't know like they have their passies still in their three I mean I'm sure it's okay yeah you know I think I with my first I was so by the books and I like thought I had to like almost like grow her up fast. Yeah. Which I look back and I'm like, why did I think I needed to do all that? Because I was hearing all this stuff from other people and other things. Yeah. But, um, and we're brand new to it. So with time comes perspective. Absolutely. And it's so different with a second. Yeah. And like I said, and I'm sure a third and yeah. whatnot. So yeah, that would be my first one. That's a really good one. What about you? My first one is there are seasons for everything.
00:16:52
Speaker
Just like every stage, something different, you know, requires something different from us. Even just our kids, like development, like newborn, you have that like physical need. Toddlers, you have to like that patience and the boundaries. And then like older kids now, we're facing a lot of new things like the emotional and like presence type thing. And I just feel like you go through different seasons with your kids and there's ups and downs. And i think sometimes in the low seasons for me, I felt very helpless and very like, I'd cry at night being like, am I messing all of this up? I'm doing this wrong. And then, you know, then you get in a sweet season. We're in a really sweet season right now. I feel like with my oldest and we just talk about like, man, and remember just a few months ago when we were really struggling with this or that, you know, and just to be grateful
00:17:39
Speaker
in when it is like an easier, sweeter, like season to be grateful for that. And then when you're in the hard to know that this won't last forever either. And you know, you'll get through it and it's just like all of you just, i don't know, you're learning to appreciate both for what they can bring growing you here, growing you in this here, growing you in thankfulness and presence here when it's like going easier or well, or, you know, yeah. so It comes and goes, all of it, and the good, the bad. Right. It's a season. Yeah. That's the word for, or the phrase for a reason. Yeah. And I think um knowing that...
00:18:18
Speaker
there are those seasons and you, um, see both sides of it when you are in that low point of that season, you know, there also is good coming to, right? It's not like you're in this phase for forever. Like you said, you know, which can be encouraging and then heartbreaking sometimes yeah because it's like, you just want to bottle it up. Yeah. Yeah. That's a good one. I like that.
00:18:39
Speaker
Um, This one kind of goes along with that, but not in those same words. But my second one was to enjoy, which, and I did know this before too, but I think just even more, but to enjoy and savor every moment because it goes so fast. Take every picture, every video, do all the dress up, um all the fun things, and don't sweat all the small stuff. And I wrote in parentheses here, I'm still learning how to do this. um So I kind of did a bunch in one in that one. um
00:19:14
Speaker
But yeah, I think it's so easy to. like I forget my kids in the newborn phase, not like, i guess forget's not a really good word, but if I didn't have those pictures and videos, it's like my brain for whatever reason, i don't know if anyone else is like this, but like I can only remember the phase that I'm in right now. Like that's, that's what I know. And if I didn't have like all those videos and pictures, I feel like you forget because you get so in a routine of what age they're at right now. And I'm like, okay, I have a five-year-old, but like, oh my goodness, like,
00:19:47
Speaker
she was month old at one point I don't know so I think just to remember to savor it because it doesn't last and um so it's kind of like those seasons too right yeah that was mine It's crazy to think about like toddler versions of our oldest, you know, like, I'm like, wow. So while you look back and like, who is that? And you think in the moment, you're like I'll never forget them how they are right now. But then it's not that you forget, but it's just like, you're so in.
00:20:18
Speaker
whatever they are yeah yes so that's so nice that we have those reminders and stuff through pictures and whatnot no i even remember like when my first was born like i was in such like a whirlwind like even in the hospital like i did not take any videos and barely any pictures and i'm like that makes me sad that i was not able to but then i learned and i i did for my second i was just like and so i was like what caught up with her i was I don't even think I showered. I'm not joking. Oh, didn't either. You didn't either? I barely got up to walk. i couldn't even walk. Yes. I was like dead to the world. Yes. It's crazy. I'm like, ah why didn't I shower after? But you know what i mean?
00:20:56
Speaker
I think just knowing how fast it goes and to savor it. And with that, don't sweat the small stuff because it goes fast. yeah and It's not really, it doesn't matter. Yeah.
00:21:10
Speaker
My next is you're not failing, you're learning in real time. And I think that kind of goes back to the different seasons when you feel kind of helpless, when it is new territory that you haven't experienced before, which I think we're going to always have that, yeah you know, with our kids, even, even from, okay, your first to your second, you might experience some things very differently based on they're just, they're different kids, you know? And yes, you've done some of it before, but some of it you haven't either. So I think it can be really hard on myself. I think I feel,
00:21:41
Speaker
I put a lot of pressure on myself and I'm very much my own like worst critic and I can really just like nitpick and feel like I'm not doing anything right, which I know is not true. But I think I've gotten better about that lately. I'm trying to be like, I know.
00:21:59
Speaker
these are not true thoughts, you know, they're trying to bring me down, but I'm learning in real time. And I think part of it is just like reframing how you even say things or think about things. Yeah. It's like, you're not feeling you're learning. Right. And you're not going to get it right every time. No, there's absolutely in no world. yeah Can you do things perfectly? Yep.
00:22:18
Speaker
Nobody's asking us to do that. Absolutely not. Just ourselves. Right. Literally. That's why Jesus is here. you know He was perfect one. We don't gotta be so true.
00:22:30
Speaker
Okay. My last one is to remember to have a solid group for support, even if it's just one or two people to call if you're feeling overwhelmed. So making sure that you remember like not to do life alone. And even if it's just like I'm thinking about for me, like mine wasn't in this huge group, but I knew I had my mom. I knew I had you, a couple of my other friends. Um, just to remember to have that support when things get over overwhelmed, kind of like goes back to your win, right? Like to when you're feeling overwhelmed, make sure you ask for help basically.
00:23:05
Speaker
So yeah, it's so important can you have that community. I mean, it really is. And, um, just living life with people,
Support Systems and Faith
00:23:13
Speaker
living life together and, and just bearing each other's burdens and being there to lift each other up and encourage each other. And that's huge. Yeah. And I feel like it's something that we were gone for a while and I feel like it, you know, it took me a while to develop that here. Yeah. Um, so it's just, I look back at that and i'm like, wow, and God's really grown that in my life. And now it's like, it's, it's just really important. Absolutely. Absolutely. Absolutely.
00:23:42
Speaker
um, that's kind of, kind of like my last one, but i said, don't rely on your own strength in kind of my perspective of this is that I think I try to do it all. think that I know it all. And, um, in the, in the mind, in the perspective of like, and I'm not relying on Jesus. I'm not depending on him daily. And I feel like when I get to the point of where,
00:24:05
Speaker
you can only do that for so long, you know, and and you're not meant to, you're not meant to carry all the burdens on yourself. And so I think that's just a big thing that I'm learning. And yeah, if I could go back and tell myself was that like, don't try to do it all in your own strength. You can't, and that's okay. And you're not meant to, your husband say you're not supposed to if I, if I could, what, who would I need? I wouldn't need anyone, you know? And so just realizing and remembering that that's,
00:24:31
Speaker
Yeah. Part of our just, God says that he gives us our daily bread so we can depend on him every, each new day for what we need just for that day. Right. I like that.
00:24:42
Speaker
and Yeah. Honestly, I kind of like that when we started this, we were like, oh, are they going to be the same? But like, I secretly kind of like that they were ah smidge different. I know. Right. Yeah. Honestly, because we didn't talk about this before guys. So this is... I'm here in this first hand just like you but um I liked it because each time I was like excited to what you're gonna say next know even though our last one's kind of tied but I liked that we kind of had our own perspective on it and it kind of helps me to see oh other areas too yes you know what i mean exactly it's a win-win I love it we that's a win that's right um I really like doing that that was sweet
00:25:20
Speaker
I know that was fun. Okay. So now time for our bestie bite where we leave you guys with a little something to chew on for the week.
Fun Activities for Kids and Conclusion
00:25:29
Speaker
And Rach, you're bringing the bestie bite today. i am bringing the bestie bite. Um, so I can't fully take credit for it the first time my kids got it, but I did get them a second one. So I'll take the credit the second time, but My sister-in-law actually got my girls for Christmas this Play-Doh kit, and they've loved it ever since. So I was like, you know what? I'm going to get them one for their... I make them a little Valentine's baskets, so I got them one. But it's called Young, Wild, and Friedman.
00:26:06
Speaker
Have you heard of this? Mm-mm. So, it's so cool. The Play-Doh actually smells, like, really good, too. And they get these, like, it's like a little basket or a little box. And it has all these different, like, sensory, like, materials that you can, like, build with the Play-Doh. And they have so many different things, like, boys, girls. They have, like, dinosaur ones, like, construction ones. Like all this stuff. And my girls absolutely love it. They will sit and play at the table for 30 minutes just with their young Wild and Friedman Play-Doh kit. That's so cute. Yes.
00:26:40
Speaker
I love that. And I feel like that's a... a fun activity just to have like in your back pocket when you like need yeah something to do the dishes or some sort. And they, they're like, can we have our kids out? And I'm like, yes, please go ahead. Actually. Um, my youngest was playing with it today and she's two and, um, I was doing the dishes and she was in the other room, um, playing with it and she ran in and was like,
00:27:04
Speaker
Mommy, can you open this? And it was the container that the Play-Doh goes in. Like, it wasn't in there, right? She was playing with it. And then I see she comes in and she's like, I'm ready to eat now. And I was like, what? And I go in there and she has cleaned up all the Play-Doh. She's put it back in the thing, screwed the top on, put all the pieces back, closed the thing um and put it back in her little bin. And I was like...
00:27:26
Speaker
I can't get my oldest to clean up after herself. feel that so much. That's exactly how Eden is. She just like, just, she'll just do it. She's pissing it all back. And I'm like, wow, girl. I'm like, love that. Right. So yes. So it's also easy for younger kids to clean up. do you I love that. but yes, that's my bestie bite. Y'all should check it out because they're so cute. I can't wait. I'm going to look it up for sure.
00:27:52
Speaker
Well, guys, thanks again for joining us for another episode. We will catch y'all next week and talk soon. Bye.
00:28:06
Speaker
Thanks so much for listening to another episode. Remember, everyone is worth celebrating. Talk soon.