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00:00:01
48. No One Is Coming to Save You (And That's Actually Good News)
1 Playsin 12 hours
This week's episode is a little bit of a loving wake-up call.
Victoria dives into a message that may sound harsh at first: no one is coming to save you. But before you switch off, hear her out.
So many of us spend our lives waiting:
- Waiting for motivation to arrive.
- Waiting for life to calm down.
- Waiting for our partner to change.
- Waiting for the perfect time.
- Waiting for someone to notice we're struggling and give us permission to rest.
But what if the power you've been searching for has been yours all along?
In this honest and compassionate conversation, Victoria explores the difference between blame and responsibility, how past experiences can shape our patterns, and why reclaiming your power doesn't mean doing everything alone. It means recognising that while you can't always control what happens to you, you can choose what happens next.
If you've been feeling stuck, overwhelmed, resentful, or like life is happening to you, this episode offers the gentle (but firm) reminder that the small choices you make each day are what shape the life you truly want.
Reflection Questions
Take a moment to journal or reflect:
- Where in my life have I been waiting for someone else to fix things?
- What have I been hoping will magically change?
- What is one small action I can take today that moves me closer to the life I want?
- What support might I need to help me move forward?
- How can I be both accountable and compassionate with myself?
Remember...
This isn't about guilt, blame or doing everything perfectly.
It's about recognising your own strength.
It's about understanding that healing isn't linear, growth isn't always comfortable, and change often comes through the ordinary moments - the walks, the boundaries, the difficult conversations, the appointments booked, the deep breaths taken and the choices made again and again.
You don't have to overhaul your entire life overnight.
Just take the next step.
Because while no one is coming to save you...
You are far more capable, resilient and powerful than you've been led to believe.
Connect with Victoria
If this episode resonated with you, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who might need this reminder today.
I'd also love to hear from you:
Where are you ready to take your power back?
✨ Instagram & Facebook: @the.victoria.r
📧 Email: hello@victoria-r.com.au
🌐 Website: www.victoria-r.com.au
If you're looking for support to navigate stress, overwhelm, boundaries, mindset shifts and reconnecting with yourself, I'd love to walk alongside you through coaching, programs, workshops and speaking opportunities.
Until next time, remember: you don't have to do it perfectly. Just keep choosing yourself, one small step at a time.
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Transcript
Introduction & Episode Inspiration
00:00:37
Victoria R
Hello, welcome to this week's episode of the Mindful Educator podcast. Thank you so much for joining me. Now, it is freezing. i am actually recording this as I'm sitting here in my hoodie because I'm that cold. So i do love the winter and this colder weather though. so it is definitely a nice change. um And I'm sure I'm going to enjoy every moment of it until summer comes again. so we'll make the most of it while we can.
Self-Motivation: No One is Coming to Save You
00:01:06
Victoria R
But today I wanted to talk about a post that I've done recently on my Instagram and Facebook. um And it kind it's probably sounded really harsh, but it literally just says no one is coming to save you. And what I mean by that is pretty much we we have this idea in our minds that we're going to get our motivation or our help or our whatever it might be from an external source. So, you know, we expect people to be paying attention to how we're feeling and how we're doing. And, you know, for example, you're you're running around doing things for everyone and you expect that people recognize that you're doing all this for everyone and you want people to come up and tell you that you can have a break. But,
00:01:55
Victoria R
the reality is a lot of the time, most people have no idea fully what you're doing because everyone's so consumed with their own life that they don't really have, well, firstly, they may not be paying attention to what you're
Self-Accountability vs Blame
00:02:07
Victoria R
doing. And if they are, they may not have the capacity to even say to you you know, let me do something or whatever it might be.
00:02:14
Victoria R
and so I think this is really interesting when we're talking about our own lives and where our responsibility lays. So where In a society that's very quick to put responsibility onto other people, not many of us like to stand up and say, yeah that was my fault or I messed up or this is for me or whatever it might be. We always seem to have someone else to blame or put the responsibility on when really it comes back
Taking Control of Life Decisions
00:02:45
Victoria R
to us. All right. It comes back to us as to how our lives are basically like,
00:02:53
Victoria R
Everything that we do within our life is within like it's our control. And even though the circumstances may not be within our control, the way that we respond to them, the way that we move through them, the the choices that we make after, that all does lay with us.
00:03:13
Victoria R
And so for so many of us, we're waiting for life to calm down. you know, how many times I even say it myself, how many times like, oh, I just need to get through this week or, oh, we just need to get through this term or whatever it might be. Or, you know, we're waiting for our partner to step up, you know, that they may not be doing something and we're like, oh, you know.
00:03:32
Victoria R
if If only they did this, this and this around the house, things would help. know, maybe we're waiting for our kids to get older or maybe we're waiting for more money to somehow magically appear for us.
Challenges of Parenting
00:03:43
Victoria R
You know, maybe we're waiting for more motivation or for the right time for whatever it may be.
00:03:49
Victoria R
And the reality is... And that's not really to anyone else. you know If we want our life to calm down, guess what?
00:04:00
Victoria R
We're the ones that need to actually make that happen. We're the ones that need to be like, you know what? Things are a little bit crazy. What can I actually take off my plate? you know If we're wanting our partner to step up, have we actually told them that? Have we had a conversation about this? Have we expressed our needs or our desires in whatever manner that we need to do so. you know, it breaks my heart a bit when saying about this one, but you know, when we wait for our kids to get older, as I'm finding, firstly, everyone always said how fast the time goes. Yes, that is 100% true.
00:04:37
Victoria R
But secondly, every age and stage has its own i am things that you're dealing with. So,
Dispelling the Motivation Myth
00:04:47
Victoria R
you know, maybe you're right in the newborn baby phase. All right. And then they start moving and then they start talking and walking and all those wonderful things. And the next thing you know, you're in the toddler phase. You're like, whoa, like, and then you move on and you're in a different phase and then they start school. And then that brings it so instead of issues, like no matter which phase you're in with your children,
00:05:09
Victoria R
There's always going to be something. So let's not wish their life away, please. um Let's not wait for them to be older because again, it it's still, there's still going to be things that happen. is's how we actually deal with it in the moment. That's going to make the difference there. You know, I love how, oh, this one where we're waiting for motivation. Oh man, ah especially when it comes to things like our health and fitness. Oh, wouldn't that be nice if we could literally just like crack a bottle of motivation and off we go. But no, it doesn't really work like that. right this is um This is one of those things where we we kind of need to build the habits for these ones.
00:05:48
Victoria R
And also when we often say, you know, the right time, is there ever really a right time? Is there ever really like 100% ideal circumstances? You know, perhaps there are things that are ah more ideal than others.
00:06:04
Victoria R
But there's always going to be something. There will always be some excuse if you want it to be. There's never going to be a right time if you're always looking for absolutely perfect conditions. Hate to break it to you. Life's not like
Personal Initiative in Achieving Goals
00:06:15
Victoria R
that. right There's never 100% smooth sailing. There might be in one area of your life and in another area it might be burning to shit. so you know, let's just take that with a grain of salt, that one.
00:06:27
Victoria R
And so, you know, like I said, we're often waiting for something outside of ourself to to fix the problems that we have. We're waiting for, you know, that one day I'll be confident and one day I'll be motivated and I know exactly what to do and I'm going to be this amazing person.
00:06:44
Victoria R
And then you just wait for someone to come along and do all that for you. Well, that's not going to happen. um This is where you need to actually do stuff yourself.
00:06:54
Victoria R
ah this is I mean, I hate to break it to you people, but we've got to do it o ourselves. If we want to have, you know, that that level of fitness that has never before been achieved by our body, well, guess what? You are the one that's going to have to get your butt out of bed. You're the one that's going to have to do whatever it is required to get you to that level of fitness.
00:07:13
Victoria R
That is not up to anyone else. Yes, we can definitely hire people to help us along the way. We can hire the PT. We can hire the nutritionist. But they're not actually going to physically be able to do this for you, right? You have to do that for you.
00:07:29
Victoria R
You know, same as if, you know, we want to have the bajillions of dollars. Oh, wouldn't we all? All right. But guess what? You again, only one that can make this happen. You are the one that, you know, either has to come up with the idea or, you know, change the way that you're working or doing things or, you know, looking to alternative income streams or whatever it might be. That is up to you to actually do that.
00:07:56
Victoria R
right As nice as it would be to say, I'm going to win a lotto or I'm going to inherit a lot of money or someone's just going to give me a bajillion dollars. Yeah, nah. That doesn't always work that way for some people. Yes, it's definitely, you know, those things do happen and it's a great step up for them.
Understanding Trauma and Seeking Help
00:08:15
Victoria R
It's still their responsibility as to what they do with the money and whether they hold onto it or not. So again, it comes back to you.
00:08:22
Victoria R
now I think it's also important to note here kind of looking at a a trauma type lens as well. So if you've ever kind of, you know, experienced some type of trauma or maybe you haven't been aware of boundaries or you've been a real people pleaser or you've been in survival mode for so long,
00:08:42
Victoria R
Things like that, and those aren't necessarily your fault, okay? Your nervous system will have adapted to keep you safe and, you know, whatever is kind of running in your life at the moment That's kind of a result of some of those things. so if there is things like trauma and stuff involved, this is where it's really great to go and speak to someone like a psychologist or someone along those lines that can actually help you work through that and help you work out where your power is, right? And where your, um yeah, where your responsibility now moving forward lives. It's not a case of blaming or anything like that. It's just working out, right, this was really effed up and happened. How can I move through that and beyond that? What can I do for myself and my life to move beyond that? And what assistance, what help do I need to get there? Okay.
Changing Habits with Compassion
00:09:38
Victoria R
So,
00:09:39
Victoria R
that's just a little side note. um But I just want you guys to recognize that some things as well have kind of been ingrained in us. And I know that I touched on this last week with um what I spoke about then as well, but, you know, sometimes we take on things that aren't ours. We take on, you know, the people pleasing in some ways, because it might've kept us safe in a certain situation. You know, we might have, um you know,
00:10:05
Victoria R
been doing things in survival mode for so long because that's the only thing that we've known. We've never been shown a different way. You know, you might be looking at doing everything perfectly because your anxiety just creeps up otherwise. So this is where we need to be really compassionate with ourself as well and understand that, okay, this, the way I am at the moment maybe was a result of these things here. But the great thing is you now have that choice to decide, okay, are you still going to let that be the case moving forward or are you going to change that?
00:10:43
Victoria R
Are you going to you know change what it is that you're doing to get the life that you want? And I think it's really, really imperative that we kind of recognize that some things are just really shit that may have happened, all right? We may have been doing things for years, years and years to protect ourselves or years and years for stuff that we just took on without even realizing it. But now that you've got that awareness, now that you know, what are you going to do with that?
00:11:13
Victoria R
You know, it's okay if you're not quite ready to let go of that. It's okay. You know, it it takes years sometimes for us to work through things that perhaps we've taken on, perhaps we are working through and you may make a bit of progress and then go backwards again.
00:11:33
Victoria R
Again, that's perfectly normal. All right. For years, there's been things that, you know, ah you know i thought I got through it and then I've ended up back and back and forth and back and forth. It's just one of those things. All right.
00:11:45
Victoria R
But the thing is, when you when you've got this vision in your mind, when you know the sort of life that you want to lead, you know what needs to be done in order to move forward, to move through that. All right. And sometimes that can be really tricky. right. And this is where it's so great that there's so many amazing resources and people and places that can help us as we work through all this. You know, like I i mentioned, you know, there's psychologists, there's coaches such as myself, there's, you know, there's this, there's that. Like, honestly, we we are so...
00:12:17
Victoria R
like
Everyday Self-Responsibility
00:12:18
Victoria R
amazingly abundant in who we have to help us these days and it literally just comes down to finding the right fit for you so when it comes to these things perhaps if you've worked with a psychologist or a coach or a PT or whoever it may be previously and it didn't work, all right, or it wasn't quite right, don't give up. There's always someone out there perfect for you at this stage of your journey. So just keep that in mind as well. So keep a little side note.
00:12:46
Victoria R
I like to, you know, segue, you know how i go. so when it comes down to, as I mentioned, like knowing that no one is coming to save us, that we have to do this ourself.
00:13:01
Victoria R
Are you going to keep waiting for motivation just to ride in on a horse or are you actually going to start putting some things in place? So even whether you're feeling motivated or not, you do the thing.
00:13:14
Victoria R
Are you going to keep waiting for permission? ah hate to break it to you, but we don't get given permission slips for things. You i We need to make that choice ourselves.
00:13:25
Victoria R
Are you going wait until you so like there's certainty in something? there's There's never guaranteed certainty with anything. all right If you've been thinking about something, just do it. Throw some shit at the wall and see what sticks. all right So there's no such thing as perfect timing, as waiting for other people to change. Gosh, that's a big one. like we're not responsible for other people and how they are. All right. What we are responsible for is our responses to them and how we react and and how we choose to interact with them as well.
00:13:54
Victoria R
So some really good examples, yeah like I've mentioned the exercise when I'll exercise when I'm motivated. Yeah. Oh, love of that one. um I'll rest when everyone else is okay with it. No, no one's ever going to be okay with you resting. There's always going to be something to do. right. You need to set that boundary yourself.
00:14:12
Victoria R
All right. I'll focus on me once it settles down. it's probably never going to settle down. Like I said, this is life. Life happens whether, know, you're into it or not. So again, you need to kind of make that your priority. Focus on you every single day. Make you a priority every single day and the rest will fall into place. all right No, saying things like, I'll be happier when my partner changes. Again, you are not responsible for another person.
00:14:41
Victoria R
You cannot change another person, especially if they don't want to change. You can inspire them. You can motivate them. right You can you know definitely have chats and stuff about it, but you cannot actually change a person unless they want to change. And that's such an important one to remember.
00:15:01
Victoria R
So this is where it comes back to Focus on you Focus on the changes that you can make within yourself. all right Because like I said, life keeps happening. There there is no magical moment for these things. so when we're talking about transforming our life and getting the life that we want to live, it's really important.
00:15:21
Victoria R
Like people, you know, in the movies and Hollywood, they always seem to like romanticize it. Like it's one big like change and all of a sudden everything's amazing. Real life, it's lots of ordinary moments. It's lots of the mundane of, you know, habit stacking of doing the same thing over and over and over again of you know, recognizing your thoughts, catching them, changing them as they appear.
00:15:46
Victoria R
Right. So it can be really simple things. Like if you're wanting to get um fitter or healthier, go for the walk, you know, make sure it's a priority each day. Look at what you're eating. You might have to do some meal prep or yawn, you know, things like that. Like,
00:16:03
Victoria R
If that's what you're wanting, this is what you're going to have to do. And it's not going to be just ah a one and done situation. It needs to be a consistent effort. It needs to be something that you do every single day, right? Or if you're not able to go for a walk every single day, then you commit to the fact that you're going to be doing it three times a week. And there's probably not going to be someone at the other end going, did you go for a walk three times a week to this
Proactive Steps to Shape the Future
00:16:28
Victoria R
week? This is going to be up to you to actually hold yourself accountable.
00:16:33
Victoria R
All right, it's going to be up to you to make this a habit so that when you miss the walk for whatever reason, you're like, oh man, I really missed that. Let's get the shoes on. Out we go.
00:16:43
Victoria R
You know, it might be you a case of you booking a therapy session or booking in with a coach or, you know, booking something that allows you to have a conversation with someone else. If you know that there are things that have come up, things that perhaps you're not quite dealing with on your own, no one else is going to book this for you.
00:17:04
Victoria R
you need to do it yourself. All right. If you need to go see the doctor about something, you need to make that appointment. right. So little things like this, it's like i said, it is your responsibility.
00:17:18
Victoria R
No one else is going to come and do it. All right. it's not like when we're children, when our mums and our dads book things for us, right? Because obviously we're not quite old enough to do it ourselves. You are a grown ass adult. You need to do it yourself. Right. So even little things like setting your own boundaries.
00:17:36
Victoria R
right If you keep allowing people to do what they want, to take as much of you as they want, they will.
00:17:47
Victoria R
They will keep doing that. All right. And it's not going to stop unless you set the boundary and you're like, nah, no more. All right. So again, it comes down to you. You need to take this responsibility.
00:18:00
Victoria R
So, Essentially, what you need to recognize is that firstly, you don't have to do this alone. You can actually get people to help you in different aspects. All right.
00:18:12
Victoria R
Don't try and change everything all at once. All right. If you know that there's some areas that you really need to focus on right now, make them a priority. All right. But I just want you to recognize that as harsh as it sounds and as harsh as I felt saying it, it all comes from love. This message, what I'm trying to let you know now, it's it's coming from a good place, okay? Because I really want you to be living, like I said, the best damn life you can, right? so don't play the blame game for different patterns that you've picked up and that you've learned. What's done is done, all right? It's
00:18:49
Victoria R
No point dwelling on that. All right. But you are responsible for what you choose to do next.
Empowerment Through Daily Choices
00:18:55
Victoria R
You're responsible for now what the next step is going to be for where you go from this point forward. all Right. That is totally up to you.
00:19:02
Victoria R
okay so like I said, instead of kind of going from, oh you know, someone else needs to fix this, start thinking about what role can I play in changing this? Right. Instead of saying that you can't, oh I can't do that. all Right. What's one thing that you can do?
00:19:19
Victoria R
Start thinking of it that way. Instead of the whole, why is this happening to me? When you're having your moments, right? Try and reframe it to like, what is this actually teaching me? Right? And if you keep thinking, oh I'm stuck. I'm stuck in this situation or this place or whatever it might be. You still have choices.
00:19:38
Victoria R
You still have choices, right? You always have that choice, all right? So this isn't about creating guilt. It's meant to be more a case of empowering you to kind of look at your life and go, right, where have I been leaving this up to somebody else when really it's up to me? All right. So if no one's coming to save you, the best part is they also didn't get to decide your future.
00:20:02
Victoria R
That's up to you. You have that power to do that. All right, so I want you to start thinking about what areas of your life are you going to be choosing for yourself, all right? Bring your awareness to it.
00:20:15
Victoria R
Take the responsibility for it. Be compassionate with yourself, though, with what comes up. It's not going to be a linear, straight path, all right? There will be wiggles and squiggles and ups and downs all the way along. Know that you can get support for these things. There are so many tools out there that you can look at into and also keep building for yourself and know that you do have the courage to do this, right? You can 100% do this and you are going to do it and be so darn proud of yourself for every bit of progress that you make. And you're going to be compassionate for those days where perhaps it's turned to shit and that's okay. All right. But just know that the life you want is not built in just one giant leap. Okay. It's lots of little choices, lots of little habits that we make every single day and constantly choosing ourself every single day as well.
00:21:09
Victoria R
right. So hopefully this has given you a little bit of a kick up the butt, right? Lovingly, of course. And I hope you have the most amazing rest of your week. Please let me know if there's any areas of your life where you've perhaps been letting your power or responsibility go.
00:21:26
Victoria R
right. And how you're going to get that power and responsibility back to you. All right. I'll talk to you really soon.