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45. The One About Feeding Kids Without Fear, Pressure or Perfection (with Dr Kyla)
28 Plays15 days ago
In this incredibly insightful and reassuring episode of the Mindful Educator Podcast, I’m joined by Perth-based paediatric dietitian Dr Kyla Smith to chat all things kids, food, mealtimes, body image, fussy eating, and the pressure parents are carrying around “getting it right.”
If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed by conflicting nutrition advice, stressed about your child’s eating habits, or worried about passing on your own food or body image struggles to your children - this episode is for you.
Dr Kyla brings such a calm, practical and compassionate approach to feeding kids, helping parents move away from fear, guilt and control… and back towards connection, trust and confidence.
Together, we unpack:
- Why so many children experience fussy eating (and why it’s often more complex than people realise)
- The difference between supporting children and trying to control them
- How pressure around food can actually make things harder
- Why family mealtimes matter - beyond just nutrition
- How sensory issues, reflux, enlarged tonsils, temperament and other factors can impact eating
- What parents can do when older children and teens struggle with food
- How diet culture and body image messaging affect our kids
- The subtle ways adults accidentally pass food fears and body shame onto children
- Why neutrality around food and bodies is so important
- The importance of modelling over lecturing
- What to look out for when children begin displaying disordered eating behaviours
- Why parents need support too - and why doing “less” can sometimes be the most powerful thing
One of the biggest takeaways from this conversation?
You do not need to parent perfectly.
As Dr Kyla beautifully reminds us: “Your child’s body is not a problem to fix.”
This episode is packed with practical reassurance, evidence-based advice, and so much compassion for modern parents navigating an incredibly noisy world of information.
Connect with Dr Kyla
You can find Dr Kyla and explore her incredible resources, memberships and support for families here:
🌐 https://mealtimes.com.au/ and the membership - https://mealtimes.com.au/mealtimes-membership/
📱 Instagram – @mealtimeswithkyla
For schools/school parents - www.mealtimes.com.au/schools
Connect with Victoria
🌐 www.victoria-r.com.au
📱 Instagram – @the.victoria.r
📧 hello@victoria-r.com.au
Whether you’re navigating toddler mealtimes, school lunchboxes, teen body image concerns, or simply trying to make dinner less stressful - this conversation will leave you feeling more informed, empowered, and far less alone.
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction & Guest Background
00:00:39
Speaker
Hello everyone, welcome to the Mindful Educator podcast. I'm so excited to have Dr Kyla Smith joining me today. hi Dr Kyla. Hello, thank you for having me. Thank you for joining us. so um Dr Kyla is a Perth based, now let me get this right, paediatric dietician right and you also have Mealtimes which is like your program that you would do, is that correct? Yeah, so meal farms is like my online kind of service and it's yeah like having a digestion in your pocket kind of thing.
00:01:07
Speaker
Love that. Love that so much. And we're going to get to that really soon. And I know that you've obviously done lots of work. I think you've been doing this for like something like 20 years or something, working with families and children. Yeah, spot on.
00:01:19
Speaker
Yeah, and you're also a mum of two yourself. Yeah. Love that as well. So thank you so much for coming on. I thought, do you want to tell us firstly a little bit about kind of how you got into this and yeah, just what comes up from there?
Career Transition & Community Impact
00:01:32
Speaker
It's funny, I have to give a lecture this week at and our local uni about kind of career paths and private practice. And so I've actually been reflecting on that. ah This week, because when I left school, I wanted to be a dietitian, but I also thought that I wanted to be a hospital dietitian. I wanted to work with old people. And that was my like real interest. And then I got that job and i was like, oh, I don't really like this. So what am I going to do? Yeah, and I worked in early in my career in a pediatric hospital and I worked with kids and I was doing some really cool, fun stuff. So I was doing um a lot of the weight management kind of clinics. I was doing a lot of fussy eating and feeding clinics. I moved into kind of more of a community role and working with lots of families over a long period of time with kids who find eating good.
00:02:17
Speaker
really tough So they have a limited number of foods, they are um really stressed and overwhelmed by food and mealtimes and eating and it's very stressful for families and all sorts of things going on. So i was working in that space and I also um had a kind of side hustle where I was doing exercise.
00:02:35
Speaker
some of this kind of weight concern work. And that was a good 15 years ago now um and things have absolutely incredibly changed in that space, which is ah a great thing. It it yeah was quite problematic for a time. And and that's where my PhD work was in in, in weight management and thinking about how are we working with these families and are we actually doing them a disservice with the types of advice that we are providing. providing the kind of typical standard things that are happening. And so then i got to a point where i had my children and I was going to um write a book about how we could feed kids in a way that helped us and helped them and it really supported them in the long term, like not just in those immediate childhood years, but into their future.
Mealtimes Membership Overview
00:03:16
Speaker
And that evolved into what is now the Mealtimes Membership, which is actually more of an online interactive, watch the videos, ask the questions, read a little bit and watch a little bit and come back to it. And really like a support for families, you know, doing the everyday life. It's not something you sit down and read once. It's something you keep kind of coming back to or checking in with, realigning, thinking about what do I want for my kids, for my family, them? you when was there growing up? How can I... look after them, help them to be healthy, but also not become consumed by, know, thoughts about food and that all the things that go on, all those thoughts that are running through your head. yeah which so many of us adults struggle yes. A hundred percent. And that's a lot of what that stemmed from is like, how can we give, I mean, for me personally, how can I do things a bit differently for my kids so that they actually don't spend a huge chunk of their life trying to control or change their body that they're not wasting all this kind of precious time doing things that just do not serve them in the long run oh i love that and i love that but today yeah and i love the fact you got a membership that yeah i know like obviously the book yeah amazing that would have been a great goal but the fact that you've now got this and you can actually update it on the spot ever evolving because we know how quickly things are changing and you know like
00:04:33
Speaker
And I guess this is a question for you as well, because we're throwing so much information as parents. Like, it's just... Like it's a minefield. Yeah. So how do we like, what do you how do you know what's real, what's not? Like how do you decide for yourself whether what you're feeding your child is actually the right thing when you're getting so much conflicting advice from everyone? Because it's, yeah, it's a hard one.
00:04:54
Speaker
It is wild. And I think this is one of the reasons, like particularly in this era of chat GPT or AI kind of things, you can ask a question and get 60 different answers to your question, all of which kind of sound logical. Yeah. And so that's the kind of part where you can't necessarily unpick all this stuff. And I don't think that you should have to as a parent. like If your background is not in, you know, biochemistry and nutrition science and all of the things that, you know, it's taken me decades to understand and interpret and be able to apply, Like that's just not your job to have to do. And so what I think is really helpful, and this has worked for me in my parenting journey as well, is to find someone or some group that you align with and that feels good for your family, that doesn't actually add
00:05:43
Speaker
a lot of guilt or pressure or you feel like you're crumbling under the weight of, like i I want some parenting support, I want some guidance, but I don't want to feel like I'm doing a terrible job all the time either. So I found those kind of different people along the way who really resonate and I go to them as my kind of source of truth. And i think you're allowed to change that. You know, things evolve or they change, whatever. yeah But I think the difficulty is having, you know, 50 people telling you something different and then you're just...
00:06:13
Speaker
end up doing nothing, you're stuck because yeah it's just so hard. It feels... Yeah. You're kind of like, yeah, too much of overwhelm that you just go, nah, shutting down. don't know what I'm doing here.
Importance of Family Meals
00:06:23
Speaker
It's funny because when I started the Mealtimes membership, I really felt like there wasn't enough information for people. It was really hard. And so that was kind of a a couple of years before COVID.
00:06:32
Speaker
And then in the COVID era, era we really saw like that influx of information. People were accessing a lot more from home. So I think the pendulum has really swung the other way in terms of like it is just everywhere. you don't know where to turn, you know. And so I think actually narrowing your focus where you get your information from is a helpful way of doing things. Oh, that's good to know because um I know for myself as well, like it you you try and do what you think is right for your family, as you said, and then you think you're doing the right thing and then you you read something and you're like, oh, well, it's got this ingredient in it which apparently has been linked to this, this and this and you're just like, oh, my God. This is like my core like bread and butter work in the membership is members coming in and being like, I've just seen this thing about raps. Is this true? And we're like, no, that's just fear mongering. Like actually, when you look at your kid and this thing and what this looks like, you are totally fine. They're like
00:07:28
Speaker
Oh, okay. yeah But what about I saw that this is an unhelpful, you know, it's a lot of that really undoing because unfortunately those fear-based messages, they they worm their way into your brain. They sink in. You stop scrolling when you see something that frightens you about, you know, maybe you're not doing it right.
00:07:46
Speaker
I think there's also a really big um misnomer that there is a way to do it that is correct with feeding, you know, with toileting, with life, with supporting kids with their body image, all of that. And I disagree. i think there's a way for your family, but it doesn't have to be exactly the same way as your friend, your neighbour, whoever. and You can actually find a way that works for your family.
00:08:11
Speaker
Okay, awesome. Thank you. Thank you for that reassurance as well because I know that it's not just me. A lot of people listening will be like, oh yeah. And honestly, I really, that comes up a lot like, you know, but what about this fruit's got more sugar or what about like the fibre? Like those things are so like the sprinkles on the top of the cake. They are so irrelevant in the scheme of things. Like the core stuff that you do most of the time in your house and that might be things like,
00:08:38
Speaker
eating together, not talking badly about food, yeah just sharing meals, modelling what you eat. Those things are the powerful things. The actual teeny tiny, you know, which brand, which this, are just in the scheme of things, just so not a problem.
00:08:53
Speaker
Yeah. And so with that, like what... is the importance of doing things like sitting down and having a meal together? What have you found kind of other benefits for doing those sorts of things um within a family, within a household? Yeah. I mean, the eating together stuff has quite a lot of evidence behind it. I know that it's really tricky for lots of families, for lots of different phases of life. I know tonight we've got, you know school, we've got netball training, we've got a meet dad there, we've got to get here, like all the things. And it's not always easy to kind of do, but we know from a kind of research point of view that family meals are associated with better academic outcomes, um lower risk of eating disorders, lower risk of mental health conditions. There's some really kind of big things.
00:09:36
Speaker
That doesn't mean that like sitting down together equals this. yeah What it means though is that when you have a space that is fairly... predictable, there's somewhere you can come, there's a space kind of carved out for conversation, there's a space carved out for modelling what families eat, is really helpful for kids. And you might have a child that does not thrive in a family meal-time environment and that's okay. Like they're absolutely nuanced to this. It doesn't have to be like this nuclear family, sitting down, everyone smiling, having a great time, eating salad. I don't think that is real either.
00:10:11
Speaker
But I do think when you can have an adult and a child, and it may not be all the time or everyone together, but when kids see what adults are doing with food, how they're cutting it up, how they're eating, what they're eating, those things are really setting a and norm for that kid for what meal times are like for their life. And so you will, you know, they might go through teenagehood and really rebel against things. But if you were to ask them, like, what is a dinner? They will tell you what a dinner is based on what they've had in their family for, you know, years and years and years. And so even when it feels like everyone's refusing it or not eating it or unhappy, it is still having an important role for those kids.
00:10:58
Speaker
Yeah,
Addressing Fussy Eating in Children
00:10:59
Speaker
that's awesome. So i know for me um personally and in our family, we've got the fussy eating. and It is a thing. and How old are your kids? So I've got three, so they're eight, 10 and 12. So this is we've had the battles from day dot.
00:11:17
Speaker
It's still ongoing. And I know I'm not alone because I know a lot of my friends that I speak with, there's some varying degree of the fussiness, the pickiness, whatever it might be. So how do we navigate this, especially as they're getting older as well? Like I know with the toddlers, there's always a lot more support around like the beige diet or whatever it might be. But as we get older, there's not so much support there. It's almost like I expected to have grown out of this, whereas I know that's not the case. So how do we navigate that?
00:11:45
Speaker
and I think if you think about adults in your life, there are absolutely those who find food challenging for whatever reason. There are kids, older kids, you know um young adults who find textures tricky or are bothered by vegetables or feel like the taste is really you know over the top. They're not into that kind of spicy stuff. And maybe they will outgrow it over time. Maybe they won't.
00:12:07
Speaker
But part of our job is really about supporting them to be able to have a go if and when they want to. without them feeling like we're always watching or pushing them into something.
00:12:21
Speaker
And that gets really tricky when you start thinking, oh, you might have a school camp. Like, what are you going to eat on a school camp if I was to send you off on this? Or like, what are you going to do at a friend's house if you stay over and they're having something for dinner that you can't eat? you know And that's probably something that your kids, you know, if they are... um fussy eaters do think about. And as a kid, I remember that experience, you know, going to other people's houses and thinking like, I don't like that and I can't eat it. And, you know, that's a big part of actually, is that a motivation to them to change for some point? And and often it it can be as they start to get more of a rational brain. Yeah. My favourite work, like
00:13:00
Speaker
I've had a lot of time in kind of clinics and homes and I've worked with a lot of teams who kind of do some feeding therapy kind of stuff with um kids. And young teens are so fun to work with because they often have a bit of motivation, like they do want to be a bit more like their friends. They do want to fit in.
00:13:16
Speaker
But it also is like years and years of saying, I don't like that. I don't want it. I don't, you know, and having a struggle. And so being able to help them through that process of like how they teach their body and their brain to have a go at it and be calm and work through those kind of sensations is actually super, it's super cool to watch. It's not something a parent can do because yeah there is so much just shared experience and worry and pressure. And so the best thing that parents can do is keep having food available as part of mealtimes, keep eating yours without trying to convince your child that it's really delicious. What you know, you're on a kind of,
00:13:58
Speaker
a green flag pathway is if they start to ask you things like, what is that? Or like, what's the source? Or have have I had rice before? Or have i And that just kind of really a bit of curiosity should be assigned to you that you're like, we are not actually that far away here as long as I can calm my farm and not jump straight into like, it's chicken curry and it's delicious. And you could have a little, just a little bit, like i think you really like it you know Because for all these kids who have found eating really tricky for a number of reasons, that is like a major, you know, like, whoa, whoa, put the brakes on. I cannot kind of do this. And so one of the best things that you can do is the modelling without the pressure to get there and without having a kind of timeframe. I think if it causes a lot of stress, it is really worth, you know, checking in with someone who does specialise in that area. Are there things you can do? um to support them and you know being involved in serving the food or being part of that is always helpful but it is really long game stuff that you think is not paying off in the in you know the moment but in the longer term you start to see and I've absolutely experienced that my oldest um is a fairly textbook very sensitive very cautious slow to warm kind of kid who can walk into the house and be like if you've been cooking with lemon I'm like
00:15:22
Speaker
What? Like, I can't tell that or smell that. We have to even identify what it is. And she's like, bang. So, you know, no sneaking food into her or anything like that.
00:15:34
Speaker
and That was me as a kid, yeah. Yeah. and Now my husband's like, how did she pick up on that? I'm like, babe. My little special skill. yeah ah So those kids need a lot of time and she's really only in kind of since she's been around seven, eight, been able to be like, those nachos, can i actually take the beans out of them? And i'm like, yeah.
00:15:59
Speaker
So she'll pick the beans out and like, actually kind of good okay but you've got it's that real like if you do or you don't you're totally fine I'm not the whole nonchalant like oh yeah whatever yeah meanwhile you're like kicking it partner under the table like oh my god did you see that thing um but that is a really safe place and my five-year-old is still very much in the like last night we had a dinner that is one of her favorites and she told me like I've never liked this food before in my life and I'm like okay
00:16:31
Speaker
Sure. Even you're getting this. ah Oh, 100%. Because this is a part of childhood. Like for for so many families. And the thing that is different, I think, is that this does not stress me out in the slightest. Because i know that I am doing the things that I can do.
00:16:48
Speaker
i can never make her be more adventurous. I can never make her bite you and swallow something. I can never make her try it. It just never works. And I also just can't control exactly what she does with her body. But what I can control is like being able to take the time to sit down together where we can to eat, to serve up a variety of things, to be considerate of her. I know there's something on that plate that she can confidently eat if and when she wants to. It's really like having predictable meals. I know that we've had a break between afternoon tea and dinner, so she's not you know full up from all those kind of things.
00:17:21
Speaker
They're the things I can control. actually can't control what she puts in her mouth and when i know i've done the things on my list i can actually be kind of relaxed about it and trust that she will come out the other side at some point um and i'll just wait I love that. And I love how you've said things that you can control and things that you can't control, because I think that's where so many of us are like probably getting it wrong in the sense that we are trying to control what they're putting in their mouth. Whereas if I suppose, yeah, we give them the options, they got the options in front of them and they can make that choice. And I know for me, and especially when I was growing up, having that autonomy, having that choice was a big thing for me, which I never really got. So I try and make sure I've got that with my children. Yeah.
00:18:05
Speaker
But as you said, like it's, yeah, it's definitely. It's hard when you're worried because I think a lot of the messaging we're getting around food now is like Australian kids are not getting enough. This is not, you know, we' we've got all these problems and it's like their behaviour or it's this. And so we are.
00:18:22
Speaker
ah like panicked about vegetables or about protein or, you know, this this real worry underneath it all, which then is hard to be cool and calm about, which is so helpful for their eating, when you, like, desperately, desperately want them to eat something.
00:18:40
Speaker
Yeah. So that, you know. That plays into it, um I think. And i just don't think that helps anyone. So if we can dial it back a little bit and think, okay, what can I actually do?
00:18:53
Speaker
How can I support? That's all you need to do. Awesome. Okay. Thank you for that. And I think I know that I'm not alone with a lot of people being like, oh, it definitely helps.
00:19:04
Speaker
Okay. yeah Yeah.
Identifying Eating Challenges & Their Roots
00:19:07
Speaker
when you do work with different children and all the rest of it, I'm guessing there's actually some cases where perhaps there's physically something going on or whatever it might be. Like, have you come across that before that do contribute these issues that people may have and then follow them into adulthood? And like, how do you navigate those? Yeah, 100%.
00:19:28
Speaker
Yeah, and so that's what, um I mean, it's a big part of the work that I do as well is really thinking about what are these things that are making eating hard for your family? And so for lots of kids, there are instances of really enlarged tonsils or adenoids that make it hard to bite you and swallow without pain or discomfort. So if you're a two- or three-year-old who, you know, it hurts every time you bite or you swallow, guess what you learn to do really quickly, like rely on yogurt squeezy pouches because...
00:19:57
Speaker
they go down without pain. And so a lot of, know, eating challenges are a combination of multiple, you know, stars aligning in a way that makes it really tricky. So other things like constipation kind of play into that. Other things like history of really tricky kind of medical stuff. Lots of our preemie babies find it really hard to start on solids when they've had a lot of medical intervention early on. Babies who have had reflux have learned pretty early that eating can be quite uncomfortable or painful. there's a lot of the kind of physical things there. You've also got things like the temperament. So a lot of our kids who find eating more challenging are those sensitive, slow to warm, observant, cautious kids, which presents anxiety. you know, park or a party situation, but also in a mealtime situation that they're not just a, I'll have a go that and whatever.
00:20:52
Speaker
They are, they do need a lot of time and space to do that. Then we've got these kids who kind of have um some sensory processing difficulties who, you know, experience sensations in either a much bigger or much smaller way. that makes it hard for them to really trust food. If you are really bothered by texture, think about, you know, punnet of blueberries, there's a chance that a few of them are going to be soft and squishy or are going to be underripe and really hard and tart. And, you know, foods that kids tend to struggle with are those fresher foods that do change all the time and are really hard to trust. um And so it takes you know, exposure and, you know, space for those kids to get to a point where they actually want to have a go at that, um which often coincides with later in, you know, their childhood when they have some rational brain because all of our little kids, like logic is irrelevant. You know, you can say that you liked blueberries yesterday, but I tasted this blueberry today and it was rubbish. So I don't like blueberries anymore. Like that's yeah where we're kind of, you know, you can't talk that through with young kids.
00:21:58
Speaker
Yeah. And thank you for explaining that as well, because I think, yeah, so often we just focus on the fact that they're not eating the food that we don't always look at the bigger picture and be like, oh, you know, could it be something? We're not saying there always is, but sometimes, yeah, we might need to, especially if it's something consistent, I guess we'd be like, hmm.
00:22:16
Speaker
Maybe I need to investigate this a bit further. Yeah. yeah And so another thing that I wanted to bring up as well, because I know that you've um talked briefly on it as well, but things like, obviously we carry a lot of baggage ourselves as adults. We had, you know, I always say like, now that we know better, we can do better. And obviously our parents were doing the best at with what they knew at the time and all the rest of it.
00:22:39
Speaker
How do we kind of not let that baggage land on our children when it comes to our body images, our food hangups, our this, that and everything else?
Personal Reflection on Food Issues
00:22:50
Speaker
Like what are some simple things that we can do or not do? yeah So our children aren't kind of being like, oh, getting it all.
00:23:00
Speaker
I mean, I think the first one is to really reflect on your own things. Like what are you bringing to the table literally and figuratively? you know, how do you feel about your body? Do you want your kids to feel the same way about their body? What's been your experience of, you know, growing up, how you feel about food? Is it an enemy? Is it something you have to control? Is it something that causes you a lot of stress? And so just being aware of like, is that what you want to pass on or not? I think is a big, a big first step. But then I also want to acknowledge that we can break the cycles or we can you know divert them to be the people that are changing. Everything is just too big an ask. So what we can try and do is just a bit better than what our parents were able to do with what they knew. And so we're kind of adding an extra part, hoping that those things that we pass on to our kids, they can pass on again to their kids in a way that that was supportive. so I just really want to you don't have to get it all right. There there are so many bigger picture things making it challenging the way that we see bodies now, the way that food is marketed and talked about, the, you know, ah programs that are, there's a lot of information that is not going to agree with the things that we're saying and our kids are going to be exposed to that.
00:24:16
Speaker
But what I want them to come back to is like, how did my family talk about or respond to this stuff? And for me, the biggest thing really is about being as neutral as you can. So really trying to give it less attention, less chat about bodies, less chat about food. If you do, it's kind of talking about things by name. It's it's not kind of good foods or bad foods. It's not talking about health.
00:24:43
Speaker
Everybody, um a lot of people think that they really need to educate, you know teach about nutrition to their kids and what is healthy. But the things that I want them to learn come from the doing. It's not what I said about the nutrients or what I said about the food groups. It's actually like that at dinner we have vegetables on our plate is what the norm is rather than like vegetables are important. You have to eat them for this reason. Like nobody actually is motivated by that in a long-term way, particularly children.
00:25:15
Speaker
yeah They might be at them in the moment, but we're talking long-term stuff here. Like what can they take away as their kind of core beliefs? And I think one of those is very much that their body is not a problem to fix. And that message, unfortunately, you know, doesn't come through really clearly. But in any challenge or any kind of interesting questions that are thrown up, my response is always to kind of do less talking and just remember that what I don't want to give away is this idea that I think your body is a problem to fix.
00:25:48
Speaker
And so that's a nice kind of guide for, like, I actually think you're better saying less than trying to over-explain or kind of talk through all of the things. Absolutely listen, be there, ask more information about what they're asking about. um But always that core belief that their body is great just as it is and it will do what it needs to do. We cannot control everything.
00:26:12
Speaker
literally like the size of our body. We cannot you know magically change the way our legs are or how big our shoulders are or anything like that. In the same way, we can't change our kids body. And actually, the evidence is really consistent that the more we try and restrict or control eating the more out of control kids become and the more they tend towards binge eating. And so our job is really about staying in charge of the big picture stuff and trusting that their body will do what it needs to do And there are always going to be people in bigger bodies. There are always going to be people in smaller bodies.
00:26:45
Speaker
It is not up to us to choose where they fall in that kind of place. And taking a lot of that pressure off yourself means that you can just show up in a way that is,
00:26:58
Speaker
not fearful or controlling or any of those things that feel really uncomfortable thank you and so for those that maybe um perhaps their children are or their teens or tweens or whatever may be displaying signs of having some sort of food issues whether it be restricting or whether it be going the other extreme and binging So what's the go there?
Understanding Disordered Eating in Teens
00:27:23
Speaker
Where can they get help? What can they be doing themselves? Because I know this is a very tricky topic and I know it's something that as our children are getting older, they're getting exposed to more, they're forming their opinions, they might get some skew-iff idea and be like, oh, this is what I need to do. Like, how do we navigate that? Especially if, you know, as a parent, we're just like, whoa, what is going on here? Yeah. How how do we seek help for those sorts of things? It's so hard. And like, realistically, I think our stats are, and they're probably an underestimate, a third of Australian teens have some kind of disordered eating. So not a full-blown eating disorder, but some interesting kind of dieting,
00:27:58
Speaker
or controlling kind of behaviors around food. And so it is something that absolutely you're likely to face boys or girls. It really doesn't discriminate. There are absolutely, you know, there's the kind of skinny ideal that's going on at the moment, but there's also this kind of muscular, athletic, the strong kind of guy vibe that's, you know, everyone's a bit obsessed again about how their body looks and what that is.
00:28:20
Speaker
um Part of it, I think, is having a space where your kids can come to you and can kind of, you know, um ask things and you can respond in a way that is as neutral as you can without kind of...
00:28:35
Speaker
an interesting way of looking at it like that's not what i do but tell me more like what are you thinking what's kind of behind it and really trying to be bit of a safe space because kids are going to rebel part of their you know teenage years are like pushing against what you've done all the time um and you know In those early phases where they're trying on some different things, I think one of the best things we can do is shrug it off, is actually not turn it into a you versus me, I don't think you should, you think you should kind of um battle.
00:29:08
Speaker
If it gets to a point that you are worried, it's absolutely worth checking in um with a health provider, like with your GP or if he's in that space. It's tricky, though, because there are some really outdated kind of health professionals in all phases, dieticians included, absolutely. um And I'd be wanting, you know, the worst thing that could happen is they're like, oh, great, you're being really healthy, like and praising this kind of thing.
00:29:33
Speaker
you know uncomfortable eating. So I'd really be vetting that process. And that is not easy. Like there's not a lot of safer spaces to go um at this point. Like there are some great um eating disorder kind of clinics, even that do kind of prevention work. There are lots of non-diet dietitians who do some wonderful work in there. There's some great GPs um and psychs and absolutely, but it depends where you are. It depends what you access. Definitely worth checking in and getting some advice.
00:30:02
Speaker
And yeah, there's no easy answer to that one, unfortunately. And when you think about that yourself, your your peers at those times, like there were some really icky and uncomfortable things kind of going on. And i do think, though, the way that your family talks about food and bodies and that kind of stuff does stick with you for for better or for worse. And so if you can be the better where you're not commenting on other people's bodies, where you're not praising people when they lose weight or you're not talking about size, or they really are not hearing you talk badly about your body. Those things are all building a strong foundation. So kids can try things on often and think like, h this is actually not very fun for me. I'm not going to become obsessed with that.
00:30:51
Speaker
And there are still going to be times when you've done all the right things and it it's still a real challenge. And that is absolutely a space that I would want you to get some good support. Yeah. Thank you. i appreciate that as well. Because like I said, I know that um even from my memories of some friends when we were in high school, just some of the things that they were doing, it it was like, hmm.
00:31:11
Speaker
And I know obviously that that hasn't changed over the years. It hasn't. And it's interesting, isn't it? um And I do think our kids... are in some ways able to be like, hmm, that's interesting and like not something and I necessarily want to get involved in or maybe have a ah little attempt. I remember ah a period in my teen years and I was like cutting out pictures from magazines of like people who, you know, had this kind of body that I was looking for and I remember having a little thing around like counting Maltesers and like I could have five and then like I was telling them like, hmm, we had 20. And then I remember thinking at the time like,
00:31:49
Speaker
I actually don't really want to do this. Like, I just want to eat the maltese and kind of, but those things will keep coming back. I've spent a lot of time battling, you know, before I've undone a lot of that work in my own professional work.
00:32:01
Speaker
um But sometimes, you know, when you're exposed to that many messages from the media, it's really hard. What i want though is their core beliefs about their body coming from us to be that it's not a problem, that they are them, they are loved just the way they are and that that is a really, you know, confidence-based to start from.
Parental Resources & Support Advice
00:32:23
Speaker
Yeah. Awesome. I love that. And so um i know I'm conscious of time. So how are you, like, what what resources do you provide that can help parents if people listening, they're like, oh I'd love to find out a little bit more about that. Because I know one of the things that you do share, um which I've seen, like, you often give, like, the the kind of, yeah, the tick of approval for some comparison between different things, for example, so um which I know is quite helpful. So what other things do you have that,
00:32:49
Speaker
parents my This is the great thing about working for myself um is that I just get to do the things that I think people need. um And so it's really stemmed from that. So that the the kind of first part of it is the baby bit. It's really supporting and people who are introducing solids who just feel really overwhelmed and want a clear kind of idea of what they can aim for and what they can do. That moves into like toddler mealtimes, which is more around navigating those fussy kind of behaviors and the kind of unpredictableness of toddler, is While also embedding some of this stuff, right? With also now when your kids are younger, it is a lot easier to start thinking about like, what do I think about bodies? What do I think about food? Do I have some weird things going on? Kind of unpacking some of that. And then family is really, family meal times is really about how we support Families who are raising kids without this diet kind of culture lens, really thinking about how we can empower them, how we can from the very start, you know, support them to trust their body and to listen to their body and and feel okay in their body, but also to feel confident to start to um explore food. And that's that kind of fussy eating plus body image is is family mealtimes. And school mealtimes is my kind of advocacy stuff around particularly primary schools and early childhood centres where, know,
00:34:03
Speaker
Perhaps there's some really traditional outdated messaging going on and thinking about how can we change these things up. I'm running some really great professional developments for some schools in our local area. um And there's a lot of free resources on there for parents to drive change because Actually, when you write to your school with some suggestions about like, I've noticed this and my kids telling me this, I'm worried about this kind of, you know, culture that's going on here here. are some resources. I wonder what our school could do That has driven so much change across Australia because it's coming from the people who are experiencing it It's not just me kind of knocking on school doors being like, could we do it a little bit differently? like yeah
00:34:48
Speaker
um So there's there's that. And then I've got Tuesday reviews, which is like a food kind of product, interestingly, on a Tuesday. and Comparisons and just thinking about like what is in the supermarket. Really importantly, that's not a like buy this, don't buy that. It's a...
00:35:03
Speaker
How can you look at something and decide if you want that for your family or not? Because there is room for all foods. You can absolutely choose lots of different things. And so kind of just unpacking some that marketing, some of the weird stuff that kind of goes on in kind of food industry. And then I like to do some random chit-chats. I've got masterclass next week for tricky dinners for toddlers, you know, that real post-daycare kind of five to seven o'clock. I remember those days. We're talking about that. I mean, a really interesting chat in a couple of weeks in June, which will be recorded and available for purchase too, around these families who are having their kids measured in school, having their BMI measured and getting this letter or this phone call to say, your kid's BMI is too high, here's a healthy eating pamphlet. And then I just left reeling
00:35:53
Speaker
not knowing what to do or where to go or is it a problem and what's happening. And that's a really risky point um for kids and families to to start to think, oh, my gosh, I'm not doing the right thing or or what do i do? and And these kind of tricky behaviours creep in. So I'm running that with a colleague in a couple of weeks. Just things that people need or want is my is my jam. so I love that.
00:36:16
Speaker
Yeah, it's super fun because I can rant and rave about the things that I love. Yeah. It's so good. It's like, well, this is what I think. Exactly. exactly And that's what i like that's the greatest thing about the membership is that um we have like Q&A every day. So you can ask your questions, big or small, theoretical or you know practical.
00:36:37
Speaker
And so every time we're answering those questions, I'm like, oh, yes, this is coming up all the time. Like this is something people need to know. And so i think pattern that yeah yeah that dialogue is so helpful to understand like what challenges are you facing? Like, oh, guess what? They're the same ones I'm facing too. um So, yeah.
00:36:53
Speaker
I love that. And I know, um yeah, I'll add in to the show notes all the links to all these things as well because I know just how helpful
Final Thoughts on Food Discussions
00:36:59
Speaker
it is. um But before we finish up, is there just if you could give one one bit of advice, that was it, to the listeners, what would it be? Just one thing.
00:37:08
Speaker
Do less, less talking about food, less worrying about food. I know that that feels, could feel dismissive. I don't want it to feel dismissive, but I do think it's actually helpful for you and your kids to put less pressure on food, eating, all of the things. um So do less yeah and then get some support. Like if you feel like I don't have a philosophy or I don't have a clear guiding light or a North Star in this kind of space, like find somebody that you do align with that you can just kind of check back in with or, so you know, they're kind of messaging.
00:37:48
Speaker
difference to your own sense of confidence and then when you come at something from a place of confidence your kids get brought along with you you're not second guessing yourself in the moment um and that makes a huge difference awesome oh thank you so much for joining me so i've really enjoyed chatting to you and hearing about all this and i'm sure the listeners will get as much out of it as i have so thank you so much dr oh you're so welcome