Transcript
Speaker: Hey y'all, so I'm back at it again with another episode of the Let's Heal Already podcast.
Speaker: Today's episode is going to be pretty straightforward.
Speaker: I'm going to be talking about the Human Bill of Rights and this is really inspired by a lot of what I see happening in the news and in pop culture.
Speaker: Unfortunately, we do live in a
Speaker: white supremacist, capitalist, patriarchal hellhole.
Speaker: And so because of that, unfortunately, things like abuse are a very common occurrence.
Speaker: Gendered abuse is a very common occurrence.
Speaker: Racial abuse is a very common occurrence.
Speaker: Financial abuse, abuse in the workplace is very common.
Speaker: Unfortunately, abuse in families and family dynamics, groupings is incredibly common because, you know, we live in such a violent sort of world and system, unfortunately.
Speaker: But I do think that things like the Bill of Rights, of human rights, human Bill of Rights, created by Pete Walker, you know, I do believe things like this actually are like a North Star and help to guide us toward a more empathic world and
Speaker: a more human-focused society where our humanity is centered, our feelings matter, who we are as individuals instead of who we are as products or who we are as characters in a game and roles, who we are.
Speaker: It matters more than just the role that we've been assigned based on things like gender and class and race.
Speaker: sexuality and relationship to gender and ability etc etc etc age everything so yeah I wanted to read the Bill of Rights the Human Bill of Rights why do I keep saying the Bill of Rights so the first one is I have the right to be treated with respect
Speaker: And, you know, when I think about the Human Bill of Rights and this first one, I have the right to be treated with respect.
Speaker: I'm just like, it could all be so simple, like Lauren said, right?
Speaker: It could all be so simple.
Speaker: And...
Speaker: This isn't any situation.
Speaker: This is in the workplace.
Speaker: This is in family systems.
Speaker: This is in friendships.
Speaker: This is when meeting people.
Speaker: I just, yeah, I just have the right to be treated with respect, period.
Speaker: I don't need to earn it.
Speaker: I don't need to talk about what I bring to the table in order to get it.
Speaker: And the reason why I'm saying this in particular, what I just said is I remember there was an interview experience I had.
Speaker: And this was the response to one of my major needs in the workplace, which was to feel like my manager has my back and I am being treated with respect by my peers, by my coworkers.
Speaker: And that person had a really big reaction to me naming those things, which are pretty general, pretty sort of standard, basic.
Speaker: And they went on to ask me, what do I bring to the table since I'm asking for these things?
Speaker: And that was a huge, I wouldn't even call it red flag because I think the way I understand red flags are a little different from the way they're kind of thrown around.
Speaker: Um, oh, why don't I go into what I mean?
Speaker: Right, right.
Speaker: Because I was about to just like breeze past that.
Speaker: I guess when I see red flags, red flags for me are things that are like, oh, I want to find out more about why you said this.
Speaker: Like, I need to know the reason why behind you, why you said this or why you did this.
Speaker: Versus this, which was a clear sign.
Speaker: This for me was not a red flag.
Speaker: This was not, oh, I need to understand more why you had such a big reaction to me talking about my needs in the workplace being that of being respected and for me to feel like my manager has my back.
Speaker: That was not a red flag.
Speaker: That was a get the F out of here flag.
Speaker: So maybe like, I don't know what color I would assign to that.
Speaker: That was run.
Speaker: That was run.
Speaker: That was get out of here as soon as you can.
Speaker: So I think that a lot of people kind of use red flag in that way to mean run.
Speaker: And oftentimes kind of put a lot of things in that red flag category that from where I'm standing are not things that would make me run away from someone immediately without asking follow up questions or understanding where they're coming from and the context of what they mean and things like that.
Speaker: So I think I think I hear red flag and I don't hear a flag to mean a non-negotiable or like get out of here.
Speaker: I hear a red flag and I'm like, oh, I definitely need to understand why you said this or did this or why you think that way before I can proceed with you.
Speaker: So I kind of take red flags as like, oh, stop.
Speaker: We both need to stop and we need to figure out.
Speaker: why this happened or why this was said.
Speaker: And I need to understand why this happened or why this was said before I can proceed.
Speaker: So that's kind of my sort of take on red flags, right?
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: I kind of got off topic.
Speaker: Well, no, this was on topic.
Speaker: What am I talking about?
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: So the next one, number two is I have the right to say no.
Speaker: So I need to be in relationships and in positions in society where I have the right to say no and not to receive very harsh punishments, right?
Speaker: Yeah, I can say no, I can always say no, but what will the punishment be or what will the result of my no be, right?
Speaker: Are there punishments to me saying no?
Speaker: Could I lose my job if I say no?
Speaker: And I think that this list, the Human Bill of Rights, is definitely a resource, a really important resource created for survivors of domestic violence and abuse.
Speaker: And it's really illuminating.
Speaker: It really shows you like, oh, wow, we live in an abusive society.
Speaker: So, yeah, you can always say no.
Speaker: Physically, right?
Speaker: If you have the ability to speak, you can say no.
Speaker: Yeah, you could say no.
Speaker: But then what will happen to me if I say no?
Speaker: And that is, that begins to illuminate things a lot more, not just in romantic dynamics, right?
Speaker: That illuminates things in the world that we live in.
Speaker: And that's why I say this document is so important for the world that we are trying to build, well, that some of us are trying to build, right?
Speaker: That is more human focused, that is more communal, that is less abusive, that is more nurturing and nourishing and safe for everybody.
Speaker: You know?
Speaker: Number three, I have the right to make mistakes.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I have the right to make mistakes and not be called bad names, especially for mistakes that don't put anybody's life in danger, that don't harm anybody, that don't dehumanize others.
Speaker: Yeah, I made a mistake.
Speaker: Yeah, I didn't know that.
Speaker: oh, it's okay.
Speaker: I don't have to then be called an idiot or stupid.
Speaker: I don't have to call myself an idiot or stupid.
Speaker: And I will not tolerate people calling me an idiot or stupid for making mistakes.
Speaker: Being alive, being a human being is, it means you're gonna make mistakes, you know?
Speaker: And, you know, I think that this as a North Star to Survivor's
Speaker: is so incredibly important and possibly healing.
Speaker: Next is number four.
Speaker: I have the right to reject unsolicited advice or feedback.
Speaker: A word.
Speaker: Next, number five is I have the right to negotiate for change.
Speaker: Number six is I have the right to change my mind or my plans.
Speaker: Number seven is I have a right to change my circumstances or course of action.
Speaker: Number eight is I have the right to have my own feelings, beliefs, opinions, preferences, etc.
Speaker: That one is so, because I was just going to keep reading, but then it stopped me in my tracks.
Speaker: Like the right to self, the right to self.
Speaker: And I know in the first episode of this podcast season, I was very much like,
Speaker: I don't want to have a self or like, I don't want to do this identity thing anymore.
Speaker: Or I'm having second thoughts about this identity thing, right?
Speaker: Identifying as anything, identifying as the strong friend or the gentle one or the funny one or the this one, you know, definitely having second thoughts about that.
Speaker: But regardless of where I land, regardless of how that changes throughout the course of my life,
Speaker: I have a right to myself.
Speaker: I get to be an individual, right?
Speaker: I don't have to mold into who you think I should be.
Speaker: I have a right to my own journey and my own path.
Speaker: And I think this is so important for survivors of abuse because I know a lot of abusers will chip away at your sense of self.
Speaker: and will diminish your sense of self and tell you that who you are is not enough or not this or not that.
Speaker: And, you know, even these words that I just said, they're echoed in society.
Speaker: And so a lot of what this list does is illuminate just how pervasive abuse, abusive language, abusive mindsets are in our society.
Speaker: that get us to attack ourselves and get us to not fully individuate, not fully form our own unique human being who has developed their own sense of justice, their own sense of morality, and their own opinions that do not
Speaker: hinder and harm other communities right because i know child i know people will take these words and try to weaponize them to mean oh well these are my opinions it's my opinion and my belief that you should be subjected to violence you should be subjected in society and you shouldn't make more than i i do right now i'm not talking about that girl
Speaker: I'm talking about having your own opinions and beliefs that do not subject others, that do not cause harm to other human beings, you know, to other people.
Speaker: Yeah, that's an important one, that disclaimer.
Speaker: Unfortunately, I have to make it more often than I'd like to, right?
Speaker: Number nine is I have the right to protest sarcasm, destructive criticism, or unfair treatment.
Speaker: I have the right to protest sarcasm, destructive criticism, or unfair treatment.
Speaker: Number 10 is, I have a right to feel angry and to express it non-abusively.
Speaker: Number 11 is, I have a right to refuse to take responsibility for anyone else's problems.
Speaker: Number 12 is, I have a right to refuse to take responsibility for anyone's bad behavior.
Speaker: Number 13 is I have a right to feel ambivalent and to occasionally be inconsistent.
Speaker: Number 14 is I have a right to play, waste time, and not always be productive.
Speaker: Number 15 is I have a right to occasionally be childlike and immature.
Speaker: Number 16 is I have a right to complain about life's unfairness and injustices.
Speaker: Number 17 is I have a right to occasionally be irrational in safe ways.
Speaker: Number 18 is I have a right to seek healthy and mutually supportive relationships.
Speaker: Number 19 is, I have a right to ask friends for a modicum of help and emotional support.
Speaker: Number 20 is, I have a right to complain and verbally ventilate in moderation.
Speaker: Number 21 is, I have a right to grow, evolve, and prosper.
Speaker: Now, this Human Bill of Rights is incredible for guideline, for being a resource, right, to healthy, fair relationships and to help develop intimacy.
Speaker: And I think that
Speaker: Something as simple as having these guidelines printed out in your house or on your phone or something like that, somewhere you can see it sort of regularly, can be an anchor in a lot of ways.
Speaker: An anchor to bring you back to yourself.
Speaker: An anchor so that you recognize how important it is to
Speaker: Be a person, right, a person in community with other people and also retain your individuality while you're in community with other people.
Speaker: And I think now more than ever, it's so important that we continue developing a healthier relationship with ourselves.
Speaker: You know, I really, I see based on things that I've read and witnessing other people that a lot of times if we've learned to be abusive toward ourselves and not give these things to ourselves,
Speaker: it can normalize and even blind us to the ways in which other people are treating us in this way.
Speaker: And so, so much of what I try to promote in this podcast is becoming better caretakers for ourselves, becoming healthier caretakers of ourselves or treating ourselves in healthier ways.
Speaker: will make us used to being treated that way, used to being treated in healthier ways.
Speaker: So that when people are trying to treat us very differently from how we treat ourselves, we notice pretty much right away.
Speaker: We kind of notice like, whoa, this is very, I do not talk to myself like this when I mess up.
Speaker: No, I do not.
Speaker: I try to understand the mess up.
Speaker: I try to be like, okay, wow, mistakes happen.
Speaker: Okay, what happened there?
Speaker: What was that about?
Speaker: Like, did I not get enough sleep?
Speaker: Did I not eat?
Speaker: Was I trying to go too fast?
Speaker: Why did I make that mistake?
Speaker: That was pretty simple.
Speaker: It's like, oh, yeah, it was just a fluke.
Speaker: Or, oh, yeah, like I just misstepped or misspoke.
Speaker: It's like, oh, okay.
Speaker: Well, mistakes are bound to happen.
Speaker: You know, if I affected someone else, definitely go.
Speaker: Definitely apologize.
Speaker: Definitely ask how things can be rectified.
Speaker: If the mistake didn't hurt anybody, didn't affect anybody else, it's a mistake.
Speaker: I am a human being.
Speaker: That's...
Speaker: part of human life like it's it's it's that's okay mistakes are fine you know so yeah that's like that's how i've learned to treat myself and humanize myself but if i'm a person who has
Speaker: not had the space to be humanized, who has had their mistakes blown up in their face and ridiculed and turned into doomsday, the worst thing any human has ever done in all of time.
Speaker: And it didn't even affect anybody really.
Speaker: Yeah, you probably become accustomed to being treated that way.
Speaker: And then I think that, you know, to take it a little bit bigger than just on a personal level, right?
Speaker: The systems that we live under definitely treat people who are not white that way all the time.
Speaker: All the time, especially Black people, especially Black people, especially Black women, especially Black queer people, Black LGBTQ plus people, right?
Speaker: Especially Black poor people, especially Black disabled people, especially Black fat people.
Speaker: It's and on and on and on.
Speaker: And, you know, it's like it's challenging because
Speaker: I have my way of treating myself, I have my way of treating myself like a wonderful, expansive human and
Speaker: do that when I'm at home, do that when I'm with myself.
Speaker: And also there are systems everywhere that want to do the exact opposite to me all the time, all the time.
Speaker: And me getting to this place where I can even begin to do some of this work to treat myself like a human being again, right?
Speaker: has come after decades of me treating myself terribly, abusively, because I learned that from systems.
Speaker: I learned that from somewhere.
Speaker: It's not just me.
Speaker: It's not just my family.
Speaker: It's not just my community, just my friends.
Speaker: just my romantic relationships.
Speaker: No, this is bigger than just individually.
Speaker: This is about systems of power and what happens when power is not shared equitably, what happens when justice is nowhere to be found, when people in power refuse accountability processes,
Speaker: When groups in power refuse to deal with and handle the problems at every turn in society, refuse to acknowledge the impact
Speaker: of genocide of indigenous people to Turtle Island, America, AKA America, refused to acknowledge the genocide of black people in this country, refused to acknowledge the genocide, well, they kind of acknowledged it, right, of Japanese migrants, right, kind of, but that was really disrespectful.
Speaker: that sort of round of reparations and that sort of acknowledgement, if you will, but refuse to actually address things at the root, really refuse.
Speaker: What happens?
Speaker: You know, look at where we are.
Speaker: Look at where we are in the world, in this country, in this society.
Speaker: Horrific.
Speaker: Free Palestine.
Speaker: Free Palestine.
Speaker: Free Palestine.
Speaker: Free Palestine.
Speaker: Free Palestine.
Speaker: Free Palestine.
Speaker: Palestine deserves to be free.
Speaker: And I will continue to advocate for liberation of people, liberation of various marginalized or
Speaker: intentionally exploited rather communities across the globe.
Speaker: And I definitely will continue to speak up against abusive dynamics and abuse wherever I see it.
Speaker: And I hope that you make a commitment to do the same and also to identify where
Speaker: In you, there are these places where you do not treat yourself in the best, most empathetic, most supportive way and begin to rehumanize yourself.
Speaker: Begin to learn yourself.
Speaker: Begin to be curious about yourself and about life again.
Speaker: And stay safe.
Speaker: Peace.
Speaker: I want to thank you for taking the time to listen to the Let's Heal Already podcast.
Speaker: To be clear, I'm not advocating for an emotionally intelligent patriarch or for more men to begin and end their work at feeling comfortable painting their nails, wearing dresses, or expanding what falls under the fold of masculinity.
Speaker: Similarly, I do not want to be a highly efficient, well-adjusted worker under capitalism, which is often the aim of Western therapy models.
Speaker: I am calling for the system to be abolished.
Speaker: That system is imperialist, cis-heterosexist, white supremacist, capitalist, patriarchy.
Speaker: Please leave a rating or review on the platform you use to listen to this podcast and feel free to share this with your friends.
Speaker: Donation to show support can be made at J-R-Y-U-S-S-U-F on Venmo.
Speaker: Here's a quick announcement.
Speaker: My new book is available for pre-order now.
Speaker: Dear Bi-Men, A Black Man's Perspective on Power, Consent, Breaking Down Binaries, and Combating Erasure is being published by North Atlantic Books and distributed by Penguin Random House.
Speaker: This book is a powerful resource for Black bi men to reclaim their identity, counter biphobia, and get empowered, and an offering to all readers looking to thwart the erasure and dehumanization wrought by patriarchy.
Speaker: The anticipated publishing date is April 16th, 2024.
Speaker: but you can pre-order it now.
Speaker: Also, Sometimes Impatient merch for people who are working on it is now available too.
Speaker: We got tote bags, t-shirts, hoodies, and pillows.
Speaker: Lastly, we have Patreon.
Speaker: If you like the podcast as is, there's way more in-depth podcast episodes and other goodies over on my Patreon.
Speaker: Tap in.
