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The Happiness Doctor with Dr. Elia Gourgouris
19 Plays4 months ago
Dr. Elia Gourgouris also known as America's Happiness Doctor, is the author of the #1 best-selling Amazon book, 7 Paths to Lasting Happiness, which has been translated in 5 languages. He co-authored the highly acclaimed book 7 Keys to Navigating a Crisis: A Practical Guide to Emotionally Dealing with Pandemics and Other Disasters. His message is featured in respected publications and media around the world. He is a weekly contributor to the Mental Health Television Network (MHTN). With his Positive Psychology background, he has helped thousands of people both in their careers and in their relationships to achieve success and a better work-life integration. As an inspirational speaker, he frequently presents at international conferences focusing on happiness, corporate wellness & mental health. He's the host of the upcoming TV show called The Happy Hour w/ Dr. Elia.
Get in touch with Dr. Elia on Linked-in, Facebook, Instagram or X
To find out more info check out his website
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Transcript
Introduction of Dr. Elia Gaboris
00:00:07
Speaker
Hello, everyone, and welcome to another episode of Otterly Positive Talks. Today's going to be a fun one because we have America's happiness doctor on our episode. Dr. Elia Gaboris, he is a bestselling author of Seven Paths to Lasting Happiness, which has been translated into five languages. He co-authored the highly acclaimed Seven Keys to Navigating a Crisis.
00:00:35
Speaker
He's also featured in many respected publications and media all around the world. And he's a weekly contributor to the mental health television network. And he's the host of the upcoming TV show called The Happy Hour with Dr. Ilya. Super excited to have you here, mate. And yeah, thanks for being
The Global Epidemic of Unhappiness
00:00:56
Speaker
on the show. It's my pleasure, Jeff. Look forward to it.
00:01:00
Speaker
Yeah, now I think the listeners should be pretty excited about... hearing from somebody known as the happiness doctor because being unhappy it seems to be an epidemic that is not limited to any demographic or geolocation.
Pandemic Writing and Corporate Support
00:01:20
Speaker
It is taking the world by storm, unfortunately. So maybe you can tell a little bit about yourself and how you're battling this um this onslaught.
00:01:32
Speaker
Well, first of all, I, uh, it's funny that you should say that what globally and the level of unhappiness and so on, on, on March 15th of 2020. So this is at the very beginning of the pandemic. I got a download. That's what I call them when I, uh, you know, I get the message from above and the download was that there's an impending mental health crisis tsunami. That's going to sweep the glow, which is over the pandemic. And basically said, you need to get a book out. Uh,
00:02:03
Speaker
as fast as you can to help people meet this crisis and this challenge. And you need to get it out in 45 days, which is kind of an absurd statement because my first book, my happiness book, the one that became my number one bestseller to me four years to write. I'm like, how the heck am I going to get a book out in 45 days? But I got the message and it was serious. And I reached out to my writing partner and then best friend. I said, brother, this is it. I'm going to start writing this book tomorrow. I cannot do it by myself.
00:02:33
Speaker
He wanted to help me. And he said, you're on. And I kid you not, Jeff, for the next 45 days, we did nothing else. Morning, noon, and night. And we got to work out the seven keys to navigating a crisis. How to basically emotionally deal with pandemics and other disasters. And initially, you know, we we wrote this, ah it was the first book to market in the world about the pandemic. And we wrote it for the everyday person because but i you know I could see the challenges that were coming up. The one thing that we didn't anticipate was within a month, a month and a half or so, we started getting calls from organizations. And the first and the biggest one that reached out to me was a bank of America, you know, fortune 100 company from New York. Now at the time New York was ground zero here in the United States. And there were people who were dying left and right. I mean, the mortgage were full and so on. And in essence, what the, you know, this senior vice president said, listen, I have a thousand employees in the city of New York. They're all working remote.
00:03:33
Speaker
But they are so stressed out. They're depressed. They're anxious. They're suffering from PTSD, post-traumatic stress disorder. Some have had COVID. Other ones have lost loved ones to COVID. And I literally don't know what to do with them. Would you have read your book? I mean, it's very timely and so on.
00:03:54
Speaker
um Would you help? And I said, sure. But that initially was this for everybody else. So, you know, I got on a Zoom call, obviously couldn't travel to anywhere at the time. And, uh, you know, didn't, I think 45 minutes and then 15 minutes Q and eight, but he must've hit home because after it was done, you know, she said to me, said, this is like exactly what we needed. I'm going to make this available to all 200,000 employees of Bank of America. And thus began.
00:04:24
Speaker
a very
Persisting Mental Health Challenges
00:04:25
Speaker
interesting year or a couple of years during the pandemic. Although, you know, my partner, i obviously we couldn't travel. We ended up speaking all over the world through some, um, probably 50, 60,000 people, which was a lot more than I would do with my keynote, you know, face to face. And the thing was pretty much the same. Um, now we're in the post pandemic world, but unfortunately I feel like the longness epidemic that, uh,
00:04:54
Speaker
existed because of the lockdowns. um Drug abuse, alcohol abuse, suicidality, and just a general unease, I think, in a lot of ways around the world, has has not gone down. And I have to say, much to my surprise, I really thought in the post pandemic world, things would get so much better. You know, people would get out, they travel, which they have, you know, spend some money and do all that. But for some reason, we're still very disconnected as as human beings.
00:05:24
Speaker
And, uh, so, you know, my, uh, my passion, Jeff, my purpose, even more so is to leave this world better than I found it and to, uh, basically help people find that in their piece. And, uh, you know, find their bliss in a lot of ways and find happiness. So people say, well, that's easy for you to say you're the happiness.
Happiness as a Skillset
00:05:50
Speaker
Like you're an expert, but I think happiness is a choice.
00:05:54
Speaker
But it's also a skill set, meaning that if we do certain things on a consistent basis, some of them on a daily basis, that I guarantee you will find happiness and wellness and improve your mental health and so on. So that's kind of like a, the opening statement, I guess, if you could say, but the it's doable, but it takes work.
00:06:16
Speaker
Yeah, I think what is what is ah like fascinating from an intellectual standpoint, but sad in another is I can understand the level oh of sadness, unhappiness, depression, whatever that you want to say, um with where people are genuinely in situations where it's really difficult, whether it's as a result of poverty, war, bad family environment, all these like genuine ah causes ah that make it hard for people to be happy. What all what um what I don't understand is all the people who
00:07:07
Speaker
have on the outside everything that you could ever want and still can't find happiness. And that's that's a big reason why I started The Laughing Water was because i I looked around after a friend of mine hung himself. I looked around at all my friends who all you know have good jobs and stable families and all that kind of stuff and house to live in and they're not worried about food. And I looked around and I went,
00:07:32
Speaker
God, everybody's miserable. Not necessarily suicidal, but not happy. And I found people that I've known for 30 years couldn't have a conversation with them. It's how are things? Fine. How are the kids? Fine. How's work? Fine. Do anything exciting? No, just work like kids. And So I think what you're doing to give people these tricks, or not tricks, of these ah these strategies on how to ah to achieve that happiness is very important. Because then if all the people who shouldn't be unhappy
00:08:10
Speaker
are elevated, then then we can vote we as a society can focus on helping those who have genuine genuine issues that need to be resolved. yeah First of all, happiness is an inside job. It doesn't matter how much money you have, what kind of homes you have, and all the the things on the outside that people think will bring them happiness. That brings them pleasure. You might bring them maybe a ah temporary ah you know lifting up of one's mood.
00:08:39
Speaker
but it's not long-lasting. It's kind of funny that, you know, that my book, 7 Pass The Last Thing Happens, we had a really big debate about the title. And a lot of people were like, just cause it's seven past the happiness, it's easier. It's easier to remember. It's, you know, catchy and so on. And I had, I prospect pretty hard. I'm like, no, seven past that happened. It sounds like a club psychology. I'm talking about seven past the lasting happiness. The key word in the title is the word lasting, which means that it's transformative and it's part of, you know, part of who you are on a daily basis. So.
00:09:15
Speaker
One thing that my my partner, I discovered when we we wrote the the second book is that when people face, and not necessarily crisis, because we were past the crisis, I think for the most part, but certainly challenges, that people fall into four categories in the ways that they um face those challenges. And it's pretty universal. The first one, or you can call it four personality types, whatever you want to call it. The first one, we call it the victim.
00:09:42
Speaker
And the victim is, why is this happening to me? As if it's only happening to me and that's eight, seven, eight billion other people, right? That's number one. The second is the critic. Now the critic will blame everyone else. The boss, the president, the UN, n the World
Navigating Crises: Personality Types
00:09:59
Speaker
Health Organization, you know, you name it, there are significant other other kids. They're always blaming, always frustrated, always angry, and really always miserable. The third type is, you know, what I call the bystander, like innocent somebody who's off to the sidelines of life. They're not living life. They're scared of life. They're in essence frozen in fear, kind of the the deer with the headlights look, because they're so overwhelmed by what's happening in society, you know, that the the changes that are so rapid in today's world, right, that they just don't know what to do. So they don't do anything.
00:10:37
Speaker
And of course, what all three of these have in common is and none of them move the needle forward to pass the resolution. Now we get to the fourth personality type, which we call the navigator. And the whole purpose of the book was like, and the call to action was for all of us to become navigators, to learn how to navigate successfully through life's challenges. But this is an important distinction.
00:11:00
Speaker
It's not like, well, doctor really is the navigator and you're the loser, you're the, it's not like that. All human beings, and this is, I would, you know, I was a clinical psychologist for 18 years in my first half of my, my career in private practice. All four of those personality types exist within each one of us as human beings. So it's not like we'll never be a victim, you know, I will share with you a personal example that happened during the pandemic in that same month, March, but the very beginning in one week, Jeff,
00:11:29
Speaker
All my speaking engagements throughout the world got canceled in one week. Everything was gone in one week, professionally speaking. So did I have the deal with the headlights looking initially? I'm like, Oh my gosh, what am I going to do? Like I was like, this never happened to me. I've been, you know, working for 30 years. I've never experienced something like that. um I was supposed to be a keynote, give a keynote in Barcelona, Spain, you know, a place that I've never been to that I've always wanted to go to. So I had a little bit of a like victim, like poor me. I've always wanted to go to Barcelona.
00:11:59
Speaker
Same thing is that the conference happened, but it was on Zoom. I never got to go there and i and I like, I'm a people person. So here's the thing. If you want to be a victim and you feel that way, do it, but do it for an hour, not for 10 years.
00:12:17
Speaker
If you want to vent, sometimes, yeah, the critic, I had some issues, you know, yeah with the government, otherwise things were handled, especially here in the United States. But if I get, if I stay mad at them for the next six months, who am I hurting them or myself? So if you want to criticize them, you want to blame somebody, you just, you just want to vent basically just because you're pissed off. Okay, do it, do it for half an hour, do it for an hour, and then pivot and shift to the navigation mode, because navigators,
00:12:46
Speaker
Face life, they do certain things consistently. Somebody when I i was sharing this with an artist said, can I ask you a question? I tend to be a victim a lot. I mean, that's my AMO. That's my default. How do I get out of that? I mean, it sounds good in theory, what you're saying. Yes, be a victim, feel your feelings, then pivot. but I just don't know how to do that. So I'm like,
00:13:10
Speaker
The most common phrase that victims use is this, why is this happening to me? Right? That's where they're coming from. So I turned to this gentleman and I said, what if you change that question and only change one word and say, why is this happening for me? That's to me, to me as victim. For me, it is going to lead you to some kind of answer. And that answer is actually is going to help you navigate your life successfully. Does that make sense?
00:13:41
Speaker
Yeah, for sure. I think that i yeah I learned that from my parents because they you know they they grow up post-World War II.
00:13:56
Speaker
like mom's German, my dad's Austrian, so life wasn't very good for either one of them. And ah they just like I think this is ah think this is typical of a lot of immigrants who are fleeing from a bad situation or come from a bad situation is that there is just this analysts resolve to make things better and and use those challenges as ways to create opportunities ah because they know no different other than to just keep fighting. ah so yeah and i i I really like that. so and you know My philosophy is that we're all graduates from the university of adversity.
00:14:42
Speaker
all of us. There isn't one person who is not a graduate from that fabulous university of life called the, you know, adversity. And the other year we get, of course, because we've lived here a long, longer, the higher the degree that we have. Because in inevitably at some point we're going to lose loved ones, you know, starting with our grandparents and at some point we're going to lose our parents and some you know God forbid, this our significant other or even a child, they're the most tragic. We're going to have financial concerns. um We're going to have relationships that know don't work out. you know We maybe get a divorce or we're going to have health issues. So all of these things are just part of the human condition and the human existence. So now the key, of course, is can you be happy in the midst of adversity? And can you be grateful?
00:15:27
Speaker
We all know that gratitude and depression cannot coexist physiologically. In other words, when you're in in a state of gratitude, there are things that are happening in our brains, there's happy chemicals that get released, so we can't be depressed. But Jeff, it's easy to be grateful when things are going well in life. That's the easiest thing in the world. I could sit down and write on my gratitude journal three different things every single day and never repeat myself when life is going great.
00:15:51
Speaker
But life isn't like that. So the question is, how can we be grateful when, when the midst of challenges and adversities and I go back to where my heroes is Nelson Mandela, who wisely and brilliantly once said that in life, either you win or you learn. That's it. There's no losing as long as you're learning something. And you know, you and I have accomplished some good things in, in, in our lives.
00:16:17
Speaker
But I'm i'm sure, just like ah just like me, the greatest lessons that you have learned and I have learned haven't come from our successes. They've come from what at the time appeared to be setbacks, mistakes, human frailties, when things did not work out. And yet it's during those times that we have to pull back the lens, of course, and say, you know, now, in retrospect, with the perspective that I have as you know as this crisis has passed, I know exactly why that happened.
00:16:47
Speaker
And as a result of what happened, I'm the person that I am to- today, right? So embrace the lesson. That's, and and that's the whole idea of like, why is this happening for me? That's when you find out what the lesson is. And that's when you kind of go, okay.
00:17:02
Speaker
I got the lesson, let me pivot and become a navigator. But what is it that navigators do on a consistent basis that make makes them both healthy, happy, productive, and so on? The first thing that they do is they practice massive self-care, meaning they take care of themselves physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually, and that's a non-negotiable.
00:17:25
Speaker
including my own life, by the way. And i've ah again, I've had people perspective like, well, isn't self-care selfish? I'm like, yes. And do more. Double better, you're doing double it. You know what I mean? So self-care is a non-negotiable. That's for starters. The second thing is, what I have found is that navigators tend to be flexible and adaptable to the challenge when they're're they're facing challenges in life.
Practices for Happiness and Self-Care
00:17:54
Speaker
So the analogy that you know my partner I used in in the book is like is the the oak tree and the palm tree. The oak tree is this majestic, beautiful, tall, massive tree, provides shade and and color and so on. It's lovely. However, it's very stable, and I might add, until there's a crisis.
00:18:17
Speaker
With oak trees, if there's enough rain and enough saturation in the ground, and then you bring enough wind, like hurricane type wind, guess what happens to oak trees? They come crashing down on people, cars, storms, and so on. On the flip side, the palm tree, which is relatively thin, um kind of tropical and exotic, you know, and cute. At the peak of the storm, now I want to think about the storms of life. In palm trees, literally,
00:18:43
Speaker
become parallel to the ground, bend, bend, bend, and be parallel over to the ground. But then, as the storm passes and the sun comes out, and of course every storm will pass in life, guess what happens to palm trees? They rise up,
00:18:57
Speaker
And they're actually stronger than they were before the storm because underground, the roots have to hold on for dear life, right? So now, the question, and people have said, well, okay, that's a cute storm. It's a call to action. Of course, it'd be a palm tree, it'd be an oak tree. They're like, okay, well, that's cute. I can't remember that. But actually, what does an oak tree look like in human form? So this is an oak tree, in an oak tree mentality. Well, Jeff, this is who I am. I've been this way for 40 years. I'm not gonna change now, right?
00:19:27
Speaker
and they dig into their heels. And as a result of that, they break. Or another analogy we could use is, you know, professional athletes, whether it's football, rugby, basketball, you know, whatever. These are the best of the best, by the way. We get millions and millions and millions just to play a game, but they're in peak physical condition, right? These are the best that we have on this planet.
00:19:56
Speaker
and All these amazing athletes, professional athletes, what do they do before the game actually starts? Half an hour before the game starts, they're right on the pitch. What are they doing for the most part? They're stretching. Why are they stretching? Because if they don't, and then they're not flexible, they might pull a hamstring or worse and get injured. So we're in the game of life, right?
00:20:23
Speaker
the World Cup, the Super Bowl, the NBA Finals, whatever you want to call it. We need to be flexible and adaptable when we're facing our own challenges. And when we do that, and amazing things happen. So that is a big um component of the navigation mode. Navigators always think in flexibility. Okay, well this door closed, what else is opening up? um We talked about having an attitude of gratitude, of course, especially when things are difficult and you find the lesson in it.
00:20:54
Speaker
And the other thing about navigators, I think, you know, obviously they prepare, and more importantly, they take action. In my experience anyway, in life, I don't think it matters what we know. What matters, what do we do with what do we know? Don't we all know what the right thing to do is, right? But are we doing it? So navigators are decisive and take action, but they're prepared for the challenges ahead. And one of the last things that they do consistently because their own batteries are full and because they have practice self care, they're great teammates. They're great partners and they perform acts of kindness and acts of service, not random acts of kindness, but deliberate conscious and mindful acts of kindness. And they help their fellow human beings. And that's a recipe for navigating life's challenges successfully and long-term.
00:21:53
Speaker
It's, it's ah and I'm sitting here, I haven't said very much, ah which is rather uncommon for me um because i'm I'm taking a lot of this in because a lot of it, ah what year what you're saying ah on a micro level for me as an entrepreneur, entrepreneur as a founder, as a CEO, the laughing author, so much of what you're taught talking about applies because like anyone listening to this who's ever started a business knows that there are so many setbacks and so many ah punches in the gut that you take, and it really does come down to having that navigator mentality of, okay, ah why did that happen? what's What did I learn from it?
00:22:47
Speaker
what and what do I do next, and then acting upon what to do next. so it really A lot of what you're saying is really getting on to me as ah as ah you know as an entrepreneur, as a founder.
00:23:01
Speaker
um so I'm a bit speechless because so that so much of it is true. Well, all of it's true, but It's so much of it is ringing true for me. Yeah, and to me, and Jeff, this is based on me working with thousands and thousands of people, again, as a psychologist and executive coach in my lectures, and that that's been my experience. But there are some other, in terms of happiness specifically, and let's move on beyond the just navigating challenges in life, but really, once overall all happiness and wellness, obviously, self-love self-love, self-care is at the top of the list, and attitude of gratitude ah comes a close second. But there's some other components.
00:23:38
Speaker
For example, forgiveness. you know Gandhi wants to say that forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. And I might add to that, that forgiveness equals freedom. And the most important part of forgiveness really is self-forgiveness, which I think is missing in action amongst most people. I think most people have no idea how to practice self-forgiveness. And it's kind of interesting because to me, self-forgiveness is the ultimate act of self-compassion.
00:24:06
Speaker
I just, people just don't know how to do it. And I'll share an example with you. i When I was in private practice, one of my expertise was addictions. So oftentimes I would have people come in, you know, rock bottom, right? ah They may have lost their families, they may have lost their jobs. I mean, they may have had a drug driving or whatever, they're a drug bottom. And we begin, you know, the process of healing and, you know, at some point they sober up and they give up alcohol and drugs and so on. And they begin to, you know, reclaim their lives in a lot of ways, a very empowering and beautiful to see. So on the year anniversary of their, ah
00:24:42
Speaker
sobriety, we should have the celebration, go almost like ah like a birthday of sobriety. And I would typically have like a sort of a last interview with them, and I would kind of go down the list. So do you feel like your spouse has forgiven you? Yes. your Your children? Yes. Your boss? Yes. You kind of go down the list, right, of people that they ended up, obviously they have made amends to. And the last question you know is, whatup that you have you forgiven yourself?
00:25:10
Speaker
I'm talking about hundreds and hundreds of people I've done this to, not one or two. You know what's the best answer I've ever received? Not the most common, but the best. The best answer was, I'm working on it. That was the best answer. The most common answer, however, was no. So then I'm like, okay, we well, we're not quite done yet because there's no way you're going to find long lasting happiness as long as you don't forgive yourself. So then we'd go through the, and I have a process that I take people through.
00:25:40
Speaker
Um, the forgiveness process, which I can share with you in your audience. It doesn't take very long, but there's like, this is how you do it because most people don't know how to do it. So I ask my my clients or my patients like, okay, I want you to write down in bullet points, not dissertation stuff. All the things you haven't forgiven yourself for. It could be five things could be 10 things could be 50 things. I don't really care what it is, but make sure you capture everything. Go as far back as you can remember. So they would do that. They come back and like, okay, now.
00:26:09
Speaker
I want you to put a number next to each one of those statements on a scale of one through 10. 10 is you actually murder somebody. Like you committed murder. Not hypothetically, but actually, that's a 10. Because sometimes people exaggerate about how bad things that they've done. I'm like, no, oh, that's a 10. I'm like, no, that's not a 10. A 10 is you kill somebody. And my one would be, well, you know what? I spilled some red wine yesterday on my white shirt when I was out in dinner with some colleagues. I was embarrassed. That's a one.
00:26:36
Speaker
And now we begin the process. And typically we would start with the lowest hanging fruit, the ones, the twos and the threes, because those are easier to forgive and take less time. And also you begin to gain some momentum and you begin to practice self forgiveness. And then we'll move on to the tougher things, right?
00:26:56
Speaker
One of the most interesting things that I discovered is, because I work with a lot of C-suite, you know, a CEOs, CFOs, and so on. A lot of outside males. And I mean, the very first time I shared that with ah one of them, a guy who has his own company, multi-million or so on, like really, you know,
00:27:16
Speaker
Very successful by world standards, but his personal life was a disaster anyway. So I gave him that assignment. He comes back and I tell him, okay, here's how we're gonna do it. So he goes, I don't want to do it that way. Kind of caught me by surprise. I'm like, what do you mean? He goes, well, I'm going to start with my nines and my eights. And then I'm like, why? Because if I can forgive myself for the bigger stuff that I have for you, then everything else below that is easier.
00:27:41
Speaker
Frankly, Jeff, I don't really care which way people go. I just had a T-shirt, so the swimmers have gained some momentum practicing, but if people don't want to do it the other way, that's that's fine as long as you do the work. And when we're done, and sometimes this takes several hours, by the way, it could take, it depends on how long the list is, that piece of paper, I light it up, we burn it symbolically and you know the smoke and the ashes go up towards the the heavens, if you will.
00:28:05
Speaker
But here's the beautiful thing about it. Every single time people walked out of my office and give my hug, you know what they would say to me? I feel like a thousand pounds has been lifted off of me or a hundred pounds or whatever. I should have done that years ago. And I'm like, you're right. So now, now that you know how to do it, when Sammy comes up,
00:28:29
Speaker
give yourself some grace and continue to do this self forgiveness as it comes up. I personally have nothing on my account right now. There's nothing I haven't forgiven myself about. Nothing.
Living Purposefully
00:28:41
Speaker
So I would highly recommend, because I think it's really happening it's really hard to be happy and like self forgiveness because that inner critic Whether you like it or not, you're going to be kicking your butt if you haven't for forgiven yourself about some of the things that have happened in your life. That's a huge that's a huge part of of happiness, I believe.
00:29:02
Speaker
Oh, again, you're preaching of the choir here. um I think my my my list would probably be a hundred plus. you know like i I have an amazing ability to remember things from 40 years ago and still feel guilty about it. Well, you got some problems then, kind of, because that's the case.
00:29:28
Speaker
Yeah, well ah yeah think i think I think I have a a weekend project happening. but in f I'm definitely gonna i'm going to give this a go. so yeah and and it's i mean Obviously, it's hard to do by yourself. like When you have the list, when you write things down, you know find whether it's a therapist, a counselor, a trusted advisor, a good friend, somebody you trust, and go through that process with with them. it's It's harder to do on your own, to be honest with you, um but it's very, very powerful.
00:29:59
Speaker
And you'd be amazed when you're done, how you how well you feel. You'd be amazed. Yep. No, i ah i don't know I don't doubt it. I know the power of of just getting things off your chest, and I know the power of talking things through. ah So i ah I don't doubt it. It sounds like a ah really powerful tool.
00:30:23
Speaker
Now, i I do want to shift gears there a little bit or take it to another gear. um and because i want There's one question that, and and it and it was a big reason why I started the laughing order, it was there's a lot of a lot of focus on helping people get out of, and and rightfully so, get out of ah situations where they're experiencing negative feelings or depression, anxiety, all of those kinds of things.
00:30:57
Speaker
But what I saw was a whole bunch of people who were not necessarily going through any trauma or discomfort or anything, they just weren't happy. And so what ah What are your kind of thoughts on like not not dealing with anything, but just taking it to the next level and not just existing and enjoying life and finding reasons to to celebrate life and be happy again? I love you said you know not just existing because I think a lot of the people you just described, i they're not thriving, right?
00:31:40
Speaker
They're just going through the motions. They're just going through the motions, but yeah they're not really thriving in life. And I think um when you see people who are genuinely happy, who are um thriving on all cylinders in every aspect of their lives, one of the things that they have in common, that's another one of the seven paths to happiness is that they are living their purpose, right? That they live life that's in alignment with what their purpose is. And therefore,
00:32:09
Speaker
Nothing feels like work. Like if you can find your calling in life and then lean into it and and do it, it's never work. It's just the... So going from just surviving to thriving, <unk> I think if that's hard to do if if you're not living your purpose. If you believe something or you're passionate about something and yet you're doing something else, that's really hard.
00:32:31
Speaker
And I feel like in some ways really blessed because I found my purpose when I was a teenager in a lot of ways, which was helping other people. Like that really fires me up. And it's kind of funny, Jeff, the seed for that was planted when I was a five-year-old boy in Athens, Greece, where my grandfather, who was named I carry an Iona and you know who was a gentle and a wonderful man who actually died when I was six. So i it's not like I have tons of memories of him. um When I was five years old, and I remember sitting in his lap. It's one of the few memories that I have. And with his sweet smile, and he was you know smoking a pipe, and he was just a great character. He said, my boy, can I tell you a secret? I'm like, yes, Grandpa. I was looking up at him. my you know
00:33:23
Speaker
He goes, do you want to be the richest man in the world? At which point my eyes got so big and my ears got even bigger. I'm like, yes, grandpa. He says to me, if you want to be the richest man in the world, do something good for somebody else every day. And you, my boy, will become the richest man in the world.
00:33:41
Speaker
And somehow, that statement, with my five-year-old little brain, I kept repeating that, do something good for somebody else in a beer streaming world. At the time, of course, richness, I thought was like a Pirates of the Caribbean golden server, you know, in a plunger, you know. That's what I thought, obviously, as I got older, I realized what you were saying, is that when we are in the service of our fellow beings,
00:34:03
Speaker
we are in the service of God, where when that when we do things for somebody else. there's but tiul That's the quickest way to get out of feeling sorry for myself. If I'm ever down, it doesn't happen very often, but if I'm ever down, the quickest way, as I look around, like, how can I help right now? And then when I do that, something magical happens. Because with kindness, really everybody wins.
00:34:27
Speaker
the giver, the receiver, and sometimes even the observer who actually witnesses, you know, these acts of service and acts of kindness, and then is inspired to, you know, play it forward and and as a result to do it for somebody else. And that, for me, that's my purpose. It always has been, it it's come relatively easy actually because kindness and service doesn't cost really anything.
00:34:54
Speaker
And there's so many opportunities on a daily basis to do something good for somebody else. So again, that's also an attribute of navigators, but that's also an attribute of really happy people is that they, they serve others and they love others through their service and they do it with a smile on their face. You know, that's a big one. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I, I, um,
00:35:19
Speaker
i I'm lucky now. It took me a while, but the the laughing order, ah i I feel it too. and it's It feels so good that to be working at something that doesn't like isn't just about making money. and It isn't just about ah like Yeah, it's it's I get that 100%. But one one thing I will say, that just especially with the Laughing Water, I've been observing a lot of people a lot more closely on those that are happy and those who are not. And there are a lot of people, and I encourage people to to think this way too, if if if you're so inclined, is that
00:36:05
Speaker
your purpose doesn't have to be linked to your job. Sometimes, like I know a lot of really happy people who their job is just a means to an end. it just like they They go to work, they they get a paycheck, they pay that's how they pay their mortgage and and feed themselves. But then their purpose, they derive from outside of work, their hobbies, their friends, their families, um their experiences.
00:36:32
Speaker
And so I think a lot of people, and I use this metaphorically in that the LinkedIn community, does doesn't understand that your job doesn't have to define you. like I think a one person in particular, I'll use an example, is a friend of mine who, yeah, he's he's one of the happiest people I know on Earth. And he hasn't really, from a career-wise, changed too much.
00:37:02
Speaker
since he was 20 years old, but he he derives his passion as his guitar. He plays in three, four different bands, none of them famous, ah but you know that that's his go-to. That's what makes him happy. um and so i encourage people to not like and and This comes from also living in Australia where nobody defines themselves by their job or very few people do.
00:37:34
Speaker
and so it's it's good like There is ways to find happiness that doesn't necessarily have to necessarily be linked to your job because some people just have careers that um are just a job.
00:37:52
Speaker
and and so ah But that doesn't that shouldn't reflect on whether or not you're on your own self-worth and your own self-purpose and your own happiness because ah there are a lot of people out there that draw from the rest of life to defy themselves. And that's, that's wonderful too. You know, it's fascinating what you said about Australia and work because, uh, you know, I was, you know, born in Greece, so I'm obviously Greek at the core, but been living in the United States for half a century since I was a kid. And in America, when you meet somebody, the first thing that they ask you, like within 10 seconds, so what do you do?
00:38:41
Speaker
Right? it It goes straight to what do you do? And based on what you do, there's, you know, either a judgment or a conversation and so on. In Greece where I'm coming from, that would be unthinkable to to ask somebody that when you first meet them, it would be considered extremely rude.
Cultural Views on Identity and Work
00:38:56
Speaker
You know what they say on the first meet, so where are you from?
00:38:59
Speaker
And then you say, from where I'm from methods. Oh, you know my good. And then, so where are your parents from? And you go into the more personal family stuff, and then maybe they'll ask at some point about work, but a lot of times they won't even work unless it comes up naturally, right? So Americans, in at least in this country, we are so defined by what we do, how much we make, like on a car we drive, we're gonna like, you know, where in other cultures, it's really a lot more about, and I think it's a lot more humanistic too.
00:39:28
Speaker
english yeah to me that's fascinating yeah Well, I lived in, like I grew up in Canada and the last seven years or eight years I was in Canada. I lived in Toronto, which is very, like it's the financial hub of Canada and every conversation. Like like you said, but within 30 seconds, somebody, and meaning someone, they know what you do for a living and where you live, but not where you live as in an interest component or of your background. It's your need. Yeah,
00:40:02
Speaker
Yeah. Like can I, cause I, Oh, you live in that part of town. You must be in this income bracket like that. Uh, I came to Australia and it took, when I moved here, it took me almost a year, probably to learn how to start a conversation without what you do for a living. But now, um, it never comes up. I don't even, like, I don't even know how to work that into a conversation anymore. Um, like,
00:40:31
Speaker
My wife and I got married here. We had 60 people at our wedding, we have a reasonably small wedding, ah but of ah of those 60 people, and these are people I know it well enough and like well enough, they were all friends. That's why we had a small wedding, we just narrowed it down. Of that 60 people, I probably knew what 10 of them,
00:40:56
Speaker
actually did for a living. And another five or 10 that I kind of knew what industry they were in, but not really even what company they worked for. But I know, like because i I play drums, so I'm a big music fan. I know what bands they like. I know what instruments they play. I know what, like here, a big thing is what footy team do you? Oh yeah, that's the other one. What team do you root for? I agree for sure. that They were asked that way before you even got to what do you do.
00:41:25
Speaker
Yeah, for sure. And that's that's here. ah like Yeah, it's so those kind of questions. And people will ask you, like, where do you live? But that's only because they want to know if we're neighbors. but not But not in that same, oh oh, you live in that area, so you must be wealthy. It's like,
00:41:42
Speaker
Oh, you live there. Oh, you know, I'm i'm there. ah I'm there next weekend. We should get we should get a beer, you know, kind of thing. So I and I personally like that. And I, you know, like the friends I have who ah really embrace that.
00:41:58
Speaker
ah Yeah, they're they're there is definitely a happiness there. Even in Canada, the it's if you sit in a and if you sit in a restaurant in Toronto and listen to the conversations around you, they will all be around money, jobs, real investing, and and that sort of thing. You go to va or you go to Montreal,
00:42:27
Speaker
it's It's like food and culture and ah music and all those kinds of conversations. You never hear people ah um in ah in a social setting talking about work. and and even like So even in within Canada, there's stark differences.
00:42:47
Speaker
um so yeah so you don't So people can be happy and can define themselves without without it being linked to their job. yeah now you Yeah. But the the lucky thing for people with like you and I, for me right now, from you, your old career, is we get the best of both worlds. um Our job has now become our purpose, or our job is our purpose. And so that's what I like. We got we got tons of exciting things happening at the Laughing Honor that
00:43:22
Speaker
we'll make it the will make a difference with mental health. We've got toast for peace happening that's going to send money and make ah to people caught in the line of fire in war zones and make a strong anti-war statement. so Really excited about that. so um That gets me up every day. Yeah, and that's awesome. that That's what I'm saying. That's not even work. That's just part of your, I call it a calling in life. I think we all have certain callings in life and when we lean into them and yeah and begin to thrive in them, yeah, every morning when you wake up, you wake up with gratitude, you're excited about the day that's coming up.
Spiritual Well-Being and Nature
00:44:03
Speaker
um I think that the one last component, yeah at least for me personally, that I found that
00:44:10
Speaker
could I think contributes to one's happiness is sort of feeding your spiritual self. And we're not necessarily talking about organized religion right now, but I do believe we are spiritual beings and we're, you know, I believe your soul continues on. I don't know where it goes and what form and so on, but I think we're eternal beings in some ways.
00:44:29
Speaker
And that really, we're spiritual beings having a very short physical experience, whether that's 50 years, 80 years or whatever. So feeding your spiritual self, um you know, getting quiet, ah practicing meditation or prayer or mindfulness, ah quieting your mind in a lot of ways,
00:44:52
Speaker
um and being in tune with that still small voice, I guess that you would call it, that people that that do that or have that relationship um ah tend to be more at peace and therefore they tend to be happier. So that's, I would say that's probably the last component out of adding to everything else that I've shared with you.
00:45:12
Speaker
yeah and I think like for ah for a lot of people, when you say words like meditation and spirit, it conjures up um you know a lot of negative ideas in their hand. For me personally, um I'm no longer like this, but you know I grew up in a small town in Northern Ontario.
00:45:36
Speaker
If you ever mentioned the word meditation or spiritualness in in my hometown, they they'd look at you like you're some kind of hippie freak or something like that. But you know, I grew in ah in an area where, um you know, deer, like I don't, but a lot of people like deer hunting is a religion. But for most of them, if they were really honest about themselves, with themselves, it's not about actually shooting a deer. It's about finding that piece
00:46:09
Speaker
in nature when you're out there by yourself and you know like and and your sentence ah your senses are heightened and you're you're you're in the moment and all of that, which is which is pretty much what meditation is. like i'm a I'm a huge fisherman. I love fishing ah because I can sit on the edge of a river or lake or in a boat for 13 hours, 14 hours, and not say a word and not catch a thing, but be completely happy because I'm
00:46:47
Speaker
Because when I'm fishing, I'm in that moment. I don't think about work. I don't think about life. I don't think about bills and all the stuff that drags you down. I'm just there experiencing nature. And that's my moment. And I and i i feel the same when I'm playing my drums or like my mates who play guitar and bass. like it's finding that meditation doesn't necessarily have or that spiritualness doesn't have to be like something that is defined as that. It could be whatever you find that brings you into that moment. Like and another thing I love to do is with my son is we build Lego. And for that like those hours that I spend building Legos with him,
00:47:36
Speaker
the The world is gone. It's just me and and my son and the Lego. And so whatever. they Yeah. And ah ah I assume it's the same for artists and woodworkers or whatever your passion is. yeah yeah Absolutely. and And one last thing I would say, ah Jeff, is be as much as you can. Be out in nature.
00:47:57
Speaker
the The more likely you're out in nature, you know, I you know part of myself care out here in in Colorado is uh, I go for a ah morning walk At minimum of an hour, you know at least three miles a day every day and 50% of the time I don't take my phone with me I used to have my phone with me all the time glued right talking to people all the time. I made a conscious decision I'll just leave your phone behind 50% of the time and I call this my gratitude walk So I walk around and I look at the blue skies and the birds that are serenading me as I'm walking and the the little critters running around and breathe their fresh air and you know,
00:48:36
Speaker
It's not necessarily a prayer, if you will, but it's in my mind. I'm like, I circumvent the things that I'm grateful for. By the time I come back, not only am I refreshed because I took an early morning walk and i you know and physically I feel better, but my heart and my mind and my soul are so full. Try practicing going for a walk and and talking about gratitude in your own heart and your mind for an hour and notice the amazing things that will happen to you.
00:49:03
Speaker
Yeah, no, I i get it. ah like yeah i I have this discussion with my wife all the time and because I force our family to get out into the nature. and But once we get out there, everybody loves it. But getting them out is not easy. I remember that raging at kids. Just getting them out are like, oh, you know, and and especially the legal electronics behind.
00:49:25
Speaker
But we have such great memories anytime we want to be like water skiing or hiking or, or camping or, or just being out, you know, having a little picnic and, uh, and connecting with nature and connecting with one another without the electronic distractions that I think that's a big part of, unfortunately, of people's loneliness and disconnection from one another. They're, they're, they have a better relationship with their phones than they do with their fellow human beings.
00:49:52
Speaker
um Absolutely. It's sickening. Well, I
Conclusion: Pursuing Happiness and Purpose
00:49:59
Speaker
think we we could probably share story after story after story about how nature is important, but I think We've given the listeners a lot to ah to think about and hopefully just to be a little bit happier because well you know that's that's your mission in life and that's the Laughing Waters mission. is i we're We're making the world happier one person at a time and we love meeting people who are on the same mission because
00:50:29
Speaker
The more happy we make people, um you know it there's a lot of residual effects of you know so so ah on improving society. So thanks a lot for being on the show. ah Where can people find you? Yeah, I would say LinkedIn. ah Yeah, find me on LinkedIn or Instagram or Facebook. I have a unique name. yeah My website is dreliagourgours.com.
00:50:55
Speaker
And starting in in September, ah my TV show is going to be on the air, The Happy Hour with Dr. Elia. So um more information to come. And yeah, that's the goal, to inspire people to find happiness and wellness, inner peace, ah and live their best lives, honestly. So my my parting statement to you and your audience, Jeff, is do not procrastinate your happiness. Forget about all the wins, because most people live in the wins.
00:51:24
Speaker
when I'm in the right relationship, when I have kids, when my kids grow up, when the kids get married, when I retire, when I have enough money, when I eat this and that and the other, forget all the wins. This is one of the... you know, blessings in disguise of that happen as there's all the pandemic. There are no guarantees for anyone of us in this life. No guarantees. So live your best life now. Don't procrastinate your happiness and, you know, align with your purpose and and life can be really beautiful, right? And life at that point, it's not if the glass is half empty or half full. It's like the glass is half full or is it totally full and overflowing? There you go.
00:52:03
Speaker
Yeah, ah that that that message is something I share all the time, too. Because i for a long time, I suffered from the the when. When I'm this, when I'm that. Well, we all did, though. We all did. That's the thing. You're not alone, Jeff. i But I think that that's what I love about what happened. It's almost like some giant finger from the sky came down and and pressed the pause button on humanity. Yeah.
00:52:26
Speaker
so a lot of people um You know, we talked about a lot of the negative things that happened, but there's some positive. I think people have taken some serious, a serious look at their lives and say, is this the life that I was meant to live? Is this the life? Is this what? And for a lot, they're like, no. So they're transforming, they're learning, they're doing their work that they need to work. And they're starting to live beautiful lives that are very different than they were before the pandemic. And I just want more and more people to do that.
00:52:52
Speaker
I agree. that That's a wonderful, wonderful way to end. Thanks again for being on the show and to all the listeners, just remember, life doesn't have to be this hard. um We all deserve to be having a lot more fun. Thanks for listening and we'll talk soon. Thank you, Jeff.