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An Addiction That Started in Middle School
12 Plays2 years ago
Vernon talks with Kyle Jenkins, a Dallas, Tx resident who began experimenting with drugs and alcohol in middle school, found Jesus while incarcerated, but was never told the truth about the radical transformation that happened when he accepted Christ. For years, Kyle prayed for something he actually had all along. Freedom. Kyle shares his story on this extended podcast episode.
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Transcript
Introduction to 'Walking Free' with Kyle Jenkins
00:00:03
Speaker
This is your host Vernon Terrell with Grace Ministries International and it's time for Walking Free. And welcome back. This is Vernon Terrell and today we have a treat. I have a guest that's going to share his story and that guest is Kyle
00:00:33
Speaker
Jenkins. Kyle, welcome. Hey Vernon. Uh-huh. How are you doing? Oh, doing all right. Going through it, going through it, but things are well, things are well. And Kyle, tell us where are you located? I'm in Dallas, Texas. In Dallas, Texas.
Kyle's Early Life and Family Struggles
00:00:55
Speaker
Now in Dallas, you've been there how long now?
00:01:01
Speaker
They say I was born in 1985, so 37 years. Wow, 37 years in Dallas, Texas. Kyle, I know you're going to share your story and I'm going to preface it too. I met Kyle, I guess it was a couple years back. I don't even know how many years ago it was.
00:01:28
Speaker
Do you? It was about five years? I want to say about four or five. Yeah, about five years ago or so. And I met Kyle. I was running my own ministry separate from Grace Ministries when I was in the corporate world. And that was free and him. And Kyle and I met and I was doing webinars with Mike Quarles.
00:01:55
Speaker
who wrote a lot of books. Mike wrote, I think the most famous one was Freedom from Addiction with Neil Anderson. And he wrote the One Day at a Time devotional. I love Mike, I just saw him the other day. And he's doing great. But that's where I met Kyle when he, we just met up during that period. And so,
00:02:21
Speaker
I thought it'd be a great idea. And Kyle, we've recently brought Kyle on board at Grace Ministries to help support us in one of our initiatives that, in fact, I talked about it on just a podcast or so ago on work untangled. And Kyle is going to be helping us as we build that out and helping monitor and wants our
00:02:47
Speaker
a virtual chaplain site. And that's our support for those who are hurting, especially in the context of the work in Tango. And so that's a little bit of context. So Kyle, why don't you just give us, just tell us a little bit about your story and kind of start, we'll just start from the beginning.
00:03:18
Speaker
All right. Sounds great. I, uh, yes. So born and raised here in Dallas, uh, to my parents, Byron and Peggy, and growing up was, uh, my parents came from the hippie area or the hippie era. And so there was in the house, a lot of drugs, alcohol, rock and roll and, uh, dirty mute movies. It was kind of exposed to that, but.
00:03:47
Speaker
was still taken to Sunday school. My parents took me and my older brother to church. And so a lot of dysfunction in the family, but a lot of outwardly, for saving face, go to church and we're gonna try to make it look like we're living upright lives and we're serious about the Lord and we're God-fearing Americans. That was kind of the mentality that my dad
00:04:18
Speaker
you know, presented to us. And his dad was a Baptist missionary, had attended Dallas Theological Seminary. And so, you know, kind of a lot of the good side of the tree of knowledge of good and evil. So there was a lot of outwardness of, you know, we love God, we want to do what we're supposed to do. But there was, for me, growing up, no real connection with God.
00:04:44
Speaker
through the time growing up, going to Sunday school, nobody ever really invited me to know Jesus as Lord and Savior.
Spiritual Awakening in Juvenile Hall
00:04:54
Speaker
I don't really recall that. Though I was hearing, I guess, some version of the gospel, bits and pieces of the truth that Jesus laid down his life. He loves you. He's got a plan for you. But I didn't really see that modeled for me in the home.
00:05:14
Speaker
And so as I got into middle school, I got into drugs myself, drugs and alcohol. In middle school? Yeah. So it was probably about sixth, seventh grade. I started being around drugs. Yeah. My older brother, he's about a year and nine months older. So
Battles with Faith and Substance Abuse
00:05:34
Speaker
he was about two grades ahead of me. His, you know, his buddies and his friends were all, they'd be drinking and getting into pot use and
00:05:43
Speaker
you know, other things. And so, you know, I'd be around them. So I started using, yeah, I would say about probably about seventh grade or so. Do you think that still is middle school? Did you see others in middle school that outside of say your brother's crew, were there others that struggled with drugs and alcohol in middle school? Absolutely. Absolutely.
00:06:10
Speaker
Yes, even younger. I had one kid telling me he was, I remember one guy I was, you know, using with and drinking with at the time, we were both in seventh grade, he'd said he'd started using it like, I think it may have been under 12. It just, that was the environment and, you know, his parents introduced him to that stuff. And so, yeah. Yeah. So, so then from
00:06:40
Speaker
Let's see. I got to about age 15 and, you know, was dabbling in the drugs and alcohol. Um, and then blew up a car. I say blow up and we really just set it on fire, but yet it sounds funner to say. We just set a car on fire. That's all. That's all. We're okay. Everybody just that. Wow. No, no one was in the car at the time. So.
00:07:07
Speaker
No one was hurt in the incident. Me and just a guy I used to hang out with. We'd left the football game. We were getting high and then came upon this 1969 convertible slug bug. Had one of those plastic back tops. Long story short, we burned this thing.
00:07:28
Speaker
take off front and we get to school Monday. And of course, you know, me, I'm like, well, I got to tell people about this, right? So, you know, I'm sharing it with you. Like, yeah, I guess what we did on Friday. And then within a week, there were posted signs of reward for anybody leading to information for an arrest. And so sure enough, within a few weeks, somebody had turned us in. And so I had to go to juvenile hall and it was in the month of
00:07:57
Speaker
It was around December of 2021. So they took us in down to Henry Wade juvenile hall detention center. And there, I think it was, it was a Saturday night. So we were there Friday and then Saturday night is December 2nd. It's probably about eight o'clock or so. You know, they're asking, does anybody want to go to church tonight?
00:08:21
Speaker
And I'm like, all right, well, I'll check that out. And, you know, and I've been my whole life, but I really, at that time, came under the conviction of the Holy Spirit that I needed Jesus. And I can't tell you all the theological points that they hit on, whether it was Calvinism or whatever. I couldn't tell you that. I just knew that I needed saving.
00:08:44
Speaker
The guy who led me through a prayer, I call him Farmer Joe because I don't remember his name. He's just this old guy with overalls and a white t-shirt on. And they were just ministering the gospel of Jesus saves. He came and forgave us of our sin. And so I accepted Christ that night. And I remember I got back to my cell
00:09:09
Speaker
And I was sitting there and I was like, oh, man, this is this is amazing. I knew something had happened. I was like, man, when I get out, I'm going to I'm going to start listening to Creed, you know, all this worship music. Yeah. You know, just super pumped about it. Got out of there, got back home and knew I was already curious about the Lord. Like, you know, how do I what do I do? And so I'd gone to my dad who didn't really understand and, you know, he's using
00:09:37
Speaker
using and drinking, but I'd gone to him and it's like, well, how can I know if I'm hearing from the Lord? And he's like, well, just listen to that small still voice inside. And so I'm sitting there in the garage listening to the ringing in my ear. And I'm like, well, that can't be God. So I got up from there and started going to youth camps, places like Pine Cove, getting involved in youth ministry stuff, not on youth teams, but just attending and
00:10:07
Speaker
But so then from 15 to 18 was in and out of juvenile hall. Nobody told me who I was in Christ. Nobody told me what I had. You know, from all these well-intentioned, you know, born-again believers. I found myself in a youth group where most of the leaders were, you know, graduating or going through a Dallas Theological Seminary. But I wasn't hearing the real gospel.
00:10:37
Speaker
the real gospel that grace teaches us to say no to sin. I was hearing the mixture of law and grace being told, it's like you still kind of have an old nature, you're still kind of sinful, just look at your behavior, that'll identify kind of where you're at in your walk with God. And so in and out of juvenile hall, rehabs, a boot camp,
00:11:07
Speaker
you know, just all over the place, uh, got into some more hardcore drugs, uh, other than marijuana, uh, you know, all the different other kind of stuff that there is out there. And, um, but finally graduated high school.
Turning Point: 'The Bondage Breaker'
00:11:23
Speaker
So I was able to graduate and, um, over the summer when I was 18, you know, really got, you know, was really into the drug use scene and, um,
00:11:36
Speaker
Uh, I was punching holes in my parents' house. I was on some psychedelics and, uh, a different drugs like that. And so it was destroying my parents' house and was stealing from them at the time, taking the cars out at night. Um, and my dad came to me and he's like, well, I'll give you two options. You can go to Green Oaks hospital or we can take you to jail for stealing from us. It's like, well, I'll go to the hospital. I've been there before. Um,
00:12:04
Speaker
And so I went there and something happened there where I just finally was like, man, I know that I don't want to do this anymore. Like, I don't want to live this way anymore. I'm really miserable. And so I started praying when I was there. I was like, well, Jesus, would you help me? And at the time, something happened. When I got out of there, it was just like, man, all I want to talk about is Jesus.
00:12:32
Speaker
It was just Jesus, Jesus for me. That's all I want. Because I wanted out of the hell that I was living in now. And through the times of incarceration, I would read my Bible. I had devotional books. My dad would even send me from home. And so I was kind of being around it, but still not really hearing the real gospel.
00:12:58
Speaker
But I knew Jesus was the answer. I just didn't know how. So then I spent from 18 to 25 years old in and out of Alcoholics Anonymous. And so I was in the anonymous groups going there. About three months of being there, though, it was the Lord. The Lord started showing me, it's like, this is not what I have for you. The answer is not here.
00:13:25
Speaker
You know, what these folks are doing, this is good stuff. You know, they're addressing the problem. And Vern and you and Mike do an awesome job on the other webinars of the freedom from addiction. And Mike bringing up that you and Mike saying how they actually at least bringing the problem out better than maybe the church has for a long time.
00:13:52
Speaker
And so I was in AA and it still just wasn't hearing the truth that sets us free. And so in and out of AA, getting in trouble with the law, you know, having some inappropriate relationships with the girlfriends and just going through all that started going to college. And it was really awesome. The first day of college that I went, I decided to take my Bible and I open it to Romans 12 too.
00:14:20
Speaker
Now, I had no idea what it's talking about here. No clue. As you know, it's, you know, be transformed. Don't be conformed, but be transformed by the renewing of your minds. And then I took a class that even that same day of a student development and the teacher gets up and he quotes, I think it's Habakkuk. It's, you know, lack of knowledge my people are destroyed.
00:14:48
Speaker
And the knowledge word there isn't talking about the, you know, just Bible information or education, but, you know, the real, you know, experiential knowledge, revelation of God.
00:15:03
Speaker
I didn't know that at that time. But I'm reading these verses. That's like, well, all right. Anyways, jump forward to 25. I'm back on psychedelic drugs. Things are just really crazy and wild. And I started having some demonic experiences. And through that time from 18 to 20,
00:15:26
Speaker
Uh, no, no, yeah, it was about 24, 25. So I was at the house, took, took some psychedelics and just really started experiencing some pretty scary stuff. Didn't know what was going on. Kind of was linking it just to the drugs, but some, something was going on. So the next morning I checked myself into a hospital again, Richardson regional, um, psychiatric ward. I stay there a few days and I get out at a friend of mine Lance.
00:15:52
Speaker
who had met an AA and we just clicked right off the bat. We're like, man, we love Jesus. We know the Bible is the truth, but we don't have anywhere else to go. And so that's why we met an AA and that's why we were there. And so I get out from the medical ward there and he calls me and he's like, dude, you have to read this book. And I'm like, all right, what book?
00:16:20
Speaker
He comes over and brings me a copy of Neil T. Anderson's The Bondage Breaker. Yeah, he puts that book in my hand. I start reading through it. And I cheated at first. I was just like, well, I don't need to read all of this. I'll just go through the steps to freedom. That should be it, right? Well, it didn't work like that for me. But I start reading this.
00:16:46
Speaker
I was still so fresh to just understanding just kind of, well, what is the truth? And then what's error? So I started reading this and then he and I actually got pulled and lured into this ministry with a lady claiming to be a prophet. You know, she's saying some cool stuff. So we went and joined her for three or four months. Eventually got out of that, came back and I got back into bondage breaker and started reading through it and
00:17:15
Speaker
God at that time really just started opening my eyes to who we are in Christ. And that was kind of the start for me for really starting to understand freedom and that our worth, our value, our satisfaction, significance,
00:17:37
Speaker
It's all in Christ. And, you know, I'm either going to I'm going to find it in him or I'm going to look to everything else to try to meet those needs. Do you think if someone handed you that book at 18 years old, first, would you have even read it or do you feel that for you, at least and maybe for many others, sometimes it takes going through some of that mess.
00:18:11
Speaker
Yeah, God's working all things for our good. So I knew I had to go still through some heavy times. But what I do, this is how God leads me to minister people today. I do wish somebody would have told me, as you share, as Mike shares, Neil shares, as the rest of the grace teachers share. It's like, look, you don't really want to sin.
00:18:37
Speaker
You're old person, he's dead, gone and buried. You're now new, raised and seated. You have a new heart. You have a new spirit. You don't actually want to sin. And that's why you're miserable when you sin because you're not acting according to who God really has made you.
00:18:53
Speaker
And that's a good message. I think that's an important, and that's why we want to prevent, you know, we want folks to understand who they are and maybe to mitigate some of the hard times, but as AA, and we love the folks at AA, I don't think they have the totality of the answer, but they're a wonderful group of people. They are addressing the problem as they understand it and, you know, kudos to them.
00:19:23
Speaker
this sometimes, as they would say, it takes what it takes. And sometimes, and it's not like God's out there, I'm gonna break them. No, you know, God really loves you, but he also is wise enough to realize sometimes we're hard-headed, and for us and for individuals on this planet, it just takes what it takes. Yeah, yeah.
00:19:51
Speaker
I still I wouldn't change anything that I've had to go through as painful and a lot of the traumatic events from my childhood and then up until you know up until today I still wouldn't change it is seeing that
00:20:11
Speaker
uh, learning that as God's just revealed it of, well, he's using every single thing. Every, I like how Mike Wells used to put it, every situation's fixed. Every hair on the head, every hair on my head is numbered. Everything's going according to plan. Uh, you know, nothing's out of control. There's no panic button in heaven.
00:20:33
Speaker
You know, there's no alarms going off. Oh no, what are we going to do for the kids today? It's none of that. Kyle made a decision we did not encounter and we didn't foresee. Let's call a divine meeting and figure this one out. Yeah, no. Oh, just the peace and freedom and the rest that comes from knowing that and not the information, not the education about it.
00:20:59
Speaker
But the divine revelation, it's like, wow, God really loves me. He's not mad at me. He's not got a checklist or a list of all my sins. I remember your sins no more. Book of Hebrews. So you've read this book. You've read Bondage Breaker. Now you've read it. Now everything is perfect. Absolutely not.
00:21:26
Speaker
So I, yeah, right. So I go through bondage breaker, love Neil and what he's done with the bondage breaker.
Transformation and Surrender to Christ
00:21:34
Speaker
I mean, that was the starting point for me, but I still wasn't seeing the rest. I wasn't seeing the rest of the gospel, meaning that it's like, well, you know, the Christian life isn't difficult. It is impossible. And there's only one guy that ever lived
00:21:53
Speaker
And that's our Jesus. Now He lives inside us. Now He wants to live that overcoming life in me, through me, and for me, not me trying to live for God, even though we can go to the New Testament epistles. And sometimes it looks like it's saying, well, you know, we're living for God. Well,
00:22:11
Speaker
What I see in the full context of God's word is, it's like, this is Christ in me, the hope of glory. This is Christ, my life. I'm in a place of dependency and trust, letting him do it through me moment by moment. I keep it real simple, Jesus like a shepherd, lead me.
00:22:29
Speaker
you know, Father and Jesus, well, I can't do this. You do it for me. And I'll just watch you do it in me, through me and for me. And I'll experience that fruit of the Spirit that I've always wanted. So after reading Bondage Breaker, total explosion excitement, I'm like, you mean this is who I am in Christ?
00:22:50
Speaker
You mean this is who I really am? I'm not this drug addict, alcoholic guy who chases women, who blows up cars, who breaks into houses, breaks into cars. I'm not all this stuff. 2 Corinthians 5, 16, we look at no man according to their sin patterns, according to their flesh.
00:23:12
Speaker
And so that was just, it was just an explosion of excitement. You couldn't, people couldn't shut me up. Everywhere I went, I'm just like, do you know who you are?
00:23:21
Speaker
And I'm pulling out the bookmarks from Feed Him in Christ. I got my list with me all the time. I'm just ecstatic. Everywhere I'm going, I'm just like, I'm just wow. I'm just amazed. And that's when God really just started revealing that to me and going through the steps to freedom, dealing with the bulk, the main step of forgiveness and just going through that and forgiving people of my past.
00:23:49
Speaker
and then dealing with lies that I believed about God for so long and still working through lies even today. You know, wrong concepts that I have of Him. But that, it just, it just, it got so awesome. I got back into school, started acing all of my courses.
00:24:10
Speaker
you know, got a job here and there and knowing that it's like, wow, I'm the righteousness of God in Christ. I'm not working for approval. I'm working hard because I am approved. And yet still at that time, still wasn't seeing, still hadn't fully come into this. Okay, Christ, you are my life. You're my source for the Christian life. You are the Christian life. Express your life through me. You know, you do this for me, in me and through me.
00:24:39
Speaker
So I'm going to some churches from that time. I met a lot of different Christians and organizations and experienced probably some of the biggest rejections that I'd ever received in life. Well, maybe I can't say that because I'm only 37, but met some church folk, you know, born again believers and just received a whole lot of
00:25:04
Speaker
judgment and criticism because you know who am I it's like I'm this guy that's gotten off drugs and alcohol but I'm just excited because I you know God's showing me who I am in Jesus you know and some people it just rubs the wrong you know that they weren't there yet and hadn't seen it or you know
00:25:23
Speaker
And so I was going through some different programs. I got to a point, I'd started struggling again with the drugs and alcohol after some rejection from different churches. And all the while though, even when I'd gone back to the drinking and drugs, well, the seeds had been planted. The truth had been revealed. It's like, wow, this is who I really am. So I was getting on the intellectual basis, but I really needed to know God as
00:25:51
Speaker
as my source, Jesus as my peace, my joy. That's an important point. Two things that you've just said on, first of all, rejection is so powerful in a negative way. It is so powerful, but in the same way, acceptance can be so powerful. And as believers,
00:26:18
Speaker
We need to really be careful that we're not putting off the rejection vibes. We need, as Jesus demonstrated while He was on this planet, accepting. And accepting people doesn't mean we always accept everything they believe or think, but we can accept them. And we should, and especially
00:26:40
Speaker
You know, Jesus said that they, the outside, will know you on the inside by your love, not toward the outsiders, but your love one to another. And that's where we really trip up, and we need to be careful as believers in the church and ministry that we're not rejecting each other, but we're accepting and loving each other.
00:27:08
Speaker
And so I think that is so important. And that's the first thing. And the second thing you mentioned was that we often know things intellectually, but it needs to get down to a heart level and to really know.
00:27:24
Speaker
to really know and to believe, as 1 John 4.16 says, that you would know and believe the love that God has for you, not just to know it and to know about it, but to really believe it, embrace it, and to receive it as true for you. That's vital. And I think it sounds like at this point in your journey, you were at an intellectual level, but had you really brought it home,
00:27:56
Speaker
Right. Yeah. So it really just, I was thinking about it before we got on. It's like, man, how many times had I prayed through Ephesians chapter one and chapter three, God, would you just reveal to me who I am in Christ? And it just, it just took a while. And that's that it's not, there's no cookie cutter.
00:28:17
Speaker
You know, there's no formula for it. There's no set time on when God is going to reveal to you the truth. For me, it took about 12 years after coming under the, you know, seeing the, reading all the books, Mike Quarrel's books, Neil's books, and then getting involved with the Network 220, Operation 220 counseling.
00:28:43
Speaker
You know, but so it was probably within about six years. So I got the book, you know, about 24, 25. So then at about 30, around maybe 30, 31, maybe a little bit sooner, started hearing more of the rest of God. And so that's when I started hearing from people like Major Ian Thomas, folks like that.
Breaking Free and Finding Community Support
00:29:08
Speaker
And, you know, hearing this, it's like, well, you know, I need to give up.
00:29:11
Speaker
I need to let go. A lot of Mike's books, you know, the stop sign page, you know, stop whatever it is you're trying to do to live the Christian life and trust Christ who is your life. And that's where I would say so. And I remember I wrote it down and I signed it. It was a giving up my rights and kind of page of just a handout. It's like, okay,
00:29:38
Speaker
Oh, it was through that grace life handbook that, that GMI puts out the original purple one. Um, I'd picked that up at a rehab that I was at out in Michigan or no, in New Jersey, Kuzick, Kuzick stand. I can never see it. Yeah. They're a big, we love that group. Yeah. Yeah. Um,
00:30:01
Speaker
So I got the handbook there and it's got a page on there. I think it was one of the guys that put it in there of just giving up on the self for life. And that self-life is just that, not just the bad side of the tree, but the good side. So as I was reading Neil's book and going through all that material, I had all the identity lists printed out. I was reading through the prayers every morning, every night, thinking that that would do it for me.
00:30:32
Speaker
And it didn't. I mean, there'd be days where I'd read through the list and I'd still end up drunk and high by the evening. And so I was still, you know, there were still a lot of self techniques and whatnot that I was depending on. And yet, you know, God's word says, well, the, you know, flesh, you know, the law has no power against the desires of the flesh.
00:30:58
Speaker
And so these, you know, in a sense, law tactics that I was doing, you know, just avoid wrong and do good. Well, I'm reading these lists every morning of who I am. And yeah, so still not seeing it, but knew that it, you know, got into started hearing from Bill and Annabelle Gilham with a lifetime guaranteed. So started just devouring their videos on YouTube and just really hearing that of,
00:31:24
Speaker
you know, Christ came in, I like how Bill used to put it, you know, Christ came into me so that he could live his life through me. And so started waking up to, you know, God started revealing that to me through just the different authors. And yeah, so then for the next, you know, bunch of years up until really just four months ago, was it something like that? Yeah, about four, four and a half, however long it was.
00:31:53
Speaker
Yeah, it was still in and out of having problems with my parents, was still having to live there at the house, was running around to different ministries, trying to get help, you know, just get me away from the environment, which is a big deal. Environment is, it can just, you know, there can be some severely sabotaging environments that can just hinder greatly.
00:32:23
Speaker
but God can work even in the horrible, you know, the worst looking circumstances. So basically, got to a place about four, however, you know, four or so months ago, Bill Loveless is with Christ is Life Ministries or, you know, Association. We love Bill Loveless. Keep going. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bill's an awesome guy.
00:32:51
Speaker
Had his own struggle with his dad was an alcoholic and he shares his story online, you can find him. I've gotten some of his books and I've been attending the 220 conferences and the different workshops that Network 220 and Plano Texas provide. And so, and had a counselor with them for about five, six years, my friend Charles.
00:33:17
Speaker
And so anyways, I was looking through one of his books one day and I'm getting high, just sitting there at the house and reading through his book and it comes across the verse, be still and know that I'm God. And then Bill says, but if you won't be still, how can you know God? And he's like, it's not that we can't be still, we just choose not to. And I was just like, okay,
00:33:47
Speaker
I need to just be still. I don't need to pull out my Bible. I already knew a bunch of the Bible. I don't want anyone to call it a quiet time because it was just going to be me just sitting there and just saying, Lord, would you just speak to me? Would you just have something for me? Would you just speak to me? I could memorize the whole New Testament if I needed to. That's not going to do me any good.
00:34:11
Speaker
And so I just sat there, I had the drugs there, and I was like, Lord, I'm probably gonna get high today. I'm probably gonna get high today, but I wanna just set aside this time right now. Would you just speak to me? Whether it's just five, 10 minutes, I'm just gonna sit there still. Sat there still the first day, heard nothing. I just wasn't hearing anything. Second day wasn't hearing anything. Everything was still just so foggy and crazy. And then by the third day,
00:34:41
Speaker
you know those thoughts of just affirmation were coming and that love and acceptance and now looking back I mean I had times when I was off the drugs before and I'd be watching a message and I just break down weeping of just God loves and accepts me but it was still just kind of you know it was God getting to the spirit and heart stuff on it but I just I wasn't done and I hadn't really given up
00:35:11
Speaker
And so I sat there and I knew it was God and I just needed to let go. And so I got up, I threw the drugs out, not in a ritual way. I picked up a list of who we are in Christ, but it was gonna, you know, this was a different deal now. And I read through who I was and who we are in Christ. And I knew I could walk out of there with Christ as my hope.
00:35:35
Speaker
So I threw the drugs out, got rid of the stuff. The next morning, my dad pulls a gun out on me because he's on drugs. So I'm like, I'm tired of this. Threw everything in my car. Drove to my counselor's house and I'm sleeping outside of his house that night. I think it's like a Thursday. Yeah, it was a Thursday night. Can't sleep because, you know, I'm trying to sleep in a car. It's not working. But I'm just sitting there and I'm bawling my eyes out. I'm like, OK. This is my moment. And I'm just like, OK, Jesus.
00:36:06
Speaker
You're going to have to do this for me from now on. You're just going to have to do this for me because I can't. Suicide had been knocking on the door. All the hopelessness thoughts from the enemy wanting to just take me out.
Final Thoughts and Encouragement
00:36:25
Speaker
God had that set up from long ago that I'd be sitting there in the car just crying out to the Lord of, okay, Jesus, you do this for me.
00:36:36
Speaker
And if you don't do it for me, then I'm done for. I'm going to die here in my car. I'm going to die in a creek somewhere. Nothing's going to be worth of my life to see from here. And then from there, God just started opening up the doors of a place for me to stay here, a place for me to stay there, and eventually had to go back
00:37:00
Speaker
to my parents' house. But before that, I'd actually call you. You remember the call, Vernon. I'd called you. I was there in the parking lot. And I'm like, well, I'm scared because I don't know what's going to happen. And I've been walking by faith. Another ministry had put me into a hotel for an entire month. Such an awesome, peaceful time.
00:37:22
Speaker
Uh, started working for the home health company that I work for. They accepted me back on almost immediately. I spent one night in the homeless shelter, woke up the next morning, just kept it real simple. Jesus, like a shepherd, lead me. And the thought came, uh, you know, go apply to your old job, go apply to the home health again. So I did that and doors just kept, God just kept opening the doors, just kept opening them. So I call, uh, called you Vernon from the, uh, man, I was off Northwest highway in the, uh,
00:37:53
Speaker
in that parking lot is just like, I'm scared. It's like, well, we're just going to pray. We pray and just God opened the door. Within the next couple of days, I was staying at this person's house and out in Rowlett, had a place to stay. I called Vernon the first day and we're chatting about it and he's just so much joy and thankfulness. And then Vernon, you're like, oh, well,
00:38:17
Speaker
How'd you like a full-time ministry position? I'm like, I didn't even let you finish what you were saying. I'm just like, yes. Oh, I love that. That was a fun call. You have been through so much and
00:38:37
Speaker
that's the type of folks is those who are experiencing Christ. I don't want folks who think they have it all together and are perfect. I want folks who are experiencing Christ in the real life, in the messes, in the good times, experiencing Christ. And you're a man that walks by faith, that trusts the Lord, and
00:39:06
Speaker
even today, would you, I mean, today, there's still, there's still struggles and attacks that come for you. Is that right? Absolutely. Absolutely. You know, there's still issues there, but now, you know, being, experiencing my, experiencing Christ as, as the source, as life, original word is Zoe in the original language, you know, that supernatural life of Christ.
00:39:37
Speaker
from the drugs, the alcohol, you know, all the, yeah. And so experiencing that, but still having, you know, there's still a couple issues there, but now able to see just the dependency and it really being just a simple, simple life. And for me, it can be different for everybody the way I do. It's just, well, Jesus, I'm weak. You know, I'm weak today.
00:40:06
Speaker
Jesus said to Paul, my power shows up in weakness. So just admit how weak you are. And that's what I do. I like how Mike Wells used to put it. He'd say, I don't work with anybody that doesn't fail, or that hasn't failed. I won't work with anybody that hadn't failed because, you know, and I used to be one of those people, if I failed, it's like, oh, God must have left me now.
00:40:33
Speaker
And the fact that I would still believe that lie, that it's like, oh, when you fail, well, then God kind of leaves you or he's kind of done with you. Well, that's just being an unbelieving believer. Oh, yeah. Whatever the struggle is, thinking that it's like, well, you know, I have this awful sin in my life. God must be so disgusted. You know, all those lies from the enemy, that will just keep you bound.
00:41:02
Speaker
all that shame. There is no shame. There is no condemnation. There's no judgment. There's no list. You know, God only believes the truths about us and the truths of us are who we are in Christ, the only unshakable foundation. I think those are good closing words that we can hang on to. And if you're struggling like Kyle was and you've got, you think, oh, there's no hope.
00:41:31
Speaker
Kyle's been there. We've all been there in some way, shape, or form, but like Kyle, you can know the truth, and the truth can set you free. And I encourage you, I don't know what your step will be as we close this podcast, what your step of faith might be,
00:41:56
Speaker
It might be to go to a treatment center. It might be to go talk to a pastor or a counselor. We have plenty of them at Grace Ministries. You can call us or call another Network 220 office. I don't know what your step is, but I encourage you to pray about it, to sit and listen to the Lord.
00:42:18
Speaker
And at some point, I don't want you to talk about it. I want you to take a step, and I want you to start walking. You've been listening to Walking Free, a production of Grace Ministries International in Marietta, Georgia. For more information, go to our website at gmint.org. That's gminc.org.