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Those who can't teach, teach PE
43 Plays1 month ago
This week on Tuck Your Shirt In, we deep dive into our physical education teacher drama, M&S indulgence, and getting locked in cupboards!
It's a trip down memory lane — with all the chaos, cringe, and comedy you’d expect. Hit play and prepare to feel secondhand embarrassment in the best way.
📡 New episodes every week! Don’t forget to follow, rate, and share the laughs.
📢 Got a funny school story? Send it to TUCKYOURSHIRTINPOD@GMAIL.COM — you might just hear it on the show!
🚨 ALL THINGS TUCK YOUR SHIRT IN
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Transcript
Introduction to the Podcast
00:00:05
Speaker
Hello again, and welcome to Took Your Shirt In, the podcast that rummages through the school corridors of chaos and comes back with the best and worst stories they've tried to cover up.
00:00:18
Speaker
We've got tales from students, teachers, and the occasional mysterious note found in a blazer pocket. Nothing's off limits. You're listening to Took Your Shirt In with me, John Hassan, my brother, Luke Hassan, and our producer, Scott Burrows.
00:00:31
Speaker
Sorry, Ron's just jumped on the laptop.
00:00:36
Speaker
Great segue for the week. i couldn't read it. We'll just go again. We'll just go again.
00:00:46
Speaker
Hello again and welcome to Took Your Shirt In, the podcast that rummages through the school corridors of chaos and comes back with the best and worst stories they've tried to cover up.
00:00:59
Speaker
We've got tales from students, teachers and the occasional mysterious note found in a blazer pocket. Nothing's off limits. You're listening to Took Your Shirt In with me, John Hassan, my brother, Luke Hassan, and our producer, Scott Burrows, who still thinks he's got a shot head boy.
School Elections and Humorous Interactions
00:01:15
Speaker
Let's get stuck in.
00:01:19
Speaker
I didn't even go for head boy.
00:01:23
Speaker
You were head boy. yeah would you you wouldn't you were yeah You were the only person who went for head boy. No, there were four people. um I was head, I won. It was a popularity contest. I only went for it because one of my best friends at the time was also going for it because I didn't want him to win because that's sort of, you know.
00:01:45
Speaker
That does sound like worry we had. Yeah, I think I was going to say the ah um this is creating a real character of yourself, John, on this podcast. Yeah, and I realize when I say things, actually, that how bad it sounds out loud. yeah does doesn't it deserve it doesn't put you in a good light.
00:01:59
Speaker
ah um I walked past your mom the other day in the car. She was driving past and she found the window down. She was like, hiya, loving the podcast. And I was like, thanks. And then she was like, I was like, are you finding some things out about John? And I went, and she went, he's just horrible, isn't he?
00:02:13
Speaker
um I was like, finally, finally, she's on our side. did did you She left a comment on Spotify ah saying, how are you still friends?
00:02:26
Speaker
How are you still best friends? yeah Honestly. it such so It was like that at the wedding when when she Scott was doing his speech. I mentioned it before, but she was just literally looking at me, giving me the looks the whole way through. can't believe he's done this.
00:02:40
Speaker
Not my John. Not my John. i i was so I was talking to my dad the other day and I was saying that when you do my best man speech, it's literally just going to be like, it's going to show you in such a bad light.
00:02:53
Speaker
Everyone's just going to be like, oh God, that or you'll just change everything to sound like it was me when it was actually
Disgusting Foot Incident and Podcast Chaos
00:02:59
Speaker
you. I think he's going to change it all to sound like well it was you open but yeah Scott's been making it up that he's a bad it's all been Scott I'm going to go opposite with I'm going to be really dead serious and really nice I think Scott will just be on the edge of his seat waiting for the ah ah wild yeah waiting for the moment yeah yeah right at the end yeah that'll be it ah Sorry, while you were doing that, I i was ah pulling loads of skin off my feet.
00:03:25
Speaker
It's like... Oh, that's no. That is no... what You are the most disgusting person. For the for the ah audio listeners out there, I've just pulled what it looks like a toilet paper It genuinely looks like a snake skin. That is horrible. Yeah, it's just started peeling.
00:03:46
Speaker
ah want to have Remember a Malcolm in the Middle when Rhys peeled his whole body?
00:03:53
Speaker
He had like a whole like extra skin left over. Reminded me of that. Oh, disgusting. Absolutely disgusting. I feel like every week on this podcast, all we do is find out how much more disgusting Luke is every episode. That's all yeah all that seems to happen. I don't even realise. No, look, because you think it's normal. That's that's the strange... You say these things and you're just like, hey, you know, like, as you do. and it's That's not normal, Luke. What a start to the podcast. What a start to the podcast. That is a first for me.
00:04:24
Speaker
um What's that shirt you've got on? It's very colourful. I think it's like a ah Birmingham City. It's some sort of... Like a retro shirt. Retro shirt. Or it's like a concept retro shirt.
00:04:35
Speaker
It's got triton showers on it. i still I don't know if they're still a company, but...
Podcast Recording and Comedy Gig Stories
00:04:40
Speaker
I think my shower is literally a Triton shower. The old sponsor. Oh, is it? I mean, what what a company to sponsor a football team. It makes sense, actually. Now i'm said out loud.
00:04:48
Speaker
Getting the shower after football, don't you? Getting the shower after football. Yeah, man. Ice bath, maybe. Do they do baths as well, just showers? Triton ice baths. Triton ice baths. It's the only shower I've seen advertised on a football kit. I thought you were about to do an advert for it then, the way you came up with it. It's the And it's the only... And it's the only... And it's the only... Just just so you know, it's a Monday night, everyone, that we are recording this. Luke has had a very tough day at i've got some tap water as well from 7 Trent.
00:05:22
Speaker
Oh, lovely. So there we go, get all the sponsors. We're not sponsored by any of these. I hope we get sponsored by Triton showers. That would be a pretty big deal. You keep saying Triton, I'm not 100% sure it's not just Triton, but I don't know.
00:05:36
Speaker
It's definitely Triton. What are you saying? You see, you're adding like... Triton. Triton showers. The only shower for you. Triton. Triton.
00:05:48
Speaker
it's because you'tro i meanham It's because I'm um' a bit... um I might be wrong, to be fair. I just i would have assumed it it was pronounced. I'm a bit posher than you two, so that makes sense. That's true. Yeah, yeah there is that.
00:06:00
Speaker
Yeah, it makes sense. I'm in a new setting today as well. ah The office is directly above my child's room, so ah it's not going, that's just not going to go well. and you like Are you in the West Wing?
00:06:12
Speaker
I think I'm in the West, yeah, and even in the You're in the West Wing of the house. They're in the guest bedroom. Yeah, very cozy. Very snazzy. Oh yeah, I am i am comfy. Comfy and current. um So, John, you've definitely had loads of gigs this week.
00:06:28
Speaker
I haven't even, didn't even realise you had so many. Yeah. What's going on? I've been ramping up. Well, I got a a last minute one last week in Nottingham on Tuesday.
00:06:40
Speaker
ah was he in? John, I've got to say before you start, I haven't even listened to the, I didn't forgot to listen to all the WhatsApp messages you said. Oh yeah. How have you not listened to the WhatsApp messages he said? really forgot. Cause we've, so I haven't, I forgot they were there.
00:06:55
Speaker
Yeah. all right I won't go into too much detail, but, uh, you need to go back and listen to Yeah. It was too fair. It wasn't the worst gig ever. It was just, uh, maybe not my crowd and, um, it's bit an unusual setup, but, uh, it was in quite an affluent area in Nottingham and it was quite an old, old crowd that weren't happy with my some of my jokes. but what was your ah what was your What would you say the average age was?
00:07:29
Speaker
I reckon can like 70. Really? I feel like that's really old for a comedy crowd. I think because England were playing as well. That was sort of also on in a different room, obviously, in the yeah the venue. So it was youths in the younger people were probably watching. But there was there was there was quite it was quite funny.
00:07:48
Speaker
The comedy started and the MC came out and there was a guy sat at the back. literally not even looking at it and um it was just like it was reading like a newspaper and like smashing a beer down and uh yeah newspaper yeah yeah it was always what say was that they're an old crowd um yeah the mc was literally on for about two minutes you just come on you know what they do they just sort of talk to everyone in the crowd is what they do get to know the room and try and warm them up and he stood up and just went oh it's bollocks are one of worst things I've ever seen. He wasn't even paying attention to it. He said it to like me and this other comedian we were just looking at each other like, what is going He just stormed out.
00:08:29
Speaker
It's bloody load of bollocks on it. It's bloody load of bollocks. Okay. What was he referring to being a load of bollocks? What he's read in the paper. We weren't really sure. Yeah, yeah.
00:08:41
Speaker
It could have been the news. It could have been the news, maybe. Could have been. Did you have three this week? I had two last week. I've got three this week. I had another one in Banbury, which is really nice, actually.
00:08:55
Speaker
it was ah It was just a new act night, but it was packed. There was like probably about 30-ish people in the room. Oh, great. And quite a small room. um And yeah, was friendly crowd. They were quite quiet.
00:09:06
Speaker
um The sort of crowd that like smile a bit more than laugh, but they were friendly. that That went quite well. not Not just at me. That made it sound like weren't laughing at me. but um Yeah, ah that was a good one. And then I've got yeah got three this week, so I'll be busy.
00:09:24
Speaker
What are doing this week? Where are you? Yeah, give us a quick rundown. ah So I'm in Stoke. Well, I guess this podcast comes out Wednesday. So I'm in Stoke Tuesday, Wednesday. Where are you playing?
00:09:37
Speaker
The Old House at Home in Hearts Hill. It's a comedy and curry night. Oh, wicked. That sounds well good. Then Trenton Park Golf Club on Wednesday, think. Trenton Park Golf Club. In As in Trenton Park Gardens. Yeah, as in those. The monkey place.
00:10:00
Speaker
I don't know if it's the golf club there as well. It might be close by, mightn't it? I have no idea where it is, to be honest. Do a Google. I'm there. Trenton Park Golf Club. That sounds well good.
00:10:11
Speaker
And then, um, Sully Hall on Friday. That's Troy's gig. It's the first time he's put it on. So we'll see how, uh, he's got a good lineup. We'll see how it goes. I think he's bit stressed about organizing.
00:10:23
Speaker
It's really nice. I've, I've, um, I've been there. It is a very, very nice golf club. That's going to be a good gig. Yeah, hopefully. obviously Everyone go watch, go watch John.
00:10:35
Speaker
Go watch John. Oh yeah, Friday's the, ah um Well, we've been trying to get him on the pod. We just can't arrange um can't arrang dates to get him on. But he will be on soon, hopefully.
00:10:45
Speaker
ah Mr. Troy. ah Mr. Troy Stevens. He's done... Has he done he did a couple of... ah Yeah, doesn't he he's had a couple of goes at it. Yeah, he's done the Hollybush. I did one with him. was another open mic night. But it was that was a bit of a disastrous night.
00:11:02
Speaker
oh Oh, yeah. You've done that one, haven't you? Yeah, we've got to spoke about that before. But... ah He hosts a few things, doesn't Yeah, I think he's going to host on Friday. I think he's going to sort of go to see. He's a good host.
00:11:13
Speaker
Yeah, that's his sort of forte, isn't it? so Where is it? ah The Taste Collective. It's a little bit like
Wood-Fired Pizza Oven Adventures
00:11:22
Speaker
Herbert's Yard. like a It's like a food hall. like street food. and Yeah, that's you're talking about. I've heard a few people will mention that.
00:11:32
Speaker
They're doing that stock exchange beer thing. I've not heard of it before. was telling me have you heard about that? Is that where you have like beer prices and it goes up? We did go to somewhere on, we went to somewhere on ah the Stagdut, Latvia, where there was very similar. it was very, very cool. Like the prices for stuff went up and down. Less popular stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Like the price. It still gets, it all gets strange.
00:11:56
Speaker
Some of the stuff like just doesn't, yeah. Some of the stuff that was like really expensive when we got in there. um like We didn't order and we bought like the really low stuff and it was absolutely delicious. And then it swapped. They have stock market crashes.
00:12:15
Speaker
and So all of the prices of all the drinks light fall and everyone like just rushes to the bar sort of thing. Some of the drinks were absolutely delicious. fantastic and others were horrendous like really struggled like do you know when you're sipping at something and you're just not enjoying it it was like that but I imagine doing it with beer a lot easier than doing it with cocktails or vodka in Latvia I imagine it was surprisingly not there was a lot of vodka but I'd say there was a lot gin a lot of gin on menus well popular everywhere now
00:12:52
Speaker
I know it was, but like now it really is in like all cocktails and stuff. Gin's alright. I quite like gin. yeah ah It's grown on me over the years. yeah i think I think I can never erase the... ah Sometimes I can never erase the taste of um the snobs gin.
00:13:10
Speaker
You know, from the old snobs in Birmingham. it It's like 150 for a... 150. Whenever I think of gin, that's the first thing I can taste in my mouth. And it really does taste like, it's got the same scent like Mr. Muscle, like spray anti-back stuff, or like flash wipes. Yeah. That's all I can taste in the back of my throat. Really, really delicious. Yeah. Oh man. Just what you want to be putting, throwing down. Bad things, but still buy loads of it.
00:13:42
Speaker
I like those spirits that you have on those sort of, I know we spoke about those 18 to 30s holidays. It's horrendous. I'm cleaning the bar with the next day. Oh yeah. And you're like drinking it at night. How many times has a spirit been filtered?
00:13:54
Speaker
Once? Maybe not. straight out the bucket. I've had a weekend trying out the pizza oven.
00:14:06
Speaker
A little wood-fired pizza oven. How did it go? Well, um ah was a bit apprehensive about doing it.
00:14:17
Speaker
My previous experience with pizza ovens was and absolutely horrible. So I was a bit nervous about doing it. Got it all out. Got it going. Actually pretty good. So far, so good.
00:14:30
Speaker
And then i don't know what happened. but I started to have a complete breakdown. I was tanking a few beers, um, just sitting outside poking at this fire. that was Did you do this tonight? I'm very confused.
00:14:44
Speaker
It was a Saturday. and Um, I was just enjoying it had some tunes. I'd had like Limp Bizkit going, and just sitting outside. And I was like, there's a lot of smoke actually from the wood. was like a little wood burning one.
00:14:55
Speaker
I was just like tank loads of beers. And it was like 20 something degrees, just stinking on me. And I think maybe it just had too many beers. Um, And then I just started having an absolute meltdown and I was like, right, can we put the pizzas on yet, Luke? Is it all right? I was like, you don't understand. There's too many pizzas.
00:15:11
Speaker
It's not going to go well. you You need to bring the energy. You need to bring the energy down. you're You're talking to me. It's up here. You need to be here. yeah If I'm going to operate this pizza, of it needs to be lower energy right now.
00:15:26
Speaker
just completely lost it. and Everyone was sort of staring at me. did you earn Did you make your own dough? Kath made the dough. Kath had done most of the hard work, to be honest. What hydration did she go for? I have no idea.
00:15:38
Speaker
I have no idea. You've got to kind ask these questions. I was just trying to get the pizza oven cooking and ah couldn't even do that without having a meltdown. um So I put the kids pizza in first.
00:15:50
Speaker
After the first like couple of minutes, turned it around. Did the kids enjoy Limp Bizkit? It doesn't matter. They were just rolling around the air. and They were doing their own thing. But actually, it was fine.
00:16:05
Speaker
It was all fine. Got the first kids pizza out. Went to sort of tip it straight out. Managed to crush it in. Sort folded a bit of the cheese. Got on the stone and got stuck trying to get out And i was like...
00:16:18
Speaker
getting cheese on the stone you spill anything on the stone game over yeah went right it's over just put the oven on just get a takeaway I've had enough we've had enough and was like just calm down man eventually calmed down and it was actually really good I it was really great and it tasted amazing but Yeah, there we go. So I'm ready to do another pizza ah pizza night now. so i feel I feel your pain.
00:16:45
Speaker
I got one last summer and it was very similar. Yeah, it's a very similar situation. We had my mom and dad over for a night and it was just, yeah, was stressful. Getting the pizzas getting them out.
00:16:56
Speaker
And obviously you've only got like one pizza coming out at a time and you're just not stopping. You've got to keep the heat up so you've got to keep putting wood on. It is just pressure. It's pressure. It's pressure. It's like when you've got a barbecue, though. You don't want burn it, but you need everything to be cooked. No, no, no. You don't want to be serving raw chicken.
00:17:13
Speaker
No one wants that. No, no. But yeah, and once you've done it once, now um I can do it again now. That's fine. I'm ready. I'm ready to roll. They tasted so good after. was like, oh, it's well worth it.
00:17:25
Speaker
Genuinely. it's it's run you master it and you get like a few good ones coming out, it's incredible. like the first It's like pancakes. The first ones are right off. You've just got to get through the first and then just enjoy it from there.
00:17:38
Speaker
And then your last one can sometimes be a bit dodgy if you've got like too much heat going on or not enough heat there. but Oh yeah. Well done. The last pancake of the bunch when it's super thick. it's Super thick. like Or the clumped flour at the bottom. Right.
M&S and Changing Brand Perceptions
00:17:55
Speaker
um Anything going on, Scott? I went to M&S the other day. You want that to just fit the story? I bought shirt, came home.
00:18:06
Speaker
Went to M&S the other day. You're asking for more week? so Cut that bit. i was good as so i was going i was good as I was going to say, but when did become cool?
00:18:23
Speaker
Oh, definitely cool. Because like when I was a kid, I used to think that M&S was like really lame and I didn't used to enjoy it. I feel like ever since I've hit 30, it's just become like the best shop in the world and I love it.
00:18:36
Speaker
And ah don't I feel like no one talks about this enough. The M&S age, you hit 30... And you just want to be there like all the time. but I want to go to the food shop and everything.
00:18:48
Speaker
like it's is' good it's It's so good. i think this is second time Scott's done a massive like plug for something from M&S. And I'm really starting to get suspicious now. I've just bought huge amounts of shares in
00:19:05
Speaker
For our three listeners to go and enjoy. But go and enjoy yourself in the new white chocolate chip cookies. What's the best food? I think last time you mentioned those custard creams. The chocolate creams. Yeah, I did. I did. I have spoken about custard creams. He's trying to be an organic influencer. I really like the white chocolate rounds and the milk chocolate rounds at the moment as well. They are. They are.
00:19:33
Speaker
they are sweet They are spectacular. You know, actually went to M&S today and got a belt. so And it's ah it's the best belt i've ever bought. It's an incredible belt.
00:19:43
Speaker
High quality. It's going to last him years, that is. It's not just any It's an M&S belt. It's an M&S belt. I miss them adverts when they used to do that. They're incredible. They do them, don't they? They all do them.
00:19:56
Speaker
they do them at Christmas with Dawn French? They were sort ahead of the um ASMR game, weren't they, with that sort of yeah quiet whispering? With like with like some really nice like visuals of like sticky chaffey pudding having the sauce over. Sorry, lads, just need a break. Just going to go get some food.
00:20:15
Speaker
I always think they're trying like one-up it every year though with the stuff and it becomes like nothing of what the food would previously resembled. It's like, right, we've got, let's take your sticky toffee for instance.
00:20:26
Speaker
We've got sticky toffee covered in cardamom, salad in marmalade with a ham hock and you're like, isn't this isn't what, I just want the on the regular one. Just make it nice. Give it the normal stuff.
00:20:40
Speaker
I do like plain stuff to be fair. that when they started ah stuffing so many birds within birds and you ended up with about five birds? I just want something that's pretty basic. This is too far the other way. This is a different dish.
00:20:55
Speaker
Right. um Sorry, Scott. that was the yeah was at the end of the M&S story? that was i just want call I just wanted to put it out there that M&S is cool now.
00:21:06
Speaker
think that age where M&S is cool. i thought I thought maybe some listeners would agree with me. Others might not. No, it's just they used to sell just like tights, didn't they? used to hate it. used to hate it. It was just an old person shop. Like my mom and dad used to go in at Christmas and I'd be like, this is terrible. And now I love it.
00:21:23
Speaker
I'm wondering whether they you know the the kids of today wouldn't go to M&S and still think it's an old man shop. And just because we've got older. um I think many people do. you get 20s year olds in there. We're going to put a poll.
00:21:36
Speaker
on and you guys are going to let us know. ah kind of scott Scott's been heavily using the phrase kids of today and I think that implies that he's definitely got older. That might be why enjoying M&S more. The kids of today.
00:21:47
Speaker
stand for my lawn. i think M&S is like, it's sort of absorbed. I can't believe we're still talking about M&S. know, there's so much to do.
00:22:01
Speaker
It sort of absorbed what Debenhams felt like, in a way. Whoa. No, Debenhams is a terrible store. No, no, I think it had a bit of the, you know, a bit of everything.
00:22:13
Speaker
Like a department store. I get the bit of everything. M&S has become a little bit department-y story, hasn't it? Like the home stuff. It's sort of like, it's one stuff, one thing's dropped off. M&S is like, we'll do that now.
00:22:25
Speaker
I feel like M&S do it in like... They do it in like a really classy way. Whereas is Debenhams just felt a bit cheap. Luke was always a big fan of BHS. That was his one. It is very BHS. It's a classy BHS, isn't it? I think that's what it's become. If there's anyone young listening to this week, they like... I know. But I think that's right because BHS did do sort of like, they did try and do like trendy stuff, didn't they?
00:22:52
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. So I think it has like become the new BHS. Oh my God, is that what people, do you think people used to think BHS was cool? And now that's us thinking that M&S is cool.
00:23:03
Speaker
It is, isn't it? Oh no. when we've We're just at that age where we just, the look the clothes are comfortable. The transition from so from young, that is the main thing. ah don't look for cool.
00:23:15
Speaker
I look for comfort. That is the main thing. Yeah. And that's, they're the words of a young man. They are the words of a young man. As long as I'm comfortable, I'm happy. Right. ah Anyway, we'll move on to this podcast called Tuck Your Shirt In about school stories.
00:23:32
Speaker
Not M&S. Are we not just doing the M&S podcast? No, no, yeah. we need to do We do need to be sponsored by M&S.
Memorable School Stories
00:23:45
Speaker
Right, we're going to move on to talk about some of our school days. And I think ah our listener and friend, Lee Rob, got onto something good last week with recommending us some teacher stories.
00:24:00
Speaker
So I thought we'll do a bit of a part two with ah another teacher called Mr. Michaels. Sean Michaels. Mr. Michaels.
00:24:12
Speaker
It's not Sean Michaels. It's not Sean Michaels. um Yeah. ah but and This is going to be a bit scatty again because um I've just sort of written down random things that I remember. So it could be in any order.
00:24:25
Speaker
Yeah, but we are we are discussing a whole career of this man. um might chip in parts. but there's some ah There's some dark stark stuff he's done as well in the... Yeah, there's some there some different... There's going be some dark parts in this episode. so Yeah. yeah um Anyway, yeah this is a PE teacher.
00:24:44
Speaker
One of those PE teachers that was a failed athlete, unfortunately for him. I don't know. if did you Did you ever get to see his videos? I saw it in a multiple of times. His high jump.
00:24:57
Speaker
His pole vault? Pole vault? Yeah, pole vault. Pole vault. It was impressive. Yeah. Nice. I mean, he wasn't... Most the time he was okay.
00:25:08
Speaker
um But there were certain days... when he wasn't, and that's because... yeah Like Luke, he enjoys a drink. enjoys He enjoyed quite a few drinks. He'd quite often tell us that he'd have a bottle or two of red wine most evenings, and that meant that Scott and I, who were doing GCSE PE, would see him four times a week. And A-level.
00:25:31
Speaker
And A-level. And A-level PE. He'd turn up and you'd get either... I don't know, possibly a still slightly drunk, jovial Mr. Michaels. I nearly said his name.
00:25:44
Speaker
Or you'd get ah massive hangover Mr. Michaels, in which case he'd have told us the last lesson we were meant to be doing something and then he'd just turn up, head in his hands, like not looking up. Jesus.
00:25:56
Speaker
And just go... um Oh yeah, we're going to do that today, sir. Oh no, um just do some mind maps. Do a mind map. Get a mind map on whatever we heard last week.
00:26:10
Speaker
Someone go and get some paper. Someone go and get those big sheets. And a textbook. Yeah, get a textbook. yeah ga and so And then just make make some notes off that cloud and just really, really make it your own. It's almost like revision. that's how we That was the like the line he used to go down. You have to revise if you've never learned anything. That's the yeah yes the start of the year where you've not learned anything. yeah that was the that is And I will say, that is a teacher's go-to if they can't be asked in a lesson.
00:26:39
Speaker
I've done that before. And to be fair, I used to put like... I used to say that was like your main task and then there'd be more on the board and I'd only ever really use it with like year 10 and 11.
00:26:52
Speaker
And I'd just, but i'd have like exam questions and extra bits to do just so that they'd actually learn something or try and do something. but your eyes um Yours was after white wine though, wasn't it?
00:27:06
Speaker
yeah mom Yeah, big time. It's a different type of hangover, isn't it? Yeah. but it's it's a function It's a functional hangover, not the red, where it's just heavy and you just can't you can't focus after that. And the gout as well.
00:27:19
Speaker
Yeah, the gout. The gout's an issue. Well, Scott actually did have gout, though. I don't know if you know that. Oh, really? Sorry. Yeah. Yeah, still suffer. yeah My throat's actually quite sore today, actually.
00:27:33
Speaker
so You need to stop that red wine then. It's not even that. It's just it's the venison. It's all the games. It's the M&S. M&S. It gives you gout.
00:27:44
Speaker
know em and s gives it gives you gos It's so good, but it gives me so much gout.
00:28:00
Speaker
ah Oh my God. see The MLS is killing him. I can't stop. I've got nothing left.
00:28:18
Speaker
The foot's gone. Leg's gone. I've got nothing left. Anyway, sorry, carry on. That's right, I forgot, sort of forgot what we were even talking about. yeah, so we were talking about mind maps, weren't we? And then, I'll just skirt over that.
00:28:32
Speaker
I don't know if you've still got any of them photos, Scott. There was one lesson when we did mind maps and there was there was just a room full of hats. I don't know there' where the hats are from. There's a room full of hats. It sounds like I'm making it up. It's literally a classroom full of hats.
00:28:47
Speaker
We were in it was there an English lesson. Oh, yeah, it was an English classroom. An English classroom. And there were just loads of hats. So were just trying on hats, taking photos. all less so we just Yeah, we just tried on...
00:29:01
Speaker
Every hat, sorry. i've i've I've just choked after laughing about M&S. And but I can't ah can't function right now. Ugh. Scott, that was funny though.
00:29:12
Speaker
um I'll move on to another topic. But anyway, our football team, I say football team because we played ah probably a handful of games in the whole five years, six years.
00:29:25
Speaker
um We were at the school. Do you remember how many games we played, Scott? There weren't many, were there? We didn't play many. We probably... I'd say i'd say it was probably around 10. That's a good game, to be fair, because we played two.
00:29:40
Speaker
Yeah. We had... Two games. We had some questionable... questionable matches where we had teachers play us in completely the wrong positions.
00:29:53
Speaker
Like people who played like centre half on a Saturday were playing up front for the school because the teacher thought they'd make a ah good ah good striker. Or we had, you know, people who played on the wing playing centre half.
00:30:07
Speaker
like I played in goal and I'm terrible in goal. um But yeah, it was it wasn't great. It wasn't great. but the the The worst thing we had was, I know you said we might talk about, we did a couple of football trips, um one to Spain and one to Italy. But I know for a fact on the Italy one, they asked him what rating he'd give us out of up to five stars.
00:30:28
Speaker
barr and like just just for some Just for some clarity, ah like a one-star team is like what aids actually like a semi-decent team. But like a five-star team is like, um ah you know you are an academy side.
00:30:43
Speaker
You are like AC Milan, Barcelona, Academy. So... He put us as five-star team. Yeah. He put us as a five-star team.
00:30:54
Speaker
We had never been... Yeah. We'd never even played together. Like, because we didn't play any matches. Because it was a mix of like... um It was when we were in sixth form, wasn't it? It was whoever was going on the trip. Spain, we were in... Spain, we were year... Year 11 in Spain. Year 11. And then Italy, we were in... Yeah, we were year 12. Yeah.
00:31:13
Speaker
So were literally playing like adults. We turned up to the first match and we got like, were like, oh, this place looks awesome. Like the facilities are amazing. And it was like, it was huge, wasn't it? There were so many pitches.
00:31:26
Speaker
And it was, we turned up and it we like, we came through the gates and it just said like, it had the AC Milan logo on the gates. And we were like, what, what, what is going on? We were like, no, surely we've just, you know, it just looks really similar. and We were in Milan. It just looks similar.
00:31:43
Speaker
And then we got there and they're like, get off the bus. He's like, oh yeah, we're playing AC Milan Academy today. And we were like, what? Like, these kids are going to be ridiculous.
00:31:55
Speaker
And they were. They were incredible. I think we lost. What was the score of that game, Jonathan? I can't remember. I think it was double figures. I think they got double figures. don't know what the score was. that game we didn't lose that badly. No, think we only lost like...
00:32:08
Speaker
I think we lost like five one or six one or something. specable And the only reason we lost that by that is because the pit like you wouldn't play... pitch was waterlogged, wasn't it? Yeah, you wouldn't play if it was like a normal game and on a Saturday. it would have been called off.
00:32:22
Speaker
Because we were a touring team, they were just like, yeah, screw it, let's let's play. let's play Like the goal mouth... I couldn't go in the six yard box. I was playing goal. I couldn't step into the ah six yard box without like being up halfway up my shins in water.
00:32:37
Speaker
There was that much water in the goal mouth. It was horrible. So like there was a like there was one where we gave away a penalty and I had to like I was it I was literally stood in water. Like my boots were sinking into the mud in the goal mouth whilst I was like stood there waiting for this kid to take the penalty.
00:32:54
Speaker
Soaked, got absolutely drenched. I think someone scored an absolute screamer, didn't they, as well, in that game? Like, from, like, 40 yards out from our team, which was our only goal. think I think our only shot on goal as well. It was carnage. I'm thinking that, like, to get to this position in time, he must have had to, like, write, like, a biography about you, like...
00:33:16
Speaker
saying, oh yeah, we've won this league, we've won this school league, we've done this, we've done that. And then you turn up they're like, who are these kids? So he told he told us, didn't he, in a lesson after we'd been, like, so it's literally like, so you fill in the, you fill in where you, what you think your side is worth. So like five stars, you're like a, you're an academy side, like you're really good players.
00:33:41
Speaker
Four star was like, you know, you're a good, you're a decent club side, like most of your players would play in like, you know, Division 1 or, like, the Premiership of, of like, um but with their club on the on the Saturday.
00:33:55
Speaker
And then, like, 3 would be, like like, a little bit lower and so on and so forth all the way down. And it's like, one star was still, like, you know, moderately good at football. yeah You're still decent. Like, you're a decent little side sort of thing. Insane.
00:34:09
Speaker
And it was, like, so we should have been one or two stars. They about us. And, yeah, it's I know it's a massive stereotype, but they were genuinely all smoking at halftime. These kids were like 16. They were, yeah. They're meant to 16.
00:34:22
Speaker
Yeah. they were all there Every single one of them was having a bag at the end. Didn't they put on food? Yeah, I've got that in my head, that we ate somewhere after a match. No, we went for um we did we went to a pizza place afterwards. and we So they the tech like so they they thought we had like...
00:34:40
Speaker
because there was like 50 of us or 56 of us or something like that. So they had the tables arranged in like two rows of 20. which obviously 40 seats, not enough seats. So we went in, they put like L's on the end of the, each end of the ah gender the tables and stuff.
00:34:58
Speaker
And it was really squashed and it was really awkward. And it was just like, no one, no one got to sit where they wanted to sit. And it was just, that yeah, that was a horrible dining. Like no one was talking and because every single one of our, like all of our teams just got absolutely battered whilst, whilst being there.
00:35:14
Speaker
Yeah, it was awful. Yeah. ah Yeah, but Spain the year before, i was sharing with, we've spoken about it before on the pod. It was the one that slapped the woman on the bum and she pooed. I was sharing with him.
00:35:29
Speaker
can't remember what called him last time. I'm just going say his name, his first name. I was sharing with Mike and ah Nick, our friend. ah Nick. Yeah. um we've We've both known Scott and because he we went to the same primary school and everything for like a long time.
00:35:45
Speaker
Played football with him all our lives. Yeah. Yeah. And um he's absolutely insane. we We got there and ah got a text through from O2.
00:35:56
Speaker
And he's so hyper, Nick. He was wearing his like football socks. You know how slippy they are on like a wooden platform. He got literally got a text. He got so excited. He started running around and he slid, smashed his head against the like patio door.
00:36:09
Speaker
Jesus. And like, literally it was just a text from O2. And um then later later on, can't remember which day this was, we'd got a little balcony. He was stood on the balcony and there were loads of kids, like obviously so Spanish kids down by the pool.
00:36:25
Speaker
And he just started like, you know, giving them the wanker sign and and like i like telling them to come up to the room. like they couldn't work out where the room was They were trying to like count the floors and stuff like that. They were like one, two, three, four, five. But at night, because we were all in the same room, obviously, like, we got three beds, but he'd just stand at the end of the bed and he'd just start, he was just talking, like telling stories. If you're like watching like a TV show or something, it was really strange.
00:36:54
Speaker
So weird. Me and Mike were just looking at each other, like, some of it was funny and at some points we were just like dumbfounded as to what was going on. What is happening? Yeah, he started doing adverts in the middle of it at one point, like as if he was like genuinely advertising things.
00:37:09
Speaker
And the teacher came and knocked on the door and just went, for fuck's sake, Nick, shut up. I can hear you downstairs. i was in I was in the room mc across. I was in the room across from John and Mike and Nick and I could hear him in bed.
00:37:24
Speaker
And me and the other, so we had, there were three of us in a room and we'd taken like this, we had this kid from ah from one of the other year groups in our room because there was nowhere else for him to go.
00:37:38
Speaker
It was like, we're really nice to him. apart from Nick, who got him got him like into our room. We got like this goodie bag of like when we arrived of like an apple, like a good bottle of water, like a banana, some like ah know like in like little Sudoku crossword book and a couple of pens and stuff. I don't know why we got them, but we did from the hotel.
00:38:02
Speaker
um and Anyway, Nick was like, ah yeah come look at come and look at this, mate, like to this young kid. Got him out on the balcony, just locked him out there. and like locked him out there but didn't like the kid was like oh I'm really hungry like really I'm really I'm really thirsty So Nick just like went to this little bag, like got the bottle of water and got him an apple, just handed him those outside.
00:38:28
Speaker
This kid was out there for like three and a half hours. And the only reason, the only reason he got let in was because the teachers came and were like, come on, we've got to, you've got to go to bed now.
00:38:40
Speaker
And like, just like this so they were like, what's he doing on the, uh, what's he doing on the balcony? we're just messing around. So Didn't they have three and a half hours held against his will?
00:38:51
Speaker
thats It's horrible. I've got a vision of him like actually rolling the apple to him along the floor. It
00:39:00
Speaker
probably didn't happen. That's just your mind. I'm sure that's what happened in my memory.
00:39:07
Speaker
So harsh. Oh my God. That was horrible. Who was that? I've lost him since. His name was Scott. Yeah, his name was Scott.
00:39:17
Speaker
It does make it sound like it's you when you're trying to pretend it wasn't. It wasn't. It genuinely wasn't. but I wish that was me. That's a great story. ah You did. think that happened a few weeks ago in here. Yeah. yeah But Mr. Michaels, do you remember Nick on the on the coach at like 4 a.m.?
00:39:37
Speaker
with see yeah like Everyone was trying to everyone was trying to sleep, and he just kept shouting Borat quotes at 4am.
Chaotic School Trip to Spain
00:39:44
Speaker
Mr. Michaels turned round at the front and was like, Nick, if you don't shut the fuck up, I'm going to come there. I'm going to leave you at the next service stop.
00:39:55
Speaker
He was um so angry. give context. We had to... ah We had to get a coach on both of these trips. So it was like 22, 23 hours, 27, 27 hours to down to Barcelona. It took us. And, um, we got there like it was morning by the time we'd got there and literally it was like, I'll drop your bags off guys. We're going down the beach for a run. We were just like, Oh Jesus Christ. Yeah. like slept awesome owner burn The Barcelona, like, beach, um like, the main beach of Barcelona is, like, I swear it's, like, miles long.
00:40:32
Speaker
Yeah. I think it's, like, a mile long stretch. <unk> alright Okay, it's two it's three it's three miles long. So we literally, we just come 27 hours on a coach. get you Get your shorts on, get t-shirt get your t-shirt on, get your sports to fun, get your boots on.
00:40:47
Speaker
We're going for a run on the beach. And we're all, like, we just come off the coach, man. Like, give us 10 minutes. Like... No, no, we had to, he jogged us down to the beach and then was like, right, run the length of the beach, three miles, that like three miles to the end and then three miles back. And you had to like, I think you had to sprint like the last like 200 meters or something when you got to one of the other teachers. was horrible. nothing Absolutely. Scott's dad would have been proud of that one. He used to be having to be in his coat.
00:41:14
Speaker
yeah to the To the fence and back. Yeah. and know for yeah The coach trip back from Spain, um i was ah Scott had a bit of a horrible experience with me, sat next to him because ah I was being sick pretty much the whole way home.
00:41:31
Speaker
Pretty sure I... You'd eaten something, hadn't you? Yeah. I felt really bad, though, because the first time we'd stopped at a services and I went in and all the cubicles were full and it was just coming out and I just projectile vomited everywhere in this bathroom.
00:41:45
Speaker
And the janitor came out. I felt so bad. like i think we were in... Could have been Switzerland. Like, we were in some country between... Yeah, it was... We were in, like, a mountain passage, weren't we? Yeah. Like, there were two mountains in them. It was incredible. Like, the views and stuff were amazing. But, yeah, all I can remember from those bathrooms is John farming everywhere. And then... The guy was so nice, the janitor. He was just like... It like, honestly, he was like... don't know what language he spoke, but he was just like, you know, it's okay, I'll sort it. So that was nice, but...
00:42:16
Speaker
Do you know your coach toilets that you have, that like where you have like one one toilet, oh yeah and eventually over the course of the week, if you don't empty it, it fills up and you can't do anything. that's what That was the position we were in.
00:42:28
Speaker
we couldn't It was like a full toilet. No one could use the coach toilet anymore. like So John couldn't go to the toilet and like throw off or... like use it for anything. So John had a massive, so all we had were like big plastic carrier bags that would go in like a school bin. So John had one of those that he was just, and it was clear so you could see everything and he was just spewing into it and then just lying across on me and I was like, get off me. I think it was like- Get off me, you absolute tramp.
00:42:58
Speaker
Like, get off me. It was just like, John just slept on me for like seven hours. Waking up every three minutes just to be like, like just projectile into this blag. don't think you ever felt more ill than that. I'm not good with sick.
00:43:16
Speaker
I'm not good with sick. think it was sort of saying, can you leave me at the services? but And I'll just get someone to go. go and get me or something. I'd rather not be on. How long we got left? Oh, just 15 hours back, mate.
Teacher Pranks and School Chaos
00:43:28
Speaker
Christ.
00:43:31
Speaker
Horrible. Horrible experience. That was horrible. Yeah. What lovely, the yeah lovely image to end on there. Yeah? oh what one If you want to end on a horrible image, we can do that if you want. Oh, no. No, i think i think I think we'll save the last one.
00:43:47
Speaker
you think the last part of the story of what happened to the teacher is worth telling? Go on. Go on, John. Go on. ah It led to his demotion.
00:43:59
Speaker
so he Let's say he he was head of PE e and quickly was shifted to no longer teach PE. Yeah, he became a maths teacher after that.
00:44:11
Speaker
Yeah. and This was when we were in sixth form. It wasn't our year, i don't think. But um apparently... the right It was right at the end, wasn't it? of Yeah, it was towards the end of when we were there. And he'd had a bad lesson with one of these year groups.
00:44:25
Speaker
And he could hear all the girls screaming from the changing rooms. Oh, God. and So he decided to go in to tell them to shut up. That was it. That was a career ender. That was a career ender. Yeah, never taught PE again after that moment. They had complaints, didn't they, and stuff like that. he was. He was head of PE at the time. Awful.
00:44:48
Speaker
Awful. These are my changing rooms, kids. Oh, it's so weird when you put it like that. I'll go in when want to go in. How bad does how bad does that I had to go in and tell him to be quiet, didn't I? That's the only way I could do it. Christ.
00:45:09
Speaker
I'm assuming he's not there anymore. I don't think he is, is he? I don't know why he's teaching. I have I think he's retired. He's probably not teaching. I really miss the rate my teacher thing on Google where you could just go and see what members of staff are working at any school.
00:45:24
Speaker
I miss those. he will be on the He would be on the staff list. We can check after the episode. It's quite a nice se segue from um Mr. Michael's creepy end to our story for this week, actually.
00:45:40
Speaker
boom so ah So, shall I crack on? Yes, please. So, there was... This has been sent in um from an annominous anonymous source um who starts off by saying it's quite a yeah quite a creepy member of staff that this happened to. they were also a mass Maybe it's the same guy, um but his name slightly different, but maybe had to change his name.
00:46:10
Speaker
Carter... mr carter ah was a maths teacher. And the person who sent this in says that they think it happened when they were in year nine, but it might have been year 10.
00:46:22
Speaker
So last lesson of the day, fifth period on like a Wednesday afternoon. So last lesson the day, everyone's knackered. So everyone used to it you know a surf A certain term by young children that began with P used to be shot around quite a lot. Pito Carter, yeah, he used to be shot around.
00:46:44
Speaker
um Now, Peter o Carter had a bit of a cupboard at the back of his classroom, which is just like your typical area where he had like a little desk in.
00:46:56
Speaker
He had like bookshelves with, you kids books, textbooks, whatever on as well. It's just a little bit of a storage cupboard, really. um So at the start of the lesson, he went into it, um into what they called Carter's Lair.
00:47:11
Speaker
Now, and on top of Carter's Lair, someone had actually get like um kind of like scratched into the actual frame of the door that said, Carter's Lair, beware.
00:47:24
Speaker
into the doorframe. Nice. Which was still... like It had been there since they started school and still remain there. So maybe it was Carter's... Maybe he was proud of that. Maybe he did it himself. That's all I'm saying.
00:47:36
Speaker
um Now, Carter's Lair, he used to go into every lesson at the start of the at the start of the lesson to get textbooks out, which what he did again. Now, one of the...
00:47:47
Speaker
I'd say not well behaved lads in school. um There was quite a, this wasn't top set maths. Let's put it that way. were quite a few naughty kids in this classroom.
00:48:00
Speaker
Went and got the keys for Carter's lair from the front of the classroom and locked him into it. To which this was, this is literally like three, four minutes into the lesson. He's taken a register.
00:48:13
Speaker
He's gone to the back of the classroom and, they have The whole class have left the room whilst he's like banging on the door. As they get out of the classroom, and another lad, the same lad who's got the key, got who's locked Carter into his lair, has then locked his classroom door so no one can get into it. Oh my God.
00:48:34
Speaker
Thrown the keys down the stairs but so like no one knows where they are. like People could have kicked them. like it's got They've gone. um The whole class have just walked off school property and gone.
00:48:47
Speaker
um The main gate was just open, and all of these 30 kids have just left through there. um Like, they just they've just left the property, no idea what's happened.
00:48:58
Speaker
Now, the next day, they come into the they come back in. They have maths, first period, the next morning. Now, you can imagine going into that classroom.
00:49:09
Speaker
In the classroom door, absolutely fine. Door to Carter's lair. The window... has been put through because they didn't have a key key to it. It's just been smashed. There's just a big piece of cardboard over the top of the where the window would have been.
00:49:25
Speaker
The door lock no longer turns, so he can't lock that door anymore just so that it doesn't happen again. like The whole class get an absolute bollocking.
00:49:36
Speaker
like Cars in there. head of years in there, like, ah head deputy head teachers are in there going absolutely mental at this class. Not one of them get into trouble. Because they don't like to get into a room full of 30 kids. what what who Who do you do it? None of them grassing on each other because it's like, it's the naughty kids in the year.
00:49:55
Speaker
He has no idea who's done it. Awful. Imagine being in that situation. That would have been so funny to have watched. That would have been amazing. It makes me think of our old RE classrooms in the quad. That's what it makes me think of. Like, with that little cupboard at the back. So bad. yeah. All those little old...
00:50:12
Speaker
yeah Yeah, little old cupboards and little old nooks and crannies in there. So bad. So funny. like I read this story earlier in the week and I was absolutely howling. That's brilliant. That's really good. I got the double locks. I know. isn't in there I just, I'd love to know you like how long he was in there for in that night.
00:50:31
Speaker
Like someone gone to go like, Carter, are you okay? Sort of thing. Like I just walked in and just seen him like banging on the glass. Yeah.
00:50:40
Speaker
I wonder if he, did he smash the glass or did they smash it to get Oh, I don't know. Again, no idea. It doesn't say the story. reckon he must have smashed it. Yeah. In desperation. It was like, just not going to. But he wouldn't, he wouldn't have been able to unlock the door.
00:50:55
Speaker
Yeah, exactly. Yeah. So yeah someone must have done it. I love the fact that they threw the keys. They didn't just like leave the keys in the classroom door. Wasn't enough just to put him in in there.
00:51:05
Speaker
Wasn't enough to then lock the classroom door as well. But to have taken the keys and just thrown them. Set the room on fire. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. That would have been too far. Come on. Jesus.
00:51:17
Speaker
We could have had a heart attack in there. i love the So bad. That's why he's put the window through. made me It made me think of um one of our teachers who fell down a manhole during parents' evening. you remember that, John? Yeah.
00:51:35
Speaker
I don't know, it rings a bell. I can't remember. I think we were in like year eight or year nine. And so so we used to have, we like we had parents evening. Everyone was in like the hall um for parents evening.
00:51:48
Speaker
So like one of our maths teachers, why is it always maths teachers? But one of our maths teachers, like, um so I was in second set in like year seven, eight and nine.
00:51:59
Speaker
And she was like cleaning her windows so and, for whatever reason, probably someone had graffitied them on there. But there's like a, outside of her room was like a manhole drain. Um, and we'd like, but they'd been doing works on this manhole and not put the cover back over it.
00:52:16
Speaker
So she, she's wiping the, like wiping the thing, like not looking where she's going. She steps across. She falls down a manhole. so i think she like, she broke like her femur.
00:52:26
Speaker
And she broke like three ribs. Yeah, she was off school for like, she was out of work for like a year. ahlthough I don't really remember this. as i think because it wasn't your class. No, maybe.
00:52:39
Speaker
i I remember going into school the next next day and we were like, where's Mrs. mrs K, I'll call her. And they were like... Oh yeah, she fell down a manhole last night and we were like, what?
00:52:51
Speaker
That's insane. What? But yeah, she like properly falls down the manhole. She was trapped down there for like the whole of parents evening. So like like, people were, tired like parents were turning up to like go and have their appointment with Mrs. Cass. That's insane.
00:53:04
Speaker
And she was... And she was... And she was... she was... And she was like... Obviously people... People went to Find out where she was... Couldn't find her... I thought the skull haunted... Had to go back... Had to go back to her to find where she was... Like... How's Kelly doing? Yeah, she's doing alright... Yeah... that ambulance on the way?
00:53:23
Speaker
But they, like, I think it was, like, one of the, one of the um like, members of, like, site staff found her after, like, two and a half hours, I think she was down there. She, like, she came back to work and she was, like, she used to be, like, really strict and, like, really, like, she was, like, really good really good teacher. And she came back she was, like, completely timid.
00:53:44
Speaker
Like, she just lost, like, this whole part of herself. Like, it was, oh... lost in the manhole lost in the manhole she's still down there to this day so bad the best part about it was the next day when we came in the manhole cover had been sprayed orange with loads spray paint oh god it was so bad but yeah Absolutely
Podcast Engagement and Sponsorship Talk
00:54:10
Speaker
hilarious. Watch out for manholes is the advice. Watch out for manholes this week, guys. Make sure you get yourself to M&S.
00:54:15
Speaker
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00:54:26
Speaker
Oh, that's cringe, isn't it? Thank you for listening, everyone. Thanks for that story. Thank you for that story. Make sure you put your name on these stories that are ah that you're sending into the podcast. You can send them into tookyourshirtingpod at gmail.com.
00:54:45
Speaker
Or just mess ah just might message us on the Discord, message us on Instagram, ah wherever else you want to. um Because we we love reading these. These are genuinely the highlight of my week, reading through these. We've had some really good ones and we want to keep sharing them with you. So please make sure you do.
00:55:06
Speaker
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00:55:23
Speaker
any presses Any press is good press. and So, yeah, please please keep ah please keep doing that. It allows us to keep bringing you the podcast. And we're just really excited to ah to hear these stories. So thanks for listening.
00:55:37
Speaker
And we'll see you next week. Ciao. Bye.