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The Bathroom Incident
65 Plays5 days ago
🥇 In our debut episode, we dive into John's early adventures in standup comedy, the unexpected hazards of a poorly fitted toilet seat, and the wild lies we told our teachers that spiralled way out of control. Oh, and yes—there’s no shortage of inappropriate doodles and questionable humour along the way. It’s chaotic, it’s funny, and it’s just the beginning.
📢 Got a funny school story? Send it to TUCKYOURSHIRTINPOD@GMAIL.COM —you might just hear it on the show!
🚨 ALL THINGS TUCK YOUR SHIRT IN
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Transcript
Introduction and Embarrassing Education Stories
00:00:02
Speaker
Welcome to Took Your Shirt In. We're diving into the most ridiculous, hilarious and downright embarrassing stories from your years in education. We'll even hear from the unfortunate teachers that had to put up with it.
00:00:16
Speaker
This is the Took Your Shirt In podcast with John and Luke Hassan and our producer slash resident ex-teacher, Scott Burrows.
00:00:28
Speaker
All right, first introduction done. I didn't feel forced at all. um this I think it was good. i think, um John, you need to really pull up the back end there.
00:00:39
Speaker
Yeah. We'll come to that. well well didn't ah I was trying to make it sound natural, but it might have been a bit too casual. That might have been the problem. Yeah, as as I think as the comedian of us, I was expecting more, if I'm honest. I want full-blown over the top. Well, as could you know you could be the jack the Jack D of the comedy world, the new Jack D. Wouldn't that be more deadpan than that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You've got no animation. Okay, yeah. yeah I think it's Jack E. Yeah, Jack E. There you go. That's a good stage.
00:01:15
Speaker
No one really laughed at that. No, more of a McIntyre type, I think. it's my ah go eyes I'll be happy to be your brother. That's fine. He's got lots of money. Yeah, no, it's not for me.
Podcast Structure and Target Audience
00:01:27
Speaker
So um let's let's let's dive into how our week's been. We've got a structure here. we're going to try We'll try and stick to it because we believe it's going to make it um the most funny podcast you're going to listen to in the next five minutes at least.
00:01:45
Speaker
LAUGHTER before Before everyone's clicked off and decided that this isn't for them. yeah this isn't not I think we've got a good we've got a good ah target audience here. yeah Everyone's been to school, hopefully, or has been a teacher, because that's pretty much all I meet.
00:02:01
Speaker
People who previous teachers. you know out Missing out that third world country sort demographic, aren't we really? Yeah. Which is a bit harsh, but... Not really. ah i look to the future. You've got to look at these, the future builders, the future society.
00:02:19
Speaker
don't know where went with that. Builders? The building of society, not actual builders. Some of you are saying builders didn't go to school. But also, we do need builders, so...
00:02:32
Speaker
Okay, just move on, move past that. So how's your week been?
John's Italian Holiday Adventures
00:02:38
Speaker
How's your week been, John? Yeah, it's been all right. Yeah, I um got back from holiday on Monday.
00:02:46
Speaker
So, yeah, went to Italy. It was very nice. What did you get up to? We went to Milan ah for a couple of days and i saw the sights and then we went to Venice and they had the... ah carnival on there so everyone was dressed up in like mental costumes and stuff but mostly masks oh yeah yeah some weird weird what's happening behind you looks like some sort of steam coming off like i was just pouring myself a coffee okay could you see steam coming out the background yeah it's just steaming hot coffee you're gonna describe that to our listeners so to make sure that they can uh for the audio listeners yeah steam's coming out
00:03:28
Speaker
behind Luke but it's just a scalding hot cup of coffee um yeah then I um when I landed back on Monday though I had to go straight to London for gig um which was all right but was absolutely exhausted so I can't really remember it to be honest but um oh because you're so bladdered yeah I was you know he is a piss head as soon as I got on the flight I was uh have to drink to get through it that was the gig that was the gig you haven't actually told me much about it It
Comedy Gig Experience in London
00:03:57
Speaker
was alright, yeah. It was um is this that new act competition. um and Everyone was really good, to be fair.
00:04:04
Speaker
It was high-caliber sort of level of performer, but didn't get through. yeah um Never mind. Just not into your type of comedy, I guess.
00:04:16
Speaker
I don't like the ah the northerners. i't um Wherever are most of them from? ah Pretty much everyone was from London that did it. It's been like that. It was like that in the first round as well. That's good though.
00:04:29
Speaker
It was good to go down to London. It's still fun. a good experience. Met some people as well and they gave us some nice feedback. But I think I wasn't on on top form because I was quite tired. But...
00:04:41
Speaker
I might have added to the, did you do the sort of, oh, I'm tired before, Matt? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I did loads on the, you know, the fact there's more canals in Birmingham than Venice, and they weren't liking that, to be honest. They didn't. That's a good one, actually. That's pretty good. I like that one. I did none of that. I did none of that.
00:05:02
Speaker
All right.
Leisure Center Lock-in Incident
00:05:04
Speaker
What's going on with you then, Scott? Had a bit of an incident this morning playing squash. ah Ended up go into a going to a leisure centre that had, like, you've got to be a member to use the um to use the facilities, but wanted to go out for breakfast.
00:05:18
Speaker
What, the showers? Yeah, so thought wanted to go out for breakfast this morning afterwards, so waited for someone to ah to open the door. like snuck in behind them like, oh, you're right, mate. How's it has a going? So I think, and then, ah yeah, who showered, everything was fine. Thought, oh yeah, absolutely nailed this. Turns out you also need a code to get out.
00:05:36
Speaker
So kind of just waiting in there for like half an hour. Laura's messaging me like, where are you? And yeah, just kind of changing rooms. Yeah, just stuck in the changing room for half an hour. You were lurking in the changing room. Yeah, Looked like a right weirdo. Like, didn't know what to do. Myself, there was like a code thing you needed to on the on the on the door to actually get out. So yeah, Laura asked for the code in the end um and sent it through. But yeah.
00:06:02
Speaker
couldn't believe that no... You're trying to look like you were doing something so you didn't look weird. I kind of just sat on the bench on my phone in the end just waiting for someone to... That feels weirder. If I came across someone just sat the bench... There was no one there. There was no one there apart from the guy who first let me in.
00:06:17
Speaker
But he literally grabbed stuff like out of his locker and was gone. ah um Yeah, it was it was a bad experience. You could have asked people if they need a hand or something. There one around. was no one around.
00:06:29
Speaker
like Literally, it was just me and the one who let Who were going to the place.
00:06:37
Speaker
like The people attending the gym? Yeah, that's what Laura did in the end. I don't think she understood that I was locked in. There was literally just like us, one person on reception, and then the one guy who came into the came into the into the room, and that was it.
00:06:50
Speaker
Are you sure this is a gym? yeah hundred bit like Yeah, it's like a leisure centre. And it was just it was carnage. but I suppose it was like 8am when we went.
00:07:01
Speaker
So like that was our that was our slot. We we didn't finish playing squash until like eight forty But yeah, I was just locked in a changing room for half an hour, just kind of twiddling my thumbs, texting Laura going, i don't know what to do. i physically can't get out of this room.
00:07:16
Speaker
It's horrible. ah you could have had some yeah I guess you could have got like some contemplation time. It was more just panic time, to be honest. I was looking at all the windows, wondering if I could sneak out of anything, but there was nothing. It was pretty shocking, really. Fair enough.
00:07:30
Speaker
how about How about your week then, Luke? How was yours?
Luke's Gym Return and Pilates Mishap
00:07:33
Speaker
I started back at the gym this week for the first time in the year. you know as and As a new dad, you only have so so many Bs can get in your belly before your kid actually says he thinks there's a baby in the belly.
00:07:46
Speaker
So that's a shame. um So I started back at my Pilates class, which I very much enjoyed. are you laughing? This is a strange choice. I can't imagine you doing Pilates.
00:07:59
Speaker
When I got to the desk, I like to introduce myself. yeah i I'm lu um um here for my Pilates class. I think I took the woman back a bit. She's like, oh, right, okay. Were you both the ah the only man and the youngest person there by about 30 years? I said, what do I do? She did say, I'll just follow those two women there. into the session
00:08:18
Speaker
I'd forgot my yoga mat. Oh no, I hate when that happens. Yeah, I've done that countless times, every week. So went up and asked ah the the other man who was there, so that was nice. it was The only other man that was there.
00:08:32
Speaker
Yeah. Was i you there anyone younger than you there? No. Oh, no, there was. I reckon there was. I reckon there was. But I've got i've got quite a young complexion for the audio listeners.
00:08:43
Speaker
um And also I had a bathroom accident as well this week. Oh, God. ah when When are you going go see someone about shitting yourself?
00:08:54
Speaker
Well, sometimes if I'm distracted or I've got my phone or something, um I went to you know sit on the toilet and then have a nice enjoyable time. You know, because so sometimes you just want to relax in there, don't you? You want a let the waves of the day take your time.
00:09:08
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. Take your time, you know. So sat on the toilet, but I don't think I'd corrected for, um ah you know, hose evacuation.
00:09:20
Speaker
my God. I ended up just pissing all over the floor. Oh my God. Yeah. And once it's happening, there's not much you can really do because it's just... You can redirect it no It was the location of how it was sat. and what What were you doing? I just sort of slipped off the toilet a little bit. I'm pretty sure he was just like on the side of the bath at this point. like I was sat on the sink. Oh, yeah.
00:09:49
Speaker
The worst thing is that's not the first time it's happened as well, which is terrible. That's insane. but is I don't think that's ever happened. No, literally never. No, the toilet seat's a bit slanted as well, so it threw me off a little bit.
00:10:03
Speaker
um So do you just sit down and just not even do anything? You just hope for the best? ah No, not yet.
00:10:12
Speaker
No, the toilet. Also, since we moved house, we've got a toilet. and i thought ah ah Congratulations. The old house is a nightmare. It's difficult to go. I don't know what it is about the toilet, but it's not definitely lot not a large toilet, but it's not quite small either.
00:10:35
Speaker
So I guess that is a medium toilet. But... There's something about it It's not quite right when you sit on it. It's not, you just can't, you know, your your bum can't really get a justifiable stance of what you're sitting on.
00:10:48
Speaker
And that's, that leads to these accidents. I mean, does, does Kath have the same issues or is it, or is it just like, well, I wouldn't, haven't said, but then again, I haven't said apart from the podcast.
00:11:00
Speaker
I feel like we need to raise this for next week's episode just to see if, you an update. I can't need an update. I need to know what's happening. maybe Maybe me and John come over and we do and we do like a little bit of ah a trial.
00:11:14
Speaker
I thought you meant like, ah like you know, like a blood splatter, like Dexter. Oh God, no. he but thought The whole room would just Forensics.
00:11:27
Speaker
Get a black light on it. The black light just going on. yeah The whole room is just white. Again, get the disinfectant spray out, yeah spray the floor. right Ready. day It's all ready now. It's clean.
00:11:40
Speaker
ah Yeah. and Not a great situation. But, you know, these things happen in life. They're made to test us. And I'm sure the listeners at home have had similar situations.
Listener Engagement and Future Stories
00:11:51
Speaker
Please please comment in to TuckyShirtInPodcast.com.
00:11:57
Speaker
at gmail.com. Is that our email? Double check.
00:12:02
Speaker
That is definitely the... It's tuckyourshirtinpod at gmail.com. Yeah, let us know if you've slipped on the toilet.
00:12:13
Speaker
um And if you've had a similar situation to me where you've got a toilet that you can't quite work out, if it's um a small toilet or a large toilet. Yeah, please let Terrifying through those responses next week. LAUGHTER
School Prank and Comical Misunderstanding
00:12:33
Speaker
All right. Well, um as we said, you know, the start of the podcast, we'd like to dive into some of the stories from our early years and later years in education. But i think I think when we were talking beforehand about what stories you want to first go through on this podcast, I think the... ah The story about, um unfortunately, about our producer, Scott. um I think that needs to be first. I don't know who wants to dive in. Do you want to dive in, John? as a I can start it off, I guess, in in the sense that Scott didn't know it was happening initially when it and it first happened. i think I think it's important to, to before we kind of dive into the story, just to get some...
00:13:14
Speaker
Background. Background on the fact that John is an absolutely terrible human being and basically ruined my life through the whole of my my youth, essentially.
00:13:25
Speaker
Somehow best friends since we were like three weeks old. um And yet, here we are doing a podcast together, basically just reliving. I think there's going to be a story about me every week on this podcast. and For a little while. How John has ruined my life, essentially. But um yeah, I'd leave it to John just to just to go over. i think that's fair. I think I probably created a lot trauma ah for Scott. And for some reason, he continued to be my friend.
00:13:52
Speaker
um Stockholm Syndrome. Stockholm Syndrome. Yeah. It's just no no self-worth at all. I think you've just stripped me of anything of like that. um But, you know,
00:14:04
Speaker
what what when we were in sixth form... How old are you then? 16? 17? Yeah, I don't know if it was first or second. It was first year.
00:14:17
Speaker
I remember it well. Yeah, we were in 16. Yeah. ah Scott may or may not agree with, the he occasionally elaborated on the certain, not elaborated, embellished ah certain stories himself and did did did strange things that he denies, such as you eating and eating a butter burger.
00:14:37
Speaker
i like Luke witnessed it as well. He denies He's erased it from his memory. We'll come back to that. yeah just never happens. He once claimed that he eats raw chicken all the time as well again in a conversation. Completely out of context. and Never happened. He enjoys boiled bacon as well, um as opposed.
00:14:57
Speaker
Again, never never happened. ah Yeah. um But anyway, when we yeah when were in sixth form, um the ashes were on. And Scott's a big cricket fan.
00:15:09
Speaker
He always has been. And though it was in Australia, so... They were playing late at night and he he kept coming late just for this this one week while it was on.
00:15:21
Speaker
And um we mentioned it as ah as a joke. and don't I'm not sure who who even mentioned it. I don't want to give people's names. up I guess who aren't on it. But a teacher asked where Scott had been and don't know why we we decided to lie and say that it started working in a factory on nights.
00:15:41
Speaker
Scott obviously obviously wasn't aware of this. um And the the teachers obviously took that as some sort of safeguarding issue. ah I forgot what the story was actually. Yeah. um And then ah guess, Scott, you might maybe you're best telling the next bit as to what happened when you did a arrive ah at the school, if you want to take it from there.
00:16:03
Speaker
So I arrived into school. on I think it was a Wednesday morning. um I was late again. i just watched. I got yeah i go in around about 10 past nine, so I was like five minutes late after form time for my first lesson. arrived into school, sat down in business studies, and during business studies lesson, and There was kind of just a knock on the door and our head of sick form, Mrs. Nibs at the time, pulled us and was like, Scott, can I ever have a quiet word?
00:16:44
Speaker
And automatically, just like to point out, this woman is scary. Like this is a teacher that you do not mess with. I think John and Luke can both... I think she's lovely, firm but fair.
00:16:55
Speaker
Firm but fair. It's probably a good way of putting in it. But yeah, and she's she's always but she was always great for me. and But yeah, pulled me into her office. She ah humiliated you in front of a room. i mean I'm sure we'll come back to that.
00:17:09
Speaker
so Went into her office and in her office was um the attendance officer um and also my, i think, I can't remember if was our head of year or like head of house or whatever it was.
00:17:25
Speaker
um And kind of sat down like, ah Scott, we've, you know, we've heard some, we've heard some things. um Is everything okay at home? I was a bit taken aback. Like, yeah, I think so. I don't think my mom and dad are splitting up or anything like that. of what know Do you know something that I don't know? Are you going to break that horrible news to me? um And we're like, well, we've heard you we've heard you working in a factory.
00:17:55
Speaker
like that's Completely taken aback. Yeah. no idea what they're talking about. um They just yeah know ah just start rambling on about how was education's important and they can help me through any situation. um you know there are There are things they can do to support ah support home and to make sure that I'm not having to work these late long hours at night. And I was like, it's important. yeah A lot of 16 year olds get get jobs and they they start working, but we've got to make sure that your you know your education comes first.
00:18:29
Speaker
um and that you're okay to still be coming into school even if you're tired. I was just completely taken aback. um I had no idea, no idea about what was going on um I was just like, I don't work in a factory.
00:18:45
Speaker
have no idea what's going on. I've been watching the cricket at home. Did they think you were lying at that point? I didn't realise this. He's making it up. He's talking about the cricket.
00:18:57
Speaker
I was talking to my... Nobody watches cricket. ah
00:19:03
Speaker
I was talking to my dad about it last week and he said he remembered getting a call from the school to make sure that I was actually, you know, I was actually turning up to school on time. And he was like, oh yeah, he's been watching the cricket. Because obviously my dad was retired at the time. your dad's on it as well. So I didn't realise that my dad had even got a call.
00:19:22
Speaker
um But yeah, made sure I was in, like, on time. and ah I had no idea and it wasn't until kind of ah came back into the into the common room. Because this this meeting, I think I missed the whole of the first period for this meeting. like with Everyone had so many questions asked.
00:19:41
Speaker
And yeah, eventually got to the point where... I kind of walked back into the common room. Everyone had come in come into break time and like John and all of them ma all of my mates were like, you're right. i was like, I have no idea what just happened and explain the scenario. And everyone just burst into laughter. I'm like, oh my God.
00:20:01
Speaker
i So sorry. That was us. I think it was funnier because we'd we'd probably forgotten. We'd probably just said it as like ah luck a little joke. And then when he'd come out and said he'd had the meat.
00:20:17
Speaker
It was honestly the most bizarre situation I think i've ever been in. ah But somehow, we'll probably as we'll probably discover on the podcast, that is not the only thing that... I've had to deal with because of John telling these random facts and stories about them. so but My ears are ringing from, don't know what frog from listening to that story.
00:20:40
Speaker
It comes up like it kids up every time. Every time where when every time we get together. It comes up. oh Good school. You know, taking one comment and actually acting on it. That's...
00:20:53
Speaker
That is what you want from a safeguarding perspective. yeah definitely. That is, yeah. I feel like they should have possibly rang my parents first just to make sure that I wasn't working in a factory instead of just randomly pulling me into a meeting. You might have been keeping a secret.
00:21:10
Speaker
They pulled me in that morning, like straight away. Go get Scott Burroughs. We need to make sure that he's okay. With everything else that he's been up to. his friends with with on with all everything that John and Sandy is saying about it and John would know they've been they are best friends they are together all the time oh god I'm gonna pass out I nearly passed out then that was that was horrible oh thank you Scott that was really nice bringing it back bringing that story to us um even though I said I think we should do it so sorry it's it's just reliving trauma this podcast isn't it
00:21:50
Speaker
for me yeah I think for most people it'll be a ah wonderful experience but for me it's going to take me back through some things it's reliving trauma in a really insensitive way that's what the podcast is that's what school is though isn't it it's just it shapes you through trauma I think ah not bad ah that's really that wasn't meant to be so um yeah that was deep it wasn't meant to be well nicely rounded off
00:22:22
Speaker
right do we um Now, we have we we had got some people to email in ahead of our first recording session.
Inappropriate Doodles and Family Habits
00:22:31
Speaker
Now, ah it took a while to add Scott to the to the email account.
00:22:36
Speaker
ah It's just very difficult to do these things. um And I did accidentally click on on one of them. So don't know which one you'll be reading today. But I only saw the two words, invisible penis.
00:22:49
Speaker
So I can only imagine... Actually, I can't imagine what that's about, actually. So I'm sure you're going to bring us on. I'm not going to lie. i don't remember one with the words invisible penis. Maybe made it up. So baby mostly like like maybe Luke's just made something up in his head. um But no, were ah we're going to hear from ah a friend of a friend of mine, actually, this week, um Hannah, who has kind of written into us.
00:23:17
Speaker
Thank you. Thank you very much, Hannah. You're our first email. ah i think we read read it out. Give a round of applause usually, but um we'll we'll we'll skip it this time. but So Hannah was a i a Key Stage 2 teacher um in the UK and she was serving her final year and before she left teaching and moved to the US. um They'd had a gnarly year, she says, happened with lockdowns, and colored by the stress of Key Stage 2 SATs.
00:23:52
Speaker
and They finished the year with a heat wave, which had them sitting inside with all the doors open, lights off, that sort of thing. Needless to say, the kids were incredibly excited for the outside T-shirt signing session, where they basically got to act as little celebrities and write messages all over each other. It's kind of a common thing to happen in UK schools, isn't it? I think I've still got my old T-shirt. Yeah, that just got mine somewhere.
00:24:16
Speaker
It's covered in you're a twat. think I threw mine away. I'm not one for sentiment, so... ah Cold and collected. Cold and collected, Jonathan. It's building a big carriage, aren't So, Hannah was lightly sobbing at the idea of all these kids finally becoming teenagers and moving up to high school. They all seemed so innocent and young.
00:24:40
Speaker
and But obviously that moment was broken very soon when a girl came up to her and whispered, is Miss, is there something rude on my back? oh Much to Hannah's disbelief, there was something on her back.
00:24:55
Speaker
A small, but not invisible penis. There you go, Luke. It was invisible. Orange in colour, shy in stature, but undeniably a penis.
00:25:07
Speaker
She tried not to laugh. she kept her She kept herself very composed and sensible in this manner. And she asked who had drawn this. But of course, many ah many an artist had been on her back. The culprit?
00:25:18
Speaker
Not clear. What ensued was a mission to find the penis artist, a mission which was by no means an easy feat for the herself and the other members of staff on the playground that afternoon.
00:25:31
Speaker
There were some culprits who were quickly thought about, but she wanted to make sure that she was thorough in her investigations and didn't pull anyone ah aside.
00:25:43
Speaker
She thought and she'll remain pure ah and make sure that she kept, you she didn't want to see that one particular student that she thought it might be.
00:25:56
Speaker
Until she realized that he was the only color with that, stat with he was the only child with that stash of colors in his hand. on right thought you were going on completely different route though.
00:26:08
Speaker
She won't, obviously we're not going not get her team in again. Obviously, she won't.
00:26:14
Speaker
Obviously, we're not going to bring out names of children and things like that on the podcast just to keep everyone keep everyone excluded. So I'm not going to name the student. um But all of the teachers were aware of this certain child. and He's the one who's kind of always silly, bit of class clown, bit of a joker, would often make comments being a bit rude. But...
00:26:37
Speaker
All in all, his heart was in the right place. um think but i think Hannah has said that many of her stories include this child from her teaching days. and But that day, she did catch him red, or maybe orange-handed, would be a better way of saying it, scrawling a tiny penis on another girl's back.
00:26:58
Speaker
She pulled the student at aside and gave him a light scolding. um But obviously, with anything in that kind of sort of light, um she ah they kind of have to speak to parents. So at the end of the day, in the car park, have that they ah the mother of the child kind of pulled up.
00:27:16
Speaker
Hannah explained the situation and she wasn't expecting for mom to go quite as bright red as she did. had did Hannah explained the situation and mom replied, i am so sorry, miss.
00:27:30
Speaker
That will be our example. You see, my husband and i we both work from home and sometimes we get a little bit bored and leave these little doodles in our notes on the whiteboard or in each other's notepads for each other to see. But it's just a joke, I promise.
00:27:48
Speaker
Now, Hannah treasures this memory because it reminds her that even when whatever's happening in kind of a teaching world, um teaching is an extremely difficult profession to be in.
00:28:02
Speaker
um And, you know, all of the people we come across, just, you know, you have those days which are awful, but leave a smile on your face. But... but I mean, I'm not sure Hannah could have dealt with that situation any better than she actually did. she did I think she went down all the right prompts.
00:28:18
Speaker
um So thank you, Hannah, for writing in today. that is yes Hannah, that was a fantastic story. I absolutely love that. That was that was brilliant. Yeah. Oh, God, you could ah feel I feel like could so easily be those parents.
00:28:31
Speaker
It just is. such a weird thing to doodle but such a ah classically easy thing to doodle at the same time oh thank you so much Anna that was fantastic oh lovely like right I think I think that's I think that's our first podcast recorded really nicely thank you right we'll do the outro that we haven't got an outro so we'll just say bye okay bye everyone see you next week guys bye bye bye