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Are You Self Sabotaging?
66.9k Plays3 years ago
Hello!
This episode will help you understand the areas in which you are self sabotaging and why. We discuss the more common and obvious ways you could be self sabotaging, such as; imposter syndrome, fear, comparison and limiting beliefs, however we also delve into ways you could be self sabotaging which can be tricky to identify. Did you ever think that a positive mantra or thought could actually be sabotaging yourself? Sometimes when we have blocks that last for a long time, a deep look is needed - which is how I found that I was self sabotaging in a way I didn’t realise was possible. We chat all things from impatience, protective mechanisms, distrust, perfectionism, reprioritization and procrastination, all of which can keep us away from our goals. I hope you enjoy!!!
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@passaroundthesmile
@cleomassey
The Pass Around the Smile podcast is recorded on Bundjalung Country, in South East Queensland, Australia. We acknowledge the Yugambeh people of the Bundjalung Nation, the traditional owners of this land. We pay our respects to Elders past, present and emerging.
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Transcript
Introduction to the Podcast
00:00:00
Speaker
Pass Around the Smile is like your go-to friend, the one that lifts you up and backs you to the end. She's there to guide and inspire, challenge and teach, and remind you that your best self isn't out of reach. Self-development, manifestation, self-love and more, it's time to trust the process more than ever before. Welcome to Pass Around the Smile, the podcast. I'm your host, Cleo Massey, and I am so glad you're here. Let the magic begin.
00:00:29
Speaker
Hello guys and welcome back to the Pass Around the Smile podcast. I am so excited to be back in the studio. While you guys have been getting episodes every Sunday morning, they were scheduled because I have been on holiday for three weeks and honestly it was
00:00:45
Speaker
So needed i haven't had a proper holiday in four and a half years i went to western australia with my family my cousin got married and then we did like a family trip down the west coast then we went to bali luke and i had some nights alone in luatu which was so nice and then
00:01:02
Speaker
We went on to Changgu where a group of our closest friends met us and we just had the funnest time. So many laughs, so much good food, lots of cocktails and now I'm back just feeling so inspired and ready to bring you guys
00:01:18
Speaker
the best content I possibly can.
Holiday Insights and Upcoming Plans
00:01:21
Speaker
I did some meditating and journaling while I was in Ulawatu and I just had the most beautiful view and I could hear just the nicest, calmest sounds. There was Balinese music playing and I just came up with so many ideas for the podcast. I also do want to say I know I've been teasing you guys a little bit with my greatest manifestation story. I promise it's coming. There's just
00:01:44
Speaker
A few episodes I want to get out first and it is coming. It is coming. I also should say I only a couple of days ago bought out very, very, very limited edition pass around the smile jumpers. They are embroidered in a colorful
00:02:02
Speaker
uh kind of embroidery i guess on a white cozy jumper and they are just so cute basically i just wanted one for myself and then i thought i may as well just get a small batch made for my community because i love you guys and i want to see you guys in the jumper so they are on my site now but they're very limited and once they're gone i won't be getting them back so just a little fyi
00:02:24
Speaker
I hope you've been liking all of the episodes that have been coming out weekly that I scheduled. I was pretty proud of them all. And now I'm trying to remind myself while I'm back in the studio, I'm just trying to remind myself to trust the process and just have a chat.
Exploring Self-Sabotage
00:02:38
Speaker
And today's chat is on self-sabotaging because it is something that we all do. And what I'm passionate about regarding this topic
00:02:47
Speaker
is that I think there are really obvious ways that we all self-sabotage, right? Through negative self-talk, comparison, imposter syndrome, fear. They're kind of all of the obvious ways that we so often self-sabotage. But what about the less obvious ways? The things that we do that are really hard to identify because the only reason we're doing them is to protect ourselves.
00:03:16
Speaker
But sometimes we're protecting ourselves from something that we didn't know we wanted to be protected from. For example, I realized for a very long time with acting that I was actually fearing success. I was fearing my own goals. And when I finally came to that realization, first of all, I was like, what, that doesn't make sense. Like this is what I want so bad. I want this role. I want this life.
00:03:42
Speaker
But then when I actually dug deep and I was starting to understand what my subconscious was doing and dictating my thoughts, essentially,
00:03:51
Speaker
I was so scared of success. I was scared of what success meant. I was scared that it was going to make me do something that made me or my family or Luke uncomfortable. I was scared to get a contract that had me moving somewhere else. I was scared of fame. I was scared of so much, but it's the one thing that I so badly wanted. So I was able to identify that, but there are so many
00:04:14
Speaker
different things that come into play with self-sabotaging. And that's what we're going to unpack today. But first of all, I want to ask you some questions. So if you are near a paper or near a piece of paper, I should say, or on your phone, maybe write these questions down. If not, you can come back to it. And by the end of this episode, I want you to answer the questions as truthfully as you possibly can. So the first question is, when do you self-sabotage?
00:04:47
Speaker
next question is why do you self-sabotage? Question number three, how does self-sabotage make you feel? And the last question, what in particular are you self-sabotaging about? So now let's jump into
00:05:14
Speaker
the less obvious ways that you could be self-sabotaging.
Procrastination and Reprioritization
00:05:18
Speaker
Two really big ones are procrastination and reprioritization. So procrastination is pretty straightforward. It's when, of course, we do something to take up time or to distract us or just to do something completely different to what
00:05:35
Speaker
we need to do to get us toward our intended goal. But what I liked as kind of an extension to procrastination when it comes to self-sabotaging was reprioritization. And I feel like I definitely have done this in the past. It's where you go out of your way to organize something that you will tell yourself is more important
00:05:55
Speaker
or more fun or more beneficial to not even just you, to your family members or maybe you need to help this person where really, right now, do you need to be helping yourself? So I've definitely done this where I've had a goal and that goal is scary. Maybe I'm fearing failure with that goal, let's say.
00:06:15
Speaker
And I 100% in the past have gone and organized so many different things to make me feel like I'm being productive and moving forward, but it's not moving me forward in the way that I want or need. And it's actually moving me away from my intended goal.
00:06:31
Speaker
So I think procrastination and reprioritization go together quite nicely in that way, and it can happen so effortlessly because procrastination is a big part of our everyday lives. Like we can do it for simple things. If I don't want to unpack the dishwasher, well, I'll just go and, you know, read the book that I need to read for the podcast I need to film in three weeks or something like that.
00:06:54
Speaker
So it can happen in little ways, but when we're procrastinating in little ways, it obviously gets bigger and bigger and bigger where we are procrastinating with really important things that actually block us from success, block us from happiness, block us from unlocking what it is that we want to do. And it also blocks us from listening to our heart, which you will know if you've listened to my episodes prior, listening to your heart is so, so important and is absolutely key in living a life that
00:07:22
Speaker
is completely true to you
00:07:25
Speaker
Another couple of ways that you might self-sabotage, this might bring up some things, so make sure you journal about it after if it does, is lack of clarity.
Impatience, Distrust, and Goals
00:07:37
Speaker
So lack of clarity when it comes to self-sabotage can be you actually don't know what it is that you need to do to move forward. That is a form of self-sabotage because you're not allowing yourself the time to get clear on exactly what you want and what you deserve. So get clear.
00:07:55
Speaker
Another one is impatience. When we are impatient in achieving our goals, we get so distracted, we do things that don't serve us, the negative self-talk comes in, so the more kind of obvious ways of self-sabotage will come in, the limiting beliefs, the fear, and moving into the topic of distrust. We'll stop trusting ourselves and the number one person that we need to trust when moving forward positively,
00:08:25
Speaker
is ourselves. So I think impatience and distrust actually go quite nicely together because what happens is when we're trying to achieve our goals and it might not be happening within the time frame that we wanted it to, we start to get impatient and then we start to have this distrust about
00:08:44
Speaker
the process or about our ability to do that thing. So watching yourself with those two, trusting in the divine timing of the universe and trusting in yourself that if you believe that you can do something, of course you can do it because that's the law of attraction. And it's just a law like any other law, it's always working, it's always happening. So we can choose to lean into that and use it to our advantage or not.
00:09:08
Speaker
So, so far, I'll just go over them so, you know, we can get really clear and it might bring up some new things for you. We've talked about procrastination and reprioritization kind of being linked as well. Lack of clarity, getting really, really clear on what it is that you want and deserve. And then impatience and distrust, which again can work quite
00:09:30
Speaker
succinctly, not in a good way, because when we start to get impatient, we start to lose trust.
Perfectionism vs. Progress
00:09:36
Speaker
Another one, another big one for everyone, but especially for my Virgos out there is perfectionism. So putting something to a stop or a halt or slowing down because it's not perfect yet.
00:09:51
Speaker
but nothing is ever perfect. I would never have come out with this podcast if I waited for it to be perfect because it's never going to be perfect. So getting comfortable with loosening up with that control and allowing things to flow how they need to, trusting that imperfection is vulnerable and people connect over imperfection.
00:10:12
Speaker
I've never actually written about this topic on my blog or talked about it too much in my event. So this is quite new to me, but I'm loving what I'm learning about self-sabotaging because I really did think it was just those obvious ways. Like I'm not going to do that because I'm scared.
00:10:27
Speaker
But as I said before, I realized that there was a big fear for me in the fear of success, which at first didn't make sense to me. But when I unpacked it all, I realized that I absolutely was afraid of my dreams. And while it's good to be a little bit afraid of our dreams, you know, we want to challenge ourselves. We want our dreams to be exciting, nothing exhilarating and incredible.
00:10:47
Speaker
comes from comfort zones. We don't want to be completely fearing them that we are self-sabotaging and not allowing ourselves to achieve those dreams, which is absolutely what I was doing. I think what I've found too is when we are sitting in that low vibration and we are self-sabotaging, so the negative talk is coming through, the limiting beliefs, we're fearing everything, we're not feeling good about ourselves. Of course, we cannot use the law of attraction to our advantage when we're feeling like that.
00:11:16
Speaker
but what it's also doing is allowing ourselves to do things that we know isn't a match for who we are and often we can become our own worst enemy in doing things like picking fights or purposely kind of making little mistakes here and there because it is a form of self-sabotage and we almost think it might be easier to stay in this negative frame of mind of poor me
00:11:44
Speaker
everything's going wrong rather than using the energy to do your very best to get out of that funk and move forward and take risks because it's scary, right? So I want you to ask yourself, are you self-sabotaging on purpose because it's easier? I definitely have in the past. So I mentioned how when I was kind of unpacking all of the stuff from the acting industry that was holding me back,
00:12:11
Speaker
that this came up. There was something else that came up and I know I've touched on it I think in episode two but I want to touch on it again because it was a huge form of self-sabotage but it came disguised as a protective mechanism and that was the thought that I had of it's a tough industry.
00:12:29
Speaker
I was told this repetitively growing up. So it was ingrained into my subconscious because I held it in there because it was told to me so many times. And then as I grew up and as I wasn't getting the auditions, I wasn't getting the roles.
00:12:45
Speaker
I would use it as a protective mechanism when friends or fans would say, how did that audition go? Or what can I see you in now? I would say, oh, nothing or just some little things, but it's a really tough industry. And I would tell myself it over and over again to make myself feel better.
00:13:02
Speaker
But what I was doing is, of course, I was self-sabotaging because I was protecting myself by using that thought as fuel, that it's okay that I'm not making it or that I haven't made it because it's normal and it's okay and this is why, this is a fact. So I want you to listen to your inner dialogue. What is it saying?
00:13:28
Speaker
Even if it doesn't come
Fear of Success
00:13:29
Speaker
across as something negative, is it actually negative? Is it holding you back?
00:13:33
Speaker
It's time to break away from just the obvious things. This is a self-development podcast. If you've listened to all my podcasts up until now, you are interested in diving deeper into your thoughts, your actions, your feelings. You are interested in creating positive change. So come on this vulnerable journey with me and sometimes we need to get uncomfortable. So what is your mind saying to you sometimes?
00:14:00
Speaker
even if it seems positive or even if it's protecting you, what is it saying that is actually self-sabotaging you? You can kind of think of it in a way or identify it in a way where what thoughts make you feel safe? Because those thoughts that are making you feel safe might just be the thoughts that are holding you back.
00:14:24
Speaker
because sometimes we don't need to feel completely safe. Sometimes we do need to take risks. Sometimes we do need to step out of our comfort zone. I want to share another story, which was a recent story for me where I realized I was self-sabotaging again in a way that wasn't obvious for me. And it definitely wasn't obvious for me because I was doing it for months and months and months until I realized. And I journal a lot. I meditate a lot.
00:14:48
Speaker
I do my card pulls a lot, so a few months of this going by, especially for someone who is so into manifestation, was kind of like a big whoa moment for me because I didn't realize that this thought that kind of presented as grateful and positive was actually holding me back.
00:15:08
Speaker
So what happened? I was actually on my last guide to happiness course when I realized this and I shared it with that group. I was kind of in a bit of a funk with manifesting. I was manifesting some little things here and there and they kind of just weren't effortlessly happening like they usually do.
00:15:26
Speaker
And in that last year, it was probably like six months prior, Luke and I got a new house and a dog and we had just been married and we moved out of our other apartment, which my brother and his girlfriend now rent and
00:15:46
Speaker
What I found first of all, and this is me being quite open, I have to remind myself that it's okay and I have such a supportive audience because this actually does make me feel really greedy. When we first moved into our new home, I started to think about the next home and I started to visualize the pool and how I wanted to look and how I wanted to feel and I would feel so excited. And what I first realized was
00:16:12
Speaker
Cleo, you have just got this other beautiful home that you love, that you're so comfortable in.
00:16:18
Speaker
that you feel so safe in, you love, it's so much bigger than your last place. Like while I was showing gratitude, I think I was showing that surface gratitude that I've talked about. I wasn't feeling that deep sense of gratitude that, oh my gosh, look how far we've come, look what we've got. I am so incredibly grateful. And I wasn't completely sitting in it, being present and feeling it. While I was saying my thank yous and I was feeling grateful and I was telling everyone how grateful I was, I needed to feel it deeper.
00:16:46
Speaker
So what kind of stemmed from that was the thoughts of, I have enough. Like, stop, Cleo. Look where you are. You have more than enough. And I started to feel judged by other people. These people were not judging me. This was all in my head. And if they were judging me, then it's not my problem.
00:17:10
Speaker
But what was happening was I got myself to a point where I thought, be quiet, Cleo, dull your sparkle a little bit and just bring it back and be thankful for what you've got. Stop manifesting more. While a part of this message is positive and was a good lesson for me, another part of it was self-sabotage. For the next probably three to four months after that, I stopped manifesting.
00:17:40
Speaker
because I felt greedy. I had enough. I have a beautiful husband, a beautiful dog, two properties. That's enough. That is more than enough. And I knew that it was more than other people had. But then there was the part of me that knew that it was also less than other people had. But that to me felt greedy even thinking like that. Do you see where I'm getting? It was a process, but I want to just tell you how it all kind of evolved.
Limiting Manifestations and Greed
00:18:07
Speaker
So then I realized about three to four months later that I hadn't manifested or really journaled anything other than being thankful for where I was. And while that is a really beautiful and positive space to be in, being so grateful for where you are and what you have, I
00:18:24
Speaker
completely encourage this. You also deserve more because you are allowed to have more. No matter who you are, no matter what circumstances you are in, of course you deserve more because there is an abundance of everything to go around for everyone.
00:18:44
Speaker
just because this person over here manifests something doesn't mean that I can't. My manifestations don't take away from anyone else's manifestations. And after that three or four months, I realized that I had stopped myself from manifesting anything. And now I'm not just talking about a new house here because I've actually now gotten comfortable with it. I don't want or need another house. I was just kind of visualizing about having a house with a pool. And again, that's okay. I'm allowed to visualize having a house with a pool. Of course I am.
00:19:14
Speaker
But I was stopping myself from manifesting anything after I realized that and I felt so guilty and so greedy and we now know too how detrimental feeling guilty is to your overall happiness and your goals because
00:19:30
Speaker
It was at number 21 on the positive guidance scale. It's the second last, second lowest vibration you could feel. So I was allowing myself to feel this guilt for wanting more when I already had more than enough. And what I found was my little mantra, I guess, that I created in my head to feel more present and grateful for where I was, was I have enough.
00:19:54
Speaker
Now that I think is a beautiful mantra and it really did make me be a bit more present and pull it back and look at what I had and just enjoy that.
00:20:06
Speaker
rather than constantly looking for what was next, because that often happens, right? When we get a goal or we, you know, manifest something, we then all of a sudden try to manifest something else rather than sitting in that gratitude and actually being thankful for where we are now, enjoying the process. So while I think the I Have Enough mantra was beautiful and needed at the time, what I did was I then kept on it for far too long. And I really felt into the
00:20:36
Speaker
misconception that I was being judged by people for having too much. I have had a couple of people say to me, oh, you're so lucky. You're so lucky things just fall into your lap. And I was really upset by that. And it was also a lesson for me because
00:20:56
Speaker
I have thought that about other people too, again, just being very open and vulnerable on this podcast. But I have, I've thought about, I've thought that way about people that they are just so lucky and things land in their lives. But who am I to think that about other people? And I only really realized that when someone said it to me, because I work hard. And yeah, sure. I am, I am lucky. I do have a lucky life, but I've also worked very hard for that lucky life. And,
00:21:26
Speaker
I was sitting in the belief that, I believed them. I think I started to think that that view from someone was the view that everyone had about me. And that made me feel so uncomfortable that I had this abundant life and I didn't want to share it. I stopped sharing things with people. I stopped posting as much on Instagram. I actually started getting really anxious about, I don't know,
00:21:56
Speaker
successes and things going well and of course I soon realized that you know I didn't need to dull my sparkle to make anyone else comfortable and we chatted about this in the episode with Sarah Davidson which was really enlightening as well but what I needed to do was with that I have enough mantra that was going over and over in my head I needed to attach another mantra to that it needed to be something like I have enough
00:22:24
Speaker
And I am also deserving of all of the great things that continue to come to me and get in that mindset of I have enough and I'm so grateful for where I am now, but I'm also accepting of more. So I realized that I needed to step into my power a little bit more unapologetically and go just as everyone else, I deserve this and more.
00:22:47
Speaker
because I work hard
Impact of Self-Sabotage on Life
00:22:49
Speaker
for it. And I want this for everyone else too. Also, what I realized was I wasn't able to compartmentalize the thoughts and the feelings that I was having around, I don't need anything else. I need to just stop and be happy with what I have. House-wise, like I had just moved, you know, these thoughts and visualizations of this home with a pool came only months after moving into this beautiful home that I'm so lucky to call ours.
00:23:18
Speaker
But I wasn't able to just separate that and leave it at that. It started affecting my business, things that I was manifesting for myself, like holidays, money coming in other ways, my general mood, which then affects everything from family to friends. What I want you guys to kind of take note of is when there is something little,
00:23:46
Speaker
Not little, but when there is something that you are self-sabotaging, whether you mean to or not in your life, it's not only going to affect that one part of your life. It is going to have a ripple effect and affect everything, and that's what I soon realized. Because yes, I was feeling so incredibly grateful for where I was, and I don't want to take away how incredibly powerful gratitude is and how incredibly amazing it is to sit in that
00:24:11
Speaker
feeling of I am just so happy with how I am. Like I couldn't be happier and I couldn't be more grateful. And if nothing else happened in my life right now, I'd be okay because I'm still grateful. I still have those feelings every single day. But then on top of that, you need to be open to receiving more because of course you deserve it. So just take note of where your thoughts and energy are going. And if you are self sabotaging in one area, is it actually affecting more areas in your life as well?
Reflecting on Hidden Self-Sabotage
00:24:41
Speaker
So of course look out for the obvious ways of self-sabotage, the negative self-talk, the comparison, the imposter syndrome, but look out for those ways that you might be self-sabotaging that are disguised as positive or protective mechanisms because there are so many of them. The perfectionism, the reprioritization, the procrastination, the
00:25:05
Speaker
mantras that you might create for yourself which seem positive but really it's steering you in the wrong direction. So I hope you liked today's episode. I hope it made you think a little bit. Please go back to the questions at the start and now that we've had this chat journal out your answers as truthfully as possible. I did want to mention too I have a Facebook group called Pass Around the Smile and it's full of just my community and you are welcome to
00:25:33
Speaker
Even post your journaling answers in there. It might spark something for someone else where they want to connect with you or whether your answers might make them realize something that is holding them back. Anyone is welcome to post in this group. It's a really supportive place. I also reply to all the posts that are in that group. So just search, pass around a smile, click join group and I will accept you.
00:25:57
Speaker
Post manifestation stories in there if you want questions about self-love self-development anything that surrounds this kind of the topics that I talk about on this podcast I'm more than welcome and Yeah, I think I think we'll end it there Thank you so much for listening to another podcast and I will see you guys soon lots of love